“People Pleasing Is Manipulative”: A Boundary Setting Bootcamp With Michelle Elman
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- Опубликовано: 25 июн 2024
- Michelle Elman is a woman with a psychology empire. Her qualifications speak for themselves: she’s a five-board accredited life coach, a Master Practitioner and a Master Hypnotherapist, plus she’s published four bestselling books. But these accolades are more than just a job for Michelle. They’re personal. She faced serious health challenges throughout her childhood, having to endure 15 surgeries, followed by periods of intense self-doubt and low body confidence due to her many scars.
Aged just 21, she began her campaign ‘Scarred not Scared’, advocating for body confidence, and sharing her story with the world. Now, she spends her days coaching others on the importance of self-love, boundaries and acceptance. I’m so excited to share her wisdom with you in this episode.
thank you for watching!
CHAPTERS
0:00 - trailer
1:21 - introduction
2:35 - why a life coach has a life coach
3:52 - Michelle's childhood health struggles
5:41 - Why Michelle wanted to be a psychologist
7:47 - How a near-death experience changes your perspective
13:24 - How to use your memories in a positive way
16:21 - Why is self-criticism so endemic?
21:00 - How to turn around a bad body image day
23:36 - Why beauty standards are a distraction
26:45 - What went through Michelle's head when she thought she might die
27:40 - Why the world labels us with dating assumptions
30:51 - Why everyone is difficult to date
31:55 - The one thing everyone should do before they start dating
33:55 - Why you need to change your attitude towards dating
36:35 - You should do this if you're fed up of dating
39:20 - How to maintain strong self-worth whilst dating
40:45 - How to set life-changing dating boundaries
44:55 - Why people pleasing is manipulative
48:14 - Why women have been trained to communicate indirectly
52:10 - The simple phrase that changes the game with boundaries
54:45 - Why looking out for 'red flags' can be toxic
58:50 - "You can't babysit your own child!"
1:00:40 - The reason why people settle in relationships
1:02:11 - Being in a relationship will not fix your loneliness
1:02:50 - How you can stop settling
1:05:09 - Sending her first break-up text
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Not even all the way through and this has been such an amazing conversation and has put so many things into perspective for me. Amazing conversation, thank you❤
Thank you so much! Michelle is amazing
So glad I’ve been introduced to Michelle! Absolutely loved watching her, I got so much from this.
Absolutely FANTASTIC episode!!! Michelle Elman is amazing and I loved her perspective!
I adore how it feels like I'm the third person sitting in the room with you guys, it's really bolstering and intimately connecting. I learnt a lot, this was really appreciated and gives me lots to think about.
Loved this episode so much - especially the dating part
love this so much. Michelle is referring to a lot of CBT principles and shifting from a negative narrative to a more helpful one.
And the irony is she has no training in cbt or any other theraputic training
Such a good episode! I’m learning boundaries and I’m very direct so hearing this affirms about being on the right track!
Can't help but think that Tinder might not be a good way of meeting people especially when you're in your twenties or teenagers...whats wrong with actually trying to meet people in real life,I mean any insecurities about dating are bound to be exaggerated when dealing with tinder.
I liked the topic. Only thing I disagree with is the people pleasing is manipulative bit.
Manipulation is intentional, by this definition 'serving or intended to control or influence others in an artful and often unfair or selfish way'
Most people pleasers are not intentionally doing it to control others, they are doing it because they have been programmed to do that way.
But it is a form of controlling the outcome of expectations to be needed. Ask a people pleaser their needs they shut your out. You never really connect with the people pleaser making it hard to reciprocate what the other might want to give
I totally agree,people pleasing is often not even a conscious thing but just a reflex survival response.As you say "people pleasing often disadvantages the people pleaser"as they don't get needs met or say what they really need to or are just too scared of rejection or abandonment.
Manipulation is much more conscious and intentioanl as you say where someone is deliberately trying to get needs met in an indirect and dishonest way that might well mean another is exploited or left taken advantage of.Manipulation implies some degree of control and awareness and people pleasing is rarely that as it often leaves the people pleaser in a vulnerable situation too scared to say NO.
@@Nikki-ks6wi This makes no sense whatsoever,...just sounds like gaslighting to me
Not being direct is like being a liar. …not to mention..fake! I’m direct…what they see is what they get. Everyone isn’t going to like me and I don’t like everyone. This has been the best podcast!
Yes theres a difference in being "direct"as you out it and just damn right rude or deliberately offensive or being critical or direct because it makes you feel better about yourself.Don't mistake being "direct"with being honest,they might not be the same thing.Being "honest"often takes more courage and vulnerability which is why many do not do it.Not being "direct"might not always mean being a liar",that is an extrmely binary way to think of things and also seems to presume you are ALWAYS direct and honest,others and in some situations it might be hard to be "direct"or honest as there are power relations or people are simply human !!!
Being a manipualtive deleberate liar is a whole other thing !!!
loved this episode, have followed you both for years!!
Really interesting episode to listen to!
Grace you look slightly disengaged when you have your phone on your lap, would you consider having a notepad instead of your phone? I find it distracting too as anyone who has their phone on them during a conversation, signals they aren’t fully present
Where are your blazer and jewellery from please hun? Thanks xx
Girls are US...get a life really and find your own style.,,,hun xxx
Grace; do you realise Michelle has no real qualifications? She hasn't even done a real coaching course. Be careful about who you interview.
Oh dear are you an examiner,have you checked her CV and credentials then ?
Loved this dialogue. Very good episode. Grace I I’ve been on the hunt for that blazer, where did you get it??? 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵