Being a highly sensitive person and an artist myself, I have to say that it's quite a challenge... I don't feel like a part of the society I am living in. I am not into making big and fast money, driving big cars or having affairs. I just wanna create beautiful things, make art, garden and I want to inspire and help people. However, I am always the weirdo or the dreamer... Maybe other people can relate to that?
Hey man, I just wanna say, I love you for writing this. Fellow dreamer, HSP, I'm my own flawed protagonist living in fragments, isolation, uncertainty, dying to express myself
Yes, me to... I quit working on cars, started to play music at age 24 and now i'm trying to become a jazz musician instead. Very challenging change though!... also not to make big money but to enjoy the things i want to do with my life not the things society pushes you to do. Maybe we are like socially awkward but i think society is rather awkward because if you see how the world enfolds itself and what people are chasing at like cars, women, fancy stuf,status, and a lot of technological crap that makes us even dumber and pollutes the world even more... i mean it's not a very intelligent mass out there and that's why i'm cool with my awkwardness, i don't give a damn about all that mainstream nonsense. It turns out that non of it makes people happier in there lives so we all should be proud not being part of that system.
I'm a highly sensitive person and it can be challenging, yes...and it's also a super power gift. How lucky we are!! We get more sensory data!! We can find rich depth and meaning where many other people cannot. It's a superpower not a curse, if we choose to see it that way. I choose superpower.
Isn't it ironic, that the highly sensitive man is normally the man who is picked on and bullied, and they are the men that emotionally feel it the most. We are pushed to act like a 'tough guy' to be accepted, and by doing so we are giving into the fears of other people. To show true strength is to be loving and compassionate despite the misguided ideas of our culture.
You can imagine the hostility and prejudice I faced, when I gave up EVERYTHING to be the 24/7 carer for my mum. I was often told guys do not usually care for women, and leave it to female carers due to embarrassment or whatever. Their attitude and belief system towards me, made life traumatic, difficult and at times dangerous, not to mention nearly losing my legal freedom. However my mum often said I was "a wonderful son" and other family and people said I was a natural carer.
Twenty One Shini Chemical Crybabies Xox - I watched a video of my dad on his birthday 4 months after my mom died - at the time I could see he was forcing a smile for everyone. At the time I thought maybe it’s only me that can see it - but the video verified what I saw. I’ve always sensed the true feels more than those around me - thought there was something wrong but now I realize it’s just the way I am and that’s OK.
Jan Jacobszoon Holy anger is a thing. Anger should be expressed. Just don't attack the other person. But express your anger in a constructive way. Look at it as your calling. But if nobody ever calls them out, they won't see a problem. Express yourself truthfully.
I'm a highly sensitive woman and believe me, many women love to spend time with and date highly sensitive men. It's so refreshing when there's no big ego and to be with someone who really appreciates nature and beauty, etc. I feel a lot closer,emotionally, to a guy who feels safe enough to share how he really feels, authenticity brings trust and closeness. I hope this interview helps you embrace your sensitivity. Please never think that all women want to be around or date money chasing, loud, egotistical types...we don't x
I'm a highly sensitive man and I find that difficult to believe. There may be a few women like that in the world, but the majority are attracted to bad boys, and HSP's in principle are not that.
But when I finally asserted myself with women more, went in a bit harder, they fall in love with me hard. I don't have to take them out on expensive dates to impress them. I just talk to them deeply and they love it. I think being a HSP is a gift in disguise. It's harder for us to start relationships as we are less assertive, but once we get in one we are better equipped to understand the thoughts and feelings of our partner.
I am a HSP, and I'm always torn between wanting to be private and connected to other people... I find most company very disappointing and consequently have to take care not to become too critical..
You have good reason(s) to find most people a disappointment. Most people are pretty mediocre. The sad fact is that this is considered normal in our culture. A big joy would be to find special people with whom you can relate and with whom you could associate.
"There must be something wrong with me". Is how I felt for most of my life. I'm 28 and just learning about this. I've tried to repress so much of who I am because I felt like I didn't belong and even got bullied because I wanted to fit in. I don't say that for sympathy but simply because I'm so happy that my life and who I am has finally been validated. I'm overwhelmed with joy. ☺
When my grandfather died, my father and I were the first people at the viewing. We stood stoically by the coffin. Suddenly, my father's shoulders shook and his voice quivered. "Is it okay if I feel like crying". I opened my arms to him, and his 6'4" frame bowed down, his face buried in my shoulder as he wept. He would never have displayed his feelings, had my mother not been delayed.
... My wife... I once referred to myself as an artist a few times in a day. I never forgot what happened afterwards as she pushed me backwards on our bed smiling while she looked deep in my eyes and said "you are not artist. You have never made any money with anything you've ever done".. She didn't move until I pushed her off of me. Years later I recited that moment to her and she told me she didn't remember ever doing that... 😔
@@JWolff-md3ij The best example of a true artist is not some multi platinum award winning person, as they tend to be compliant drones for the industry machine. No I would say people like the late Allan Holdsworth who turned down lucrative record deal offers from big labels, because they demanded he change his style to be more commercially viable. The end result is he died penniless but with a catalogue of work, which will stand the test of time and be marvelled at for many decades if not centuries to come. Most of the world's greatest and most successful musicians overnight rushed to pay for his family's income to keep them afloat, and also to pay for Allan's funeral costs. They donated THOUSANDS and poured out genuine affection and love for him and his work, which continues to this day. Allan left something behind of true value, whereas many financially successful "artists" only have the money and that is just currency ascribed a value and nothing else. Bits of paper.
"It takes the strength of a warrior to admit that you have emotional crisis, because men are taught never to admit that there's anything wrong."... That one hit home!!!
I definitely feel like I fit within the paradoxical group. I listen to pretty loud and aggressive music, like sports and play them, and have a certain amount of competitive drive. Being a fairly large and physical person and not afraid to show it, even as a child, saved me from a lot of bullying that other HSPs went through. I wasn't an easy mark. However I have always got the "don't be so sensitive" chide and felt a pressure and shame to draw in my more nuanced aspects. After a while people started calling me stoic, even though on the inside I felt completely the opposite!! I have the need for downtime. This woke me to the fact that I had grown my emotional shield so strong and impenetrable I was not living an authentic life. Videos and testimonials like this have certainly helped me come to terms with this and have given me the courage and conviction to live a more authentic and true life regardless of what the norms think!!
Duane Nash thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. And your words made me think how I felt growing up. I was and still am a smaller man. Always really athletic and physical with exceptional balance, speed, agility with a strong heart. It attracted a lot of attention especially bc my best friend growing up was twice my size and the star athlete of our generation which eventually won two superbowls with NY Giants. And we always challenged each other to be better through competition. I had an ability to observe and absorb with a sound mind to do whatever I see without knowing it or questioning my abilities. I catch on and excell quickly with everything like school, sports, work, etc. But at the same time I was artistic and loved to make people laugh. I was class clown and entertained for attention. God gifted me with an imagination that loves to daydream with an intuitive compassionate kind loving heart overflowing with empathy for others but my analytical overthinking mind suppressed me to show it and share it. I've become a people pleaser and neglected myself. Letting others and their perception of me, tell me who I am. So I define myself with what others praise me about. Enslaving my true identity behind a huge wall I built myself disconnecting my balance of mind body and soul. Leaning on my own understanding fading from God. Weakening in my faith keeping me stuck in my head with negative thoughts and feelings swirling inside. Being unsure and doubting myself now bc I've let myself and God down to many times, constantly controlling my feelings inside with drugs. Not socially but secretly sneaking, scheming, lying and hiding because I'm not proud of using drugs to control emotions, energy levels, ambition and creativity. I want to learn more about hsp and overcome my addictions and mental disorder. I bet Jesus was a HSP! Jesus been saving my life and has never given up on me. So I wont either. Thanks for wisdom
Duane- Beautifully stated, my sensitive brethren. Not that it is a requirement for masculinity, but in being a leader of any kind sensitivity to subtlety and people's needs is the strongest and most unifying trait of all. And leadership is often an expectation for those with a particularly large presence. Take care Man.
@@garyjamesjr.4879 praying for your freedom from drugs. eventually we get to the age in life when it doesn't matter quite so much what other people think and say. Not that we become callous, but that we move beyond people pleasing. When God meets your deepest needs you might not need to expect or depend quite so much from others who are only people. I was never into drugs but that doesn't mean I am unable to relate. The death of my wife was the catalyst for me leaving behind my years of numbness and repression and suppression and depression. As King David wrote, "The LORD is my Helper, what can men do to me?"
I don't understand why people assume being a highly sensitive male equates to femininity or being Gay. It just doesn't make sense to me. Once you own who you are being a highly sensitive male makes me feel like a man. Now being an emotionally expressive male who uses his emotions as an excuse to not 'do the job' or fulfill masculine roles in their lives is absolutely not acceptable.
@@Ignozi 2 years late but it is entirely based on culture as said in interview.. we in the USA have a masculine archetype "the cowboy" and in some ways it is based on our collective mythology, not discounting it's authenticity.. My take is that on the spectrum of human behavior globally, masculine behavior is not devoid of sensitivity, in many ways the senses are heightened to anticipate the need to take action or "get action" as teddy roosevelt often said. I see this as the willingness to protect and lead in spite of fear and in dire circumstances, self preservation. Archetypical Masculinity is building, mapping, laying out a game plan, repairing, maintaining, making 'space' in which others feel safe.. these are the best attributes of masculine tendencies and they are consistent throughout the world.. albeit the degrees vary. There are, in most cases, palpable differences between masculine and feminine nature. Which i feel should be acknowledged and honored. It makes sense that a man would naturally provide a place of safety for a pregnant woman for example. The biology dictates the behavior on a deep ancestral level. A beautiful balance. There are absolutely very strong women, no doubt, however there is masculine strength snd feminine strength.. both divine. The acknowledgment of baseline differences are, to me, indisputable if we look at the more coarse aspects of masculine tendencies. We have been the warriors, killers, conquerors in ways both just and unjust but nonetheless history reinforces that brute strength and capacity to do the dirty work and heavy lifting of warfare has always been the business of men. The tendencies are reinforced by proportions of male prisoners for violent acts- far outnumber those of the sacred feminine. In the end being a highly sensitive man is an asset in the judicious execution of classically masculine tendencies.. i would argue that the world's best respected leaders, chiefs, etc would all be carriers of highly sensitive tendencies.
Because to many kindness=weakness and weakness deserves to be dominated and labeled by mythology so your difference can remain unthreatening to them. Others can sense your potential and feel it is best to use you for your abilities while "rewarding" you by "allowing" you to have some kind of relationship with them (friend, bf, gf). When you're HSP for all our sensitivity, it's hard to see the feeling isn't mutual ;because we want the best for ppl and it's hard to think giving what we do that they wouldn't want the same for us...
I'm an HSP and a gay guy. My soon-to-be ex narcissistic controlling husband described my softness as overly "wifely" for his liking (he was in a str8 marriage before, so he said he didn't want another wife). What I wanna say when you're straight they think you gay, when you're gay they think you woman. At this point in my life, it's just for good laughs.
Same here im an HSP and gay too and understand were your coming from. I feel sorry for straight men who are HSP too as they often get bullied and told to man up and all that Toxic stuff just like us gay men get told too often as well just because they are sensitive and kind friendly and caring too.
I'm a straight male hsp 60. I have survived my life by denying how I feel pretending I like manly stuff and do love machines ...music has always been my release. I would not have made it to 60 without my guitar ...
My problem as an HSP male is that I fall in love quicker and much deeper than nearly all women, so I get extremely emotionally invested at an early stage, which leads to problems (I need attention from her, I act passively agressive at times, I suffer a lot in my mind and can't enjoy my hobbies, until I get confirmation about the relationship status). This always leads to me "fucking the situation up" in the very early stages of a relationship, ending with her turning away, telling me that I'm a great person, but she doesn't want a relationship with me. I'm 34 and this has led to major depression for me. I'm undergoing therapy, I'm traveling a lot, I got my hobbies, but all that doesn't give me what I really crave for, being in love and being in a relationship. Kissing a woman I love, in front aof a sunset, traveling together, her sleeping against my chest...those are the best memories of my life.
I'm a HSP and Dr Zeff described me perfectly! I am also extremely introverted. Problem is I have gone my entire life being a sensitive (and hetero) introvert with nobody to talk to about it. :(
yerp i feel u man.. when i was i kid i was very introvert, but now extravert. because i have hsp people asume that i am gay or something because i am so nice to them and i am so sensitive. nobody understands it and it is killing me
@@Wesley-DG you're describing my life in HS, lol. I liked so many girls... yet was kept around like the gay confidant. Always around the girls I felt the most for and it was a case of so close, yet so far. It's the hardest way to learn that ppl will treat you wrong all the time, but you should never do the same to yourself.
my life summary as an HSP man.. no friends last more than two years, No women interested in me as a potential lover, always being bullied in workplaces,, well the world seems to be the hell for me, but i'm sure when i'm dead , i will go to heaven as I believe that HSPs are the kindest kind of human beings.. not the others who are kind on faces but badmouth and evil purposing at back
Iam Hsp and l want to date one man that is Hsp, l know him since childhood. How do l aproach him? He is so sensitive, l dont know how to not be too agressive. I feel his insecurity.
There were many times I felt that way about my life too. It can be so hard, but it can also get better. Now I have a wife who loves me very much and our son is HSP and I am able to help and understand him in ways my family never could for me. Hope you have an amazing life and find Heaven on Earth. You deserve it.
I'm glad you mentioned, the speaking your truth. I'm a very honest person. I cannot stand lies. Also being sensitive and very quiet people do you think your gay which I absolutely hate, but is something I just have to put up with. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it'll all be worth it
I actually enjoy boxing, as long as no one's seriously injured. I can't stand watching the news, even though I don't like burying my head in the sand. Growing up in western society, I've always had to bottle up my emotions. As as singer-songwriter, I get to express myself, but it would be nice if it was more accepting to express myself openly and honestly. Now I'm learning to embrace my sensitivities. Of course I won't make a scene, but bottling everything up has really taken a toll on my health. I hope people become more accepting of all HSP's.
(I'm a man). When I was a child, I didn't like to watch football or boxing...too violent for me. I later became a musician, but I was always an artist as kid. I was bullied mercilessly too. No one ever helped me with any of that, so I grew up feeling defective. I heard 'cry baby' so many times. I didn't know about HSP until the last few years, and it's still difficult to accept that this is who I am. It feels like a curse sometimes. But then I remember how deeply I can go, and how this has given me a lot of joy. Thanks to everyone for these comments. they are all helpful!
In India, where i am from the sensitive men are considered as timid and cowards. they get ridiculed and bullied. I am surprisesd that in China and Thailand HSP's are considered as a good persons and accepted in the society. But very informative video. thank you
I'm a New Zealand European and the macho masculine culture exists here too. I am bullied and mocked on occasion by my peers and yet I find that I can make Chinese friends very easily; so yes I think the culture is more accepting of us in China. Hang in there bro.
I can say that North India sucks for sensitive men, not sure about South. Probably South India is more accepting of HSP.. As a North Indian HSP, I have often been accused of having no personality, being too quiet and shy & bullied in college
I like this guy. I like his pragmatic (and sensitive!) approach. More and more I realize that a certain pragmatism is needed. Accept your finely-tuned nervous system and try to give yourself what you need to keep it relatively calm, whilst still 'living your life'. There is no need to feel silly about your needs or particularly defend them to anyone. We're dealing with an orientation, and a pretty nifty one at that once you embrace it for all the beauty it has to offer.
Pokey Soggybottom Please support the documentary if you can. Share it for sure. The more funding, the better the movie. Thank you! www.kickstarter.com/projects/1795131939/sensitive-the-untold-story
I agree; pretty nifty, indeed. In my case; initial realization, management and mastery was neither a short or particularly pleasant time (epoch? lol). A technical manual, even a 'getting started' primer would have been useful.
My parents moved me around a lot when I was a kid and being the new kid as a HSP is terrifying. I was always bullied and teased. But I also learned that when I got comfertable with poeple they really liked me and as my confidence grew I was one of the favorites in the group. Teachers liked me cos I had interesting things to say. I struggled with women as I did act in a softer more thoughtful way and they seemed to think this was fumy and would tease me or not take me seriously.
I always kinda knew, but tried to deny this about myself, my whole life. Setting boundaries and being assertive have always been my biggest struggles. I've been teased a lot, and lots of people assume I'm gay even though I'm not. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to embrace and accept my gifts, and my authentic self, and trying more to allow myself to be seen and accepted by others. I put "sensitive" and "thinks and feels deeply" on my profile at work, along with a picture of me playing guitar wearing nail polish. That's just me, and we all have to accept it!
A lot of women do want men like this. However, most if not all women want someone mentally strong and capable too. If you manage to turn your sensitivity into a gift and a source of strength, then this is very attractive.... problem is that this is very, very much easier said than done. Especially for those HSP men with poor childhoods.
Totally. Most of all, I for one, appreciate a man who is authentic - not one who thinks he must be a certain way to fit in, but one who appreciates himself, accepting his sensitivity, his abillity to grow, his strengths and his masculinity. We all have to work at being authentic, and not pretending to be something we're not. But it's so, so worth it!!!
The easiest thing in the world to do is to hurt others, being kind is difficult, and takes will power. Although sensitives can have a tendency to display a pseudo kindness in order to avoid confrontation. Which can lead to a resentment towards people in general, since most people don't try to be polite even when they are feeling angry or irritated for whatever reason.
In my experience, I have not become less sensitive with age, quite the contrary, actually. However, I do now understand myself better and how to differentiate my own energy/thoughts/emotions from others. I also understand how to release any any energies I pick up that do not serve me. This makes life much more comfortable, allowing me to avoid that constant "raw" feeling. Perhaps this is part of why you feel "less HSP" at 43.
Can you share how you have been able to learn how to do this? How to not pick up others energies? How to differentiate between your own and others? Thank you
thank you for saying some sensitive men are different. it’s annoying to feel ostracized even more when i listen to HSP thought leaders who leave me out constantly. i am not only HSP but i was abused as a kid so i have a broken person lashing out about me. i agonize over the pain i can cause people. i have never and would never physically hurt somebody but i am loud and blow up at least three or four times a year and i have a reputation for it. it makes people avoid me and it makes me want to commit suicide because i honestly think that i can’t be offering up a net gain to the world in emotional goodness. there’s a spectrum of hsps and all i ever hear is that there’s one type. i find it weird when hsps describe people like this with disregard to what that does to us outsiders too. i am gay too, and grew up with a dad who called me too sensitive so i even have something of a disgust with myself about being sensitive
Hello Cymric, thanks for your post. Many of us were abused as children. Many of us were badly bullied too. I hadn't a clue what was going on for me until I went into Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), a 12-step program when I was 39. I still didn't know what being an HSP was all about, but learning about the dysfunctions of my family (and me) was a huge turning point in my life. My parents weren't alcoholic, but they sure didn't know how to parent, much less parent an HSP. I went to those ACA meetings either once or twice a week for two years, often crying privately, or punching a pillow I put in a box in anger. Hard. The second major turning point was, of course, learning I was an HSP, and what that was all about. I'm not gay, but I know other HSPs who are, and are healthy. But I'm sure it took work for them to claim their health, , just as it did for me. There are probably thousands of HSPs out there who totally understand what you are going through. Just the fact that you are reaching out with your post is going to help others who recognize your cry of pain. Your life does matter. If the pain is bad enough to contemplate suicide, it is certainly bad enough to risk walking into a 12-step program or another form of help. It took me two times before I stayed in ACA. Longer than that before I did anything but listen to others. I bought out self-help book sections in book stores. That anger of yours needs to be addressed. There is a whole lot of help out there. Take it. There are also HSP savvy therapists listed on Elaine Aron's website, www.hsperson.com. Take a look at her website. What have you got to lose?
I feel and understand emotions in a deep level already since I was a child I was the one who helped out everyone and made sure no one was fighting. If there were problems between other children I was the one who solved them because I had than already developed a high understanding of justice (from a third perspective view) most children learn this way of seeing the world when they get into puberty... anyway i'm pretty much always good in controlling my emotions because I mastered them. Now the downside comes. I see people how they think inside. I see the masks that people put on them. I see problems people endure they are ignorant over... and I can't help them, because if I say something they will get mad on me for judging them, but actually I only try to worn them for their own ignorance of not understanding themselves and others... so I just act like I don't have this ability like everyone else... It's eating me...
I am French, highly sensitive and born in 1961. Same macho culture than you describe. I may not descend from people who migrated to America when it was tough to do so, but we had two world wars passing by on our soil...
splabbity Please support the documentary if you can. Share it for sure. The more funding, the better the movie. Thank you! www.kickstarter.com/projects/1795131939/sensitive-the-untold-story
I think we have the same problem in Australia. I agree with this guy, its countries with a colonial past, a "frontier culture" that exhibit this warped characteristic.
Harsh M Yes. Narcissists smell us from miles away. They're drawn to us, just like sharks to blood. Users and abusers as well. Its rather exhausting, sad and frustrating. I wish I knew how to turn them off.
I met what I believe was a narcisssist once ( I am hsp) and I had no problem rejecting and never seeing the person again. Shitty shallow attitude and constantly praising themself and bragging. Why let someone treat you like shit just cause you are hsp?
I've only just recently looked into the science behind this, and I knew before I got through the first sentence that I was HSP. It makes so much sense out of how I've felt my entire life. It makes sense that when people say hurtful or threatening things to me, its as though they have physically hit me, and the world around me just depresses me and makes me feel anxious to no end. I always thought I was genetically inferior, the runt of the litter.
I am a HS man and I was a HS child. I found myself having headaches and migraines all the time in school. I honestly think its because HSP's think about so much all day long and when your in school there isnt a private dark room you can retrieve to. It was rough but thank god I'm done with it.
What an incredibly informative video. And this man made such an important statement about gay men-how most are NOT HSP. So true. Being gay does not equate having high sensitivity. I know from experience.
I am 21 years old and have always felt disconnected to society in a way. I grew up with a single mother which i think is the cause to my sensitivity. I feel i have alot of the feminine energy in me and there’s my problem. My father is not a good role model because he isnt able to sustain himself and is pretty feminine himself. At high school I started isolating myself and have been feeling depressed ever since. I’ve tried to take my own life once and it would work if i’ve just cut myself deeper. This was not a call for attention, i really tried but i passed out and next thing i was in an ambulance. I just couldn’t see myself as a happy person. I felt too bad and weak for society’s expectations. I can just feel the hidden mockery of other men. I’m still in deep depression because i just don’t want to be the weak man, living in a machavelian society! I had not found any people i can relate to until I saw the comments on this video. Just want to say I admire the sensitive people who has the courage to be themselves! Cheers
Hello Oscar, You have had quite a rough time! There are a lot of good websites that can help you deal with being an HSP. Just Google Highly Sensitive Communities, as you'll see what I mean. You can help make a better, more sensitive and nurturing society. We need you. We need all HSPs to show up and allow who you are to be revealed. Surround yourself with friends who get you, even if it's just online. Remember, one out of every five people is an HSP. So you know a few, undoubtably, even if they do not know that they are hardwired this way. Thanks for your post!
I guess we are. I feel lack of self-confident after having along relationship with a girl that I thought it was based on love while it was only one-side love . As I high sensitive person, this experience really effected me
Had it beaten out of me, and punished into submission, it wasn’t successful. I’m a highly creative, intuitive man, living an artists life. No one would be my friend as a child, but that’s ok. I’ve found my own path. I had a highly abusive mother and absent father, layered in being gay and growing up in rural Canada. Wow, totally planned out some hard lessons to overcome. But I love myself now, and it’s easier to be loving to others when it’s all sorted through. But I feel everything, see everything, and hear everything. I can barely function sometimes, unless in nature.
I believe that HSP's are essential to the progress of civilization. In the more peaceful times when HSP's were given the security and time to pursue their curiosity we get phenomenons like the renaissance.
As he said HSPs are not necessarily more altruistic than non HSPs. That's very important. It's not because you got shat on your whole life that you are a better person. Like ghandi says: "the mouse isn't less violent because it gets eaten by the cat." a lot of HSPs are energy vampires too!! I'm HSP myself. It's neither good nor bad
Our sense of Imagination to me is the most rewarding aspect of an HSP !!! So people can call.me whatever they want, but nothing beats the wonder and intrigue that I'm fortunate enough to ponder
I am a gay man and I am a highly sensitive listening to you describe growing up was very accurate also the love of my love personally of music fine art nature. The Love of animals there's also a very intense emotion. growing up was very tough I felt the anger of society as well as my family that for me that I was gay I had to cover it up and it did not go well it involved shaving my head and just tattoos and lots of cigarettes it just was not fun I accept myself now and I love myself but I had to cut out a lot of toxic people in my life. I did go to many clubs and bars in my twenties mostly to get away from my toxic family and when I went I was still very introverted I got along more with older men because I felt that they were more sponged in with the world meaning been there longer than just being a carefree spirit. Also there was a lot of toxic issues with working in a family business for 25 years which I'm no longer a part of for about 5 years. And that became a toxic nightmare my sister was very abusive had such hatred towards me and my father who was ashamed of me being gay was so fake and unloving and an omiter. I'm at a corporate company now ups and I'm very guarded as to keeping my personal life personal my name is Robert by the way and I just discovered your videos
carryclass, I hear you & with my limited knowledge of the English language I still think I get what you're trying to say. To be an HSP is not the same as being overly sensitive or neurotic, it's more like being finely tuned into experiences & events in life & to other people. I've come across people that've claimed they were HSP:s but as I've noticed their behaviours I've realized their need to manipulate others to get what they need, like sympathy & attention etc.. That is not how I experience it to be, to have this HSP. To have HSP doesn't make us into something to correct, but there are mental tools for learning to handle it. It doesn't make us better nor does it make us worse than others. Just slightly different. Just like we all are since humanity consists of individuals.
I cannot properly express how incredibly wonderful all this info is. So many things that suddenly make a lot of sense to me, where before, I thought something was off about me. It's also rather shocking in a different way, because it makes me realize how insane this society really is with its "cultural rules of nonsense".
@lolp821 I'm the same way, the worlds problems is so overwhelming sometimes, I've learned to shut it off and give my mind a vacation from the chaos which allows me to be a better functioning hsp-empath, I now know I have a leg up on the majority because I have a beautiful ability that positive reinforcement alone changed so much in my life!
It's common in Welsh history and culture for men to be creative and sensitive. Welsh harpists and poets were always traditionally male. The pibgorn is a Welsh hornpipe that is still almost never played by women and there are still some Welsh clog dances that only men are allowed to do and we have a tradition of male voice choirs. I love that these traditions have stayed. The only thing is that since the Welsh people started being influenced by other British cultures, it's now seen as wussy by most people for a man to play the harp.
i guess there's a connection between keirseys description of the idealist (NF) temperament as being "oversensitive" (Please Understand Me II, p. 119), Helen Fisher talking about the "negotiator" ('idealist' in keirsey's term) using the term "hypersensitivity" on her slide at 37:00 (in her talk on youtube 'This is Your Brain on Love') and the concept of HS.
I'm a very hsp male. I don't like noises, crowds, mean people, loud people. People who say vicious things. I get frustrated and cry easily. I hate being around men.
@TheSpazModic Speaking as an HS woman, I find HS men who are comfortable with who they are far more interesting and likable, as a general rule, than the other 80%. HS men walk to a softer drum, and that's very nice.
Sounds as if read the book of my life. So describes me, except the gay part. Even when I was a kid I realized I was not 'tough enough' to hang with the other boys. I would not wish my life upon on any one. Currently I am focusing on the good side of being myself, but the bad stuff seems to have won out overall. I truly believe we represent the future, as we humans move away from our knuckel dragging past.
I'm HSP and I realized what(sounds) who(toxic people,violent,bragging arrogant ignorants) bothers me the most after I recovered from burnout.So if you are man nobody gives a f*ck and people will shame you,humiliate you particualrly if you are surrounded with depressive,lazy,narcisstic and psychopaths.Even female doctors commented What kind of a man are you and blamed my anxious nature for everything.At he end I found their medication messed me up and lowered my blood pressure a lot.I tried to cheer and motivate my depressive and lazy friends,but they enjoyed the most when i was in severe depression,including my narcisstic father.I gave up from some people and I'm focused towards my artistic goals I'm passioned for.After burnout many people including my family blamed my passion for art.So I self-hatred myself for 1 year and I was very unhealthy.I also quit with doing art which today I know helps me against anxiety and makes me happy.I learned my lesson,so I don't talk with mediocre people,family about my job anymore.I have innate talent,photographic memory,so I learned about computers pretty quick,now I use video tutorials to learn new artistic skills.I'm also good and I like to compete in sports like basketball,soccer and volleyball and it's a stress relief for me.Not professional but recreational.I also like to exercise which with healthy food helped me to recover.I was hardworker before and I was unhappy.I had no goals,so I went to work to not to be criticized by my neurotic parents,for being lazy at home.When I started to question my carpenter enterprenuer how and why we are doing like this and he said me with anger on his face "Because I say soo".Since then I saw I don't belong there anymore,but I worked with them to collect money to buy me my first computer.Sometimes we have to work what we don't like,so we can get what we need for our real goals.Nowdays kids are lucky,so parents buy them computers.My narcissistic naysayer father was and always will be against computers,my artistic passion and he will always diminish my big artistic successes because I didn't listened to him and became a wallpainter like him.When I had an interview on local TV,suddenly ,my father started to paint.Then when I was weak he manipulated with me,so nobody could put a shadow on his spotlight.I don't like envy and jealous people and when I sense it from other people,but it's part of the life.Being HSP among toxic people is hell on earth.
How do you define "sensitive"? is it the physical 5 Senses- as you mentioned heightened hearing? or on the Emotional/ intuitive level as in having a gentle heart? or both? We can't move on with the discussion without defining this, i feel
There are four traits that define High Sensitivity. 1. Depth of Processing 2. Overstimulated easily 3. Strong empathy 4. Awareness of Subtleties. Please check out Dr. Elaine Aron's website for more information. aspersion.com
Having a finely tuned nervous system makes you a Highly Sensitive Person...We need to accept people for who they are, and what they have to offer on many levels. HSP's have alot of positive traits that anyone would love to possess. HSP's also need to be easier on themselves...I know because I am a proud HSP!
You know you're in good company, right? My childhood was like yours - I was spit on, the butt of cruel practical jokes, mocked, humiliated - It was a miserable time. But - you CAN be your good, gentle, sensitive HSP self in this society. On your terms. Honest. I invite you to take a look at my last two uploads featuring Elaine Aron. One is on the research done, and one is on dealing with life. It's a start. Going to an HSP Gathering is another excellent step. Google HSP Gathering.
EVERY man thinks he must be a certain way to fit in. You can't get rid of society's pressure by simple disbelief, even billionaires have hired people that work on their images and acceptance.
I'm so glad he mentions HSP gay men. This is a kind of 'double jeopardy' where you're mocked for your sensitivity growing up by being called 'gay'...and it turns out they were right. You search for role models or people to look up to or mirror you and most of them do reflect your sensitivity back to you, but they do not reflect another fundamental facet of who you are. Same amongst LGBT role models, tho perhaps in reverse. So you wonder where exactly you are in the world! This is a supreme sense of powerlessness to circumstance and self-acceptance, both for sexuality and sensitivity, can become a kind of existential nightmare from which there is no waking. There is much danger in this realm of existential depression for suicide. Much hurt and loss of people who matter to you in your life occurs due to some misunderstanding or misconception about your fundamental nature. Ultimately, hopefully, we find the ones who can come on the journey of life with us, but there is much wounding that has occurred by this point. Will healing the wounds be the undertaking of a lifetime? I think so, yes.
Now that I know that I have HSP everything falls into the right place. Everything I was struggeling with had a reason. Over time I came up with a lot of coping strategies. I remember when I was a Kid I gave up wanting to be "normal" and that helped a lot, I allowed myself to be different. Find other HPS to talk to is a good advice too I think you need at least one person that understands your sensitive concerns.Its supposed to be inherited so chances are that someone from your family has it too.
Also as a HSP I have a gift for music. If you want girls as a HSP learning guitar is great. Think Jimmi Hendrix, The Beatles, etc When you play a gentle love song in a way that is not sappy or fake but full of emotional meaning women love it.
I have HSP discovered that a few years ago, I hate to much noise around and stupid people, also I have not the inclination to cry seeing misery, but love animals, love being quiet in nature. I am a perfectionist and very demanding, I think I am not hate sloppy jobs and people.Not easy, being HSP and I hate stress and being pushed around, cannot stand people above me .
I can relate to that with my childhood especially as well that I'm an only child. Every kid I was around was an asshole with the exception of two who were more than likely similar to me. I learned early that being bad was wrong and growing up in a Grammar School my whole life made it all that much worse. I learned to just sit there and keep quiet to stop people/teachers shouting at me, of course that made it worse like I was ignoring them or being arrogant. The world sucks and I can't accept it.
Don't know about the early attributes, but the final couple you list certainly strike as being highly sensitive attributes for sure!! Look up Elaine Aron and Highly Sensitive Person on the internet, there is some great stuff there. Also Ted Zeff's own books on High Sensitivity and coping with it. :)
do you feel that an HSP child can turn out to be Less HSP as they age? I was a HSP as a kid and through counseling and aging ( im 43 now) and life experiences I feel less HSP now.
It definately a bit different here in Scandinavia. When watching US media, movies and culture it sometimes seems like a parody of manliness is being played out, but what do we know who decended from Vikings?
viking society were arguably more "equal" than christian Europe at the time. The fact that they had female soldiers and didn't burn women on poles says a lot. I think we have a flawed understanding of history. So maybe being decended from vikinsg isn't all that bad lol
What fools lots of people is the modern view of the manly viking with his thirst of fights. Actually, they were a way more great merchants and diplomats than bloodthirsty warriors (they were at some point yes, but not only that). It's the christians who described them like violent barbarians only because they feared them and didn't try to understand them. Then the modern society, with a culture based on christianity's history and arts, amplified even more this manly and violent view of the viking's society we were taught to admire.
Sexuality has nothing to do with thought patterns or behaviours, the most hardened tough guy in the world could be gay. You know yourself just by what you are attracted to and which you wouldn't touch in a million years, a masculine or a feminine figure. I'm straight and It's feminine for me, I find the masculine figure to be replusive personally. I wish I could turn it off the spiritual side as well, it's like I care about fixing the worlds problems more than I care for myself.
I've posted is the second part of the talk given by Elaine Aron on High Sensitivity. This one is relatively short, and addresses using skills to deal with life as an HSP with grace. Search for "Elaine Aron, Life". It will be about the fifth one down.
HSPs absorb and process everything more deeply, as Dr Elaine described. So HSPs with poor childhoods are more negatively affected, just as HSPs with good childhoods are more positively affected. So high sensitivity doesn't necessarily equate weakness or less "tough". A HSP and non-HSP may also have the issue of not understanding one another on the most basic level. Though of course, both HSPs will have their own set of issues... but not necessarily or even often what you describe
I am a HS man, and before that, a HS child. Speaking for myself, learning about the HSP concept has been interesting, but not very practical or proactive. I am convinced that this trait has a net negative effect on the lives of men. I am not a negative person, but I wouldn't wish this trait on my worst enemy.
Being a highly sensitive person and an artist myself, I have to say that it's quite a challenge... I don't feel like a part of the society I am living in. I am not into making big and fast money, driving big cars or having affairs. I just wanna create beautiful things, make art, garden and I want to inspire and help people. However, I am always the weirdo or the dreamer...
Maybe other people can relate to that?
Yes i can...100% percent!
Ahh buddy, you're the bee's knees!
Hey man, I just wanna say, I love you for writing this. Fellow dreamer, HSP, I'm my own flawed protagonist living in fragments, isolation, uncertainty, dying to express myself
Yes, me to... I quit working on cars, started to play music at age 24 and now i'm trying to become a jazz musician instead. Very challenging change though!... also not to make big money but to enjoy the things i want to do with my life not the things society pushes you to do. Maybe we are like socially awkward but i think society is rather awkward because if you see how the world enfolds itself and what people are chasing at like cars, women, fancy stuf,status, and a lot of technological crap that makes us even dumber and pollutes the world even more... i mean it's not a very intelligent mass out there and that's why i'm cool with my awkwardness, i don't give a damn about all that mainstream nonsense. It turns out that non of it makes people happier in there lives so we all should be proud not being part of that system.
I'm a highly sensitive person and it can be challenging, yes...and it's also a super power gift. How lucky we are!! We get more sensory data!! We can find rich depth and meaning where many other people cannot. It's a superpower not a curse, if we choose to see it that way. I choose superpower.
Isn't it ironic, that the highly sensitive man is normally the man who is picked on and bullied, and they are the men that emotionally feel it the most. We are pushed to act like a 'tough guy' to be accepted, and by doing so we are giving into the fears of other people. To show true strength is to be loving and compassionate despite the misguided ideas of our culture.
so well said
You can imagine the hostility and prejudice I faced, when I gave up EVERYTHING to be the 24/7 carer for my mum. I was often told guys do not usually care for women, and leave it to female carers due to embarrassment or whatever. Their attitude and belief system towards me, made life traumatic, difficult and at times dangerous, not to mention nearly losing my legal freedom. However my mum often said I was "a wonderful son" and other family and people said I was a natural carer.
Wow agree 10000%
❤️🙏🏽🇨🇦
when I see someone being intentionaly rude to a person, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. It disgusts me
jan jansen same here...I find many people being mean and two faced- makes me feel nauseous...
ME TOO! So hard to cope with in life
Jan Janszoon example my father😞😞
Twenty One Shini Chemical Crybabies Xox - I watched a video of my dad on his birthday 4 months after my mom died - at the time I could see he was forcing a smile for everyone. At the time I thought maybe it’s only me that can see it - but the video verified what I saw. I’ve always sensed the true feels more than those around me - thought there was something wrong but now I realize it’s just the way I am and that’s OK.
Jan Jacobszoon
Holy anger is a thing. Anger should be expressed. Just don't attack the other person. But express your anger in a constructive way. Look at it as your calling. But if nobody ever calls them out, they won't see a problem. Express yourself truthfully.
I'm a highly sensitive woman and believe me, many women love to spend time with and date highly sensitive men. It's so refreshing when there's no big ego and to be with someone who really appreciates nature and beauty, etc. I feel a lot closer,emotionally, to a guy who feels safe enough to share how he really feels, authenticity brings trust and closeness. I hope this interview helps you embrace your sensitivity. Please never think that all women want to be around or date money chasing, loud, egotistical types...we don't x
Thank you 😊
Thank you for saying that. It's good to know,
I'm a highly sensitive man and I find that difficult to believe. There may be a few women like that in the world, but the majority are attracted to bad boys, and HSP's in principle are not that.
Thank you
@@RyanJones567 stop the sexist generalisation it's boring
But when I finally asserted myself with women more, went in a bit harder, they fall in love with me hard. I don't have to take them out on expensive dates to impress them. I just talk to them deeply and they love it.
I think being a HSP is a gift in disguise. It's harder for us to start relationships as we are less assertive, but once we get in one we are better equipped to understand the thoughts and feelings of our partner.
love this man, i completely agree
I am a highly sensitive person. Thank you for putting a name to this.
I am a HSP, and I'm always torn between wanting to be private and connected to other people... I find most company very disappointing and consequently have to take care not to become too critical..
Now you are talking.. my kinda guy.. guess i understand my type
Same here Mike.... that's why I have very few friends
You have good reason(s) to find most people a disappointment. Most people are pretty mediocre. The sad fact is that this is considered normal in our culture.
A big joy would be to find special people with whom you can relate and with whom you could associate.
"There must be something wrong with me". Is how I felt for most of my life. I'm 28 and just learning about this. I've tried to repress so much of who I am because I felt like I didn't belong and even got bullied because I wanted to fit in. I don't say that for sympathy but simply because I'm so happy that my life and who I am has finally been validated. I'm overwhelmed with joy. ☺
When my grandfather died, my father and I were the first people at the viewing. We stood stoically by the coffin. Suddenly, my father's shoulders shook and his voice quivered. "Is it okay if I feel like crying". I opened my arms to him, and his 6'4" frame bowed down, his face buried in my shoulder as he wept. He would never have displayed his feelings, had my mother not been delayed.
"Oh..you're just too sensitive!" If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that in my life.....
....or they are not sensitive enough! Some people seem dead from the head down.
... My wife... I once referred to myself as an artist a few times in a day. I never forgot what happened afterwards as she pushed me backwards on our bed smiling while she looked deep in my eyes and said "you are not artist. You have never made any money with anything you've ever done".. She didn't move until I pushed her off of me. Years later I recited that moment to her and she told me she didn't remember ever doing that... 😔
Happens to me a lot!
@@EgoShredder absolutely
@@JWolff-md3ij The best example of a true artist is not some multi platinum award winning person, as they tend to be compliant drones for the industry machine. No I would say people like the late Allan Holdsworth who turned down lucrative record deal offers from big labels, because they demanded he change his style to be more commercially viable.
The end result is he died penniless but with a catalogue of work, which will stand the test of time and be marvelled at for many decades if not centuries to come. Most of the world's greatest and most successful musicians overnight rushed to pay for his family's income to keep them afloat, and also to pay for Allan's funeral costs. They donated THOUSANDS and poured out genuine affection and love for him and his work, which continues to this day.
Allan left something behind of true value, whereas many financially successful "artists" only have the money and that is just currency ascribed a value and nothing else. Bits of paper.
"It takes the strength of a warrior to admit that you have emotional crisis, because men are taught never to admit that there's anything wrong."... That one hit home!!!
I don't care about being a warrior though?? Where did this crazy idea come from that everyone needs strive to be a warrior?
The world is such a brutal violent place.
Ironically because of human beings who are too weak to practice patience or show compassion and understanding...
It sure is...bro...
Something I tell myself everyday, citysquare was full of fighting people again today
Speak your truth. Amen to that. I think I'm an HSP. Now I need to buy that book.
Ephemeral Rift 😬 hi daddy rift.
I definitely feel like I fit within the paradoxical group. I listen to pretty loud and aggressive music, like sports and play them, and have a certain amount of competitive drive. Being a fairly large and physical person and not afraid to show it, even as a child, saved me from a lot of bullying that other HSPs went through. I wasn't an easy mark. However I have always got the "don't be so sensitive" chide and felt a pressure and shame to draw in my more nuanced aspects. After a while people started calling me stoic, even though on the inside I felt completely the opposite!! I have the need for downtime. This woke me to the fact that I had grown my emotional shield so strong and impenetrable I was not living an authentic life. Videos and testimonials like this have certainly helped me come to terms with this and have given me the courage and conviction to live a more authentic and true life regardless of what the norms think!!
Duane Nash so hard to do though.. so so hard
Duane Nash thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. And your words made me think how I felt growing up. I was and still am a smaller man. Always really athletic and physical with exceptional balance, speed, agility with a strong heart. It attracted a lot of attention especially bc my best friend growing up was twice my size and the star athlete of our generation which eventually won two superbowls with NY Giants. And we always challenged each other to be better through competition. I had an ability to observe and absorb with a sound mind to do whatever I see without knowing it or questioning my abilities. I catch on and excell quickly with everything like school, sports, work, etc. But at the same time I was artistic and loved to make people laugh. I was class clown and entertained for attention. God gifted me with an imagination that loves to daydream with an intuitive compassionate kind loving heart overflowing with empathy for others but my analytical overthinking mind suppressed me to show it and share it. I've become a people pleaser and neglected myself. Letting others and their perception of me, tell me who I am. So I define myself with what others praise me about. Enslaving my true identity behind a huge wall I built myself disconnecting my balance of mind body and soul. Leaning on my own understanding fading from God. Weakening in my faith keeping me stuck in my head with negative thoughts and feelings swirling inside. Being unsure and doubting myself now bc I've let myself and God down to many times, constantly controlling my feelings inside with drugs. Not socially but secretly sneaking, scheming, lying and hiding because I'm not proud of using drugs to control emotions, energy levels, ambition and creativity. I want to learn more about hsp and overcome my addictions and mental disorder. I bet Jesus was a HSP! Jesus been saving my life and has never given up on me. So I wont either. Thanks for wisdom
Duane- Beautifully stated, my sensitive brethren. Not that it is a requirement for masculinity, but in being a leader of any kind sensitivity to subtlety and people's needs is the strongest and most unifying trait of all. And leadership is often an expectation for those with a particularly large presence. Take care Man.
Thanks for the insight man
@@garyjamesjr.4879 praying for your freedom from drugs. eventually we get to the age in life when it doesn't matter quite so much what other people think and say. Not that we become callous, but that we move beyond people pleasing. When God meets your deepest needs you might not need to expect or depend quite so much from others who are only people. I was never into drugs but that doesn't mean I am unable to relate. The death of my wife was the catalyst for me leaving behind my years of numbness and repression and suppression and depression. As King David wrote, "The LORD is my Helper, what can men do to me?"
I don't understand why people assume being a highly sensitive male equates to femininity or being Gay. It just doesn't make sense to me. Once you own who you are being a highly sensitive male makes me feel like a man.
Now being an emotionally expressive male who uses his emotions as an excuse to not 'do the job' or fulfill masculine roles in their lives is absolutely not acceptable.
what are the masculine roles in someone's life?
@@Ignozi 2 years late but it is entirely based on culture as said in interview.. we in the USA have a masculine archetype "the cowboy" and in some ways it is based on our collective mythology, not discounting it's authenticity..
My take is that on the spectrum of human behavior globally, masculine behavior is not devoid of sensitivity, in many ways the senses are heightened to anticipate the need to take action or "get action" as teddy roosevelt often said. I see this as the willingness to protect and lead in spite of fear and in dire circumstances, self preservation. Archetypical Masculinity is building, mapping, laying out a game plan, repairing, maintaining, making 'space' in which others feel safe.. these are the best attributes of masculine tendencies and they are consistent throughout the world.. albeit the degrees vary. There are, in most cases, palpable differences between masculine and feminine nature. Which i feel should be acknowledged and honored. It makes sense that a man would naturally provide a place of safety for a pregnant woman for example. The biology dictates the behavior on a deep ancestral level. A beautiful balance. There are absolutely very strong women, no doubt, however there is masculine strength snd feminine strength.. both divine.
The acknowledgment of baseline differences are, to me, indisputable if we look at the more coarse aspects of masculine tendencies. We have been the warriors, killers, conquerors in ways both just and unjust but nonetheless history reinforces that brute strength and capacity to do the dirty work and heavy lifting of warfare has always been the business of men. The tendencies are reinforced by proportions of male prisoners for violent acts- far outnumber those of the sacred feminine.
In the end being a highly sensitive man is an asset in the judicious execution of classically masculine tendencies.. i would argue that the world's best respected leaders, chiefs, etc would all be carriers of highly sensitive tendencies.
phillip estlund Certainly not the Trump.
Because to many kindness=weakness and weakness deserves to be dominated and labeled by mythology so your difference can remain unthreatening to them. Others can sense your potential and feel it is best to use you for your abilities while "rewarding" you by "allowing" you to have some kind of relationship with them (friend, bf, gf). When you're HSP for all our sensitivity, it's hard to see the feeling isn't mutual ;because we want the best for ppl and it's hard to think giving what we do that they wouldn't want the same for us...
I'm an HSP and a gay guy. My soon-to-be ex narcissistic controlling husband described my softness as overly "wifely" for his liking (he was in a str8 marriage before, so he said he didn't want another wife). What I wanna say when you're straight they think you gay, when you're gay they think you woman. At this point in my life, it's just for good laughs.
Shit man :D sorry to hear that
Same here im an HSP and gay too and understand were your coming from.
I feel sorry for straight men who are HSP too as they often get bullied and told to man up and all that Toxic stuff just like us gay men get told too often as well just because they are sensitive and kind friendly and caring too.
I'm a straight male hsp 60. I have survived my life by denying how I feel pretending I like manly stuff and do love machines ...music has always been my release. I would not have made it to 60 without my guitar ...
My problem as an HSP male is that I fall in love quicker and much deeper than nearly all women, so I get extremely emotionally invested at an early stage, which leads to problems (I need attention from her, I act passively agressive at times, I suffer a lot in my mind and can't enjoy my hobbies, until I get confirmation about the relationship status). This always leads to me "fucking the situation up" in the very early stages of a relationship, ending with her turning away, telling me that I'm a great person, but she doesn't want a relationship with me.
I'm 34 and this has led to major depression for me. I'm undergoing therapy, I'm traveling a lot, I got my hobbies, but all that doesn't give me what I really crave for, being in love and being in a relationship.
Kissing a woman I love, in front aof a sunset, traveling together, her sleeping against my chest...those are the best memories of my life.
Dude, yeah ❤
Shit man, that‘s me 100% right now.
how do you deal now?
This is me! I'm 30, and I've decided never to date again because of these very reasons.
Wow that’s great 😊 I didn’t think men like you existed. Every guy that ever approached me was extremely mentally abusive and arrogant 🤕
I'm a HSP and Dr Zeff described me perfectly! I am also extremely introverted. Problem is I have gone my entire life being a sensitive (and hetero) introvert with nobody to talk to about it. :(
yerp i feel u man.. when i was i kid i was very introvert, but now extravert. because i have hsp people asume that i am gay or something because i am so nice to them and i am so sensitive. nobody understands it and it is killing me
@@Wesley-DG you're describing my life in HS, lol. I liked so many girls... yet was kept around like the gay confidant. Always around the girls I felt the most for and it was a case of so close, yet so far. It's the hardest way to learn that ppl will treat you wrong all the time, but you should never do the same to yourself.
my life summary as an HSP man.. no friends last more than two years, No women interested in me as a potential lover, always being bullied in workplaces,, well the world seems to be the hell for me, but i'm sure when i'm dead , i will go to heaven as I believe that HSPs are the kindest kind of human beings.. not the others who are kind on faces but badmouth and evil purposing at back
Iam Hsp and l want to date one man that is Hsp, l know him since childhood. How do l aproach him? He is so sensitive, l dont know how to not be too agressive. I feel his insecurity.
mohamad sandi I know exactly how you feel.... hugs :) you are not alone in this world :))
I’m sorry for all the pain your experiencing
There were many times I felt that way about my life too. It can be so hard, but it can also get better. Now I have a wife who loves me very much and our son is HSP and I am able to help and understand him in ways my family never could for me. Hope you have an amazing life and find Heaven on Earth. You deserve it.
I love tve sensitives guys. Where are you live?
I'm glad you mentioned, the speaking your truth. I'm a very honest person. I cannot stand lies. Also being sensitive and very quiet people do you think your gay which I absolutely hate, but is something I just have to put up with. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it'll all be worth it
Some ladies like the funny, tough guys. Some, like me, like the thoughtful, sensitive, empathic type.
I so agree - HSPs are essential to the progress of civilization. We need to own that.
I actually enjoy boxing, as long as no one's seriously injured. I can't stand watching the news, even though I don't like burying my head in the sand. Growing up in western society, I've always had to bottle up my emotions. As as singer-songwriter, I get to express myself, but it would be nice if it was more accepting to express myself openly and honestly. Now I'm learning to embrace my sensitivities. Of course I won't make a scene, but bottling everything up has really taken a toll on my health. I hope people become more accepting of all HSP's.
(I'm a man). When I was a child, I didn't like to watch football or boxing...too violent for me. I later became a musician, but I was always an artist as kid.
I was bullied mercilessly too. No one ever helped me with any of that, so I grew up feeling defective. I heard 'cry baby' so many times.
I didn't know about HSP until the last few years, and it's still difficult to accept that this is who I am. It feels like a curse sometimes. But then I remember how deeply I can go, and how this has given me a lot of joy.
Thanks to everyone for these comments. they are all helpful!
In India, where i am from the sensitive men are considered as timid and cowards. they get ridiculed and bullied. I am surprisesd that in China and Thailand HSP's are considered as a good persons and accepted in the society. But very informative video. thank you
I'm a New Zealand European and the macho masculine culture exists here too. I am bullied and mocked on occasion by my peers and yet I find that I can make Chinese friends very easily; so yes I think the culture is more accepting of us in China. Hang in there bro.
I can say that North India sucks for sensitive men, not sure about South.
Probably South India is more accepting of HSP..
As a North Indian HSP, I have often been accused of having no personality, being too quiet and shy & bullied in college
Shaunak M Indonesia too.. we are get bullied
I"ve got the triple whammy...HSP, introversion, and shyness :)
Me too. Three times the curse.
HSP and extroversion would be even worse.
Add being a cancer to that 😛
I’m 58 years old and this video explains a lot about my life! TY
I like this guy. I like his pragmatic (and sensitive!) approach. More and more I realize that a certain pragmatism is needed. Accept your finely-tuned nervous system and try to give yourself what you need to keep it relatively calm, whilst still 'living your life'. There is no need to feel silly about your needs or particularly defend them to anyone. We're dealing with an orientation, and a pretty nifty one at that once you embrace it for all the beauty it has to offer.
Pokey Soggybottom Please support the documentary if you can. Share it for sure. The more funding, the better the movie. Thank you! www.kickstarter.com/projects/1795131939/sensitive-the-untold-story
I agree; pretty nifty, indeed.
In my case; initial realization, management and mastery was neither a short or particularly pleasant time (epoch? lol). A technical manual, even a 'getting started' primer would have been useful.
You are not the only one. I'm 58 and single as a result. Being sensitive can be a heavy burden.
Yeah, fuck that. I'm won't make it that far. It'll take a true miracle.
I'm from holland, I am hsp, and you did very good research. Thanks for this video!
Hi man, all the best from this Belgian HSP!
My parents moved me around a lot when I was a kid and being the new kid as a HSP is terrifying. I was always bullied and teased. But I also learned that when I got comfertable with poeple they really liked me and as my confidence grew I was one of the favorites in the group. Teachers liked me cos I had interesting things to say.
I struggled with women as I did act in a softer more thoughtful way and they seemed to think this was fumy and would tease me or not take me seriously.
I always kinda knew, but tried to deny this about myself, my whole life. Setting boundaries and being assertive have always been my biggest struggles. I've been teased a lot, and lots of people assume I'm gay even though I'm not. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to embrace and accept my gifts, and my authentic self, and trying more to allow myself to be seen and accepted by others. I put "sensitive" and "thinks and feels deeply" on my profile at work, along with a picture of me playing guitar wearing nail polish. That's just me, and we all have to accept it!
Too funny =D going for shock value I see. **GASP** "Did you hear about James" "Yeah, isn't he supposed to be HSP or sth??" "I KNOWWW"
A lot of women do want men like this. However, most if not all women want someone mentally strong and capable too. If you manage to turn your sensitivity into a gift and a source of strength, then this is very attractive.... problem is that this is very, very much easier said than done. Especially for those HSP men with poor childhoods.
Totally. Most of all, I for one, appreciate a man who is authentic - not one who thinks he must be a certain way to fit in, but one who appreciates himself, accepting his sensitivity, his abillity to grow, his strengths and his masculinity. We all have to work at being authentic, and not pretending to be something we're not. But it's so, so worth it!!!
it took me a long time to realize that this was the difference i had to a lot of my peers. i dont feel alone anymore, which is great!
Love the attitude! Keep on rocking!
The easiest thing in the world to do is to hurt others, being kind is difficult, and takes will power. Although sensitives can have a tendency to display a pseudo kindness in order to avoid confrontation. Which can lead to a resentment towards people in general, since most people don't try to be polite even when they are feeling angry or irritated for whatever reason.
BE A MAN
What a toxic comment.
Be a real human beign,that takes more out then beign a MAN...
Michael Taylor i relate
@@colmdalton7920 you do realize people CAN have masculine and femine traits? Youre painting with a broad stroke douchebag
So much good information. I am learning to understand and accept myself and I thank David every day for having talked about this thing called HSP.
Thank Alot! really comforting to know you arent alone
In my experience, I have not become less sensitive with age, quite the contrary, actually. However, I do now understand myself better and how to differentiate my own energy/thoughts/emotions from others. I also understand how to release any any energies I pick up that do not serve me. This makes life much more comfortable, allowing me to avoid that constant "raw" feeling. Perhaps this is part of why you feel "less HSP" at 43.
Can you share how you have been able to learn how to do this? How to not pick up others energies? How to differentiate between your own and others? Thank you
thank you for saying some sensitive men are different. it’s annoying to feel ostracized even more when i listen to HSP thought leaders who leave me out constantly. i am not only HSP but i was abused as a kid so i have a broken person lashing out about me. i agonize over the pain i can cause people. i have never and would never physically hurt somebody but i am loud and blow up at least three or four times a year and i have a reputation for it. it makes people avoid me and it makes me want to commit suicide because i honestly think that i can’t be offering up a net gain to the world in emotional goodness. there’s a spectrum of hsps and all i ever hear is that there’s one type. i find it weird when hsps describe people like this with disregard to what that does to us outsiders too. i am gay too, and grew up with a dad who called me too sensitive so i even have something of a disgust with myself about being sensitive
Hello Cymric, thanks for your post. Many of us were abused as children. Many of us were badly bullied too. I hadn't a clue what was going on for me until I went into Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), a 12-step program when I was 39. I still didn't know what being an HSP was all about, but learning about the dysfunctions of my family (and me) was a huge turning point in my life. My parents weren't alcoholic, but they sure didn't know how to parent, much less parent an HSP. I went to those ACA meetings either once or twice a week for two years, often crying privately, or punching a pillow I put in a box in anger. Hard.
The second major turning point was, of course, learning I was an HSP, and what that was all about. I'm not gay, but I know other HSPs who are, and are healthy. But I'm sure it took work for them to claim their health, , just as it did for me. There are probably thousands of HSPs out there who totally understand what you are going through. Just the fact that you are reaching out with your post is going to help others who recognize your cry of pain. Your life does matter. If the pain is bad enough to contemplate suicide, it is certainly bad enough to risk walking into a 12-step program or another form of help. It took me two times before I stayed in ACA. Longer than that before I did anything but listen to others. I bought out self-help book sections in book stores.
That anger of yours needs to be addressed. There is a whole lot of help out there. Take it. There are also HSP savvy therapists listed on Elaine Aron's website, www.hsperson.com. Take a look at her website. What have you got to lose?
I feel and understand emotions in a deep level already since I was a child I was the one who helped out everyone and made sure no one was fighting. If there were problems between other children I was the one who solved them because I had than already developed a high understanding of justice (from a third perspective view) most children learn this way of seeing the world when they get into puberty... anyway i'm pretty much always good in controlling my emotions because I mastered them. Now the downside comes. I see people how they think inside. I see the masks that people put on them. I see problems people endure they are ignorant over... and I can't help them, because if I say something they will get mad on me for judging them, but actually I only try to worn them for their own ignorance of not understanding themselves and others... so I just act like I don't have this ability like everyone else... It's eating me...
One of the hardest things for HSPs to learn and appreciate are boundaries. But they are so, so important.
I am French, highly sensitive and born in 1961. Same macho culture than you describe. I may not descend from people who migrated to America when it was tough to do so, but we had two world wars passing by on our soil...
Please fix this problem, America.
splabbity Please support the documentary if you can. Share it for sure. The more funding, the better the movie. Thank you! www.kickstarter.com/projects/1795131939/sensitive-the-untold-story
I think we have the same problem in Australia. I agree with this guy, its countries with a colonial past, a "frontier culture" that exhibit this warped characteristic.
+Pasquino 0 an interesting point it was.
Its not a problem its your body
Thanks for doing this work, Ted. As an HSP and tender man there are few male friends I have met to share this side with and I'm looking to meet more.
we are kind, helpful and generous and go out of the way to help others in work place. But then Non HSP ppl misuse our kindness and helpful nature.
Harsh M Yes. Narcissists smell us from miles away. They're drawn to us, just like sharks to blood. Users and abusers as well. Its rather exhausting, sad and frustrating. I wish I knew how to turn them off.
Very true
To true, this happens so often to me, even now, there are people that take advantage of my kindness and generosity and it really hurts 😔
I met what I believe was a narcisssist once ( I am hsp) and I had no problem rejecting and never seeing the person again. Shitty shallow attitude and constantly praising themself and bragging. Why let someone treat you like shit just cause you are hsp?
I've only just recently looked into the science behind this, and I knew before I got through the first sentence that I was HSP. It makes so much sense out of how I've felt my entire life. It makes sense that when people say hurtful or threatening things to me, its as though they have physically hit me, and the world around me just depresses me and makes me feel anxious to no end. I always thought I was genetically inferior, the runt of the litter.
Tyson Fury the heavyweight champion boxer of the world was the run of the litter. Think on that.
I am a HS man and I was a HS child. I found myself having headaches and migraines all the time in school. I honestly think its because HSP's think about so much all day long and when your in school there isnt a private dark room you can retrieve to. It was rough but thank god I'm done with it.
What an incredibly informative video. And this man made such an important statement about gay men-how most are NOT HSP. So true. Being gay does not equate having high sensitivity. I know from experience.
I am 21 years old and have always felt disconnected to society in a way. I grew up with a single mother which i think is the cause to my sensitivity. I feel i have alot of the feminine energy in me and there’s my problem. My father is not a good role model because he isnt able to sustain himself and is pretty feminine himself. At high school I started isolating myself and have been feeling depressed ever since. I’ve tried to take my own life once and it would work if i’ve just cut myself deeper. This was not a call for attention, i really tried but i passed out and next thing i was in an ambulance. I just couldn’t see myself as a happy person. I felt too bad and weak for society’s expectations. I can just feel the hidden mockery of other men. I’m still in deep depression because i just don’t want to be the weak man, living in a machavelian society! I had not found any people i can relate to until I saw the comments on this video. Just want to say I admire the sensitive people who has the courage to be themselves! Cheers
Hello Oscar,
You have had quite a rough time! There are a lot of good websites that can help you deal with being an HSP. Just Google Highly Sensitive Communities, as you'll see what I mean. You can help make a better, more sensitive and nurturing society. We need you. We need all HSPs to show up and allow who you are to be revealed. Surround yourself with friends who get you, even if it's just online. Remember, one out of every five people is an HSP. So you know a few, undoubtably, even if they do not know that they are hardwired this way. Thanks for your post!
Thank you!
I was a highly sensitive boy beaten down by the world.. Now I'm a 40 yr old recluse....
Hey man be yourself and enjoy who you are. There is nothing wrong with that.
@@robben896 thanks I'm making the best of it at this point..
I guess we are. I feel lack of self-confident after having along relationship with a girl that I thought it was based on love while it was only one-side love . As I high sensitive person, this experience really effected me
Someones intonation in a greeting can ruin me for hours
Had it beaten out of me, and punished into submission, it wasn’t successful. I’m a highly creative, intuitive man, living an artists life. No one would be my friend as a child, but that’s ok. I’ve found my own path. I had a highly abusive mother and absent father, layered in being gay and growing up in rural Canada. Wow, totally planned out some hard lessons to overcome.
But I love myself now, and it’s easier to be loving to others when it’s all sorted through. But I feel everything, see everything, and hear everything. I can barely function sometimes, unless in nature.
Great interview
In some circles showing compassion for others is seen as weakness. I can handle it so they should be able to as well.
I believe that HSP's are essential to the progress of civilization. In the more peaceful times when HSP's were given the security and time to pursue their curiosity we get phenomenons like the renaissance.
This is the core wound of so many problems in the world today 😥🤗
Thanks for creating this, and helping spread awareness of the HSP trait.
True.. i just know that group now in which i am there
This has been my theory, too. "Tough Pioneer Culture". Still affects our culture today.
As he said HSPs are not necessarily more altruistic than non HSPs. That's very important. It's not because you got shat on your whole life that you are a better person. Like ghandi says: "the mouse isn't less violent because it gets eaten by the cat." a lot of HSPs are energy vampires too!! I'm HSP myself. It's neither good nor bad
Our sense of Imagination to me is the most rewarding aspect of an HSP !!! So people can call.me whatever they want, but nothing beats the wonder and intrigue that I'm fortunate enough to ponder
i agree, sensitive and strong are not mutually exclusive traits. :)
Thank you so much for uploading this. It helped so much.
You are quite welcome. I'm delighted it has helped. - that is the intent.
I am male HSP
And I am masculine
I would be a particularly skilled and intuitive hunter
I am energetic - still I relax a lot
Can you tell me how i get more energy i am tired all time and i am highly sensitive male
I am a gay man and I am a highly sensitive listening to you describe growing up was very accurate also the love of my love personally of music fine art nature. The Love of animals there's also a very intense emotion. growing up was very tough I felt the anger of society as well as my family that for me that I was gay I had to cover it up and it did not go well it involved shaving my head and just tattoos and lots of cigarettes it just was not fun I accept myself now and I love myself but I had to cut out a lot of toxic people in my life. I did go to many clubs and bars in my twenties mostly to get away from my toxic family and when I went I was still very introverted
I got along more with older men because I felt that they were more sponged in with the world meaning been there longer than just being a carefree spirit. Also there was a lot of toxic issues with working in a family business for 25 years which I'm no longer a part of for about 5 years. And that became a toxic nightmare my sister was very abusive had such hatred towards me and my father who was ashamed of me being gay was so fake and unloving and an omiter. I'm at a corporate company now ups and I'm very guarded as to keeping my personal life personal my name is Robert by the way and I just discovered your videos
This is good!! American society is BRUTAL for HSP boys and men
i m suffering HSP since early childhood but onky now is aware of this condition
Harsh M don't suffer... embrace it ...
Harsh M just accept it , it is ok
better late than never dude..same here
carryclass, I hear you & with my limited knowledge of the English language I still think I get what you're trying to say.
To be an HSP is not the same as being overly sensitive or neurotic, it's more like being finely tuned into experiences & events in life & to other people. I've come across people that've claimed they were HSP:s but as I've noticed their behaviours I've realized their need to manipulate others to get what they need, like sympathy & attention etc.. That is not how I experience it to be, to have this HSP.
To have HSP doesn't make us into something to correct, but there are mental tools for learning to handle it. It doesn't make us better nor does it make us worse than others. Just slightly different. Just like we all are since humanity consists of individuals.
I cannot properly express how incredibly wonderful all this info is. So many things that suddenly make a lot of sense to me, where before, I thought something was off about me.
It's also rather shocking in a different way, because it makes me realize how insane this society really is with its "cultural rules of nonsense".
Very helpful thanks for posting
@lolp821 I'm the same way, the worlds problems is so overwhelming sometimes, I've learned to shut it off and give my mind a vacation from the chaos which allows me to be a better functioning hsp-empath, I now know I have a leg up on the majority because I have a beautiful ability that positive reinforcement alone changed so much in my life!
It's common in Welsh history and culture for men to be creative and sensitive. Welsh harpists and poets were always traditionally male. The pibgorn is a Welsh hornpipe that is still almost never played by women and there are still some Welsh clog dances that only men are allowed to do and we have a tradition of male voice choirs. I love that these traditions have stayed. The only thing is that since the Welsh people started being influenced by other British cultures, it's now seen as wussy by most people for a man to play the harp.
I don't believe in "only men" or "only women" anything. Live your life already.
i guess there's a connection between keirseys description of the idealist (NF) temperament as being "oversensitive" (Please Understand Me II, p. 119), Helen Fisher talking about the "negotiator" ('idealist' in keirsey's term) using the term "hypersensitivity" on her slide at 37:00 (in her talk on youtube 'This is Your Brain on Love') and the concept of HS.
I'm a very hsp male. I don't like noises, crowds, mean people, loud people. People who say vicious things. I get frustrated and cry easily. I hate being around men.
@TheSpazModic Speaking as an HS woman, I find HS men who are comfortable with who they are far more interesting and likable, as a general rule, than the other 80%. HS men walk to a softer drum, and that's very nice.
I remember being in band in high school, and being disappointed with how I could only play certain instruments or I'd damage my reputation.
Same only, no reputation, lol. But my best friend picked Sax so I did too but I really wanted to play clarinet, lol. The sound was nicer to me.
Sounds as if read the book of my life. So describes me, except the gay part. Even when I was a kid I realized I was not 'tough enough' to hang with the other boys.
I would not wish my life upon on any one. Currently I am focusing on the good side of being myself, but the bad stuff seems to have won out overall.
I truly believe we represent the future, as we humans move away from our knuckel dragging past.
I'm HSP and I realized what(sounds) who(toxic people,violent,bragging arrogant ignorants) bothers me the most after I recovered from burnout.So if you are man nobody gives a f*ck and people will shame you,humiliate you particualrly if you are surrounded with depressive,lazy,narcisstic and psychopaths.Even female doctors commented What kind of a man are you and blamed my anxious nature for everything.At he end I found their medication messed me up and lowered my blood pressure a lot.I tried to cheer and motivate my depressive and lazy friends,but they enjoyed the most when i was in severe depression,including my narcisstic father.I gave up from some people and I'm focused towards my artistic goals I'm passioned for.After burnout many people including my family blamed my passion for art.So I self-hatred myself for 1 year and I was very unhealthy.I also quit with doing art which today I know helps me against anxiety and makes me happy.I learned my lesson,so I don't talk with mediocre people,family about my job anymore.I have innate talent,photographic memory,so I learned about computers pretty quick,now I use video tutorials to learn new artistic skills.I'm also good and I like to compete in sports like basketball,soccer and volleyball and it's a stress relief for me.Not professional but recreational.I also like to exercise which with healthy food helped me to recover.I was hardworker before and I was unhappy.I had no goals,so I went to work to not to be criticized by my neurotic parents,for being lazy at home.When I started to question my carpenter enterprenuer how and why we are doing like this and he said me with anger on his face "Because I say soo".Since then I saw I don't belong there anymore,but I worked with them to collect money to buy me my first computer.Sometimes we have to work what we don't like,so we can get what we need for our real goals.Nowdays kids are lucky,so parents buy them computers.My narcissistic naysayer father was and always will be against computers,my artistic passion and he will always diminish my big artistic successes because I didn't listened to him and became a wallpainter like him.When I had an interview on local TV,suddenly ,my father started to paint.Then when I was weak he manipulated with me,so nobody could put a shadow on his spotlight.I don't like envy and jealous people and when I sense it from other people,but it's part of the life.Being HSP among toxic people is hell on earth.
My dad was an HSP and my nmom spoiled his life. I wish this was know a lot earlier, things would have been easier for him and me.
it is also called the John Wayne syndrome (from the 50's) ie men are men and such
How do you define "sensitive"? is it the physical 5 Senses- as you mentioned heightened hearing? or on the Emotional/ intuitive level as in having a gentle heart? or both? We can't move on with the discussion without defining this, i feel
There are four traits that define High Sensitivity. 1. Depth of Processing 2. Overstimulated easily 3. Strong empathy 4. Awareness of Subtleties. Please check out Dr. Elaine Aron's website for more information. aspersion.com
Thank you.
Having a finely tuned nervous system makes you a Highly Sensitive Person...We need to accept people for who they are, and what they have to offer on many levels. HSP's have alot of positive traits that anyone would love to possess. HSP's also need to be easier on themselves...I know because I am a proud HSP!
You know you're in good company, right? My childhood was like yours - I was spit on, the butt of cruel practical jokes, mocked, humiliated - It was a miserable time. But - you CAN be your good, gentle, sensitive HSP self in this society. On your terms. Honest. I invite you to take a look at my last two uploads featuring Elaine Aron. One is on the research done, and one is on dealing with life. It's a start. Going to an HSP Gathering is another excellent step. Google HSP Gathering.
I am with you on this one.
EVERY man thinks he must be a certain way to fit in. You can't get rid of society's pressure by simple disbelief, even billionaires have hired people that work on their images and acceptance.
I'm so glad he mentions HSP gay men. This is a kind of 'double jeopardy' where you're mocked for your sensitivity growing up by being called 'gay'...and it turns out they were right. You search for role models or people to look up to or mirror you and most of them do reflect your sensitivity back to you, but they do not reflect another fundamental facet of who you are. Same amongst LGBT role models, tho perhaps in reverse. So you wonder where exactly you are in the world! This is a supreme sense of powerlessness to circumstance and self-acceptance, both for sexuality and sensitivity, can become a kind of existential nightmare from which there is no waking. There is much danger in this realm of existential depression for suicide. Much hurt and loss of people who matter to you in your life occurs due to some misunderstanding or misconception about your fundamental nature. Ultimately, hopefully, we find the ones who can come on the journey of life with us, but there is much wounding that has occurred by this point. Will healing the wounds be the undertaking of a lifetime? I think so, yes.
Now that I know that I have HSP everything falls into the right place. Everything I was struggeling with had a reason. Over time I came up with a lot of coping strategies. I remember when I was a Kid I gave up wanting to be "normal" and that helped a lot, I allowed myself to be different. Find other HPS to talk to is a good advice too I think you need at least one person that understands your sensitive concerns.Its supposed to be inherited so chances are that someone from your family has it too.
Thanks for this video
Also as a HSP I have a gift for music. If you want girls as a HSP learning guitar is great. Think Jimmi Hendrix, The Beatles, etc
When you play a gentle love song in a way that is not sappy or fake but full of emotional meaning women love it.
I have HSP discovered that a few years ago, I hate to much noise around and stupid people, also I have not the inclination to cry seeing misery, but love animals, love being quiet in nature. I am a perfectionist and very demanding, I think I am not hate sloppy jobs and people.Not easy, being HSP and I hate stress and being pushed around, cannot stand people above me .
you know how often ive been called gay, oversensitive, too thoughtful? im sick of it.
I can relate to that with my childhood especially as well that I'm an only child. Every kid I was around was an asshole with the exception of two who were more than likely similar to me. I learned early that being bad was wrong and growing up in a Grammar School my whole life made it all that much worse. I learned to just sit there and keep quiet to stop people/teachers shouting at me, of course that made it worse like I was ignoring them or being arrogant. The world sucks and I can't accept it.
The documentary "Sensitive The Untold Story" is out! Here it is: sensitivethemovie.com
Don't know about the early attributes, but the final couple you list certainly strike as being highly sensitive attributes for sure!! Look up Elaine Aron and Highly Sensitive Person on the internet, there is some great stuff there. Also Ted Zeff's own books on High Sensitivity and coping with it. :)
do you feel that an HSP child can turn out to be Less HSP as they age? I was a HSP as a kid and through counseling and aging ( im 43 now) and life experiences I feel less HSP now.
It definately a bit different here in Scandinavia. When watching US media, movies and culture it sometimes seems like a parody of manliness is being played out, but what do we know who decended from Vikings?
viking society were arguably more "equal" than christian Europe at the time. The fact that they had female soldiers and didn't burn women on poles says a lot. I think we have a flawed understanding of history. So maybe being decended from vikinsg isn't all that bad lol
What fools lots of people is the modern view of the manly viking with his thirst of fights. Actually, they were a way more great merchants and diplomats than bloodthirsty warriors (they were at some point yes, but not only that). It's the christians who described them like violent barbarians only because they feared them and didn't try to understand them. Then the modern society, with a culture based on christianity's history and arts, amplified even more this manly and violent view of the viking's society we were taught to admire.
Sexuality has nothing to do with thought patterns or behaviours, the most hardened tough guy in the world could be gay. You know yourself just by what you are attracted to and which you wouldn't touch in a million years, a masculine or a feminine figure. I'm straight and It's feminine for me, I find the masculine figure to be replusive personally. I wish I could turn it off the spiritual side as well, it's like I care about fixing the worlds problems more than I care for myself.
great stuff! i am a hsp gay man !
I've posted is the second part of the talk given by Elaine Aron on High Sensitivity. This one is relatively short, and addresses using skills to deal with life as an HSP with grace. Search for "Elaine Aron, Life". It will be about the fifth one down.
HSPs absorb and process everything more deeply, as Dr Elaine described. So HSPs with poor childhoods are more negatively affected, just as HSPs with good childhoods are more positively affected. So high sensitivity doesn't necessarily equate weakness or less "tough".
A HSP and non-HSP may also have the issue of not understanding one another on the most basic level. Though of course, both HSPs will have their own set of issues... but not necessarily or even often what you describe
I am a HS man, and before that, a HS child. Speaking for myself, learning about the HSP concept has been interesting, but not very practical or proactive. I am convinced that this trait has a net negative effect on the lives of men. I am not a negative person, but I wouldn't wish this trait on my worst enemy.