*PLEASE READ:* THIS STORY COVERS VERY DIFFICULT TOPICS INCLUDING CHILD ABUSE, EMOTIONAL AND NEGLECT ABUSE, MANIPULATION, ATTEMPTS AT LIFE, EXTREME THOUGHTS OF DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS, AND POST TRAUMA. IF AT ANY TIME YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED OR HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, PLEASE TURN THE VIDEO OFF IMMEDIATELY AND SEEK HELP IF NEEDED. personal memo: This has been a pretty tough video to make but all in all I'm glad I did. It allowed me to talk about a lot of things that this story made me feel whilst reading it as well as reflect on some personal experiences, and I hope that, despite the difficulties of the narrative, others will get something out of it as well. Thanks so much for watching :)
@@piopio6266 Yeah, I guess this makes sense, you and I may unfortunately be those rare persons on obscure channels like these who look forward to reading description for more info and then free falling into the comment section for the discourse. So I guess it may be necessary if only for that reason, otherwise though people really need to at least know when to step back from videos like these the moment they may feel uncomfortable. I just sometimes feel bad for the creators, you don't always remember to cover all the bases and they dont mean any harm ya know?
@@piopio6266 A very good suggestion and something I will definitely make sure to do in the future with difficult topics. This video has been quite a learning and reflecting experience for me and probably many others I think. Thanks for your comment :)
definitely specify the content warnings (ideally in the video, but adding it in the description or a pinned comment would help) because otherwise it's practically pointless. people aren't sensitive about the same topics. just some advice that'll help viewers decide if they want to keep watching or not :)
To me this didn’t felt like a horror story. It felt like a realistic depiction of generational trauma and untreated mental illness. Sadly, I’ve had many similar experiences growing up, seeing harmful personality disorders and mental illness passed down in both sides of my family, especially my mother’s side.
same this video alone made me tear up and break down. i have a mentally unstable mother and she is very attached to me, in a way that I feel that if i move away she would kill herself. she isnt abusive like seiko but I relate to the pain of seeing someone so close to you devolve into a shell of their former self
I hope both of you are doing better now than before. I have this deep hatred that developed over years because of an abusive family and parent. They are very old now but even if I am also an adult I still feel powerless. I stay sane without any mental help but I always keep my faith. When bad days are about to creep in I pray and appreciate myself for being this far from that place. And I know someday them or me shall pass but I also think that I wish I have a different set of myself to cope up just for me to reset just one more time. The life I wanted has passed and it has been a waste of life.
The fact this could actually happen, and probably did happen for the amount of sick, sick people out there, terrifies me. We can read it for a horror story, but this might be just someone's everyday life.
Unfortunately it is a reality for a lot of people, and that's I think where the real sadness and horror lies in this story. There's what's on screen, but what's not on screen is what I thought about the most. All the people who aren't being talked about and the ones who feel heard after reading this story.
People watch true crime and the horror the victims go through and that’s entertainment for them. Hell, some people fall asleep listening to a victim getting tortured to death.
@@whitedragoness23 this is funny but unfunny at the same time. I use to love watching horror movies before sleeping. But I started waking up to hearing people screaming. Which resulted in me turning it off to me completely stop watching horror before bed. After a while I noticed even though I stopped watching horror movies before bed I had weird horror like dreams for a while. Never having really a normal dream. It took months to like a year before I started having normal dreams again. Even now I have to do or watch something that pleases me to have a pleasant dream .
@@Dayneia20 Experienced the same, though it was because my abusive father put on movies he enjoyed (read: g0ry snu/ff-fests) while I fell asleep, hearing it all from my room (sometimes on the couch with him too when he felt he needed a viewing buddy). All starting at the age of 6, but I've heard through my family's grapevine that it may have started earlier. I felt very validated, if not vindicated, when I read a study awhile back that showed the part of the brain responsible for survival instincts & stress responses goes utterly haywire when we watch horrifying/terrifying content. To this day, any time I hear someone scream anything, my mind goes blank, I can't understand them, and all I want to do is run. To touch on Kevintheradioguy131's point as well: Yes, it's utterly tragic how these stories are often our own. I'm very grateful to people like Redpandaproductions for bringing severely traumatic stories like these to light, as it shines much needed awareness and insight onto them. As a survivor of severe familial & life-threatening trauma myself, it means more than anybody knows for people like myself to see such compassion from strangers. Thank you for believing our stories, no matter how unreal they sound. This unreality was once our very, VERY real one.
My ex-girlfriend was a psychologist, she told me an extremely similar case that she observed in college, where a boy was completely abused by his mother since childhood. During his adolescence he acquired a serious psychological disorder, and his mother, who sexually, psychologically and physically abused him, poured hot water on the boy's body. After that he took a knife and stabbed her several times, killed her and walked through the streets aimlessly until he was found. The boy went to a psychiatric care institute after that. There really are stories out there as heavy as this one.
@@rinvalentine7108 They also bullied Seiichi and his mom for her overprotectiveness at the beginning of the manga. And if I´m not mistaken, they knew Seiko tried to kill him once and they never did anything to protect him.
@@EmmaAisuru she was teasing her about the overprotectiveness because she just wanted her to ease off and she didn't know they seiichi got shoved off a hill but she knew he got hurt. She probably saw him scraped up because that fall definitely would've left him bruised and cut up. She isn't the nicest person but she was reading Seiko. I looked back at conversations with aunt if I could find anything else but I might've missed it
@@rinvalentine7108 The problem with knowing that Seiichi was injured when he was three is, that they fully knew they were too many wounds and out of the sudden (in all the flashbacks you can see all the bruises). And she (being suspicious of Seiko since the wedding) didn´t investigate more about the incident or believed the crap Seiko told. And she brought it to the conversation not because it was a realization, she brought it because she was manipulating Seiichi to believe in her when she never cared about him enough.
Freedom is liberating while terrifying. But I'm too soft of a person to think Seiichi will be miserable. I hope he'll be okay in the last years of his life.
I feel the ending was extremely cathartic. Emulating his father, who accepted and stood by him despite of what he had done, in finally being the one to be taking care of his mother, Seiichi understood her and was able to in a way forgive her. The final dialogue they share, he doesn't just forget about everything bad she's done to him but he has moved past it as a person. Instead of ending himself, he found comfort in reading and formed a healthy hobby. Seiichi ended the cycle of generational trauma. Just renting books from the library, eating snacks in the park and growing old and content.
The ending was tragic because while he seemed to have healed as an old man, almost his entire life was robbed by the trauma. Decades of life eaten up. I'm so glad he found freedom and happiness at the end, but I wish he could have experienced a normal, happy childhood, teen years, and young adulthood.
This hit me really bad, I was brutally abused by my mother for many years and as I grew older she kicked me out of her home, I live on the streets for a while but I managed to finish high school and lost contact with her. When started college I had a phone call from one of her friends saying she was in the hospital and they only give information to family so she couldn’t do much and ask me to travel there to help out, I was nervous, the only contact I had before it was always her asking me for money, but I did ended up going, she was pregnant from some random dude, the baby didn’t make it, I pay for the funeral with my savings and the hospital bill (I was 20), I stay there for a while to help out, her and my sister had a lot of problems so I ended up dropping college, back to live there and working to help them out, they never changed, she keep on using me and it was never enough. People always justify parents just because they birth you, but honestly I don’t think you will understand until the person who should love you the most is the one who is more damaging to you, is pretty wild, you have this guilt for feeling bad cus is “your mom”, anyway this manga definitely bring back some memories and it was super hard to keep going but is so real, sad, and beautiful.
@@stephanieramirez6880 I'm sorry to hear you went through so much, but I hope you're doing better now. I'm glad too that, if anything, you might have found some comfort in this small corner of the internet
You see everything that happened to you on a conscious level, and this is remarkable. One thing, you owe nothing to her, especially not because a (in my opinion) questionable friend says so. My friend was always bullied by her mother in front of every friend, and those only accepted the mother's side. They are just the same. Their word means nothing, but they show what kind of person they are. I hope you are loved!
@@stephanieramirez6880 My circumstances back then wasn't as horrible as yours, but I was physically and mentally abused by my Dad and it's still haunting me up until now. I had to run away from multiple times just to escape the horrors of my childhood but I always ended up in his care. Right now, I have no contacts with him. But I still yearn for his acknowledgement and validation. It's really weird the person that I hate the most is the person that I want to hear praises and compliments from.
This story taught me a lot about myself as embarrassing as it is. It taught me that forgiveness isn't JUST for the sake of the person that hurt you. It's more for yourself.
I didn’t learn just how true that is until my late twenties. Holding grudges and hating the people who hurt me never did anything good, it only dug me into a deep dark hole I struggled to get out of. It was only after I forgave all the people who hurt me and let go of my own feelings that I finally began to improve. It’s really hard but not impossible.
I think because holding a grudge means you are always questioning why that terrible thing happened to you and how it could have turned out differently. On the other hand, letting go and accepting that the event was in the past and you can now protect yourself means you can finally move on, you're no longer stuck in that moment. Of course the most important thing is always protect yourself, don't get lured back in by people who hurt you or people with similar personality that can hurt you./
There’s a Japanese movie called “Mother” based on a real life murder case that is chillingly similar to this story. A 15 year old boy charged with the murder of his grandparents revealed that his abusive mother had been manipulating him his whole life into committing crimes to support her addictions. It’s terribly sad.
There’s also sunk into the womb, which is horrifyingly realistic to how inhumane people can be. The part that probably fricked me uo the most was (spoiler alert) The girl’s brother dies due to the house running out of formula and the movies showing a scene with maggots, the girl unable to do anything since she was just a kid. I probably shouldn’t have been watching it when i was a kid 💀
the end of the manga makes me absolutely weep, not just with sadness but with relief, knowing that seiichi really does it. he gets out. i think a lot of stories would be tempted to go for the healing fantasy where seiichi eventually enters back into society in a "conventional" way, getting married and having kids, but i think the ending that trail of blood gives seiichi is so much more impactful because his healing isn't about looking the way he's supposed to, falling in line the way his mother did under that societal pressure. he breaks the cycle and lives a happy, peaceful life, where it's alright for him to be alone. he's a whole person all by himself.
Totally beat my predictions with the timeskip. I'd figured he'd 100% becomes Norman Bates after having such a violently unhinged childhood, with his formative years literally robbed from him with juvenile detention and how much these delusions followed him well into his 30s. How he managed to beat away that deep-seated turmoil and lived into a humble old peaceful man is nothing short of a miracle.
True but it's just depressing to see that Seiichi could've been a great husband with Fukushi because he genuinely loved her and she loved him. Her mom's manipulation is what destroyed this pathway for poor Seiichi. He was in hell from the moment he submitted to her mother when she caught him and Fukushi that rainy night all the way when he became really old. I also feel really bad for Fukushi because no doubt she would be feeling guilty of not trying hard enough to save Seiichi from his devil of a mother despite it bit being her fault at all. She was a kid as well just like Seiichi.
I heavily agree with everyone about Fuukishi, like, seriously they were seriously the cutest manga couple ever. I do agree that, even though he doesn’t end up with her, his ending is still BEAUTIFUL, seriously man, that last panel was so good with old man Sei.
I’m no therapist, but Seiko describing a lack of connection to anyone around her and only “feeling” anything when harming them sounds like textbook antisocial personality disorder
She also mentions several times the feeling of being detached or distant from major life events happening. This sounds like derealization to me which could be it’s own thing or a symptom of some larger mental illness/personality disorder
@@SmotheredDreamsNot quite, Seiko might have some borderline traits like her attachment to Seiichi and wanting him close and her splitting nature on her son but she doesn't quite have that internal abandonment/rejection despair the same way a borderline of any type would hurt (including quiet/discouraged); You can argue her anger outbursts are borderline but borderline outbursts are a push and pull dynamic born in uncertainty of whether or not you'll stay. She definitely has some ASPD traits with her lack of empathy for others and her manipulation of a situation in her benefit. (She doesn't manipulate her situation with shigeru because she didn't want the family to desert her, like how someone with BPD would do.) Ofc both bpd and aspd have overlapping symptoms like impulsivity, anger outbursts (tho they look a bit different from eachother) manipulative tendencies, lack of boundaries etc. Additionally, we can't dismiss the likelihood that someone like Seiko also likely has multiple psych conditions like schizoaffective or schizophrenia or even depression that may have led to a form psychosis.
@@tiffanyh629 the ASPD reminds me of a rare thing called RAD (reactive attachment disorder) it's mainly in children though it can transfer into adulthood if not treated 100% ( kids with RAD is a condition where a child doesn't form healthy emotional bonds with their caretakers (parental figures), often because of emotional neglect or abuse at an early age ) (Adults with RAD can have various symptoms, including distrust of others, control issues, and anger issues. They may deny personal responsibility for their behaviour and feel helpless due to a lack of personal relationships )
Not gonna lie, some parts of the manga were a little dragged out, but the last chapters became absolutely gut-wrenching for me. Those moments where Seiichi took care of his dying mother despite the abuse and gaslighting he'd gone through was too real.
My personal thoughts after finishing the manga a few weeks ago: I can't relate to the abusive parent bit, but I recognized myself a lot in the depression and hopelessness that Seichi felt as an adult. I saw a bunch of people disliking the ending because "he didn't get the girl", and... yeah, I feel they really missed the point: Seeing Seichi learn to enjoy life, even a quiet and rather mundane one, and then forgetting the face of his mother; a face that had constantly tormented him even when she wasn't there... felt strangely comforting. To a depressed person, a "good, victorious" ending can consist of just getting out of bed and having a routine that you enjoy. To not be in mental anguish. A lot of people sadly don't seem to understand that. :(
That is true. I used to think that I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I had the guy I crushed on for almost half a year. But now, getting help from teachers and doctors after witnessing domestic violence, bullying, and some abuse I faced for almost my entire teen years, i realized just feeling happy by admiring sound or a view or appreciating the good people in my life, is way better than getting a boyfriend (I'm not prepared for that yet lol)
Yeah. A lot of people don't get that you don't really need to have a romantic partner to be happy with your life. Such expectations often end up with people getting desperate to find a partner and keep the relationship going no matter what. Some may be lucky and find themselves in a loving and satisfying relationship. But many others will eventually start to feel disillusioned and disappointed with the relationship, which results in people feeling trapped in their own lives.
Well said. Tbh the reason most people don't understand that type of living are the people who constantly chase things. By constantly chasing things, whenever one doesn't attain those, one will surely feel disappointment hence the complaints on why "he didn't get the girl". However, thinking that way as a mentally unwell person? It's miserable. I'm not suggesting to go for mediocrity but isn't it better to live a life where things don't feel forced to live? Where you're not trying so hard just to be able to live? Is it living or is it just barely surviving?
The mother was truly a bad person. But her circumstances were really relatable, she never wanted children but felt a societal need to have them and was kind of pushed into it. Her feelings of hatred for her life as a housewife and conflicting emotions towards a child she never wanted are a sad reality that a lot of mothers face. It really emphasizes how no one should have kids without being 100% sure they want them and some people should never reproduce. This obviously doesnt excuse her evil actions but shows a dark side of society that isnt often acknowledged. Having a child broke her, many people feel fulfillment and joy in having a child but some are left feeling empty and full of regret. A lot of child abuse would probably end if people thought more about whether kids were right for them.
Nobody brought this up, it offers a different point of view from Seiko. I know a friend who adopted her sister's child. Her sister was experiencing trauma and chronic baby blues. She left her baby to her sister shortly after birth. A lot would judge her cruel, but rarely would people see it from her point of view, she never wanted to be a parent and it doesn't come to her naturally. Her husband wasn't the best either at being a husband, always judging her but he never was the type to be able to support a child financially and emotionally, but always trying to convince the sister to have a baby as to show the public he's part of a reproductive family. She agreed and regretted deeply. That baby was adopted by my friend who was wealthy and able to support a child and is an adult now. Her mom told her that she is sorry that she couldn't care for a child. They're in better terms tho now, but my friend as her parent.
Utter nonsense. She is an adult and should act like one. People like you always come out of the wood work to make justifications for the animals. In real life people who don’t want kids are usually forever children themselves who do nothing but take from those around them, obsessed with their own self centered lives and the rest of us are made to pay for it.
@@theredsir869 Thats not true. I know tons of childless people who give so much for their family and friends. and usually childless people arent bitter, miserable husks of people like those with children lol
I will say about these things though... If she didn't have a child and continued pursuing an acting career that doesn't mean she would have been happy either. She seems like a fundamentally broken person and well... Youth, beauty, looks... Doesn't last forever. An acting career, even if it gives you a moment of fame... Will not be lasting. Nor give lasting security, at all. In a way she was kind of lucky she didn't end up alone in her final days, but yeah... What she needed was help clearly. A kind of help neither her husband or child could give her. Whether she had a child or not, she was broken either way, from the inside. And well... The sad thing about having a child is she dragged the child down with her.
We really need to change as a society so we view having children as something you opt INTO instead of opting OUT of. Having children is an enormous lifelong commitment, and if you screw up you can mess your kid up for the rest of their life. Nobody should have a child unless they’re 100% certain they want one.
Apparently this is like 30+ years after and his Mom is suffering from a condition which explains how fast she degraded. She was in her 20s when he was born and technically 60+ when she died.
No because he was around 13-14 as a kid and is shown at age 36. That's a little over 20 years. The timeskip at the end when he's old is long after she passed.
My mother was just that evil and while she didn’t kill anyone physically, she destroyed my entire childhood that I should’ve been able to experience. And when she’s frail and old, I will have already ran out of mercy to offer. Because whenever I do, she uses it up like a mosquito on a sleeping animal. Like a tick. She doesn’t come off. I hate her.
I actually just finished reading this manga yesterday, it's really bittersweet and honestly heartbreaking to see how the cycles of abuse/neglect can manifest
My mother tormented me exactly like that because she has a condition called patological alcoholism and used me as a punching bag because my father left her and when she got drunk she took out her hatred for him on me she used to leave suicide notes when i was 8 years old so i would find them and break down. It ruined me and i will never be a functional human being. Today ive been sober from a heroin addiction seven years. But what she did to me resulted in me becoming a criminal at a young age selling drugs for bigger criminals and driving in money but thankfully my father was the driving force to me clawing myself out of my personal hell. I have even forgiven my mother today because she is sick and i cannot hate a sick person.
@@lunix3259 oh yeah i absolutely am honestly with how my life was seven years ago im actually finding it hard to feel any negative emotions since im not in that hell and i tell you this when i say hell i mean it. The hell an addiction to opiates is is indescribable you could never imagine the darkness it wakes up in you the desperation and the fear of becoming sick. It is a literal demon that steals your very essence and if i can help even one person of never going to that place in themselves then i can die happy.
you are such a strong and resilient person, i am so sorry for what you went through as a child man, no child deserves any of what you went through. i am so glad to know you are in a much better place now man ❤ may you keep getting healthier and better as you heal
Glad you're sober. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I relate a little as my bio mom is a toxic and emotionally abusive person. She used me for years and discarded me, but I don't hate her. I realize that she has mental health problems and trauma from her own childhood. I just don't have the energy to deal with her anymore.
Shuzo Oshimi’s other works are similarly disturbing/tragic. Happiness and The Flowers of Evil both broke my heart in the same way Blood on the Tracks did.
Because it was a fictional story, I kinda just saw it as another psychological horror manga. But as I read more, the more realistic elements started to get to me, and I could no longer dissociate it from reality. At least not completely. Because there are people going through something similar in real life. That’s the true horror.
i am 26. murders aside...this manga explains alot of my life until college. currently in tears. everyday im thankful at 20 someone extended a hand out to me and i was able to escape. but of course things with my seiko didnt necessarily end there. currently my seiko is 64 and in a rehabilitation center far away, and has been insisting things go back to before i was able to have any voice or autonomy. that she wants to live with me. the cycle of forgiveness is extremely hard, her memory is very poor now, and i feel like an acknowledgement of my pain would be even one step in the right direction. but she states she cant even remember one thing. theres alot of times she does look like a little girl compared to me. and i know her childhood was horrible and thats why shes turned out like that. i very much swing back and forth between the emotions of forgiveness and anger, and wondering if im just again being manipulated. sometimes i remember hearing her stand over me and quietly sob shes sorry shes like this. but then i also remember waking up to emotional suffering the next day. memory issues run in my family, and i actually fear the day that i can no longer remember her face...so seeing that panel, the last page...im surprisingly happy for him. i wonder if its because he took a different route post discard. this was a wild watch for me, thank you.
Instead of forgiveness, I pity those that hurt me because they're stuck with themselves. Their past, awful behaviors, and inability to change for the better. You aren't them 😊 I look at them and think, "sucks to be you, stuck with such a crappy person!" Unlike them, I can walk away from them 😆
@@shellygarland8766 Thanks for sharing. I hope you will heal up, triumph through more adversity, and reach inner piece one day. Never give up, find new ways to heal no matter how grueling, alone & unjust life gets.
I somehow missed or forgot the part where Shigeru's mother pushes Seiko down the stairs. This was the most terrifying horror story I ever came across. Its really unique that it keeps on going where other stories would've stopped too. The author's talent in conveying emotion through drawing facial expressions is unparalleled, and the background and motives are so realistic it makes me think how did he do it, and I really hope its not based on actual stuff that happened. I'm somewhat happy its over. Seichi has suffered enough.
I actually wondered myself if that was like, real, imaginary, or symbolic. Before that scene, we see Seiichi dreaming about Shige finally moving on and crossing into the afterlife, running into the arms of his mother, so I assumed she was dead by that point, which is before Seiko falls down the stairs. Interesting to say the least.
I relate a lot to this story. The ending seems very realistic to what awaits me in my own mothers final days, up until her very last breathe. Thanks for such a thought out video
For me with Seiichi taking care of his mother. Its kinda like an odd sense of revenge. Like, his mother could only feel when death happened. And i feel like if Seiichi gave that to her quickly, then she wouldn't really face what she done. No, instead he keep her alive and took care of her. Letting her slowly become less, and less of herself in her old age. Until she finally dies, her dreams and plans, unfulfilled and empty. Her cruel actions towards seiichi now rendered pointless, as in his old age, he could no longer remember her face.
I don’t personally relate to the story, but it reminds me of the relationship between my mom and grandmother. My grandma was extremely abusive to my mom while she was growing up, and my mom did everything she could to get away. She got married, had me, and went low contact with her mom. However, with age, my grandma’s abusive streak died out and what was left was a weak old women. My mom has admitted to me that she doesn’t know how to feel, seeing her abuser fragile and weak with not an ounce of anger left in her body. She’s somewhat repaired her relationship with her mom through the years, but it’s at arms length and only because my grandma fully admits that she was an awful person in her youth. Still, I grew up with the knowledge of who my grandma was and what she was capable of so I’ve never been close to her. She seems to be nearing the end of her life and I just can’t bring myself to feeling sad about it. Once she’s gone, my mom will be free and she won’t stress over her mother’s presence anymore….
This manga is special. It's uncomfortable not because it tries to shock you, but because it feels real and it gets under your skin. A lot of media love to play the abusive parent trope because it's not only real, but it's an "easy" story to write. Few stories will actually dive as deep as Blood on the Tracks did. Abuse comes in layers. An abusive parent will do more than physically or emotionally harm you. They practicality ingrain themselves into the deepest part of your mind and soul. Abusing a child is grooming them into being dependent on you for every decision they make, even on their own identity. That's exactly what Seiko did to Seichi. And what's worse is that Blood on the Tracks continues the stort in the most realistic way possible. Even after Seiko is arrested, Seichi's life continues to be stagnant and he's still haunted throughout his youth. Why? Because the trauma caused by continuous abuse is rarely healed so easily. Just because the abuser is gone doesn't mean their victim can now be free. And it's likely why Seichi needed to see Seiko die. In a twisted way, that was the closure he needed. It's why the ending is strangely sweet to me. Because, while it took a long time, Seichi is free. He's living a content life. Maybe to others it's not ideal, but if he's content, then he's happy. And, most importantly, he's so content he did eventually forget about his mom. Without realizing, Seichi really was living his adult/senior life finally free. The lack of proper support Seichi recieved may have also contributed. Maybe there's some commentary on how poorly Japan's health and social systems handle cases like his. The mangaka (Shuzo Oshimi) really does know how to portray the worse things about humanity without crossing the line into the unbelievable and ridiculous. His other work, Flowers of Evil, has the same vibe. I recommend checking out all his works if you can brave uncomfortable stories.
Perfectly put. This is why i got irritated when people were raving about how the author was dragging it on. Like no, the author brought out this story's full potential. This story was so well done??? I feel like so many people missed the point, i hated the comments lowkey.
i never see this author and other related stories on my local bookstores honestly, assuming on the heavy undertones of its story. i could go on surfing the internet…
I have seen many other video essays on RUclips inevitably based on this very popular manga, but I have to say that without a doubt, yours has been the most thorough, earnest, and heartfelt one that I have seen thus far. As a new viewer, I think you have done an absolutely fantastic job, and so comprehensively as well. I look forward to more of your insights that you will create through your channel!
Thank you so much! This was a long one for sure and took me a few years to finish including the manga. A lot of the story echoes through reality, and I really wanted to capture that here. I'm glad you like it!
This manga helped me so much during its running years. I was abused by my mother and brother. She was a narcissist that only cared about herself, just like seiko she held a tight grip on me. Controlling everything i did. Even locking me out of the house every summer. She sexually abused me after i was sexually assaulted and blamed me. She would blame me for my self harm and kicked me out of my home when i was in the psychward. Ive been forced to do everything myself during my 18-20s. She still contacts me trying to brainwash me but Ive accepted that she will never change Its taken me years to understand the facade she put up is fake. I still remember reading the pages while she yelled at me or while i cried myself to sleep. This manga is so important for everyone in a similar situation and for society to understand that this happens. Thank you Shuzo Oshimi.
Sorry about the csa but fr proof of NPD or she's not a narcissist and you need to cut saying that sht out. NPD is a real and serious condition not some slang for abuser for you to have your way with. Never will I claim somebodys abuse didn't happen. Always will I die on the hill that NPD is a diagnosis and nothing more.
@@ItsAllNunya that's a very strange hill to die on. some person on the internet like yourself at least is NOT entitled to proof, insane behavior. Fun fact: certain diagnosis/condition CAN turn you into an abusive person if left untreated!!! Source, my therapist and stuff you're not entitled to know🔥🔥
@@tsukikoamagiri nothing turns anybody into anything. Choices are what make the abuser. Source, more than one therapist I've had, multiple long term trauma periods I don't share online, as well as logic itself???? Youre perpetuating the idea than mental illness ever *makes* somebody abusive and so is your therapist. Find one that isn't nastyableist. The point is, with the "proof" bit, that nobody but the abusers therapist could diagnose them. So they don't have npd. Period.
Dreams, amibition, money...As well as past traumas...These things really do stand in the way of love and family...This story kind of reminds me of the film "We Need to Talk About Kevin". Seiko Osabe reminds me of Baki's mother from the Baki series, Baki only wants her love and affection so he pushes himself to fight however she is simply using him as a tool to get Baki's abusive father to acknowledge her, however, there are genuine instances of her loving Baki, even in the last instance of him ever seeing her. It's tragic. I'm a 30 year old man and I live with my overbearing/domineering mother, who has never been the same person ever since going through breast cancer treatment, when I was in my teens, It's like the old her died...So, I definitely sympathize with Seiichi, That one instance where he stands up to her is extremely cathartic for me. Families can hurt each other the most because we know that we don't want to be without each other. I lived alone for a year and I hated it, I came straight home. I never want to be that lonely ever again, I guess that's why I tolerate it. ...At any rate, what a fantastic video on your part! I've seen videos about Blood on the Tracks before but yours is definitely the best! A complete and full coverage.
Thanks for the comment, I'm so glad you enjoyed the video! I agree, family isn't something so easy to cast off, you still end up harboring some love despite everything, but it's really terrible when the people you love hurt you over and over again. It made reading this pretty tough along the way, but in the end I came to terms with it just as Seiichi did. I really do hope your situation is a bit better now, I'm sorry to hear about those things you went through. Hopefully this story was a little bit therapeutic for you; it was for me.
Yup, codependency and religious trauma stick to me like glue. I am glad that Seiichi and this manga doesn't push the forgiveness doctrine like Madea Goes To Jail did. That movie was just telling you, "Honey, you're in here for what you did. Your daddy is living his best life. Grow up and STHU!" I am glad Seiichi doesn't have to do everything for his mom and forgive her because, she's an old lady now. It's liike, "I'm not the person I was six years ago, so get over it! It's in the past!"
The fact that I relate to this story a WHOLE lot probably says a lot about my childhood, but reading stories like this actually help with processing certain emotions and making sense of the chaos. I’ve been in therapy for years now, and I can safely say I can live a pretty normal life after some intense years of EMDR and CBT therapy.
Hey man, great video. I read the series a couple of months ago and found it so gripping. I definitely have a different interpretation of Fukiishi. To me, she and Sieko were two sides of the same coin. Fukiishi was very pushy, and was ready to run away with Seiichi after barely any time together. She clearly had emotional problems from a bad homelife and a terrible relationship with her father, and she didn’t seem to have appropriate s*xual boundaries for a 14 year-old girl. I read her as just another emotionally damaged, mentally unwell woman who was obsessed with Seiichi. It felt to me like he was going from one bad situation to another potentially bad situation.
That's a great interpretation of Fukiishi, she definitely is pushy and I do believe in the long run both were damaged to the point that it would be hard for them to forge a healthy relationship in the future. Fukiishi was the light in Seiichi's life, but I'm not sure how that would have panned out if they had actually run away together. In the manga, she turns out a lot better than Seiichi from the little we see of her as an adult, but it's likely because she got out early and was able to distance herself from her abusive home and family, whereas Seiichi could never break away from his mother the way that Fukiishi did her father
as someone with mom trauma i desperately felt Seiichi's desires and i sadly couldnt even make it past chapter 5? it was so raw and real, thanks for this video so i could really grasp the end of it all in a seperate manner than trying to read past my tears like back then T.T Shuzo Oshimi is amazing at his emotional world building
This woman, I feel so sorry for her. I can’t imagine her life. But one thing I don’t understand is that why would she agreed to that marriage, she truly had potential. Father and this kind of house wife type of lifestyle is not exactly bad thing, but definitely not for her. I can admit that this shit is so hard when you’re a woman and gave up your dreams for this shit. My mother, my aunt, my grandmother…this is so depressing and that’s why I don’t want kids because I’m afraid I’ll find myself in this position. I don’t tolerate her psychotic mental state but dang that was caused by all of this shit like returning back to small town and be mother, not having career, freedom and fame instead. I rather choose be alone and single but with money and freedom, than be a mom and nothing else. Yes, some mothers can do both, but that’s so rare and so hard
Yep!! I wish there was a back story to the Mom!! She should have never gotten married. It ruined her life. Why did she say “yes”? Or why not get married and have no kid’s? Going back that town and getting married doomed her before she had her son. Death was her only peace.
Man i was abused by my mother throughout my childhood. I been beaten, groomed,emotional, physical, mental, and sexual abused. Some time i asked Why Did she hate me. Many years later i still don't know what it was. After my father passed away i thought i was going to be with my mother forever. But i went to court to get a restraining order againist my mom. She lied about everything. And i knew that i might lose this case. But my aunt and uncle came in and swooped me in to take care of me. 2012 to 2017 i dealt with abuse for 5 years. Now that im 23, i have truma from the sexaul abuse and physical. I see therapy now and trying to get better for myself If you're a young teenager or child please call for help Don't be scared that you wouldn't be heard Because i didnt either at the time but i know that im loved by everyone who been there for me Thx for your time reading this
As someone who lost a mother that is very very similar to Seiko (minus the attempted murder, but the strangulation, apathy, manipulation remains) i had a love-hate relationship with her. Unfortunately, she died without any redemption, and this manga completely translated how she felt about her whole situation. I used to carry (sometimes still do) resentment, but when I was with her in her last few breaths, I was exactly like Seiichi. The “wanting her to die but still sticking around”, I think a lot of people who don’t have these sort of dynamics with their parents may not understand the complexities of the “love”. At the end of the day, no matter how messed up everything was, it was still love. A very messy, nonsensical, evil, yet true, raw love. To me the ending of Seiichi not remembering her mom’s face is such a complex sentence, and carries a lot of grief still. When she died, a big big part of Seiichi died with her. When someone dies, the saddest part is when you realise they just don’t exist anywhere on the surface of Earth anymore. And when she died, all the trauma that Seiichi carried was very much invalidated at that point. Almost like living on an imaginary memory. Truly a magnificent piece, and I always have to plan on when to read this because it can trigger me and then I’d be up in my feels the whole day with that heavy heavy heart 😂 thank you for this video, i can finally find closure in this manga!
So the father never noticed his wife was depressed to the point of being danger to others? No wonder she lost it no one ever helped her or care enough to do so.
I blamed him a lot half way through, so weak and incompetent. He took a punch from his brother in law , after his wife admitting killing her nephew. At the end, his dad expressed so much sorrow and regret, even until his death bed. He didn’t deserve any of it
You see, as much as I hate the mother, you never, EVER push a woman to abandon her dreams to become a housewife/mother! Either by brainwashing, peer pressure, or just mentioning it many times until she succumbs. That is how you create bad mothers! I come from the Middle East and I have witnessed a lot of unhappy and horrible mothers who were forced to become mothers/housewives just as soon as they graduated college by their parents, their relatives, their friends, their neighbors, all for the sake of keeping up with appearances. “Oh, your cousin/neighbor got married? Well, it’s time you got married too!”. This is so destructive it leads to all kinds of crimes from mothers abusing their kids to throwing them in the streets (we have over 3 million street kids alone in my country) because they didn’t want kids or motherhood in the first place. If you think every woman is meant to be a mother, no, not every woman. It’s a choice, not an obligation.
@@1Manimation1 That's messed up, hope it gets better, I know it must be tough living with such a cultural requirement despite you knowing it to be harmful and wrong, it only takes one person to break this generations long cycle though, you have done so like many others must be, so there's hope this system will die out for good maybe in your own lifetime
Part of mehated Seiko throughout the entire series. She reminded me somewhat of my own mom and how she treated me. The big difference is I am a girl. The thing is, another part of me completely related to Seiko as well. Towards the end, when Seiichi throws the tea at her and raises his fist to hit her, when she morphs from the adult Seiko to the little girl version, I cried. It's almost like, I was seeing my mother and myself in that moment. For a long time of my life I resented my mom and very much felt like a victim of her abuse. But during that time I never once saw her as anything other than my abuser. That moment, looking at baby Seiko, I was reminded that at one point in her life, my mother was also just a little girl who cried and dreamed the same way I did.
I read a lot of the first half of the story as some form of Postpartum Depression, with Seiko having forced herself to love her own child. By the end, I read it as a cycle of self-loathing and many other conditions. She was just not a mentally well person because no one ever actually tried to help her. The most anyone did was point out what was going on or just letting her go with the flow. She never felt truly loved and it was only at the very end when she and her son were completely honest with each other that they felt a bond. It's very complex and I truly wish that life had been different for both of them.
This and oyasumi punpun are the saddest mangas for me Especially oyasumi punpun, which changed my life.. I even have some punpun eyes tattooed on the back of my neck. The depiction of psychopathy personality disorder was very well done in this manga tho, very good human character study
I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off watching this video. I actually couldn’t finish this manga, it was so deeply devastating to me, maybe because I had and still have a loving relationship with my mother. I know the way a mother should care for their child, and I also know there are countless real stories of abuse and neglect just like this one. I am glad to know now how the story ends, it’s sad but I’m glad Seichi found some sort of peace.
In Seiko's family, Seiko's sister was the golden child and she was made the scapegoat. If you understand the dynamics narcissistic family, the dynamics are pretty clear. It wasn't Seiko giving up on her dreams, it was the return to the town that was her hell that doomed her. I saw myself in both Seiko and Seiichi. I know what it's like to be the scapegoat, and I know what its like to be someone's narcissistic supply (usually the same thing)
this landed in my recommended and clicked for some reason. glad i did. i (and my 9 siblings) grew up in an abusive home. my dad, 100 in September, and my mom, who just turned 80 2 weeks ago) were abusive in different ways. As kids, we never understood it. but us "kids" are in our early 30s to late 50s now and have learned about how our parents grew up and how they just continued "the cycle of abuse". my mom was also a brutal victim herself to DV at the hands of my dad (she was forced to marry him at 13 when he was 33). my parents are decrepid shells of themselves now. despite all the hardship we choose to take care of them as he does with his mother in this Manga. 7/10 of us kids broke the cycle when we became parents ourselves. sadly 3 of my oldest siblings continued that cycle. i can only hope their children breaks it. this Manga is just a reminder for us to stay true to ourselves and how we treat others.
29:15 i think i get it. Shes crazy. Because she gave up her life seji was her only actual anchor. But then he was also the reason why she cant go back to who she wanted to be. Because of her upbringing she was made to feel pretty worthless period and she had a plan to make herself worth more but she didnt have the courage to see that through. She gave up and got married and had a child. However the seji always believed that she was so important, so he simultaneously gave her value and took it away from her. Its a catch 22. Hes the best thing shes done that ruined her life. After a while she saw that she was ruining him so she cut him off before her ego was damaged anymore. When she does something horrible or intense, she has feeling because in that fleeting moment she only lives in the present. Thats what i get anyway
I’ve never felt hatred the way this manga made me feel for Seiko. Even after everything. It takes a great author to make you understand the horrors someone has been through, everything that makes them what they are, and still hate them the same way. The idea that you can make someone depend on you completely and then discard them like they’re nothing. The idea that any adult could do something so horrible to a child. THEIR OWN child. It’s a heart-rending depiction of the generational cycle of violence. She’s a woman who desperately needed help she never got and was washed away in the current of a life she never wanted. It makes me hate her and it makes me feel bad for hating her.
Yeah, that is also why she is both scary and....not sympathetic. I'm not quite sure what word I'm looking for, but it's evident that she hates herself and what she is unable to truly feel. That is actually sad and a bit heartbreaking. Her condition imprisons her in a personal hell, both of her own making but also due to her mental illness.
Thank you so much for this, I remember reading this a few years ago but stopped at the part with Shigeru on the snowy hill because it was the latest chapter at the time, and I just forgot to go back on it. That ending is... a very strange feeling... its a sick mix of liberating and depressing
I read up to that part as well sometime ago, but just put it down because it was too much for me at that point... It's easy to understand the why's and the how's and that it isn't real but in the split second that it clicked for me that Seichi pushed Shigeru I just couldn't go back to it... I guess that's why I'm grateful for this video too, since I don't have the courage to come back to it. And I do agree with your thoughts on the ending too! I'm very lucky in that I haven't suffered with depression like what Seichi is going through, but I do have some very close, dear friends that do. Whenever I see them happy, I can only hope that that means that happiness is also in Seichi's grasp one day... thank you for your comment...
Thanks for this review! While of course this manga's story takes some extreme turns, it's also grounded. As we grow old, we may be forced to confront with a lot of heavy baggage: taking care of your loved ones in their old age, and dealing with the fact that they may have hurt you, and still hurt you, even when they mean the best - that's something very hard, and still often necessary. I'm convinced that these kind of stories need to be told, alongside lighter and more positive ones: they remember us we're humans, and we're all in the same creaky boat.
What sucks the most is how relatable sei’s relationship with his mother is.. the manipulation and abuse going on for years only for them to get old and weak and the internal acceptance that you go through residing next to a lingering hatred that still stains you as a person.. To me, their relationship is like a wine stain, sei is the cloth and his mother is the wine, once you wipe the wine, you are left with a smeared stain and over time that stain fades until eventually you throw the cloth away and forget about it.
in this modern world there are lots of people using ai to explain the stories but i dont really like it cause it dosent touches my heart, and when i see people like you who put their effort to explain the stories makes me happy. great work Mr. Red.
Thanks for making this video. I read this earlier this year, and as someone who has a psychologically abusive mother, dear god could I relate to it! This video helped me understand the characters more.
As a son of a single mom (widoweder) you have to be strong willed. My mom wanted to turn me into a son husband but I had to break away and not let her guilt me
This manga is so viscerally well drawn in terms of tangibly illustrating the complex feelings of Seiichi. It’s such very twisted characterization, but very realistic all the same. Her actions may not make sense at the moment, but it does reflect plenty of real-life stories. This video is very well written and presented in terms of music and some of the transitions wow.
This manga hit uncomfortably close to home. Without saying too much, I've grown up much like Seichi. I'm still cleaning up the mess of my early life. Intergenerational trauma is so hard to break away from. Surviving it and healing from it is a mountainous task, but worthwhile. If you're in the same boat, it's never too late to blossom. We will get to where we want to be if we work hard to break the cycle and recover. If you're still breathing at the end, you win. If you find solace, contentment and love in a form that suits you, you're a success. Look out for yourself out there and have compassion for yourself. Love you unconditionally, whoever you are. ❤
My Mom and I worked through our troubles but I still have an obsession with my Mom, Mom's my whole world. The thought of her dying has sent me to the emergency room by the pure shock of the thought happening. I wanna have my own life but I'm petrified to leave her. She's been there for me to everything. What if I leave, bad things happen qnd she won't be there because she passed, I'll be alone. I have considered MANY times about self deletion when she dies because there's nothing for me to live for without her.
what an awesome video. i think you really did a great job of discussing this story- and it’s such a hard one to get into, for obvious reasons. i’d love to see you cover more psychological stuff in the future, i really enjoy the way you present the narrative, and the editing (especially during the parts discussing sei’s trauma with his mother) was perfect. so glad i found this channel!!
I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, a lot of time was spent on editing. In the future I might start looking for help but for now it's always been my favorite part of the process. I really wanted this to feel like the story was coming alive, though the manga does a great job of that in its own right. It is definitely a difficult read, but certainly a worthwhile one if you can get through all the emotional turmoil it delivers
I think what makes Blood on the Tracks so frightening and sad is that every person has a piece of themselves in this story, whether it's abuse or neglect, abandonment or growing old and the eventuality of time. This manga has a real feeling, and many unfortunately live Seiichi's reality every day. That's probably why it meant so much to me when I read it, as well as others
Seeing the abuse you went through on a tangible paper in my hand crushed me when I first read this series. I’m so thankful it exists, because even if it’s fiction-something somewhere knows and understands. I love my mother, even now after 22 years of domestic, verbal, and CSA. My body will always hurt. My head has torn itself apart. But I’ll never stop wishing I was in her arms, without feeling the vomit come up in my mouth.
I don't know if my comparison is fair at all but I prefer chi no wadachi a trillion times over oyasumi punpun. The story is very similar. An abusive mother that didn't want to be a mother and feeling trapped, a passive father that ignores red flags, a quiet boy mentally destroyed, an abused girl who wants to run away with the MC but also kind of manipulating him, messed up first sexual experiences, not very helpful relatives and lives broken beyond repair. Unlike punpun, chi no wadachi is soooo nuanced and the characters are so well developed that you can follow exactly the mental state of the characters from beginning to end, and even if by the end Seiko cannot be justified it is clear that she is not EVIL™️. I find the whole detachment thing terrifying. I did like punpun's approach of a more symbolic representation of the characters, but the emotional impact of Oshimi's realistic characters is out of this world.
I'm so glad Seiichi found peace at the end. Sometimes that's the happiest ending trauma survivors can get and I hope I can find my own. Thank you, Oshimi. For such a beautiful and brutal story. For such a wonderful love letter to those who survived abuse.
Im not gonna lie man, this video filled my head with suicidal thoughts. My relationship with my mother was never great even now. There was a point in my life and i remember it bright as day when she tried to kill me by strangling me in the bathtub when i was 6. She claims none of it ever happened and so on. This manga is so uncannily familiar to me excluding the murders and stuff but this really triggered something in me man. Jesus
I'm terribly sorry to hear that, I genuinely hope you are going to be okay. I put a content warning in the beginning of the comment section to address the trigger areas in the video for viewers. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Please, please seek help if needed 🙏
Thank you for this , I really needed to know how it ended. I started reading it but despite wanting more, it made me do uncomfortable that I just couldn't continue. So I really needed someone to summarize till the end so I can know. Maybe now that I know that at least in the end he is free, maybe now I can read it. Thank you so much for this video
I understand what the author was going for but the point where Seiichi kills Shigeru onwards had to be the most frustrating thing ever. I could not have been more pissed that Seiichi ultimately chose to take care of Seiko in her old age.
I get why you feel that way but I don’t think he saw it so much as “taking care” of her and moreso biding his time to ensure the finality of her death. Seiichi says several times he’s just going to watch her, and while yes he does more than that by nursing her, he’s also securing the fact that if she dies, it won’t have been because of lack of effort on his part. I don’t think he relished watching her whither away, but at the same time he knew it was necessary if he was going to be present for her final hour. And he needed that. He needed the closure of knowing she was really gone and was never going to come back and be able to affect his life again. There’s a beauty in his decision to nurture the woman that struggled so hard to do the same for him.
the art style is what made me love this story so much. i think it was the first time i read a psychological horror manga, and damn i am so glad i did. the story made me feel sick at times but to read it until the end, sure it made me feel devastated, but at the same time it also gave me happiness and peace knowing seiichi lived long and finally felt peace himself. this may be one of the most beautiful story I have ever read.
Seechi's mother reminds me of Frank Fontaine from Bioshock, rooting as someone who cares for our main character until we realize the person isn't who he or she claims to be. Now, would you kindly leave that like, sub, comment and view time to support the channel?
This hit close to home, at some point in this video i just started crying because i can feel the emotions of the main character and what he went through.
Damn. I've seen plenty of videos on this series and read it a handful of times, but this video had me crying. I never got to the part where his mother passes and he grows into an old man, but I remember the anxiety and uneasiness of getting through it all. Great video, terrific breakdown on such a disturbing manga.
This manga made me question my own relationship with my mother so freaking much. My mother passed away when I was a kid but we were so close, to the point that people who knew both of us back then - still see me as a "mamas boy". We had a very close relationship like Seiichi and his mum. She had a fight with my aunty once because my aunty was mocking us and saying it's creepy how close we were. This manga made question if it was actually an unhealthy relationship? She was very very protective over me, agaisn't anyone, even my father but she also struggled herself. She had cancer and that's what eventually took her life and I'm sure that has a part to play in it. But honestly I see so much in reslemblace between Seiichi and his mums relationship and mine and my mums. I don't need to open that pandoas box but that just goes to show how deep and dark this manga can be/get and how anyone from any sort of background may content to it in a way.
Wow, this was an excellent critical analysis and commentary upon Blood on the Tracks. Your video has inspired me to read the whole manga again and look at it from a new perspective. Thanks!
Hello Red Panda Productions!, thank you so much for making this video as I’ve never seen anyone analyzing the finished version of the manga. One thing that I would like to reprobate about this video (and other discourse surrounding this manga) is the lack of cultural understanding surrounding the parent-child relationship and gender roles in Asian cultures. I think that’s why western readers tend to not understand why Seiichi did the things he did in his adulthood. Like, constantly coming back to her, staying at her place during the typhoon, and taking care of her. Even after how much Seiko pretty much ruined his life, you only have one parent, right?. To better understand my points, Asian culture puts a high emphasis on family ties, collectivism is preferred than individuating from family and society. So when Ichiro and eventually Seiko later succumbed to ‘normativity’ and forget their dreams of becoming poets and actors, it was basically giving up a part of themselves. You might be asking, “how come Ichiro didn’t become an insane sociopath like Seiko?”. Well to put it simply, it was because he was allowed to have a social life outside their home, whilst Seiko was stuck with Seiichi all day. Compared to western family culture where the father is the head of the household in and out, mothers are the one running the show. Fathers are simply there to provide and carry the family name. I believe that’s why Seiichi felt the need to constantly make his mother happy. Even if he wanted to throw her ass into retirement home, he knew how much she sacrificed for him, and he also has a moral and social obligation to take care of her. I think that’s why I was not personally on par with the idea that him letting Seiko drag out her death as revenge. To answer your last question. Did Seiko really love him?. Yes..well kinda. I truly believe that she cared about him but didn’t really tell him that. It was more through action. Low-context and high-context culture seem to be a common barrier between a child and a parent where one of said culture is more dominant (in this case, it’s high-contest). Seiko never got to express her true feelings without being berated or judged by other people, and when she was confronted by Seiichi, it was hard for her to even explain and let alone remember. Does this excuse all of her actions? no. But I found the scene of him and Seiko looking at the photo album bittersweet, because it really makes you realize how much trauma and culture can intersect with each other. Sorry for the ramble but I thought this was important to point out!
Now that I'm older, I pity the adults that hurt me in my childhood. Thankfully, we have more knowledge, studies, and resources these days that can better equip you to deal with less than ideal upbringing.
Thank you for making this video! It helps me a lot when dealing with hard topics to have someone narrate and help break things up into easier pieces for me to digest. Your narration was superb and calming. I've been interested in this manga for a long time so it was very satisfying to finally experience it.
Thank you for the narrative. I came across this manga last year or so and I was terrified to actually look for it and read it alone. Watching this helped me to bear it.
I think another manga by the same creator "Inside Mari" wasn't as sad, but definitely made me rethink how I viewed mental illness forever. Easily my top 2 mangas btw.
at least he got answers and closure, I miagine that's why he laughed. With closure he could find acceptance and start over, without it he'd be driven mad again and turn into his mother. She did give him the gift she never had in the end.
a lot of this brought up feelings i had about my grandmother before she passed, how much she really took from my mom and how much she took from even me without any remorse or empathy.
I recommend the movie Confession, as a talented woman with purpose or wanting to do sth in life, having a child is like having a chain on your ankle, your future is sealed. while your partner is free to pursue whatever he want, you as a mother can never have that because you have to raise children and that come with abandoning your own self and own future. even though mother love the child, she still can see her child as the being that take every freedom from her. that why getting rid of her child is like taking back the freedom she always wants. though Confession wasn't as brutal as this, it follow similar mother-son relationship.
This manga taught me that no matter how much your parents hurt you, they are still your parents who take care of you. A similar situation happened to me (still going on) with my mother. I was SA'd by my stepfather and my mother defended him by telling me that I was the one at fault in this case. My aunt took me away from them, and for several years I was free from them. But later, when I met her again, she played the victim, saying that she was devastated and tried to commit suicide twice because I left her. I lash out, basically breaking down all of my emotions to her. But the next day, I felt guilty because I had lashed out and shouted at her. Theres this kind of feeing that make me blame myself. BTW, my family is very religious and it's basically a sin if a child were being disobedient to ther parents. I feel like I have sinned and thinking I was responsible for all of these problem. It's been years since that happened, but it still lingers in my mind. I feel like Seiichi was relatable because even if seiko had ruined his mental state, childhood, and basically everything, he still couldn't hate her because she's still his mother. This is basically what I'm feeling right now to my mother.
I watch heaps and heaps of lengthy video essays. The more hours long, the better. But… my god….. this video was… so long…. So, so long. When it was only nearly halfway done I didn’t know how I could endure the story any longer. What more could there be? I wanted his suffering to end… This was *heavy*. Thank you for creating your content. I consumed this whole video so thanks for the time and effort put into it is in order. Your voice is calm and comfortable and the way you tell a story and the ways you reflect is very cell thought out and guides the viewer so well. I honestly don’t know if I’m happy I watched this or not, for my own peace. But regardless, it’s a good piece of creation and thank you for putting it out there for us to choose to watch or not… phew. I need a moment 😂
Yeah, this video took about 4 months to make because I had to take frequent breaks from editing and trying to read the story, it's a rough manga and very hard to get through at many points, especially when you analyze it. It's definitely not for everyone, but I'm glad the video was meaningful for you. Next time I think I'm gonna talk about something a bit lighter to calm my nerves haha.
@@redpandaproductions Kudos for sticking to it for so long! I’ve actually heard this manga mentioned in other videos before but none got to the core of what a beast this story truly was. I’m still recuperating tbh. But hey, gotta sub because that video was well done!
@@Circletwice I appreciate the sub, thanks! Yeah, I felt it was worth telling but I needed a while to recover as well. My next video is probably going to be on Wolf Children which has its sad moments but is a much happier overall story
Maybe it's because I can feel myself reflected in some of the experiences of Seiichi, but I didn't feel this whole story as heartbreaking, it was actually kind of comforting (as a whole!). After all he had to endure (nothing deserved), he got an apology and could go on and live a peaceful life where the memory of the abuser did not persecute him anymore. I also liked how it explained that the mother was not just evil-for-the-sake-of-evil, but a victim of the circle of the abuse, who proceeded to be an abuser herself. It was an emotional journey, just for me I think a different one.
As for someone who grew up with a mother who has little to no Empathy, I relate to this manga to the core. But luckily what saved me from ending up like Seiji was my grandparents. But sadly, my younger sister did not. She grew up with my mom and she grew up just like Mom and worse: a person with 0 empathy. She became a Covert Psychopathic Narcissist. She killed her own child without remorse. This is the danger of living with Narcissistic parents. You become one yourself if theres no one there to help you. In Seiji’s case, the person who helped him, his hero, thats his Dad. His father kept him from killing himself and becoming fully like his mom. I hope in everyone’s lives there is some kind of a hero in theirs as well. I thought I had a normal family until I decided to undergo Therapy due of a dilemma that I faced 12 years ago. Therapy helped me understand my family and myself. Im forever grateful for it. Healing is forever and hard. My sister? And my Mom? I actually don’t know whats up with them now. I am in no contact with them since my grandparents death 3 years ago. I pray for them everyday. I wish them well. For those who are undergoing Family Narcissim Healing, you know why I am in no contact with my fam. Its necessary and I am content surrounded by people who truly support me. Many people have lives like Seiji, they just dont realize it. How can they? When they’re just a child. Developing years of a child, from 1-7 yr old is very important. What children experience in that stage will shape them throughout their lives. I saw it. I experienced it. My mom is what she is because of my grandparents. Theyre okay but strict. Very strict. I grew up with my grandparents but its not the same strict ppl like how my mom grew up with. Theyre the loving version of themselves. But even with that, I still need to go to Therapy because of all the manipulation I experienced growing up with my Mom in my developing years. To those who are Healing. You’re not alone. Hold on. You’ll get there. Right now, in this moment of my life, I am experiencing Peace. A grace that God gave to me that I am eternally grateful of.
Damn it's almost like NPD is a disorder that requires sympathy and treatment rather than further abuse and ostracization which makes the condition worse. I'm sorry your therapist believes in stigmatizing a mental illness for the sake of healing your trauma.
![Tee Grizzley - Robbery 8 [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/34_vkNV6wrU/mqdefault.jpg)
*PLEASE READ:* THIS STORY COVERS VERY DIFFICULT TOPICS INCLUDING CHILD ABUSE, EMOTIONAL AND NEGLECT ABUSE, MANIPULATION, ATTEMPTS AT LIFE, EXTREME THOUGHTS OF DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS, AND POST TRAUMA. IF AT ANY TIME YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED OR HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, PLEASE TURN THE VIDEO OFF IMMEDIATELY AND SEEK HELP IF NEEDED.
personal memo: This has been a pretty tough video to make but all in all I'm glad I did. It allowed me to talk about a lot of things that this story made me feel whilst reading it as well as reflect on some personal experiences, and I hope that, despite the difficulties of the narrative, others will get something out of it as well. Thanks so much for watching :)
A suggestion- please list the specific content warnings in the videos! It's hard to tell if to watch a video or not if the warning is too broad.
@@piopio6266 Yeah, I guess this makes sense, you and I may unfortunately be those rare persons on obscure channels like these who look forward to reading description for more info and then free falling into the comment section for the discourse.
So I guess it may be necessary if only for that reason, otherwise though people really need to at least know when to step back from videos like these the moment they may feel uncomfortable.
I just sometimes feel bad for the creators, you don't always remember to cover all the bases and they dont mean any harm ya know?
Thanks for makin the thing man...
@@piopio6266 A very good suggestion and something I will definitely make sure to do in the future with difficult topics. This video has been quite a learning and reflecting experience for me and probably many others I think. Thanks for your comment :)
definitely specify the content warnings (ideally in the video, but adding it in the description or a pinned comment would help) because otherwise it's practically pointless. people aren't sensitive about the same topics. just some advice that'll help viewers decide if they want to keep watching or not :)
To me this didn’t felt like a horror story. It felt like a realistic depiction of generational trauma and untreated mental illness. Sadly, I’ve had many similar experiences growing up, seeing harmful personality disorders and mental illness passed down in both sides of my family, especially my mother’s side.
according to research Mental illness mostly comes from mother's side.
same this video alone made me tear up and break down. i have a mentally unstable mother and she is very attached to me, in a way that I feel that if i move away she would kill herself. she isnt abusive like seiko but I relate to the pain of seeing someone so close to you devolve into a shell of their former self
I hope both of you are doing better now than before. I have this deep hatred that developed over years because of an abusive family and parent. They are very old now but even if I am also an adult I still feel powerless. I stay sane without any mental help but I always keep my faith. When bad days are about to creep in I pray and appreciate myself for being this far from that place. And I know someday them or me shall pass but I also think that I wish I have a different set of myself to cope up just for me to reset just one more time. The life I wanted has passed and it has been a waste of life.
It's a story of physical and emotional incest.
It can be both.
The fact this could actually happen, and probably did happen for the amount of sick, sick people out there, terrifies me. We can read it for a horror story, but this might be just someone's everyday life.
Unfortunately it is a reality for a lot of people, and that's I think where the real sadness and horror lies in this story. There's what's on screen, but what's not on screen is what I thought about the most. All the people who aren't being talked about and the ones who feel heard after reading this story.
People watch true crime and the horror the victims go through and that’s entertainment for them. Hell, some people fall asleep listening to a victim getting tortured to death.
@@whitedragoness23 this is funny but unfunny at the same time. I use to love watching horror movies before sleeping. But I started waking up to hearing people screaming. Which resulted in me turning it off to me completely stop watching horror before bed.
After a while I noticed even though I stopped watching horror movies before bed I had weird horror like dreams for a while. Never having really a normal dream. It took months to like a year before I started having normal dreams again. Even now I have to do or watch something that pleases me to have a pleasant dream .
@@Dayneia20 Experienced the same, though it was because my abusive father put on movies he enjoyed (read: g0ry snu/ff-fests) while I fell asleep, hearing it all from my room (sometimes on the couch with him too when he felt he needed a viewing buddy). All starting at the age of 6, but I've heard through my family's grapevine that it may have started earlier.
I felt very validated, if not vindicated, when I read a study awhile back that showed the part of the brain responsible for survival instincts & stress responses goes utterly haywire when we watch horrifying/terrifying content. To this day, any time I hear someone scream anything, my mind goes blank, I can't understand them, and all I want to do is run.
To touch on Kevintheradioguy131's point as well: Yes, it's utterly tragic how these stories are often our own. I'm very grateful to people like Redpandaproductions for bringing severely traumatic stories like these to light, as it shines much needed awareness and insight onto them. As a survivor of severe familial & life-threatening trauma myself, it means more than anybody knows for people like myself to see such compassion from strangers.
Thank you for believing our stories, no matter how unreal they sound. This unreality was once our very, VERY real one.
My ex-girlfriend was a psychologist, she told me an extremely similar case that she observed in college, where a boy was completely abused by his mother since childhood. During his adolescence he acquired a serious psychological disorder, and his mother, who sexually, psychologically and physically abused him, poured hot water on the boy's body. After that he took a knife and stabbed her several times, killed her and walked through the streets aimlessly until he was found. The boy went to a psychiatric care institute after that. There really are stories out there as heavy as this one.
They pushed my man shigeru off twice
No way u still mad bout dat
@@antaeku8038Tf you mean still???
@@spongebobsquarepants9146 still still, i mean they got what they deserve for pushing him
@@antaeku8038 fair (also I thought u were being silly and I was playing into it)
Real, Shigeru was the GOAT
I’m sorry, but that whole family, aunt and cousin too, are deeply messed up
Yeah, everyone in that family has issues, Ichirou seems the only normal one
I'm sorry but can you explain how the aunt and cousin are deeply messed up? I understand overbearing but that doesn't mean they're cruel in any way
@@rinvalentine7108 They also bullied Seiichi and his mom for her overprotectiveness at the beginning of the manga. And if I´m not mistaken, they knew Seiko tried to kill him once and they never did anything to protect him.
@@EmmaAisuru she was teasing her about the overprotectiveness because she just wanted her to ease off and she didn't know they seiichi got shoved off a hill but she knew he got hurt. She probably saw him scraped up because that fall definitely would've left him bruised and cut up. She isn't the nicest person but she was reading Seiko. I looked back at conversations with aunt if I could find anything else but I might've missed it
@@rinvalentine7108 The problem with knowing that Seiichi was injured when he was three is, that they fully knew they were too many wounds and out of the sudden (in all the flashbacks you can see all the bruises). And she (being suspicious of Seiko since the wedding) didn´t investigate more about the incident or believed the crap Seiko told. And she brought it to the conversation not because it was a realization, she brought it because she was manipulating Seiichi to believe in her when she never cared about him enough.
The ending is hinted at being somwhat hopeful, but after finishing this manga, you feel this deep-seated sadness and hopelessness tbh
Freedom is liberating while terrifying. But I'm too soft of a person to think Seiichi will be miserable. I hope he'll be okay in the last years of his life.
And maybe that’s the correct takeaway. Sometimes stories are tragedies.
I feel the ending was extremely cathartic. Emulating his father, who accepted and stood by him despite of what he had done, in finally being the one to be taking care of his mother, Seiichi understood her and was able to in a way forgive her. The final dialogue they share, he doesn't just forget about everything bad she's done to him but he has moved past it as a person.
Instead of ending himself, he found comfort in reading and formed a healthy hobby.
Seiichi ended the cycle of generational trauma. Just renting books from the library, eating snacks in the park and growing old and content.
The ending was tragic because while he seemed to have healed as an old man, almost his entire life was robbed by the trauma. Decades of life eaten up. I'm so glad he found freedom and happiness at the end, but I wish he could have experienced a normal, happy childhood, teen years, and young adulthood.
I think the conclusion is sad but beautiful, hopeful, and empowering. Like wounds may leave scar, but they are definitely healed.❤
This hit me really bad, I was brutally abused by my mother for many years and as I grew older she kicked me out of her home, I live on the streets for a while but I managed to finish high school and lost contact with her.
When started college I had a phone call from one of her friends saying she was in the hospital and they only give information to family so she couldn’t do much and ask me to travel there to help out, I was nervous, the only contact I had before it was always her asking me for money, but I did ended up going, she was pregnant from some random dude, the baby didn’t make it, I pay for the funeral with my savings and the hospital bill (I was 20), I stay there for a while to help out, her and my sister had a lot of problems so I ended up dropping college, back to live there and working to help them out, they never changed, she keep on using me and it was never enough. People always justify parents just because they birth you, but honestly I don’t think you will understand until the person who should love you the most is the one who is more damaging to you, is pretty wild, you have this guilt for feeling bad cus is “your mom”, anyway this manga definitely bring back some memories and it was super hard to keep going but is so real, sad, and beautiful.
Btw sorry for the ramble, I really love your input and voice! Happy I found your channel ❤
@@stephanieramirez6880 I'm sorry to hear you went through so much, but I hope you're doing better now. I'm glad too that, if anything, you might have found some comfort in this small corner of the internet
you shouldnt have paid anything
You see everything that happened to you on a conscious level, and this is remarkable.
One thing, you owe nothing to her, especially not because a (in my opinion) questionable friend says so.
My friend was always bullied by her mother in front of every friend, and those only accepted the mother's side. They are just the same. Their word means nothing, but they show what kind of person they are.
I hope you are loved!
@@stephanieramirez6880 My circumstances back then wasn't as horrible as yours, but I was physically and mentally abused by my Dad and it's still haunting me up until now. I had to run away from multiple times just to escape the horrors of my childhood but I always ended up in his care.
Right now, I have no contacts with him. But I still yearn for his acknowledgement and validation. It's really weird the person that I hate the most is the person that I want to hear praises and compliments from.
This story taught me a lot about myself as embarrassing as it is.
It taught me that forgiveness isn't JUST for the sake of the person that hurt you. It's more for yourself.
I didn’t learn just how true that is until my late twenties. Holding grudges and hating the people who hurt me never did anything good, it only dug me into a deep dark hole I struggled to get out of. It was only after I forgave all the people who hurt me and let go of my own feelings that I finally began to improve. It’s really hard but not impossible.
I think because holding a grudge means you are always questioning why that terrible thing happened to you and how it could have turned out differently. On the other hand, letting go and accepting that the event was in the past and you can now protect yourself means you can finally move on, you're no longer stuck in that moment. Of course the most important thing is always protect yourself, don't get lured back in by people who hurt you or people with similar personality that can hurt you./
That's a beautiful lesson to take away from this story
There is nothing to be embarrassed of
To forgive is an act that concerns you the most, but it is on their behalf to be redeemed.
There’s a Japanese movie called “Mother” based on a real life murder case that is chillingly similar to this story. A 15 year old boy charged with the murder of his grandparents revealed that his abusive mother had been manipulating him his whole life into committing crimes to support her addictions. It’s terribly sad.
I saw that movie, it’s sad
There’s also sunk into the womb, which is horrifyingly realistic to how inhumane people can be. The part that probably fricked me uo the most was (spoiler alert)
The girl’s brother dies due to the house running out of formula and the movies showing a scene with maggots, the girl unable to do anything since she was just a kid. I probably shouldn’t have been watching it when i was a kid 💀
0
Was it released in 2020? Seems like it, but have to make sure
the end of the manga makes me absolutely weep, not just with sadness but with relief, knowing that seiichi really does it. he gets out. i think a lot of stories would be tempted to go for the healing fantasy where seiichi eventually enters back into society in a "conventional" way, getting married and having kids, but i think the ending that trail of blood gives seiichi is so much more impactful because his healing isn't about looking the way he's supposed to, falling in line the way his mother did under that societal pressure. he breaks the cycle and lives a happy, peaceful life, where it's alright for him to be alone. he's a whole person all by himself.
Totally beat my predictions with the timeskip. I'd figured he'd 100% becomes Norman Bates after having such a violently unhinged childhood, with his formative years literally robbed from him with juvenile detention and how much these delusions followed him well into his 30s. How he managed to beat away that deep-seated turmoil and lived into a humble old peaceful man is nothing short of a miracle.
It hurt seeing Fukishi at the end with her family. I really wanted Seiichi to be with Fukishi. She was his guardian angel
True but it's just depressing to see that Seiichi could've been a great husband with Fukushi because he genuinely loved her and she loved him. Her mom's manipulation is what destroyed this pathway for poor Seiichi. He was in hell from the moment he submitted to her mother when she caught him and Fukushi that rainy night all the way when he became really old. I also feel really bad for Fukushi because no doubt she would be feeling guilty of not trying hard enough to save Seiichi from his devil of a mother despite it bit being her fault at all. She was a kid as well just like Seiichi.
@@andrescaiced2993me too
I heavily agree with everyone about Fuukishi, like, seriously they were seriously the cutest manga couple ever. I do agree that, even though he doesn’t end up with her, his ending is still BEAUTIFUL, seriously man, that last panel was so good with old man Sei.
I’m no therapist, but Seiko describing a lack of connection to anyone around her and only “feeling” anything when harming them sounds like textbook antisocial personality disorder
She's more of a borderline case. Splitting and killing everything around her.
She also mentions several times the feeling of being detached or distant from major life events happening. This sounds like derealization to me which could be it’s own thing or a symptom of some larger mental illness/personality disorder
@@SmotheredDreamsNot quite, Seiko might have some borderline traits like her attachment to Seiichi and wanting him close and her splitting nature on her son but she doesn't quite have that internal abandonment/rejection despair the same way a borderline of any type would hurt (including quiet/discouraged); You can argue her anger outbursts are borderline but borderline outbursts are a push and pull dynamic born in uncertainty of whether or not you'll stay.
She definitely has some ASPD traits with her lack of empathy for others and her manipulation of a situation in her benefit. (She doesn't manipulate her situation with shigeru because she didn't want the family to desert her, like how someone with BPD would do.)
Ofc both bpd and aspd have overlapping symptoms like impulsivity, anger outbursts (tho they look a bit different from eachother) manipulative tendencies, lack of boundaries etc.
Additionally, we can't dismiss the likelihood that someone like Seiko also likely has multiple psych conditions like schizoaffective or schizophrenia or even depression that may have led to a form psychosis.
@@tiffanyh629 the ASPD reminds me of a rare thing called RAD (reactive attachment disorder) it's mainly in children though it can transfer into adulthood if not treated 100%
( kids with RAD is a condition where a child doesn't form healthy emotional bonds with their caretakers (parental figures), often because of emotional neglect or abuse at an early age )
(Adults with RAD can have various symptoms, including distrust of others, control issues, and anger issues. They may deny personal responsibility for their behaviour and feel helpless due to a lack of personal relationships )
Borderline personality disorder.
Not gonna lie, some parts of the manga were a little dragged out, but the last chapters became absolutely gut-wrenching for me. Those moments where Seiichi took care of his dying mother despite the abuse and gaslighting he'd gone through was too real.
it's really for the effect of showing you the agonizing experience, but i can understand from a reader's perspective
Felt so bad for the father
It felt drawn out because we were waiting weeks for chapters😂😂
My personal thoughts after finishing the manga a few weeks ago:
I can't relate to the abusive parent bit, but I recognized myself a lot in the depression and hopelessness that Seichi felt as an adult.
I saw a bunch of people disliking the ending because "he didn't get the girl", and... yeah, I feel they really missed the point:
Seeing Seichi learn to enjoy life, even a quiet and rather mundane one, and then forgetting the face of his mother; a face that had constantly tormented him even when she wasn't there... felt strangely comforting.
To a depressed person, a "good, victorious" ending can consist of just getting out of bed and having a routine that you enjoy. To not be in mental anguish. A lot of people sadly don't seem to understand that. :(
Well said, especially last part
That is true. I used to think that I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I had the guy I crushed on for almost half a year. But now, getting help from teachers and doctors after witnessing domestic violence, bullying, and some abuse I faced for almost my entire teen years, i realized just feeling happy by admiring sound or a view or appreciating the good people in my life, is way better than getting a boyfriend (I'm not prepared for that yet lol)
Man, I would love to just get up and out of bed wanting and ready to face the day just one single friggin time before I die whenever that isn
Yeah. A lot of people don't get that you don't really need to have a romantic partner to be happy with your life. Such expectations often end up with people getting desperate to find a partner and keep the relationship going no matter what. Some may be lucky and find themselves in a loving and satisfying relationship. But many others will eventually start to feel disillusioned and disappointed with the relationship, which results in people feeling trapped in their own lives.
Well said.
Tbh the reason most people don't understand that type of living are the people who constantly chase things. By constantly chasing things, whenever one doesn't attain those, one will surely feel disappointment hence the complaints on why "he didn't get the girl".
However, thinking that way as a mentally unwell person? It's miserable.
I'm not suggesting to go for mediocrity but isn't it better to live a life where things don't feel forced to live? Where you're not trying so hard just to be able to live? Is it living or is it just barely surviving?
The mother was truly a bad person. But her circumstances were really relatable, she never wanted children but felt a societal need to have them and was kind of pushed into it. Her feelings of hatred for her life as a housewife and conflicting emotions towards a child she never wanted are a sad reality that a lot of mothers face. It really emphasizes how no one should have kids without being 100% sure they want them and some people should never reproduce. This obviously doesnt excuse her evil actions but shows a dark side of society that isnt often acknowledged. Having a child broke her, many people feel fulfillment and joy in having a child but some are left feeling empty and full of regret. A lot of child abuse would probably end if people thought more about whether kids were right for them.
Nobody brought this up, it offers a different point of view from Seiko. I know a friend who adopted her sister's child. Her sister was experiencing trauma and chronic baby blues. She left her baby to her sister shortly after birth. A lot would judge her cruel, but rarely would people see it from her point of view, she never wanted to be a parent and it doesn't come to her naturally. Her husband wasn't the best either at being a husband, always judging her but he never was the type to be able to support a child financially and emotionally, but always trying to convince the sister to have a baby as to show the public he's part of a reproductive family. She agreed and regretted deeply. That baby was adopted by my friend who was wealthy and able to support a child and is an adult now. Her mom told her that she is sorry that she couldn't care for a child. They're in better terms tho now, but my friend as her parent.
Utter nonsense. She is an adult and should act like one. People like you always come out of the wood work to make justifications for the animals. In real life people who don’t want kids are usually forever children themselves who do nothing but take from those around them, obsessed with their own self centered lives and the rest of us are made to pay for it.
@@theredsir869 Thats not true. I know tons of childless people who give so much for their family and friends.
and usually childless people arent bitter, miserable husks of people like those with children lol
I will say about these things though... If she didn't have a child and continued pursuing an acting career that doesn't mean she would have been happy either.
She seems like a fundamentally broken person and well... Youth, beauty, looks... Doesn't last forever. An acting career, even if it gives you a moment of fame... Will not be lasting. Nor give lasting security, at all.
In a way she was kind of lucky she didn't end up alone in her final days, but yeah... What she needed was help clearly. A kind of help neither her husband or child could give her.
Whether she had a child or not, she was broken either way, from the inside. And well... The sad thing about having a child is she dragged the child down with her.
We really need to change as a society so we view having children as something you opt INTO instead of opting OUT of. Having children is an enormous lifelong commitment, and if you screw up you can mess your kid up for the rest of their life. Nobody should have a child unless they’re 100% certain they want one.
Apparently this is like 30+ years after and his Mom is suffering from a condition which explains how fast she degraded. She was in her 20s when he was born and technically 60+ when she died.
No because he was around 13-14 as a kid and is shown at age 36. That's a little over 20 years. The timeskip at the end when he's old is long after she passed.
My mother was just that evil and while she didn’t kill anyone physically, she destroyed my entire childhood that I should’ve been able to experience. And when she’s frail and old, I will have already ran out of mercy to offer. Because whenever I do, she uses it up like a mosquito on a sleeping animal. Like a tick. She doesn’t come off. I hate her.
I'm really sorry she hurt you so much. Much love from an internet stranger.
@@RinLockhartI second this! ♥️
Leave their is nothin good supporting evil help other good people
You're not alone.
Send her to the hospice from happy gilmore
I actually just finished reading this manga yesterday, it's really bittersweet and honestly heartbreaking to see how the cycles of abuse/neglect can manifest
My mother tormented me exactly like that because she has a condition called patological alcoholism and used me as a punching bag because my father left her and when she got drunk she took out her hatred for him on me she used to leave suicide notes when i was 8 years old so i would find them and break down. It ruined me and i will never be a functional human being. Today ive been sober from a heroin addiction seven years. But what she did to me resulted in me becoming a criminal at a young age selling drugs for bigger criminals and driving in money but thankfully my father was the driving force to me clawing myself out of my personal hell. I have even forgiven my mother today because she is sick and i cannot hate a sick person.
Man, I hope you're in better times
@@lunix3259 oh yeah i absolutely am honestly with how my life was seven years ago im actually finding it hard to feel any negative emotions since im not in that hell and i tell you this when i say hell i mean it. The hell an addiction to opiates is is indescribable you could never imagine the darkness it wakes up in you the desperation and the fear of becoming sick. It is a literal demon that steals your very essence and if i can help even one person of never going to that place in themselves then i can die happy.
gangsta
you are such a strong and resilient person, i am so sorry for what you went through as a child man, no child deserves any of what you went through. i am so glad to know you are in a much better place now man ❤ may you keep getting healthier and better as you heal
Glad you're sober. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I relate a little as my bio mom is a toxic and emotionally abusive person. She used me for years and discarded me, but I don't hate her. I realize that she has mental health problems and trauma from her own childhood. I just don't have the energy to deal with her anymore.
Shuzo Oshimi’s other works are similarly disturbing/tragic. Happiness and The Flowers of Evil both broke my heart in the same way Blood on the Tracks did.
Because it was a fictional story, I kinda just saw it as another psychological horror manga. But as I read more, the more realistic elements started to get to me, and I could no longer dissociate it from reality. At least not completely.
Because there are people going through something similar in real life. That’s the true horror.
i am 26. murders aside...this manga explains alot of my life until college. currently in tears. everyday im thankful at 20 someone extended a hand out to me and i was able to escape. but of course things with my seiko didnt necessarily end there. currently my seiko is 64 and in a rehabilitation center far away, and has been insisting things go back to before i was able to have any voice or autonomy. that she wants to live with me. the cycle of forgiveness is extremely hard, her memory is very poor now, and i feel like an acknowledgement of my pain would be even one step in the right direction. but she states she cant even remember one thing. theres alot of times she does look like a little girl compared to me. and i know her childhood was horrible and thats why shes turned out like that. i very much swing back and forth between the emotions of forgiveness and anger, and wondering if im just again being manipulated. sometimes i remember hearing her stand over me and quietly sob shes sorry shes like this. but then i also remember waking up to emotional suffering the next day. memory issues run in my family, and i actually fear the day that i can no longer remember her face...so seeing that panel, the last page...im surprisingly happy for him. i wonder if its because he took a different route post discard. this was a wild watch for me, thank you.
Instead of forgiveness, I pity those that hurt me because they're stuck with themselves. Their past, awful behaviors, and inability to change for the better. You aren't them 😊 I look at them and think, "sucks to be you, stuck with such a crappy person!" Unlike them, I can walk away from them 😆
@@shellygarland8766 Thanks for sharing. I hope you will heal up, triumph through more adversity, and reach inner piece one day.
Never give up, find new ways to heal no matter how grueling, alone & unjust life gets.
I somehow missed or forgot the part where Shigeru's mother pushes Seiko down the stairs.
This was the most terrifying horror story I ever came across. Its really unique that it keeps on going where other stories would've stopped too. The author's talent in conveying emotion through drawing facial expressions is unparalleled, and the background and motives are so realistic it makes me think how did he do it, and I really hope its not based on actual stuff that happened.
I'm somewhat happy its over. Seichi has suffered enough.
I actually wondered myself if that was like, real, imaginary, or symbolic. Before that scene, we see Seiichi dreaming about Shige finally moving on and crossing into the afterlife, running into the arms of his mother, so I assumed she was dead by that point, which is before Seiko falls down the stairs. Interesting to say the least.
I relate a lot to this story. The ending seems very realistic to what awaits me in my own mothers final days, up until her very last breathe. Thanks for such a thought out video
Makes you wonder how many people are out there living a similar dysfunctional life
It's a scary thought for sure, but one I think about a lot. So many people can relate to this kind of thing in one way or another
For me with Seiichi taking care of his mother. Its kinda like an odd sense of revenge. Like, his mother could only feel when death happened. And i feel like if Seiichi gave that to her quickly, then she wouldn't really face what she done. No, instead he keep her alive and took care of her. Letting her slowly become less, and less of herself in her old age. Until she finally dies, her dreams and plans, unfulfilled and empty. Her cruel actions towards seiichi now rendered pointless, as in his old age, he could no longer remember her face.
I don’t personally relate to the story, but it reminds me of the relationship between my mom and grandmother. My grandma was extremely abusive to my mom while she was growing up, and my mom did everything she could to get away. She got married, had me, and went low contact with her mom. However, with age, my grandma’s abusive streak died out and what was left was a weak old women. My mom has admitted to me that she doesn’t know how to feel, seeing her abuser fragile and weak with not an ounce of anger left in her body. She’s somewhat repaired her relationship with her mom through the years, but it’s at arms length and only because my grandma fully admits that she was an awful person in her youth. Still, I grew up with the knowledge of who my grandma was and what she was capable of so I’ve never been close to her. She seems to be nearing the end of her life and I just can’t bring myself to feeling sad about it. Once she’s gone, my mom will be free and she won’t stress over her mother’s presence anymore….
This manga is special. It's uncomfortable not because it tries to shock you, but because it feels real and it gets under your skin.
A lot of media love to play the abusive parent trope because it's not only real, but it's an "easy" story to write. Few stories will actually dive as deep as Blood on the Tracks did.
Abuse comes in layers. An abusive parent will do more than physically or emotionally harm you. They practicality ingrain themselves into the deepest part of your mind and soul. Abusing a child is grooming them into being dependent on you for every decision they make, even on their own identity.
That's exactly what Seiko did to Seichi.
And what's worse is that Blood on the Tracks continues the stort in the most realistic way possible. Even after Seiko is arrested, Seichi's life continues to be stagnant and he's still haunted throughout his youth.
Why? Because the trauma caused by continuous abuse is rarely healed so easily. Just because the abuser is gone doesn't mean their victim can now be free.
And it's likely why Seichi needed to see Seiko die. In a twisted way, that was the closure he needed.
It's why the ending is strangely sweet to me. Because, while it took a long time, Seichi is free. He's living a content life. Maybe to others it's not ideal, but if he's content, then he's happy. And, most importantly, he's so content he did eventually forget about his mom.
Without realizing, Seichi really was living his adult/senior life finally free.
The lack of proper support Seichi recieved may have also contributed. Maybe there's some commentary on how poorly Japan's health and social systems handle cases like his.
The mangaka (Shuzo Oshimi) really does know how to portray the worse things about humanity without crossing the line into the unbelievable and ridiculous. His other work, Flowers of Evil, has the same vibe. I recommend checking out all his works if you can brave uncomfortable stories.
Perfectly put. This is why i got irritated when people were raving about how the author was dragging it on. Like no, the author brought out this story's full potential. This story was so well done??? I feel like so many people missed the point, i hated the comments lowkey.
this is like a book review essay on an english test
i never see this author and other related stories on my local bookstores honestly, assuming on the heavy undertones of its story. i could go on surfing the internet…
I have seen many other video essays on RUclips inevitably based on this very popular manga, but I have to say that without a doubt, yours has been the most thorough, earnest, and heartfelt one that I have seen thus far. As a new viewer, I think you have done an absolutely fantastic job, and so comprehensively as well. I look forward to more of your insights that you will create through your channel!
Thank you so much! This was a long one for sure and took me a few years to finish including the manga. A lot of the story echoes through reality, and I really wanted to capture that here. I'm glad you like it!
This manga helped me so much during its running years.
I was abused by my mother and brother. She was a narcissist that only cared about herself, just like seiko she held a tight grip on me. Controlling everything i did. Even locking me out of the house every summer.
She sexually abused me after i was sexually assaulted and blamed me. She would blame me for my self harm and kicked me out of my home when i was in the psychward. Ive been forced to do everything myself during my 18-20s. She still contacts me trying to brainwash me but Ive accepted that she will never change
Its taken me years to understand the facade she put up is fake. I still remember reading the pages while she yelled at me or while i cried myself to sleep.
This manga is so important for everyone in a similar situation and for society to understand that this happens. Thank you Shuzo Oshimi.
Hope you are doing alright now
Sorry about the csa but fr proof of NPD or she's not a narcissist and you need to cut saying that sht out. NPD is a real and serious condition not some slang for abuser for you to have your way with. Never will I claim somebodys abuse didn't happen. Always will I die on the hill that NPD is a diagnosis and nothing more.
@@ItsAllNunya that's a very strange hill to die on.
some person on the internet like yourself at least is NOT entitled to proof, insane behavior.
Fun fact: certain diagnosis/condition CAN turn you into an abusive person if left untreated!!! Source, my therapist and stuff you're not entitled to know🔥🔥
@@tsukikoamagiri nothing turns anybody into anything. Choices are what make the abuser. Source, more than one therapist I've had, multiple long term trauma periods I don't share online, as well as logic itself???? Youre perpetuating the idea than mental illness ever *makes* somebody abusive and so is your therapist. Find one that isn't nastyableist.
The point is, with the "proof" bit, that nobody but the abusers therapist could diagnose them. So they don't have npd. Period.
Dreams, amibition, money...As well as past traumas...These things really do stand in the way of love and family...This story kind of reminds me of the film "We Need to Talk About Kevin". Seiko Osabe reminds me of Baki's mother from the Baki series, Baki only wants her love and affection so he pushes himself to fight however she is simply using him as a tool to get Baki's abusive father to acknowledge her, however, there are genuine instances of her loving Baki, even in the last instance of him ever seeing her. It's tragic. I'm a 30 year old man and I live with my overbearing/domineering mother, who has never been the same person ever since going through breast cancer treatment, when I was in my teens, It's like the old her died...So, I definitely sympathize with Seiichi, That one instance where he stands up to her is extremely cathartic for me. Families can hurt each other the most because we know that we don't want to be without each other. I lived alone for a year and I hated it, I came straight home. I never want to be that lonely ever again, I guess that's why I tolerate it.
...At any rate, what a fantastic video on your part! I've seen videos about Blood on the Tracks before but yours is definitely the best! A complete and full coverage.
Thanks for the comment, I'm so glad you enjoyed the video! I agree, family isn't something so easy to cast off, you still end up harboring some love despite everything, but it's really terrible when the people you love hurt you over and over again. It made reading this pretty tough along the way, but in the end I came to terms with it just as Seiichi did. I really do hope your situation is a bit better now, I'm sorry to hear about those things you went through. Hopefully this story was a little bit therapeutic for you; it was for me.
Yup, codependency and religious trauma stick to me like glue. I am glad that Seiichi and this manga doesn't push the forgiveness doctrine like Madea Goes To Jail did. That movie was just telling you, "Honey, you're in here for what you did. Your daddy is living his best life. Grow up and STHU!"
I am glad Seiichi doesn't have to do everything for his mom and forgive her because, she's an old lady now. It's liike, "I'm not the person I was six years ago, so get over it! It's in the past!"
The fact that I relate to this story a WHOLE lot probably says a lot about my childhood, but reading stories like this actually help with processing certain emotions and making sense of the chaos. I’ve been in therapy for years now, and I can safely say I can live a pretty normal life after some intense years of EMDR and CBT therapy.
Hey man, great video. I read the series a couple of months ago and found it so gripping.
I definitely have a different interpretation of Fukiishi. To me, she and Sieko were two sides of the same coin. Fukiishi was very pushy, and was ready to run away with Seiichi after barely any time together. She clearly had emotional problems from a bad homelife and a terrible relationship with her father, and she didn’t seem to have appropriate s*xual boundaries for a 14 year-old girl. I read her as just another emotionally damaged, mentally unwell woman who was obsessed with Seiichi. It felt to me like he was going from one bad situation to another potentially bad situation.
That's a great interpretation of Fukiishi, she definitely is pushy and I do believe in the long run both were damaged to the point that it would be hard for them to forge a healthy relationship in the future. Fukiishi was the light in Seiichi's life, but I'm not sure how that would have panned out if they had actually run away together. In the manga, she turns out a lot better than Seiichi from the little we see of her as an adult, but it's likely because she got out early and was able to distance herself from her abusive home and family, whereas Seiichi could never break away from his mother the way that Fukiishi did her father
as someone with mom trauma i desperately felt Seiichi's desires and i sadly couldnt even make it past chapter 5? it was so raw and real, thanks for this video so i could really grasp the end of it all in a seperate manner than trying to read past my tears like back then T.T Shuzo Oshimi is amazing at his emotional world building
This woman, I feel so sorry for her. I can’t imagine her life. But one thing I don’t understand is that why would she agreed to that marriage, she truly had potential. Father and this kind of house wife type of lifestyle is not exactly bad thing, but definitely not for her. I can admit that this shit is so hard when you’re a woman and gave up your dreams for this shit. My mother, my aunt, my grandmother…this is so depressing and that’s why I don’t want kids because I’m afraid I’ll find myself in this position. I don’t tolerate her psychotic mental state but dang that was caused by all of this shit like returning back to small town and be mother, not having career, freedom and fame instead. I rather choose be alone and single but with money and freedom, than be a mom and nothing else. Yes, some mothers can do both, but that’s so rare and so hard
Yep!! I wish there was a back story to the Mom!! She should have never gotten married. It ruined her life. Why did she say “yes”? Or why not get married and have no kid’s? Going back that town and getting married doomed her before she had her son. Death was her only peace.
I am the product of a teen mother, I don't like her. She is terrible
Man i was abused by my mother throughout my childhood. I been beaten, groomed,emotional, physical, mental, and sexual abused. Some time i asked Why Did she hate me. Many years later i still don't know what it was. After my father passed away i thought i was going to be with my mother forever. But i went to court to get a restraining order againist my mom. She lied about everything. And i knew that i might lose this case. But my aunt and uncle came in and swooped me in to take care of me. 2012 to 2017 i dealt with abuse for 5 years. Now that im 23, i have truma from the sexaul abuse and physical. I see therapy now and trying to get better for myself
If you're a young teenager or child please call for help
Don't be scared that you wouldn't be heard
Because i didnt either at the time but i know that im loved by everyone who been there for me
Thx for your time reading this
You're a hero, man.
Thx you
As someone who lost a mother that is very very similar to Seiko (minus the attempted murder, but the strangulation, apathy, manipulation remains) i had a love-hate relationship with her. Unfortunately, she died without any redemption, and this manga completely translated how she felt about her whole situation. I used to carry (sometimes still do) resentment, but when I was with her in her last few breaths, I was exactly like Seiichi. The “wanting her to die but still sticking around”, I think a lot of people who don’t have these sort of dynamics with their parents may not understand the complexities of the “love”. At the end of the day, no matter how messed up everything was, it was still love. A very messy, nonsensical, evil, yet true, raw love. To me the ending of Seiichi not remembering her mom’s face is such a complex sentence, and carries a lot of grief still. When she died, a big big part of Seiichi died with her. When someone dies, the saddest part is when you realise they just don’t exist anywhere on the surface of Earth anymore. And when she died, all the trauma that Seiichi carried was very much invalidated at that point. Almost like living on an imaginary memory. Truly a magnificent piece, and I always have to plan on when to read this because it can trigger me and then I’d be up in my feels the whole day with that heavy heavy heart 😂 thank you for this video, i can finally find closure in this manga!
Moral of the story : Please go to therapy
Finished this manga a month ago, insanely good video bro I was shocked when I checked how many subs you had.
Thanks man, I appreciate it!
So the father never noticed his wife was depressed to the point of being danger to others? No wonder she lost it no one ever helped her or care enough to do so.
I blamed him a lot half way through, so weak and incompetent. He took a punch from his brother in law , after his wife admitting killing her nephew. At the end, his dad expressed so much sorrow and regret, even until his death bed. He didn’t deserve any of it
But he did notice, he just didn't understand the full extent of the psychotic break.
You see, as much as I hate the mother, you never, EVER push a woman to abandon her dreams to become a housewife/mother! Either by brainwashing, peer pressure, or just mentioning it many times until she succumbs. That is how you create bad mothers! I come from the Middle East and I have witnessed a lot of unhappy and horrible mothers who were forced to become mothers/housewives just as soon as they graduated college by their parents, their relatives, their friends, their neighbors, all for the sake of keeping up with appearances. “Oh, your cousin/neighbor got married? Well, it’s time you got married too!”. This is so destructive it leads to all kinds of crimes from mothers abusing their kids to throwing them in the streets (we have over 3 million street kids alone in my country) because they didn’t want kids or motherhood in the first place.
If you think every woman is meant to be a mother, no, not every woman. It’s a choice, not an obligation.
Which country? if you're comfortable saying
This is very accurate.
@@MorBius-fu2qr Egypt. but this statistic is old.
@@SetZek thankyou. alot of people sadly don't understand that.
@@1Manimation1 That's messed up, hope it gets better, I know it must be tough living with such a cultural requirement despite you knowing it to be harmful and wrong, it only takes one person to break this generations long cycle though, you have done so like many others must be, so there's hope this system will die out for good maybe in your own lifetime
Part of mehated Seiko throughout the entire series. She reminded me somewhat of my own mom and how she treated me. The big difference is I am a girl. The thing is, another part of me completely related to Seiko as well. Towards the end, when Seiichi throws the tea at her and raises his fist to hit her, when she morphs from the adult Seiko to the little girl version, I cried. It's almost like, I was seeing my mother and myself in that moment. For a long time of my life I resented my mom and very much felt like a victim of her abuse. But during that time I never once saw her as anything other than my abuser. That moment, looking at baby Seiko, I was reminded that at one point in her life, my mother was also just a little girl who cried and dreamed the same way I did.
generational trauma plus mental illness equals yikes
also reminds me of servant-master dialectic
@@annesolarlunar6142dynamic?
I read a lot of the first half of the story as some form of Postpartum Depression, with Seiko having forced herself to love her own child.
By the end, I read it as a cycle of self-loathing and many other conditions. She was just not a mentally well person because no one ever actually tried to help her. The most anyone did was point out what was going on or just letting her go with the flow. She never felt truly loved and it was only at the very end when she and her son were completely honest with each other that they felt a bond.
It's very complex and I truly wish that life had been different for both of them.
You might have been onto something though, Postpartum Psychosis is also a thing
This and oyasumi punpun are the saddest mangas for me
Especially oyasumi punpun, which changed my life..
I even have some punpun eyes tattooed on the back of my neck.
The depiction of psychopathy personality disorder was very well done in this manga tho, very good human character study
I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off watching this video. I actually couldn’t finish this manga, it was so deeply devastating to me, maybe because I had and still have a loving relationship with my mother. I know the way a mother should care for their child, and I also know there are countless real stories of abuse and neglect just like this one. I am glad to know now how the story ends, it’s sad but I’m glad Seichi found some sort of peace.
In Seiko's family, Seiko's sister was the golden child and she was made the scapegoat. If you understand the dynamics narcissistic family, the dynamics are pretty clear. It wasn't Seiko giving up on her dreams, it was the return to the town that was her hell that doomed her. I saw myself in both Seiko and Seiichi. I know what it's like to be the scapegoat, and I know what its like to be someone's narcissistic supply (usually the same thing)
Shame that his self-worth returning didn't allow him to find love. But it's okay to be happy without that aspect.
Ja…
this landed in my recommended and clicked for some reason. glad i did.
i (and my 9 siblings) grew up in an abusive home. my dad, 100 in September, and my mom, who just turned 80 2 weeks ago) were abusive in different ways. As kids, we never understood it. but us "kids" are in our early 30s to late 50s now and have learned about how our parents grew up and how they just continued "the cycle of abuse". my mom was also a brutal victim herself to DV at the hands of my dad (she was forced to marry him at 13 when he was 33). my parents are decrepid shells of themselves now. despite all the hardship we choose to take care of them as he does with his mother in this Manga. 7/10 of us kids broke the cycle when we became parents ourselves. sadly 3 of my oldest siblings continued that cycle. i can only hope their children breaks it. this Manga is just a reminder for us to stay true to ourselves and how we treat others.
29:15 i think i get it. Shes crazy. Because she gave up her life seji was her only actual anchor. But then he was also the reason why she cant go back to who she wanted to be. Because of her upbringing she was made to feel pretty worthless period and she had a plan to make herself worth more but she didnt have the courage to see that through. She gave up and got married and had a child. However the seji always believed that she was so important, so he simultaneously gave her value and took it away from her. Its a catch 22. Hes the best thing shes done that ruined her life. After a while she saw that she was ruining him so she cut him off before her ego was damaged anymore. When she does something horrible or intense, she has feeling because in that fleeting moment she only lives in the present. Thats what i get anyway
I’ve never felt hatred the way this manga made me feel for Seiko. Even after everything. It takes a great author to make you understand the horrors someone has been through, everything that makes them what they are, and still hate them the same way. The idea that you can make someone depend on you completely and then discard them like they’re nothing. The idea that any adult could do something so horrible to a child. THEIR OWN child. It’s a heart-rending depiction of the generational cycle of violence. She’s a woman who desperately needed help she never got and was washed away in the current of a life she never wanted. It makes me hate her and it makes me feel bad for hating her.
Yeah, that is also why she is both scary and....not sympathetic. I'm not quite sure what word I'm looking for, but it's evident that she hates herself and what she is unable to truly feel.
That is actually sad and a bit heartbreaking. Her condition imprisons her in a personal hell, both of her own making but also due to her mental illness.
This, Goodnight Punpun, and Metamorphosis are traumatizing
Metamorphosis? The corruption genre hentai? If so why are you reading pron that traumatizes you.
Thank you so much for this, I remember reading this a few years ago but stopped at the part with Shigeru on the snowy hill because it was the latest chapter at the time, and I just forgot to go back on it.
That ending is... a very strange feeling... its a sick mix of liberating and depressing
I read up to that part as well sometime ago, but just put it down because it was too much for me at that point... It's easy to understand the why's and the how's and that it isn't real but in the split second that it clicked for me that Seichi pushed Shigeru I just couldn't go back to it... I guess that's why I'm grateful for this video too, since I don't have the courage to come back to it.
And I do agree with your thoughts on the ending too! I'm very lucky in that I haven't suffered with depression like what Seichi is going through, but I do have some very close, dear friends that do. Whenever I see them happy, I can only hope that that means that happiness is also in Seichi's grasp one day... thank you for your comment...
where can I read it?
Thanks for this review! While of course this manga's story takes some extreme turns, it's also grounded. As we grow old, we may be forced to confront with a lot of heavy baggage: taking care of your loved ones in their old age, and dealing with the fact that they may have hurt you, and still hurt you, even when they mean the best - that's something very hard, and still often necessary. I'm convinced that these kind of stories need to be told, alongside lighter and more positive ones: they remember us we're humans, and we're all in the same creaky boat.
What sucks the most is how relatable sei’s relationship with his mother is.. the manipulation and abuse going on for years only for them to get old and weak and the internal acceptance that you go through residing next to a lingering hatred that still stains you as a person..
To me, their relationship is like a wine stain, sei is the cloth and his mother is the wine, once you wipe the wine, you are left with a smeared stain and over time that stain fades until eventually you throw the cloth away and forget about it.
in this modern world there are lots of people using ai to explain the stories but i dont really like it cause it dosent touches my heart, and when i see people like you who put their effort to explain the stories makes me happy. great work Mr. Red.
Thanks for making this video. I read this earlier this year, and as someone who has a psychologically abusive mother, dear god could I relate to it! This video helped me understand the characters more.
As a son of a single mom (widoweder) you have to be strong willed. My mom wanted to turn me into a son husband but I had to break away and not let her guilt me
FINALLY someone is talking about Blood on the Tracks.
There's plenty of videos on it out there, this is like the third or fourth one I've seen. You just have to look for them.
This manga is so viscerally well drawn in terms of tangibly illustrating the complex feelings of Seiichi. It’s such very twisted characterization, but very realistic all the same. Her actions may not make sense at the moment, but it does reflect plenty of real-life stories.
This video is very well written and presented in terms of music and some of the transitions wow.
This manga hit uncomfortably close to home. Without saying too much, I've grown up much like Seichi. I'm still cleaning up the mess of my early life. Intergenerational trauma is so hard to break away from. Surviving it and healing from it is a mountainous task, but worthwhile.
If you're in the same boat, it's never too late to blossom. We will get to where we want to be if we work hard to break the cycle and recover. If you're still breathing at the end, you win. If you find solace, contentment and love in a form that suits you, you're a success.
Look out for yourself out there and have compassion for yourself. Love you unconditionally, whoever you are. ❤
Same here.. thank you. We got this
My Mom and I worked through our troubles but I still have an obsession with my Mom, Mom's my whole world. The thought of her dying has sent me to the emergency room by the pure shock of the thought happening. I wanna have my own life but I'm petrified to leave her. She's been there for me to everything. What if I leave, bad things happen qnd she won't be there because she passed, I'll be alone. I have considered MANY times about self deletion when she dies because there's nothing for me to live for without her.
what an awesome video. i think you really did a great job of discussing this story- and it’s such a hard one to get into, for obvious reasons. i’d love to see you cover more psychological stuff in the future, i really enjoy the way you present the narrative, and the editing (especially during the parts discussing sei’s trauma with his mother) was perfect. so glad i found this channel!!
I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, a lot of time was spent on editing. In the future I might start looking for help but for now it's always been my favorite part of the process. I really wanted this to feel like the story was coming alive, though the manga does a great job of that in its own right. It is definitely a difficult read, but certainly a worthwhile one if you can get through all the emotional turmoil it delivers
I just finished a completely different horror manga (Tomie by Junji Ito) and somehow this is more terrifying and unsettling to me
I think what makes Blood on the Tracks so frightening and sad is that every person has a piece of themselves in this story, whether it's abuse or neglect, abandonment or growing old and the eventuality of time. This manga has a real feeling, and many unfortunately live Seiichi's reality every day. That's probably why it meant so much to me when I read it, as well as others
It's really good but very heavy. Children are so delicate and make for the perfect prisoners.
Seeing the abuse you went through on a tangible paper in my hand crushed me when I first read this series. I’m so thankful it exists, because even if it’s fiction-something somewhere knows and understands. I love my mother, even now after 22 years of domestic, verbal, and CSA. My body will always hurt. My head has torn itself apart. But I’ll never stop wishing I was in her arms, without feeling the vomit come up in my mouth.
I don't know if my comparison is fair at all but I prefer chi no wadachi a trillion times over oyasumi punpun.
The story is very similar. An abusive mother that didn't want to be a mother and feeling trapped, a passive father that ignores red flags, a quiet boy mentally destroyed, an abused girl who wants to run away with the MC but also kind of manipulating him, messed up first sexual experiences, not very helpful relatives and lives broken beyond repair.
Unlike punpun, chi no wadachi is soooo nuanced and the characters are so well developed that you can follow exactly the mental state of the characters from beginning to end, and even if by the end Seiko cannot be justified it is clear that she is not EVIL™️. I find the whole detachment thing terrifying.
I did like punpun's approach of a more symbolic representation of the characters, but the emotional impact of Oshimi's realistic characters is out of this world.
I'm so glad Seiichi found peace at the end. Sometimes that's the happiest ending trauma survivors can get and I hope I can find my own.
Thank you, Oshimi. For such a beautiful and brutal story. For such a wonderful love letter to those who survived abuse.
Oshimi's way of drawing faces _really_ freaks me out and I can't help but commend on how great that sense of horror is.
Hope your channel grows huge, you deserve it. Your cadence and voice are wonderful.
I've seen a bunch of dark things, I'm sure I can handle this..
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE BIG FAT NOPE
Im not gonna lie man, this video filled my head with suicidal thoughts. My relationship with my mother was never great even now. There was a point in my life and i remember it bright as day when she tried to kill me by strangling me in the bathtub when i was 6. She claims none of it ever happened and so on. This manga is so uncannily familiar to me excluding the murders and stuff but this really triggered something in me man. Jesus
I'm terribly sorry to hear that, I genuinely hope you are going to be okay. I put a content warning in the beginning of the comment section to address the trigger areas in the video for viewers. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Please, please seek help if needed 🙏
Thank you for this , I really needed to know how it ended. I started reading it but despite wanting more, it made me do uncomfortable that I just couldn't continue. So I really needed someone to summarize till the end so I can know. Maybe now that I know that at least in the end he is free, maybe now I can read it. Thank you so much for this video
I understand what the author was going for but the point where Seiichi kills Shigeru onwards had to be the most frustrating thing ever. I could not have been more pissed that Seiichi ultimately chose to take care of Seiko in her old age.
I get why you feel that way but I don’t think he saw it so much as “taking care” of her and moreso biding his time to ensure the finality of her death. Seiichi says several times he’s just going to watch her, and while yes he does more than that by nursing her, he’s also securing the fact that if she dies, it won’t have been because of lack of effort on his part. I don’t think he relished watching her whither away, but at the same time he knew it was necessary if he was going to be present for her final hour. And he needed that. He needed the closure of knowing she was really gone and was never going to come back and be able to affect his life again. There’s a beauty in his decision to nurture the woman that struggled so hard to do the same for him.
Much like bojack and beatrice
Great series, though I often have to take a break from watching it because it gets so depressing after a while haha
the art style is what made me love this story so much. i think it was the first time i read a psychological horror manga, and damn i am so glad i did. the story made me feel sick at times but to read it until the end, sure it made me feel devastated, but at the same time it also gave me happiness and peace knowing seiichi lived long and finally felt peace himself. this may be one of the most beautiful story I have ever read.
Seechi's mother reminds me of Frank Fontaine from Bioshock, rooting as someone who cares for our main character until we realize the person isn't who he or she claims to be.
Now, would you kindly leave that like, sub, comment and view time to support the channel?
This hit close to home, at some point in this video i just started crying because i can feel the emotions of the main character and what he went through.
Wow its 2 am and I just finished this video in tears. What a great work man really amazing and I hope your chanel gets bigger cause you deserve it
Damn. I've seen plenty of videos on this series and read it a handful of times, but this video had me crying. I never got to the part where his mother passes and he grows into an old man, but I remember the anxiety and uneasiness of getting through it all. Great video, terrific breakdown on such a disturbing manga.
I love your story telling style. Would you ever cover goodnight punpun or any of junji ito’s work?
This manga made me question my own relationship with my mother so freaking much. My mother passed away when I was a kid but we were so close, to the point that people who knew both of us back then - still see me as a "mamas boy". We had a very close relationship like Seiichi and his mum. She had a fight with my aunty once because my aunty was mocking us and saying it's creepy how close we were. This manga made question if it was actually an unhealthy relationship? She was very very protective over me, agaisn't anyone, even my father but she also struggled herself. She had cancer and that's what eventually took her life and I'm sure that has a part to play in it. But honestly I see so much in reslemblace between Seiichi and his mums relationship and mine and my mums. I don't need to open that pandoas box but that just goes to show how deep and dark this manga can be/get and how anyone from any sort of background may content to it in a way.
0:35 "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" ahh statement!!
Wow, this was an excellent critical analysis and commentary upon Blood on the Tracks. Your video has inspired me to read the whole manga again and look at it from a new perspective. Thanks!
This is a super underrated video omg!
Hello Red Panda Productions!, thank you so much for making this video as I’ve never seen anyone analyzing the finished version of the manga. One thing that I would like to reprobate about this video (and other discourse surrounding this manga) is the lack of cultural understanding surrounding the parent-child relationship and gender roles in Asian cultures. I think that’s why western readers tend to not understand why Seiichi did the things he did in his adulthood. Like, constantly coming back to her, staying at her place during the typhoon, and taking care of her.
Even after how much Seiko pretty much ruined his life, you only have one parent, right?.
To better understand my points, Asian culture puts a high emphasis on family ties, collectivism is preferred than individuating from family and society. So when Ichiro and eventually Seiko later succumbed to ‘normativity’ and forget their dreams of becoming poets and actors, it was basically giving up a part of themselves. You might be asking, “how come Ichiro didn’t become an insane sociopath like Seiko?”. Well to put it simply, it was because he was allowed to have a social life outside their home, whilst Seiko was stuck with Seiichi all day. Compared to western family culture where the father is the head of the household in and out, mothers are the one running the show. Fathers are simply there to provide and carry the family name.
I believe that’s why Seiichi felt the need to constantly make his mother happy. Even if he wanted to throw her ass into retirement home, he knew how much she sacrificed for him, and he also has a moral and social obligation to take care of her. I think that’s why I was not personally on par with the idea that him letting Seiko drag out her death as revenge.
To answer your last question. Did Seiko really love him?. Yes..well kinda. I truly believe that she cared about him but didn’t really tell him that. It was more through action. Low-context and high-context culture seem to be a common barrier between a child and a parent where one of said culture is more dominant (in this case, it’s high-contest). Seiko never got to express her true feelings without being berated or judged by other people, and when she was confronted by Seiichi, it was hard for her to even explain and let alone remember.
Does this excuse all of her actions? no. But I found the scene of him and Seiko looking at the photo album bittersweet, because it really makes you realize how much trauma and culture can intersect with each other.
Sorry for the ramble but I thought this was important to point out!
Now that I'm older, I pity the adults that hurt me in my childhood. Thankfully, we have more knowledge, studies, and resources these days that can better equip you to deal with less than ideal upbringing.
Thank you for making this video! It helps me a lot when dealing with hard topics to have someone narrate and help break things up into easier pieces for me to digest. Your narration was superb and calming. I've been interested in this manga for a long time so it was very satisfying to finally experience it.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! It has been a difficult story to talk about on both a personal and technical level, but definitely worth while
Thank you for the narrative. I came across this manga last year or so and I was terrified to actually look for it and read it alone. Watching this helped me to bear it.
I think another manga by the same creator "Inside Mari" wasn't as sad, but definitely made me rethink how I viewed mental illness forever. Easily my top 2 mangas btw.
at least he got answers and closure, I miagine that's why he laughed. With closure he could find acceptance and start over, without it he'd be driven mad again and turn into his mother. She did give him the gift she never had in the end.
a lot of this brought up feelings i had about my grandmother before she passed, how much she really took from my mom and how much she took from even me without any remorse or empathy.
I recommend the movie Confession, as a talented woman with purpose or wanting to do sth in life, having a child is like having a chain on your ankle, your future is sealed. while your partner is free to pursue whatever he want, you as a mother can never have that because you have to raise children and that come with abandoning your own self and own future. even though mother love the child, she still can see her child as the being that take every freedom from her. that why getting rid of her child is like taking back the freedom she always wants. though Confession wasn't as brutal as this, it follow similar mother-son relationship.
This is a very sad take, there are a lot of successful mothers out there.
The shading, details, textures, backgrounds... they're so beautiful.
Thank you so much for uploading!
Shuzo Oshimi is awesome!!!!!
I tried to read this in the past. But its too much and dropped it. Glad to know how the story goes. Thank you
This manga taught me that no matter how much your parents hurt you, they are still your parents who take care of you. A similar situation happened to me (still going on) with my mother. I was SA'd by my stepfather and my mother defended him by telling me that I was the one at fault in this case. My aunt took me away from them, and for several years I was free from them.
But later, when I met her again, she played the victim, saying that she was devastated and tried to commit suicide twice because I left her. I lash out, basically breaking down all of my emotions to her.
But the next day, I felt guilty because I had lashed out and shouted at her. Theres this kind of feeing that make me blame myself. BTW, my family is very religious and it's basically a sin if a child were being disobedient to ther parents. I feel like I have sinned and thinking I was responsible for all of these problem.
It's been years since that happened, but it still lingers in my mind. I feel like Seiichi was relatable because even if seiko had ruined his mental state, childhood, and basically everything, he still couldn't hate her because she's still his mother. This is basically what I'm feeling right now to my mother.
Just started the video, but the production quality is top notch brother.
I watch heaps and heaps of lengthy video essays. The more hours long, the better. But… my god….. this video was… so long…. So, so long. When it was only nearly halfway done I didn’t know how I could endure the story any longer. What more could there be? I wanted his suffering to end… This was *heavy*. Thank you for creating your content. I consumed this whole video so thanks for the time and effort put into it is in order. Your voice is calm and comfortable and the way you tell a story and the ways you reflect is very cell thought out and guides the viewer so well. I honestly don’t know if I’m happy I watched this or not, for my own peace. But regardless, it’s a good piece of creation and thank you for putting it out there for us to choose to watch or not… phew. I need a moment 😂
Yeah, this video took about 4 months to make because I had to take frequent breaks from editing and trying to read the story, it's a rough manga and very hard to get through at many points, especially when you analyze it. It's definitely not for everyone, but I'm glad the video was meaningful for you. Next time I think I'm gonna talk about something a bit lighter to calm my nerves haha.
@@redpandaproductions Kudos for sticking to it for so long! I’ve actually heard this manga mentioned in other videos before but none got to the core of what a beast this story truly was. I’m still recuperating tbh. But hey, gotta sub because that video was well done!
@@Circletwice I appreciate the sub, thanks! Yeah, I felt it was worth telling but I needed a while to recover as well. My next video is probably going to be on Wolf Children which has its sad moments but is a much happier overall story
Maybe it's because I can feel myself reflected in some of the experiences of Seiichi, but I didn't feel this whole story as heartbreaking, it was actually kind of comforting (as a whole!). After all he had to endure (nothing deserved), he got an apology and could go on and live a peaceful life where the memory of the abuser did not persecute him anymore. I also liked how it explained that the mother was not just evil-for-the-sake-of-evil, but a victim of the circle of the abuse, who proceeded to be an abuser herself. It was an emotional journey, just for me I think a different one.
As for someone who grew up with a mother who has little to no Empathy, I relate to this manga to the core. But luckily what saved me from ending up like Seiji was my grandparents. But sadly, my younger sister did not. She grew up with my mom and she grew up just like Mom and worse: a person with 0 empathy. She became a Covert Psychopathic Narcissist. She killed her own child without remorse.
This is the danger of living with Narcissistic parents. You become one yourself if theres no one there to help you. In Seiji’s case, the person who helped him, his hero, thats his Dad. His father kept him from killing himself and becoming fully like his mom. I hope in everyone’s lives there is some kind of a hero in theirs as well.
I thought I had a normal family until I decided to undergo Therapy due of a dilemma that I faced 12 years ago. Therapy helped me understand my family and myself. Im forever grateful for it. Healing is forever and hard.
My sister? And my Mom? I actually don’t know whats up with them now. I am in no contact with them since my grandparents death 3 years ago. I pray for them everyday. I wish them well. For those who are undergoing Family Narcissim Healing, you know why I am in no contact with my fam. Its necessary and I am content surrounded by people who truly support me.
Many people have lives like Seiji, they just dont realize it. How can they? When they’re just a child. Developing years of a child, from 1-7 yr old is very important. What children experience in that stage will shape them throughout their lives. I saw it. I experienced it.
My mom is what she is because of my grandparents. Theyre okay but strict. Very strict. I grew up with my grandparents but its not the same strict ppl like how my mom grew up with. Theyre the loving version of themselves. But even with that, I still need to go to Therapy because of all the manipulation I experienced growing up with my Mom in my developing years.
To those who are Healing. You’re not alone. Hold on. You’ll get there. Right now, in this moment of my life, I am experiencing Peace. A grace that God gave to me that I am eternally grateful of.
Damn it's almost like NPD is a disorder that requires sympathy and treatment rather than further abuse and ostracization which makes the condition worse. I'm sorry your therapist believes in stigmatizing a mental illness for the sake of healing your trauma.