Yep...I stayed with my covert narcissist wife for 27 years thinking I could love the dysfunction out of her. What a joke that was and devastating to find out the level of her betrayals throughout the years, which were unbelievable. She had me duped into believing she was a "good girl" and I still don't even know everything she did. There is a childhood connection to us empaths who connect with narcs in adulthood. Its familiar bc of unresolved childhood traumas from a narc back then.....
It's so true, People of the Lie. Not a single moment of reality or truth for years. Satan is the Father of Lies. The burden of the lies are borne by others, never the narcissist. It's to his advantage, always.
And knowing this, right there that is OUR closure. That right there is THEIR karma. Surging thrivers need to accept this and keep moving forward and healing.❤️🌻
You know when "he" stopped lying to me? When he stopped communicating with me. When he disappeared. You know when I stopped lying to myself? When I researched the facts. When I stopped crying long enough to accept what was true. Even now, it seems unimaginable.
Mine would lie about the most stupid things. 🙄 I would try to point out these lies and the rage would start. Trust was never there…so I went no contact. Never looked back after the fog lifted. Thanks for this great video. 🙏❤️
Thank you for what you do. This cannot be described unless you've lived it. Abuse is abuse. Everyone has difficulties in childhood... abuse is a choice.
The fog.......29 yrs. They are so good at manipulating drop by drop, that an honest, loyal person has no idea what's happening.....the cycle is addictive. Hope of change keeps you in it when leaving is the only way to save your self. They take all that you are ,until you put a stop to it. The black eyes are real. I've stared into them and knew I had to get out for my safety. The world is becoming educated......it will be harder for them to charm in public....
I think some of us just loved & hoped TOO damn much! We hoped & prayed that love was enough for them to want to change & do the "right" thing - Believing that ALL was possible with LOVE & we shall prevail - Not knowing then but later realizing that we're dealing with someone that will NEVER change because they don't see ANYTHING wrong with themselves or anything they do! They are always Right!🙄
Thank you for sharing this painful truth for the benefit of others. I know the pain of being on the receiving end of lies too well. There were times when the ex would forget what he already told me. Such an awful experience to look into the eyes of someone you love, knowing that they lie to you with a straight face. I pray for healing for you and everyone on this journey.
Flabbergasting how easily it is done. 🤷♀️ Such a heartbreaking expirience really. Healing is a daily thing now. I will never stop bettering myself and knowing my worth, no matter the lies that were told to me.
Thank you so much. It is true- people pleasers /codependents want to believe they can love , but they have limitations and need to learn to have boundaries
Excellent video! Toward the end of my relationship with the exN, everything that came out of his mouth was a lie! He lied about things he didn't need to lie about! After 13 yrs of trying to "fix" him & get him to do the right thing, I finally gave up & walked away. Almost 2 yrs no contact.
Omg! When you said you're in a fog because you're told so many lies you're grasping and trying to figure out what is going on. I could go into the long story about how I finally got divorced but that sentence really hit me hard. I was so confused as to what was happening and then he lied every time i tried to get clarification as to our situation, blamed me and would become very agressive. Gosh I wish I had your channel during that time. Ive said it before thank you for your honesty, courage and help.
I think that's it right there - the lies feel more safe than reality. A couple times, my narc ex had real breakthroughs chatting with me, but then he'd shut down, and scream at me if I ever brought them back up again
Greaaaaaattttt vídeo! Love your life! I prayed for years for my ex husband to be rescued by Jesus, transformed by Him, did not happen yet and it affected my faith at the time . Seeing you talk and your transformation proves to me that God does change anyone, my ex is already married to someone else, but I still want to see his transformation because hell will be losing one more. thank you for “exposing yourself”, you are a blessing
The lie the healing empath can tell themselves is that it isnt abusive.... The lie that the narc tells themselves is that the most basic boundaries on them or their behaviour is a personal attack. With their inflated grandiose self, they can have distorted thinking. They want other people to accept that others can have distorted thinking if they admit it. The narc has to become honest about their behaviour, and their patterns..... Recovering Codependents or empaths in their healing journey, have their separate healing journey where they are becoming more empowered and standing in their truth and self respect based on their own patterns........ They need to own that its ok to set a boundary, that its ok to protest disrespectful and unfair behaviour, etc. They need to keep bringing up their selfworth and self-respect to a healthy level....... Whereas the narc has to bring their entitlements down ....... Having integrity to ones own healing needs and healing journey is the way for healing and recovering for the empath / codependent in their healing journey ( i am 3 years in from cptsd by narc abuse in childhood) Feel better , my authentic self comes out, can have boundaries and know i have a right to take my space in the world, and i continue to heal from the traumatic experiences growing up. Have a lot of tools and support avaialble to me and a support system!
Excellent! We all can encounter "abusers" in the world around us. We can walk away from those if thar 'energy' doesn't resonate with the "abuser" within ourself. There is stories in the world of those who have overcome tremendous oppression in their life, but they chose to believe in themself and their dreams, their version of truth, of life! At the end of the day, the biggest "abuser" we need to overcome is the one in our own head. When we align within, we can overcome anything outside ourself! Thank you for your youtube channel to provide insight and understanding. Patti
It's a good reminder about the lying. I have no idea how many lies I was told by my narcissistic ex-friend. I am pretty sure about one massive self protecting lie that actually I think he thought he'd let me in on. Maybe he did and I forgot maybe I didn't. But that lie hurt me so badly that I asked if he even wanted to still be friends. And that provoked him to flip out, act like he was rejected, act like I was attacking him, start applying the silent treatment and quickly discard me. So talk about a lie coming back to bite you in the ass and cause collateral damage at the same time.
I didn't like the narcissists lies, 1 said he loved me 100×s. 2 said he was a Christian a few ×s. 3 said God spoke to him several times 4 said we would be together. 5 He lied that I am the one. 6 He lied about where he was, to others and probably me. 7 He lied about being forever faithful He didn't lie when what he had to say was demoralizing, or heartless. His angry texts were the closest to truth. Though his interpretation of me was a lie. I wasn't a weak dependent person. I wasn't willing to sacrifice everything for a narcissists love, admiration or sweet talk. I saw through the act and fake mask, so he left and I saw his true colors. Thoughtless, selfish, uncaring, using people.
" Get a tape recorder so you can remember what you said a few hours ago and keep you story straight" said that a thousand times. Now I just say I know the truth so does the universe smile and leave. " He claims he's a Christian doesn't work with him but it does for me.
@rawmotivations I think this is my most favourite of your talks yet it really gave me clarity to know that no matter what I did differently my narc husband is beyond help he will always be this way too proud to seek help which is a shame as he was my world but now I don't even recognise him his a verbally abusive monster with no good in him I tried but now I need to heal from my narc mother, my narc physical abuser from decades ago now this one. Its damn hard being an Empath but I need to heal my inner traumatised child she needs me now thanks for all the help your providing its really helping 💪🙏
I miss my ex a lot. Well, the friend I thought I had. Turns out that was a lie, she was never my friend. I’ve been questioning everything for the past 8 months, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I got her to see she’s narcissistic but then she researched it and immediately starting projecting (weaponizing) that knowledge onto me. I miss her until I get around her (she’s the mother of my daughter). Then I’m like fuck, how’d I deal with this for so long? I think that’s one of the hardest parts of recovering from this kind of abuse. Once you see it, once you know what it is, you connect the dots on all the 🤨 stuff and you feel like a fool for going through it. That foolish feeling sucks.
Hi Ben, an idea for the next video. How narc want to mold you with hoovering to give them what they want, when they want but not what we want. For example: my cousin ( we are low contact ) used to send random messages with her son and her, expecting compliments. When I said something about my child she would brush off with lightning speed. And next time she would send a message like everything is wonderful, expecting me to listen how she is great or low, or where she has been, how she would look etc. It was very hard to get rid of these messages. We would usually not answer them. How to repel that behavior ( you can advise listeners ) is to straight up start talking about my wonderful life, what is good going on with me - new hobby, new job, I lost weight etc. They would stop talking very quickly. Whatever say about them - they will want to channel the conversation to them - like o my sister got a baby, I was in a movie to watch that film, O want you are saying happen to my friend - that is how they distract us from talking about topic that is about us. I would not pay attention to what happened to her, just procced to talk what is going on with me. Nowadays I answer every 10th message which pisses her off. We are in low contact because my husband insists... This video should be about low contact with family, there are lot of people who can not brake it permanently. Narc is like Pitbull who will never stop biting... Just an idea about next video. Cheers!
I would love to have you talk to my narcissist but he won’t do it if he thinks it’s about narcissism. He would do it if he thought you were a therapist, cuz he’s “all about therapy” right now 🙄 Honestly for me that would be hilarious to see. I want to watch a self-aware narcissist call out a narcissist-in-denial about their BS! I hate popcorn but I would pop some to watch that! 😂
Did you actually believe your lies/manipulation or did you know you were lying? It’s almost as if they are so convinced that their lies are the truth & was the right thing when everyone else who saw what happened knew that it was flat out wrong.
Only realised he lied all the time after it ended , He was honest about the bad stuff cheating and drugs .. said , I’m always straight with you ! So I obviously believed all the other lies ❤️🩹
![GEEK TIMË [OFFICIAL AUDIO]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ry-6RvkH880/mqdefault.jpg)
The lie I believed was that I could change someone with my love... going all the way back to Mom and Dad.
Such a big heart! It wasnt your fault but I wish you the best of you healing
Yep...I stayed with my covert narcissist wife for 27 years thinking I could love the dysfunction out of her. What a joke that was and devastating to find out the level of her betrayals throughout the years, which were unbelievable. She had me duped into believing she was a "good girl" and I still don't even know everything she did. There is a childhood connection to us empaths who connect with narcs in adulthood. Its familiar bc of unresolved childhood traumas from a narc back then.....
Me too
Oh the lies come out as effortlessly and unconsciously as the air they breathe..😒
True
If you get a chance check out our Live Events every 9pm EST Thursdays!
It's so true, People of the Lie. Not a single moment of reality or truth for years. Satan is the Father of Lies. The burden of the lies are borne by others, never the narcissist. It's to his advantage, always.
This is the best explanation of how lies leave the narcissist stuck in a perpetual state of evil that they have to live with every day
And knowing this, right there that is OUR closure. That right there is THEIR karma.
Surging thrivers need to accept this and keep moving forward and healing.❤️🌻
Exactly. How does a person change problems that they deny exist? Ugh.
My lie is believing it’s all my fault that I’m not worthy of someone better my fear of being left .
You know when "he" stopped lying to me? When he stopped communicating with me. When he disappeared. You know when I stopped lying to myself? When I researched the facts. When I stopped crying long enough to accept what was true. Even now, it seems unimaginable.
Because it truly is unbelievable. Honest. Keep healing, never ever stop!! ✨💪❤️✌️
@@Motherof4-26 you too
Yep. All of this.
I cried in the beginning... but with time I found out the truth... and even if it hurts I now see who she was..
My ex.n was also lying about everything. Things he didn,t even had to ly about
Mine would lie about the most stupid things. 🙄 I would try to point out these lies and the rage would start. Trust was never there…so I went no contact. Never looked back after the fog lifted. Thanks for this great video. 🙏❤️
Thank you
Thank you for what you do. This cannot be described unless you've lived it. Abuse is abuse. Everyone has difficulties in childhood... abuse is a choice.
The fog.......29 yrs. They are so good at manipulating drop by drop, that an honest, loyal person has no idea what's happening.....the cycle is addictive. Hope of change keeps you in it when leaving is the only way to save your self. They take all that you are ,until you put a stop to it. The black eyes are real. I've stared into them and knew I had to get out for my safety. The world is becoming educated......it will be harder for them to charm in public....
I think some of us just loved & hoped TOO damn much! We hoped & prayed that love was enough for them to want to change & do the "right" thing - Believing that ALL was possible with LOVE & we shall prevail - Not knowing then but later realizing that we're dealing with someone that will NEVER change because they don't see ANYTHING wrong with themselves or anything they do! They are always Right!🙄
Their lies block them from being human. It’s that simple.
Thank you for sharing this painful truth for the benefit of others. I know the pain of being on the receiving end of lies too well. There were times when the ex would forget what he already told me. Such an awful experience to look into the eyes of someone you love, knowing that they lie to you with a straight face. I pray for healing for you and everyone on this journey.
Flabbergasting how easily it is done. 🤷♀️ Such a heartbreaking expirience really. Healing is a daily thing now. I will never stop bettering myself and knowing my worth, no matter the lies that were told to me.
Keep growing and changing
Thank you so much. It is true- people pleasers /codependents want to believe they can love , but they have limitations and need to learn to have boundaries
Excellent video! Toward the end of my relationship with the exN, everything that came out of his mouth was a lie! He lied about things he didn't need to lie about! After 13 yrs of trying to "fix" him & get him to do the right thing, I finally gave up & walked away. Almost 2 yrs no contact.
Thanks for your comment and sharing. You did the best you could and strong for being able to leave. I wish you the best!
You are so BRAVE. YOU ARE LEADING THIS BATTLE BY YOUR TRUTH! YOU ARE ONE BAD ASS WARRIOR ! KEEP ON KEEPIN ON AND HONOR THE TRUTH ! STAY STRONG!
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. If you get a chance check out our Live Events every 9pm EST Thursdays!
Thank you for this honest message
Thank you
My ex narc was a pathological liar. I don't believe anything she says.
Omg! When you said you're in a fog because you're told so many lies you're grasping and trying to figure out what is going on. I could go into the long story about how I finally got divorced but that sentence really hit me hard. I was so confused as to what was happening and then he lied every time i tried to get clarification as to our situation, blamed me and would become very agressive. Gosh I wish I had your channel during that time. Ive said it before thank you for your honesty, courage and help.
Constant Lies Never Ending LIES. Always.
I think that's it right there - the lies feel more safe than reality. A couple times, my narc ex had real breakthroughs chatting with me, but then he'd shut down, and scream at me if I ever brought them back up again
Thank you for this video.
Just found you few days ago.
I started crying. Need prayers thx 4 this video
Greaaaaaattttt vídeo! Love your life! I prayed for years for my ex husband to be rescued by Jesus, transformed by Him, did not happen yet and it affected my faith at the time .
Seeing you talk and your transformation proves to me that God does change anyone, my ex is already married to someone else, but I still want to see his transformation because hell will be losing one more. thank you for “exposing yourself”, you are a blessing
The lie the healing empath can tell themselves is that it isnt abusive.... The lie that the narc tells themselves is that the most basic boundaries on them or their behaviour is a personal attack. With their inflated grandiose self, they can have distorted thinking. They want other people to accept that others can have distorted thinking if they admit it. The narc has to become honest about their behaviour, and their patterns..... Recovering Codependents or empaths in their healing journey, have their separate healing journey where they are becoming more empowered and standing in their truth and self respect based on their own patterns........ They need to own that its ok to set a boundary, that its ok to protest disrespectful and unfair behaviour, etc. They need to keep bringing up their selfworth and self-respect to a healthy level....... Whereas the narc has to bring their entitlements down ....... Having integrity to ones own healing needs and healing journey is the way for healing and recovering for the empath / codependent in their healing journey ( i am 3 years in from cptsd by narc abuse in childhood) Feel better , my authentic self comes out, can have boundaries and know i have a right to take my space in the world, and i continue to heal from the traumatic experiences growing up. Have a lot of tools and support avaialble to me and a support system!
Excellent! We all can encounter "abusers" in the world around us. We can walk away from those if thar 'energy' doesn't resonate with the "abuser" within ourself. There is stories in the world of those who have overcome tremendous oppression in their life, but they chose to believe in themself and their dreams, their version of truth, of life! At the end of the day, the biggest "abuser" we need to overcome is the one in our own head. When we align within, we can overcome anything outside ourself! Thank you for your youtube channel to provide insight and understanding. Patti
Thank you
It's a good reminder about the lying. I have no idea how many lies I was told by my narcissistic ex-friend. I am pretty sure about one massive self protecting lie that actually I think he thought he'd let me in on. Maybe he did and I forgot maybe I didn't. But that lie hurt me so badly that I asked if he even wanted to still be friends. And that provoked him to flip out, act like he was rejected, act like I was attacking him, start applying the silent treatment and quickly discard me. So talk about a lie coming back to bite you in the ass and cause collateral damage at the same time.
They lie on top of old lies.😵💫
I didn't like the narcissists lies, 1 said he loved me 100×s. 2 said he was a Christian a few ×s. 3 said God spoke to him several times 4 said we would be together. 5 He lied that I am the one. 6 He lied about where he was, to others and probably me. 7 He lied about being forever faithful He didn't lie when what he had to say was demoralizing, or heartless. His angry texts were the closest to truth. Though his interpretation of me was a lie. I wasn't a weak dependent person. I wasn't willing to sacrifice everything for a narcissists love, admiration or sweet talk. I saw through the act and fake mask, so he left and I saw his true colors. Thoughtless, selfish, uncaring, using people.
I resonate with this.
" Get a tape recorder so you can remember what you said a few hours ago and keep you story straight" said that a thousand times. Now I just say I know the truth so does the universe smile and leave. " He claims he's a Christian doesn't work with him but it does for me.
@rawmotivations I think this is my most favourite of your talks yet it really gave me clarity to know that no matter what I did differently my narc husband is beyond help he will always be this way too proud to seek help which is a shame as he was my world but now I don't even recognise him his a verbally abusive monster with no good in him I tried but now I need to heal from my narc mother, my narc physical abuser from decades ago now this one.
Its damn hard being an Empath but I need to heal my inner traumatised child she needs me now thanks for all the help your providing its really helping 💪🙏
I miss my ex a lot. Well, the friend I thought I had. Turns out that was a lie, she was never my friend. I’ve been questioning everything for the past 8 months, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I got her to see she’s narcissistic but then she researched it and immediately starting projecting (weaponizing) that knowledge onto me.
I miss her until I get around her (she’s the mother of my daughter). Then I’m like fuck, how’d I deal with this for so long? I think that’s one of the hardest parts of recovering from this kind of abuse. Once you see it, once you know what it is, you connect the dots on all the 🤨 stuff and you feel like a fool for going through it. That foolish feeling sucks.
Truth & courage. Omg 💖🍀
Hi Ben, an idea for the next video. How narc want to mold you with hoovering to give them what they want, when they want but not what we want. For example: my cousin ( we are low contact ) used to send random messages with her son and her, expecting compliments. When I said something about my child she would brush off with lightning speed. And next time she would send a message like everything is wonderful, expecting me to listen how she is great or low, or where she has been, how she would look etc. It was very hard to get rid of these messages. We would usually not answer them.
How to repel that behavior ( you can advise listeners ) is to straight up start talking about my wonderful life, what is good going on with me - new hobby, new job, I lost weight etc. They would stop talking very quickly. Whatever say about them - they will want to channel the conversation to them - like o my sister got a baby, I was in a movie to watch that film, O want you are saying happen to my friend - that is how they distract us from talking about topic that is about us. I would not pay attention to what happened to her, just procced to talk what is going on with me. Nowadays I answer every 10th message which pisses her off. We are in low contact because my husband insists... This video should be about low contact with family, there are lot of people who can not brake it permanently. Narc is like Pitbull who will never stop biting... Just an idea about next video. Cheers!
Thank you so much ✨🦋
I would love to have you talk to my narcissist but he won’t do it if he thinks it’s about narcissism. He would do it if he thought you were a therapist, cuz he’s “all about therapy” right now 🙄 Honestly for me that would be hilarious to see. I want to watch a self-aware narcissist call out a narcissist-in-denial about their BS! I hate popcorn but I would pop some to watch that! 😂
The cost is death
Did you actually believe your lies/manipulation or did you know you were lying? It’s almost as if they are so convinced that their lies are the truth & was the right thing when everyone else who saw what happened knew that it was flat out wrong.
What if you don't have a lie?
Everyone has a lie
Only realised he lied all the time after it ended ,
He was honest about the bad stuff cheating and drugs .. said , I’m always straight with you ! So I obviously believed all the other lies ❤️🩹