7 Reasons Affairs Last Long Term
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2022
- Hi, my name Is Stacey, and I'm an infidelity coach. I take the same tools that changed my life after my affair and help you regain control over your thoughts emotions and life.
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My affair was a turning point for me in that I learned my life was spinning out of control and I didn't even realize it.
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Infidelity does not have to be the end, you can regain control over your emotions and begin to build the life God created for you to have.
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I offer 1:1 coaching in a nonjudgemental atmosphere
If you would like help learning how to heal from infidelity and transform your life. I offer a 30-minute 1:1 chat. app.squarespacescheduling.com...
Podcast-anchor.fm/stacey85/episodes/U... on all platforms- Healing A Woman's Infidelity
If you would like more information and tips on how to end an affair, you can read blog post here:moderndayeve.com/the-truth-ab...
My course on How To Survive The First 30 Days After An Affair Ends: Free when you sign up for four sessions.
If you are a betrayed spouse and would like help learning how to reconnect with your spouse and heal from the emotional trauma infidelity has caused you, email me at stacey@maoderndayeve.com
SCHEDULE A 30 MINUTE SESSION WITH ME: app.squarespacescheduling.com...
Please feel free to email me: stacey@moderndayeve.com
Cmon guys if you’re not happy , by all means find that happiness somewhere. Life’s too short to be unhappy and depressed everyday. If both partners did everything to make it work and still no changes or hope then get a divorce instead of cheating. We all have the right to be happy.
Agreed
It’s not that complicated. It’s called being selfish, there’s that.
It's actually very complicated.
@staceychenevert no its really not that complicated
@@user-sp8uo4or2g it is
Hi Stacey. Thank you for covering this. My ap and I wanted to go long term. We talked marriage and kids. It didn’t scare me. Things just got tooo chaotic
Great video
Thank you
Love your videos! You sound like you're from Lafayette... or somewhere here in Louisiana lol
Thank you 💕 and yes I'm here in Louisiana. We must be neighbors lol
I grew up in NOLA so I was thinking the same thing! It’s comforting 🥰
Mine was spouses affair lasted 10 years on in off. It was the escape from me and my son. Plus the emotional connection they built over the years and the fact that I a good and stable provider. But it seemed like he just like the convenience of the routine they had. And even when I found out it she wanted me to hurry up and trust her so she could go back to what she was doing because she didn't want to let go of her connection.
Hi, I'm sorry you went through this. The emotional connection is hard to break without help and support. Many people don't understand the deception of an affair so they fight to hold on to what was.
@erinsandwell6710 no it was real but they are relationships built on lies and deception.
Reason 2 covers the issue
Being attracted to unavailable partners, is that an attachment wound, Stacey? I didn't have a close emotional bond with my mother and wonder that I feel more comfortable and familiar with someone who isn't 100% available. I'm looking into finding a psychotherapist, really want to heal this pattern in my life. Thanks.
Yes it is
Is it an attachment wound? Or just an obviously bad decision? Nothing about an affair is smart.
He wasn't honest about being in another relationship. Limmerence told hold and it's the attachment wound that gives limerence its powerful grip.
They last a long time, because they can. I would say, it is mostly depends on the other woman and how long she allows it. The husband will let it go, as long as she gives him what he wants (sex, love, attention, affirmation, and respect). My affair lasted exactly one year. After one year, she cut it off cold, because I did not get a divorce. If she had let it continue, then I would probably still be with her.
He was separated and my spouse was trying to move is silence trying to finish school and if things fell in to place I think she would have left
The statistic is clear that the Most affairs will Not Last. If you have a 1 year affair Limerence is in Most cases strong. But Limerence Always ends and when its end all the fire of an affair will end.
May I ask you if you had genuine feelings towards your affair or was it just physical?
you have to stay in control oh your feelings to keep from falling in love
Yes we must guard our heart when we are married.
you can't stop love, the heart wants what the heart wants you just have to deal with your feelings the best way you can
@@suzi8365 yes, understood.
but please don't let others get hurt with you dealing with your feelings the best way you can
Yeah no excuse for an affair just file for divorce or speak up about what’s bothering you
Can an unfaithful spouse build back with the betrayed partner more than the affair?
Yes absolutely
@staceychenevert good to know all is not lost. But it still sucks that the affair partner is being compared at his best vs the faithful spouse's worst. That's not fair at all
@jamariadams3434 no it's not fair at all. Most unfaithful define a bad season in marriage as a bad marriage.
if an affair last that long, just leave the relationship/marriage and be with that person.
the only reason why affairs last long is because it's forbidden.
the longer the affair the more curses you bring onto yourself, especially if you're married.
I once heard that when a man/woman leaves home (especially if that spouse has done absolutely nothing wrong) the relationship only last for ten years or less.
one usually dies or become very sick.
moral of the story: never believe the grass is greener.
Interesting
@@staceychenevert yes, absolutely
A decade long. Same feelings as you. We are better off with our respective partners. Both partners are aware but we stay together for the teenagers.
If she leaves you for a toxic narcissist
This IS some reasons?
…
These ARE some reasons.
I am doubtlessly oversimplifying but the only two (I have ever heard of) reasons for staying in a marriage where one spouse is cheating is because divorce would be too expensive and for the sake of the children.
My approach has always been to make it clear to my spouse that if I ever caught her cheating, and I WOULD be watching, I would do whatever it took to burn down everything in the marriage. Legally, of course, but complete scorched earth. There would be nothing left to divide and no career of mine left to fund alimony/child support. Living under a bridge time.
Estimates are currently running that between 50 and 60% of children experience divorce as kids. Apparently, a lot of kids are surviving divorce. Probably not as well as otherwise, but still doing relatively well. So the whole "for the sake of the children" thing doesn't fly with me; not a hindrance.
Tks for sharing your opinion
@@staceychenevert No problem. Come to me asking for a divorce and I'll try to be as fair and as equitable as I can. Sometimes people aren't happy and need to split and I get that. But cheating I absolutely will not stand for.
my husband had a 6 year affair, he called it friend with benefits, she was divorced for a couple years before she started with my husband, it was only the sex he said nothing else, no love, no gifts he gave her, nothing, so he cut off all ties with her because she wanted more from him, and he didn't, she did everything he asked for because she thought he would leave me for her, my husband said he had no intentions of leaving me every, he is so ashamed, regretful, remorsefull, and now fighting tooth and nail for my forgiveness, that he will not get any time soon, im still with my husband and going to counsiling, but till grieving my marriage after 2 years of dday, what are your thoughts
So your dangling forgiveness? Proper affair recovery coaching helps, but only is both parties do the work.
Ben, we are both doing the work, he is doing everything right, it’s me that has up and down days, yes I know l have to forgive, I will when it feels right, but for now I can’t, l watch affair recovery every day when it’s on, I love them both, and whatever he says, my husband is doing it, but still hurts
I'm sorry. But you sound naive and are being foolish if you feel he didn't have feelings for the woman. Six years! I mean really come on. That's not an affair. That's a whole realtionship. If you want to stay in your marriage. Good for you. But I would please implore you to be real with yourself and don't believe the lies he feed you.
What a mug u are wait until he dose it again and again until one day he meets that one he's willing to give u up for its called waiting for the right one which u arnt if u was he would not look else where
Your husband is selfish and an a**hole to you AND the other woman.
Hmmm?
Is it ever okay just to leave a marriage partner? I stayed with a dismissive avoidant partner for 23 years, not getting my needs met, no sex. Why is there always this pervasiveness to stay with marrriage partner? And not find a more compatible partner.
It takes two people to make a marriage work, meaning we work to meet each other's needs. We can't expect a marriage to work when only one person is putting in the effort. If someone is a dismissive-avoidant they need to work on core wounds or they won't be able to be open to intimacy.
my partner said he was just using his ap for 2 years
It's possible
wouldnt there be feelings after or during those 2 years@@staceychenevert
@@user-hn2jw4uh9c yes its possible
Tell you something affaires cheating it don’t last! Especially not in my book! I will find you as joe kenda says 😂
Yes they don't last
😢
I'm sorry 😞
My wife shut down shop when the evil menopause struck her down at the age of 44. I immediately started an affair with a younger coworker and that lasted 12 years before covid prevented us from seeing each other. I've been sexless for 3 years & now that my youngest is graduating college I plan to divorce my wife because without sex I lost any feelings of love I had for her & I'd rather live alone than live with a woman that does not desire me.
My question, is olderwomen after 20 years she still wants sex from AP
Menopause is not the end of sex drive. Something else is wrong. It might be nutritional or psychological. Tell her to look into it because she is facing a grey divorce.
Also, I wonder why your coworker settled for an affair. Could have gotten her own marriage instead of wasting 12 years.
“Shut down shop”… it sounds like you have some very simplistic and immature beliefs, and see relationships as transactional.
Your comment wording is a turn off enough…I can only imagine the effect you’d have as a husband.
If you’re looking to what you can constantly get, without developing emotional maturity, learning your partner’s love language, growing and evolving, be curious, having humility, awareness, vulnerability…you are still operating like a teenage minded boy.
Sex is only one very limited aspect of relating. If you overly focus on that, you’ll create a cancer in your relationship and be blind to you being the problem.
A relationship is complex, layered, and areas that you might be severely neglecting could lead to your wife not wanting sex…or mostly with you. If a woman feels pressured for it, her needs (outside of sex) overlooked, she can feel very used and “gross”. She can feel horribly unloved…so, that needs to be a wake up call.
An affair is a warped way to solve the “problem”…that solution will become an infection of your own soul. It is a short term, self serving solution whose long term consequences are often very regrettable by most.
Wake up
Why not get a divorce? 12 years ago
You’re blaming your wife a lot for your infidelity. That good. Take responsibility.
The beginning of this really made me mad because it is so true. The thing is when they fell in love they still did not divorce so they could use that persons assets. I deserve to know who they are. I think its possibly Stacy but who knows. One of the families the Phelps sent a good bye baloon and put it in the married man's yard. The whole family is sick and I want to know who they are as those kind of people are totally morally devoted to the devil and I need to know. If she stood next to me in a store line she will know me and I will not. I can't live like this and I will not accept it. I am going to pepper night if he will accept me. He even fell in love with her multiple father kids. I cannot go on with secrets. Lack of sex because he was getting it elsewhere and they got into chem sex so that was through the roof sex and they did it with the kids home. It's just too sick for me.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Affairs do last long and the affair could actually turn into a second burned out type of marriage. I am witness to an affair that is still going on, not me, but a friend.
13 yrs and counting.
The affair did not turn into marriage. It actually fizzled out and then reconnected again but now only out of age and lack of options.
Those are not as common and long term means a life time. Only 2% of affair couples get married and out of the 2% they have a 30% chance of making the marriage work.
@@staceychenevert I believe you because I've even witnessed an affair turn into 3 kids later and still that relationship did not last.
@@annabanzon313 it's just so sad 😞
@@staceychenevert yes . I've been on receiving end of cheating and it was traumatic and devastating. However, that person seems to not experience any consequences over the years. In fact he's hailed as a good dad and seemingly good hubby.
I've even caught him with his sidepiece yrs later even after he married and had more kids.
@annabanzon313 I'm sorry to hear that I know that was painful. What alot of people don't see is the mental torment that most people go through, but unfortunately not everyone suffers in silence.
Intimacy is best when:
1. Both partners are similar age.
2. Both partners have similar physical attractiveness.
3. Boundaries and expectations are discussed openly; preferably earlier on in the relationship. Years into the relationship is not the time to talk about a foot fetish you had since you were 16 that you didn't talk about because you were "afraid to offend them".
4. Direct communication is used when discussing intimacy. It's really a simple one second question to ask your partner.
A lot of people are under the impression that you have to make it "happen", "naturally". I'll say that's never worked for me and every person i've known (mostly guys think this, no offense dudes) who've used this approach don't get laid a lot. Since i've been more direct recently we've been doing it 2-3 times per day.
Interesting
This is BS
Maybe to you
21 years
I'm sorry
I never wanted to cheat on my wife I truly wanted her to be the only one. I work hard make good $$$, keep myself in top physical condition, I shower twice/day, groomed nice, dress nice but she could no longer provide me with sex. At first I felt guilty having sex with another woman but then I really enjoyed my time with the other woman, great sex led to fun conversation & fun conversation led to even hotter, spicier sex. At home the sound of my wife's voice depresses me & it upsets me because I remember how awesome it was falling in love with my wife and how much fun our life together once was. My dad died at age 75 in bed with my mother he had a massive heart attack after making love with her, that's how i wanted to die but it won't happen if I stay married to my current wife. I need a new woman 25 years younger with a libido like mine, with her I can die happy.
Luck in finding that spicey woman but seriously, if I were you I'd talk to your wife first and explain that your needs aren't being met and that feelings need to come with some physical intimacy (if you just leave it at you need sex she might feel like you just want to use her).
A visit to the ginecologist and explaining the case might be the answer.
You owe it to your wife to leave. Disrespectful and cowardly to do this to her.
This comment right here!!!! Cheating is a cowards way out. At least have the respect for her as a HUMAN BEING to tell her you’re not compatible. Go do your thing, but not behind her back.