I learned the hard way, some people are intentionally misunderstanding you. They don’t want to get to know you and they don’t want to like you. You just have to let them and go on about your day.
They just want to make negative assumptions about you. Mainstream society has been brainwashed to be that way by powerful Puppet-Masters like Disney, Hollywood, Fashion, and Cosmetics industries. No matter how decent a person is, if he looks bad on the outside and lives alone mainstream society will treat him like he is a disease and make negative assumptions about him, no amount of evidence will convince these brainwashed subhumans; I know from personal experiences.
They want to be right about their perception of you. They can’t understand that their perception is limited. We don’t know what we don’t know. “People can only meet you to the depths they have met themselves” sort of thing.
@@Sageoftheforest7 sure, but the downside is that, people are so shallow and emotionally constipated that it makes me even more disconnected from people. genuinely I can't relate to anyone around me. i only truly connect with a few trusted people. i cant deal with groups and petty gossip. awsome name btw, zelda reference?
People always think quiet = shy as well. I don't talk much because I don't speak if I don't feel like I have something of value to add to the conversation. People take that as me being weak, timid, and shy. They are always in for a rude awakening when I push back and don't let them stomp all over me.
being misunderstood reveals less about you and more about the person choosing to write narratives about you. personally, i used to be very judgmental and it was because i was so insecure and felt like i couldn’t be my authentic self, so it was easy to judge people in the ways i truly believed others were judging me. it’s honestly very silly and not sensible. focus on yourself, not others.
Additionally, being misunderstood allows you to maintain a sense of mystery and privacy, keeping parts of yourself sacred rather than fully exposed. It can give you the freedom to stay authentic without bending to others' expectations.
This is so true! This is something I had to learn. I used to always feel like I had to explain myself, to get "me" across to others, but doing that just made me a target. I was oversharing to the wrong people who would then try to use what I shared against me. Now I lean into being an enigma. I let people assume wrong.
True, Ive always kept parts of myself hidden that I know will be trampled and Ive never seen anything wrong with that. It has only made me a stronger and more secure person, and allowed me to show those parts of who I am when it really matters. It’s very normal to have privacy and not have your entire personality on display all the time, that seems way more inauthentic to me tbh.
Judgy and insecure people usually assume that you think the way they do. So they might take you being quiet as being rude because that’s how they would be rude. They see the worst in people because they can’t imagine anyone actually having good intentions, because they don’t have good intentions. It says so much more about them, and you don’t wanna live in their world.
It's particularly stressful when the people with incorrect preconceived notions about you hold power over you and there isn't anything you can do about it because of the massive power imbalance.
Yep, came here because my boss frequently misunderstands me. I think he does mean well but we just have very different brains. Ignoring him is not always something I can do. And I like my job a lot.
Ppl at my former job said I had a bad attitude. I have social anxiety and hate is an understatement as to how they felt about me. Out of all the horrible things they said about me, I struggled with them saying they I had a bad attitude cause that was the furthest thing from true. I feel as if that was said to justify how horribly they treated me.
You have to understand that people want to misunderstand you or they can't understand you Every souls have different lenses , views, beliefs, experiences, traumas and problems. They can't understand you So free yourself of this unnecessary suffering of trying to make them understand. They'll never understand you. The sooner you accept this truth the better you saved your time If there is someone that truly understands you, it's the exception Also majority of people don't want to see you win. Because of envy of whatever
In my experience...the one who tries to control the narrative tends to be the perpetrator. Not 100%, but in modern society, people feel the need to control what others think about the situation. Especially the guilty party ( though most of this type of person never actually thinks theyre wrong, and the validation helps sqaush the tiny bit of conscious they may have had about the situation) When this has happened to me, I do not care... I dont have to justify anything and I'm not affected by what they say because it's not true and its just them using the same type of manipulation that made me want to get away from that person at all costs...great video!
INFJ too, some are intimidated by the depth of my conversation, and I can blame myself, but I’m practicing more self compassion, I resonate with this… so true! Gave up trying to win over people who don’t get me…. Go where the love is!! 💜
This is sooo helpful. Thank you. My friend told me years ago, “Not everyone is your friend.” Years later, I evaluated my friendships with some people who did not add value. It was hard to let go. What made me realize to drop them was they made me feel uncomfortable. I dismissed their bad behavior towards me as their having an off day. But I added all up, years of experience. They just don’t like me. Hard to swallow this realization, bc I’m used to being liked (I’m working on being a people pleaser).
Yep and now i don't give a fuck if people dislike, hate, reject, misunderstand and forget about me. I choose me everytime. There isn't a reality where i didn't choose myself
Damn, you just broke down my entire beef with me and my sister. I’ve never met someone seeming to be so set on misunderstanding me, it’s caused a lot of problem these past few years. I’m very thankful to have a wonderful therapist and mom to support me, it really can rock your whole foundation having someone misunderstand you to such an extreme level.
Same with my cousin. It was crazy when I realized all the incorrect things she thought about me were actually projections of herself. Like she thought I was going to swindle her out of money. Why? Because that’s what she would be willing to do. I’m just grateful that I would never think those things about someone. Sounds like an exhausting way to live tbh.
I love the sentiment that you just get on with it if people misunderstand you, but when you misunderstood by everybody, it's a depressingly isolating experience. It's honestly where I am at in life and I just want it or myself to end at this point.
As a neurodivergent person with multiple invisible disabilities, I very much relate to the point of being misunderstood by most people. It’s incredibly hard but I choose me every time. I have to. If people choose judgement and projection over discernment and interest- it shows exactly who they are in that period of their life.
@@Sdweenhey, I’m really proud of you! I feel you in a similar way, im not disabled but I got my teeth removed, and it’s very noticeable and makes me feel so insecure 😅 but yeah I’ve gotten stares these past days, and I’m going to school tomorrow. I myself am afraid of judgement, and im afraid of all the misunderstanding and judging I’ll get when I do go to school. I realize that I have to come to terms with the fact that, yeah people will judge and so what..? I can’t do anything physically to hide it, so why not just be misunderstood? I understand how tiring it can be to always need to prove your worth to people, but you know what, fuck it. Just be yourself and the right people will come, you don’t need to understand them. You just gotta move on, and the people who don’t judge you for who you are will be there
Thank you so much for this. Most of the time, I take what I hear personally, even if they're strangers in public, thinking they're talking about me. Growing up in a house full of judgmental people really takes a toll
I’m constantly thinking if I’m toxic or not, because my patience with people is non existent and when they try me or stress me out I instantly tap out without explanation. I still wish them well but I just can’t stay. Did that since I’m a kid with friend groups. I would then take a alone time and then randomly found new group of people. It’s looked down upon as being someone “abandoning” people.. but I feel like the most important thing is feeling free even tho it’s gonna be painful and alone sometimes
You might want to look into Avoidant Attachment styles, and, if that resonates, getting to the bottom of where that came from (i.e. early attachments to parents, siblings, etc., that were unreliable, so you might have taken up the position “They’ll leave me anyway, eventually, so I’ll leave first to avoid being hurt” - a defence mechanism). It may or may not serve you, so take it for whatever it’s worth, but if it does resonate and if at some point you feel like you’d want a long-term partner but this is getting in the way, it could be a starting point to move you towards whatever positive progress looks like to you. Wishing you well!
Nah girl, you're good. I'm now learning how to tap out because I've always been the type of person to stick around and hope that people will change. Spoiler alert, they don't change. You aren't missing out on anything.
6 mins in, I literally am the same. I always try and reason with people, and honestly 9/10 it does work if you communicate yourself well, but there are some people that just aren't worth it and sometimes you just don't see eye to eye which is fine, other times it's because of their own trauma or whatever projection or story they are trying to make about you to] make themselves feel better.
Where was this video a year ago when I needed it the most! I went through a horrible time with my previous flatmates finding out the crap they’d talked behind my back. I came to two conclusions: some people WANT to believe the worst about you and their judgements usually tell more about the person themselves. That whole incident taught me that I don’t have to take into consideration every piece of critique I get if it’s simply untrue and on top of that unreasonable. Before I would often twist the truth to fit their narrative because I couldn’t understand why people would without a carefully thought out reason say mean things, so it must have been my fault. I’m happy I learned that’s not the case. It hurts so much to find that out though
I've had a few incidents in my life that I felt were unfair. I handled them with grace at the time but I feel bitter reflecting on those memories. I am going to practice accepting that some people purposefully misunderstand you whenever I have those thoughts.
We got a new owner last week. She had the nerve to ask me: “Are you sure you want to be a manager?” And I said: “I don’t know what I did, said, or didn’t say to make you think that, but yes I do.” And they couldn’t even give me a reason either. But damn was it offensive.
Lol ive had that, people assuming i must be rude because im quiet. Its insane it shows how negative someone has to be to come up with that over basically nothing. The way i see it is its like a blank page, and from then, who knows what the person is like
Well there is a mutual social responsibility to create a conversation. If you don’t play your part, that’s selfishly thinking others will do all the work.
@@M_SCThis presumes we must always have a conversation when we definitely don't. Silence has its place. If you're talking about when people are trying to connect, then it depends on the individuals' desires. Not everyone is compatible. If they aren't compatible, then that can be communicated. But nobody is entitled to conversations with others 24/7.
@@M_SCFirst of all, you never asked the commentator if they participate in small talk, it’s not like they are mute. Second of all, you are already misunderstanding in a video about misunderstanding.
this video got recommended to me at a perfect time. i’m 20 and i hadn’t been this misunderstood since middle school. i always try to be very genuine and tried to explain how my mind works to this person, but now looking back i realize that that person didn’t want to listen and wanted to misunderstand. there’s a big fear that they’re going to spread this false personality that they gave me, but i understand that it’s not something i can control and worrying about it won’t do any good
Being an outcast IS a blessing because a) you need not fear the social consequences for speaking your mind then, and b) it's only when you're alone, and your brain isn't struggling to process a constant stream of data from your environment, that you're able to develop your own character, intellect, and sense of self. However smart they may be as individuals, humans are dumb in groups. One reads the room and automatically adjusts to the perceived average of intelligence. Fitting in means not shining too bright, as this triggers insecurity in others. Were you the smart kid in school? Did you get bullied for knowing all the right answers? Then you know what I mean. Unless you're at a MENSA meeting, you probably won't be "allowed" to talk about things more intelligent than celebrity gossip or the weather. The state knows the potential of the herd mindset all too well. But to take advantage of it, it has to keep people, well, in herds, and the stragglers (whether they've chosen solitude or have no other choice due to the circumstances) must be made out as being defective, ill, or evil in some fashion. The "standoffish" person at the party is a good example. The manipulation is obvious in authoritarian or fascist states, with their big rallies and political doctrines which emphasise service to the common good and criminalise (sometimes literally) the pursuit of "selfish" personal agendas. It's all aimed at destroying the capacity for individual thought and eliminating the need to dispose of the troublesome artists, journalists, and revolutionaries pointing out the corruption. You can, of course, be an individual and still serve your community, but that might still annoy Big Brother when the conscription notices go out and you don't particularly feel like dying in a war you don't believe in. Often, only total self-sacrifice is acceptable. Weird example from things I've recently studied-- a heretical magician in antiquity was just someone who practiced the state religion in private for personal ends. This was considered to be bad not because the magician's beliefs or practices were inherently evil or depraved (legal texts from ancient and premodern times made them out this way, but more often the magician believed in the same god or gods as everyone else and didn't, for instance, sacrifice babies), but because it took power away from the state and put it in the hands of individuals. Why go to the temple and pay the priest 50 bucks to bless your crops when your buddy who knows a little magic will do it for 5? Focusing on yourself and doing small favours for friends who are struggling to pay rent could actually get you crucified for heresy. There's a reason monks, philosophers, etc. go into solitude to hone their ideas; there's a reason why, when people in stories have a problem that can't be solved through ordinary means, they go to the fearsome witch who lives in the swamp on the fringes of town, even though they're terrified of her. Wisdom is gained in solitude, and the outcasts are the only ones who are truly free from Big Brother and his favourite weapon, peer pressure. Let those who will judge you judge and don't try to fit in with unevolved people, as you have already exceeded them.
@@Sdween Hello forest witchy! 🐱 Pleased to meet you! I’m a lonesome city witchy. I don’t really like living here, but I must while working on a degree. Someday, I hope to own a little cottage in the woods somewhere 🥰
We found one of cats under a car outside our house and he would steal our food constantly. This past week we realized that he is now a complete gentleman. Bringing it back to your video, it was a nice reminder how most of us are changing and a snapshot of our past selves may not always be accurate. 🌟🌺🐈
Throughout my life, I've always been a relatively misunderstood person. I mean, I have a heart of gold, but not everyone can see that, you know? Sometimes, my luck isn't always the best, but I do my very best to pull through.
I find that the bits of misunderstanding that get to me are those that are closest to my values or my character. If I don't really care about the trait they're talking about, I'm entertained by their wrong conclusion. If it's something I feel is central to me, I feel I have to speak up
I can totally relate to this and think this video is spot on! People have misunderstood me as far back as 4th grade. Even my family has misjudged the person I am and throughout my life I have been in many situations where I was blamed for it and had absolutely nothing to do with it, nor had any intent about it. Although I’ve gotten use to it, it has molded me into the anti social jaded and stoic person I now am. I don’t care what people think, I really don’t, but their judgements and misunderstandings seem to get me in a lot of trouble and not so fun situations. Great video!
Wow I’m glad this video popped up in my feed. Very insightful and got me thinking about how I react to people misunderstanding me. It’s one of the things I struggle with most. I’ll have to visit this video often to remind myself of your words :)
being misunderstood is a huge trigger of mine… and it happens so often. I always get the impulse to explain myself, but not really wanting to do that, because it usually makes the situation worse. I usually avoid people that misunderstand me, but it’s hard when it’s your entire family. that’s really funny what you pointed out about a relative putting you in a box 19:10 because the same exact thing happens to me. Your advice really helps 🫶🏼
So thankful I got recommended this, all my life I've struggled with this but in the last few years it's intensified. Starting to accept that the most unique out there experience this and it's nothing I should feel bad about.
Beautiful insight of how acceptance helps deal with a person who only sees a snapshot of your past self. Viewing it as a happy reminder that you are indeed not the same person is truly self validation in practice.
This was such a great topic. I had someone hell bent on seemingly misunderstanding and spinning my words around about just about anything. It made me feel crazy at times. Most people have never said that I was X, Y or Z. But omg, this person was always sniffing out a scenario where he could tell me how wrong I was. I was forever trying to explain myself. It was exhausting. Thank you so much for posting this. It has given me healing clarity almost instantly ✨
I have been through an experience recently where someone misunderstood my motivation and rewrote reality with them at the centre of it. I found that's hard to deal with. I've seen others go through this though so I can see that it's a pattern with this person.
I needed to listen to this. My brother and I have struggled to get along. I thought it was me not trying hard enough to connect, until a couple of months ago. I got to really see how judgy he is with others and then I have done something that made him decide to just ignore and talk as little as he can with me. I have been working on letting that connection go as there is nothing I can do and it doesn’t look like he’s interested. I like what you’ve brought up here. It puts a positive spin for my situation 😊 so thank you!
OMG, I am so unbelievably grateful to have stumbled upon your channel earlier this morning. I am on my 3rd video and I'm takin notes. You are smart, and I love your no BS authenticity. Thank you!
i relate to this video so much, i’m also a water moon(cancer) and it can be hard out here hoping that everyone is as empathetic as me. i’m learning as i get older to let things like being misunderstood, go.
Resonated with this so much. We need more ppl like you Charlotte and you'd be a great friend for sure bc you're very understanding. I totally understand bc I was in your place too. I was always the understanding and discerning friend while my friends were always so quick to judge me.
Commenting for the algorithm because this video was excellent. Thank you from a fellow INFJ Scorpio moon, I needed to hear this and I'm glad your channel was recommended to me today. 🙂
holy heck! thank you for your breakdown of judgement vs discernment. this will significantly help me when talking to someone may be pulling judgement towards my discernment. ive always been extremely analytical of myself with hopes to be as unbothering as possible to others so i actually have been experiencing some identity doubts because a newer friend of mine will throw out these "jokes" that call me "evil" or theyll say im being mean when i state a factual comment that isnt harmful to anyone (like science type stuff). ive asked for clarity and what behaviors that are problematic they just say "no no i understand you" with this smile as if were on the same page. i was going to have a deep conversation with them actually TODAY but have a lot of anxiety around it because ive brought it up a handful of times now how they throw out these comments without wanting to further the topic. wow, this is insane, im so definition oriented but never knew about "discernment." thank you. i really cannot tell you enough how much this has helped. thank you so much
I've only found your channel a couple days ago but I've already watched nearly every video, and it has done absolute wonders to challenging my entire outlook on life and helping me break free of a victim mindset I didn't even realize I was in. Please keep doing what you're doing!! Also, I'd love to see your takes on a video regarding how to balance validating your emotions and not suppressing them, while still managing them effectively/remaining unbothered. A video on fostering self confidence could also be nice :)
Great advice here. My issue is that I keep running into this at my professional jobs. The first place I got fired for it and now I can't help but fear my current boss misunderstands me and doesn't "get" me because our brains work differently. It sucks sometimes that life isn't so black and white and that just ignoring or removing a person from your life isn't so straightforward. Yes, I could leave my job and try to find somewhere better, but there are also many healthy reasons for me to stay and ways this job empowers me, not to mention this is the first time in my life I actually enjoy what I do for work and aren't completely miserable.
Thank you for starting a RUclips channel, I seriously love your videos. I love what you have to say, I get excited when I see you’ve posted a new one. Thank you, and I wish you nothing but luck on your journey!! I hope you can keep doing what you love- you’re fuckin good at it.
Edit/Still watching - The “I’m talking about her like she’s dead. She is alive” really made me laugh fully out loud. Watching your videos is like talking to a friend 🥹
Took me 40 years to sort my soul issues out, resulting in numerous beneficial traits. Here's a few... “Know Thyself” - inscribed on the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece. "Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly." - Epictetus "He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men." - Honore' de Balzac Self-validation instead of external-validation - my value is self-determined. My self-worth is determined by me, not by others. Self-love instead of needing others to love me. Granted, being loved by others is wonderous, but when I love myself, I'm already fulfilled, thus love from others is a bonus. I no longer try to correct people's intentional or unintentional misconceptions about me. Their thoughts of me are their possessions to do with as they please, I have no use for them, as I have my own. I'll correct them if they ask, but i'm no longer bothered by what others think or say of me, even to my face.
omg! i needed this. fellow infj here. i'm going through a terrible work situation (it's been over a year now) and i'm at my wit's end. a coworker has made up their mind that they hate me/i'm terrible/i'm lazy/not worthy to work at this company. this is the type of person she is, she makes snap judgments about everyone. i've decided that all i can do is go in and do my job and do my best to avoid engaging with this person. however, my department is made up of her, me, and my boss. she goes out of her way not to talk to me, so i'm like okay, except that i have to work for 8 HOURS everyday with her sitting 5 feet away. i'm going crazy. it's such an uncomfortable situation and i don't know what to do. i feel so anxious being around someone who i know hates me and it's DEAD QUIET. any advice?
i'm sorry you're dealing with that. Two things that come to mind: 1. Why does matter if she hates you if you don't respect her? She's someone who wouldn't choose to have in your life if you could avoid it, so saying as little as possible is the best course of action in my opinion. 2. Learning to be comfortable with silence IS A CRITICAL LIFE SKILL. I taught myself to do this because I interview people for work and I just let a few seconds of silence linger and people will continue talking because the vast majority of people are uncomfortable with silence. Teaching yourself to push through the discomfort of silence will level you up exponentially!
It’s easy to misunderstand errant or abnormal behavior, people need to fill in the blanks to be secure in their own minds. If they hold hatred or preconceived notions, that will be reflected in their judgments. Sometimes it’s dangerous though and you can be cast out (or fired depending on the situation) if you do not advocate for yourself. But you shouldn’t try and control them or change their mind
Sharing what I heard is amazing ‘thanks’ is that if you can stay present and notice People who react to you, verses People who pay attention to you, is where we stay present and enjoy others.
Smart! And deep down we all know that (as in they just wanna judge you to feel good about themselves) But i always worry out how that comment of the judgemental people could affect other people who might take it as a fact
I was having a REALLY rough year until I saw this channel in August, and pretty much every video you've put out since then has been providing so much insight on things ive been struggling with heavy. Between You and another content creator I discovered, I feel human and whole again and haven't stopped feeling this feeling since. Thank you for helping me rediscover my center Charlotte ❤️
@soy_red The name is SpoonFedStudy! It's more of a habit building channel, but it's one of the few channels that's really inspired long term change in me :)
I love your video, it’s really good and it feels therapeutic to hear someone talk about this! But I wouldn’t call it lizard brained. I think a better way to put it is that we’re highly social animals. We’re hardwired to exist within social groups and if that’s not happening we feel wrong. And I love how popular you are this morning 😂❤
I think the biggest problem is that if someone hasn't enough sense of self, then feeling misunderstood can feel like they are not being seen and validated. But what I discovered is the root to it is the disconnection from self. Not seeing and validating myself, if that doesn't happen then I will allow others to affect my sense of self and inner peace. If others judge you wrong you can try and correct it if it's someone who matters to you but if it's someone who you do not know you can put your point across respectfully and leave it after that. It's respecting the fact that their perspective is theirs and right or wrong it has nothing to do with the sense of who you are. It's hard, because we are all social beings and the feedback system from another will always affect us but the point is not to have it affect you more often than not. I agree that curiosity is a good thing, but with some people it needs to be used sparingly. This segment really made me think about the many choices I have made over time to move away from people pleasing. I would like to say one thing about the tatts example.If someone is going to be having tatts they should not need to explain them to anyone, or defend having them. BUT please do not say that someone who doesn't like them is pandering to stereotypes, or has not updated their views. If someone has the right to say that they tattooed their body because they love it so much they want to adorn it, then someone else has the right to have another view that tattooing is a form of self mutilation! Neither has to be categorized as right or wrong, just whatever a person prefers. And liking tatts is as okay as not liking them, and this should apply to anything at all as long as the choice does not affect others in any negative or damaging way. Charlotte great content! Keep up the good work! 😊
The key is, you do you. If you like tattoos then cool. If you don't them, then also cool. The problem arises when ppl decide that what they don't like on THEIR BODY, should apply to everyone else...
Hey. Just found your channel and wanted to say how impressed I am with your work. Very insightful & well delivered. The 20 min videos are a good format. Cheers.
I find acceptance hard, can we talk more about that? Like if the woman in your family says/believes hurtful things, why choose to continue to have contact? I’ve completely isolated myself from my family bc constantly drawing boundaries is too much. It hurts & idk how to accept they are who they are, but that has left me with no one. Thank you for the content you make, it is extremely helpful.
Omg this was so well done and well said. I have recently been struggling with this a lot. And what I ultimately realize is that people dont process the same as me. I empathize too much and they dont at all. It will be so energizing to finalky stop empathizing and take people for what they actually show up as.
Your voice is so soothing to listen to about these subjects! I've been a person that has worked constantly on myself since I was 20 - now 37. It's like "day and night". With it I have had to leave friends and people in the past and move on cause our energies and the way we work just doesn't resonate anymore. With all of this - a lot of assumptions have been made and misunderstandings happened. And it has definitely been frustrating. Still got work to do regarding myself and I will continue to do so.
Loving your content lately! It's really different from the other manifestation/self improvement content out there and you explain things really well. Hoping to see more videos from you soon!
Important to note sometimes you can have extreme feelings, that may mean nothing so you do not have to attach thoughts to them - I can often wake up quite anxious or have a huge mood shift - therapist taught me it's not always cos something upsets me, but maybe hormones or what I have eaten or I'm having a hard day sensory wise etc. - I do not have to spiral or assign thoughts to feelings 👍❤
Ahh INFJ too! I can totally relate to the way you think and communicate. Once you realize everyone shows themselves with their own behavior/words/actions it makes it so much easier to just not engage with certain people! And I will immediately disengage! =D
Thank you for these oh so wise words, you summed up the last few months of my life as I try to change for the better, it’s been a painful overthinking marathon, I even considered going backwards to the old, badly-behaved me who cared less but I’m going to stick with it after this video. You have a gift for this 🧡🍂🍁 thank you I’m very glad you’re here 🎃 🍁🍄🧡 xx
I believe we misunderstand people all the time and judge people all the time, but it’s when we take it out or take it as fact without proof that it becomes a problem. And we are also all guilty of doing that without realising it. It’s kind of inevitable that we will be misunderstood so it’s just really important to know who you are so you don’t begin to embody that trait someone projected onto you that is actually more a reflection of who they are at their core than who you are. I believe we do this without knowing and discovering who you really are comes with figuring out the patchwork quilt of misunderstandings and projections others have unknowingly stitched onto you throughout your life (especially those who love you and who you assume must know you… the idea that someone can ‘know you better than you know yourself’ sounds romantic butt is actually quite toxic and codependent when u look at it from this angle!
Having recently been estranged because of exactly this… “You’re not going to be cast out…” Ahh, if only. 😅 “I don’t feel any need to convince [the judgmental person] that she’s wrong, because I don’t really want a person whose snap judgment is to lower someone down below her.” Wow. That’s something that’s certainly been high on my mind since things “fell apart” in my relationship, however you put it very succinctly. Though, tbh, sometimes people will make it pretty obvious that they’ll interfere with your life and relationships (triangulation, emotional blackmail and otherwise) if you don’t somehow prove your worth to them by making every excuse and reason for your behaviour crystal clear - which they’ll also often devalue to build themselves up from having judged you so they don’t look bad to themselves. And they’ll do the same terrible behaviour if you don’t try to be their friend, win them back, form yourself into whatever it is they wanted you to be, show up however they wanted you to show up. It’s like a vice grip to keep you under their control, as the person they want and need, rather than as a human being separate from them. It feels unsafe to leave, even after being disowned; even the hoovering feels dangerous. Definitely unsure whether to risk walking away, or to grin and bear it by pretending to mold myself into something I truly don’t want to be, giving resources I don’t have, in a relationship I will never again feel safe or honest within.
I learned the hard way, some people are intentionally misunderstanding you. They don’t want to get to know you and they don’t want to like you. You just have to let them and go on about your day.
Yeah, they want you to know they're douchebags.
They just want to make negative assumptions about you. Mainstream society has been brainwashed to be that way by powerful Puppet-Masters like Disney, Hollywood, Fashion, and Cosmetics industries. No matter how decent a person is, if he looks bad on the outside and lives alone mainstream society will treat him like he is a disease and make negative assumptions about him, no amount of evidence will convince these brainwashed subhumans; I know from personal experiences.
They want to be right about their perception of you.
They can’t understand that their perception is limited.
We don’t know what we don’t know.
“People can only meet you to the depths they have met themselves” sort of thing.
This! That's a harsh reality, but every rational person needs to accept it.
@@Sdween that’s the exact phrase that helped me understand this!
The more authentic and human I become, the more im dehumanized.
You are getting closer to something beyond our egotistical human limitations :) You should be happy you are authentic and humane.
@@WhizPill why you askin me?
@@Sageoftheforest7 sure, but the downside is that, people are so shallow and emotionally constipated that it makes me even more disconnected from people. genuinely I can't relate to anyone around me. i only truly connect with a few trusted people. i cant deal with groups and petty gossip. awsome name btw, zelda reference?
Yes exactly! Same here!
By zombies?
People usually judge me a lot for being a quiet person. They just assume I’m rude or look down to others when that is not the case. 🤷♀️
People always think quiet = shy as well. I don't talk much because I don't speak if I don't feel like I have something of value to add to the conversation. People take that as me being weak, timid, and shy. They are always in for a rude awakening when I push back and don't let them stomp all over me.
Yes! I’ve been told by many people once they got to know me that they thought I was presumptuous; mad, intimidating or antisocial.
@@bellavela17
Same I think we just value who we give our time and conversations to.
being misunderstood reveals less about you and more about the person choosing to write narratives about you. personally, i used to be very judgmental and it was because i was so insecure and felt like i couldn’t be my authentic self, so it was easy to judge people in the ways i truly believed others were judging me. it’s honestly very silly and not sensible. focus on yourself, not others.
Additionally, being misunderstood allows you to maintain a sense of mystery and privacy, keeping parts of yourself sacred rather than fully exposed. It can give you the freedom to stay authentic without bending to others' expectations.
Yess omgg! I choose me everytime over them.
That’s interesting you said privacy, I’ve never thought of that before. Well said.
This is so true! This is something I had to learn. I used to always feel like I had to explain myself, to get "me" across to others, but doing that just made me a target. I was oversharing to the wrong people who would then try to use what I shared against me. Now I lean into being an enigma. I let people assume wrong.
I healed a whole ton when I realized that being chronically underestimated is actually a great stealth super power!
True, Ive always kept parts of myself hidden that I know will be trampled and Ive never seen anything wrong with that. It has only made me a stronger and more secure person, and allowed me to show those parts of who I am when it really matters. It’s very normal to have privacy and not have your entire personality on display all the time, that seems way more inauthentic to me tbh.
Judgy and insecure people usually assume that you think the way they do. So they might take you being quiet as being rude because that’s how they would be rude. They see the worst in people because they can’t imagine anyone actually having good intentions, because they don’t have good intentions. It says so much more about them, and you don’t wanna live in their world.
Thank you so much for providing wisdom in this comment as a whole. It definitely wasn't a mistake that I read this!! God bless you.
It's particularly stressful when the people with incorrect preconceived notions about you hold power over you and there isn't anything you can do about it because of the massive power imbalance.
You can leave them. Doesn't matter who it is, family or friends- you can go no contact if you have to
@@whatwhale5888They might be talking about a boss or supervisor, as in my case :/
@@GGGirl55yeah i was thinking the same
There's always something you can do about it.
Leave.
Yep, came here because my boss frequently misunderstands me. I think he does mean well but we just have very different brains. Ignoring him is not always something I can do. And I like my job a lot.
Ppl at my former job said I had a bad attitude. I have social anxiety and hate is an understatement as to how they felt about me. Out of all the horrible things they said about me, I struggled with them saying they I had a bad attitude cause that was the furthest thing from true. I feel as if that was said to justify how horribly they treated me.
They know what they are doing and are trying to humble you
I think that's situational, but potentially!
Subconsciously even sometimes
@@charlottemorabitothe way you articulate yourself is so satisfying 😮❤️
@@charlottemorabitoNot “potentially”. This is the case 90% of the time with insecure people. With experience comes this knowledge.
I think that goes along with “trying to place you beneath them” and that is definitely what some people are trying to do.
You have to understand that people want to misunderstand you or they can't understand you
Every souls have different lenses , views, beliefs, experiences, traumas and problems. They can't understand you
So free yourself of this unnecessary suffering of trying to make them understand. They'll never understand you. The sooner you accept this truth the better you saved your time
If there is someone that truly understands you, it's the exception
Also majority of people don't want to see you win. Because of envy of whatever
So true-blue
In my experience...the one who tries to control the narrative tends to be the perpetrator. Not 100%, but in modern society, people feel the need to control what others think about the situation. Especially the guilty party ( though most of this type of person never actually thinks theyre wrong, and the validation helps sqaush the tiny bit of conscious they may have had about the situation) When this has happened to me, I do not care... I dont have to justify anything and I'm not affected by what they say because it's not true and its just them using the same type of manipulation that made me want to get away from that person at all costs...great video!
INFJ too, some are intimidated by the depth of my conversation, and I can blame myself, but I’m practicing more self compassion, I resonate with this… so true!
Gave up trying to win over people who don’t get me…. Go where the love is!! 💜
This is sooo helpful.
Thank you.
My friend told me years ago, “Not everyone is your friend.”
Years later, I evaluated my friendships with some people who did not add value. It was hard to let go. What made me realize to drop them was they made me feel uncomfortable. I dismissed their bad behavior towards me as their having an off day. But I added all up, years of experience. They just don’t like me.
Hard to swallow this realization, bc I’m used to being liked (I’m working on being a people pleaser).
Yep and now i don't give a fuck if people dislike, hate, reject, misunderstand and forget about me. I choose me everytime. There isn't a reality where i didn't choose myself
You make me feel human. Thank you.
You deserve to feel human, always. 🫶🏻
Damn, you just broke down my entire beef with me and my sister. I’ve never met someone seeming to be so set on misunderstanding me, it’s caused a lot of problem these past few years. I’m very thankful to have a wonderful therapist and mom to support me, it really can rock your whole foundation having someone misunderstand you to such an extreme level.
That is so abusive. Kick her out of your life. Like I block people irl. Ill be there and I will not even say hi.
Same with my cousin. It was crazy when I realized all the incorrect things she thought about me were actually projections of herself. Like she thought I was going to swindle her out of money. Why? Because that’s what she would be willing to do.
I’m just grateful that I would never think those things about someone. Sounds like an exhausting way to live tbh.
Same with my sis.
"If your thoughts don't spiral, your emotions won't spiral." *Cries in Hyperfixation & Emotional Dysregulation
I love the sentiment that you just get on with it if people misunderstand you, but when you misunderstood by everybody, it's a depressingly isolating experience. It's honestly where I am at in life and I just want it or myself to end at this point.
As a neurodivergent person with multiple invisible disabilities, I very much relate to the point of being misunderstood by most people. It’s incredibly hard but I choose me every time. I have to. If people choose judgement and projection over discernment and interest- it shows exactly who they are in that period of their life.
@@Sdweenhey, I’m really proud of you! I feel you in a similar way, im not disabled but I got my teeth removed, and it’s very noticeable and makes me feel so insecure 😅 but yeah I’ve gotten stares these past days, and I’m going to school tomorrow. I myself am afraid of judgement, and im afraid of all the misunderstanding and judging I’ll get when I do go to school. I realize that I have to come to terms with the fact that, yeah people will judge and so what..? I can’t do anything physically to hide it, so why not just be misunderstood? I understand how tiring it can be to always need to prove your worth to people, but you know what, fuck it. Just be yourself and the right people will come, you don’t need to understand them. You just gotta move on, and the people who don’t judge you for who you are will be there
Don't change for anyone. You might hear stories worse than yours and even get to know you were being too hard on yourself
Thank you so much for this. Most of the time, I take what I hear personally, even if they're strangers in public, thinking they're talking about me. Growing up in a house full of judgmental people really takes a toll
I wish you healing
@M_SC thank you ❤️
I’m constantly thinking if I’m toxic or not, because my patience with people is non existent and when they try me or stress me out I instantly tap out without explanation. I still wish them well but I just can’t stay. Did that since I’m a kid with friend groups. I would then take a alone time and then randomly found new group of people. It’s looked down upon as being someone “abandoning” people.. but I feel like the most important thing is feeling free even tho it’s gonna be painful and alone sometimes
You might want to look into Avoidant Attachment styles, and, if that resonates, getting to the bottom of where that came from (i.e. early attachments to parents, siblings, etc., that were unreliable, so you might have taken up the position “They’ll leave me anyway, eventually, so I’ll leave first to avoid being hurt” - a defence mechanism). It may or may not serve you, so take it for whatever it’s worth, but if it does resonate and if at some point you feel like you’d want a long-term partner but this is getting in the way, it could be a starting point to move you towards whatever positive progress looks like to you. Wishing you well!
Nah girl, you're good. I'm now learning how to tap out because I've always been the type of person to stick around and hope that people will change. Spoiler alert, they don't change. You aren't missing out on anything.
6 mins in, I literally am the same. I always try and reason with people, and honestly 9/10 it does work if you communicate yourself well, but there are some people that just aren't worth it and sometimes you just don't see eye to eye which is fine, other times it's because of their own trauma or whatever projection or story they are trying to make about you to] make themselves feel better.
Where was this video a year ago when I needed it the most! I went through a horrible time with my previous flatmates finding out the crap they’d talked behind my back. I came to two conclusions: some people WANT to believe the worst about you and their judgements usually tell more about the person themselves. That whole incident taught me that I don’t have to take into consideration every piece of critique I get if it’s simply untrue and on top of that unreasonable. Before I would often twist the truth to fit their narrative because I couldn’t understand why people would without a carefully thought out reason say mean things, so it must have been my fault. I’m happy I learned that’s not the case. It hurts so much to find that out though
I've had a few incidents in my life that I felt were unfair. I handled them with grace at the time but I feel bitter reflecting on those memories. I am going to practice accepting that some people purposefully misunderstand you whenever I have those thoughts.
We got a new owner last week. She had the nerve to ask me: “Are you sure you want to be a manager?” And I said: “I don’t know what I did, said, or didn’t say to make you think that, but yes I do.” And they couldn’t even give me a reason either. But damn was it offensive.
Lol ive had that, people assuming i must be rude because im quiet. Its insane it shows how negative someone has to be to come up with that over basically nothing. The way i see it is its like a blank page, and from then, who knows what the person is like
Well there is a mutual social responsibility to create a conversation. If you don’t play your part, that’s selfishly thinking others will do all the work.
@@M_SCmust it be that they're rude though?
@@M_SCThis presumes we must always have a conversation when we definitely don't. Silence has its place.
If you're talking about when people are trying to connect, then it depends on the individuals' desires. Not everyone is compatible. If they aren't compatible, then that can be communicated. But nobody is entitled to conversations with others 24/7.
@@M_SCFirst of all, you never asked the commentator if they participate in small talk, it’s not like they are mute. Second of all, you are already misunderstanding in a video about misunderstanding.
this video got recommended to me at a perfect time. i’m 20 and i hadn’t been this misunderstood since middle school. i always try to be very genuine and tried to explain how my mind works to this person, but now looking back i realize that that person didn’t want to listen and wanted to misunderstand. there’s a big fear that they’re going to spread this false personality that they gave me, but i understand that it’s not something i can control and worrying about it won’t do any good
This is exactly what was happening in my last relationship. So frustrating and painful. No empathy or compassion. I now can see their true colors.💔
Being an outcast IS a blessing because a) you need not fear the social consequences for speaking your mind then, and b) it's only when you're alone, and your brain isn't struggling to process a constant stream of data from your environment, that you're able to develop your own character, intellect, and sense of self.
However smart they may be as individuals, humans are dumb in groups. One reads the room and automatically adjusts to the perceived average of intelligence. Fitting in means not shining too bright, as this triggers insecurity in others. Were you the smart kid in school? Did you get bullied for knowing all the right answers? Then you know what I mean. Unless you're at a MENSA meeting, you probably won't be "allowed" to talk about things more intelligent than celebrity gossip or the weather.
The state knows the potential of the herd mindset all too well. But to take advantage of it, it has to keep people, well, in herds, and the stragglers (whether they've chosen solitude or have no other choice due to the circumstances) must be made out as being defective, ill, or evil in some fashion. The "standoffish" person at the party is a good example. The manipulation is obvious in authoritarian or fascist states, with their big rallies and political doctrines which emphasise service to the common good and criminalise (sometimes literally) the pursuit of "selfish" personal agendas. It's all aimed at destroying the capacity for individual thought and eliminating the need to dispose of the troublesome artists, journalists, and revolutionaries pointing out the corruption. You can, of course, be an individual and still serve your community, but that might still annoy Big Brother when the conscription notices go out and you don't particularly feel like dying in a war you don't believe in. Often, only total self-sacrifice is acceptable.
Weird example from things I've recently studied-- a heretical magician in antiquity was just someone who practiced the state religion in private for personal ends. This was considered to be bad not because the magician's beliefs or practices were inherently evil or depraved (legal texts from ancient and premodern times made them out this way, but more often the magician believed in the same god or gods as everyone else and didn't, for instance, sacrifice babies), but because it took power away from the state and put it in the hands of individuals. Why go to the temple and pay the priest 50 bucks to bless your crops when your buddy who knows a little magic will do it for 5? Focusing on yourself and doing small favours for friends who are struggling to pay rent could actually get you crucified for heresy.
There's a reason monks, philosophers, etc. go into solitude to hone their ideas; there's a reason why, when people in stories have a problem that can't be solved through ordinary means, they go to the fearsome witch who lives in the swamp on the fringes of town, even though they're terrified of her. Wisdom is gained in solitude, and the outcasts are the only ones who are truly free from Big Brother and his favourite weapon, peer pressure.
Let those who will judge you judge and don't try to fit in with unevolved people, as you have already exceeded them.
🫶🏽🧠✨🫶🏽
If that were an application on befriending me, a lonesome forest witch, you’d be accepted if you so wished. 📚 🌲 🌙🕯️
@@Sdween Hello forest witchy! 🐱 Pleased to meet you! I’m a lonesome city witchy. I don’t really like living here, but I must while working on a degree. Someday, I hope to own a little cottage in the woods somewhere 🥰
oooo god bless u for ur words
We found one of cats under a car outside our house and he would steal our food constantly. This past week we realized that he is now a complete gentleman. Bringing it back to your video, it was a nice reminder how most of us are changing and a snapshot of our past selves may not always be accurate. 🌟🌺🐈
Throughout my life, I've always been a relatively misunderstood person. I mean, I have a heart of gold, but not everyone can see that, you know? Sometimes, my luck isn't always the best, but I do my very best to pull through.
I feel you and hear you and see you❤
@MariahBethea thank you.
"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh, lord, please don't let me be misunderstood." -The Animals
I find that the bits of misunderstanding that get to me are those that are closest to my values or my character. If I don't really care about the trait they're talking about, I'm entertained by their wrong conclusion. If it's something I feel is central to me, I feel I have to speak up
I can totally relate to this and think this video is spot on! People have misunderstood me as far back as 4th grade. Even my family has misjudged the person I am and throughout my life I have been in many situations where I was blamed for it and had absolutely nothing to do with it, nor had any intent about it. Although I’ve gotten use to it, it has molded me into the anti social jaded and stoic person I now am. I don’t care what people think, I really don’t, but their judgements and misunderstandings seem to get me in a lot of trouble and not so fun situations. Great video!
You are such a great communicator. Lots of good stuff in this video!!
Wow I’m glad this video popped up in my feed. Very insightful and got me thinking about how I react to people misunderstanding me. It’s one of the things I struggle with most. I’ll have to visit this video often to remind myself of your words :)
being misunderstood is a huge trigger of mine… and it happens so often. I always get the impulse to explain myself, but not really wanting to do that, because it usually makes the situation worse.
I usually avoid people that misunderstand me, but it’s hard when it’s your entire family.
that’s really funny what you pointed out about a relative putting you in a box 19:10 because the same exact thing happens to me.
Your advice really helps 🫶🏼
Thank you for this. Most of the times people only see you as what they want you to be and that sucks but there's nothing we can do about it
“Remind yourself you’re not a caveman” will stand out in my mind as the whole point of this video 😂 ty for sharing your mind!
So thankful I got recommended this, all my life I've struggled with this but in the last few years it's intensified. Starting to accept that the most unique out there experience this and it's nothing I should feel bad about.
Beautiful insight of how acceptance helps deal with a person who only sees a snapshot of your past self. Viewing it as a happy reminder that you are indeed not the same person is truly self validation in practice.
This was such a great topic. I had someone hell bent on seemingly misunderstanding and spinning my words around about just about anything. It made me feel crazy at times.
Most people have never said that I was X, Y or Z. But omg, this person was always sniffing out a scenario where he could tell me how wrong I was. I was forever trying to explain myself. It was exhausting. Thank you so much for posting this. It has given me healing clarity almost instantly ✨
I have been through an experience recently where someone misunderstood my motivation and rewrote reality with them at the centre of it. I found that's hard to deal with. I've seen others go through this though so I can see that it's a pattern with this person.
I needed to listen to this. My brother and I have struggled to get along. I thought it was me not trying hard enough to connect, until a couple of months ago. I got to really see how judgy he is with others and then I have done something that made him decide to just ignore and talk as little as he can with me. I have been working on letting that connection go as there is nothing I can do and it doesn’t look like he’s interested. I like what you’ve brought up here. It puts a positive spin for my situation 😊 so thank you!
OMG, I am so unbelievably grateful to have stumbled upon your channel earlier this morning. I am on my 3rd video and I'm takin notes. You are smart, and I love your no BS authenticity. Thank you!
i relate to this video so much, i’m also a water moon(cancer) and it can be hard out here hoping that everyone is as empathetic as me. i’m learning as i get older to let things like being misunderstood, go.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your videos are so helpful and make me feel less alone. I hope you have a lovely day!
Resonated with this so much. We need more ppl like you Charlotte and you'd be a great friend for sure bc you're very understanding. I totally understand bc I was in your place too. I was always the understanding and discerning friend while my friends were always so quick to judge me.
Commenting for the algorithm because this video was excellent. Thank you from a fellow INFJ Scorpio moon, I needed to hear this and I'm glad your channel was recommended to me today. 🙂
holy heck! thank you for your breakdown of judgement vs discernment. this will significantly help me when talking to someone may be pulling judgement towards my discernment. ive always been extremely analytical of myself with hopes to be as unbothering as possible to others so i actually have been experiencing some identity doubts because a newer friend of mine will throw out these "jokes" that call me "evil" or theyll say im being mean when i state a factual comment that isnt harmful to anyone (like science type stuff). ive asked for clarity and what behaviors that are problematic they just say "no no i understand you" with this smile as if were on the same page. i was going to have a deep conversation with them actually TODAY but have a lot of anxiety around it because ive brought it up a handful of times now how they throw out these comments without wanting to further the topic. wow, this is insane, im so definition oriented but never knew about "discernment." thank you. i really cannot tell you enough how much this has helped. thank you so much
You ooze wisdom. Love it, love you, love listening to you. Take my thumbs up
I've only found your channel a couple days ago but I've already watched nearly every video, and it has done absolute wonders to challenging my entire outlook on life and helping me break free of a victim mindset I didn't even realize I was in. Please keep doing what you're doing!! Also, I'd love to see your takes on a video regarding how to balance validating your emotions and not suppressing them, while still managing them effectively/remaining unbothered. A video on fostering self confidence could also be nice :)
Great advice here. My issue is that I keep running into this at my professional jobs. The first place I got fired for it and now I can't help but fear my current boss misunderstands me and doesn't "get" me because our brains work differently.
It sucks sometimes that life isn't so black and white and that just ignoring or removing a person from your life isn't so straightforward. Yes, I could leave my job and try to find somewhere better, but there are also many healthy reasons for me to stay and ways this job empowers me, not to mention this is the first time in my life I actually enjoy what I do for work and aren't completely miserable.
Thank you for starting a RUclips channel, I seriously love your videos. I love what you have to say, I get excited when I see you’ve posted a new one. Thank you, and I wish you nothing but luck on your journey!! I hope you can keep doing what you love- you’re fuckin good at it.
Edit/Still watching - The “I’m talking about her like she’s dead. She is alive” really made me laugh fully out loud. Watching your videos is like talking to a friend 🥹
Took me 40 years to sort my soul issues out, resulting in numerous beneficial traits.
Here's a few...
“Know Thyself” - inscribed on the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece.
"Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly." - Epictetus
"He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men." - Honore' de Balzac
Self-validation instead of external-validation - my value is self-determined. My self-worth is determined by me, not by others.
Self-love instead of needing others to love me. Granted, being loved by others is wonderous, but when I love myself, I'm already fulfilled, thus love from others is a bonus.
I no longer try to correct people's intentional or unintentional misconceptions about me. Their thoughts of me are their possessions to do with as they please, I have no use for them, as I have my own. I'll correct them if they ask, but i'm no longer bothered by what others think or say of me, even to my face.
omg! i needed this. fellow infj here. i'm going through a terrible work situation (it's been over a year now) and i'm at my wit's end. a coworker has made up their mind that they hate me/i'm terrible/i'm lazy/not worthy to work at this company. this is the type of person she is, she makes snap judgments about everyone. i've decided that all i can do is go in and do my job and do my best to avoid engaging with this person. however, my department is made up of her, me, and my boss. she goes out of her way not to talk to me, so i'm like okay, except that i have to work for 8 HOURS everyday with her sitting 5 feet away. i'm going crazy. it's such an uncomfortable situation and i don't know what to do. i feel so anxious being around someone who i know hates me and it's DEAD QUIET. any advice?
i'm sorry you're dealing with that. Two things that come to mind: 1. Why does matter if she hates you if you don't respect her? She's someone who wouldn't choose to have in your life if you could avoid it, so saying as little as possible is the best course of action in my opinion. 2. Learning to be comfortable with silence IS A CRITICAL LIFE SKILL. I taught myself to do this because I interview people for work and I just let a few seconds of silence linger and people will continue talking because the vast majority of people are uncomfortable with silence. Teaching yourself to push through the discomfort of silence will level you up exponentially!
Finally. Someone who understands me. 😂😭. I love the fierce confident of you and your tattoo’d friend!
Enjoyed the way you clarified your definition of judgemental and using disernment
Really like what you say. I had just today asked myself what was the difference between judgment vs discernment. Great help. Thank you
It’s easy to misunderstand errant or abnormal behavior, people need to fill in the blanks to be secure in their own minds. If they hold hatred or preconceived notions, that will be reflected in their judgments. Sometimes it’s dangerous though and you can be cast out (or fired depending on the situation) if you do not advocate for yourself. But you shouldn’t try and control them or change their mind
Sharing what I heard is amazing ‘thanks’ is that if you can stay present and notice People who react to you, verses People who pay attention to you, is where we stay present and enjoy others.
Smart!
And deep down we all know that (as in they just wanna judge you to feel good about themselves)
But i always worry out how that comment of the judgemental people could affect other people who might take it as a fact
I was having a REALLY rough year until I saw this channel in August, and pretty much every video you've put out since then has been providing so much insight on things ive been struggling with heavy. Between You and another content creator I discovered, I feel human and whole again and haven't stopped feeling this feeling since. Thank you for helping me rediscover my center Charlotte ❤️
who is the other creator?
@soy_red The name is SpoonFedStudy! It's more of a habit building channel, but it's one of the few channels that's really inspired long term change in me :)
I watch an absurd amount of these types of videos, and this has to be the top 5 ever. Thank you ❤
I love your video, it’s really good and it feels therapeutic to hear someone talk about this! But I wouldn’t call it lizard brained. I think a better way to put it is that we’re highly social animals. We’re hardwired to exist within social groups and if that’s not happening we feel wrong.
And I love how popular you are this morning 😂❤
Lizard brain refers to the amygdala which deals with fear.
thank you so much.
i am very grateful for your wisdom. i can’t describe how much i appreciate this video. please take care 🌷
so young. so wise. thanks. thanks to RUclips for introducing us.
@@caliwebb3 thank you for being here and your kind words 🙏🏻 it’s nice to meet you! (P.S. I’m not _that_ young 🤣)
I think the biggest problem is that if someone hasn't enough sense of self, then feeling misunderstood can feel like they are not being seen and validated. But what I discovered is the root to it is the disconnection from self. Not seeing and validating myself, if that doesn't happen then I will allow others to affect my sense of self and inner peace. If others judge you wrong you can try and correct it if it's someone who matters to you but if it's someone who you do not know you can put your point across respectfully and leave it after that. It's respecting the fact that their perspective is theirs and right or wrong it has nothing to do with the sense of who you are. It's hard, because we are all social beings and the feedback system from another will always affect us but the point is not to have it affect you more often than not. I agree that curiosity is a good thing, but with some people it needs to be used sparingly. This segment really made me think about the many choices I have made over time to move away from people pleasing.
I would like to say one thing about the tatts example.If someone is going to be having tatts they should not need to explain them to anyone, or defend having them. BUT please do not say that someone who doesn't like them is pandering to stereotypes, or has not updated their views. If someone has the right to say that they tattooed their body because they love it so much they want to adorn it, then someone else has the right to have another view that tattooing is a form of self mutilation! Neither has to be categorized as right or wrong, just whatever a person prefers. And liking tatts is as okay as not liking them, and this should apply to anything at all as long as the choice does not affect others in any negative or damaging way.
Charlotte great content! Keep up the good work! 😊
This video is fantastic but so is your comment.
Its left me with some things to ponder. 😊
@@ellatroythank you for those lovely words. It means alot.🙏
Spot on! What a lovely comment. Thank you!
The key is, you do you. If you like tattoos then cool. If you don't them, then also cool. The problem arises when ppl decide that what they don't like on THEIR BODY, should apply to everyone else...
once again you pulled a topic straight out of my brain and spoke beautifully on it! thank you 🙂↕️
Hey. Just found your channel and wanted to say how impressed I am with your work. Very insightful & well delivered. The 20 min videos are a good format.
Cheers.
Thank you so much, I went from freaking out to being so settle with myself now. I appreciate this video so much!
Thanks for this video. Always good to get a fresh perspective when people rejection is so common in one's life.
Im watching all your videos and trying to accept that i dont deserve to feel this way. I dont want to cate anymore.
👍🏼Thank a lot of clarification & I see multiple of my errors.
I find acceptance hard, can we talk more about that? Like if the woman in your family says/believes hurtful things, why choose to continue to have contact? I’ve completely isolated myself from my family bc constantly drawing boundaries is too much. It hurts & idk how to accept they are who they are, but that has left me with no one. Thank you for the content you make, it is extremely helpful.
Ms Charlotte, just came across your channel and I love it! Keep up the good work!!!❤
Omg this was so well done and well said. I have recently been struggling with this a lot. And what I ultimately realize is that people dont process the same as me. I empathize too much and they dont at all. It will be so energizing to finalky stop empathizing and take people for what they actually show up as.
Your voice is so soothing to listen to about these subjects! I've been a person that has worked constantly on myself since I was 20 - now 37. It's like "day and night". With it I have had to leave friends and people in the past and move on cause our energies and the way we work just doesn't resonate anymore. With all of this - a lot of assumptions have been made and misunderstandings happened. And it has definitely been frustrating. Still got work to do regarding myself and I will continue to do so.
I gotta give you your flowers, thank you for sharing🌹🌹🌹
Loving your content lately! It's really different from the other manifestation/self improvement content out there and you explain things really well. Hoping to see more videos from you soon!
Your videos are a blessing in disguise
Your every video is my epiphany moment ! 😭🙏
Thankyou ❤
I’ve been journaling along to your videos. Thanks for your help on my self-appreciating journey 💌
I love that! Journaling is such a great way to explore your thoughts.
I needed this. Thank you for sharing. It’s a very interesting topic.
Your channel just appeared when I needed it the most.
Important to note sometimes you can have extreme feelings, that may mean nothing so you do not have to attach thoughts to them - I can often wake up quite anxious or have a huge mood shift - therapist taught me it's not always cos something upsets me, but maybe hormones or what I have eaten or I'm having a hard day sensory wise etc. - I do not have to spiral or assign thoughts to feelings 👍❤
The best video I have watched recently on exactly what I needed to hear 🖤 Thank you so much! 😊
Your channel is fantastic!! Ive been binge-listening while running errands, and this advice is very applicable and freeing!!
You are so well spoken
So valuable 🙌 You're heaven sent
girl i KNEW you were an infj like 6 minutes in. im also an infj with a scorpio moon and i was relating to you SO HARD
This is so refreshing. I love you so much. ❤
Ahh INFJ too! I can totally relate to the way you think and communicate. Once you realize everyone shows themselves with their own behavior/words/actions it makes it so much easier to just not engage with certain people! And I will immediately disengage! =D
I love this perspective!
This is so lovely and helpful! Thank you!
Thank you for these oh so wise words, you summed up the last few months of my life as I try to change for the better, it’s been a painful overthinking marathon, I even considered going backwards to the old, badly-behaved me who cared less but I’m going to stick with it after this video. You have a gift for this 🧡🍂🍁 thank you I’m very glad you’re here 🎃 🍁🍄🧡 xx
Thank you for this. This was beautiful
Growing up I’d be accused of being standoffish. Like no. I was just very shy and awkward with new people lol.
I believe we misunderstand people all the time and judge people all the time, but it’s when we take it out or take it as fact without proof that it becomes a problem. And we are also all guilty of doing that without realising it. It’s kind of inevitable that we will be misunderstood so it’s just really important to know who you are so you don’t begin to embody that trait someone projected onto you that is actually more a reflection of who they are at their core than who you are. I believe we do this without knowing and discovering who you really are comes with figuring out the patchwork quilt of misunderstandings and projections others have unknowingly stitched onto you throughout your life (especially those who love you and who you assume must know you… the idea that someone can ‘know you better than you know yourself’ sounds romantic butt is actually quite toxic and codependent when u look at it from this angle!
Having recently been estranged because of exactly this… “You’re not going to be cast out…” Ahh, if only. 😅
“I don’t feel any need to convince [the judgmental person] that she’s wrong, because I don’t really want a person whose snap judgment is to lower someone down below her.” Wow. That’s something that’s certainly been high on my mind since things “fell apart” in my relationship, however you put it very succinctly.
Though, tbh, sometimes people will make it pretty obvious that they’ll interfere with your life and relationships (triangulation, emotional blackmail and otherwise) if you don’t somehow prove your worth to them by making every excuse and reason for your behaviour crystal clear - which they’ll also often devalue to build themselves up from having judged you so they don’t look bad to themselves. And they’ll do the same terrible behaviour if you don’t try to be their friend, win them back, form yourself into whatever it is they wanted you to be, show up however they wanted you to show up. It’s like a vice grip to keep you under their control, as the person they want and need, rather than as a human being separate from them. It feels unsafe to leave, even after being disowned; even the hoovering feels dangerous. Definitely unsure whether to risk walking away, or to grin and bear it by pretending to mold myself into something I truly don’t want to be, giving resources I don’t have, in a relationship I will never again feel safe or honest within.
Your videos got recommended to me, I’m glad and grateful it reached me ❤️
I love listening to you.