I'm kind of speechless...this is horrifying
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- Опубликовано: 30 май 2023
- This is honestly horrifying - for more reasons than you might think.
@dustythunder Original video: • AITA for calling my ex...
Is harm to a prosthetic leg bodily harm or property damage?
www.vice.com/en/article/mg7ew...
#Amputee #Prosthetic #AITA
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Prosthetic limbs are a medical device. I worked in many criminal justice and juvenile court and handling a lot of child abuse situations. Withholding a medical device is medical neglect and abuse. She needs to be turned in.
And keep reporting it till someone listens though in this case the media attention alone might do it. Adults don't always take this kind of thing seriously enough, not all are capable of understanding why it's such a big deal regardless of the age of the amputee.
seriously. this clearly is not a situation that's going to _improve_ as the kid gets older if this is what the parent considers an appropriate punishment _now._
@@nobodyimportant1968 seriously, this is a little kid! If the mother thinks that's appropriate now I don't want to know what punishments for her when she's older would be...
I agree. Mother is unfit. And I'm willing to give proper care. To her child by with holding medical device
@@-Teague- exactly.
the fact that the mother does not comprehend that that's her daughter's effin _limb,_ ffs, not just a toy or tech or something - really twigs me as a disabled adult who was once a neglected disabled kid.
really hope that this little girl gets to live with her dad, and that she gets to call the shots around when or if she sees her mom.
kids - especially disabled kids - deserve so much better than this.
if she had her arm amputated as a toddler, it's entirely possible that she doesn't remember a time without her prosthetic. i feel like that makes taking it away even worse. sure she might not wear it sometimes but it was always there if she needed it.
Not wearing should only ever be her choice. Not the choice of a parent or teacher to do as a punishment.
Yeah. And not using it was her choice. This mother is sick.
@@jmas2312 That's what I mean, she would choose not to wear it but she knew it was there if she wanted to. But then her mom takes it away so she can't.
Even people with eyes cover them when their head hurts.
@@annaharward9295 this is such a good analogy! ive also heard people joke about how they wish they could take their arms off sometimes because they dont know what to do with them, usually when they cant get comfortable to go to sleep lol. i guess we all get tired of basic human functions sometimes!
Ignoring all the really horrific stuff that everyone has gone over already, the fact she didn't tell the other parent what the entire punishment was in its self is a massive red flag in the relationship.
Right, clearly there's a reason they got divorced and I'm assuming communication was I big part of that. I hope he gets the custody changes he wishes because wtaf?
That and she is psycho
Thank you Jo + almost every commenter.
This made me realize just how messed up my parents' behavior is. They've restricted my access to my wheelchair and taken my other aid away whenever I don't meet their demands. Their demands often are impossible and/or put my safety in danger.
Eating, drinking, peeing, and being able to move around the house isn't a privilege. It shouldn't be restricted just because my progress in recovery isn't what they want.
I hope your able to find away out of there they absolutely should not be treating you that way! I believe its outright illegal for them to be doing that to you in most countries.
that’s really fucking horrible i’m so sorry you’re going through that. i really hope you get to be in a better situation soon :(
😮Do you know if anyone else is more sane than your abusive parents?
That’s a bodily right not privilege.
I *know* that is not the only abusive thing that you get from them. 😢
I’ve survived my family abuse, I hope 🤞 and pray 🤲 you come out with more than just the skin of your teeth.❤
@@ArtisticEclectic your comment is very irritating. you think their parents don’t know what they’re doing? they can’t move around to get something to eat or use the bathroom without their mobility aids, you really fucking think their parents don’t know what they’re doing?
You need to call social services.
Her prosthetic arm IS her arm. I don't chop limbs off my child when they misbehave.
This
I mean if you chop off the limb it can't get reattached, I'd say its closer to getting a arm tied behind the back for a week as punishment. And no you don't do that.
And now all I can think about is when my cousin was 3 and her older sister was 5. The 3-year-old slapped the 5-year-old across the face and my aunt bound the 3-year-old's hands with an ace bandage and then bound her dominant arm (the one she hit with) to her chest.
We wonder why children go to school thinking it's okay to play 'keep away' with an inhaler. They teach their kids it's a normal thing.
😂😂 ohhhhh hoho...once again they are lucky I don't have kids...
The day that I would have witness this as a kid...would have been the day those kids would have learned a lesson. Sadly the hard way. Cos I had a very short fuse as a kid....I blame my siblings.😅 They cost me so much energy already 😂
Of course that would have ended so badly...the whole thing would have been taken to the teachers and that's where the parents would have come together etc.
I did 'save' books and pencil cases from other kids a lot. Like: "oh yeah here, I'm free, throw it" and then catch it and give it back.
Just cos I used to be the kid that would find their stuff in the trash bin. After searching forever. One year I had to buy 3 new pens. They throw my stuff so much, they would constantly break...blue hands for days
I went through half of primary school and a year of high school in and out of manual and electric wheelchair. And I was severely bullied when I was walking around. When in my manual wheelchair I would be tipped and even thrown out of my wheelchair, when in my electric one they would unplug the cord to the battery which was at the back or turn off the brakes, also on the back. And if I got out of my chair for whatever reason they would get in my chair and take off. It was so stressful and terrifying that I spent the remainder of my school years homeschooled. So knowing what that is like as a child to have my medical device be used as a form of bullying was so messed up in every way. I hope that dad gets full custody of his daughter. If he doesn’t the system is more fucked then I thought. I would like to end on a lighter note. I have a service dog and currently live in a very racially diverse area, and a lot of Indians and Africans I see are scared of my service dog. Yesterday after watching your live stream where you were asked your fave amputee joke. I came up with one yesterday while out in my wheelchair with my service dog. There were 3 Indian kids in line in front of me and were terrified of my dog so I told them. My wheelchair is more likely to bite you then my dog is. The kids cracked up laughing and then even asked if they could pat him.
Jeez, wtf kind of kids or families have you been around? Never heard of ANY kids doing that!
@@nathanielovaughn2145 I still wonder that as an adult how they thought it was ok. I was in school around 15-24 years ago when it was happening. I think the worst part is that they were “allowed” to do it as they never were punished by the schools I was at.
I’ve seen parents and providers take away AAC devices (helping the learner talk) because the child kept asking for the same thing. We compare it to cutting out someone’s tongue. You NEVER take away a device!
The fact that the list of "punishments," given to OP didnt include the prosthetic shows that the mother knows how horrible it is. And was probably hoping daughter wouldnt mention it and OP wouldn't notice.
A plus side to the argument happening in front of the kid: that girl now knows her father is 100% in her corner on this and will stand up for her when someone tries to use her disability against her. That's an incredibly important thing for a kid in a bad situation.
Yep, I was thinking that as well
yeah, at least one win here.
There are better ways for the dad to let her know he's on her side. They don't have to perform in front of their kid to communicate that and kids don't like to be the cause of an argument between parents. Kids are prone to thinking it's their fault their parents got divorced.
@@AaaaNinja I mean yea, they're just saying that at least one good thing came out of the event, even if the bad shit definitely overshadows that. She has someone who has her back, and it's important to acknowledge how important that is as well.
I definitely agree, with the caveat that it's important for him to sit down and talk with her about his strong emotional reaction. My better parent did their best to mitigate the damage my abusive parent caused, but they failed to sit me down and explain directly that either of their emotional reactions were neither my fault nor my responsibility to soothe. Kids don't make the same assumptions adults make in these situations, so a calm after-discussion is always a good idea.
As an RN, I sympathize and TOTALLY agree that a prosthesis should never, ever be withheld from the amputee for any reason whatsoever. Bullying abuse of very misguided parental power. Praying dad gets full custody!!!
As an RN I can think of a couple times that you might. Then again I work on the unit where we get people there having mental health crisis as well as health issues combined. (Think self harm, trying to use it as a weapon...) Even in those cases you'd try to use other deterrents to damaging behavior first. 🤷 That would be equivalent to same level of four point restraints to keep somebody from hurting themselves/others (that is taking away their mobility by removing the prosthetic). You wouldn't tie a child to their bed for a week for cheating on a test, likewise you shouldn't be taking their prosthetic for a week for cheating on a test. If they're three and using their metal and plastic prosthetic to smack their sibling in the head and you tried all the other methods like timeouts then it might be a viable solution to temporarily remove the prosthetic from the situation. See, not hard to find a real situation where it falls into the range of appropriate. But much like timeouts, the times usually brief and If it is a long-term behavioral disturbance may be alternate types of prosthetic that are less damaging could be found.
Not an rn but had a mobility device(wheelchair) withheld as a form of abuse as a child! Agree!
All it did was make me more desperate to hold out needing one as an adult… and that’s probably caused more harm in of itself.
@@jessicaolson490 Time outs are not good for handling behavioural issues. All youbteach the kid is that your love is conditional. When a kid is acting out, there is usually a reason. Getting to the bottom of that reason will manage the behaviour.
Why is the kid hitting their sibling? Did the sibling do something? If so, talk to both of them. Maybe the kid is neurodivergent and is need of a diagnosis.
Time outs do nothing. In terms of child rearing, they are on the same level as spanking.
@@Ikajo whether you believe in timeouts or not sometimes removing the child from the position where they can hit the other child is important. Call it what you will. Also putting them on a timeout shouldn't display your lack of affection. The idea is when you have an action there's a consequence, it's best to think of a natural consequence that goes with the action, sometimes you have to insert an artificial consequence. For example when my daughter was 15 months old she liked me to carry her everywhere, one day she slapped my face out of the blue, that age sometimes they test action reaction. The reaction was that she immediately got set down, and I said firmly, that hurt, no thank you. It caused her to cry, it did not display that I didn't love her, it taught her that if you slap somebody in the face you're not going to be up in their arms. Incidentally she was up in my arms 5 minutes later, she never slapped my face again. Some kids that are special needs need firmer boundaries because they won't make those connections as quickly. You have a duty to protect your child as well as the other child, sometimes social isolation serves that purpose. So for example if a 8 month old in a play group picks up a train and smashes the kid next to them in the face (they likely have no idea about the consequences of that), you might say, "we don't hit others in the face" while removing the toy and setting them to the side for a minute. That teaches them that the reaction to them hitting a kid in the face, is that they get removed from the social situation. It begins to lay the foundation of action and reaction which helps a child develop a sense of consequence. It should never be punitive. Incidentally I work with a lot of kids that get heavily protected from natural consequence (because of their medical fragility), and if they are mobile when older (and cognitively intact) there are some action and reaction situations that they struggle with. A real life example is a lady that would take a bite of hot food that she cognitively realized would burn her mouth but she'd do it anyway, the instinct that causes you to pause and think of the consequences was not developed. Like wise if you prune a child of consequences (whether natural or constructed) you diminish their ability to gain that skill that you likely never realized was a learned instinct.... It's double for someone that already will have challenges in that domain. Such as an adult asd person biting pieces of their tongue off to get their way (spoiled toddler style tantrums x100), because his "parent" didn't believe in boundaries for anything, including safe behavior.
@@AuroraLalune I'm sorry you experienced that. :(
the closest i can relate is when my glasses broke and my mom refused to buy me new ones for 3 years because she thought i was too irresponsible with them. i was still able to function but when i finally got new glasses i was like holy shit this is amazing i can see so much more
That's awful and your mother had no right to do that to you.
You had a bad mom.
@@xavierplatinum279
she was a mixed bag. she's better now but i still have complaints. i actually disengaged and barely spoke to her for a while when i was a teenager and then i started talking to her more when she started acting more respectful.
Yeah, I lost my reading glasses as a 11 year old and they were never replaced by my parents. We were poor and that was the end of that. Also didn’t get needed braces…because poor.
The shame of asking for help ran deep in my family.
@@georginatolandI’m so sorry. That wild to me. Where I’m from, dental care and eye care (glasses etc) are all free for children until the age of 18. I wish other countries would do the same. Having eyesight as a kid or a usable bite is a right, not something for the privilege.
This reminds me of a story on Reddit about a physically abusive mum who would use her child joint disorder to punish her by dislocating her arms legs and jaw. This mum just so happens to be emotionally abusing her daughter with a disability instead of physically abusing her which can be just as damaging.
wtffffff
I literally gasped - I have a joint disorder and you cannot imagine the pain that child went through. As parents, our #1 job is keeping our kids safe, and protecting them from pain!!
BLEGH. God, my joints are kinda fucked and I *distinctly* remember the pain of dislocation. That is literally fuckibg cruel.
I am really horrified because I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which is a joint disorder and hypermobility in my joints is one of the key features. Every time my joints, sublux or dislocate, there is damage to my joint.
If that child is hypermobile or has Ehlers Danlos syndrome, that mom is causing lifelong damage to her child. Heck, even if it’s a different joint disorder, it’s still damaging.
The damage I have sustained in my shoulders due to repeated subluxations (because I couldn’t get proper treatment for injuries) has resulted in me having permanent disabilities and limited use of my arms. My heart is breaking for that child. 💔
I am a special education teacher and a direct care provider for people with developmental disabilities. Simply put, this is medical neglect, and is reportable. There is no side-talk, it boils down to just that. You cannot withhold a medical device, *period*.
RIGHT?!? Good thing the daughter didn't have an insulin pump!
"Cancer tried to take your life but it only got your arm and now I'm going to take your prosthetic arm when you misbehave" is some stunning parenting. I hope someone is able to talk some sense into the mother.
I hope full time legal custody transfers to the Dad! Abusers can't be choosers!
It’s reminding me of people that will take away someone’s speech device because well as a punishment
It's way too late.
She should have learned empathy when herself was a child.
Now she'll learn only by being punished.
with this story blowing up I hope the mother doesn't double down and become more awful and hopefully is open to understanding she was wrong.
"I hope someone is able to talk some sense into the mother.", like Child Services?
This reminds me of the story of the little girl who slouched. Her step parent put her in a makeshift brace to force her to sit up. Got taken to court. Got state issued parental courses. Got visitation back. And then did it again, causing permanent damage to her spine.
Parents messing with their children's health and wellbeing drives me insane. Like it's bad enough getting mad at kids for slouching, braces are horrific. People don't slouch for no reason! There's too many stories of people dislocating their child's joints, or causing them serious damage not understanding that. And even if you do have a discussion with your child and doctor and find out why they slouch and it's decided a brace is the best way to correct it, braces are specialised medical equipment personalised to the bodyshape of the one wearing it! Like all those actresses that talk about the pain of wearing a corset; they're meant to be custom fit, they're not meant to hurt! They're support, not restriction! Honestly it's gotten to the point where I don't believe parents have a right to their children and the child's wellbeing should take priority at all times, fuck the parents.
@@ravenanne1734 yes exactly. And corsets also were made with whale bone first. Which means they’re bendy. They weren’t meant to be torture devices… it was just ye olden days best attempt at a supportive garment.
@@Animezingly I used to be on the hate train of "corset were evil restrictive garments created by the patriarchy to make women desirable to men" and then I finally got to hear from real professionals and my world was flipped on its head. Even the ones made with metal use spring-like shapes that bend. They're just old fashioned bras! Weight lifters use what's essentially a toned down corset to support their backs! When I started looking into getting back support for my wiggly vertebrae, it turned out my best chance was a corset because of how good they are! God knows who it was that came up with the idea that back support needs to be painful because I'd like to have a good word with them. It never has been and it will continue to not be (unless you've got like... Scoliosis and do need a plastic corrective brace but even then its not how it's made out to be)
@@Animezingly - Stuff like this is why I find the whole concept that parent's inherently know what is best for their children to be bullshit.
@@thesacredlobo 100%. A mother does not in fact always know what's best.
My sibling used to work as a residential camp counselor (aka mandated reporter) and when one of the kids was surprised they were getting their meds regularly from the nurse (later explained that this was because their mother was withholding their bipolar meds) that was an immediate call to CPS. Any time that medical treatment, devices, or medications are withheld for any reason, it’s neglect and abuse; I.e. a removable offense. Don’t play these power games with your kids, you’ll lose.
The kids also lose out.
Got to be honest - I've never even thought about this as a possibility as a punishment for a child. It's so below the realm of decency that I guess it just never occurred to me😂
Right?! That’s exactly what I thought.
It's also going to teach a horribly wrong lesson lol
"if I am mad at you, I will take away your medical equipment, fuck if it's necessary or not"
@@crowdemon_archivesmisbehaving diabetic child? Gimme your insulin pump, you can have it back after 2 weeks.
@@Ragnar_Aevarsson I'm damn sure someone's going to do that and cause a medical emergency lol
@@aiodensghost8645 Nooooo, a teacher??? Don’t that have accommodation training at all??
So I watched him record this live and I went off. As an amputee myself the only comparison I think would even come close is tying someone’s meat arm behind their back and not letting them use for a week as a punishment. This is definitely abuse and although the dad shouldn’t have lost it as much as he did, that little girl is going to remember that he stood up for her rights.
Sounds like the perfect way to teach the mother a lesson.
my dad once screamed at a parent for me. it was in public in temple, and alot of people were staring , and my dad was embarrassed and thought he'd get in trouble and yelled at by other parents.
but they said it was really good of him to protect me, stand up to that lady (whod caused problems before).
i think i was 7or 8at the time- im in my 30s now and still remember it!
I mean, he didn’t really lose it that much? He yelled. He didn’t destroy property or assault anyone. I don’t really know realistically what he was meant to do.
@@annataymond9529sadly, showing explosive emotions can be scary for kids, especially since it had to do with the kids, they can rationalize that it was their fault.
It happens tho, when it happens, it's best to try to explain to the kids that it isn't their fault and they didn't do anything wrong.
@@annataymond9529 true. the point was that he stood up for me and i remember it.
hes generally a shy nerdy guy, and its the only time i think he did so for me.
It kind of feels like if my parents used my depression medication as a punishment. Like if I don’t do good enough, they take it away. If that happened, I would go through the symptoms of withdrawal and slip back into my pain. That’s all I could think of relation wise, but truly that story is horrific
For me, it kind of feels like when the GP was not giving me birth control medication for a chronic reproductive health issue until I turned 18. I felt like I was being punished for something that wasn’t my fault that should always be a right and not used as punishment (my long term and short term physical health). Without it, I could barely eat, sleep, exercise, drink water, attend classes, basically anything. Thankfully on it now, but if I was ever to be forced off it (which they did do one time for 3 months), I would be able to live, sure, but nothing else. It would be the most miserable and was the most miserable form of existence I could imagine and I’d never wish it on my worst enemy.
I'm a speech therapy student, and the first thing that came to my mind when hearing this story is a child not having their alternative communication device. I've never encountered a parent taking their child's communication device as a punishment, but I have seen parents forgetting these devices at home or just failing to bring it along for their kid. That's always just not sat right with me. It's one thing to forget a kid's backpack or swimsuit or something. But to forget their means of communication? I can't imagine.
I worked with disabled kids in a school. There were a few kids with AAC devices (basically computers with a speech software for kids who cant speak) and a few teachers would take these devices away or told the kids to put it into their school bag during lunch break. They made the kids put away their voice! Or didnt allow them to use it all the time and independently. That was also an experience that made me really angry for the kids!
Do these kids have an IEP that stipulates they need the device at all times? Sounds like some teachers really need some education themselves. It isn't a toy, it's a medical device. How can they participate in class with their voice taken away?
Autistic selective mute here! I have had my ear defenders and AAC device taken from me because "how do I know you can hear me" and "you're not supposed to have a pad in school". These devices let me know what people are saying and lets me talk to them!
taking an AAC device is absolutely abuse. I've heard of parents taking them away because the kids are using them in an "annoying" way. and I get why "small child keeps doing annoying things with device that makes sounds" might make an adult want to take it away. but small neurotypical children (probably) do that with their bio-voices all the time, and it's obviously not OK to gag them. so, what's the difference?
same with prosthetic limbs. it's basically equivalent to tying up that limb.
@@FishyFly if you are in the US you should have an IEP. If your devices aren't already in the IEP, you should have them placed there. That way you have documentation to back yourself up. You can just tell them they are assistive devices and to check the IEP.
@@zombiedoggie2732 im from germany, i dont knoe if there is iep here. But in general, people (and especially not caregivers/teachers) shouldnt violate peoples right to autonomy and freedom of speech, which for me also includes a right to develop a voice, to use it whenever one likes and to explore it! How are kids supposed to learn how to use their device if its always taken away?!
I work as a caregiver and we're trained to treat people's wheelchairs as a part of their body and not move them, even if they're not in it, without asking them first and that's not even something that attaches to their body. I couldn't imagine taking someone's prosthetic away as a punishment it's so far over the line that it almost doesn't sound real.
I'm hoping it is a fake post done for the outrage. Simply for the sake of the child
I wish people would be trained to treat autistic children's communication devices the same way.
@@Angi_Mathochist Or just autistic people in general
@@Angi_Mathochist SLP here. I 100% agree, and it makes me so sad and angry how often I've seen this.
I'm glad it doesn't seem real to you, but I couldn't stop thinking that it sounds like something my mom would do while listening. Some people have really gross ideas about how it's acceptable to treat their children.
That's like taking away a type 1 diabetic's insulin pump or glucose meter. I've had my blood glucose meter confiscated by a nun because it caused the attention to be taken off of her lesson. People with disabilities shouldn't have to go without stuff they need and the fact that that mom thinks that that's okay is MIND BLOWING to me. Mind blowing is probably an understatement, but I can't even think of another adjective.
This nun should be persecuted on manslaughter attempt, no less...
Fr
Something that is supposed to be helpful being taken away is stupid, I’m not a religious person so I see the nun’s lesson as arbitrary but yea, it’s better to focus on YOUR OWN HEALTH, over a lesson of any type
This happened to me with my medication or being unwilling to take me to my medical visits as punishment. Finally, there was a day when my parent hid my medications from me as a punishment, and my doctor was going to sue that parent if I didn't find a home to move out to that same day. It took me 3 days to find a place, but thank goodness for the nurse who took me in for 8 months. Thankfully my parent agreed to stop taking my medication away as a punishment before the end of 8 months, although that parent was never willing to go to therapy with me to work on our relationship at any point during those 8 months that I moved out and didn't talk, after I had said we wouldn't speak again (in a text) unless we went to therapy to heal our relationship. Unfortunately, I had to move back there without ever going to therapy because the nurse got severely ill and couldn't help me in the way that I required when I needed both of my shoulders operated on, but I'm so grateful that parent agreed not to take my medication away as punishment before I moved back in. This response from someone who didn't know my story (you) was so healing to hear since the context is eerily similar.
That’s so wild?! I’m so sorry that happened to you!
@@PlayerTenji95 thanks
I’m sorry that happened to you
@@msoda8516 thanks, I appreciate it!
That’s truly horrifying and as someone who grew up in a terribly abusive and neglectful home, I understand that feeling of feeling seen and understood. I am glad you were able to find some healing here and I hope you are able to continue that journey on into the future. ❤
This girl I used to go out with lost her leg at like 14. We where both 24ish at the time when she told me an ex of hers would steal her leg and only return it for "favors". Wtf is wrong with people thinking stealing a limb is fine...
It should be comparable to actually cutting off someone's limb imo it's almost as horrifying the only difference is stealing a prosthetic doesn't leave a visible wound usually
This is actually pretty common when someone who uses an assistive device (cane, hearing aid, guide dog (which is a whole other level of fucked up) etc) is in an abusive relationship. Ask me how I know...
@@QuivaRPG I'm not going to ask because I don't need any more people on the hog feed list till I get more hogs.
Wow! That's abusive and I'm glad she managed to get out of that relationship.
The story about the abusive mother is now the SECOND worst thing I heard today...
Im actually glad he said something in front of the kids. At least she knows one parent who has her back
Yes, but in a perfect world, he would've spoken to the daughter about the whole incident afterwards, probably while returning her arm, so she can know he's in her corner without watching her parents scream at eachother.
You are thinking along the same lines I am, "At least she knows one parent who has her back".
@@TheBluestflamingos while I would say not screaming in front of the kids is good and I would also say that for many things talking to kids independently is good BUT, for divorced parenting to talk in a way that doesn’t support the other parent behind the parents backs, causes more issues (even though it seems good). When you talk behind a parents back but in supporting “look punishment is important etc” is good…. But here the kid (and ex-wife) knows that the dad has her back enough to say so upfront no one can have it misunderstood. It actually assists in NOT putting the kids for one parent against another on a critical point of care versus those things that should be worked out and kept between parents. This also happens with adults in general, I remember when I defended my worker to the point of giving away my medical care (she felt so guilty but I said I wasn’t going to risk her health for mine and I meant it) it gave her more courage to stand up too. So I do understand the good intentions absolutely. But I’m this case, other than yelling, I think it was actually better. I hope I make sense! And hey, everyone will deal with stuff differently and none of us are saying the prosthetic should be punishment and I know you’re not saying that either!
There is a middle ground between speaking to the other parent about the issue privately and having a blow out in the front yard. I’m a stepparent and have had to learn the delicate dance of supporting a child while not bashing their parent.
It is very hard sometimes (and I likely would have reacted much the same way as this dad in this moment) but with time, it is achievable.
@juliam.7934 this is different than just parents disagreeing with each others methods, this is one parent being an abuser.
As a former disabled kid, it would've been nice if my parents had actually called each other on their ableist abuse instead of playing the "I refuse to say anything negative" game. It's counterproductive in situations of abuse.
My attempt at understanding the feeling of having a prosthetic taken away is this. I need glasses, which is the closest thing I have to a physical disability. But going off times when I was without my glasses, I felt very uncomfortable and vulnerable both physically and mentally. I imagine that having something like a prosthetic taken away would feel like that but significantly worse. Id love to here if this is at all accurate
Btw sorry if this writing is bad. I wrote it at 2 am and changed up the start halfway through so yeah
same
TW for domestic abuse
My sister works with kids in foster care and had one case of a father who was horrifically abusive to his wife. The abuse included taking away her prosthetics (both of her legs were amputated). This is such a textbook method of abuse and control.
Unfortunately, stealing mobility devices is pretty common when DV intersects with disability. It’s one of the main reasons it’s so hard for disabled people to escape abusive relationships, along with the lack of accessible shelters and being more likely to be economically or physically reliant on the abusive partner.
Yep, my ex used to take away my wheelchair. So I had to drag myself along the floor to get to the toilet.
@jupiterblue2776 pls tell me your ex at least got a karma he deserves jail for that
I’ve been night blind my entire life (low vision in good lighting) and i remember my parents not taking my fear of the dark seriously because it’s “normal” when I lost an entire sense that people rely on. It’s not the same as a parent taking away a prosthetic but it convinced me for years my vision wasn’t as unreliable as it is. Parents teach kids how to view their disabilities and that is inherently how we view ourselves as disabled people. Acting like mobility and safety and consistency are privileges is an easy way to make disabled kids hate themselves, speaking as someone who’s been there
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I cannot imagine how hard that would be to deal with. I have no words, just empathy. Wow.
same thing happened to me. my mom would turn off the light and just walk away as i was screaming and begging her to turn it back on.
@Rilian Kenneth Saunders Gosh that really sucks. There is no equivalent to even fathom that kind of fear.
I can just imagine that poor girl hiding from her friends and teachers, pretending she just didn't bring her arm that day. That's the stuff I did as a kid being abused. I always lied so people wouldn't know how my parents really treated me. I think I was afraid they'd get madder at me for worsening their reputation.
This was literally what the evil stepmother did to Cinderella in a Sci-Fi re-write of Fairytales that I love (Lunar Chronicles)! She took Cinder's leg and hand as punishment but the story treated it like the horribly abusive thing that is!
It's a great book but yeah. Didn't ever think I'd see this IRL
as an old lady who raised 4 kids i was enraged about it even before you gave insight/background. I am glad the other parent said something! That child needs to know someone will defend her right to basic humanity! She needs to know it is ok to defend herself in the future. I probably would be hollering at the court myself if an ex had pulled that BS on my child!
I've been disabled all my life and a full time wheelchair user since I was 12. The thought of anyone taking away my wheelchair as a punishment is mind boggling. It is a part of me. Part of my identity as a human being. Taking it away would be abusive on so many levels. It's the only thing I can relate this story to. That being said, I've heard of hospitals and nursing homes taking away patients' mobility devices as punishment. It's terrifying.
My wheelchair is...when it goes to be fixed I have such anxiety it is unbelievable.
Once when I went there three men corralled me in a room and prevented me from leaving.
They said they think I weigh too much for the chair. That they are going to publicly weigh me and if I'm too heavy they will not give it back.
I asked if they intend me to crawl out of there. I cried. I hyperventilated. After an hour I had no more energy to fight.
I asked a woman to weigh me. No. I asked if some people could leave the room since they were having their break there. No.
So, I was nowhere near the weigh limit. Received no apology. They had not prepared to fix my wheelchair and didn't even had the parts ordered.
Still writing this a full year later my heart rate is up through the roof and I am breathing heavily. Not angry. Still scared and feeling violated.
@@tanjakivi1026 You should have called the cops.. What the actual fuck?
@@tanjakivi1026 god that sounds terrifying. What is wrong with some people? Hope you're okay now. Definitely if you can go to someone else for repairs and report those guys. That's not acceptable behaviour or treatment of others. I'm terribly sorry you had to experience something like that.
Isn't depriving someone of bodily autonomy/medical necessities pretty much textbook abuse? This reminds me of abusive parents who tie their kids to chairs or refuse to let them use their inhalers! Thank you for your perspective on the importance of amputees' relationships with their prostheses.
Dad is NTA, & hope he gets full custody.
It's not just textbook abuse. It's a crime against humanity.
It's not textbook abuse cut and dry, but it can be if it's inappropriately carried out. Think medical four point restraints to keep somebody who's psychotic from physically harming themselves and others until medication starts to clear their head, not abuse. But if you did that to your child that was being defiant it would definitely be abuse!!! So if for some reason your child has rage issues they're so intense that they're taking their prosthetic and beating you or their sibling grievously with it, there shouldn't really be a time or place where it would be appropriate. But for example if one of my patients had to go into four point restraints because they were trying to cause harm to themselves or others, and they had a prosthetic it would definitely get locked in a closet. Along with almost every other thing other than the mattress. 🤷 Something where when you have to do it you feel terrible but It's the last extreme to keep someone safe. Seeing as hardly any person in the general population will ever need four point restraint level care for safety... I doubt there would hardly ever be any cases where it would be necessary to take a child's prosthetic away let alone for a week.
yes, I can somewhat relate to the inhaler kind of thing: for a backstory...just recently, I was diagnosed with SVT, or Superventricular Tachycardia. This heart condition can raise my BPM to 200-300. I carry a heart monitor 99% of places I go, just to be safe, (it also helps me feel safer) my heart rate particularly rises when I'm playing sports, moderate/heavy moving of some kind, or if I'm nervous, etc. and yes, I am very athletic, I am usually doing 2 or so sports a season, along with being a student. Also, this condition does have a fatal version... my doctors don't think I have it, thank god and the heavens lol
My mom refuses to let me have my hands on a doctor's note for my heart monitor. Usually, I need a copy to give to my coaches/teachers. The nurse has one, but not everyone knows I need one, or they forget I have it. remind you, 200+ bpm is not normal, and this is something that i NEED for a real medical issue.
we are going on a vacation soon. the rules (for a zip line) advise something along the lines of: "Those that are pregnant or have heart conditions should not be on this ride" normal stuff. when I saw this, I obviously want myself to be safe, so I said to my dad: "Dad, I probably shouldn't go on that" and he denied my condition... being a condition at all.
I also had one teacher think it was a v@p3, they called security, and the security called up the nurse, then told the teacher I was fine. lol, I stopped class for like 20 mins and everyone thanked me, stoked I practically got them out till class was over.
@@cutiekitkat13 maybe tell the zip line workers that you have a diagnosed heart condition if your parents make you go on the zip line anyway? Maybe you can ask if they can keep an eye on you or something at the least if you end up on it anyway. Your health is important and your parents should not endanger that just because they want you all to go on a ride. I wonder if they'd get charged with neglect if something happened on the zip line due to your condition... Like- surely someone would end up concerned? IDK. Feel free to ignore this. I just hope that you'll be okay.
@@anxiousoptimism5517 yes -- i looked into it, all riders need to sign a waiver. easy no from me lmao.
In High School I had a friend who got in trouble so they took her door, her bedding (only a mattress on the floor was left) and her glasses. It's ridiculous what some parents get away with.
Never underestimate the ability of a parent to do the most horrific things to their child under the guise of “discipline”
I read this story to my mom like two days ago and she told me this. She was having a conversation with a female work colleague who is going through a rough patch with her ex, their young son need glasses and they’re arguing about money and how to pay for the glasses. The colleague suggest that they buy two pairs just in case and now the ex refuse to split the costs. She buys the glasses herself because she doesn’t want to argue with him. But then she almost proudly explains how she sent her son to his fathers house WITHOUT his glasses, because according to her “ if the ex didn’t help pay for the glasses, the son should not wear them at his house” she saw this as way to one up her ex and punishing him. WTF. My mom lost her fucking mind, she was like “ you’re gonna take away your son’s eyesight for a week because you’re mad at his dad? You're not punishing you’re ex, you’re punishing your son.
Good on your mom, that woman's mindset was pretty warped...
Please thank your mom for stepping up to defend that kid since both his parents are being a-holes.
Parents need to learn that, once they're separated, it's no longer about them! It's only about the kids!
That's pretty appauling and very selfish to take away the childs sight to spite the father.
I hate it when divorced adults act like children. They need to step up and be adults for their child. Petty stunts like that are something you're supposed to grow out of by the time puberty wraps up
The closest non-amputee comparison I can think of is taking away my glasses (I’m severely myopic.) No no no no no! This is just horrifying!
I was thinking something like making a kid sleep on the floor with no blankets/pillows but I think not having my glasses would be worse.
"Vision is a privilege!!" - bad parent
I was thinking my false teeth. I wear them when I go somewhere, but never at home.
I was also thinking of glasses as a relevant comparison. Could I technically live without them? Yes, but my quality of life would be gone, I would be in constant physical danger, and school or work would be next to impossible. It doesn't have quite the same connection to identity, but robbing me of my sight would prevent me from participating in hobbies and activities that form a large part of my identity. Why would anyone ever think that taking away an accessibility tool is an acceptable form of discipline? Losing priveledges for cheating on a test sounds very reasonable, but this is patently absurd. What would the mother do if her child was able-bodied? Duct tape her arm to her torso for a week?
Someone compared it to taking period products away. I think that also works. Sure, you won't die or be physically harmed from it, but emotionally - what the hell ...
My dad had his leg amputated when I was a teenager and I grew up watching him use crutches because he couldn’t wear a prosthetic. Once I accidentally moved his crutches from their usual place to the other side of the room to get at something in a cupboard. Forgot to put them back and when my dad had to get up, he was fuming, reading me the riot act. Suffice to say I never ever made that mistake again. In fact, ever since that incident, I always made a point to make sure dad’s crutches or other supportive items were in reaching distance.
It’s incredibly sad how common this kind of “punishment” is. It’s especially common with AAC devices, but I’ve also seen it with a school taking a blind child’s cane and replacing it with a pool noodle, or kind of the other way, parents forcing Deaf children to wear their hearing aids 24/7 even when they’re painful. It’s not like taking something away from an able bodied kid, it’s like punishing a kid by tying one of their arms behind their back. It’s that unacceptable
You hit the nail on the head. It’s abusive. That poor kid.
She Is an abusive mother and the father has all the right to get mad
The father needs to seek custody of those children ASAP & give them a break from their mother - it is so needed!
I am the mother of an amputee - what that woman did IS child abuse; something tells me this isn’t the first time a threat has been made about that action either - that is why I suggested father gets custody
Yes. There is no equivalent for a child having a prosthetic limb taken, WTF.
maybe it can be likened to shaving someone head if they misbehave?
(im not saying its the same- just as an analogy for the sake of jo's point)
One of my friends from college was in a wheelchair and one of the things she talked about during Disability Awareness Month was how much more susceptible physically disabled people are to abuse. The statistics are astronomical. There is a quote, the specifics of which I can't find right now, but it goes along the lines of, "Love is revealing your weaknesses to someone and trusting they won't use them against you."
Then I think it's very very very revealing that someone who would use your weaknesses against you *does not love you,* and you *should not love them.* I do not have physical disabilities, but I have PTSD. If someone triggered me intentionally as a punishment, I don't think I could ever trust them again.
By rights you shouldn't trust them again. They knew and did that anyway. Trust has died.
There are certain situations that could be forgivable like if they had a brain tumour affecting their behaviour. And still the body remembers the harm they caused you by breaking your trust.
this
I also have PTSD and I agree.
@@zabmcauley5647Or if the person has Tourette’s, or otherwise literally *cannot* control themselves…otherwise there’s really no excuse.
When complete strangers have more empathy to the child than her own mother you know something is messed up.
My grandmother had a glass eye and she lost her eye at a very young age. She talked openly about that feeling growing up so we could empathize with kids who had medical devices, or in her case also a disfigurement.
This story made me sick, imagine the inhumanity
I used to work in healthcare. I quit because my client, who was being forced to live without her medically granted wheelchair because her parents "wanted her to walk more" hit me in the face and broke my nose, and then the facility said I was a liability after my head injury.
From the bottom of my heart I hope that mother gets every single thing she deserves in life.
And i hope that your former client got freedom and the ability to heal and live free from that kind of abuse.
Fuck parents who abuse kids through their medical needs and devices
It's like taking away the glucose meter from a diabetic child.
Or a kids wheelchair and or crutches
Not quite
@@MommaB74 my daughter could live for quite a while without testing her glucose, but it would be incredibly harmful. So yes, it is equivalent.
@@johnburr9463 that’s physically abusive where as the arm isnt a necessity to live however i do think its a good equivalent. i think maybe its like taking away period products or something like you can liven without it but its horrifically dehumanising
It's more like taking away the kid's insulin pump.
What in absolute ducking duck? I have a dear friend with osteo imperfects. Her father used to take her crutches to “motivate her to walk.” Huge fan, thank you for sharing your journey with us 💚
Take her father's knee caps off pls lol
Interesting. As a blind woman with a minimal amount of sight, I have several devices (magnifying glass, orcam, white cane, electronic magnifier etc) that give me the ability to maximise the use of my minimal vision. As a small child, these devices were regularly treated as a novelty by others, but in reality were a freedom to me. But I have never really given the “relationship” I have with these tools much thought. Some are definitely easier than others but none make me whole/normal/equal to the average. And THAT aspect is the difficulty point for me. I’m used to living this way, but every now and then I find myself in a resentful/frustrated scenario that reminds me no matter what, I operate at a deficit ALWAYS, no matter how good my coping skills are, or how well adapted I am. And I sure as heck know how frustrating it is if I forget/lose/lose battery/break a device!
I feel like punishing a child by removal of a device used for everyday ability is physically violating. For me, it would be wilfully taking my ability to read/write/a means of communication etc. Its above and beyond reasonable and there is no comparison in the real world. But it IS deplorable and edges into abuse, or intentional neglect?
I’m interested in the custody implications this could have for the girl…
She should have ben arrested for child abuse having a prosthetic body isn't a privilege it a necessity for people who has a amputated arm or leg
Yes she should be arrested!!😊
Arrested, tried and imprisoned. Then get The Special Treatment in prison.
Wow, that is horrific! Prostetics are not a luxury, they are a necessity!
I was thinking the samething
they may come off, but they're replacing something that's not supposed to. Taking a prosthetic is physical abuse imo.
@@ghostdog0424
It's the same vibe as removing a traumatized kid's comfort toy during a meltdown because "they're too old for this/they don't need it."
Similarly for removing their control over what clothes they wear. So messed up😤
@@solsystem1342 I think this is even worse. Not only are they taking an object that is there for mental comfort, they are actively taking something that the child needs to be physically okay.
Depends on what the dad does the mom can go away for a long while
The closest comparison I can think of is someone taking away their kid’s glasses. Like, it doesn’t have the same exact identity complexity as a prosthetic, but it does have the element of - this is an important part of navigating life and is medically necessary. Can you even imagine someone thinking “oh, you misbehaved, so I’m going to confiscate your vision.”? Never. Ugh.
Actually I do have an example of punishment for an able-bodied child that is similarly difficult. I have ASD which was not diagnosed as a child - it just wasn’t heard of in girls and even if it had been (in my family), it wouldn’t have been seen as anything other than a ‘naughty child’. I liked spending time, in my room, alone. Looking back, I needed that time to self regulate. But there was always the threat that if I misbehaved badly enough, I’d be reverse grounded. I’d be forbidden to enter my room unless it was to sleep.
Thankfully that never happened - my only childhood sins (and still not fixed) was keeping my room (or house) clean and tidy. I got numerous whacks with the strap, untold hours of lectures which still happen on occasion (and I’m nearly 49 and stuck back with my parents thanks to insane rents and low pay). In my case none of the punishments resulted in a change in behaviour and I really struggle in this area.
❤
I have a maybe similar comparison. There was a reddit post about a dad taking away therapy as a form of punishment. The girl was doing poorly in school and was put into therapy. She started to improve in all aspects of her life except her grades. So father decided that he was going to take the therapy away because it wasn't helping the aspect of her life that mattered most to him.
So the comparison is a parent taking away an aid to teach a lesson.
Oh Jesus... I did not see that post. What a horrible vile thing to do.
What the actual $@ck?! Who does this kind of stuff to their kids?????
Well, now we know why the kid needs therapy, her dad’s an asshole 😮
I had similar situation. I had therapy bc of my bpd and suicide attempt. Grades didn't get better, so parents decided that I don't need it. Of course school is much more important than being alive and maybe not harming yourself.
@@rosemarytea3878 oh ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I hope you’re doing better these days?
I'm a lifelong power wheelchair user, and this brought up some kinda bad memories of being punished as a child by having my chair switched to manual mode. And I couldn't switch back to power myself. I don't think my parents ever did it, but adults at school did, mostly when I would drive away without permission. Like, was it too hard to catch up to me and take my hand off my joystick and tell me to stay put? It led me to associate being pushed with being punished, and now even as an adult, I still feel like I did something wrong when I have to be pushed because my chair's broken or I'm on a trip or something. Yeah, don't take away assistive technology as a punishment.
It's upsetting that the adults who were tasked with caring for children and helping them learn were so callous towards you. It's sad they didn't have empathy, nor respect your autonomy the way you deserved.
This abuse is like something out of "Misery". What a terrible mother. 😞
I can't imagine this happening, even if it was glasses that a kid needed to see, let alone a limb of theirs. This is so wild
This reminds me of the horror of a student I had who used cochlear inner ear implants that work with a removable piece…and he misplaced those pieces. And I really felt for him because my vision is incredibly limited without my glasses. I’ve never lost them, but I’ve broken them and not being able to use them was just…awful.
Sensory deprivation is of course different than dexterity and mobility, but obviously it shouldn’t ever be taken away from anyone.
I have terrible vision. My mom didn't get me glasses until I like 10-12. And I only had 2-3 pairs until I was 18 and had the money to get myself contacts. I lost my glasses once and was functionally blind for 3 years.
It's one of the things I resent my mother for. I feel like she did it on purpose to make me helpless and keep me in the house, because I literally could not see anything that wasn't a blur beyond like 10 feet.
10:00 Not a lawyer but I just happen to know the answer to this one, because I've had my prosthesis stollen by bullies at school.
They were really shocked when they were charged with grand theft.
Sounds funny but it is a fairly serious felony, grand theft prosthesis.
It's considered a property crime, but these days I think it is also a hate crime.
fuck yeah. don't know how they WOULDN'T expect to be charged, but a felony sounds just right
I said this on Dusty's channel and I'll say it here:
This is the equivalent of taking away a blind person's cane or seeing eye dog or taking away a hearing impaired person's hearing aids. Like, how do you take away a literal **limb** as "punishment"?
Hear aids for the hearing impaired should be accompanied by coclears similar but pretty sure it fir complete hearing lose in one or both ears and would even be the a great example because about the same price
As a writer, I'd love that handbook as like a resource to potray characters with prostetics more accurately. However, I do realize every disability and every life story is different. So, to give that nuance, that handbook would probably best work as a collaborative project of people with prostetics (or maybe even other aids) sharing their coping strategies
What I did to love my medical devices (my canes and wheelchair) is I named them and gave them personalities. My canes are Mr. Sticky and Lady Willow, and my wheelchair is Chairissa. They all take care of me. I hate needing them, but giving them life made them kinder.
Chairissa 😎
Chairissa is so good
My cane is Relda, after a character in a book I was reading when I bought it, my rollator is Punky after Punky Brewster because Cheri would have been weird (Chairy, get it?), and I've yet to come up with a name for my wheelchair, maybe Charlie?
I never thought of doing this.... but it makes total sense!❤❤❤
idid the same thing with my white cane I named it that way I can talk to it and tell it what I thin plus kids love to know what my anes name is
I'm pretty sure I once read an AITA story about a parent threatening to take their daughter's hearing aids away if she did not get better grades at school, or other such reason. It's alarming to me that this seems to be a /thing/ for some parents of disabled children? Like it's not just that one mother. It's a THING. It's so fucked up.
Wait... So her grades were bad... So they wanted to TAKE AWAY HER ABILITY TO HEAR??? Not only is that evil it's just illogical
I grew up in an abusive household (it has gotten better and my parents are now divorced) and I have Cerebral Palsy. Sadly I experienced abuse based on my disability. My dad would spend the entire day drinking and come home and yell at me saying “I only drink because of those damn leg braces” or try to pull them off my legs. I have never truly been able to recover from that. Even though I’m not in leg braces anymore, I still experience pain and spasms from my cerebral palsy, and my first thought when that happens is to hate myself for the way I was born. Never EVER treat medical devices like a privilege or say things like my dad said. Those words will stick with me forever.
Some people are so out of touch with their family member’s disability. I have severe anxiety and sensory sensitivity. Having coping mechanisms taken away when I was a kid felt so awful. Days felt like years before I got them back
I'm a speech-language pathologist. Parents, caregivers, and professionals taking communication devices from children either as punishment, because they don't want to listen to the kid, or because the kid says something they disagree with is unfortunately a very common practice. As is removing certain vocabulary from a child's communication device.
I have Autism and a substitute teacher in 2nd grade made me take my chewing bracelet and put in my cubby because it was gross. It's purpose was to help me emotionally regulate without chewing on my hair. It's easier to wipe spit off a desk than to wash it out of hair.
I think it might have been important for the child to see dad stick up for her in front of mom. Coming from a house where most conflict happened behind closed doors, or out of avoidance not at all, I didnt get to see my mom stand up for me when i needed it. I would have to listen in secret to even know if my mom would defend me if my dad had yelled at me. though cussing out was probably a bit far I totally understand the rage he felt, and I can't guarantee I wouldn't do that if I was in his place.
It's very important for a child to see a parent defend them. One of my mothers friends tried to kiss me at a gathering at our house. Because I pushed him away my mother slapped me in front of everyone for offending her friend. She passed away in 2016, I cried more when my cats died.
This feels so much injustice it just turns my stomach, how can you even fathom such a thing.
I feel like the closest able-bodied comparison would be to compare to physical abuse, doing something to purposefully injure an able child, like breaking a bone or something. The legal aspect would be interesting to learn more about. A collab with an attorney would be fascinating.
I think it’s more like tying one hand to make it unusable. Which, yeah.
My ex was abusive and would take my leg from me…. This really brought up my ptsd. W spine injuries I can’t use crutches and he had me in a house I couldn’t use a wheelchair. This is wrong and makes me feel so upset.
Really sorry to hear you went through that, hope you're doing a million times better now ❤
I am so sorry that happened, no one ever deserves to be treated that way. I hope that you're in a place that's physically and emotionally safe for you now.
at 4:55 when you talk about not liking your prosthetic despite wanting to, and creating theraputic exercises to work through that was such a great point! I'm an orthotist and prosthetist in training, and over the years I've noticed that having a connection with your medical devices, feeling like they are part of you and feeling comfortable with them is so so important. I've heard some tips from different people on how to work on this, and if anyone with experience connecting with your medical device has some more advice, I would be so grateful to hear it. Sometimes this can be incorporated into the manufacturing process too, so in my work it would be great to be able to offer more options. Some of the suggestions I've heard so far are:
- naming the devices (as commented by Kate K in the comment below)
- customizing to your own tastes (colours, fabrics, artwork, plaques, replicating tattoos, wheel decor and lights)
- functional accessories not necessarily directly related to the reason for using the device (eg a guy with a prosthetic eye made his own version containing an LED so he can use his eye as a flashlight, or I've seen leg prosthetics with a bottle cap opener inlaid)
- writing letters to your device
Absolutely unrelated but hot damn, the prosthetic eye flashlight sounds cool as hell and he’s a genius for coming up with that.
"Having a wooden (or hollow) leg" means a high tolerance for alcohol? That is some sense of humor!
I've known of a nursing home who took away a residence leg to stop them being able to walk around "causing trouble" as I was told. The resident had early onset dementia
It’s like saying “you cheated on a test so I’m going to chop off your arm” for an able bodied person. Like what? I feel for this child.
As an able bodied person I had genuinely never considered the importance of your relationship with your prosthetic, and I'm so glad I watched this video because that's such a valuable insight
For most physically disabled people, especially those with permanent disabilities, our relationship with our mobility aids is very strong. Whether it’s a prosthetic limb, a leg brace, wheelchair, crutches, walker etc. they feel like an extended part of our bodies. For someone to even touch it without permission feels incredibly intrusive, even when people are trying to be helpful. To have a mobility aid removed as punishment must be horrifying and very traumatizing. For me, it’s almost like my body doesn’t feel whole without my mobility aids. We also tend to get very attached to our specific mobility aids and whenever we need to get new ones, it can take a long time to truly accept it and feel comfortable with it. I get so attached to my custom-made leg braces that I find it really hard whenever I have to get an old one replaced.
It’s the same with service dogs. I have an allergen and medical alert service dog. Without her I feel vulnerable and incomplete. There really is no comparison for medical and mobility aids for the able bodied people.
@Púca Miscellaneous you could make a comparison - "would you like me to cut your leg off for you?" and that should get SOMETHING across LMAO
That’s like withholding basic necessities from a child with out prosthetics. Like, food and water or clothing or medical care. That’s ridiculous. That father has every right to take that mother to court. A limb is not a bargaining tool 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly I can’t imagine how awful that would be for the kid. I remember how much i cried when someone refused to grab me my cane because “well you got out here without it just fine” and I had to sit on the floor unable to support my weight for 15 minutes
And that’s just a cane, not only that but it’s something I only need once in a blue moon (usually I just need to rest after my knee gives out, and two minutes sitting is enough to get back up, although with some pain.)
I can’t imagine the physiological effects of losing your arm
Can you imagine blindfolding your kid for a week because they got in trouble at school? Like, yeah, you could live without it, but someone TAKING AWAY your body and it's ability to function....
I know it's not the same, but it reminds me a little bit of a friend I had when I was younger. His mother used to punish him by taking away his glasses. I'm not exactly sure how bad his eyesight was, but his glasses were really thick and I knew he could do very little without them. Ultimately his parents divorced and his dad got full custody.
This is definitely the same. If you can do very little without glasses and those are taken away then you become dependent on the people around you. Without my glasses in an unknown place I probably wouldn't be able to make it to the bathroom without a lot of assistance from someone else.
If someone takes them away they have all of the power. It would work to modify behaviour because you don't want to be at their mercy in that way again. It is not ok.
I randomly stumbled over your channel while looking for Ampute information for one of my Charaters. Now, I've never lost a limb but I do know that feeling of not being able to use your limbs. (broken elbow) and The Rage I feel hearing all of this is almost inhuman. No one should be taken advantage of this way, let a lone a child, and your own child at that.
I had a similar experience to what you’re explaining about writing letter to your prosthetic, with my port. I was ~17 when I needed a port for weekly infusions for my chronic illnesses, after blowing out all of my veins over the course of a year. And I hated that I had to do it. But I was able to journal about it and kind of think of it as my partner in helping me receive the infusions I need and heal my veins.
I’m 25 now, still have my port (I’m on my second one, the first wasn’t placed well), and I can fully love it now! I adore when my scar is visible in photos, I know the right tricks to access it smoothly, and (while not the same as a prosthetic) I can see it as a part of me! But boy was it a journey to get here!
I think there is a very direct and obvious analogue: if she'd tied one arm of an able bodied kid behind their back for a week. And I can't imagine CPS not being called in that case.
I read a reimagined Cinderella story called "Cinder," about an orphan with cyborg prosthetics. Her stepmom refuses to buy her replacement prosthetics as she grows. At the beginning of the story, she buys a new foot for herself using money she earned but that her stepmom doesn't let her have control over. Near the end of the story, Cinder's stepmom finds out about the foot and takes it away, saying it was bought with her money, therefore it belongs to her, the stepmom. When I read that part, I emotionally equated it to my stepmom not acknowledging or validating the struggles I've had with my Autism and the not-so positive ways it's affected my life. You're right, there's not an equivalent thing a parent can take away from an abled-bodied neurotypical child, but I'd argue that not acknowledging or helping a child with their neurodiversity is the closest equivalent to taking away a prosthetic arm, leg, or detachable foot.
Like taking away tools they need to self-soothe!
@@GuineaPig361 Yeah, I became very used to my coping mechanisms, like talking to my mom or reading, being treated like luxuries.
@@eileenbutterfly7856 That's terrible; I can only imagine how I'd feel if I couldn't use my laptop.
@@GuineaPig361 I think she just doesn't understand. She only has a few physical disabilities, which I won't elaborate on here because that's personal to her. If something doesn't require tangible medical intervention, like medication, doctor's appointments, or recognizable medical devices, it's like it's invisible to her. Even worse, she sees me talking about how my Autism affects my life as me "using it as an excuse," The only ways of dealing with mental health that she recognizes, aside from medication, is mental hospitals and therapy. To her, it might be confusing that I need to "cope" with how the world isn't designed for me to be able to exist comfortably in it. Worse, she might see my coping mechanisms as "distractions" or as me "overexaggerating." It feels like she doesn't give my mental disability as much credibility as her physical ones because it's affect over my life is more mental and emotional which might not seem as serious as physical disabilities. Sometimes, I wish that if I had to disabled at all, that I had a physical disability. Something tangible where she can more easily see how I need resources to adapt to the world around me and that the resources I need make more sense to her. I would also like it if she stopped jumping to conclusions about my emotions and was willing to be more receptive to my interpretation of them.
The closest I could come up with is cutting hair. I grew up home schooled and I knew multiple girls that got “punished” by having their hair roughly hacked off as a punishment. It was deeply humiliating, traumatic, and had significant social consequences. But at least hair grows back, so like I said, this is obviously not even THAT close.
Plus it doesn't have the added effect of limited mobility or functionality, like, you can still do all the things you normally can do with or without hair. The only things I could come up with would be to withhold things like food groups, or a bed.
This is horrific. I hope you might someday you know this girl and give her and her Dad direct encouragement. My hope is that they live in a state where this is seen for what it is, gross negligence & physical abuse. You don't saw off a 12 yr old's arm if they cheat on a test. If a parent tied up a lim behind a child's back for a weak they would go to JAIL. I hope they see this one day and know that Jo is on their side. Thank you for posting this.
My mom would confiscate tools that I found to help with my ADHD
I wasn't aware of my adhd, I just realised that certain tools make my life easier. Those tools were declared a privilege that I would loose whenever I failed to reign in my symptoms. Not quite the same as taking a detachable limb, but the closest I've come to such a situation.
Even today, when my symptoms were the strongest recently, it felt like I don't deserve the meds that would help me with said symptoms. Imagine looking at your prosthetic and wondering if you actually need it, feeling like you should handle your life without "a toy".
Some of the comments made me curious about the legal side. I know from experience that if an expert says you can do without your tool, they have no legal obligation to allow the use of the tool. But how do you decide which expert to follow, when there's a disagreement? Am I allowed to seek out an expert who specialises in my condition or do I need to follow one chosen by a certain person? (parents, school, employer etc?)
In my case, several experts agree that I don't need any tools or help for ADHD, most even agree that I don't have ADHD because of certain symptoms not showing as described in the book. (a common problem with grown women)
I had to take a moment to look at my arm/hand and think about the abject horror of any scenario where someone would/could just take it from me as punishment. What an unfathomably cruel thing to do to a child who already lost her arm to cancer.
Seriously, the opening of this was a gut punch to me... My baby sister is a toddler rn and the idea of a toddler losing their arm to cancer hit pretty hard, and then to find out the kid was treated like this?? Absolutely horrifying
@@-Teague- right?! Imagine being that parent and witnessing your child go through all that at such a young age, possibly so young they can't even comprehend what is happening, then going through the healing process & prosthetic fittings & seeing how it (presumably) helps somewhat restore what your child has lost - and then taking it away from them as a PUNISHMENT on par with like, no TV or hanging out with friends after school?!? I cannot fathom the mindset it requires to even think of that, much thinking it's a good idea or remotely acceptable in any way
The only possible situation i could think it'd be ok in is if they were like, idk, hitting their sibling with it while not wearing it, just holding it and using it as a bludgeon or something. But that's kind of ridiculous situation. And even then just for the moment so the conflict stops (and/or not damage the prosthetic..? Not familiar with how durable they are when used as a weapon lol). Not for a fucking week. Not even for a whole day. Even in an outlandish scenario like that, what this mom did was not remotely ok
I have an insulin pump. For me, I try to relate to this as if my parents took that away from me... I'd die within a little while which is verg severe but at the same time, a pump and a prosthetic are both medical devices that allow the wearer to live a "normal" life.
Write the book! Gather stories and information from professionals and psyches about techniques to use. It would be immensely helpful to so many people around the world. Thanks for highlighting this Jo.
This is sadly something I see so often as a disabled parent of a disabled child in particularly parenting groups but also in groups around the various disabled communities. It’s always so incredibly heartbreaking for these kids and the parents so rarely understand how incredibly abusive they are being. I see it particularly often in autism parenting groups with parents saying they take away their child’s communication device for various reasons, either as a punishment or because they arbitrarily decide they don’t need it for particular activities, and it never ceases to make me livid, that is your child’s voice. The amount of parents who just have zero understanding that their child’s medical device isn’t something you get to use as a “parenting tool” is gross
As a semi-verbal person, seeing stuff like that never ceases to make me livid. Being able to communicate is NOT a privilege. I will never understand why people see accommodations as a privilege that can be taken away. Jeez
Omg, that’s monstrous
I am autistic but got diagnosed as an adult (at 19) . My dad often punished me by taking away my phone/iPod a device I used to cope with sensory overload and anxiety. I know he didn’t mean it maliciously but when he saw how much it affected me he should have thought of something else.
That really really is GROSS. Wow. Mine have not had these struggles. I have seen the same behavior at my children's school where the parents are so callous. They devious that communication is just a toy then the student has to go through the day without a voice or any agency.
That was one of the only things I could come up with when comparing it to someone who is physically abled. That it's like forbidding your child to speak for a week. Taking away someone's voice and ability to communicate is abusive. Akin to assault. Especially when they are under your care, that's a cousin to Munchausens by Proxy.
It has no name. CPS should interview her to find out how all this happened and what on earth was she thinking in the FIRST place.
So cold blooded! We have a mother dearest situation... wow 😢
It's such a disgusting control thing too. Like saying, "If you do the wrong thing then I have the power to disable you even more." Almost like if (God forbid) an able-bodied child broke a rule and the parent tied the child's hands behind their back for a week. Horrific and so wrong.
apparently limbs are a luxury now instead of incredibly useful medical devices. I have no words
Oh you very much nailed it. I'm able bodied but severely nearsighted. My mom knew that one of my greatest fears was losing my glasses (kinda like losing your sight) and at one point she literally pulled them off my face to try to win an argument we were having. And I've been in therapy for years for my mom's emotional abuse! My therapist would agree with your take on it. Kids still deserve body autonomy!
Oh my mum did that quite a few times in my arguments with her. I was severely short sighted as well. I say was because I had ICL surgery to correct my vision. As I was too short sighted to have laser surgery.
Yeah, she would confiscate them as a punishment which was awful as she KNEW i couldn't see without them. A few times she even snapped them after ripping them off my face.
Her action was cruel and potentially abusive. And she never even apologised for it.
All I can say is thank goodness I had spares.
It's hard... because in my case, part of it is my own mum's trauma and it was her desperate need for control. And her sick way of doing it was to take my glasses when I was older.
But she and my father did pay for my eyes to be fixed.
It's just she grew up in a time where apologising to your kids for your mistakes is unheard of. And to get an apology out of her you have to force her.
It's not that she doesn't have good points. But she has her own trauma that she refuses to deal with.
So it can be very sad in that aspect. She wasn't as emotionally abusive as your mum. But I would call her emotionally insensitive sometimes.
I was thinking that when she said there's not really anything to compare it to. I thought maybe glasses would be the closest thing. My daughter has glasses and I would throw fists if anyone tried to take them off her for any reason at all let alone to 'punish' her. Sorry you had to go through that with your mum! Some parents just suck. My dad put me in hospital because my mum was 'brainwashing' me about my lactose intolerance at 4 years old! He had me and gave me food I'd never had cheese, yogurt, milk and I ended up being so sick that i couldn't keep food down for 2 weeks. Some people don't deserve children!
@@mrkennedy4394 agreed. Glasses are a medical aid for the majority of people who use them. But because of the accesorisation of them being adopted by non-short sighted people because it looks 'cool' they're not seen as such especially because they're becoming semi-common.
Having the ability to see is a right not a privilege. And glasses aid people in that.
I was fortunate enough to be able to afford, want and have surgery for my eyes. But what about those who don't? Glasses are necessary for them.
You wouldn't poke a non-glasses user child in the eyes as a punishment to temporarily blind them or give blurry vision (sorry i know that's crude but the closest equivelent I can think of).
That's called assault and abuse. So it's the same if you purposefully take a glasses users specs as punishment. Especially if they're prescription. You're taking away their ability just to being able to move normally.
I had to move around with my hands out and walk slowly because my vision was so out of focus that I couldn't judge distance that well unless it was up to my nose.
I agree. The last time I tried to function outside my house without my glasses, I walked into a pillar, and my eyes are MUCH worse now.
Yup, my glasses came to mind as well. I’d be utterly unable to function without them. Even around my house, let alone out in the world.
Deeply messed up to weaponize someone’s disability, even if it’s eyeglasses.
Yeahhhhh I can’t even put how I feel towards that mom into words. The idea of someone taking away my wheelchair or braces, as a punishment??? Just fighting with a DME provider on a warranty repair that’s taken almost a year to get absolutely nowhere reduces me to tears. I hope someone shows her posts like these, maybe she’ll see how incredibly cruel taking away her kid’s prosthetic arm is…
I can only think of the era of left handed kids being forced to use their right hand and deaf kids being forced not to sign, both by having their hands tied.
One of the things I as a special ed teacher have to drill into peoples minds is that communication devices are a persons voice and should not be taken away ever. Like the student should have their book/iPad/whatever at all times and leaving it in another classroom or taking it away is horrible. I can’t tell you how many times our speech pathologists have reached out to tell people this just within the past year 😢
I don’t have speech difficulties. When my throat hurt too badly in the hospital to properly articulate anything, I had to fight to be able to use a pen and paper to write things down. It’s horrifying to me that people who are nonverbal have to deal with people cruel enough to decide to remove their access to devices that help them communicate.
I have a feeling that those people would take able bodied children's voice if they could because they find kids being kids annoying. Only it's easier with disabled children :(
I read this one a few days ago and my blood just boiled! It would be the same as if the mother took away a wheelchair from a paralyzed child. Medical devices and such are not a luxury! They are needed tools. It honestly should be declared to the police and custody needs to be discussed. It's just horrific and I can't wrap my head around how anyone would think that it's ok to take away a prosthetic limb.
Speech-language pathologist here. I'm going to get on my soap box and comment that kids getting communication devices taken away as punishment is a horrifyingly common occurrence and is just as absurd as the situation Jo was talking about.
I cant think of any equivalent with an able- bodied child; I don't think there is one. What came to mind is taking away someone's glasses, hearing aid, white cane, crutches/walker, AAC devices, etc
@@reneekelly2193 The equivalent for an able bodied would be to tie up an arm in a way that it can't be used anymore.
@@KiraFriede In first grade, I had a teacher who would fasten the hands of misbehaving children behind their backs with rubberbands. Children who talked when they weren't supposed to got chalkboard erasers or wads of paper towels rubberbanded into their mouths. Thank goodness my mum believed me when I told her, but none of the other adults at the school would believe my mum! This reminds me of that...
I’m only half way thru your video, but I’m so enraged! That women should never be left alone with any children. My ex husband has a prosthetic arm. He was a grown adult and would never be seen without his hook. I wonder if that little girl had to suffer at school with not only her limitations because of the loss of her prosthetic, but the embarrassment of having to walk around without her arm. That mother is just vile.
Good rant, totally agree. Our moms are supposed to love us and protect us from the grown up bullies, not be one of them. And to be so unaware of how that affects the child is just cold. I hope the chamomile & puppy loves brought your blood pressure back down.
A restraining jacket is a good equivalent for the upper body. Full leg splints would work for the lower body. Sign that "mom" up for a week of both.
This next bit is overkill but....
Sensory deprivation tank.
@@mikaroni_and_cheez Perfect! Insert Mr. Burns "Excellent" meme here. 😂
I'm legally blind, and when I was a kid I used an 8x telescope to read the chalkboard as well as overheads that my teachers would use in school. What you just described, from my point of view, would be similar to my parents taking my telescope away If I got caught cheating on an exam! What this mother did was clearly abusive, and way out of line. Yes, the child should be punished, but you don't punish her any differently than you would a "normal" child.
I’m a disabled vet with a CPAP machine for sleep apnea and a Service Dog for my PTSD. I couldn’t imagine being forcefully separated from either.
The only way I can possibly conceive of how this woman justified what she did is if the girls somehow used her prosthetic arm in the act of cheating like had the answers tucked into it somewhere. That could allow the mother to see it as takeing away a thing her daughter used to cheat, rather than what it actually is , whitch is taking away the child's arm.
I'm not trying to justify it I'm just trying to wrap my head around wtf this mom was thinking.