Narcissism Explained: It's the main cause of evil in the world | Paul Conti and Lex Fridman
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- Lex Fridman Podcast full episode: • Paul Conti: Narcissism...
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Paul Conti is a psychiatrist.
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Full podcast episode: ruclips.net/video/jRBksDVs4tg/видео.html
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Guest bio: Paul Conti is a psychiatrist.
I think you really should talk to Sadhguru Jaggie Vasudiev. He says, there is conscious behavior and coming form compulsiveness. He can shed some light on many of questions you have. Joe Rogan talked to him, but failed to dig deep enough. I think your interest in humanity will make you ask the right and deep questions. Also ask the questions, that nobody asks him. Please consider talking to Sadhguru (uneducated guru). Cheers.
pcl-r
He looks like Jordan Peterson and why you Cancelled CHRISTOPHER LANGAN you mthrfkr
People like you hate absolute truth!
I am an anti narcissist in fact I’m still waiting for permission from the general human population to live I don’t personally feel entitled to the resources that requires
After dealing with a narcissist. My life will never be the same. It was truly scary.
Still recovering. Hugs
RC, your life will never be the same. But it will get better.
It never goes away but YOU get better and get stronger.. ((HUGS))
If you learned, then your eyes will be wide open to your surroundings
13 years here with narc sociopath:/ alienated my children from me- absolute hell
we’ve built our society as a playground for narcissists
They have built it that way, normal people give up or move un when faced by them, we arnt as obsessed as them.
Not only that but our systems are all built to elevate narcissists. What % of politicians and CEOs are narcissists? 80%+?
@@swinter11 that figure, or higher im sure
@@krusher74 it’s definitely that way. they’ve made their own haven.
Or alternatively, Narcisists built this society and you are a mere gatecrasher - so maybe show some gratitude.
Narcissists are experts in turning themselves into the victim after being exposed
They are experts at the spotlight. Sometimes that means victim, sometimes hero.
@@rkalla Women seem to do that ALL the time. LOL
That’s the gop playbook. Especially among the tin foil hat wing of the party.
@@joec8942 Same with woke crazies on the Democratic side.
Sounds like Trump to a T
Narcissists are everywhere, the scary thing is most people have no idea about them and what damage they cause.
give them some power... you find out soon
How would they even have the self awareness themselves also. 🥲
They’re not “everywhere”, but they tend to become high-profile because they can’t get enough attention, no matter how. Just look at Donald Trump and Andrew Tate, two very well-known narcissists who still fool millions of people even to this day..
You have to have been traumatized by a narcissist/psychopath in order to recognize them.
Just realizing my best friend of 28 years is a narcissist and I don't know what to do with our friendship now
I definitely think I was narcissistic when I was younger. I was always trying to shelter my insecurities with a grandiose self construct. And my needs blinded me to the needs of others. I am in my forties now, and I have reaped what I have sown (unmarried, childless, many damaged relationships), but I have also learned a lot about accepting my faults and recognizing the needs of others. I try to do things for others without taking any credit and I remind myself to feel good about it when I see their happiness. Thankfully I still have some good friends and family members to share life with.
Not too late in your 40s buddy to meet someone. You sound like you deserve it
It might be too late. It’s hard to know what the point of no return is but after 30-35 it becomes exponentially more difficult cause people will “type-cast” you into a kind of identity
I’m being negative I apologize I don’t know you I just don’t like how self help books have infected our culture to the point where we are always trying to sales pitch ourselves to other people. And seeing the “you can do it” guy made me want to puke
@stego, go out there and find your joy. Share the new you. The enlightened you. Forgive yourself. Believe in yourself. Be kind and considerate with everyone. You clearly learned your lesson. I have a feeling someone is waiting for you around a corner. You will have many opportunities to ascend your past behaviors. Hug one person everyday and love yourself. It's going to turn into a wonderful life. Soon.
@@lenny223 just be happy and successful and you will attract friends and relationships at any age.
I have never met a terrible person who wasn’t narcissistic. They are such terrible people.
Borderline personality people are also really tough to deal with
@@lm_b5080 they atleast have empathy tho
@@elainekellogg6345 sheesh their instability and paranoia causes unbelievable trauma
@@lm_b5080 I'm sure some are but definitely not all. One of my best friends has BPD and she's fantastic 🤷
@@leilahannah4806 i’m sure she’s fantastic on her good days, thats often how they are. Not sure though if you’ve lived with someone with bpd & seen them when things turn sour…or worse, been in a romantic entanglement with them
“Trauma creates false lessons.” Wow - that’s an essential truth that I have never heard phrased that way. Excellent!
"Psychopaths are social predators, and like all predators, they are looking for feeding grounds. Wherever you get power, prestige and money, you will find them." --Robert Hare
You hear the envy in that statement, Hare just wants that power, prestige and money for himself. Compare his behaviour with the videos description of narcissism.
Explains why so many women are drawn to psychopaths and narcissists, since wealth, status, power are things they seek in men.
@@reck0n3r Everything for the offspring
@@leonfa259 Sounds parasitic, no? If women keep choosing to be with the most destructive kind of men - I could have been one of them if I wanted, and actual was for a short period (happened to be when I had the most interest from women too *cough*), but chose to go a different route after seeing how empty and meaningless it all was - then it's up to them to be more responsible about the kind of men they procreate with.
@@reck0n3r The most influential and destructive people are often the most admired and respected ones, and the admiration and respect comes from both, man and woman.
Is it empty and meaningless? Yes!
Is it harmful for all of us? Maybe
I don't care too much as I am basically a psychopath anyway, but it really is funny that the more I let my inner self out the more female interest and male respect i get.
My former best friend is a malignant narcissist. He gaslit and abused me for years. He was perpetually the victim in every area of his life: job, love, family, friendships, music career, etc. He literally has none of the same friends left. He was at war with like 30 different people at one point during the pandemic, including his ex girlfriend, and he was the victim in every scenario. 😂 Worst person I’ve ever met. I have PTSD from my experience getting him out of my life.
Check out Richard Grannon here on YT. This is his specialty.
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I feel you bro, same thing happened to me. I even got him to confess to being a sociopath at one point. Even though he actually isn't, he's probably just a malignant narcissist, but he just loved the idea of me thinking he was a sociopath. Horrible guy.
Yes, exactly it ruins you. Leave the relation asap whenever you can
My brother is like this. I’m just curious what are his political leanings?
I see that 99% of the comments are directed to narcissists in the third person. As crucial as it is to properly identify and guard ourselves from malignant narcissists,I believe it’s just as important to recognize these traits of envy and resentment within ourselves. As Dr. Conti states, gratitude and humility are the cure.
🙏 absolutely. Much of the time when we look down on narcissists we are protecting ourselves from recognizing the narcissism in ourselves. Everyone can exhibit these traits.
Completely agree
Real narcs would not watch the video so they certainly would not be commenting......
If you see any red flag of narcisism just run.. Run fast.. They are predators.. Will eat your soul.. There is not recovery from this type of encounters... Dont let them in.
Sounds like personal experience.. I think the same. It comes from personal experience.
Too late. Destroyed my life.
@@sararichardson737 you can rebuild, better and wiser than before... as long as you don't fall into the same trap with a new narcissist
@@sararichardson737indeed just several years too late for this message💀🤣
@@trehugr4life I was raised by abusive narc mother that discarded me when I reached early adulthood. Then, not understanding 'normal', I married a narc thinking he loved me. A counsellor at a women's shelter explained what narcissism was after I described what was going on. She told me of several books to read and when I did, I saw also my mother described. It really opened my eyes. I am now in my 60s, divorced 7 years ago, and mother is dead.. There IS recovery, with counselling and patience. Stand your ground and stay the course. You may end up with several narcs in the course of your life.
I have always said that much of human suffering is caused by ego. This podcast just verifies that line of thought. Human beings thrive when part of a community. Think about any uber-successful person, they didn't get there alone, they had a team behind them. We are social beings and are much happier when we are active participants in a community.
That's obvious if you know the definition of ego. Ego is ones idea of themselves
Yeah, i say the same, Nicole... We are indeed, social beings and we thrive when we are a part of something. We go down when we are alone. Ego is the enemy. The self esteem/ego balance is all to hell with narcissim. No self esteem but believe you are the greatest? You are not and never will be, not until you can look in the mirror and say 'I love you man/girl!' Seems so little but it's so much. Thanks for your wise words, lady!
Ego is foundational to survival. If everyone in the group thinks of the group, it also means noone values the individual, which means every individual in the group means nothing.... thats what cults are.
Its not ego per se that bad; its the pursuit of self-interest at all costs to others, by whatever means it takes. That is not ego.
Narcissism is very much also these people not being able to handle being flawed, or the one at fault for things, they will always try to deflect that onto others, so it's nearly impossible to make them see their own wrongdoings - they can't face them, as it would compromise their idealized false self that they have of themselves.
Like Religion
Met a family years ago and was told beforehand that one of the elderly male members had a 'condition' about being the centre of attention. Later that day, while having dinner he literally cut me off mid speech saying 'that's great and all but lets talk about me for a second'. lol
Well he did assume it lol
I don't know you, but it sounds like sarcasm to me. Are you sure they weren't making fun of you and think you are the narcissist?
@@Mixamaka it's better to just let it go...
Why were you reciting a speech at a family dinner?
@@rasputozen he meant during speaking. He wasn't reciting MLK obviously.
Social Media has easily increased narcissism.
Understatement of the year!
Or people have become more aware of it. It's always been there.
Empathy isn’t a “consideration”. It’s literally feeling what the other person is feeling.
Cold empathy is a cognitive recognition of people’s emotions…and then use that info as a weapon
On the flip side anytime someone feels abused…it’s very easy to fire the narcissist card…I think that may be one of the most misunderstood and misused words…
Dr. Ramani has said "Narcissism is the second hand smoke to mental health, and narcissist are the second hand smoke to society". That quote hit me harddddd
Wouldn't it be 'harrrrrrd'?
@@The_Not_So_Great_Cornholio No, I say "Hard-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d". I stutter when I type 👽
@@Ryl33hz 😆 ok ok fair enough
It's not often diagnosed because narcissists don't go to therapy. They think they are fine and others are the problem. Deep down they feel shame, but often develop addictions to avoid dealing with their issues.
Many are poly substance abusers, many are not, but especially with BPD, HPD, because those are usually trauma based with extreme abuse as a child with no boundaries to protect them or to keep them disciplined. They split and never form their own autonomy so they create a false self, but when alone they are with the shame and guilt. For them the substances are needed for sexual encounters, not for sex, but to not be alone and to support the image of the false self, desirable and wanted. Sex isn’t particularly enjoyable and many can’t perform if not intoxicated. It’s terrifying for them and they have been described as a river and you never step in the same river twice. What’s sad is many CPTSD are diagnosed BPD because insurance doesn’t pay to treat CPTSD and the traits are similar, but not as pronounced. I’ve been skewered by those claiming to be BPD saying I’m mistaken. I told them to get second and third opinions. It is criminal to be mislabeled as a BPD just to get paid.
Cool work, Lex. As i understand it, there are 3 types of empathy. 1, cognitive empathy (intellectual understanding of what's going on). 2, emotional empathy (where our mirror neurons make us feel what the other feels). 3, compassionate empathy (where we act compassionately because we have both cognitive AND emotional empathy). Hope this helps. X
Great breakdown- thank you!❤
This is a very insightful and important distinction. #1 without #2 feels flat, disingenuous, rehearsed. Very important to work toward and achieve #3 if it doesn't come naturally as a gift.
Narcissists make you feel confused and crazy. It's a living nightmare.
It's called gaslighting.
What's missing here is how narcissists get into power positions instead of being pariah weirdos.
Mostly it's through the levers of fear and greed among people who are either attracted to them or put under their authority.
In my limited experience they do focus on their looks, the way they speak, etc. I can see why they get ahead.
If you don’t know what your dealing with you might think they are great, at least for a while.
a poisoned work culture doesn't bother them, they even get energy and drive. Every normal person loses energy is frustrated and can't keep up or get Burnout syndrom.
What's missing here is that we live in a pathological society where everybody wanna be a gangsta. Stop blaming just the successful and see that everyone's rotten to the core.
@@BetaBuxDelux That's basically everyone. And the media supports and promotes this kind of behaviour. The old virtues of humility and honour were hijacked by pride and mischief.
They know how to lie, to flatter you, and they’re also ruthless
The are so many interesting tendencies you can observe in narcissists-one of which that I've observed on multiple occasions was a tendency to express a look of resentment when they are denied narcissistic supply. They don't actually express the resentment-likely due to the fear of losing a source of said supply-but the facial express is apparent nonetheless.
yes omg....its fucking weird. Like there are people who actively expect (EXPECT, not desire) others to worship(??) them
Checks and balances on ourselves, only THEN onto others. And boy can that be tough. Rooting out these narcissistic tendencies from within. Letting go of envy, resentment, greed, etc in order to better not only yourself but the world around you is a daunting task. But it’s a task we need to take up nonetheless, lest we become a monster capable of untold destruction within the lives of ourselves and those around us. I’m 22 and have been divorced and lost or forsaken numerous personal relationships. Only after a grand amount of loss and self-reflection have I been able to make changes from within. Acting on a true desire to be better. No matter how uncomfortable or painful this process can be, it’s necessary.
They love seeing themselves through others, even if it's a bad way. They can't see themselves.
I've never heard it put that way before. Such an excellent, concise description.
My mom would always tell me that pride was the mother of all sins but to beware of the twin sister sins of envy and wrath. Where ever 1 is , the other one isn't that far behind.
Our children need to be taught about the struggles and different types of people of life. I get a lot of slack from everyone around me because I choose to work part-time and put most of my daily energy into my growing children. They come home daily with struggles, conundrums, and questions galore. They want to know WHY George is constantly acting in such a way, or what Sally means when she says this to me. I'm not an expert by any means, but I'm a mother and a sound board for my children. If I concretely know the human condition in which these children are acting, then I comment. If not, I let them talk to me, and I have them talk it out on how, why and what they think about it. We then discuss it together until they feel they have a sense of the situation. That takes a lot of energy!
Statistically, high-school students carry as much stress and pressure as a 1950's mental health patient. That's a lot! There's needs to be more help and positive resources for our youth. Not just the message... "whoever has the most toys at the end wins." 🙄
I did the same and when the kids got older they joined up with their dad in determining that I needed to contribute significantly more financially. But of course still make him coffee and meals but pretend that this isn't labor.
@Elizabeth Oh yeah. My husband thinks everything I do for the family and him isn't work. It sure feels like work! 😆
Letting children "talk it out" everyday would change the world for the better. So many people think it's great to read a bedtime story from a book rather than watching TV but how about we do neither most of the time. How about giving children the space to express themselves without filling their developing minds and brains with so much rubbish.
Children are beautiful but we don’t talk enough about how children can be evil af. At around 7 years old, I remember asking one of the most popular boys in the school, who was also one of the meanest bullies, why he was so mean to me. He said (and I will NEVER forget this) in a genuinely kind and sympathetic tone of voice, “I don’t hate you. But you don’t understand… god hates you and he wants me to bully you.” BOOM!
I mean… need I say more?
That sounds a terrible situation to be in. Was he only mean to you or to other kids too? I find it strange when one kid singles out another kid to pick on and wonder why this happens.
Also I too wonder where the kid got the idea of God hating you from. I too think it might have something to do with how they are raised by parents because kids don’t get those ideas in isolation
@@zishiwu7757 Only to me. It was weird man.
@CG A somewhat religious and isolated rural community in france in the mid 90's. I was one of the only foreigners in the community. They were terrified of gentrification and cultural dilution via tourism and immigration.
Without indulging my tendency towards having a victim complex, the entire community hated my single mother and I. I was like a scapegoat for all of them.
I am seeking therapy.
@@CMG619 Interesting point. I have to believe that boy got this attitude from his home environment.
Biographies of Hitler say he was insulted by his stepfather while he was also beating on him , calling AH a filthy Jew. And he grew up to believe Jews were undesirable to the point he wanted the exterminate them. The extreme expression or ultimate expression of hate is always brutality. It's hard to believe people are born hateful.
@@CMG619 Yes, perhaps it could be so.
The only pandemic in the world is narcissism and gaslighting! I was involved in a narcissistic relationship that almost killed me - waking up understanding what happened and going absolutely no contact saved my life
Yes if we could cure narcissism then the vast majority of other issues in the world would disappear overnight.
whew! You got out!
I’m a board certified Psychiatrist. I am bothered by how disorders such as Narcissism and other personalities disorders such as antisocial or borderline personality disorder “ exist”. I totally believe in their existence as I see them clinically all the time yet I am perhaps more bothered with the “ where” “what” and “how”of their existence and how we could possibly categorize them. They are not physical disorders like pneumonia where you can see a collection of fluid in your lungs via radiograph.
I understand personality disorders as disorders of thought, behavior and emotion such that there is broad disorder in one’s life but I struggle to see how we can make these diagnosis’s scientific at all as they are so subjective and seem to lack construct validity. On one hand I think narcissistic personality disorder is as real as pneumonia is, as I have seen it many times in practice ( I think ) however on the other hand I think a diagnosis like narcissistic personality disorder can’t be real in the way pneumonia is. Maybe it’s more analogous to Plato’s idea of forms. Just a shrink thinking out loud.
u can easily identify ass holes, to me all these types are just that
Do you think we all carry traits of different mental disorders?
I think they also need to frame these disorders as less permanent and more treatable than as they are currently shown.
Behaviors, thoughts and emotions can be influenced by knowledge and the talking cure -- a good shrink asks the right questions and gets you to think about your behaviors and relations with people (unless you're just 100% psychopath).
I can realize there was a time in my life where I lived with a big ol sense of entitlement and had some narcissistic tendencies. Getting perspective through life, work and time knocked those out.
I agree, These “disorders” are learnt patterns people adapt to behaving in to survive in childhood that were not good enough for their needs. I feel annoyed at these so called experts for shaming them so.
Just like a computer there are two parts to a human: the hardware and the software. Pneumonia is a hardware defect. Mental disorders are software bugs.
Great episode. I have narcissistic tendencies, and I use them to help me spot the covert types in the room. Overt types are a little more obvious. I've dodged bullets by being aware of my own shadow (referring to the Jungian term shadow) and how it can potentially be exploited. Not everyone will but it is useful to know when you come across narcissism in the workplace or in friendship/dating.
Well done for making this about you ;)
@@lm_b5080 lol that's a good one.
@@Books_Makeup ita tru one tho :)
@@ohno6325 I stated as much in my original comment😉 lol.
@@Books_Makeup im learning alot about myself here
A covert narcissism woman is the worst for any man that crosses her path.
The vulnerable side will bury most men. Once sue sucks you back in. She unleashes another dose of reality that you didn’t believe from her the first go around.
It’s brutal
Yeah it really does suck.
Yea but not just women, men too. We are all prey to it…met both.
A covert narcissistic mother will often produce a malignant narcissistic son.
Thank you for this. I am a 64 female that developed Cptsd ,I am grateful that you talked about educating us about emotional response as children. I developed a lot of Centered on Self behaviours due to being blamed for reacting and felt like my entire being was unacceptable. I have spent the majority of my life in this pushmepullme syndrome of trying to better my reactivity to the world and regressive times of going into my default mode of my programming.
Fine line between Narcissism and recovery from Childhood Devolpmental disregulation
ah, I can relate...if I'm around somebody that's mistreating me in some way (parents still not respecting boundaries, addicts, liars, gaslighters, etc), I immediately fall back into victim rage of a 5 year old. I am trying to regulate myself to accept those that I can and leave those that I can't, but not become a bully myself.
I remember my gf called me narcissistic.. I googled it and believed it, I mean how could I not? To be in denial or blind to your own actions is a narcissist trait.
After seeing a psychiatrist turns out I just have adhd and can overthink a lot.. but it turns out she was actually narcissistic, always blaming me as being the one who’s not understanding and the adhd in me made me accept responsibility and our relationship failed because I was tryna fix problems that didn’t exist while she kept piling on more.
Narcs will always project themselves onto you or their perceived threat/opponent. Knowing this is especially useful in office politics/relationships to detect narcissists. They will say their opponent is doing the thing that they are doing. I find projection really interesting.
willing to bet her personality type was ENFJ 100%
Been there. Therapist was like “if you were a narcissist you would be here asking if you are and how to manage it to have good relationships.”
I was like oh.....well guess I learned how projection works 😂
Can relate 😮
wait, a second...I will be very honest, I might have done this too as a girlfriend. I am still unsure, because the behaviours I saw were very scary to me and did correlate with narcissistic cycle (love bombing, lying, gaslighting). He didn't know he has adhd, I didn't know it, so I didn't understand that maybe things he did were coping mechanisms of undiagnosed adult adhd. He did insane damage with gaslighting and I really became the nastiest naggiest person on him, at the same time also feeling guilty and wondering if I'm the narcissit. It's really really hard to understand all of this, nobody can read minds, maybe she felt the same. If you did something that really hurt her and betrayed her trust, I think you should think it through again.
@@butanywhere SO THE TRUTH COMES OUTTTTT
This is the kind of video that should be going viral (especially amongst those afflicted with psychological adversities). The human mind and behavioral output of intense emotions is so complex. I wish i could say more right now but theres so much to digest in this clip. Incredible educational perspective, Paul Conti.
Do you want to be right or do you want the truth, there's a difference. One serves a greater purpose and the other serves only you.
That's an easy way to spot a narcissist. They are always right.
Power does not corrupt. Power reveals.
I’m pretty sure my father is a narcissist/sociopath. He was highly abusive and now that I’m an adult he has no emotional attachment to me or my daughter. He’s very wealthy, I had some very bad luck with my health with severe chronic health issues and reached out to him and he turned his back. It’s been and is very painful for me.
What about your mother?
My understanding of the narcissism I’ve encountered is it involves being abused as a child, and committing abuse, to gain safety and approval of abusive parent…maybe to pets and younger siblings. They ‘win’ by taking the fight stance, coping mechanism of cptsd. Others, fawning would likely be employed by narcissists. Freeze and flight would be likely strategy of scapegoats, along with fawning.
Is it narcissistic to have no empathy for mean, nasty people, will that lead you to being nasty yourself? I just have strong feelings about bullies since I was bullied at a young age, it kinda stayed with me, but I feel the evil effects.
That's not narcissistic, that's a natural reaction.
I'm Mexican and it seems to be a Mexican culture to disrespect people and in theory you're bringing out the real them and all of a sudden the instigator isn't the issue cause they weren't serious.
It has been used on me throughout my life and its the quickest way for me to dislike you.
First of all I'm sorry to hear that you was bullied, it's very easy if you've been bullied or exposed to a narcissist to feel strong hate towards those people, you've seen the absolute worst side of somebody and they've put you through so much it would be hard not to lack empathy for them. Also if you're asking the question wether or not you may be narcissistic the chances are you're not.
Exactly. They don’t even really teach this in medical school or residency and good luck trying to learn about these cognitive and emotional structures in the current system as a practicing physician unless you are self motivated. The system will find a way to deny you that learn these things unless you persevere
Do you think a high number of medical professionals are narcissistics themselves? Is it self denial leading to them not teaching it? 😮💨
I’ve been waiting for Lex to invite a guest to talk about NPD. There is an expert that explains the complexities of the disorder; Dr. Sam Vaknin. He will blow your mind into understanding.
Wow! A Heinlein quote. Nice! First book I ever read because I wanted to, not cause I was forced. 16 years old, 1982. Older sister left it laying around one day, and I picked it up, started reading. Bam! I was hooked. Read everything I could get my hands on after. Heinline was the best. Need to re-read Stranger, though. Been awhile. Ahhh, memories...
I always thought narcissists had very low or no empathy with others. Using the term "care" with slightly different contexts seemed to create some confusion. i.e. I care what the other person is doing because I want to manipulate or exploit them, vs I don't care if 1,000,000 people die. In both cases you have little to no empathy for others.
yeah he is being inconsistent with with his definitions
Narcissists have cognitive empathy but are missing affective empathy. They “understand” when someone is sad, but they don’t feel their pain.
So, they know you’re sad, but can’t feel it.
@@thatisabsolutelykooooge2211 that sounds like a psychopath
I think he meant intellectual empathy, not compassionate empathy. But he did not clarify.
@@thatisabsolutelykooooge2211 Why one would like to feel pain of others? Its inferior and counterproductive.
Anyone encounter those folks that go around calling everyone a narcissist… that kind of act like narcissists?
Big difference between calling people narcissists like a buzzword when everyone has moments of self-centeredness AND
Someone who fits majority of the symptoms of clinical narcissism which is far more damaging to the people around them
Maybe they were abused by a narcissist and recovering. It’s something I definitely used to do, more so cuz I was afraid to be around them. My father was a narcissist. Any small sign I’d see would trigger me so fast.
@@quintupleton my mother is a narcissist and it definitely affected all 3 of her sons, some of us worse than others but it absolutely took me about 25 years to realize it
He/she who smelt it dealt it.
Projection.
So another words… There are so many variations of personality disorder symptoms per individual that it is impossible to label and solidify somebody as wholly narcissistic, wholly sociopathic, or wholly psychopathic.
It's almost like individuality is infinite and you can't group people into a handful of personality types....
@@blackhelicoptermfg well, there's enough in common between people that we have very familiar patterns but the idiosyncrasies are different. So a psychologist couldn't tell what you're favorite film is or what your laugh would be like because there are so many variables. But humans are fundamentally the same. We fundamentals look the same, and we fundamentally act the same. There are no humans who are so outside of expectations, no one can believe it. All dictators are sort of the same. They follow similar paths but with different personality behind the acts.
But yes you can't put someone in a box exactly but it's obvious when someone is cruel etc but with the acts centering around the self.
You know these Psy Guys are making it all up as they go.
@@fredd629 there's some estimations and interpretations but if you actually look into the science of psychological studies it's proper science. It is really rigorous
@@jambononi Have you read ,Resisting Illegitimate Authority ..Levine .A searing critique of Psychiatry by a 37 year seasoned Psychiatrist .
Steven Fry in Mythos tells the story of Narcissus and Echo. In summary he was a beautiful hunter that fell in love with his own reflection and refused to look at anything else.
His poetic suggestion (and I paraphrase) was that: Narcissism is a state in which others become nothing more than a mirror through which to see ourselves reflected back.
I'd recommend the book.
So interesting... I'm a creative person, paint pictures, write and record songs, write essays and other such things. I find I'm always looking at, listening to, reading my own stuff and seeing the genius of it, if I do say so myself - does that make me a narcissist?
When you fall in love with a narcissist, you have actually fallen in love with yourself. A horrible experience can actually turn out for the better because you finally begin to see your own worth. I ♥️ Stephen Fry. Saw Mythos Trilogy in theatre several years ago.
Social media makes people even more narcisstic
Lol we used to make fun of people for thinking they're main character or as a protagonist from some show or movie but now literally every dude wants to be Patrick Bateman or Officer K from blade Runner
I hate those "literally me" videos with passion
Even greater irony is that the overall arc of officer K is to realize he's not the main character
Those movies resonated with true narcissists before they became the main model. Narcissists will do anything but be mainstream. Contrarians af
I don’t think it’s wanting to be them. It’s being able to relate to them. Young men are lonely and misunderstood right now, just like these “literally me” characters
When your not paying full attention, both Lex and Paul sound very similar, at least in their speech patterns or just general voice. Just a funny thing I noticed, love the discussion and definitions of narcissism.
In the western world we are so separated from our spirituality, our familial bonds and our morality. The main focus of western society is the veneration of individuality. Parents work 8-12 hrs a day so they can collect more money to be successful, neglecting their children in daycare or public schooling institutions staffed by people with less life experiences than a pigeon. The remnants are lost souls, wandering searching for meaning or a purpose. So they mutilate their bodies with tattoos or piercings, they dye their hair whacky colors or surgically remove their genitals in order to feel unique but it's really a cardboard cutout of the next empty shell. We are an infantile society led by perpetual infants who have no idea what they're doing or where they are going.
Well stated
true I agree ! pimple face murders couples kill each other some become queer lesbian gay family bonds are less than 10 dollars drugs alcohol addiction no values other than money to be happy . it only gets worse ...entertainment lies basically most all has a lie in it.
I agree except for the genitals part
He just described my brother when he was describing malignant narcissism.
Mine too. He's 62 and still causing chaos for others.
This is such an impactful segment. Everything he says about children made me adore him. If every human had this heart, to educate and protect, our world would be a different planet.
With all due respect Lex, the concept of "Otherness" is intrinsically tied to what we call evil when it comes to one group of people relating to another. I think the way self and other are handled at the personal and societal level have a lot to due with how we treat people. It's not always narcissism. Sometimes it's the dehumanizing status of "other".
I never thought the "others" were evil growing up. "Otherness" was interesting to me. The were different not scary. Where I'm from at least that is not the way we think. Your mind is polluted. Most often your own hurts you more than the "other".
@@JonnyUnderrated democrats think republicans are Scary…
@@JonnyUnderrated oh wow, gee, what a ray of sunshine your comment is JonnyUnderrated. You have no reason or context for saying this guys mind is polluted. So, you and “where you come from” are morally superior and you need to assert that in a youtube comment. Anybody proclaiming how nice they are is ironically the opposite.
@@williamwick5993 yup. Always be very wary of people who tell you they are honest.
Great point. The masses can definitely be taught to hate a group for any reason. And from the perspective of a member in that hated group the world could appear very evil and narcissistic
As someone who unsuccessfully has tried to run a company with a person complying with the description; This video hits the feels.
Had the same experience. Such a waste of energy, emotion, money and life :-/
@@fribersson only solution: process, learn and continue.
Started a new company with a great team. Hope you too! :)
Personality disorders emerge from self-hate. This self-loathing produces intense negative thought and emotion, which leads to the maladaptive control behavior to escape the intense irrational fear (paranoia) of social embarrassment. This maladaptive control behavior includes denial, magical thinking, blame, projection, hypercritical, envy, tantrums, attention-seeking, avoidance, compulsions, dilusions of victimization, anger, and ultimately revenge. It can become very 'Crime and Punishment'. For these sad individuals, their negative emotion (fear) justify their behavior. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is an antidote.
Yes when you are appreciative and satisfied with the present moment you are not being narcissistic.
It's a childhood coping mechanism run amok. Narcissists beget future narcissists. The scary part is that the highest echelons of power are occupied by them.
You kind of make sense but Im still better than you. I mean , youre smart but not clever like me.
Most politicians probably went in wanting to do good, but once they got a little money and power they throw out all those principles.
Yes our system definitely rewards narcissistic behavior.
@@rico14 you dont even get to run for office unless you're someone who can be steered.
@@ct00001 sure are narcissists more common in top positions. No doubt, but most people if put into the same position would be just as corrupt.
Wow - this is so important to be talking about and to be thinking about!
Hey Dr. Conti, but there is good definition for you of a psycopath: its a person who doesn't have the capacity to feel remorse and guilt and shame. A psycopath can understand the concepts rationally but he can´t feel them.
Dr. Ramani is dope in this topic.
Please allow your fans to send you money!!!
This is pure gold
Now I know why some people seem have everything but still envy others..
I'd like to see Paul Conti have a conversation with Jordan Peterson
I'd like to see everyone have a conversation with Jordan Peterson :)
I think most of us are narcs but some relationships bring it out more and other relationships we are the victims. When people are doormats and ready to please you it’s hard to respect them. Then you have narc partners and have to walk on eggshells all the time. Todays victims can easily become tomorrows victimizers. Social media is concerning and I’m glad to say I no longer enjoy selfies or showing off online. When I did all that I was very lonely, lost and depressed. I do not fear narcissists. I fear myself. I do not want to hurt others. I isolate in order to protect others. I know myself and how little I am able to give back because of inner turmoil taking up all my energy. I have no energy left to really love others the way they deserve.
Wahmen surpassed men diagnosed with NPD, BPD, HPD, etc, and most aren’t diagnosed because “nothing is wrong with them.” The current crop of social media kweens exhibit many cluster b borderline traits and the absolute need for attention and validation and a lack of empathy. I commend you for being honest.
Jealousy eliminates the ability to feel generosity towards anyone else.
I know about 20 adults who have almost been ruined from Narcissistic abuse in marriage. It is pervasive and insidious. I myself was attacked by my husbands ex wife with numerous false abuse reports. He was so afraid of her he wouldn’t protect me or admit he allowed her to control his life with their kids. He was severely abused and had such a warped sense of normal he couldn’t think straight. He left his children to be abused by her, until the authorities got involved because of her false reporting. She lost custody of the kids and he lost me.
Narcissism is a condition, which does not make the person carrying it suffer, but the the people around them.
This makes it almost impossible to cure.
Actually, the narcissist themselves suffers immensely throughout their life.
They live through their pain body, since very early childhood.
@@blin483 do you know how it is possible to treat that?
@@mikeg.9788 I don't, no. From what I've seen on on the internet from World-leading narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula, NPD is set in stone from really young, so you have to try commit hard to get better.
“Inadequacy and incompetence in the self”
These people are beyond destructive to your life. They have to destroy you. The envy is eating them alive. The narc I got away from however, never did things to improve themselves. My discipline was too much for them to accept.
Narcissists are formed in early childhood by absent or inconsistent parental love, particularly from a domineering mother and passive father. They essentially form no central identity of themselves. Their identity is entirely based on their often false assumptions of how others perceive them. Success, especially financial, allows them to recruit “flying monkeys” that reinforce their continuously contrived identity and protect them from retribution from their wounded narcissistic supply, which they are always on the prowl for. They are miserable people whose misery increases year by year as they become exposed.
Modern day Pharisees
Yes narcissist personality disorder is formed in early childhood as the personality is taking shape. The rest of your explanation is your own made up bullshit. Nope, not only domineering mother, passive father, that is such a narrow view of a personality disorders. Don’t act like you have great knowledge here.
Narcisism is not the cause of Evil and Malevolence...it is the Consequence ❤️💚💜
If you want to see a narcissist in full mortification, see that pfizer director when he realises project veritas has recorded him. I've seen it once before and it was very similar...shows how, ultimately, they are fragile and sad.
...and sassy.
Or watch Donald Trump.
@@SN-bl6xm That really just never gets old.
Paul Conti another worth following.
Thanks for the intro Lex.
I work in home healthcare and the old people that are alone and abandoned are alone for a reason! After 6 months with these people you understand why no one wants to be around them.
This really helped me understand the film american psycho, and why he was so hurt about the other peoples business cards. I guess his envy for others really was a driving force of it, and it is the same for a lot of social climbers. i thought it was unhealthy greed, but envy makes more sense.
"High heels. I like high heels"
It is just film, not reality
I have to return some videotapes
Envy ultimately leads to unhealthy greed if it is not controlled.
@@jimj2683 Art can imitate reality stupid🤦♂️
Paul seems to be a beautiful Soul.
I have a new neighbour that has proven to be a narcissist. I do not believe I have ever had to deal with one before. (Apparently his father was a well known A**HOLE)
There is NO doubt in my mind that this is a pathology, or a sickness and quite different from a spectrum of potential traits we all have as humans.
His capacity to lie, bully and cause quite real damage around him without care is quite mindblowing.
At least it has helped me understand how the world has gotten into the state it has.
They ARE demon possessed 4 yr olds
thank you for this. i have a family member who fits many of these traits and this chat made me be aware of the many nuances.
Good to discuss this! Best channel on this subject is Dr.Ramani, she's really awesome.
I agree ! Dr Ramani has really educated me on this subject
@@ros1520 You may also like Dr. Les Carter, if you don't know him already
@@observingsystem thanks! he's really good too!
I think Lex may be confusing empathy with codependence. It is a common perception to think that you can't be happy unless the person you care about is happy, but ultimately that makes the other person responsible for your feelings, which is codependence. True empathy is when you can understand how the other person is feeling and share a sort of bond with them since you are able to relate. If your happiness is dependent on the happiness of the person you care about, this can be used by either party to manipulate the other person; it is a subtle and nasty tactic often used without conscious awareness by the perpetrator.
Sadly, experienced it in a very stressful three years in a best friendship.
I am very careful of becoming too attached to anyone in that way emotionally.
Before I was always very careful, too. But she had become a mother figure to me, as well as a best friend.
It was due to her second divorce that she started to do those manipulative things. He was definitely, not the best, cheated twice, kept lying about it.
I kept trying to not be codependent, and set and reset healthy boundaries, but she kept pushing and expecting things from me.
My counselor was helping me. Since I was trying to save the best friendship. But ultimately, I had to make the choice to leave.
I and someone we both respected intercede between us, but she didn’t see it at all. She even lied during the meeting.
But he helped her let go. I had to involve the supervisor of my job, because we were both employed by her, and I had to leave the job, too.
My supervisor, understood, why I had to go.
I had a small bald spot behind my left ear. It grew back after.
I was getting very angry at her, for not listening to my boundaries. It was very stressful. Because I am a peacemaker. And I don’t like fighting. But when my ex best friend got angry I said no she would go into a verbal and emotional rage.
And I would cry in my room alone, because I was always doing that since I was a child. Sadly, my family is not healthy emotionally. So they didn’t know how to help. And sometimes were the source of my stress.
I only ever considered seriously, suicide. I was horrified when a few times I did feel so angry, but didn’t want to feel it, that it made me wish I could kill two people in my life. But I didn’t want to do it so I just walked away quickly when the feelings came and I cried out my heart wounds, emotional trauma/pain again.
I cried a lot privately in my room about the sad disappointing moments of life.
But I always have been emotionally empathetic and highly sensitive and a people pleaser, I have to be careful, people abuse it.
I understand it’s their despair, but I need to do self care and rest, too.
Burnout overload is what I got for 8-9 years of volunteering with single moms, via my old home church.
I am very careful of it. I am better at saying not, now, too.
More assertive, peacemaker and courageous. But sometimes I do fall short. Or get angry back. It’s hard navigating life.
For me my faith and my two fur kitty kids help me endure and keep living.
💖✝️📖🕊️💖
@Alex Du Bois,
My parents didn’t physically abuse me, but sometimes their version of discipline was not helpful. I got hit less than my siblings, because I was the more obedient and cried easily after one hit of the ruler to the leg.
My dad did it till we were tweens.
They did their best with what they knew. They have grown some. But not fully emotionally intelligent.
But yeah, some degree of narcissism. My dad more than my mom. My mom, only after many years of marriage to my dad. But definitely not malignant. Closer to benign, more like emotionally neglectful, or not good at listening or even remembering about us.
My mom was more nurturing, but she did have a difficult time with one of my younger brothers. So, they have their issues, but she does try not to react to him. But be a good mother the best she knows how. And he tries not to get triggered, he tries to speak, he used to break things.
My sister and brother in law seem to be able to speak to him best. My brother is a high functioning alcoholic.
My other siblings also have or had their coping mechanisms. My sister did break free from alcoholism. Thanks to my brother in law. He drinks responsibly, she rarely may drink a bit too much, well before her son was finally born. Not anymore.
My baby brother’s way is computer gaming and marijuana.
Pretty much, that was my past and now I am working on been more assertive. But peacefully and courageously.
And in some ways, my relationships with them has improved as best as they can be.
Mostly, I don’t expect from them what they cannot be for me. Sometimes I struggle with it still, but keep choosing to let go of my expectations and accept them as they are.
Wanting to relieve an other's suffering is compassion.
@@tmtb80,
Yes, but there is a difference between actually helping vs enabling.
For example, helping an alcoholic buy it, is enabling.
I used to do that a lot with my brother.
Actually, helping is trying to help him drink responsibly. Still not that great at saying no consistently.
But when he wanted to drink from my bottle of tequila, which I only opened for him.
Which was a gift from him.
I only let him have reasonable portions.
It was during a time he couldn’t go out to buy it. He was recovering from a broken ankle bone injury. Hair like crack in the bone.
I still do drive him to buy sometimes. But he knows we rather he didn’t drink too much.
But it’s his way to self medicate the heart wounds, my parents gave him.
But he never speaks of it, my family has their version, not healthy, but their version of handling it.
@Alex Du Bois,
I am the oldest, then my sister, and he was the third child.
He didn’t try to intervene. He was three years younger than me.
My two younger brothers kind of take after my dad. So they just got used to the way things are.
My baby brother got the best situation. We all did the mistake of maybe too much yes to him.
He did get hit the most, the brother with high functioning alcoholic because he had so much energy and was too smart. My parents didn’t know how to help him.
They acknowledge now that they let him have too much freedom to get into trouble.
Neglect by been too permissive.
In other ways my parents tried to control via expectations.
I still love my parents as well as hate their parental mistakes.
I choose to forgive them.
ran into a few dangerous folk along these lines. not only were they envious, but they watch your every move, and spin narratives together to make you out like a douchebag. they would gas light, undercut, back stab ect. and due to them only showing their true colors to few people, people would believe their lies. so one ends up feeling cornered, and shat on with no where to turn.
Empathy means you are able to understand what other person is feeling. Eg:- Even if the other person is verbally saying they are fine, you may be able to pick up cues from their body language and tone that you may be feeling sad inside. Thats Empathy. What you are do with that information is entirely upto you. You could try to help them, try to connect with them, or you could use it to exploit them. Lot of fraudster "gurus" are highly empathetic, they pick up on your deeper states of emotion and tailor their "advice" based on what you want to hear.
I could try to find kind words to speak about narcissism but I can't. Being the "scapegoat" of the family, I could only say that narcissism comes from the deepest pit of hell. IMO, Dr. Conti is very candid and on point when defining narcissism. Rabbi Shais Taub has a very insightful video on the scapegoat for those who want to take a peek on the subject under a spiritual/biblical eye... I used to believe and hope that envy could in fact be satisfied but as Dr. Conti has said it, the subject never get or have enough, and that is the reality. A person with envy always want more.
“I can’t believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten’s card to mine.”
-Patrick Bateman
how did I miss this
The only type I find are narcissists. Either evil towards me towards my body or mentally. Its because I'm weak and would do anything for someone to show me love I guess. Its stupid.. Because they know it. I'm very empathic and weak
Not weak, you have a choice. You have power over yourself, you can make decisions. You need to show yourself love, but not in a popular self love kind of way, I mean parent yourself, what you missed in childhood, give it to yourself now: self compassion, self soothing, permission to feel and release all emotions, etc. Good luck!
I could listen to dr. Conti for years .
His insightful description seems to hit the nail very accurately on the head.
It's the most precise I've come across.
You SHOULD read "Stranger in a Strange Land". Definitely one of the greatest 🙂
everyone should learn how to grok...
Would be nice to have Gabor Mate in that conversation :)
Dr. Conti's definition of malignant narcissism made me think of corporations/businesses as people. What's your take on Google's soul or spirit? Black Rock's soul? Amazon's soul? How about the hometown mom and pop barbecue place on the corner? How's their soul?
Paul - helpful words - well spoken.
The arrogance of moralizers, such as those who often describe themselves as empaths, drives the perception of 'evil' in the world. And this perception of evil often drives the desire to destroy.
🤔 there’s a point here
Exactly. The “good” people always need a “bad” person in order to define themselves .
@raiderfriday1394 You sound like a triggered moralizer. Empaths frequently identify with the self perception that they are humble and selfless. It's not uncommon that I upset moralizers whenever I acknowledge their proclivity towards arrogance. The light burns. I understand.
I'm satisfied to see that you acknowledged that empaths can tilt towards moralizing and the arrogance that follows.
Let's move onto a more interesting discussion..
What do you mean by "narcissist?"
I've noticed a lot of people describe those they dislike/disagree with as narcissists as if they know exactly what it is they're talking about. It's a topic worth exploring. So let's do it.
Empath is a code word for a virtue signalling enabler. What we need is compassion for the human condition.
We all have a capacity for narcissism and I would speculate it exists for a reason in an evolutionary context. However the personality disorder in the DSM-5 requires specific criteria and if I recall correctly it represents a small percentage of the population.
Is that because the number of narcissists is small or the number of narcissists presenting themselves for diagnosis is small?
A better definition of love is "to will the good of the other". Maybe the sense of linking your happiness to another as described here contains the assumption that another will be happier as they approach their best good. Most definitions of happiness I see are more like "a transient state of good humor and positive experience or emotion."
What is it when you act in a compassionate/empathetic way but its not just out of a place of love and help but simply done out of fear of guilt?
I think that's a codependency trait. Try to look that up. Codependents tend to give so much that eventually they become victimised and then even some narcissist traits appear. So you give out of guilt, pity, obligation and start resenting giving.
Complex PTSD will cause this.
I tend to turn every little thing into something to feel guilty about to the point where i miss work and then feel guilty about that. I give much too generously to homeless people and tip far to much for what I have I give to much to family like manically give 50% of my paycheque to my family when i do not have an abundance to give. I never spend money on myself and tend to even spend and act self destructively all while keep keeping up a compassionate front. It’s like take my money please just be good and have me not feel bad.
@jacob campbell it doesn't really matter maybe which label to put on yourself right..maybe you can explore what's underneath? Is it a need to please people so they like you and don't leave you? or is it that you actually have a lot of trouble with people, they are telling you that smth is off with your behaviour, and you kind of know deep down that you lie and maybe do smth, but you are trying to compensate that with money and giving? don't be scared to get curious. You need to self reflect, it's an individual work.
Narcissist's inner separation so complete in thought and feeling architecture, to be foils for those around unknowingly seeking unity for themselves. And those around them are either compelled to heal themselves or sink into a pathway of waiting for death without really living. Narcissists come under the definition of Daemon - an intermediary between God and human. As if there is no other alternative for the victim of the narcissist than to have direct dialog with a pure, divine Creator...
Yes they can actually propel you into a greater connection with self and universe. Or you can blame them for your choice in staying stuck and empty.
Brilliant, guilt and shame as a reflex to trauma doesn’t mean that they are right.
Good stuff. Disorder is an outlier of the bell curve that is order. That bell curve is a moving target. The question really is, is the disorder with the individual or society? Consideration of Forcault's work on madness & civilisation seems apt here
Now that he mentions that we should teach children in school about at least the basics of psychology and ourselves.
I'm kinda blown away that this is not standard practice.
It seems so obvious of how important and powerful this would be.
Just thinking about if i would have known about anxiety and panic and Depression alone at a younger age, my life would have been completely different.
We could resolve so much suffering and harm with something so simple.
Narcissism == Pride. Pride was traditionally considered the greatest sin, and the primary failing of the devil.
I think the term pride has lost it's original meaning over time, and to better understand our ancestors and traditional mythology, and it's more accurate to say that "Narcissism goes before the fall", and to view the devil as an Archetype of Narcissism.
I don’t believe all pride is bad it’s sorta like a double edged sword- I think when it goes bad is when it gets super prideful in the extent like the case with the fallen angel Lucifer
Pathological Pride. A Malignent Obsessive Compulsion with the image others must reflect back to the Narcisist of the Narcisist at all times.
Nonsense, but you raise the importance of definitions. They’re not the same, and religion hasn’t done much to improve understanding either.
I once had a very interesting discussion with my 6th graders about the difference between healthy and unhealthy pride. I think there is a distinction. Of course it is all a matter of how one defines the word.
Narcissism equals disconnection from self. Pride is irrelevant.