How To Not Lose One's Self in a Relationship - Lisa Nichols
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
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Relationships are a dynamic exchange. Whether they are romantic, friend, family or work relationships, one person is usually the GIVER and the other the RECEIVER.
Some of us, including myself, are way more comfortable in giving mode. We actually seek out receivers. Then we get upset when the other person doesn’t give to us - I mean that is CRAY CRAY, right?
If you’re not asking for what YOU need, then you can’t blame the other person-they can’t read your mind. It’s YOUR job to voice your needs BEFORE they become a complaint.
That’s why it is so important to exercise and develop both your giving and receiving muscles; to learn to how to ask for what you want; and to teach people how to show up for you.
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Lisa is helping me recreate my whole attitude. The mother I always needed. I'm so committed to myself. You help young girls like myself achieve so much more within. Thank you Lisa!!!
Shante Brazile-Taylor What you said just spoke volumes!!!! I feel like Lisa is the auntie I never had she’s the mother I wish I had she’s the sister I wish I had!!!! But you’re beautiful, just let me know that I’m not alone!!! There are so many young women out there that if they had amazing people like Lisa in their lives that they could achieve so much more with their lives when they have an unconditional love like person in their corner!!!!!
Wow Lisa this just hit home. Today is my birthday and I found myself on your page. Im a serial giver and still need to learn how to receive, i’m constantly attracting receivers, friends, peers and family. I love to give and it give me so much joy but now and then I find myself disappointed when the same people I bend backwards for won’t give to me as I do. I have learnt today that I need to communicate my needs and be open to receive knowing that I am a giver who is on a journey to learn how to receive. Really loved this even though its two year old post, its honestly very relevant for the season of life I am in❤️🙏🏽
Ppl are able to love you, to the degree that they are able to love themselves! WOW!! SAD BUT so revelationary!!
Ending the relationship with respectful mindfulness is good. On my part I want to leave with love of that person in my heart. Because I want to leave with good memories. But if we said hurtful things to each other impossible to remember the good times. Like you said Lida, leaving hashtag everybody's dignity intact.
"Relationship is complete" -- I love this phrase so much better than "relationship is over" -- "complete" sounds like a kind way of ending things when they are finished- not "finished" in an abandonment, hurtful, heartbroken kind of way- but in a "graduating" kind of way. I can be done with a relationship without having to have hard feelings about it. Thank you for this BOL breakthrough out loud
Being a giver what I really needed to hear was "take off your cape". To stop being a hero in every situation because you're a person. I've really been fighting this dynamic of, "you have alot to be proud of but you have limitations that you need to work on". I try to do so much internal work on my own to avoid pushing it onto others, while at work, school, family, etc. It's really been taking a toll on my mental health because I'm doing so much for others and they don't even realize what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. I really need to build my olive oil muscle by learning to pause, being honest about my limitations, and stating that I have needs. I'm about to rewatch this video because it's really helping me to develop
#BOL I’m learning how to put words to my desires and communicate ❤
I’ve learned a lot. We ended our relationship to find ourselves. Tn she told me she saw herself losing herself. So I how to help with that and this popped up and this is like more than I could ask for after our break we’ll implement it! I just sent it to her and I think she will find it more powerful than even I did. But I’m so excited to work on this part of myself along with the others. Thank you for teaching me how to make a relationship work without all the bogus all the other RUclipsrs say. I don’t subscribe to a lot of people but you have earned my like, share, and subscribe from one video. Best first impression ever! Your funny, you know what your talking about, and you love your community. I’m so excited to build a community like this someday! Which has been my dream and purpose for a while!
Wow the super hero statement really hit home for me because I work 4am-3pm and take care of my two daughters and I look for my wife to do certain things when I’m tired and she says I’m a super hero and she can’t match the energy I bring to the relationship, meaning cleaning working and taking care of the house all in the same day like I can. So thank you for giving me a new way to look at me being the super hero
In tears. Nodding. Thought half way through that I got the message - but then you came to the superheropart.. And my mind just went AHA! Omg. This is why im struggling so hard right now, why I feel so missunderstood and why my husband gets furuious at me when I can do every little single thin by my self. And still have time of plans to save the world one soul at the time by coaching suiciadal humans with mindfulness and self love. My cape never and rarely comes off.. And I see how this would be a huge negative thing to lurn our kids. And how i distance my self from my greatest love in life.. Thank you. Trust in you. So i Trust in me. Thank you, from Sweden with Love. /Marie
Lisa Nichols you nail it in the head by saying that, sometime you have to take off your cape, to let others serve you. Because when we do things for others, they forget we are human and we sometime need a break to recharge our energy. As we take care others we need others to care of us!!!
Hi Lisa my name is vanessa and I came across your videos not to long ago and now I’m watching them more and more now because you have helped me see things differently, how you put things together and tools to use it’s mind blowing how much it makes sense, unfortunately I’m going through a tough time where all I wanted was to save my relationship but I was to immature to save us now I’m on the steps of moving out and we also have a 1 year old together. It’s devastating to know you once had it all and you lost it all for not changing our bad habits and immatureness. I have no one to go to for advice he was the only one that would push me to reach my full potential and now we can’t stand each other even though we love each other our differences tend to push us apart. I never comment on videos but you are one of the most genuine persons I’d come across thank you for your honesty and the want to help others that might find themselves with no way out.
Hi Lisa, today I dare to comment.....because the show touched me a lot....I am a giver......and it showed me my greatest challenge....let God help me improve and get the happiness deserve
So many gems here. I am practicing putting words to my desires and it’s an awkward journey that has been quite eye opening. I am not looking for what I profess to need I truly need more than I ever express! Great episode!
My #BOL moment was when you explained that we have to adopt new behaviours in order to see the natural shift in our relationships. This was so profound and I will definately be applying these principles especially in my marriage. Thanks Lisa!
"People have an opportunity to adopt new behaviors " this!!! BOL! This is the work I've been doing for a few years. I'm truly grateful for this perspective. I think I had some fears of moving forward in getting into another relationship. Questioning: have I healed enough? Have I changed enough?
But what you said both confirmed the work and also reminded me to continue to use the new behaviors of communicating my needs and being in the receptive mode! Thank you Ms. Lisa 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Celebrate from a place of real fulfillment. This makes me happy when you do this. That’s good 😊
This is true. I learned I had a hard time saying what I need or want.
This is very for me. Especially the part about givers feeling more comfortable with receivers but getting mad when they don't get their needs met. A simple but life changing revelation. Clearly I need to be communicate my needs better and also develop my receiver muscle! Thank you, Lisa! And love your hair, btw!
Lisa, I am a very big fan of yours. Whenever I feel confused about my situations, I connect with you and I'm happy to say that after reconnecting with u, I find myself again. A fat big thanks Lisa. Just wish to make my dream of meeting you once in thhis life come true
#BOL Givers seek out Receivers. I'm a natural giver and lord knows it bothers me when I know I attract and seek out receivers, but do not receive some of the same back. Although it bothers me when someone else goes above and beyond to give. I don't know how to fully except what I give out to each and every relationship.
This truly opened my eyes and soul to what has been holding me back in my love life. I need to learn how to also receive.
Thank you Lisa for all of the truth you share. It can be hard to breathe in at first, but it is a desperate breath of fresh air that always seems to be needed.
Whatever gets celebrated, gets repeated! Wow so so powerful! Thank you so so much for another incredible message! We love you Lisa!!! ❤️
Lisa, this message was an aha moment, and I’m 74 years young! My sweetheart has a hard time receiving ‘sweet nothings’ from me. He doesn’t celebrate, making it awkward when he’s dismissive. He’s just not comfortable. I’m sharing this Divine message with my hero. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! And your greatness is from the Divine🙏🏼💗
“Hold the energy I need for me”.. wow. Yes! 💜
Thank You Lisa. The universe must've been listening to my heart this morning bc it brought me to your channel. I'm a giver & work with a lot of recievers. I've also voiced the things I need in return and most times I'm able too get them. I've even practiced the I like when you do that with fellow employees. However some people are different they do not want to give. They will recieve until you can't give anymore. Watching this video helped me realize my deliverance may have been an issue. When I feel like I've given so much that nothing is good enough it makes me upset then drained. I've spoken with one of my bosses that I see this happening to as well for advice. He told me not to care so much but this is my job and maybe I try to hard. Moving foward I will work on my attitude and speak more about what my needs are in away that is more direct. Kindness is taken for granted but I'll remain humble at all time's. Thank you for being awesome ... And for this eye opening video❤❤🙏
Lisa I needed this I am a giver and really don't know how to receive and I am now ready to evolve into the complete ideal relationship partner that I can be. I had a BOL moment of knowing how the address the completion of a relationship thanks to you. In my self discovery journey thus was the missing link
I only just came across this video but I honestly had no idea how much I needed it
Oh my gosh, I'm a giver who's learning how to receive. And also "take your cape off"! Wow!
OMG Lisa, #BOL: "Relationships don't require fixing coz they're not broken, rather, people need to adapt new behaviors". Thank you, I always thought my relationship needs fixing.
Hello glorious! I love receivers who are hugely grateful and celebrate that they are receiving! I love it when I receive with gratitude! THAT is fun! AWE SUM (the totality of awe!)
Need to take my cape off today and reach those that I love to tell them that I need more of their presence. Often they see this powerful person on social media and they might think I’m all right all the time...thank you, love you Lisa!
Hey Lisa!!. You exactly touched my part of emotion , what I feel was reflecting in your words, I learned that I need to communicate my needs as I m a giver, I receive the happiness by giving but I also need to recognise the opportunity when its time to receive as well..Thank u Lisa!!
I struggle to express my deepest emotions. My AHA! came at the end of the video...for the next 90days I’ll be working to put words to my deepest desires, helping myself and others gain understanding. Thanks Lisa
Love that: Learn the art of celebration.
#BOL I so needed to hear your message Lisa. I’m a Giver but a horrible Receiver. I woke up in tears this morning due to a situation with a work relationship. Your message helped me to see what I need to do. Thank you and God Bless you!
Great to be a giver and receiver. I learn that from my grandparents and in church. I give to live and I live to give! Being single I give to a lot of people in the church and at college.There is a spiritual gift that always returns the love. Keep giving and sharing the gift of receiving.
I don't understand how you are able to speak to my inner thoughts the way that you do. I'm not sure where to start, but I feel so understood. I feel inspired to take this journey amongst many other mini-journeys
Thank you Lisa for these inspiring video. It's very important that when you give you doesn't expect a retun. its means this is what you want. Sometimes we do receive even we don't asked. But it's so appreciative to the person who gave by saying thank you. Is a reflection only what we are.
As always, your messages hit the nail on the head. I'm a giver learning how to receive and trust. Thank you👍🏾❤
wow that blew my mind. build the muscle of being a giver and a receiver.
First time coming across your work following a friend's recommendation. The biggest take away for me is sewing why I don't ask for what I want - to avoid the disappointment incase it doesn't happen
#BOL This is so right, in a relationship some of us are receiver and some of us are gavers ! This all episode just gave me a frame to analyze my situation at work. Give voice to your need before it becomes a complaint...Girl, this is deep !!!
ok now it's time for me to comment!! I stumbled upon your channel recently and have been watching your videos everyday since. I relate to you a lot being a C student growing up and not being able to learn as fast as others and because of that i wasn't able to accomplish some goals in life. Im trying to work on my self to become a better person, im so glad i found your channel. I have been trying to accomplish advice you give in your videos, by saying Yes, Yes also everyday i look at myself in the mirror and try that technique of saying what im proud of, i forgive ECT. I always felt like a needed someone to help me change my ways and become a better person, and im so glad i found you. I love you, you literally inspire me. Im exited to see the progress in my life from watching your videos.
Hello Lisa, I love you and all your powerful reflections! 💕💖 I have been reading your books and watching your youtubechannel for months and it has inspired me SO MUCH! I am a teacher (26 years old) on a high school and I am passionate about being an inspiration for my students, make them reflect and share powerful reflections with them so they can have the best life possible😊 I have your words with me everyday and I have shared them with my students, my family and other people. I actually commented on a video of a youtuber, she was talking about being a peoplepleaser (I am too), and i told her about how you have said that saying no when you need to makes your yes more powerful. It gave her a BOL and she mentioned it in her next video 😃 I want to make this world a better place for everyone that crosses my path and one of the ways I am doing it is by spreading your powerful words, and of course using them to be the best version of me! I just wanted you to know! I love you and keep being amazing💖 A big hug from Norway
I definitely have to learn to put words to my desires. It won't be easy 😬 but it will be healthy! 😁
Amen
Grateful for you wisdom Lisa.. how to be a good receiver with openness and acceptance!! Love to study more on how to adjust my behavior, define my needs before they become complaints!!
Wow! Hit the spot bout the small moments!!!! Never expressing that to him!!!!! And it is always the little things that make me smile more. Adjust my behavior!!!!!
WOW. Thank you. I learn how to be a better receiver. I love giving but get drained sometimes after giving too much and not receiving. that is a good reminder for me.
Wow Lisa!! As always straight to the heart. Yep- I completely get it now- how can someone else know what I want when I don’t even know... communication isn’t just between two people but also within ourselves. Thanks so much.
Wow, Lisa I'm going through Soo much. I needed this dear angel. 🙏🏽💜
Just subscribed. Love the message Lisa! As anvAccountability Coach, I find myself GIVING way more than I receive. As I get older and wiser, my mantra has turned to asking for what I want. As the old folks say, "A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed!" I am opening my mouth, mind and heart ready to RECIEVE all that Life has to offer. I know that no one makes it on their own and We all need help. "Even Coaches need Coaching" Thanks again for sharing your essence with us. Lisa, #KeepBeingUnstoppable!
Thank you Lisa!
This is for me, am a giver and I now need to practice my receiving muscle!
Wow just amazing. I been with my boyfriend almost 10 years and I’m a huge giver and a big let down for me was that we did not celebrate our anniversary. You can’t fix a person but our behaviors to things can
OMG!!! #BOL!!! I am a giver and yes, historically I have attracted more receivers in my personal relationships... I have even dismissed givers by not accepting kind gestures and genuine desires to also give... I am learning differently these last 5 years and will not get caught up in the same cycles of insanity again... My BOL moment is understanding the importance of exercising the rule of communicating my needs, expanding when necessary and contracting to meet that balance of both giving and receiving for a healthy relationship... It is OK to receive and healthy... I will not settle for less again and I know that I will be ready once the opportunity presents itself for a healthy dynamic relationship... I am evolving and growing everyday... I am developing the skills to better serve myself!!! I love it, adjusting my behaviors to better serve myself... Historically, I do not serve myself as I am to busy serving others... I am painting a new picture today... Thanks Lisa... Much love and positive white light vibes...
This really spoke to me Lisa as I'm a giver and sometime I give so much and people get use to it so much that I end up not receiving . thanks for putting it in perspective
Thank you for this! It helped me realize why I have a great relationship with my bestfriend eventhough we both are opposite in so many ways. I'm a giver person and my bestfriend is a receiver.
Thank you so much Lisa..I am a giver been working on my receiving side this so amazing.
Thank u for this! I am a giver, I am ready to communicate what i need and not be upset i have to repeat what i want and need.. thank u for this message n i love u too Girllll
Thank you very much, what you said was the answer I was looking for at the current stage of my life ❤️
Thank you, Lisa! Just thank you so much for giving the language to articulate the needs. I'm so happy when you do XYZ. I'm a chronic giver so I genuinely appreciate a technique for exercising the receiving muscle. Thank you!
I am so grateful for you and I so grateful that you connect with me personally. I felt you spoke to me.
Lisa thank you for giving me a growth inside of me that pushed me forward. I learning from hearing you that I was Sad, Angry and BROKEN. And also that, I didn't know what serving me looked like. I have a journey a head of me and my future looks promising b/c I'm learning on purpose and for my purpose now. I need your class for my entire family, my mom had 5girls and 1boy, parent had been married and together all of my life, but all of them are broken. And to me it seems as though they don't want to be unbroken. I wish you had a retreat setup for families like my own to come in over time and work towards being able to love themselves again. Well I will keep praying and building myself up. Thank you for the work you do and for sharing your story and truth with me, Genara Kinard-Fulton
Yes,Yes! Thank you for reminding us that it's not just about the benjamins but really the quality of the relationships with Benjamin and others for an amazing life. Much love!
I love your bit about taking off my shero cape and letting the other person be the s/hero. That's really useful at this transition time for me: I've done it more recently & I can still grow further by sharing what's up for me before I get pressure cooker-ish!! Gracias amiga xx
You helped me so much rn. Thank you very much. I just needed a short break from my partner bc I felt like I don't love myself as much as I love him. So I explained everything honestly.. Expressed my honest feelings to figure it out. Bc I know that I love him but I just lost myself u know. I am a giver (also I don't kniw exactly how to give him I just do it so much I loose myself) so I have to work very hard on my receiver muscle bc I notice that he tries I just couldn't recieve. I am so grateful for your help❤️
Good morning, Lisa thank you for revealing to me through your message that I am a giver but, expect to receive admiration for my gifts of time etc... If I do not receive a the true friendship from giving I start to cut you off emotionally. Thank you, for showing me to really pray and work on my genuine motives in relationships we people 🙌🏼💛
I am a giver and I am learning to receive slowly but surely! Thank you for this affirmation, Lisa!
God bless you. Amazing energy. Very pure and loving.
Lisa I feel like every one of your videos you’re talking directly to my soul And I feel healed a little bit more and more and more and more!!! I wish I had you as my big sister growing up because I have not had one person in my life like yourself that love people unconditionally don’t love people I just watched one of your videos where you’ve said you love the person who was at atheist And it reminded me about when Jesus spoke to the prostitute and when all of the Pharisees if they saw a prostitute That they would walk right past her and not speak to her and she is one of the people who needed them to speak to her the most!!!! I just feel like you’re a beautiful soul and I pray that you have eternal health and you keep putting out videos because you help heal so many people and you can motivate so many people and I truly appreciate you!!!!!
#bol oh Lisa i want you to know that i ensure i take a daily dose of you ... you’re phenomenal. I’m a giver still struggling with giving voice to my needs i learnt so much here, i always let my needs get to a complain or hurt first before i muscle up the courage to speak up. Thank you Lisa for being a voice you’re one of my deepest inspiration🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Woow!! Celebrating multiple times!! That's my BOL!!!Going to remember THAT for as long as I live!!
This really helped I'm going to have to watch this multiple times for me to change and feel comfortable about the changing.
So I need to preface this comment to say, it has taken me over a month to post my comment because of the immense impact the message made on me! I must admit you ruffled a few of my edges which has created quite a few BOLs.
The beauty of this message is it is so timely! I broke my foot last month, early/mid March and I felt stuck with so many challenges one of which ended in me realizing idk what serving me looks like? Or what my heart posture should be when I do. What do I say? Do I say anything?
While I was in the urgent care and got the news that I fractured my foot I was on the phone with a recently made friend who asked, 'do you want me to come over and spend the night?'. I was so confused. I was so used to feeling abandoned I'd accepted being left alone in hardships to fend for myself I didn't know what to say to her. So I said, 'yea I guess I should take your help'. But even in saying those words I was so lost. But my friend wasn't confused or lost at all. She saw a single mom who really needed help. Didn't know people could see me that way.
I'm a giver who hasn't fully learned how to ask nor receive well. And I'm now ready (as of today after watching this video 3x!) to learn how to communicate what I need. →Learning how to put words to my desires!! ....(Eyes opened) (Mind blown! Drops mic) Say what now!? I can do that!?... ok, yea sign me up because the way how I've been suffering in silence for way too long i'm on a fast ride to no where if I don't change something fast!
I'm ready to learn how to change the narrative of my story
Signed,
I need an oil change
Thank you so much Lisa! #BOL I have realized I am a big giver and I tend to do so much for people. it is very hard for me to communicate my needs at the right time. this is something I really want to practice this month and just really understand! The one thing that really stuck out to me was communicating at the moment before it becomes a problem. I think so many times we blame others for our shortcomings and our feelings when really we just have to sit back re evaluate and look in the mirror and ask ourselves what could I be doing better? How can I better show this other person what my needs are that will help them understand and respect you for who you are. Also when you said the line "that makes me so happy when you do this!" is good place i feel to get started! Thank you Lisa! PLEASE KEEP THE VIDEOS COMING!!
Thank you for your fabulous self.
#BOL moment is learn to give voice to your need. i definitely needed to hear that, that has been my problem i never voiced out my needs but just turned them into complaints
Loved the episode. Your perspective is fresh and relatable.
Need to learn to ask for what I need and not always give so much. Have gone somewhere down this journey but still work to do
you are so positive!
Lisa, my biggest lesson I learned is that I need to evolve and become a giver, not only a receiver in order to stay put in my relationship with my family...and not lose myself.
I am a giver and I need to put words to my desires...great message Lisa!
Yes ma'am! Complete understand, you have put it into words what I have witnessed and I completely agree. Thank you!
My lesson was “asking for what I need” letting my partner know what makes me happy and just speaking my mind on a broad scale overall.
#BOL... I recognize, I find it extremely difficult asking for what I need. I am going to work on communicating my needs...
in my life I am the person who give and sacrifice everything, and in past few months I ask my self why I can't say NO to the people. tkx for this video
This is a good piece Lisa... am learning to be a receiver
I give but I know when I get it back my blessing comes from I'm a cheerful giver because it's genuine. Also, I pay attention to need. #discernment
I'm not sure if I'm more of a giver our more of a receiver. This video made me wonder 🥰
I noticed im a giver, and noticed I don't know how to act when i meet another giver. Thank you for all your words
Wow wow wow wow! I had to watch this twice. This hit me every word felt like it was directed towards me. I am a giver who doesn’t know how to receive. It’s just so hard I feel uncomfortable most at the thought of receiving. I don’t know how to be serviced. Wow wow this was meant for me and I am going to work on my “olive” arm muscle lol
10:00 - 10:30 I needed to hear this! This is something I want to continue to practice!
Thanks for the encouragement. I have always been a giver. Learning how to communicate my needs so that I can become a better receiver. 🤗
I think I am definitely a giver and a Shero. I always find it frustrating when those around me dont operate at the same level of excellence that I do. My #BOL moment from this video is that I dont and can't change others I have to work on developing my receiving muscles and be okay with taking my Cape off sometimes! Thank you Lisa for giving me Life!
You are a blessing to my heart and mind at a time when I needed the most support mentally and spiritually when are you going to be doing shows in the New York area
Im so glad you have this channel. You have helped me grow this week from watching you on other channels so Im glad to see you started your own.
As for this video, I havent thought about how to receive or even what I want to receive.... I guess I have homework.
I have always been a giver - I will give away my last dollar so that someone else will not suffer, but I have been accused of being negative and a user. Trying SO HARD to heal mind, body and soul. When I ask for help the answer consistently is, "you just need to take respoonsibility and grow up."
Than you dear Lisa, i really needed this. You are a blessing
Learning to receive and ask for what you need is the most hard thing to do when one is a giver.
Thank u lisa sis
I’m a giver and a W 😲 W. I realized I was (and am still) hearing from people that they never know I’ve been having a hard time until after it’s over. I never want to burden people with my problems or disappoint them, so i tend not to give progress reports, just results when it’s finished. Since I had babies, I’ve really had to be more proactive about asking for and accepting help. It’s still really hard, and even people who see me and talk to me the most are surprised when I tell them I’ve been struggling. #bol Celebrate! (There this is again) Just because you said what you like once doesn’t mean someone is going to remember it. 😯 🤦🏾♀️ people are not mind readers!!!