ErrEff He clearly took lessons from Barry about exposition "Jill. Here is a lockpick. it might be handy if you, the master of unlocking, took it with you"
psychotrip right?! I was going back through the classics and this game looks positively masterclass next to the most egregious garbage that came out via Steam Greenlight and Direct nowadays. It's still fucking awful, but at least it's a game. That's more than you can say for the worst of the worst steam games these days
anaalinaama Reading on things such as "how to avoid negative people" and such, and now revisiting this video I finally found why that quote bothered me: it's thrown in the game without any context! When you read on any subject, if quotes are used(even if you don't specifically agree with the author or don't find them really useful) at the very least it refers directly to the main theme! Here, it could have been written on a mug that it would have the same impact...
I've got other quotes for the devs: "Lick me in my arse" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1765 - 1791) "...your mother..." Matthaeus 12 : 47 "you must help me find my sister! You are in love with her!" Richard Burian (propably 2014)
I personally love the phrase "they stole all the gold and all the weapons," as they completely glance over it in favor of the dude's sister who you love. Care to explain how [i]anything[/i] could take all of the wealth from any given area and take away every sword, polearm, knife, hunting bow, and sufficiently sturdy stick onto which one could feasibly affix a pointed bit of iron and call a spear? Were these monsters in disguise so that people wouldn't notice they were particularly ruthless accountants and lawyers?
My impression of the conversation between developers: "Ok, the game opens and the player is tasked to find a key then use that to find a sword". "No, no, no. That is too easy. They must find a key (an invisible key!), use that to open a door to find a torch, but no oil for the torch." "A torch?" "Yes. Then they must find the oil for the torch, then use the torch to find a key in an unlit room, use that key to open a chest that contains......a key." "This is a lot of keys." "Exactly! Then the player uses that key to open a door that has the sword they need behind it." "Sounds like the player will need a map." "Ain't no one got time to make a map."
Veetard1985 This doesn't sound too bad to me(the sound design is quite good) but the animation... Dear God! When you must walk or look around it ain't so bad but the cutscenes and combat are so ugly and broken it makes me feel sad inside!
I remember when this game came out, they pulled Slaughtering Grounds kind of, I had the misfortune of playing it and I tried to warn people about how bad this game is in youtube and desura and few other sites. What they did is that they removed ALL the content that was negative towards the game, so if you were not praising the game you were silenced.
"The monsters and their scary get up". Amazing writing. Give this man a Golden Globe or an Oscar or some shit. Whatever you give to smart people with this level of writing talent. A golden sandwich maybe.
***** that may be true, but as a vital part of our species we've given every form of water a different name to differentiate its various forms: Water(liquid), Ice( frozen solid), moisture, steam, mist, fog, cloud, evaporation, vapor, humidity, etc... So saying liquid water is redundant since the liquid form is what water commonly refers to.
"... their scary getup." I had some suspicion about this line, and yes, "getup" is defined as "A style or arrangement of dress, especially an elaborate or unusual one"... I am quite speechless...
Graphics remind me of N64 games. Also, why did they feel the need to have a long quest for the sword, why not just start you in the castle, with the sword, and fight your way out to the exit to the king??? Have these developers ever played a video game before?
I remember seeing someone play this years ago and thought "You know, this doesn't seem too bad for an early 2000's game" Then I found it was released in 2014.
So far - Unearthed, Guise of the Wolf, Rambo the Video Game, Deus Ex the Fall, Desert Gunner, Dark Shadows, and the list goes on with it being only the first quarter of the year. What the hell is going on with video games this year?!?!
This is like watching someone's slow descent to madness. Still waiting for the "army of evil" i guess haven't seen a single monster from that "army" in the first 28 minutes of the video.
The funny thing is that there is no autosave in the game, so if Jim wanted to continue playing the game, he would have to start from where he last saved the game, which was when he got that oil from the top of that silly shelf. Amazing level design lol
I love watching you play these shitty games. Usually at work when I'm eating in, I'll put on a comedy show and watch that while I eat. The last few weeks now I think, I've been watching these videos and they honestly make my afternoon.
When an RPG asks you to look for mundane shit like keys and oil you'd expect the world that you have to travel through to get them to at least be populated with interesting stuff to see and do in the meantime, see the Fallout serious or the Elder Scrolls or Dragons Dogma or Dark Souls or anything half decent. What's with all these games coming out on Steam, it's as if they all looked at Day One or 2012 and thought, "Yeah looks good, get me a slice of that, repackage it and ship it out", some of these games aren't even early access, they're full games. I often say that games are subjective, down to ones personally tastes and opinions and that most games aren't factually good or bad, that most games will have an audience that loves it but man it's hard to see that with games like these.
It's a common misconception that such games prevail these days - there have ALWAYS been a ton of shit games around for decades. Mind you, it is easier to get public attention if only briefly, partly because of the ease of finding true feedback. In the dare I say, olden days, it could be nothing short of a pure gamble. This game is a prime example of the sort of game which prevailed in the early 80s - a game where someone had learned to code proficiently, and thought "hey, I can make games", and decided to bash together a workable engine, and even a company, overlooking the simple fact that they have ZERO talent for making a game, and indeed what a game is - fun. Why such people keep making the same old mistakes of old is frankly embarrassing.
Daniel Linger Oh I know and I agree with you, it pisses me off when people say that so and so decade or generation was better for games, when there have always been good and bad games, oh and good and bad business practices too, the crash in the 70's and the crash in the 80's are enough to prove that. This reminds me of hearing stories of people making crappy ZX Spectrum games and games for similar computers at the time or the countless bootleg or unlicensed NES games that were made and put into circulation. I agree, if we can put antiquated design philosophies behind us when it comes to difficulty and the like, I don't see why we can't avoid stuff like this, all it takes is Steam, Valve to take responsibility and do some quality control. Mind you this shouldn't be there to scare off every one man developer, because sometimes single individuals can produce great games.
Ryan Morton A couple of points - firstly there has only been one crash; in the 80s. Secondly, I disagree there should be much in the way of quality control on Valve's behalf. All they need to do is prevent the sale of broken games, although even they are covered under consumer laws for places such as us in England and Europe.
Daniel Linger Nope there has been two, a minor one in the 70's, 1977 to be precise; it came near the end of the first generation of consoles due to the influx of Pong consoles, this lead to a change and the start of the second generation of consoles where Atari became big with the 2600. The other was in 1983 at the end of the second generation of consoles, this was due to a high volume of poorly produced games, lack of respect from other industries and parties and a flawed distribution oh and arguably Atari being a shitty company but that's just conjecture, this crash lead to the third generation and the rise of Nintendo with the NES. I don't see how your second point differs from my own, I said that Steam needs quality control but then you said you disagree but then go onto say the same thing.
Ryan Morton Ah fair point about the Pong influx - it was minor though, so it does tend to get overlooked (plus it didn't really affect us in England). No, my second point was an elaboration. I disagreed with PART of what you said.
Oh my god, when he was jumping for the oil, I was like "this seems like a place where people would quit", but lord.... it was about halfway through the video.... Jim, you are too patient.
There seems to be a common theme with these awful games whereby developers make these really large areas full of models, characters and assets, but then don't put anything in them. Like open woods that allow you to walk wherever, but your target is an axe imbedded in a tree stump...over there somewhere. Or like this castle where you're looking for two items, but they've put in rooms and stairs and courtyards and *nothing* is signposted.
Not only was this video acceptable, but as far as I'm concerned it was one of your most amusing ones to date Jim. When a game drives you to despair your commentary and sarcasm hit their all time high. Well done for turning shit into fun!
for some reason my favorite part was when jim said; 'i certainly hope we get the action going along soon, so we can fight the monsters in their scary get up.' XD
"Textures and Skins by ..." Someone who decided to pull his/her name off this project? Graphics: 🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽/10 Gameplay: 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩/10
Bleenderhead I don't watch PewDiePie lol the fuck man? At the time there was roughly 500 games on greenlight and its a system where you vote on a concept. No gameplay is required to be shown so its a total crapshoot. There was maybe 30 games greenlit at that point now theres over 1500 greenlit alone. Probably over 10,000 games to vote on now. Greenlight was a new concept at the time and the 1st of only 2 times i voted for games on Greenlight. No need to be a jerk.
Adam Grasinger it's not personal, perhaps I should have said children rather than idiots. The point is, since that's where the vast majority of votes come from, it's a trend setter. There's no quality control for votes, which is why there isn't any for games.
I agree theres a complete lack of quality control and i stay away from greenlight now because theres some blatantly awful games asking for votes and they will never get on steam but so many projects are like Dark Shadows where its a concept that sounds great but has very little to show what its true colors are so its easy for something awful to sound good even for someone who's mature or knowledgeable about games. Sorry for misunderstanding, thought you were being mean lol. Had i been aware of what this game truly was i never would have voted for it lol. That being said there are good games on Greenlight that are just unable to get onto Steam. Silent Storm is actually in my top 5 favorite games and it was a cult classic WW2 Tactical Turn-Based RPG from 2006 or 2007 and it couldn't get onto Steam without Greenlight and it definitely deserved the opportunity.
Because there's nothing saying it can't be on there. It's free reign for whatever group of cretins vomits their game on to steam for a ridiculous price when compared to the quality of the product. Like a game that's barely even playable and the developers are like "yeah it's $30 for early access but we'll totally have more stuff in it soon we swear".
Daniel Linger Point taken. But the way they are doing it right now is totally fucked up. It's like going to some random supermarket into the games section where you have to climb over hundreds of boxes of.. X Gunner, Farming Simulators and... Japanese Schoolgirls vs.Tentacle Zombies just to get to the one game you were looking for... Just because they simply toss their shovel ware on the floor. Hell, Thief is almost already kicked off the front page and that isn't even one month old. And btw pretty much the only AAA title on the new release tab right now - the only one with a decent budget.. out of 100 titles! That's not an ok thing for your local mall to do. But for steam it's alright? Yeah, bullshit. I'm fine with having shovel ware on steam.. but DON'T put them on the main page where it's shoveling away the games that devs put some real effort into. The only thing that's missing right now are thousands of Flappy Bird clones flooding steam. You don't want that, me neither and even valve should be smart enough to realize that this will certainly damage their reputation quite hefty in the long run. 9 years on steam, 250+ games and this is the first time I am that pissed off with Valve. Steam is an apocalyptic mess and Valve needs to fix that ASAP!
People are actually defending this on Steam, saying "oh well it was basically made by one guy" (apart from the music which was made by 10 different people). Seems like people will defend any old shite these days, I've had shits that were more entertaining than this and I'm just one guy too, give me money.
So, before the game even properly begins, you have to get a key to get a torch to get oil to light the torch to get a key to get another key to get a sword. Before the game begins. I can't even forgive it for literally being Conwy Castle.
Nightstalker Gaming this game was probably inspired by Guise of the Wolf. You can recognize the majestic design decisions. Shame that they didn't put instant death traps near the keys.
Sweeping crap. Indies include Valve themselves, so how's that analogy work now? What about Level-5 who make the brilliant RPGs, predominantly on Playstation? You're making the all too often flawed assumption that indie means shit or small game. It doesn't - it means one thing only - the status of the developer's business and that they develop free from major publisher input and assets.
The...the sound design...It literally sounds like kitchen knives and pots and pans getting smacked. I like to use the "pots and pans" thing as an analogy for sound design but I've never seen it literally used for sound design.
I normally have a good sense of direction in videogames, even just watching someone play them I get an idea of where is what, but here I seriously feel lost.
I like how they just tell you that you are in love with that dude's sister. Am I? Am I, Dark Shadows? I am in LOVE with this person who I've never met or seen or spoken to or really even know the name of and isn't real? Because you said I am? Well okay then.
The little story blurb kinda sounds a bit like the beginning of DLC Quest. Things just keep being tacked on as if to show you why the antagonists are evil, because the game itself probably has no subtle explanation for it. "That Bad Guy just stole Princess MacGuffin! You have to rescue her!" "Also, he murdered your uncle! You must get revenge!" "I think he might have peed in the town's water supply too!" However, DLC Quest was being comedic with it, while this seems to be doing anything but.
Here's a tip for one-person game devs: Adjust your ambition. Don't make a project that's too ambitious for one person to usually make. Unless you're _really_ good at game development, your project will either end up as a pipe dream that never got past its concept stage, or it will end up like Dark Shadows here.
+sockpuppetkingdom I agree. It's much better to make a small but polished game than a big unfinished lackluster one. Also, 3D games are hard to do right; much better to start off with 2D games to learn the ropes.
OH god, this is that game on Steam that prides itself on having an "old school look" or something along those lines. Which today basically means "We couldn't pay for a proper engine so we just had to get one of those shitty free ones and we borrowed some assets from a 1990s game"
The thing is, I have no problem with an indie game looking like this if it was COMPETENT AT ANYTHING AT ALL. For Christssake I'm actually looking to buy a copy of Battlefield 2142. Why? There are still about a dozen or so servers running, and that's because the gameplay is still great (in some aspects superior to BF3 & 4).
The saddest thing is that like 80% of the art assets are off turbosquid. Not even joking, they put it in the credits. Didn't even hire a guy to do 3d modelling, just.. you know, pay for it bits piecemeal that look like they might fit into a game that this game wants to be. Actually, no that's not the saddest thing. This game is the saddest thing, there is no worse in it, everything's equally poor.
19:53 etc. "This is the pits" Watching this is literally, the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced. The only thing that even comes close was repeatedly trying to enter the apocryphal code in the original Tomb Raider on the Playstation that everyone claimed made Lara Croft's clothes come off.
it's always funny going back and watching Jim's early videos. Compared to what he deals with later, a lot of these games actually fair pretty well lol.
"You must help me find my sister. You are in love with her, after all."
Masterful exposition.
ErrEff He clearly took lessons from Barry about exposition
"Jill. Here is a lockpick. it might be handy if you, the master of unlocking, took it with you"
+SuperSpawnofhell At least Resident Evil has the excuse of originally being in Japanese.
***** Fair enough. Either way, both of them from this game and RE sounded hilarious
You aren't wrong there
you were almost a... JILL SANDWICH
"... they took all of the weapons."
Whilst every guard holds a sword and a shield.
Apparently the "monsters" ALSO took all the game's budget while the Dev team were so busy with the whole intro credits deal.
"they took all the taxes"
....how?
PraiseTheSun20 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE TAXES!!!!!
PraiseTheSun20 THEY ALSO TOOK ALL THE DEBT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
PraiseTheSun20 With a very big bag.
+Forrest Roberts I resent that. I also laughed. I'm a bad person
+PraiseTheSun20 Literally went down here as soon as I heard that XD
the first level. THE FIRST LEVEL. you need a fucking walkthrough guide AND youre being put to sleep. top notch game design.
The game does have one thing right; there's lots of dark shadows in it....
Lots.
Spike Rose *Rimshot* Buh Dum Tss!
Thumbs up for the pun and the Volnutt icon.
Remember the good old days when THIS was considered unbelievable?
psychotrip right?! I was going back through the classics and this game looks positively masterclass next to the most egregious garbage that came out via Steam Greenlight and Direct nowadays.
It's still fucking awful, but at least it's a game. That's more than you can say for the worst of the worst steam games these days
Watching this video, I mourn for the loss of Jim's innocence. Soon he will learn just how bad a game can be.
yeah, and Jim videos are so good and funny that i actually rewatch some old gems like this one
Et Cogito Ergo Sum the sad part is Jim's vids aren't like this (raw/uncut usually) anymore.
Fast forward to today...
10 out of 10, game launched with .exe and is not a hentai sliding puzzle full of stolen art.
Runaway Whores sounds like a fantastic band name.
How about "Ol' Wild Willy"?
flim-flam gangbang
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
HOW DOES THAT RELATE TO ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING?!
Welcome to pretentious games 101
It's an untrue joke.
anaalinaama Reading on things such as "how to avoid negative people" and such, and now revisiting this video I finally found why that quote bothered me: it's thrown in the game without any context!
When you read on any subject, if quotes are used(even if you don't specifically agree with the author or don't find them really useful) at the very least it refers directly to the main theme! Here, it could have been written on a mug that it would have the same impact...
I've got other quotes for the devs:
"Lick me in my arse" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1765 - 1791)
"...your mother..." Matthaeus 12 : 47
"you must help me find my sister! You are in love with her!" Richard Burian (propably 2014)
The dude's sister looks like she was taken out of the Sims 2
Does anyone else get the feeling that the only reason there isn't autosave is that the devs couldn't work out how to code it?
of course they didn't lol
Actually, if you note the credits it's DEV, not DEVS, which speaks volumes.
Daniel Linger what ? a single dev did that ?
Fluffy The Destroyer Yes, do Google it.
Late Game Reviewer Still, could have waited a little until the game was more polished, then released it!
Looks like all of the budget went into the soundtrack.
*Intro. Ftfy.
Adrellisartar Novalrus Yeah you're right. The rest of the soundtrack in the game was not up to par.
All the budget went into the monsters scary getup.
they didnt make it
I have no idea why, but I always end up coming back here. It's like a comfort video for me. Can't believe it's been eight fucking years already.
This video and the video where the security guard dances are fucking hilarious.
same bro)
I personally love the phrase "they stole all the gold and all the weapons," as they completely glance over it in favor of the dude's sister who you love. Care to explain how [i]anything[/i] could take all of the wealth from any given area and take away every sword, polearm, knife, hunting bow, and sufficiently sturdy stick onto which one could feasibly affix a pointed bit of iron and call a spear? Were these monsters in disguise so that people wouldn't notice they were particularly ruthless accountants and lawyers?
Conspiratorium Well, taxes seems to particularly interest them, so probably.
My impression of the conversation between developers:
"Ok, the game opens and the player is tasked to find a key then use that to find a sword".
"No, no, no. That is too easy. They must find a key (an invisible key!), use that to open a door to find a torch, but no oil for the torch."
"A torch?"
"Yes. Then they must find the oil for the torch, then use the torch to find a key in an unlit room, use that key to open a chest that contains......a key."
"This is a lot of keys."
"Exactly! Then the player uses that key to open a door that has the sword they need behind it."
"Sounds like the player will need a map."
"Ain't no one got time to make a map."
You're a goddamn genius son......
This is physically and emotionally draining. The sound of the wind makes me sick to my stomach and the whimpering dog just makes me sad.
Veetard1985 This doesn't sound too bad to me(the sound design is quite good) but the animation... Dear God! When you must walk or look around it ain't so bad but the cutscenes and combat are so ugly and broken it makes me feel sad inside!
I remember when this game came out, they pulled Slaughtering Grounds kind of, I had the misfortune of playing it and I tried to warn people about how bad this game is in youtube and desura and few other sites. What they did is that they removed ALL the content that was negative towards the game, so if you were not praising the game you were silenced.
UndefinedGamer "The shadows were indeed dark" 10/10
-IGN
♫ *DARK SHADOWS!* ♫
♫♪ MONSTERS IN DISGUISE! ♫♪
♫ *DARK SHADOWS!* ♫♪
♫ MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE! ♫♪
♫ *DARK SHADOWS!* ♫
"The monsters and their scary get up".
Amazing writing. Give this man a Golden Globe or an Oscar or some shit. Whatever you give to smart people with this level of writing talent. A golden sandwich maybe.
Or a golden shower.
"You are in love with her, after all." That was a delightfully Darkplace-esque bit of exposition.
I guess you should rescue her. You ARE in love with her after all.
Oh. My. God. They killed the king! I guess that means that I'll have to rescue my sister now! Bye!
Jim, you're a good lad. Thanks for this video, all the gold, all the taxes and, of course; the weapons.
Music is by Adam Skorupa? Oh. He's an AMAZING Polish composer. Gorky 17, The Witcher, Painkiller among the many others
Wardrobe Humping Simulator 2014
Rule #34 strikes again.
To be fair, those shadows *were* quite dark.
Dark Shadows... That's like saying Hot fire or Absurd insanity.or even liquid water.
Appraxsis :l To be fair,water can become solid or gaseous.
***** that may be true, but as a vital part of our species we've given every form of water a different name to differentiate its various forms: Water(liquid), Ice( frozen solid), moisture, steam, mist, fog, cloud, evaporation, vapor, humidity, etc... So saying liquid water is redundant since the liquid form is what water commonly refers to.
meavor Yeah,sure.
This is why mini maps were invented
helps to have a mini map.
Helps to have actual devs lel.
Direction signs wpuld be better more impersive
"... their scary getup." I had some suspicion about this line, and yes, "getup" is defined as "A style or arrangement of dress, especially an elaborate or unusual one"... I am quite speechless...
I never in a million years thought a dark medieval fantasy game would make me nostalgic for Candice DeBébé's Incredibly Trick Lifestyle.
I want to see the bit in the strategy guide where it tells you to hump the cabinet to get the lantern oil.
"The key for it is locked in a chest" so your first quest is to get a key so you can get a key.. Thrilling.
Graphics remind me of N64 games. Also, why did they feel the need to have a long quest for the sword, why not just start you in the castle, with the sword, and fight your way out to the exit to the king??? Have these developers ever played a video game before?
"You must help me find my sister! You're in love with her, after all."
Woven in there like a quilt...
Yup, one of those patchwork jobs that are made out of rags...
This "thing" makes me want to hug every single game in my collection, tell all of them how much I love them and how glad I am, that they are here.
I think Jim went through all the stages of grief in this video.
Pop Culture Primer Mostly anger and depression I think... Maybe some denial but not bargaining and surely not acceptance! 😏
I remember seeing someone play this years ago and thought "You know, this doesn't seem too bad for an early 2000's game"
Then I found it was released in 2014.
"I can't see sh*t " : the game
I bet to this day, that blood is still on your computer screen.
BME Digital Studios... does the BM stand for "Bowel Movement"?
"Bowel Movement Extreme" Digital Studios
Bowel Mass Egress
So far - Unearthed, Guise of the Wolf, Rambo the Video Game, Deus Ex the Fall, Desert Gunner, Dark Shadows, and the list goes on with it being only the first quarter of the year. What the hell is going on with video games this year?!?!
is the oil in a mountain dew bottle?
Wow, Jim...great moves, keep it up...proud of you
Diskhate
I'M ROBERT ROMINBERRY.
I don't know why but after seeing this video I had the sudden urge to own this game and now I have a migraine from the disgusting FOV. Thanks Jim! :D
Lost it at 18:37 when Jim tries to get the oil.
Oh dear, this game is great for all the wrong reasons.
This is like watching someone's slow descent to madness.
Still waiting for the "army of evil" i guess haven't seen a single monster from that "army" in the first 28 minutes of the video.
This is what you got(back in the day) when your pc wasn't strong enough to play Oblivion.
The funny thing is that there is no autosave in the game, so if Jim wanted to continue playing the game, he would have to start from where he last saved the game, which was when he got that oil from the top of that silly shelf. Amazing level design lol
Watching this video one thing keeps going through my mind "It helps to 'ave a map". This looks like it MAY be worse than Guise of the Wolf
I love watching you play these shitty games. Usually at work when I'm eating in, I'll put on a comedy show and watch that while I eat. The last few weeks now I think, I've been watching these videos and they honestly make my afternoon.
When an RPG asks you to look for mundane shit like keys and oil you'd expect the world that you have to travel through to get them to at least be populated with interesting stuff to see and do in the meantime, see the Fallout serious or the Elder Scrolls or Dragons Dogma or Dark Souls or anything half decent. What's with all these games coming out on Steam, it's as if they all looked at Day One or 2012 and thought, "Yeah looks good, get me a slice of that, repackage it and ship it out", some of these games aren't even early access, they're full games. I often say that games are subjective, down to ones personally tastes and opinions and that most games aren't factually good or bad, that most games will have an audience that loves it but man it's hard to see that with games like these.
It's a common misconception that such games prevail these days - there have ALWAYS been a ton of shit games around for decades.
Mind you, it is easier to get public attention if only briefly, partly because of the ease of finding true feedback. In the dare I say, olden days, it could be nothing short of a pure gamble.
This game is a prime example of the sort of game which prevailed in the early 80s - a game where someone had learned to code proficiently, and thought "hey, I can make games", and decided to bash together a workable engine, and even a company, overlooking the simple fact that they have ZERO talent for making a game, and indeed what a game is - fun.
Why such people keep making the same old mistakes of old is frankly embarrassing.
Daniel Linger Oh I know and I agree with you, it pisses me off when people say that so and so decade or generation was better for games, when there have always been good and bad games, oh and good and bad business practices too, the crash in the 70's and the crash in the 80's are enough to prove that.
This reminds me of hearing stories of people making crappy ZX Spectrum games and games for similar computers at the time or the countless bootleg or unlicensed NES games that were made and put into circulation.
I agree, if we can put antiquated design philosophies behind us when it comes to difficulty and the like, I don't see why we can't avoid stuff like this, all it takes is Steam, Valve to take responsibility and do some quality control. Mind you this shouldn't be there to scare off every one man developer, because sometimes single individuals can produce great games.
Ryan Morton A couple of points - firstly there has only been one crash; in the 80s.
Secondly, I disagree there should be much in the way of quality control on Valve's behalf. All they need to do is prevent the sale of broken games, although even they are covered under consumer laws for places such as us in England and Europe.
Daniel Linger Nope there has been two, a minor one in the 70's, 1977 to be precise; it came near the end of the first generation of consoles due to the influx of Pong consoles, this lead to a change and the start of the second generation of consoles where Atari became big with the 2600. The other was in 1983 at the end of the second generation of consoles, this was due to a high volume of poorly produced games, lack of respect from other industries and parties and a flawed distribution oh and arguably Atari being a shitty company but that's just conjecture, this crash lead to the third generation and the rise of Nintendo with the NES.
I don't see how your second point differs from my own, I said that Steam needs quality control but then you said you disagree but then go onto say the same thing.
Ryan Morton Ah fair point about the Pong influx - it was minor though, so it does tend to get overlooked (plus it didn't really affect us in England).
No, my second point was an elaboration. I disagreed with PART of what you said.
Oh my god, when he was jumping for the oil, I was like "this seems like a place where people would quit", but lord.... it was about halfway through the video.... Jim, you are too patient.
This.... this is hell. This is how hell will be to the sinners.Repent now, before it is too late!
John Marston didn't. :(
i think even satan would be offended if his hell would be portrayed by this.
I doubt the Sinister Blade of Noxus could be kidnapped to easily...
"oh my god they killed the king I must rescue my sister".... bruh
There seems to be a common theme with these awful games whereby developers make these really large areas full of models, characters and assets, but then don't put anything in them. Like open woods that allow you to walk wherever, but your target is an axe imbedded in a tree stump...over there somewhere. Or like this castle where you're looking for two items, but they've put in rooms and stairs and courtyards and *nothing* is signposted.
The skeleton laughing at the end - it really needed an 'IN ME POWER!'
I love the James T Kirkesque line delivery from that guy at the start. I get a very Unearthed feel from this game.
Not only was this video acceptable, but as far as I'm concerned it was one of your most amusing ones to date Jim. When a game drives you to despair your commentary and sarcasm hit their all time high. Well done for turning shit into fun!
it's great that the first person you see has to tell you, that you love the person who you are supposed to be saving.
for some reason my favorite part was when jim said; 'i certainly hope we get the action going along soon, so we can fight the monsters in their scary get up.' XD
"Textures and Skins by ..."
Someone who decided to pull his/her name off this project?
Graphics: 🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽/10
Gameplay: 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩/10
LOL I went back and looked at the list of games i've voted for on Greenlight on Steam.......... This was on the list >.< I'm so fucking ashamed now!
You're a monster.
The fuck? So that's where greenlight votes come from. Completely mindless idiots clicking everything they see, or were told to click by PewDiePie.
Bleenderhead I don't watch PewDiePie lol the fuck man? At the time there was roughly 500 games on greenlight and its a system where you vote on a concept. No gameplay is required to be shown so its a total crapshoot. There was maybe 30 games greenlit at that point now theres over 1500 greenlit alone. Probably over 10,000 games to vote on now. Greenlight was a new concept at the time and the 1st of only 2 times i voted for games on Greenlight. No need to be a jerk.
Adam Grasinger it's not personal, perhaps I should have said children rather than idiots. The point is, since that's where the vast majority of votes come from, it's a trend setter. There's no quality control for votes, which is why there isn't any for games.
I agree theres a complete lack of quality control and i stay away from greenlight now because theres some blatantly awful games asking for votes and they will never get on steam but so many projects are like Dark Shadows where its a concept that sounds great but has very little to show what its true colors are so its easy for something awful to sound good even for someone who's mature or knowledgeable about games. Sorry for misunderstanding, thought you were being mean lol. Had i been aware of what this game truly was i never would have voted for it lol.
That being said there are good games on Greenlight that are just unable to get onto Steam. Silent Storm is actually in my top 5 favorite games and it was a cult classic WW2 Tactical Turn-Based RPG from 2006 or 2007 and it couldn't get onto Steam without Greenlight and it definitely deserved the opportunity.
That torch looks like a burning piece of rebar
They took all the weapons. As he holds a sword and shield. What.
Plot twist, the blood stains are still on the screen even after quitting to your desktop.
When Jim Sterling laughs, we all laugh.
I'm surprised you didn't have to get a key to unlock the gate to leave the castle.
You suffer wonderfully, Jim Sterling.
How come this shit gets green lit on Fcuking Steeeeeeaaaaaaam!!
Because there's nothing saying it can't be on there. It's free reign for whatever group of cretins vomits their game on to steam for a ridiculous price when compared to the quality of the product. Like a game that's barely even playable and the developers are like "yeah it's $30 for early access but we'll totally have more stuff in it soon we swear".
Steam is just a store brah, Gamestop is full of shovelware.
Steam isn't some curated pinnacle of artistic merit. It is a store - they stock what they are offered.
Daniel Linger Point taken. But the way they are doing it right now is totally fucked up. It's like going to some random supermarket into the games section where you have to climb over hundreds of boxes of.. X Gunner, Farming Simulators and... Japanese Schoolgirls vs.Tentacle Zombies just to get to the one game you were looking for... Just because they simply toss their shovel ware on the floor. Hell, Thief is almost already kicked off the front page and that isn't even one month old. And btw pretty much the only AAA title on the new release tab right now - the only one with a decent budget.. out of 100 titles! That's not an ok thing for your local mall to do. But for steam it's alright? Yeah, bullshit. I'm fine with having shovel ware on steam.. but DON'T put them on the main page where it's shoveling away the games that devs put some real effort into. The only thing that's missing right now are thousands of Flappy Bird clones flooding steam. You don't want that, me neither and even valve should be smart enough to realize that this will certainly damage their reputation quite hefty in the long run. 9 years on steam, 250+ games and this is the first time I am that pissed off with Valve. Steam is an apocalyptic mess and Valve needs to fix that ASAP!
Xytr3x Ignore the shitty games, get the good ones. Pretty simple if you ask me.
By the way, sorry I'm too months late.
People are actually defending this on Steam, saying "oh well it was basically made by one guy" (apart from the music which was made by 10 different people). Seems like people will defend any old shite these days, I've had shits that were more entertaining than this and I'm just one guy too, give me money.
Cave Story
record em and sell em. maybe youll make some money then mate
The first combat encounter had me laughing so hard I nearly cried. This game is a masterpiece of awful design.
I planning to play Dark Souls 2 tonight but Jim Stirling's self-flagellation was unmissable.
So, before the game even properly begins, you have to get a key to get a torch to get oil to light the torch to get a key to get another key to get a sword. Before the game begins. I can't even forgive it for literally being Conwy Castle.
ive just found your channel, and i love it!
this game though, all i can say is that you have the patience of a saint. its fucking terrible.
+Sad Onion
I'd like to direct your attention to his TWO HOUR 'playthrough' of Mountain. Maybe have it running in the background.
If you look closely you might be able to see one whole polygon on the screen
Reminds me of Guise of the Wolf for some reason.
Nightstalker Gaming this game was probably inspired by Guise of the Wolf. You can recognize the majestic design decisions. Shame that they didn't put instant death traps near the keys.
NOT THE TAXES! DONT TAKE THE TAXES!!!! ;_;
the game has a fov slider!!!!
TB would love this game
Shinobu I think TB would get another cancer from playing the game.
rangingaway92 hay that could be a easter egg! after ten hours of play you develop a brain tumor!
Love that pic man.
It's funny how they literally just pulled the camera back, exposing the end of the arm models
omg they killed the king wtf
That loading screen with the wipes was just too amazing... and by amazing, I mean campy.. and by campy, I mean terrible.
Jim Sterling I expect your shittiest games of 2014 list,
to be a little bit more bigger this year Jim.
It's no Dark Messiah... :/
Indies are most definitely the future of gaming
I'd still rather play this than Gone Home.
Perkustin You can play gone home?
Sweeping crap.
Indies include Valve themselves, so how's that analogy work now? What about Level-5 who make the brilliant RPGs, predominantly on Playstation?
You're making the all too often flawed assumption that indie means shit or small game. It doesn't - it means one thing only - the status of the developer's business and that they develop free from major publisher input and assets.
Daniel Linger um...it was a joke
+daniel Linger whooosh
The...the sound design...It literally sounds like kitchen knives and pots and pans getting smacked. I like to use the "pots and pans" thing as an analogy for sound design but I've never seen it literally used for sound design.
I normally have a good sense of direction in videogames, even just watching someone play them I get an idea of where is what, but here I seriously feel lost.
I like how they just tell you that you are in love with that dude's sister. Am I? Am I, Dark Shadows? I am in LOVE with this person who I've never met or seen or spoken to or really even know the name of and isn't real? Because you said I am? Well okay then.
OckhamAsylum yes
The Lost and Forgotten Well, they drop a name: Catherina. Not a lot of information but according to this game it's sufficient.
There actually was a really small, hard to spot key that disappears when you approach it.
The little story blurb kinda sounds a bit like the beginning of DLC Quest. Things just keep being tacked on as if to show you why the antagonists are evil, because the game itself probably has no subtle explanation for it.
"That Bad Guy just stole Princess MacGuffin! You have to rescue her!"
"Also, he murdered your uncle! You must get revenge!"
"I think he might have peed in the town's water supply too!"
However, DLC Quest was being comedic with it, while this seems to be doing anything but.
The monsters took all the HD textures!
"I must get away and rescue my sister! If you recall, you are in love with her."
ther was a key there u could see the round part sticking over the edge of the desk.
I don't care about the graphics; it's quite literally everything else.
Also REALLY FUCKING DARK
+Thenextworldwar Darkness is a graphical issue.
Let me be more specific. I don't care about the low quality textures or poor models.
Am I the only one who thinks that this looks eerily similar to Guise of the Wolf?
A first person hack-and-slash made with the sensibilities of a point and click adventure game... nice.
Here's a tip for one-person game devs: Adjust your ambition. Don't make a project that's too ambitious for one person to usually make. Unless you're _really_ good at game development, your project will either end up as a pipe dream that never got past its concept stage, or it will end up like Dark Shadows here.
+sockpuppetkingdom
I agree. It's much better to make a small but polished game than a big unfinished lackluster one. Also, 3D games are hard to do right; much better to start off with 2D games to learn the ropes.
OH god, this is that game on Steam that prides itself on having an "old school look" or something along those lines.
Which today basically means "We couldn't pay for a proper engine so we just had to get one of those shitty free ones and we borrowed some assets from a 1990s game"
The thing is, I have no problem with an indie game looking like this if it was COMPETENT AT ANYTHING AT ALL.
For Christssake I'm actually looking to buy a copy of Battlefield 2142.
Why? There are still about a dozen or so servers running, and that's because the gameplay is still great (in some aspects superior to BF3 & 4).
The saddest thing is that like 80% of the art assets are off turbosquid. Not even joking, they put it in the credits. Didn't even hire a guy to do 3d modelling, just.. you know, pay for it bits piecemeal that look like they might fit into a game that this game wants to be.
Actually, no that's not the saddest thing. This game is the saddest thing, there is no worse in it, everything's equally poor.
19:53 etc. "This is the pits"
Watching this is literally, the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced. The only thing that even comes close was repeatedly trying to enter the apocryphal code in the original Tomb Raider on the Playstation that everyone claimed made Lara Croft's clothes come off.
monsters in their scary get-up, eh Jim?
are you sure those are get-ups and not . . . . GUISES?!?!?!?!
Ah. Ha. Ha. Right.
This level design looks like it was inspired by Quake or 007.
it's always funny going back and watching Jim's early videos. Compared to what he deals with later, a lot of these games actually fair pretty well lol.
I can almost hear that wardrobe moaning in pleasure.