“Thieves don’t steal from empty houses.” The highly sensitive person’s good intentions are the treasure these narcissists want to steal for themselves. Good intentions are what they lack. Thank you for giving us our voice back, Dr. Ramani!❤️
Narcissism:Arrogance, rudeness, selfishness, lies, materialism, hypocrisy. They always regard highly sensitive, naive, kind and sincere people as fools but actually they're fools. Very informative topic, thank you Dr. Ramani❤
My Mom called me "too sensitive" my whole life. Finally, one day I replied, "you know, I would much rather be sensitive than be INSENSITIVE like you, Mom." Being sensitive is absolutely a good thing because it makes us connect to others. Narcissistic people PREY on us, though. We ARE victims of these awful people. We are kind to a fault, BETTER to a fault, and lovely.
Krista, you are exactly correct about what you said to your mother. HSPs are the best people on the planet and keep everyone else grounded in their pursuit to manipulate, conquer and destroy each other.
I'm an HSP and I grew up with a narcissistic father and an emotionally immature and highly insecure mother. I can't put into words the pain I had to go through to get out of this and start living my own life. So much physical and emotional pain, brainfog, depression, anxiety. I don't wish this to anyone... I really have a hard time trusting people and I have been scared of true love and people being nice to me. I just never know if they really mean it. I have been denied my needs and my reality all my life. No more :-) Now I am free! Sending big hugs to all who are also suffering (often in silence)...
Wow you explain my life to a T I don't know what to say I couldn't have explained it more only difference is I took care of my mother for 30 years after I left home I was 19 years old and I took care of her until I was 50 she was the weak one I watched my narcissist's father destroy her in so many ways I don't know where I got all my strength from thank God I have it though
@@rebeccabrooks4948 sending you a hug! I guess if I hadn't had a burnout at work, I'd also still be taking emotional care of my mother. I hope you're doing lots of good thing for yourself now. I hear you!
Thank you so much for your encouraging post. May I ask how you managed to get out of this? Are there any techniques? Did you read any books ect.? Thanks a lot and have a blessed day.
I spent so long asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I notice and feel things that everyone else seems to miss? Why am I so emotional? Why can’t I just go about my life like everyone else?” Until my counsellor looked at me and brought the term of HSP to my attention. And it was like a whole new world opened up for me!! I started to understand myself better and be a little kinder to myself. A total game changer. That being said, thanks for mentioning HSP’s! And to my fellow HSP’s that have been in the company of a narcissist and devastatingly affected by them, I’m sending you a big hug and a lot of strength.
Is hsp bad though? I wish I wasn't so sensitive and loving. Being taken advantage of is the worst. I wanted to kill myself after my narc relationship.. I'm tired of feeling like a loser wheh it comes to relationships.. I just want someone to love me as I do them.
This just happened to me Wednesday. My Counselor told me to research HSP. As soon as I did I completely broke down and cried, overwhelmed with relief. I have always felt like everyone knew what was wrong with me, but wouldn't tell me. I too, feel like this is going to be a game changer for me. I appreciate your Hug and am sending you good vibes and a Hug too Thanks for your comments and Strength.
Sounds like how I was treated by my dad. I guess I'm sensitive but more in a touchy way, I don't feel very empathic, then maybe I shut down my empathy after all the abuse I've had from what seems like everyone.
The problem with these repeated schemes (defense mechanisms of narcissistic personalities) happens to be, that you begin to realize or detect insincerity with what should be genuine feelings. It’s as if you no longer believe the authenticity of the sincerity of others. It’s quite terribly self isolating long after everyone is able to move on. As a highly sensitive person, you feel like a planet on the far outer edges of the universe. When you do kind things for others, people reject it or tell you to never do nice things for them or even the gesture is leveled down. I like giving gifts, it’s how I show others that I think of them and if my introverted nature seems as if I’m distant or indifferent, it only speaks that my feelings are warm and caring towards them,but people don’t want them or say I shouldn’t have done it. It only makes you feel more alone and isolated when the feeling to do something is born from a feeling of love. It feels rejecting. I’m Unlovable... 😣 Relationships with people are so difficult because they are the drivers of how they want to lead relationships. It isn’t natural or spontaneous. It’s what activities lead to their own greatest pleasures. We serve others only on what & where they are able to receive it.
I have many of the traits of a “HSP”. I could tell from our first meeting that my narcissistic partner lacked self-love, and I foolishly thought I could teach him how to love himself. I saw the red flags as opportunities 😵💫 as it turns out, I needed to learn self-love too, but independently.
Checks ✅all the boxes. Growing up in family with narcissistic traits and severe substance abuse really challenging. Retreating to fantasy, outdoors, animals, scholarship, music and books saved me. Sort of. Just understanding my adult siblings attacks and misunderstanding of my personality traits. Yikes.
@Caro Barcellos completely agree! Sometimes “saving” the other person can be ones personal reason to stay in the situation, because the relationship feels familiar or easy if you’ve grown up in a narcissistic household. In that way the relationship can act as a necessary catalyst to heal from the trauma of childhood. It took years for me to see the scary similarities between my family and partner at the time. Once you find where that subconscious wound is, it’s hard to unsee it! That’s when the healing can begin 🌝
I’m a HSP married to a narcissist. He gaslit me so badly one day that I went mad and he threatened to have me sectioned. All throughout this time he remained completely cool and detached. I can’t afford therapy and have no friends or family who I can talk to. However, your videos are immensely helpful and so are the comments. Thank you Dr. Ramani and everyone here.
You must lift your energy DAILY in any way possible to deal with such a draining, sabotaging & mean person. Go to nature, church/temple, yoga/meditation, find social groups that will uplift you & educate you. Also physically activity preferably in nature is a must. Ideally prepare yourself slowly & leave him. No need to waste your lovely energy on such a person, their nonsense, such an emotional abuse. He’ll never change & will find someone else to suck on. You on the other hand will build a beautiful life for yourself.
leave him. narcissists have no empathy and cannot love you. no matter what they say. they just do it to get a reaction and whar they want (attention, help). this is not a relationship you should nurture any further
I'm also HSP married to a narcissist for over 50 years. Didn't leave because of children, but niw think we all would have been better off if I had had the courage to leave. But finally I've learned to stand up for myself thanks to videos like this and also music and dramas online which make me happy. I do have children and grandchildren for support, so I'm very thankful for that. My health and age do not allow me to leave, but I have my own interests and quiet spaces that allow me to go on. One thing I've learned to do with my anger is to write it all down quickly with all the feeling inside me and then burn the paper. (When he is not around, of course.) Sounds silly but it works for me. Then i can just stay calm when he is trying to upset me. At first he didn't know what to do with my calmness but now he doesn't even try anymore because I don't react to his stupidity. And I realize he is an unhappy person who wants to feel big, and it's not my problem, it's his. Just work on finding who you are and remember you are worth being respected. Respect yourself even though he doesn't.
So very very true. As an Empath, as someone who has always been told “you’re to sensitive, your to emotional” I didn’t see any red flags of my narcissistic ex. I was completely unaware of what a narcissist was, and now looking back I see every single red flag and I am so thankful for your video’s!!! Oh my gosh!!! The countless times he called me “crazy”!! You hit the nail on the head!!!
i think this is something many of us do share. When i was in crappy relationships i always tended to protect my partner against criticism of other people, this is why it is even harder to see the red flags while you are in this situations.
@julie, I was told by my narcissist ex that “I was too sensitive for her” and it would make me feel like crap. I always thought being sensitive and being aware of your partner’s emotions is a good thing that many guys might lack and one can use it to keep your loved ones happy. But I learnt the hard way that you have find to someone who deserves that behavior from you and will value it. No matter what I would do, she was never happy. I just never understand how these people live with such negativity, it sounds so exhausting! @Athene, I used to also defend my ex and her actions. I thought we were one and together. But she didn’t feel that way and told me regularly “there is no us”. These red flags were so alien and I don’t understand why I missed them
My mother was a highly sensitive people. A very wonderful lady with great character who cared for others because her mother never cared for her and was always putting her down. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful mother. God blessed me.
I imagined my daughter writing this some day, because I see myself in your description and she adores me and I adore her. Nobody has ever told me words deeper, than 6 year old tiny with huge love for mommy. Enormous gift from God to me! So grateful for my children! 🌸💖
Ahhh this made me want to cry :”) Im an HSP and I’m hoping I do right by my future children. I never want them to feel the way my parents made me feel. ❤️🩹
Please note, everyone, that these risk factors do not mean it’s the highly sensitive person’s fault or that there is something wrong with them/us for getting caught up with an abusive person. Abusive people should be reprimanded for taking advantage of someone’s kind and empathetic and humanistic traits.
I have heard it was their fault for letting it happen, my whole life. Never hay the person abusing the other person should feel ashamed. Makes it harder to hear that.
@@kellykilander1885 Ugh I’m so sorry, it is never the survivors fault and it is not your fault. Society struggles to hold abusive people accountable. It shouldn’t be this way. 😔💜
Just as I was sitting here wondering why all of my former friends "took advantage" of me and "gee, I'm such a magnet for these people, why?" I know I'm sensitive but yes that could be the reason why I'm attracted to narcs
I am a HSP and I find the lack of empathy in narcs or anyone for that matter repulsive . It doesn't take long before the lack of empathy and self serving behavior rears its ugly head . I think once you are educated on narcissism and know their playbook , it is no longer a bewildering ride . Being a HSP can make one a highly sophisticated narc detector .
Absolutely. My narc just discarded me. And I'm new to the city so I'm trying to meet people to hang out with so I'm not alone. But omg my narc radar is SUPER sensitive. I'm on high alert constantly, which really works against my efforts to meet new people :( This is so hard...I'm trying to heal, but it feels dizzying and draining...
this is my situation now. i was the unfortunate HSP in a family of narcs, and a few girlfriends, before i discovered what was happening. now i can see a narc a mile away, and they always think they're so unbelievably clever, while actually being pathetic losers.
I'm HSP and my last relationship was with a narcissist and it nearly killed me. It was the worst thing I ever went through and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not realizing sooner/leaving sooner/standing up for myself sooner.. I just kept repeating that cycle and blaming myself, im too sensitive/bad anxiety/depression/whatever.. I finally left simply to save what was left of myself before it was too late. These relationships can be so insidious, you don't even know its happening until you're too far gone. It's truly awful.
This is where I'm currently at unfortunately. The nearly killed me, inability to stop hating myself for not leaving long ago. Anything you learned during or afterward perhaps that could help? Lol. I'm sorry, I realize the unlikelihood of this.
I love that you delve into these very specific topics concerning narcissism. Your insight is priceless! HSP's tend to be very self reflective while narcissists react with anger and denial to shift any negative evaluations away from themselves.
It amazes me how the narcissist pays close attention to every motion, every nuance and every word when we HSPs self-reflect. They gather everything they think they need to later on quote us back with distorted copies of what they heard we said
I’ve read that children can become “stuck or frozen” in a developmental stage in which trauma occurred. For me, I always had tears and separation anxiety as a toddler and school-age child (even through college). The narrative that my narc parent perpetuated is that I was “weak and too sensitive.” In hindsight, I believe that I simply did not move (as most children do) through the separation anxiety phase and into the next, more secure phase because of trauma. I’m not an expert, but I feel that a child who is already traumatized will certainly look “more sensitive” to the outside world and will have trouble coping with everyday life situations.
that's an interesting theory, I was the opposite, cheering for school, even when I was sick, even the day my mother died I insisted on going to school, because as a child school was my only escape from my toxic family.
@@BaiMengLing I'm so sorry. I understand what you mean. I think that is the reason why I cried at school every day, it was the only safe place to do so.
I might be highly sensitive. I admit that it has held me back quite a bit. I am introverted, I love spending time alone and watching how things work, and find people to be stressful to interact with unless it's one-on-one, and even then I can get overstimulated if they are too bossy or judgmental. These videos are helping me in the way that I like "watching how things work"... so I can now reflect on my most challenging human relationships and how they intersect with narcissism. Realizing that the most judgmental and narcissistic people are actually afraid of my freedoms is comforting. It still doesn't feel great when people seem desperate to overstep my boundaries, but at least knowing that it comes from a place of their own fear and weakness is clarifying, and that it isn't personal towards me... it's their own personal journey as they sort through their unhappiness.
HSP is me. Married to covert narcissist for 46 years. Feeling devastated. Learning how to stop pleasing and slowly turning attention to my needs. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
@@debbiesday8270 don’t give up. I had some set backs: fell down and hurt myself because I ignored my disappointments and anger at the narcissist. What a painful lesson this was. Coming to the realization about whom did I married, comes in steps bc it is do scary 😦 like “now what?” Making progress by turning focus on my fitness, spending less time with him and more time at the gym. Slow progress but now I love myself as I am. Such sweet feeling. Much love to you. Go for a walk and talk to yourself lovingly. Tell the inner critic F off. 🙏❤️
I’ve been married almost 40years. I’ve been watching tons of videos on topic of narcissism and am now afraid my husband of 40years is narcissistic. I’ve always known he was an introverted self focused man, who is self sufficient, self reliable, independent. Etc but my husband isn’t arrogant or proud. He’s pretty much most happy when left alone to do his own thing, which doesn’t work on marriage. The entitlement description of a narc also does NOT fit my husband….so GAWSH, I JUST DUNNO. one thing is he’s VERY extreme hyper focused when he’s doing something. I’m social settings he’s awkward> a phony fake friendly…drives me nuts the fake ness when we’re out and about then at home totally different person. It is weird. Well, now he’s older at 65,and I also suspect early dementia OR ADHD.
@1timeslime971 I have a relative similar to this, and they were recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism. I also know several very introverted artists who sound like your spouse, they're pretty severe introverts but have learned to function in social settings. The phoniness in social situations is simply self-preservation. Also have several severe narcs in immediate family. Some keys to covert narcs is that they have a big victim mentality whe confronted, and their alternate social personality is very, "me, me, me!". Most importantly, they don't mind hurting people and setting others up in situations where they will fail.
I recently found out last year that I am an HSP. And I cannot tell you the relief I felt knowing that there’s a term for it and nothing is wrong with me. My family have weaponized my sensitivity and emotions against me my entire life. So many unhealthy things I internalized, and I was subject to a lot of trauma. I’m at a space in my life where I’m trying to choose myself, and I’m trying to embrace all aspects of myself, lead with softness and seeing my sensitivity as a strength but it’s very hard to do when my family see it as a weakness and try to shame me or make fun of me. I feel very isolated in my family, and reading this comment section has made me feel less alone.
Seeing the comments from so many who've been in abusive narcissistic relationships so often saddens me....😔 my heart and prayers go out to all of you amazing survivors....❤️🙏❤️ thank you dr Ramani and everybody for all your heartfelt comments and inspiration...💞
Absolutely agree! When I started watching Dr. Ramani and reading the comments, I was floored at just how many people were being affected by narcs. I wish that we could get a coercive control law passed in the US to protect women and children better. The law is not in our side regarding the psychological abuse.
Yes, unfortunately is so common, I actually thought while watching this particular video, that if DrRamani was on the news every day 20 yrs ago up to now, it would have saved people so much trouble... Apparently, so many of us had to go through it the hard way, so to see it from all angles for what it is and see it close and personal. That way we can disable it for all new generations onwards.
Raising hand ~ :) Took me 50 years to see the patterns, break those patterns, realize that the chaos wasn't "just the way it is" prior to healing. It's never too late.
As an empath I get told by the people in my life, "you're too sensitive" like the fact that I care is a crime, or something that I should be ashamed of. I realized over time that only a person who doesn't have the capability of being empathetic would say that. Thank you for your videos Dr Ramani, they have given me a lot of insight and help me to see things from a new perspective
"You're too sensitive" is the Top-tier line of gaslighting side by side of "You're too emotional". If a person has sensitive skin and gets easily sunburned it's not their skin's fault, they got sun burned, so the sun was the cause not your skin, just because someone doesn't who got the same sun exposure than you didn't get burned doesn't mean your pain and burns shouldn't be considered and treated, or that you should just stay under the sun and endure it, because others can. No! You get sunblock, wear clothing and may even avoid sun exposure, you do whatever it takes to protect your skin, to protect yourself. Imagine feeling the sun burning your skin and someone just says "the sun rays aren't that strong or hot..it's just your skin is too sensitive". BS. I'm trying to make some sense out of this.
This is what I thought about myself most of my life. And the reason was my mom since I was maybe 3 was manipulating my emotions and causing me hurt to feed herself. Then when I would react she was either ignore me as if I’m overreacting or she would call me too emotional. So narcissistic people are the ones who will call you that. Every emotion is valid and if you care for a person you will emphasize. Only non empathetic people and people who themselves are damaged and don’t want to be in touch with their own pain will call you that.
My mother always said in a belittling/disrespective voice that I’m just “too sensitive“ and my whenever I had an issue as a child I went to my father and his answer was usually “it’s all in your head“. I never went to them for anything emotional. You could imagine what this would have done to an HSP over time.
I feel this! My parents also made me put THEIR emotions first, so not only could I not get comfort from them, but often had to BE the comforter, or to be understanding they have bigger problems. It was BS. Now I don't understand what kind of expectations are too much, and which are reasonable
I was described as “too sensitive” and told things were “all in your head,” as a near-daily occurrence. I know exactly how you feel. I could have written the same thing. I sincerely hope you are doing better than I. Blessings
I am a self-professed HSP. I was completely traumatized by my 15 y/o daughter’s relationship with a narcissist. Being highly attuned to non-verbal communication I KNEW something was off about him. And as my outgoing, self-confident, fun-loving daughter began to spiral downward... I absorbed all the emotions she was feeling even though she refused to talk about them. HSP are like emotional sponges... we don’t just sense other people’s emotions... we experience them. My daughter became very anxious, depressed, and withdrawn. I was so distressed by her change in behavior that my hair started falling out (had all the tests done... diagnosed with “stress.”). Anyways, after a year he finally discarded her. It’s been months but she has finally bounced back. Praise God! Never have I prayed so hard to have someone removed from our lives.
Please try to influence your daughter to watch videos about manipulators and people such as narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths since she is obviously very vulnerable to these people. What saved me was being educated about these things and also loving myself through Jesus Christ.
So true, I can relate to that being a highly sensitive person. Yes, we go out of our way, we care deeply, are highly emphatic, gaslight ourselves, justify red flags, ruminate...A relationship with a narcissist is very damaging for us, and exhausting as you explain. As you say it is hard for everyone💔 Thank you so much for this video, I really needed this, and it is great to know better our vulnerabilities and what to do in these situations💖
Well said, Liudmila. I love "gaslight ourselves" and "justify red flags." For me, I would add a naivete about how limited a narcissist truly is (and believing I can heal wounded people in general).
When someone says 'you're being too sensitive,' typically they are trying to deflect their own abusive behavior, or comment, shame you for having what is a valid reaction. The tendency of the sensitive person is to disconnect for their own peace of mind, and this will piss the narcissist off more.
I wish that this can work. I can't walk away that easily, it' s at my work. I try but every other day there is something else, some other perfide attack that can't be obviously seen from the outside or co-workers...it's bad.
as a kid, i couldnt handle my narc older brother constantly abusing me, and would lock myself in my room, piling furniture in front of the door so he couldnt get in. he would scream at me and break the door he was so mad. then it would be blamed on me when parents got home, and when i denied, i was called a liar. that shit fucked me up beyond repair. my neural pathways have been hardwired to be in high-stress mode at all times.
Your videos have helped me put the narcissists in my life into perspective, from my father and his mother who lived next door, both narcissists, to an abusive teacher narcissist when I was 13, to a string of narcissists throughout my life. At 67, I finally understand why I was vulnerable to them, and how they've shaped my life. I'm finally able to step back and begin understanding why I've chosen the relationships I have, and I don't feel bad about myself anymore. You've made my life explainable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Big hugs to you. It's what you were subjected to and that is not your fault. No one was there to guide you and help you. It wasn't your fault. You get to choose now. X
I'm an HSP and I was in a relationship with a narcissistic lawyer for 2 years. I'm so sensitive that I believe I sensed him coming into my life as he was. I began developing ridiculously high blood pressure (stroke levels) just before we met and I had always been SUPER healthy (vegetarian, active, no health issues, looked like I was in my early twenties at 39 years old as everyone emphatically would tell me) and had just had my cardiac profile checked not long before this for a free gym membership provided by my employer, and the cardiologist told me it was "beautiful!". All my numbers were within normal limits. It may be of note that I'm a nurse, so I understand my health. Early in this relationship, I developed gut issues, regular migraines, and later severe anxiety issues. It was an EXHAUSTING and extremely painful relationship. I don't wish what I went thru on anyone, especially an HSP.
The same experience happened to me. My body just shutdown to the point of bedridden for a year. I was in my late thirties and I had allowed my mother and husband to control me. I had to go through many medical procedures before I got a diagnosis of myofascial pelvic and abdomen pain. I could feel when something was being set up to cause me pain well before I finally shutdown. I ignored the signs and it cost me physically and mentally. Get toxic people out of your life as soon as possible.
Yes! I’ve been married to a narcissist for 28 years and I’m so physically ill with migraines, GERD, fibromyalgia, and phantom pain. I have no way to leave though. I’m stuck forever.
Me and my dad are highly sensitive people. Unfortunately my dad fell prey to my narcissist mom. I've recently started to stand up for him and myself, I'm so done with her treating us like slaves. Thank you Doctor Ramani.
@@OLegendStudios if he didn´t become a narcissist as a kid, he will never be one - he will be just a victim. Unfortunately, his father is gone. His body and soul is already owned by the mother. Only person, he can save now, is himself and should be ready to burn all bridges. It´s sad and unfair, but that´s reality. I saw it happen in my own family. My aunt is a narcissist and her husband is a timid, shy, introverted person, which is in her grasp for years already. I can´t say about their kids for sure, but given how they act towards us (we live in the same apartment building), i think they are narcissists too. Only thing both of you can do now, is to go no contact and start to heal. When you heal, you can decide to go back, just don´t expect anything to change. Your non-narcissistic parent is long gone, unless he/she divorced the narc and went away, just like my mother did, when i was 3 years old. It didn´t save me back then, but it surely did save her.
**ck.... I just came to watch this cuz my mother does the same. Like... if she could, she'd probably do nothing and make me do everything. And then. When I say no. She makes me feel like a piece of sh**. weird ways
So good! Save both of your health. I know so many HSP’s- my aunt and brother in this situation- the body turns the stress inwards and the person gets sick while the Narc gets well. Praying for all in these situations
I'm HSP but am extremly annoyed by narcissists. Their lack of authenticity just strikes me and don't fall for their tricks. Empathy is not necessarily being naive and nice.
Yep same! As soon as my narcissistic ex showed his true colors I got the hell outta there (lucky for me he does have a human side and would never become physically violent with a girl).
@@stSiren it's not that those who fall for their tricks are "weak". I just don't think HSP is the trait. There must be more to it than just HS that makes you fall into the narcissistic trap.
As a self-aware HSP, all I can say is that dealing with those disturbed creatures is a hellish experience. Even when they are out of your life for a long time, the pain still lingers on. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Your understanding and guidance are a true blessing ❤
I read Dr Elaine Aron's books when I was 55 years old, and finally understood myself. I also realize, after listening to Dr. Ramani's videos, that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Scapegoating was part of daily life in our family. Perhaps now I have the understanding to be able to forgive myself. It's been a rough road!
I have always been called too sensitive by my family and others when I stood up for myself and others, which I know now it was an appropriate response to emotional and physical abuse. Staying focused on my health, therapy, growth and appropriate safe boundaries. Learning to not pathologize or gaslight myself for sure, and that I’m not responsible for them. Thank you for this. 💖
When I was a child,I'd check in the mirror to see if I actually existed....If it wasn't for Dr. Ramini and this awesome community, I think I would have disappeared all together! I sincerely thankyou all! 🌻💜🌈
@@octavianbunica22 Hi... Sending strength and support to you. I know how hard it is. Stay strong my friend,it's all worth it...You are enough! Kindness and respect to you! 💯🌟👏💜🌼✌️
That is heartbreaking to think of a child feeling that way... 😢 💔 I'm so sorry to hear you were suffering so. 😥 SO glad to hear you're doing better though! ❤
I couldn't figure out for a long time why I was getting hives/migraine after I interacted with those I suspect they are narcissists. After I've been trying grey rock method, my health is finally improving. I still get sick sometimes, but it's becoming manageable. Dr. Ramani, If I hadn't come across your channel, I wouldn't even imagined there were such thing as covert narcissists. Your generosity and your remarkable work has been helping countless people.
As an Empath and HSP with 2 Narc parents it was hell on earth growing up ..20 years healing ...finally retired being scapegoat... life is finally unfolding for me ❤
Yup, high reactivity is not the same as high sensitivity. Some people have several narcissistic traits and they'll never change. It's just who they are. But they honestly believe that they are "empathic" when in reality, they are highly reactive. Everyone walks on eggshells around that one person.
Sensitivity is, hands down, the most underrated character trait in the world. And sensitive people underrate themselves. It's so easy to be HSP and victimize yourself, seeing yourself as weak and fragile. Narcissists, on their hand, love to consume sensitive people with low self esteem. It's like an animal seeing a free meal. It's a perfect match ☠
I used to hate myself for my sensitivity, easy blushing, shyness etc. With age I got used to it and manage it. It takes self- knowledge. At least, now I don't feel shame while experiencing strong feelings.
@@ebony41441 True. Assertiveness, or rather agressivity is valued a lot more. Sensitive people also lack competetivness, a highly valued virtue in the US as well.
Two minutes into this segment and the tears just started to fall, because validation of my feelings is what I've been deprived of for so long. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction to understand myself and to not make excuses for the way I am anymore. God bless you Dr. Ramani. 🤗
I'm HSP and my mom is a narcissist. I've had to withdraw communication with her for my own sanity. thank you so much for uploading this content to help me realize I've been gaslit for years and not just confused and uncomfortable with self doubt.
Same. Since my mom (who was the sane, loving, compassionate, empathetic one in our family) passed away, I haven't heard from my narcissistic, paranoid, obsessive, antisocial, abusive, gaslighting siblings in a while, and it's been a breath of fresh air, a true rebirth. I only seldom hear from my dad, just to make sure he's alive and healthy, but even that is too much at times. Let's learn to love ourselves, and not let these pieces of sh*t have their way with us. I understand that they're suffering from disorders, so we should not Judge as the great teachers taught us, Jesus, the Buddha. But I'll non-judgementally tell them to f*ck off, since I'm not their emotional toilet.
We have to communicate in small portions. I haven’t seen my moon for a long time and then we had a weekend together. I thought it was going well. But she manage to call me fat, becouse I have normal human belly and gain few kg past few month. She just couldn’t resist it 😂 but I didn’t react to this. I’m like a wall
Higly Sensitive/Empath person here with a very narcissistic father. Not fun. Even today Im dealing with my self-gaslighting. Even when I can see myself doing it, its so "normal" for me now that I need to constatnly remind me "yeah Im sensitive and that is OK"
I hear you mate. Not fun at all but you will see life can be fun when you take control. It's taken me a long time but it was worth it. Embrace and own your soft side. It's a gift.
I love how you stop the blame game and offer us thoughts on our own behaviors. The game has become the norm, with everyone a victim, everyone entitled, and it disturbs me as much as seeing violence.
That’s why I fell into my ex, plus lack of experience. Either or. What helps is these videos or those that have been through it before. It’s like bqq on a fire 🔥 you can smell it a mile away if you’ve been there
I hate cruelty. My birth family always laughed at me when I would upset at seeing a living creature hurt. I remember seeing lobsters at the grocery store - they were alive on a big pile of ice with pegs in their claws. I started to cry about the lobsters and their pain. My mom made fun of me for being upset. I was 8. I eventually learned to hide my feelings because I did not want to be ridiculed. Now at 66 my life philosophy has evolved to be kind whenever possible, fight back when you have to and never celebrate pain. Even if the other person is a total douchbag I don’t have to be one.
When I was a kid we went to the beach. Well, my dad took me on the fishing pier and I went and kicked all the sand sharks back into the water that the people fishing had fished out and left to die on the pier. They saw them as pests for stealing their bait. They yelled at me and my dad lol. I felt bad for the sharks.
This extra gift is challenging to say the least. I get drained around humans. All activities r limited because of it but I believe it also keeps me safe. Sometimes I really hate it… TY Dr. Ramani 💖
Well damn, this makes sense now. My mother is a narcissist and I am a highly sensitive person. Whenever she or anyone else called me sensitive I thought of it as an insult
As a highly sensitive person who survived a narcissistic relationship I want to let others know it can be done It was hard to see as explained by Dr. Ramani here, difficult to do but it is so worth it for your own life Be true to yourself and move on as soon as you can
I'm slowly getting there but I wanted to die after my narc relationship.. I felt anything I did wasn't good enough, if I called him out on his bs, I was wrong. I stood up for myself but in the end .. im standing here with egg on my face .. he left me and didnt think twice about it. Why do hsp people get it so bad. There are moments I still feel like I just want to be gone from the world because I feel like I have no purpose anymore. Being sensitive gets u no where but lost and confused , used and abused
Only if YOU allow them to... It takes a great deal of self awareness and evaluation to withstand their intrusive behavior. Live YOUR own life through YOUR eyes...not theirs. Hobbies and outlets for yourself that will bring satisfaction and pleasure. Avoid those who do not add to your life.
They do. Its terrible and they will use and abuse u. My ex used me and didnt think 2x about it.. when I asked him why . He said he didn't care... how do people on this earth like that live with themselves?
Thank you very much for this video. I myself am HSP, I am 53 now, and a couple of years ago I said to myself "Okay I've had enough." When I actually stood up for myself it felt so wrong and uncomfortable at first, but then it was like a weight had been lifted off me. It totally shocks everybody around you that is used to seeing you as an easy mark. So now I speak my mind as much as possible. It still feels alien at first, but then I sit back and I think, you know I am so glad I did that. . I still have instances where people's behavior just kind of throws me and I don't even know how to react in the moment because it was so bizarre, rude and obnoxious. I will usually discuss it with them later on after I have thought about what the hell just happened and how it affected me. And of course you will always get the people that say "Oh you're too sensitive." " I didn't mean it that way." But if it makes you uncomfortable then you have to express it. It sets a well needed boundary that others should respect. To me if they can't respect my boundaries then they can just move along, I am not going to be basically tortured by somebody else's insensitive behaviors. It's amazing and totally repulsive how people will treat you and try to get away with things if they know you are very sensitive. If you really want to enjoy your life you're going to have to keep an eye out for yourself. I started late but at least I'm doing it now and I feel much better for it.
Wow , you spoke that so well . I can soooo relate & am just a year older then yourself . Learning later in life myself on the toxicities of these individuals and it definitely has helped to understand better what exactly I’m up against . Still working on being strong for myself against these types … not easy for sure . Thanks for sharing your well put thoughts .
"the narcisist's tendency to weaponise what they see as the weaknesses of other people" - how true! Wasted years hoping they'd see the value of the kind heart, willing to forgive, love, be honest, serve others, admit one's mistakes/failures, etc. But they despise it even as they make use of you.
Yes Michele - the narcissistic psychopathic individuals in my life (my ex hubby, ex in laws and their flying monkeys) were dangerously insensitive and treated EVERY word that I uttered as unbelievable or stupid or whatever.. I recall water pouring through the ceiling during a rainstorm, rang exhubby to return from his parents place as there was an emergency at our place - he and the father in law showed up in 30 minutes (they lived 10 mins away from our home) very grumpy and in disbelief and even acted as though it was no big deal. There was a waterfall coming through the ceiling. That's just one instance. They are useless and should never marry. I so wish i had never met this selfish, vain creep.
@@nilgiridreaming may we all go on to live good lives without bullies and put-downs - with people who return love and kindness. And may we be our calm best selves if we see the cruel ones again.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. There´s a lot of therapists that don't have knowledge about HSP, so its important to go to a psychologist that is familiarized with the trait, otherwise, they can misdiagnose and misunderstand the highly sensitive person and unfortunately make everything worse
Very true. The therapists I have seen in the past all didn't know what a HSP is. It can be frustrating to have to "teach" them something they should already know.
Same. Learning that most of the abusive relationships are with narcissists, and that I am an HSP, has been a steady journey since Summer of 2021 when I learned my manager wasn't just bad, but was a narcissist.
Bingo! I’m an HSP who grew up in a less than ideal home and married an abusive narcissist. None of the current psychological information was publicly available at the time. I finally had to divorce him for my sanity. It was only when I read the book,”The Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them” that I finally got a glimmer of understanding. Keep up your important work.
This is exactly why narcissists prey on HSP individuals. I developed a HSP personality as a child growing up in a narcissistic family system. I do observe/am aware of some narcissistic behaviors, or desires I'd rather describe it as, in myself. It's likely a result of as well as a compensation for not being noticed as a child, and never validated or having your perspective confirmed or empathized with by anyone. Fortunately, I didn't fall into the trap and have never accepted narcissistic behavior in myself. Just never knew it was 'narcissistic' behavior until quite recently, when discovering your videos. So, now I'm also learning not to accept narcissistic behaviors in others. It's a trail I've followed and kinda come to understand on my own, but it's so much easier to learn from Dr. Ramani. She makes all the pieces fall into place and it's impossible to describe how it feels to finally get validation from a hardcore professional. It never was me who was crazy or too sensitive. Well... perhaps too sensitive in a way, but... not in a bad way I'd argue. We need more sensibly sensitive people in this world, not less!
@@johnm3544 Yes that seems like a good way to describe it. It's like the narc stops developing mentally, they cease to evaluate themselves at least in any productive manner, therefore do not continue to develop their personality. They become the embodiment of; "The greatest obstacles that we face in life are the ones we build for ourselves." It's a shame for our species that they have to be obstructive in the lives of others too. The narc behavior in humans is a primitive force that's been holding us back, as a species, for many centuries now. If enough people can be informed on this issue, we'll be able to break out of the shackles they've crafted for us.
ohh hello you are me... for the sake of family love, i dismantled the voice of family dynamic i grew up in. in return, i lost my identity and personal narrative. its good if you follow buddhist literature and embody 'enlightenment' but its not good for mental health in general to always silence the ego.
Outstanding video on highly sensitive people and narcissism! Brilliant insight into how things actually feel between HSPs and narcissists. Thank you so much for bringing this to light, Dr Ramani.
Spot on. As an empath, that wonderful trait or ability is like nectar to a narc. But I also truly believe that the more empowered an empath becomes, the bigger the threat the empath becomes to the narc, though it may not always be evident right off the bat.
How so? I know someone who had a narc husband. She is highly empathic. She seems to have shorthand sentences/reactions for difficult behavior - it is almost like she's talking to a child - and it works in many cases, usually without the other person feeling insulted. She is half my height, but twice my stature when it comes to respect. And she has such a big heart...
Can be a dangerous place to be. Looking backon a 25 year marriage. I'm amazed l survived it. My ex ruled through fear and rage. I was suicidal and taking antidepressants just to live my life holding my breath and walking on eggshells. Never knowing what I would be blamed for each day. Never being good enough.
@@enraegen561 Exactly that. She's got that "something," but even more than that, she knows how to spot them. As an empowered empath, they can spot narc personalities and behavior, where a regular person wouldn't so easily. Furthermore, an empowered empath can have the ability to do something about the narc, as much as possible at least, and it would seriously shock the socks off the narc. They never expect those tables to turn, as they tend to see the empath as weak, and that is just not true at all. Your friend probably deserves way better, but she deserves her own love, self-love, way more than her narc. If she could shine her own love on herself. She sounds like a wonderful person.
@@baxtermt1 The PTSD that we carry from that can keep us in alert mode more than necessary, and then working against us because we burn out from wondering what's next, what's around the corner. We experience knee-jerk reactions. A former boss once pointed out that I tended to anticipate what could happen 12 steps ahead of the actual scenario at hand. I realized she was right! That happens when you have to live around a sociopath. You are living in survival mode and trying to see the attack/motive/event, which can change at any time to suit the disordered person's goal at the time. You never know. Do you find this to be true for you too, and what works for you, if you found anything?
@@jlynngambler I was pretty blind to my situation at the time. He had me almost convinced that he was always right and I had no way out. My faith kept me safe. Its been behind me for some time. Yet here we are.
Thank you for this. I’m an HSP and I cannot put into words how a relationship with a narc affected me. Within only six months I had developed horrible anxiety, heart arrhythmia and a flare in an underlying autoimmune condition that used to be stable. From being well and quite functioning before I met him, I felt like I was literally LOSING MY MIND. Giving more and more, trying harder to love, to interpret him with kindness, to sort things out, to show grace and forgiveness. My nervous system was raging. I could barely function at work even though I happen to love my job. It’s sounds dramatic. But I think you know what I mean. When he was angry, the level of distress I felt, I can’t put words into it. It was torturous. When he changed his story all the time or gaslit me, the level of confusion I felt was indescribable, it felt like there was toxins flowing through my body instead of my own blood. I felt physically sick by trying to figure things out and I felt like my soul was outside of my body. It almost killed me. Luckily, it ended.
I was always called "oversensitive", and that I like to "bathe in my emotional mud". When I was afraid to go to a doctor as a child, I was always mocked. Later, I was called "an artist" - in a pejorative meaning. I must admit that I hated my sensitivity in the past. Narcissistic people (whom I didn't realise back then they were narcissistic) I always sort of admired for being so confident and telling me what I should do because I always felt somehow lost. Therefore I tended to stick to the narcissists because they always had and idea of how my life shoud look like because I didn't know what to do (never really had a chance to lear what I really wanted). After years have passed, I started to like my sensitivity. I can see it is something unique. I lived alone for many years and only then I really learned what I wanted and I needed without anybody telling me what my life should look like.
Yes. I’m finally recognizing & accepting that I am an HSP. I’ve had a strong impulse (fantasy) recently the past few years to chuck my life & run away alone somewhere quiet. I think it’s exactly as you stated & have done - the HSP need for alone time to think, center, & recharge.
Just read "oversensitive" and "an artist" and I thought I must know where are you from, without even looking at your username. I've veen called oversensitive from my childhood. I think the only influence it had on me was learning to not display me being upset. Congrats for reaching such mature state!
Wow, I get it, I've bathed in my emotion mud for years. Now that I understand this, I am so much stronger. I've mostly lived alone and can't stand living with anyone. I'm so tired of trying to look normal and being alone is wonderful.
Went through this exact relationship dynamic in my twenties. I was/am the “highly sensitive person.” It is no exaggeration to say that it almost killed me. I was suicidal before it was over and blamed everything on myself. Dr. Ramani, I shudder as well. The memory of that time feels like a pit in my stomach. Thankfully its almost 20 years behind me and I have had so much to learn! I’ve come very far in my personal growth. I’m long out of the woods : )
Yes it's so much worse for those of us who are HSP's who grow up with narcissistic parents. Both of my parents were narcissists, and my mother in particular was always exploiting my emotional vulnerabilities to her advantage while ridiculing me whenever I expressed my emotional needs. Therapy has helped me to recognize the impact of my abuse in childhood, particularly my issues with trusting other people and being drawn to narcissists in both friendships and romantic partners. I've come a long way but I'm still a work in progress. Videos like this are helpful just to remind ourselves of the warning signs of narcissistic relationships and how they can rob us of our joy and vitality.
I just found your channel and I feel like I've found answers to my situation for the first time. I am highly sensitive and I lasted 12 years with a narcissist. It was like riding a rollercoaster of emotions at all times, and I was walking on eggshells trying my best to not make her upset. Almost all of my energy was spent accommodating her needs and wants, and that gave me a sense of purpose. Covid and working at home pushed me over the edge and I stopped accommodating her, and focused more on myself and my career, and thats when she snapped and threatened to "cheat on me" and ultimately left (gaslighting me on the way out). That was three months ago and I've never been happier.
The amount of things that I have learned from watching your videos about myself and my relationship with my parents is astounding. The sad thing is I am highly sensitive and both my parents are narcissist so imagine the conundrum I deal with.
Me as well. I am just learning about high sensitivity and it is really freeing to know that I'm not messed up. My dad literally looked at me the other day and said, "You cry about everything." Yeah, that's helpful.
My mom & i are highly sensitive & we have faced no end of the antoganizing & gaslighting from my narcissistic father, her husband. We fall for his traps frequently & i’m finally focusing on studying narcissism, healing my trauma, & informing others of this insidious behavior to hopefully help them cope with or escape dire situations such as mine. The trail of destruction for a narcissist never ends & has no limit. My mother had 3 children with this person & all of us are highly sensitive. The narcissist has brainwashed us all & broken down our self esteems in order to love bomb us and gain power back. My mother feels that she cannot live without the financial support of her abuser. THIS IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN A NARCISSIST PREYS ON A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON!! A tale as old as time unfortunately.
Hsp.. I grieved every day of my teenage years into young adult until I moved away. It took years to stop grieving. I was flying, feeling free and happy with life-loving it, up till a couple months ago. Then I went to visit family and it was like being crushed under a rock. I have been silently grieving again. It is so sad to me to see this come back, but now it’s clear. Undeniably clear, and thanks to your videos now I know to cut loose because it’s not going to change. Never, unless the people change. I deserve to live in happiness, not as someone’s punching bag.
narcissism = selfishness. We were taught that selfishness was confined / limited to material things. Contrarily it goes beyond that. Who knew selfishness was so destructive
Also, being selfish and self absorbed are very different things. I think some people are very self absorbed without even realizing but aren’t intentionally selfish.
Im autistic, and your description of a HSP is 100% me. I feel empathy to an insane degree, Im a chronic people pleaser, I shy away from confrontation, I can't cope with crowds or too much sensory input, I have to leave the room if there is bickering or any kind of tension, I can't tolerate seeing anyone or anything suffering, I feel sorry for people at the drop of a hat, even if they have treated me like crap, I trust too readily and have no self confidence so I dismiss my gut feelings as invalid and 'it must be me'. And yep, ended up in a 10 year long marriage to a narcissist, who recognise and preyed on all of that. Im 18 months out now, and still healing, but I see so many autistic people, particularly women, who fit your description and end up in these predatory relationships. But its not something we're really told about when autism is discussed. We are told we are more at risk of 'relationship predators', but no-one tells us what that looks like. I had no idea what a narcissist was. I just met a guy who *seemed* to be lovely, because he was........in the beginning. He loved everything I loved, he was supportive and easy going and so 'into me'. No one told me about love bombing. No-one told me a predator can look like a nice guy for so long. At the end of the relationship, I was sleeping with a butcher knife under my pillow because I was terrified he was going to kill my dog (he'd never have the balls to attack me, he knew he'd get in the shit for it, but he could attack the next best thing, my dog) Autistic people, please research narcissism and learn as much as you can. I really wish I had known about it before wasting 10 years of my life.
For anyone reading, please understand that Autism and HSP are not the same thing. They are distinct experiences. Psychology Today has a great article, 'No, Being Autistic Is Not the Same as Being Highly Sensitive'. I am an HSP with autistic friends (whom I love).
@@DesertMoon Autism and HSPs are different, but they’re both under the category of neurodivergent. Im an HSP and was surprised to learn this when I looked it up!
My last girlfriend was a monster narcissist and never in my life have I had someone manipulate me and abuse me the way she did. Please RUN don't walk away because it will never work. The only thing to come of this is pure misery and pain. Thank goodness I found someone completely on the other end of the spectrum but I was very lucky to get out of that relationship which was destroying me. Please people when that little voice in your head tells you to get the hell out of there, make sure you listen or you will suffer the consequences.
I sobbed through this whole video. I found Dr Ramani on Thursday & now by Tuesday I’m sure that 10 years ago I spent a decade with a narcissist. ALL the signs were there. Between being an HSP, growing up in a verbally abusive home, etc- I was a prime target & it was excruciating. Thank you for opening my eyes to this & for all the helpful insights. Sigh…. So much time has passed & it can still cut me to the core.
I am definitely a highly sensitive person. I was so described in my youth by my teachers and by my spiritual director. Narcissists really attack me constantly throughout my mature life. But really the ability to explore this information on the internet about narcissism is a life saver. Thanks so much Dr Ramani.
After ending the relationship with my ex, I realized that he had a lot of traits of a covert narcissist. First I thought that he maybe had Aspergers, and was drawn to his intelligence and awkwardness. A part of me also felt like he was misunderstood. I felt off from the beginning about him being demeaning to everyone for no reason, arrogant, not capable of any self-reflection and very insecure about himself and his looks, but I still continued dating him because I naively thought I could teach him to understand people and himself. As highly sensitive people we can only take so much and I finally ended things after a horrible comment he made, that made me feel like it all was just a transactional relationship. I didn't know covert narcissists exist, which made me ignore the bad signs. The overt ones can be spotted from a mile away and I think many HSP's naturally feel like avoiding them.
Her new video is about the difference between Asperger’s/autism and Narcissism. I am both autistic and HSP and I’m vulnerable to narcissists. ruclips.net/video/XEDda93M_mg/видео.html
Asperges is not the same as narcissism remotely because people with asperges struggle to make friends whereas narcissists are very popular and most of the times financially well off not to mention they cause a lot of damage too lol
I'm an HSP and suffer from PTSD. My 1/2 sister is narcissistic. I had to go no contact over a year ago after trying to understand her and be a part of her life. The mental pain was just too much to have her in my life.
I think there’s a very valuable new information (at least for me) that helps clarify the difference in “sensitive to criticism” aspect between narcissists and HSPs.
At 58 as a retired correctional officer married for 37 years and with her since the age of 14 I sit every single day loving my only trusted friend my American bully and crying at night for a person who wants me dead . These videos and my family I'm alive & her !!
@@jarvismcmullin1321 💔 I'm so very sorry. Sending virtual hugs, love & prayers your way.... As an HSP I find it very hard to stand up for myself & am stuck in a terrible relationship myself. It's been 10yrs & worried I may never get out. I always seem to try & keep the peace verses protecting or stand up for myself & I'm not sure how to "toughen" up & be stronger. Unfortunately.
@@d.froggiez369 Dawn ty so very much. Listen , you can do it. My wife was proven ( not by law ) but another family member to have attempted to have me killed. I'm in my own place and putting together with comments like yours , family ,the God Doc R and faith followed by action. One love family. Have you read any Melody Beattie ? Part of my morning meditation etcetera. 🧘♂️
I agree 💯 percent. But I'm conquering narcissistic behavior better than before. Keep away from them and boundaries - also a few good honest words such as "I don't need your APPROVAL" has helped a great deal. I now "see" the Narcist in a new light. Thank you for all your help ❤
I was already saying when I saw the title, “Oh my sensitivity means I’m the narcissist.” Then I realized my narcissistic brother gave me this label and I’m already internalizing the gaslighting. Wow 😳.
yup my narc parents and brother always belittled me about being too sensitive. as a little boy in the 90s, that fucked up my self image so badly it took decades to figure it out
Love that point about not pathologizing or gaslighting ourselves. I identify as an HSP and I really found freedom and self-love in beginning to finally honor that about myself and be unapologetic about it, but to appreciate the insights it gives me and the ways I can show up in the world and show up for myself. I think that’s as protective as it gets against these folks who would come in and abuse those good qualities we have. 💜
Thank goodness for bringing Dr.Ramani and Dr.Elaine Aaron into my life. The book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aaron was of great help to me. And ofcourse, it goes without saying Dr.Ramani's videos are life savor. Thank you both❤
Tu way you said « I shudder for them ». I actually believe I’ll never heal from the many toxic narcissist relationships I’ve had since childhood. I’ve got nothing left but over sensitivity to pain, sadness and more often that not despair… 3:20
'You're too sensitive!' I was told this from a very young age. For a long, long time I believed it. I was hyper sensitive and highly emotional. I cried easily, but laughed easily too. I was hyper aware of the dis/comfort of others. I struggled socially. I became so overwhelmed that I froze and my voice didnt work. l believed that I was weak because I 'couldnt handle' too much stress. I believed that being sensitive meant I was a weak person. I've changed my mind. Sensitivity is a super power!!! It takes immense strength to survive in this world when you are a highly sensitive person! Whenever I start to feel down about how I am, I remember the inspiring lyrics from Jewel - 'I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way!' I wish there were more sensitive people in the world! Imagine how loving and kind a place it could be!
You just described me, an empath, and my last relationship, I agree it is the worst personality type to get in this relationship with, stuck like chuck for 7 years, finally free. Thank you again Dr. R love and light 💕✨
I am a highly sensitive person raised in a narcissistic family system. I was constantly made fun of, demeaned and gaslighted by my toxic family. I finally realized that this vicious cycle of abuse will never end so I went no contact with my entire toxic family. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner. My mental health is more important that having a dysfunction relationship with my family.
I'm a highly sensitive person with a narcissistic father, I stopped counting how many times I've been called "you're being too sensitive" everytime I broke down from the chaos, stress, verbal abuse & gaslighting.
I checked all the boxes of the highly sensitive person and I have been with a narcissist before. It was so painful and I am glad it’s over. Thanks a lot for the video
I think you just helped me understand why I spent 25 whole years in my relationship with my abusive partner. I’m now in a support group for women who have experienced domestic violence, and out of everyone there, I stayed the second-longest. I was beating myself up about that, and feeling very stupid for not getting out sooner, but I think it’s because I’m an HSP. I was just CONSTANTLY trying to improve things, examine myself, and make everyone else comfortable.
It's been 1 year since I bumped into an ex-friend who deeply hurt me and never apologized, tried to resolve things and got burnt yet again, told a real friend about it, the real friend suggested your videos, and the rest is history. In the past year, I have learned so much about this type of miserable person, from the ex-friend to abusive bosses to kids who bullied me, and it has been a lifesaver. I don't blame myself and gaslight myself anymore, I have radical acceptance and distance from them, and I feel emotionally free. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Yeah this was exactly my childhood. The constant invalidation and being made fun of for being too sensitive and then feeling like I was completely worthless. But because I also had the vulnerable narc as a mom, I felt I had to take care of her despite always being seen as awful and just hoped one day all my efforts would pay off. And they did but not for her. Just for me. I’m really glad though that I learned to see my worth and didn’t try to change myself to be more aggressive. There’s nothing wrong with the way I am no matter who told me otherwise
I sometimes feel I have to be aggressive. But if I do that I am being as miserable as them and proving them right about me. They don’t deserve that. I feel narcissists wish they could be as openly sensitive as their victims. They are jealous and ashamed and project that onto their victims. They’re the true sensitive ones, they’re just trying to cover it up
The worst for me was when my emotional reactions to my covert vulnerable mom’s emotional abuse always quickly turned into me attacking her for misunderstanding what she was trying to say. Most often, it was my overt vulnerable brother who methodically triggered her rage towards me using the thing she’s most insecure about that I “said or did something inappropriate to embarrass her”. It was a daily occurrence, my angry mom seeking me out then shaming me for whatever my brother told her, which was usually news to me and I wouldn’t even be given a chance to defend myself. I would emotionally react then quickly became the abuser who overreacted. To this day, I’m 41 when my mom triggers me with something covertly abusive comments, she’ll bring up how I always target her and only her when I’m having a mood swing or on my period. She literally said it to me 4 days ago. The worst wasn’t my mother, though. It was my scheming brother that rejected me, isolated me from ever having friends that didn’t also abuse or humiliate me, manipulate me into doing things I knew were wrong so he could “catch” me then demonize me to our parents (I couldn’t say no to him), constantly framing me for things, terrorizing, baiting and gaslighting me to try and get me to kill myself (after his elaborate schemes created chaos in the house), the list is so long. I didn’t have any safe place to go because he turned all the neighborhood kids into flying monkeys at school, some of them even started abusing me themselves with their own smear campaigns and schemes. It’s no wonder I ended up in my 1st state mental hospital then subsequent rehab by 26, after attempting then dropping out of college 3 times. It’s also no wonder I live a happily reclusive life now. I have Self Love and Emotional strength after years of trauma therapy but I don’t have the energy, motivation or desire to leave my house. I don’t think that will ever change. People exhaust me when I’m forced to be around them. Social hangovers are definitely real, I get them after 30 minutes of being around my mom.
I was diagnosed as BPD and my occupational therapist says I am hypersensitive. The part about being observant about others' mood shifts is definately true of BPD as many of us had to be alert to our surroundings and not to upset our caregivers especially if they suffer from mood disorders.
This is spot on for me and as a result the narcissistic hell I have endured! Not only from my father, the pattern continued with my ex-husband. Both, used, exploited, and abused my empathy and sensitivity.
I needed this so much!!!! Thank you again Dr R ❤️🌈 I was a kid with HSP qualities and a high IQ as well. Because of therapy like this I've survived my narcissistic family and all of their abuse has made me "forged in fire." I hope someone else reads this and feels a little better today 😘
“Thieves don’t steal from empty houses.” The highly sensitive person’s good intentions are the treasure these narcissists want to steal for themselves. Good intentions are what they lack. Thank you for giving us our voice back, Dr. Ramani!❤️
So true. We are like the perfect bait for their power games
So true! That's a great concise summary of the HS/Narc relationship.
Absoluetly!
Great comment! You can never give enough to a narcissist. They want your soul.
Well said!!
Narcissism:Arrogance, rudeness, selfishness, lies, materialism, hypocrisy. They always regard highly sensitive, naive, kind and sincere people as fools but actually they're fools. Very informative topic, thank you Dr. Ramani❤
They do! I hadnt thought about that. Its spot on!
@@loveit7484 "Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools. Romans 1:22"
More deflection onto us!
@@joseenoel8093 certainly!
They claim we are overly emotional as well.
My Mom called me "too sensitive" my whole life. Finally, one day I replied, "you know, I would much rather be sensitive than be INSENSITIVE like you, Mom." Being sensitive is absolutely a good thing because it makes us connect to others. Narcissistic people PREY on us, though. We ARE victims of these awful people. We are kind to a fault, BETTER to a fault, and lovely.
After that, did your angry outburst become a topic of discussion? Lol. That's my family.
Krista, you are exactly correct about what you said to your mother. HSPs are the best people on the planet and keep everyone else grounded in their pursuit to manipulate, conquer and destroy each other.
Attagirl
My narcissist mother has also always said this to me.
Finally I realized that it was actually HER who wasn’t sensitive enough.
My father and mom would say this to me. I relate. It’s crippling abusive and toxic. Thank you for sharing and validating my pain
I'm an HSP and I grew up with a narcissistic father and an emotionally immature and highly insecure mother. I can't put into words the pain I had to go through to get out of this and start living my own life. So much physical and emotional pain, brainfog, depression, anxiety. I don't wish this to anyone... I really have a hard time trusting people and I have been scared of true love and people being nice to me. I just never know if they really mean it. I have been denied my needs and my reality all my life. No more :-) Now I am free! Sending big hugs to all who are also suffering (often in silence)...
Thank you for your words, I am also hsp daughter of narcissistic mother and psyhopath father who left when I was 6 month baby.
Love for you ❤❤❤
Wow you explain my life to a T I don't know what to say I couldn't have explained it more only difference is I took care of my mother for 30 years after I left home I was 19 years old and I took care of her until I was 50 she was the weak one I watched my narcissist's father destroy her in so many ways I don't know where I got all my strength from thank God I have it though
@@rebeccabrooks4948 sending you a hug! I guess if I hadn't had a burnout at work, I'd also still be taking emotional care of my mother. I hope you're doing lots of good thing for yourself now. I hear you!
@@miriamneumann7891 sending you love and happiness
Thank you so much for your encouraging post. May I ask how you managed to get out of this? Are there any techniques? Did you read any books ect.? Thanks a lot and have a blessed day.
I'm an HSP with CPTSD. I feel I was more easily traumatized, but my emotional depth of processing has also helped me heal.
❤🤜🤛💖💖💖
I can totally relate ❤
Weird bunch of conflicts to attempt to balance!
Perfectly said!
Love your positivity
I spent so long asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I notice and feel things that everyone else seems to miss? Why am I so emotional? Why can’t I just go about my life like everyone else?” Until my counsellor looked at me and brought the term of HSP to my attention. And it was like a whole new world opened up for me!! I started to understand myself better and be a little kinder to myself. A total game changer.
That being said, thanks for mentioning HSP’s!
And to my fellow HSP’s that have been in the company of a narcissist and devastatingly affected by them, I’m sending you a big hug and a lot of strength.
Is hsp bad though? I wish I wasn't so sensitive and loving. Being taken advantage of is the worst. I wanted to kill myself after my narc relationship.. I'm tired of feeling like a loser wheh it comes to relationships.. I just want someone to love me as I do them.
Yep. Me too!
@@mp4455 I often feel like you described. It can really hurt ❤️.
This just happened to me Wednesday. My Counselor told me to research HSP.
As soon as I did I completely broke down and cried, overwhelmed with relief. I
have always felt like everyone knew what was wrong with me, but wouldn't tell me. I too, feel like this is going to be a game changer for me. I appreciate your Hug and am sending you good vibes and a Hug too Thanks for your comments and Strength.
Song on Narc Abuse, check it out: ruclips.net/video/dCZaZI4FiEM/видео.html
“Exploited, mocked, shamed, invalidated”…
Welcome to the world of empathic/sensitive people…
Thank you so much for this video 🙏🏼
Sounds like how I was treated by my dad. I guess I'm sensitive but more in a touchy way, I don't feel very empathic, then maybe I shut down my empathy after all the abuse I've had from what seems like everyone.
That's it in a nutshell. I couldn't have put it better. We're not alone. 🌹🌹
Song on Narc Abuse, check it out: ruclips.net/video/dCZaZI4FiEM/видео.html
I need to admit the risk of being an Empath. Thank you.
The problem with these repeated schemes (defense mechanisms of narcissistic personalities) happens to be, that you begin to realize or detect insincerity with what should be genuine feelings. It’s as if you no longer believe the authenticity of the sincerity of others. It’s quite terribly self isolating long after everyone is able to move on. As a highly sensitive person, you feel like a planet on the far outer edges of the universe. When you do kind things for others, people reject it or tell you to never do nice things for them or even the gesture is leveled down. I like giving gifts, it’s how I show others that I think of them and if my introverted nature seems as if I’m distant or indifferent, it only speaks that my feelings are warm and caring towards them,but people don’t want them or say I shouldn’t have done it. It only makes you feel more alone and isolated when the feeling to do something is born from a feeling of love. It feels rejecting. I’m Unlovable... 😣 Relationships with people are so difficult because they are the drivers of how they want to lead relationships. It isn’t natural or spontaneous. It’s what activities lead to their own greatest pleasures. We serve others only on what & where they are able to receive it.
I have many of the traits of a “HSP”. I could tell from our first meeting that my narcissistic partner lacked self-love, and I foolishly thought I could teach him how to love himself. I saw the red flags as opportunities 😵💫 as it turns out, I needed to learn self-love too, but independently.
You speak right from my soul. THE BEST TO YOU
Checks ✅all the boxes. Growing up in family with narcissistic traits and severe substance abuse really challenging. Retreating to fantasy, outdoors, animals, scholarship, music and books saved me. Sort of. Just understanding my adult siblings attacks and misunderstanding of my personality traits. Yikes.
@Caro Barcellos completely agree! Sometimes “saving” the other person can be ones personal reason to stay in the situation, because the relationship feels familiar or easy if you’ve grown up in a narcissistic household. In that way the relationship can act as a necessary catalyst to heal from the trauma of childhood. It took years for me to see the scary similarities between my family and partner at the time. Once you find where that subconscious wound is, it’s hard to unsee it! That’s when the healing can begin 🌝
yup. spot on. I learn to love myself enough and I draw a clear boundaries with anyone with narc traits.
Wow, you say so much in such a concise post, and I resonate as I do with Liudmila's above.
I’m a HSP married to a narcissist. He gaslit me so badly one day that I went mad and he threatened to have me sectioned. All throughout this time he remained completely cool and detached. I can’t afford therapy and have no friends or family who I can talk to. However, your videos are immensely helpful and so are the comments. Thank you Dr. Ramani and everyone here.
You must lift your energy DAILY in any way possible to deal with such a draining, sabotaging & mean person. Go to nature, church/temple, yoga/meditation, find social groups that will uplift you & educate you. Also physically activity preferably in nature is a must. Ideally prepare yourself slowly & leave him. No need to waste your lovely energy on such a person, their nonsense, such an emotional abuse. He’ll never change & will find someone else to suck on. You on the other hand will build a beautiful life for yourself.
Wow I'm so sorry
leave him. narcissists have no empathy and cannot love you. no matter what they say. they just do it to get a reaction and whar they want (attention, help). this is not a relationship you should nurture any further
I'm also HSP married to a narcissist for over 50 years. Didn't leave because of children, but niw think we all would have been better off if I had had the courage to leave. But finally I've learned to stand up for myself thanks to videos like this and also music and dramas online which make me happy. I do have children and grandchildren for support, so I'm very thankful for that. My health and age do not allow me to leave, but I have my own interests and quiet spaces that allow me to go on. One thing I've learned to do with my anger is to write it all down quickly with all the feeling inside me and then burn the paper. (When he is not around, of course.) Sounds silly but it works for me. Then i can just stay calm when he is trying to upset me. At first he didn't know what to do with my calmness but now he doesn't even try anymore because I don't react to his stupidity. And I realize he is an unhappy person who wants to feel big, and it's not my problem, it's his. Just work on finding who you are and remember you are worth being respected. Respect yourself even though he doesn't.
One needs to find resources from oneself
100% agree. I’m an HSP and to me, growing up in a narcissistic family was so draining and challenging.
1,000 times yes! No contact can literally be a lifesaver. I hope things are getting better and better 🌹
💯💯💯
Completely
100%
No guilt/shame fear, depression from astrangements?
So very very true. As an Empath, as someone who has always been told “you’re to sensitive, your to emotional” I didn’t see any red flags of my narcissistic ex. I was completely unaware of what a narcissist was, and now looking back I see every single red flag and I am so thankful for your video’s!!! Oh my gosh!!! The countless times he called me “crazy”!! You hit the nail on the head!!!
i think this is something many of us do share. When i was in crappy relationships i always tended to protect my partner against criticism of other people, this is why it is even harder to see the red flags while you are in this situations.
My Dad who is narcissistic always criticized me for being too sensitive... I wasn't. He was and is toxic. I feel ya 😔
@julie, I was told by my narcissist ex that “I was too sensitive for her” and it would make me feel like crap. I always thought being sensitive and being aware of your partner’s emotions is a good thing that many guys might lack and one can use it to keep your loved ones happy. But I learnt the hard way that you have find to someone who deserves that behavior from you and will value it. No matter what I would do, she was never happy. I just never understand how these people live with such negativity, it sounds so exhausting!
@Athene, I used to also defend my ex and her actions. I thought we were one and together. But she didn’t feel that way and told me regularly “there is no us”. These red flags were so alien and I don’t understand why I missed them
Same same girl!
Same!
My mother was a highly sensitive people. A very wonderful lady with great character who cared for others because her mother never cared for her and was always putting her down. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful mother. God blessed me.
God bless her ♡
I imagined my daughter writing this some day, because I see myself in your description and she adores me and I adore her. Nobody has ever told me words deeper, than 6 year old tiny with huge love for mommy. Enormous gift from God to me! So grateful for my children! 🌸💖
❤🙌
Ahhh this made me want to cry :”) Im an HSP and I’m hoping I do right by my future children. I never want them to feel the way my parents made me feel. ❤️🩹
The reason your mother became a nice person.... Is the same reason others chose to become cruel.
Please note, everyone, that these risk factors do not mean it’s the highly sensitive person’s fault or that there is something wrong with them/us for getting caught up with an abusive person. Abusive people should be reprimanded for taking advantage of someone’s kind and empathetic and humanistic traits.
Spot on
💯
I have heard it was their fault for letting it happen, my whole life. Never hay the person abusing the other person should feel ashamed. Makes it harder to hear that.
@@kellykilander1885 Ugh I’m so sorry, it is never the survivors fault and it is not your fault. Society struggles to hold abusive people accountable. It shouldn’t be this way. 😔💜
Just as I was sitting here wondering why all of my former friends "took advantage" of me and "gee, I'm such a magnet for these people, why?" I know I'm sensitive but yes that could be the reason why I'm attracted to narcs
I am a HSP and I find the lack of empathy in narcs or anyone for that matter repulsive . It doesn't take long before the lack of empathy and self serving behavior rears its ugly head . I think once you are educated on narcissism and know their playbook , it is no longer a bewildering ride . Being a HSP can make one a highly sophisticated narc detector .
Absolutely. My narc just discarded me. And I'm new to the city so I'm trying to meet people to hang out with so I'm not alone. But omg my narc radar is SUPER sensitive. I'm on high alert constantly, which really works against my efforts to meet new people :( This is so hard...I'm trying to heal, but it feels dizzying and draining...
Agreed!
this is my situation now. i was the unfortunate HSP in a family of narcs, and a few girlfriends, before i discovered what was happening. now i can see a narc a mile away, and they always think they're so unbelievably clever, while actually being pathetic losers.
Amen! High virtual 5 HSP sister!
@@ambelong1 Yes ! High five sister !✌
I'm HSP and my last relationship was with a narcissist and it nearly killed me. It was the worst thing I ever went through and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not realizing sooner/leaving sooner/standing up for myself sooner.. I just kept repeating that cycle and blaming myself, im too sensitive/bad anxiety/depression/whatever.. I finally left simply to save what was left of myself before it was too late. These relationships can be so insidious, you don't even know its happening until you're too far gone. It's truly awful.
This describes my last relationship to the bone.
This is where I'm currently at unfortunately. The nearly killed me, inability to stop hating myself for not leaving long ago. Anything you learned during or afterward perhaps that could help? Lol. I'm sorry, I realize the unlikelihood of this.
I love that you delve into these very specific topics concerning narcissism. Your insight is priceless!
HSP's tend to be very self reflective while narcissists react with anger and denial to shift any negative evaluations away from themselves.
We've enough trying to keep the glass half-full without their crap nor want to empty it!
@@joseenoel8093 What a great way of putting it!
@@kristenturner1222 what you said about narcs shifting the blame is so true!
It amazes me how the narcissist pays close attention to every motion, every nuance and every word when we HSPs self-reflect. They gather everything they think they need to later on quote us back with distorted copies of what they heard we said
I highly agree with this statement
I’ve read that children can become “stuck or frozen” in a developmental stage in which trauma occurred. For me, I always had tears and separation anxiety as a toddler and school-age child (even through college). The narrative that my narc parent perpetuated is that I was “weak and too sensitive.” In hindsight, I believe that I simply did not move (as most children do) through the separation anxiety phase and into the next, more secure phase because of trauma. I’m not an expert, but I feel that a child who is already traumatized will certainly look “more sensitive” to the outside world and will have trouble coping with everyday life situations.
@Floxendoodle I believe you are spot on and this certainly resonates with my lifelong situation :( xo
Yes I'm realizing this as well. I cried at school every day my first year, except for the very last day. It was assumed I was simply too sensitive.
You're absolutely right.
that's an interesting theory, I was the opposite, cheering for school, even when I was sick, even the day my mother died I insisted on going to school, because as a child school was my only escape from my toxic family.
@@BaiMengLing I'm so sorry. I understand what you mean. I think that is the reason why I cried at school every day, it was the only safe place to do so.
I might be highly sensitive. I admit that it has held me back quite a bit. I am introverted, I love spending time alone and watching how things work, and find people to be stressful to interact with unless it's one-on-one, and even then I can get overstimulated if they are too bossy or judgmental. These videos are helping me in the way that I like "watching how things work"... so I can now reflect on my most challenging human relationships and how they intersect with narcissism. Realizing that the most judgmental and narcissistic people are actually afraid of my freedoms is comforting. It still doesn't feel great when people seem desperate to overstep my boundaries, but at least knowing that it comes from a place of their own fear and weakness is clarifying, and that it isn't personal towards me... it's their own personal journey as they sort through their unhappiness.
@@melw3313 Thank you for both recommendations.
HSP is me. Married to covert narcissist for 46 years. Feeling devastated. Learning how to stop pleasing and slowly turning attention to my needs. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Same here.
@@debbiesday8270 don’t give up. I had some set backs: fell down and hurt myself because I ignored my disappointments and anger at the narcissist. What a painful lesson this was. Coming to the realization about whom did I married, comes in steps bc it is do scary 😦 like “now what?” Making progress by turning focus on my fitness, spending less time with him and more time at the gym. Slow progress but now I love myself as I am. Such sweet feeling. Much love to you. Go for a walk and talk to yourself lovingly. Tell the inner critic F off. 🙏❤️
I’ve been married almost 40years. I’ve been watching tons of videos on topic of narcissism and am now afraid my husband of 40years is narcissistic. I’ve always known he was an introverted self focused man, who is self sufficient, self reliable, independent. Etc but my husband isn’t arrogant or proud. He’s pretty much most happy when left alone to do his own thing, which doesn’t work on marriage. The entitlement description of a narc also does NOT fit my husband….so GAWSH, I JUST DUNNO. one thing is he’s VERY extreme hyper focused when he’s doing something. I’m social settings he’s awkward> a phony fake friendly…drives me nuts the fake ness when we’re out and about then at home totally different person. It is weird. Well, now he’s older at 65,and I also suspect early dementia OR ADHD.
@1timeslime971 I have a relative similar to this, and they were recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism. I also know several very introverted artists who sound like your spouse, they're pretty severe introverts but have learned to function in social settings. The phoniness in social situations is simply self-preservation. Also have several severe narcs in immediate family.
Some keys to covert narcs is that they have a big victim mentality whe confronted, and their alternate social personality is very, "me, me, me!". Most importantly, they don't mind hurting people and setting others up in situations where they will fail.
Your husband sounds autistic not narcissistic.
I recently found out last year that I am an HSP. And I cannot tell you the relief I felt knowing that there’s a term for it and nothing is wrong with me. My family have weaponized my sensitivity and emotions against me my entire life. So many unhealthy things I internalized, and I was subject to a lot of trauma. I’m at a space in my life where I’m trying to choose myself, and I’m trying to embrace all aspects of myself, lead with softness and seeing my sensitivity as a strength but it’s very hard to do when my family see it as a weakness and try to shame me or make fun of me. I feel very isolated in my family, and reading this comment section has made me feel less alone.
Seeing the comments from so many who've been in abusive narcissistic relationships so often saddens me....😔 my heart and prayers go out to all of you amazing survivors....❤️🙏❤️ thank you dr Ramani and everybody for all your heartfelt comments and inspiration...💞
Absolutely agree! When I started watching Dr. Ramani and reading the comments, I was floored at just how many people were being affected by narcs. I wish that we could get a coercive control law passed in the US to protect women and children better. The law is not in our side regarding the psychological abuse.
Yes, unfortunately is so common, I actually thought while watching this particular video, that if DrRamani was on the news every day 20 yrs ago up to now, it would have saved people so much trouble... Apparently, so many of us had to go through it the hard way, so to see it from all angles for what it is and see it close and personal. That way we can disable it for all new generations onwards.
@@See_Life love that thought! ❤️
@@peterknyk1942 Yeah, 💗 it all starts with the parents.
Thank you for your prayers
Raising hand ~ :) Took me 50 years to see the patterns, break those patterns, realize that the chaos wasn't "just the way it is" prior to healing. It's never too late.
As an empath I get told by the people in my life, "you're too sensitive" like the fact that I care is a crime, or something that I should be ashamed of.
I realized over time that only a person who doesn't have the capability of being empathetic would say that.
Thank you for your videos Dr Ramani, they have given me a lot of insight and help me to see things from a new perspective
Now, when people tell me I'm too sensitive, I tell them they must be too insensitive 😁
@@AdorkableHarleyFairy Love it! 🙌🤣
"You're too sensitive" is the Top-tier line of gaslighting side by side of "You're too emotional".
If a person has sensitive skin and gets easily sunburned it's not their skin's fault, they got sun burned, so the sun was the cause not your skin, just because someone doesn't who got the same sun exposure than you didn't get burned doesn't mean your pain and burns shouldn't be considered and treated, or that you should just stay under the sun and endure it, because others can.
No!
You get sunblock, wear clothing and may even avoid sun exposure, you do whatever it takes to protect your skin, to protect yourself.
Imagine feeling the sun burning your skin and someone just says "the sun rays aren't that strong or hot..it's just your skin is too sensitive". BS.
I'm trying to make some sense out of this.
Well put.
This is what I thought about myself most of my life. And the reason was my mom since I was maybe 3 was manipulating my emotions and causing me hurt to feed herself. Then when I would react she was either ignore me as if I’m overreacting or she would call me too emotional. So narcissistic people are the ones who will call you that. Every emotion is valid and if you care for a person you will emphasize. Only non empathetic people and people who themselves are damaged and don’t want to be in touch with their own pain will call you that.
My mother always said in a belittling/disrespective voice that I’m just “too sensitive“ and my whenever I had an issue as a child I went to my father and his answer was usually “it’s all in your head“. I never went to them for anything emotional. You could imagine what this would have done to an HSP over time.
Yes. Terrible. Cruel parents.
I feel this! My parents also made me put THEIR emotions first, so not only could I not get comfort from them, but often had to BE the comforter, or to be understanding they have bigger problems. It was BS. Now I don't understand what kind of expectations are too much, and which are reasonable
Yep, me too
I know how it feels. I love you. Hope all is well in your life.
I was described as “too sensitive” and told things were “all in your head,” as a near-daily occurrence. I know exactly how you feel. I could have written the same thing. I sincerely hope you are doing better than I. Blessings
I am a self-professed HSP. I was completely traumatized by my 15 y/o daughter’s relationship with a narcissist. Being highly attuned to non-verbal communication I KNEW something was off about him. And as my outgoing, self-confident, fun-loving daughter began to spiral downward... I absorbed all the emotions she was feeling even though she refused to talk about them. HSP are like emotional sponges... we don’t just sense other people’s emotions... we experience them. My daughter became very anxious, depressed, and withdrawn. I was so distressed by her change in behavior that my hair started falling out (had all the tests done... diagnosed with “stress.”). Anyways, after a year he finally discarded her. It’s been months but she has finally bounced back. Praise God! Never have I prayed so hard to have someone removed from our lives.
HSP are like emotional sponges... we don’t just sense other people’s emotions... we experience them.. Stephanie Morvant
May the Lord Jesus protect us from all forms of evil...and evil people at all times. Amen.
Was he your boyfriend too??? This is very weird.
Please try to influence your daughter to watch videos about manipulators and people such as narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths since she is obviously very vulnerable to these people. What saved me was being educated about these things and also loving myself through Jesus Christ.
@@karlabritfeld7104Not weird. This can happen to people with empathic people and this is her child. Have you not seem this video about empaths?
So true, I can relate to that being a highly sensitive person. Yes, we go out of our way, we care deeply, are highly emphatic, gaslight ourselves, justify red flags, ruminate...A relationship with a narcissist is very damaging for us, and exhausting as you explain. As you say it is hard for everyone💔 Thank you so much for this video, I really needed this, and it is great to know better our vulnerabilities and what to do in these situations💖
Yes! Im just now grasping self gaslighting.
@@loveit7484 Wishing you all the best. Take care💜
So thruth… I am a sensitive person to
@@vinasmith-edwards5212 Thank you for the reply❤
Well said, Liudmila. I love "gaslight ourselves" and "justify red flags." For me, I would add a naivete about how limited a narcissist truly is (and believing I can heal wounded people in general).
When someone says 'you're being too sensitive,' typically they are trying to deflect their own abusive behavior, or comment, shame you for having what is a valid reaction. The tendency of the sensitive person is to disconnect for their own peace of mind, and this will piss the narcissist off more.
I wish that this can work. I can't walk away that easily, it' s at my work. I try but every other day there is something else, some other perfide attack that can't be obviously seen from the outside or co-workers...it's bad.
as a kid, i couldnt handle my narc older brother constantly abusing me, and would lock myself in my room, piling furniture in front of the door so he couldnt get in. he would scream at me and break the door he was so mad. then it would be blamed on me when parents got home, and when i denied, i was called a liar.
that shit fucked me up beyond repair. my neural pathways have been hardwired to be in high-stress mode at all times.
Your videos have helped me put the narcissists in my life into perspective, from my father and his mother who lived next door, both narcissists, to an abusive teacher narcissist when I was 13, to a string of narcissists throughout my life. At 67, I finally understand why I was vulnerable to them, and how they've shaped my life. I'm finally able to step back and begin understanding why I've chosen the relationships I have, and I don't feel bad about myself anymore. You've made my life explainable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yup it was as if your father and his mother opened your subconscious to attract those people into your life or tolerate their b.s.
@@faa1412 so true
Big hugs to you. It's what you were subjected to and that is not your fault. No one was there to guide you and help you. It wasn't your fault. You get to choose now. X
I'm an HSP and I was in a relationship with a narcissistic lawyer for 2 years. I'm so sensitive that I believe I sensed him coming into my life as he was. I began developing ridiculously high blood pressure (stroke levels) just before we met and I had always been SUPER healthy (vegetarian, active, no health issues, looked like I was in my early twenties at 39 years old as everyone emphatically would tell me) and had just had my cardiac profile checked not long before this for a free gym membership provided by my employer, and the cardiologist told me it was "beautiful!". All my numbers were within normal limits. It may be of note that I'm a nurse, so I understand my health. Early in this relationship, I developed gut issues, regular migraines, and later severe anxiety issues. It was an EXHAUSTING and extremely painful relationship. I don't wish what I went thru on anyone, especially an HSP.
Wauw I also developed same things when somebody came into my live but I dodged that bullet. Though I still live with the symptoms
The same experience happened to me. My body just shutdown to the point of bedridden for a year. I was in my late thirties and I had allowed my mother and husband to control me. I had to go through many medical procedures before I got a diagnosis of myofascial pelvic and abdomen pain. I could feel when something was being set up to cause me pain well before I finally shutdown. I ignored the signs and it cost me physically and mentally. Get toxic people out of your life as soon as possible.
That is exactly where I landed with two strokes and a heart attack, exhausting and mentally warping until you can escape
@@libramagyk in NO way worth it!!! Sorry to hear that. Hope you were able to achieve full recovery!
Yes! I’ve been married to a narcissist for 28 years and I’m so physically ill with migraines, GERD, fibromyalgia, and phantom pain. I have no way to leave though. I’m stuck forever.
Me and my dad are highly sensitive people. Unfortunately my dad fell prey to my narcissist mom. I've recently started to stand up for him and myself, I'm so done with her treating us like slaves. Thank you Doctor Ramani.
How is that working out for you ?
Im in your position. How was it growing up with her. Im worried about my kids with her
@@OLegendStudios if he didn´t become a narcissist as a kid, he will never be one - he will be just a victim.
Unfortunately, his father is gone. His body and soul is already owned by the mother. Only person, he can save now, is himself and should be ready to burn all bridges. It´s sad and unfair, but that´s reality. I saw it happen in my own family. My aunt is a narcissist and her husband is a timid, shy, introverted person, which is in her grasp for years already. I can´t say about their kids for sure, but given how they act towards us (we live in the same apartment building), i think they are narcissists too.
Only thing both of you can do now, is to go no contact and start to heal. When you heal, you can decide to go back, just don´t expect anything to change. Your non-narcissistic parent is long gone, unless he/she divorced the narc and went away, just like my mother did, when i was 3 years old. It didn´t save me back then, but it surely did save her.
**ck.... I just came to watch this cuz my mother does the same. Like... if she could, she'd probably do nothing and make me do everything. And then. When I say no. She makes me feel like a piece of sh**. weird ways
So good! Save both of your health. I know so many HSP’s- my aunt and brother in this situation- the body turns the stress inwards and the person gets sick while the Narc gets well.
Praying for all in these situations
I am crying due to the validation. Dr Ramani is an absolute treasure in the mental health field!
real
I'm HSP but am extremly annoyed by narcissists. Their lack of authenticity just strikes me and don't fall for their tricks. Empathy is not necessarily being naive and nice.
Same here. I agree.
Yep same! As soon as my narcissistic ex showed his true colors I got the hell outta there (lucky for me he does have a human side and would never become physically violent with a girl).
I don't think that she was trying to push you into a "weakling" category with the rest of us who have struggled with narcissists.
W o r d!!!
@@stSiren it's not that those who fall for their tricks are "weak". I just don't think HSP is the trait. There must be more to it than just HS that makes you fall into the narcissistic trap.
I feel like I am being seen for the first time in my life. My mother was my first narcissist 😍
Me too
Same here.
My mother too....
As a self-aware HSP, all I can say is that dealing with those disturbed creatures is a hellish experience. Even when they are out of your life for a long time, the pain still lingers on. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Your understanding and guidance are a true blessing ❤
I read Dr Elaine Aron's books when I was 55 years old, and finally understood myself. I also realize, after listening to Dr. Ramani's videos, that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Scapegoating was part of daily life in our family. Perhaps now I have the understanding to be able to forgive myself. It's been a rough road!
I have learned a lot from you over the past few years; thank you so much. When I see ANY signs, I run for my dear LIFE!
I have always been called too sensitive by my family and others when I stood up for myself and others, which I know now it was an appropriate response to emotional and physical abuse. Staying focused on my health, therapy, growth and appropriate safe boundaries. Learning to not pathologize or gaslight myself for sure, and that I’m not responsible for them. Thank you for this. 💖
When I was a child,I'd check in the mirror to see if I actually existed....If it wasn't for Dr. Ramini and this awesome community, I think I would have disappeared all together! I sincerely thankyou all! 🌻💜🌈
I still do this in adult years too... I know what You mean! Stay strong!
@@octavianbunica22 Hi... Sending strength and support to you. I know how hard it is. Stay strong my friend,it's all worth it...You are enough! Kindness and respect to you! 💯🌟👏💜🌼✌️
That is heartbreaking to think of a child feeling that way... 😢 💔 I'm so sorry to hear you were suffering so. 😥 SO glad to hear you're doing better though! ❤
🌻🥰💘
I couldn't figure out for a long time why I was getting hives/migraine after I interacted with those I suspect they are narcissists. After I've been trying grey rock method, my health is finally improving. I still get sick sometimes, but it's becoming manageable. Dr. Ramani, If I hadn't come across your channel, I wouldn't even imagined there were such thing as covert narcissists. Your generosity and your remarkable work has been helping countless people.
As an Empath and HSP with 2 Narc parents it was hell on earth growing up ..20 years healing ...finally retired being scapegoat... life is finally unfolding for me ❤
Genuine HSP here! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
The distinction between high sensitivity and high reactivity was exactly what I needed! thank you very much, this clarifies my situation a lot!
Yes…the distinction is such an eye opener for my situation as well!
Yup, high reactivity is not the same as high sensitivity.
Some people have several narcissistic traits and they'll never change. It's just who they are. But they honestly believe that they are "empathic" when in reality, they are highly reactive. Everyone walks on eggshells around that one person.
Sensitivity is, hands down, the most underrated character trait in the world. And sensitive people underrate themselves.
It's so easy to be HSP and victimize yourself, seeing yourself as weak and fragile.
Narcissists, on their hand, love to consume sensitive people with low self esteem. It's like an animal seeing a free meal.
It's a perfect match ☠
I used to hate myself for my sensitivity, easy blushing, shyness etc. With age I got used to it and manage it. It takes self- knowledge. At least, now I don't feel shame while experiencing strong feelings.
@@Jane-gt6ef It takes time to appriciate a trait that everyone wants you to get rid of. I'm glad you have gotten out of your misery.
Empathic sensitive people are under valued in the USA. Sadly.
@@ebony41441 Same in Scandinavia, I'm sorry to say
@@ebony41441 True. Assertiveness, or rather agressivity is valued a lot more. Sensitive people also lack competetivness, a highly valued virtue in the US as well.
Two minutes into this segment and the tears just started to fall, because validation of my feelings is what I've been deprived of for so long. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction to understand myself and to not make excuses for the way I am anymore. God bless you Dr. Ramani. 🤗
I'm HSP and my mom is a narcissist. I've had to withdraw communication with her for my own sanity. thank you so much for uploading this content to help me realize I've been gaslit for years and not just confused and uncomfortable with self doubt.
Same. Since my mom (who was the sane, loving, compassionate, empathetic one in our family) passed away, I haven't heard from my narcissistic, paranoid, obsessive, antisocial, abusive, gaslighting siblings in a while, and it's been a breath of fresh air, a true rebirth. I only seldom hear from my dad, just to make sure he's alive and healthy, but even that is too much at times. Let's learn to love ourselves, and not let these pieces of sh*t have their way with us. I understand that they're suffering from disorders, so we should not Judge as the great teachers taught us, Jesus, the Buddha. But I'll non-judgementally tell them to f*ck off, since I'm not their emotional toilet.
We have to communicate in small portions. I haven’t seen my moon for a long time and then we had a weekend together. I thought it was going well. But she manage to call me fat, becouse I have normal human belly and gain few kg past few month. She just couldn’t resist it 😂 but I didn’t react to this. I’m like a wall
Ihave no idea who is whom and I’m losing my mind
Higly Sensitive/Empath person here with a very narcissistic father.
Not fun. Even today Im dealing with my self-gaslighting. Even when I can see myself doing it, its so "normal" for me now that I need to constatnly remind me "yeah Im sensitive and that is OK"
I hear you mate. Not fun at all but you will see life can be fun when you take control. It's taken me a long time but it was worth it. Embrace and own your soft side. It's a gift.
well said "self gaslighting" is very difficult to end
@@BaiMengLingabsolutely. It's a lifetime of hurt but it's worth a try. You deserve a good life. 👍I'll be learning everyday to have a good life
I love how you stop the blame game and offer us thoughts on our own behaviors. The game has become the norm, with everyone a victim, everyone entitled, and it disturbs me as much as seeing violence.
YES!!!
This speaks to me so deeply. Yes! I feel this!
I agree with this so much.
That’s why I fell into my ex, plus lack of experience. Either or. What helps is these videos or those that have been through it before. It’s like bqq on a fire 🔥 you can smell it a mile away if you’ve been there
I hate cruelty. My birth family always laughed at me when I would upset at seeing a living creature hurt. I remember seeing lobsters at the grocery store - they were alive on a big pile of ice with pegs in their claws. I started to cry about the lobsters and their pain. My mom made fun of me for being upset. I was 8. I eventually learned to hide my feelings because I did not want to be ridiculed.
Now at 66 my life philosophy has evolved to be kind whenever possible, fight back when you have to and never celebrate pain. Even if the other person is a total douchbag I don’t have to be one.
When I was a kid we went to the beach. Well, my dad took me on the fishing pier and I went and kicked all the sand sharks back into the water that the people fishing had fished out and left to die on the pier. They saw them as pests for stealing their bait. They yelled at me and my dad lol. I felt bad for the sharks.
This extra gift is challenging to say the least. I get drained around humans. All activities r limited because of it but I believe it also keeps me safe. Sometimes I really hate it…
TY Dr. Ramani
💖
Well damn, this makes sense now. My mother is a narcissist and I am a highly sensitive person. Whenever she or anyone else called me sensitive I thought of it as an insult
As a highly sensitive person who survived a narcissistic relationship I want to let others know it can be done
It was hard to see as explained by Dr. Ramani here, difficult to do but it is so worth it for your own life
Be true to yourself and move on as soon as you can
Amen, sister! I’m there with you! Good for you for getting out, and getting yourself back! 🙏
I'm slowly getting there but I wanted to die after my narc relationship.. I felt anything I did wasn't good enough, if I called him out on his bs, I was wrong. I stood up for myself but in the end .. im standing here with egg on my face .. he left me and didnt think twice about it. Why do hsp people get it so bad. There are moments I still feel like I just want to be gone from the world because I feel like I have no purpose anymore. Being sensitive gets u no where but lost and confused , used and abused
One thing I have observed,narcs enjoy looking at and making of fun of sensitive people. they laugh at their emotions,crush those and invalidate
Only if YOU allow them to...
It takes a great deal of self awareness and evaluation to withstand their intrusive behavior. Live YOUR own life through YOUR eyes...not theirs.
Hobbies and outlets for yourself that will bring satisfaction and pleasure.
Avoid those who do not add to your life.
They do. Its terrible and they will use and abuse u. My ex used me and didnt think 2x about it.. when I asked him why . He said he didn't care... how do people on this earth like that live with themselves?
Thank you very much for this video.
I myself am HSP, I am 53 now, and a couple of years ago I said to myself "Okay I've had enough." When I actually stood up for myself it felt so wrong and uncomfortable at first, but then it was like a weight had been lifted off me.
It totally shocks everybody around you that is used to seeing you as an easy mark.
So now I speak my mind as much as possible. It still feels alien at first, but then I sit back and I think, you know I am so glad I did that. .
I still have instances where people's behavior just kind of throws me and I don't even know how to react in the moment because it was so bizarre, rude and obnoxious.
I will usually discuss it with them later on after I have thought about what the hell just happened and how it affected me.
And of course you will always get the people that say "Oh you're too sensitive." " I didn't mean it that way."
But if it makes you uncomfortable then you have to express it.
It sets a well needed boundary that others should respect.
To me if they can't respect my boundaries then they can just move along, I am not going to be basically tortured by somebody else's insensitive behaviors.
It's amazing and totally repulsive how people will treat you and try to get away with things if they know you are very sensitive.
If you really want to enjoy your life you're going to have to keep an eye out for yourself.
I started late but at least I'm doing it now and I feel much better for it.
Wow , you spoke that so well . I can soooo relate & am just a year older then yourself . Learning later in life myself on the toxicities of these individuals and it definitely has helped to understand better what exactly I’m up against .
Still working on being strong for myself against these types … not easy for sure .
Thanks for sharing your well put thoughts .
Thank you very much, it really isn't easy at all so hope you recognize your strength and are proud of yourself. 👍😊
“Quit wearing your emotions on your sleeve!” is what I heard throughout my childhood from my narcissist father.
Im an HSP and you definitely nailed it. Thank you.
"the narcisist's tendency to weaponise what they see as the weaknesses of other people" - how true! Wasted years hoping they'd see the value of the kind heart, willing to forgive, love, be honest, serve others, admit one's mistakes/failures, etc. But they despise it even as they make use of you.
Yes Michele - the narcissistic psychopathic individuals in my life (my ex hubby, ex in laws and their flying monkeys) were dangerously insensitive and treated EVERY word that I uttered as unbelievable or stupid or whatever.. I recall water pouring through the ceiling during a rainstorm, rang exhubby to return from his parents place as there was an emergency at our place - he and the father in law showed up in 30 minutes (they lived 10 mins away from our home) very grumpy and in disbelief and even acted as though it was no big deal. There was a waterfall coming through the ceiling. That's just one instance. They are useless and should never marry. I so wish i had never met this selfish, vain creep.
Truer words were never spoken.
@@nilgiridreaming may we all go on to live good lives without bullies and put-downs - with people who return love and kindness. And may we be our calm best selves if we see the cruel ones again.
@@abribaker-lawrence908 may we find peace with other kind, loving people
Yup!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. There´s a lot of therapists that don't have knowledge about HSP, so its important to go to a psychologist that is familiarized with the trait, otherwise, they can misdiagnose and misunderstand the highly sensitive person and unfortunately make everything worse
What might they diagnose it as?
Very true. The therapists I have seen in the past all didn't know what a HSP is. It can be frustrating to have to "teach" them something they should already know.
@@lisagrace6471 bipolar disorder, social anxiety, avoidant disorder, anxiety, etc...
@@elivalmon oh interesting. I don't know a lot about the topic.
So true. I stepped away from such therapists. They also lack knowledge of toxic relationship.
Since I came to this page..my life has changed.. Completely...
Same. Learning that most of the abusive relationships are with narcissists, and that I am an HSP, has been a steady journey since Summer of 2021 when I learned my manager wasn't just bad, but was a narcissist.
Bingo! I’m an HSP who grew up in a less than ideal home and married an abusive narcissist. None of the current psychological information was publicly available at the time. I finally had to divorce him for my sanity. It was only when I read the book,”The Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them” that I finally got a glimmer of understanding. Keep up your important work.
This is exactly why narcissists prey on HSP individuals. I developed a HSP personality as a child growing up in a narcissistic family system. I do observe/am aware of some narcissistic behaviors, or desires I'd rather describe it as, in myself. It's likely a result of as well as a compensation for not being noticed as a child, and never validated or having your perspective confirmed or empathized with by anyone. Fortunately, I didn't fall into the trap and have never accepted narcissistic behavior in myself. Just never knew it was 'narcissistic' behavior until quite recently, when discovering your videos. So, now I'm also learning not to accept narcissistic behaviors in others. It's a trail I've followed and kinda come to understand on my own, but it's so much easier to learn from Dr. Ramani. She makes all the pieces fall into place and it's impossible to describe how it feels to finally get validation from a hardcore professional. It never was me who was crazy or too sensitive. Well... perhaps too sensitive in a way, but... not in a bad way I'd argue. We need more sensibly sensitive people in this world, not less!
Love that!! That's gold: "sensibly sensitive".
This is my life too! Dr Ramini and this community has helped me,more than they'll ever ever know! Thankyou very much friends! 💜🌻🌈
@@johnm3544 Yes that seems like a good way to describe it. It's like the narc stops developing mentally, they cease to evaluate themselves at least in any productive manner, therefore do not continue to develop their personality. They become the embodiment of; "The greatest obstacles that we face in life are the ones we build for ourselves." It's a shame for our species that they have to be obstructive in the lives of others too. The narc behavior in humans is a primitive force that's been holding us back, as a species, for many centuries now. If enough people can be informed on this issue, we'll be able to break out of the shackles they've crafted for us.
@@lisagrace6471 Because what's life without humor? ;-) I love it when words just align like that... :D
ohh hello you are me...
for the sake of family love, i dismantled the voice of family dynamic i grew up in. in return, i lost my identity and personal narrative. its good if you follow buddhist literature and embody 'enlightenment' but its not good for mental health in general to always silence the ego.
Outstanding video on highly sensitive people and narcissism! Brilliant insight into how things actually feel between HSPs and narcissists. Thank you so much for bringing this to light, Dr Ramani.
Spot on. As an empath, that wonderful trait or ability is like nectar to a narc. But I also truly believe that the more empowered an empath becomes, the bigger the threat the empath becomes to the narc, though it may not always be evident right off the bat.
How so? I know someone who had a narc husband. She is highly empathic. She seems to have shorthand sentences/reactions for difficult behavior - it is almost like she's talking to a child - and it works in many cases, usually without the other person feeling insulted. She is half my height, but twice my stature when it comes to respect. And she has such a big heart...
Can be a dangerous place to be. Looking backon a 25 year marriage. I'm amazed l survived it. My ex ruled through fear and rage. I was suicidal and taking antidepressants just to live my life holding my breath and walking on eggshells. Never knowing what I would be blamed for each day. Never being good enough.
@@enraegen561 Exactly that. She's got that "something," but even more than that, she knows how to spot them. As an empowered empath, they can spot narc personalities and behavior, where a regular person wouldn't so easily. Furthermore, an empowered empath can have the ability to do something about the narc, as much as possible at least, and it would seriously shock the socks off the narc. They never expect those tables to turn, as they tend to see the empath as weak, and that is just not true at all. Your friend probably deserves way better, but she deserves her own love, self-love, way more than her narc. If she could shine her own love on herself. She sounds like a wonderful person.
@@baxtermt1 The PTSD that we carry from that can keep us in alert mode more than necessary, and then working against us because we burn out from wondering what's next, what's around the corner. We experience knee-jerk reactions. A former boss once pointed out that I tended to anticipate what could happen 12 steps ahead of the actual scenario at hand. I realized she was right! That happens when you have to live around a sociopath. You are living in survival mode and trying to see the attack/motive/event, which can change at any time to suit the disordered person's goal at the time. You never know. Do you find this to be true for you too, and what works for you, if you found anything?
@@jlynngambler I was pretty blind to my situation at the time. He had me almost convinced that he was always right and I had no way out.
My faith kept me safe. Its been behind me for some time.
Yet here we are.
Thank you for this. I’m an HSP and I cannot put into words how a relationship with a narc affected me. Within only six months I had developed horrible anxiety, heart arrhythmia and a flare in an underlying autoimmune condition that used to be stable. From being well and quite functioning before I met him, I felt like I was literally LOSING MY MIND. Giving more and more, trying harder to love, to interpret him with kindness, to sort things out, to show grace and forgiveness. My nervous system was raging. I could barely function at work even though I happen to love my job. It’s sounds dramatic. But I think you know what I mean. When he was angry, the level of distress I felt, I can’t put words into it. It was torturous. When he changed his story all the time or gaslit me, the level of confusion I felt was indescribable, it felt like there was toxins flowing through my body instead of my own blood. I felt physically sick by trying to figure things out and I felt like my soul was outside of my body. It almost killed me. Luckily, it ended.
HSP daughter to a narcissist. This made my heart run fast because this was the entirety of my childhood. It was extremely stressful
I was always called "oversensitive", and that I like to "bathe in my emotional mud". When I was afraid to go to a doctor as a child, I was always mocked. Later, I was called "an artist" - in a pejorative meaning. I must admit that I hated my sensitivity in the past. Narcissistic people (whom I didn't realise back then they were narcissistic) I always sort of admired for being so confident and telling me what I should do because I always felt somehow lost. Therefore I tended to stick to the narcissists because they always had and idea of how my life shoud look like because I didn't know what to do (never really had a chance to lear what I really wanted). After years have passed, I started to like my sensitivity. I can see it is something unique. I lived alone for many years and only then I really learned what I wanted and I needed without anybody telling me what my life should look like.
I totally undertand you. My life was just this.
Experienced the same
Yes. I’m finally recognizing & accepting that I am an HSP. I’ve had a strong impulse (fantasy) recently the past few years to chuck my life & run away alone somewhere quiet. I think it’s exactly as you stated & have done - the HSP need for alone time to think, center, & recharge.
Just read "oversensitive" and "an artist" and I thought I must know where are you from, without even looking at your username.
I've veen called oversensitive from my childhood. I think the only influence it had on me was learning to not display me being upset.
Congrats for reaching such mature state!
Wow, I get it, I've bathed in my emotion mud for years. Now that I understand this, I am so much stronger. I've mostly lived alone and can't stand living with anyone. I'm so tired of trying to look normal and being alone is wonderful.
I kept trying to resolve things with someone but then I realized the big picture. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Went through this exact relationship dynamic in my twenties. I was/am the “highly sensitive person.” It is no exaggeration to say that it almost killed me. I was suicidal before it was over and blamed everything on myself. Dr. Ramani, I shudder as well. The memory of that time feels like a pit in my stomach. Thankfully its almost 20 years behind me and I have had so much to learn! I’ve come very far in my personal growth. I’m long out of the woods : )
Yes it's so much worse for those of us who are HSP's who grow up with narcissistic parents. Both of my parents were narcissists, and my mother in particular was always exploiting my emotional vulnerabilities to her advantage while ridiculing me whenever I expressed my emotional needs. Therapy has helped me to recognize the impact of my abuse in childhood, particularly my issues with trusting other people and being drawn to narcissists in both friendships and romantic partners. I've come a long way but I'm still a work in progress. Videos like this are helpful just to remind ourselves of the warning signs of narcissistic relationships and how they can rob us of our joy and vitality.
I just found your channel and I feel like I've found answers to my situation for the first time. I am highly sensitive and I lasted 12 years with a narcissist. It was like riding a rollercoaster of emotions at all times, and I was walking on eggshells trying my best to not make her upset. Almost all of my energy was spent accommodating her needs and wants, and that gave me a sense of purpose. Covid and working at home pushed me over the edge and I stopped accommodating her, and focused more on myself and my career, and thats when she snapped and threatened to "cheat on me" and ultimately left (gaslighting me on the way out). That was three months ago and I've never been happier.
I'm an HSP, I describe it as living in high definition 24/7. Another great video Dr. Thank you for educating the world.
All my life people have said I was highly sensitive. I am. It's a good thing. thank you for your work.
The amount of things that I have learned from watching your videos about myself and my relationship with my parents is astounding. The sad thing is I am highly sensitive and both my parents are narcissist so imagine the conundrum I deal with.
Me too, and I’m sure there are others - at least we know now that we aren’t the problem after all ❤️
Good luck mate. You'll get there
Same here parents, siblings and ex husband and his whole family all were narcs in my life ....
Me as well. I am just learning about high sensitivity and it is really freeing to know that I'm not messed up. My dad literally looked at me the other day and said, "You cry about everything." Yeah, that's helpful.
My mom & i are highly sensitive & we have faced no end of the antoganizing & gaslighting from my narcissistic father, her husband. We fall for his traps frequently & i’m finally focusing on studying narcissism, healing my trauma, & informing others of this insidious behavior to hopefully help them cope with or escape dire situations such as mine. The trail of destruction for a narcissist never ends & has no limit. My mother had 3 children with this person & all of us are highly sensitive. The narcissist has brainwashed us all & broken down our self esteems in order to love bomb us and gain power back. My mother feels that she cannot live without the financial support of her abuser. THIS IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN A NARCISSIST PREYS ON A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON!! A tale as old as time unfortunately.
Hsp.. I grieved every day of my teenage years into young adult until I moved away. It took years to stop grieving. I was flying, feeling free and happy with life-loving it, up till a couple months ago. Then I went to visit family and it was like being crushed under a rock. I have been silently grieving again. It is so sad to me to see this come back, but now it’s clear. Undeniably clear, and thanks to your videos now I know to cut loose because it’s not going to change. Never, unless the people change. I deserve to live in happiness, not as someone’s punching bag.
narcissism = selfishness. We were taught that selfishness was confined / limited to material things. Contrarily it goes beyond that. Who knew selfishness was so destructive
Also, being selfish and self absorbed are very different things. I think some people are very self absorbed without even realizing but aren’t intentionally selfish.
Im autistic, and your description of a HSP is 100% me. I feel empathy to an insane degree, Im a chronic people pleaser, I shy away from confrontation, I can't cope with crowds or too much sensory input, I have to leave the room if there is bickering or any kind of tension, I can't tolerate seeing anyone or anything suffering, I feel sorry for people at the drop of a hat, even if they have treated me like crap, I trust too readily and have no self confidence so I dismiss my gut feelings as invalid and 'it must be me'. And yep, ended up in a 10 year long marriage to a narcissist, who recognise and preyed on all of that.
Im 18 months out now, and still healing, but I see so many autistic people, particularly women, who fit your description and end up in these predatory relationships. But its not something we're really told about when autism is discussed. We are told we are more at risk of 'relationship predators', but no-one tells us what that looks like. I had no idea what a narcissist was. I just met a guy who *seemed* to be lovely, because he was........in the beginning. He loved everything I loved, he was supportive and easy going and so 'into me'. No one told me about love bombing. No-one told me a predator can look like a nice guy for so long. At the end of the relationship, I was sleeping with a butcher knife under my pillow because I was terrified he was going to kill my dog (he'd never have the balls to attack me, he knew he'd get in the shit for it, but he could attack the next best thing, my dog)
Autistic people, please research narcissism and learn as much as you can. I really wish I had known about it before wasting 10 years of my life.
For anyone reading, please understand that Autism and HSP are not the same thing. They are distinct experiences. Psychology Today has a great article, 'No, Being Autistic Is Not the Same as Being Highly Sensitive'. I am an HSP with autistic friends (whom I love).
@@DesertMoon Autism and HSPs are different, but they’re both under the category of neurodivergent. Im an HSP and was surprised to learn this when I looked it up!
There are similarities because both HSP and Autism is categorized under neurodivergent! :3
And you can be autistic And hsp at the same time, according to Aron. 😊
I’m also autistic and same. I left my narcissist in October. I’m scared my daughter is going to end up with the same issues when she’s older.
My last girlfriend was a monster narcissist and never in my life have I had someone manipulate me and abuse me the way she did. Please RUN don't walk away because it will never work. The only thing to come of this is pure misery and pain. Thank goodness I found someone completely on the other end of the spectrum but I was very lucky to get out of that relationship which was destroying me. Please people when that little voice in your head tells you to get the hell out of there, make sure you listen or you will suffer the consequences.
@Whispering Moon Be well thanks a lot.
If you can provide some details? Would appreciate....
I sobbed through this whole video. I found Dr Ramani on Thursday & now by Tuesday I’m sure that 10 years ago I spent a decade with a narcissist. ALL the signs were there. Between being an HSP, growing up in a verbally abusive home, etc- I was a prime target & it was excruciating. Thank you for opening my eyes to this & for all the helpful insights. Sigh…. So much time has passed & it can still cut me to the core.
I am definitely a highly sensitive person. I was so described in my youth by my teachers and by my spiritual director. Narcissists really attack me constantly throughout my mature life. But really the ability to explore this information on the internet about narcissism is a life saver. Thanks so much Dr Ramani.
After ending the relationship with my ex, I realized that he had a lot of traits of a covert narcissist. First I thought that he maybe had Aspergers, and was drawn to his intelligence and awkwardness. A part of me also felt like he was misunderstood. I felt off from the beginning about him being demeaning to everyone for no reason, arrogant, not capable of any self-reflection and very insecure about himself and his looks, but I still continued dating him because I naively thought I could teach him to understand people and himself. As highly sensitive people we can only take so much and I finally ended things after a horrible comment he made, that made me feel like it all was just a transactional relationship. I didn't know covert narcissists exist, which made me ignore the bad signs. The overt ones can be spotted from a mile away and I think many HSP's naturally feel like avoiding them.
Totally relate to this!!! What comment did he make if you don’t mind sharing?
Her new video is about the difference between Asperger’s/autism and Narcissism. I am both autistic and HSP and I’m vulnerable to narcissists. ruclips.net/video/XEDda93M_mg/видео.html
Asperges is not the same as narcissism remotely because people with asperges struggle to make friends whereas narcissists are very popular and most of the times financially well off not to mention they cause a lot of damage too lol
I'm an HSP and suffer from PTSD. My 1/2 sister is narcissistic. I had to go no contact over a year ago after trying to understand her and be a part of her life. The mental pain was just too much to have her in my life.
Repeated information properly dished out is a sign of a good teacher..
I think there’s a very valuable new information (at least for me) that helps clarify the difference in “sensitive to criticism” aspect between narcissists and HSPs.
@@chaitrakeshav sounds positive
At 58 as a retired correctional officer married for 37 years and with her since the age of 14 I sit every single day loving my only trusted friend my American bully and crying at night for a person who wants me dead . These videos and my family I'm alive & her !!
@@jarvismcmullin1321 💔 I'm so very sorry. Sending virtual hugs, love & prayers your way.... As an HSP I find it very hard to stand up for myself & am stuck in a terrible relationship myself. It's been 10yrs & worried I may never get out. I always seem to try & keep the peace verses protecting or stand up for myself & I'm not sure how to "toughen" up & be stronger. Unfortunately.
@@d.froggiez369 Dawn ty so very much. Listen , you can do it. My wife was proven ( not by law ) but another family member to have attempted to have me killed. I'm in my own place and putting together with comments like yours , family ,the God Doc R and faith followed by action. One love family. Have you read any Melody Beattie ? Part of my morning meditation etcetera. 🧘♂️
I agree 💯 percent.
But I'm conquering narcissistic behavior better than before.
Keep away from them and boundaries - also a few good honest words such as "I don't need your APPROVAL" has helped a great deal.
I now "see" the Narcist in a new light.
Thank you for all your help ❤
I was already saying when I saw the title, “Oh my sensitivity means I’m the narcissist.” Then I realized my narcissistic brother gave me this label and I’m already internalizing the gaslighting. Wow 😳.
yup my narc parents and brother always belittled me about being too sensitive. as a little boy in the 90s, that fucked up my self image so badly it took decades to figure it out
Yeah, lol. I was told my emotional regulation during their heated outbursts was manipulation. 🙄god give us strength and guide us to and through you.
Love that point about not pathologizing or gaslighting ourselves. I identify as an HSP and I really found freedom and self-love in beginning to finally honor that about myself and be unapologetic about it, but to appreciate the insights it gives me and the ways I can show up in the world and show up for myself. I think that’s as protective as it gets against these folks who would come in and abuse those good qualities we have. 💜
Good for you, Annika! You should revel in the beautiful, peaceful person you are. 🕊
@@elcee7800 thank you so much for saying that! It really means a lot. 🥰
@@annikamin1637: You said it. Show up in life. Unapologetically. Your way.
@@elcee7800 that really is the essence of empowerment and self-love and self-honoring. Thanks so much 💜
Thank goodness for bringing Dr.Ramani and Dr.Elaine Aaron into my life. The book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aaron was of great help to me. And ofcourse, it goes without saying Dr.Ramani's videos are life savor. Thank you both❤
This video just broke the chains of the shame I’ve felt for years for being “too sensitive” or “pathetic”. Very empowering. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Tu way you said « I shudder for them ». I actually believe I’ll never heal from the many toxic narcissist relationships I’ve had since childhood. I’ve got nothing left but over sensitivity to pain, sadness and more often that not despair… 3:20
'You're too sensitive!' I was told this from a very young age. For a long, long time I believed it. I was hyper sensitive and highly emotional. I cried easily, but laughed easily too. I was hyper aware of the dis/comfort of others. I struggled socially. I became so overwhelmed that I froze and my voice didnt work. l believed that I was weak because I 'couldnt handle' too much stress. I believed that being sensitive meant I was a weak person. I've changed my mind. Sensitivity is a super power!!! It takes immense strength to survive in this world when you are a highly sensitive person! Whenever I start to feel down about how I am, I remember the inspiring lyrics from Jewel - 'I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way!'
I wish there were more sensitive people in the world! Imagine how loving and kind a place it could be!
You just described me, an empath, and my last relationship, I agree it is the worst personality type to get in this relationship with, stuck like chuck for 7 years, finally free. Thank you again Dr. R love and light 💕✨
I am a highly sensitive person raised in a narcissistic family system. I was constantly made fun of, demeaned and gaslighted by my toxic family. I finally realized that this vicious cycle of abuse will never end so I went no contact with my entire toxic family. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner. My mental health is more important that having a dysfunction relationship with my family.
I'm a highly sensitive person with a narcissistic father, I stopped counting how many times I've been called "you're being too sensitive" everytime I broke down from the chaos, stress, verbal abuse & gaslighting.
I checked all the boxes of the highly sensitive person and I have been with a narcissist before. It was so painful and I am glad it’s over. Thanks a lot for the video
I think you just helped me understand why I spent 25 whole years in my relationship with my abusive partner. I’m now in a support group for women who have experienced domestic violence, and out of everyone there, I stayed the second-longest. I was beating myself up about that, and feeling very stupid for not getting out sooner, but I think it’s because I’m an HSP. I was just CONSTANTLY trying to improve things, examine myself, and make everyone else comfortable.
It's been 1 year since I bumped into an ex-friend who deeply hurt me and never apologized, tried to resolve things and got burnt yet again, told a real friend about it, the real friend suggested your videos, and the rest is history. In the past year, I have learned so much about this type of miserable person, from the ex-friend to abusive bosses to kids who bullied me, and it has been a lifesaver. I don't blame myself and gaslight myself anymore, I have radical acceptance and distance from them, and I feel emotionally free. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Yeah this was exactly my childhood. The constant invalidation and being made fun of for being too sensitive and then feeling like I was completely worthless. But because I also had the vulnerable narc as a mom, I felt I had to take care of her despite always being seen as awful and just hoped one day all my efforts would pay off. And they did but not for her. Just for me. I’m really glad though that I learned to see my worth and didn’t try to change myself to be more aggressive. There’s nothing wrong with the way I am no matter who told me otherwise
I sometimes feel I have to be aggressive. But if I do that I am being as miserable as them and proving them right about me. They don’t deserve that. I feel narcissists wish they could be as openly sensitive as their victims. They are jealous and ashamed and project that onto their victims. They’re the true sensitive ones, they’re just trying to cover it up
But I hope that you are free of your mother now.🤗 This feeling was relieving for me and made a whole different perspective how to live and love life.
That’s was beautifully expressed. Glad you didn’t become aggressive or cynical. Stay true, stay You, honey.
💜
The worst for me was when my emotional reactions to my covert vulnerable mom’s emotional abuse always quickly turned into me attacking her for misunderstanding what she was trying to say.
Most often, it was my overt vulnerable brother who methodically triggered her rage towards me using the thing she’s most insecure about that I “said or did something inappropriate to embarrass her”. It was a daily occurrence, my angry mom seeking me out then shaming me for whatever my brother told her, which was usually news to me and I wouldn’t even be given a chance to defend myself. I would emotionally react then quickly became the abuser who overreacted.
To this day, I’m 41 when my mom triggers me with something covertly abusive comments, she’ll bring up how I always target her and only her when I’m having a mood swing or on my period. She literally said it to me 4 days ago.
The worst wasn’t my mother, though. It was my scheming brother that rejected me, isolated me from ever having friends that didn’t also abuse or humiliate me, manipulate me into doing things I knew were wrong so he could “catch” me then demonize me to our parents (I couldn’t say no to him), constantly framing me for things, terrorizing, baiting and gaslighting me to try and get me to kill myself (after his elaborate schemes created chaos in the house), the list is so long.
I didn’t have any safe place to go because he turned all the neighborhood kids into flying monkeys at school, some of them even started abusing me themselves with their own smear campaigns and schemes. It’s no wonder I ended up in my 1st state mental hospital then subsequent rehab by 26, after attempting then dropping out of college 3 times.
It’s also no wonder I live a happily reclusive life now. I have Self Love and Emotional strength after years of trauma therapy but I don’t have the energy, motivation or desire to leave my house. I don’t think that will ever change. People exhaust me when I’m forced to be around them. Social hangovers are definitely real, I get them after 30 minutes of being around my mom.
I was diagnosed as BPD and my occupational therapist says I am hypersensitive. The part about being observant about others' mood shifts is definately true of BPD as many of us had to be alert to our surroundings and not to upset our caregivers especially if they suffer from mood disorders.
This is spot on for me and as a result the narcissistic hell I have endured! Not only from my father, the pattern continued with my ex-husband. Both, used, exploited, and abused my empathy and sensitivity.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for giving me validation!
I needed this so much!!!! Thank you again Dr R ❤️🌈 I was a kid with HSP qualities and a high IQ as well. Because of therapy like this I've survived my narcissistic family and all of their abuse has made me "forged in fire." I hope someone else reads this and feels a little better today 😘