Workplace Narcissists and their Enablers
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- Опубликовано: 4 авг 2022
- Recent interview with Tegan Osmond where we discussed narcissistic behaviour in the workplace from overt to covert. We also discussed the reasons why some people (often known as Flying Monkeys), support and enable them to behave the way they do.
Find more interesting conversations with interesting people on The Tegan Osmond Channel
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#workplacenarcissist #flyingmonkeys #TeganOsmond
Thank you so much for joining me on my podcast Darren. It was such a treat and so much fun!
Thanks for having me on your channel I enjoyed our chat as well 👍
I just found Dr. Magee this year. His channel was recommended due to my viewings of other similar channels. His videos are an excellent balance between the scientific discussion and relaxed talk about the day-to-day interactions we have with toxic people.
Regarding the bizarre specific accusations: people in general tend to believe that if a person is accused of something really awful, it is more likely to be true, because what accuser would dare to bring a big accusation without lots of Real Proof?
A Narcissist would! It suits their combination of grandiosity, lying, manipulation, sneaky getting away with things, and delight in the suffering of others.
False accusations cause a lot of suffering. Big accusations take a lot of work to defend against (difficult to prove a negative).
An innocent person can be outraged or frightened by a false accusation and then the narcissist will pull “Methinks thou doth protest too much,” which is a literal example of adding insult to injury.
The damage that is done to someone’s psyche and reputation is a reward to the narcissist, and the longer they insist on their false accusation, the more narcissistic supply they get, by creating crisis and chaos, and enlisting others to take sides.
The best advice I ever saw about this type of situation was from Ted Andrews, a writer about animal wisdom. When he was falsely accused, he followed his own system of studying archetypal qualities of animals.
He just stayed true to himself, to his own good character, and didn’t engage directly with his accuser. Over time, his accuser became more and more agitated, and as he exaggerated his attempts to create chaos, Ted didn’t change.
People noticed that, and came to see who was lying and who was being truthful. Not ‘telling the truth’ but being full of the truth. This might not work in all situations, but it is good to have a valuable option.
This was a great video about the workplace and it hit all the behaviors on how management will isolate a person. This happened to me. I work in the legal field for 25 years. Good at my job . Management would set me up for failure but I did not fail I succeeded. This made them mad. So to get back at me they told me I'll never be promoted. They but extreme stress on me that I ended up retiring in April. Because I didn't want to play there game.
Why would you hire a person, pay them hood money to do their job, set them up to fail? These people make no sense. Sorry you went through that hell.
@@chillywilly4126 Reason: jealousy!!!
@@daniellinville192 I agree. But know iam retired I have no reason to work. I loved my job I just didn't like how management treated people.
Narcissists like to create chaos, confusion and guilt in you. Sadly my mother is one. I haven't seen her for 3 years, we message a little bit as that's all I can handle. Boundaries. It's hard. I wanted a normal relationship but not possible.
I disagree. That target who they're envious of and who they cant control. They don't target who gives them supply and who they can control, such as flying monkeys.
Agree with this wholeheartedly.
Excellent discussion.
I felt that I was working with a narcissist female at my last job...covert... I wasn't the weak link but I was likely considered a threat to her and she went after me nonstop for 5 years...I fought back for 2 of those years and prevailed much of the time... but her unceasing assault was astonishing... after I stopped fighting because I could see she would never stop...so then she went more covert with her attacks and chipped away at me that way...She turned the whole room against me...intentionally tried to hurt me emotionally...feel alienated...I won most of them over eventually but she would punish anyone that showed me favor. she was a monster unlike anything I'd ever seen before.. I'm tough but it did chip away at my confidence and self esteem... I'm older so didn't want to go out and look for another job as I wanted to retire in a few more years... The boss respected me as I am very good at what I do... which is the only reason she couldn't get me fired.. but everything out of her mouth was to undermine...attack my credibility...my abilities and me as a person... extremely toxic and demented person... I've read that this type of individual is becoming more and more common in the workplace...and the problem is that because they are so dominating they are controlling most of the offices... It needs to be investigated because they are ruining offices across the country... Maybe she was more sociopathic or borderline as I am tough but she attacked me anyway...
The very specific, absurd allegation - I have had that happen by an employee years ago, that was when I first learned what a psychopath is.
Thank you for sharing that. I have also found that with psychopaths- these extremely specific and detailed false allegations
Hello Darren I hope you're keeping well. Thanks for the video and I look forward to watching it ☀️ best wishes and have a lovely day too ❤️
Thank you for this conversation. It was interesting to see how both of you handled yourselves. I empathize with the restraint of keeping the characterizations of narcissistic behavior patterns broad and also with the desire(sometimes to an almost urgent degree) to be validated in the experiences a person can have with a narcissistic person (and their enablers). And with the desire to essentially shout it from the rooftops in an effort to warn others before they get hurt.
Thank you so much Darren! I found you on RUclips several months ago when trying to determine why my sister seemed to be mentally unwell. Not that she had changed but that I suddenly became aware of the fact that - hey this just isn’t normal. You helped me a great deal and I thank you and so enjoyed the podcast today. Be safe and I look forward to the next upload on your channel!
Every strength is a weakness
Every weakness is a strength
Regarding imposter syndrome, if you have the knowledge that someone else doesn’t ..& if you can shed light & enlighten … it’s not an imposter.
When the trouble starts, form a union. Don't be shy about it.
Brilliant discussion / interview 👏 🙏🏽💛
Other sources of information: Sam Vaknin and HG Tudor (diagnosed narcissists) and Dr Ramani (an expert on NPD).
Dr Ramani is great
Fascinating discussion, great channel!
Interesting that a Histrionic's drive to be the center of attention is also very ego driven in a sense, and is it media and Hollywood and the fame associated with the attention that makes the attention seeking the foundation? Certainly we are heavily influenced by those mediums, but we are not necessarily cognizant of their affects. I wanted to make an additional comment and that pertains to Trump and Putin, whom both I believe to be narcissistic. We need to understand what the consequences to all of our lives can be when a narcissist is at the top of the hierarchical structures we have in political structures. This is where the damage is literally catastrophic. What a treat to have the both of you in a conversation that is free to watch. I have learned a great deal from you and I appreciate it. One other Topic for Darren, even though you have over 145 already. The characteristic traits involving ones greatness over all others that can be involved in ethnic cleansings and/or genocides is incredibly important. Aren't these predispositions of people similar to the traits of a narcissist? From the perspective of group dynamics, can a multitude of people become indoctrinated by narcissism, or is that an inner trait of humans that becomes activated in a sense. After seeing what Trump has done, I have eliminated the inner self idea, and realized how the manipulation from a narcissist can wreak havoc in the sense of exploiting inter personal susceptibilities in others as he has done with anti government fabrications and the Q anon rhetoric. In other words, the group dynamics of narcissism is complex, but a very interesting topic. If either of you need help researching topics for free, I would gladly help and assist in the interest of narcissism awareness. Thanks again.
This is a great informational video if a person understood all of those terms being used.
Thank you for your work! I want to suggest checking out Patrick Teahan’s channel also.
I talked to my manager sent her an email prior told her in person what this man is doing and saying and nothing but I will remain calm and document everything it’s easier for her my manager to disregard because our profession for the state is not a job that most would want without a degree but I will still document everything thanks you
WoW stumbled on this by accident & the bizarre allegations resonate! Very sad to be the recipient of this treatment first lost my home thx to my mum & then my job thx to one that saw my kindness as weakness
& @ 53 it’s a real blow as I love them both & dont understand why?
Good talk
more conversations, excellent! while the vast majority of stuff you talk about is spot on, i do still have to push back on a few points.
when talking about shameless abusers whose classification might be somewhere in the ballpark of sociopath / psychopath / narcissist / etc, oftentimes what we are really talking about is evil. i know it sounds stupid to say it that way maybe, and its not that you have to use that word necessarily, but the idea is that they are NOT the same as normal people who generally mean well or at least are not bent on abusing people as their sole enjoyment and their sole purpose in life. they are truly shameless, truly unreachable, truly different than normal decent people. to try to act like they simply have a "disorder", the same as anyone might be born with a medical "disorder" in which they have a weak immune system or a defective heart valve, is misleading, dishonest, and potentially harmful.
i know that a psychotherapist is unlikely to ever be caught publicly stating that a screwed up person cant be helped or that a person or situation is ever truly hopeless, but to pretend that these sorts of people are just like the rest of us, just with a greater focus on the same imperfections, the same selfish tendencies or the same unsavory indulgences we all are guilty of to one degree or another is VERY DANGEROUS AND MISLEADING!!! there is a difference between intent and perfection, and we need to have the courage to admit this, for the sake of all who would be preyed upon by the truly shameless among us.
because i am imperfect, i might be capable of making a mistake, lashing out at someone in anger, maybe even committing a crime or doing something genuinely bad that i will later be ashamed of. my intent is to be good, or at worst maybe my intent is to just get by or do whatever i need to do to survive. i on the other hand will never spend every second of my life seeking to abuse anyone i can sink my claws into, and get off on doing so. that is something else entirely. that is not imperfection or even just a higher degree of selfishness, that is malignant intent.
for good people (indeed counselors, doctors, therapists, and the like) to always try to insist that everyone is equal and everyone is made of the same stuff and everyone is just "imperfect" is made exponentially more dangerous and harmful by the fact that this exact mindset is what traps the abused in what often comes to be a years-long, decades-long, or often even life-long cycle of putting up with the abuser and their abuse because they just cant make the leap to understand that this person is not just imperfect, not just afflicted, but truly malignant, shameless, and unable to be reasoned with.
for 40 years this is the mindset and situation that trapped and tormented me. i spent my formative years racking my brain trying to figure out how to logically get through to my mother. if only i could figure out how to explain it to her, the ways that she is wrong, the effect it has on the people she does this to, that life could be so much better for everyone including her if only she could be made to understand. i then spent most of my adulthood continuing to agonize over it in sheer disbelief and indignant anger at the insanity of it all, both her insanity and the insanity of not being able to get through to her somehow.
then i finally got it. this is not someone who is wrong accidentally. this is someone who is wrong on purpose.
darren, we owe it to ourselves, to every victim, and to every potential future victim of abuse to get this right, and to have the courage to be honest about it.
Thank you. So much good information and observations here that I whole heartedly agree with
Checkout the connection between ego and consciousness.
Is consciousness even possible without ego?
Good that!
🙏🙏
don bee too ruff on Freud, i bet he is a lot like you....
so ..... maybe he have his own special way to help ppl ....
i actually worry about the 'flying monkeys' bcuz i know the narcissistic will attack them if they 'speak the truth' ...... some dont even realize they have been recruited ..... Lo ...
.. sigh....
Re, Tegan's quote, "...Thank you so much for joining me on my podcast Darren. It was such a treat and so much fun!"
I request Mr. Magee to address Tegan's 'over the top' frequent use of intensifiers: so, such, so much..
These r unnecessary and, unfortunately, females feel the need to use them.
This devalues the english language and may point to some people's insecurities. The implicit message is,"I will be taken more seriously if I use intensifiers frequently: very, awesome, thank u so much.
If someone opens a door for me, I say, "Thank u."
If someone points out that I dropped a $100 bill on the floor, then I say, "Thank u very much."
This is not about Tegan. This is about how females need to extract their emotional insecurities from their communication and allow language to command its own self-respect by recognizing that, without the use of intensifiers, every word is significant.
Here r typical examples of unnecessary uses of intensifiers: Do u really, really, understand me? Oh, thank u so much. I absolutely luv this. U r extremely awesome! I would literally fall apart and cry if u didn't reach out & touch my soul powerfully with an everlasting impact. My life has changed immeasurably. I am so excited & had so much fun!
The older women (mentors) in my life were disciplined with their emotions, gave careful thought to their use of their words, were emotionally stable. In short, their compassion was tempered with rationality.
Psychology is too loaded with blurred lines. The scapegoating dynamics being described here is a drive, an impulse, you can witness in the majority of people. The idea that this unconscious destructive human impulse is present only in a social setting where narcissists interact doesn't add up. Literature such as "Lord of the Flies" delves into this phenomenon with the perfect set of subjects - children unsupervised for long periods of time.
All people have narcissistic qualities, the difference is how they are used
Lord of the Flies is Satan. He creates narcissists
We're designed to make false accusations. Our lives are unconscious. It's knit into our faulty senses that we believe provide accurate data.
Waiting outside a pharmacy that should have opened an hour earlier. A young girl rushes to open the gate. Customer says, "Must be nice to sleep til 10 am." Girl looks unfamiliar. She has to open the register. She says while ringing me up, "They just called me and said I had to open up this store. I work in the next town."
Your way off base on this subject. Narcissists have no ego they get there narcissistic supply from outside sources
And that supply feeds their ego. Hence 'ego driven'
@@deetheman3508 the word ego may be the wrong word to describe what the narcissist supply is doing for the narcissist. When people hear ego and a narcissist they assume they have a huge ego meaning they need no reinforcement of who they perceive they are when in fact the narcissistic supply is all outside object driven
The ego can be collapsed, doesn't mean there isn't one, it's like having a gas tank with a leak, it's doesn't get the job done but it's still there
@@rayvontebrightman4190 the narcissist has no ego I’m referencing the book Malignant self love narcissism revesited. By author Sam Vaknin
@@TheTPAL I'm saying that the ego is on a spectrum and even not having one doesn't diminish the fact that something should be there
They both have no idea what they are talking about