As a transfemme who still has to suppress my trans identity and which creates this dilemma of whether or not I'm simply a feminine guy, this video is a holy grail. And I DO have a strong disconnect from my assigned gender at birth and always imagine living like a stereotypical woman cause that's who I truly am on the inside regardless of how feminine I like to present myself. Thank you Dr. Z for always being so fabulous and outspoken 🥹
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
We aren’t called to manage sin; we are called to repent and forsake it. The Bible teaches that sin is something to be turned away from, not merely tolerated or accommodated. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, the apostle Paul warns that behaviors such as effeminacy, along with other sinful actions, are not in line with God’s design for us. The passage says, ‘Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’ This means that behaviors like effeminacy-often viewed as men adopting traits or roles traditionally associated with women-are to be repented of and forsaken. Christians are called to live in accordance with God’s word, turning away from sin, and seeking transformation through Christ.
i'm what i would call a more masc-leaning tomboy trans woman, and it took me a long time to *really* accept my identity for a lot of the reasons i think this video touches on. i was okay with being perceived as masculine, but very much *not* okay with being perceived as a man. eventually i came to the conclusion that when i looked at other women, i was seeing a fundamental part of myself reflected back and the rest is history! you definitely earned yourself a new subscriber here!
Yeah similar! I really don't care for dresses and I get gender euphoria from being strong, but it all feels so much more right in the context of being a strong *woman* in jeans and jackets. There are lots of women like me! They were my role models growing up! I just thought I couldn't be like them... but I can :)
@@Rolan7196 yep! i feel like a unicorn among unicorns sometimes lol. pre-transition i always thought of strength as something for other people, never something i could be or obtain myself. but i find this kind of unexplainable resolve/certainty in womanhood and my self-esteem is *infinitely* higher now.
Just wanted to thank you so much for everything you do. I used to watch your videos while i was in my questioning/imposter syndrome phase. I've now been out and happy for almost 2 years. Nowadays i no longer need content like this but its so great to see how you are still helping those that do. You are simply wonderful.
Expression =/= Identity. I often bring up how I know gay men who were far more gender non-conforming than I ever was growing up. Yet I turned out to be trans and they did not.
Your name is FrozenEnbyWolf. So I know that is not true. Showing skin and doing drag doesn't make you less of a man. Infact I'm quiet insulted you compared the scenarios. Edit: Quite, not quiet. Autocorrect.
I think the window on being just a feminine man has passed since I'm on HRT and my breasts are growing. Even having small breasts makes my feel 300% better about myself!! YAY!! I may not look pretty but I feel pretty. 🤣🤣
Are you sure it's not fetish. You can feel like you want to hurt someone dies not mean you should carry it out. Or you want to sleep with that perfusion who not your husband.
I initially thought that I might be "gay", but... gay men typically aren't obsessed with wanting to be "castrated" or grow their own boobs. I also never felt like a "man" (or much interest in being one), even 20 years after male puberty. I don't identify as a "woman" either, though -- just as trans-female. Most people probably take me for a "drag queen" or "sissy". That's not ideal, but it will take time for society to accept nonbinary people.
I'm 70 years old and still don't know which gender I am, but I stopped caring about that many years ago because either way, my life will be the same. I've always wanted to be a woman but I've also always known I'll never be a halfway decent looking one. So I spend about 90+% of my life as one but by preserving my ability to pass for the type of man that is commonly accepted, I can avoid the worst of the nightmares our cruel world has for trans women.
Dear Dr. Z. Thank You very much. Due to listenning Your "lectures" I definitely recognized that I am transwoman. And also the fact, my problem can be elegantly handled. Now I can say, that not my "feminine" hobbies but my constant daydreaming of having feminine physical attributes a being accepted in feminine role is symptom of gender dysphoria. Once more much thanks. Lenny.
I’ve met many gay men who were insecure with their sexuality and body and tried transitioning. I think being a woman is being comfortable within yourself.
Many years ago when I came out to my therapist as trans he told me he did not see me that way and I could be a gentle, sensitive man. When I started to have relationships with men that was quite OK. He just did not have a clue what it meant to be trans. I suspect I needed to be some kind of fem boy for him to think I may be transsexual. Sadly, I think there still are many therapists like him. Twenty-five years later after the dam broke I finally found a gender therapist and have been transitioning for two years. It is hard, but I am happier and my life is better. I have the characteristics of a feminine man, but I also have difficulty with my male body and wish it were female. I have all the DSM characteristics associated with gender disphoria. When I explore inside myself I identify as female. I see a man on the outside and a woman on the inside. These are the things that help me know I am a transgender woman. It is not easy and I struggle with passing, but it would make it worse to suppress it. At my age, I think it would be easier if I were a feminine man rather than a trans woman. Are you comfortable with your assigned gender? Do you want to be the gender opposite to what you were assigned at birth? Do you want the body associated with that gender and do you want to live and be treated in that gender? Do those things make you feel better? Those are the keys. Thanks Dr. Z for all you do. You are the best! Martina
I agree so much with what you say about feminine men, I feel like this balance is so much needed in men these days, it seems that by nature they are usually also more secure within themselves. As a trans woman I have been also more attracted to these kinds of men since I was little.
I distinctly remember it being summer and I had taken to wearing a summer dress inside as it was the only thing I had that let my body breathe properly. I needed milk, but lamented that I had to put on male presenting clothes just to go to the shops. From then on, I promised I would try crossdressing more seriously at some point. Aaaaand a year on, it's been *alot* but am still here.
This is 💯🔥 Thank you for further validating my choice to transition a few years ago. This was a bit emotional for me because I can definitely relate. I started watching your channel just before I sought therapy and started my transition. Now, I'm less than two weeks away from GAS. I can't thank you enough! ❤
I always wanted to be the opposite of a tomboy and thought it was so unfair there wasn't one, having locked my female side away repeatedly for years at a time I'm finally expressing it, but I think I'm heading towards trans femme, I have moderate dysphoria, and haven't allowed myself to really think these thoughts. Dr Z's videos have really helped me open up to myself, I'm trying to have these conversations with myself, but I don't think I'll really know what I want without experiencing it fully for an extended period of time, not just days and weeks but months maybe a year. The big problem for me is that my wife doesn't want a wife she wants a husband, and I'm holding myself back on so many levels because of not wanting to hurt and or loose her from my life. Thank you Dr Z your videos have helped me so much. D
I was 100% one of those "I'm fine with my sex/body" trans women at first. Six months of hormones and socialization and I couldn't stand it anymore. Yeah... TOTALLY fine with it.. lol
@@JavedAlam-ce4muMaybe theoretically? But there's no ethical way to test this. It would involve giving people who are not trans and/or do not want hormones hormones and seeing if they are okay with the effects. But if I had to guess, probably not because things like breast development in cisgender men and boys causes severe distress similar to the distress seen in transgender boys and men when they develop breasts. And cisgender women also commonly have distress when they have more facial hair than typical, and transgender women commonly have this distress as well. These are just 2 examples. Sex hormones also don't really completely change your personality, interests, identities, ect. Cis men with higher than normal estrogen or cis women with higher than normal testosterone are not necessarily more feminine or masculine than their counterparts in terms of personality or okay with the physical effects caused by their hormone levels
I was born w male parts , but knew by 3.5 that I was completely female. I have worn female clothes, hair, jewelry forever. I have been on estrogen and progesterone and spironolactone for almost ten years.. I have Always identified as a lesbian. I have been trying to get top, bottom and face and voice surgery. Surgeons have not been reasonable. I had an appointment with my gp yesterday, i told her my surgeries Are a need, not a want. If I cant get surgeries soon I have no hope for A future. Of being me. So I will end my life. That is my life
Thank you for your explanation! Two years ago I didn't know anything, but wanted to have female body shape, and without beard as well. Almost all wantings was about body... I also wanted a feminine identity as well, but without knowing anything about trans. Now I'm close to 14 months HRT (got breasts and some of feminine shape), and changed my official name to a feminine one. Also removed almost all beard.
Not hiding here, but I can only think a recent conversation helped prompt the topic of this video 😉 (Dr. Z is one of the nicest people to chat with if you ever have a chance to speak with her)
I am transfemmme, but very deep in the closet for safety reasons, and that sometimes makes me feel like I'm faking it or im just a feminine man. But every time i begin having those thoughts, I run into videos like this that just confirm that I'm actually trans that that helps immensely, thank you.
This has been very nice to watch. I recently started HRT a few months ago and the further I go the more I realize that I do think I'm okay being binary as a woman as the changes come, as opposed to being non-binary. I think I'm much more comfortable being seen by others as a somewhat "masculine woman" rather than a "feminine man."
I like this video. It seems to me an elaboration, expanding on the "Am I Trans" quiz. I also enjoyed the video "Understanding Gender Dysphoria and a Spectrum of Treatment options." One take away I got from that video is the importance of distinguishing trans identity from trans sexuality. Thank you Dr Z for sharing your knowledge and insight!
Thanks for the video Dr. Z, it came at such a great time for me. I have been struggling recently with my fears of whether I actually am trans or not, started HRT moderately for feminizing (I'm AMAB) but the breast tenderness in these first few weeks has freaked me out. I have watched your video on that topic so I'm not too worried (thank you for that one too!) but I still can't help but feel like I'm fighting against a wall. You totally laid it out clearly for me here--that wall is my brain trying to stop me from entering the unknown, and the distinction between a feminine man and a trans woman was a really subtle but helpful explanation for me. I am more in the middle of the spectrum but I am definitely seeing how I desire the primary and secondary sex characteristics of a woman, and have wanted that for ages. I have to dig through the archives of your channel but I think I remember seeing a video about whether a person is trans or a pervert... I concluded a while ago that my interest in girls and women started from a place of envy and desire for possession but was hijacked by testosterone, which led to a long history of self hate and fear. I am finding now that looking forward to a feminine body has obliterated my use of pornography and I'm so much more focussed on my relationships rather than being distracted by how envious I am of the women in my life. It's a sad existence. Anyway, wall of text. Thank you so much for another amazing video.
Wow.I was wondering this today.But this video confirmed that I am a Transwoman and not just a fem man.I have been on hrt since July of 2021.I am the happiest and most comfortable w myself than I have ever been.I started my medical Transition at 57 yrs young.I am so sad that I lost my younger years to b myself,London.Thank you for your videos. Hugs ❤
I'm a trans woman. Pre transition I was a motorcycle mechanic for over 20 years. Road raced motos for years. Still enjoy risk taking and wrenching on machines. It was hard to reconcile this with my femininity until I recognized the colossal level of misogyny involved in that way thinking.
by my definition (as a trans girl myself): be whatever you're the comfortable with. don't focus on discomfort, or medical transition; just try different stuff and see what you like (name, pronouns, presentation, maybe HRT if you want). want to be a feminine man? sure. want to be a trans girl and start HRT? go for it. want to microdose E but still call yourself a man? i don't see why not. want to be a trans girl but not medically transition? totally valid. it's not up to others to define who you are, be it by your presentation, hobbies, desired body or anything; you get to define yourself however you want.
I appreciate this at the beginning of my journey right now because I do have a lot of stereotypical masculine hobbies as well as well as being a stem lesbian. I do not feel comfortable in my body however. I struggled with the idea of being trans feminine for years due to how masculine I appear and my interest in women. I was truly so closeted that I forced myself to be hypermasculine to compensate. It was hard and is hard for me to come out right now due to this. This video was very affirming in this difficult time. And if anyones reading, it's never too late and you'll find people who accept you. You might feel or be alone for a little bit but you owe it to yourself to feel comfortable in your own skin and be loved for who you truly are. ❤❤❤
I don't know which one I am, I was happy trying to transition, but I was forced to remain a male, I identify with both feminine man and transgender woman, but I was born intersex assigned male at birth, and my body dismorphia is a strong burden in my life
I enjoy crossdressing, I feel most comfortable presenting as a woman, I wish to look like a woman, live life as a woman, know how it feels to be a woman, I have genital envy, but I feel neutral about my current genitalia, men's clothing makes me uncomfortable unless I am in soft textured slacks, an elegant button-up shirt that has been tailored to fit and a form fitting dress-up vest, small jewelry and accessories to highlight my outfit, no facial or body hair, eyeliner, a pair of fancy women's boots, and an elegant coat like a leather jacket, trench coat, petty coat or women's blazer or cardigan. Any other masculine expressions of fashion feel slobbish and easy but not comfortable, I had gender reversed roll norms with my ex wife, and have been socially awkward all my life, you know being one of the girls without being a girl (seen as a girl) and the guy with all the other guys that doesn't feel like a guy, and being bisexual adds to the confusion of not knowing what side of the fence i belong on
I can relate to this conversation because I know for me I’m non-binary transgender and I feel like there’s aspects of femininity that don’t exactly sit well with me. But when it comes to society and how I would like to be seen:perceived , socially that’s female. I think a lot of feminine men are also guarding themselves from the hatred they may potentially face when coming out a a transgender identifying individual or woman. If this helps anyone transgender identities are not monolith like queer identities and we exist in so many different complex ways in fact. If you’re strong enough to identify yourself as transgender that’s a strong enough statement on its own and no one needs to further validate your experience. You are who you are and as long as you know that, that’s all that matters this experience should feel authentic and truly what your heart wants for yourself. Feminine men are Valid as much as transgender Woman are ❤❤❤
I'm one of those people who's identity as a man can coexist with a more distinctly feminine body. I've never had that disconnect with my AGAB and have always been comfortable with it. But I've always had bad body dysphoria and have also identied as a woman as long as I have a man. Man, woman, masculinity, and femininity are all mutually inclusive to me and for me it's all just different ends of the same thing and I'm all of it. Am I a feminine man or a trans woman? Both and neither I'm bigender.
I get that the next obvious topic will be masculine women vs trans-men, but i'd love to see a video about cis-women vs feminine trans-men. It's just seems to me that as a tomboy trans-woman or a femboy trans-man it's even more confusing to figure out your gender while not conforming to the conservative gender role
This was excellent and very helpful. I have been on HRT for a little over 3 years and I am very pleased with the body changes. Especially with my breast growth. But I am not feminine acting.
What you say about how a feminine man feels comfortable with their secondary sex characteristics, but a transperson does not resonates so much - even though i am distinctly nonbinary - i wish i had heard that years ago: So this hits a super relevant spot for me: i was so lucky growing up with a relatively feminine body, and thought i could keep living as a nonbinary person - as a feminine man - until in my mid twenties when my secondary sex characteristics really began showing up. I felt intense dysphoria but thought i could learn to live with it, and identify as non-binary- i did so for far too long. I found out that my non-binary identity fought with the expression of my secondary sex characteristics, and that i had even put up a sort of inner emotional deadening for most of my life. While i've always had deep empathy, i possibly had some normative male alexithymia where i could display emotions , but my own were never felt inside, and were so hard to identify - including my own wants and desires. I began psychoterapy two years ago which was fantastic in coming to self acceptance and working with my own emotions. Nearly a year ago i started transitioning + laser for my body and facial hair. The combination of hormones and therapy has helped so much with my emotions and senses. I should have started both much earlier and listened to myself instead of thinking i would learn to live with it as a feminine man - Stoicism is a horrible thing, and hiding how i liked being "feminine", in expression, role, and feel, even to myself, was horrible looking back. Instead of fighting my body and my secondary characteristics constantly, i can see now that i am moving in a direction that allows me to just... be. I could grow up a boy, be feminine and twinky / elfy, but i cannot live as a (feminine) man - and trying to fit a male mold first, then staving of transitioning, did so much damage to me. The weird thing is, i don't feel like a woman either - but hormones don't really allow one to choose completely: and i would rather have more feminine secondary sex characteristics than male secondary sex characteristics. I am happy that all throughout the process, i allowed myself to express myself how i wanted, with makeup, colorful clothes - but now i also allow myself more "feminine" mannerisms that feel natural to me. Now, i love myself and like myself and where my body and emotional life is. I take life one step at a time, and for now, i feel and say that i am transfeminine nonbinary. And that started by throwing off the label of trying to be a feminine *man*. Now i am just feminine.
@@Loxhaz Sure! When i was younger, i did not have body hair, and wearing jewelry, soft clothes, long hair, allowed me a more feminine expression that some of my friends called elfy/elf-like. I think it was just because lord of the rings was popular at the time, and the way elves were presented in that movie was more feminine/androgenous than what was common.
I don't believe I was ever really a feminine man. Aside from the long hair and relatively daring (well, just colourful) clothes that is. But I *was* a scared man, a stunted man, an unhappy man, a lonely man... And now I'm A wo man. 😂
Thank you for sharing this video. I wish I had this resource this summer when my egg cracked and I began deeply questioning. I've talked to three different gender therapists and none of them could offer me this level of clarity and understanding. They "couldn't tell me who I am" and that it was "something for me to figure out on my own" but without a fundamental guideline or understanding to answer this question I basically had to wing it, which is not exactly why you pay therapists to help you out. I had both repressed my femininity (due to social fears and decades of intense subconscious masculine socialization) and had deep rooted, long-term desires wondering and fantasizing about physically having the body of a woman and living life as a woman. Neither of which were adequately properly explored until this year, but when it did hit, this was the crucial question I faced. This video offers so much crucial understanding and assistance to those of us grappling with this fundamental question of "well, how do you KNOW?" It's an incredibly powerful resource. I ended up figuring it out (I'm trans) for the same reasons you list but it took months and months and months of intense hour by hour, day by day, week by week debates and teeter-tottering over which path was really right for me. You are helping so many future questioning people by making and sharing this specific video.
@@DRZPHD While this may be true and that there was a part of me that was okay with being male at least enough when I was very young to think that I was a Sis boy.I also realized there's a part of me that I have been suppressing that enjoys being treated and seen like a female. Also more recently, as I've been exploring this part of me.The connection I have been filling with being Male has lessened over the last six months but it's still there.
gosh that makes so much sense !! i have always been on the fence due to having some interests in male activities, but on the other side love female existence and day dream about how wonderful it would be to be an elegant italian woman in an open top car driving in the riviera during the 1960s ! :-) i guess it comes down to whether you'd slam your hand down on that proverbial 'easy button' - YES. you are wonderful and love your videos.
thank you for posting this ...i definitely am a feminine man but i honestly feel erased cuz anytime i say im feminine , firstly i dont get treated with respect or people understand how to treat a feminine man and secondly they ask me if im going to transition.... so i always question should i transition just for people to understand me ... i know its probably a social issue but its really tougher being a feminine man than a trans woman your prospects with dating is better for a transwoman than feminine man
I didn't realize that this video had just been released until the very end. This is almost exactly what I've been thinking about lately in relationship to my gender. I have very low gender dysphoria, but I feel pretty neutral about my body. There are many utilitarian aspects to having a male body/being masc presenting, but I like those aspects for the things they let me do, not as an inherent thing. I also have autism, and the idea of having different genitalia isn't something that I really feel all the way/can understand internally, but in most respects I'd like to have the body of a woman I think. Some secondary sex characteristics (especially facial hair and my voice) are also things that I somewhat dislike in myself, and there are a number of cultural things too. I've also very much enjoyed times where I get to present myself very femininely, especially an online species. I've slowly made my voice more androgynous too, almost subconsciously. at the same time, I worry that various other things are incongruent with the idea of me being trans. I don't know. I'm too undecided and not in a place where it is easy to explore my gender expression outside of my head. in either case, thank you so much for this video, I'm gonna bookmark it and probably rewatch at some point. the key differences you noted (fantasizing about being a woman esp) have been shouting at me for a while, but I've had many reasons internally as to why they do not apply for me. hopefully I can make things work a bit better and understand myself more over time with the knowledge that that is super trans ^^
Ooooo I'm going to have to think carefully about this one! I honestly don't know to answer the question of whether I'm "comfortable" as a man. I would say that I am mostly comfortable, except in the company of people who ... care about gender a lot? Traditional, conservative people AND trans people seem bound and determined to read anything feminine about me as clear identification with womanhood. And I don't know if I agree about the "disconnect" between being generally satisfied with my male sex characteristics, and sometimes fantasizing about having female characteristics instead. I don't feel any conflict with indulging a fun fantasy, and also acknowledging reality?
I feel cis men also don’t feel a need to be categorized as a symbolically and legal feminine figure, meaning they don’t feel the need to be categorized and treated as a woman or female beyond perhaps sex role and presentation. But some feminine men like my boyfriend who identifies as mostly male he/they and was assigned male at birth isn’t that feminine he’s just balanced. He likes masculine clothes and roles. He has masculine hobbies. He’s just very creative and open. He doesn’t mind wearing feminine clothes and has tried it out in the past but doesn’t feel a need to feminize nor ever really imagined himself as female. Sexually he enjoys both feminine and masculine roles but is not autogynephilic and while he likes both just about equally he is more frequently dominant than submissive at least with me and has a very very slight feminine lean in partner preference but he really enjoys a whole spectrum. He’s also queer ( bi ). My boyfriend actually enjoys many stereotypically masculine hobbies and is comfortable in male spaces, he’s just not hypermasculine and enjoys feminity in himself as well. But my boyfriend reminds me of how some feminine straight cis men will act as well often switchy, creative, open, and emotionally intelligent, but still enjoy being the protector, and a coach, often times nerdy geeky and into animation xd. And sometimes wear a bit of makeup or polish. Might be alternative enjoy piercings etc. These men are not the same as fem boys, fem boys tend to have a strong feminine presentation, which is sometimes coupled with being submissive but many are not, they tend to love feminine expression, and sometimes sex roles as a preference. Edit: FYI my partner is a Demi man, he’s never stated but from what I gather he’s both comfortable as a man and as androgynous ( gender ). He enjoys being treated and seen as both non binary and as male, he enjoys occupying male spaces but he’s somewhat fluid however I think he can still be said to be a feminine man or Demi boy. I don’t think he’s necessarily uncomfortable as a man but I think he finds more comfort in being free and not restricted in his identity.
Omg! I had no idea this was a thing. I have always said I am a woman in a male body, and I love my male body, but I'm a woman! I code switched and acted masculine in order to stop the bullies, and I suppressed my femme for most of my life. When trans-gender people were banned from bathrooms at the capitol, and then hundreds of companies revoked their diversity hiring, I decided to wear hot, sexy non-binary, outfits when I shopped in anti-woke stores. I bought skin-tight, cobra print pants, a sexy see-through top, zipped all the down, exposing my very male chest, and rocked eye make-up, and massive jewelry, and heels, and went shopping. It was exhilarating! I went home and walked my cute chihuahua around the neighborhood, with my outfit on, and, again, exhilarating! Then ,I put together another sexy outfit, with a black fur collar, and fabulous shoes and make-up,and went to see the movie "Wicked" , in a crowded theater, on my boyfriend's arm. I felt so right. The other day, I needed to run an errand after work, But I didn't feel comfortable going out in public unless i'm unless I went home first and changed it to my fabulous femme clothes. I have never felt so empowered in my life. Thank you so much for helping me on the next step of my journey, Knowing that I am a trans-feminine. ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜
In my opinion it boils down to what we call secondary sexual characteristics and female body. Being shorter, having a more petite frame, more neotenous facial features, being hairless, having no male pattern baldness etc. What we generally would call a twink is an ideal for a lot of men, and its usually men who consider themselves feminine in personality. So if those men desire a body that's more "twinkish" and feminine in those aspects I don't really see anything in it that has to do with gender incongruency at all.
They could be transfeminine as well, especially if they have a feminine-leaning personality. I'm intrigued by your observations. I come close to this description... and wish i looked like a twink again (Im heavy now). Am I a man? Woman? Something in between? I could be any of these in my opinion.
to be honest i knew the answer to my own question before listening to what you had to say, hehe though you really did do an amazing job at helping to understand the 2. it just really sucks that i am 23? or 24? and still have to hide myself because of family. and oddly enough, while it really hurts being called he/him. it hurts so much more when i have to call my self he/him. but regardless you really did help me comfirm that i am truly a trans woman...
This was quite an insightful exploration. However, I would like to add that there really isn’t a hard line between feminine man and trans woman. Though I myself am rather uncommon or an edge case, I have dissociated from my gender identity to a large degree. I don’t exactly feel uncomfortable in my gender, but have a desire to express more feminine, both physically and in dress, but not really embrace one gender over the other. I’m not uncomfortable being called a man, but I’m also loving the effects that estrogen has been having on my body and mind. Dressing more feminine is also quite euphoric for me, though I’m still experimenting and finding my look. I still consider myself a feminine man, and describe myself as transfem non-binary because that term seems to fit what I am, but I don’t consider myself a trans woman at all. Maybe I’m looking into the presentation too hard when it doesn’t apply to me directly, since the presentation didn’t explore the non-binary space as part of this distinction between femme man and trans woman (and to be clear, I’m not calling that out as a bad thing, either; not every discussion needs to cover every angle all the time).
Dear Dr. Z, thank you for this topic. I have difficulty to distinguish if I'm really transgender or just too feminine. I still don't like my body hair at all. And I was imagining myself as woman from when I was small like 11. Any suggestions? I love to do make up and trying to do some courses and I mostly wear woman's clothes. Hard to say...
i'd suggest trying a different name and pronouns, online or with people you can trust. if you like the new name and pronouns, you can expand it to more people and online communities, and if you don't, you can just go back
Thanks Dr. Z. I always have feared transition, and yet desperately want to feel normal. Everytime i take a step i think; oh what if I'm just a feminine guy? I could cope woth the dysphoria. Again its mot true, thanks for this video amd foraking that strong distinction.
FTA Women like men come in all shapes, sizes and presentations so why limit ourselves to a particular esthetic. I grew up as a feminist and aspired to strong feminine role models that I saw on tv and in media, which is probably why I am a girly girl, hair, make up, nails, Harley riding Biker Lady. I also had a strong sense of who I was at an early age, telling my parents at 17 yo, now in my 50s. I never saw myself as a feminine boy, although that was how others perceived me to be, I have always been girl, now a grown woman. My body has had a few surgeries to align it with who I know myself to be and I live a contented life with my innate grace. Although times are tough for all in our community we owe it to ourselves to live authentic full lives. Strength without meanness. Hugs to all. ❤
Wow, this is very validating. I'm working on my car now while I'm also wondering where im at. I do wonder what presenting as a woman would be like for me, but anytime i look in the mirror, I'm not sure who that person is. As I've done things to make me feel more feminine, I've felt more myself. My gf called me her gf, and it felt so amazing.
I don't have gender dysphoria, so I never considered myself trans, but I'm kinda sensitive, I don't relate to several male-associated things like sports or cars. I have also daydreamed about having a women's body and probably wouldn't mind if I had one. Maybe I would make a good androgenous girl, who knows.
Certified Trans Woman by definition of Dr. Z. 1+ year on hormones and transitioning for about 5 years, first came out about 20 years ago. (Began transitioning but couldn't continue due to life circumstances back then.) Even though transitioning can be very hard, I would / could never go back. I don't know how I was able to live as my unauthentic self for so long 😅
Thank you. It's so simple, yet not very obvious when you're trying to figure this out. I wish I'd had this video when I was coming of age in the '90s. I had this very question then, but it took me decades to find the answer. I'd add that being open-minded, explorative and a daydreamer by default, I also had trouble telling the difference between being curious about what it would be like to be a woman vs. the desire to be a woman. So I thought I was a feminine man for a long time, but I was wrong. The other complication was that although I usually felt neutral or unenthusiastic about my male form, I genuinely enjoyed it from time to time. But overall, I liked the female form a lot more and I'm much happier after starting transition. My true first choice would be to be fully female maybe 85% of the time and fully male the rest of the time. For this reason, I still consider myself in between even though I prefer binary aesthetics.
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
Maybe I should have watched this first before commenting on the last video. 😅 But, mhm, yes. Was I trans or just a feminine guy was my big question to my therapist. I've also never understood culturally masculine and feminine roles as being gendered in any way, a lot of which I picked up from my dad. In some ways I wonder if my dad had a connection, albeit subdued, to his femininity, or if the older generation, my dad was a member of the silent generation and he fulfilled both masculine and feminine coded roles in a lot of areas. But I think that's where I got the idea that gender is irrelevant when there is a an important, even if small, task that needs to be done. Not that my dad wasn't quite sexist, but where he was progressive in his attitudes often surprised me. This post went completely in a direction I didn't originally intend. And now I'm sad that my dad never got to see the real me. I think I'll leave this post up unaltered.
Wow this is crucial info ! Thank you so much. I am trying to distinguish which it is for me. This is helping even though I am not totally sure which one I am... Much food for thought. I seem to be with moderate dysphoria, and it is sometimes off not present. But it comes back when I feel inside very feminine. And feeling quite inclined to have feminine gestures, while keeping them under wraps. I also do fantasize being seen as a woman, even though I would not admit it, there is shame associated with it. It is still so tricky!! I so wish I could be a client for you tho I am not in your area (Canada). Thank you !!
Perhaps the distinguishing factor is wishing to just be a woman. What confuses me is my shame and also that I have a girlfriend whom I love who is not happy with me transitioning. This shame makes me think, well maybe I am just a feminine man. Oh la la
@@MoonStone2626 How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
I already knew the answer to this in my case as I have transitioned medically and had bottom surgery, and I am one of those cases of a rather masculine trans woman. I do enjoy feminine presentation sometimes but I mostly present in an androgynous way, and I continue to do a lot of the stuff that society considers masculine. I also don't really like people addressing me as male; it's the one thing that still pushes me to learn voice, and it's still possible that I will. I think I always knew somewhere that it was deeper than being a feminine man for me; ever since I learnt about trans women in my 20s it was always in the back of my mind. I'm long past accepting who I am, but it's still affirming to watch videos like these on the odd occasion!
So in other words you are incapable of accepting who you actually are. If you are male, then nothing can change that. If you don't like others acknowledging your factual sex, then you aren't accepting yourself.
Dr, Z my question to you is as follwos. I know that I'm cis-man who know that he's not a neither a trans gendered female however, I think that I may be feminine man as I do like to engage in feminine activities like washing cloths or wearing earthy tones such as reds,browns and deeper yellows. I also desire to either initiate a long-term or romantic relationship with a trans-female of any socioeconomic or racial background. I also desire not to be stereotyped as a trans chaser because i know that I seek either a long-term relationship either romantic or not with a trans women.
I usually explain it has basically fem men still live their lives and navigate through the world as MEN. And not all trans women are socially feminine, butch trans women also exist
I never thought of myself as a feminine man. I shied away from most things girly. But I kept wondering and daydreaming about what it would like to have a woman's body and everything good and bad that went along with that. I think I would have been a tomboy had I been born a girl.
Those aren't the only 2 options right ? Many, many do not fall into either category. Maybe categories themselves are actually un-useful ? Think of all the non-binary and pansexual people out there who prefer no label at all. these are the "nones". Individuality > Identity
Hi, no not at all! This is solely for people who are wondering if they are either a feminine man or a trans woman (especially leaning to ward a binary woman identity). I completly agree with you on all other identieis and yes, indivduality is far greater than labels!
@@DRZPHD Lol. you're right. it's okay to have things tailored for certain groups sometimes. knee jerk reactions and being overly sensitive needs to be worked on - on my part lmao. But you're right :-)
Ive had a complicated relatinship with my gender since i was a young child and introduced socially into the concept in kindergarten. Before that i had somewhat long hair for a guy, and didnt think abt gender at all. It wasnt until i got my hair buzzed off and outcasted away by the girls for "being a boy with cuties" that i started feeling off and sad. Years and years id asked to grow my hair out but eventually stopped, knowing it "wasnt acceptable." I was diagnosed with autism at 11, and for some reason after that diagnoses and knowing "why" i was socially outcasted, i figured that wanting to be a girl was just an autistic trait as well. I also hoped to one day grow out of this. Adults obviouly know who they are so i will too. Im 19 now and still figuring it out. I dont nessassarily want to be trans. Thats a hard life. Id much rather be a feminine man. Im just concerned that might be my temperary cope.
Thank you @Dr. Z for the video I am a Non Binary and i like and love to be feminine and I even try to crossdress sometimes and I totally comfortable with it. I just want to know whether is it ok being a Non binary and feminine crossdressing?? And I also sometimes I also think of transitioning to trans woman with which I am totally comfortable with. Please help me I am curious and very much interested with the replies and please mind me if my comment is not related to the video.
Dr. Z, I came up with a word to describe myself a few years back and what you're talking about here has some similarity to my thoughts. I consider myself as fem-male or femmale. I have those daydreams and thoughts of being totally female - i.e. I've always wanted to feel life inside of me - be pregnant and to be a Mother and to have the physiology of a female - breasts especially, vagina, etc. So, I guess I'm more transgender woman according to what you are saying on this video. I have days where I want to be totally feminine, but I know I never will be. Not fully anyway. I'm fairly happy with how passable I make myself, but I'm always wishing it was more permanent. I am comfortable as my male self - what choice is there really? I am keeping my fem side very suppressed though and it get a bit harder every day. Thanx for explaining some things here. Kinda helped. Thank you so much.
I've learned I'm more just on the feminine side and prefer more masculine women. Growing up through puberty was a nightmare and other factors. I've come to accept that I'm a submissive male and I know I have a 0.001% in dating a Dominant woman for a long term relationship. I've at least come to terms with my own reality and it's incredibly difficult coming into Christianity and connecting with fellow brothers in that arena. I'm at peace with myself finally and just live a chaste/celibate life and enjoying this new journey also sober and healed from many past wounds. Life is good, just if Jesus wants to add more spice in my life He knows whom I'm attracted too lol.
I consider myself as a very feminine man, as I had very feminine appearance and feminine voice since I was child, also my hobbies were different from other boys, I used to play with dolls, hated physical activities like sports, loved watching shows, which usually women watch,and all my favorite characters are females too,I used to enact those female characters. Also I am pretty much into artistic things like fashion designing, painting. While I never usually crossdressed, One thing that really is making me question my gender identity is, I fantasize about having vagina or something like that, just for sexual pleasure purpose. I don't feel any dysphoria or discomfort due to my penis, but only in sexual way,I fantasize about having vagina or something similar like that. I identify myself as a feminine gay man. My question is does this act of fantasizing about having vagina or something similar like it in sexual act, does it make me trans or genderfluid or am I still a man? Please reply me....
well then, this lady just said --paraphrasing-- "a feminine man will be more likely to wear: pinks, reds, yellows, and greens" and other then the reds, cause like red is very common in masc things, those are all my favorite colors, and yeah I'm a fem guy, like I get my favorite colors are a bit predictable for a fem guy, just didn't think it was that predictable lol
Being a gay man is hard. It’s difficult for me to find guys I am sexually compatible with. I enjoy crossdressing and the straight and bisexual men it attracts and at times feel jealous of transgender women when I see them in relationships with straight men. But I’m not dysphoric regarding my body and I don’t have any desire to take on that role outside of sex and relationships.
This is a very insightful video. I am a bit confused because I only want SOME feminine things -- to look like women in SOME regards (face, hair, body being smaller, smooth skin, less or no body hair). My emotional state seems to be consistently feminine. I love women's clothing and I get jealous of how women look whether clothing or just otherwise, and just about never relate with men physically except those who are smaller, and slightly built, which I think is my brain interpreting them as women. I only really relate emotionally to men who have "feminine" aspects of their personality . What am I? Am I kidding myself, preparing for HRT? I don't want large breasts, but I might not mind small ones. Every time I think about all this stuff too much I get very emotional, especially when I see pictures of people transitioning and the progress shown is from a person like myself to a reasonably nice looking woman... I just start crying, hoping I can do the same. If I see a woman transitioning to become a man, I feel nothing. I have been in therapy a year and my therapist believes that it is likely that I am transgender (I asked for their opinion). I have around $1000 worth of womens clothing and plan to lose 80 pounds then transition. Tell me cis guys do this? I am worried that my transition might goof somehow and I'll look ugly, but thats a chance we all take.
Well, since nobody else answered, I guess I will because you seem to need it. I'm a cisgender feminine man and I have some women's clothes, but none that people usually think of; for example, I have no dresses and I never have. I have women's walking shoes, sweatshirts, T-shirts, underwear, leggings and jeans. I have no bras because I don't need them (except a sports bra for long distance running to prevent nipple chafing) and all my formal wear is men's, though I do appreciate bright colors, especially for my dress shirts and ties, and I loathe that society demands men's formal attire be dull-colored and uniform. Women can express their individuality in their formal wear so men should too. I wear makeup, but only concealer, foundation, and mascara. I don't wear lipstick or use eye pencils, but that's because I don't like them, not because I think them inappropriate. I'm completely comfortable with my body, I love my body hair, except for facial hair because I think it looks messy. I could go on and on with things like this. I don't see any of this as being a woman, I just see it as being ME. I like being male, but I don't like people making assumptions about me and about who I am as a person because I'm male. I have a lot of feminine interests, but some masculine ones, too! I'm not attracted to men AT ALL and so I feel like I'm an oddball for having these traits because I'm not gay. Like you, I've often wondered if I am transgender and just denying it, but I always come back to the same conclusion; I can be a guy and still be me. So to answer your question, YES, there ARE cisgender straight feminine men who do the things that you are doing. To find out which one you are, just keep being YOU and the answer will eventually come to you 😊 💜. Good luck, bro!
This was an absolutely amazing answer. I wish every single male who is questioning whether they should "transition" read or heard this. There is no correct way to be a male and no correct way to be a female. Even if you did decide to go down a part transition with hormones or a more binary one with surgery, you will always be YOU and a male. You can't be yourself incorrectly. I suppose you can make choices that hurt you, but you are you, no matter how you present physically. I wish society were far kinder to males and females who have masculine or feminine traits that are less typically stereotypical for their sex. You can wear what you like: make up, clothing, hair styles etc... you won't be being a male in the wrong way. I recognise the importance of terms such as transwoman and transman for a clearer cut societal distinction, but the recent denial of sex from the trans lobby, has truly damaged their aim. I'm training in counselling psychology and I am hoping the field will stop simply affirming, but ask the idea the person above mentioned, so that males who are simply feminine don't feel a pressure to make more personal changes than they need to
@@KitschKiss-pi8wp Thanks for your thought-out reply. I am not sure what you mean by denial of sex by the trans lobby. Trans people do not have any illusions. My body will always be male. But my mind is "something else." I certainly believe this sort of thing is scientifically possible, if not observed in millions of people already.
I don't day dream or think about having female genitals. I don't think about genitals at all. However , I do think about marrying a guy and having a family as a woman. Am I trans ?
your genitals don't define your gender, _you_ define your gender. if you want to be a girl with a p*nis, that's absolutely valid; if you'd rather be a guy, that's valid too
I think I fit somewhere under the transfeminine umbrella and part of why it took me so long is that one I grew up with not many other options and that I did feel some connection to my assigned gender. so I took this cenion to mean really was a guy and developed my since of self around this even if it did not always comply fit. So now that I know this I have this whole life set up I am not sure what to do. Its not like me being I was male was completely false there was something there. again so How do I handle this? I know I can't be the only one out there who could also be going through something similar.
I would think about being a mother and the whole process of that motherhood wanting kids and having a family and partner coming home from work. Stereotypical american dream. Also, I have been struggling with self-hatred and feeling shame, dressing up, and feeling good dressed as a woman. Ive come out as trans now still have dysphoria and doubt sometimes but i am happier and know now who i am.
I remember this was something I struggled with when I first started to do my research on gender It was different in my case; I wasn't sure if I was a trans woman or nonbinary - my knowledge back then was a bit limited, I didn't know much about the highly variable presentations and preferences that existed within such genders I'm certain of my gender identity now, and it's something that most people might find odd or appalling, but I identify as a eunuch (a feminine eunuch to be precise) I thought that my dislike of the body I had and want/need to look more feminine meant that I was a trans woman But after I had done some research on ways to stop sexual function (I'm a sex repulsed and averse asexual), castration showed up, and with it eunuchs came up - I was fascinated with eunuchs and felt a connection to them, its kinda hard to describe Ever since then, I've become certain of my identity I've been feeling so much better overall since surgery (Nullification - its a surgery that removes all external genitalia) One important thing you highlight here is the choice of presentation and activities/hobbies and how all those things are not exactly intrinsically tied to one's gender - it's something that only seems that way because of the things that society has associated with each gender At the end of the day those things are something anyone can do, which is to say they are ungendered things - one's choice of presentation and hobbies/activities boils down to preference, and preference is a highly personal thing
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
Is there a difference here between binary trans woman and non binary transfem? If you say both have desires to have the female physique or body. I do have desires of having a female body and I generally neutral about being a man or my body. There are pros and cons of being a man or woman so I mean it's hard to differentiate whether I'm just a man with a fetish, feminine man, trans (binary/non binary)
If they identify as non binary than yes I suppose. But to be clear, being a feminine man does not automatically implies nonbinary. Two different things and also depends on what's one's defintion of non binary as that varies too.
Thank you very much for your video. I am a pansexual guy, and it is important for me to understand the feelings and perceptions of my potential partner. I am currently communicating with a person who initially positioned himself as a femboy and called himself a guy on social networks, using the pronoun "he". When we started talking and I asked about the preferred form of address, this person answered "she", adding that she strives for more femininity, plus she (?) is now preparing to little bit of change her appearance with the help of plastic surgery for the same purpose. Based on the theses in your video, do I understand correctly that this person is a transgender woman who has gone through some path to accepting her identity, or is this person probably of a non-binary person?
I'm AFAB, and sometimes I feel unsure of whether I am fully transman or not. I'm overall more interested in stereotypical feminine things. But I feel uncomfortable having a V instead of a P and have bodily gender dysphoria. So like I basically wanna be like a woman with a 🍆? So I guess my most accurate gender is either trans/nonbinary or trans feminine man? At least I'm pretty much certain that I'm bi lol.
Is it not a case of trans women being anima obsessed (or possessed) and so called feminine men having a highly integrated anima? I’m only a layman of psychology so just asking the question. Also, it seems if a bloke looks after himself in terms of appearance, educates himself, lives alone and has an interest in the arts, philosophy etc he’s thought of as feminine and/or closeted gay. Yup, I’m talking about myself here. It’s certainly the vibe I seem to get from some colleagues at work but seems no one to wants to say it. Oh, well what the hell, can’t help what other people think.
More interesting is the question, what do they have in common: They are both biological men and will never be women regardless how they identify since they will never be adult female that produce larger gametes called eggs or at least have the bodily prerequisites for that.
As a transfemme who still has to suppress my trans identity and which creates this dilemma of whether or not I'm simply a feminine guy, this video is a holy grail. And I DO have a strong disconnect from my assigned gender at birth and always imagine living like a stereotypical woman cause that's who I truly am on the inside regardless of how feminine I like to present myself. Thank you Dr. Z for always being so fabulous and outspoken 🥹
Always happy to help!
@@DRZPHD "Help"...
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
All identities are ego, and therefore illusory
We aren’t called to manage sin; we are called to repent and forsake it. The Bible teaches that sin is something to be turned away from, not merely tolerated or accommodated. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, the apostle Paul warns that behaviors such as effeminacy, along with other sinful actions, are not in line with God’s design for us. The passage says, ‘Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’ This means that behaviors like effeminacy-often viewed as men adopting traits or roles traditionally associated with women-are to be repented of and forsaken. Christians are called to live in accordance with God’s word, turning away from sin, and seeking transformation through Christ.
Edna Mode from the incredibles giving me clarity on my gender wasn't something I expected today but thank you
glad i am not the only one
i'm what i would call a more masc-leaning tomboy trans woman, and it took me a long time to *really* accept my identity for a lot of the reasons i think this video touches on. i was okay with being perceived as masculine, but very much *not* okay with being perceived as a man. eventually i came to the conclusion that when i looked at other women, i was seeing a fundamental part of myself reflected back and the rest is history!
you definitely earned yourself a new subscriber here!
Appreicate your support as a subscriber.
Yeah similar! I really don't care for dresses and I get gender euphoria from being strong, but it all feels so much more right in the context of being a strong *woman* in jeans and jackets. There are lots of women like me! They were my role models growing up!
I just thought I couldn't be like them... but I can :)
@@Rolan7196 yep! i feel like a unicorn among unicorns sometimes lol. pre-transition i always thought of strength as something for other people, never something i could be or obtain myself. but i find this kind of unexplainable resolve/certainty in womanhood and my self-esteem is *infinitely* higher now.
I share much of this. Thanks for posting.
That sounds like it was hell to figure out.
The eye-opening question I asked myself was "would I rather be perceived as a feminine man or as masculine woman?"
Just wanted to thank you so much for everything you do. I used to watch your videos while i was in my questioning/imposter syndrome phase. I've now been out and happy for almost 2 years. Nowadays i no longer need content like this but its so great to see how you are still helping those that do. You are simply wonderful.
Expression =/= Identity. I often bring up how I know gay men who were far more gender non-conforming than I ever was growing up. Yet I turned out to be trans and they did not.
Yes! Expression is just a way of presenting and showing up in a world. It can be tied to identity but also doesnt have to.
You're not trans. You have a sexual paraphilia
Your name is FrozenEnbyWolf. So I know that is not true. Showing skin and doing drag doesn't make you less of a man. Infact I'm quiet insulted you compared the scenarios. Edit: Quite, not quiet. Autocorrect.
Non binary is not transgender. You're valid, apart of the Umbrella. But you are not a type of trans. They are different things.
I think the window on being just a feminine man has passed since I'm on HRT and my breasts are growing. Even having small breasts makes my feel 300% better about myself!! YAY!! I may not look pretty but I feel pretty. 🤣🤣
How we feel inside is the most important
Boobs are awesome. Can't see myself ever regretting getting mine
You feel pretty because it's a sexual paraphilia and we all know it. Stop watching hypno sissy before you hurt yourself permanently
Are you sure it's not fetish. You can feel like you want to hurt someone dies not mean you should carry it out. Or you want to sleep with that perfusion who not your husband.
I initially thought that I might be "gay", but... gay men typically aren't obsessed with wanting to be "castrated" or grow their own boobs. I also never felt like a "man" (or much interest in being one), even 20 years after male puberty. I don't identify as a "woman" either, though -- just as trans-female. Most people probably take me for a "drag queen" or "sissy". That's not ideal, but it will take time for society to accept nonbinary people.
then you realize you have a sissy fetish and autogynephilia
@alemusicgirl not a real thing.
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19591032/
I'm 70 years old and still don't know which gender I am, but I stopped caring about that many years ago because either way, my life will be the same. I've always wanted to be a woman but I've also always known I'll never be a halfway decent looking one. So I spend about 90+% of my life as one but by preserving my ability to pass for the type of man that is commonly accepted, I can avoid the worst of the nightmares our cruel world has for trans women.
Dear Dr. Z. Thank You very much. Due to listenning Your "lectures" I definitely recognized that I am transwoman. And also the fact, my problem can be elegantly handled. Now I can say, that not my "feminine" hobbies but my constant daydreaming of having feminine physical attributes a being accepted in feminine role is symptom of gender dysphoria. Once more much thanks. Lenny.
If you need a youtuber to convince you of who you "really are" it's not who you really are. Your daydreams are sexual in nature and you know it.
I’ve met many gay men who were insecure with their sexuality and body and tried transitioning.
I think being a woman is being comfortable within yourself.
I been needing this video for two months now. It has definitely confirmed to me that i am a trans femme.
You are not. You are a man and always will be.
Many years ago when I came out to my therapist as trans he told me he did not see me that way and I could be a gentle, sensitive man. When I started to have relationships with men that was quite OK. He just did not have a clue what it meant to be trans. I suspect I needed to be some kind of fem boy for him to think I may be transsexual. Sadly, I think there still are many therapists like him.
Twenty-five years later after the dam broke I finally found a gender therapist and have been transitioning for two years. It is hard, but I am happier and my life is better.
I have the characteristics of a feminine man, but I also have difficulty with my male body and wish it were female. I have all the DSM characteristics associated with gender disphoria. When I explore inside myself I identify as female. I see a man on the outside and a woman on the inside. These are the things that help me know I am a transgender woman. It is not easy and I struggle with passing, but it would make it worse to suppress it.
At my age, I think it would be easier if I were a feminine man rather than a trans woman.
Are you comfortable with your assigned gender? Do you want to be the gender opposite to what you were assigned at birth? Do you want the body associated with that gender and do you want to live and be treated in that gender? Do those things make you feel better? Those are the keys.
Thanks Dr. Z for all you do. You are the best! Martina
I agree so much with what you say about feminine men, I feel like this balance is so much needed in men these days, it seems that by nature they are usually also more secure within themselves. As a trans woman I have been also more attracted to these kinds of men since I was little.
I was doing some feminine man VS trans woman last night, he had a good time I think
bazinga
I distinctly remember it being summer and I had taken to wearing a summer dress inside as it was the only thing I had that let my body breathe properly. I needed milk, but lamented that I had to put on male presenting clothes just to go to the shops. From then on, I promised I would try crossdressing more seriously at some point.
Aaaaand a year on, it's been *alot* but am still here.
Fetishistic transvestism is not the same thing as being trans. Stop this insanity.
This is 💯🔥 Thank you for further validating my choice to transition a few years ago. This was a bit emotional for me because I can definitely relate. I started watching your channel just before I sought therapy and started my transition. Now, I'm less than two weeks away from GAS. I can't thank you enough! ❤
Don't do it. You WILL have serious complications, you WILL become incontinent, and you will always regret it
I always wanted to be the opposite of a tomboy and thought it was so unfair there wasn't one, having locked my female side away repeatedly for years at a time I'm finally expressing it, but I think I'm heading towards trans femme, I have moderate dysphoria, and haven't allowed myself to really think these thoughts. Dr Z's videos have really helped me open up to myself, I'm trying to have these conversations with myself, but I don't think I'll really know what I want without experiencing it fully for an extended period of time, not just days and weeks but months maybe a year. The big problem for me is that my wife doesn't want a wife she wants a husband, and I'm holding myself back on so many levels because of not wanting to hurt and or loose her from my life.
Thank you Dr Z your videos have helped me so much.
D
I was 100% one of those "I'm fine with my sex/body" trans women at first. Six months of hormones and socialization and I couldn't stand it anymore. Yeah... TOTALLY fine with it.. lol
Yes sadly the denial can run deep.
Is it possible that the hormones can have that effect?
@JavedAlam-ce4mu if you put a cis person on cross sex hormones you'd give them dysphoria
@@JavedAlam-ce4muMaybe theoretically? But there's no ethical way to test this. It would involve giving people who are not trans and/or do not want hormones hormones and seeing if they are okay with the effects. But if I had to guess, probably not because things like breast development in cisgender men and boys causes severe distress similar to the distress seen in transgender boys and men when they develop breasts. And cisgender women also commonly have distress when they have more facial hair than typical, and transgender women commonly have this distress as well. These are just 2 examples. Sex hormones also don't really completely change your personality, interests, identities, ect. Cis men with higher than normal estrogen or cis women with higher than normal testosterone are not necessarily more feminine or masculine than their counterparts in terms of personality or okay with the physical effects caused by their hormone levels
I was born w male parts , but knew by 3.5 that I was completely female. I have worn female clothes, hair, jewelry forever.
I have been on estrogen and progesterone and spironolactone for almost ten years.. I have Always identified as a lesbian. I have been trying to get top, bottom and face and voice surgery. Surgeons have not been reasonable. I had an appointment with my gp yesterday, i told her my surgeries Are a need, not a want. If I cant get surgeries soon I have no hope for A future. Of being me. So I will end my life. That is my life
Thank you for your explanation! Two years ago I didn't know anything, but wanted to have female body shape, and without beard as well. Almost all wantings was about body...
I also wanted a feminine identity as well, but without knowing anything about trans.
Now I'm close to 14 months HRT (got breasts and some of feminine shape), and changed my official name to a feminine one. Also removed almost all beard.
Not hiding here, but I can only think a recent conversation helped prompt the topic of this video 😉
(Dr. Z is one of the nicest people to chat with if you ever have a chance to speak with her)
Ahh thank you! And yes, a lot of my videos are infomred by conversations with community and questions people struggle with. Hope this shed some light.
I am transfemmme, but very deep in the closet for safety reasons, and that sometimes makes me feel like I'm faking it or im just a feminine man. But every time i begin having those thoughts, I run into videos like this that just confirm that I'm actually trans that that helps immensely, thank you.
Yes, if you are scaling back for safety reasons, it may start creating a narrative "what if I am not trans after all" inside of your head.
This has been very nice to watch. I recently started HRT a few months ago and the further I go the more I realize that I do think I'm okay being binary as a woman as the changes come, as opposed to being non-binary. I think I'm much more comfortable being seen by others as a somewhat "masculine woman" rather than a "feminine man."
You will never be seen as a masculine woman, you will always be clocked as a man and present as terrifying to actual women. Stop this misogyny
I like this video. It seems to me an elaboration, expanding on the "Am I Trans" quiz. I also enjoyed the video "Understanding Gender Dysphoria and a Spectrum of Treatment options." One take away I got from that video is the importance of distinguishing trans identity from trans sexuality. Thank you Dr Z for sharing your knowledge and insight!
Thanks for the video Dr. Z, it came at such a great time for me. I have been struggling recently with my fears of whether I actually am trans or not, started HRT moderately for feminizing (I'm AMAB) but the breast tenderness in these first few weeks has freaked me out. I have watched your video on that topic so I'm not too worried (thank you for that one too!) but I still can't help but feel like I'm fighting against a wall.
You totally laid it out clearly for me here--that wall is my brain trying to stop me from entering the unknown, and the distinction between a feminine man and a trans woman was a really subtle but helpful explanation for me. I am more in the middle of the spectrum but I am definitely seeing how I desire the primary and secondary sex characteristics of a woman, and have wanted that for ages. I have to dig through the archives of your channel but I think I remember seeing a video about whether a person is trans or a pervert... I concluded a while ago that my interest in girls and women started from a place of envy and desire for possession but was hijacked by testosterone, which led to a long history of self hate and fear. I am finding now that looking forward to a feminine body has obliterated my use of pornography and I'm so much more focussed on my relationships rather than being distracted by how envious I am of the women in my life. It's a sad existence.
Anyway, wall of text. Thank you so much for another amazing video.
Wow.I was wondering this today.But this video confirmed that I am a Transwoman and not just a fem man.I have been on hrt since July of 2021.I am the happiest and most comfortable w myself than I have ever been.I started my medical Transition at 57 yrs young.I am so sad that I lost my younger years to b myself,London.Thank you for your videos. Hugs ❤
All the best to you.
This helped me be even more sure I'm a trans girl. Thanks for the help Dr. Z!
I'm a trans woman. Pre transition I was a motorcycle mechanic for over 20 years. Road raced motos for years. Still enjoy risk taking and wrenching on machines. It was hard to reconcile this with my femininity until I recognized the colossal level of misogyny involved in that way thinking.
by my definition (as a trans girl myself): be whatever you're the comfortable with. don't focus on discomfort, or medical transition; just try different stuff and see what you like (name, pronouns, presentation, maybe HRT if you want). want to be a feminine man? sure. want to be a trans girl and start HRT? go for it. want to microdose E but still call yourself a man? i don't see why not. want to be a trans girl but not medically transition? totally valid.
it's not up to others to define who you are, be it by your presentation, hobbies, desired body or anything; you get to define yourself however you want.
thanks for this video. it really helped. I do feel a bit called out...
you definitely erned a new subscriber
I appreciate this at the beginning of my journey right now because I do have a lot of stereotypical masculine hobbies as well as well as being a stem lesbian. I do not feel comfortable in my body however. I struggled with the idea of being trans feminine for years due to how masculine I appear and my interest in women. I was truly so closeted that I forced myself to be hypermasculine to compensate.
It was hard and is hard for me to come out right now due to this. This video was very affirming in this difficult time.
And if anyones reading, it's never too late and you'll find people who accept you. You might feel or be alone for a little bit but you owe it to yourself to feel comfortable in your own skin and be loved for who you truly are. ❤❤❤
Fascinating video btw!
Very helpful video. Thank you!
I don't know which one I am, I was happy trying to transition, but I was forced to remain a male, I identify with both feminine man and transgender woman, but I was born intersex assigned male at birth, and my body dismorphia is a strong burden in my life
I enjoy crossdressing, I feel most comfortable presenting as a woman, I wish to look like a woman, live life as a woman, know how it feels to be a woman, I have genital envy, but I feel neutral about my current genitalia, men's clothing makes me uncomfortable unless I am in soft textured slacks, an elegant button-up shirt that has been tailored to fit and a form fitting dress-up vest, small jewelry and accessories to highlight my outfit, no facial or body hair, eyeliner, a pair of fancy women's boots, and an elegant coat like a leather jacket, trench coat, petty coat or women's blazer or cardigan. Any other masculine expressions of fashion feel slobbish and easy but not comfortable, I had gender reversed roll norms with my ex wife, and have been socially awkward all my life, you know being one of the girls without being a girl (seen as a girl) and the guy with all the other guys that doesn't feel like a guy, and being bisexual adds to the confusion of not knowing what side of the fence i belong on
I can relate to this conversation because I know for me I’m non-binary transgender and I feel like there’s aspects of femininity that don’t exactly sit well with me. But when it comes to society and how I would like to be seen:perceived , socially that’s female. I think a lot of feminine men are also guarding themselves from the hatred they may potentially face when coming out a a transgender identifying individual or woman. If this helps anyone transgender identities are not monolith like queer identities and we exist in so many different complex ways in fact. If you’re strong enough to identify yourself as transgender that’s a strong enough statement on its own and no one needs to further validate your experience. You are who you are and as long as you know that, that’s all that matters this experience should feel authentic and truly what your heart wants for yourself. Feminine men are Valid as much as transgender Woman are ❤❤❤
I'm one of those people who's identity as a man can coexist with a more distinctly feminine body. I've never had that disconnect with my AGAB and have always been comfortable with it. But I've always had bad body dysphoria and have also identied as a woman as long as I have a man.
Man, woman, masculinity, and femininity are all mutually inclusive to me and for me it's all just different ends of the same thing and I'm all of it.
Am I a feminine man or a trans woman? Both and neither I'm bigender.
I get that the next obvious topic will be masculine women vs trans-men, but i'd love to see a video about cis-women vs feminine trans-men.
It's just seems to me that as a tomboy trans-woman or a femboy trans-man it's even more confusing to figure out your gender while not conforming to the conservative gender role
I did explore being a trans man for two years but I realize I am comfortable being a mid-butch Lesbian.
This was excellent and very helpful. I have been on HRT for a little over 3 years and I am very pleased with the body changes. Especially with my breast growth. But I am not feminine acting.
AGP
What you say about how a feminine man feels comfortable with their secondary sex characteristics, but a transperson does not resonates so much - even though i am distinctly nonbinary - i wish i had heard that years ago:
So this hits a super relevant spot for me: i was so lucky growing up with a relatively feminine body, and thought i could keep living as a nonbinary person - as a feminine man - until in my mid twenties when my secondary sex characteristics really began showing up. I felt intense dysphoria but thought i could learn to live with it, and identify as non-binary- i did so for far too long. I found out that my non-binary identity fought with the expression of my secondary sex characteristics, and that i had even put up a sort of inner emotional deadening for most of my life. While i've always had deep empathy, i possibly had some normative male alexithymia where i could display emotions , but my own were never felt inside, and were so hard to identify - including my own wants and desires. I began psychoterapy two years ago which was fantastic in coming to self acceptance and working with my own emotions.
Nearly a year ago i started transitioning + laser for my body and facial hair. The combination of hormones and therapy has helped so much with my emotions and senses. I should have started both much earlier and listened to myself instead of thinking i would learn to live with it as a feminine man - Stoicism is a horrible thing, and hiding how i liked being "feminine", in expression, role, and feel, even to myself, was horrible looking back. Instead of fighting my body and my secondary characteristics constantly, i can see now that i am moving in a direction that allows me to just... be.
I could grow up a boy, be feminine and twinky / elfy, but i cannot live as a (feminine) man - and trying to fit a male mold first, then staving of transitioning, did so much damage to me.
The weird thing is, i don't feel like a woman either - but hormones don't really allow one to choose completely: and i would rather have more feminine secondary sex characteristics than male secondary sex characteristics.
I am happy that all throughout the process, i allowed myself to express myself how i wanted, with makeup, colorful clothes - but now i also allow myself more "feminine" mannerisms that feel natural to me.
Now, i love myself and like myself and where my body and emotional life is. I take life one step at a time, and for now, i feel and say that i am transfeminine nonbinary.
And that started by throwing off the label of trying to be a feminine *man*. Now i am just feminine.
Hi, Can I ask what do you mean with "elfy"?
@@Loxhaz Elves are known to be androgynous
@@Loxhaz Sure! When i was younger, i did not have body hair, and wearing jewelry, soft clothes, long hair, allowed me a more feminine expression that some of my friends called elfy/elf-like. I think it was just because lord of the rings was popular at the time, and the way elves were presented in that movie was more feminine/androgenous than what was common.
Iam a feminine gay man 😅
I don't believe I was ever really a feminine man. Aside from the long hair and relatively daring (well, just colourful) clothes that is.
But I *was* a scared man, a stunted man, an unhappy man, a lonely man...
And now I'm
A wo man. 😂
Thank you for sharing this video. I wish I had this resource this summer when my egg cracked and I began deeply questioning. I've talked to three different gender therapists and none of them could offer me this level of clarity and understanding. They "couldn't tell me who I am" and that it was "something for me to figure out on my own" but without a fundamental guideline or understanding to answer this question I basically had to wing it, which is not exactly why you pay therapists to help you out. I had both repressed my femininity (due to social fears and decades of intense subconscious masculine socialization) and had deep rooted, long-term desires wondering and fantasizing about physically having the body of a woman and living life as a woman. Neither of which were adequately properly explored until this year, but when it did hit, this was the crucial question I faced. This video offers so much crucial understanding and assistance to those of us grappling with this fundamental question of "well, how do you KNOW?" It's an incredibly powerful resource. I ended up figuring it out (I'm trans) for the same reasons you list but it took months and months and months of intense hour by hour, day by day, week by week debates and teeter-tottering over which path was really right for me. You are helping so many future questioning people by making and sharing this specific video.
Thanks I realized that a part of me is o k with being a guy but not completely
That’s great!!! We are more complex than simple binary stereotypes.
@@JAMIEB22649 me too
@@DRZPHD While this may be true and that there was a part of me that was okay with being male at least enough when I was very young to think that I was a Sis boy.I also realized there's a part of me that I have been suppressing that enjoys being treated and seen like a female.
Also more recently, as I've been exploring this part of me.The connection I have been filling with being Male has lessened over the last six months but it's still there.
спасибо вам огромное за вашу работу.
How do you define NB trans of choice but no genital dysphoria? Thanks for your great content...
gosh that makes so much sense !! i have always been on the fence due to having some interests in male activities, but on the other side love female existence and day dream about how wonderful it would be to be an elegant italian woman in an open top car driving in the riviera during the 1960s ! :-) i guess it comes down to whether you'd slam your hand down on that proverbial 'easy button' - YES. you are wonderful and love your videos.
thank you for posting this ...i definitely am a feminine man but i honestly feel erased cuz anytime i say im feminine , firstly i dont get treated with respect or people understand how to treat a feminine man and secondly they ask me if im going to transition.... so i always question should i transition just for people to understand me ... i know its probably a social issue but its really tougher being a feminine man than a trans woman your prospects with dating is better for a transwoman than feminine man
I didn't realize that this video had just been released until the very end. This is almost exactly what I've been thinking about lately in relationship to my gender. I have very low gender dysphoria, but I feel pretty neutral about my body. There are many utilitarian aspects to having a male body/being masc presenting, but I like those aspects for the things they let me do, not as an inherent thing. I also have autism, and the idea of having different genitalia isn't something that I really feel all the way/can understand internally, but in most respects I'd like to have the body of a woman I think. Some secondary sex characteristics (especially facial hair and my voice) are also things that I somewhat dislike in myself, and there are a number of cultural things too. I've also very much enjoyed times where I get to present myself very femininely, especially an online species. I've slowly made my voice more androgynous too, almost subconsciously.
at the same time, I worry that various other things are incongruent with the idea of me being trans. I don't know. I'm too undecided and not in a place where it is easy to explore my gender expression outside of my head. in either case, thank you so much for this video, I'm gonna bookmark it and probably rewatch at some point. the key differences you noted (fantasizing about being a woman esp) have been shouting at me for a while, but I've had many reasons internally as to why they do not apply for me. hopefully I can make things work a bit better and understand myself more over time with the knowledge that that is super trans ^^
Ooooo I'm going to have to think carefully about this one! I honestly don't know to answer the question of whether I'm "comfortable" as a man.
I would say that I am mostly comfortable, except in the company of people who ... care about gender a lot? Traditional, conservative people AND trans people seem bound and determined to read anything feminine about me as clear identification with womanhood.
And I don't know if I agree about the "disconnect" between being generally satisfied with my male sex characteristics, and sometimes fantasizing about having female characteristics instead. I don't feel any conflict with indulging a fun fantasy, and also acknowledging reality?
I feel cis men also don’t feel a need to be categorized as a symbolically and legal feminine figure, meaning they don’t feel the need to be categorized and treated as a woman or female beyond perhaps sex role and presentation.
But some feminine men like my boyfriend who identifies as mostly male he/they and was assigned male at birth isn’t that feminine he’s just balanced. He likes masculine clothes and roles. He has masculine hobbies. He’s just very creative and open. He doesn’t mind wearing feminine clothes and has tried it out in the past but doesn’t feel a need to feminize nor ever really imagined himself as female. Sexually he enjoys both feminine and masculine roles but is not autogynephilic and while he likes both just about equally he is more frequently dominant than submissive at least with me and has a very very slight feminine lean in partner preference but he really enjoys a whole spectrum. He’s also queer ( bi ). My boyfriend actually enjoys many stereotypically masculine hobbies and is comfortable in male spaces, he’s just not hypermasculine and enjoys feminity in himself as well.
But my boyfriend reminds me of how some feminine straight cis men will act as well often switchy, creative, open, and emotionally intelligent, but still enjoy being the protector, and a coach, often times nerdy geeky and into animation xd. And sometimes wear a bit of makeup or polish. Might be alternative enjoy piercings etc. These men are not the same as fem boys, fem boys tend to have a strong feminine presentation, which is sometimes coupled with being submissive but many are not, they tend to love feminine expression, and sometimes sex roles as a preference.
Edit: FYI my partner is a Demi man, he’s never stated but from what I gather he’s both comfortable as a man and as androgynous ( gender ). He enjoys being treated and seen as both non binary and as male, he enjoys occupying male spaces but he’s somewhat fluid however I think he can still be said to be a feminine man or Demi boy. I don’t think he’s necessarily uncomfortable as a man but I think he finds more comfort in being free and not restricted in his identity.
Omg! I had no idea this was a thing. I have always said I am a woman in a male body, and I love my male body, but I'm a woman! I code switched and acted masculine in order to stop the bullies, and I suppressed my femme for most of my life. When trans-gender people were banned from bathrooms at the capitol, and then hundreds of companies revoked their diversity hiring, I decided to wear hot, sexy non-binary, outfits when I shopped in anti-woke stores. I bought skin-tight, cobra print pants, a sexy see-through top, zipped all the down, exposing my very male chest, and rocked eye make-up, and massive jewelry, and heels, and went shopping. It was exhilarating! I went home and walked my cute chihuahua around the neighborhood, with my outfit on, and, again, exhilarating! Then ,I put together another sexy outfit, with a black fur collar, and fabulous shoes and make-up,and went to see the movie "Wicked" , in a crowded theater, on my boyfriend's arm. I felt so right. The other day, I needed to run an errand after work, But I didn't feel comfortable going out in public unless i'm unless I went home first and changed it to my fabulous femme clothes. I have never felt so empowered in my life. Thank you so much for helping me on the next step of my journey, Knowing that I am a trans-feminine. ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜
In my opinion it boils down to what we call secondary sexual characteristics and female body. Being shorter, having a more petite frame, more neotenous facial features, being hairless, having no male pattern baldness etc. What we generally would call a twink is an ideal for a lot of men, and its usually men who consider themselves feminine in personality. So if those men desire a body that's more "twinkish" and feminine in those aspects I don't really see anything in it that has to do with gender incongruency at all.
So in other words these folks are men? These physical aspects are my ideal, and I also feel that I have significant "feminine" emotions.
Yes, that is me 💜
@@alexisvan222 Yes, why shouldn't they be men?
They could be transfeminine as well, especially if they have a feminine-leaning personality. I'm intrigued by your observations. I come close to this description... and wish i looked like a twink again (Im heavy now). Am I a man? Woman? Something in between? I could be any of these in my opinion.
the issue with that is that twink death is real and you can't be a feminine man for very long.
Transfemme tomboy-ish vibes girlie here 💜
to be honest i knew the answer to my own question before listening to what you had to say, hehe though you really did do an amazing job at helping to understand the 2. it just really sucks that i am 23? or 24? and still have to hide myself because of family. and oddly enough, while it really hurts being called he/him. it hurts so much more when i have to call my self he/him.
but regardless you really did help me comfirm that i am truly a trans woman...
This was quite an insightful exploration. However, I would like to add that there really isn’t a hard line between feminine man and trans woman. Though I myself am rather uncommon or an edge case, I have dissociated from my gender identity to a large degree. I don’t exactly feel uncomfortable in my gender, but have a desire to express more feminine, both physically and in dress, but not really embrace one gender over the other. I’m not uncomfortable being called a man, but I’m also loving the effects that estrogen has been having on my body and mind. Dressing more feminine is also quite euphoric for me, though I’m still experimenting and finding my look. I still consider myself a feminine man, and describe myself as transfem non-binary because that term seems to fit what I am, but I don’t consider myself a trans woman at all. Maybe I’m looking into the presentation too hard when it doesn’t apply to me directly, since the presentation didn’t explore the non-binary space as part of this distinction between femme man and trans woman (and to be clear, I’m not calling that out as a bad thing, either; not every discussion needs to cover every angle all the time).
Im feminine gay man . But i find the label of trans is more in ligne with my experience . But i hope i will be just a feminne gay man not trans .
I also know Straight men who are feminine.
Dear Dr. Z, thank you for this topic. I have difficulty to distinguish if I'm really transgender or just too feminine. I still don't like my body hair at all. And I was imagining myself as woman from when I was small like 11. Any suggestions? I love to do make up and trying to do some courses and I mostly wear woman's clothes. Hard to say...
This is where I am. I married and my wife would be gone if I was trans, however tolerates me being more effeminate.
i'd suggest trying a different name and pronouns, online or with people you can trust. if you like the new name and pronouns, you can expand it to more people and online communities, and if you don't, you can just go back
Thanks Dr. Z. I always have feared transition, and yet desperately want to feel normal. Everytime i take a step i think; oh what if I'm just a feminine guy? I could cope woth the dysphoria. Again its mot true, thanks for this video amd foraking that strong distinction.
10:14 you got me here 💃
14:50 and again here, i was neutral until I realised I really should be different. I never thought a pair of socks could turn my brain inside out. ♾️
FTA Women like men come in all shapes, sizes and presentations so why limit ourselves to a particular esthetic.
I grew up as a feminist and aspired to strong feminine role models that I saw on tv and in media, which is probably why I am a girly girl, hair, make up, nails, Harley riding Biker Lady. I also had a strong sense of who I was at an early age, telling my parents at 17 yo, now in my 50s. I never saw myself as a feminine boy, although that was how others perceived me to be, I have always been girl, now a grown woman. My body has had a few surgeries to align it with who I know myself to be and I live a contented life with my innate grace.
Although times are tough for all in our community we owe it to ourselves to live authentic full lives.
Strength without meanness.
Hugs to all. ❤
Your look 😍
Wow, this is very validating. I'm working on my car now while I'm also wondering where im at. I do wonder what presenting as a woman would be like for me, but anytime i look in the mirror, I'm not sure who that person is. As I've done things to make me feel more feminine, I've felt more myself. My gf called me her gf, and it felt so amazing.
I don't have gender dysphoria, so I never considered myself trans, but I'm kinda sensitive, I don't relate to several male-associated things like sports or cars. I have also daydreamed about having a women's body and probably wouldn't mind if I had one. Maybe I would make a good androgenous girl, who knows.
Certified Trans Woman by definition of Dr. Z.
1+ year on hormones and transitioning for about 5 years, first came out about 20 years ago. (Began transitioning but couldn't continue due to life circumstances back then.)
Even though transitioning can be very hard, I would / could never go back. I don't know how I was able to live as my unauthentic self for so long 😅
Glad to hear you are doing well and feel happier!
If you are taking hormones how is that authentic?
Your wording and explanation of things is so incredible, thank you for this resource 🤍🤍🤍
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. It's so simple, yet not very obvious when you're trying to figure this out. I wish I'd had this video when I was coming of age in the '90s. I had this very question then, but it took me decades to find the answer. I'd add that being open-minded, explorative and a daydreamer by default, I also had trouble telling the difference between being curious about what it would be like to be a woman vs. the desire to be a woman. So I thought I was a feminine man for a long time, but I was wrong.
The other complication was that although I usually felt neutral or unenthusiastic about my male form, I genuinely enjoyed it from time to time. But overall, I liked the female form a lot more and I'm much happier after starting transition. My true first choice would be to be fully female maybe 85% of the time and fully male the rest of the time. For this reason, I still consider myself in between even though I prefer binary aesthetics.
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
Maybe I should have watched this first before commenting on the last video. 😅
But, mhm, yes. Was I trans or just a feminine guy was my big question to my therapist.
I've also never understood culturally masculine and feminine roles as being gendered in any way, a lot of which I picked up from my dad. In some ways I wonder if my dad had a connection, albeit subdued, to his femininity, or if the older generation, my dad was a member of the silent generation and he fulfilled both masculine and feminine coded roles in a lot of areas. But I think that's where I got the idea that gender is irrelevant when there is a an important, even if small, task that needs to be done. Not that my dad wasn't quite sexist, but where he was progressive in his attitudes often surprised me.
This post went completely in a direction I didn't originally intend. And now I'm sad that my dad never got to see the real me. I think I'll leave this post up unaltered.
Wow this is crucial info ! Thank you so much. I am trying to distinguish which it is for me. This is helping even though I am not totally sure which one I am... Much food for thought. I seem to be with moderate dysphoria, and it is sometimes off not present. But it comes back when I feel inside very feminine. And feeling quite inclined to have feminine gestures, while keeping them under wraps. I also do fantasize being seen as a woman, even though I would not admit it, there is shame associated with it. It is still so tricky!! I so wish I could be a client for you tho I am not in your area (Canada). Thank you !!
Perhaps the distinguishing factor is wishing to just be a woman. What confuses me is my shame and also that I have a girlfriend whom I love who is not happy with me transitioning. This shame makes me think, well maybe I am just a feminine man. Oh la la
@@MoonStone2626shame is a big one for me, too.
@@MoonStone2626 How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
I'm a feminine trans man :)
I already knew the answer to this in my case as I have transitioned medically and had bottom surgery, and I am one of those cases of a rather masculine trans woman. I do enjoy feminine presentation sometimes but I mostly present in an androgynous way, and I continue to do a lot of the stuff that society considers masculine. I also don't really like people addressing me as male; it's the one thing that still pushes me to learn voice, and it's still possible that I will. I think I always knew somewhere that it was deeper than being a feminine man for me; ever since I learnt about trans women in my 20s it was always in the back of my mind. I'm long past accepting who I am, but it's still affirming to watch videos like these on the odd occasion!
So in other words you are incapable of accepting who you actually are. If you are male, then nothing can change that. If you don't like others acknowledging your factual sex, then you aren't accepting yourself.
Dr, Z my question to you is as follwos. I know that I'm cis-man who know that he's not a neither a trans gendered female however, I think that I may be feminine man as I do like to engage in feminine activities like washing cloths or wearing earthy tones such as reds,browns and deeper yellows. I also desire to either initiate a long-term or romantic relationship with a trans-female of any socioeconomic or racial background.
I also desire not to be stereotyped as a trans chaser because i know that I seek either a long-term relationship either romantic or not with a trans women.
I'm awesome ✨
I usually explain it has basically fem men still live their lives and navigate through the world as MEN. And not all trans women are socially feminine, butch trans women also exist
Absolutley, not all trans women lean toward feminine expression or presentation, and in no way it negates their identity.
I never thought of myself as a feminine man. I shied away from most things girly. But I kept wondering and daydreaming about what it would like to have a woman's body and everything good and bad that went along with that.
I think I would have been a tomboy had I been born a girl.
Those aren't the only 2 options right ?
Many, many do not fall into either category.
Maybe categories themselves are actually un-useful ?
Think of all the non-binary and pansexual people out there who prefer no label at all. these are the "nones".
Individuality > Identity
Hi, no not at all! This is solely for people who are wondering if they are either a feminine man or a trans woman (especially leaning to ward a binary woman identity). I completly agree with you on all other identieis and yes, indivduality is far greater than labels!
Neither was really an option for me. That might be why it took me so long to come out.
@@DRZPHD Lol. you're right. it's okay to have things tailored for certain groups sometimes. knee jerk reactions and being overly sensitive needs to be worked on - on my part lmao. But you're right :-)
Ive had a complicated relatinship with my gender since i was a young child and introduced socially into the concept in kindergarten. Before that i had somewhat long hair for a guy, and didnt think abt gender at all. It wasnt until i got my hair buzzed off and outcasted away by the girls for "being a boy with cuties" that i started feeling off and sad. Years and years id asked to grow my hair out but eventually stopped, knowing it "wasnt acceptable."
I was diagnosed with autism at 11, and for some reason after that diagnoses and knowing "why" i was socially outcasted, i figured that wanting to be a girl was just an autistic trait as well. I also hoped to one day grow out of this. Adults obviouly know who they are so i will too. Im 19 now and still figuring it out. I dont nessassarily want to be trans. Thats a hard life. Id much rather be a feminine man. Im just concerned that might be my temperary cope.
if you could just be a girl by pressing a button, with everyone remembering you as always having been a girl, would you press it?
@Giuliana-w1f most of me wants to say yes. Periods would suck tho
Thank you @Dr. Z for the video I am a Non Binary and i like and love to be feminine and I even try to crossdress sometimes and I totally comfortable with it. I just want to know whether is it ok being a Non binary and feminine crossdressing??
And I also sometimes I also think of transitioning to trans woman with which I am totally comfortable with.
Please help me I am curious and very much interested with the replies and please mind me if my comment is not related to the video.
Could you talk about masc women vs trans masc?
those are the same thing
Dr. Z, I came up with a word to describe myself a few years back and what you're talking about here has some similarity to my thoughts. I consider myself as fem-male or femmale. I have those daydreams and thoughts of being totally female - i.e. I've always wanted to feel life inside of me - be pregnant and to be a Mother and to have the physiology of a female - breasts especially, vagina, etc. So, I guess I'm more transgender woman according to what you are saying on this video. I have days where I want to be totally feminine, but I know I never will be. Not fully anyway. I'm fairly happy with how passable I make myself, but I'm always wishing it was more permanent. I am comfortable as my male self - what choice is there really? I am keeping my fem side very suppressed though and it get a bit harder every day. Thanx for explaining some things here. Kinda helped. Thank you so much.
I've learned I'm more just on the feminine side and prefer more masculine women. Growing up through puberty was a nightmare and other factors. I've come to accept that I'm a submissive male and I know I have a 0.001% in dating a Dominant woman for a long term relationship. I've at least come to terms with my own reality and it's incredibly difficult coming into Christianity and connecting with fellow brothers in that arena. I'm at peace with myself finally and just live a chaste/celibate life and enjoying this new journey also sober and healed from many past wounds. Life is good, just if Jesus wants to add more spice in my life He knows whom I'm attracted too lol.
I consider myself as a very feminine man, as I had very feminine appearance and feminine voice since I was child, also my hobbies were different from other boys, I used to play with dolls, hated physical activities like sports, loved watching shows, which usually women watch,and all my favorite characters are females too,I used to enact those female characters. Also I am pretty much into artistic things like fashion designing, painting.
While I never usually crossdressed,
One thing that really is making me question my gender identity is, I fantasize about having vagina or something like that, just for sexual pleasure purpose. I don't feel any dysphoria or discomfort due to my penis, but only in sexual way,I fantasize about having vagina or something similar like that. I identify myself as a feminine gay man.
My question is does this act of fantasizing about having vagina or something similar like it in sexual act, does it make me trans or genderfluid or am I still a man?
Please reply me....
well then, this lady just said --paraphrasing-- "a feminine man will be more likely to wear: pinks, reds, yellows, and greens" and other then the reds, cause like red is very common in masc things, those are all my favorite colors, and yeah I'm a fem guy, like I get my favorite colors are a bit predictable for a fem guy, just didn't think it was that predictable lol
Is regressive
Being a gay man is hard. It’s difficult for me to find guys I am sexually compatible with. I enjoy crossdressing and the straight and bisexual men it attracts and at times feel jealous of transgender women when I see them in relationships with straight men. But I’m not dysphoric regarding my body and I don’t have any desire to take on that role outside of sex and relationships.
This is a very insightful video. I am a bit confused because I only want SOME feminine things -- to look like women in SOME regards (face, hair, body being smaller, smooth skin, less or no body hair). My emotional state seems to be consistently feminine. I love women's clothing and I get jealous of how women look whether clothing or just otherwise, and just about never relate with men physically except those who are smaller, and slightly built, which I think is my brain interpreting them as women. I only really relate emotionally to men who have "feminine" aspects of their personality . What am I? Am I kidding myself, preparing for HRT? I don't want large breasts, but I might not mind small ones. Every time I think about all this stuff too much I get very emotional, especially when I see pictures of people transitioning and the progress shown is from a person like myself to a reasonably nice looking woman... I just start crying, hoping I can do the same. If I see a woman transitioning to become a man, I feel nothing. I have been in therapy a year and my therapist believes that it is likely that I am transgender (I asked for their opinion). I have around $1000 worth of womens clothing and plan to lose 80 pounds then transition. Tell me cis guys do this? I am worried that my transition might goof somehow and I'll look ugly, but thats a chance we all take.
Well, since nobody else answered, I guess I will because you seem to need it. I'm a cisgender feminine man and I have some women's clothes, but none that people usually think of; for example, I have no dresses and I never have. I have women's walking shoes, sweatshirts, T-shirts, underwear, leggings and jeans. I have no bras because I don't need them (except a sports bra for long distance running to prevent nipple chafing) and all my formal wear is men's, though I do appreciate bright colors, especially for my dress shirts and ties, and I loathe that society demands men's formal attire be dull-colored and uniform. Women can express their individuality in their formal wear so men should too. I wear makeup, but only concealer, foundation, and mascara. I don't wear lipstick or use eye pencils, but that's because I don't like them, not because I think them inappropriate. I'm completely comfortable with my body, I love my body hair, except for facial hair because I think it looks messy. I could go on and on with things like this. I don't see any of this as being a woman, I just see it as being ME. I like being male, but I don't like people making assumptions about me and about who I am as a person because I'm male. I have a lot of feminine interests, but some masculine ones, too! I'm not attracted to men AT ALL and so I feel like I'm an oddball for having these traits because I'm not gay. Like you, I've often wondered if I am transgender and just denying it, but I always come back to the same conclusion; I can be a guy and still be me. So to answer your question, YES, there ARE cisgender straight feminine men who do the things that you are doing. To find out which one you are, just keep being YOU and the answer will eventually come to you 😊 💜. Good luck, bro!
@joshuaclabeaux1470 Thanks! Great to hear from folks like you.
This was an absolutely amazing answer. I wish every single male who is questioning whether they should "transition" read or heard this. There is no correct way to be a male and no correct way to be a female. Even if you did decide to go down a part transition with hormones or a more binary one with surgery, you will always be YOU and a male. You can't be yourself incorrectly. I suppose you can make choices that hurt you, but you are you, no matter how you present physically. I wish society were far kinder to males and females who have masculine or feminine traits that are less typically stereotypical for their sex. You can wear what you like: make up, clothing, hair styles etc... you won't be being a male in the wrong way. I recognise the importance of terms such as transwoman and transman for a clearer cut societal distinction, but the recent denial of sex from the trans lobby, has truly damaged their aim. I'm training in counselling psychology and I am hoping the field will stop simply affirming, but ask the idea the person above mentioned, so that males who are simply feminine don't feel a pressure to make more personal changes than they need to
@@KitschKiss-pi8wp Thanks for your thought-out reply. I am not sure what you mean by denial of sex by the trans lobby. Trans people do not have any illusions. My body will always be male. But my mind is "something else." I certainly believe this sort of thing is scientifically possible, if not observed in millions of people already.
I don't day dream or think about having female genitals. I don't think about genitals at all. However , I do think about marrying a guy and having a family as a woman. Am I trans ?
your genitals don't define your gender, _you_ define your gender. if you want to be a girl with a p*nis, that's absolutely valid; if you'd rather be a guy, that's valid too
I think I fit somewhere under the transfeminine umbrella and part of why it took me so long is that one I grew up with not many other options and that I did feel some connection to my assigned gender. so I took this cenion to mean really was a guy and developed my since of self around this even if it did not always comply fit. So now that I know this I have this whole life set up I am not sure what to do. Its not like me being I was male was completely false there was something there. again so How do I handle this? I know I can't be the only one out there who could also be going through something similar.
I would think about being a mother and the whole process of that motherhood wanting kids and having a family and partner coming home from work. Stereotypical american dream. Also, I have been struggling with self-hatred and feeling shame, dressing up, and feeling good dressed as a woman. Ive come out as trans now still have dysphoria and doubt sometimes but i am happier and know now who i am.
I remember this was something I struggled with when I first started to do my research on gender
It was different in my case; I wasn't sure if I was a trans woman or nonbinary - my knowledge back then was a bit limited, I didn't know much about the highly variable presentations and preferences that existed within such genders
I'm certain of my gender identity now, and it's something that most people might find odd or appalling, but I identify as a eunuch (a feminine eunuch to be precise)
I thought that my dislike of the body I had and want/need to look more feminine meant that I was a trans woman
But after I had done some research on ways to stop sexual function (I'm a sex repulsed and averse asexual), castration showed up, and with it eunuchs came up - I was fascinated with eunuchs and felt a connection to them, its kinda hard to describe
Ever since then, I've become certain of my identity
I've been feeling so much better overall since surgery (Nullification - its a surgery that removes all external genitalia)
One important thing you highlight here is the choice of presentation and activities/hobbies and how all those things are not exactly intrinsically tied to one's gender - it's something that only seems that way because of the things that society has associated with each gender
At the end of the day those things are something anyone can do, which is to say they are ungendered things - one's choice of presentation and hobbies/activities boils down to preference, and preference is a highly personal thing
How are men or women "supposed” to think or feel, want to dress like or act? You must be able to provide specific standards for each sex for what you are contending to make any sense whatsoever. If there is no correct way of being a man or a woman, then how can there be a "mismatch" between what they are and how they feel?
Is there a difference here between binary trans woman and non binary transfem? If you say both have desires to have the female physique or body. I do have desires of having a female body and I generally neutral about being a man or my body. There are pros and cons of being a man or woman so I mean it's hard to differentiate whether I'm just a man with a fetish, feminine man, trans (binary/non binary)
It's not a fetish, stating transgender as a fetish is inappropriate and spreads more stigma
the "fetish" thing is transphobic pseudoscience. being your gender is not a sexual thing.
Would that suggest "Feminine Men" would be more in line with a "non-binary" label?
If they identify as non binary than yes I suppose. But to be clear, being a feminine man does not automatically implies nonbinary. Two different things and also depends on what's one's defintion of non binary as that varies too.
I feel this video needs to address non-binary folks a bit more. I feel it focuses on either-or Man or Woman.
Hi, yes that’s intentional to aim for clarity to those who wonder whether they are trans women or femme man.
@DRZPHD that being said, I think that a great many of your videos are very insightful.
Oh no that means I am still in the trans category. I keep looking for ways to beat it and end up losing yet again.
Thank you very much for your video. I am a pansexual guy, and it is important for me to understand the feelings and perceptions of my potential partner.
I am currently communicating with a person who initially positioned himself as a femboy and called himself a guy on social networks, using the pronoun "he". When we started talking and I asked about the preferred form of address, this person answered "she", adding that she strives for more femininity, plus she (?) is now preparing to little bit of change her appearance with the help of plastic surgery for the same purpose.
Based on the theses in your video, do I understand correctly that this person is a transgender woman who has gone through some path to accepting her identity, or is this person probably of a non-binary person?
I'm AFAB, and sometimes I feel unsure of whether I am fully transman or not. I'm overall more interested in stereotypical feminine things. But I feel uncomfortable having a V instead of a P and have bodily gender dysphoria. So like I basically wanna be like a woman with a 🍆? So I guess my most accurate gender is either trans/nonbinary or trans feminine man? At least I'm pretty much certain that I'm bi lol.
Is it not a case of trans women being anima obsessed (or possessed) and so called feminine men having a highly integrated anima? I’m only a layman of psychology so just asking the question. Also, it seems if a bloke looks after himself in terms of appearance, educates himself, lives alone and has an interest in the arts, philosophy etc he’s thought of as feminine and/or closeted gay. Yup, I’m talking about myself here. It’s certainly the vibe I seem to get from some colleagues at work but seems no one to wants to say it. Oh, well what the hell, can’t help what other people think.
"And machine washable, darling. That's a new feature."
How about a man who dresses entirely extremely femininely-but doesn't wear a bra-ever?
I am feminine men
More interesting is the question, what do they have in common: They are both biological men and will never be women regardless how they identify since they will never be adult female that produce larger gametes called eggs or at least have the bodily prerequisites for that.