The point about feeling like being used is extremely, painfully true. Throughout most of my situationship with FA/DA I felt like I was simply an outlet for some needs and only for the time that these needs actually existed. After first 1-2 months of this situationship I’ve never felt like I’m loved (or even liked) for who I am, just for me. It lasts only as long as there’s some use for me and there are hundred more things of higher priority. Honestly, probably the worst feelings I’ve experienced in relationship, the powerlessness you feel off the back of it is just immeasurable. You simply stop recognising your worth and try to be convenient for them
Well written and absolutely feel the same way..I did so much for my ex and it was hardly recognized or appreciated..these relationships are all about filling their needs 💯 percent
My story. My FA boomeranged 4 times. 3 times after his marriage. He divorced me and shortly after got married. He said he don't love his current wife but returned to her all time. I think the problem is me. When he want to come back I can't strongly decline. I lost all my trust and my heart shattered like very bad. I wanna move on
No contact is empowerment. They'll return to spin the block for as long as the door is open. What has changed? A relationship autopsy to determine the incompatibilities. Mutual respect and trust are the foundation of healthy relationships. 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies. Are You The One For Me Knowing Who Is Right And Avoiding Who Is Wrong by Barbara De Angelis Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud Men Who Can't Love by Stephen A Carter -avoidant attachment Complex PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker
The Boomerang Avoidant' - Ken Reid podcast. Breaking the cycle is what counts. Let go of what does not serve you well. The antidote to suffering and pain is self respect and self love.
If people are having this happen time and time again with the coming and going etc I recommend keeping a journal of what happens - maybe not every day, but writing it down helps one refer back, so your memory can't paint an incomplete picture and you will see whether this relationship has more good to it than bad. You will see how much is spent in a loving stable relationship and how much is failing that. That way your emotions and your feelings can't highjack what will actually be clear on paper
This is exactly my story with my fa ex he went and rebounded within 2 weeks afterwards he’s now moved in with her but he can’t do long term with no one he’s going around destroying people
The easiest way I can tell someone is more FA than DA is if I hear evidence of fear of overt fears of abandonment. This may look like the avoidant partner over texting, being extremely clingy or freaking out if they don’t hear back from a partner. DA’s might be intense in their lovebombing but their fears of abandonment are much more subconscious and are not as obvious.
No more than four! Shiiiit, I can't get someone who is good for twice a week, minimum... 🧐 Also, Marta used the term "favorite person"... Were you trying to be subtle about disclosing something here?
The point about feeling like being used is extremely, painfully true. Throughout most of my situationship with FA/DA I felt like I was simply an outlet for some needs and only for the time that these needs actually existed. After first 1-2 months of this situationship I’ve never felt like I’m loved (or even liked) for who I am, just for me. It lasts only as long as there’s some use for me and there are hundred more things of higher priority. Honestly, probably the worst feelings I’ve experienced in relationship, the powerlessness you feel off the back of it is just immeasurable. You simply stop recognising your worth and try to be convenient for them
Well written and absolutely feel the same way..I did so much for my ex and it was hardly recognized or appreciated..these relationships are all about filling their needs 💯 percent
These people are damaged. That's the reality.
Alex’s Course for OCD ? Can I get correct spelling for this course, thank you.
It’s Alex Bishop’s course on rOCD and can be found on his webpage or Instagram at: For Love We Heal
Do boomerangers ever come back if they leave to be with someone else?
I love hearing what Mike and Amy have to say, another avoidant thoughts episode would be cool
My story. My FA boomeranged 4 times. 3 times after his marriage. He divorced me and shortly after got married. He said he don't love his current wife but returned to her all time. I think the problem is me. When he want to come back I can't strongly decline. I lost all my trust and my heart shattered like very bad. I wanna move on
You need to start enforcing boundaries. Block, delete and NEVER EVER speak to that person again. You deserve better.
@samyb2834 thank you. I am trying but I miss him so much .I know now it is high time,I have to put strong boundary.I adore him.
No contact is empowerment. They'll return to spin the block for as long as the door is open. What has changed?
A relationship autopsy to determine the incompatibilities. Mutual respect and trust are the foundation of healthy relationships.
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies.
Are You The One For Me Knowing Who Is Right And Avoiding Who Is Wrong by Barbara De Angelis
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Men Who Can't Love by Stephen A Carter -avoidant attachment
Complex PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker
@@samyb2834 I agree.
The Boomerang Avoidant' - Ken Reid podcast.
Breaking the cycle is what counts. Let go of what does not serve you well. The antidote to suffering and pain is self respect and self love.
If people are having this happen time and time again with the coming and going etc I recommend keeping a journal of what happens - maybe not every day, but writing it down helps one refer back, so your memory can't paint an incomplete picture and you will see whether this relationship has more good to it than bad. You will see how much is spent in a loving stable relationship and how much is failing that. That way your emotions and your feelings can't highjack what will actually be clear on paper
A relationship autopsy to identify the incompatibilities.
Off topic, but I didn't know Ken was an Atlus/JRPG fan. Good taste!
Yeah! I had such a blast with Metaphor recently and I loved Persona 4 & 5. The psychology and relationships in these games are what get me hooked.
This is exactly my story with my fa ex he went and rebounded within 2 weeks afterwards he’s now moved in with her but he can’t do long term with no one he’s going around destroying people
No contact is empowerment.
I was boomeranged too, now let totally go of him
👍
Hi Ken, out of curiosity, how were you able to tell that he was an FA? I get confused with FA and DA traits 😢
The easiest way I can tell someone is more FA than DA is if I hear evidence of fear of overt fears of abandonment. This may look like the avoidant partner over texting, being extremely clingy or freaking out if they don’t hear back from a partner. DA’s might be intense in their lovebombing but their fears of abandonment are much more subconscious and are not as obvious.
No more than four! Shiiiit, I can't get someone who is good for twice a week, minimum...
🧐 Also, Marta used the term "favorite person"... Were you trying to be subtle about disclosing something here?
❤ wow