Fifty Shades Will Never Be Freed of Physical and Emotional Abuse, a book review by The Dom
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
- Dom reviews the horror story that is Fifty Shades Freed by EL James.
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Got the name of the Twilight author wrong. Wasn't an intentional slight just a cockup...
Haha I did a double take. I'm jealous you can forget her name.
I'd assumed it was a reference to your Rebecca video, where you compared the Maxim to Grey and Edward
Ooooh okay, I thought I misheard and just sat there for a while questioning my hearing
Damn. I was hoping you were throwing some shade.
Yeah, I was really confused what you were talking about.
The fact that my mom, who is the target audience for this book, hated the first book and stopped reading because she hated how abusive Grey was, makes me glad. That means my parents have a healthy relationship.
I'm just glad there are some women who read it and see the character of Grey for the scumbag he is unlike the 50 Shades fangirls who think that because they find him good looking and he's rich they think he can't be abusive even though he is.
I wish I could say the same, at least the movies are over and it'll just fade
My mom read this when I was 17. I asked her WHY and she said "it was funny at first. I stopped."
Same with my mom. She _despises_ them
my mum was the opposite.. she loved all the books AND the movies...
Christian Grey would be an awesome villain if he was portrayed as that.
If these books were told from Kate's POV, then yes, he probably would be the villain.
He’s the self-insert, he caaan’t be the villain 🙄
The problem with his character isn't that he's an awful abusive prick. It's the fact that he's portrayed as a good man despite being an abusive prick that's the problem. If he was portrayed as the scumbag he is and the story was about wanting him to get his comeuppance that'd be better.
Ever seen the David Lynch movie Blue Velvet? The villen in that is basically Grey.
I remember when Passengers with Chris Pratt released, people thought it would be so much better as a horror movie. I think 50 shades is very simelar in that aspect.
As a counselor, these books are horrific and dangerous. The “abuse is romantic” trope needs to die a fiery death. Thank you for calling it out.
I love your name :D But yes I agree. There is a fine line and every relationship be it romantic or not should involve mutual respect.
You are 100% correct I am a survivor if both CSA and R***. Things like this turn my stomach and I have no idea why it is even allowed. I caught my 13 niece reading a copy of this book and her mother said “Oh it’s harmless”
@@ronspark4195 I really hope that you're doing okay now Ron. No one deserves that, no one.
Anna Larsen Thank you. I am in a much better place it’s been 23 years and time is a great healer but I am still hyper aware of media like this.
@@ronspark4195 Glad you're feeling better but I also get that it's always going to be with you to some extend..
Wow. Looking through the comments for these videos can be a very emotionally complicated experience. There are a lot of people sharing their stories about abuse. That may be horrifying, but each one notes how these relationships were in the past and how they got out of them. On top of that, people are pouring in support to each of these people.
This may be the most positive comment section in the world.
Dom, I love that you did this.
a lot of it has to do with most YA books, and Erotica books like this promote abusive relationship as goals, so ppl express what a real abusive relationship is like and it isn't "goals".
Fans: “ugh Twilight sucKS”
E L James: “I can make it worse”
agreed
and she did
You know, I actually knew a coworker who was in a relationship kind of like this. Now, this girl was the nicest, sweetest, most happy go-lucky girl you'd ever meet. Then one day she met this guy, this huge guy who was twice her size. I only met him once when he visited the workplace to bring her something and he seemed nice enough, but everyone immediately felt like there was something off about him.
As the months went by, my coworker's behavior changed. She became reserved, she stopped talking to her friends, she suddenly stopped talking to her family, and eventually everything about her changed dramatically. Hairstyle, clothes, the way she moved, the things she talked about, etc. Then the bruises showed up, then the broken bones. This guy had wormed his way in every single aspect of her life and tried to control as much of it as possible. It even got to the point that when the neighbors would inevitably call the call the cops because of all the fighting, they'd just stop showing up, because when they did, she would refuse to press charges on him, and the cops in my city are lazy dickheads, so they just ignored calls from there.
Eventually, we got her to talk about it but unlike in 50 Shades of Physical and Emotional Abuse, it wasn't one of those "deep down he really loves me" or "I can fix him" deals. She was absolutely, totally, unequivocally terrified of this guy, and she even tried to escape him before, but he'd somehow always find her. Turns out this guy even had one of those GPS tracking apps on her phone and in her car. He was tracking her every goddamn movement. I don't think even the most depraved fiction writer could make up someone as evil as this guy without it being unbelievable.
So, over the next few weeks, me, her, my coworkers, and her family, cooked up a little scheme to get her out of there. The guy was a huge alcoholic and a cheapskate, and would never pass up free booze, we took him out for night of hard drinking and got him good and drunk until he passed out. Then we took him and dumped him in an alley miles away on the other side of town with no phone, money, or shoes. While that was happening, my coworker's family got her the hell out of there. We also had to hide her for a few days because after he got back from where we dumped him, he actually went to all of our houses and all of her family's houses, looking for her. The guy was fucking relentless. He eventually stopped looking for her, in no small part because got arrested for something unrelated and is still sitting in prison to this day.
My coworker got into therapy has gone back to living a mostly normal life, but unfortunately, she's still so deeply traumatized by what happened to her. It just goes to show you the kind of effect that being in an abusive relationship can have on a person. Even if you put the bad guy away and overcome the hardship, there will always be scars, both physically and mentally, and "happily ever after" often comes with a big fat asterisk. Something that really pissed me off about 50 Shades of I Have No Idea How BDSM Works is that it seems to treat that kind of behavior as normal relationship stuff and glossed over how these kinds of actions can really destroy a person.
Anyway, thank you Dom for reviewing this sea of garbage. I know how hard it is to get through, and I really hope you never have to think about this series ever again after you're finished with this book.
Rusty Shackleford Holy shit that’s some fucked up stuff right there, kinda rings true about how him watching everywhere she went is similar to Christian, I hope she’s okay now.
Rusty Shackleford You’re a good friend.
You’re an amazing and badass friend for helping her get out of that relationship.
Wow im deeply impressed by your actions. I'm glad that there are still brave people like u in this world
I don't mean any disrespect, but there should be a movie about this. It would raise awareness about these relationships.
Nothing more attractive than a guy who respects women
Alice Bull Right??
Except a guy who respects women AND is funny
@Sigma good to know there's flagrant sexism in every corner of the internet
@Sigma There _are_ many women that respect men. But just like men who blatantly disrespect women, they're the aggravating minority that no one with a sensible mind likes.
Respect wahmen *tips fedora*
I'd say the _really scary_ thing about these books is how popular they are.
Exactly. It’s brought a lot of attention to the idea that “that’s how relationships/sex should be”. It shouldn’t because it makes people think that if they’re husband isn’t dominant/wife isn’t submissive and codependent on eachother like that they should just throw the whole thing away
It's (speaking from myself AS a source) the sex
Hey man, so I just wanted to say this now. I spent many years in a violently abusive "BDSM" relationship as a sub, and when these books came out, I was in the midst of it. The things that Grey says to Ana are in fact things that my abuser would say to me--"can't you just learn to enjoy your feelings of misery for me? It's what a real sub would do." I'm a service sub, and he never wanted to understand that this did not mean I like pain (I do NOT). This gave him license to beat and strangle me for years for not being a "good enough" sub. The more I learn about E L James, the more I think she's the female version of him. He has a very similar stranglehold over his creations, believing that only he knows best and never taking criticism.
I just wanted to give a sincere thank you from a survivor for going through these books and making the abuse inherent in them so clear. If you'd ever be interested, I could probably do a point by point where these books accurately depict something from my own personal life. Grey is the very model of a batterer, and in making these videos, you've demonstrated that to much more of the world. This is invaluable for eventually eradicating intimate partner abuse, and especially for warning others about the dangers of "dominants" who are no such thing. Thank you, a million times, both for your analysis and your compassion.
Shane A. M. Matheson I am glad you got out & your in a better, stronger, more enlightened place now. You are deserving & worthy of real, safe loving arms. 💕💖✨ Sending you hugs Shane 🤗
Oh my god, is this common in the gay Bdsm community as well?
One of the reasons i, as a sub, hate these books so much is the influx of abusive men that try to emulate Christian and say shit like "if you where a real sub you'd do it". Yes maybe, but if you where a real Dom you'd never do this to me.
So glad you are free of that person and their influence now. Of course you are deserving of love and respect, and I hope that you find a relationship which provides that for you, when you are ready for one!
Anyone who tries to tell you if you're a "real sub" isn't a real Dom.
If Anastasia had married Count Olaf, she'd still be married to a better human being than Christian Grey.
Yes, he is that bad.
You probably mean the lunatic from A Series of Unfortunate Events, but my first thought was "...the snowman from Frozen?"
Hell even The Joker and Harley Quinn's relationship is healthier than Anastasia and Grey's because at least Joker and Harley's relationship is portrayed as the twisted mess it is unlike 50 Shades where EL James apparently believes that Christian Grey being rich and good looking somehow makes him a good person. It doesn't.
she'd have a bit more fun at least
Violet?
You referenced one of my favorite book series and I am so happy rn😁😁
People: "Twilight sucks!"
E.L. James: "Hold my beer! "
It worked, though. Twilight doesn't even seem that bad anymore.
@@MaricaAmbrosius yeah we can AT LEAST laugh at how bad and dumb Twilight is but we can only be disgusted at Fifty Shades.
I actually feel kinda bad for picking on Stephanie Meyer so much now, her ideas may be dumb but at least she made the ideas herself and was clearly *trying* to do something.
@@LauraM-kr9wv Yeah, and at least she can string a sentence together with all the correct words and shit.
@@LauraM-kr9wv Watch Lindsey's video Dear Stephenie Meyer, where she apologizes. It is interesting.

The Dom, never forget that you completely rule. A RUclipsr who treats their audience as the intelligent people they are? What a novel concept! Good on you, man.
Duuuuh me likey nice voice man!
He don't rule, he DOMinates!
J.M. Obyx this is the wordy comment and I love it
It's awkward thinking how many review RUclipsrs treat their viewers as maniacal apes
Y'know what would be kindof amazing, in the right hands? A reality-ensues sequel fanfic written in the form of a memoir by Ana and Christian's older child.
They'd look back on their father, how he was cold and controlling towards them, as well as their younger sibling and even their mother. They found themselves feeling outright _scared_ of him many times growing up.
They watched their mother walk on eggshells to avoid triggering their father's wrath. They watched as she took the brunt of it every time, no matter what the actual source of his anger was. They watched her apologize over and over again, even for things that weren't her fault, while their father never seemed to apologize for anything, and no one ever seemed to expect him to. He could reduce her to tears, and still a few hours later she'd be coming into their room to assure them that father was just stressed, or frustrated because she had made a mistake. Even when his overreactions reduced them or their sibling to the same state of anguish, mother would, while kissing their tears away, implore them to forgive their father, to see that he was right after all, to be more careful next time.
He didn't hit mother in front of them, but they'd see the bruises and red marks she tried to cover up or explain away. They'd hear their father cryptically allude to his palm twitching and extrapolate what it meant, even when he thought they weren't paying attention or assumed they wouldn't understand.
He never lashed out at _them_ physically, but he exerted his control and vented his frustrations in other ways, usually verbally or financially, or by restricting where they went, when, and how.
No one else ever seemed to notice anything amiss-- not Aunt Kate and Uncle Elliot, not either sets of grandparents, not Aunt Mia, and certainly not mother or father themselves. Everyone always talked about how well their mother and father got along, how happy they clearly were together. Mother was forever singing father's praises, talking about how kind and honorable he was, and how he loved them so much. They couldn't bring themselves to believe her. It felt like they were going crazy, or like they were living in some sort of backwards universe...
Anyway, it culminates in the elder Gray child deciding they can't take it anymore and shooting their father in the head. The end.
Elsie I’d read the shit out of that... can you write it and change the names slightly. She wouldn’t have a leg to stand on
Pleaaase write this
Sweet..Jesus.. Now THAT,is a good idea..!
I'd like to see that
It could be called "Bastards of the universe"
It is so
obvious.... EL James writes all she wants: not from a man, from a woman. She is Christian in her mind.
Omg!!! I was just thinking this! The internal misogyny and male identification is papable. Also notice how anna only ever really stands up to other women? SOoooOoo Empowering 😒😑🤦🏿♀️
she’s a lesbian?
@@tuopsy
No, she believes Women are perfect when they are subservient to a stronger man
explains why the guy in the other book is written frist person and she is third person
@@tuopsyI think OP means what James wants to do to her own husband. (however obviously writing a book where the woman is the one doing the dominating wouldn't go over quite well with publishers, even though it'd be not all that risquè in terms of relationship and sex. nowadays nearly every man seems to be into the idea of having a woman dominate him.)
People who don't know anything about BDSM other than that it includes tying people up seem to forget that it's always safe and consensual. No one should feel scared and it should always end when someone involved wants it to; that's the whole point of safe words. And any Dom/Sub behavior ends when they leave the bedroom unless they both agree that they want to act like it in other areas of their lives. No one should ever feel uncomfortable in BDSM. Remember safety and consent all the time!
that's how it ideally would be but I can tell you once you enter kink communities you'll be approached by so many Grey wannabes it's scary. yes, even if you aren't into doms whatsoever.
I keep trying to tell people that this stuff is porn. If they can read about the naughty, naughty bad stuff while they themselves feel secure and comfortable, they can enjoy sexy funtime hormones. No one actually wants to be treated like crap for realsies, but it can be a fetish, one that you might roleplay with someone you trust. Women who don't realize how this works and say they want a man like Grey are my main concern, followed by people who say, "women say they want to be independent, but what they really want is to be subjugated." No no no no no.
@@8BitDarkNESsR3v14 I was in the scene many years ago--way before even Twilight-- and I rarely encountered that, but on the few occasions it happened, other people in the scene would shun him permanently (and spread the word about him so others would be warned). I never encountered such a polite group of people--it was awesome.
BDSM should be like... A roller coaster. It should feel like danger without actually being dangerous
Three core principles of BDSM
Safe, Sane, Consensual. Safe activities that the participants who are of sound mind partake in with proper conduct, and that all participants consent to the activity. I haven’t even done anything irl with BDSM I drilled those three words into my brain. Christian can’t even tick the first one let alone the second and third.
E. L. James strikes me as the type of person who would send love letters to Ted Bundy. Her idea of who constitutes a good boyfriend appears to be *that* warped.
Oh Christ, I think you're right.
Plot twist: Ted Bundy replies with "You're too crazy for me, stop writing."
I honestly think that her wish fulfillment self-insert in these books is not Ana, but Grey. There's no other explanation for how she can be that clueless about what a terrible human being Grey is.
@@idab9958 Actually I was watching the third part of A Luke Warm Defense of 50 Shades of Grey (the defense was for the movie's cinematography), the guy talking about it brought up the concept that Grey is the self-insert. It would explain why this "author" is always so defensive of this book and of grey's behavior.
@Cian McCabe a serial killer, one of the most infamous killers that ever lived.
New Rule: You don't get to write about a character who has "read the complete works of Charles Dickens" unless you have actually done so yourself.
Not if it is the main character or a prominent side character, bc you'd probably have to weave that knowledge into their character and...if you haven't good luck
I wish Bill Maher could say this out loud...
Agreed 😂 what a weird flex. Dickens, of all authors.
"Don't let someone train you to ignore people who might be able to help you."
As an abuse survivor myself, this spoke to me. The situation I was involved in almost killed me multiple times, and if I had only listened to the friends and family who tried to warn me, it could have all been avoided. Instead, I let the person convince me that it made us somehow romantic, star-crossed lovers, and by the time things came to a head, I had been taken across the country from my family with all other friendships and relationships in ruins.
If you're in a situation where people are warning you to get out while you can, LISTEN TO THEM. Abusers will try to spin what they're saying, tell you they don't have the whole story, or poison you against the friends that stand against them. Don't let that happen.
I'm only alive today because my family didn't give up on me over the course of years. If you're in a position where people are trying to help you, please, for the love of God, let them.
"pen names are for real authors"
Not even a minute in to this and I'm hittin the like button
"No amount of sad backstory can make up for the **** that he has pulled"
Thank you for this quote. I hate it when I run into characters that do terrible things but then we're supposed to feel sorry for them because they have a sad backstory. I've seen it pulled with characters even worse than Gray.
Worse than Christian Grey? I don't think that's possible.
@@SorowFame Pretty sure they tried to humanise a rapist in 13 reasons why season 2 or 3 so unfortunately it can get worse
Trauma may cause bad behavior but it doesn't ever excuse it. That's something I had to bring to an ex-friend's attention once.
Your trauma is legitimate, your pain is real. However, it does not give you a free pass to treat others like shit. "I have anxiety, that's why I screamed in your face and called you stupid for getting me the wrong soda. Forgive me?"
No. Emotional trauma, anxiety, depression can cause terrible things. But it doesn't mean the people around you have to take you back. We don't have to forgive you for your lashing out. Yeah, PTSD may play a factor in your abusive behaviors, but taking responsibility is the most important. And if instead of taking responsibility and CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIORS, you just apologize, then you aren't sorry and you don't plan on changing. Mental illness may cause bad behavior, but no one has to forgive you for it or stay with you
@@brideofcthulhu347 I fully agree with this, but there should be an exception for people who don't understand. Maybe it should go unsaid, but I just have personal experience with it ig. I have autism so I don't always understand what I'm doing is wrong. I mean, I don't do things like hit people but I'm a slow learner when it comes to socializing with people. I have a hard time with things like tone and body language. I'm sorry if this comes across the wrong way, but like I said, I have too much experience doing the wrong thing. I'm trying to learn though!
Though most of mistakes these days are not understanding when someone is joking or not, or trying to make a joke that's inappropriate. Humor is hard.
Whenever there's a villain in a series I like that gets the "abused as a child and bullied at school" backstory I just think "Not this shit again." Not only is it an overdone trope in fiction but it doesn't always happen in real life. There are plenty of people in real life who had horrible childhoods but still grew up to be good people. Abuse and bullying don't force people to become killers, rapists, paedophiles or any other type of criminal. They choose to. People who use a bad upbringing as a convenient excuse to do horrible things IMO were horrible people before the bullying and abuse who would still have turned out the same without it.
You know, disregarding the horrid plots, werid grammar and unlikeable protagonist, this would have been a decent abuse survivor story, how she got in and out. If only E.L James didn't try romanticize it.
@Brandon Roberts It's the books main problem. Romanticizing something that is quite problematic. And I find it worrying that people could accept EL James' portrayal of an abusive relationship as a good thing.
Had a conversation a while back with a fan of the series, who told me "well what's wrong with *[insert anything wrong with the fifty shades series here]* ? People like horror movies, like Friday the thirteen, or Nightmare on Elmstreet, but you don't see that many people having a problem with the disturbing things you see in these movies, and I believe that it's fine that they don't ; there's a difference between real life and fiction"
But the thing is, even though you can find character like Jason or Freddy cool, you can like them, what they're doing is still portrayed as wrong in their movies. They're not romanticized and neither are the killings. You do not want someone like Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers to be a part of your actual real life. Liking these characters =/= thinking they're doing the right thing
But the fans of these series, such as this person I was talking to, would like to have a Christian Grey in their life. Because of how EL James romanticizes his behavior. You can like Judge Frollo's character, but the Hunchback of Notre Dame does not portray him as a good guy. There's no such thing with the fifty shades series.
Agreed. If you approach the first book from a place of assuming its the story of a tragically broken, unhealthy relationship...well, the writing still reads very much like a fanfic rather than a professionally edited work, but it's not *so* bad. Very 9 1/2 weeks. It's only in the second two books that she really starts pushing hard for that happy ever after without dealing with the abuse and i can't get past the disconnect anymore.
Miki Isdead Check out YOU. It’s on Netflix in the US and is basically what this series would look like if written by a responsible and self aware person.
Brandon Roberts If Christian uses cable ties in BDSM like it’s implied he realistically could kill Ana by using it. I’m not joking at all, cable ties are legitimately dangerous if used as binding material, it’s hard to get off without damaging the person it’s used on and can become dangerously tight, this honestly just shows how little research the author did in ACTUAL BDSM. The fact that people could think this is all fine is legitimately scary.
@@xeno-kun983 I feel like nothing else needs to be said. You put it perfectly. 👏
Speaking as someone who enjoys reading fanfiction and who has written fan fiction stories to practice and improve my writing, EL James is an absolute scourge on the community. Fan fiction can be a great source of creativity and a great way for inspiring writers to practice their creative and technical writing. EL James does nothing but give the rest of a bad name and does not deserve to be a part of this odd, but proud community.
wasn't she like, actually awful in the FF.net community and with her own fanbase (pre-publishing) as well? IIRC she used their support to get published, then completely threw them all under the bus and cut all ties
There is some really wonderfully written and sex-positive fanfiction about healthy relationships out there.
And it sucks that whenever I go on my Fifty-Shades-Is-Awful rant I have to always clarify that it's not the sex, it's not that it's fanfiction, it's pretty much this whole review here that's the problem.
I never thought of it like that with fan fiction considering there are cringey ones out there. Don't get me wrong, I have run into some that I have loved reading because the way it was written or how they made the story play out. I have thought of stuff to write and even wrote a bit of drabbles of stuff here and there for practice, but I don't have the confidence or courage to actually post it somewhere for the world to see. I'm someone that is conscious of what others would think so I just keep it to myself as I write it for fun. I will agree though, EL James basically gives fan fiction writers a bad name and just from watching this review, and hearing that she repeats words... I literally would be cringing at my own writing if I repeat the same words over and over again as I try not to do that. Even whipping out an old thesaurus that I used for school to help me with variety of ways to get my writings across. I seriously wonder how this got to be a New York bestseller if other people could write 10x better than this...
It's a safe arena for shy people to explore their own sexuality - or to explore concepts and plots in media. Or to fan around on their favourite characters. No one's there for refined, professional art or monetary exploitation so it's uniquely freeing. Some fanfics are breathtaking in the fact they are well paced, reasonably edited, have character arcs, planting and payoff, and their plots aren't either totally unoriginal or so convoluted to be worthy of a JRPG. There's one Star Trek (reboot) one that genuinely gave me the shivers in that it was actually not a bad example of high scifi (The Lotus Eaters, can't remember the author), but that isn't the point. Most are just there to be enjoyed (both writing and reading) and they really do get people more comfortable with clearly and frankly addressing their own sexual identities in a way that would be impossible for many, myself included, to verbalize. Yet toxic, untalented, self-important fanfic writers seem to be increasing in number to try and "publish" - and it's never those who've demonstrated any self-awareness of what they are even doing!
Also, there is no denying that a group of fawning, yes-fans can create a vortex of disturbing ideas that are hard to break loose of. Like the whole star-crossed-lovers thing...it's compelling when you're 16, but the older I get, the more it seems like a fawning fanbase can actively refuse to recognize how TWEW WOVE is not the glittering, sex-heaven, lampshades-everything-else-into-oblivion pixie dust it's promised to be by increasingly outdated tropes. In an unapologetic porno where the plot has a disclaimer to being secondary to enjoying the base-fandom's characters and the bonking, this is totally fine! But not when taking the relationship for its serious psychology by a writer that doesn't seem to realise that love still feels like love if it's selfish, misguided or undeserved and star-struck adoration does NOT excuse the unresolved issues. This really matters if it unintentionally twists the characters into bastards or causes the characters to lose all agency, but is only really disturbing the COMMENTERS and yes-fans haven't realized the implications!
I like non-con porn. There. I said it. There's probably a sexual studies major being denied a book deal here for why, but the fact is I am comfortable with this being a fantasy fetish (rather than a mess of teenage guilt and hormonal confusion) and while this is probably not something that I will ever discuss verbally with anyone, I - an awkward introvert whose experience with sexual relationships has been a universal "was that it? Seriously, was that it?" - have found a safe outlet with fanfiction. I say this to contextualize the fact that I have seen...disturbing fics. Funnily enough, most of the non-con writers are very self aware. I've come across some of the most interesting and nuanced mental health explorations that way, as well as some of the sexiest domination scenes. It's the writers that write non-con and then DON'T ADDRESS it as rape (either by character growth away from the toxicity of the original relationship, explicitly as a character study, or just left as one scene to be judged for what it is) that really disturb me.
I mean...fetishize a rape fantasy by a fictional psychopath because it's a turn on for some people, by all means, but...don't rationalize it as not being rape or excuse it being emotionally and physically abusive! Yet, it's eaten up by the fans all the same, like some shared delusion...
Don't look up Trash Parties then . . .There's bad apples in EVERY fandom. . .
Honestly the fact that despite not being active in the community you still did the research to point out how fifty shades is bad BDSM rather than equating the abuse in the books with the lifestyle is awesome. While many people did discover your channel thinking you were a dominant criticizing the series (myself included lol) the fact that you're still as angry as you are about the bad representation is... refreshing.
You should hear the rant a friend of mine has about this series. His rant takes like 20 minutes.
^ yes. this.
It's called being a responsible person
That’s all that anyone could ask for.
He did more research than E.L. James did, and he didn't even write the damn series!
I still come back here because it is SO cathartic for me to hear a man acknowledge and tear apart such an abusive dynamic.
“A wet paper towel of a person” lmao that sums up Ana’s character perfectly
The Dom, always putting himself through the worst just for us.
Cielle Jaegar not the reviewer we deserve, the reviwer we need
Don't you think that says more about us then about him?
Just like a good Dom should :)
I still can't get over the fact, that E.L James took an already creepy relationship and made it even worse
@Brandon Roberts i wonder who discovered that and thought it needed to be published?
I really want to set the books on fire and throw them at her. All of them. She has done such a disservice to the human race with these books. She is an appalling being.
I just really want to say how much I love you Dom. Often times when RUclipsrs plug charities or direct their revenue to it it seems like they're just doing it to give their video a little boost, but it feels so genuine here, and that's really encouraging to me.
The man who donated his revenue to "restore cosmic balance after readng 50 shades of grey" can't be anything but absolutely genuine about this!
*cough cough Lily orchard*
ChibiProtectorHana Did Lily Orchard do something wrong?
Yeah, I always found his feelings on the charity frank and sincere.
tom fegan she’s used charity as a shield when people try to call her out for more deplorable actions.
The Dom has mentioned in a previous video but I think it bares repeating: how did James not see the obvious abuse in this story? Christian is such a textbook abuser that it'd be laughable if it wasn't so disturbing. Has anyone actually called for a wellness check on James? Because I cannot grasp anyone in a healthy relationship not spotting the army of red flags she passes off as plot points.
Apparently she never took psychology classes to learn what an abuser is. Truly hideous that this would be normalized & that Grey is rewarded in the end with still being married to Ana and them having children
@@LucyLioness100 You know, guilty confession here - I read the series and was a step above "meh" for it. There were parts that absolutely pissed me off but it was just a book for me. It wasn't until later that I realized how *fucked up* it was when I saw people just worshipping the relationship between the leads. When I looked into the parts that pissed me off, they were checkmarks on the Abusive Relationship list.
@@LucyLioness100 Dont need a degree to see any of that.
She's probably one of those shallow "Abuse is OK if the abuser's rich and good looking" types.
At this point, I am genuinely worried that there might actually be something wrong with James. Did she go through some things that made her think that all of the things she writes in her books are perfectly normal?
"Christian Grey is the worst person to ever participated in BSDM"
Me: *cough cough* ONISION?
Also...Cough cough Dahvie Vanity cough cough William Control
Problem is Christian has the power, deceptive surface charisma, intelligence, and position to get away with it, Onision has a tiny cult and such a stupidity that he screws himself over.
It's really sad how people use bdsm as a cover up for their horrible actions. It's supposed to be safe, sane, and last but absolutely not least consensual. All the people who used bdsm as a cover up weren't using bdsm, they were using control, abuse, and violence in the most ugliest ways.
**Coughs** Armie Hammer **Coughs**
Just a PSA never never nver restrain your partner (with concent obviously) with zip ties. They can seriously damage your wrists and can cut them pretty bad.
Nicholas Pogson same with handcuffs. Never use!
Just to add to the general education going on, I hear bondage rope is really nice for this, as long as you don’t use it incorrectly.
I’ve heard of bondage tape too, but can’t speak to whether it’s decent or not.
@@elvellarambles9151 Nylon rope works best as long as you don't tie it to tight as that can cause nerve damage. So if there is numbness untie and wrap with a warm towel and there should be no issue.
@@zobop you can use fuzzy handcuffs.
M. Christian I’ve read that there are handcuffs that are easily escaped so things don’t go all Gerald’s Game.
Speaking as somebody quite into actual BDSM, I adore your coverage of this series. BDSM is not abuse, and it is not the result of childhood trauma, and E.L. James repulses me so much that I cannot stand to look at her for fear of crossing a hateful line that I'd rather not cross. It makes me very happy that you are killing off her vile misconceptions with each of these videos.
Agreed. I have a very sheltered roommate that thinks this book (and Twilight) is very romantic and the only thing she doesn't like is the, and I quote, "sexual degeneracy" and she thinks all kinks are abusive. I had to sit her down and as calmly as I could explain how 1) this book is NOTHING like what actual BDSM or BDSM relationships are like and 2) kinks are not abusive, BDSM isn't abusive, and I explained how BDSM and other kinks can actually be very healthy for a relationship as long as all parties are communicating well.
I'm not even into BDSM and I know this! But it went in one ear and out the other with her :/ (she also unironically loves minions and thinks any dress above the knee is slutty :/)
100% agree, I'm into a mild form of BDSM but whats in 50 shades of Grey is NOT BDSM. Its just pure abuse and nothing more or nothing less
@@bioticjedi3864 I cannot believe, that people like that exist... seriously?? 🙈
Let's be fair to ourselves.
The public opinion is certainly not on our side these days given 50 shades, poor media representation on television and the obsession with normalization as a social theory.
Glad to see most people who have reviewed the books can at least be bothered to look up the difference.
@@FiveOClockTea You live in bliss.
Swaths of the Conservatives don't like us because BDSM often defies their views on traditional sexual ethics.
A smaller yet not unsubstantial part of the liberals don't like us because of sex-negative feminism.
Psychologist seem split between obsession and pathological denial of our existence.
Sociologists tend to assert normalization and react much in the same manner as the aforementioned swath of liberals.
And that's before we get into general bigotries and poor media representation like 50 shades and *every crime drama ever*
The way that the author romanticizes toxic relationships gives me the impression that she might think relationships like this are normal or okay. That kinda makes me question the type of relationship she has with her husband. I have an unshakable feeling that it's probably not very good.
Considering some people say Christian is her self-insert character, l am worried for every single human being who engages in social interaction with her.
@@Naharu. some people said she was so annoying to work with .Jamie and Dakota declined to do anymore fifty shades especially Jamie . Rumour had it she wanted to do a fifty shades of Grey Christian's POV.
She was terrible at directing the movie , Dakota said she had to get drunk to do the sex scenes because no one was there to guide her on the second and third movie explains why she looks so wasted and the scenes looked so sloppy .
They changed th scripts a lot it was a nightmare EL didnt listen to anyone and wanted things done her way .
@@laureenambani8739 was that before or after Jamie did the Fall? Because there was rage in that performance. Makes sense
@@ladyredl3210 didnt Jamie finish The fall then did fifty shades , because on the Fall he seemed more masculine than on fifty shades.
@@laureenambani8739 I don't know which he did first honesty
"Don't let someone train you to ignore people who might be able to help you". For that alone, you've done work you can be proud of here, although it's taken something of a toll on you. Well done.
My mom is 67 and thinks the books are /so/ romantic and that Anna is "changing" the bastard. It drives me nuts because my mom is finally in a healthy relationship and yet she still falls back on the mindset she had when she was with my abusive bio dad. She won't listen to me. In fact, she leaves the room if I try to talk to her about it cause she thinks I'm wrong. ;__;
When i was in a VARY toxic realshinship. He made feel as though i couldnt trust anyone but him. It worked i was all by myself, im super lucky that my best frinds saved me. He littaly kicked my abuser out of my house and call the cops for me. He helped me start getting out. PLEASE dont let them control you! If you have friends who want to help they really want to.
You are brave and strong and I'm fucking proud of you and your friends!
I've never been in a toxic relationship myself, but I knew someone who was and it really is absolutely scary how accurately E.L. James portrays a psychopath in Christian's character, and even more terrifying that she seems completely unaware that she's doing so.
@@somethinunameit637 thanl you its been 3 years and im still struggling with the repercussions of what my abuser did
@@cheezemonkeyeater its vary scary when the book first came out i saw a lot of people say how romantic it is etc. Even now i hear it it scars me because what if peolle is bad places try and get help and thses ass hats who think it's ok bacause of a dam book will brush it off!
@@sagef.9550 The best thing to do is remember it's not wrong to feel the way you do or that it isn't exceptable. You deserve to be happy and it's not shameful to find help from a psychologist. After my experiences in abuse I litterally spent years of my life feeling like it was my fault and I was dirty. After I taught myself other wise, I battled with depression and self worth. I really wish I got help sooner than I did and really there is no shame in getting help.
Hey, hey, did you know that CHRISTIAN GREY was EL James' self-insert, and not Anna?
Yeah... Let that sink in.
PS: A lot of replies have been asking me for sources and clarifications, so I'm just going to put it here to make things easier: my main source is Folding Ideas and the videos he made on FSoG, which I highly recommend checking out. They're incredibly detailed and do an extensive analysis of the FSoG movies and the background concerning them. The only downside is that they're pretty long (more or less one hour each). But if you're willing to spend time on them, then you won't regret it. They're really interesting.
Oh.. Oh GOD!!!
Oh... No....
WTH? Dude, now that explains it. Woman's a narcissist.
I once threw that question in a forum full of Fifty Shades fans and nearly all of them answered Christian too.
Not jumping into that twilight zone ever again.
Damn Son that would actually make so much sense
You're a better Dom than Christian Gray. Well done
Admittedly not a high bar
Christian gray isn’t a dom, he is an abuser
@@janadonia5938 hence why Dominic, who isn't an actual Dom himself, is still a better Dom than Christian Gray
Boo hoo Grey had a bad childhood.... you know what other fictional character had a bad childhood? Dexter Morgan, in fact someone should write a fan fic where they meet, perferably on Dexter's terms. Maybe have Ana get the last stab in.
jtilton5
I’d pay to see that
At least Dexter understands his needs are dark and unacceptable. He tries to direct the pain he inflicts onto those that deserve it, Grey directs it into the woman he "loves". Dexter sought out a therapist that understands control issues and helps resolve them not endorse them.
Ok he did murder that therapist but not because of the therapy.
Dexter's therapist also turned out to be a guy who drove rich women to suicide for kicks.
I'd pay to see that.
Bruce Wayne has a bad childhood. Matt Murdock has a bad childhood. Harry Potter has a VERY SHITTY childhood but all of them turned out to be the heroes that protect innocent people and fight against villains that ABUSE power.
Bad childhood could be a contributing factor for mental illness but it’s not an excuse to be a morally reprehensible person.
9:34 Folding Ideas brought up the idea that Christian is, in fact, James's author insert, which would mean that this is all justification for her attitude and actions toward others.
The way these books and movies display BDSM, relationships, and their version of "love" is honestly sickening. As a male victim of relational abuse, and as a lover of media, I question whether anyone who actually understands kinks or love actually enjoys these books. (Also, in the book store it caught my eye that theres a spin off, told from Christians perspective. Are you going to be adressing that as well?)
Erikai Carman He confirmed that he won’t. Though he’s probably not missing much anyway because on Twitter, people have said that they’re the original books again practically verbatim, but adds more evidence that Grey is a horrible human being.
I know a bunch of people in the kink community who dislike the books and films because of how they portray kink and BDSM
Erikai Carman wait spin off?!😱
@@gracekim25 Spin off as in, the original author needed more money. The series told from Christian perspective. Total cash grab
Oh, gods, we've put the poor man through enough, haven't we?
I know I've almost certainly commented on previous videos saying this, but I read the first Fifty Shades book just a few months after leaving an emotionally abusive partner. I was only just getting away from that very manipulated place of blaming myself and excusing all the emotional, psychological and sexual abuse I'd experienced (I'd only recently been put in touch with an abuse charity and given my own support worker). Reading it was genuinely one of the most triggering, horrendous experiences I'd had, post-relationship. It was like being given a story in which my abuser was being painted as a desirable hero. I remember reaching out to EL James and asking why she'd written something so hurtful and why she wasn't listening to criticism from members of the BDSM community or to survivors of abusers like Grey. Naturally, she blocked me, because that's just what she DOES. So I want to thank you for these videos. In the weeks after reading that first book, it was only finding people online who recognised the abuse that Fifty Shades was romanticising that stopped me from going completely backwards and destroying all the progress I'd worked so hard to make in recovering from what I went through. It still saddens me that so many people don't see the abuse and will tell people like me that we're lying or we can't have actually experienced real abuse if we think Grey is an abusive character, so when people CAN see the abuse and are willing to speak out about it, it really does mean a lot.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will get through with this. I have also long history of abuse but time and professional help eased the load. I'm sure you will feel better one day too and meet the valiant knight who gives you the love you deserve. :)
I'm sorry you went through this. Not only being in an abusive relationship, but having people invalidating your experience without the least knowledge about it. You are very strong and I'm glad you were able to get out of this situation.
*hugs* Good for you for getting out!! Good luck in the healing process.
What a jerk. But I guess it makes sense if the rumor is true that Grey is actually supposed to be James.
EL James blocked you? Well, I mean it was already obvious because of what she's written, but I think it's actually objective fact at this point to say that EL James is honestly a terrible person and morally bankrupt human being and she should be regarded as such.
Same. I read it after getting out of an abusive relationship and it opened my eyes to what I had actually gone through. Triggering is the word, really it was hard to read through them. I was surprised by how many lines Grey used, and things he did, that were familiar. I'm incredibly grateful to this channel as The Dom's first review of this series was what I saw when I went looking for a review. He's always so satisfyingly outraged about these books/movies, intelligent , and respectful to real bdsm and those who have suffered abuse.
Okay, so as someone who managed to escape a cult, holy fuck does this bring back some memories. The love bombing at the beginning, showering her with attention and gifts, slowly indoctrinating her and then giving her a leap of faith to do that would make sure she was under his control, the person who indoctrinated me followed these things step for step and it's horrifying to see it so openly praised. Especially when it comes to the sexual aspect of things, like her shaking like a leaf purely because she had never had any prior experience and therefore it was the best thing ever.
Also, just a little advice, you should never feel like someone relies on you checking in on them to keep them safe. Ever. You should ALWAYS be able to take a day or two to yourself (my personal timeline is three days, and if you've been brainwashed in the past I've found that's a good amount of time to be able to get a firm enough grip on reality again to gtfo) and not be afraid of something horrible happening. If you can't do that, then I would reccomend seriously reevaluating your relationship.
Thank you for taking the time and sanity to read these books Dominic. I'm glad I was able to listen to these reviews rather than read these piles of trash, and I'm immensely grateful for the trigger warning.
I was in a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship for nearly six years. This guy made me honestly believe my life had no worth without him, that I was responsible for keeping happy, and though it was perfectly fine for him to have random trips to visit with his ex-girlfriend that kept referring to me as a cow, complained a lot about my weight, tried to force me to stop even just hanging out with my friends as well.
That being said, I'm glad you tackle it so tactfully in your videos about 50 Shades. Watching your videos on this series has been cathartic in a way and helps to just reassure me that I made the right decision to cut him out of my life.
Also, you never fail to blow me away with your generosity by donating to charity. Thank you.
P.S. Also, double yay for the bloopers! You and Miss Calluna are adorable!
Somebody give this man a hug and a basket of brownies
Hopefully they’re pot brownies.
He deserves some serious aftercare 😔
In my book store, they sell tote bags with this design: "You can keep Mr Grey, I'm sticking with Mr Darcy" Oh my god I love them! Mr Darcy and Lizzy, that is love!
It's so sad that in today's world this book about an abusive and sexist man and a woman letting him do all that shit is considered romantic! How on earth can anyone declare their relationship as love? It's unhealthy, unfair and simply disgusting. If a man ever treated me like that, I'd be gone in a second.
Sigma Money can't buy humour, a great character or romance. I don't care how rich a man is, I want a soulmate, not a sugar daddy.
What makes it worse is that it is a woman who has written it. Shame on her!
The thing is, Mr. Darcy and Grey are actually 2 sides of the same coin. They are both rich (like, hella rich), handsome and behave like assholes at the beginning of the story. But, Mr. Darcy actually mends his ways, not because Lizzie fixed him, but because he realizes his actions were what made Lizzie (and also, others) dislike him and was generally a gentleman (albeit, a gentleman with the social skills of an agoraphobic lobster) at the end of the story. He also changed his opinion of Jane, so points to Ms. Austen for character development! Grey, however, even if Ana was able to fix him, he's still a dick, plain and simple.
@@emilydelamar4557 Some women still want the sugar daddy. That is really sad.
@@Linhdoesstuff lol, agoraphobic lobster
Grey making her keep the wedding dress on is also yet another demonstration/exercise of his control over her - she must prioritise his pleasure and obey him, despite not agreeing to say “obey” as part of the wedding vows... and you nailed it, she has always been a wet paper towel of a person (yeah, well done e l James), which is partly what makes her such a perfect target for his control.
Grey is a manipulative, devious and evil sack of crap of a character... and having been the victim of a person very much like him at an age when I was too young and immature to know better (and when I didn’t have the support of my parents to help me escape it all) there is no way I will ever read the books. Whether the author is as clueless as she comes across or actually thinks she’s being terribly clever and creating characters who are living the ultimate romance I don’t know; but either way, the horrific messages in her work remain.
Thanks for your considered review - this is the most eloquent expression of the concerns I think I’ve seen. I feel for you in your pain from having read and watched this series of ... ugh, no publicly acceptable words come to me to describe them.
As someone that is in a bdsm relationship i find the way that gray treats anna is descusting. Its always mutual and you go as far as your partner is willing. CONSENT AND COMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING !!!!!
They fight so much I genuinely dont know why they like each other. I read all three books and dont remember them ever sharing any interests or hobbies.
But you forget one crucial thing!
Grey is hot.
Sarcasm obviously
how normal, healthy relationships work (starring me and my boyfriend):
Me: Hey, having a movie night with my mom, I'll text you later.
Him: okay, drive safe, love you!
Him: hey, about to play D&D with some online friends, text you after!
Me: oki doki, have fun, love you!
Give people some dang space! We love each other and want each other to be happy. Being in a relationship is not about control and mommy/daddy issues, and both partners need to work together in that regard, and if he EVER treated me in the was Christian treats Anna, he'd get a cast iron skillet to the head and thrown out of the house. Gray's such a scumbag! It's one thing to do all that in a BDSM scene but holy hell, what he's doing is soooooo not okay :( I've never felt so bad for a fictional character (Anna) before...
Good boyfriend behavior!
My parents made that kind of relationship work for 56 years - 54 of them they were married. They would have made it work longer, but then my mum died :(
@@cayreet5992I'm sorry for your loss
@@ladyredl3210 Thank you. It's been almost two years now, but both my dad and I still are touched by it. We're getting better and my mum will never be fully gone, as long as we remember her and carry her in our hearts.
EL James: Normal healthy relationships? What sorcery is this?
The abuse in this book, and how it does happen to people both in and out of BDSM is part of why I am actually developing classes on red flags in power exchange, and maintaining a sense of self as a submissive. It's horrid that this is so romanticised in vanilla culture, and has brought people toward the scene expecting this to be an acceptable norm. It's wound up causing there to be an influx of predatory people that specifically target these newer curious people, and doing a ton of damage.
It's not my scene, but I'm really glad to hear people like you have identified a problem and are doing your best to combat it. And I'm sorry that you have to do that. These books are... not good.
I love this idea. Maybe you should write a book too? It's so needed, like a recovery program for vanilla brainwashing.
Oh, I really like your idea. I've been seeing the same problem in my area since the release of this monstrosity. Many people, especially young girls who see themselves as submissives, are flooding the scene looking for their Mr. Grey and some sadly end up finding one. I believe classes like the ones you're developing would be a great way to address the issue.
Thank you a million times for opening this class. A lot of subs will find good doms because of you
What concerns me the most is that with EL James in particular, I can tell she forces a lot of her own ideals/beliefs down the reader's throat (anti-abortion, anti-divorce, your life is over the minute you get married because now you have to be a housewife, etc) so this has me wonder if she's in an abusive relationship herself? or at the very least was in one at some point and doesn't actually recognize or realize that she was in one and found the situation "romantic" out of a stockholm-syndrome type of ordeal. If so, then she needs some serious mental help for thinking that one.
Then again another part of me wonders if she's been the abusive one in her life and justifies it as being "cute" or "romantic". I mean I know nothing of her life, nor do I want to if she was a 30+ year old woman writing 18+ material for a book/movie meant for young teenagers that probably don't even know what BDSM even means.
What's even worse is that I notice the whole "abusive fan fiction getting a movie" may just be a trend coming up as a highly abusive (but deemed "romantic" by some) fan fiction for One Direction is getting it's own movie
You meen after?
E.L. James: Oh I made Kate AWARE of sexual and emotional abuse!! BETTER GET RID OF THAT NOW!!!
Considering how broad other forms of work have been, I am legitimately surprised I cannot find a fanfiction where literally anyone takes Christian Grey to court for domestic abuse charges
Even though it's well known that this travesty of a (ugh *book*) was Twilight fan fiction it honestly wouldn't surprise me if James slapped fan fic authors with plagiarism cease and desists
I will be the change I want to see in the world then. I don't care how OOC it is either, he will go to court.
It's not exactly what you're talking about, but I'd recommend the fanfic "Lucky Number Thirteen" by Das Mervin
Can't say anonymity... "Babe?!" Calluna's little voice in the background "Ananimidy" ya'll are crazy cute.
May you all find someone who looks at you like Dom and Cal look at each other in that bit :D
Yeah, that legit charmed the hell out of me.
That was so awesome to see in this video, especially her "it's okay. It's okay" to calm Dom.
I really think i fell into love with this couple.
Good to see an actually healthy couple
Hyde tried to blow up the mainframe himself? And he's let out despite being caught braking into an apartment? And then in a bid to pretend this book has a plot, it turns out he was working for some guy at the end.
I choose to believe that Anna and Grey's relationship ended in murder.
Will Rigby Preferably their own murder.
@Lysa Nissa Sometimes I imagine this song is from Anna's point of view:
ruclips.net/video/HPjbloNJQUE/видео.html
The amount I'd pay to see an interview between you and E.L. James is... just so high. That would be glorious.
No it wouldn't, it'd take him 30 seconds to rip her to shreds.
@@Marshmallow_Embers thirty seconds of sweet sweet retribution.
I think there would be only one question : WHY ?! ad infinitum
I would love to see this
That would be so awesome. Please to all the gods let this be. She really needs a comeuppance.
I remember exploring my fetishes for the first time after college, when I went on fetlife at a friend's recommendation. The number of older men who learned I identified as submissive and immediately tried to fly me out to them for a permanent dom/sub relationship was terrifying. They just assumed that because I was submissive sexually, I wanted to be stripped of my agency and financial independence. They told me exactly the shit Grey says, and insisted I would love it.
Thankfully, I was old enough to recognize their creepy behavior, but it's terrible to think that these men are still out there trying to lure vulnerable women into dangerous situations.
Thank you for sharing this critique; we need to stop normalizing abuse in kink relationships.
(Also I'm a bisexual woman, and I know this happens TO all genders BY all genders, but my experience was just with men at the time.)
Elliot seems bloody lovely why can't the books be about him and Kate?
Key word 'lovely'
I know right
lollipopsie _ Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s also incredibly rich. Which already makes him a positively despicable parasite.
Allow me to pitch a novel about a man and woman trying to end their brother and roommate's abusive relationship (and maybe send the brother to jail while they're at it), falling in love as they do so.
I have so much respect for you for donating the money from this video to a women's shelter.
I also admire you for actually managing to read this soil. (I'm being generous. Soil at least allows plants to grow.)
I have attempted it, got annoyed with the main character after a few pages and returned to Rick Riorden and Neil Gaiman with relief.
Btw, Calluna teaching you how to say Anonymity is the cutest thing I've seen this week.
This series sounds like what you would find if Godzilla had an Indian dish to chase down a nuclear reactor just finished eating, after that mess was left rotting in the sun for a few days.
@@peacemaker63604 This is unironically the best analogy I have ever read
Christian Grey is what I like to call the gorgeous "nice guy. " A guy that is eye candy from afar, but every girl's worst nightmare up close. There are some examples in other movies and books, but Christian is the worst. Gentlemen, if you want a girl to fall in love you, then for god sake DONT BE A CHIRSTIAN GREY.
Just don't be a Christian Grey, period.
The point is...even Wilson Fisk, the main villain of Daredevil who did a lot of evil things, still never dare to sexual assault or being a manipulative asshole to his own wife because that’s what his father has been doing to him and his mother all the time and he even personally murdered his father to protect his mother.
Everything Christian Grey has done is an equivalent of the psychopath like Ramsay Bolton.
I love that the handcuffs say "STOP." It's so appropriate.
The sad thing is that my Mom, normally a very intelligent person and discerning reader, honestly thinks that Christian Gray is a good character who genuinely changes. I love her, but we couldn’t disagree more on that regard. These books are trash, plain and simple.
I think it's funny how he brings up asking E.L. James for writing advice when writing villains because I'm using Grey as an inspiration for one of the antagonists of one of the stories I'm writing. One of my friends, who's reading the story I'm writing, already has a burning hatred for said character
The guy from Passengers would make an awesome villain too
I guess you could say
Dom is finally Fifty Shades Free from 50 shades
not yet
Isn't there a book from Christian's point of view?
That's not enough shades of free from this monstrosity
@@cyberdinedog2097 Yeah, but it doesn't have a film adaptation. The Dom usually only covers movies, so he has no reason to read that, thankfully
@A.S. Howell you beat me to the Ba-Dum-Tsh...
The honesty of this man. Much appreciated.
I finally escaped a 4 year long abusive relationship, but hell, I was never as bad as this girl was, though we fought as often. And my ex was no Grey, for that matter. (I've had brainfreezes last longer). We had a fight about why the school district didn't send kids home early on snow days, and it ended with a cop car pulling up to chastize him for pulling my hair hard enough to make me cry. Another about who was actually supposed to take out the trash. Anyway, off to celebrate my successful escape! Keep sane, Dom, we love you.
"Babe?"
"Anonymity!"
"Thank you!"
Now THIS is the kind of support I need in my relationships.
ikr!!!!! it was so cute
Wow... every time I hear about 50 Shades of Grey, I always think that this series could definitely be used as a teaching method. Not for a writing class (a way to show other up and coming authors how NOT to write a book) but in an abuse seminar. Almost everything that Christian does to Anna and her constant need to excuse his behavior is exactly what happens in a real-life abusive relationship.
How could E.L. James be so blind to this? In interviews that she had given about the series she constantly states that its a love story with some kinky sex in it, disregarding that this is an awful portrayal of a BDSM relationship, it is NOT a love story. It's a story about manipulation, obsession, verbal, psychological and physical abuse. Honestly, how this series and the movies gained so much popularity makes me wish that people understood that this series is so very damaging. Who knows how many young girls thought that the way Christian Grey treated Anna is love.
How could the publisher/editor be so blind to this?
Ah, being able to indulge myself in my hatred of these "books" without actually having to read them. I very consciously thank you for your martyrdom, Dom.
I love how Calluna knew what you needed help with when you called out, “Babe?!” So cute! 🥰
So cute
They are such a cute pair
Should renamed the trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey: A cautionary tail.
Agreed, but *Tale
Dom trying to say "anonymity" reminds me of Nemo trying to say "anemone" in Finding Nemo.
🤣🤣🤣 wheezing laughter..
It was the cutest thing ever 😍. Especially when his spouse came to help him❤
See, if the books weren't presented as "a hot kinky romance," I might forgive the shit writing and be glad that physical/emotional abuse has been well-represented in idea and just needs some *serious* editing. Spreading awareness about this kind of thing is always something worth doing...
...however!
Presenting abuse as romantic is disgusting. Anyone who was aroused by this book A) has less of a sex life than I do (mind you, haven't even kissed a guy before) and B) should be avoided because they could potentially be a toxic pile of dog droppings, and that's not mentioning C) their low standards... even *I* could write better than this.
As much as I get very thirsty for the entertaining pain of the worst the world can offer, I would much rather this book didn't exist into an actually published form and just see this as some lame fanfiction similarly to the likes of My Immortal. But no. No, this is WAY worse. I have *actually* gotten pissed over this, especially because I'm into BDSM, am in a loving dynamic currently, and have previously been groomed and assaulted in a misunderstanding of BDSM. This isn't something that should be popular because it can influence harm. There needs to be more positively influencing or at least more accurate books to be published.
as a genuine dom christian gray is the most vile thing in existence to me
A good Dom is supposed to not only provide pleasure to themselves but to the sub as well, they are also supposed to stop when it gets too much.
Same
100%!
As a switch, I cannot but agree.
Great furry self, btw
Ok I had forgotten this BUT LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT HOW NORMALIZE AND GROSS THE INFLUENCE OF THIS BOOKS HAS BECOME.
When the first movie just came out I was doing a school project about movie adaptations of books and their box office success.
A math tutor was helping with the project and I didn’t have many other options that were recent so I choose 50 shades as one of the examples (my teacher gave me permission to do so since I was just talking about statistics).
Anyway my tutor was helping me with the project and while doing it he asks me if I had read the book.... I was 15 at the time.
Of course I was very ashamed he even ask since I knew what it was about.
The tutor instead of changing the subject, insisted that I was being silly in being so flustered, then when on to tell me how much his wife ADORE those books, how he had read some parts when she left it around the house, how many other teens in my school were reading them and how my mom probably enjoy them too 🤢🤮... it was so awkward.
I don’t want to say anything bad about the man since he was a really good tutor and NEVER said stuff like that normally, I prefer to believe he was just genuinely misinformed or misguided in the subject.... but still.
That is so disturbing... Hopefully, he is no longer in your life, and hopefully, he never overstepped his role any further than this. He actually kind of did overstep his role...
Show him these videos, if you can :0
The shop I worked in up to two weeks ago considered them 18+ books. We do not sell 18+ books. Didn't even know books had age ratings outside of 'babies', children's, Young Adult, adult' (like Magic Key is for babies, Goosebumps is for kids, Animorphs is for pre-teens/teens and everything else is too advanced so it's for adults.) so that was interesting to learn.
I was so happy when my supervisor took them off the shelf when we got them in a second time.
Why would you under any age of consent (at least in both English-mained countries) read something that adult?? What even???
That is so creepy. Maybe he was just trying to normalize bdsm, being uninformed there was actual abuse in the books, but still... He should never have done so with a 15 year old. Dude is way out of line on top of being an idiot for not educating himself on what he's endorsing.
Artemis Wolf ii
Holy shit! That reminds me a little of my ex. He broke up with me (via text where he called it "his relationship") cuz I wouldn't stick 100% to his side at San Diego Comic Con. Then later that night after he failed to get his friends to kick me out of the hotel room and they instead kicked him out, he tried to feed me a sob story about how he's autistic and an artist and that's why he acted that way and we should totally get back together.
The thing is I know autistic ppl. My four cousins on my mom's side are all on the spectrum. Him trying to blame his behavior on autism just pissed me off even more than I had been previously (especially as my oldest cousin is much higher on the spectrum than him and would *never* behave like that - even with the religious fundie indoctrination). I told him point blank that I would not go back out with him. I did say we could remain friends, but I honestly had no intention of following through with that. We did come to an agreement of friendship and he was allowed back in the hotel room, but he had to sleep on the floor instead of on the pull out couch with me.
After we left Comic Con, I basically stopped replying to his text messages. Only time I've ever ghosted anyone, not that I knew what ghosting was at the time. Afterwards, he tried to fuck me over at work by cancelling a lot of preorders with me and killing my numbers (I worked at Game Stop at the time). My boss was pissed off on my behalf and told me to go into the backroom every time he came in the store and have someone else take the hit until he stopped (it didn't take long).
I miss Jamie. He was a great boss. His boss was a piece of shit. Typical for Game Stop tho, they quickly split up a great team and replaced everyone with assholes that lie to customers to increase preorders and sales. Don't shop at Game Stop - it's a terrible corporation and as a former employee, I'm looking forward to the day it shuts down for good. I don't say that about many places I've worked and I've worked at some pretty shitty places.
Reading these books have just made me realize that I may have to get published, just so there can be one positive representation of a female character in such situations. As a teen, I hated reading YA characters that were like Ana and Bella, the YA genre was swamped with these types of characters. I, mistakenly, wrote the anti to these girls. And as I've gotten older, the character has also grown and has become a fully realized character. She is an evolved woman, and faced by the pretty, wealthy, arrogant man who wants to consume all of her desires, she stands up against him, and pushes him away.
You NEVER see that in books. EVER.
I kinda want to get published now.
PLEASE DO.
Do your book do it do it do it do it do it do it.
There are 3 possibilities with these shit heaps that people call "books".
1. It was a social experiment.
2. James is a goddess among trolls.
3. James is actually insane.
4. She has a bad sex life or relationship that makes her pine for some horrific but well funded fantasy man who is perpetually aroused, with damage because there's nothing sexier than emotional and physical trauma that you soothe by obeying him at the detriment of your own wellbeing!?!
4. All of the above.
@Goddess 18 entering a 6:
All of the above, doubled.
While I’m against banning books, with you going over this series. I do feel all junk shops over the world should just put the books in the recycling when they get them as the are so toxic
Or have a massive fire.
Use them to educate people on what to avoid in relationships at all costs.
The first time I've ever advocated book burning. I used to think such a thing was criminal but this trash would be better served as kindling.
Yesss! There's GOTTA be a market for 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Toilet Paper... 😈
Fun fact is that a lot of second hand stores likely DID do that just because of the sheer amount of people getting rid of the books but apparently not wanting to throw them out themselves.
What I hate the most about these books is that they sparked a new generation of other 'erotic' books (that were as horrible as it's mothership). I understand the reason why publishing companies spawn these wretched demon books, after all the audience was and is still willing to read them, but the amount of 'erotic' literature published in recent years is ridiculous.
Edit: I am stupid. The real problem obviously lies in the portrayal of abuse.
The use of quotes around 'erotic' was enough to tell me that you meant 'books about dysfunctional and abusive relationships depicted with lots of sex scenes and a romanticising of the abuse and dysfunction' rather than actual erotic fiction.
I read erotica and have for years... You have the good, bad, and ugly in that group. When I first read these books I couldn't stop thinking out of all the other books how did these become the ones that became "mainstream".
UGH SERIOUSLY. The amount of fucking erotica books about billionaires who are into bdsm are massive. And some of them are even worse than Fifty Shades!! Thank you for this, E.L. James. This is your goddamn legacy. 😑
Jennifer R So true. I’ve read so many good books in this category, or at least ok books. Like the one about the two spyes who are on opposite sides of the Napoleonic ears who fall in love. Or maybe even Eloisa James. Anything but this.
The “murmuring” is like in the first book where everyone was “bewildered” the whole book
I read the first 50 shades book in high school because a friend of mine said that it was a "masterpiece" (I hope she understood that it's not after all the criticism).
But to be honest it COULD be a masterpiece if E.L. James would just stop trying to justify abusive behavior and actually condemn it (and obviously take writing lessons / buy a thesaurus). The story would be really interesting if it was a thriller about a woman who is trying to get out of an abusive relationship.
After all, Christian has access to an incredible amount of power and resources and has a history of traumatizing the women he has had relationships with. Getting rid of him would be almost impossible and that's what would make it worth reading.
If only Ana was a better protagonist that has realized too late who she's dealing with, the story could actually be thought-provoking and highlight some important problems in society (people with money can get away with anything, victims of abuse are often called liars, abusive partners are manipulative etc...).
I'm so sorry we have put you through this, here's something nice that might cheer you up a bit:
Your workout definitely shows :D
@Brandon Roberts And very intelligent, not to mention he's creative too!
your interactions with Calluna are adorable!
Much better than anything E.L. will ever write
@@KidSnivy69 thats not a fair comparison. virtually anything is better than what she writes. even a piece of gum stuck to my shoe is worth more than all of her shitty writing combined.
THIS. I’m a big soppy romantic and every time we see them interact I’m like *mah heart.*
@@JustAnotherPerson4U I know, but every time I see this or the Twilight I have to go looking for anything to remind me what a good relationship looks like.
This time I got it from The Dom himself
I know you probably won't see this given how long it's been since you made these videos, and I know that these books were genuinely awful for you to get through, but I am glad the you made your book reviews on this series as they eventually helped me realize and come to terms with the fact that a friendship I was in was an emotionally abusive relationship. It took me several watch throughs and months of being out of that relationship to accept that but these videos did help plant the idea in my head that maybe that friendship was more messed up than I wanted to admit and that me being upset about how I was being treated wasn't something I deserved to be punished for. I still come back and rewatch these videos when the pain and grief comes back because they're a good reminder to me that even if I did make some bad choices in that relationship, how I was treated was wrong and I shouldn't feel guilty that I couldn't just sit back and take it and somehow try and make the relationship work. So thank you, Dominic.
I am in the BDSM community and this book is about abuse not BDSM.
~4:00 On the music in fanfic bit, as a writer/reader myself, an author just sticking an actual song into the descriptions is a rookie mistake.
The way you provide mood music in a way that doesn’t come off as tacky is to name the chapter after a song lyric and credit the singer in the notes
Dom, as a victim of physical and emotional abuse, I love your outlook on this series. Thank you so much for your sensitive handling of this material.
Thank you The Dom for all of the hard work you’ve put into these videos to create an analysis that is objective (with appropriate subjective content for lovely comedic timing , logical, well-constructed, all the while remaining compassionate. It is so refreshing to follow a youtube channel that takes responsibility for the comments section and treats words and their meanings seriously. (unlike the author who doesn’t know what words mean!).
I discovered your channel a year ago and it was my first subscription to any channel. I thought the world had gone mad when these “books” were published years ago and felt utterly disheartened that people I once thought to be sensible claimed these books to be “romantic”. I took criticism for disliking these books when I couldn’t even get more than four chapters in. Although I enjoyed your videos, I was utterly appalled to learn that these books were even worse that I had heard! As a survivor of verbal and psychological abuse, I wish that people could see these books for that they are. I applaud you for stating that “it’s important we hate these books for the right reasons”. Well said. Facts matter.
As aspiring writer, I cannot believe that this book and its many flaws were ever published, a fact that is not helpful to writers who are serious about publishing quality work. However, after listening to your videos which despite the dreadful source material I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, I’ve gone back over my manuscript with a fine-toothed comb to check that I haven’t inadvertently repeated any of the gross sins of this atrocity!
Finally, as a fellow sufferer of GERD, I’m glad that you’re doing your best to manage the condition, get fit, and get healthy. It’s tough but it can be done. I’ve bounced between diet and pharmacological remedies and weather yet another flare-up last week. Staying fit really helps! After living 10 years in the US, I share your pain of the healthcare sector. I love the NHS. I hope that reading this awful series has not contributed too much to your condition. Thank you for enduring and bringing this content to us, despite the mind-numbing boredom and horror. There are things that, unfortunately, need to be discussed.
I hope your channel grows and reaches more viewers and opens more minds. I wish you all the best. Seriously, you had me at “beautiful watchers”. Cheers, mate!
@Knock Out Thanks for writing and that's very kind of you to say. Yeah, I've heard similar about how she did it. One of many sad truths about the publishing business: A book can be objectively very well-written, but catching an agent and/or publisher's eye is completely subjective. It's really telling that rather than realise what a POS this book is, publishers just saw £. I have major issues with Twilight because of its horrific messages. I don't have a problem with crappy books and "literary junk food" getting published. God knows I have a few on my shelves, but I don't claim that junk food is good quality. I just wish more folks would be honest about this series; it's the misrepresentation of the content that is so damaging. The deviation from book to film adaptation should have raised some alarms! Naive persons start reading thinking, "hey it's a romance" and up with a warped super low standard. As for middle-aged women having a midlife crisis enjoying this tripe? Wow. They need a better fantasy.
Wow I love your videos, you manage to handle the heavy topics without seeming dismissing real people you wen through it and gave genuine trigger warning with. Fifty Shades is truly terrible and I hate how she romanticizes sexual and emotional abuse and gives such a bad name to Fanfiction and the BDSM community. I've read ff where the BDSM is Safe Sane and consensual and much better written and when abuse does play a rule its mostly framed as abuse .
"No amount of sad backstory can make up for the shit that he has pulled"
_Slaps table_ THANK YOU!
"There's been a murmur" - Detective Taggart's not as brilliant cousin.
I cannot understand people who think Gray is romantic..smh
By the logic of 50 Shades fans horrible things being done are romantic as long as the people doing them are good looking.
I have never clicked on a video so fast
the “.... babe?” “anonymity!” at the end really cracked me up lmao
As someone who likes to read what I call “shit novels”, I could not stand these books. I like that they are cheap and easy to read, and I am a bit of a grammar nut and enjoy picking out mistakes in writing. I have read plenty of wattpad stories that were steaming crap and they were better than this abuse normalizing piece of garbage.
Edit: it also gives the wrong idea towards the BDSM community, which is consensual and pleasurable to both counter parts.
If this guy was overweight, bald, and lived in a trailer park, this would be a horror series, lol.
It already is a horror series