I had a third grader stop my writing lesson to tell me he felt so sorry for me. When I asked him why he said, “Because you had to flee your home planet to come to earth to teach us.” He was fully convinced I was actually a lizard and spent the rest of the year trying to prove it. He actually wrote a fantastic persuasive essay in order to also convince the class.
I have giggled and laughed at your story several times because when I was young I thought my grandmother was a space alien robot and when I would go to her house I would try to “ catch “ her with her body suit off but I never did.
My favorite teaching quote was from this year. I'm a loud teacher, I grew up in a loud house and naturally, I usually speak with a raised voice. I had a preschool-aged boy come up to me and tell me "You wook hot. Like, not wid da tempewature." I took him aside to quietly explain that this isn't appropriate to say to a teacher, but I appreciated the sentiment behind it. To which one of the girls pipes up and says, "You broke Ms. Babannah! She's being quiet!" 🤣
I’m a preschool speech pathologist. Once I was working with a 4 year old child. She looked at my ID tag and asked, “Teacher, dis you?” Me: Yes, that’s me. Child: You old? Me: I guess so, compared to you. Child proceeds to stand up and hobble around with an invisible cane asking “Like dis?” Me: No, not THAT old! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I went to a Kindergarten Open House with my then boyfriend and his five-year-old daughter. We met up with another Gay couple and their daughter. My boyfriend's daughter turned to the other little girl and said, "My Daddy's boyfriend is prettier than your Daddy AND his boyfriend!" I died.
My cousins kid is 3 & has a habit of saying “my two dads” when he’s referring to his dad and his grandpa (my uncle) 😂🤣 The looks they get in public, because this kid will just go up to random people at the park all excited/proud to tell them he loves when his 2 dads bring him to the park 😂 (they aren’t too far apart in age as my uncle got my aunt pregnant at 16, so uncle is 48 & cousin is 32…and since cousin is balding already & uncle isn’t, they don’t really look like a father & son 😂) My aunt hates it, cause she says it never fails that she’s the one who ends up getting the weird looks… she said “I’m sure people are trying to figure out if it’s a poly situation, if I’m the honorary surrogate mom, or if I’m just a naive lady oblivious to the fact that my spouse is actually gay.” 😂🤣
When my oldest was little, he asked my mother how old was she when the world got color. He literally thought that because old movies and pictures were black and white that the world used to be black and white. She was so offended she hasn’t let it go yet. He’s twenty now.
I had a morning sub last year and when I came back I said, “Oh, great! I see that you made good choices because she didn’t leave me any names!” One of my 4th graders said, “We paid her hush money.” 🤐💰🤣🤣🤣
In the 1980s, I asked my grandma if she was a little kid during Little House on the Prairie times. She was not amused. But even less so when I asked her when color was invented. I thought her black and photos meant there weren't any other colors in the world.
I went to visit my mum at work in her kindergarten class... a little boy came up to me and told me his name- and I said 'hi, I'm Alex it's nice to meet you!' and his response was "I have a big sister in high school and when she grows up she's gonna be a STRIPPER" .....
I teach dance and tumbling - one day we were working on forward rolls in my preschool class. This little girl did her roll, but midway through she farted. She announced "oops! my hiney burped". Another time I had asked a class of Kindergarten/1st graders what they got for Christmas. One little girl was naming all that Santa brought: a baby doll, clothes, toys, etc. Then interrupted the next kid to announce "oh yeah, I forgot...I got a bucket to put the horse s#!t in". I (while trying to hold back tears of laughter) said "(kids name) don't say that word". She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well that's what my mom calls it."
And....drumroll...a HIGH SCHOOLER asked me if someone could make a career being a kidney donor. (Uhm - only once.) PS - she ended up being class valedictorian 2 years later.
First grader: "Why do you look like a duck?" I was wearing a white dress. Second grader: "are you older than my dog?" Fourth grader during carreer day: " My father is a liar" "What do you mean?" "It's what he does, he's a liar" "Do you mean a lawyer?" "My mom says he's a liar."
My family and I landed in Seattle pretty late at night and there no was no way I was making dinner at our summer rental, so we stopped at a Denny’s. The server gave my 7 year-old son a coloring page and crayons while we ordered and waited for our food. After about 10 minutes, we asked him why he wasn’t coloring. He looked at us dead in the eyes and said, “Um, dinosaurs are extinct and were alive a really long time ago. That was when everything was in black and white. Like the old tv shows and movies. So dinosaurs should never be in color.” 🤯
When my son was about 4, he was fiddling with his junk in the bathtub and said these words to me that I’ve never forgotten (he’s 24 now): “Mommy, you see these little balls here? Inside, they have the seeds that I give to the ladies.” I still, to this day, have no adequate response to this.
I’m a primary school music teacher: was covering morning opening with PreS, had students “reading” books. You know, look at pics and pretend to read to a friend….cause they are 4. One little boy came into the room and asked what he should do and I said pick a book to read and find a friend to sit by. He said “here’s the deal, I can’t read”. I giggled and said “none of your friends can either, we are just looking”
My wife was a teacher for 34 years with 33 years teaching Kindergarten kids. She had so many funny kids and quotes over the years. The one that sticks out to me was a little Hispanic boy that she said was going to grow up to be a comedian because he was so funny. He loved "Ricky Ricardo" ( Desi Arnaz) of I Love Lucy show. One of his favorite saying was - - Oh oh Bubba Lu. I do not know what ever became of this young man, but I do hope he made it as a comedian. He was priceless. Shalom
I teach dance and I laid out some blue scarves for the 4 year olds to jump over (idea was jumping over puddles don’t get your shoes wet) so I ask the kids “girls, do you know what Ms Savannah doesn’t like?” (Answer is wet shoes/getting shoes wet) and a kid I had for a few years in a row without skipping a beat yells out “PEOPLE” ……… yes and no my dear yes and no
Part 2 that same kid the next week was behaving so well (background I taught her when she was a tiny 2 year old and she was THE WORST!) so I said “(child’s name) I’m so proud of you for listening and following directions you used to not do that so well.” And she goes “yeah I know I used to be bad like HER! “ and points to one of the other kids in the class 🤣
One year when I was teaching PreK, I had a 4 year old tell me she met President Trump. I was like oh really? She said yeah, he was at McDonald's. I was so confused because I figured her mom would have told if she met the president. Turns out she was talking about Ronald McDonald...she thought he was the president.
I was reading "Cookies" from one of the Frog and Toad short books to my 3rd-5th grade class. For context, in the story Toad bakes cookies that him and Frog can't stop eating to the point that they have to feed them to the geese (it's pretty comical). Anyways, one of my students asked after the story was over (in a quizzical tone) "Ok what the heck was in those cookies? DRUGS?!" ..
Not a student, but one of my triplet nephews when he was a toddler, talking to my husband and me - Triplet: "Uncle David, do you have a mommy?" Me: "I do. It’s Mimi." (Pointing to my mother, their grandmother.) Triplet: "No, do you have a mommy who lives with you?" Me: "No, Mimi is my only mommy and she lives at her house." Triplet, looking very concerned: "But who cooks for you?" Me: "I cook for myself. And for Uncle Jim." Triplet, looking confused: "You don’t have a mommy who cooks for you?" Me, finally figuring out what this line of questioning is about: "No, it’s just me and Uncle Jim at our house. I do the cooking. Boys can cook just like girls can cook." Triplet: "Boys don’t cook. Mommies cook. How can you cook?" Me: "I watch a lot of cooking shows on TV. I learned a lot from those shows. Many of the shows have boys who cook." Triplet, with expression of disbelief: "But only mommies cook at our house." Me: "Your daddy cooks, too. He cooks brisket, hamburgers, steak, and hot dogs on the grill a lot." Triplet: "That’s not cooking. That’s grilling." Me: "Yes, but grilling is a kind of cooking, just like cooking on the stove or in the oven." Triplet: "Do you grill or do you cook?" Me: "Both, but I mainly cook on the stove." Triplet: "So if a boy is married to a boy, one of them has to be the mommy?" Me, deciding it was time to change the subject: "I think we need to watch some Scooby Doo now…"
I teach High School and I started a running Google doc of things I overhear students say. One of my favorites was not one of my students, but overheard as I was walking down the hallway and overheard a snippet of a locker conversation. One very intense young man said angrily to the other "I could throw a naked chicken at you!"... I kept walking.
when i was an EA in a grade 2 class they were learning about history and old school houses in the 1800s. and i was asked what it was like when i was in 2nd grade "like with the nuns and stuff" this kid legitimately thought i was taught by nuns in a 1 room schoolhouse. i'm 25 and have lived in a big city my whole life.
I was changing my daughters diaper and my son was talking to me as we were getting ready for church. All of a sudden he said "Mandie don't got no "PEEBUS"! And I said "Nope she don't got no peebus and we don't talk about our peebuses at church."
Also from high school. Somehow right before class a group of sophomore boys found out that sperm donors get paid. It was pandemonium (my team teacher and I were both so doubled over with laughter at their glee that it took us a while to get things back to order)! One kid even got out a calculator to figure out how much he could make. The memory never ceases to amuse me.
Hahaha I worked in childcare for 10 years and I always keot a notebook of crazy things kids said to me, but also crazy things that *I* had to say that no normal person would ever think they'd have to say in their lives, like "please don't lick the driveway" and "no, we're not going to have a tea party in the potty today."
Oh my goodness… I’ve taught or have been a parapro in every grade from K-5. They were always VERY concerned about the fact that I am thirty and still single (it’s like 20 versions of my mom running around). Here’s the most recent interaction: I have a photo of me and my best friend (who is gay) hanging on a bulletin board in my room. “Miss M, I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend?” “I don’t.” “So… who is this guy?” “He’s my best friend.” “But he’s not your boyfriend?” “No, you can have friends who are boys who are not your boyfriends.” “UGH! I just don’t get it.” 😂
I was teaching small inner city low functioning 4th & 5th grade. I told the class Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day. I asked, “What do you suppose was decorated ?” A student answered, the projects !
Some of my favorites: "An 8 looks like two 3s kissing!" "It is NOT a good morning. There were GEESE outside!" "I'm going to marry you someday." (to which I explain that I would like to marry a boy, and also she's too young) "Well, then, you can marry my dad!" (pointing across the room at her very married father)
My 5 year old gave me a 4 minute speech on how important silence is...she also recently asked if she could have dinner on the toilet. I don't know why. 😕
When I was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy I was dealing with acne. I hadn't told my students I was pregnant yet. One day a student asked me if I was stressed because he noticed I had some pimples and he heard stress caused that.
Another one of my favorites. I was volunteering in a special education class when I was in high school and the teacher said that you should not engage in sexual activities until you have been on at least 42 dates. A student raised his hand and asked if breakfast, lunch and dinner all counted as separate dates. 🤣 This video just made me think of all the hilarious quotes I have heard in my past 7 years too. Thank you for this!
When teaching preK in South Korea, I had a student tell me on picture day (the only day I wore lip tint - normally I didn’t wear makeup at all) that I looked like a mom. Apparently makeup = mom
I had a 2nd grader at a school in Pontiac, MI give me love advice. Mind you I never told them if was dating or with anyone they just always assumed I was single because I was in the classroom everyday 🤨 oh my bad...I will just date around instead of coming to teach...haha! Here is the advice: 1. Buy pink love bread from THE 7-11 or THE Burger King. 2. Wander around until you bump into someone. 3. Give that person the love bread and ask them to a nice restaurant. 4. Put on a pretty red dress and go to dinner. 5. Drive your date home and give him a kiss on the cheek. 6. Lastly, sleep over on his couch. After you successfully do these 6 steps once with a person...you are basically married!
Hey Joe love your material of course! I have a few you may want to share. 1. I had a cool Panama Jack type of hat on for a Caribbean song I was about to do. I casually said to the kids" so how does this look" The kid answered- "You look like an old man at the beach" Why, thank you! 2. I was walking out of a concert and a 4th grade girl said," congratulations". I said " "what for"? Congratulations for getting older!
My mom told me when I was a little girl, I walked over to her friend and said, “ shhhh, don’t tell anyone but I just wiped something on your husband’s coat”.
My oldest son wanted to go outside and play in the snow. I told him that if you went outside you catch pneumonia. He replied “but mommy, I want to catch a pneumonia” he was five 😂
One time we were using pattern blocks when I taught fourth grade, and one of them put an orange rectangle underneath a yellow a rhombus and said, “look, I made Donald Trump.” 😂😂😂 Also I teach in a Catholic school and had a fifth grader last year say one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shall not say the Lord’s name in Spain.”
soooo my 3 year old son has said many many hilarious things to me however one of the funniest was.... "mumma, my butt burped". I died laughing and then seriously wondered why I had never once heard that term from any other children, show, movie... etc. I found it very funny but hey he's my kid so I'm biased lol
I had a student hug me (I teach first grade) and she laughed after hugging me and said “my face implanted into your boob”. When I looked stunned trying to process what she said, she said “it’s true, bye” and ran off to the bus. 😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing all this. It’s my first year back in the classroom since ‘07-‘08, and it’s been quite the wild ride so far. Middle school social studies, 6.7, and 8. You are spot on and hilarious. Heavy, deep and real. Cheers
I am not a teacher, but I consider myself one at home when it comes to my children. My stepdaughter was starting kindergarten and I was trying to teach her her ABC’s, so of course we watch RUclips videos so she can sing along…. “A is for…” and she would say what she saw on the screen “Apple!”…… “B is for….” She ignored the photo of a ball and says “BUSSSSSS’n”! I blame TikTok I blame tik tok 💀
I taught preschool while I was pregnant with my daughter. We were all sitting around talking about me having a baby. Little boy: “So…there’s a baby…in your belly?” Me: “Yes.” Little boy: *look of complete terror and horror* “YOU ATE A BABY?!?” 😂🤣😂
I was reading a book to my 2nd graders once and I got a little tongue tied at one point and one kid goes “t-t-today, Junior!” Wasn’t sure if I should tell him he was rude or be proud of him for quoting that classic movie. 😂
I saw you live last night... AMAZING! When I was a preschool teacher, I had a student obsessed with wanting to be a police officer. Had his mom wash a blue button down shirt every night to wear with his plastic badge. One day he is insanely excited and tells me, "I found out my dad is a real police officer because he has handcuffs in his bedroom!" 😳🤣🤭
4th grade - picking an animal to research. A very irritated boy stood up and said, " I'm not very fond of mammals and I can BARELY tolerate merecats!" Huh?
My youngest was born 2 months premature and I had to pump breast milk to take to the hospital for him. I pumped every 3 hours and my other child (who was 4 nearly 5) told everyone in his preschool class that I get milked like a cow for the baby. His teachers thought that was adorable until the other kids asked if they could watch. They didn't understand why they could watch the cows on their trip to a farm be milked but not a mommy. My oldest is now 22 (his brother is 17) and his gift for gaby has not changed. Edit: gab not Gaby 😄
I’m my pre-K class one year I overheard another student say to one of her friends, “I walked into my parents room and I saw my mom on the floor and she had her hands behind her like this (demonstrated how her mom was on the floor with hands behind her back) and she had rope on her hands.” 😳
Another 1.. it was for a belated photoshoot. The student was absent for photoday so they took her picture another day. I was called out to take a photo. Looking messy that day ( art teacher) the student said it’s okay you’re beautiful ..She clearly meant inner beauty but still .. :)
Had an 8th grade boy come to my math class after discussing the Jewish Holocaust in Social Studies. LOUDLY "Am I circumsized?" "Probably.." " Well, so are you!" I'm female. Walked him out to the hall to explain what 'circumsized' meant.
I used to work at a small private Montessori school that ran summer camps in the summer. One summer on a hot day I heard a kid say “I’m steaming like a chicken” and on another day I heard from a kid who didn’t like really hot day “next year I want to hibernate for the summer” 🤣
One of my first graders asked how old I was. At the time I was 26, and she goes wow you’re older than my mom! A few days later same student came up to me and said “Oh Ms. Givens you look so young today!” Thanks kid guess I look like Izma the rest of the time.
Yesterday one of my 2nd graders told said “we went to the dr. And the dr. Told my mom the ginger of the baby and it’s a boy! And we’re gonna have a ginger reveal party tomorrow!”
I had a student ask what year I was born and I started answering "nineteen .." they interruoted loidly responding "1900s!?!???!!! You were born when dinosaurs were still alive" .... d.e.d. dead..
I had the same question as the horse milk kid but in 9th grade (and about other mammals) and for the entire class we debated about the ethics of MONKEY MILK😂😂😂
Did and said. About 4 years ago. A kid went to the bathroom. For context my classroom was next door. He proceded to yell “ teacher I can’t get it down” As female teachers we were like he’s 5 how’s that even possible? Turns out he left a giant turd that couldn’t flush. Needless to say none of us wanted to put on gloves and plunge it.. so we locked the door left an out of order sign. About an hour later the janitor came in yelled out profanities and was angry.. I bribed my student with stars to not say a word. To this day the janitor has no idea who did it?
My youngest was always coming up with unintentionally funny questions We were at the store once when he was 4, and we walked past a person with dwarfism. The guy had a beard, so he was adult, but he was only a bit taller than my son. He asked me, "Mommy, who squished him?"
You are AMAZING!! I have so many notebooks with their powerful quotes! Thanks for the great talk today in Hurst! I have to come to your show in Addison!! Thank you for keeping it real💪🌮❤️
In my second grade class one of my littles asked me why skin was red (I taught in a mostly Hispanic school) and I told her because this is what my skin does in the sun. Then she looked at her skin and said hers didn’t do that and began poking me. She also offered me sun screen…turns out her family diluted the sun screen with water to make it last longer.
"When I grow up I wanna be either a glass blower or an assassin” Definitely a hidea lol I'd so buy a ticket for one of your shows if I were nearby. Love from far-away land Malaysia.
10:56 pm When I taught 8 th grade Health ,Sex ed topic, this young man thought he would be funny when he raised his hand and asked, what happens when you suck on a girl’s titty? Well, son, that’s how you get buck teeth. Later, I was teaching 6 th grade Social Studies, a unit on Africa. I invited a favorite college professor of mine from Zimbabwe.He had many doctoral degrees.For questions after his presentation one student asked if he was a hunter/gatherer. Oh, dear God!! Lastly, I taught Spanish in an inner city high school and invited a Catholic Priest who was from Uganda and spoke Spanish .Several students wanted to know about his wife and kids .
In one of my 4th grade classes, I found out that 4 students were throwing separate birthday parties on the same day at Get Air (an indoor trampoline place). I taught drama at the time, so I pretended to be so hurt that no one invited me and that I've never and probably will never get to go. Without missing a beat, one of my favorite students bluntly said, "You could just go by yourself." I'm gay, so inside I was thinking, "Girl you better work. I am here for the sass."
My grandson said how old are you? I answered 66 years old. He asked if I ate vegetables. I said I do. He said well then maybe you’ll live another year or two!
I used to ask my students every monday what happened during the weekend? One time . i went downstairs .and saw mommy and daddy play barbie and ken you know like my sister does with her dolls without clothes. Me: yeah um let’s stop right there..
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In my 4th grade class, Clinton was president. My teacher asked us who was the First Lady. Kid's response: Monica Lewinsky.
Spot the lie 😂
Omg yasssss like the book ofmess ups but this is gold kids quotes🤣❤so raw n unfiltered lmao
😂 I mean...kinda!
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆‼️‼️‼️‼️
I had a third grader stop my writing lesson to tell me he felt so sorry for me. When I asked him why he said, “Because you had to flee your home planet to come to earth to teach us.” He was fully convinced I was actually a lizard and spent the rest of the year trying to prove it. He actually wrote a fantastic persuasive essay in order to also convince the class.
I have giggled and laughed at your story several times because when I was young I thought my grandmother was a space alien robot and when I would go to her house I would try to “ catch “ her with her body suit off but I never did.
Did you ever find out where he got this idea from?
My favorite teaching quote was from this year. I'm a loud teacher, I grew up in a loud house and naturally, I usually speak with a raised voice. I had a preschool-aged boy come up to me and tell me "You wook hot. Like, not wid da tempewature." I took him aside to quietly explain that this isn't appropriate to say to a teacher, but I appreciated the sentiment behind it. To which one of the girls pipes up and says, "You broke Ms. Babannah! She's being quiet!" 🤣
"“Mr. Light, did your Christmas tree have candles on it when you were a kid?”
-1st grader
High school student angrily waving a copy of his midterm grades: "Why did I get a zero on this test??? I didn't even take it!"
I’m a preschool speech pathologist. Once I was working with a 4 year old child. She looked at my ID tag and asked, “Teacher, dis you?”
Me: Yes, that’s me.
Child: You old?
Me: I guess so, compared to you.
Child proceeds to stand up and hobble around with an invisible cane asking “Like dis?”
Me: No, not THAT old!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I went to a Kindergarten Open House with my then boyfriend and his five-year-old daughter. We met up with another Gay couple and their daughter. My boyfriend's daughter turned to the other little girl and said, "My Daddy's boyfriend is prettier than your Daddy AND his boyfriend!" I died.
My cousins kid is 3 & has a habit of saying “my two dads” when he’s referring to his dad and his grandpa (my uncle) 😂🤣 The looks they get in public, because this kid will just go up to random people at the park all excited/proud to tell them he loves when his 2 dads bring him to the park 😂 (they aren’t too far apart in age as my uncle got my aunt pregnant at 16, so uncle is 48 & cousin is 32…and since cousin is balding already & uncle isn’t, they don’t really look like a father & son 😂) My aunt hates it, cause she says it never fails that she’s the one who ends up getting the weird looks… she said “I’m sure people are trying to figure out if it’s a poly situation, if I’m the honorary surrogate mom, or if I’m just a naive lady oblivious to the fact that my spouse is actually gay.” 😂🤣
When my oldest was little, he asked my mother how old was she when the world got color. He literally thought that because old movies and pictures were black and white that the world used to be black and white. She was so offended she hasn’t let it go yet. He’s twenty now.
My brother thought the same thing! He thought it happened when Wizard of Oz came out.
I had a morning sub last year and when I came back I said, “Oh, great! I see that you made good choices because she didn’t leave me any names!” One of my 4th graders said, “We paid her hush money.” 🤐💰🤣🤣🤣
So… what was your respons? Lool
In the 1980s, I asked my grandma if she was a little kid during Little House on the Prairie times. She was not amused. But even less so when I asked her when color was invented. I thought her black and photos meant there weren't any other colors in the world.
My son at Kdg. Grandparents Day proudly stood up and introduced my dad as a decorated veteran of the Civil War! ( he was in the Korean War.)
I went to visit my mum at work in her kindergarten class... a little boy came up to me and told me his name- and I said 'hi, I'm Alex it's nice to meet you!' and his response was "I have a big sister in high school and when she grows up she's gonna be a STRIPPER" .....
I teach dance and tumbling - one day we were working on forward rolls in my preschool class. This little girl did her roll, but midway through she farted. She announced "oops! my hiney burped".
Another time I had asked a class of Kindergarten/1st graders what they got for Christmas. One little girl was naming all that Santa brought: a baby doll, clothes, toys, etc. Then interrupted the next kid to announce "oh yeah, I forgot...I got a bucket to put the horse s#!t in". I (while trying to hold back tears of laughter) said "(kids name) don't say that word". She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well that's what my mom calls it."
And....drumroll...a HIGH SCHOOLER asked me if someone could make a career being a kidney donor. (Uhm - only once.) PS - she ended up being class valedictorian 2 years later.
First grader: "Why do you look like a duck?" I was wearing a white dress.
Second grader: "are you older than my dog?"
Fourth grader during carreer day: " My father is a liar"
"What do you mean?"
"It's what he does, he's a liar"
"Do you mean a lawyer?"
"My mom says he's a liar."
My family and I landed in Seattle pretty late at night and there no was no way I was making dinner at our summer rental, so we stopped at a Denny’s. The server gave my 7 year-old son a coloring page and crayons while we ordered and waited for our food. After about 10 minutes, we asked him why he wasn’t coloring. He looked at us dead in the eyes and said, “Um, dinosaurs are extinct and were alive a really long time ago. That was when everything was in black and white. Like the old tv shows and movies. So dinosaurs should never be in color.” 🤯
When my son was about 4, he was fiddling with his junk in the bathtub and said these words to me that I’ve never forgotten (he’s 24 now): “Mommy, you see these little balls here? Inside, they have the seeds that I give to the ladies.”
I still, to this day, have no adequate response to this.
I’m a primary school music teacher: was covering morning opening with PreS, had students “reading” books. You know, look at pics and pretend to read to a friend….cause they are 4. One little boy came into the room and asked what he should do and I said pick a book to read and find a friend to sit by. He said “here’s the deal, I can’t read”. I giggled and said “none of your friends can either, we are just looking”
My wife was a teacher for 34 years with 33 years teaching Kindergarten kids. She had so many funny kids and quotes over the years. The one that sticks out to me was a little Hispanic boy that she said was going to grow up to be a comedian because he was so funny. He loved "Ricky Ricardo" ( Desi Arnaz) of I Love Lucy show. One of his favorite saying was - - Oh oh Bubba Lu. I do not know what ever became of this young man, but I do hope he made it as a comedian. He was priceless. Shalom
I teach dance and I laid out some blue scarves for the 4 year olds to jump over (idea was jumping over puddles don’t get your shoes wet) so I ask the kids “girls, do you know what Ms Savannah doesn’t like?” (Answer is wet shoes/getting shoes wet) and a kid I had for a few years in a row without skipping a beat yells out “PEOPLE” ……… yes and no my dear yes and no
Part 2 that same kid the next week was behaving so well (background I taught her when she was a tiny 2 year old and she was THE WORST!) so I said “(child’s name) I’m so proud of you for listening and following directions you used to not do that so well.” And she goes “yeah I know I used to be bad like HER! “ and points to one of the other kids in the class 🤣
HAHAHA
One year when I was teaching PreK, I had a 4 year old tell me she met President Trump. I was like oh really? She said yeah, he was at McDonald's. I was so confused because I figured her mom would have told if she met the president. Turns out she was talking about Ronald McDonald...she thought he was the president.
Best. Story. Ever.
I can see how that mistake in identity was made.
I was reading "Cookies" from one of the Frog and Toad short books to my 3rd-5th grade class. For context, in the story Toad bakes cookies that him and Frog can't stop eating to the point that they have to feed them to the geese (it's pretty comical). Anyways, one of my students asked after the story was over (in a quizzical tone) "Ok what the heck was in those cookies? DRUGS?!" ..
Not a student, but one of my triplet nephews when he was a toddler, talking to my husband and me -
Triplet: "Uncle David, do you have a mommy?"
Me: "I do. It’s Mimi." (Pointing to my mother, their grandmother.)
Triplet: "No, do you have a mommy who lives with you?"
Me: "No, Mimi is my only mommy and she lives at her house."
Triplet, looking very concerned: "But who cooks for you?"
Me: "I cook for myself. And for Uncle Jim."
Triplet, looking confused: "You don’t have a mommy who cooks for you?"
Me, finally figuring out what this line of questioning is about: "No, it’s just me and Uncle Jim at our house. I do the cooking. Boys can cook just like girls can cook."
Triplet: "Boys don’t cook. Mommies cook. How can you cook?"
Me: "I watch a lot of cooking shows on TV. I learned a lot from those shows. Many of the shows have boys who cook."
Triplet, with expression of disbelief: "But only mommies cook at our house."
Me: "Your daddy cooks, too. He cooks brisket, hamburgers, steak, and hot dogs on the grill a lot."
Triplet: "That’s not cooking. That’s grilling."
Me: "Yes, but grilling is a kind of cooking, just like cooking on the stove or in the oven."
Triplet: "Do you grill or do you cook?"
Me: "Both, but I mainly cook on the stove."
Triplet: "So if a boy is married to a boy, one of them has to be the mommy?"
Me, deciding it was time to change the subject: "I think we need to watch some Scooby Doo now…"
I teach High School and I started a running Google doc of things I overhear students say. One of my favorites was not one of my students, but overheard as I was walking down the hallway and overheard a snippet of a locker conversation. One very intense young man said angrily to the other "I could throw a naked chicken at you!"... I kept walking.
🤣🤣🤣
Playing dress up at Preschool, kid grabbed a purse and walked towards the door. I asked where they were going and she responded “The bar”
when i was an EA in a grade 2 class they were learning about history and old school houses in the 1800s. and i was asked what it was like when i was in 2nd grade "like with the nuns and stuff" this kid legitimately thought i was taught by nuns in a 1 room schoolhouse. i'm 25 and have lived in a big city my whole life.
Student: "Mr. D, where's your wife?"
Mr. D's internal reaction - That was cute
🤣😂😂🤣 I'm weak
I was changing my daughters diaper and my son was talking to me as we were getting ready for church. All of a sudden he said "Mandie don't got no "PEEBUS"! And I said "Nope she don't got no peebus and we don't talk about our peebuses at church."
Also from high school. Somehow right before class a group of sophomore boys found out that sperm donors get paid. It was pandemonium (my team teacher and I were both so doubled over with laughter at their glee that it took us a while to get things back to order)! One kid even got out a calculator to figure out how much he could make. The memory never ceases to amuse me.
An angry kid said, "I hate you so much you should blow up like smithered jeans!" Not the smithered jeans, so terrifying.🙃
😂😂😂
Hahaha I worked in childcare for 10 years and I always keot a notebook of crazy things kids said to me, but also crazy things that *I* had to say that no normal person would ever think they'd have to say in their lives, like "please don't lick the driveway" and "no, we're not going to have a tea party in the potty today."
Oh my goodness… I’ve taught or have been a parapro in every grade from K-5. They were always VERY concerned about the fact that I am thirty and still single (it’s like 20 versions of my mom running around). Here’s the most recent interaction:
I have a photo of me and my best friend (who is gay) hanging on a bulletin board in my room.
“Miss M, I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t.”
“So… who is this guy?”
“He’s my best friend.”
“But he’s not your boyfriend?”
“No, you can have friends who are boys who are not your boyfriends.”
“UGH! I just don’t get it.” 😂
I was teaching small inner city low functioning 4th & 5th grade. I told the class Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day. I asked, “What do you suppose was decorated ?” A student answered, the projects !
Some of my favorites:
"An 8 looks like two 3s kissing!"
"It is NOT a good morning. There were GEESE outside!"
"I'm going to marry you someday." (to which I explain that I would like to marry a boy, and also she's too young) "Well, then, you can marry my dad!" (pointing across the room at her very married father)
When I taught, I had a first grader come up to me and ask, "do you remember dinosaurs?"
My friend picked her kid up from daycare. On the drive home, he said “Mommy, you’re a nasty tuna-head.”
We still use that term 30 years later.
My 5 year old gave me a 4 minute speech on how important silence is...she also recently asked if she could have dinner on the toilet. I don't know why. 😕
I totally understood "highdeas". 😂 We called them "Weed Theories." 😂
When I was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy I was dealing with acne. I hadn't told my students I was pregnant yet. One day a student asked me if I was stressed because he noticed I had some pimples and he heard stress caused that.
Another one of my favorites. I was volunteering in a special education class when I was in high school and the teacher said that you should not engage in sexual activities until you have been on at least 42 dates. A student raised his hand and asked if breakfast, lunch and dinner all counted as separate dates. 🤣
This video just made me think of all the hilarious quotes I have heard in my past 7 years too. Thank you for this!
I got the same quote from a preschooler...(with her hands on her hips) "I saw that movie when I was just a little kid"!
My 10 year old always says "when I was a baby" before saying an elaborate lie to her friends lol
When teaching preK in South Korea, I had a student tell me on picture day (the only day I wore lip tint - normally I didn’t wear makeup at all) that I looked like a mom. Apparently makeup = mom
I had a 2nd grader at a school in Pontiac, MI give me love advice. Mind you I never told them if was dating or with anyone they just always assumed I was single because I was in the classroom everyday 🤨 oh my bad...I will just date around instead of coming to teach...haha!
Here is the advice:
1. Buy pink love bread from THE 7-11 or THE Burger King.
2. Wander around until you bump into someone.
3. Give that person the love bread and ask them to a nice restaurant.
4. Put on a pretty red dress and go to dinner.
5. Drive your date home and give him a kiss on the cheek.
6. Lastly, sleep over on his couch.
After you successfully do these 6 steps once with a person...you are basically married!
When I was super pregnant one of my 1st graders asked me, "Can you bounce on that thing?"
Hey Joe love your material of course!
I have a few you may want to share.
1. I had a cool Panama Jack type of hat on for a Caribbean song I was about to do. I casually said to the kids" so how does this look" The kid answered- "You look like an old man at the beach"
Why, thank you!
2. I was walking out of a concert and a 4th grade girl said," congratulations". I said " "what for"? Congratulations for getting older!
My mom told me when I was a little girl, I walked over to her friend and said, “ shhhh, don’t tell anyone but I just wiped something on your husband’s coat”.
My oldest son wanted to go outside and play in the snow. I told him that if you went outside you catch pneumonia. He replied “but mommy, I want to catch a pneumonia” he was five 😂
One time we were using pattern blocks when I taught fourth grade, and one of them put an orange rectangle underneath a yellow a rhombus and said, “look, I made Donald Trump.” 😂😂😂
Also I teach in a Catholic school and had a fifth grader last year say one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shall not say the Lord’s name in Spain.”
My favorite preschool quote during circle time after on a monday: "my mommy was mad at my daddy so my daddy had to sleep on the couch"
soooo my 3 year old son has said many many hilarious things to me however one of the funniest was.... "mumma, my butt burped". I died laughing and then seriously wondered why I had never once heard that term from any other children, show, movie... etc. I found it very funny but hey he's my kid so I'm biased lol
I had a student hug me (I teach first grade) and she laughed after hugging me and said “my face implanted into your boob”. When I looked stunned trying to process what she said, she said “it’s true, bye” and ran off to the bus. 😂😂😂
My little girl called tire tracks "car footprints"
She’s not wrong 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks for sharing all this. It’s my first year back in the classroom since ‘07-‘08, and it’s been quite the wild ride so far. Middle school social studies, 6.7, and 8. You are spot on and hilarious. Heavy, deep and real. Cheers
I am not a teacher, but I consider myself one at home when it comes to my children. My stepdaughter was starting kindergarten and I was trying to teach her her ABC’s, so of course we watch RUclips videos so she can sing along…. “A is for…” and she would say what she saw on the screen “Apple!”…… “B is for….” She ignored the photo of a ball and says “BUSSSSSS’n”! I blame TikTok I blame tik tok 💀
I taught preschool while I was pregnant with my daughter. We were all sitting around talking about me having a baby.
Little boy: “So…there’s a baby…in your belly?”
Me: “Yes.”
Little boy: *look of complete terror and horror* “YOU ATE A BABY?!?”
😂🤣😂
😂😂😂
Yesssss 😂
I was reading a book to my 2nd graders once and I got a little tongue tied at one point and one kid goes “t-t-today, Junior!” Wasn’t sure if I should tell him he was rude or be proud of him for quoting that classic movie. 😂
Also, I need to start doing this! I teach in an EBD classroom and there are all sorts of fun quotes that fly in there.
I saw you live last night... AMAZING! When I was a preschool teacher, I had a student obsessed with wanting to be a police officer. Had his mom wash a blue button down shirt every night to wear with his plastic badge. One day he is insanely excited and tells me, "I found out my dad is a real police officer because he has handcuffs in his bedroom!" 😳🤣🤭
That's too good 😂
4th grade - picking an animal to research.
A very irritated boy stood up and said, " I'm not very fond of mammals and I can BARELY tolerate merecats!"
Huh?
I loved this so much! Please do part 2!!
My youngest was born 2 months premature and I had to pump breast milk to take to the hospital for him. I pumped every 3 hours and my other child (who was 4 nearly 5) told everyone in his preschool class that I get milked like a cow for the baby. His teachers thought that was adorable until the other kids asked if they could watch. They didn't understand why they could watch the cows on their trip to a farm be milked but not a mommy. My oldest is now 22 (his brother is 17) and his gift for gaby has not changed.
Edit: gab not Gaby 😄
I’m my pre-K class one year I overheard another student say to one of her friends, “I walked into my parents room and I saw my mom on the floor and she had her hands behind her like this (demonstrated how her mom was on the floor with hands behind her back) and she had rope on her hands.” 😳
Another 1.. it was for a belated photoshoot. The student was absent for photoday so they took her picture another day. I was called out to take a photo. Looking messy that day ( art teacher) the student said it’s okay you’re beautiful ..She clearly meant inner beauty but still .. :)
I want a shirt that says "Sorry...just dammit." 😂
Had an 8th grade boy come to my math class after discussing the Jewish Holocaust in Social Studies.
LOUDLY "Am I circumsized?"
"Probably.."
" Well, so are you!"
I'm female.
Walked him out to the hall to explain what 'circumsized' meant.
"one time when I was a kid"
OH yes, all the way back when you were what 4,3? lol
I used to work at a small private Montessori school that ran summer camps in the summer. One summer on a hot day I heard a kid say “I’m steaming like a chicken” and on another day I heard from a kid who didn’t like really hot day “next year I want to hibernate for the summer” 🤣
Me too, kid 😆
(hibernating for summer lol)
🤣The last one.
My little brother used to say “when I was your dad” all the time when he was about 3yo 😂
The horse milk question really does have a point… no thank you though!
This made me laugh so hard 😂
Oh my god!!!!! That last one had me cracking up!!! 😂😂 Pagina!!!
One of my first graders asked how old I was. At the time I was 26, and she goes wow you’re older than my mom! A few days later same student came up to me and said “Oh Ms. Givens you look so young today!” Thanks kid guess I look like Izma the rest of the time.
Yesterday one of my 2nd graders told said
“we went to the dr. And the dr. Told my mom the ginger of the baby and it’s a boy! And we’re gonna have a ginger reveal party tomorrow!”
I have a book of things my students say, too 😂 I learned so fast my first year teaching that you can’t take anything personally as a teacher
I had a student ask what year I was born and I started answering "nineteen .." they interruoted loidly responding "1900s!?!???!!! You were born when dinosaurs were still alive" .... d.e.d. dead..
I'm 38 and have.. substantial amount of greys. My 4 and 6 year old ask me pretty frequently if i'm a "gramma" yet. -_-
I had the same question as the horse milk kid but in 9th grade (and about other mammals) and for the entire class we debated about the ethics of MONKEY MILK😂😂😂
Did and said. About 4 years ago. A kid went to the bathroom. For context my classroom was next door. He proceded to yell “ teacher I can’t get it down” As female teachers we were like he’s 5 how’s that even possible? Turns out he left a giant turd that couldn’t flush. Needless to say none of us wanted to put on gloves and plunge it.. so we locked the door left an out of order sign. About an hour later the janitor came in yelled out profanities and was angry.. I bribed my student with stars to not say a word. To this day the janitor has no idea who did it?
My youngest was always coming up with unintentionally funny questions
We were at the store once when he was 4, and we walked past a person with dwarfism. The guy had a beard, so he was adult, but he was only a bit taller than my son.
He asked me, "Mommy, who squished him?"
I’ve said it maaaany times and I’ll say it again, if you don’t teach your children at home the truth, someone else WILL🤪.
The Glassassin one is amazing, but I'm alarmed that a 5-6 year old already wanted to kill people. I mean, save that for later in life, lol! 😬
You are AMAZING!! I have so many notebooks with their powerful quotes! Thanks for the great talk today in Hurst! I have to come to your show in Addison!! Thank you for keeping it real💪🌮❤️
In my second grade class one of my littles asked me why skin was red (I taught in a mostly Hispanic school) and I told her because this is what my skin does in the sun. Then she looked at her skin and said hers didn’t do that and began poking me. She also offered me sun screen…turns out her family diluted the sun screen with water to make it last longer.
I keep quotes as well!
They're so fun to look back on.
"When I grow up I wanna be either a glass blower or an assassin”
Definitely a hidea lol
I'd so buy a ticket for one of your shows if I were nearby.
Love from far-away land Malaysia.
10:56 pm When I taught 8 th grade Health ,Sex ed topic, this young man thought he would be funny when he raised his hand and asked, what happens when you suck on a girl’s titty? Well, son, that’s how you get buck teeth.
Later, I was teaching 6 th grade Social Studies, a unit on Africa. I invited a favorite college professor of mine from Zimbabwe.He had many doctoral degrees.For questions after his presentation one student asked if he was a hunter/gatherer. Oh, dear God!!
Lastly, I taught Spanish in an inner city high school and invited a Catholic Priest who was from Uganda and spoke Spanish .Several students wanted to know about his wife and kids .
Ok forever now it's my pachima.
Mrs. Moffat can I go back to the bathroom? I forgot to wipe. yes
Kindergarten
I love your stories ❤️
In one of my 4th grade classes, I found out that 4 students were throwing separate birthday parties on the same day at Get Air (an indoor trampoline place). I taught drama at the time, so I pretended to be so hurt that no one invited me and that I've never and probably will never get to go.
Without missing a beat, one of my favorite students bluntly said, "You could just go by yourself."
I'm gay, so inside I was thinking, "Girl you better work. I am here for the sass."
I teach middle school - you don’t want to hear what I hear every day! Oh, don’t say you have a “duty” ever - that’s “doody” in middle school lingo!😊😊
3:45 There are coffee pots in church basements.
Ask me how i know.😉
My grandson said how old are you? I answered 66 years old. He asked if I ate vegetables. I said I do. He said well then maybe you’ll live another year or two!
Honey do your work, then you'll get your treat. She said, "but I don't want it that way.
Honey, that's just life,
"Not my life. " She was 4.
I don’t wanna be a glass blower or an assassin anymore 😂 I like being hard working dad now 😭
I had a kid write in an essay that he had attention defecate disorder.
Ghengis Khan and most of present-day Mongolia still drink mare's milk. :)
I used to ask my students every monday what happened during the weekend? One time . i went downstairs .and saw mommy and daddy play barbie and ken you know like my sister does with her dolls without clothes. Me: yeah um let’s stop right there..
Please please please do a part 2!!! Lol