How the Anxious Preoccupied Feels About NO CONTACT
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
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Yep if an anxious breaks up with you, they are willingly stepping into that terror of abandonment. So thats big!
@@Dankiest yeah that is true.
Ap is already well on their way to healing when they let go of someone they truly love. Kinda like if you love them let them go and if they truly want to be with you they will come back
When an AP is done they are done. This is a positive trait as I feel we go straight to working on ourselves. Our anxiety and stress levels are no longer there so life becomes easier
What do you think if they get into another relationship right away? Will it work for them?
I love that about us. I used to tell people jokingly that when my train leaves the station it does not come back. No round trips.
@@ger.man_ they tend to be too scared to be alone so go into another relationship quickly
This is so on point. I walked out on a relationship where I gave my best and everything to make it work but he just took me and my efforts for granted and worst cheated on me. I didn't leave without fighting for it despite all the pain and trauma and when I walked out there was nothing he could do or say that would make me change my mind. You can break me but once I get all the pieces together - you are dead to me. You just can't hurt people, dismiss their feelings, mistreat and devalue them and expect them to stay with you forever.
Same!
I really like your last sentence. It's a good mantra when I feel like breaking no contact.
What you said is SO TRUEE!!! I'm AP and I had a DA ex. I ended things after MONTHS of trying with the guy. The very last time I spoke to him was when he reached out after 3 months of no contact. I told him "I rather be single and alone than to put up with your habits." SHOOK him to his core.
An an anxious who just broke up with an avoidant, I can say this piece is 100% dead on correct!
I am totally secure until the break up - even if i do the breaking up, I am SO TRIGGERED into abandonment. It takes me about 2-3 weeks to get through the terror, but I am never coming back unless they get me in that 2 weeks. no way will i do it to me again
I hear ya. I'm secure and rational until closest rx is Threatened.
Underrated video. The anxious needs understanding and communication. Silence and long term no contact will prove they were right and drive you further away. Giving space for a week or two can be good but ensure you let them know you are giving them space and if they feel the need to communicate, you’re there.
Im definitely like that. I will do anything to keep someone I love, I will keep growing and processing. Once I break it off it’s because I cannot handle the anxiety of the dynamic and even if I miss the person, I’m very fast in a very peaceful state without any fight or flight. I have been very much reflecting on the whole thing about knowing someone before dating them. It is very hard to know someone when one is triggered. And if we get triggered it is because things are moving way too fast. We place attachment before really being ourselves and knowing the other person. It takes time to know someone. It takes time to trust someone. Let people show you who they are, then decide if logically and emotionally, they are a good fit.
we r the least likely to get back together because we feel the most pain tbh, like suffering you can’t imagine.
Yes intense suffering
Was ap prebreakup and now m sooo much more secure postbreakup. I can tell cause my anxiety and emotions have totally calmed down and i feel stillness within and able to be happy again being alone with ny soul
That's wonderful you got to that point! I'm on the road to secure as well. I'm AP and just got broken up with a DA when she started to open up. It's still a bit painful, but I recognized the signs early and found out pretty quick that was her attachment style. Made the breakup much easier, and I had no protest behaviors. I count that as massive progress for me, and steps toward secure. Best of luck on your journey!
Once again, Thais is on point! I lean more AP & my ex I feel is a DA. She recently ghosted me after a few months of us reconnecting that she initiated because I was in NC. At this point, I'm done, all this time of reflecting has shown that she really neglected my needs, even after I expressed them. I feel it's time to let her go, even though I did not want to, it's for my own wellbeing & like Thais said, if an AP initiates the breakup, it's unlikely we'll give it another chance
So thankful and relieved to find fellow APs here! This is dead on true. Broke up with my FA, and this time, I put my foot down. His flip flopping had me confused and anxious all the time. I met him after therapy and after 2 failed relationships. So I had been working towards healing my anxious side. When he'd swung to his avoidant side and triggered me, I used it as an opportunity to continue working on myself. So I, read, watched videos, and understood not to take behavior personally. But he never truly did any work. I hadn't heard from him in 3 days after I broke up, so my anxious side kicked in, and I reached out to check in on him. Now I know why!!! Thank you so much, Thais! ❤️
This is so true. I hate how strong my emotions get after a break up. I’m anxious with a DA ex. He broke up with me. I stayed friends for a month but it was too painful. I told him no contact for three months. He feels nothing, doesn’t love or want me, I’m anxious now but am curious how I’ll feel in three months. Your videos are so helpful.
How’s been?
Yeah updates!?
From what I understand, DA's are just repressing processing the breakup for months, but eventually it hits them like a truck. Could take days, months, years, but usually by then we are long gone
Sooo we talked because of my anxiety. He was stone cold and still didn’t want me. Despite me apologizing a thousand times and trying to make it better He said he is moving on. It’s been almost two months since and I’m sad but have peace. I don’t have anxiety anymore. Just miss him now and then. And I do believe he will miss me but pushes it down. I know he won’t reach out so I’m just living my best life.
@@austinnguyen9107 incredibly TRAGIC. SO PAINFUL
I am anxious, my dismissive boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago but started contacting me again, we are going to try again.
It is funny because he told me "you get anxious while we are together and i get anxious a while after the break up because i miss you'". And it is true, i was heartbroken at first but quickly got my life back on track while he started missing me more and more.
Anyway, we are gonna try and work it out but I do need to really need him to realize (no: i need to tel him, me as an anxious cant assume people are mindreaders) that it is not okay to break up with someone in the heat of the moment. It is hurtfull and not healthy. And i dont wanna go into this relationship alread feeling resentment. Because that can only go wrong.
Anyway good luck to everyone with difficult relationship dynamics lol.
Btw... he already broke up with me AGAIN. This is no joke.
And yes he already has contacted me again to want to talk. But i am done this time. All very disappointing and costs me too much energy. I feel like all the time he sees and realizes after breaking up how much he actually does want me in his life but when we are back together again he can only see the negative (wich are sometimes even things he makes up in his head/blows up).
Sometimes to me it seems like he doesnt know how to be in a stable normal relationship (btw ive worked really hard on my self and am getter more secure i can tell).
Goodluck everyone x
I just went to comment and ask how things were going then I saw your comment. I'm so sorry and I completely feel your pain. I just got left again after letting him back in. It's been 5 tumultuous years of this and I can't let him do it again. The fear I'm feeling of never finding connection is so strong but I'm trying to not let it have me run to others to soothe me. I HAVE to figure this out myself or my life is gonna play out like a rerun
I’m someone who dates an AP. When I do no contact she seems to come and around and want intimacy. Is best to back off or pursue with love?
@@stewart2313 if you're avoidant pursue, BUT be mindful you HAVE to be CONSISTENT. That is a major issue with anxious (I am anxious haha) it is the consistency that causes us anxiety and the not knowing what is going on. If you love them and truly want to be with them you can message an anxious very early after a breakup but if you did the dumping you need to apologise and explain what was going on inside your head and why you did it and what you want moving forward e.g. ideas how to fix things. And ask them what they want/need too be very open and honest and they'll open up too.
If you are avoidant it might difficult for you to be vulnerable but if you lay all your cards on the table they will do the same, we appreciate deep honesty and vulnerability so much.
If you have no intention of being consistently available, consistently putting the effort in and communicating then I would leave them alone because it's very painful to be broken up with more than once after letting an avoidant back in and it breaks your trust a lot.
@@rumpsteak8277 yesssssss I’m Anxious & my ex left 2 weeks ago no contact minus Monday when I checked on HIM to make sure he was safe with what we are dealing with down here in Dallas but he was dry cold and hasn’t contacted since however if we have a chance of getting back oh he got to be super consistent very empathetic and in the window of this current stage I’m in cause when I get over a person IM OVER THEM no matter how much I loved them I always put myself last except for when I’m single (idk why I switch when I’m in a relationship 🙄)
4 months. Just stopped crying and digestive wrecks. Staying close pals makes the painful craziness cyclical and perpetual. Be brave. A real reset hurts way less.
You are a wealth of wisdom. I just LOVE your channel!!!
Yeah this is pretty much spot on. I've just dicovered I am one of these critters !!
I recentlt dumped my partner after 3 very lovely months together. I reckon I am a very secure and well adjusted ma and I have enjoyed some really lovely relationships in the past. I get with this woman who I can see now is an avoidant, just that there was no sign of it at all for three full months. Then one night she shut down emotionally. I had experienced this before many years ago and have zero tolerance for it so on the 4th day of emotional shut down I ended the relationship, much to her horror. Anda s the video states, that's it for me, there's no coming back, I am firm and determined to completely avoid the avoidant as I know they do not take personal responsibility and will not 'do the work'. The thing is that I became anxious with this woman and that was not a nice feeling to me at all. Great video, I am here to figure out how I managed to attract such a woman into my life and if there were any signs I could have seen as that first three months was like relationship perfection. Never a cross word, it was full of a very beautiful love and intimacy. Heartbreaking but I was gone in an instant I'm afraid.
Oh my God this is me to a t! And be careful. You might be telling yourself we aren't going anywhere because we've broken up with you 20 times in the last 6 months. That's just us, we wean ourselves off the relationship slowly. It's a selfish way to make it easier on us. And it's also your sign that when we do say that's it I'm done but you know it's one of the times that we don't actually mean it, that is your cue to actually take action. To take us seriously that there is a problem and you need to listen to us. It is a bid for reassurance that you love us. In that moment we are scared that you're going to abandon us or you did something that made us feel unloved and it scared us . If you give reassurance then you're probably going to be able to head off of an actual breakup. That's the point where you say hey come on now. Talk to me and let me know what's going on and what you need. That's like literally all you have to do to head off of a real break up or the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. But once we decide its hopeless, it is actually permanent and the anxious person is done. But you'll get plenty of pseudo breakups/chances so if you really give us that reassurance, you'll never reach final breakup. Just trust me on this advice. I am a classic anxious preoccupied. I am now about to turn 51 and this is been a pattern my whole life that I have tried to endlessly to repair. I just did my final break up a few days ago with my ex I was with for a year who is a fearful avoidant. I did plenty of pseudo breakups to give him a chance to take me seriously and he just kept deactivating but every time he deactivated and left me alone, he left me alone too long. He gave me too much time to think and that was his fatal mistake
I'm trying to win my Anxious ex back. They broke up with me a month ago. How can I approach them for reconciliation if they ever reach out to me again?
I approached them twice after the breakup. The first time I almost changed their mind and they told me they need more time to think about it. Then, 3 days later I panicked and started begging and I think I scared them away. I texted them again one more time and they were cold... It's been 2 weeks with no contact now and it hurts so much...
I am FA who usually leans avoidant but I was was dating a DA and I related to this video a lot
As a FA, do u push ppl away and sabotage the relationship?
@@cedricchan4224 Im FA and yes, I do. One of my exes told me- ‚you just don’t want to be happy!‘ And I think he had right
I feel like I must always be on guard, if I relax and enjoy- something terrible will happen
@@jovankrstic250 @Joyful JB im fa too,
My bf was anxious
Cheated on me within the starting 5 months of relationship,yet i forgave him,he never took accountability of his actions,never apologised,pretended victim,
Even after that,he kept back bitching about me to his girl friends,even for things i didnt do
Made my festivals miserable,by not wishing me,did everything to show resentment,but never communicated what he wanted,
Only was after sex,nd never wanted to listen to me,got stressed and distant when i became vulberable to him,judged me every single time,and at the last,called me ugly,and other bad things,
I was very communicative,very supportive,wanted his attention,nd i gave him all my time,but he just disrespected me before his friends,
Only thing he kept sayinh was,how can u love me,i dont deserve someone good like u,nd in the last,to u r ugly,
I laugh at his manipulations,his attempts to make me jealous,nd he still didnt wanted to go out of my life even after hurting me constantly,blaming it all on me,
I asked him to get the f**k out of my life,been a week and life is peaceful,it hurts,but i was already hurting by being with him,so doesnt matter
Now main thing people ignore about ap's are-
They are prone to cheating,as they seek validation from everywhere,
They dont have sense of self,
They are too selfish
If u want them,they lose interest
They are in till they get to chase u,otherwise if u settle for them,they lose interest,as their mind wired for anxiety is left with nothing to feed upon now.
They have a fantasizing view of relationships,ideal view,very less practical people
They will jump from one to other,just to get the perfect person,but wont leave the first one,till they have a solid second person to be with
They dont know how to communicate,even the smallest of things are burden for them
They cannt reciprocate ur vulnerability,or emotions
They have no mechanism of self regulation,so remember,they will keep each word in their heart,nd will throw at u after a long time is over
I have been with a da before,so learned my lessons from him,nd so i was very considerate in this present relationship,but it works both ways,
Done with ap now
I feel im becoming secure,hope so next partner will be communicative and less manipulative
@@cedricchan4224 @Joyful JB im fa too,
My bf was anxious
Cheated on me within the starting 5 months of relationship,yet i forgave him,he never took accountability of his actions,never apologised,pretended victim,
Even after that,he kept back bitching about me to his girl friends,even for things i didnt do
Made my festivals miserable,by not wishing me,did everything to show resentment,but never communicated what he wanted,
Only was after sex,nd never wanted to listen to me,got stressed and distant when i became vulberable to him,judged me every single time,and at the last,called me ugly,and other bad things,
I was very communicative,very supportive,wanted his attention,nd i gave him all my time,but he just disrespected me before his friends,
Only thing he kept sayinh was,how can u love me,i dont deserve someone good like u,nd in the last,to u r ugly,
I laugh at his manipulations,his attempts to make me jealous,nd he still didnt wanted to go out of my life even after hurting me constantly,blaming it all on me,
I asked him to get the f**k out of my life,been a week and life is peaceful,it hurts,but i was already hurting by being with him,so doesnt matter
Now main thing people ignore about ap's are-
They are prone to cheating,as they seek validation from everywhere,
They dont have sense of self,
They are too selfish
If u want them,they lose interest
They are in till they get to chase u,otherwise if u settle for them,they lose interest,as their mind wired for anxiety is left with nothing to feed upon now.
They have a fantasizing view of relationships,ideal view,very less practical people
They will jump from one to other,just to get the perfect person,but wont leave the first one,till they have a solid second person to be with
They dont know how to communicate,even the smallest of things are burden for them
They cannt reciprocate ur vulnerability,or emotions
They have no mechanism of self regulation,so remember,they will keep each word in their heart,nd will throw at u after a long time is over
I have been with a da before,so learned my lessons from him,nd so i was very considerate in this present relationship,but it works both ways,
Done with ap now
I feel im becoming secure,hope so next partner will be communicative and less manipulative
And when you’re more anxious and a da breaks it off with you, what we (ap) think about it is that it’s BS. Do yourselves a favor and believe actions, not words. Even having a slight propensity to being anxious you’ll get activated when a DA breaks it off because they don’t do it with any human decency at all.
No, I started NC for 2 weeks after the Breakup and she was hot and cold and at the end she said she didn't want to be talking on a daily basis, but I reach out every 2 weeks and she's more cooled off, this takes time and patience
i can really relate to this, i had considerd myself secure in the past but when my ex put distance between us i got really anxious.
i got dumped by my avoidant ex 10 month ago because she went through a identity crisis and just suddenly left without real discussion.
She wanted to focus on herself to heal and reconstruct herself with as little pressure from external sources.
Its really hard to let go and move on for me now because i know when i do, that im 100% done with her.
I still consider her as a great person and the relationship was really amazing but alot of me and my needs got compromised because of this.
if my life was in a stable place i would have able to deal with this easier but i got abandoned while being in a really shit situation so i never got the room to heal and focus on myself.
It sounds like you're a great person as well that did the best they could with that was going on at the time. The inner work can be excruciatingly tough and know that you are not alone. You are worthy of living a fulfilling life and the great news is that you are in the driver seat now! Take care of yourself and know that there's some random person that's rooting for you.
Thank you. This helped so much.
So my girlfriend (avoidant or anxious) that just left me a week ago, and moved back with her family in another state, isn’t likely to break no contact and want me back? I swear all this relationship stuff pretty much boils down to “you’re not getting back together, move on” 😐
I think the message for Dismissives is not to do No Contact on an AP. It is EXTREMELY CRUEL. Work on yourself and communicate to at least let her know that you are needing to deactivate for a set period. Just cutting things off is just inhumane and gets you nothing
@@ColleenBarlow yes well I’m anxiously attached, and after the chasm it ripped through me, it took a long time to get passed things. It’s been over a year and still nothing from her, but I’ve moved on with my life, I guts she had too, things are good and I’ve become a lot less anxiously attached to people.
@@AshSchultzArt sorry... Just seeing this... Glad you're doing well. Hugs
I was broken up with but she’s right, I’m an AP about a month into my breakup, I’m almost fully detached now. I’ve processed a lot of things and see the issues with my DA ex that he was just not willing to work on. I’m taking time for myself before I start to date again though.
But the pain feels like death for years
Interesting, my ex girlfriend is definitely one and dumped me after 2 plus years. The past month I have reviewed the relationship and see where I can improve, so it’s been good, in that respect, but painful nonetheless. What I noticed most, now that I’m removed, is that she never communicated her needs and wants to me and made herself bend to all my likes and needs. This, of course, built resentment and frustration and it finally boiled over to the breakup, IMO. Anybody else have that reflection/experience ?
Same here. The have a big difficulty communicating their needs at the same time they expect you to know their needs without saying anything.
Yeah we are sorry about that 😅😅 Its the people pleasing and putting others first really that as long as you're happy and your needs are being met we anxious can be happy too ... up to a certain extent.
I think because as anxious we are so good at reading minute facial expressions and changes we can detect emotions very early in others so assume other people can do the same and are able to recognize emotions as subtly as we can.
If you want to be with an anxious just ask them what their needs are or what things they like. I am words of affirmation so I like communication and when my avoidant ex increased communication I acknowledged it, thanked him for the noticed effort, and asked that he continued as I liked it. ... 2 days later he stopped messaging so much and a week later he dumped me for the first time ...
A lot of the time we will subtly express our needs inch by inch until we open up fully a exampled above when we give a clear indication of our need and this is not met we feel hurt and betrayed and wont bother asking for that need again so soon.
Hope this helps! Anxious almost need gentle encouragement and open ears! Give space to listen if you ask a question, we will answer we might just need a minute to process it first but if you allow the silence we will feel heard and tell you what you need to know 🙂
@@rumpsteak8277 this explains alot. I am a DA and my girl is an AA, I started to make it a point in expressing her own needs since she is always on top on my needs, but she broke up with me and refused to open up yet she keeps calling. I didn't get upset or shut down. I just told her she has to open up for us to be together. I really want her to come around coz when we aren't fighting. The chemistry is great.
@@s3dghost if shes calling you then that's excellent shes still interested, you just really have to show your own interest and let her know it's safe to be vulnerable little by little.
My DA dumped me once suddenly on the phone then 2 days later we got back together then 6/7 weeks later he dumped me again. As a DA yourself what is your thought process? Weve not spoken in nearly 5 weeks and I honestly would love another shot with him too but I've no idea what to do.
I've been good with no contact and letting him breathe but it's been 7 weeks since breakup call, we then spoke on the phone again a week later, and I sent him a xmas text where we both had a pleasant 'bridge building' moment and I've not spoken since then, about 5 weeks ago.
Is he gone forever or do we have a chance? My anxious made me upset sometimes so I'd get emotional but he opened up and was very vulnerable with me but would never officially define our relationship after 7 months though still acted like a bf. Am I fighting a lost cause here or do I have a chance?
@@rumpsteak8277 as a DA one thing he is afraid of is intimacy, whenever you guys start getting too close is when he needs to check out. My own suggestion is what level of intimacy are you looking for. And if what you want is too much for him, probably move on.. I know how difficult it was for me to acknowledge my vulnerability.
9:30 ok that changes everything i think i will her back but i will heal myself first, lets see what life brings in 1 years ... i dont want fall back into my own pattern i want grow secure
Very interesting. My ex is very anxious and broke up with me 3 weeks ago as her needs were not being met. She didn’t communicate her needs to me, or did but in hints. She sought emotional validation from a guy ‘friend’ and I now see that this could be emotional cheating which I understand. Should I reach out at this stage to her?
You are not a mind reader, she didn't communicate.
I'd want you to reach out. Explain your feelings and what you are doing to try to heal and be better able to be consistent in the relationship. Just not communicating is simply cruel
@@milicamanojlovic7396 @Joyful JB im fa too,
My bf was anxious
Cheated on me within the starting 5 months of relationship,yet i forgave him,he never took accountability of his actions,never apologised,pretended victim,
Even after that,he kept back bitching about me to his girl friends,even for things i didnt do
Made my festivals miserable,by not wishing me,did everything to show resentment,but never communicated what he wanted,
Only was after sex,nd never wanted to listen to me,got stressed and distant when i became vulberable to him,judged me every single time,and at the last,called me ugly,and other bad things,
I was very communicative,very supportive,wanted his attention,nd i gave him all my time,but he just disrespected me before his friends,
Only thing he kept sayinh was,how can u love me,i dont deserve someone good like u,nd in the last,to u r ugly,
I laugh at his manipulations,his attempts to make me jealous,nd he still didnt wanted to go out of my life even after hurting me constantly,blaming it all on me,
I asked him to get the f**k out of my life,been a week and life is peaceful,it hurts,but i was already hurting by being with him,so doesnt matter
Now main thing people ignore about ap's are-
They are prone to cheating,as they seek validation from everywhere,
They dont have sense of self,
They are too selfish
If u want them,they lose interest
They are in till they get to chase u,otherwise if u settle for them,they lose interest,as their mind wired for anxiety is left with nothing to feed upon now.
They have a fantasizing view of relationships,ideal view,very less practical people
They will jump from one to other,just to get the perfect person,but wont leave the first one,till they have a solid second person to be with
They dont know how to communicate,even the smallest of things are burden for them
They cannt reciprocate ur vulnerability,or emotions
They have no mechanism of self regulation,so remember,they will keep each word in their heart,nd will throw at u after a long time is over
I have been with a da before,so learned my lessons from him,nd so i was very considerate in this present relationship,but it works both ways,
Done with ap now
I feel im becoming secure,hope so next partner will be communicative and less manipulative
@@ColleenBarlow I don't understand why it is cruel, when they are the ones who broke up with us? I am experiencing exactly the same. They broke up with me because they thought I couldn't meet their needs. I tried to explain them that I'm willing to work hard and make things work, but they believe it's too late now :(
Same here. Anxious broke up with me and i am leaning avoidant. She said her needs were not met and its was really hard to read her. Mixed signals and everything. But learning how an anxious works i can understand them being scared of straight communication. But now i get her and what she needs. But she completely lost interest in me. Idk if i should fight. Its been 3weeks.
Hi. First of all, congratulations for your videos! I have seen many of them are they are very good explained and helpful! I just have a question about the anxious attachment style. You mention in different videos that they need to learn how to self soothe and meet their needs by themselves, but I don't understand very well what do you mean by that and how can I could do it. Could you expand more on that? Thank you very much for taking the time to make the videos, they are excellent !
I’m anxious attachment style. I guess what she meant is figuratively happiness is from within not from others.
I feel like i'm AP and i just ended a situation with someone who i think is an FA 2 weeks ago. He has gone no contact and I want to reach out but I probably shouldn't right :( I wanted to remain friends but he left the final message on unread and I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks when he promised he wouldn't just dissappear :( He told me he had feelings for me a few weeks before I ended it but his behaviour after saying that was weird, he would leave me for days without contacting me out of nowhere and when I asked him to just check in periodically he ignored me, and i couldn't handle the pain of that anymore. I still miss him as a person though.
Then Anxious Preoccupied is so lucky. Me is AA. I am depressed if I feel my partner is going to leave me to the point that I cant imagine living without him. It is so painful to think a life without him. I do not know how I will ever recover. I hope him leaving me, its not going to happen ever
Hi. I’m in a similar situation now, where my anxious ex (m) broke up with me avoidant (f). I hope he reaches out bc I never meant to sabotage this, what we had was so great. How are things now? Did he ever reach out? Are you two together again?
My ex is anxious and I’m FA and she broke up with me but she keeps contact and keeps reaching out but also keeps me at arms length and I love her too much to cut her off.
I’m in the same boat! I’m the FA.
@@BecomingVonnie im fa too,
My bf was anxious
Cheated on me within the starting 5 months of relationship,yet i forgave him,he never took accountability of his actions,never apologised,pretended victim,
Even after that,he kept back bitching about me to his girl friends,even for things i didnt do
Made my festivals miserable,by not wishing me,did everything to show resentment,but never communicated what he wanted,
Only was after sex,nd never wanted to listen to me,got stressed and distant when i became vulberable to him,judged me every single time,and at the last,called me ugly,and other bad things,
I was very communicative,very supportive,wanted his attention,nd i gave him all my time,but he just disrespected me before his friends,
Only thing he kept sayinh was,how can u love me,i dont deserve someone good like u,nd in the last,to u r ugly,
I laugh at his manipulations,his attempts to make me jealous,nd he still didnt wanted to go out of my life even after hurting me constantly,blaming it all on me,
I asked him to get the f**k out of my life,been a week and life is peaceful,it hurts,but i was already hurting by being with him,so doesnt matter
Now main thing people ignore about ap's are-
They are prone to cheating,as they seek validation from everywhere,
They dont have sense of self,
They are too selfish
If u want them,they lose interest
They are in till they get to chase u,otherwise if u settle for them,they lose interest,as their mind wired for anxiety is left with nothing to feed upon now.
They have a fantasizing view of relationships,ideal view,very less practical people
They will jump from one to other,just to get the perfect person,but wont leave the first one,till they have a solid second person to be with
They dont know how to communicate,even the smallest of things are burden for them
They cannt reciprocate ur vulnerability,or emotions
They have no mechanism of self regulation,so remember,they will keep each word in their heart,nd will throw at u after a long time is over
I have been with a da before,so learned my lessons from him,nd so i was very considerate in this present relationship,but it works both ways,
Done with ap now
I feel im becoming secure,hope so next partner will be communicative and less manipulative
"blurred lines".....EXACTLY!
my ap partner even after clearly communicating my needs, he discarded those and started shifting blame on me. he told me he didnt love me, doesn't have empathy or sympathy for me thats why he cant fulfill my needs the way he was supposed to
Do you have any videos about what path to take when your partner is not interested in attachment theory? I could guess at their attachment style but I think it could do more harm if I guess wrongly.
Okay but what if the anxious preoccupied just straight into a rebound a month later with a narcissist?
what the avoidant one did the breaking up but then after a few weeks tried to get the anxious preoccupied but the action preoccupied asked for space and then said actually i rather not give this another try? does the video still apply?
what is with an anxious ex gf 2 weeks after break up in rebound and no contact after 2month?
Why would anxious pre end relationship? When or how should anxious reach out to avoidant?
for me (AP), the times i have ended a relationship, it was because i was cheated on or the girl was crazy; in other words, it takes a lot. timelines for reaching out to an avoidant will vary depending on if they are fearful or dismissive; Thais has videos for both types.
Hi, my name is Axel. Hope you're doing well. I am a combat vet who just got separated from my wife who is, I believe a DA. We have 2 toddlers and she is completely done with me she says. I self sabatoged and am now at the point she will not speak to me unless it's about the babies. I am working on myself and trying to give her space but it's difficult because of the babies and the roles we've created for ourselves. If you can aide me in anyway please do. I have watched ALOT of your videos and getting her to watch any is difficult. Please where can I go from here?
Therapy and work on yourself, to recognize your own wounds and attachment styles. It's been a year so I hope you are okay.
@@cherrylane79 not at alllllll lol
Si yo como ansiosa le hablo o lo busco voy a volver a disparar mis heridas. Si no me responden de la manera que quiero o no responden, me voy a sentir abandonada de nuevo.
What if they are anxious preoccupied but in a rebound.. and you're doing no contact lol I feel like she's getting all that attention and distracted, I have been looking for a video on this EXACT topic so thank you so much can't wait to watch it all the way through... EDIT: after watching this I lost all hope on getting her back.. especially with her being with another guy now.. FML.. she could also be fearful avoidant though.. :/
Yeah i've lost all hope, i'm really said because idk if i will ever find a girl like her, she helped me with everything really and i was a total jackass
would be cool if the yt creator could answer? but did she came back im in the same situation!
@@TimeWaveOfficial did yours come back? I'm In the same situation now
@@coolbro8024 na she dont even think about me, i moved on and wwnt into another appartment, after 7 months my head is thinking about all that shit..no she didnt even wrote for talking about, she wont, these ppl are not feeling responsible for anything, dont think about her! Move on
I tried with my FA ex for a while to get back together. She said accept it and move and & like a switch turned off in me. I still care for her and miss her but she has discarded me and I can find someone else who wants me as I am.
anxious that just got dumped by another ap. I felt triggered and pushed him away and it looks like he took the final leap. I’m extremely triggered and contact has been on and off for 3 months. i keep feeling rejected at his lack of communication and keep trying to force him to declare his love for me and end it while we’re broken up. lmao. it’s quite insane. I feel like it was like the beginning of me activating and he gave up. I didn’t realize I was triggering him as well.
I am anxious preoccupied and I blocked my DA. I think that attachment style is crap. After about a week I started to feel a lot better and would not go back into that toxic environment.
The DA wanted to call all the shots and has a whole lot of walls . This one was selfish as _____.
What if the anxious preoccupied cheats and break up ?
I'm still not sure if my ex is an anxious preoccupied or a fearful avoidant and quite frankly I'm not sure about myself. I lean more towards believing I'm an AP and she is an FA but I'm not sure. How can I determine it? I've done some tests online and got those results but obviously can't be sure if the answers for my ex were accurate and also if my answers were based off my mood in the moment while having recently broken up.
FA can cut you off because they are so scared of the bad outcome, they can decide to cut you off because they imagine things. Whereas an AP will need a lot of reasons to call it quits.
FA can disconnect from their feelings at first (or even during the relationship). But an AP feels the suffering straight away, they don't usually disconnect.
My DA just came back after a month post breakup and gave a couple missed calls and then ended up leaving a very hurtful long message to me, blaming things on to me and picking minor or even non existent issues (basically the important hard conversation I wanted to have with him and actually the ones we have already addressed before while we were in a relationship) and totally demonizing me. It took me so long to become this strong and that message completely broke me again. What kind of reaching out is this?
They're probably trying to absolve their feelings as a last ditch effort, whether that be guilting, or their true feelings. It's hard to not let it bind you, but remember, you are free. You can consult your heart and if it doesn't feel right, loving, or productive towards your (and their) healing, it seems like the best thing is to move on...as tough as that is. Sending you a big big hug honey!
My anxious attachment gf broke up with me. I used no contact. In the first few days she seemed to have been hurt by the break up. She didn't reach out. One week in and she liked two of my stories. I'm still in no contact (3rd week). She doesn't seem that hurt anymore. Was no contact a mistake? Should I have reached out when she was hurting the most?
Hi! I am in the same situation now. They seem to move on so fast. Maybe I should have gone all in to trying to get back together
Week or two is enough with anxious person, they might move on on the week three or four. (because they deal with their emotions straight away).
my first ex was an FA, I was secure but AP leaning when the partner is avoidant. We were on a constant loop of fights and we've broken up multiple times. At most, he's the one that always initiate the break up and pushes me away further. After 2-3 days, he's going to pull me back again. It was so toxic that it went on for 4 months. Until I became brave enough and left him for good. For 4 to 7 days, I've already moved one THAT FAST lmao. You'll never know how good it is to be back at your own feet again unless you really get so decisive about leaving not looking back at the relationship again.
This can’t be right. My head over heals loving gf of 6 months dumped without discussion or conflict or warning. She gave me tons of excuses, many of which I couldn’t argue against. But she continued showing me love and affection for hours even when she said goodbye. We were both so in love and had no doubts absolut being together forever. Her biggest problems were her family controlling her life. She didn’t want to introduce me to them because of our age difference, splitting time with her and my kid, and was stressed about passing her professional exam. I never though in a million years she would break up with me though. She dumped me and said no more communication. I only violated that during the first week. It’s been a little over three weeks since we were together last. There has to be a way to get her to reconsider. We were so happy together. She always teased about eloping or giving her a ring or putting a baby in her when I said sweet things to her. It just can’t be over so quickly without any contest. Everyday was filled with “I love you’s”.
Sounds like she was avoidant?
@@cherrylane79 I’ve been learning a lot about this stuff over the last month. I tried talking to her again and she blamed me for her anxiety and fear and was cold telling me she’d block me on Facebook but we weren’t friends on Facebook. I think she may be anxious / fearful avoidant. She said she wouldn’t respond again and I better not try to talk to her in public. To me, it’s insane. She literally was telling me that I was her handsome man and how she really missed me during the days before she broke up with me.
@@cherrylane79 I’ve been trying to figure that out, whether it’s between AP and fearful avoidant. Some of her other behaviors suggest FA. She talked about her poor relationship with her parents and ex boyfriend’s but I don’t know the details so I can’t guess what trauma she gained from her abusive bf’s or her emotionally neglectful parents. But it boils down to, I don’t have her in my life and I want her back. I miss spending time with her and we really had a healthy relationship. But last time I tried to talk to her she was pretty cold and decided to block me on FB, even though we were never friends on Facebook. She said she wasn’t comfortable meeting in person and I was causing her anxiety. That bothered me a lot because i know her anxiety comes from her family and her fears of being a burden and a people pleaser. I wished she hadn’t blamed me as the source of that anxiety.
are there still scholarships available?
Absolutely 100%
I've done the breaking-no contact. At that point I'm done. If I responded to a reach out, it has never been to get back together.
I'm currently dating a FA. Found these videos and joined PDS. Now that I'm actively working on myself, these reactions are less "violent" than before I had a clue about attachment style.
Thanks!
Do you fearful avoidance are some disgusting people, whatever they do to you you're just supposed to take it, but don't do anything to them because they'll hold it against you for the rest of your life they have no soul, they don't even have morals look at how they treat people, I don't never for the rest of my life on anything to do with a fearful avoidance
...yep, I pretty much go along with that. They are extremely destructive to both relationships and to their partner personally.
It really depends on the person. My ex gf is an AA and i'm DA. She broke up with me 8 times already because i was distant. The last break up, she went on rebound for 2weeks. And now, reached out to me I accepted her amd took accountability with my actions because it appeared like i took her for granted but not my intention. We are getting stronger now.
I would be worried and keep an eye on things if you're trying to rebuild with her. I'm an anxious preoccupied and I saw your comment and that's a pattern for us. We slowly will wean ourselves off of a person to lessen the pain and every time we get closer and closer to making the break up permanent and then one day we simply decide this is the end and you will never hear from us again. And it comes as a shock. Just so you're prepared. And when we say it's final, this lady is correct. You by that time literally have no hope of repairing the relationship
Sound isnt very good
3:00
❤️
This really hurts. I'm an FA and I basically went through a really hard time and pushed my AP partner away, hard. But I couldn't commit to breaking up because our bond was so special when I could connect to it... he got sick of it and ended things. I think he processed it right away which I am just not able to, I never really let go, four to six mo ths later with the space I need to see things I miss him, I want to work on things and reconnect, but he's gone and I feel like he's punishing me for breaking down. I realize I hurt him really badly. But I didn't actually leave. He did. And that hurts so much.
When you say no contact are you talking about sex or communication?
Check out The love chat on RUclips
I think she is talking about communication
No communication
Yes no communication but sex is allowed.
Communication and also not seeing them.
Damn I'm right back into no contact.. . we just had a big arguement last night. But it's all good I block her number and I'm going to become the best version of myself she will feel these effects as I always done no contact she blows up my phone from random numbers around 3 weeks into no contact!
E'Jayy The Thousandaire i hope she meets someone better
👍👍👍
can you please speak slower? 🥹🥹 I am not English speaker. Your content is so meaningful
what the avoidant one did the breaking up but then after a few weeks tried to get the anxious preoccupied but the action preoccupied asked for space and then said actually i rather not give this another try? does the video still apply?
what the avoidant one did the breaking up but then after a few weeks tried to get the anxious preoccupied but the action preoccupied asked for space and then said actually i rather not give this another try? does the video still apply?
what the avoidant one did the breaking up but then after a few weeks tried to get the anxious preoccupied but the action preoccupied asked for space and then said actually i rather not give this another try? does the video still apply?