Why 50-50 relationships DON'T WORK: equal doesn't always feel fair
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- Опубликовано: 14 апр 2023
- The idea of 50-50 relationships sounds appealing: it's the definition of equality, and it ensures that people get as much as the give. Unfortunately, these relationships don't really work in practice due to several economic realities of the dating market that people are often loathe to acknowledge. The crux of the situation is that, in a 50-50 relationship, the woman is giving the most she is willing to give while the man is giving the least he is willing to give. Though equal, this asymmetricality doesn't feel fair -- which is what generally causes these relationships to fail.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #dating #psychology
The idea of 50-50 relationships sounds appealing: it's the definition of equality, and it ensures that people get as much as the give. Unfortunately, these relationships don't really work in practice due to several economic realities of the dating market that people are often loathe to acknowledge. The crux of the situation is that, in a 50-50 relationship, the woman is giving the most she is willing to give while the man is giving the least he is willing to give. Though equal, this asymmetricality doesn't feel fair -- which is what generally causes these relationships to fail.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
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Book a paid consultation:
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oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #dating #psychology
Will you be interested marriage one day? I don't think its a good idea lol
Had a 50/50 marriage divorced in 2 years. Not worth the divorce cost
Well said. We need to know our weakness, and strengths. We need to depend on others where we are weaker, and they are stronger. Give and Receive. Community. Real relationships, not just Eros relationships.
@@sarahrobertson634 Women and their 'feelings'!
They only say 50-50 about decision making power and they want 99-1 of all the responsibilities on the man. This is what was missed in this video.
Me and my wife doesn't even discuss about what is "fair". We just give each other what we can the best we can and that's it. Trying to be fair ironically doesn't lead to feeling fair in a relationship.
Securely and well attached! Bravo
Just for context, is your relationship 50-50, in your opinion?
Do you earn more than her though?
@@russellbaker4256 good relationships are 100/100 and recognize value in financial, emotional and home tending labor
Agreed completely. Fair is always evolving. Those numbers fluctuate throughout the relationship. Giving your best is all that really matters. Actions are love, not words.
I feel that if husband and wife keep track of every single expense and make sure its exactly 50-50, then they are living more like roommates with benefits rather than a family!!
Agreed
Husband and wife is a contractual relationship.
It isn't family.
The two people do not share genetics.
Unless you married your cousin.
The relationship can be ended with another contract, a divorce contract.
It's a business relationship.
Husband is the employer, wife the employee.
Nonsense.
@@AlmaVasquezjr No it's not a business relationship. My wife is not just a maid who I fuck. It's an emotional relationship, and once you remove emotion then the marriage is dead anyway.
@@AlmaVasquezjr Husband is the employer? Wife the employee? That's not how the law views the "marriage contract"
50/50 relationships don't work because women do not build, they move in and decorate. This is fine in my opinion as long as the respect is there.
Actually your offspring is built by our bodies and we birth your offspring at great personal expense. We then are almost (or completely) solely responsible for raising your offspring, during which we build its character and its potential for contribution by our nurturing, attention and sacrifice of almost all of our time for many years. While you mock us for hitting the wall and losing our enthusiasm for the D. We aren’t just shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond for shag toilet rugs in pastel and wicker duck figurines.
Nah that’s a really bad deal . What’s she bringing to the table ?
@@carlospita6442 ornaments
@@carlospita6442 Feminine energy love peace nurturing raising children taking care of the home running earnings financial planning event hosting. many things that are valuable but not money. A man might provide money, but they lack many things..
@@bunnyboo6295 Loyalty and purity to start with.
Great video! I would like to add one more thing, women tend to loose attraction for the man that they financially provide for or do 50/50 with. I see it all around me. Women get turned on by a man who can provide and protect. That’s just how we are hormonally wired.
The solution of some men for that is to marry a poor woman, but then hypergamy kicks in. Many woman try to get a better man after. (more money or resources) That is why family and society is crumbling.
@@Eidosgod Well, I understand your frustration. Our world has become modernized but we are still functioning from the cavemen's era when men would go hunting and women would reproduce. And it is only now that women have gotten the most independent in the whole history of mankind, we have never faced something like this before so we don't know how to work with this. But just like men are hard-wired to provide and to protect, women are hard-wired to choose a guy who can do that so that she can reproduce. There is nothing wrong with it. So I believe that we must not shame each other for our desires and look at our short comings instead.
true, but they continue to SAY, "I WANT AN EQUAL (50/50) RELATIONSHIP."
as Dr. O said... the 50% is the MOST she's willing to give which inherently means she's HAPPIER when her man is giving more. what's beautiful is that MOST men are OK with 60/40, 70/40, or even higher.
personally, it becomes an issue for me when she's a high earner and i'm at 80/20 or above (speaking on expenses only).
Ridiculous seeing so many women outearn men these days. There’s a very slim pocket of super high earners the women will share then…
Also, men lose respect and power, that is so true
Greater Responsibility = Greater Authority. Never forget this, gentlemen.
To bad laws prevent this.
They don't want responsibility.
@@LisaCulton No, men dont want responsibility without authority. Its a recipe for disaster.
@@worndown8280 cite the laws
@@SoloRenegade How about code section 3400 of the Californian code.
How about title 4D of the social security act.
I can go all day with laws.
"As long as the privileges are commensurate with the responsibilities" is the key line for me. Knowing ourselves, what we want and what we are willing to give
Problem is, the state will not enforce those dividing lines and bestowals of "priv" and "responsibility" and the lines can be redrawn unilaterally by the woman with the force of law behind her doing so (threat of divorce/financial ruin, taking of kids etc).
@@grantwithers so don't marry, but be a couple. child support is different, kids need food and shelter regardless
@@nira9999 you expect a woman to have children without the benefit of marriage?! Then when you when you get tired of her and your child and you leave them with nothing?
She gave me 4 kids and supported me in building my dream while forgoing her own.
She's given a lot.
🥰😍
Sounds miserable to me
And does she remind you about it all the time?
@@ebbonyreynolds6502 Your comment is far more miserable. Broke vibes! 🤡
@@ebbonyreynolds6502 she got the short end of the stick
Bottom line is that women want their relationship with a man to improve their life in some material way. This is why women want men who earn more than they do. This is also why 50/50 doesn't work for them in the long run.
They want to be taken care of, which I wouldn't mind if they accepted and owned the reason (from an evolutionary psychology perspective) for this inborn preference: women want to be taken care of so they can become pregnant and not have to worry about maintaining their lifestyle. This dynamic breaks down in an era with birth control where women are also indoctrinated to believe being a mother is a waste of her time that she could otherwise be contributing to her employer. In this modern scenario a woman still wants to be taken care of by a man but she can't give any good reasons why he should do so.
In my mind, a marriage should be a partnership, not necessary of equals, but at least proportionally. Once the guy starts to maintain his wife then she is just his hooker, not a partner, unless of course she has given up work to look after the kids.
Great post. Most women today do not want to be taken care of by a man (other than buying her stuff) so many relationships don't work.
Whether women are having kids or not, they are still hardwired to seek out masculine dominance, and this includes financially. And likewise men are still hardwired to seek out feminine submission. People are trying to circumvent biology and it's mostly a failing strategy.
Also, most women object to the idea of a man having any sort of power over them, but they'll happily go and work for a male boss and allow HIM to have power over them. People complain about the fact that men had power in their homes in the past, but they forget that in the past, the man was responsible for taking care of the woman, and the woman was not responsible for the man. Men had extra power because of their extra responsibility...and also because being responsible for another person NECESSITATES having some amount of power over them. Women can't expect to be taken care of and ALSO expect to have an "equal" relationship. That's a contradiction...like having a square circle.
Taken care of? Well that's what both sexes want. Women do seek security, it's true. Both people want security but perhaps in different ways.
As a millenial woman I will admit that I looked forward to enjoying and being in my independence earning equal to or more than my man. In the previous generation in my country I saw women being exploited and controlled when they were dependent so I thought I would love being independent and I started dating paying half sometimes more. My bf lost his job once n I paid for us for an entire year while he explored his interests. I was also approached a lot by men anywhere n received constant compliments from men n women so just putting it out there that im not unattractive. My bf- a nice decent, we both paid n split chores. As I entered my 30s I began to feel that I wanted to be taken care of, it made me feel less of a woman paying for things as I saw women who looked less attractive than me being treated like a queen and their every whim being catered to while I had stress related breakdowns n health issues while workinh stressful corporate jobs hormones out of whack, hair falling out, I started looking ugly. I gained weight. It completely shifted my perspective on the women who I thought to be golddiggers before n I thought i would enjoy paying my way but suddenly in my early 30s I found myself resenting my partner for putting me in that position n I wanted someone who could pay for us both so I could feel taken care of and work on feeling like myself. Its so strange even im baffled. Thats why i wanted to share this with you or any man in a similar position so they could benefit from the other perspective.
Always love to see a perspective from a woman. So, usually am able to understand the mating dynamics/needs of the sexes if it could be explained in a positive way that makes sense. This however is a concept which I can’t see makes sense. Which leads me to the other way I usually try and come to terms with these demands. If you have a brother, or had a son, would you tell him to take care of their women ESPECIALLY if that woman doesn’t have his kids. Sorry if this is long but, I am genuinely curious, thanks.
@kingb3746 Yes, I would, based on what I and many other women feel in this stage of life. Again this is quite common in my culture but I stepped away from it being a feminist and all and now I get what the traditionalists were talking about but I understand things are difficult now with every generation it would be almost impossible to run a household without dual income but anyway I would tell my son or male relatives to be mindful of this phenomenon for certain and make sure they are doing something preventatively to help their woman feel more comfortable and loved. I also have shared this with my partner. we share a friendly relationship, and he gets it. In his family, men have been running businesses, and women stayed home. I used to think its regressive, n so did he, but I found out recently that it was by choice and not a lack of options. We both had the same mindset once n now we both understand the other perspective. It should be up to a person to decide how they want to live. Some women who were not pressured to earn a living actually went on to set up high earning businesses after a longer gestational period which a working woman couldn't afford and are earning much more than a daily grind job. So that's another perspective to consider.
Tale as old as time. That’s why when you flip gender roles around it just doesn’t work. Women will put up with a broke man.. but not for very long. Eventually it just doesn’t work out.
men should be paid more for this reason all top positions and jobs should go to men so women can feel more "feminine"
@TheWarriorsWaytolife Yes, physical hard working Jobs should go to men. Women are more strategic and good at leadership and organization. We should get jobs based on unique feminine and masculine skills. Women are excellent strategists being gatherers evolutionarily having physical disadvantages women developed keen intuition and visionary abilities whereas men are more action oriented in the now and being hunters they are adept at more masculine in the moment powerful dynamic roles. If each does, their own society will be very beautiful and harmonious.
I was in a 50/50 relationship and over time she resented me. It didn't help that i was a yes man. Guys are not told this stuff from parents and the media.
It's good Asian still have the tradition of men paying more, especially in Hong Kong where men seem to embrace the role of paying 100/0. I guess it's been passed down by parents and everyone around. Traditionals tend to make much more sense as it comes from generations of experience, and adapt to Human Nature
@@jjbuzz9230 But women aren't traditional anymore though. How many women are virgins until they get married? So we have to be traditional, and they get to be modern woman, yeah, that's fair.
The cost of living is preposterous compared to previous generaations. 50 years ago a home cost about 35k, which is about 250k today. But the median cost for a home is now over 400k.
The median cost for a car 50 years a v8 mustang cast about 3500 dollars, which is about 20k today, but the same mustang cost 40k now.
So we are expected to be TWICE the provider our grand fathers were, since everything cost twice as much.
Are we expecting women to be twice as submissive, twice as good looking etc.... Women are less traditional, most of them aren't virgins at marriage. So we have to lower our expectations while they get to raise theirs.
@@adim00lah i think in asian culture it is not looked upon well being very casual, women and men alike. a guy who is willing to pay 100/0(and other fine qualities) also have standards a woman should meet. and it usually means he will find a high quality woman who is more than willing to pay her fair share, take care of him, have a good job, etc. I know it sounds hard to meet such a person, but if you hold yourself to a high standard, and be able the risk the possibility of being single for a long time, you will draw someone of the similar virtue
@@jjbuzz9230 The rate of divorce for billionaire is about the same rate of divroce for everyone else though. So money doesn't = love or loyalty.
I'm already married, I don't need some gold digger wife taking me to the cleaners, I'm good, do you though.
@@adim00lah first of all it's not just about virginity it's about cooking and cleaning. And both women AND men waited till marriage? Traditional men also waited till marriage but y'all always ignore that.And how many man are willing to stay celibate or Virgins until they're married?
You can not be a virgin and still have traditional values both men and women. And I'm definitely not talking about promiscuous ppl
I’m staying single. Problem solved. I’m not playing all this silly stuff. I don’t have a man cave or dusty corner of a garage either. I have the whole house. And my finances are 100% mine to distribute as I see fit. That’s my psyche hack!
Although that will give you peace of mind it is important to think deeply about the consequences of your decision. A person with no kids is no better than a cockroach in this world. Think about when you die, who will care to bury you and if you care about that.
@@pjc7729 that's always weird to me. In this world with infinite things to do. The fact that people feel worthless without a child blows my mind. Travel the world, start a business, adopt a kid if you want. Live your life for yourself.
@@pjc7729 and who cares what happens to your when you're dead. You won't even know cause you're dead.
@Jehria Sean If that thought is weird to you, then it might be because you haven't contemplated it much. You aren't wrong, but most people find experiences like the ones you describe quite empty without being able to share it with someone else. For example, people who have lived without having children dedicate their lives to serving others. They do this in order to still have some sort of meaning to their lives.
@Jehria Sean let me clarify my point. When you die of course it doesn't really matter what happens to your dead body. What matters is if you have made any meaningful connections with other people and if they cared about you and your memory.
In my experience, when a woman is really attracted to her man, she wants to take care of him like a nurturing caregiver, and she wants to be taken care of financially by him and let him make the big decisions - even the successful careerwomen. But if she's not really attracted to him, then this doesn't apply.
Yes
you forgot to add that If a woman is very attracted to a man, she will initiate sex more
I agree
If she is truly attracted to him she'd go get a job and stop playing house at 30 😂😂
BS. Total BS. So I should pay for everything even if she earns the same as me?
Totally agree. I am a women with a full time job and decent salary. My last long term relationship was 50-50; my ex-boyfriend thinks that women are taking advantage of men if men have to carry a larger portion of the financial burden. I was not happy with this 50-50 split; it made me feel like roommates. It just killed my sexual desire and feminine energy (such as cooking meals).
On the contrary I was in a relationship where I paid 100% of the bills. She made to conscious decision to still keep her job and felt I should go 50/50 with her on household chorus while being responsible for 100% of the finances. I broke up with her..
So you don’t like being an adult and being financially responsible? You want to be treated like a child and have someone else take care of you? You’re infantilizing yourself.
I love men take care of me 💕
What does cooking has to do with feminine energy
So you are anti equality
Got it
As a woman's perspective, when males talk about 50-50 relationship they are only taking about bills, not about housechores, child bearing, ruining body to create a family, etc. He get kids for free without paying 150k to any surrogate, meanwhile his woman is risking her life for free and continue to do free childcare. When a man is seen with a woman, his value goes up, other women see that guy as worthy and less likely to see you as a creep. My partner got bragging rights because he is standing next to me around his friends and family, i did not around my friends or family. Because most women and society dont see a taken woman, as a prize. Also when a women is dating a men, she is giving up her prime years which will never come back. Even worse when a woman get married or have kids and got divorced, dating again is even harder. If a men is working in corporate, he get fatherhood bonus, meanwhile women get motherhood penalty for taking break because she was birthing a child 😅 To be honest, there is no perk to date or marry as a woman on a social or economic level, its just a downgrade. This is why there is a decline in birth rates, dating, marriage, etc. Thats why most men who are highly educated like my father are mostly the sole provider and never ask for 50-50 relationship, because they know what all things women bring to table and sacrife they make. Statistically, men who are married becomes more confident, live longer and healthier again its the opposite for women 😂 Thats why 50-50 relationship for women dont work.
If being married isn't seen as a status jump for you, then I suspect you would do better by moving to a more traditional area. Valued status can be very geographically determined. If someone is old and single, my first thought is, either they're an ugly duckling or more likely, she's unfit yo procreate as all her options have turned her down.
Only a fool would provide 100% of the money and STILL be willing to do ANYTHING when it comes to the housechores.
Good luck, finding a fool, to which you are still attracted to, although you know that he is a fool, when he agrees to those terms...
There’s a innate understanding baked into our DNA that babies are coming and the woman’s not going to be able to work like she used to. If a couple were just surviving on 50-50 when a baby arrived, it’s unlikely they would survive with an extra mouth to feed and with the woman unable to work at full capacity. Our DNA understands where all this is heading.
By giving birth, the woman is taking a responsibility a man isn't, if he took care of that and compensated with money, it's fair. He should do his part of the reproduction, but if it's just the woman, then complain about her not being able to peovide money, she is providing life. So that's nore than enough for the time she is delivering it.
Bingo! That's exactly why 50/50 just don't work. You got to think what if your wife is bedridden her entire pregnancy and is not allowed to lift over 20 lb. what are you going to do!?! Too many people don't plan ahead!
Yes it is definitely biological.But some stupid women are saying(in comment section) we will be happy to split expanses more than 50/50.
That's because you've been f***ed by your society. A single man used to be able to hold down a house with a entire family. Now look at the value of our dollar.
Unless you both decide not to have children.
This episode focused mainly on a financial 50/50, but it's equally applicable to the division of household chores. I'm happy to shoulder financial responsibility in 100/0 split, and never complain, but I want that to earn me a 0/100 split in household chores, with no complaining. Just like a woman can feel like she could find a better deal (man) when she's in a 50/50 financial relationship, a man can feel like he can find a better deal (woman) when he's in a 50/50 chores relationship.
I’ll take the 100/0 financial responsibility split and the 0/100 household split. I think most women would do that.
Nice thought.
@@aferg76 great approach but most of the women I know want 50/50 house chores along with 80/20 or 100/0 financial responsibility give by the man. And it is absurd. The only thing they bring to the table is basically sex which is wicked. Sex is great for both men and women and it should be a reward but they see this as such.
Media and her friends will tell her to fight just for the sake of winning that power struggle. I think it's more about that than the chores. But, today men have 100% responsibility and 0 authority (otherwise you are considered abusive). So, I wonder what happens to men who are a baby or two - deep, and the vvoman demands you change diapers/do dishes. Sounds like a war that putting your foot down might go either way. She sees you mean it and backs up (might have fights and withdrawal of sx), or it might even come to splitting up.
@@morepower1989 Sex ain't even great after the years go by
My wife was traditional.
I earned the keep and she kept the house and raised our children while I was at work. This is optimal in my point of view. No man really desires for his wife to work outside the palace. The government on the other hand has been trying to destroy that dynamic for a very long time and it’s very close to achieving that outcome!
Married 38 years and heading to 39 and beyond. We live All In/All In. All money in one account, no separate accounts. All chores shared or divided by who can do it best. Consequently, our lives haven't been distracted by more or less or fair or not. We were and are instead All In to move our family forward. I don't think we would have been as successful with these divisions. Just my alternate reality. Lived and true.
Good for you.
Your reality is the exception, not the rule.
Ok, boomer
Having joint accounts or putting your spouse name on a property u bought with your own money aint advisable these days owing to the way men are being scammed through divorce. It's not worth it
Congratulations Sir. Almost 40yrs of marriage is an incredibly feat. I hope that I can be fortunate enough to find a woman that has that "all in" mentality...
The majority of my husband's and my family are married for decades. Parents 50+ years. Siblings 20+ years, our friends 20+ years, us 23 years. All of the happiest couples, including myself, have the arrangement of man provides, woman takes care of the home. Most of us started out with both couples working of course. But once a couple gets on their feet, then she can stay home and take care of the home and family. It turns out, that thousands of years of biology and evolution doesn't lie and the original way was the best way.
All of the "career" women, 50/50 couples I know aren't happy. Trying to juggle work and fight over whose turn it is to cook. That's nonsense. And let a woman start making really good money, she'll turn into an 1800s man really quick. That will be "her house, her rules". That's why relationships are doomed, married or not, if a woman starts making good money after a couple gets together. Look at every you tube/instagram influencer woman who dumped her husband/boyfriend once she started making real money.
"But once a couple gets on their feet," Most men in today's econ never achieve enough to be able to pay for a modern day life for the wife, much less a comfy one.
@@sarahrobertson634 You forgot to tell us what leftoid "muh goal of life" that you're proposing is so much better than "staying married" (creating a two parent household for kids, who ever would want to do that????) and probably also creating a nice life to live with your husband?
@@sarahrobertson634 I have a master's degree (waste of money but I digress) and I worked from the time I was 13 until 35. I don't ever advocate for women to graduate high school and get married. I honestly think a woman should have some work experience and some education prior to marriage and kids. 1) what if the husband is ever laid off and she needs to work even temporarily and 2) it's better mentally for a woman to see the work force isn't what it's cracked up to be. I know what it's like to work full time. That's why I was so thankful when the time came I could just be a homemaker.
I don't want to be a bragger but when we got married we were in the lowest income tax bracket. For the past few years we're in the highest tax bracket. My taking care of the home and maintain a peaceful environment for my husband allowed him to focus only on his work. It works out better for couples when each has their own jobs and they aren't spread too thin and stepping over each other. The book The Two Income Trap highlights how many two income households have the highest debt and no savings.
@@grantwithers it depends on what their industry is and who their partner is. But I can tell you if a man is trying to build his career, he can't be bothered with taking care of a house, cooking, driving kids around, running errands. In that case, a man will never get ahead. When a man can focus on his career, but he also has someone he has to provide for, that can be a huge driving force for a man. My husband told me he didn't realize how much he was floundering as a single man but how much motivation and focus he had after we got married. But my husband has also never had to cook a meal or did housework. That's my job.
I had an economics class 30 years ago in college that was eye opening how women in the workforce took jobs from men and drove up cost of living for everyone. It's worse now. It is harder to get ahead these days for sure but it can be done.
@@sarahrobertson634 No Sarah, it's mostly just you that clearly isn't very smart.
This does not fit with my experience. In my experience, women do not see 50-50 relationships as "unfair." They almost always describe them as "abusive."
If you insist she pay her half of the rent, her half of the bills, her half of the date nights, vacations, and entertainment, do her half of the cooking, cleaning, yard work, and maintenance, and that she only gets to do what she wants to do about half of the time (including only rejecting your intimate advances about half the time), there's not a woman alive that would call that "unfair." They would all characterize it as being abused, manipulated, and controlled by a narcissist.
And hey, I'm not necessarily blaming them for that - it's only when they hit you with the "I'm looking for an equal partnership" lie that they're gonna get called out. Because the truth is, women want to get the credit and the praise that go along with someone who's sharing an equal load in a 50-50 partnership, but in reality, the least they'll settle for is usually somewhere around 70-30. And some of them will still complain about that remaining 30%, but that's another video.
🤣🤣
What're the men getting out of the deal through ?
@@carlospita6442 i think you know what the man is getting. Its acces to sex if you didn't find that out yet.
@@bramschoenmakers5071 You’re not getting to access . Don’t you thing the females enjoys sex too ? What’s the difference between hiring a prostitute then ?
@@bramschoenmakers5071 Well, if it's just sex you're after, it's more efficient to either hit the gym and then try to have casual sex, or to just hire a prostitute every now and then. Marrying a woman costs more than a prostitute, and you can easily end up in a sexless marriage.
I think you enter a relationship if you genuinely desire to have a family. Yeah, I know that's not as cool as making money or having sex, but it is fulfilling for a lot of people.
Here are my 2ct as a woman: I am 23 years old and about to get married to a man in his mid 30s. I'd say, there is an 80-20 split in our relationship.
Now why would that be fair? Because you can't quantify what I am giving up. I'm going to have his children in a year from now. This means I am locked out from most high-paying jobs (which is why I chose a "career" in child education). It also means I am settling and giving my prime years to this man. If it doesn't work out, I will have barely any value in the relationship-market.
My man gets bragging rights (a wife is seen as a status symbol around here), a purpose and someone who raises the children the way he wants it. If you don't want to pay premium for that, that's fine but don't assume that 80-20 isn't worth it just because you can't quantify the things that a woman brings to the table.
I 100% agree with what you're saying and congratulations on your engagement and future baby ! 🙏
The only problem we have as a society in this day and age, is that most women don't want to follow you.
They want to have their fun in their 20s then later on, settle with a man who is still supposed to act traditionally (paying most things, etc). That's the reason why the contract is obsolete, sadly.
"My man gets bragging rights (wife is seen as status symbol)" oof this marriage is doomed to fail 🙄
Hopefully this doesn't happen but you've basically admitted here that you are only with due his resources. What will happen to the relationship if he loses those resources?
The having and raising the children is huge. I found that it consumed me. For 25 years.
Honestly, I don't agree with 90% of what Orian says in most his videos. You can sense that he is coming from a place of hurt. Like when he says " more responsibility = more authority". He doesn't even touch upon the value women bring in arelarionship and how come men should be able to provide for their familie. Something you have highlighted with a personal and realistic example. Orian is bitter and people should take his advice with a pinch of salt!
@@howboutdat4053 I did not say that, you interpreted it. My goal is to have children. It wouldn't make sense for me to be with a 21 year old student who maybe won't be able to support a family. I love him dearly but people should stop being so naive about relationships.
We are together because we both gain something from it. Love is great and important, but you can love many people, so it shouldn't be the only factor.
I didn't take him because of his resources, but because he doesn't have a flashy lifestyle and uses his money wisely. He has a great work ethic and is the smartest person I know. If he loses everything, I will have better chances with him than with a random person that I happened to love who has poor work ethic, no savings and just wants to have fun.
I gave up work for a while and I found it a bit scary not having any money of my own; it takes away your choices. With a 100/0 split, my husband always called the tune, decided where we went on vacation, what restaurant we went to, what car we drove . I think you must need a very strong marriage for this arrangement to succeed. After a few years I went back to work, and back to a 60/40 split. Happier.
Yeah being a housewife is only okay if you have a good husband who treats you well.
Most simps needs to hear this. They believe a 50/50 is gonna work in a relationship. 🤦🏻♂️
What’s the women bringing to the table ?? They want equality only when it benefits them
SIMPs will always SIMP. Its in their genetics. They are lower value and its there only mating strategy.
No man it works. Love makes everything work. If u love her enough , she will love you one day after cheating on you only 489 times😂😂😂.
What are you talking about? Simps always want 100%/0 because they know they don't offer anything else.
This is completely backwards. How is a 50/50 arrangements a simp thing ? When basically the 70/30 arrangements is for men willing to pay for her lifestyle only to keep access to her pussy.
My goodness you explain things like this so well. You're a treasure Dr. Taraban.
50/50 turns out to be him taking responsibility, and her taking the authority. I've seen it a thousand times. The captain of a vessel takes responsibility for a crew, but they also follow his orders. If one of those isn't so, it's unfair.
Rollo calls it a form of slavery
100%
This authority concept is born from a fragile male ego, no doubt. Who cares about authority/power in a relationship?
Household work is not only cleaning the house or preparing meals. It is also handling car cleaning and maintenance, driving around if the spouse does not drive, bringing kids to sports and hobbies, driving kids to school, helping kids with school, talking with teachers, instructors, organising and doing medical visits, organising and overseeing insurance plans, bills, repairs, garden work, supporting other family members, financial planing, common investments, buying household appliances, food, organising vacations etc. If one really counts many of these tasks that the man does, then the part of female contribution could appear even lower.
Very true - great post.
That's the problem with modern entitled women. If they actually took care of everything related to the home, including cooking and cleaning, and everything related to the kids, from birthing them to taking them to friends houses and soccer practices, and the man took care of 100% of the finances, including cars, house, maintenance and vacations, then this would still be something like a 60/40 or 70/30 (depending on the specifics) that still favors women. But many, perhaps even a majority, of modern western women don't even want to do their 30-40% share, and either force the man to pick up their slack, or begin starting random, unnecessary fights with him as they initiate an exit of the relationship. They have such unrealistic standards and such low accountability that it boggles the logical mind.
Yes but men is stronger, they should take larger responsiblities
@@lanlam2114 What? Total garbage. Women are healthier and live longer.
And on top of all this they deny their husbands sex
I believe that the moment the woman goes 50/50 or pay most of the bills the men will feel comfortable and then we will end up continuously paying the most
50/50 is bs. Women pay what they order and men pay what they order. If a woman orders more than a man too bad.
Sounds like you don't have a lot of options in picking men for relationships, in your life.... Why is that?
My gf keeps wanting to pay, makes me uncomfortable! 😂
Wouldn't this imply that it's better off to be single than be in a relationship as a man
Yup. When you have a .. biological urge, just rent!
!00 %
Agreed, which is why fewer people are getting married than ever before.
It's like you all are making a business transaction and one person brings way more to the table. Why would you do business with that person?
But, at the same time. Women that are doing well financially have few options cause they're not many men above them, so they have no choice but to settle.
Nope because he´s full of shit, just don´t get married and find a feminine woman....
In order for a system or relationship to be fair, responsibility and authority need to measured out in equal weight. The responsible individual needs to have a commensurate amount of authority. All you have to do is ask yourself who will be held accountable for any failures in a relationship. Political correctness requires us to pretend we don't know the answer to that question.
Thanks Guy.
Excellent video.
The state doesn't recognise 'authority' in marriage, only equality.
100%
With great power comes great responsibility, and great responsibility comes with great power.
My marriage was 50-50 for about the first 20 years. In my experience, my wife started to check out on the emotional and maintenance parts and the quality of the marriage and family fell largely on me. 13 years later, she is focused on her career and makes lots of money but more or less living in my life. It looks to me that she just ran out of gas and didn't have the endurance to carry on at the same level of energy and motivation. To be fair the early days were challenging, intense and tiring.
My dad impressed upon me there is no such thing as a purely 50/50 relationship. The ratio is dynamic but never equal. It can favor one at some times and the other at other times.
In 2022 I was in a relationship with a women earning 60% more than I do. I asked her in the beginning "if our difference in lifestyle is a problem to you". She answered "No as long as my man has a job and is busy". She dumped me after 6 months saying "don't be selfish with the next woman: you are too broke to settle" (note the "broke is selfish" already heard here and there on RUclips channels).
I told her "why were you lying then" and that she is very materialistic and each woman has different needs.
But my mistake was to ask the question of lifestyle in the first place (of course she would lie to this question): no woman can handle such big salary difference, I should have dump her when she told me her salary.
Damn this is almost line for line my last relationship. Except she never openly complained about my finances. Instead, we started talking seriously about a future together around 8 months or so, and she wanted to sit down and talk finances and budgets. When she saw on paper what I actually made compared to her, I visibly saw a change in her attitude toward me. From loving and sweet to constantly starting arguments over nothing and being fault with everything I do. Wasn’t long after that she said “we just are not compatible” despite agreeing for months that we seemed to have all the important stuff in common.
I’d say that despite her making way more, I always paid for dates and took her out. We went 50/50 on a vacation but that was it. At the end she even said I was so generous and loving. None of that really mattered though.
Your mistake was in expecting to get the truth - at least the truth in terms of facts. What you got was what she thought you wanted to hear.
I would stress that this is not necessarily a male / female pattern; men can and do lie just as much as women. It's just the fact that blokes tend to ask questions and accept answers the wrong way sometimes.
She probably considered that the question itself was an impertinence; and sometimes direct questions are exactly that, and we have to learn when not to ask them and expect frankness.
Again, men do this, too, especially if they are seeking sex, for example. Some questions should not be asked because the other party may see the question as manipulative, ie because it determines a short term outcome, and considers a manipulative answer appropriate to a manipulative question.
Your first mistake was not vetting her
The warning signs are there when she says she goes on four cruises a year and skiing in Switzerland ever winter. She will expect you to maintain this lifestyle and keep up with her. But there are well paid women who are also very modest and frugal, you just picked the wrong one.
@@tancreddehauteville764 ah, the "you picked the wrong one" argument, as usual it is the man's fault for picking the wrong one, not the woman's fault for her behaviour
The issue isn't the man having a greater expenditure of resources. The issue is the woman enjoying the benefits of this arrangement but refusing to assume the responsibilities and obligations that go along with putting in less.
Agreed
@@sarahrobertson634 Is that what you witches tell yourself before blowing off your boss for a raise?
Women have "decided" to get careers because they have been indoctrinated from a very early age to orchestrate just that outcome in the vast majority of the population women. How else will a society that is disproportionately female (overtime) sustain itself. Still think the modern idea of a "successful" woman is not contrived out of, because of and for capitalism?? Why were women brought into the workforce by the masses in the first place? To liberate them? To give them freedom? For equality? No, no and no. It was infact a genius hail mary play by the government to keep the capitalist structure as we have all known it going during a time in history when war had left us even more disproportionately a female society.
Would a decently educated and to be quite frank, even only half witted woman choose a minimum wage job where all that education is wasted over being a CEO of a company? What would you rather be a minimum wage cog or the CEO?
It boggles my mind the amount amount of women who choose to be vastly under employed. I completely agree that no woman EVER should aspire to be a "housewife" (a wife who does not work and stays at home imparting very little value if any.) While, so very few women decide to take on the challenge of being a CEO.
CEO of (insert last name of man of the household)
O you think these true housewives are not infact CEO's of their households. What else would you call the person who is directly responsible for the daily oversight and running of all the household departments: culinary department, dry cleaning department, janitorial department, small repairs department, secretarial department, the mail service, childcare, bookkeeping, transportation department and etc.? Each of which caters to __(insert number of members in family) consumers.
These women create real and tangible value everyday, some of which can be measured as monetary gains (ex: dinner for two out easily $100 vs homecooked meal $25 and that is if you want to get fancy. Monetary gain of $75 dollars to the household) and some of which is intanglable yet invaluable (ex: an inviting, pleasant, peaceful, loving, respectful home environment to come home to and take respite from world in.)
Men have no issue with a financial 100/0 split with a woman who is household CEO material because they fully understand the monetary value of all the work a true housewife does. As well as, that running a home, is also a fulltime endeavor.
These men cherish their wives and will bend over backwards for her because they know all to well that this kind of woman is in fact not dependent on him(even if he happens to make the money), if she did decide to change companies, if you will, there would be no issue in the job market for her.
Diligent, respectful, industrious, competent household CEO's are hard to come by and only getting scarcer and more valuable by the day.
@@sarahrobertson634 cool. Have fun dying alone then.
@@sarahrobertson634 For every woman who complains that her man treats her like a maid with benefits, there's a man somewhere complaining that his woman treats him like a wage slave (or at least he would l, if he wasn't so heavily conditioned to keep his mouth shut and never complain about that arrangement). Both sexes have ample opportunities to complain about being "used" and/or taken for granted. Which sex is the most victimized by such things? That all depends on your perspective. The woman's perspective is not automatically authoritative, and the man's perspective is not automatically invalid.
I think your content is probably the best (or one of the best) to come to this sphere of RUclips and I can't thank you enough (besides paid coaching sessions) for bringing these brilliant observations of yours onto this platform. Seriously, I am eternally grateful for your videos ❤
50/50 doesn’t exist because everything is not valued the same. Good video sir.
my wife and I started out with just me making money, then as she developed her career, she contributed more, and for the past 10 or so years we've been contributing 50/50 into our family budget. She never expressed any unhappiness about it.. so - she must be one of those unusual women, and I'm extremely lucky!
You likely are showing up in many other ways that she as a woman needs, but make sure to check in with her. Either way, you likely ate doing many other things right to make this work. It’s not all about the numbers, but adding 50/50 can make an existing problem worse.
You got a great woman, this is exceptional
When my husband and I got married, he asked for 50/50, I am ok with it. Then in a few years, he suggested joint finance. I am ok with that also. I had to say that joint finance is preferred. I would not choose to stay at home, raising our son, if I had to contribute 50/50.
it’s because you provided for her in the beginning and probably didn’t nag or pressure her for 50/50
You absolutely blow my Red Pill mind with the way you break down reality.
Brilliant.
yeah the Doc is like a jedi with this stuff💯
Dropping red pill truths in a normie acceptable package.
It ain’t no red pill gems or nothing like that guys. It’s just basic economics. They are the Sellers, we are the Buyers, and things have gotten so convoluted, they believe their draw power is greater and of more inherent value than our purchasing power. And with guys like PsychHacks, they are here to set things straight on these shrewd business women
"Red pill mind"
Lol
Lay off the astrology for men pills...This clip didn´t blow any sane minds
This is one of the best videos I've seen explaining to me, a good paart of the reason for my divorce, of which the lack of communication, never brought a clear explanation. Thank you.
To me this seems to show that men see the female body as something that is worth money, but women don't see the male body as something that is worth money.
Wives generally see their husbands as wallets (especially in divorce). And they extract money from the husband in exchange for physical intimacy.
Because women’s bodies are inherently more valuable to make children. 10 women and 1 man >>> 10 men and 1 woman when it comes to making kids
The female body is inherently more valuable than a male's body from a reproductive stand point. This is because one man can impregnate hundreds of women while one woman can only be impregnated by one man at any given time. Put another way, If one man impregnates 10 women, that means 9 men have lost the opportunity to reproduce and are therefore completely useless in terms of reproduction. It's the men's job to fight and die in order to protect women because women are more valuable. This is why most men are disposable.
@@zacharyiler136 That is because you're assuming that males actually WANT children. I have met MANY men who do NOT. They want the sex that a woman can give them, but not the financial nor emotional responsibility/commitment of having children. Some men DO want to go extinct. They are not hard to spot, they either don't care to date or use women only for fun.
you can see this in how men are willing to pay for sex but you hardly ever see women paying men for sex
Very well explained! Thank you! But you’ve mentioned that this is one of many reasons why a 50/50 split doesn’t work. Please make videos about all the other reasons. It would be greatly appreciated
“Doesn’t feel fair.”
The best one-liner (in a long list of great ones from Dr Taraban) was, “men are resigned to just minimizing loss.”
Drop the Mic
@@jonargentina6285 the man has more bars of gold than Fort Knox.
Brilliant brilliant brilliant this is one of the best explained 50/50 situations I've ever heard again you are brilliant
The thumbnail for this video is sick! Great video Dr. Taraban, you're on point as always!!!!
This is absolutely true. My wife and I lived in a country where we were both immigrants but it was my first language (not hers) and I had an upper hand in every area of life (successful career etc). During the pandemic we moved to her country where it was not my first language and she was already had career connections. She took on more than 50% of responsibilities in the relationship but I sacrificed hugely by making the move. It was the pandemic so getting my career going was hard. We struggled but and she was always earning more. After two years, just as my career started to flourish, she had had enough. Kicked me out and asked for divorce. She could handle 50/50 but over 50 during the pandemic was too much. She bounced. Fair enough.
Men doing that are ‘dead beats.’ Hopefully the divorce didn’t cost you since you didn’t initiate
Wow. That's why I call a pretty heartless biatch.
lmao - sickness and in health. You picked a real winner
@@joncarbone well, I don't know how it is there but initiation or reasons no longer count here in the US. the courts sacrifice justice for convenience. if it's like that there, Benjamin should actually be getting a payout from his higher-earning about to be ex-wife, maybe even some alimony 😀🍻
@@LaitoChen don't be so hard on the man. this is a typical, I might say inevitable, situation. it's all fun and games when the man is the breadwinner. on the rare occasion the roles are reversed whether deliberately or by accident (like in this case) it's the woman, by far, who will be the one to say "so long." she'll be resentful on the way out too, because everything is always "his" fault.
“The rich exist for the sake of the poor. The poor exist for the salvation of the rich.”
- St. John Chrysostom
good saint quote. i didnt expect to see one, but its quite appropriate. thank you for sharing
Explain the relation between this phrase and this subject plz?
Platonic roommates are 50/50 relationship 😅. Everyone gets the point, eventually each sleeps in their own bedroom.
Got it. I want a fair relationship but not necessarily equal.
Men are the prize.
@@superboy3633 You think I would want to live with any of the men who spew vitriol against women here. I'd rather be single. Oh, I only became single when partner died.
The point of being a team is to lean in to comparative advantages.
50/50 is the fucking definition of equality this man’s had enough
MGTOW - Men Guarding Their Own Wallets
Equality is a lie. It has always been a lie.
People need to understand that women and men are like two different classes in video games. It is like trying to make a mage and a warrior equal. It isn’t that one is better than the other, but that they serve different roles. As soon as you embrace that and stop trying to force them to be equally good at the same thing you can focus on what they are good at and create a stronger team.
men and women arent equal therefore you cant have equality with a woman.
@@daemonsadi4964 yes, but as long as they keep demanding equality, we need to hold them 100% accountable for it.
@@SoloRenegade I don't think vvomen are aware they are just reciting what the 1% indoctrinates via the media. They play on the gurl-boss /empowerment slogans and sell them ideas they don't believe yet are fun to recite, and creates their sense of community. But, they deeply know it's just an act.
This strategy is just part of the same old divide & conquer. Dividing all sorts of groups that actually should be naturally together and as one. Messing up the bond between m3n and vvomen and breaking the family is probably financially and controll-wise a better and profitable path for the 1%
Amazing insight. Thank you Orion.
Love your videos. Really insightful!
Absolutely spot on! 50/50 doesn't feel fair. It's becoming clear how important socioeconomic status is in your relationship to woman.
The two biggest mistakes I made in my life were starting drinking, and marrying a woman whom I knew fine-well beforehand saw my 100/0 contribution as a baseline, as something she was entitled to, and had no intention of doing 100/0 of anything else to balance it out.
Today I'm 18 months sober, and in 10 months I will be divorced.
To any young gents reading this: you have a massive amount of resources now at your disposal on the internet; use them to your advantage. Seek counsel, and try your hardest to think long and hard about life's big decisions before taking the plunge.
You are on this planet to live your life, nobody elses. Your happiness is yours alone to cultivate how you see fit. If you do plan on surrendering your sense of agency to another human being, do your homework first.
Spot on brother. My last relationship was 100/0 baseline and whenever I tried to get her to contribute more she just pulled away. Don’t settle for women who want another parent, find one that wants a husband and is willing to contribute something to a life together.
@@Layman927 Says a broke man who blames the woman about everything that got wrong. You do zero introspection. Also women shouldn't settle for mommy boys who want a full time worker, homemaker, mum and so on.
Your analysis is very insightful. Thanks for sharing.
Your channel is exploding! Great job.
You can't have two captains sailing the same ship. Some one has to be the XO.
As a woman i love the idea of at least a 20/80 split. Personally i want to be a homemaker not a career woman. 50/50 men also forget that most wives want to feel special/taken care of every day and tap into their feminine energy. Working 40+ hrs a week and paying half the bills will never allow that to happen, at least not for me.
Problem is it is not 2000BC anymore. Bills are due and men and women are both educated. It is kind of unfair to the man as we get the blame when you take care of yourselves to help contribute.
@@timgibney5590 Just because times have changed, doesn’t mean human nature has changed. Men still want to be treated like men and women still want to be treated like women.
@@mimia.4810 You can say equality all you want but math doesn't care at the end of the day. Bills must be paid and if you are working I shouldn't be able to expect a clean house and cooking and taking care of the kids either as that is unreasonable wouldn't you agree?
@@mimia.4810 stop acting like infants
or maybe pay 100 alone coz that'all u care about
Totally agree. I never thought about femininity the years I was a SAHM. As I started working I feel like it’s nearly impossible to relax and be a feminine wife anymore.
I had a 50/50 relationship first one. It was not a good idea. Since then I go for 100/0. I know it cost a lot, especially when you go separate ways. But I can afford it. My problem has always been that women want to educate them self and get a job. But when they achieve that goal I usually dump them. Because they become hard to live with. I prefer a classic house wife relationship.
Maybe when they choose this path - you basically begin having a relationship with...a man..
I could live with that plan. I prefer the girl at least contribute something other than just showing up though, makes her less of a blow-up doll. I'm surprised at least half don't bail on their own after you put them through school. maybe you're just quicker on the draw 🤠
now that you have some experience, I'd very much like to hear how you ensure that she doesn't leave with a bunch of your other stuff and money too on the way out 😎
So you don't mind being parasitised...wild
Привет мой 🦌👨 Еньс Ольсон. 👋
@@pmaitrasm Privet! Military summary miss you!
Men are the hunter-gatherer-provider. The woman takes care of the "nest."
Women seek the man who can protect and provide the best.
The man needs respect and devotion in return.
Actually men hunt meat and women gather berries
Most of these men wouldn’t marry broke men either. They are delusional.
This dude is the most reasonable of people saying things that are "controversial". Not sure if you could ever say this mainstream 😊
This is very interesting. 50/50approach doesn't work. Because we operate on different energy tanks. Because our bodies are designed to function differently. Also because emotionally, mentally and energetically we show up in different ways. Thanks!
Bullshit.
THIS!
I married later in life to a younger woman who had just graduated with a PhD. I was making good money and she soon picked up a great job in her specialized field. We always split rent etc 50/50 but she found ways to skimp on her fair share of things like groceries and dinners. I didn't mind this when I was making more, but she soon started making significantly more than me and this behavior has never changed. Calling her out on it just led to fights that went nowhere. When she does pay her fair share on bigger items she often complains or acts like she is really doing something special. Same goes with housework. I'll be filing for divorce soon to preserve my sanity and don't plan on ever getting married again.
This conversation embodies what is wrong with American marriages!
"50-50 don't mean shit unless you're paying 50% all the way through life. 50% of car payments, college fees, mortgage." ~Kevin Samuels.
based KS rememberer
50/50 doesn´t mean money, which majority of people seem to take way to literal including the guy who made the clip...
@@Proposal12I used to feel the same way and thought manosphere was unfairly harsh on women until I watch caller after caller on Kevin Samuels' show and heard it from the horses mouth... almost three quarters of the women that called in wanted a man making six figures and other things and when asked how much of the cost of that lifestyle they wanted to be responsible for, they would say 0 - 20 % and Kevin would explain that 20% is a tip at a restaurant... and when he explained that men with those resources willing to finance that and marry would likely want children, a homemaker, someone warm and caring etc the women scoffed at that.
So the statement "50 50 isnt just resources" now makes me roll my eyes because I have seen many videos and seen the hypocrisy of women where women will praise one act as being a selfless contribution in a marriage but the exact same contribution being done by a man is considered irrelevant... examples:
1. Man divorces woman because she was stay at home spouse and he was bored... he's selfish and an asshole.
Woman becomes breadwinner after promotions, earns more and they agree man gives up job and is stay home dad/ spouse and woman leaves him saying he was weighing her down and she felt trapped and women overwhelmingly support her.
2. Dr. Dre and other male celebrities ordered to pay ridiculous amounts in alimony and women celebrate but when Kelly Clarkson, Halle Berry, Mary J. Blige and other high profile women have to pay obscene amounts in alimony its suddenly evil and misogynistic.
I have plenty more examples and that is why I wont even bother diving into the argument that the other intangible contributions matter because when a man comes with those, 8 out of 10 times women scoff but when women come with intangible contributions they want that to be equivalent to a six figure income.
Hypocritical.
Your explanation makes me smile. I was married for 28 years and more than 25 years I was the breadwinner, and I am a woman. Did I like that? No, I did not. But it was not because of the financial consequences that I did not like this deal at all. I made more than enough money myself and did not need any from my husband. What I hated in this deal, was him being at home all the time and not being tired after a long day, while I needed to rest. I hated the way he took care of our son. I felt that I could do a much better job, than he did. My son also wanted me to be at home to take care of him and not his father. I felt frustrated and irritated and one day I had enough and ended the marriage, partly because my son came in his puberty and |I wanted to be there for him, and I wanted my husband out of the house and actually blocking me from being a mother.
how is a son being raised without a father in the home better for him??? And it's easier to be a "good mother" a single parent???? Are you trolling???? Seems like you are spiteful and taking out your anger by depriving your son of the opportunity to grow up with a father in the home...sad.
I understand what your saying. As women we want to do more of the raising of our kids and when the roles switch it can be frustrating.
So you are aware of all the stats showing that men raised in single mother households make way worse, prison, education, life choices, well being etc, but you chose that for your son anyway?!
@@deportedsouls3165 It's always about her and never the children.
Selfish
I love those videos. It is so hard those days having to explain it to everyone 🙄
If both people are working, and If the man earns more, as it should be if he properly selected a partner and is doing his best, participation to rent and bills in proportion of income is a fair deal, assuming people live together and both work. Later if having kids, and if the woman moves to full housewife role, then it will be 100% on the man, which is of course also fair.
Yes, sounds exactly what I think. Marriage is a partnership.
It makes sense. Thank you for explaining the reality of relationship in very clear terms and concepts. Understanding and acceptance of reality help us be more realistic, aware and happier in relationship. Always great content!
Thats why men get confused when women say they want an equal relationship. Because in reality we know that's not true and when we treat them that way they get disgusted and we get confused.
Definitely not happier in relationships. especially men.
@@watamutha They always lie.A woman always want above 60% expanses from a man from subconscious level.
I'm still struggling with these types of "archaic" viewpoints-- where a man provides and a woman is more comfortable with a "provider", but I'm finding they hold more water as I get older. And I don't see it as a bad thing either, in fact it motivates me to improve myself, save money, and hit the gym.
I just wish more women would be part of the discussion in a way that is honest and forthcoming. I have a lady friend who explicitly states "Yeah I'd be cool with cooking and cleaning as long as my guy just rakes in the dough" She's smart and talented, but outright admits she'd rather be a housewife given the choice. Right now, she waits tables on the side and works on hustling her art in town, so she's not totally dependent, but her man works hard as a mechanic and is totally cool with taking care of her. Now THAT'S honesty!
Good point well made, Dr.
Thanks for the awesome content! I got here from the recommendation of my hypnotherapist.
I liked this one, but for some reason, my experience with women was like this:
When they told me 50/50, they assume that they already are at 70/30, and that bring the 70 and the man brings the 30.
I can't wait til this blows over. Don't worry folks. Time will tell who had the best relationship strategy.
It’s crazy that there are women out there that think it’s ok to keep money to themselves, but expect others to pay for them. This never existed in the past. A man provided for his house wife, but it was never so that a woman kept her money separate.
Exactly. In the old days the man paid for everything but he OWNED his wife. Until the woke laws of the 1960s cam about, in the UK a woman could not divorce without the man's consent, or even get her own bank account without her husband's approval. And in those days divorce did not mean equal split - she would leave with what what she came into the marriage with, nothing else. Not sure about the USA, but I guess it was similar.
@@tancreddehauteville764 Sounds a bit like you liked the old ways better?
@@andreal2625 those societies were far superior to the weak, degenerate version we have today. The women back then were wife/mother material.
As always great insight
I find it beyond comprehensible how a man is defending the idea that taking only 20% of the responsibility is equal to the 80% the woman is expected to take. I'm mind blown. From a doctor.
I'm not confident that this is what he's saying. He's saying that women can find a better financial deal than 50/50, because there are men who are willing to offer that deal. The catch is that men will want something else to offset their >50% financial stake, which I believe he is supposing would be greater dominance in the decision-making. He's less clear in this area.
@@epfrostwraith he is generalizing, and supporting the unfair idea that it's okay for women to take up the whole burden because men gain more from the jobs they commited and love themselves. Earning more isn't a green light to damp your responsibility on another gender. You'd be a father, and a child-man doesn't measure up to that.
@@rimed5718 I think you're putting the cart before the horse. He's starting from the claim that women prefer men who are capable of, or inclined to, take on the primary financial burden of the household. The first step in refuting his overall claim is to refute the above statement. Do you disagree that women prefer a man who is capable of or inclined to take on the majority of the family financial burden?
@@epfrostwraith generalizations are logical fallacies. You can't state that women prefer a man who takes 80% of the financial burden, unless it was your wife or sister not "women". Women come from endless backgrounds and each one has her own preferences.
Situations where the man takes the majority of the financial burden are specefic situations, or ones where the woman is not allowed to work, or was raised to be someone's housewife cz the culture is like that.
But he can't come and say "50/50 doesn't work, and women should be happy to take 70% of the household work". That's a wonderful way to stop his own guilt from sharing the burden of rising the kids and his own man-child from their collective mother "his wife".
@@rimed5718 calling generalizations logical fallacies is a way sweeping population dynamics under the rug. I agree that each individual relationship is unique, and I'll admit that there's something about the guy in the video that seems a little bit off (just my intuition), but that doesn't mean that his perspective isn't valid. It's very common these days for people to pretend that how the world works in-theory is how it works in fact. I had what I'd consider to have been an abusive relationship with a woman for twelve years because I was trying to live by liberal ideals with her. All that did was set me up for victimization, where I brought most of the money and she controlled most of the relationship (I felt like a guest in my own house and had my life directed for me). What these conservative-leaning perspectives can do for people is to help them understand that human nature may be different from our idealized representation of how human nature is supposed to be. Not everything is symmetrical in life and if we try to force symmetry, then we can open the gates for misery and exploitation. Each relationship is unique - but population dynamics do matter. And if you're trying to make sense of the world-at-large, population dynamics will shed more light than individualized case studies. My girlfriend prefers a 50/50 relationship. That's fine by me. But I'd be happy to trade more money for fewer chores if she was interested in the deal. She's more particular about the what and how of most chores than I am anyway. With certain exceptions.
I've thought for a long time that the biggest redpill is women NEED to depend on men at least in some capacity in order to love and respect them. The women who put lots of effort in meeting the social pressures of being independent boss chicks are psychologically calibrated For hookups and short term relationships at best. Alot of them don't even know what its like to respect a man. its why they endlessly search for someone "on their level or above" their biology is saying "I need a man who's above me so I can respect him finally, then I can experience love" not realizing by nature the more successful she becomes the less she is able experience love as she "tax- bracketed" herself out of viable romantic candidates. I don't think nature accounted for high status women or political correctness effectively and so here we are...
Those women are so masculinized themselves that they need more extreme forms of masculine dominance just to feel feminine, which includes a man that trumps her financially.
I couldn't agree more. One difference between men and women is that women can't feel attracted to a man who they don't respect. Like it or not, one of the main ways a man gets a woman's respect is through his ability to be a protector/provider and through having more "power" than she does (there are different kinds of power, so this can look different depending on the couple). A woman won't respect a man if she thinks he's weaker than her.
@@kylemacdougall8355 furthermore, i think the powers at be understand this aspect of female nature and weaponized it. Empowered men equals nuclear families. Empowered women equals broken homes and pursuit of alternative anti family lifestyles from both genders. The men pursue alternative lifestyle out of fear of courtroom bias opting for self-preservation and the evergrowing standards of women who look down on them for not meeting ideals. Women pursue alternative lifestyles in accordance to their radicalizations from feminist narratives dominating the social discourse, living out an "escape from captor" fantasy until the maternal and connection instincts supercede her pride if ever. Both achieve the same goal of destroying the nuclear family through social engineering. The black community is a great example of this. Post jim crow marriages were high and family were upstanding and together. Then...the apple was offered to eve, Welfare checks to all women without a husband in the house, and she bit. "Empowered" by the government she traded her men for a check and crushed the spirits of her children. Mating with felons for their attractive genes and marrying the government. The result is the tormented youth coping through destruction seemingly irreversable all while black men serve as the primary scapegoat for it all second only to whites of course. I believe the division and destruction of "empowered women" was field tested in the black community as one of many ways to ensure division between the sexes and ultimately the prosperity of strong families.
Why aren't you factoring love? Do we not all depend on each other for love?
@@dr.jenniferma3914 Not sure what you mean? I addressed love several times in my original post. Everyone desires love but very few achieve it in the way we desire it. No one really is obligated to receive what they want regardless how badly they want it.
I discussed this video with my partner, and she shared something I really liked that I think balanced this idea a bit.
She said she was introduced to the idea of “the hungriest one cooks.” Meaning, the partner who wants something the most should bear more responsibility for making it happen.
I’ve found a lot of happiness in finding what’s important to me and bearing more responsibility for it, and she’s mature enough that she does the same.
I wouldn’t say we are a 50/50 relationship, nor 70/30. We have lots of 70/30 deals made on lots of different things, sometimes she’s the 30, sometimes she’s the 70.
This has worked out very nicely for us.
But how much of the financial load do you carry compared to your partner?
We each have our own houses and budgets.
We both got abandoned by our marital partners, so we’ve been reticent to tie up our assets.
I insist on taking her out once a month on a nice date. We take turns cooking for each other and have a good schedule for being with each other that feels fair to both of us.
Truth be told, she makes more money than I do.
And we’re quite happy.
@@robhulson Glad you've found a framework that works for you.
Sounds very fair
The one who's most upset by mess does the cleaning then???? That's the main cause of strife in a huge number of relationships.
The one who's hungriest for sex does what????
I think your "solution" only applies to cooking.
My husband and i go 50/50 but i do 99% chores, and child care, cooking. Husband still expects me to cook and respect him as a provider
Then it's not 50/50 completely.
You're a genius for this one.
What an excellent case for staying single!
or you could just man up and try to make enough money to get the woman/women u really want smh. settling for your current mediocrity = dying alone lol
@@sarahbartholomew3442 do you have a sugar daddy atm?
@@sarahbartholomew3442
From the content of your reply, dying alone would be preferable to having the misfortune of partnering with you. You are a symptom of the entitlement epidemic writ large.
@@sarahbartholomew3442 He did man up. Making a decision in his best interest while not imposing upon anyone else is extremely masculine. Why don't you 'woman up' and mind your own damn business.
@@sarahbartholomew3442the woman I'd really want wouldnt have such a selfish attitude towards a relationship
I've been married longer than half of you have even been alive. For the 1st year we split everything 50/50 and we both had roughly the same income. Logistically, this was just too much hassle and after ~ a year we just put *ALL OUR MONEY into one pot (bank account).* About 2 years post marriage I graduated from college and within a year of that my salary increased 3-fold and has stayed anywhere from 2 to 3 times what my wife makes. Everything still goes into 1 account and we never have had an argument over money.
Pray you never get divorce graped. 🍇
Married 38 years and heading to 39 and beyond. We live All In/All In. All money in one account, no separate accounts. All chores shared or divided by who can do it best. Consequently, our lives haven't been distracted by more or less or fair or not. We were and are instead All In to move our family forward. I don't think we would have been as successful with these divisions. Just my alternate reality. Lived and true.
I think we're missing one key factor in this equation... Financial responsibilities aside, the women grow, carry, birth, breast feed, nurture, raise, and teach the children how to become self-sufficient. Most of which the men are incapable of doing on their own. I would argue that this tips the scale a significant amount in the females' direction pertaining to "responsibility in the relationship."
Thank you so much for this video. I hope your video helps people out there who don’t understand that 50/50 does not work and who can better educate themselves on the roles of different genders.
My brother was with a partner for 8 years and he provided what I would estimate to be an 85/15 split. He suffered a stroke very young and was left crippled, unable to provide, leaving her as the sole capable adult.
It took a few weeks for the penny to drop but she eventually left him to fend for himself when she realised that her lifestyle was about to be turned upside down.
I realised quickly that many women are passengers in their relationships, if things change they want to get off the train. Had my brother known in advance what lay in store I doubt he would have indulged her at all never mind 85/15.
I now ask my friends what they think their partners would do under the same circumstances.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, but the woman should never be the provider. It's pure biology. She has everything else to deal with. The money is the guy's responsibility.
keep ur investment and bet size as minimal as possible. Diversify investments and portfolios. Thats what women do with simp farming as plan B,C,D... start believing in dreams, and ur just out of position paying a huge bet size and can't fold the hand anymore
Still being very traditional and take my words as gold, I don't get married until I meet the person I can keep my promise under the worst possible circumstance imagined. Unfortunately many people don't put character above self-interest, forces from all directions are attacking tradition, attacking people with High moral characters with disbelief such people exist..
@dianabalan that's that Class A bullshit right there. How you want the guy to take care of you when you're sick but you won't do the same when they need to?
That's why I don't like women.But it is not their mistake it is just biological.
50-50 relationships don't work well because there cannot be 2 captains in one team !! There will always be conflict of decisions. One of them has to be dominant and most women want a man to be dominant which is a masculine trait.
50-50 doesn't have to mean 2 captains. The man will be more than willing to be dominant and a masculine leader. The problem won't be the man refusing to lead but the woman refusing to submit.
Wow. Definitely in your top 3 videos. Maybe in top 2. Knowing many women in my day to day life, this rings true. And I want to hear women’s opinions on this.
I proved to my ex that 50/50 was not possible when I got pregnant. I couldn't work after my C-section and he was forced to pay 100% of the bills. He was livid! As I was leaving the hospital with a brand new baby he said he was short on rent and he was looking to me to pay my part.
I don't need 50/50. I just need her to be kind and amicable.
Takeaway: The juice isn't worth the squeeze. And yes, a complete imbalance is helpful as is skipping the contract in most cases. It's so sad how few western women are worthy of starting a family with.
You are not forced to start a family with anyone. Don't do it!
The women themselves are not the issue, its the society and econ and legal setup that makes them that way.
@@grantwithers women are the issue, society does not tell them to divorce
@@Gothicc_senpai "society does not tell them to divorce" That is so obviously not true. Their friends tell them to divorce. Their magazines and TV shows (youtube as well), talk shows etc. etc. tell them to divorce. Their lawyer tells them to divorce. And yes, maybe possibly it is calming down a bit in the 2020's as the result of that happening for 40 years has been so obviously disasterous, it hasn't abated all that much.
@@grantwithers i always forget most humans get influence by the media, sorry. i do not allow myself to get influence by tv, radio, phone, social media, etc.... you are right too many signs giving women that divorce is bad, they eat up propaganda.
I can’t be responsible for any finances in a relationship, I pay 1300 a month in child support, I can’t afford to be in a relationships
Thank You you are so so so so right !
30+ years ago my wife fell into the 50/50 psycho babble.
I was doing 40 hour week, shift work, night school plus house renovation.
Sure i said 50/50 it is. I'll cook, you go change the oil in the car, by the way, roof is leaking, here's the silicon, go up and fix that.
She said "but that's not as often as cooking".
I said "you don't get to pick 50/50 that suits you, it's either 50/50 all the way or nothing"
Now she has s comfortable lifestyle from my hard EXTERNAL work.
She clearly missed the meaning of 50/50 and cooking you dont get brownie points for either, considering people have to eat which sounds like it went over her head, it´s a given to say the least..."now she has a comfortable lifestyle from my hard external work" congrats on enabling shitty behavior. And no there´s no cherry picking. My girl would never utter those words...
Spot on as always.
I have a good friend who is getting married next weekend. She's an Ivy-league trained doctor that finishes her residency next year. Her soon-to-be husband maybe has an associate degree. Once she finishes residency, she's gonna make $450k+ guaranteed. He can *maybe* make 30% of her income- but that's only if he works special assignments away from home or works a ton of overtime.
She claims to be a "raging feminist"- although on the handful of times she's brought up a feminist talking point I quickly routed her arguments. She understands that the statistics on the odds of her marriage working are slim- but I doubt she understands the deep evolutionary reasons as to why that's the case. It will be interesting to see how things work out. For her sake, I hope it does. But I sure hope she got a prenup like I suggested to her!
Plus she could be facing violence in the marriage. I wonder why this is happening.
@@dr.jenniferma3914 Yes she could face violence. But she's tough and can hold her own physically. As to why this is happening? Feminism has taught it's adherents the a priori notion that gender roles are a socially constructed tool of the oppresive patriarchy that must be destroyed at all costs. So off the feminits go to be "equal" to men.
@@dr.jenniferma3914 What makes you say that?
In watching this man's videos, I think the underlying common theme of all of them is that relationships are hard work and you as a guy should think twice before wanting to jump into one.
great insight. Makes perfect sense.
Power dynamics in a relationship should never be tied to who makes or spends the most money.
Unfortunately, that won’t be the case. There’s always a dominant and a submissive.
@@ilikepancakes2368 if a man allows money to determine his position in the relationship dominance hierarchy, he's already failed.
Totally agree!
Power dynamics in a relationship will ALWAYS be determined by who wants the other the most. Women are hypergamous, if you're not making more than her, she loses interest in you, and she will have all the power.
@@nephastgweiz1022 yep. Forget game and frame. Hypergamy is a strait jacket, and it's only about beta bucks.
Ive taught my wife how to manage the household. She's my administrator, she takes care of our children, she cooks and cleans, and she always looks happy.
She allows me to focus on my work and side hustles. I usually work from home, so we see each other a lot. We're quite happy.
Great analogy on relationship split.
This is the main reason I lost interest in my last relationship. It was an 80/20 with me doing majority of all heavy lifting. I planned nearly all dates, fun ideas, initiated sex 100% of the time, and always had to carry conversations and ask her about her feelings with my needs and emotions being neglected.
After several months of this I got extremely tired of it and hit burn out. I think the 60/40 maybe even 70/30 is a good spot but after a while the other party has to start pulling their weight as well.