My egg finally cracked when my answer to the question "Do I want to be them or do I want to be WITH them?" turned out to be yes. I already knew I was very attracted to women, but when I realized how much happier I felt when people treated me like one I realized I was a trans lesbian. I accepted it a couple years ago at 34 years old and have been on HRT since April of 2023. I look so different from my pre-transition self that you'd think that was my (significantly older looking) brother. Also thanks to FFXIV for being what finally made me realize I was trans.
Amusingly we're about the same age and FF14 also helped me a lot haha what a game though. I realised at 25 mind you but it took ages to get anything going.
It's crazy how much it can impact other feelings and preferences. I went through a whole host of orientations and so on until I realized, wait a minute, I think I like the way I'm being treated as a consequence of this orientation more than anything else
As someone who’s both autistic and trans, Princess Jellyfish means a LOT to me. It’s my favorite anime/manga of all time. I know it gets a little love from its very niche and kinda small fan base, but it’s still super underrated (at least imo from what I’ve seen🤷🏻) and I think videos like these gives it the proper respect it deserves! I’m glad I stumbled upon this today!
My girl Tsukimi is an autistic legend, who can't mask to save her life. Same goes for her roommates at Amamizukan. They all have the specific passions that keep them almost afloat mentally and financially, but are also held back by their social barrier and inability to fit in. It's their story about finding that balance between being their best selves and discovering the power to flourish in a world for neurotypicals. Out of all of them, Tsukimi was making the first and biggest steps. Kuranosuke, an outgoing, charismatic, most likely neurotypical master of everything she dreads, helped her a lot.
That was another direction I really considered for this, the intersection of surviving in a world of premade roles and being an individual. In short, I agree haha
I haven't seen the series but it wasn't long before I was wondering whether Tsukimi and her friends were autistic. All the NTs talk down to her and about her. It is so sad.
@@lainiwakura1776 I know that one can not give a autistic diagnosis to characters or to other people. I am autistic myself and I guess I was saying that alot of it resonated with me. I recognised myself, I guess.
I almost cried when you starting talking about your own experiences again. I realized I was trans masc at 14, but I have only been truly finding myself as of recently (I’ll be 25 in 2 months). Finding yourself is a journey, but a beautiful experience. Open arms and hopeful wishes for your future!
The tattoo choker with a black lined eye is iconic and where a lot of us start. I couldn't help but notice it on your videos, long ago. Welcome to the sisterhood. I transitioned at 28, there's always time.
I remember watching Princess Jellyfish for the first time years ago, and falling in love with the comfort of it. I saw a lot of myself in Tsukimi, and I envied the fact that she found a place to live that just accepted her. I still want a place to be understood, to feel safe to express myself. I don't have a specific gender identity, but to everyone still figuring it out, still learning themselves, I'm wishing you nothing but love, peace and safety as you become you 🩵
Legit had to paused the video two minutes in, binged watched all of Princess Jellyfish in under 12 hours, then woke up and watched the rest of the video. I cried at the end wow. Beautiful video ❤
that thumbnail instantly resonated deeply with me, because a lot of figuring myself out as a trans non-straight person was wrestling with the question "do I want to be them or do I want to be WITH them?" - gender envy vs. attraction. Even though I found your channel only a few months ago, I watched a lot of your essays and really enjoyed them, so I'm really looking forward to watching this one. Based on the vibe I picked up from you and the colour scheme, I have a hunch where this might go
As you probably saw, it does go there haha. It's a feeling I've had for a while, so when I watched this series I knew it was finally time to explore it, and hopefully find some logic in it
@@ProfessorViral I only managed to get to watch it now because I didn't want to half-listen to you just as background noise, but with the due attention you deserve. And well, what can I say but welcome. Welcome to a journey, to potentially many questions and answers. A journey that's your own and yet one you won't have to walk all by yourself, but I'm sure you know that already, given how you took the time to read and respond to who knows how many comments on here, maybe even all of them. While I'm in the same boat of spending about 1/3 of my life before taking the first step (finally got to start HRT like 3 weeks ago), I do come from a position of kind of having known this truth about myself for many many years, but being too paralyzed by fear to do anything about it, pushing it away, trying to hide from it and trying to convince myself that it's too late now anyway. You said it's a story you've meant to tell for 2 years too, so I'm sure you know all too well that time won't just make you forget this aspect of yourself and allow you to go back to blissful ignorance. One phrase that always stuck with me about that is: The best day to start was yesterday, but the second-best day is today. (Also I feel like you've mentioned some fateful encounter with a woman in a different town in some of your other videos before. Am I misremembering or was that you hinting at what what you talked about in this video?) I also found it fairly interesting how you highlighted our tendency to stereotype and in turn how we have to look and act the part if we wish to be seen a certain way. After all, it can be applied to gender as well and for me initially raised the question if I can be a man even if I don't like masculine stuff or a woman without liking feminine things. I feel like I'm kind of just rambling at this point, so I'll cut myself short. Godspeed on your journey Viral, I know you have it in you
The whimsy in how you describe the first "real" moment of your life was so vivid and captivating. It's crazy the lengths we go through to avoid trudging into the depths of the unfamiliar in fear that it'll become familiar. Your philosophical musings surrounding Princess Jellyfish captured the beauty that comes from art that mirrors the observer. To question and to be seen is how a piece of art is meant to be absorbed. Proud of you for making this video and even more proud of who you're becoming! :)
It is honestly terrifying; I spent the year prior to that working 70 hours weeks just so I couldn't really have time to contemplate myself. It's odd that we can know ourselves enough to not know ourselves. Thank you for your kind words and time!
Agreed, began transitioning @ 31. I could never look back. I'm happier than I have ever been. 🫶 This made me bawl my eyes out. Thank you Prof. I just found your channel on my feed today, I really needed this tonight of all nights.
I am currently crying. What a beautiful, eloquent, and stirring video essay. I wasn't ready for this. My son is trans. We live in an area where it's difficult to be understood or accepted if you're considered "different"...not matching other's expectations of how a person should be, should act, should just...exist and be considered acceptable. He has so far to go in his journey, and yet he's already gotten so far from where he was. I'm proud of you seeing yourself as you truly are, and I am excited to experience along with your other supportive viewers to experience, to a degree, your new days ahead. Good morning, sleepyhead. I am glad you're awake.
I clicked on this video because as a trans woman, I resonate quite a bit with the title. Realizing the subject of the video, I was not surprised by the title. The last fifth of the video though, I also resonate quite a bit with. I came out just before the pandemic and quarantine, and just before my age 40 year. It's not easy to come out later in life and I very much identify with so many of the concerns that you expressed at the end... ...I realized though at this point in my life that none of us really get what we want, it's up to us to truly *create* a life rather than inhabiting it, and no one else will help me with creating this. And if I fall short, then it will have been in service to trying to make myself happy... ...though the other huge piece of it is at this point, "falling short" is a concept that only really exists in others' minds, I get to define what it means to me. I congratulate you on taking the power in your life. I hope that your compass directs you to a happier place and I hope that if your journey gets hard, you will know that it will be in the service of future joy.
That's what I always have to come back to at the end of the day; the world is very unfair, and many people go through things they shouldn't have to, and that should change. However, it can't change instantly, and so we have to try and make our own path and do it for ourselves anyway, or else we just sit in place for nothing
Your story at the end truly touched my heart, I am trans and I’ve been living as a man for far too long because of fear and anxiety, it’s time to stop living as who I am not.
ugh I identify with this so much... every woman ive ever been attracted to, I am envious of and wish I looked like they do. I hate that we don't get a character creation screen at birth 😥
It's caused a lot of pain that we're thrown between 2 defaults. But, I will say, something good about not getting to decide myself is that, as a teen, I definitely would have chosen some edgy name like "midnight" for myself haha
My mum (adopted basically) only started transitioning a few years ago. She's in her early 50's. Even though it's far from easy it's well worth exploring. It's never to late to try something new. I really enjoyed this video.
I come out as trans at 19, yet it took me more 7 years to come to terms with my identity, my mental illness, my desires and sexuality, the things I enjoyed and the things I want to do day to day all buried by years of self loathing and hate... the in an out of the closet and the disease. You have so much understanding about yourself and so much in your side I admire you already. It takes time to "undo" what life gives you, and a great part of growing is de-constructing things, destroying so you can shape it. "giving up the hope to life the reality" is such a beautiful way to put that, as you say. You have time, you are on the right path and you are beautiful ❤
There is a pleasure in that idea to me, in "undoing" what life has done already, and reconstructing a self from the parts which remain. To take power back over what often feels so powerless
Painfully personal subject for me and a really touching story from you to boot. I'm a few months in the transition, the changes happen at a frustratingly slow rate but knowing I'm on the right track is quite liberating. I also have the chance of having someone I can be openly myself with, dropping the public facade and enjoying that deep intimate connection from time to time is absolutely wonderful. Anyway, thanks for the feelings and good luck on your journey sis ❤️
i really appreciate the earnest prose like script for the final part of this video essay, it's not really the the voice that video essays that are trying to convey "relatability" use, but it felt really soothing and honest and warm. I've been out as trans for so many years and am so grateful for that. I've had the privilege of both knowing exactly who was the person who gave me that final push within myself to come out, and the privilege of being that person for others. our community is really special that way and i adore it so much.
That final thing, about your story, absolutely crushed me, I started HRT 5 months ago and even still I feel like I wake up every morning and come to the realization again that I’m a woman now, maybe not socially, not with everyone, but it’s like I come out to myself all over again. I still get up thinking about my masc life, and then I look in the mirror and remind myself, no, not anymore. That’s gone, it wasn’t an entirely different person, but it wasn’t me, and those experiences are in the past. I get to be me now.
That bit at the end was just so raw, personal, and vulnerable. I feel what you feel. I see what is desired to be seen. I usually don't comment on videos, but listening to your anecdote about your trip and meeting a beautiful realization made me feel.
First of all, I never comment on videos (too shy) but I cried as hard as one can cry at the end of yours. Almost a year since the world ended and started anew for me in the same manner you are speaking, to this date I still can feel that moment, the moment where everything is clicking inside your head, yet you are still not aware of it for a few minutes, the sheer amount of emotions after years of apathy, and the desire to be able to avert your eyes from that new truth you can't stop looking at, yet knowing there is no going back. I hope for the best possible world for you, and cant even speak words for all these feelings inside of me. There is always time, and you are radiant.
Saw the thumbnail, intrigued, read about Princess Jellyfish, more intrigued, binged Princess Jellyfish, big emotions about it, watched this video, now crying. Pretty intense for an all-nighter but no regrets. This video and you are beautiful.
Wanted to make a mention something that a lot of trans people don't hear that I think should be more common to say in these spaces. Assuming those filmed portions of you are at all still accurate to how you look now. Give it a year, maybe even only half a year with proper medication and you're going to be very pretty. You have a good face shape for becoming very beautiful. I know I had a struggle with beginning HRT because of my desire not just to be a woman but a pretty one. It ate at my confidence to do what was right for me. And while there is the correct and true notion that attractiveness should not be the goal of transition and all that, and that is sort of the whole point of the anime. It is a reality that it can hold us back from doing what we should. So I just wanted to tell it to you, I have seen many women before they began hormones and you have the qualities of the ones who became very very beautiful.
It is something that holds me back, maybe not even necessarily that I won't be pretty, but that I'm very tall so I always have to stand out, and that women are judged into their age much more harshly than men, so I will have a higher standard to live up to forever once I start. But I have to remember that the thought of being an old man is also much more horrifying than the other possibilities, even if its "easier"
I clicked on this video thinking it was about DID, not gonna lie. But my mind was immediately sidetracked with the basic description of Princess Jellyfish. I'd heard of it plenty but had no idea what it was even about. Now I'm extremely interested, but moreso from an autistic standpoint. Shocked to have missed out on it, given my tastes. Knowing now, with the description, that this video wasn't about a dissociation topic primarily, dunno if I'll watch the video until I watch Princess Jellyfish. But I hope the view time still counted for you and that it means you get a second count later! Plus you got to convince someone to watch the show! (:
And indeed this video was simply CINEMA. It was like having that deep introspection, the realisation and finally the decision. 10/10 I loved it. Thank you so much for your work and passion and I wish you have a wonderful 2025. 😊
Honestly after 24 years of life and an attempt on it, I finally came out and started transitioning an despite the constant hateful rhetoric thrown at me by people who have nothing better to do I am still living my life now finally as authentic me, so it's worth all the hate and the fear of looking over my shoulder, soo I can finally live at feeling like I wasted the first 1/3 of my life
It's terrible to have to chose between staying untrue and being accepted, or being true and finding hate, but I guess we have to chose the one which is an active attempt at joy, because that always keeps the possibility for a better life alive rather than settling for what someone else said
It's been five years since I realized gender is wider than cis. In those five years I've been drowned by denial, as an apathy has grown in me as I have to perform man. I'm now 16, the earliest sign I can remember was at 10, and I've been off and on denying since 14. I am a girl. Thanks for this.
I had a feeling this would be what the video was about. I only found your channel a few months ago, but I saw something in you that was unspoken. And I've been waiting for it to be spoken, in your own time, and with your own words. We see you 💜
It's always a pleasure to hear other trans people share these kind of deeply intimate stories, where a perfectly mundane experience can swirl into much, much more 💖 You write and deliver some lovely prose, and I adored how much you didn't hold back the magnitude of those emotions c: There is such divinity in the experience of T4T love! You are exactly as inherently valuable and beautiful as you saw her as 💖And it really helps a person move past the rational-knowledge stage about that to actually feeling that way emotionally. P.S. - As a transfem who also didn't transition until 30, realizing exactly how powerful HRT can be is so important!! Cis society gives us a *comically* misinformed image of what later-in-life transition can look like xD I wish you a very "two completely unrelated-looking people" transition timeline sister! There is still time 💖
Thank you for such kind words, hopefully my writer ego doesn't explode too much from this video lol. But seriously, everyone sharing stories has been so helpful, thank you
Welcome, sister. I also started at 31, and later this month I'll hit three years HRT. Coming out was one of the most freeing experiences in my life, despite at the same time being one of the most terrifying. But once I did, the entire world changed. To me, it felt like ...life. The good and the bad both, higher highs, lower lows, pain and joy and sorrow and laughter, all of it. Of course, it doesn't solve everything, old problems have been replaced with new ones, but I haven't regretted it for a second. And like others have said, it's never too late. Fantastic video. I wish you the best and I'm sending my love, from one stranger to another. ❤💞❤
I think that's what kind of terrifies me; to finally take the plunge and then start to truly feel like life has started and finally be aware of how much I've missed, and how much there is to do to maintain that feeling. But it's something that has to be done anyway; living 2/3 of a life is better than 0/3 of one
@@ProfessorViral That's a common point of pain for those of us that wait until we're well into adulthood. It's still something I sometimes struggle with, as well. But it helps to call it what it is: grief. Then, you can treat it like grief, and you can grieve for the years lost, the unknowable possibilities missed, the changes our bodies went through that (many of us) put so much effort into correcting. Grieve for a life that could have been. And like any other grieving, it never completely goes away, but it does get easier, more bearable, and life goes on. You have new experiences, you build new memories, you meet new people. And you build a life.
Going in to 2025, I've tried to set a couple resolutions for myself. The first is to try engaging more with media (videos, articles, art) I find worthwhile. The second is to start recording statements (with sources!) that strike me. Thank you for continuing the first: your insight at 8:04 on the perception of self. I've never watched a video by you before, and hope this is the first of many. More importantly, however.. congratulations! I can't think of a clever or poignant followup, just a simple expression that this stranger is sincerely happy for you.
Thank you for making this, this hit me right in the heart this entire video it just.. I don't know how to explain it.. Its like seeing emotions I had buried wishing they would die or just disappear staring in my face. Things I've hid from my self that I couldn't explain just laid bare in front of me.(I just.. don't know anymore, how do I even.) I got a lot of thinking to do..
In a way, I'm sorry. Never seeing a mismatch of identity is easier than knowing it, at least in this world. But I often think that everyone who's "normal" is just someone who hasn't found the right information to notice their own mismatch of identity. And in seeing one, it means you have a strong, true idea of your self which can be tested and persist somewhere in there, and that's a lot stronger than ignorance. I wish you the best of luck as well
Perfect video to watch, I've been begging for one of your videos since they always get me through stressful times and currently I have a newborn kitten I must bottlefeed every 2 hours and it is quite a stressful experience Thank you so much
It's not every day that I stop watching an anime themed video essay a quarter of the way through, but this is an exception. I need to watch the anime first. I promise to return back here after I'm done watching it, then maybe I'll see if i can get ahold of the manga
Thank you for sharing this ❤ It resonated very much with me as I had a similar experience. Now Im 37 and have been on HRT for 4 years, feeling truly alive and blooming into me 🏵️
Geez those last 4 minutes of this video... As a 46 year old trans woman who was only accepted there was something I could do about the way I've always felt about 3 months ago... It feels like an echo of how I felt then. I didn't have someone on hand to get me to that point, but it came none the less... & It so makes me wish I'd figured things out earlier.
I'm sorry to hear that. I wish there was some way we could all just take that pain away. I don't think there are any words that really help, but even if someone wasn't there then, I really hope that someone can be there now to help those changes be easier
@@ProfessorViral I am in the process of finding a community to belong to. Sadly I live in rural PA, making that very hard. I've made some friends with other trans women online, but not quite the same thing when your having a hard day and you just need a hug.
You, dear prof, are a gigantic, beating heart. A gigantic, warm, arrhythmic (at times) heart. A disarmingly honest one. May you find many more ways to be who you are, may we all do.
Watching this while doing my makeup may have not been the best idea 🥹 absolutely beautiful stuff. The ending gave me a similar emotional impact to Asteroid City by Wes Anderson, my favorite director so I mean that with the HIGHEST of praise. Thank you for this 💟
Following your channel for a long time, you've genuinely been something of both an inspiration and guiding light to me. As someone who's grappled with similar... struggles, I can't express enough how moving this video was. I think, or feel at least.. you inspired some of that love you describe for yourself, in me. This is the best combined christmas and new years gift you could've given us, Prof. Thank you.
Thank you, that's all too kind really. I'm glad that I've been able to provide some clarity here and there, and thank you for giving me the time to be able to do so
I am one of the lucky few who's adventure with my identity usually felt simple, gender specifically always seemed irrelivant beyond how I typically present, being ambivalent to my own pronouns for example. I have anxieties of course, being attracted to secondary masculine features as someone both amab and generally aligning with traditionally masculine habbits comes with some baggage. But my mother is a lesbian, and my father was more concerned I got a degree than who I spent my time with, so it was always the outside world that I feared retaliation for just being comfortable. I am glad you are comfortable being able to look at your inner self and recognize yourself. It takes time and vulnerability, and I am happy your wish for the passion to unlock it bore fruit. It was interesting, learning from myself that the specific pronouns didn't matter to me as much as the emotion behind it. Heck, using pronouns interchangeably has a euphoric thrill to it. The way I started describing being gender ambivalent to my friend group was "you can call me sl*t as long as you say it with love" XD.
Family support real is huge. I have one more distant half which is worried about the gays corrupting me into drugs, and one more close one which said something like "be whatever you have to be to get through life," even though they don't quite understand. They've also said some not great things about it, but every now and then I see them try and make an attempt in the ways they know, which means a lot
Well, first I felt just like the protagonist, now I feel like trash. From the description of the video I was like "This show sounds AMAZING, I really should watch it before watching this", but my friend really wanted me to watch this for... well, the subject. And it IS a great subject, and the anime looks great too. Just make me a jellyfish, man. I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm sorry, it's a truly hard feeling to deal with. I hope this could make it less lonely, if anything. This is little help because it doesn't really change anything, but the fault is on a world that can't handle unique and beautiful people. I'll do my best to be one myself, trying to make the world more open to us
You did an artful work of this video, taking us along on your emotional journey. You just have a way with your words. Also, I am so happy you have discovered your true self! Best wishes to your future!
Thank you. I always knew on premise it never is, but it's hard to believe that when you're steaped in doubt. But it has been truly helpful to see so many people sharing experiences here that validate it, and knowing so many people believe it that it can't be fake
Your story was spoken so elegant and beautifully. I loved the parallels to jellyfish. I need to finish the manga since the anime only gave me a taste of what I wanted. Also, I’m so glad you had this experience. I am trans myself. I started medical transition at 29 and I’m currently 32. I wish you luck on your journey in life, whatever you decide is best for u ❤
It's weird, I was trying again and again to write something besides the story I did here, but it never felt like it fit the points of the rest of the video. When I finally reread the basis for the one here that I'd written when the experience was fresh, I realized how perfect it was
RUclips randomly suggested this video to me and I was very glad to have watched it. I am a 31 year old trans woman, yous aid you have doubts because of your height but I am 6 foot 2, I believe in you, you've got this! I actually paused this half way through and watched all of princess jellyfish, it really resonated with me as both a trans woman but also as an autistic woman with slightly off the wall special interests. The comparison of myself to other, smaller and prettier women is still difficult but after more than a year and a half on HRT I actually really like how I look in the mirror. That in turn has had a great effect on my confidence and thats lead to me leading the sort of life that I am actually happy to live. You said about needing to keep your head busy to stop letting yourself think. When I heard that I immediately knew this was going to be a coming out video, because I could have said exactly the same thing. Good luck in your gender journey, I can't tell you how much accepting who I am has helped improve my life. And also, HRT is just magic!
Hi there, I'm a fairly off ans on watcher, and a trans woman; I always watch channels with an aire of caution, yours was no different. That changed after this video, I've never felt so welcome and seen. Thank you so much for making this.
For a while, I was always speaking generally to maintain a wide audience. I made videos before that could have easily confirmed what I am to anyone who really listened, and those who knew knew, and the others went on in ignorant bliss. But, when everything tanked and it felt like nothing I did would bring the numbers back up, I finally saw that I should just find my audience, not just an audience. So, I wanted to finally be a bit more direct. I can see from the honesty in the comments that it was a good decision
You tell your story so well. Its never to late to find who ypu really are. It took me 40 years. I wish everyday i had the courage to admit who i am to myself, but now i can look ahead.
I’ve lowkey been waiting for a version of this essay from you since Depths of Obsession. I didn’t expect it to be as lush and gorgeous as it is. 💜 (I also skipped the main section cause Princess Jellyfish is literally next in my anime queue lol. I’ll come back to it!) From another trans girl writer who finally saw parts of herself in Homura, Lain, Ymir, and (especially in last year before of hormones) the egg that is Shinji, Congratulations!
I want you to know your beauty has always shone through your videos. You haven’t lost this time. We love you, and wish you every hope for you to love yourself too. ❤❤❤❤
It's crazy how in one night, and sometimes many. the view we have of ourselves can change so quickly, that the perception of our world can so drastically evolve. Your conversation about your experience strongly resonates with me even if when I realized I was trans it came from anime lol. This video is so powerful to me, and I wish you the best on your own self discovery journey because that's something I think we all need.
I transitioned at 28 and am 32 now. I've never been happier. I've never looked better and felt more genuine. It's difficult, but worthwhile for your soul/spirit/essence or whatever you want to call the part of you that makes you human. Dropping the mask feels so good and I hope you get to experience that weight falling from your shoulders. It takes time to find yourself once you pull the trigger on everything but truly, you become a better person. A more whole person. Welcome to the sisterhood.
I'm overjoyed to see you covering a series I've held dear for so long. Thank you for your wide range of introspective thoughts; your craft is of genuine beauty.
When i got on VRvchat in 2023 i had no idea all my negative feeling that i felt where dysphoria but when i found out i new i had to do it i had to become a woman it has been a wonderful exp pass 19 months on MTF HRT i have changed so much that time it sill feel odd waking up happy and comfortable in my skin it like i was always meant to be this way and all that pain before and now it gone i can live my life. Do not stay suffering transitioning works.
Oh sweet pea... your story is just too moving. So much sweet intelligence, I'm sad that you've had such a hard time to know and show yourself to the world. Thank you for being so brave to do so. It's not late, though it may feel it. We still have so much life and love left ahead of us. I wad listening to you while painting and you moved me to tears because so many of my owm loved ones are "awakening" themselves at this time. It seems such a simple thing but is fraught with so much complexity in reality. I think that you and my friends are the bravest people I've ever experienced due to this reality. I wish you courage and all of the luck in the world. ❤ please keep that love expressed in this essay as it is sorely needed in this world ❤
I'll try my best to, I want this year to be about expressing that love and all my excitement more genuinely than before. If I can lessen the pain of the next four years in any way, then I have to
Seeing that I remember all the clips, totally forgot I watched Princess Jellyfish a long time ago when I was first going through this stuff. Ultimately I turned to be more of a Kuranosuke. I think this idea of appearance creating character is a lot of the appeal to crossdressing, and that feeling of being stuck between two worlds is so real, so confusing.
It's pretty crazy, sitting in between both and wondering which one will help more, which one will hurt less. But in the end, at least for me, sitting in the middle ended up leaving me with a lot of vague experiences that never felt as full as finally ending up in one of the worlds fully. I'm sure that's different for many people, but that's what I've found at least
you can do it. as someone who started in 2024, its very refreshing on the other side. it takes time. but when you get there itll be so worth it. good luck to you ❤️
Thank you for a video enlightening the struggle. Never have I experienced anything of the like, so to get insight and perspective on the subject, helps me I believe to understand those who had/have struggle with their identity (whether it relates to gender or otherwise). Hope I could use this insight to write better characters in my stories. Cheers. P.S.: Wish you the best of luck with your own struggle if you decide to go through the transition process.
Fantastic video, made me cry. I watched a lot of video essays when they first started getting made in this modern style on youtube years ago, and eventually became exhausted with them from market oversaturation. I don't finish video essays anymore unless they bring serious vulnerability and originality to the table, I guess I don't want an essay so much as someone speaking directly from the heart, because life is too short to listen to people talk without passion, it grates on me, upsets me. Loved to hear you speak on pursuing things and people that make you feel alive, instantly made my ears perk up and had me truly listening instead of just using the video as background noise. I'm trans (from the opposite direction) so your video appeals on that front, but it really goes the distance with analyzing gender and presentation and happiness and how other people do or don't relate to that. I appreciate that depth not just as A Biased Trans Person TM but a person in general who wants to hear as enriching a viewpoint on a topic as possible and not just a surface summary. You did wonderfully. The last portion of the video made me happy in an existential sort of sappy "I love Love and hearing about people fall in love with others and themselves through those others" kind of way. Very romantic. I've had similar experiences too of having these lofty, gripping ambitions of finding myself or experiences that will fundamentally change me forever, render me somewhat unrecognizable in a wonderful way- and having those experiences actually pay off, despite the way society at large wants you to be bitter and believe that sort of thing is unrealistic. Heart just lifted and sang hearing your story go that way instead of ending in disappointment. I want more people to live that way. More people deserve to live that way. "It can't just be me, seeing how shockingly beautiful things can be," is a thought I have often, hope and grief and desire all wound up into one thing. Anyway, I'll close off that needlessly thorough guts-spilling here and like others, wish you the absolute best in your future and whatever changes you want to see blooming. May this be another little luck charm for you. 🍀
Honestly, that first part is very validating to hear. I've been pretty disillusioned with the state of this craft in general, where it feels like so many people are just restating an article or two, or summarizing an old show just because. This is the Brave New World and Psycho-Pass in me, but I want more discomfort than that, a world where we can truly embrace a genuine expression that, at times, will have to be unpleasant because it's real. I try my best to be genuine and honest for that end. Or really, I just can't help but be that way, but I can try and justify it anyway haha. To that end, and with everything else you said, this is the year where I want to start living that way overall. To be open to every single beautiful moment and hope that it can help others do the same. I guess, I'm sick of being sad. I want to be happy about my life for a change. I'll try my best to hold up these words, and help make the world a place which recognizes it's beauty more
Thank you, I'm happy/sorry to be able to make emotional videos haha. Also had to get a Black Lagoon mention in there, seriously the best character development in anime. I should probably make another video on it, it's been a while at this point
I recently learned of a show called Wandering Son, might be another one to check out...! The person I heard about it from describes it thusly: "I binged it in one night and came out the moment I finished it." Am very curious to see it. I myself watched Princess Jellyfish somewhat over a decade ago, back when the concept of gender was barely there. It was new and strange and nice, but ultimately there were many other things, (including Final Fantasy 14!) that needed to happen before I finally decided to embrace a human shape that felt good. I'm celebrating my 9th year as "me" in a few days. Glad to hear you've found that spark as well.
I remember the first time i ever met one or my own and how it chanted the lonely feeling of unbelonging that had plagued my life prior. How i wish I knew her still. So I could show her what became of my life and journey decades later. I don't think she'd remember me. But I'll always remember that where as before i felt, even transitioning socially at a young age, that I wasn't real. Like. That i was a performance. And that after i met her and got to bask in her a handful of hours in my at that point short life that she shower me explicitly and completely that i was who i thought i was and the world didnt argue that. Some individuals maybe. But not the world.
The "twist" (although, that wording feels a little off) at the end was perfect for me. The thumbnail was very trans, the title was, and much of your descriptions of the anime I felt could only be made by a trans author - there's a kind of genuinity that a trans person talking about trans content can only deliver. But all the while, I had watched some of your content, and I was pretty sure that wasn't the case. Then we come to the "me" section, and I see the "twist" buried under layers of implication, and I ignore it, because it seemed less likely than this being just another video essay. I listen to the way you're describing this woman, and as soon as the line "...medication could fix god's mistakes", I knew that this woman was trans. I assumed that was the link here between the anime and you - with this woman being a kuranosuke analogue. Then you came out. Then everything tied together so neatly, and so perfectly. Congratulations for your realisation, and I can only wish you the best.
Absolutely beautiful video. This is my first time coming across this channel, but wow what an amazing first impression ❤️. Idk if you know this but the dub actress for Kuranosuke, Jessie James Grelle, actually came out as trans a few years ago! I watch a lot of voice actor panels online, and they even said on one that their role in Princess Jellyfish was a really big part in discovering her identity, which is just too perfect 😊
The thought of, at the end of my life everyone gathered around my casket to mourn for someone else, that hit hard.
With 90% of my family not really knowing me in true, it's something I've thought about too often
@@ProfessorViral i know that feeling all too well
My egg finally cracked when my answer to the question "Do I want to be them or do I want to be WITH them?" turned out to be yes. I already knew I was very attracted to women, but when I realized how much happier I felt when people treated me like one I realized I was a trans lesbian. I accepted it a couple years ago at 34 years old and have been on HRT since April of 2023. I look so different from my pre-transition self that you'd think that was my (significantly older looking) brother.
Also thanks to FFXIV for being what finally made me realize I was trans.
FUCK YEAH THE FINAL FANTASY TO TRANS PIPELINE IS REAAAAL
Amusingly we're about the same age and FF14 also helped me a lot haha what a game though. I realised at 25 mind you but it took ages to get anything going.
It's crazy how much it can impact other feelings and preferences. I went through a whole host of orientations and so on until I realized, wait a minute, I think I like the way I'm being treated as a consequence of this orientation more than anything else
As someone who’s both autistic and trans, Princess Jellyfish means a LOT to me. It’s my favorite anime/manga of all time. I know it gets a little love from its very niche and kinda small fan base, but it’s still super underrated (at least imo from what I’ve seen🤷🏻) and I think videos like these gives it the proper respect it deserves! I’m glad I stumbled upon this today!
I'm always glad to bring back some love for a "forgotten" series. It's the one good thing of being chronically behind the times haha
My girl Tsukimi is an autistic legend, who can't mask to save her life. Same goes for her roommates at Amamizukan. They all have the specific passions that keep them almost afloat mentally and financially, but are also held back by their social barrier and inability to fit in. It's their story about finding that balance between being their best selves and discovering the power to flourish in a world for neurotypicals. Out of all of them, Tsukimi was making the first and biggest steps. Kuranosuke, an outgoing, charismatic, most likely neurotypical master of everything she dreads, helped her a lot.
That was another direction I really considered for this, the intersection of surviving in a world of premade roles and being an individual. In short, I agree haha
I haven't seen the series but it wasn't long before I was wondering whether Tsukimi and her friends were autistic. All the NTs talk down to her and about her. It is so sad.
When did the manga writer say any of them were autistic?
@@Matsukaze-o3e They look more like socially awkward nerds to me.
@@lainiwakura1776 I know that one can not give a autistic diagnosis to characters or to other people. I am autistic myself and I guess I was saying that alot of it resonated with me. I recognised myself, I guess.
I almost cried when you starting talking about your own experiences again. I realized I was trans masc at 14, but I have only been truly finding myself as of recently (I’ll be 25 in 2 months). Finding yourself is a journey, but a beautiful experience. Open arms and hopeful wishes for your future!
Thank you, you as well! I's been amazing to read all these supportive comments
The tattoo choker with a black lined eye is iconic and where a lot of us start. I couldn't help but notice it on your videos, long ago. Welcome to the sisterhood. I transitioned at 28, there's always time.
I think this is the year where I bring that kind of stuff back to my videos
start i have been pullit that of for years and i am not willing to stope wering my 8 year old choker lol
I remember watching Princess Jellyfish for the first time years ago, and falling in love with the comfort of it. I saw a lot of myself in Tsukimi, and I envied the fact that she found a place to live that just accepted her. I still want a place to be understood, to feel safe to express myself. I don't have a specific gender identity, but to everyone still figuring it out, still learning themselves, I'm wishing you nothing but love, peace and safety as you become you 🩵
You as well, I hope you have luck in finding that place that will be best for you!
Legit had to paused the video two minutes in, binged watched all of Princess Jellyfish in under 12 hours, then woke up and watched the rest of the video. I cried at the end wow. Beautiful video ❤
Same here, loved the series
Well damn, I'm sorry to steal a whole day and the tears, but I hope it leads to some good and happier thoughts now!
that thumbnail instantly resonated deeply with me, because a lot of figuring myself out as a trans non-straight person was wrestling with the question "do I want to be them or do I want to be WITH them?" - gender envy vs. attraction. Even though I found your channel only a few months ago, I watched a lot of your essays and really enjoyed them, so I'm really looking forward to watching this one. Based on the vibe I picked up from you and the colour scheme, I have a hunch where this might go
As you probably saw, it does go there haha. It's a feeling I've had for a while, so when I watched this series I knew it was finally time to explore it, and hopefully find some logic in it
@@ProfessorViral I only managed to get to watch it now because I didn't want to half-listen to you just as background noise, but with the due attention you deserve.
And well, what can I say but welcome. Welcome to a journey, to potentially many questions and answers. A journey that's your own and yet one you won't have to walk all by yourself, but I'm sure you know that already, given how you took the time to read and respond to who knows how many comments on here, maybe even all of them.
While I'm in the same boat of spending about 1/3 of my life before taking the first step (finally got to start HRT like 3 weeks ago), I do come from a position of kind of having known this truth about myself for many many years, but being too paralyzed by fear to do anything about it, pushing it away, trying to hide from it and trying to convince myself that it's too late now anyway. You said it's a story you've meant to tell for 2 years too, so I'm sure you know all too well that time won't just make you forget this aspect of yourself and allow you to go back to blissful ignorance. One phrase that always stuck with me about that is: The best day to start was yesterday, but the second-best day is today.
(Also I feel like you've mentioned some fateful encounter with a woman in a different town in some of your other videos before. Am I misremembering or was that you hinting at what what you talked about in this video?)
I also found it fairly interesting how you highlighted our tendency to stereotype and in turn how we have to look and act the part if we wish to be seen a certain way. After all, it can be applied to gender as well and for me initially raised the question if I can be a man even if I don't like masculine stuff or a woman without liking feminine things.
I feel like I'm kind of just rambling at this point, so I'll cut myself short. Godspeed on your journey Viral, I know you have it in you
The whimsy in how you describe the first "real" moment of your life was so vivid and captivating. It's crazy the lengths we go through to avoid trudging into the depths of the unfamiliar in fear that it'll become familiar. Your philosophical musings surrounding Princess Jellyfish captured the beauty that comes from art that mirrors the observer. To question and to be seen is how a piece of art is meant to be absorbed. Proud of you for making this video and even more proud of who you're becoming! :)
It is honestly terrifying; I spent the year prior to that working 70 hours weeks just so I couldn't really have time to contemplate myself. It's odd that we can know ourselves enough to not know ourselves. Thank you for your kind words and time!
I finally started transitioning at 48. Best thing I have ever done. This video made me cry. Beautifully done. ❤
Thank you for the comment. It's truly hopeful to see even just those few words shared 💙
Started at 38. Never too late to pursue your happiness!
Agreed, began transitioning @ 31. I could never look back. I'm happier than I have ever been. 🫶 This made me bawl my eyes out. Thank you Prof. I just found your channel on my feed today, I really needed this tonight of all nights.
Started at 32 👍 nvr to late
I started at 34 and since then even tho there are some hardships I'd never regretted it for a single day
first time I've seen a 1hr video essay about gender envy
most of the time I see it in social media comments 👏
I figured I'd try and condense some 3 years of thoughts down lol
Please try to limit how much you use that crap, social media is extremely unhealthy
I am currently crying. What a beautiful, eloquent, and stirring video essay. I wasn't ready for this.
My son is trans. We live in an area where it's difficult to be understood or accepted if you're considered "different"...not matching other's expectations of how a person should be, should act, should just...exist and be considered acceptable.
He has so far to go in his journey, and yet he's already gotten so far from where he was.
I'm proud of you seeing yourself as you truly are, and I am excited to experience along with your other supportive viewers to experience, to a degree, your new days ahead.
Good morning, sleepyhead. I am glad you're awake.
I clicked on this video because as a trans woman, I resonate quite a bit with the title. Realizing the subject of the video, I was not surprised by the title.
The last fifth of the video though, I also resonate quite a bit with. I came out just before the pandemic and quarantine, and just before my age 40 year. It's not easy to come out later in life and I very much identify with so many of the concerns that you expressed at the end...
...I realized though at this point in my life that none of us really get what we want, it's up to us to truly *create* a life rather than inhabiting it, and no one else will help me with creating this. And if I fall short, then it will have been in service to trying to make myself happy...
...though the other huge piece of it is at this point, "falling short" is a concept that only really exists in others' minds, I get to define what it means to me.
I congratulate you on taking the power in your life. I hope that your compass directs you to a happier place and I hope that if your journey gets hard, you will know that it will be in the service of future joy.
That's what I always have to come back to at the end of the day; the world is very unfair, and many people go through things they shouldn't have to, and that should change. However, it can't change instantly, and so we have to try and make our own path and do it for ourselves anyway, or else we just sit in place for nothing
Your story at the end truly touched my heart, I am trans and I’ve been living as a man for far too long because of fear and anxiety, it’s time to stop living as who I am not.
saw you coment dont know what to say i feel the same so you aint alone i gues ( also this is my last coment hear i feel weid doing coments)
ugh I identify with this so much... every woman ive ever been attracted to, I am envious of and wish I looked like they do. I hate that we don't get a character creation screen at birth 😥
It's caused a lot of pain that we're thrown between 2 defaults. But, I will say, something good about not getting to decide myself is that, as a teen, I definitely would have chosen some edgy name like "midnight" for myself haha
this one hit harder than usual ouugh
thank you for putting these specific kinds of feelings to words
Of course, I'm always glad that I can 💙
My mum (adopted basically) only started transitioning a few years ago. She's in her early 50's. Even though it's far from easy it's well worth exploring. It's never to late to try something new. I really enjoyed this video.
Thank you, it's been very encouraging to see so many people reinforcing the idea 💙
youre lowkey such a vibe i started tearing up because of this video
Ah, thank you!
I come out as trans at 19, yet it took me more 7 years to come to terms with my identity, my mental illness, my desires and sexuality, the things I enjoyed and the things I want to do day to day all buried by years of self loathing and hate... the in an out of the closet and the disease.
You have so much understanding about yourself and so much in your side I admire you already. It takes time to "undo" what life gives you, and a great part of growing is de-constructing things, destroying so you can shape it. "giving up the hope to life the reality" is such a beautiful way to put that, as you say. You have time, you are on the right path and you are beautiful ❤
There is a pleasure in that idea to me, in "undoing" what life has done already, and reconstructing a self from the parts which remain. To take power back over what often feels so powerless
Painfully personal subject for me and a really touching story from you to boot. I'm a few months in the transition, the changes happen at a frustratingly slow rate but knowing I'm on the right track is quite liberating. I also have the chance of having someone I can be openly myself with, dropping the public facade and enjoying that deep intimate connection from time to time is absolutely wonderful. Anyway, thanks for the feelings and good luck on your journey sis ❤️
Of course, its nice to hear that others are having their similar experiences and managing well too
i really appreciate the earnest prose like script for the final part of this video essay, it's not really the the voice that video essays that are trying to convey "relatability" use, but it felt really soothing and honest and warm. I've been out as trans for so many years and am so grateful for that. I've had the privilege of both knowing exactly who was the person who gave me that final push within myself to come out, and the privilege of being that person for others. our community is really special that way and i adore it so much.
That final thing, about your story, absolutely crushed me, I started HRT 5 months ago and even still I feel like I wake up every morning and come to the realization again that I’m a woman now, maybe not socially, not with everyone, but it’s like I come out to myself all over again. I still get up thinking about my masc life, and then I look in the mirror and remind myself, no, not anymore. That’s gone, it wasn’t an entirely different person, but it wasn’t me, and those experiences are in the past. I get to be me now.
That bit at the end was just so raw, personal, and vulnerable. I feel what you feel. I see what is desired to be seen. I usually don't comment on videos, but listening to your anecdote about your trip and meeting a beautiful realization made me feel.
Thank you, the compliment really means a lot. I was super proud of this story, and I'm glad it's been powerful for so many people
First of all, I never comment on videos (too shy) but I cried as hard as one can cry at the end of yours.
Almost a year since the world ended and started anew for me in the same manner you are speaking, to this date I still can feel that moment, the moment where everything is clicking inside your head, yet you are still not aware of it for a few minutes, the sheer amount of emotions after years of apathy, and the desire to be able to avert your eyes from that new truth you can't stop looking at, yet knowing there is no going back.
I hope for the best possible world for you, and cant even speak words for all these feelings inside of me. There is always time, and you are radiant.
Thank you, I'm glad that we can all at least be together in working through all the complexity that comes with these realizations 💙
@ProfessorViral It's a long way yet, but I want to believe it will get better, slowly and painfully, but better not the less.
Take care sister
So proud of you. We love and support you, Prof!🎉❤
Thank you, it is truly appreciated
the "one angle" presented in this video is tranquil and relatable. i want to wish a good night, for some reason.
I'm glad it could be, thank you for your time
What a beautiful video. Here's to your journey of self discovery! It is never too late for anything!!
Thank you!
Saw the thumbnail, intrigued, read about Princess Jellyfish, more intrigued, binged Princess Jellyfish, big emotions about it, watched this video, now crying. Pretty intense for an all-nighter but no regrets. This video and you are beautiful.
Sorry for the night of tears, but I hope they lead to some positive thoughts afterwards!
@@ProfessorViral You're so sweet, they ended up being good tears I think
Always glad when anyone finds the courage to live their truth! Your story was just so beautiful it hurt.
Thank you, I'm glad the stories can be so impactful at times. But I'm also sorry for the bit that they hurt haha
Wanted to make a mention something that a lot of trans people don't hear that I think should be more common to say in these spaces. Assuming those filmed portions of you are at all still accurate to how you look now. Give it a year, maybe even only half a year with proper medication and you're going to be very pretty. You have a good face shape for becoming very beautiful.
I know I had a struggle with beginning HRT because of my desire not just to be a woman but a pretty one. It ate at my confidence to do what was right for me.
And while there is the correct and true notion that attractiveness should not be the goal of transition and all that, and that is sort of the whole point of the anime. It is a reality that it can hold us back from doing what we should. So I just wanted to tell it to you, I have seen many women before they began hormones and you have the qualities of the ones who became very very beautiful.
It is something that holds me back, maybe not even necessarily that I won't be pretty, but that I'm very tall so I always have to stand out, and that women are judged into their age much more harshly than men, so I will have a higher standard to live up to forever once I start. But I have to remember that the thought of being an old man is also much more horrifying than the other possibilities, even if its "easier"
I knew where this was going in the first minute, lol. It's weird how you come to recognize specific pains in others and where those lead.
When you know, you know lol
I'm really happy for you, btw. I'm sure it's been rattling around your mind for a while now. Authenticity is difficult but worth it.
I clicked on this video thinking it was about DID, not gonna lie. But my mind was immediately sidetracked with the basic description of Princess Jellyfish. I'd heard of it plenty but had no idea what it was even about. Now I'm extremely interested, but moreso from an autistic standpoint. Shocked to have missed out on it, given my tastes.
Knowing now, with the description, that this video wasn't about a dissociation topic primarily, dunno if I'll watch the video until I watch Princess Jellyfish. But I hope the view time still counted for you and that it means you get a second count later! Plus you got to convince someone to watch the show! (:
Hey, watching the series first is always the best option! I hope it'll be a worthwhile time
It feels like a giant message of "Don't judge a book (person) by it's cover (appearance)" should be plastered all over this episode
Maybe a little bit
As a trans person I can already tell this one will speak to me. Let's watch and enjoy.
It was a lot of things I danced around less directly before, but I think this one will confirm things a bit more haha
And indeed this video was simply CINEMA. It was like having that deep introspection, the realisation and finally the decision.
10/10 I loved it.
Thank you so much for your work and passion and I wish you have a wonderful 2025. 😊
Honestly after 24 years of life and an attempt on it,
I finally came out and started transitioning an despite the constant hateful rhetoric thrown at me by people who have nothing better to do I am still living my life now finally as authentic me, so it's worth all the hate and the fear of looking over my shoulder, soo I can finally live at feeling like I wasted the first 1/3 of my life
It's terrible to have to chose between staying untrue and being accepted, or being true and finding hate, but I guess we have to chose the one which is an active attempt at joy, because that always keeps the possibility for a better life alive rather than settling for what someone else said
It's been five years since I realized gender is wider than cis. In those five years I've been drowned by denial, as an apathy has grown in me as I have to perform man.
I'm now 16, the earliest sign I can remember was at 10, and I've been off and on denying since 14.
I am a girl. Thanks for this.
I had a feeling this would be what the video was about. I only found your channel a few months ago, but I saw something in you that was unspoken. And I've been waiting for it to be spoken, in your own time, and with your own words. We see you 💜
Thank you for the support to let me do so over time 💙
It's always a pleasure to hear other trans people share these kind of deeply intimate stories, where a perfectly mundane experience can swirl into much, much more 💖
You write and deliver some lovely prose, and I adored how much you didn't hold back the magnitude of those emotions c: There is such divinity in the experience of T4T love! You are exactly as inherently valuable and beautiful as you saw her as 💖And it really helps a person move past the rational-knowledge stage about that to actually feeling that way emotionally.
P.S. - As a transfem who also didn't transition until 30, realizing exactly how powerful HRT can be is so important!! Cis society gives us a *comically* misinformed image of what later-in-life transition can look like xD I wish you a very "two completely unrelated-looking people" transition timeline sister! There is still time 💖
Thank you for such kind words, hopefully my writer ego doesn't explode too much from this video lol. But seriously, everyone sharing stories has been so helpful, thank you
Gasped when I saw the notification this is one of my favorite animes ever
Glad to provide some content for it!
Welcome, sister. I also started at 31, and later this month I'll hit three years HRT. Coming out was one of the most freeing experiences in my life, despite at the same time being one of the most terrifying. But once I did, the entire world changed. To me, it felt like ...life. The good and the bad both, higher highs, lower lows, pain and joy and sorrow and laughter, all of it. Of course, it doesn't solve everything, old problems have been replaced with new ones, but I haven't regretted it for a second. And like others have said, it's never too late.
Fantastic video. I wish you the best and I'm sending my love, from one stranger to another.
❤💞❤
I think that's what kind of terrifies me; to finally take the plunge and then start to truly feel like life has started and finally be aware of how much I've missed, and how much there is to do to maintain that feeling. But it's something that has to be done anyway; living 2/3 of a life is better than 0/3 of one
@@ProfessorViral That's a common point of pain for those of us that wait until we're well into adulthood. It's still something I sometimes struggle with, as well.
But it helps to call it what it is: grief. Then, you can treat it like grief, and you can grieve for the years lost, the unknowable possibilities missed, the changes our bodies went through that (many of us) put so much effort into correcting. Grieve for a life that could have been. And like any other grieving, it never completely goes away, but it does get easier, more bearable, and life goes on. You have new experiences, you build new memories, you meet new people. And you build a life.
I'm so happy for you. Sending you love from a transmasc sibling!
Thank you! I'm honestly lucky to be able to make something like this and receive no hate at all, but only great support!
Going in to 2025, I've tried to set a couple resolutions for myself. The first is to try engaging more with media (videos, articles, art) I find worthwhile. The second is to start recording statements (with sources!) that strike me. Thank you for continuing the first: your insight at 8:04 on the perception of self. I've never watched a video by you before, and hope this is the first of many.
More importantly, however.. congratulations! I can't think of a clever or poignant followup, just a simple expression that this stranger is sincerely happy for you.
This is extremely too validating to my writer ego lol. Thank you for the inclusion, I'm glad I can provide some of that insight you're looking for!
Thank you for making this, this hit me right in the heart this entire video it just..
I don't know how to explain it..
Its like seeing emotions I had buried wishing they would die or just disappear staring in my face.
Things I've hid from my self that I couldn't explain just laid bare in front of me.(I just.. don't know anymore, how do I even.)
I got a lot of thinking to do..
Best of luck on your journey, f(r)eind 💗
In a way, I'm sorry. Never seeing a mismatch of identity is easier than knowing it, at least in this world. But I often think that everyone who's "normal" is just someone who hasn't found the right information to notice their own mismatch of identity. And in seeing one, it means you have a strong, true idea of your self which can be tested and persist somewhere in there, and that's a lot stronger than ignorance. I wish you the best of luck as well
Thank you for being beautifully vulnerable.
Of course; the more I can do it, the easier it will be for others I hope
Perfect video to watch, I've been begging for one of your videos since they always get me through stressful times and currently I have a newborn kitten I must bottlefeed every 2 hours and it is quite a stressful experience
Thank you so much
I'm glad I can help get through some stressful times
It's not every day that I stop watching an anime themed video essay a quarter of the way through, but this is an exception.
I need to watch the anime first. I promise to return back here after I'm done watching it, then maybe I'll see if i can get ahold of the manga
Of course, I'll always encourage a watch first!
Thank you for sharing this ❤
It resonated very much with me as I had a similar experience.
Now Im 37 and have been on HRT for 4 years, feeling truly alive and blooming into me 🏵️
I'm glad to hear that, for you and for me. Seeing it said so much in these comments is very hopeful
I started transitioning at 31. Now I'm 2,5 years on HRT and it has been a trip. But it is worth. It is really worth.
I'm glad to hear that, it's been extremely hopeful to see so many sharing
I haven't watched this channel in a long time but this was an instant watch for me
I hope its worth the hour, and glad to have you back!
Geez those last 4 minutes of this video... As a 46 year old trans woman who was only accepted there was something I could do about the way I've always felt about 3 months ago... It feels like an echo of how I felt then. I didn't have someone on hand to get me to that point, but it came none the less... & It so makes me wish I'd figured things out earlier.
I'm sorry to hear that. I wish there was some way we could all just take that pain away. I don't think there are any words that really help, but even if someone wasn't there then, I really hope that someone can be there now to help those changes be easier
@@ProfessorViral I am in the process of finding a community to belong to. Sadly I live in rural PA, making that very hard. I've made some friends with other trans women online, but not quite the same thing when your having a hard day and you just need a hug.
Princess Jellyfish is literally the underlying inspiration behind my identity.
It’s my underpainting
I thank you for the poetry my own soul did not know how to express
You, dear prof, are a gigantic, beating heart. A gigantic, warm, arrhythmic (at times) heart. A disarmingly honest one.
May you find many more ways to be who you are, may we all do.
Whenever I do find them, I'll be sharing them here 💙
You're an awesome, brave, and amazing person, and I'll be wishing you the best life has to offer!
Thank you, I hope this new year is a great one for you!
Watching this while doing my makeup may have not been the best idea 🥹 absolutely beautiful stuff. The ending gave me a similar emotional impact to Asteroid City by Wes Anderson, my favorite director so I mean that with the HIGHEST of praise. Thank you for this 💟
I feel entirely unworthy of being in the same sentence of such high company haha. But, thank you, that's much too nice 💙
Sooo happy this anime is still getting attention
The benefits of me being chronically behind haha
Following your channel for a long time, you've genuinely been something of both an inspiration and guiding light to me. As someone who's grappled with similar... struggles, I can't express enough how moving this video was. I think, or feel at least.. you inspired some of that love you describe for yourself, in me. This is the best combined christmas and new years gift you could've given us, Prof. Thank you.
Thank you, that's all too kind really. I'm glad that I've been able to provide some clarity here and there, and thank you for giving me the time to be able to do so
You made me almost cry at the end. Raw fucking lines. Congrats
I'm a little too proud of them haha. Coming back to some of the lines I wrote a while ago, I was surprised at how well I'd done
I am one of the lucky few who's adventure with my identity usually felt simple, gender specifically always seemed irrelivant beyond how I typically present, being ambivalent to my own pronouns for example.
I have anxieties of course, being attracted to secondary masculine features as someone both amab and generally aligning with traditionally masculine habbits comes with some baggage.
But my mother is a lesbian, and my father was more concerned I got a degree than who I spent my time with, so it was always the outside world that I feared retaliation for just being comfortable.
I am glad you are comfortable being able to look at your inner self and recognize yourself. It takes time and vulnerability, and I am happy your wish for the passion to unlock it bore fruit.
It was interesting, learning from myself that the specific pronouns didn't matter to me as much as the emotion behind it. Heck, using pronouns interchangeably has a euphoric thrill to it.
The way I started describing being gender ambivalent to my friend group was "you can call me sl*t as long as you say it with love" XD.
Family support real is huge. I have one more distant half which is worried about the gays corrupting me into drugs, and one more close one which said something like "be whatever you have to be to get through life," even though they don't quite understand. They've also said some not great things about it, but every now and then I see them try and make an attempt in the ways they know, which means a lot
One of my earliest memories is being told my name and agab and just being like "mmm no thanks"
Well, first I felt just like the protagonist, now I feel like trash.
From the description of the video I was like "This show sounds AMAZING, I really should watch it before watching this", but my friend really wanted me to watch this for... well, the subject.
And it IS a great subject, and the anime looks great too.
Just make me a jellyfish, man. I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm sorry, it's a truly hard feeling to deal with. I hope this could make it less lonely, if anything. This is little help because it doesn't really change anything, but the fault is on a world that can't handle unique and beautiful people. I'll do my best to be one myself, trying to make the world more open to us
You did an artful work of this video, taking us along on your emotional journey. You just have a way with your words. Also, I am so happy you have discovered your true self! Best wishes to your future!
Thank you, the comments have inflated my writer ego so much on this one haha
This video legit made me cry, i deeply understand the feeling of gender envy
I just want you to know that its never too late to transition
Thank you. I always knew on premise it never is, but it's hard to believe that when you're steaped in doubt. But it has been truly helpful to see so many people sharing experiences here that validate it, and knowing so many people believe it that it can't be fake
Your story was spoken so elegant and beautifully. I loved the parallels to jellyfish. I need to finish the manga since the anime only gave me a taste of what I wanted.
Also, I’m so glad you had this experience. I am trans myself. I started medical transition at 29 and I’m currently 32.
I wish you luck on your journey in life, whatever you decide is best for u ❤
It's weird, I was trying again and again to write something besides the story I did here, but it never felt like it fit the points of the rest of the video. When I finally reread the basis for the one here that I'd written when the experience was fresh, I realized how perfect it was
So, so much love to you Prof. We will keep on supporting you always. ❤
Thank you! 💙
Really glad this one picked up some numbers! Your videos are always so thoughtfully written and you provide such great insight.
Thank you! It's honestly been a huge help for this one to do so well after the slump
39:15 this piece of analysis is incredibly insightful and relatable
Omg its princess jellyfish i watched this when i was so young this Show was amaizing
I didn't get to it until the tail end of 2024; I'm always a bit late haha
RUclips randomly suggested this video to me and I was very glad to have watched it. I am a 31 year old trans woman, yous aid you have doubts because of your height but I am 6 foot 2, I believe in you, you've got this! I actually paused this half way through and watched all of princess jellyfish, it really resonated with me as both a trans woman but also as an autistic woman with slightly off the wall special interests. The comparison of myself to other, smaller and prettier women is still difficult but after more than a year and a half on HRT I actually really like how I look in the mirror. That in turn has had a great effect on my confidence and thats lead to me leading the sort of life that I am actually happy to live. You said about needing to keep your head busy to stop letting yourself think. When I heard that I immediately knew this was going to be a coming out video, because I could have said exactly the same thing.
Good luck in your gender journey, I can't tell you how much accepting who I am has helped improve my life. And also, HRT is just magic!
Hi there, I'm a fairly off ans on watcher, and a trans woman; I always watch channels with an aire of caution, yours was no different.
That changed after this video, I've never felt so welcome and seen.
Thank you so much for making this.
For a while, I was always speaking generally to maintain a wide audience. I made videos before that could have easily confirmed what I am to anyone who really listened, and those who knew knew, and the others went on in ignorant bliss. But, when everything tanked and it felt like nothing I did would bring the numbers back up, I finally saw that I should just find my audience, not just an audience. So, I wanted to finally be a bit more direct. I can see from the honesty in the comments that it was a good decision
You tell your story so well. Its never to late to find who ypu really are. It took me 40 years. I wish everyday i had the courage to admit who i am to myself, but now i can look ahead.
That's what we always have no matter what I guess; there's always something ahead to look at
👏🖤 Exactly, as well as the description, felt
Thanks!
I’ve lowkey been waiting for a version of this essay from you since Depths of Obsession. I didn’t expect it to be as lush and gorgeous as it is. 💜
(I also skipped the main section cause Princess Jellyfish is literally next in my anime queue lol. I’ll come back to it!)
From another trans girl writer who finally saw parts of herself in Homura, Lain, Ymir, and (especially in last year before of hormones) the egg that is Shinji,
Congratulations!
I want you to know your beauty has always shone through your videos. You haven’t lost this time. We love you, and wish you every hope for you to love yourself too. ❤❤❤❤
Thank you, that's very kind 💙
It's crazy how in one night, and sometimes many. the view we have of ourselves can change so quickly, that the perception of our world can so drastically evolve. Your conversation about your experience strongly resonates with me even if when I realized I was trans it came from anime lol. This video is so powerful to me, and I wish you the best on your own self discovery journey because that's something I think we all need.
coming out in a video about princess jellyfish is so iconic. you should read the manga -- it goes on for much longer than the anime
I transitioned at 28 and am 32 now. I've never been happier. I've never looked better and felt more genuine. It's difficult, but worthwhile for your soul/spirit/essence or whatever you want to call the part of you that makes you human. Dropping the mask feels so good and I hope you get to experience that weight falling from your shoulders. It takes time to find yourself once you pull the trigger on everything but truly, you become a better person. A more whole person. Welcome to the sisterhood.
I'm overjoyed to see you covering a series I've held dear for so long. Thank you for your wide range of introspective thoughts; your craft is of genuine beauty.
I'm always happy to show some love for an old favorite. I'm glad my additions to it were enjoyable as well!
When i got on VRvchat in 2023 i had no idea all my negative feeling that i felt where dysphoria but when i found out i new i had to do it i had to become a woman it has been a wonderful exp pass 19 months on MTF HRT i have changed so much that time it sill feel odd waking up happy and comfortable in my skin it like i was always meant to be this way and all that pain before and now it gone i can live my life. Do not stay suffering transitioning works.
Thank you, all the sharing of experience in these comments has truly helped
The juxtaposition of the jolly background Vs the depressing topic is so funny to me every time he cuts to the face cam
Sometimes you gotta record your mental breakdowns at Christmas time lol
@ProfessorViral lol
Oh sweet pea... your story is just too moving. So much sweet intelligence, I'm sad that you've had such a hard time to know and show yourself to the world. Thank you for being so brave to do so. It's not late, though it may feel it. We still have so much life and love left ahead of us. I wad listening to you while painting and you moved me to tears because so many of my owm loved ones are "awakening" themselves at this time. It seems such a simple thing but is fraught with so much complexity in reality. I think that you and my friends are the bravest people I've ever experienced due to this reality. I wish you courage and all of the luck in the world. ❤ please keep that love expressed in this essay as it is sorely needed in this world ❤
I'll try my best to, I want this year to be about expressing that love and all my excitement more genuinely than before. If I can lessen the pain of the next four years in any way, then I have to
Seeing that I remember all the clips, totally forgot I watched Princess Jellyfish a long time ago when I was first going through this stuff. Ultimately I turned to be more of a Kuranosuke. I think this idea of appearance creating character is a lot of the appeal to crossdressing, and that feeling of being stuck between two worlds is so real, so confusing.
It's pretty crazy, sitting in between both and wondering which one will help more, which one will hurt less. But in the end, at least for me, sitting in the middle ended up leaving me with a lot of vague experiences that never felt as full as finally ending up in one of the worlds fully. I'm sure that's different for many people, but that's what I've found at least
Thank you🙏 Really needed to hear this today. Also ♥️ the MCR shirt
One of my better shirts haha. Glad I could provide something positive!
you can do it. as someone who started in 2024, its very refreshing on the other side. it takes time. but when you get there itll be so worth it. good luck to you ❤️
Thanks this was a great watch
Of course, thank you for your time!
Thank you. I remember reading the manga but I think I should go watch the anime. Your words resonated within me.
It's for sure a romance comedy at heart in the anime, but the underlying motivations and emotions make it something special
Thank you for a video enlightening the struggle. Never have I experienced anything of the like, so to get insight and perspective on the subject, helps me I believe to understand those who had/have struggle with their identity (whether it relates to gender or otherwise).
Hope I could use this insight to write better characters in my stories. Cheers.
P.S.: Wish you the best of luck with your own struggle if you decide to go through the transition process.
I'm glad I could provide some of that, it's always good for the goal of what I make here. Thank you for your time and open mind!
@@ProfessorViral Thanks for the reply. Makes me curious to check out your other other videos.
1 HOUR PRINCESS JELLYFISH VIDEO AAAAA THESE ARE THINGS IVE DREAMED OF !!!
Especially when its a trans vid cuz ouuugh i love these characters so much
Fantastic video, made me cry. I watched a lot of video essays when they first started getting made in this modern style on youtube years ago, and eventually became exhausted with them from market oversaturation. I don't finish video essays anymore unless they bring serious vulnerability and originality to the table, I guess I don't want an essay so much as someone speaking directly from the heart, because life is too short to listen to people talk without passion, it grates on me, upsets me. Loved to hear you speak on pursuing things and people that make you feel alive, instantly made my ears perk up and had me truly listening instead of just using the video as background noise.
I'm trans (from the opposite direction) so your video appeals on that front, but it really goes the distance with analyzing gender and presentation and happiness and how other people do or don't relate to that. I appreciate that depth not just as A Biased Trans Person TM but a person in general who wants to hear as enriching a viewpoint on a topic as possible and not just a surface summary. You did wonderfully.
The last portion of the video made me happy in an existential sort of sappy "I love Love and hearing about people fall in love with others and themselves through those others" kind of way. Very romantic. I've had similar experiences too of having these lofty, gripping ambitions of finding myself or experiences that will fundamentally change me forever, render me somewhat unrecognizable in a wonderful way- and having those experiences actually pay off, despite the way society at large wants you to be bitter and believe that sort of thing is unrealistic. Heart just lifted and sang hearing your story go that way instead of ending in disappointment. I want more people to live that way. More people deserve to live that way. "It can't just be me, seeing how shockingly beautiful things can be," is a thought I have often, hope and grief and desire all wound up into one thing.
Anyway, I'll close off that needlessly thorough guts-spilling here and like others, wish you the absolute best in your future and whatever changes you want to see blooming. May this be another little luck charm for you. 🍀
Honestly, that first part is very validating to hear. I've been pretty disillusioned with the state of this craft in general, where it feels like so many people are just restating an article or two, or summarizing an old show just because. This is the Brave New World and Psycho-Pass in me, but I want more discomfort than that, a world where we can truly embrace a genuine expression that, at times, will have to be unpleasant because it's real. I try my best to be genuine and honest for that end. Or really, I just can't help but be that way, but I can try and justify it anyway haha.
To that end, and with everything else you said, this is the year where I want to start living that way overall. To be open to every single beautiful moment and hope that it can help others do the same. I guess, I'm sick of being sad. I want to be happy about my life for a change. I'll try my best to hold up these words, and help make the world a place which recognizes it's beauty more
princess jellyfish is SO REAL!!!
Surprisingly so for something so funny as well haha
@@ProfessorViral i knowww like maya’ll do some crazy moves but then ill get sad because i want to be like kuranoske😿
Your videos always hit me hard, wishing you the best queen❤
Also black lagoon sighting (revy stan)
Thank you, I'm happy/sorry to be able to make emotional videos haha. Also had to get a Black Lagoon mention in there, seriously the best character development in anime. I should probably make another video on it, it's been a while at this point
@ goat
Wonderful video and writing. Thank you.
Thank you for your time!
I recently learned of a show called Wandering Son, might be another one to check out...! The person I heard about it from describes it thusly: "I binged it in one night and came out the moment I finished it."
Am very curious to see it.
I myself watched Princess Jellyfish somewhat over a decade ago, back when the concept of gender was barely there. It was new and strange and nice, but ultimately there were many other things, (including Final Fantasy 14!) that needed to happen before I finally decided to embrace a human shape that felt good.
I'm celebrating my 9th year as "me" in a few days. Glad to hear you've found that spark as well.
I love princess jelly fish manga! It's really good. The anime feels too short yet, very effective.
It's a shame that the ending is really just an advertisement for the manga, but they still managed to do a lot in those 11 episodes
And now I'm crying both for empathic sadness and empathic happiness ❤️😭❤️
Sorry for the flood of emotions, I do that from time to time lol
I remember the first time i ever met one or my own and how it chanted the lonely feeling of unbelonging that had plagued my life prior. How i wish I knew her still. So I could show her what became of my life and journey decades later.
I don't think she'd remember me. But I'll always remember that where as before i felt, even transitioning socially at a young age, that I wasn't real. Like. That i was a performance.
And that after i met her and got to bask in her a handful of hours in my at that point short life that she shower me explicitly and completely that i was who i thought i was and the world didnt argue that. Some individuals maybe. But not the world.
The last part is very true; even if a few people are against it, the world itself isn't. We're a true part of it, just as anyone else
The "twist" (although, that wording feels a little off) at the end was perfect for me. The thumbnail was very trans, the title was, and much of your descriptions of the anime I felt could only be made by a trans author - there's a kind of genuinity that a trans person talking about trans content can only deliver. But all the while, I had watched some of your content, and I was pretty sure that wasn't the case.
Then we come to the "me" section, and I see the "twist" buried under layers of implication, and I ignore it, because it seemed less likely than this being just another video essay. I listen to the way you're describing this woman, and as soon as the line "...medication could fix god's mistakes", I knew that this woman was trans. I assumed that was the link here between the anime and you - with this woman being a kuranosuke analogue. Then you came out. Then everything tied together so neatly, and so perfectly.
Congratulations for your realisation, and I can only wish you the best.
Thank you, I'm truly glad the video could provide such a genuine experience
thank you for making this
Of course, thank you for your time!
Absolutely beautiful video. This is my first time coming across this channel, but wow what an amazing first impression ❤️. Idk if you know this but the dub actress for Kuranosuke, Jessie James Grelle, actually came out as trans a few years ago! I watch a lot of voice actor panels online, and they even said on one that their role in Princess Jellyfish was a really big part in discovering her identity, which is just too perfect 😊
Oh wow, I didn't know that. That's actually pretty amazing!
I started transitioning at 32. From the other end of my thirties, I can tell you: it only gets better.