this video has gotten a lot of traction and with it a lot of mixed opinions. for the most part i will leave everyone's comments up as long as they are respectful and kind. however, i will be censoring any comments that are meant to spark arguments about innocence or guilt of the parties mentioned in the video. that isn't the point. the point is to reach out to the fandom so we can heal. please be mindful with your comments!
The damn irony to me of william gold. I don’t miss you. I miss the thought of what you were. those damn lyrics echo in my mind whenever i think of it all.
William seemed to be very aware that he was a bad person and wrote about it so much in his lyrics but we viewed HIM as the victim up until shelby’s statement which is when it was realized that no, he’s not the victim, he truly just is the villain
I loved to play since I saw Vienna on guitar. He was the one who inspired me to learn guitar. I still play it, but it's even more bittersweet and the one lyric "Treating my memory of you like a fire, let it Burn out, don't fight it, and try to move on" Really his hard. I miss being able to listen to the music and I want to try again but I don't have the courage to.
I used to see him just as Tommy saw him. I picked my guitar back up because of him. I wrote stories with tidbits of inspiration from him. I listened to music he recommended. I started wearing coats in hot weather. I grew up picking up different personalities to craft my own, little did I know they were mostly Wilbur’s. And when the news officially broke, I shattered.
same, i used to have white streaks in my hair and i would always wear coats because of him, it took me 7 months to take the streaks away and now they’re red, but every time i wash my hair and the blonde comes back i remember that deep down my whole personality is based on wilbur, i dont allow myself to smile because my smile looks like him, i thought i was the only one still thinking about him but your comment and this video comforted me, thank you
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon you shouldn't let him take over your life, smile and have fun, even though it feels wrong and bad right now, it will be over one day
@@NovaTheScreechingDragonThink of it this way, you're salvaging the traits of a person and no longer becoming like them, think of it as taking what he didn't deserve to express and enjoy and make it something worth it and think of the traits, hair dye, jackets, as things that are going to be now appreciated by someone who deserves to cherish it, as for your smile do not force yourself to hide it away because of someone else instead appreciate it because in the end it's a smile you deserve more than he does.
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon don't let him take away your smile. he does not deserve that. just because your smile looks like his, doesn't mean you are like him. you're you. and you're wonderful. and you're flawed. and i'm sure you light somebody's day. and, most of all, you are loved. there are people who care about you that want to see you laugh and smile and have fun. don't let him take that away from you.
THIS! he comforted me so much with my own struggles with domestic abuse and sh and then it was revealed he was the very same type of person as my abuser. my whole personality was practically based on him and i hate myself sm because i allowed myself to become attached to someone i never actually knew
he was my comfort youtuber im so disappointed in what he's done. im not taking sides because i really don't know who to believe but if shelby is telling the truth .. wow
I'll never forget when he said "anything young girls like is considered cringe, name one thing a girl can like without getting bullied for" or something along those lines. I hate that I agree with somone as horrible as him, and I hate even more that it was all smoke and mirrors, hes basically the biggest "nice guy" ever, and what we thought was him joking around was him showing his true colors right under our noses. I hope everyone can heal and learn to let go, I know he helped us all through tough times but he isn't the Wilbur Soot who played Minecraft with his friends. It was all a persona
imo dont feel super bad about agreeing with him on a statement like that. he was both a public figure and an abuser (so thus he would have had his justifications for his fucked up behaviour) it makes sense that he wouldve had the occasional profound statement especially when it relates to female agency
If it's any comfort to you, bad people can do and say good things and it's okay to acknowledge that. In real life, there are very few black and white villains. Wilbur Soot was a brilliant artist, and for a long time, I was a huge fan of his content because I appreciated his creativity and thoughts, I still think some of the things he said throughout his career are true and some of the content he made was really cool, that doesn't change the fact that he's an abuser and I don't support him anymore regardless. For example, I also think Neil Gaiman's books are some of the best I've read, he's still an abuser and a sexual predator and I don't support him anymore. I get it if you don't want to see anything Wilbur did or said as good anymore because of what he's done, but don't put that guilt on yourself when he's the one who deserves it. None of us knew what was going on and none of us could have guessed it. I think there are a lot of people who truly grieved the loss of who we thought he was when Shelby came out about it, but the important thing is that we all stood behind her even if the truth sucks.
That smoke and mirrors is why I don’t listen to his music anymore, ofc it’s partly about not supporting shitty people but a huge part of it is those lyrics hit rather different when some of them are true. The bit wasn’t a bit, he was just a good enough actor
I miss the old wilbur, I miss the guy who "fcked" a salmon, I miss the guy who wrote "My L'manburg", I miss the guy who blew up L'manburg, I miss the guy who "ate" sand, I miss the guy who made my favorite songs. I miss the guy who made me happy. I wish I was back in 2021-2022 when the time I was happiest with him. He was one of the most comforting person to me, even though he didn't know me. I idolized him so much, his music was the most comforting thing I've ever heard. Everytime I hear his name, I feel my stomach churning. I wish he never did the things he did, because he made me so happy.
Sadly, the thing people have to realize is that IS the same guy. He had already abused another woman by the time he posted in the DreamSMP. They aren’t different people, they are the same person because human beings are complicated. The idea that they are “too separate people” is accurate to our perceptions but not to the reality of abuse: people who act good, who do good things, who are seen as good people, who are funny and lovable, are someone else’s worst nightmare.
your words here honestly fucking stole me for a few minutes, I don't think there's ever been a time that I've just sat staring at my monitor wide-eyed just over how much words touched me. I was completely disassociated just listening to that last part, like I was being directly spoken to, I really never thought I'd see the day that someone could understand so much about me just through a video, I feel so read... and honestly kind of like I'm going to cry.
ive been reading all these comments about my writing and how it got to people but this is the first one to seriously hit me hard. thanks for saying this dude it means a lot, hope you're doing well.
i am so very glad you put this feeling into words because god knows i couldn't right now. sitting on my bed, staring at the screen, tear stained cheeks. i'm so grateful to have someone to share this with.
I was a longtime DSMP fan and Wilbur was one of my favs. To be honest, he inspired me so much about his writing and songs. "Your City Gave Me Asthma" was my top favorite of his. Now, I look back at those with such a bitter taste in my mouth. After Techno's passing, I had hoped that things won't get worse, and boy I was wrong. The things he did were nothing short of inexcusable. I still love the DSMP to bits and I try my goshdarn hardest to just see his character and not him. William Gold has no place in my mind. Wilbur Soot may have some but only in character. And I wish for those severely affected by this to have healed and moved on.
@@user-mh3kv5uu5kcharacters are allowed to be terrible people. Characters don’t hurt real world people like real people do. (Not defending him as a person or a character, it’s just weird to think you can’t like a character who is a bad person)
@@user-mh3kv5uu5k Yeah, of fricken course he is. But I (at least back then) liked the character for how he was, of course I aint gonna condon his actions. Its like liking a villain, you love them but know that they've done heinious shit
Thank you for this. Some people say i’m being dramatic and that “he’s just a streamer, get over it.” but he wasn’t just a streamer to me. I miss who I thought he was, I really do.
@@feverdream-4i am so sorry you had to interact with that person. I never watched his vids but i heard about him and u r letting his legacy live on, don't let that kid be the reason why you stop having him on your lockscreen, but the reason why you'll keep it for longer❤
We miss Wilbur Soot, not William Gold. We miss the funny and kind guy who wrote "My L'Manburg", we miss the one who made us feel happy. (I'm so sorry, I'm crying again.) Update: You got 1K likes on a comment that makes me cry every time I re-read it. Thank you for your attention.
I was lucky enough, for a lack of better words, to give all my love to Technoblade, and not Wilbur Soot. Sure, Techno left early. And sure, it took me two years of tears, blood shed by broken glass, depression and therapies to get over it. But he hadn't changed. He stayed the funny, sarcastic, loving older brother of his fanbase, always reminding us how strong we are, how proud he was of us, how much he cared for us, with every single syllable genuine. We haven't gotten any reason to hate him, to hear his voice or see his channel with negative emotions, or to want to stop watching his videos all together. The death of both Technoblade and Alex stung for a long time, but we have the liberty of watching his legacy with nostalgia. The death of Wilbur Soot was chaotic, and his voice will forever be listened to with hatred, and grief over how easily he toyed with our feelings
Every now and again, i will go back and put on the potato war trilogy in the background. I still remember waking up that day, turning on yt, and my whole feed being bonbarded with "r.i.p. techno" vids. We miss him. But i dont miss wilbur anymore, ive numbed myself to it. Wilbur is what inspired me to pick up guitar, and im the only other person im my family other than my grandmother who plays. I dont listen to his music anymore, or try to avoid it as much as possible
I was NEVER in the dream smp / Wilbur fandom, but It feels lonely without you guys... Missing all the fanarts and video complications of dream and friends, its just not the same without you guys :(
Thank you. I think we’re grieving quietly because we were laughed at and judged when we celebrated our fandom loudly and while we didn’t care then, it all changed when the people judging us were (somewhat) right. I feel a lot of shame thinking back to my DSMP era, all the fanart I made and all the things I told my friends about it. And that while I was relatively late to the fandom. I can’t imagine how people feel who followed him and other false idols for years. Similarly to other comments, I find myself feeling a lot more hesitant to find new idols and generally distant from creators I still watch. It is sad that we shut our creativity down but we need time to process everything that happend and to find new sources of inspiration. A part of this fandom’s artists may have gone silent but some of us moved on to new fandoms, like EPIC: The Musical, or they started doing their own thing. If you miss our creations, go look! We’re still out there.
@@moonie_nouki hiii :3 kinda off-topic but i thought it was funny so i’d mention it, believe it or not, i’m actually not a theatre kid, nor do i even listen to musicals- i know DSMP kinda started as a Hamilton roleplay, but i just happened to find it, and i liked it even though i only know like, maybe one or two songs from Hamilton- and as for how i got into EPIC, i got into it from my sister! (who is more into musicals than me) she told me about the general plot of EPIC, and i thought it was really cool but i honestly didn’t plan to get into the fandom or anything since it’s a musical and i don’t normally like songs from musicals, but i decided to listen to a few songs anyway since it showed up on my feed, and BOY ARE ALL THE SONGS SO GOOD. so that’s my second time getting into a fandom full of theatre kids without actually being one myself :D (btw i have nothing against musicals ((or their fans, for that matter, they’re actually really fun)), i think it’s really cool but it’s just that most musicals are not my usual taste in music)
damn, I kinda liked wilbur as a youtuber, but not on the level some fans are. I stopped watching him way before the drama came out, but I was still surprised and shocked that the guy I thought was wholesome and sweet turned out to be the way he is. when I first saw this video, I thought "man, you guys cared too much" but thinking about it, I don't really blame you or the fandom for being sucked into that parasocial relationship. He did really well painting himself as a fun type of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, that kind of personality is almost intoxicating to follow. And it didn't help that he was cultivating that kind of fandom as well. I really hope that, for those of you that don't support him anymore, to not make the same mistake of idolizing someone so hard again. You can enjoy a youtubers content, but don't give into that idolization mindset a lot of people fall into
I had the same initial reaction to be honest. But then I thought about it a little more, considering the audience demographic and when Wilbur gained popularity. 2020 was a year that really disrupted a lot of children and teens intellectual, emotional, and social development (me included, I was in 7th grade). It makes sense in those circumstances how so many people (adolescents especially) could get so sucked into parasocial relationships. We were all stuck inside on our phones with mental health issues developing faster than our frontal lobes were.
I had known him since Soothouse. I got into dsmp when he made his first video on it. But..I think what I miss the most about him is his music. It helped me a lot throughout the years. I remember listening to ycgma and sobbing to it. I remember it's all futile touching my heart. I remember first listening to it's golden hour on the cd I had bought and feeling like my soul was being lifted away from my body. I remember going to his first of the road to 100 tour and when that song played I reached into the golden lights and screamed the lyrics, feeling a spiritual experience that I had never felt before. I still have the shirt I got that day. I have his lmantooz, I have his cd, I have a lmanberg flag, I have the cosplay for his dsmp character I made in 2021. That cosplay helped me realize I was trans. I modeled my first short haircut after his. I can separate his dsmp character from him. I can still keep those things close. But his music...his music is his. And it hurts so much to look at that tour shirt still hanging above my bed and remember the ecstasy and understanding I felt in those golden lights, and not be heartbroken by how much of a facade it all was.
I feel like the real problem is worshiping a human being. We're all bound to let each other down after all. It seems the people most hurt are the ones who were obsessed with him.
Thank you for making this. When I first heard about Shelby's story, I knew it was him too. There was no way it wasn't. In the coming days of his silence I found myself bitterly thinking Shelby should have never spoken. I caught myself on many occasions and scolded myself. She deserves closure, she deserves to speak, I was just upset that someone I had watched since Soothouse, since SMP Live, SMP Earth, finally Dream SMP and QSMP...was such a horrible person. I was trying to deflect it from him in my mind. When his statement came out, it just proved everything. I felt sick. I ranted to my friends, in open air really, to no one in particular, texting and crying. I caught myself asking "Why do I feel this strongly for someone like this I don't even know?" Many youtubers I used to watch, even as a child back in 2010, have been outed as abusers, lawbreakers...and yet Wilbur was the first person who took up this much brain space. Who made me cry this much. I still don't know why my mind latched onto him the most instead of others I had known longer, had a longer time to feel betrayed by. I found myself asking "how does Tommy feel? and Quackity? and Phil?" Because I thought my feelings didn't matter. I was one fan of millions who'd been betrayed, my sadness didn't matter in a sea of millions. But it did, and does. This has made me feel...disconnected from youtubers. From people I hold dear online. I didn't realize how parasocial I had gotten, even when I preached being parasocial to an unhealthy extent was bad. I find myself feeling duller for people. The constant thought of "I shouldn't get too involved, they could be exposed as a horrible person tomorrow when I wake up." It's not just Wilbur. Dozens of youtubers, from ages ago to recently, have been exposed as horrible people of all kinds. In this age where you can't even trust yourself sometimes, as well as the people you have to look up to? It's...hard. Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler, but then again, this is a space for our thoughts. Thanks again for this. I think I needed this. I tend to...suppress things and forget about them. my mind cuts off things so I don't feel the pain it's caused. We'll never get true closure, in a way of a real apology to Shelby or us, even when his career fails it won't be enough. But, we can learn to move on. Stay safe, everyone. Drink some water, eat some food, get good rest...Your feelings matter. You're strong. You can do this. I believe in you. You'll do great things. Feel free to add on below, you're safe here
With my newer intrests some part of my brain still whispers “what if they’re a bad person?” And then I go: “it’s a fictional character.” It is so utterly relieving to have my Hyperfixations not be attached to content creators (outside of hermitcraft, but honestly, hermitcraft is like- zero drama, it’s great) It feels like a weight has dropped off my shoulders to know that no one can accuse Ford Pines of being an abuser. I mean they can, but they’d be wrong. To truly *know* my favorite characters is so so incredibly relieving, to not be constantly worried that they might be cancelled or exposed- god it’s amazing. I haven’t let go of DSMP. I haven’t let go of techno especially. I still buy techno merch and wear my technoblade and Ranboo hoodies on a near daily basis. But god is it nice to have my current Hyperfixations feel so secure.
The pain that people who idolized formerly good people, is different. It's something that no one talks about, that no one wants to tackle. The pain of in less than a blink, you're forced to forget every time they made you smile, laugh, and forget about all that's wrong. That in less than a blink, you're expected to hate someone without any closure, without showing that you're hurt. I'm glad you found a way to express the pain, or found the people to cry with. Unfortunately I am surrounded by people who didn't think twice about canceling him. Who would judge me for being upset that I lost a safe space. But that's what he was to me, a place I thought was safe, governed by safe people. Before the announcement, I always questioned what his songs were about. Why they were so dark and narcissistic. Why, if not written by someone I respected, would sound utterly, absolutely, disturbingly, sick and twisted. I almost went to a lovejoy concert. But tickets sold out faster than I could find good seats- I suppose the universe wanted to shield me from a deeper attachment than I already had. I used to listen to YCGMA on loop to fall asleep almost every singly night. With every note and lyric still buried in my head, I rot in the grave of intangible grief I cannot share. Truth be told, I had always favored techno as opposed to wilbur. But after his passing, I looked to sbi for some sense of comfort and closure, or an outlet to express this grief I couldn't share with my family. I have hoodies, plushies, things I cannot imagine looking at without a tang of grief. I felt I was in mourning for year and more, and I still weep. But after Wilburs actions, I looked for other places for my mourning to hide. I tried not to stray too far, so I've found a new sense of life in places like hermitcraft, epic, Hamilton, or Charlie and Schlatt (he's the realist person I know). Not that I don't watch anything dsmp related, but just that both Wilbur and techno were such big parts of it all, that you can rarely find anything without them. If im honest, I can tell you it took over a year to actually pry myself away from technos channel, from my tears and mourning, and even attempt to fill the gap he left behind in my soul. He took some of the best parts of me with him. And he can never be replaced, but my heart has found solace in people like Geminitay (whom I've been watching for just as long as techno, basically a little before the duel). But I still look back on these almost four years of my life where this fandom wasn't as it is now. I still wouldn't have changed anything. I doubt anything Ill ever find will feel the same, so I'm glad I found it. But I'm glad I've moved on as well. Sorry for essay!! TLDR: Being hit with the Wilbur situation after what still felt like a fresh wound of technos passing, I had a hard time finding a way to feel alive again. And while I don't regret being part of the fandom, or the energy and time I devoted to it, I'm grateful I've found a way to move on. o7
i also used to listen to ycgma to sleep :'^) i had the whole thing downloaded onto my phone for so long because i didn't have spotify premium back then.
I went to one of the concerts and it was willllddddd. You could tell by the way he moved on stage that he knew every single person in the audience was in love with him. It was intimidating in a way but also so compelling. He had such a grip on us all. I do feel bad for the rest of the band tho cus they seem like genuinely good people (although what do I know lmao). And they did make actually good music - far better than Wilbur's solo projects. I feel bad that their careers- which looked so promising - have been dragged down by him.
I was lucky enough to never become parasocial with him, but man. I watched this guy for six years. I liked so much of what he did - the videos, the jokes, the music. And to just have to drop all of that at once was a lot harder than the average youtuber cancellation. I had planned AMVs with his songs, and with songs made about his character! Still, in a way, it was a lot easier to comprehend than most exposings. It wasn't as if he revealed a side of himself we hadn't seen before. I always thought he put on an unhinged, somewhat toxic persona, especially in some of his earlier songs, but turns out that was the real him all along
When i first got into his music i somehow felt that there was something wrong, like i heard the song "your sister was right" in the voice of the person that emotionally abused me....but i still pushed that down and he was still one of my favourite creators for a while. I still find his songs scattered over my old playlists and my heart drops every time they come up
a lot of my inspiration to make this came from quinnamon and the passerine podcast, as well as the fact that i think we need more videos to help us all heal. i hope you're safe and that you know you're loved. EDIT: ive added links to the aforementioned videos to the description of this video, as well as to tommyinnit's new song (which, after pausing and reading all the hidden messages, really affected me). hope you're all doing okay.
this makes me realize i haven’t.. truly processed all this. i haven’t quite sat down and asked myself how i feel about this, how i felt. i can say that i have moved on, that i no longer think about him. but i do. sometimes i still think to myself how a “man like him” could do things like that, but i never bother to give myself an actual answer due to how much it hurts. i still ache for his music, for the things he created. i wish i could hear his music without a pit forming in my stomach. i miss who i thought he was. who he was before it all came out. seeing and listening to someone who finally understands how much of an impact Wilbur. Soot. had is honestly so comforting in such an aching way. i do wish i could never think about him again, but i know that that’s not possible. i still love the dsmp, and will continue to, and i wish i could write down all i truly feel, yet this will suffice. fuck you william gold, but i miss you wilbur soot.
this hit sm harder than i thought it would. i still adore lovejoy and wilbur’s work but i cannot listen to it without a pit in my stomach. he was someone i had trusted so much and him and his work helped me through a hard time in my life and it really hurts knowing it’s never gonna be the same but im proud of shelby and how far shes come :)
Just over a year ago, I discovered that a friend of mine had committed sexually abusive acts onto someone we both knew, on top of other things. They were a massive fan of Wilbur Soot and talked about him reverently. Watching his fans go through a sense of betrayal so closely to what I did, only a few months later made me feel a sense of kinship with his fan base that I never came close to feeling when my former friend talked about him and I watched his content with them. My heart really goes out to his former fans and his victims.
I was mostly fine the entire video, and then the 'you are alive.' absolutely shattered me. I find my solace in the community that once was. In the people that too mourned a bond between someone who never felt that bond. Mouths after my anger after his post I mourned for the little boy with star eyes for a man who had never even knew of his existence. We /are/ alive, we /are/ here. And we did it because of ourselves, not because some man on the internet spoke hours into the night. To you, mandela, thank you. As I enter the end stages of my mourning for that young boy who aspired to be like a man who was nothing more than character, this video has given me that conclusion. The chapter has ended and my story will continue, not because some man on the internet spoke words through my breakdowns, but because I worked myself through the pain, and came out the other end.
Ah, I may not have been a Wilbur soot fan, but it hurts to see the fandom in shambles like this. Sometimes I wonder if this all wouldn't have happened if Techno survived. As soon as he was gone, almost all his friends went to shit... I'm a voice myself, and I want to extend condolences to all the former soot fans, as I know it hurts to watch someone you love die. I'm referring to Wilbur, not William.
I’m slowly maturing past my MCYT phase and ditching my parasocialism but you’ve helped me finally let go. Healing takes time, and I’m glad there’s other ex-fans like me who are still taking their time. Just wanted to say thank you for giving your perspective and comforting the community. It may be hard moving past someone we thought we all knew, but we’ll get there eventually. We’re all gonna be alright.
you are so right about people who support Wilbur or shubble in this situation feel stuck because they want to know the truth, they want to find something they can’t. it’s gonna be like that, and it’s so hard to just move on when these are people you followed for so long.
Wow oh wow. This described how I feel PERFECTLY. Wilbur was my favourite creator from the DSMP community for about two years, and I ended up caring way too much about him - he brought me so much comfort and happiness when I was feeling awful. He was the one who inspired me to start playing guitar, made me want to make music and be in a band, and his and Lovejoy's music became my favourite music ever. Whenever I felt anxious or sad or overwhelmed I would put on my Wilbur playlist and it would make me feel better. I remember the day I heard about Shelby's stream and how the whole day I had so much anxiety in my chest and I felt sick and disgusted all day. I wish that I had never allowed myself to care about him so much, but even now there are still other creators I care about to the same level. It hurts so much that someone I thought was so wonderful turned out to be horrible. I think I really pushed away how it made/makes me feel because I thought it was stupid to care so much, but watching this video really made me realise how much it has affected me. I don't know if any of what I said makes sense, but thank you for making this video, and I hope you and anyone reading this comment is doing okay. Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.
I wasn't a diehard fan, but I admired his creativity, and his seemingly-caring facade. But seeing someone who you used to hold at such a high standard reveal themselves to have caused someone deep pain, it reminded me of my own past relationship. While I'm thankful to have never felt physical abuse, it was the emotional and mental toll, and the fear of not being able to exist outside of that relationship, those were all things that I resonated with from Shelby's story. Hell, his music and content were part of what got me through my own painful experiences. So to find out he had caused the same sort of pain (perhaps even worse) to someone else was a complicated sense of betrayal, but a valid one. Support victims. Never refuse to believe a victim's story just because you think you know the abuser better, that they would never do such a thing, that they were kind to you therefore they would never cause harm to anyone else. People will always surprise you.
his songs used to be in every playlist in spotify that i made or shared with others, his music was my comfort, he was what i went to directly after the news of technoblade's death, and when i heard of what he did, it shattered me more than ever before, i went through every playlist that i could deleting his music, deleting anything refering to him ever being on my playlists, anytime i do find him on a playlist i delete his songs, one of the weridest things that happened right before the news broke, i watched a video documenting his songs, saying as to how they told a story of how wilbur soot was portraying two guys who where going after the same girl, but both where abusive, after the news broke i looked back at that video and realized, no it wasn't a story, it was how he really was, it was a warning, I had already started to drift from wilbur before the news, mostly because i was going to philza and i felt it was werid wilbur joined a minecraft server with heavy based lore, went on tour, and then came back and got upset when he missed lore. Looking back on it now...i wonder..if that fight between philza and wilbur was actually fake...or was it true real frustraion from phil about his true feelings about wilbur not being there.
the fact this not only happend to me with wilbur but with melanie martinez too, both of them were artists that impacted my life in such a powerfull way, people i looked up to so much, i admired them, the melanie concert i went to was such a happy memory but now i look back at it and feel ashamed that i was that happy, my eyes get watery everytime i remember that my whole perspective on their music changed with the perception i had of them. i tried separating wilbur's music from him but separating the music from the artist is so much easier when the artist isn't such a big part of the experience
What did Melanie do? I remember there was the controversy around her allegedly r wording a friend but that was disproved, after that I haven't heard anything about her being bad.
Yess wilbur and Melanie hit hard. I also had to deal with some of my favorite of all time youtubers (cody ko, Colleen Ballinger, Caroline konstnar, Mr beast, try guys, gus Johnson, nickisnotgreen, etc.)
OH MY GOD YES, i still feel so bad about the melanie situation because idk what to believe in, id rather not stand for the victim or the abuser, but man i literally grew up with melanie, i felt horrified☹️
nah with Melanie it just makes me very angry, i really liked her music but looking back at it, it was quite mediocre, specially when finding out that she didnt go through the trauma that she portrayed (quite poorly too). Finding out that she not only didn't go through it but actually put people through it makes me feel sick. My feelings about Wilbur are a lot more complicated and hard to describe than with Melanie
I had joined the dsmp fandom quite late into the smp and I immediately fell in love with it. And the one person who I truly felt a somewhat connection with, (while I am deeply ashamed to say I had let myself become that parasocial with an artist) was “Wilbur Soot”. I would go on his vids channel and binge watch his videos, I would smile, laugh, giggle anytime I heard him say a funny joke, or just laugh in general. I would listen to his songs on repeat. I had let myself become so attached to a person who I didn’t even know. Who was across the world from me. Who had know clue who I was, and didn’t care. I had become so attached, I would lay in bed at night, thinking of when he would stream next, if he would release make more music. When Shelby’s video came out, I didn’t watch it. I didn’t even know what had happened. I hadn’t heard the name “Wilbur Soot” in a while, since I had slowly but surely forgotten all about him (though I still occasionally listened to his music). I only found out about everything from a friend of mine, she told me about Shelby’s video, and my heart, sank. She had told me how people had theorized that it was “Wilbur” and my heart sank even more. It sank because I knew it was most likely the truth. That the person I held so dearly to my heart, had abused someone. Soon after “Wilbur’s” statement came out (because that pathetic excuse of an apology does not deserve that title) me and my friend sat at the park, on a tire swing, and just talked about it. We talked about how upsetting it was to know that someone we both genuinely liked as a person, was someone who was such a bad person in return. I remember bawling my eyes out one night, maybe it wasn’t because of the whole situation, but it definitely was a factor to my crying. I remember soon afterwards feeling a deep, deep hatred for him. Also hating myself for ever liking him, feeling as if me previously enjoying his content made me, too, a bad person. It took at least a week of processing and thinking to realize that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but his own. I do genuinely wish the world could go back to dsmp times, and everyone would be happier. But that’s not possible. Things change even if we don’t want them to, and we have to come to terms with that fact. It’s a sad reality, but the only reality we have. In all honesty, I take pity on people who still support him, who have decided to create their own reality of what happened, of who’s telling the truth. I don’t pity them, however, when they decide to hate on Shelby, because she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not necessarily a Shelby fan, but it disgusts me to know that people will hate on a victim just because the said abuser is someone they like. I really do wish “Wilbur” comes forward, and tells us about William Gold, and who he is, and give a real apology, but I highly doubt it will happen.
(Some more I forgot to add) After everything had happened, I tried listening to some of his music again (pirated), to see how it make me feel. The second I heard his voice singing, I turned it off. I turned it off and sat on my bed, a pit in my stomach, a tight feeling in my chest. It just felt so wrong to even hear his voice. And while it was pirated, I felt wrong listening to it. I even attempted to watch a video of his, but also, the second I saw his face, heard his voice, I had to turn it off. I simply couldn’t watch, listen, or do anything in relation to that man.
You make a new sign of light for me to breach my eyes on. You helped me overcome him. You are right. He didn't save me, I saved myself. He was just a hobby to get my mind off of things. He doesn't know me, and he doesn't need to know me. But as long as I bring closure to my suffering. I know I saved myself.
two days ago I listened to "Mine/Yours" by Wilbur Soot for the last time. Then I removed it from my favorite song list forever. His music and songs reminded me of my dad when I was little. My dad would play the guitar, my mum would sing and play the piano and I would listen. Wilbur Soot was my favorite youtuber and streamer of all time. I'm glad I have moved on from that era of my life
To be honest with you i remember about two months before the situation went public i had been purposely not watching him, i just had a gut feeling and then i listened to a song of his and he immediately became a comfort streamer just two months before Shubble came out and said everything he had done. i started crying almost instantly, even though i had only been watching him for a short amount of time the news hit me like a truck. Support Victims always. People who still support wilbur actually shock me.
i can't say i understand this form of parasocial relationship. sure, i cried over and didn't get catharsis for Technoblade's passing until this year, but it was never really parasocial in this sense. i just cried because he would never release another video again to brighten our days. it was more of a constant suddenly being gone instead of having my idolization of a person shattered.
I never knew the full extent of the rumours having moved on from the dsmp creators when the server ended and that was when I said goodbye to my obsession of those people. This helped me understand parasocialness as I never understood the concept. Sometimes I heard a song of wilburs and I remembered the time where I was at rock bottom but the community and the creators helped but then I remembered that the people they've been exposed to be they were then and I've now let go of all of it. I removed every song, edit and video of wilbur from the favouirtes and I'm fine
I stumbled upon this, watched, then had a cry I needed. Here are my words. I was a massive fan of Wilbur Soot when I first discovered him in 2021, around the end of the Disc War Finale on the Dream SMP. I immediately grew to love this man and his personality, his humor, and most of all his songs. When he streamed or appeared on someone else's videos, I dropped everything to watch. When I needed music to make me happy or help me get through bad moments, it was his. When he first spoke of starting a band all the way to being onstage for his band's first concert, I was there to support him. He had made himself out to be this fun, sweet guy who had a cheery personality and an amazing sense of humor, that kind of persona he built was easy to love and follow. I was happy and content to admire this man through a screen, who I never met and hence never met me. Now looking back on it, I see it for what it was, a parasocial relationship with someone who built his character out of manipulation and lies to get the masses to adore him. When it was revealed what he had done, I couldn't believe it at first despite all the signs screaming that it was him, but then Wilbur himself admitted to it and I broke. I never did and never will stand with someone who hurts others, I shouldn't have put so much faith in someone I never truly knew. I dropped him and his band, unsubscribed from everything and hid away my Lovejoy hoodie, but it hurt. They had become a part of my life and now they were gone. I can't turn to his music or videos without feeling disgust and guilt in me, and any videos of other streamers that has him in it left me angry, knowing he was just there smiling and laughing while doing the bad things he did. But as mentioned in the video, hoping for things to turn out differently won't change anything. Nowadays, I'm slowly moving on. Not completely and quickly, as it still stings, but I'm getting there. Not sure when, or how, but I'm determined to not let this haunt me. As the video said, I owe him nothing. Not my time, love, or devotion. I'll learn from this too, and do my best to keep from forming intensely parasocial relationships in the future that'll ultimately hurt me. William Gold is dead to me, and I'm slowly but surely letting go now. I'm healing, and I hope others will heal too. Those like me who held such deep admiration for this man, yet ultimately were hurt by what he did. We are not alone, we'll be alright. Thank you Mandela, for this video.
Sometimes I wonder what Technoblade would think if he was still around to see all of this go down. If he'd be just as disappointed as the rest of us, or if maybe he wouldn't be surprised at all. Just... Resigned.
I flip-flop between wishing he were here for comfort, and being glad that he doesnt _have_ to feel disappointed and resigned like the rest of us :( it brings me a lot of comfort to think that he's resting in peace instead of dealing with this bs o7
This video was so good i cant even put it in words. It made me feel things i thought i had forgotten, it gave me motivation to write again, to process my emotions properly instead of sucking them into the evergrowing black hole in my mind, that gets bigger every time it finds something to nourish itself off and that took over myself for the last months. Please write more and if you are ready share it with us, i will wait for it and im sure others will love it as much as i do. Youre really talented, we're in this together and we're gonna be fine
"sometimes the words of a heartbroken person can shatter even the most stable of hearts" you're a brilliant writer, and though all of this hurts, none of us-neither you, nor me, nor anyone-should give up on what we sought to achieve
I just cried so hard. Honestly, when I first heard the news I couldn't believe it, I wanted to hope it wasn't him like you I just, knew. For a while I stopped listening to his music, stopped praising Wilbur Soot and the person he was in my mind as he fucking disgusted me, to, my, core. To be someone that has experience with toxic people like this in my childhood, and to hear that news, changed me, SHIFTED me as a person, even if I may not had idolised him the same way you did. He's the reason I wrote, infact, his album "Mammalian sighing reflex" is the reason I picked up guitar at the beginning of this year, and yes I know how to play some bits of his music. The irony is that in fairly recent (within the last 4 years) experience with a toxic person my mother was dating his music, his album "Your city gave me asthma" and more specifically Jubilee line really did save my life, they really did help me. And I believed that. Now, I believe that his name, the fact that he wrote it, and the distain this knowledge gives his music is important to acknowledge, but it doesn't matter to me. I still listen to it. My interpretation of the sound, the words, what it means to me. I hate thinking about it, I hate that he did what he did but that cannot be changed. So, we move on, move forward, as a fandom we never die, we simply change, grow older, learn. We still loved those characters on our screens. We still laughed, screamed, and cried with them, and I treasure those memories, and that's okay. It's okay to treasure good memories, even if somebody involved isn't good. This is just how I see it all, but thank you for this video, it pushed me to write this, and I see it as important to write these things down.
I'm so glad you made this. This is exactly how I felt and still feel. Removing his music from my playlist hurt. I miss the golden days of the DSMP, where everyone had fun and enjoyed the content and the creators. When I heard this happened, I desperately hoped it wasn't true, but as time went on, I realized that it was true and the person I looked up to so much had disappointed not only me, but so many other people. It's less about being parasocial, but more about losing a person who was a comfort. I wish it never happened and I learned that I can't trust anyone to be perfect, cookie cutter people. People are flawed and unfortunately, many of them make disgusting decisions. And at the end of the day, we can't control nor prevent it. We have to move on. It's painful, but we can do it. I've never written a comment this long, but I've never been more relieved to see people have the same feelings as me. So thank you and I hope everyone is doing well ❤
I lie to myself saying I have moved on by making jokes, but every time someone mentions his name I find myself crying. I know I don't owe him a think but it doesn't make it easier knowing it all
it hurts a lot, really. Wilbur was the person who got me to buy a guitar to learn his songs. I went to 2 Lovejoy concerts before the news came out. The first concert gave me a reason to look forward because just weeks prior, my abusive boyfriend broke up with me. Of course, I did not realize that at the time he was abusive... I was distraught and deeper into my depression than I have ever been. That concert gave me a chance to sing out all of my sorrows. The second concert had me singing my favorite song and we bought merch. I still have that hoodie yet I put a T-shirt over it to cover the fact it's Lovejoy. The music that resonated with me so much just seems... dirty now. Despite loving those songs to death, finding comfort in them as I started a process of trying to find a reason to get out of bed, it all feels a little grim knowing now that the same man who wrote songs that saved me after my abusive boyfriend ruined my life..was an abuser himself.
I don't know for sure if it'll work over a printed design, but you can try fabric paint on the hoodie! Take something bittersweet and turn it into something new that you love 🩷
I didn’t know other people felt the way I did. This is pretty cathartic thanks. I also wrote poetry and angry notes and wept and felt stupid and I felt alone. It’s good to know I’m not.
I used to be apart of the dsmp community, had songs memorised and had made fan art with friends, when I told my friend and she said she fully understood but didn't care and would still watch him. Shelby deserved better. I've put his account on do not play on Spotify, I loved his music, I tried listening to repost on RUclips and it will never be the same, now I wonder if his songs were some way to say he was terrible, looking at the lyrics it will never be the same. I don't long for Wilbur, I long for the memories of what he brought me. This video was a huge help thanks.
I didn't expect to cry, but that last part really hit me. "You are not separate from every other thing" Like a thousand feelings I didn't even know were bottled up just came lose all at once. I really needed to see that. I don't even know why yet. I'm going to try and start writing down some of these feelings. I think I'm finally allowing myself to truly process what happened and mourning that past joy that twisted into disgust and disbelief. I think I was so numb from constantly seeing creators turning nasty left and right that I just shelfed my emotions. Unsubscribed and said I was fine and done. I don't know entirely how I feel just yet, but one thing is certain-I'm glad the truth came out. The truth hurts, but I think that pain means that it matters. Thank you for making this video.
This is a really lovely video, gives me a small amount of validation. Had a similar experience with a different RUclipsr a few yrs ago now, I still yearn for the old days and I’m still learning to also let it go. I also loved Wilbur too, but I’m also fortunate to have not been so attached either. I learned my lesson from the first time.
My favourite hoody was merch of his, i got it for free, but i still dont like wearing it. It is the most comfi one i own, but i dont wanna walk around with it. His streams were what brought me and my brother closer togheter, and then we kinda lost that. We are still close, but we haven't done something with just the 2 of us in ages.
thank you so much for making this. i found wilbur in 2022 in the lowest time of my life, when i was slowly but surely losing the only family member who could ever understand me. i had no one close left in real life, just a single room, my rotting body and family photos that reminded me of who i was before. the only person i considered my close friend since 1st grade stopped caring about me and at that point there wasn't much point to keep living. then i found wilbur. i felt parasocially close to him and his music and it made me feel better and forget where i was and what was happening. i stopped caring about anything that was happening around me, because everything i had left in real life just hurt me more - my mentally ill mother, my shut-in brother and my friends who didnt care. eventually i got into dsmp, started watching other creators and even found online friends that cheered me up a bit, but wilbur was always my favorite person and my light in life. he inspired me to make music, to live, to keep running and to not kill myself. when shelby released the video, i just didn't believe it was him. found a thousand excuses why it doesn't match up with him, and how she would have just said it was him, and how everyone would already know by now, and how he would never. then she confirmed it and a bit later, wilbur himself admitted to it. this was practically the end for me. i spent the last 1-2 years building my new little digital world with him as the main figure, and it all was shattered in just a week. i couldn't bring myself to do anything really. my family doesn't allow me to even watch anything that wasn't educational, so i couldn't share with them, and my friends would just laugh at me. it was so stupid. i wanted to kill myself but didn't know how or when. every day was just wake up - open r/wilbursoot - read other people's posts about how they felt - open twitter - see a bunch of posts discussing it - just sit there in silence, not knowing what to do. whenever i would be in a bad situation, i would just listen to his music and feel better, but now i didn't even have that. it hurt so fucking much. it was probably the darkest time of my life. due to memory issues i don't remember much from that period of time, but i will never forget the feeling of having to carry a whole car on my back while pretending like absolutely nothing was happening to me. over time i've learnt to cope with it. i could now wake up and live a day without thinking about him. but even now, the scars still remain. i get giant urges to watch his videos and listen to ycgma and msr, and even just hearing his name makes me hurt. im glad to know there are other people who went through the same thing. fuck abusers.
thank you for such a beautiful, open, and honest video. As a former fan myself, it has been a daunting few months, and it is comforting knowing I am not alone in these thoughts. I think what sticks with me the most is the appalling fact that he still has "supporters, " but in a, admittedly, parasocial way, I find it interesting how little they know of him and his public persona. When I first watched Shelby's stream, what hurt the most was that it was impossible to enviosin anyone else. Everything Shelby said about him made sense. There is a reason many of his more vocal ex-fans (my personal experience being twitter) involved not one single person defending him. In moving forward, my kind of "hot take" is that I still think we need to treat current supporters with nuance, from what I have seen (again just in the twitter space) is most of his fans that are not bait accounts or a disgusting combination of edtwt/shtwt, seem to be younger, more gullible fans who cannot cope with the truth- and I pity them. I think I cried everyday for almost two weeks after all this went down, I have a massive storage container for my merch I still can't bear to part with- the healing journey is not linear nor is it fast. All I can hope for is that people who still consider themselves "fans" open their eyes and realize that a parasocial relationship is never worth straying from your moral compass, and supporting victims of abuse transcends any kind of love you can have for an online creator. Wilbur meant a great deal to me. He meant a great deal to a lot of people. I wish all those still reeling from the horror that he is find healing and happiness. #supportvictims
i was 15 when i started watching him in 2019, i have watched every video he has ever put out, i was there when he started to blow up, i have been there for 5 whole years. i knew he wasn't great, but i thought at least he was decent, an alright guy, i knew he wasn't always, but i thought it'd be okay, as long as he was now, it wasn't parasocial to hope that someone could be good. i miss him more than words can say, but im pretty sure the version of him im remembering is shrouded and distorted into something more joyful, more nostalgic, more hopeful; looking back, he was always somewhat awful. he was pretentious and finicky, entirely too quick to anger, he had this air of superiority, whilst in the same breath saying how low he was, he was smoke and magic tricks and mirrors, so impressive, so depraved, so easy to love, so gutwrenching to hate, like breathing oxygen after nearly drowning, it's right to be doing it, but god, your lungs burn. i think the majority of wss are so so unimaginably young, it breaks my heart, they're spouting such sexist, blatantly untrue nonsense, but they don't understand what it means, they're too little, all they understand is that the man on the screen made them happy, and they don't know that other things can spark that joy too. going into the dream smp era, i was one of the youngest fans, but now, im not a fan anymore, but im a lot older than a lot of fellow former fans, and i truly do feel for those of you who were 10-14 when you either found wilbur or found out what he'd done, it must've been your first experience with that kind of betrayal, i just hope you all know it wasn't your fault, you couldn't stop what he did, you weren't meant to assume the worst of him the entire time, his failure does not impact wether you are a good person or not, its all on him, the best you can do now, is to just avoid engaging with him, and make sure the victim gets heard, and preferably not spout bollocks on tiktok about how your aunt's sister's brother's cousin's ex boyfriend heard from his blind half deaf abuela that wilbur was innocent
thank you for this video im actually so happy that im not alone in missing the person i thought he was it genuinely makes me feel so much less crazy for my own feelings thank you so much, im here for anyone who wants to talk about him good or bad and im so proud of yall and the fandom that we built together even if the subjected matter has been twisted i still love you guys so much and this was and is still my favourite group of people ive ever met. i still struggle to believe that the same man that helped me get through the death of my cat, my best friend pretty much, turned out to be so evil, it has and forever will deeply affect me, but still i am so happy for the memories i have i wish you all the absolute best youre all so amazing never forget that.
seeing tommy's video that was posted today (22/11/24) then this, it shows the scale that he had on the fandom, his friends. such a let down and I feel everyone's pain deeply
Lovejoy was one of the few bands that I could name as a favourite artist and would consider going to a concert for, but now I can’t listen to it without feeling disgust, it’s been tainted by the knowledge of what he’s done. Ironically Wilbur announced Lovejoy was coming to Australia right after it came out, and my first thought was if this had happened, it probably would’ve been my first music concert. It’s a little bittersweet, knowing the few other bands that are my favourite will probably not come here, and so that may have been my one and only concert, but I couldn’t touch his music without thinking of what he did. Sometimes I miss his songs or his videos but I know that even if I watched/ listened to them I would not be able to enjoy it.
Funny how this found me right at 3am in the morning. I'm crying so hard my head hurts. Thank you for creating this. I have been totally ignoring everything since it first was revealed. I needed this. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Gracias.
thank you for this collection of thoughts; it really speaks to the way i felt those months ago and how i cant even watch anything related to the dream smp anymore. it hurts to do so and i havent accepted that, only ignored it. you wrapped everything up so nicely and so neatly. fantastic writing...
I saw someone on a bus who half-looked like him today and I nearly broke down in the middle of the city. Everything you said is how I've been feeling. The blaming myself for getting attached, the anger, mourning, pirating the music but bitterness. I wrote angry poems as well, and sometimes I still do actually when I feel so enraged. I'm going to say this right now: I think a lot of are LEGITIMATELY experiencing trauma. A unique form of trauma that is not often discussed but people definitely need to because it's so isolating I feel so alone in this.
My therapist calls it “ambiguous loss” and “disenfranchised grief”. It’s a real thing apparently. Used to refer to grieving losses that don’t have closure, like a loved one going missing and never being found, or for grieving things that aren’t normally ‘respected’ as grievable, like mourning a relationship after a divorce or mourning the loss of a pet. Even with these words for it, I still feel like I don’t deserve to feel the grief. What am I compared to people with missing loved ones they’ll never see again? Why am I more devastated now than I was when techno died? What gives me the right? Nothing. Nothing gives me the right and nothing gives anyone the right- they’re feelings, we don’t need a good reason or excuse to feel them, we don’t need to be worthy to feel them. We don’t need permission to be hurt and being hurt by smaller things is not disrespectful to bigger hurts. I try to remind myself but it’s hard. Even knowing I’m not alone and there are thousands of others who are dealing with this, I still feel like I’m overreacting and everyone else is a reasonable amount of upset and I’m freaking out more than I should be. But things like this where we talk plainly about how strongly it impacts us, about vomiting after the news, about breaking down in public, THAT is what truly makes me BELIEVE I’m not alone. What allows me to, just for a minute, let go of the horrible horrible shame that comes with feeling such trauma over this. I shouldn’t feel guilty and shameful for being hurt by something “small”. But I do. But I know I’m not alone, and sometimes I even believe it. And it doesn’t fix the grief. But it at least let’s me feel it. I dunno. We’re all rambling here but I wanted to share that yeah, it’s very likely we are legitimately grieving and going through trauma psychologically. And whether others or ourselves think we’re overreacting actually doesn’t at all change the fact that that’s what’s going on psychologically in our brains right now. Symptoms don’t go away just because the cause is “not a big deal”. If any of you guys have therapists and haven’t talked to them about this yet, I highly encourage you to do so. I think a lot of this comment section is younger than me, and I wanna reassure you that if you’ve got a good therapist, this is nothing they haven’t seen before- or at least they’ve seen it in another form- and they won’t judge you for it. I’m glad we can all be here for each other.
@Gggly2513 thank you for this. I'm an adult as well I think you might be too (won't disclose my age) but trauma is trauma. It's hard not to compare in this world but we are all valid
i miss his songs, all of them. maybe i was boring, the incel trilogy, your city gave me asthma, are you alright, pebble brain, wake up and its over, all of it. he was an artist i held dearly and i cant even listen to his music without shame anymore. life has been so, so hard recently and i cant even listen to ycgma for help. sometimes i see the lyrics or the song name and i cant remember how it went, and it hurts but is assuring in the same way. i used to do puzzels while watching concert clips. he's how me and my now ex connected. music is such a big part of my heart, and he was such a good escape. the thought of him healed me just to break me again. i feel like i should be over it by now, but i don't think i ever will be. no matter the jokes i make to cope, no matter the way i ignore him, it still hurts. i hate it all.
im letting myself appreciate the joy i got from his content and his music and his acting, while trying to desperately remind myself that i do not owe him forgiveness or remorse. i faded out of the DSMP fandom long before wilbur's actions were brought into light, and i acted as if his actions didn't shake me as a person. while i was in the fandom, i let myself attach everything i did and thought back to him. the way i spoke, the way i dressed, my hobbies my art my everything. i knew his songs by heart and i quoted him daily, and looking back at it, i hold so much regret - but i couldn't have known better. i built myself in his image, he was everything i wanted to be and the aching i feel now is some strange proof i succeeded ? it sickens me now to attempt to categorise myself, because every connection i make leads back to him. i feel such shame seeing myself in wilbur soot, even thought that was once my only goal. f/ck you, william gold, i would have fought to the death protecting what you sold to me. thank you for this video. i think this is the only way i could've washed my hands from the fandom for good. here's hoping i never return, here's hoping i can make the aspects of him finally, truly my own.
I left the dsmp fandom almost two years ago. But he was my favourite. And i loved him, and he made me feel happy somedays. And to find out what he did was so, like sickning. Even though i didnt like it anymore. And I think if 2022 me found out. She would cry. She would be so disappointes, but also so grossed out by what he did. Awesome video btw💗 Amazing job!!
“it’s nothing i didn’t even knew him” but i started playing guitar because of him and i realize what i wanted to do with my life because of him, just a safe place that also gave me all the inspiration i needed in my worst, gone forever, sometimes i think that maybe in a few years i could listen to his music without feeling gross, i don’t know man, hope y’all are okay now
thank you for posting this. with everything going on right now in my private life and in the us, where i live unfortunately, ive been dragged down into one of the worst depressive episodes ive been in. a few weeks ago when i was feeling my lowest i was desperately searching for any sort of music that might feel right to listen to, so i was just listening to my liked songs. i think it was jubilee line that came up, and i froze. i haven't listened to his music much other than accidents just like this one, and every time it just shocks me to remember that he's still out there. i listened to the song, and for some awful reason it was the only song that I'd listened to that day that felt just right. i listened to it again today. and i feel awful. he's an awful person but he is one of the few artists who's music is really helping me right now. i dont know what to do.
Why the hell did YT not show me this? I won't be feeling so bad like I'm guilty. Watching this hurts and makes me feel light at the same time. Thank you, since what happened I've been trying to be strong for my best friend who also used to be a Willbur stand, they've been through so much that I didn't wanted to make them feel worst and give them hope while I was destroyed. Now I know I don't have to pretend it doesn't hurts, bc it still does and I hope that one day I can forget that pain and the void he left in my soul Edit: I fixed some words, sorry my gramar it's shity some times (I'm a spanish speaker)
I clicked on this after a night of watching jack and tommys recent dsmp stream(god that is grim to type) and searching for explanations (and vods) of so many messy situations. the months of february and march were rough.. I took me a long time to find myself again after i realized how much of myself was from him. since then the only people ive actively followed from the smp has been foolish and tina, i luckily dont have parasocial relationships to the extent of the ones i had back two years ago or so. what really broke me was thinking about how this affected the outer circle of people, like phil, quackity, tommy, and company. or people who had gone to every concert they could and bought merch(funny thing is i was super close to just a few months before everything came out, thank god i didnt). not to mention caitibugzz who was and still is one of my favorite creators who was pushed off the internet with a hate mob i will never comprehend and that i will always be enraged with. such a mess of things and its really hard to reconcile with all of it not having any physical evidence of it outside of myself, which youd think make it easier. i am way better now, way more comfortable than ive ever been in a real sense. i found myself last month trying to log onto my main twitter to see how everyone was and with the ass algorithm and was just hit with even more disconnect. all my friends i made from the smp had give up on them long before everything and i was super close too but he was the thing that broke the camels back. and i dont know why i typed all of this, i have processed these emotions in the summer. i guess i can blame him for everything now PF if i didnt click on that damned ur new boyrfriend music video i never wouldve found the smp and i dont know what to make of that.
okay so this might be a long comment bc this is really the first time I've seen anyone really discuss how it felt to find out the news and Lord do i need to talk about it. the first few minutes hit so hard. hearing that you still check in on his goings-on occasionally, and the rage and longing that comes with it, felt like being pierced in the stomach with a spear. because from time to time, i do the same. and it feels so weird. its pure rage at him for daring to keep existing in the way that he does and still almost a pain of having "lost" someone who had been so significant to me in my developmental years. I had been watching wilbur since. maybe 2019? i know it was at least from 8th grade up until my senior year of high school (when the news dropped). 5, if not more, years spent developing a perception of this person, a comfort, a sense of safety and joy. YCGMA was such a fundamental album for me when coping with some of the worst times of my life. when he started doing those few episodes if Hey and Stuff, i used them to sleep on nights where i found it impossible to get myself to bed. hearing him defend women and queer people and share his political views made me feel as though he were a safe person, someone i looked up to even. so when everything came to light, embarrassing as it is to admit, i fell into a depression for two weeks. it felt like 1/4 of my life just shattered to pieces. i knew he wasnt my friend. when I posted about it to my close friends i even sarcastically remarked about the typical "dude who makes songs about being a bad person is actually a bad person" trope. but despite what i knew in my head it still hurt. i felt like i had lost someone, and in a way i had, but not in a way that was real. i pushed my feelings about it aside because i ultimately felt that me feeling pain over this loss of perception as a parasocial fan was selfish. i couldn't even begin to imagine what shelby had been going through. and in that was i was angry at myself and the nature of my feelings too. i knew william gold was just the face of wilbur soot, and yet i still allowed myself to believe that somewhere inside, the actor and the character were one in the same. i fully gave trust to a man i didn't know hiding behind a mask that i did, and it was shattering. share so many of the feelings you've expressed, the following distrust of other public figures and the lack of closure. i think the latter is responsible why we still check in on him, tried to listen to his music, tried to seperate the creator from his creations. hell, that lack of closure, shamefully, made me feel a sense of. sympathy? more likely pity--when there were mentions of his wavering mental health in the early weeks of the situation. I've gotten over a lot of these feelings. honestly i cant look at him without feeling almost disgusted. but somewhere deep down, i still have that sense of nostalgia for the first time i saw him and schlatt play minecraft as the water level rose. anyways to end this long ass "who asked" rant: thank you for making this video. i think this is the first time ive seen anyone express just how I've felt about the situation-especially so beautifully with your writings. its really nice to have had the space to express these thoughts that were all but locked away in my mind and left unexamined. i genuinely appreciate the pure honesty and raw emotion emanating from this video, and i hope you continue to create :3
to this day i still feel so very used after finding out he was a manipulator and abusive person. there were times where i couldn't sleep at all and i was going through the worst domestic abuse myself from my partner. i found comfort in his VODs, his storytelling, his words, and especially his music. to find out he was an abuser when i was turned to him to run away from being abused. I'm just sick.
Thank you for the video. I wasn't in the fandom for long, but i enjoyed some of hs songs and respected his storytelling in his ARG. And since he was British (so am i) and his ARG had one of my favourite London landmarks the O2 arena i felt a connection to him. It sucks when someone i respected so much to be so disgusting. One song he had i listened to back to back for a week because it was a good song. Now, i just feel guilt over watching and respecting him and not seeing the signs as if i could have known. My heart goes out to Shelby ❤
the topic of wilbur is a strange one to me. he once brought me comfort and safety he helped me grow closer to a former love of mine and we both listened to his music and fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. the timing of everything that happened somehow coincided with the loss of this former love almost like they bounced off one another. now i cannot look at one without thinking of the other. in a way im happy it all came crashing down at once as it taught me that its never the end of the world. we grieve, we get up, we move on. time heals.
I was at work, actively listening to lovejoy when I checked twitter. I wanted to believe it wasn't him, not until there was some confirmation. Even still, now the song I had just been loving a few minutes ago made me feel sick. And then I found out it was him. It felt like some kind of a betrayal, even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Even now I've been fighting to make sure he isn't on my spotify wrapped because how often I listened to his music January-Febuary alone.
thank you for this. i absolutely hate him now bcuz i used to care for him so much. his music was a lifeline for me when i was legitimately suicidal and it’s painful that art made by such a horrible person helped me. in the beginning i barely stated anything abt how i felt and then i was so enraged and sad whenever i hear his name or when jubilee line automically gets added to autoplay when i play music bcuz of how much i played it in 2021. fortunately, i’ve gotten over it mostly. there’s light at the end of tunnel. we’re in this together guys
It feels weird not having him or lvjy in my playlists anymore , I felt such a connection to the music but now i hear it in the background of a video and it sounds off like its out of key. It doesn't feel the same when i find an old peice of fanart in a sketchbook anymore , it feels out of place. It really hurts to know that while i was using his music and videos to escape my own traumatic experiences he was hurting other people. I guess i was just so blinded by feeling safe even for a moment i didnt dare question if the person he played was who he really was . It feels like ive been betrayed even if i didnt know him and he didnt know me it feels just all sorts of wrong. I am glad to see others talk about it tho , glad im not alone
I can't believe the guy who made the music that got me out of an abusive relationship is an abuser himself. It hurts still. I can't bother to pirate his music and listen to it. Because all I think about is that my abuser is still listened to, his voice is still cherished by a bunch of people who know what he did and looked past it, and I know for the sake of Shelby I can't listen to him.
God, I actually never thought I needed this. I used to memorize his songs, I picked up a guitar to play them, I brushed over the parts of songs, from ‘Your New Boyfriend’ where he was saying he deserved a relationship with that girl(I haven’t listened in a while and I won’t relisten, it’s what I remember) to ‘Concrete’ where he was singing that it was just a kiss and she shouldn’t be mad over that, saying it wasn’t how he truly felt. I also picked up mannerisms of his. I wore beanies, I loved the beige colors, and after he was revealed to be who he is I was sick. I hated it, I hated myself for thinking that he was some sort of untouchable person. Younger me has it better, talking to my friend and practically simping over the man. We aren’t friends anymore, she still supports him and it doesn’t resonate well with me. He was such a good person in my eyes, I watched his part of the QSMP, I would yell with excitement when he streamed, I held him so high and I fully regret it. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t over it until this morning. I was rewatching the QSMP and he joined. I hated it, I hated that he had that effect, making me feel sick to hear his voice. I promised myself I would never parassocially involve myself with any other content creator ever again because of it. I thank you for coming out with this, it’s made me really think about it and realize that he didn’t save me but I saved myself. He was just something that helped. I feel a lot better knowing that, even if I subconsciously knew it heating it from someone else has helped. Thank you again :]
Wilbur's music got me through the death of my grandmother. I had all of his songs memorized and even used the song One Day as an audition for theater. One Day got me into Wilbur's music. I thought of it as a sort of tribute to the song to use it as my final musical theater audition. God I'll never forget my initial reaction to that song back in 2021, I can still remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. The excitement rushing through me as I had never heard a band which such bright and brassy sound. "And stop, because why'd you have to kill my cat?" That beginning line got me hooked, and after that, I never went a day without listening to them. I felt sick when I found out what happened, I simply sat there and cried. I felt sick for using his song for my audition, I felt sick for listening to him. It's safe to say I haven't wanted to listen to him since. Though there are a couple of times where I'll be listening to an old playlist, and one of his songs will begin to play. I recognize it immediately, but I don't get excited anymore, no, I just sit there staring straight ahead. Sometimes I cry, but I usually snap out of it and skip the song, the lyrics echoing through my head, now feeling as if they aren't welcome there anymore. They aren't. I finally removed his music from all of my playlists. I think it's safe to say I haven't, nor do listen to him anymore.
Thank you so much for sharing these deeply personal and beautiful thoughts with the world. Even tho I can't relate to being a fan of this persona he portrayed, I can relate to how parasocial relationships change and influence and shape you on a deeper level, many don't understand. It is so important to not beat yourselves up, for missing the things we thought he stands for and realizing the potential danger such relationships we build with influencers and content creators hold. Tysm for sharing, it is so important nowadays.
TW: mention of unaliving myself and problems with food. A few years ago, I was struggling to stay alive. I didn’t have anything I wanted to live for, I just didn’t want to be around anymore. I had this idea that no one would miss me, that people would smile at my grave. I found something to distract me from the things around me, Wilbur. I felt so happy watching his videos, his streams and I loved his music. Wilbur ment so much to me, he was like a god, I would’ve given my life to save his. When I found out who he really was, I cried. And I cried so much. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function. Now I’m surrounded by better people, I’m getting the help I should’ve gotten so many years ago. I no longer want to disappear, I want people to look at my art and get a feeling that they’re not alone in this world. I’m happier, I might not be healthier, but I want to live. I struggle more than I ever have but when I’m happy I’m filled with so much more joy, I feel loved. Wilbur didn’t make me feel loved, he made me feel like I was allowed to exist. Now I feel like I’m supposed to exist. I have let go, I found out letting go wasn’t that hard for me, it was healthy, I got away from this made up world where Wilbur was god and I was just another grain of sand on a beach. Yes I miss watching his videos and listening to his music, I remember feeling happier when I saw he had posted a new video, but I still felt empty. The world is so much more beautiful than the internet, people are horrible but nature is everything. I feel peaceful when I’m outside, a few years ago going outside would mean making sure my phone was charged so I could make sure that if Wilbur uploaded I could watch it. I didn’t have anyone to talk to back then, I never tried to find anyone, cause I had Wilbur right? Now I have two best friends who I can’t imagine living without, they mean so much to me. I will forever thank myself for letting go, I am so happy now. I may not be able to eat every day and I might have depressive episodes or bad breakdowns, but now I have people who care about me, people who will make sure that I know that I matter. This might be all over the place, and it doesn’t all make sense. But it helped writing all this, it helped me feel more comfortable about the fact that yes, I did worship a bad person, I didn’t know who he really was and that wasn’t my fault. I’m happier now.
I’ve never related to anything as much as I related to this video. I remember sobbing in my mom’s arms when I realised it was Wilbur that had done those things to Shelby, I’d felt such a heavy sadness upon me I thought it would never end. I remember crying 3 times while taking down my lovejoy posters, I couldn’t believe it. Your poetry and stories were beautiful and I really loved it, I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing your story and allowing this space for us to reflect and talk about how this man had affected us ❤️
TW heavy subjects I Miss Wilbur, his music and content got me through a horrible abusive relationship, so to find out that he had hurt someone the way I had been hurt left me Distraught. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that someone who helped me through that would be like that. Anytime I think of him I feel an uncomfortable about of pain and betrayal even though he’s a stranger. I fully support Shelby but I miss Wilbur, or I miss who I thought he was anyways.
Looking in from the outside is so insane. So many hurt kids who just formed their entire personality out of a person. I can't imagine how that feels, or what the hell leads to that. Everybody made/makes fun of mcyt stans and such but i just feel bad. I hope you are are doing okay and can heal, see what life outside the internet can be.
How I found out was from a tik tok, the more research I did the more scared I got. I didn't want to believe it until it had been 100% confirmed. The day Wilbur had responded was the worst timing ever for me. I was meeting my long distance best friend for the very first time and had to push down the sadness of this news because I couldn't, and wouldn't let it ruin one of my happiest days.
It was tough not being able to fully process the news for a few days, until it finally weighed on me. My friends supported me while I cried in their arms about how I wished it wasn't true. Although this revelation caused me pain, I no longer feel anything towards it apart from a slight sting and yearning for the older days of the DSMP. I am happy now, I have become my own light, and I hope everyone here has too.
I was a massive Wilbur fan. I remember watching all the time his videos on long plane trips back in 2022-23 once my family had started travelling again. That’s the part that really pisses me off. Those trips were some of the happiest times I’ve had in recent memory. All the family bonding, every cool new experience, finally seeing my grandma again after the pandemic, he’s stained all of it. They’ll forever be tainted in my mind now. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back on them and smile again. I hope. Funnily enough about a week before everything came out about Will I discovered NIN. I started listening to more of their songs last month and I feel like it’s healing me. It’s some of the most genuine music I’ve ever heard, from someone who doesn’t feel like they’re just putting on a persona to attract a fandom. Call me pretentious, but I feel like it’s sort of saved me from the horrible state I’ve been for most of the year thanks to Wilbur. I’m still mad that most of my year was spent grieving over this man, but at least I’m healing now. I’m so glad Christmas is coming soon, it comforts me so much.
I totally get you with the memories thing. It was so hard when it first happened and I was so depressed and I needed cheering up, but whenever I was depressed I would cheer up with his videos, and so I would think “oh I should watch something funny to distract myself” and then get sad all over again because the thing that used to cheer me up is now the thing bringing me down. I described it to my therapist as that one scene from inside out where the girl is recounting a happy memory of playing hockey or something but she moved away so she can’t play anymore, and now the memory that used to be joyful gets touched by sadness and it’s just all ruined! What do you do when it’s all ruined! It’s so miserable. I’m still not over it. Dunno if I ever will be. So much happiness is attached to those videos and music. I know that it’s not really ruined and I know that nothings really changed and I can still hold onto the happiness, but it’s tainted. Funny you mention nin. It’s my favorite band of all time and been my rock for years. After all this stuff came out about Wilbur I just blasted their stuff nonstop to try to both not think about it but also find some release in the pain. It’s so raw and real and it makes you feel less alone. I cried and shouted and danced to so much of their stuff especially this year after everything. It’s painful, not masochistic, not cathartic, just realistic. Theres so much real pain in the world that we all experience, regardless of what that pain is from. And it sucks!!! And sometimes there’s no silver lining! And sometimes there is but it doesn’t even help. And feeling that pain and even celebrating it as a part of life and as a contrast to the good, hearing decades of it and feeling decades of it, knowing the world still turns and we’re still here and that pain will always be with us, but that doesn’t mean we have to run from it. Doesn’t mean we can’t live with it, and doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Nin and Wilbur were my biggest inspirations of all time so this happening really shattered so much of me. I started thinking what if I lose nin too. What if everything I love goes sour? Something that’s helped me a little bit is that the feeling and the art of all of it is what really matters to me. Wilbur’s work really impacted me and still does to this day, and it’s all so messy because I can’t listen to it anymore without breaking down. And I’d feel bad about listening to it anyway. Someday I’ll have gotten over it and maybe I’ll feel better about revisiting it, not for him, but for the emotions it gave me. All that love I had for the music was always MY emotions. I still own those. I always will, no matter what happens. Even when they get clouded over with grief, they’re still there, and they’re still mine. Hell even if something happens with nin, I don’t love nin for nin, I love it for ME. I’m grateful for it but ultimately the feelings I feel when listening to it are mine. I’m trying to internalize that advice that celebrities and shit give people when someone says “u saved me” or smthn. That idea of no, I saved myself. This art really helped me find my strength and myself, but it was me all along. It’s harder for Wilbur than it is for nin, bc nin is entirely about the art for me. But Wilbur was a person we saw as a person, even though we didn’t know him, we saw a glimpse of who he was. I related to him a lot and he made me feel like there was hope for someone like me to make art and music and follow their dreams. So now it’s not only that music being soured, but it’s that hope that maybe I could make it too. I met some of my closest friends through his stuff online, and the first time we met in person was at a concert. I love them so much and our friendship doesn’t really have anything to do with him, but it’ll always be a mark on it. The first time I hugged them was during one of his songs. It doesn’t really matter, because it was me and my friends not him, but still, I’ll always look back on that first hug and think of him. That’s always attached to me. I think he always will be, for better or worse. I’m always gonna be chained to the happiness and sadness of how much this meant to me. I have learned a lot from this experience, maybe one day the chain will soften into a lesson. I know I’m grateful for it, at least. Even after all this I don’t regret the love that I had. I’d do it all over again. This comment kinda got away from me lol sorry. I’ve been in my feels tonight scrolling through the comments here and ur mention of nin caught my eye. If you ever wanna chat about nin lmk. I know their discography pretty much front to back so if ur still making ur way through it I could recommend something if ur looking for something for a specific mood. Anyways, thanks for sharing. This video and all the comments I think brought out the fact that a lot of people have had this invisible pain we’ve been trying to get through, trying to move on even when we’re shattered and feeling like we can’t talk about it. Talking about it really helps. Not just to talk to my therapist and explain that I’m sad, but to read all these comments and know I’m not crazy, I’m not alone, that other people understand. We’re in this together.
Brilliant video! Although I've never been into the DSMP, this video hit SO close to home for me since I felt the same things regarding another RUclipsr. Back in late winter, Chuggaaconroy got into into a MASSIVE controversy, but even though it was resolved months ago since Emile sent out a doc to address everything levied towards him, the feeling of finding out about all the allegations people threw at him and how severe they were, how his fans, friends and colleagues reacted to it and how disgusted and ashamed they were... it genuinely broke my heart to see someone who I watched for ages and who I admired being portrayed in such a negative light, and that shock immediately turned into revulsion towards Emile when it all sunk in. It even got to the point where if I saw a video from the TheRunawayGuys (a LP channel Emile's a part of) pop up on my feed, or even see a thumbnail with Emile's face in it, I felt this massive pit in my stomach. For months, I genuinely did not want be reminded of that man at all, I felt THAT disgusted towards him. I just looked back on Emile's and TRG's content with such a bitter taste in my mouth for months, and I'd just think "THIS sick bastard was the man I admired all this time? This was the man who inspired me to be more comfortable in myself? This was the man who encouraged me to be more open in my hobbies?" Thankfully, Emile gave his side of the story back in April and was able to disprove a lot of claims levied against him, but remembering how it all broke down and reading about the shit he went through in that document still saddens me today...
I knew about Wilbur from the DSMP, but I mostly followed him through his music. He inspired me to learn guitar, and "La Jolla" was the first song I memorized by heart. When his most recent album released, I loved every single song that was in it. I even learned another song, "Mine/Yours", and even today, seven months later, I can still pick up any guitar, tune the strings and play it by heart. I don't feel the ache anymore, and I haven't listened to his music in months. But sometimes, I remember it, and I remember what it helped me get through, those late nights listening to his voice, calming me.
When the allegations were released I didn’t know much about shubble so she felt like a stranger to me. My family was about to leave for a road trip so I cried silently in the backseat the whole time. I blasted his songs on my headphones so loud that afterwards I couldn’t hear the people around me and I couldn’t think because they were playing over and over in my head. I felt so betrayed and mad at myself for not seeing it coming. When he released his newest song I was in a hotel room with my brother. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it. I cried that night.
I'm a writer and a filmmaker now. I can say that without his songs, his writing on the dsmp, and his podcast episode on creative writing I don't think I would be a writer today. I have treasured memories of listening to his music with friends I don't talk to anymore and it sucks that I feel ill listening to those songs now because of who he is and what those lyrics actually say. This video was a nice reminder that there are lots of other people who regard their creativity with the same sour note every once in a while. But I still create despite the sourness, and the feeling is less than what it used to be.
I like to think I wasn’t nearly as para social as many people were to Wilbur. But I will admit he was my idol. I started watching his videos back in I wanna say early 2019 with smp live, the water rising video and Minecraft Monday. It was not too long after finding his videos that i discovered his music (at the time just random videos of him playing his music in an old stream or on his second channel). He inspired me in so many ways and when I heard the news I was in denial until his statement and after that I fell apart for a bit. All my friends knew me as “the Wilbur guy”. I picked up guitar, learned all his songs, knew all the lyrics by heart and even performed them. He inspired me to write music of my own (which I still continue to do because i didn’t write music because of him, it is what I love to do, he just helped me realize it). But I can’t deny, seeing videos of lovejoy play live motivated my dream of being a performer like that. Your city gave me asthma made me feel seen and not alone in an awful part of my life and that’s still what I want to do with my own music, it just hurts knowing where that dream comes from, It didn’t help that a completely unrelated trouble came into my life shortly after everything. I used to listen to his acoustic music as some kind of comfort so I also tried to listen to his music again. Of course pirating it but it honestly made me feel worse. I’m still trying to disassociate from him with my friends still bringing him up on occasion for a joke or something which while I join in, I still remember how I felt. I have the lovejoy cassette buried somewhere in my room, a lovejoy anvil cat shirt and some of his crewnecks from his last merch drop. I honestly don’t know what to do with them. The clothes are just clothes but I resent what they represent if I wear them outside so I’ve chosen to leave them in the closet until I find someway to make them my own. Scratch out the logo or something I don’t know. But at the end of it all I still try to look on the bright side of things at least in retrospect. My music listening has expanded so much from listening to “portrait of a blank slate” on loop. And I’ve tried to let myself be free and grow as my own person as my life has slowly regained stability. I know this rambling is all over the place but I’ve had nowhere to let it all out. My only other friend who was obsessed with him as much as me would rather never speak on it, which is fair. It’s just so many complicated emotions. Because yes I hate him, but he did so much for who I am. If anyone actually reads this uh thanks? It’s kind of nice seeing so many people get their feelings out here. That’s all from me
dude i literally could not accept the fact that he was an ABUSER. i wanted to support him but i really couldnt..he really seemed like someone who would genuinely do that
this video has gotten a lot of traction and with it a lot of mixed opinions. for the most part i will leave everyone's comments up as long as they are respectful and kind. however, i will be censoring any comments that are meant to spark arguments about innocence or guilt of the parties mentioned in the video. that isn't the point. the point is to reach out to the fandom so we can heal. please be mindful with your comments!
thank u for this video
The damn irony to me of william gold.
I don’t miss you. I miss the thought of what you were.
those damn lyrics echo in my mind whenever i think of it all.
"what's this? the consequences of my actions now?" are ones that are ingrained into me.
Same. Oh same.
William seemed to be very aware that he was a bad person and wrote about it so much in his lyrics but we viewed HIM as the victim up until shelby’s statement which is when it was realized that no, he’s not the victim, he truly just is the villain
Same..
I loved to play since I saw Vienna on guitar. He was the one who inspired me to learn guitar. I still play it, but it's even more bittersweet and the one lyric
"Treating my memory of you like a fire, let it Burn out, don't fight it, and try to move on"
Really his hard. I miss being able to listen to the music and I want to try again but I don't have the courage to.
I used to see him just as Tommy saw him. I picked my guitar back up because of him. I wrote stories with tidbits of inspiration from him. I listened to music he recommended. I started wearing coats in hot weather. I grew up picking up different personalities to craft my own, little did I know they were mostly Wilbur’s. And when the news officially broke, I shattered.
same, i used to have white streaks in my hair and i would always wear coats because of him, it took me 7 months to take the streaks away and now they’re red, but every time i wash my hair and the blonde comes back i remember that deep down my whole personality is based on wilbur, i dont allow myself to smile because my smile looks like him, i thought i was the only one still thinking about him but your comment and this video comforted me, thank you
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon you shouldn't let him take over your life, smile and have fun, even though it feels wrong and bad right now, it will be over one day
@@NovaTheScreechingDragonThink of it this way, you're salvaging the traits of a person and no longer becoming like them, think of it as taking what he didn't deserve to express and enjoy and make it something worth it and think of the traits, hair dye, jackets, as things that are going to be now appreciated by someone who deserves to cherish it, as for your smile do not force yourself to hide it away because of someone else instead appreciate it because in the end it's a smile you deserve more than he does.
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon don't let him take away your smile. he does not deserve that. just because your smile looks like his, doesn't mean you are like him. you're you. and you're wonderful. and you're flawed. and i'm sure you light somebody's day. and, most of all, you are loved. there are people who care about you that want to see you laugh and smile and have fun. don't let him take that away from you.
Literally the same exact thing happened to me except it turns out I have introjects of him that can't go away :( (i have DID :
i think it really cut deep that the person who distracted and comforted me through domestic abuse is an abuser himself
THIS! he comforted me so much with my own struggles with domestic abuse and sh and then it was revealed he was the very same type of person as my abuser. my whole personality was practically based on him and i hate myself sm because i allowed myself to become attached to someone i never actually knew
he was my comfort youtuber im so disappointed in what he's done. im not taking sides because i really don't know who to believe but if shelby is telling the truth .. wow
I'll never forget when he said "anything young girls like is considered cringe, name one thing a girl can like without getting bullied for" or something along those lines.
I hate that I agree with somone as horrible as him, and I hate even more that it was all smoke and mirrors, hes basically the biggest "nice guy" ever, and what we thought was him joking around was him showing his true colors right under our noses.
I hope everyone can heal and learn to let go, I know he helped us all through tough times but he isn't the Wilbur Soot who played Minecraft with his friends. It was all a persona
that quote is so important too. I'm so mad that he had to be the one to say it because it almost feels invalidated now.
imo dont feel super bad about agreeing with him on a statement like that. he was both a public figure and an abuser (so thus he would have had his justifications for his fucked up behaviour) it makes sense that he wouldve had the occasional profound statement especially when it relates to female agency
if it helps, that wasn't something original by him, I had seen the quote floating around the internet a few months before he said it
If it's any comfort to you, bad people can do and say good things and it's okay to acknowledge that. In real life, there are very few black and white villains. Wilbur Soot was a brilliant artist, and for a long time, I was a huge fan of his content because I appreciated his creativity and thoughts, I still think some of the things he said throughout his career are true and some of the content he made was really cool, that doesn't change the fact that he's an abuser and I don't support him anymore regardless. For example, I also think Neil Gaiman's books are some of the best I've read, he's still an abuser and a sexual predator and I don't support him anymore. I get it if you don't want to see anything Wilbur did or said as good anymore because of what he's done, but don't put that guilt on yourself when he's the one who deserves it. None of us knew what was going on and none of us could have guessed it. I think there are a lot of people who truly grieved the loss of who we thought he was when Shelby came out about it, but the important thing is that we all stood behind her even if the truth sucks.
That smoke and mirrors is why I don’t listen to his music anymore, ofc it’s partly about not supporting shitty people but a huge part of it is those lyrics hit rather different when some of them are true. The bit wasn’t a bit, he was just a good enough actor
I miss the old wilbur, I miss the guy who "fcked" a salmon, I miss the guy who wrote "My L'manburg", I miss the guy who blew up L'manburg, I miss the guy who "ate" sand, I miss the guy who made my favorite songs. I miss the guy who made me happy. I wish I was back in 2021-2022 when the time I was happiest with him.
He was one of the most comforting person to me, even though he didn't know me. I idolized him so much, his music was the most comforting thing I've ever heard. Everytime I hear his name, I feel my stomach churning. I wish he never did the things he did, because he made me so happy.
Sadly, the thing people have to realize is that IS the same guy. He had already abused another woman by the time he posted in the DreamSMP. They aren’t different people, they are the same person because human beings are complicated. The idea that they are “too separate people” is accurate to our perceptions but not to the reality of abuse: people who act good, who do good things, who are seen as good people, who are funny and lovable, are someone else’s worst nightmare.
Dude, you actually put into words what I was feeling
this shattered me goodbye
I hate, that I understand every reference
@@Buggiedoodles Same... I didn't even realize how much of a fan I was of Wilbur before everything happened
your words here honestly fucking stole me for a few minutes, I don't think there's ever been a time that I've just sat staring at my monitor wide-eyed just over how much words touched me. I was completely disassociated just listening to that last part, like I was being directly spoken to, I really never thought I'd see the day that someone could understand so much about me just through a video, I feel so read... and honestly kind of like I'm going to cry.
ive been reading all these comments about my writing and how it got to people but this is the first one to seriously hit me hard. thanks for saying this dude it means a lot, hope you're doing well.
@@its.the.mandela.effect you too
i am so very glad you put this feeling into words because god knows i couldn't right now. sitting on my bed, staring at the screen, tear stained cheeks. i'm so grateful to have someone to share this with.
I was a longtime DSMP fan and Wilbur was one of my favs. To be honest, he inspired me so much about his writing and songs. "Your City Gave Me Asthma" was my top favorite of his.
Now, I look back at those with such a bitter taste in my mouth. After Techno's passing, I had hoped that things won't get worse, and boy I was wrong. The things he did were nothing short of inexcusable. I still love the DSMP to bits and I try my goshdarn hardest to just see his character and not him.
William Gold has no place in my mind. Wilbur Soot may have some but only in character. And I wish for those severely affected by this to have healed and moved on.
his character was also like a terrible person hello??
@@user-mh3kv5uu5kcharacters are allowed to be terrible people. Characters don’t hurt real world people like real people do. (Not defending him as a person or a character, it’s just weird to think you can’t like a character who is a bad person)
@@user-mh3kv5uu5k Yeah, of fricken course he is. But I (at least back then) liked the character for how he was, of course I aint gonna condon his actions. Its like liking a villain, you love them but know that they've done heinious shit
Thank you for this. Some people say i’m being dramatic and that “he’s just a streamer, get over it.” but he wasn’t just a streamer to me. I miss who I thought he was, I really do.
this reminds me, of some time i was in school, last year a kid saw my lockscreen it was technoblade and he said and i quote ''he's dead get over it.''
@ That’s so insensitive. I’m so sorry that happened.
@@feverdream-4thats fucked up
@@JustAFantasy2015 i know.. i know.
@@feverdream-4i am so sorry you had to interact with that person. I never watched his vids but i heard about him and u r letting his legacy live on, don't let that kid be the reason why you stop having him on your lockscreen, but the reason why you'll keep it for longer❤
We miss Wilbur Soot, not William Gold. We miss the funny and kind guy who wrote "My L'Manburg", we miss the one who made us feel happy.
(I'm so sorry, I'm crying again.)
Update: You got 1K likes on a comment that makes me cry every time I re-read it. Thank you for your attention.
AGHGH REAL
As a previous fan as well, I agree.
Yeah same
Same.. same broski.
Yes :(
I was lucky enough, for a lack of better words, to give all my love to Technoblade, and not Wilbur Soot. Sure, Techno left early. And sure, it took me two years of tears, blood shed by broken glass, depression and therapies to get over it. But he hadn't changed. He stayed the funny, sarcastic, loving older brother of his fanbase, always reminding us how strong we are, how proud he was of us, how much he cared for us, with every single syllable genuine. We haven't gotten any reason to hate him, to hear his voice or see his channel with negative emotions, or to want to stop watching his videos all together. The death of both Technoblade and Alex stung for a long time, but we have the liberty of watching his legacy with nostalgia. The death of Wilbur Soot was chaotic, and his voice will forever be listened to with hatred, and grief over how easily he toyed with our feelings
couldn't agree more. Fly high Technoblade
Dude this comment actually got me crying again
Every now and again, i will go back and put on the potato war trilogy in the background. I still remember waking up that day, turning on yt, and my whole feed being bonbarded with "r.i.p. techno" vids. We miss him.
But i dont miss wilbur anymore, ive numbed myself to it. Wilbur is what inspired me to pick up guitar, and im the only other person im my family other than my grandmother who plays. I dont listen to his music anymore, or try to avoid it as much as possible
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Technoblade never dies
I was NEVER in the dream smp / Wilbur fandom, but It feels lonely without you guys... Missing all the fanarts and video complications of dream and friends, its just not the same without you guys :(
Thank you. I think we’re grieving quietly because we were laughed at and judged when we celebrated our fandom loudly and while we didn’t care then, it all changed when the people judging us were (somewhat) right. I feel a lot of shame thinking back to my DSMP era, all the fanart I made and all the things I told my friends about it. And that while I was relatively late to the fandom. I can’t imagine how people feel who followed him and other false idols for years. Similarly to other comments, I find myself feeling a lot more hesitant to find new idols and generally distant from creators I still watch.
It is sad that we shut our creativity down but we need time to process everything that happend and to find new sources of inspiration. A part of this fandom’s artists may have gone silent but some of us moved on to new fandoms, like EPIC: The Musical, or they started doing their own thing. If you miss our creations, go look! We’re still out there.
@@moonie_nouki ah, why hello fellow former-DSMP-fan-current-EPIC-fan!
@xxA1R4xx hello!! nice to meet another theatre kid :D /hj
@@moonie_nouki hiii :3
kinda off-topic but i thought it was funny so i’d mention it, believe it or not, i’m actually not a theatre kid, nor do i even listen to musicals-
i know DSMP kinda started as a Hamilton roleplay, but i just happened to find it, and i liked it even though i only know like, maybe one or two songs from Hamilton- and as for how i got into EPIC, i got into it from my sister! (who is more into musicals than me)
she told me about the general plot of EPIC, and i thought it was really cool but i honestly didn’t plan to get into the fandom or anything since it’s a musical and i don’t normally like songs from musicals, but i decided to listen to a few songs anyway since it showed up on my feed, and BOY ARE ALL THE SONGS SO GOOD. so that’s my second time getting into a fandom full of theatre kids without actually being one myself :D
(btw i have nothing against musicals ((or their fans, for that matter, they’re actually really fun)), i think it’s really cool but it’s just that most musicals are not my usual taste in music)
@@xxA1R4xxomg the former dsmp now epic fan is so real😭😭😭
damn, I kinda liked wilbur as a youtuber, but not on the level some fans are. I stopped watching him way before the drama came out, but I was still surprised and shocked that the guy I thought was wholesome and sweet turned out to be the way he is.
when I first saw this video, I thought "man, you guys cared too much"
but thinking about it, I don't really blame you or the fandom for being sucked into that parasocial relationship. He did really well painting himself as a fun type of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, that kind of personality is almost intoxicating to follow. And it didn't help that he was cultivating that kind of fandom as well.
I really hope that, for those of you that don't support him anymore, to not make the same mistake of idolizing someone so hard again. You can enjoy a youtubers content, but don't give into that idolization mindset a lot of people fall into
I had the same initial reaction to be honest. But then I thought about it a little more, considering the audience demographic and when Wilbur gained popularity.
2020 was a year that really disrupted a lot of children and teens intellectual, emotional, and social development (me included, I was in 7th grade). It makes sense in those circumstances how so many people (adolescents especially) could get so sucked into parasocial relationships.
We were all stuck inside on our phones with mental health issues developing faster than our frontal lobes were.
I had known him since Soothouse. I got into dsmp when he made his first video on it. But..I think what I miss the most about him is his music.
It helped me a lot throughout the years. I remember listening to ycgma and sobbing to it. I remember it's all futile touching my heart.
I remember first listening to it's golden hour on the cd I had bought and feeling like my soul was being lifted away from my body. I remember going to his first of the road to 100 tour and when that song played I reached into the golden lights and screamed the lyrics, feeling a spiritual experience that I had never felt before.
I still have the shirt I got that day. I have his lmantooz, I have his cd, I have a lmanberg flag, I have the cosplay for his dsmp character I made in 2021. That cosplay helped me realize I was trans. I modeled my first short haircut after his.
I can separate his dsmp character from him. I can still keep those things close. But his music...his music is his. And it hurts so much to look at that tour shirt still hanging above my bed and remember the ecstasy and understanding I felt in those golden lights, and not be heartbroken by how much of a facade it all was.
I feel the same..
I feel like the real problem is worshiping a human being. We're all bound to let each other down after all. It seems the people most hurt are the ones who were obsessed with him.
Thank you for making this. When I first heard about Shelby's story, I knew it was him too. There was no way it wasn't. In the coming days of his silence I found myself bitterly thinking Shelby should have never spoken. I caught myself on many occasions and scolded myself. She deserves closure, she deserves to speak, I was just upset that someone I had watched since Soothouse, since SMP Live, SMP Earth, finally Dream SMP and QSMP...was such a horrible person. I was trying to deflect it from him in my mind. When his statement came out, it just proved everything. I felt sick. I ranted to my friends, in open air really, to no one in particular, texting and crying. I caught myself asking "Why do I feel this strongly for someone like this I don't even know?" Many youtubers I used to watch, even as a child back in 2010, have been outed as abusers, lawbreakers...and yet Wilbur was the first person who took up this much brain space. Who made me cry this much. I still don't know why my mind latched onto him the most instead of others I had known longer, had a longer time to feel betrayed by. I found myself asking "how does Tommy feel? and Quackity? and Phil?" Because I thought my feelings didn't matter. I was one fan of millions who'd been betrayed, my sadness didn't matter in a sea of millions. But it did, and does. This has made me feel...disconnected from youtubers. From people I hold dear online. I didn't realize how parasocial I had gotten, even when I preached being parasocial to an unhealthy extent was bad. I find myself feeling duller for people. The constant thought of "I shouldn't get too involved, they could be exposed as a horrible person tomorrow when I wake up." It's not just Wilbur. Dozens of youtubers, from ages ago to recently, have been exposed as horrible people of all kinds. In this age where you can't even trust yourself sometimes, as well as the people you have to look up to? It's...hard.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler, but then again, this is a space for our thoughts.
Thanks again for this. I think I needed this. I tend to...suppress things and forget about them. my mind cuts off things so I don't feel the pain it's caused. We'll never get true closure, in a way of a real apology to Shelby or us, even when his career fails it won't be enough. But, we can learn to move on.
Stay safe, everyone. Drink some water, eat some food, get good rest...Your feelings matter. You're strong. You can do this. I believe in you. You'll do great things.
Feel free to add on below, you're safe here
With my newer intrests some part of my brain still whispers “what if they’re a bad person?” And then I go: “it’s a fictional character.”
It is so utterly relieving to have my Hyperfixations not be attached to content creators (outside of hermitcraft, but honestly, hermitcraft is like- zero drama, it’s great)
It feels like a weight has dropped off my shoulders to know that no one can accuse Ford Pines of being an abuser. I mean they can, but they’d be wrong.
To truly *know* my favorite characters is so so incredibly relieving, to not be constantly worried that they might be cancelled or exposed- god it’s amazing.
I haven’t let go of DSMP. I haven’t let go of techno especially. I still buy techno merch and wear my technoblade and Ranboo hoodies on a near daily basis. But god is it nice to have my current Hyperfixations feel so secure.
Two words to describe this video.
Beautifully written.
god… you expressed my emotions exactly. I wish I could listen to wilbur soots music without feeling discomfort from William golds actions.
The pain that people who idolized formerly good people, is different. It's something that no one talks about, that no one wants to tackle. The pain of in less than a blink, you're forced to forget every time they made you smile, laugh, and forget about all that's wrong. That in less than a blink, you're expected to hate someone without any closure, without showing that you're hurt. I'm glad you found a way to express the pain, or found the people to cry with. Unfortunately I am surrounded by people who didn't think twice about canceling him. Who would judge me for being upset that I lost a safe space. But that's what he was to me, a place I thought was safe, governed by safe people. Before the announcement, I always questioned what his songs were about. Why they were so dark and narcissistic. Why, if not written by someone I respected, would sound utterly, absolutely, disturbingly, sick and twisted. I almost went to a lovejoy concert. But tickets sold out faster than I could find good seats- I suppose the universe wanted to shield me from a deeper attachment than I already had. I used to listen to YCGMA on loop to fall asleep almost every singly night. With every note and lyric still buried in my head, I rot in the grave of intangible grief I cannot share. Truth be told, I had always favored techno as opposed to wilbur. But after his passing, I looked to sbi for some sense of comfort and closure, or an outlet to express this grief I couldn't share with my family. I have hoodies, plushies, things I cannot imagine looking at without a tang of grief. I felt I was in mourning for year and more, and I still weep. But after Wilburs actions, I looked for other places for my mourning to hide. I tried not to stray too far, so I've found a new sense of life in places like hermitcraft, epic, Hamilton, or Charlie and Schlatt (he's the realist person I know). Not that I don't watch anything dsmp related, but just that both Wilbur and techno were such big parts of it all, that you can rarely find anything without them. If im honest, I can tell you it took over a year to actually pry myself away from technos channel, from my tears and mourning, and even attempt to fill the gap he left behind in my soul. He took some of the best parts of me with him. And he can never be replaced, but my heart has found solace in people like Geminitay (whom I've been watching for just as long as techno, basically a little before the duel). But I still look back on these almost four years of my life where this fandom wasn't as it is now. I still wouldn't have changed anything. I doubt anything Ill ever find will feel the same, so I'm glad I found it. But I'm glad I've moved on as well.
Sorry for essay!! TLDR:
Being hit with the Wilbur situation after what still felt like a fresh wound of technos passing, I had a hard time finding a way to feel alive again. And while I don't regret being part of the fandom, or the energy and time I devoted to it, I'm grateful I've found a way to move on.
o7
i also used to listen to ycgma to sleep :'^) i had the whole thing downloaded onto my phone for so long because i didn't have spotify premium back then.
I went to one of the concerts and it was willllddddd. You could tell by the way he moved on stage that he knew every single person in the audience was in love with him. It was intimidating in a way but also so compelling. He had such a grip on us all.
I do feel bad for the rest of the band tho cus they seem like genuinely good people (although what do I know lmao). And they did make actually good music - far better than Wilbur's solo projects. I feel bad that their careers- which looked so promising - have been dragged down by him.
I was lucky enough to never become parasocial with him, but man. I watched this guy for six years. I liked so much of what he did - the videos, the jokes, the music. And to just have to drop all of that at once was a lot harder than the average youtuber cancellation. I had planned AMVs with his songs, and with songs made about his character!
Still, in a way, it was a lot easier to comprehend than most exposings. It wasn't as if he revealed a side of himself we hadn't seen before. I always thought he put on an unhinged, somewhat toxic persona, especially in some of his earlier songs, but turns out that was the real him all along
When i first got into his music i somehow felt that there was something wrong, like i heard the song "your sister was right" in the voice of the person that emotionally abused me....but i still pushed that down and he was still one of my favourite creators for a while. I still find his songs scattered over my old playlists and my heart drops every time they come up
"he didn't save you, you saved yourself." Incredibly important words, not even regarding this situation alone.
a lot of my inspiration to make this came from quinnamon and the passerine podcast, as well as the fact that i think we need more videos to help us all heal. i hope you're safe and that you know you're loved.
EDIT: ive added links to the aforementioned videos to the description of this video, as well as to tommyinnit's new song (which, after pausing and reading all the hidden messages, really affected me). hope you're all doing okay.
this makes me realize i haven’t.. truly processed all this. i haven’t quite sat down and asked myself how i feel about this, how i felt. i can say that i have moved on, that i no longer think about him. but i do. sometimes i still think to myself how a “man like him” could do things like that, but i never bother to give myself an actual answer due to how much it hurts. i still ache for his music, for the things he created. i wish i could hear his music without a pit forming in my stomach. i miss who i thought he was. who he was before it all came out. seeing and listening to someone who finally understands how much of an impact Wilbur. Soot. had is honestly so comforting in such an aching way. i do wish i could never think about him again, but i know that that’s not possible.
i still love the dsmp, and will continue to, and i wish i could write down all i truly feel, yet this will suffice. fuck you william gold, but i miss you wilbur soot.
this hit sm harder than i thought it would. i still adore lovejoy and wilbur’s work but i cannot listen to it without a pit in my stomach. he was someone i had trusted so much and him and his work helped me through a hard time in my life and it really hurts knowing it’s never gonna be the same but im proud of shelby and how far shes come :)
Just over a year ago, I discovered that a friend of mine had committed sexually abusive acts onto someone we both knew, on top of other things. They were a massive fan of Wilbur Soot and talked about him reverently. Watching his fans go through a sense of betrayal so closely to what I did, only a few months later made me feel a sense of kinship with his fan base that I never came close to feeling when my former friend talked about him and I watched his content with them. My heart really goes out to his former fans and his victims.
I was mostly fine the entire video, and then the 'you are alive.' absolutely shattered me. I find my solace in the community that once was. In the people that too mourned a bond between someone who never felt that bond. Mouths after my anger after his post I mourned for the little boy with star eyes for a man who had never even knew of his existence. We /are/ alive, we /are/ here. And we did it because of ourselves, not because some man on the internet spoke hours into the night.
To you, mandela, thank you. As I enter the end stages of my mourning for that young boy who aspired to be like a man who was nothing more than character, this video has given me that conclusion. The chapter has ended and my story will continue, not because some man on the internet spoke words through my breakdowns, but because I worked myself through the pain, and came out the other end.
Ah, I may not have been a Wilbur soot fan, but it hurts to see the fandom in shambles like this. Sometimes I wonder if this all wouldn't have happened if Techno survived. As soon as he was gone, almost all his friends went to shit... I'm a voice myself, and I want to extend condolences to all the former soot fans, as I know it hurts to watch someone you love die. I'm referring to Wilbur, not William.
I’m slowly maturing past my MCYT phase and ditching my parasocialism but you’ve helped me finally let go. Healing takes time, and I’m glad there’s other ex-fans like me who are still taking their time. Just wanted to say thank you for giving your perspective and comforting the community. It may be hard moving past someone we thought we all knew, but we’ll get there eventually. We’re all gonna be alright.
you are so right about people who support Wilbur or shubble in this situation feel stuck because they want to know the truth, they want to find something they can’t. it’s gonna be like that, and it’s so hard to just move on when these are people you followed for so long.
Wow oh wow. This described how I feel PERFECTLY. Wilbur was my favourite creator from the DSMP community for about two years, and I ended up caring way too much about him - he brought me so much comfort and happiness when I was feeling awful. He was the one who inspired me to start playing guitar, made me want to make music and be in a band, and his and Lovejoy's music became my favourite music ever. Whenever I felt anxious or sad or overwhelmed I would put on my Wilbur playlist and it would make me feel better.
I remember the day I heard about Shelby's stream and how the whole day I had so much anxiety in my chest and I felt sick and disgusted all day. I wish that I had never allowed myself to care about him so much, but even now there are still other creators I care about to the same level. It hurts so much that someone I thought was so wonderful turned out to be horrible. I think I really pushed away how it made/makes me feel because I thought it was stupid to care so much, but watching this video really made me realise how much it has affected me.
I don't know if any of what I said makes sense, but thank you for making this video, and I hope you and anyone reading this comment is doing okay. Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.
I wasn't a diehard fan, but I admired his creativity, and his seemingly-caring facade. But seeing someone who you used to hold at such a high standard reveal themselves to have caused someone deep pain, it reminded me of my own past relationship. While I'm thankful to have never felt physical abuse, it was the emotional and mental toll, and the fear of not being able to exist outside of that relationship, those were all things that I resonated with from Shelby's story. Hell, his music and content were part of what got me through my own painful experiences. So to find out he had caused the same sort of pain (perhaps even worse) to someone else was a complicated sense of betrayal, but a valid one.
Support victims. Never refuse to believe a victim's story just because you think you know the abuser better, that they would never do such a thing, that they were kind to you therefore they would never cause harm to anyone else. People will always surprise you.
his songs used to be in every playlist in spotify that i made or shared with others, his music was my comfort, he was what i went to directly after the news of technoblade's death, and when i heard of what he did, it shattered me more than ever before, i went through every playlist that i could deleting his music, deleting anything refering to him ever being on my playlists, anytime i do find him on a playlist i delete his songs, one of the weridest things that happened right before the news broke, i watched a video documenting his songs, saying as to how they told a story of how wilbur soot was portraying two guys who where going after the same girl, but both where abusive, after the news broke i looked back at that video and realized, no it wasn't a story, it was how he really was, it was a warning, I had already started to drift from wilbur before the news, mostly because i was going to philza and i felt it was werid wilbur joined a minecraft server with heavy based lore, went on tour, and then came back and got upset when he missed lore. Looking back on it now...i wonder..if that fight between philza and wilbur was actually fake...or was it true real frustraion from phil about his true feelings about wilbur not being there.
the fact this not only happend to me with wilbur but with melanie martinez too, both of them were artists that impacted my life in such a powerfull way, people i looked up to so much, i admired them, the melanie concert i went to was such a happy memory but now i look back at it and feel ashamed that i was that happy, my eyes get watery everytime i remember that my whole perspective on their music changed with the perception i had of them. i tried separating wilbur's music from him but separating the music from the artist is so much easier when the artist isn't such a big part of the experience
What did Melanie do? I remember there was the controversy around her allegedly r wording a friend but that was disproved, after that I haven't heard anything about her being bad.
Yess wilbur and Melanie hit hard. I also had to deal with some of my favorite of all time youtubers (cody ko, Colleen Ballinger, Caroline konstnar, Mr beast, try guys, gus Johnson, nickisnotgreen, etc.)
@@cadincebacon723the screenshot of her "admitting she was lying" was faked.
OH MY GOD YES, i still feel so bad about the melanie situation because idk what to believe in, id rather not stand for the victim or the abuser, but man i literally grew up with melanie, i felt horrified☹️
nah with Melanie it just makes me very angry, i really liked her music but looking back at it, it was quite mediocre, specially when finding out that she didnt go through the trauma that she portrayed (quite poorly too). Finding out that she not only didn't go through it but actually put people through it makes me feel sick. My feelings about Wilbur are a lot more complicated and hard to describe than with Melanie
I had joined the dsmp fandom quite late into the smp and I immediately fell in love with it. And the one person who I truly felt a somewhat connection with, (while I am deeply ashamed to say I had let myself become that parasocial with an artist) was “Wilbur Soot”. I would go on his vids channel and binge watch his videos, I would smile, laugh, giggle anytime I heard him say a funny joke, or just laugh in general. I would listen to his songs on repeat. I had let myself become so attached to a person who I didn’t even know. Who was across the world from me. Who had know clue who I was, and didn’t care. I had become so attached, I would lay in bed at night, thinking of when he would stream next, if he would release make more music.
When Shelby’s video came out, I didn’t watch it. I didn’t even know what had happened. I hadn’t heard the name “Wilbur Soot” in a while, since I had slowly but surely forgotten all about him (though I still occasionally listened to his music). I only found out about everything from a friend of mine, she told me about Shelby’s video, and my heart, sank. She had told me how people had theorized that it was “Wilbur” and my heart sank even more. It sank because I knew it was most likely the truth. That the person I held so dearly to my heart, had abused someone. Soon after “Wilbur’s” statement came out (because that pathetic excuse of an apology does not deserve that title) me and my friend sat at the park, on a tire swing, and just talked about it. We talked about how upsetting it was to know that someone we both genuinely liked as a person, was someone who was such a bad person in return.
I remember bawling my eyes out one night, maybe it wasn’t because of the whole situation, but it definitely was a factor to my crying. I remember soon afterwards feeling a deep, deep hatred for him. Also hating myself for ever liking him, feeling as if me previously enjoying his content made me, too, a bad person. It took at least a week of processing and thinking to realize that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but his own. I do genuinely wish the world could go back to dsmp times, and everyone would be happier. But that’s not possible. Things change even if we don’t want them to, and we have to come to terms with that fact. It’s a sad reality, but the only reality we have.
In all honesty, I take pity on people who still support him, who have decided to create their own reality of what happened, of who’s telling the truth. I don’t pity them, however, when they decide to hate on Shelby, because she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not necessarily a Shelby fan, but it disgusts me to know that people will hate on a victim just because the said abuser is someone they like.
I really do wish “Wilbur” comes forward, and tells us about William Gold, and who he is, and give a real apology, but I highly doubt it will happen.
(Some more I forgot to add) After everything had happened, I tried listening to some of his music again (pirated), to see how it make me feel. The second I heard his voice singing, I turned it off. I turned it off and sat on my bed, a pit in my stomach, a tight feeling in my chest. It just felt so wrong to even hear his voice. And while it was pirated, I felt wrong listening to it. I even attempted to watch a video of his, but also, the second I saw his face, heard his voice, I had to turn it off. I simply couldn’t watch, listen, or do anything in relation to that man.
You make a new sign of light for me to breach my eyes on. You helped me overcome him. You are right. He didn't save me, I saved myself. He was just a hobby to get my mind off of things. He doesn't know me, and he doesn't need to know me. But as long as I bring closure to my suffering. I know I saved myself.
two days ago I listened to "Mine/Yours" by Wilbur Soot for the last time. Then I removed it from my favorite song list forever. His music and songs reminded me of my dad when I was little. My dad would play the guitar, my mum would sing and play the piano and I would listen. Wilbur Soot was my favorite youtuber and streamer of all time. I'm glad I have moved on from that era of my life
this is such a beautiful video.
i had almost the exact same experience as you, I just hope this situation will get better somehow.
this is all of my thoughts, it’s so real.
To be honest with you i remember about two months before the situation went public i had been purposely not watching him, i just had a gut feeling and then i listened to a song of his and he immediately became a comfort streamer just two months before Shubble came out and said everything he had done. i started crying almost instantly, even though i had only been watching him for a short amount of time the news hit me like a truck. Support Victims always. People who still support wilbur actually shock me.
i can't say i understand this form of parasocial relationship. sure, i cried over and didn't get catharsis for Technoblade's passing until this year, but it was never really parasocial in this sense. i just cried because he would never release another video again to brighten our days. it was more of a constant suddenly being gone instead of having my idolization of a person shattered.
I never knew the full extent of the rumours having moved on from the dsmp creators when the server ended and that was when I said goodbye to my obsession of those people. This helped me understand parasocialness as I never understood the concept. Sometimes I heard a song of wilburs and I remembered the time where I was at rock bottom but the community and the creators helped but then I remembered that the people they've been exposed to be they were then and I've now let go of all of it. I removed every song, edit and video of wilbur from the favouirtes and I'm fine
I stumbled upon this, watched, then had a cry I needed. Here are my words.
I was a massive fan of Wilbur Soot when I first discovered him in 2021, around the end of the Disc War Finale on the Dream SMP. I immediately grew to love this man and his personality, his humor, and most of all his songs. When he streamed or appeared on someone else's videos, I dropped everything to watch. When I needed music to make me happy or help me get through bad moments, it was his. When he first spoke of starting a band all the way to being onstage for his band's first concert, I was there to support him. He had made himself out to be this fun, sweet guy who had a cheery personality and an amazing sense of humor, that kind of persona he built was easy to love and follow. I was happy and content to admire this man through a screen, who I never met and hence never met me. Now looking back on it, I see it for what it was, a parasocial relationship with someone who built his character out of manipulation and lies to get the masses to adore him.
When it was revealed what he had done, I couldn't believe it at first despite all the signs screaming that it was him, but then Wilbur himself admitted to it and I broke. I never did and never will stand with someone who hurts others, I shouldn't have put so much faith in someone I never truly knew. I dropped him and his band, unsubscribed from everything and hid away my Lovejoy hoodie, but it hurt. They had become a part of my life and now they were gone. I can't turn to his music or videos without feeling disgust and guilt in me, and any videos of other streamers that has him in it left me angry, knowing he was just there smiling and laughing while doing the bad things he did. But as mentioned in the video, hoping for things to turn out differently won't change anything.
Nowadays, I'm slowly moving on. Not completely and quickly, as it still stings, but I'm getting there. Not sure when, or how, but I'm determined to not let this haunt me. As the video said, I owe him nothing. Not my time, love, or devotion. I'll learn from this too, and do my best to keep from forming intensely parasocial relationships in the future that'll ultimately hurt me.
William Gold is dead to me, and I'm slowly but surely letting go now. I'm healing, and I hope others will heal too. Those like me who held such deep admiration for this man, yet ultimately were hurt by what he did.
We are not alone, we'll be alright. Thank you Mandela, for this video.
Validation feels nice, this video is so comforting (also your voice is beautiful!!!)
Thank you so much for validating my feelings. I wish that man never existed so i never had to feel this pain.
Sometimes I wonder what Technoblade would think if he was still around to see all of this go down. If he'd be just as disappointed as the rest of us, or if maybe he wouldn't be surprised at all. Just... Resigned.
I flip-flop between wishing he were here for comfort, and being glad that he doesnt _have_ to feel disappointed and resigned like the rest of us :(
it brings me a lot of comfort to think that he's resting in peace instead of dealing with this bs
o7
Techno would have been devastated.
As much as he had a joking exterior, he was incredibly empathetic whenever he realised he needed to be.
This video was so good i cant even put it in words. It made me feel things i thought i had forgotten, it gave me motivation to write again, to process my emotions properly instead of sucking them into the evergrowing black hole in my mind, that gets bigger every time it finds something to nourish itself off and that took over myself for the last months. Please write more and if you are ready share it with us, i will wait for it and im sure others will love it as much as i do. Youre really talented, we're in this together and we're gonna be fine
I needed this. Not necessarily for Wilbur, but for twomad. When that all happened nobody thought of the fans wanting him to get better. Thank you
"sometimes the words of a heartbroken person can shatter even the most stable of hearts"
you're a brilliant writer, and though all of this hurts, none of us-neither you, nor me, nor anyone-should give up on what we sought to achieve
I just cried so hard. Honestly, when I first heard the news I couldn't believe it, I wanted to hope it wasn't him like you I just, knew. For a while I stopped listening to his music, stopped praising Wilbur Soot and the person he was in my mind as he fucking disgusted me, to, my, core. To be someone that has experience with toxic people like this in my childhood, and to hear that news, changed me, SHIFTED me as a person, even if I may not had idolised him the same way you did. He's the reason I wrote, infact, his album "Mammalian sighing reflex" is the reason I picked up guitar at the beginning of this year, and yes I know how to play some bits of his music. The irony is that in fairly recent (within the last 4 years) experience with a toxic person my mother was dating his music, his album "Your city gave me asthma" and more specifically Jubilee line really did save my life, they really did help me. And I believed that. Now, I believe that his name, the fact that he wrote it, and the distain this knowledge gives his music is important to acknowledge, but it doesn't matter to me. I still listen to it. My interpretation of the sound, the words, what it means to me. I hate thinking about it, I hate that he did what he did but that cannot be changed. So, we move on, move forward, as a fandom we never die, we simply change, grow older, learn. We still loved those characters on our screens. We still laughed, screamed, and cried with them, and I treasure those memories, and that's okay. It's okay to treasure good memories, even if somebody involved isn't good. This is just how I see it all, but thank you for this video, it pushed me to write this, and I see it as important to write these things down.
I'm so glad you made this. This is exactly how I felt and still feel. Removing his music from my playlist hurt. I miss the golden days of the DSMP, where everyone had fun and enjoyed the content and the creators. When I heard this happened, I desperately hoped it wasn't true, but as time went on, I realized that it was true and the person I looked up to so much had disappointed not only me, but so many other people. It's less about being parasocial, but more about losing a person who was a comfort. I wish it never happened and I learned that I can't trust anyone to be perfect, cookie cutter people. People are flawed and unfortunately, many of them make disgusting decisions. And at the end of the day, we can't control nor prevent it. We have to move on. It's painful, but we can do it. I've never written a comment this long, but I've never been more relieved to see people have the same feelings as me. So thank you and I hope everyone is doing well ❤
I lie to myself saying I have moved on by making jokes, but every time someone mentions his name I find myself crying. I know I don't owe him a think but it doesn't make it easier knowing it all
it hurts a lot, really. Wilbur was the person who got me to buy a guitar to learn his songs. I went to 2 Lovejoy concerts before the news came out. The first concert gave me a reason to look forward because just weeks prior, my abusive boyfriend broke up with me. Of course, I did not realize that at the time he was abusive... I was distraught and deeper into my depression than I have ever been. That concert gave me a chance to sing out all of my sorrows. The second concert had me singing my favorite song and we bought merch. I still have that hoodie yet I put a T-shirt over it to cover the fact it's Lovejoy. The music that resonated with me so much just seems... dirty now. Despite loving those songs to death, finding comfort in them as I started a process of trying to find a reason to get out of bed, it all feels a little grim knowing now that the same man who wrote songs that saved me after my abusive boyfriend ruined my life..was an abuser himself.
I don't know for sure if it'll work over a printed design, but you can try fabric paint on the hoodie! Take something bittersweet and turn it into something new that you love 🩷
I didn’t know other people felt the way I did. This is pretty cathartic thanks. I also wrote poetry and angry notes and wept and felt stupid and I felt alone. It’s good to know I’m not.
as someone who has had so many gross parasocial relationships this has put my thoughts into words ive never been able to explain it like this
im weeping
I used to be apart of the dsmp community, had songs memorised and had made fan art with friends, when I told my friend and she said she fully understood but didn't care and would still watch him. Shelby deserved better. I've put his account on do not play on Spotify, I loved his music, I tried listening to repost on RUclips and it will never be the same, now I wonder if his songs were some way to say he was terrible, looking at the lyrics it will never be the same. I don't long for Wilbur, I long for the memories of what he brought me. This video was a huge help thanks.
I didn't expect to cry, but that last part really hit me. "You are not separate from every other thing" Like a thousand feelings I didn't even know were bottled up just came lose all at once. I really needed to see that. I don't even know why yet.
I'm going to try and start writing down some of these feelings. I think I'm finally allowing myself to truly process what happened and mourning that past joy that twisted into disgust and disbelief. I think I was so numb from constantly seeing creators turning nasty left and right that I just shelfed my emotions. Unsubscribed and said I was fine and done.
I don't know entirely how I feel just yet, but one thing is certain-I'm glad the truth came out. The truth hurts, but I think that pain means that it matters. Thank you for making this video.
i was a fan since SootHouse. I've been a fan for that long. i'm still not over it.
This is a really lovely video, gives me a small amount of validation.
Had a similar experience with a different RUclipsr a few yrs ago now, I still yearn for the old days and I’m still learning to also let it go. I also loved Wilbur too, but I’m also fortunate to have not been so attached either. I learned my lesson from the first time.
My favourite hoody was merch of his, i got it for free, but i still dont like wearing it. It is the most comfi one i own, but i dont wanna walk around with it. His streams were what brought me and my brother closer togheter, and then we kinda lost that. We are still close, but we haven't done something with just the 2 of us in ages.
thank you so much for making this.
i found wilbur in 2022 in the lowest time of my life, when i was slowly but surely losing the only family member who could ever understand me. i had no one close left in real life, just a single room, my rotting body and family photos that reminded me of who i was before. the only person i considered my close friend since 1st grade stopped caring about me and at that point there wasn't much point to keep living. then i found wilbur. i felt parasocially close to him and his music and it made me feel better and forget where i was and what was happening. i stopped caring about anything that was happening around me, because everything i had left in real life just hurt me more - my mentally ill mother, my shut-in brother and my friends who didnt care. eventually i got into dsmp, started watching other creators and even found online friends that cheered me up a bit, but wilbur was always my favorite person and my light in life. he inspired me to make music, to live, to keep running and to not kill myself. when shelby released the video, i just didn't believe it was him. found a thousand excuses why it doesn't match up with him, and how she would have just said it was him, and how everyone would already know by now, and how he would never. then she confirmed it and a bit later, wilbur himself admitted to it. this was practically the end for me. i spent the last 1-2 years building my new little digital world with him as the main figure, and it all was shattered in just a week. i couldn't bring myself to do anything really. my family doesn't allow me to even watch anything that wasn't educational, so i couldn't share with them, and my friends would just laugh at me. it was so stupid. i wanted to kill myself but didn't know how or when. every day was just wake up - open r/wilbursoot - read other people's posts about how they felt - open twitter - see a bunch of posts discussing it - just sit there in silence, not knowing what to do. whenever i would be in a bad situation, i would just listen to his music and feel better, but now i didn't even have that. it hurt so fucking much. it was probably the darkest time of my life. due to memory issues i don't remember much from that period of time, but i will never forget the feeling of having to carry a whole car on my back while pretending like absolutely nothing was happening to me. over time i've learnt to cope with it. i could now wake up and live a day without thinking about him. but even now, the scars still remain. i get giant urges to watch his videos and listen to ycgma and msr, and even just hearing his name makes me hurt. im glad to know there are other people who went through the same thing. fuck abusers.
thank you for such a beautiful, open, and honest video.
As a former fan myself, it has been a daunting few months, and it is comforting knowing I am not alone in these thoughts.
I think what sticks with me the most is the appalling fact that he still has "supporters, " but in a, admittedly, parasocial way, I find it interesting how little they know of him and his public persona. When I first watched Shelby's stream, what hurt the most was that it was impossible to enviosin anyone else. Everything Shelby said about him made sense. There is a reason many of his more vocal ex-fans (my personal experience being twitter) involved not one single person defending him.
In moving forward, my kind of "hot take" is that I still think we need to treat current supporters with nuance, from what I have seen (again just in the twitter space) is most of his fans that are not bait accounts or a disgusting combination of edtwt/shtwt, seem to be younger, more gullible fans who cannot cope with the truth- and I pity them. I think I cried everyday for almost two weeks after all this went down, I have a massive storage container for my merch I still can't bear to part with- the healing journey is not linear nor is it fast. All I can hope for is that people who still consider themselves "fans" open their eyes and realize that a parasocial relationship is never worth straying from your moral compass, and supporting victims of abuse transcends any kind of love you can have for an online creator.
Wilbur meant a great deal to me. He meant a great deal to a lot of people. I wish all those still reeling from the horror that he is find healing and happiness.
#supportvictims
i was 15 when i started watching him in 2019, i have watched every video he has ever put out, i was there when he started to blow up, i have been there for 5 whole years. i knew he wasn't great, but i thought at least he was decent, an alright guy, i knew he wasn't always, but i thought it'd be okay, as long as he was now, it wasn't parasocial to hope that someone could be good.
i miss him more than words can say, but im pretty sure the version of him im remembering is shrouded and distorted into something more joyful, more nostalgic, more hopeful; looking back, he was always somewhat awful. he was pretentious and finicky, entirely too quick to anger, he had this air of superiority, whilst in the same breath saying how low he was, he was smoke and magic tricks and mirrors, so impressive, so depraved, so easy to love, so gutwrenching to hate, like breathing oxygen after nearly drowning, it's right to be doing it, but god, your lungs burn.
i think the majority of wss are so so unimaginably young, it breaks my heart, they're spouting such sexist, blatantly untrue nonsense, but they don't understand what it means, they're too little, all they understand is that the man on the screen made them happy, and they don't know that other things can spark that joy too.
going into the dream smp era, i was one of the youngest fans, but now, im not a fan anymore, but im a lot older than a lot of fellow former fans, and i truly do feel for those of you who were 10-14 when you either found wilbur or found out what he'd done, it must've been your first experience with that kind of betrayal, i just hope you all know it wasn't your fault, you couldn't stop what he did, you weren't meant to assume the worst of him the entire time, his failure does not impact wether you are a good person or not, its all on him, the best you can do now, is to just avoid engaging with him, and make sure the victim gets heard, and preferably not spout bollocks on tiktok about how your aunt's sister's brother's cousin's ex boyfriend heard from his blind half deaf abuela that wilbur was innocent
thank you for this video im actually so happy that im not alone in missing the person i thought he was it genuinely makes me feel so much less crazy for my own feelings thank you so much, im here for anyone who wants to talk about him good or bad and im so proud of yall and the fandom that we built together even if the subjected matter has been twisted i still love you guys so much and this was and is still my favourite group of people ive ever met.
i still struggle to believe that the same man that helped me get through the death of my cat, my best friend pretty much, turned out to be so evil, it has and forever will deeply affect me, but still i am so happy for the memories i have
i wish you all the absolute best youre all so amazing never forget that.
seeing tommy's video that was posted today (22/11/24) then this, it shows the scale that he had on the fandom, his friends. such a let down and I feel everyone's pain deeply
Lovejoy was one of the few bands that I could name as a favourite artist and would consider going to a concert for, but now I can’t listen to it without feeling disgust, it’s been tainted by the knowledge of what he’s done. Ironically Wilbur announced Lovejoy was coming to Australia right after it came out, and my first thought was if this had happened, it probably would’ve been my first music concert. It’s a little bittersweet, knowing the few other bands that are my favourite will probably not come here, and so that may have been my one and only concert, but I couldn’t touch his music without thinking of what he did. Sometimes I miss his songs or his videos but I know that even if I watched/ listened to them I would not be able to enjoy it.
Funny how this found me right at 3am in the morning. I'm crying so hard my head hurts.
Thank you for creating this. I have been totally ignoring everything since it first was revealed. I needed this. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Gracias.
thank you for this collection of thoughts; it really speaks to the way i felt those months ago and how i cant even watch anything related to the dream smp anymore. it hurts to do so and i havent accepted that, only ignored it. you wrapped everything up so nicely and so neatly. fantastic writing...
I saw someone on a bus who half-looked like him today and I nearly broke down in the middle of the city. Everything you said is how I've been feeling. The blaming myself for getting attached, the anger, mourning, pirating the music but bitterness. I wrote angry poems as well, and sometimes I still do actually when I feel so enraged.
I'm going to say this right now: I think a lot of are LEGITIMATELY experiencing trauma. A unique form of trauma that is not often discussed but people definitely need to because it's so isolating I feel so alone in this.
My therapist calls it “ambiguous loss” and “disenfranchised grief”. It’s a real thing apparently. Used to refer to grieving losses that don’t have closure, like a loved one going missing and never being found, or for grieving things that aren’t normally ‘respected’ as grievable, like mourning a relationship after a divorce or mourning the loss of a pet. Even with these words for it, I still feel like I don’t deserve to feel the grief. What am I compared to people with missing loved ones they’ll never see again? Why am I more devastated now than I was when techno died? What gives me the right? Nothing. Nothing gives me the right and nothing gives anyone the right- they’re feelings, we don’t need a good reason or excuse to feel them, we don’t need to be worthy to feel them. We don’t need permission to be hurt and being hurt by smaller things is not disrespectful to bigger hurts. I try to remind myself but it’s hard.
Even knowing I’m not alone and there are thousands of others who are dealing with this, I still feel like I’m overreacting and everyone else is a reasonable amount of upset and I’m freaking out more than I should be. But things like this where we talk plainly about how strongly it impacts us, about vomiting after the news, about breaking down in public, THAT is what truly makes me BELIEVE I’m not alone. What allows me to, just for a minute, let go of the horrible horrible shame that comes with feeling such trauma over this. I shouldn’t feel guilty and shameful for being hurt by something “small”. But I do. But I know I’m not alone, and sometimes I even believe it. And it doesn’t fix the grief. But it at least let’s me feel it.
I dunno. We’re all rambling here but I wanted to share that yeah, it’s very likely we are legitimately grieving and going through trauma psychologically. And whether others or ourselves think we’re overreacting actually doesn’t at all change the fact that that’s what’s going on psychologically in our brains right now. Symptoms don’t go away just because the cause is “not a big deal”.
If any of you guys have therapists and haven’t talked to them about this yet, I highly encourage you to do so. I think a lot of this comment section is younger than me, and I wanna reassure you that if you’ve got a good therapist, this is nothing they haven’t seen before- or at least they’ve seen it in another form- and they won’t judge you for it.
I’m glad we can all be here for each other.
@Gggly2513 thank you for this. I'm an adult as well I think you might be too (won't disclose my age) but trauma is trauma. It's hard not to compare in this world but we are all valid
i miss his songs, all of them. maybe i was boring, the incel trilogy, your city gave me asthma, are you alright, pebble brain, wake up and its over, all of it. he was an artist i held dearly and i cant even listen to his music without shame anymore. life has been so, so hard recently and i cant even listen to ycgma for help. sometimes i see the lyrics or the song name and i cant remember how it went, and it hurts but is assuring in the same way. i used to do puzzels while watching concert clips. he's how me and my now ex connected. music is such a big part of my heart, and he was such a good escape. the thought of him healed me just to break me again. i feel like i should be over it by now, but i don't think i ever will be. no matter the jokes i make to cope, no matter the way i ignore him, it still hurts. i hate it all.
im letting myself appreciate the joy i got from his content and his music and his acting, while trying to desperately remind myself that i do not owe him forgiveness or remorse. i faded out of the DSMP fandom long before wilbur's actions were brought into light, and i acted as if his actions didn't shake me as a person. while i was in the fandom, i let myself attach everything i did and thought back to him. the way i spoke, the way i dressed, my hobbies my art my everything. i knew his songs by heart and i quoted him daily, and looking back at it, i hold so much regret - but i couldn't have known better.
i built myself in his image, he was everything i wanted to be and the aching i feel now is some strange proof i succeeded ? it sickens me now to attempt to categorise myself, because every connection i make leads back to him. i feel such shame seeing myself in wilbur soot, even thought that was once my only goal. f/ck you, william gold, i would have fought to the death protecting what you sold to me.
thank you for this video. i think this is the only way i could've washed my hands from the fandom for good. here's hoping i never return, here's hoping i can make the aspects of him finally, truly my own.
I left the dsmp fandom almost two years ago. But he was my favourite. And i loved him, and he made me feel happy somedays. And to find out what he did was so, like sickning. Even though i didnt like it anymore. And I think if 2022 me found out. She would cry. She would be so disappointes, but also so grossed out by what he did.
Awesome video btw💗 Amazing job!!
“it’s nothing i didn’t even knew him” but i started playing guitar because of him and i realize what i wanted to do with my life because of him, just a safe place that also gave me all the inspiration i needed in my worst, gone forever, sometimes i think that maybe in a few years i could listen to his music without feeling gross, i don’t know man, hope y’all are okay now
thank you for posting this. with everything going on right now in my private life and in the us, where i live unfortunately, ive been dragged down into one of the worst depressive episodes ive been in.
a few weeks ago when i was feeling my lowest i was desperately searching for any sort of music that might feel right to listen to, so i was just listening to my liked songs. i think it was jubilee line that came up, and i froze. i haven't listened to his music much other than accidents just like this one, and every time it just shocks me to remember that he's still out there. i listened to the song, and for some awful reason it was the only song that I'd listened to that day that felt just right.
i listened to it again today. and i feel awful. he's an awful person but he is one of the few artists who's music is really helping me right now. i dont know what to do.
Why the hell did YT not show me this? I won't be feeling so bad like I'm guilty. Watching this hurts and makes me feel light at the same time. Thank you, since what happened I've been trying to be strong for my best friend who also used to be a Willbur stand, they've been through so much that I didn't wanted to make them feel worst and give them hope while I was destroyed. Now I know I don't have to pretend it doesn't hurts, bc it still does and I hope that one day I can forget that pain and the void he left in my soul
Edit: I fixed some words, sorry my gramar it's shity some times (I'm a spanish speaker)
I clicked on this after a night of watching jack and tommys recent dsmp stream(god that is grim to type) and searching for explanations (and vods)
of so many messy situations.
the months of february and march were rough.. I took me a long time to find myself again after i realized how much of myself was from him. since then the only people ive actively followed from the smp has been foolish and tina, i luckily dont have parasocial relationships to the extent of the ones i had back two years ago or so.
what really broke me was thinking about how this affected the outer circle of people, like phil, quackity, tommy, and company. or people who had gone to every concert they could and bought merch(funny thing is i was super close to just a few months before everything came out, thank god i didnt).
not to mention caitibugzz who was and still is one of my favorite creators who was pushed off the internet with a hate mob i will never comprehend and that i will always be enraged with.
such a mess of things and its really hard to reconcile with all of it not having any physical evidence of it outside of myself, which youd think make it easier. i am way better now, way more comfortable than ive ever been in a real sense. i found myself last month trying to log onto my main twitter to see how everyone was and with the ass algorithm and was just hit with even more disconnect. all my friends i made from the smp had give up on them long before everything and i was super close too but he was the thing that broke the camels back. and i dont know why i typed all of this, i have processed these emotions in the summer. i guess i can blame him for everything now PF if i didnt click on that damned ur new boyrfriend music video i never wouldve found the smp and i dont know what to make of that.
okay so this might be a long comment bc this is really the first time I've seen anyone really discuss how it felt to find out the news and Lord do i need to talk about it.
the first few minutes hit so hard. hearing that you still check in on his goings-on occasionally, and the rage and longing that comes with it, felt like being pierced in the stomach with a spear. because from time to time, i do the same. and it feels so weird. its pure rage at him for daring to keep existing in the way that he does and still almost a pain of having "lost" someone who had been so significant to me in my developmental years. I had been watching wilbur since. maybe 2019? i know it was at least from 8th grade up until my senior year of high school (when the news dropped). 5, if not more, years spent developing a perception of this person, a comfort, a sense of safety and joy. YCGMA was such a fundamental album for me when coping with some of the worst times of my life. when he started doing those few episodes if Hey and Stuff, i used them to sleep on nights where i found it impossible to get myself to bed. hearing him defend women and queer people and share his political views made me feel as though he were a safe person, someone i looked up to even. so when everything came to light, embarrassing as it is to admit, i fell into a depression for two weeks. it felt like 1/4 of my life just shattered to pieces. i knew he wasnt my friend. when I posted about it to my close friends i even sarcastically remarked about the typical "dude who makes songs about being a bad person is actually a bad person" trope. but despite what i knew in my head it still hurt. i felt like i had lost someone, and in a way i had, but not in a way that was real. i pushed my feelings about it aside because i ultimately felt that me feeling pain over this loss of perception as a parasocial fan was selfish. i couldn't even begin to imagine what shelby had been going through. and in that was i was angry at myself and the nature of my feelings too. i knew william gold was just the face of wilbur soot, and yet i still allowed myself to believe that somewhere inside, the actor and the character were one in the same. i fully gave trust to a man i didn't know hiding behind a mask that i did, and it was shattering. share so many of the feelings you've expressed, the following distrust of other public figures and the lack of closure. i think the latter is responsible why we still check in on him, tried to listen to his music, tried to seperate the creator from his creations. hell, that lack of closure, shamefully, made me feel a sense of. sympathy? more likely pity--when there were mentions of his wavering mental health in the early weeks of the situation. I've gotten over a lot of these feelings. honestly i cant look at him without feeling almost disgusted. but somewhere deep down, i still have that sense of nostalgia for the first time i saw him and schlatt play minecraft as the water level rose.
anyways to end this long ass "who asked" rant: thank you for making this video. i think this is the first time ive seen anyone express just how I've felt about the situation-especially so beautifully with your writings. its really nice to have had the space to express these thoughts that were all but locked away in my mind and left unexamined. i genuinely appreciate the pure honesty and raw emotion emanating from this video, and i hope you continue to create :3
I think this whole situation has been a painful, but valuable, lesson about the risk you run when you hold someone you don't know on such a pedestal
to this day i still feel so very used after finding out he was a manipulator and abusive person. there were times where i couldn't sleep at all and i was going through the worst domestic abuse myself from my partner. i found comfort in his VODs, his storytelling, his words, and especially his music. to find out he was an abuser when i was turned to him to run away from being abused. I'm just sick.
Thank you for the video. I wasn't in the fandom for long, but i enjoyed some of hs songs and respected his storytelling in his ARG. And since he was British (so am i) and his ARG had one of my favourite London landmarks the O2 arena i felt a connection to him. It sucks when someone i respected so much to be so disgusting. One song he had i listened to back to back for a week because it was a good song. Now, i just feel guilt over watching and respecting him and not seeing the signs as if i could have known. My heart goes out to Shelby ❤
the topic of wilbur is a strange one to me. he once brought me comfort and safety he helped me grow closer to a former love of mine and we both listened to his music and fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. the timing of everything that happened somehow coincided with the loss of this former love almost like they bounced off one another. now i cannot look at one without thinking of the other. in a way im happy it all came crashing down at once as it taught me that its never the end of the world.
we grieve, we get up, we move on.
time heals.
i didn't even watch Wilbur, but I'm crying with this video.
I was at work, actively listening to lovejoy when I checked twitter. I wanted to believe it wasn't him, not until there was some confirmation. Even still, now the song I had just been loving a few minutes ago made me feel sick. And then I found out it was him. It felt like some kind of a betrayal, even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Even now I've been fighting to make sure he isn't on my spotify wrapped because how often I listened to his music January-Febuary alone.
thank you for this. i absolutely hate him now bcuz i used to care for him so much. his music was a lifeline for me when i was legitimately suicidal and it’s painful that art made by such a horrible person helped me. in the beginning i barely stated anything abt how i felt and then i was so enraged and sad whenever i hear his name or when jubilee line automically gets added to autoplay when i play music bcuz of how much i played it in 2021. fortunately, i’ve gotten over it mostly. there’s light at the end of tunnel. we’re in this together guys
It feels weird not having him or lvjy in my playlists anymore , I felt such a connection to the music but now i hear it in the background of a video and it sounds off like its out of key. It doesn't feel the same when i find an old peice of fanart in a sketchbook anymore , it feels out of place. It really hurts to know that while i was using his music and videos to escape my own traumatic experiences he was hurting other people. I guess i was just so blinded by feeling safe even for a moment i didnt dare question if the person he played was who he really was . It feels like ive been betrayed even if i didnt know him and he didnt know me it feels just all sorts of wrong. I am glad to see others talk about it tho , glad im not alone
I can't believe the guy who made the music that got me out of an abusive relationship is an abuser himself. It hurts still. I can't bother to pirate his music and listen to it. Because all I think about is that my abuser is still listened to, his voice is still cherished by a bunch of people who know what he did and looked past it, and I know for the sake of Shelby I can't listen to him.
God, I actually never thought I needed this. I used to memorize his songs, I picked up a guitar to play them, I brushed over the parts of songs, from ‘Your New Boyfriend’ where he was saying he deserved a relationship with that girl(I haven’t listened in a while and I won’t relisten, it’s what I remember) to ‘Concrete’ where he was singing that it was just a kiss and she shouldn’t be mad over that, saying it wasn’t how he truly felt. I also picked up mannerisms of his. I wore beanies, I loved the beige colors, and after he was revealed to be who he is I was sick. I hated it, I hated myself for thinking that he was some sort of untouchable person. Younger me has it better, talking to my friend and practically simping over the man. We aren’t friends anymore, she still supports him and it doesn’t resonate well with me. He was such a good person in my eyes, I watched his part of the QSMP, I would yell with excitement when he streamed, I held him so high and I fully regret it. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t over it until this morning. I was rewatching the QSMP and he joined. I hated it, I hated that he had that effect, making me feel sick to hear his voice. I promised myself I would never parassocially involve myself with any other content creator ever again because of it. I thank you for coming out with this, it’s made me really think about it and realize that he didn’t save me but I saved myself. He was just something that helped. I feel a lot better knowing that, even if I subconsciously knew it heating it from someone else has helped. Thank you again :]
Wilbur's music got me through the death of my grandmother. I had all of his songs memorized and even used the song One Day as an audition for theater. One Day got me into Wilbur's music. I thought of it as a sort of tribute to the song to use it as my final musical theater audition. God I'll never forget my initial reaction to that song back in 2021, I can still remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. The excitement rushing through me as I had never heard a band which such bright and brassy sound. "And stop, because why'd you have to kill my cat?" That beginning line got me hooked, and after that, I never went a day without listening to them.
I felt sick when I found out what happened, I simply sat there and cried. I felt sick for using his song for my audition, I felt sick for listening to him. It's safe to say I haven't wanted to listen to him since. Though there are a couple of times where I'll be listening to an old playlist, and one of his songs will begin to play. I recognize it immediately, but I don't get excited anymore, no, I just sit there staring straight ahead. Sometimes I cry, but I usually snap out of it and skip the song, the lyrics echoing through my head, now feeling as if they aren't welcome there anymore. They aren't. I finally removed his music from all of my playlists.
I think it's safe to say I haven't, nor do listen to him anymore.
this is beautiful, I’m terribly sorry you’ve had to mourn in this way
Thank you so much for sharing these deeply personal and beautiful thoughts with the world. Even tho I can't relate to being a fan of this persona he portrayed, I can relate to how parasocial relationships change and influence and shape you on a deeper level, many don't understand. It is so important to not beat yourselves up, for missing the things we thought he stands for and realizing the potential danger such relationships we build with influencers and content creators hold. Tysm for sharing, it is so important nowadays.
TW: mention of unaliving myself and problems with food.
A few years ago, I was struggling to stay alive. I didn’t have anything I wanted to live for, I just didn’t want to be around anymore. I had this idea that no one would miss me, that people would smile at my grave.
I found something to distract me from the things around me, Wilbur.
I felt so happy watching his videos, his streams and I loved his music. Wilbur ment so much to me, he was like a god, I would’ve given my life to save his.
When I found out who he really was, I cried. And I cried so much. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function.
Now I’m surrounded by better people, I’m getting the help I should’ve gotten so many years ago. I no longer want to disappear, I want people to look at my art and get a feeling that they’re not alone in this world.
I’m happier, I might not be healthier, but I want to live.
I struggle more than I ever have but when I’m happy I’m filled with so much more joy, I feel loved. Wilbur didn’t make me feel loved, he made me feel like I was allowed to exist. Now I feel like I’m supposed to exist.
I have let go, I found out letting go wasn’t that hard for me, it was healthy, I got away from this made up world where Wilbur was god and I was just another grain of sand on a beach.
Yes I miss watching his videos and listening to his music, I remember feeling happier when I saw he had posted a new video, but I still felt empty.
The world is so much more beautiful than the internet, people are horrible but nature is everything. I feel peaceful when I’m outside, a few years ago going outside would mean making sure my phone was charged so I could make sure that if Wilbur uploaded I could watch it.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to back then, I never tried to find anyone, cause I had Wilbur right? Now I have two best friends who I can’t imagine living without, they mean so much to me. I will forever thank myself for letting go, I am so happy now. I may not be able to eat every day and I might have depressive episodes or bad breakdowns, but now I have people who care about me, people who will make sure that I know that I matter.
This might be all over the place, and it doesn’t all make sense. But it helped writing all this, it helped me feel more comfortable about the fact that yes, I did worship a bad person, I didn’t know who he really was and that wasn’t my fault.
I’m happier now.
hey I’m happy for you. I’m glad you found joy and friends and an interest in life outside the internet :) best of luck stranger
@ thanks!! I hope you have some great friends aswell!! Best of luck to you aswell!!
I’ve never related to anything as much as I related to this video. I remember sobbing in my mom’s arms when I realised it was Wilbur that had done those things to Shelby, I’d felt such a heavy sadness upon me I thought it would never end. I remember crying 3 times while taking down my lovejoy posters, I couldn’t believe it. Your poetry and stories were beautiful and I really loved it, I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing your story and allowing this space for us to reflect and talk about how this man had affected us ❤️
TW heavy subjects
I Miss Wilbur, his music and content got me through a horrible abusive relationship, so to find out that he had hurt someone the way I had been hurt left me Distraught. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that someone who helped me through that would be like that.
Anytime I think of him I feel an uncomfortable about of pain and betrayal even though he’s a stranger. I fully support Shelby but I miss Wilbur, or I miss who I thought he was anyways.
Looking in from the outside is so insane. So many hurt kids who just formed their entire personality out of a person. I can't imagine how that feels, or what the hell leads to that. Everybody made/makes fun of mcyt stans and such but i just feel bad. I hope you are are doing okay and can heal, see what life outside the internet can be.
How I found out was from a tik tok, the more research I did the more scared I got. I didn't want to believe it until it had been 100% confirmed. The day Wilbur had responded was the worst timing ever for me. I was meeting my long distance best friend for the very first time and had to push down the sadness of this news because I couldn't, and wouldn't let it ruin one of my happiest days.
It was tough not being able to fully process the news for a few days, until it finally weighed on me. My friends supported me while I cried in their arms about how I wished it wasn't true.
Although this revelation caused me pain, I no longer feel anything towards it apart from a slight sting and yearning for the older days of the DSMP. I am happy now, I have become my own light, and I hope everyone here has too.
I was a massive Wilbur fan. I remember watching all the time his videos on long plane trips back in 2022-23 once my family had started travelling again. That’s the part that really pisses me off. Those trips were some of the happiest times I’ve had in recent memory. All the family bonding, every cool new experience, finally seeing my grandma again after the pandemic, he’s stained all of it. They’ll forever be tainted in my mind now. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back on them and smile again. I hope.
Funnily enough about a week before everything came out about Will I discovered NIN. I started listening to more of their songs last month and I feel like it’s healing me. It’s some of the most genuine music I’ve ever heard, from someone who doesn’t feel like they’re just putting on a persona to attract a fandom. Call me pretentious, but I feel like it’s sort of saved me from the horrible state I’ve been for most of the year thanks to Wilbur.
I’m still mad that most of my year was spent grieving over this man, but at least I’m healing now. I’m so glad Christmas is coming soon, it comforts me so much.
I totally get you with the memories thing. It was so hard when it first happened and I was so depressed and I needed cheering up, but whenever I was depressed I would cheer up with his videos, and so I would think “oh I should watch something funny to distract myself” and then get sad all over again because the thing that used to cheer me up is now the thing bringing me down. I described it to my therapist as that one scene from inside out where the girl is recounting a happy memory of playing hockey or something but she moved away so she can’t play anymore, and now the memory that used to be joyful gets touched by sadness and it’s just all ruined! What do you do when it’s all ruined! It’s so miserable. I’m still not over it. Dunno if I ever will be. So much happiness is attached to those videos and music. I know that it’s not really ruined and I know that nothings really changed and I can still hold onto the happiness, but it’s tainted.
Funny you mention nin. It’s my favorite band of all time and been my rock for years. After all this stuff came out about Wilbur I just blasted their stuff nonstop to try to both not think about it but also find some release in the pain. It’s so raw and real and it makes you feel less alone. I cried and shouted and danced to so much of their stuff especially this year after everything. It’s painful, not masochistic, not cathartic, just realistic. Theres so much real pain in the world that we all experience, regardless of what that pain is from. And it sucks!!! And sometimes there’s no silver lining! And sometimes there is but it doesn’t even help. And feeling that pain and even celebrating it as a part of life and as a contrast to the good, hearing decades of it and feeling decades of it, knowing the world still turns and we’re still here and that pain will always be with us, but that doesn’t mean we have to run from it. Doesn’t mean we can’t live with it, and doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Nin and Wilbur were my biggest inspirations of all time so this happening really shattered so much of me. I started thinking what if I lose nin too. What if everything I love goes sour?
Something that’s helped me a little bit is that the feeling and the art of all of it is what really matters to me. Wilbur’s work really impacted me and still does to this day, and it’s all so messy because I can’t listen to it anymore without breaking down. And I’d feel bad about listening to it anyway. Someday I’ll have gotten over it and maybe I’ll feel better about revisiting it, not for him, but for the emotions it gave me. All that love I had for the music was always MY emotions. I still own those. I always will, no matter what happens. Even when they get clouded over with grief, they’re still there, and they’re still mine. Hell even if something happens with nin, I don’t love nin for nin, I love it for ME. I’m grateful for it but ultimately the feelings I feel when listening to it are mine. I’m trying to internalize that advice that celebrities and shit give people when someone says “u saved me” or smthn. That idea of no, I saved myself. This art really helped me find my strength and myself, but it was me all along. It’s harder for Wilbur than it is for nin, bc nin is entirely about the art for me. But Wilbur was a person we saw as a person, even though we didn’t know him, we saw a glimpse of who he was. I related to him a lot and he made me feel like there was hope for someone like me to make art and music and follow their dreams. So now it’s not only that music being soured, but it’s that hope that maybe I could make it too.
I met some of my closest friends through his stuff online, and the first time we met in person was at a concert. I love them so much and our friendship doesn’t really have anything to do with him, but it’ll always be a mark on it. The first time I hugged them was during one of his songs. It doesn’t really matter, because it was me and my friends not him, but still, I’ll always look back on that first hug and think of him. That’s always attached to me. I think he always will be, for better or worse. I’m always gonna be chained to the happiness and sadness of how much this meant to me. I have learned a lot from this experience, maybe one day the chain will soften into a lesson. I know I’m grateful for it, at least. Even after all this I don’t regret the love that I had. I’d do it all over again.
This comment kinda got away from me lol sorry. I’ve been in my feels tonight scrolling through the comments here and ur mention of nin caught my eye. If you ever wanna chat about nin lmk. I know their discography pretty much front to back so if ur still making ur way through it I could recommend something if ur looking for something for a specific mood.
Anyways, thanks for sharing. This video and all the comments I think brought out the fact that a lot of people have had this invisible pain we’ve been trying to get through, trying to move on even when we’re shattered and feeling like we can’t talk about it. Talking about it really helps. Not just to talk to my therapist and explain that I’m sad, but to read all these comments and know I’m not crazy, I’m not alone, that other people understand. We’re in this together.
Brilliant video! Although I've never been into the DSMP, this video hit SO close to home for me since I felt the same things regarding another RUclipsr. Back in late winter, Chuggaaconroy got into into a MASSIVE controversy, but even though it was resolved months ago since Emile sent out a doc to address everything levied towards him, the feeling of finding out about all the allegations people threw at him and how severe they were, how his fans, friends and colleagues reacted to it and how disgusted and ashamed they were... it genuinely broke my heart to see someone who I watched for ages and who I admired being portrayed in such a negative light, and that shock immediately turned into revulsion towards Emile when it all sunk in. It even got to the point where if I saw a video from the TheRunawayGuys (a LP channel Emile's a part of) pop up on my feed, or even see a thumbnail with Emile's face in it, I felt this massive pit in my stomach. For months, I genuinely did not want be reminded of that man at all, I felt THAT disgusted towards him.
I just looked back on Emile's and TRG's content with such a bitter taste in my mouth for months, and I'd just think "THIS sick bastard was the man I admired all this time? This was the man who inspired me to be more comfortable in myself? This was the man who encouraged me to be more open in my hobbies?" Thankfully, Emile gave his side of the story back in April and was able to disprove a lot of claims levied against him, but remembering how it all broke down and reading about the shit he went through in that document still saddens me today...
I knew about Wilbur from the DSMP, but I mostly followed him through his music. He inspired me to learn guitar, and "La Jolla" was the first song I memorized by heart. When his most recent album released, I loved every single song that was in it. I even learned another song, "Mine/Yours", and even today, seven months later, I can still pick up any guitar, tune the strings and play it by heart. I don't feel the ache anymore, and I haven't listened to his music in months. But sometimes, I remember it, and I remember what it helped me get through, those late nights listening to his voice, calming me.
When the allegations were released I didn’t know much about shubble so she felt like a stranger to me. My family was about to leave for a road trip so I cried silently in the backseat the whole time. I blasted his songs on my headphones so loud that afterwards I couldn’t hear the people around me and I couldn’t think because they were playing over and over in my head. I felt so betrayed and mad at myself for not seeing it coming. When he released his newest song I was in a hotel room with my brother. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it. I cried that night.
I'm a writer and a filmmaker now. I can say that without his songs, his writing on the dsmp, and his podcast episode on creative writing I don't think I would be a writer today. I have treasured memories of listening to his music with friends I don't talk to anymore and it sucks that I feel ill listening to those songs now because of who he is and what those lyrics actually say. This video was a nice reminder that there are lots of other people who regard their creativity with the same sour note every once in a while. But I still create despite the sourness, and the feeling is less than what it used to be.
The day I got that book for my birthday I cried. I was so so happy.
When I had to put it away, I cried much harder.
I like to think I wasn’t nearly as para social as many people were to Wilbur. But I will admit he was my idol. I started watching his videos back in I wanna say early 2019 with smp live, the water rising video and Minecraft Monday. It was not too long after finding his videos that i discovered his music (at the time just random videos of him playing his music in an old stream or on his second channel). He inspired me in so many ways and when I heard the news I was in denial until his statement and after that I fell apart for a bit. All my friends knew me as “the Wilbur guy”. I picked up guitar, learned all his songs, knew all the lyrics by heart and even performed them. He inspired me to write music of my own (which I still continue to do because i didn’t write music because of him, it is what I love to do, he just helped me realize it). But I can’t deny, seeing videos of lovejoy play live motivated my dream of being a performer like that. Your city gave me asthma made me feel seen and not alone in an awful part of my life and that’s still what I want to do with my own music, it just hurts knowing where that dream comes from, It didn’t help that a completely unrelated trouble came into my life shortly after everything. I used to listen to his acoustic music as some kind of comfort so I also tried to listen to his music again. Of course pirating it but it honestly made me feel worse. I’m still trying to disassociate from him with my friends still bringing him up on occasion for a joke or something which while I join in, I still remember how I felt. I have the lovejoy cassette buried somewhere in my room, a lovejoy anvil cat shirt and some of his crewnecks from his last merch drop. I honestly don’t know what to do with them. The clothes are just clothes but I resent what they represent if I wear them outside so I’ve chosen to leave them in the closet until I find someway to make them my own. Scratch out the logo or something I don’t know. But at the end of it all I still try to look on the bright side of things at least in retrospect. My music listening has expanded so much from listening to “portrait of a blank slate” on loop. And I’ve tried to let myself be free and grow as my own person as my life has slowly regained stability. I know this rambling is all over the place but I’ve had nowhere to let it all out. My only other friend who was obsessed with him as much as me would rather never speak on it, which is fair. It’s just so many complicated emotions. Because yes I hate him, but he did so much for who I am. If anyone actually reads this uh thanks? It’s kind of nice seeing so many people get their feelings out here. That’s all from me
dude i literally could not accept the fact that he was an ABUSER. i wanted to support him but i really couldnt..he really seemed like someone who would genuinely do that