Thank you for your honesty about your disappointment with ministry, thank you for painting a vivid picture of what was happening during Palm Sunday, and thank you for the encouragement. ❤
I was a christian for many years. I would have never thought it was possible to give up my faith. I had too many confirmations. Read my bible and prayed everyday sought gods will on everything...all the things. I became a christian when I was a teenager in a juvenile detention center and was completely changed did a lot of mission work, did bible studies, taught sunday school etc. Had what I thought was the "relationship" and not the religon. I became an RN after following what I believed was gods leading. Eventually I became a crisis after hours home visit hospice nurse and saw many many people die. Some died peacefully some died in crisis and this was irrespective of religious belief. I saw a 4 yo girl deteriorate and die half paralyzed and unable to speak. My religious paradigm was challenged at every turn, and my heart was broken everyday at the lack of concern I saw from god. Eventually I worked so hard to be there for people with what I thought was the lords strength that I eventually broke and ended up on 3 heart medications and antidepressants at 31 yrs old. The whole time I begged for god to reveal himself in these situations. What I saw revealed was the realities of life. I am open , but literally would take a clear act of god for me to believe again. As I gave up my faith and accepted reality I lost 45lbs and got off all medications. This was 6 years ago. I no longer felt the pressure to please a being that always played hide and seek with me. Anyway fast forward to the pandemic I've been an ICU rn for almost 4 years now and worked during covid. The same thing I saw death constantly. Families face timing their loved ones goodbye. I watched so many people deteriorate and die before my eyes. We tried everything we could to save these people. Why would a loving god do this? We can drive ourselves insane trying to figure out the why. I learned over the years that as a christian I tried to insulate myself from pain and the realities of life. I've had experiences where I think theres something afterwards, but it gives me anxiety to even think about following a set of religious beliefs. It's too exhausting to even ponder a relationship with god. Christians act like they got it figured out while at the same time act like they know the exact way to follow. I did the same thing myself. Its insulation from uncertainty. We need human connection first. We dont really have time in our lives to make sure god isnt jealous about our time and relationship to him. It seems like the reality is that people spend a lot of time seeking god and developing a sense of how god operates and then we go out in the real world and are constantly forced to adapt our beliefs and develop a narrative about god leading us to a more abstract concept of himself when things dont work out. These mental gymnastics are extremely exhausting. I get too stressed to look at anything beyond the 5 senses too long. As I've cared less about things outside my control and dont have any unconditional expectations in general but more specifically about god, anxiety has diminished.
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Good word Mel. Thank you!
U are awesome 😎
Thank you for your honesty about your disappointment with ministry, thank you for painting a vivid picture of what was happening during Palm Sunday, and thank you for the encouragement. ❤
Wonderful
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
🙏
Amen thank you ❤️
This really touched me God bless you
Amen
The saying goes if you expect disappointment you never be disappointed
I was a christian for many years. I would have never thought it was possible to give up my faith. I had too many confirmations. Read my bible and prayed everyday sought gods will on everything...all the things. I became a christian when I was a teenager in a juvenile detention center and was completely changed did a lot of mission work, did bible studies, taught sunday school etc. Had what I thought was the "relationship" and not the religon. I became an RN after following what I believed was gods leading. Eventually I became a crisis after hours home visit hospice nurse and saw many many people die. Some died peacefully some died in crisis and this was irrespective of religious belief. I saw a 4 yo girl deteriorate and die half paralyzed and unable to speak. My religious paradigm was challenged at every turn, and my heart was broken everyday at the lack of concern I saw from god. Eventually I worked so hard to be there for people with what I thought was the lords strength that I eventually broke and ended up on 3 heart medications and antidepressants at 31 yrs old. The whole time I begged for god to reveal himself in these situations. What I saw revealed was the realities of life. I am open , but literally would take a clear act of god for me to believe again. As I gave up my faith and accepted reality I lost 45lbs and got off all medications. This was 6 years ago. I no longer felt the pressure to please a being that always played hide and seek with me. Anyway fast forward to the pandemic I've been an ICU rn for almost 4 years now and worked during covid. The same thing I saw death constantly. Families face timing their loved ones goodbye. I watched so many people deteriorate and die before my eyes. We tried everything we could to save these people. Why would a loving god do this? We can drive ourselves insane trying to figure out the why. I learned over the years that as a christian I tried to insulate myself from pain and the realities of life. I've had experiences where I think theres something afterwards, but it gives me anxiety to even think about following a set of religious beliefs. It's too exhausting to even ponder a relationship with god. Christians act like they got it figured out while at the same time act like they know the exact way to follow. I did the same thing myself. Its insulation from uncertainty. We need human connection first. We dont really have time in our lives to make sure god isnt jealous about our time and relationship to him. It seems like the reality is that people spend a lot of time seeking god and developing a sense of how god operates and then we go out in the real world and are constantly forced to adapt our beliefs and develop a narrative about god leading us to a more abstract concept of himself when things dont work out. These mental gymnastics are extremely exhausting. I get too stressed to look at anything beyond the 5 senses too long. As I've cared less about things outside my control and dont have any unconditional expectations in general but more specifically about god, anxiety has diminished.
Did you guys ever had a time when you thought about separation?