@@MsDboyy honestly I don’t think so. Even though it is a “bad” place, there’s still a lot of propaganda and lies spread about North Korea. Therefore, “imagination” exists over “reality”.
No one will even see this, but oh my god. I feel so misunderstood and unseen and useless and like my whole life has been a big unexplainable enigma of psychotic torment. I feel so alone and disconnected and when I watch your videos I feel like things make sense. It's easier to take in the unexplainable emotions when you find a way to put it into precise individual words. There's so much overwhelming chaos of emotions and thoughts and wishes and you just explain things perfectly and make me feel less alone and more understood. Thank you so much for using your vocally articulative gift to make people like me feel more comfortable in our skin. I listen to what you have to say and feel like all of the worst parts of life are justified and satisfied.
You are not unseen my friend. Everyone feels unseen at some point or at multiple points but that shouldn’t stop us from being pure and true to ourselves. If I am content about my efforts it doesn’t matters who ignores me, I’ll be happy within myself. I hope you have a great day. Cheers
Hey Holy Cow, I saw this...I am in Australia, and have had a lot of mental torment all my life...I am 61 years old, never married, no kids....I have been alone a lot of my adult life...I am here, witnessing your struggles...you are not alone....I salute your honesty and truth...♥️
@Holy Cow You should write about it. Perhaps as you find your written life you will have a lot to contribute to other people who feel the same way as you.
This feels exactly like what I'm going through right now. The numbness, the longing, the fading of colors. It's all too relatable with how my life is going at the moment.
A mind too conscious of itself is torn between 2 decisions either shut it off or continue to torment itself. Life I guess is a happy medium, not being too ignorant but not to the point of mind collapse on its own weight.
@@pumpkingamebox exactly.. I was always obsessed with discovering what this whole thing is and the deeper I went and more I learned, the more pointless and paradoxical it became. At this point distraction from the reality of it all is the only cure.
@@dartskihutch4033 Gaze into the abyss and the abyss would gaze back into you. I kept this quote close to heart while delving ever deeper. I was so late to understand what kind of warning this actually was. There's no going back now. I either develop an unhypocritical theory of life or I will die trying, most likely from uninstalling life, but hey, it beats doing nothing at least.
My father committed suicide right before covid. I always wonder what was going through his head when he did it. He was liked by everyone and had a great life. Great family. Was smart, healthy, had beaten cancer twice and was in remission for over 5 years. He had everything going for him, and put on a good show. Then one tuesday morning decided to end it. He left a note that said he was doing this for us. And I truly believe he thought we would be better off without him. I wish I could go back and ask him how he was feeling the last time we saw eachother. But I didn't. I didn't because I thought he would be okay. He was the epitome of strength to me and if anyone could pull out of a dive, it was him. If anyone you know is thinking of suicide or even if you 1% suspect they are, get them help. Be there for them to listen and don't tell them to "Just smile and everything will be okay.." It doesn't work like that. I wish I knew what he was thinking so that I could've helped him. This video gave me a slight insight into how he was perceiving the world. Thank you for always making top quality videos. You help so many people with your insight.
Ma Woo, I'm sorry for your loss. My aunt & brother also committed suicide, after 20 years I still don't understand what drove them to do the unthinkable. I felt bad for them especially my brother because he wanted to see me but I was abroad and he didn't wait for me. I wonder the state of mind of people that end their life. I'd imagine despair, severe pain & major depression. I never got over it but I learned to live with it. Humans are resilient and we developed defense mechanism for self preservation and survival. We really need to be kind to people. We don't know what they are going through.
But those who had a near death experience tell us, death is anything but emptiness. And they are horrified to turn back to their heavy, narrow cage..their body..
@@Sibelcik The problem is the dead can't come back to truly verify if the heaviness of this cage is less meaningful than our speculations of what death is. My life sucks right now but for some reason just being able to have this small conversation with you all here somehow feels better than the death I felt I wouldn't mind an hour ago wondering why the hell am I even alive considering no one really gives a 💩 about me... I give a 💩 because I can, I'm realizing now it's the one thing they can't take from me. I care because I feel like it. Hang in there everyone
He gets to realize that only because he’s experiencing a sort of afterlife. Which isn’t provable. Death’s embrace is therefore indeed sweet, because after it happens, there’s a 50% chance you will feel nothing, no regret over your final decision either. Total freedom from everything. Just atoms on the wind. And to me, that is more beautiful than anything life has to offer.
A few years ago when I was at the height of my passive suicidal ideation, daily self care tasks used to upset me the most. I remember that flossing and brushing my teeth every night would threaten to send me over the edge; it felt so redundant and futile to have to do this all again. After working at a dental office for two years and seeing the harrowing effect of neglecting your self care, I became immensely grateful that I have the opportunity to do daily self care tasks. The owner of our company was a rich asshole but he said something that stuck with me: taking preventative care of your teeth is one of the easiest and cheapest forms of self love. If you really love yourself, don’t neglect the banal things.
You're lucky you can afford dental care...I can't, and haven't for over 20 years. More than half my teeth are gone, and the rest are broken. Being poor in America totally sucks. I wear a mask outdoors only because no one will see the horrid condition of my mouth. I am otherwise doing great.
@@brindlekintales Lol same i havr to use 2 years worth of salary on teeth for rct and filings and Braces. As i live my parents its possible else it would hav ebeen impossible. While others enjoy the monney earned i use for dental problem.ffff
You need a better math teacher. So many people think they suck at math when all it was was to have been unlucky enough to have shitty teachers who couldn’t teach math adequately..
Can't relate, I'm great at maths! Other than latin... Or sports... Or art... Or music... Or biology... Or history.... Or geography.... Goddamn it, my skills for school subjects really only went into one subject, didn't they? I feel you, but in a different manner, I guess
Made three attempts at ending it. First when I was 19. I drove my airbagless car into a tree at 90 mph without a seatbelt and leaning forward in the hopes I'd be thrown through the windshield. Woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by friends, family and two girls that were not happy to be in the same room together. Had a severe concussion and there were bits of glass embedded in one ear and had a few small cuts on my face but other than that I was fine. Not even a broken bone. It actually took 15 years to remember I did it on purpose, as my brain had blocked it out. Second time was a few years later. I got my hands on a bottle of barbiturates. I looked up the LD50 for that drug, then I took five times that amount, drank some whiskey just to be sure then climbed in the shower fully clothed and turned it on. At that time my circle of friends would just randomly drop by my house so I knew someone would find me fairly quickly. Next thing I recall was waking up with a buddy of mine sitting near my bed with me in it playing video games. He and two other people had pulled me out of the shower and tossed me in my bed, thinking I had just gotten too fucked up. Didn't go to the hospital. Stomach wasn't pumped and I never threw up, so it all stayed down, but I lived. Third time was much much later. I had bought a shotgun off of a coworker along with some shells. At the time I bought it I hadn't planned on trying suicide again. My third attempt I racked a shell, stuck the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Click. That's all that happened. Misfire. I decided then that this place wasn't going to allow me to leave it early. I would have to ride it out until whenever the end would be. Now I just figure that I'm going to die someday anyways, so I may as well see what happens between now and then. We all get our day so there's plenty of time to see the other side.
Dude, I am happy that you are alive. You give me perspective. I hope that you not only find a reason to live but that your brain allows you to live in peace
Me too! But only on waking. In that thinking period of time before getting up. Once I'm up, I don't think about it at all. Damn I hate waking up in the morning.
What i got from this is someone who wished to escape from his feelings of pain and hurt but in doing so he realised that maybe those feelings are what he needed all along but in exchange for peace he got nothing but pure emptiness
Peace is empty in it's nature. I mean you look at a black void and there is no conflict. It's all just dark and formless. It's quiet and serene, because there is no language, and language is a source of conflict. I know what it feels like to be empty and void. I know the experience intimately well. Yes there is a grieving process that's part of it. And by letting go, I realized that my attachment to the external world (other people, material possessions, experiences, past, present, future) is what was driving my sorrow. So I became without desires, and found peace in just existing from moment to moment. Of course not every moment was peaceful, because some days I was thinking of the past or things that didn't work out. But this is me again tapping into the tree of desires and feeling hurt by it. Water has no desires, it flows freely from all places. The Earth has no desires, it has existed long before we have inhabited it, and probably long after. The Sun has no desires, it simply shines it's light and does it's thing, yet it influences everything in our world. Perhaps life itself has no desires either? Or the desire of life is to find a desire in life to make life move.
@@Igneous01 thanks for sharing this. definitely resonated. I came to this video bc I feel/know that I don’t want anything out of life. I’m completely content with the present moment. Not wanting anything, I think, makes me resist doing anything (especially anything challenging) then I judge myself for not wanting to do it. I’m trying to find something to want because I am goal oriented, but I just don’t want anything. I think my life would be a million times easier if I wanted something. I’d be able to flow though tasks because I have a reason to do them. I don’t see a real point behind doing anything otherwise.
The social psychology of this century reveals a major lesson: often it is not so much the kind of person a man is as the kind of situation in which he finds himself that determines how he will act.
Sometimes in order to see the beauty in life, the beauty must be taken away. We begin recognizing things once they are gone, but don’t see them when they are right in front of us. Once all is gone, all will be understood.
@@mothersinstrue true. But there is a trick to seeing beauty tbh. It’s not just somethin you see exactly, you kinda have to search for it actively. Then slowly over time, you won’t have to look so actively cuz you’ll just see it
Beautiful video. I believe a healthy tool to incorporate is to view ones life daily through the lense of our deaths. This gives us a very clearly painted picture of what death could look like, but we are our biggest critics. Attempting to affirm our actions each day from the view of our own selves on our deathbeds would ideally allow us to be more understanding and honest with ourselves. The nice part too is that if we are deeply unsatisfied with the life we've lived, we dont have to wait until we are dying to finally realize this, and can hopefully take steps to change ourselves in a way that is more fulfilling for ourselves.
@@fieldhockey2097 I believe stoicism can be wonderfully helpful when beginning to want to make changes in our lives, but it lacks much of the purpose or reasons why in my opinion. To answer your question directly, yes I've read meditations and have taken classes that go very in depth on stoicism. I dont know everything ofc, but I did at one point attempt to live by those principles proposed by stoicism. If man were purely logical and reasonable beings, it would be the only philosophy neccessary to life, but I believe we need more than logical explanation to feel at all comfortable within ourselves. Thank you for your comment though
Dude, for me being nothing is actually being nothing at all. Like not even being born, never experiencing this "Life". I didn't ask for it and i am just here. The awareness no matter how big or small life can be, will exist. I hope i was never aware about this "existence". It's just my opinion.
@@fieldhockey2097 I'm glad you enjoyed reading them. I share many of my thoughts in different posts to different groups, but this was the first time sharing on RUclips. Thank you for the interaction. I hope you have a wonderful day 🤙
Chronic insomnia is an utter misery...I know, because I've been there myself. But it's been years since then, and so glad I can get a solid, restful sleep every night...finally. My favorite time of each day is when I go to bed.
I used to sleep like 20 hours a day for I think like 6 months when I used to be on chemo meds or was on some of the other meds. Now my hours are like a roller coaster. Hey can you keep me updated on something every once in awhile if you do this. I used to do this and still do to help me sleep, it gets me to dream a lot. Now I normally slept with tv on at night and try to sleep, but after an hour when it's bad, I normally turned off the tv, tossed the pillow to the other side of the bed where it was darker, and the awesome cool side is up. Then rolled on my side (or belly) I guess whatever was comfortable facing a darker are relaxed as much as I could and imagined myself doing something and/or made up and told myself a story about doing something. Would sometimes get up and get a sip or two of water to drink at the sink to get back of throat moist, didn't want to have to go downstairs and around the corner.
@@kalumz thanks, I am. Cancers gone, I later had two transplants because chemo didnt work, then blood stem cell transplants cause other problems (no dead baby embryonic stuff), but finished high school/ college, now I'm just trying to find a damn job.. now go to sleep take your prescribed drugs or a Tylenol PM or Benadryl whatever you do
I’m exactly the same. And the more exhausted I am the harder it is to sleep. I get to the stage where when I feel like I am about to fall to sleep I just get a surge of adrenaline in my body. I know it’s sleep anxiety but it is truly horrible when you haven’t slept in days
Although everyone has different reasons for feeling this way, there is often a certain degree of emotional constipation that lies at the root of suicidal ideation. Learning to recognize and think constructively about one's emotions is important for coping with negative emotions like these that may lurk and compound within us. This is what you do in therapy, and this is why therapy is so important. On a somewhat unrelated note, research in cognitive psychology indicates that our brains exhibit near identical patterns in brain activity when thinking about our future selves as when thinking about strangers. Perhaps by developing compassion for others, it can help us develop compassion for future selves, or vice versa.
This is exactly what I felt like when my grandpa passed suddenly. At first, it was a wave of exhaustive emotions, every negative emotion that you can think of. And then, nothing. Just, nothing. Only this video can describe what I was feeling (or not feeling). And I’m in the stage now of feeling emotions, but not to the extreme way. It’s hard, and I want to feel everything, but I tell myself that I don’t wanna get trapped in this cycle of over feeling and under feeling emotions.
I’ve made the exact same mistake as the narrator of this story. I forced myself not to feel any negative emotions, at the eventual expense of not being able to feel positive ones. And now my numbness, rather than any pain, is the reason I want to sleep forever.
I saw this video when I needed it the most. I'm in a state where the future is so uncertain, and I was completely dreading the feeling, but from a long term point of view, when the day comes where all of this will have to go, I'm sure I'll miss it all, the good and the bad, Thanks so much for this
It's funny how we human would rather feel pain and suffer than just numbness. Because emptiness is worse than any emotion we can feel. Many time the worst part about mental illness such as depression is not the sadness nor the loneliness. Its the feeling of emptiness. Feel like you are just a shell of a human, hollow, indifferent,
Everyone should feel at least five minutes of emptiness at the first point of free time they have in the day. That way they can feel incredibly good and be reminded to make the most of life following those five minutes. Props to Elon Musk for being so productive he probably just completely dodges this metric Is emptiness like that feeling of just being antigenki and despondent, like there's probably many things you can do but all of them don't contribute in the slightest to how you feel, and you're wallowing helplessly waiting for the feeling to dissipate, or desperately trying to do literally anything that would make you more genki or even just feel occupied again?
That's exactly how I been feeling for 20 years now. Ever since the day I was shot my way of thinking and how I see the world has changed me to become someone I never was before.
I don’t know if anyone will see this, but I have always loved these videos. They always make me realize how special things really are, and what it means to live. To understand the time you have, and no longer have, with yourself or others, is the most enjoyable yet depressing. I wish everyone the best
I saw it, Nick and agree wholeheartedly with your explanation. It’s as if, these videos help us remember that pieces of us we lost touch with. Along the lines of our trueselves. Breaking the disease of numbness/vague and nihilistic worthlessness of life. That is playin on a loop within our minds!
Thank you for this, I never knew the term "passive suicidal ideation" until watching this video and reading the comments. it is so incredibly validating to watch this video and read these comments and finally give a name to these awful, awful thoughts which have been festering in my head for such a long time. I'm finally on meds and going through therapy so hopefully we're at the tail end of all this, but thank you for giving a name to what I've been going through
Its strange how everyone of us has gone through something like this, someway or the other, but despite that, we're still here, fighting with our own demons, surviving for one more day, and that gives me hope!
I cant explaine how happy I’m about how you put my mind and thoughts in to words. Its so difficult for me to explain to someone how I feel and this is literally exactly whats on my mind 24/7.
you described what has been happening to me better than i could have understood it, i don’t feel anxiety anymore. only the emptiness and longing for goals that seem years away. i don’t desire relationships with others, just shallow reliefs through drugs and other escapes from reality.
My father died at 15, before I could fully understand him man to man. He was brilliantly sharp and seemed to have an endless encyclopaedia of knowledge, never without an answer for his autistic child. He had smoked since age 13 and never fully quit despite promising us so many times. Now as a man I have struggled with addictions to nicotine, alcohol, sex, and drugs, all the while fully aware of each of their slow suicides affecting me. But I just find it so hard to care. I drink alone in bars surrounded by violent tumultuous characters in varying states of decay. Really it’s all just a way to get to where he is. I yearn to be where he is but I don’t have to courage to get there quickly.
That was damn beautiful. Somehow it just fitted me so well in this precise moment of my life. Maybe everything can just fit in you depending on your perspective of things, we can learn from pretty much anything we want. But yet, this felt like if I was meant to see it, like if I was meant to absorb all of it. Tanks for that man.
Decided to become a stay at home mom 6 yrs ago. I have worked and had social interaction since as far back as I could remember. I live on 300+ acres of land. I ran out of things to do the second year. I started to feel lonely and secluded because I did not have common problems of every working woman I knew. I had no one to talk to. I never felt suicidal but the unbearable loneliness of not having a person to understand what I was going through was excruciating. I stopped caring about things I used to, cleaning, self care. Drs never helped both mental and physical they claimed nothing was wrong. When I realized that not just me but everyone in my family was suffering because of what I was going through, I prayed to GOD above to show me. I started researching specific problems and WOW! The lack of nutrition and the amount of stress my body has endured over my life, I am astonished how I am still alive now at 45. I started with changing my diet. I always wondered why families always had a salad before dinner! My knowledge of my body and fuel it needed was 0! The difference I felt within a week of diet and daily walks were life changing and I am on a journey to learn so much more! No one could have convinced me that my diet effects your body and soul a couple of months ago! Wow! It’s amazing the transformation! I am happy, I sleep better, I do not have a short temper, I am loosing weight, I do not have heartburn or stomach problems, I think clearly, my skin and hair have returned back to its youthful glow. My skin is starting to tighten, no more combination skin! My thoughts are more structured and clear. I had complicit ignorance, and labeled the people that tried to tell me as health nuts. Well I had to hit rock bottom and pull my family down with me. My children and husband are noticing the changes in me and there selves. I am finding it cheaper to eat healthier. I have plans to start growing my own food. I see a nothing but good 🥰
This hit too close to home, especially for now, i don't even feel like doing my hobbies. I don't know it just feel numb.... Feel like i want to scream out loud, but i just can't... I want to dissapear in a middle of nowhere...
yess the feeling of just wanted to disappear is constant. i still go through my day, i take a shower, brush my teeth, go to school, come home and do chores and babysit, do my hw study, text some friends, play some video games. but no matter what i do i just wanna scream at everyone. i want to tell them to shut up and go away and let me free or let me die. i dont wanna be anywhere. i just want to sink into my bed and sleep forever im so exhausted. like when im in school and want to go home bit then i go home and i still dont feel satisfied. most of all tho i feel frustrated. i feel like throwing things and screaming and kicking and hitting cos o feel so restricted. and so i hide in books and anime and video games hoping to disappear into a different world.
@@abigailarredondo6257 hey, just remember this life is all about the experiences you get even the saddest part of your life is also an emotion it happened thats why you felt. Take your life as an game something happens in your life that builds and character of your story. Your life is beautiful all you need is to notice the small details and enjoy every moment and flow with the life.
The only place on the internet where commentors are all thoughtful and nice are these channels!!! Everywhere I go on internet, social media, there are bound to be haters and supporters alternating in waves and being thoughtless people. Such channel is thus a gold in sands.
What a great day for existential dread! Also in case you want a TLDR; don’t chase substances to mute your feelings. grow as a person and connect with other people. it’s literally the only thing that matters on this plane of existence.
I understand every word. I've lived every word. I remind myself that this is a one off experience. It may sometimes feel long but it's so so short. Whatever life gives or takes away. It is fleeting and it is beautifully beautiful and beautifully sadistic. Laugh in the face of it all. You have been in the planning for 13.8 billion years and this part is maybe just 80 years. The earth will take you back and nourish off your remains. as you nourished off her. Stick around, it's not forever and it is absolutely going to be the ride of your life. Much Love.
bro you’ve outdone yourself and it is crazy that i am saying that cuz your videos are usually incredible but this is just something else entirely. thanks so much for the content
What a video, shout out to you and everyone who took part in making this, this is sure to make anyone who feels like they might be on that path rethink their decision
Wooo, that familiar sense of panic that began erupting from a dark corner of my mind, when the protagonist realized there were no people anywhere. As uncomfortable as it was/is, i'm 'lucky' enough to have had this same thought or realization before. Or at least something similar enough to relate to this video. I have, many times, thought i was quite certain that i was really ready to be rid of this entire experience. I have stood on the precipice many times, and have lingered there many of those times. At some point, the thought occurred to me that as much as 'people' often disappoint or annoy or disgust or infuriate me, how would i feel if they were all suddenly gone? What if i were suddenly all alone in this world, the only remaining member of my species? What if the instant i do the action that brings me beyond the point of no return, i suddenly realize i wasn't really as ready to go as i thought? Despite my refusal to subscribe to any notion of an afterlife... what if death is really not the end? What if opting out leads to exactly this type of scenario depicted in the video? What if casual recklessness born from despair, or a fit of rage or emotional overwhelm, leads you into such a situation, without you even being fully conscious of what you're doing to yourself? What if right after you lose consciousness, you wake up all alone in the same world, your same body, your same memories and identity... but there is no one else anywhere? What if "quantum immortality" is real, and instead of your life ending, you just snap into the next timeline, and it's worse there? What is this thing that keeps us hanging on for just one more day, just one more chance to enjoy any of the things we know we'll miss when it's truly over, even after we know there's no way to score enough points to win? Despite having no way of knowing what, if anything, could be next... it is precisely the fact that whatever this is, ends, that offers some respite, and makes even those of us who have been ready to turn it all off forever, countless times, pause, reconsider, postpone, and give tomorrow a chance... even when we know there's no way to score enough points to win.
for years i’ve been to different therapists for my mental illnesses, but no single one of them have helped me understand what i feel so much as this video does
. It is the poem I have written in solitude.. Where I want to end the whole thing which makes me, me.. I hope this can give u solace.. We all are on the same boat.. So let's wait together for the end...
This was interesting. Nothing (aka "all that is") and I are very good friends. And to me, it is incredibly warm and gentle. Even on days when things may suck, it's still always kind and gentle safe space. A state to reset internally. I live without regrets. That may be the difference. When issues arise, when looking at the world comes with a pang of weltschmerz, I breathe and take time to retreat and process. It's a pricless treasure to have that, be that, being able to have such a friendship. Time and time again, it pays off to have taken the time to reach that point. To learn myself. To learn getting in touch with everything through myself. When I see stories like these, hear real stories from people, it hits me...... that this (consistently "to maintain") blessing is not as "common" or "normal" or "easy to habve/be" as it appears to me. And then I'm grateful. Yet, again. Again.
These are some concepts I’ve thought of before, but its truly amazing to see them put together in such an powerful way. Let us be thankful for this gift of life, and thank you for this piece of writing.
i used to take refuge in pessimism so much that it has become a part of me, but even as I get older and find solace in the small details of the world, the beautiful, the poetic, the tragic, i still feel tired of the sum of the parts. the whole is not greater than the sum of the parts, everything adds up and cancels out. the good and the bad amount to nothing. and that's the nothing I'm tired of.
Ahh listening to this on the train to work. I feel like I'm about to cry. Feeling burned out for a job, for an employer that doesn't appreciate or properly compensate. But I don't have any other choice. I just want to end it sometimes. Thank you for this video.
If death was painless, I would have died by now. There is not point in existing. The fact that I'm not an app that can be uninstalled is kinda infuriating. Why am I not in control of my own body? My body tries so hard to keep me alive but my mind has the ability to question that. It's almost like our consciousness is not a part of our body
For me this is like the mental process that happens when doing meditation, all of that thought condensed into a fraction of time that feels like forever. All of that goes back into actually becoming truly more mindful and aware and grateful and happy in the waking reality
That's the whole problem though. He WANTS everything back, I don't want to want. It seems like happiness or rather meaning requires constant work, it's earned. Where as sadness comes without work. Why not want for nothing, or rather the things you do want don't require constant work and effort. But I suppose that's the whole point, to put energy in, to create order in the universe, to create. To be happy you need to organise the universe in some why or another. A shame that we cant juts be happy with the way it's organised now
It's because everyone has their own perspective on organization. If you want to make a change get after it and make it organized in a way that suits your agenda and hopefully everyone else's then.
I hear you. I feel you. The real interesting question though is this: is there something that you really miss which makes everything else feel this way?
“Don’t kill yourself because there might be an afterlife in which you might suffer inescapably (hell)” is the apparent message. But if that’s what awaits us after our bodies die, then those who brought us into the world have done us an unconscionable, unforgivable injustice
Im on the fourth play through before I decided to even make this comment but I need to get it off of my chest. I struggle with addiction and this hits closer to home even more then I think he realizes it does. I’ve tried to make so many changes but it’s like I’ve given up on myself. It feels like everyone sees something in me I don’t feel I have anymore. I know I am here to make some kind of difference in the world, but going from not worrying about money problems to being basically homeless now is so discouraging, and honestly breaks me. but my soul feels I’m here to make some impact so ending it feels like it’s not an option but lately the days all blend together and I don’t know which direction is the right one anymore. I’ve been through so much and have been making music to get an outlet. If you could check it out it means a lot. I really need to get out of this cycle and I feel that’s my value n could be my outlet. Appreciate you be safe
Wish I could give you some something of a solution, but i am going through something similar man. Try to find some good friends, it really helps. Hope you break free and live your life to the fullest, as you want to live it. Good luck man✌️
@@therealmzizi I've seen the balloon man comment on videos for the past 3 years. He posts comments like the one above on both random and introspective videos, but he never responds back with clear language, if he even responds at all. So I wouldn't even give him any attention.
@@therealmzizi The mainstream understanding of self transcendence is that a person through their willed actions (as in actions done through one’s own freewill) gets to a moment or period of “Self” transcendence. But with there being no Self to transcend, and in turn no self to “will” the transcending, the illusion of self only dissipates. Non-Duality✌️&♥️
@@ShadyForest I apologize for the lack of response I get emails for all the response to my comments, but I don’t get notified on my phone. To elaborate the mainstream understanding of self transcendence is that a person through their willed actions (as in actions done through one’s own freewill) gets to a moment or period of “Self” transcendence. But with there being no Self to transcend, and in turn no self to “will” the transcending, the illusion of self only dissipates. Non-Duality. I can break it down further if you’d like✌️&♥️
@@lordfeder3559 It’s has nothing to do with the video. The goal of the takeaway is to offer a different perspective on seeking, open dialogue, and introduce Non-Duality.
It’s an art I learned from the stoics: only through death do we know life. It is so easy to become lost in the maelstrom of life, but through understanding what there is to lose we can truly grasp what we have. Momento mori my friends.
Nonetheless, there is something worthwhile and meaningful even in this chaotic, destructive, sad, sick world. There is still beauty out there to be experienced and captured. One just has to look for it.
The way you explain this is the opposite of how I always felt my hole life. I can explain nothing then it becomes something. Seeing this video made me do it the reverse way.
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
If I just want it all to end I don't want anything no one has been able to answer my questions I don't have any dreams or anything that I want or some skills and trying to pursue I just want it all to end sick of this
This weirdly reminds of early pages from the book "The book of disquiet" by Fernando Pessoa, he describes his desire for nothingness more humorously, like he finds it funny and bewildering and decides to mock that desire and himself for wanting it and eventually he goes back into the notion of loving everything in a semi-sarcastic way that he wanted to get away from.
This was a somber theme this time around, it make me think of the album "Can't be Saved" by Senses Fail. To think, this is a possible outcome, slowly fading out. So lonely in this world, after all that has been done, all that could be. In all that new found peace, there is yet a fire inside wishing to burst out and display that passion on the world again. But it is slowly driven back, drop by drop from a downpour you have no control over and cower behind your glass frame. Little light, you must burn on through the night to guide others and in turn they may guide you through travels of your own. Great work Rob, loved it once again.
I honestly didn't enjoy the video but liked it after reading many comments. It seems like the emotions portrayed are relatable to a lot of people going through hardship. I am probably fortunate as I am on bright side of the street at this stage in my life and probably have been (even considering my worst moments) through the entirety of my life so far. However, dear reader, know that if you are going through hard times it is not over yet. You're still here, you're still in the game, and you have yourself. Think about this for a second: Consciousness is all we have. It's what we are as a matter of experience. It's what makes the people we love worth loving. And it what makes our failures to love so tragic. It's what puts the sting in every missed opportunity. It is the substance of every joy, and every sorrow. It's the wind that blows toward wisdom, or toward madness. And whatever the state of your health, consciousness is the ultimate boundary between life and death. Notice this bright circumstance in which everything is appearing all by itself. This is it. The real treasure of existence is already in your hand. There is no intrinsic reason behind it, but just to rejoice in it. And you can do this if you make a friend of yourself. You're a lovely human being. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I felt a sense of dread and anxiety the entire time i was listening to the story. Not knowing what was going on as the world distorts for no reason made me feel so uneasy.
“We often suffer more from imagination than we do from reality “ - Seneca
Shut up.
There is so much truth to that...
Often but not always because there are exceptions like North Korea
@@MsDboyy honestly I don’t think so. Even though it is a “bad” place, there’s still a lot of propaganda and lies spread about North Korea. Therefore, “imagination” exists over “reality”.
*Seneca
There's nothing more wonderful and yet nothing so horrid as existence.
The greatest gift ,or the worst curse.
Yeah, This universe seems to be built on paradoxes (both hot AND cold, left AND right, rich AND poor). Best game in town, if you ask me.
This is just a thought you are existence itself
Like Mikasa said in AoT, this world is cruel yet so beautiful
Paradox lay at the heart of reality.
No one will even see this, but oh my god. I feel so misunderstood and unseen and useless and like my whole life has been a big unexplainable enigma of psychotic torment. I feel so alone and disconnected and when I watch your videos I feel like things make sense. It's easier to take in the unexplainable emotions when you find a way to put it into precise individual words. There's so much overwhelming chaos of emotions and thoughts and wishes and you just explain things perfectly and make me feel less alone and more understood. Thank you so much for using your vocally articulative gift to make people like me feel more comfortable in our skin. I listen to what you have to say and feel like all of the worst parts of life are justified and satisfied.
Taoism or Alan Watts (Western adaptation) philosophy to calm your mind
Stoicism (being unconquerable in particular) for the willpower to choose
You are not unseen my friend. Everyone feels unseen at some point or at multiple points but that shouldn’t stop us from being pure and true to ourselves. If I am content about my efforts it doesn’t matters who ignores me, I’ll be happy within myself.
I hope you have a great day. Cheers
listen to apocalypse dreams by tame Impala
Hey Holy Cow, I saw this...I am in Australia, and have had a lot of mental torment all my life...I am 61 years old, never married, no kids....I have been alone a lot of my adult life...I am here, witnessing your struggles...you are not alone....I salute your honesty and truth...♥️
@Holy Cow You should write about it. Perhaps as you find your written life you will have a lot to contribute to other people who feel the same way as you.
This feels exactly like what I'm going through right now. The numbness, the longing, the fading of colors. It's all too relatable with how my life is going at the moment.
Adam Leon, i've been there too, nothing ever lasts though, not even the numbness. Don't give up, life can change everyday, mine did. Hugs
Hang on pal
Leave your house and just walk somewhere and walk until the only thing you want is to eat drink and sleep
Keep going my man, don’t stop in the bad part, or reset and change direction if necessary 👊🏾
A mind too conscious of itself is torn between 2 decisions either shut it off or continue to torment itself. Life I guess is a happy medium, not being too ignorant but not to the point of mind collapse on its own weight.
I like that. Unfortunately ignorance can't be restored once the truth has been shown. I struggle with what I believe this dance we call life truly is
@@dartskihutch4033 Once something is known, it cannot be unknown. Trying to forget something is like trying to remember something you never knew.
I wish I could have part of my ignorance back
@@pumpkingamebox exactly.. I was always obsessed with discovering what this whole thing is and the deeper I went and more I learned, the more pointless and paradoxical it became. At this point distraction from the reality of it all is the only cure.
@@dartskihutch4033 Gaze into the abyss and the abyss would gaze back into you.
I kept this quote close to heart while delving ever deeper. I was so late to understand what kind of warning this actually was.
There's no going back now. I either develop an unhypocritical theory of life or I will die trying, most likely from uninstalling life, but hey, it beats doing nothing at least.
My father committed suicide right before covid. I always wonder what was going through his head when he did it. He was liked by everyone and had a great life. Great family. Was smart, healthy, had beaten cancer twice and was in remission for over 5 years. He had everything going for him, and put on a good show. Then one tuesday morning decided to end it. He left a note that said he was doing this for us. And I truly believe he thought we would be better off without him.
I wish I could go back and ask him how he was feeling the last time we saw eachother. But I didn't. I didn't because I thought he would be okay. He was the epitome of strength to me and if anyone could pull out of a dive, it was him.
If anyone you know is thinking of suicide or even if you 1% suspect they are, get them help. Be there for them to listen and don't tell them to "Just smile and everything will be okay.." It doesn't work like that.
I wish I knew what he was thinking so that I could've helped him. This video gave me a slight insight into how he was perceiving the world.
Thank you for always making top quality videos. You help so many people with your insight.
Sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss. This made me cry. Hope you’re doing okay!
Ma Woo, I'm sorry for your loss. My aunt & brother also committed suicide, after 20 years I still don't understand what drove them to do the unthinkable. I felt bad for them especially my brother because he wanted to see me but I was abroad and he didn't wait for me. I wonder the state of mind of people that end their life. I'd imagine despair, severe pain & major depression. I never got over it but I learned to live with it. Humans are resilient and we developed defense mechanism for self preservation and survival. We really need to be kind to people. We don't know what they are going through.
I'm sorry for your loss. Be strong.
The emptiness of the embrace of death, makes a life with & without a purpose seem valuable.
But those who had a near death experience tell us, death is anything but emptiness. And they are horrified to turn back to their heavy, narrow cage..their body..
@@Sibelcik The problem is the dead can't come back to truly verify if the heaviness of this cage is less meaningful than our speculations of what death is.
My life sucks right now but for some reason just being able to have this small conversation with you all here somehow feels better than the death I felt I wouldn't mind an hour ago wondering why the hell am I even alive considering no one really gives a 💩 about me...
I give a 💩 because I can, I'm realizing now it's the one thing they can't take from me. I care because I feel like it.
Hang in there everyone
@@TyCollage ayo Tj just take it a day at time, hell minute by minute if you need to just keep pushing you got this
He gets to realize that only because he’s experiencing a sort of afterlife. Which isn’t provable. Death’s embrace is therefore indeed sweet, because after it happens, there’s a 50% chance you will feel nothing, no regret over your final decision either. Total freedom from everything. Just atoms on the wind.
And to me, that is more beautiful than anything life has to offer.
On one hand I don't want to die, but on the other hand I can hardly wait for it.
A few years ago when I was at the height of my passive suicidal ideation, daily self care tasks used to upset me the most. I remember that flossing and brushing my teeth every night would threaten to send me over the edge; it felt so redundant and futile to have to do this all again. After working at a dental office for two years and seeing the harrowing effect of neglecting your self care, I became immensely grateful that I have the opportunity to do daily self care tasks. The owner of our company was a rich asshole but he said something that stuck with me: taking preventative care of your teeth is one of the easiest and cheapest forms of self love. If you really love yourself, don’t neglect the banal things.
You're lucky you can afford dental care...I can't, and haven't for over 20 years. More than half my teeth are gone, and the rest are broken. Being poor in America totally sucks. I wear a mask outdoors only because no one will see the horrid condition of my mouth. I am otherwise doing great.
@@brindlekintales :( hearing this makes me so sad.
It seems right, brushing is self-love. So what do you when you don't love yourself? No brushing. Simple.
@@brindlekintales Lol same i havr to use 2 years worth of salary on teeth for rct and filings and Braces. As i live my parents its possible else it would hav ebeen impossible. While others enjoy the monney earned i use for dental problem.ffff
@@stoinks224 It's highway robbery, dental care should be part of a universal health care system.
You have no idea how often I fantasize about all humans vanishing overnight.
Ok, Thanos.
yeah i do the same lol, it would be scary but comforting
*Thanos x 2
Kinda edgy imo
@@seeyouascender sad, dark, and emotionally secluded in an effort to gain attention.
"pretty soon i just gave up looking for answers, turned around and went back home"
Literally my brain during a math test.
😂
You need a better math teacher. So many people think they suck at math when all it was was to have been unlucky enough to have shitty teachers who couldn’t teach math adequately..
Just failed a calc test I feel you
@@Phantomsnothere when this video came out..i had just taken a linear algebra exam.
Can't relate, I'm great at maths! Other than latin... Or sports... Or art... Or music... Or biology... Or history.... Or geography.... Goddamn it, my skills for school subjects really only went into one subject, didn't they? I feel you, but in a different manner, I guess
Made three attempts at ending it. First when I was 19. I drove my airbagless car into a tree at 90 mph without a seatbelt and leaning forward in the hopes I'd be thrown through the windshield. Woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by friends, family and two girls that were not happy to be in the same room together. Had a severe concussion and there were bits of glass embedded in one ear and had a few small cuts on my face but other than that I was fine. Not even a broken bone. It actually took 15 years to remember I did it on purpose, as my brain had blocked it out.
Second time was a few years later. I got my hands on a bottle of barbiturates. I looked up the LD50 for that drug, then I took five times that amount, drank some whiskey just to be sure then climbed in the shower fully clothed and turned it on. At that time my circle of friends would just randomly drop by my house so I knew someone would find me fairly quickly. Next thing I recall was waking up with a buddy of mine sitting near my bed with me in it playing video games. He and two other people had pulled me out of the shower and tossed me in my bed, thinking I had just gotten too fucked up. Didn't go to the hospital. Stomach wasn't pumped and I never threw up, so it all stayed down, but I lived.
Third time was much much later. I had bought a shotgun off of a coworker along with some shells. At the time I bought it I hadn't planned on trying suicide again. My third attempt I racked a shell, stuck the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Click. That's all that happened. Misfire. I decided then that this place wasn't going to allow me to leave it early. I would have to ride it out until whenever the end would be. Now I just figure that I'm going to die someday anyways, so I may as well see what happens between now and then. We all get our day so there's plenty of time to see the other side.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
- Viktor E. Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”
wow suicide is not a choice buddy just get comfy and surround yourself with friends and families and just chill
@@indee105 yeahhh kind of ..true but in my words try looking for a new angle
Any particular reason you tried committing suicide multiple times?
Dude, I am happy that you are alive. You give me perspective. I hope that you not only find a reason to live but that your brain allows you to live in peace
Just like when Squidward finally admitted he misses Spongebob in the land of nothingness.
Episode SB-129
Futuuuure
that episode man.. it has something...
that Spongebob episode filled me with so much existential dread
that episode made me trip so badly when i was younger 😭
exactly what i'm thinking of
This is very relatable, As someone who contemplates suicide on a nearly daily basis.
hugs man!
Me too! But only on waking. In that thinking period of time before getting up. Once I'm up, I don't think about it at all.
Damn I hate waking up in the morning.
❤️
I feel ya bro
@@meowbigdong763 give me a shout out when you do!👍
What i got from this is someone who wished to escape from his feelings of pain and hurt but in doing so he realised that maybe those feelings are what he needed all along but in exchange for peace he got nothing but pure emptiness
So, my life, then?
pretty much geah
@@TheAbandonedAccount7 its suppressed fillings end up deprition ,try been sad let it all out weekly
Peace is empty in it's nature. I mean you look at a black void and there is no conflict. It's all just dark and formless. It's quiet and serene, because there is no language, and language is a source of conflict. I know what it feels like to be empty and void. I know the experience intimately well. Yes there is a grieving process that's part of it. And by letting go, I realized that my attachment to the external world (other people, material possessions, experiences, past, present, future) is what was driving my sorrow. So I became without desires, and found peace in just existing from moment to moment. Of course not every moment was peaceful, because some days I was thinking of the past or things that didn't work out. But this is me again tapping into the tree of desires and feeling hurt by it.
Water has no desires, it flows freely from all places. The Earth has no desires, it has existed long before we have inhabited it, and probably long after. The Sun has no desires, it simply shines it's light and does it's thing, yet it influences everything in our world.
Perhaps life itself has no desires either? Or the desire of life is to find a desire in life to make life move.
@@Igneous01 thanks for sharing this. definitely resonated. I came to this video bc I feel/know that I don’t want anything out of life. I’m completely content with the present moment. Not wanting anything, I think, makes me resist doing anything (especially anything challenging) then I judge myself for not wanting to do it. I’m trying to find something to want because I am goal oriented, but I just don’t want anything. I think my life would be a million times easier if I wanted something. I’d be able to flow though tasks because I have a reason to do them. I don’t see a real point behind doing anything otherwise.
The social psychology of this century reveals a major lesson: often it is not so much the kind of person a man is as the kind of situation in which he finds himself that determines how he will act.
Isn’t that just common sense?
@@unmixedunmastered2810 You'd be surprised.
@@chinchin3274
There so much to know that we Lost ourself in everything
wow. Truly, enlightening.
I completely disagree a corner stone of stoic philosophy is that we cannot control what happens to us but we can control our reaction to it.
Sometimes in order to see the beauty in life, the beauty must be taken away. We begin recognizing things once they are gone, but don’t see them when they are right in front of us. Once all is gone, all will be understood.
You can't know happiness without sadness. You can't fathom good if there is no bad
it sucks when the beauty still has never came.
@@mothersinstrue true. But there is a trick to seeing beauty tbh. It’s not just somethin you see exactly, you kinda have to search for it actively. Then slowly over time, you won’t have to look so actively cuz you’ll just see it
Beautiful video. I believe a healthy tool to incorporate is to view ones life daily through the lense of our deaths. This gives us a very clearly painted picture of what death could look like, but we are our biggest critics. Attempting to affirm our actions each day from the view of our own selves on our deathbeds would ideally allow us to be more understanding and honest with ourselves. The nice part too is that if we are deeply unsatisfied with the life we've lived, we dont have to wait until we are dying to finally realize this, and can hopefully take steps to change ourselves in a way that is more fulfilling for ourselves.
Have you heard of Stoicism by chance? I’ve been reading up a lot about it and this idea feels really resonant with some of that stuff :) love it!
@@fieldhockey2097 I believe stoicism can be wonderfully helpful when beginning to want to make changes in our lives, but it lacks much of the purpose or reasons why in my opinion. To answer your question directly, yes I've read meditations and have taken classes that go very in depth on stoicism. I dont know everything ofc, but I did at one point attempt to live by those principles proposed by stoicism. If man were purely logical and reasonable beings, it would be the only philosophy neccessary to life, but I believe we need more than logical explanation to feel at all comfortable within ourselves. Thank you for your comment though
Dude, for me being nothing is actually being nothing at all. Like not even being born, never experiencing this "Life". I didn't ask for it and i am just here. The awareness no matter how big or small life can be, will exist. I hope i was never aware about this "existence". It's just my opinion.
@@nathanielbeha833 this was really insightful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
@@fieldhockey2097 I'm glad you enjoyed reading them. I share many of my thoughts in different posts to different groups, but this was the first time sharing on RUclips. Thank you for the interaction. I hope you have a wonderful day 🤙
Being so tired yet not being able to sleep at all. I know all about that after 3 years of chronic insomnia
Chronic insomnia is an utter misery...I know, because I've been there myself. But it's been years since then, and so glad I can get a solid, restful sleep every night...finally. My favorite time of each day is when I go to bed.
I used to sleep like 20 hours a day for I think like 6 months when I used to be on chemo meds or was on some of the other meds. Now my hours are like a roller coaster. Hey can you keep me updated on something every once in awhile if you do this. I used to do this and still do to help me sleep, it gets me to dream a lot.
Now I normally slept with tv on at night and try to sleep, but after an hour when it's bad, I normally turned off the tv, tossed the pillow to the other side of the bed where it was darker, and the awesome cool side is up. Then rolled on my side (or belly) I guess whatever was comfortable facing a darker are relaxed as much as I could and imagined myself doing something and/or made up and told myself a story about doing something. Would sometimes get up and get a sip or two of water to drink at the sink to get back of throat moist, didn't want to have to go downstairs and around the corner.
@@jakeg3126 i hope you’re doing well buddy
@@kalumz thanks, I am. Cancers gone, I later had two transplants because chemo didnt work, then blood stem cell transplants cause other problems (no dead baby embryonic stuff), but finished high school/ college, now I'm just trying to find a damn job.. now go to sleep take your prescribed drugs or a Tylenol PM or Benadryl whatever you do
I’m exactly the same. And the more exhausted I am the harder it is to sleep. I get to the stage where when I feel like I am about to fall to sleep I just get a surge of adrenaline in my body. I know it’s sleep anxiety but it is truly horrible when you haven’t slept in days
Although everyone has different reasons for feeling this way, there is often a certain degree of emotional constipation that lies at the root of suicidal ideation. Learning to recognize and think constructively about one's emotions is important for coping with negative emotions like these that may lurk and compound within us. This is what you do in therapy, and this is why therapy is so important. On a somewhat unrelated note, research in cognitive psychology indicates that our brains exhibit near identical patterns in brain activity when thinking about our future selves as when thinking about strangers. Perhaps by developing compassion for others, it can help us develop compassion for future selves, or vice versa.
YES
Ah...guess I been feeling too fulfilled, time for my daily dose of existential crisis.
LMAO🤣
heh yeah boi
This is exactly what I felt like when my grandpa passed suddenly. At first, it was a wave of exhaustive emotions, every negative emotion that you can think of. And then, nothing. Just, nothing. Only this video can describe what I was feeling (or not feeling). And I’m in the stage now of feeling emotions, but not to the extreme way. It’s hard, and I want to feel everything, but I tell myself that I don’t wanna get trapped in this cycle of over feeling and under feeling emotions.
I’ve made the exact same mistake as the narrator of this story. I forced myself not to feel any negative emotions, at the eventual expense of not being able to feel positive ones. And now my numbness, rather than any pain, is the reason I want to sleep forever.
I saw this video when I needed it the most. I'm in a state where the future is so uncertain, and I was completely dreading the feeling, but from a long term point of view, when the day comes where all of this will have to go, I'm sure I'll miss it all, the good and the bad, Thanks so much for this
It's funny how we human would rather feel pain and suffer than just numbness. Because emptiness is worse than any emotion we can feel.
Many time the worst part about mental illness such as depression is not the sadness nor the loneliness. Its the feeling of emptiness. Feel like you are just a shell of a human, hollow, indifferent,
Nah man. Worst thing is the tiredness.
@@forsaken7161 being tired just keeps me spinning the tires of life but the emptiness is what makes me tired
True, I remember being happy at feeling a glint of sadness and tears threatening to escape my eyes
Everyone should feel at least five minutes of emptiness at the first point of free time they have in the day. That way they can feel incredibly good and be reminded to make the most of life following those five minutes.
Props to Elon Musk for being so productive he probably just completely dodges this metric
Is emptiness like that feeling of just being antigenki and despondent, like there's probably many things you can do but all of them don't contribute in the slightest to how you feel, and you're wallowing helplessly waiting for the feeling to dissipate, or desperately trying to do literally anything that would make you more genki or even just feel occupied again?
That's exactly how I been feeling for 20 years now. Ever since the day I was shot my way of thinking and how I see the world has changed me to become someone I never was before.
May I ask what happened and in what way your way of thinking changed?
I don’t know if anyone will see this, but I have always loved these videos. They always make me realize how special things really are, and what it means to live. To understand the time you have, and no longer have, with yourself or others, is the most enjoyable yet depressing. I wish everyone the best
I saw it, Nick and agree wholeheartedly with your explanation. It’s as if, these videos help us remember that pieces of us we lost touch with. Along the lines of our trueselves. Breaking the disease of numbness/vague and nihilistic worthlessness of life. That is playin on a loop within our minds!
Thank you for this, I never knew the term "passive suicidal ideation" until watching this video and reading the comments. it is so incredibly validating to watch this video and read these comments and finally give a name to these awful, awful thoughts which have been festering in my head for such a long time. I'm finally on meds and going through therapy so hopefully we're at the tail end of all this, but thank you for giving a name to what I've been going through
You will get better bro
The mind of Everything holds the heart of Nothingness; the void of Nothingness holds the core of Everything.
I subscribed because of this comment.
Damn
But isnt the void hindering our joys while existing
no
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing. Love is knowing I am everything. And between the two my life moves” Nisargadatta
yeah buddy
Its strange how everyone of us has gone through something like this, someway or the other, but despite that, we're still here, fighting with our own demons, surviving for one more day, and that gives me hope!
I cant explaine how happy I’m about how you put my mind and thoughts in to words. Its so difficult for me to explain to someone how I feel and this is literally exactly whats on my mind 24/7.
i knew someone called Maria and she committed suicide last year.. this comment reminded me of her
You give more help to the suicidal mind than most paid professional people. This was a good one, thank you.
As someone with social anxiety, this sounds like heaven to me
💯💯💯💯
"Content that makes you curious, inspired, and feel good."
LOL
Great video though, very thought provoking!
if this sad depressing stuff doesn't make you feel good, idk what will :)
you described what has been happening to me better than i could have understood it, i don’t feel anxiety anymore. only the emptiness and longing for goals that seem years away. i don’t desire relationships with others, just shallow reliefs through drugs and other escapes from reality.
Oh
..this guy is an author, that's why the writing of these videos are amaaaaazing
My father died at 15, before I could fully understand him man to man. He was brilliantly sharp and seemed to have an endless encyclopaedia of knowledge, never without an answer for his autistic child. He had smoked since age 13 and never fully quit despite promising us so many times. Now as a man I have struggled with addictions to nicotine, alcohol, sex, and drugs, all the while fully aware of each of their slow suicides affecting me. But I just find it so hard to care. I drink alone in bars surrounded by violent tumultuous characters in varying states of decay. Really it’s all just a way to get to where he is. I yearn to be where he is but I don’t have to courage to get there quickly.
That was damn beautiful. Somehow it just fitted me so well in this precise moment of my life. Maybe everything can just fit in you depending on your perspective of things, we can learn from pretty much anything we want. But yet, this felt like if I was meant to see it, like if I was meant to absorb all of it. Tanks for that man.
it was a good video, but no reason to get tanks involved...
Decided to become a stay at home mom 6 yrs ago. I have worked and had social interaction since as far back as I could remember. I live on 300+ acres of land. I ran out of things to do the second year. I started to feel lonely and secluded because I did not have common problems of every working woman I knew. I had no one to talk to. I never felt suicidal but the unbearable loneliness of not having a person to understand what I was going through was excruciating. I stopped caring about things I used to, cleaning, self care. Drs never helped both mental and physical they claimed nothing was wrong. When I realized that not just me but everyone in my family was suffering because of what I was going through, I prayed to GOD above to show me. I started researching specific problems and WOW! The lack of nutrition and the amount of stress my body has endured over my life, I am astonished how I am still alive now at 45. I started with changing my diet. I always wondered why families always had a salad before dinner! My knowledge of my body and fuel it needed was 0! The difference I felt within a week of diet and daily walks were life changing and I am on a journey to learn so much more! No one could have convinced me that my diet effects your body and soul a couple of months ago! Wow! It’s amazing the transformation! I am happy, I sleep better, I do not have a short temper, I am loosing weight, I do not have heartburn or stomach problems, I think clearly, my skin and hair have returned back to its youthful glow. My skin is starting to tighten, no more combination skin! My thoughts are more structured and clear. I had complicit ignorance, and labeled the people that tried to tell me as health nuts. Well I had to hit rock bottom and pull my family down with me. My children and husband are noticing the changes in me and there selves. I am finding it cheaper to eat healthier. I have plans to start growing my own food. I see a nothing but good 🥰
This hit too close to home, especially for now, i don't even feel like doing my hobbies. I don't know it just feel numb.... Feel like i want to scream out loud, but i just can't... I want to dissapear in a middle of nowhere...
yess the feeling of just wanted to disappear is constant. i still go through my day, i take a shower, brush my teeth, go to school, come home and do chores and babysit, do my hw study, text some friends, play some video games. but no matter what i do i just wanna scream at everyone. i want to tell them to shut up and go away and let me free or let me die. i dont wanna be anywhere. i just want to sink into my bed and sleep forever im so exhausted. like when im in school and want to go home bit then i go home and i still dont feel satisfied. most of all tho i feel frustrated. i feel like throwing things and screaming and kicking and hitting cos o feel so restricted. and so i hide in books and anime and video games hoping to disappear into a different world.
@@abigailarredondo6257 hey, just remember this life is all about the experiences you get even the saddest part of your life is also an emotion it happened thats why you felt. Take your life as an game something happens in your life that builds and character of your story. Your life is beautiful all you need is to notice the small details and enjoy every moment and flow with the life.
you are depresed from supressing ur emos its ,feels great to feel sad love happy... i been there i make my self sad every onse awhile and i love it
i will give you a tip about that: forgive yourself and others plus talk to your family members about it
Same , but i think it's because we don't have any goals in life, a life without purpose is not worth living
The only place on the internet where commentors are all thoughtful and nice are these channels!!!
Everywhere I go on internet, social media, there are bound to be haters and supporters alternating in waves and being thoughtless people.
Such channel is thus a gold in sands.
What a great day for existential dread!
Also in case you want a TLDR; don’t chase substances to mute your feelings. grow as a person and connect with other people. it’s literally the only thing that matters on this plane of existence.
Sometimes you find that one video or song that speaks perfectly and directly to you. Thank you POW.
I understand every word. I've lived every word. I remind myself that this is a one off experience. It may sometimes feel long but it's so so short.
Whatever life gives or takes away. It is fleeting and it is beautifully beautiful and beautifully sadistic.
Laugh in the face of it all. You have been in the planning for 13.8 billion years and this part is maybe just 80 years. The earth will take you back and nourish off your remains. as you nourished off her. Stick around, it's not forever and it is absolutely going to be the ride of your life. Much Love.
bro you’ve outdone yourself and it is crazy that i am saying that cuz your videos are usually incredible but this is just something else entirely. thanks so much for the content
You have no idea how you're videos help me get through it, thank you
What a video, shout out to you and everyone who took part in making this, this is sure to make anyone who feels like they might be on that path rethink their decision
Wooo, that familiar sense of panic that began erupting from a dark corner of my mind, when the protagonist realized there were no people anywhere. As uncomfortable as it was/is, i'm 'lucky' enough to have had this same thought or realization before. Or at least something similar enough to relate to this video. I have, many times, thought i was quite certain that i was really ready to be rid of this entire experience. I have stood on the precipice many times, and have lingered there many of those times. At some point, the thought occurred to me that as much as 'people' often disappoint or annoy or disgust or infuriate me, how would i feel if they were all suddenly gone? What if i were suddenly all alone in this world, the only remaining member of my species? What if the instant i do the action that brings me beyond the point of no return, i suddenly realize i wasn't really as ready to go as i thought? Despite my refusal to subscribe to any notion of an afterlife... what if death is really not the end? What if opting out leads to exactly this type of scenario depicted in the video? What if casual recklessness born from despair, or a fit of rage or emotional overwhelm, leads you into such a situation, without you even being fully conscious of what you're doing to yourself? What if right after you lose consciousness, you wake up all alone in the same world, your same body, your same memories and identity... but there is no one else anywhere? What if "quantum immortality" is real, and instead of your life ending, you just snap into the next timeline, and it's worse there?
What is this thing that keeps us hanging on for just one more day, just one more chance to enjoy any of the things we know we'll miss when it's truly over, even after we know there's no way to score enough points to win?
Despite having no way of knowing what, if anything, could be next... it is precisely the fact that whatever this is, ends, that offers some respite, and makes even those of us who have been ready to turn it all off forever, countless times, pause, reconsider, postpone, and give tomorrow a chance... even when we know there's no way to score enough points to win.
for years i’ve been to different therapists for my mental illnesses, but no single one of them have helped me understand what i feel so much as this video does
Existence is pain, I can’t wait for the day this all ends.
. It is the poem I have written in solitude.. Where I want to end the whole thing which makes me, me.. I hope this can give u solace.. We all are on the same boat.. So let's wait together for the end...
Yep the first Noble truth in Buddhism: life is suffering
This was interesting. Nothing (aka "all that is") and I are very good friends. And to me, it is incredibly warm and gentle. Even on days when things may suck, it's still always kind and gentle safe space. A state to reset internally. I live without regrets. That may be the difference. When issues arise, when looking at the world comes with a pang of weltschmerz, I breathe and take time to retreat and process. It's a pricless treasure to have that, be that, being able to have such a friendship. Time and time again, it pays off to have taken the time to reach that point. To learn myself. To learn getting in touch with everything through myself.
When I see stories like these, hear real stories from people, it hits me...... that this (consistently "to maintain") blessing is not as "common" or "normal" or "easy to habve/be" as it appears to me. And then I'm grateful. Yet, again. Again.
From everything I've studied this is also a great description of what NPD feels like.... It sounds so bitterly tragic and sad 😔
These are some concepts I’ve thought of before, but its truly amazing to see them put together in such an powerful way. Let us be thankful for this gift of life, and thank you for this piece of writing.
"Staring into the ceiling for obscene amounts of time" is probably one of the most accurate descriptions of getting home drunk
I think this is the best video you've ever made. You're a genius.
i used to take refuge in pessimism so much that it has become a part of me, but even as I get older and find solace in the small details of the world, the beautiful, the poetic, the tragic, i still feel tired of the sum of the parts. the whole is not greater than the sum of the parts, everything adds up and cancels out. the good and the bad amount to nothing. and that's the nothing I'm tired of.
Ahh listening to this on the train to work. I feel like I'm about to cry. Feeling burned out for a job, for an employer that doesn't appreciate or properly compensate. But I don't have any other choice. I just want to end it sometimes. Thank you for this video.
If death was painless, I would have died by now. There is not point in existing. The fact that I'm not an app that can be uninstalled is kinda infuriating. Why am I not in control of my own body? My body tries so hard to keep me alive but my mind has the ability to question that. It's almost like our consciousness is not a part of our body
For me this is like the mental process that happens when doing meditation, all of that thought condensed into a fraction of time that feels like forever. All of that goes back into actually becoming truly more mindful and aware and grateful and happy in the waking reality
That's the whole problem though. He WANTS everything back, I don't want to want. It seems like happiness or rather meaning requires constant work, it's earned. Where as sadness comes without work. Why not want for nothing, or rather the things you do want don't require constant work and effort. But I suppose that's the whole point, to put energy in, to create order in the universe, to create. To be happy you need to organise the universe in some why or another. A shame that we cant juts be happy with the way it's organised now
It's because everyone has their own perspective on organization. If you want to make a change get after it and make it organized in a way that suits your agenda and hopefully everyone else's then.
I hear you. I feel you. The real interesting question though is this: is there something that you really miss which makes everything else feel this way?
“Don’t kill yourself because there might be an afterlife in which you might suffer inescapably (hell)” is the apparent message. But if that’s what awaits us after our bodies die, then those who brought us into the world have done us an unconscionable, unforgivable injustice
This reminds me of "The View From Halfway Down" from Bojack Horseman
Yuppp
The mind of this channel coming in such exccelence, also has something so appreciatably wonderful. A voice.
Im on the fourth play through before I decided to even make this comment but I need to get it off of my chest. I struggle with addiction and this hits closer to home even more then I think he realizes it does. I’ve tried to make so many changes but it’s like I’ve given up on myself. It feels like everyone sees something in me I don’t feel I have anymore. I know I am here to make some kind of difference in the world, but going from not worrying about money problems to being basically homeless now is so discouraging, and honestly breaks me. but my soul feels I’m here to make some impact so ending it feels like it’s not an option but lately the days all blend together and I don’t know which direction is the right one anymore. I’ve been through so much and have been making music to get an outlet. If you could check it out it means a lot. I really need to get out of this cycle and I feel that’s my value n could be my outlet. Appreciate you be safe
Wish I could give you some something of a solution, but i am going through something similar man. Try to find some good friends, it really helps. Hope you break free and live your life to the fullest, as you want to live it. Good luck man✌️
How are you jow my friend? ❤
Thank you so much, I needed that. You… you saved me today
One doesn’t experience self-transcendence, the illusion of self only dissipates.🎈
@@therealmzizi I've seen the balloon man comment on videos for the past 3 years. He posts comments like the one above on both random and introspective videos, but he never responds back with clear language, if he even responds at all. So I wouldn't even give him any attention.
@@therealmzizi The mainstream understanding of self transcendence is that a person through their willed actions (as in actions done through one’s own freewill) gets to a moment or period of “Self” transcendence. But with there being no Self to transcend, and in turn no self to “will” the transcending, the illusion of self only dissipates. Non-Duality✌️&♥️
I've already seen this comment lol
and still I don't know what it has to do with the videos...
@@ShadyForest I apologize for the lack of response I get emails for all the response to my comments, but I don’t get notified on my phone. To elaborate the mainstream understanding of self transcendence is that a person through their willed actions (as in actions done through one’s own freewill) gets to a moment or period of “Self” transcendence. But with there being no Self to transcend, and in turn no self to “will” the transcending, the illusion of self only dissipates. Non-Duality. I can break it down further if you’d like✌️&♥️
@@lordfeder3559 It’s has nothing to do with the video. The goal of the takeaway is to offer a different perspective on seeking, open dialogue, and introduce Non-Duality.
To be vulnerable is the beginning of understanding love
Incredible writing. Everything feels so tangible and relatable.
the voice of the speaker is what brings me here!!!
It’s an art I learned from the stoics: only through death do we know life.
It is so easy to become lost in the maelstrom of life, but through understanding what there is to lose we can truly grasp what we have.
Momento mori my friends.
Ive had this recommended over 3 months. I didn't have a desire to even watch it. I feel better now. I wanna understand
Nonetheless, there is something worthwhile and meaningful even in this chaotic, destructive, sad, sick world. There is still beauty out there to be experienced and captured. One just has to look for it.
Sometimes you don't have to look for it, you can create it.
No it’s not
yeah you're right you just tap that courage and go with it and keep hope in yourself and others including me
@@hoodieap2858 u mad bro?
@@heavyskull5813 no
The way you explain this is the opposite of how I always felt my hole life. I can explain nothing then it becomes something. Seeing this video made me do it the reverse way.
The most thought provoking anti-suicide video I have ever seen in my life. Wow.
The only youtube channel I consistently come back to and support
This video makes want to leave even more. I look forward to my departure. Life is a collection of absurdities.
Ahh. Peace. I often fantasize about this. This video doesn't disturb me.
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
I don't understand how an indirect message like that can reach someone
Thanks
If I just want it all to end I don't want anything no one has been able to answer my questions I don't have any dreams or anything that I want or some skills and trying to pursue I just want it all to end sick of this
Omg! I used too imagine this as a child. I usually ask people what will you do if you wake up one day and you're the only one on Earth.
Man I'd love a book with all of these stories as short stories
Videos like this make me love the saddest parts that come with existing
This weirdly reminds of early pages from the book "The book of disquiet" by Fernando Pessoa, he describes his desire for nothingness more humorously, like he finds it funny and bewildering and decides to mock that desire and himself for wanting it and eventually he goes back into the notion of loving everything in a semi-sarcastic way that he wanted to get away from.
The desire for life requires so many undesirable aspects........so true..!
If only I _could_ feel nothing. What a luxury that would be.
bruh u good
💔🖤🔁 ...
You missed the point of the video.
It's not really a desirable state of being.
100+ comments of self deprecation? are you seeking attention?
I've always been happy my whole life, never really thought of ending it but I still appreciate this video a lot
I needed this today.
man the visuals in this video were so amzing, cheers man
You guys post every time school of life posts and vice versa. Not complaining, I love both channels, Its just a wild coincidence
Its just end of the month
The 26th?
"I hate the way the world spins and expects your head to spin with it." I screamed what a line
If anyone is feeling like this, don't worry. It could always be worse!
worse ? wohooo
I'm not sure if that's the best take
cause he literally died, so you are saying life can be worse than death, which I can agree with
how can someone write about suicide this beautiful, it is so aesthetically pleasing
8:27 that image looks both like he's holding a bottle, or a gun
6:30 I think he jumped off the roof, kinda of a "life flash before you die" scary
The thought of everything fading and ending in white landscape gave me extreme peace.
This was a somber theme this time around, it make me think of the album "Can't be Saved" by Senses Fail.
To think, this is a possible outcome, slowly fading out. So lonely in this world, after all that has been done, all that could be. In all that new found peace, there is yet a fire inside wishing to burst out and display that passion on the world again. But it is slowly driven back, drop by drop from a downpour you have no control over and cower behind your glass frame. Little light, you must burn on through the night to guide others and in turn they may guide you through travels of your own.
Great work Rob, loved it once again.
This is the story of giving into despair. Never give into it. You'll desperately try to claw out.
The void tempts me
I honestly didn't enjoy the video but liked it after reading many comments. It seems like the emotions portrayed are relatable to a lot of people going through hardship. I am probably fortunate as I am on bright side of the street at this stage in my life and probably have been (even considering my worst moments) through the entirety of my life so far. However, dear reader, know that if you are going through hard times it is not over yet. You're still here, you're still in the game, and you have yourself. Think about this for a second:
Consciousness is all we have. It's what we are as a matter of experience. It's what makes the people we love worth loving. And it what makes our failures to love so tragic. It's what puts the sting in every missed opportunity. It is the substance of every joy, and every sorrow. It's the wind that blows toward wisdom, or toward madness. And whatever the state of your health, consciousness is the ultimate boundary between life and death. Notice this bright circumstance in which everything is appearing all by itself. This is it. The real treasure of existence is already in your hand. There is no intrinsic reason behind it, but just to rejoice in it. And you can do this if you make a friend of yourself.
You're a lovely human being. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Just really makes you reflect on life's worth. Suicide is never the answer.
It's the only answer
Both of you... please don't...
I felt a sense of dread and anxiety the entire time i was listening to the story. Not knowing what was going on as the world distorts for no reason made me feel so uneasy.
What does the exactly feel like?
I dream of this to wake up one day with nobody around and survive by myself
you would certainly die alone
Each piece is significance to the whole. And the whole is so much greater than the sum of its parts.