“I will love myself when I’m perfect” is so toxic because you will never be perfect. Not only is “total perfection” impossible but also “total love”. To know something is imperfect but to love it still is “true love” because it isn’t so extreme or absolute. This is the love we have for the world and our families, and it’s the only way to love yourself.
When I heard “if this person loves me then there must be something wrong with them” it made me look back at the screen as I was doing something. It really struck me as my exact thoughts that I could never put into words until now of the relationships I get in
I broke down today. Because I remembered how horrible I felt from group therapy all those months back. I hated how, even there I felt invisible... and worse, unlovable. Edit: Therapy helped, but only when I felt secure enough to discuss my issues. In group, everyone seemed to have "better" reasons for what happened. Call it self-centered, but I felt so bitter, that I couldn't get the support those people had immediately after they shared with the group. I felt so angry. I still am. Its weird. Therapy works, but it takes a bit to find a style that fits. Group was not my style my guy.
@@cIoudbankThis kind of statement is very rudely dismissive to those that have been genuinely helped by therapy, and tragically discouraging for those that desperately need therapy. I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience with therapy, and I hope you have found the help you need. Take care.
There is no person that is truly unlovable. I strongly believe that everyone should have some physical thing that they can turn to and enjoy that is healthy for them. I picked up guitar so i could have something lovely in my life that isn’t numbing or depreciative of our potential. Even though i don’t speak with my loved ones often about things i enjoy a lot i can still find a sense of security with them. Breaking down only makes it easier to build yourself back up. The brain is a muscle too. I genuinely hope you strive in the upcoming years of your life
@@davidgavin3732I have never read such a wholesome comment from somebody with a gus fring profile picture. Jokes aside though, thank you for this comment.
Man, your recent posts have really struck a chord with me, I have Borderline Personality disorder, your videos make me feel less lonely. know that somehow, you are helping someone even from across the globe, thank you and please, never stop.
I have the perfect comfort show for you. It's called crazy ex girlfriend, which is a depiction of the main character - a supposed crazy ex girlfriend - who actually isn't "crazy", but has Borderline personality disorder. It's a good portrayal of many themes, it's such a good comfort show. It dismantles the term "crazy". It's my favorite show. It's the best one, and especially if you have BPD, I'd recommend watching it. And I just want to tell you, you are a wonderful person. You are loved. You are amazing and you can be whoever you want to be. You probably already are, but just can't see it. And that's hard. I know. But don't worry too much. Just have a little faith in yourself and work on your problems and let go when there's nothing you can do. And embrace it when you can't let things be. Shit, life can be tough and BPD is rough, but you'll learn to find the love around you and find it in yourself. Life isn't perfect, nor are humans. But we don't have to always be happy or perfect to deserve love or believe in life. We're all deserving of love and capeable of more. And we have a basic value, without needing to be anything to "earn" it. We just have to believe in ourselves and our worth, and we'll access our true power. I wish you the best. I think you'll find what you're looking for. Good luck on your journey. Enjoy all the little things and be proud of how you're trying and your progress, and know you don't have to be perfect and you're doing your best. That's what counts. There is also room to embrace the bad. Sometimes we have to. You deserve love, despite the fact that you may not always see the truth that you are worthy of it. But you are. Trust me. ❤
"I devalue partners that value me". That hits home and it's so painful because you end up rejecting love and connection because you believe that you don't deserve it and that the person is stupid to treat you with respect and genuine love
All of these feelings dissipated for me in high school when my psychology teacher said "people are too absorbed in themselves to care about you the way you do" Which meant a lot of things to me... "hey, yeah..." I thought to myself "this also means that people don't care on my flaws like I do. I can make mistakes. People don't ignore me because they don't care. They're self-conscious. They're going through their own stuff." it made me feel a lot better. That frame of mind stuck with me since, for the better
i never knew a yt comment could change the entire way i once thought about myself, the people around me and the world in general thank you for sharing man
And then it stings so much more when those people choose to tell you which mistakes you made that they didn’t like. Suddenly, they’re partial to it all.
@@bunsenn5064but half the time they’re talking about your “mistake” it’s taking their own anger at the world out on you. Never take advice from angry people, as they lack the strength to stay calm in the moment. much less tell you how to live your life
I used to be in this exact same position. This is something I understand all too well. In short, the symptoms outlined in this video are a description of shame. The sense that for whatever reason we are not enough. However, is anyone born not enough? No, it's something we learn as we go through life, typically early on, maybe on the school playground or at family gatherings. Maybe others experience it later and never have faced and overcome it before, lack the tools equipped to know how to deal with the threat towards their identity of feeling not enough. Ultimately feeling not enough is an illusion created within your mind. It's rooted in comparison to those around us. Do you ever feel not enough to a tree or a lion in the wild? I am not good enough to be loved is a common one. I am not funny enough to crack a joke. Whatever it may be. It's all a symptom of shame. So what's on the otherside of shame? How do we combat this asshole of a voice in our heads? Through cultivating empathy, compassion, gentleness and kindness. And also through reflection and challenging our thoughts. Learn to identify when you're putting yourself down and cut yourself some slack. Acknowledge that you may not be good enough at this thing you just failed yet, but in time you will improve and one day you will make it. Work hard and you'll get better. You owe it to yourself to do something great right? Something you can be proud of. It's your responsibility to give it everything you've got. Sometimes it's hard, that's okay. In those moments we do what we can. In time, we will learn how to do better but for now, we will do our best. There are days that are just a write off. Screw it, and move on. Tomorrow's another day. Another opportunity. Nothing's waiting for us at the end of the day. Yet the world is full of ample opportunity. Why not explore what makes us laugh, what makes us smile? Try something new, even if it scares you. Do it scared. Why not? If it sucks, go to bed and try something else tomorrow. Eventually, you'll find something that sticks. Take your time, you have plenty of it. If not, that's okay too 😊
What a great comment, thank you for posting! I agree with you - trauma based shame and the feeling of not being (good) enough is very often a root cause for a lot of our problems and issues. Sadly, most coping mechanisms just make things worse and lead to self destruction. I really like your positive attitude and encouraging words. Thanks again and all the best to you!❤
Treat yourself as you'd like to treat others. Could you love a flawed person? A deeply flawed person? If you could then that's a solid reason to not demand perfection from yourself. If you couldn't then... I mean I guess by your standards you are unlovable, can't really help you there (then again that would make literally nobody loveable, and there happens to be a lot of love in the world, so I'm sure you can figure that out.).
Damn I watched this and found myself thinking about how I have done/felt the same way. The way we perceive ourselves is so strange because for me it is always dependent on my mood. Ill look in the mirror and either be frustrated that I look ugly or be shocked that I have always looked this good. I always have to remind myself whenever I feel down that it is just a feeling and that it will pass eventually even though you cant skip it.
@cloud934 if feeling down on ourselves is just a passing phase, then is feeling good about ourselves also just a passing phase? When can we find a feeling that is constant?
I don't think it's possible to be constant, I had to accept this fact of life,we can only be able to realize they are just phases and the bad feelings will have light at the end of the tunnel and realize each moment you feel bad accept that it feels like it will never end even though it will
It is too selfish to deem yourself such word as "unlovable". To love is a mixture of choice and feelings. Who are we to determine what other people, willingly or otherwise, feels towards us?
But first we must define unlovable. Is a person unlovable in the since that they are incapable of loving themself, or are they repulsive to those around them? If love is not tangible, how can it be seen as an action?
For the longest time, I kept up this almost.. savior complex-esque act of valuing other people's needs, wants, and emotions over my own, because I truly believed, not only was my suffering comparatively unimportant on some corrupted mathematical level considering there will always be more people than me and, therefore, much more capacity for suffering in others than in me; I also truly believed that I'm an absolute monster that doesn't deserve love or kindness if I don't actively earn it by also giving it to anyone, regardless of if they, themselves, deserve it. It's a mindset I've tried to move past; and, though I can't in honest sincerity say that I love myself, I think some internal part of me knows that, in order to feel like I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I'll need to learn to do so.
I don't know why but this video appears at the time that IS SO SO SO SO RIGHT FOR ME. I've been feeling a great deal amount of self-hatred and I've been learning French too! It's also crazy with the fact u put bits of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin's interview because not only I am a big fan of Gainsbourg, the interview itself talks about how Jane really loves Serge and how Serge sees himself as détestable
The algorithm knows I’ve been telling people about you recently. Happy to be back watching a video. I love the style, the music, the impartiality, the personal relation you build to tell the story. Keep them coming.
It's horrifying how you channel into words my own thoughts, actions & experiences as if you plucked them from my own brain. "This is to protect myself from ever being actually found out," regarding the facade of confidence to mask insecurity, and "this was my answer to the question of how I can be loved: I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." These are sentences I've scrambled, nearly verbatim, to my own friends.
This reminds me of the story "No Longer Human" a prize winning Japanese story, claimed to be the most depressing literature of that country. I read the graphic novel by Junji Ito. It's basically a story about how a young man doesn't know who or what is is suppose to be, this causes the destruction of many lives and show what happens when one fails to define the "self". As someone who has decided to stop looking for a purpose in life and just experience what my life is (partly after hitting this channel), it comes to me there is no right or wrong way to live. We just do, leaning to much into this idea creates a sense of numbness to me, but it is more calming than the cycle of despair and happiness that made my world feel more extreme than it is. Simply be.
Wow I relate to this comment so much, I'm going thru this right now, feeling a lot of internal conflict cuz of self loathing and hating my own imperfections and also the imperfections of others yet still wanting love and connection from others. Also, looking for a deep sense of purpose knowing full well that life is absurd and there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life. Thanks for this comment.
I have always felt like love wasn't even something i could ever have. Kinda like a cookie jar. Out of respect to the person who made the cookies, i never take them. Without realizing that maybe those cookies were made for me, and by not eating them... i actually hurt the one who made them. Sometimes(actually most of the time), i feel like i dont even deserve what i want. That i will never get what i want because im too much mork, that im too broken to ever make anyone else happy when they try to love me, too much of a failure to actually satisfy the partner that might not even come in the first place. I've only ever had one actual lover, and it was sadly forced online due to the pandemic. My partner had some family trouble and had to think back on themself, splitting us up. To have the one thing i wanted ripped away because of something out of control... really doesn't help the idea that im not loveable. On top of that, they wouldn't let me help them when they were in their time of most need, which is another twist of the knife. But that wasn't their fault, and i dont blame them. The only person i blame is me. Sorry for the ted talk and wall of text, but i felt compelled to write my own experience after seeing everyone else's.
I can comprehend what you say. As a teenager who never experienced love but have the constant desire of it, having self-hatred was something normal for me. Worst of all, i have this negative thoughts in a social flow like school or walking pass the park. I have thoughts like i don't deserve love or i'm not even gonna have a chance because of the proofs of it. At the end, i never managed to have a partner, and even if i want to have one, i feel i'm unworthy of satisfying her needs and managing to love her. I don't really now how i managed to feel like this about me, i don't remember exactly how. Maybe my parents told me something that got me marked on, idk. At least i'm not the only one. What you said about the cookie jar resonated so much with me. Like i respect them so much, that i feel like i'm disturbing them, even if they want to talk to me (and you manage to realize it after you know they looked at you constantly, or they were very aware of ur behavior). Oh yeah, and it's not only with relationships at all. I have the same problem with almost everything i want to do. Like i want to do a hobby that i know i enjoy like chess or exercise, yet i don't do it because i think i'm wasting time and i'm not worth of doing it. Maybe i need to be more kind, more empathic, or maybe i don't need to care that much. I don't how you are doing rn, but i hope the best for you. If i had any problem with grammar or sm like that, it's because i speak spanish.
Hey man you are loved. Just know that. We, your philosophical fam is here. I hope you find happiness. Cause by god?! you've helped me thru some hard times bro.
i can't pretend to know you, sisyphus. the person you have gone through life being, your experiences, your childhood, anything really personal like that. but you do mean a lot to me. your channel has given me much to think deeply about and i feel a strange type of kinship with you, as someone jaded at a relatively young age who buries herself deep in thought and seemingly "pretentious" things", simply to understand myself and the world around me. your fears and concerns are eerily similar to my own at times and many of your videos have been extremely close to home. this may not mean much to you for me to say, but i truly hope that you can make sense of these struggles and dark feelings. and i hope that you can look back on this part of your life in the future as something you gained much insight from, as a more stable and happy person. trust me, you are loved. your presence in this world means a lot to people. you may not be perfect but that is ok, no one is. you can improve in any way you need to. you don't need to be perfect to be loved, then no one would be loved. love yourself anyways and believe that at least some others will too. wishing for the best for you. 💙
God. I kinda hate that what you're saying resonates with me so much. I have a lot of self-loathing but hearing that there are other people that also feel like this helps sometimes. Thank you for this video❤
Cause sometimes the only love you got to fall back on, is the love you give to yourself cause love isnt something your entitled to, but its something you can't live without so you got to love yourself, warts and all.
This past week has been a rough one for me. I’ve done a lot of thinking about who I am, what I feel, and why I want to be seen the way I do and, man, this entire video hit the nail on the head. Happy to see I’m not alone. You aren’t either❤️
Bro, I want to be your friend. You prolly won't see this, but that doesn't matter. I don't want clout or attention for saying it. I just feel like I feel a lot of what you feel. I think we could have some really good conversation if you had the time.
This resonates so much with me. A sense of shame and self pity, that fundamentally makes me feel sorry for myself. When I see myself in the mirror I can’t help but wonder why do I have friends at all? Why do people like me? What is it in this stranger in front of the mirror that people find charming? I assume I’ll never know, but thanks to this video, I now know that at least I don’t feel this way alone. Thank you. And for whoever reads this, your existence is beautiful and you are not alone, even when you are.
The first answer to your question is just accept yourself. You may not look good maybe not good with communication and many other things. You have to accept it some things you can change and improve and some things you can't and it's okay once you accept it and just improve things you can improve and just be the best version of yourself you will eventually find people who would love you and even if you don't find one I'm sure you would love that improved version of yourself. I heard this quote by naval ravikant he says, "nobody can beat you at being you." Why be the second best version of someone else rather than being the best version of yourself. Accept how you are and you will see the beauty inside you.
If it wasn't for my current gf I'd still be struggling with this. She is so supportive, understanding, and willing to give me validation when I need it. Every day she shows me through her actions that I am loveable, even when I feel I am at my worst. I hope you find that, man. I decided when I met her to be radically vulnerable. I am always honest and hold nothing from her. It still scares me, but I credit that decision with this relationship. I wish I had something profound to say about how to love oneself, but the truth is, I would be broken and not whole without her love, may anyone struggling with this find a person like her, and may you have the courage to genuinely open yourself to them.
I'm so f+cking happy for you, genuinely. That's really beautiful. I hope that you keep that sense of self as long as you live. It's such a precious experience to be able to truely be yourself. I don't want this to come across like, "I'm depresseder than you," but... I have a relationship just like that. My partner is endlessly supportive, and even loves me through my abuse when yet another medication doesn't sit right with me. I've had brief moments like that. Tiny glimpses past whatever messed up lens I see myself through. Somehow, even love like you've described it isn't enough to shake my morbidly low self-esteem. I'm not even religious, but I've prayed to God for the strength to hold onto that clarity. But mental illness can be insanely persistent, and BPD just keeps on kicking me down & bare-ass farting on my head. It's rough out here
What would happen if she left you? Would those feelings of worthlessness come right back into your life, or has your time with her positively changed your outlook permanently?
@@mkailov13study shows that as long as they're in secure-attachment relationship for at least two years, they'd be okay even if they end up separating. Since their psyche has learnt the 'good' lesson.
I don't think a romantic partner is necessary though it certainly is the "easiest" route (that kind of love and intense feelings in a relationship is just easier to dedicate yourself to). hope is great, it's important, but romantic love really is just hugely based in chance. I think that putting your energy into healing and growing yourself, watering your own garden and being honest with whoever you feel best (close friends, family, strangers, whoever), is the most doable for people in the here and now. trusting and it paying off and learning to let go is key, but it often takes a long time to do it properly and for your gut to be "right". for many people, they trust and are vulnerable without boundaries or standards, or with the wrong boundaries and standards. it's all about balance and learning from failure.
I used to have very much the same feelings you have been experiencing. I would fall into deep depressions for weeks at a time. But all of that changed when i was introduced to the love of Jesus Christ and God his father. When you learn the truth and find out just how much God loves you, everything else seems irrelevant. The world hates me and i dont fit in because i was chosen out of this world and set apart, It is not my home. God loves me so much he sent his only Son by name to die to save my life, and his Son Jesus willingly gave up his life for me and everyone else who calls on his name. "“I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into the pit. Yes, I tell you, fear Him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:4-7)
As much as i can understand the feeling of both liking and hating myself i find it so hard to feel motivated to do anything to prove my myself worthy of love when it feels like the world only validates the idea that i shouldnt be loved and not only that but i dont deserve it
I was sent to a psychiatric hospital not long ago because I fell into a deep depression who made everything special or captivating in life meaningless, I'm a filmmaker and being not able to feel was the strongest nightmare that anyone can be in, the fundamental reason for your existence it's gone and there is nothing you can do about it So I broke down with a lot of stress and debt and tried suicide, now I have meds to cope with this but now everything it's empty, I don't have a route, or a goal now, I'm just living, and now I feel a very big urge to love, I want to love, but not only to love but be loved as crazy as I want to. I want reprocity, I want a bond, I want a compromise But I can't have that even with myself So I must not be loved, I will not be loved, I'm not able to love either. So I sought to not be.
it just came back yesterday but I'm better now. i've been through this, on and off. feeling unloved, worthless, and ugly. Sometimes, I feel that maybe people hate, are irritated, or disgusted of me. But honestly, often, it's just me overthinking. That's why thinking too much is dangerous. Since the more you ponder on that thought, the more it ingrains in you. The thought starts to grow until it overwhelms you. Your mind and body starts to break down in response. Thus, you have to hold yourself together and think that things aren't always set in stone. Think that atleast we recognize and then, we can improve. "i'll be loved when I become the best version of me" is the reason why i try to improve myself. I don't really strive for best but to be better at least. I am a wallflower but I try to be a better one. I try to improve my self and face my fears. When I start to notice my progress, that's when I feel better and accept myself peacefully. maybe it's because i gave myself something, thus, the sense of self-pity is reduced and i feel more grateful for myself for trying.
I read recently found myself craving for female attention in order to validate myself, but then I had a conversation with my ex-wife that fred me from that feeling. She said to me "I am very sorry for what I did to you and know that you didn't lose me I lost you", that made me realize that my craving for the female attention and the constant beating to myself about my image, my psyche and my intelligence, was a desperate attempt to answer the question "why, why she did it, wasn't me enough? wasn't I enough?" To my understanding now, what I have to do is focus on the things I really desire, things that fulfill me and no one else. So I have to just set goals because it doesn't matter, we all die and life is to short not to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. These goals are mine and only mine, like learning a new language, learning how to draw or actually making a million dollars, whatever, we all gonna die, but it would be stupid to waste the opportunity of enjoyment looking acceptance with others.
I’m currently on a journey to undo a lot of damage I have carried with me throughout the years. One of the issues I noticed within myself was this deep self-loathing. I can objectively say I’m an accomplished person with lots of good qualities, yet I never feel them sufficient to justify my very existence. My flaws seem so tremendous to me that anytime they become externally apparent, I have to compensate for them. Ultimately, I think I have at some point internalized that, in order to deserve love (even my own), I must work for it. Needless to say, I saw my experience wonderfully reflected in this video, down to the numbing vices of choice. It feels good to feel seen; it feels less lonely. I hope I am not out of line in putting here this quote I read recently on a Tumblr post (I’m really soaking up all this internet wisdom), but I find it genuinely makes sense and helps in the path towards (self-)compassion. The post read, “to love and be loved is to rest”. Have a wonderful day and I wish you luck (and peacefulness, and joy, and contentment)!
This video felt more like a question than it did an answer. So maybe I can give you my answer: I don't think we need to wait to be our best selves to be loved. I think we need to love ourselves in when we're not at our best... even when we feel like no one else will. I don't know how to do that of course (I've been re-trying religion and it has had mixed results), but I think that if we try to earn love, we'll always be left yearning. I think love should be the default state and hate should be earned. And I think when you love someone or something, you want it to grow. You do not love and tend to a plant, only once it has reached its full size and maturity - you love and care for it the entire time. You are your own plant.
I thought as a teen that you will one day become an adult and not care about the little stupid things anymore but I was hella wrong, you just get old and sad
Relatable. Feel unable to even put myself out there far enough for rejection to be an option due to feeling "if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to spend time with me?"
Look man, I know nothing I can say can really dig deep into your own self esteem journey but I just want to say that your vulnerability in these videos really helps me feel less lonely. I also struggle deeply with existence and the complicated simultaneous nature of my love and disdain towards it and thus also a simultaneous love and disdain towards myself since I am the thing that is existing. It's tough man, but it's even harder when you hear these thoughts ring around your head all alone. Good to know we got brothers out here struggling too. Much love to you.
Since a long time, I can't love myself. I don't see any achievements of mine as something big, because almost anything I try to do, I can, and if not, I just don't care. But without this inner love, I'm feeling bad. The only helping thing is love from the outside-only then can I feel myself alive and good. Sadly, it doesn't matter, because I never had too much luck in relationships, and since I moved to another country, where life is better, I've totally losing this. I haven't been touched for two years straight, I didn't had hugs or anything, I'm inexperienced in such branch even. I don't know how I can find anyone, who will find me not just a good friend as always, but a good partner. I'm tired. I just want to feel loved and give love back, but the universe doesn't care
How can I become the best version of me? I've gone to therapy, have loving people around me, oppose my negative thoughts, pick up hobbies that stick. And still. My heart doesn't want to be here. But my body keeps pushing
Hey sisyphus im saddened for you by some of the videos you’ve posted lately, as ive felt many of these same feelings that you do since the start of my adolescence and continue to. I am so very glad that you are able to put a voice to these feelings though and i can tell u have a great heart. Im rooting for you in spirit whether u continue to make videos or not (though i would love for u to continue to) and want to offer many thanks not for the value i get from your videos, but for being earnest in your desire to bring something positive to peoples lives. You should be proud of yourself
This video sucked. Not because it was poorly made or didn't make sense, but because it literally perfectly explained my current crisis and probably a huge pillar that stands at the center of what I am slowly starting to accept as a constant state of depression, but this time after dismantling my persona, Sisyphus forgot to do that thing where he turns it around with some piece of philosophical knowledge to help me grow past it. Now, I'm just horridly aware of the exact problem that I'm facing without anything to do about it. AND I'm still stuck with an unrequited love that acts as the driving force behind almost all of my self improvement. Why the fuck can't I just get over this damn crush? its been years...
A lot of people are commenting, in an effort to reassure Sisyphus, that he is loved. I think many are missing the point. He probably knows that if he had to answer a multiple choice question which asked: Are you loved by others? Sisyphus could very well indeed pick the right answer with the objective knowledge that he is in fact loved by friends, family and peers. But it’s his own failure to love himself is what causes the rejection of the love given to him by others.
I just went through, this. It's crazy breaking the façade, stopping the escape, learning to love myself is literally my life at this very moment. I hurt someone very close to me because I was afraid that they were about to see the real me that I keep locked away and hidden, so I did something very selfish and stupid to sabotage any chance of that happening. In doing so I broke the illusion, I could no longer live with "myself" the way that I was. Drinking, having sex with strangers, being a cool cocktail bartender at a speakeasy. And began the process of relearning how to love. How to love myself, my friends, family, partners, strangers, everyone and everything. How to stop having that stare off in the mirror and just accept who I am, whoever I am, not just the parts I like, and not just the pieces that I despise. Anyway thanks for the video it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through a similar process. Much love brother
If you strive for authenticity, you will never embody it. The act of doing so is itself a contrived endeavor contrary to the very notion. Authenticity, love; these are things at which you arrive when you accept and abide. When you pull off every cover of abstraction and are forced to reckon with the naked self in a naked world. This is a gradual process, not an instant one.
I think many others might have this as well but for me its definitely rooted in domestic abuse, largely emotional. Specifically by a very emotionally insecure person, someone who lashes out their insecurities at the smallest sign of any perceived insult or attack, even if its just their children being childish, they just have a complete meltdown tantrum and go ape shit. I think many ppl are familiar with narcissists, for me its a parent, but for others they can find them later in life through partners, either cases they can so severely destroy your self-worth, self-confidence, and create this mindset in you where you have all this super negative self-talk wearing you down, how you can’t possible be loveable to anyone, because you can’t do anything right, etc etc. idk im young, 22, so i still have plenty of time, but it doesnt feel that way when u spend like 5 years without any real social life, my dad, whatever issues might’ve come from his own childhood becuz my grandfather survived a concentration camp and got very fucked up by it and was emotionally distant, and my dad and his brothers are all very autistic and very sensitive, so idk combine that with narcissism and insecurity, and you get a nasty concoction of pretty much being on thin ice, walking on eggshells you whole childhood while anything you don’t do perfect you get it hammered home how unloveable you are. I have a lot of general social anxiety, and a lot of these unloveable ideas were further enforced by school where even with moving around every new place had new bullies and assholes show up, so i couldn’t even chalk it up to specific ppl being assholes i just had to conclude as the only consistent factor that it was something wrong with me. When you get these sort of thoughts drilled into you as a kid it seems to stay forever, i mean hell a lot worse might happen to people as adults objectively-speaking and you survive it, but for children it can just be extremely impactful, and you just can’t seem to escape it, especially if no one outside of your family ever seems to prove the idea wrong, when ppl seem to avoid you like the plague you just go down a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still I think that if you are stuck in this sort of rabbit-hole, the idea of proving your self-worth through others is a far too common mistake, I thought that if I made friends I would fix it all, instead I’ve gotten a lot better by just focusing on my personal passions, not that I really love myself yet or even feel confident in myself, but there is so much strength in feeling confident in what you LOVE; your hobbies, the arts, academic subjects, places or nature. I used to love the animal world and nature as a kid, but nowadays I really just spend a lot of time in my interests of history, which im now completing my masters for, as well as love for cinema, and for certain music genres, and certain books I want to read, or creative writing I want to do. Getting away from youtube and social media as much as you can, even if gradual or partly, is a good prerequisite for kind of building up your own world that you’re passionate about, and from which you can get a sense of self.
I mean I'm not unlovable. Just a bit ugly, minor issue. Oh yeah and with the fact there are way more guys than girls means some people just will be alone.
"I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." This quote is stuck with me for a long time, reinforcing a faulted view of myself. What I thought was "perfect" was outside parameters, things that I did not have the power to change, but other people. I felt "perfect" the times that life went smoothly, without anything to interrupt my joy. But what is really "perfect", I believe, is up to the individual. The whole time that I had this view of myself, I never felt loved. Still, if you ask me what the definition of love is, I'll struggle. This video helped me a lot to rethink some things. Like you, for years I struggled with love, loving myself or anybody else, because I focused on every negative thing that I've done or someone else has done. But those negatives are what gives people depth (thanks Karl Jung). From this video I reevaluated two things: my perspective on "perfection" and love. Everybody has done something dirty in the past that doesn't want to talk about. That dirty thing is what is haunting everybody and making them feeling that they can't be loved. Focusing too much on the negatives, so much that we turn inside out, letting ourselves lose control. That's the problem. My defintion of love from now on is that love, as a connection, means that you see the person as a whole, with the negatives and the positives, but not reacting to them, but understanding them. Understanding that you don't need to change them and you can work together for an enjoyable life. Also, my view on perfection changed. Thanks to this video, perfection from now on (for me) is to not stop. Because I struggled a lot with perfectionism and constant comparison with others, perfection now for me means that, every day, every hour, what I am doing is going to contribute some way or another positively to my future. Thanks, sisyphus
I was really struggling to come up with something to comment in here. I know a lot of comments like “we love you” is nice but it kinda has a lost, empty meaning since we all don’t know each other personally. I’m gonna go straight to the point. Your best version of yourself is unrealistic. You will never get there unless you change how you view yourself first. You’re fundamentally flawed and defective, but so is everybody else. So am I. This vision or goal you have for yourself is something you will never reach. Even if you get there, you will still feel like this-like something is wrong with you. I don’t know you personally man. You might be a really successful ceo of some big company, who knows? You have said it yourself that you have a lot of achievements to cover up your “defective” true self. Have you asked yourself what your best version is? I’m curious. From my perspective, your conclusion only points to one thing: for you to be perfect. For you to not be flawed or defective. Which is impossible. I might be wrong, but if I am not I hope you realize this is an insurmountable mountain. I love your videos and a fan of the channel. It feels like a comforting hug from someone who understands what I’m going through. I’m sorry if the tone seemed harsh. I just felt like I know what you’re going through.
3:51 This resonates to me so much because some people just like me. Full stop. That is foreign to me because of my self hate and thankfully it points out that I desperately needs help.
It takes a great deal of self awareness to be this vulnerable to such a wide audience. That vulnerability is a rare gem within society. That vulnerability takes strength. This level of vulnerability is needed for change. To be honest with oneself, is a step towards authenticity. I want to share my perspective on your "schema's" bit of the video: The pattern of s*x and alcohol. The cognitive dissonance. It doesnt stem from your feelings towards yourself (thats a symptom), it stems from the feelings people placed on us to have about ourselfs when we were younger (this is the cause). All patterns have a root, that root is childhood. We all still hold that inner child within us. If that child (you) were standing right in front of you what would you say? Would you say "I love you"? If that child came to you crying what would you do? Do you believe that you're worthy enough for that child? If you wouldn't know how to respond to the child. Why? Follow the trail of why's. Thank you Sisyphus for everything. Its so interesting that despite everything youve done for others. All the videos you've produced that have helped so many. We would never imagine you've felt this way behind the scenes. It shows that were all human. And I want to add, even though I'm pretty self aware myself, even though I know all these practices. Somedays I still feel worthless, incapable, incompetent, stupid, ugly, disgusting and etc. I dont know man :/ - its a hard journey and progress is never linear. Shit hurts man.. I get it. 🖤 Once again thank you.
You should watch a few speedruns from a RUclipsr tomatoanus. He has a funny name but he always slips in a section that goes a bit like this no feeling is final. This panic will pass, I know it. It passed for me, once, twice, more times than I can count (and I’m a good counter). Stress behaves like steam, and you are the boiler; when you’re doing okay mentally, the rivets are secure and the weld joints are stable. But when things get bad around you, things you can’t control, like the world being awful or work being shitty or just having to wait for a good thing that just can’t come soon enough, that steam looks for places to burst out. And if it can’t escape through those things, it’ll find other things to focus on, things you can change. Namely, your relationship. The stress builds up underneath it, and your boiler starts to break apart. It won’t. Remember that this is your body’s way of saying “AHHH EVERYTHING’S AWFUL, DO SOMETHING!!!” and looking for the easiest way to relieve stress. You control your actions, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to when it comes to things like this. It’s hard, excruciatingly so; believe me, I know. But it will be okay. No feeling is final and also love is not a feeling, but a choice.
I’ve often felt this, I will never be loved I know it morose to say but I’ve come to terms with it. I kinda like it. Nobody will ever love because I am not someone worthy of love. It takes a lot of pressure off of everything. And I know it’s toxic but not everything that is toxic is bad. I think I love myself… I hope I do. And I know I will be alone for the rest of my life and I really don’t see anything wrong with that anymore. I will continue to be me for as long as I live regardless of if Love is ever or has ever been an option
I believe not loving yourself is universal. YOU are inside the body & therefore unseen & changeable whilst the body is ever changing & alien to YOU. Thoughts invade the mind to be questioned & analysed, where emotions are felt fleetingly or extremely with or without any real cause. To love another being is tangible in its embrace, is visual in their presence, is acknowledged by the recipient.❤
We're all defective.. That's normal. We just have to make do with what we have. And we need to keep working at getting a better version of yourself in any aspect of life. Also, beware if people who pretend or think they are perfect.
Using my misery as my own validation has become an addiction, getting my heart broken has become such meloncholicly blissfull feeling to me. I hate myself
Cette vidéo m'a bien frappé. Moi, je lutte contre plusieurs choses dans ma vie. J'ai grandi dans une atmosphère très abusive. J'ai atteint quand même du succès à l'uni. J'ai trouvé un très bon métier où j'ai réalisé de bon succès. Puis, j'ai rencontré une femme qui je me suis marrié, qui je pensais que ce serait l'amour de la reste de ma vie. Je suis doué à l'athlétisme - j'ai déjà fait plus de 8000km jusqu'ici en vélo cette année. il y a 4 ans, ma femme m'a quitté pour un autre homme. Et il y a 4 semaines, j'ai appris que j'ai le cancer. J'ai pas de famille, j'ai peu d'amis. Je lutte contre le cancer, mais parfois je me demande pourquoi... Pourquoi ne pas juste laisser le cancer me prendre?
I think more often than not, we tend to over analyse things and situations and sometimes even ourselves. Things do tend to get complicated when one attempts to explain or intellectualise things the best we can.
I found this video after a big but not exactly bad or good thing happened to my life/relationship with my family; I kinda of couldnt hold anymore and shared with my older sister how I felt like a burden to my mother cuz I wasnt expected to be born at all and how I felt like wasting 23 years of my mother's life for nothing. My mother actually noticed that I was talking about something... important and tried to join the conversation but I was so... ashamed for her to see me crying that I covered my eyes and couldnt look her in the face. That day I said to my sister I was going to someday find a job just so I could pay for euthanasia because I was feeling tired of life and me not really liking myself that much also wasnt helping. For the surprise of noone, my sister told my mother about everything, later my mother called me to talk with her... trying to sum it all up, the burning feeling I had about being a burden was actually just me being in denial that someone can somehow love me, I was on a really weird situation where all my fondations of thoughts were broken by a simple "I love you, son", I almost felt like when slavery was abolished but black ppl didnt knew what to do or where to go with this "freedom", Idk what to do but at least now I wanna live to see how things go.
huh, what luck. i’ve been struggling with depression for the last 3 months, and these recent videos, especially this one and the squonk, have really hit home with me, and i’m sure i speak for some of us when i say that. we love you sisyphus, you’ve helped so, SO many people, including me. focus on yourself if need be, and i’m so glad to see you getting not only the recognition you deserve, but also the community and followers you deserve. we love you sisyphus!
It’s kinda crazy cuz I think deep down I truly love myself but I feel like I don’t deserve my own love. So I constantly find all my flaws. And even tho I might truly love myself I’m certain I’m not beautiful which hurts.
It’s that moment when you follow over 1000 creators but the algo knows you’re sAd and recommends the Philosophy god of American male existentialism. Thank you for doing what you do. You’ve contributed to me having a much more fulfilling and honest self reflection during my personal time
I miss when I "felt" unlovable. Now it's an objective realisation based on empirical data. Despite a humiliating amount of sustained effort over many years, no one was interested in loving me. It was easier to deny the feeling when it was a feeling, it's harder when it's just data. Feeling I was unlovable but holding on to hope that I was wrong was much better. Regardless how one "feels," whether you are loved or unloved in any given moment is an observable fact.I am unloved, I have done everything I could think of to try and change that. I've done everything friends, family, and internet strangers suggested to try and change that. It has not changed.
You’re the only person who can say truly say you’re unlovable. Live your life, don’t base yourself on other people. There isn’t data on being a lovable person, we’re not computers, we’re human and we’re fucking complicated. If you think that some people are lovable than what makes you unworthy of it?
Ya know, if your friends, family, and internet strangers bother to suggest you to change that, it means they love you (not romantic love but you know what i mean)
@@Laceration_Gravityyy "Live your life, don’t base yourself on other people." Don't base your hunger on food. "There isn’t data on being a lovable person" Yes, there is, you get out there, be your best self, seek love from others, and if zero people are interested after many hundreds of attempts in different locations over many years, that's data.
I know I am loveable, but still all my life, for a lot of times there is always this underlying sadness behind everything, as if even if I got everything one could get to live a happy life I would still beeing deep breathing around the corners
I lived my life exactly like this until 2020, so that's 20 years of my life. When I received unconditional love form someone, I didn't think I deserve it. Slowly I started to focus on my strengths, improve my ignorant perspective about why I hate myself, I used to hate everything about me. I felt I was a demon. That person who taught me self-love helped me see myself as a human. This video makes me seen and heard and I always thought I was the only one suffering from this. I don't know who is the creator of this video, but you deciding to be vulnerable so openly is helping a lot of us. Thanks.
the rejection of someone loving you for you is so real. will i ever be able to accept genuine love or will i keep falling into this obsession for people who won’t ever truly love me for me?
Damn, I didn't think many others feel like I do when I look in the mirror. I guess that makes at least two of us... I respect the level of quality in your videos. You know your stuff much better than people I know to be way overconfident in what they say. Your videos are, for lack of a better term, good shit.
My experience is a little different. I’ve never devalued someone based on their perception of me, but I’d say I lose track of a person’s value when their attitude shows that they believe they can only be valuable relative to the trivial problem they are trying to solve. But as soon as they remove themselves from the problem, they’ll crack a joke or something and I’ll see straight through them; to the beautiful thoughts and emotions in their head turning again as I realise/remember how terribly short they were selling themselves by defining themselves by some underwhelming problem.
I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve overcome extreme situations, I’ve somehow cheated death more than once. I look in the mirror and I love who I am now, I got sober, I look younger feel great, and look great. I can’t for the life of me find anybody that cares about me and I have no clue what love is. I got involved with bad people at a young age, made some bad choices, ended up doing some time in jail, I’ve almost died in the hospital and jail from withdrawals and overdoses. I’ve been beaten like a dog many times. I’ve overcome that, I let go of the bad people, I got sober, I’m at 18 months. I got a full time job it’s not great but better than nothing. Self love is a good thing, it’s motivated me to do better and I’m proud of myself, the question for me is how long can you love yourself if nobody else ever does? I mean makes it kinda pointless to begin with. I’ve done everything right and I’ve had to do all this alone, no support, I’m more alone than I’ve ever been ironically. After everything I’ve been through it’s hard to even trust people, but yet I’m so desperate for a human connection I do easily trust people. My story is a different one. People change, I made some bad choices but that shouldn’t shape the rest of my life, im 29 years old. Sometimes it feels like I’ve made all this progress just for people to still treat me like a dog and to tell me I’m not good enough. Life is hard, I’ve given up on trying to gain people in my life, I hope and pray I find love from other people but at the end of the day it’s just me. I don’t know why I keep going.
do therapy, do some practical thinking about yourself and what you've experienced in life and the "trauma" and scars you've picked up along the way. philisophy is wonderful and comforting, but it's also not entirely helpful for practical personal growth (i don't literally mean professional therapy necessarily, but some deep thinking and talking out loud would probably be helpful for you) tbf though i don't think many people truly love themselves and trust in life - that's a lifelong journey.
“I will love myself when I’m perfect” is so toxic because you will never be perfect. Not only is “total perfection” impossible but also “total love”.
To know something is imperfect but to love it still is “true love” because it isn’t so extreme or absolute. This is the love we have for the world and our families, and it’s the only way to love yourself.
Thank you, your comment struck a chord with me.
beautiful words, friend.
wow i think you solved my self love problem
Thanks for being so nice about my comment yall. I saw I had a few notifications and it ended up being a ton of positivity!
The Japanese idea of Wabi sabi, is apt.
Do not seek perfection because it does not exist.
I may be paraphrasing but, that is how i understand it.
When I heard “if this person loves me then there must be something wrong with them” it made me look back at the screen as I was doing something. It really struck me as my exact thoughts that I could never put into words until now of the relationships I get in
It helped me realise why I devalue people that like me. It explained truly a lot
Sisyphus videos boutta make us feel something again
😭👉🏻👈🏻 i love him
this made me lmfao.
as if we get on here to not feel anything.... oh wait.
Nah.
Yea too bad yt burried it
Feel something for sure, but no one ever said it was something pleasant
I hope that someday when I’m gone, someone somewhere picks my soul up off of these pages and thinks “I would’ve love her”
I would love you. I also feel unlovable :)
I would love anyone if they loved me back in return
I feel this but I feel the reality is more harsh. No one will love me and would ever be bothered to even try. All I want is for someone to try.
I would have loved myself...
@@GrekeFenrisI feel you man
I broke down today. Because I remembered how horrible I felt from group therapy all those months back. I hated how, even there I felt invisible... and worse, unlovable.
Edit: Therapy helped, but only when I felt secure enough to discuss my issues. In group, everyone seemed to have "better" reasons for what happened. Call it self-centered, but I felt so bitter, that I couldn't get the support those people had immediately after they shared with the group.
I felt so angry. I still am. Its weird.
Therapy works, but it takes a bit to find a style that fits. Group was not my style my guy.
therapy is a scam
I’ve had therapy, thankfuly it helped me lots! Maybe you should change therapist? I would reccomend that at least
@@cIoudbankThis kind of statement is very rudely dismissive to those that have been genuinely helped by therapy, and tragically discouraging for those that desperately need therapy. I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience with therapy, and I hope you have found the help you need. Take care.
There is no person that is truly unlovable. I strongly believe that everyone should have some physical thing that they can turn to and enjoy that is healthy for them. I picked up guitar so i could have something lovely in my life that isn’t numbing or depreciative of our potential. Even though i don’t speak with my loved ones often about things i enjoy a lot i can still find a sense of security with them. Breaking down only makes it easier to build yourself back up. The brain is a muscle too. I genuinely hope you strive in the upcoming years of your life
@@davidgavin3732I have never read such a wholesome comment from somebody with a gus fring profile picture. Jokes aside though, thank you for this comment.
Not being able to say "I love you", even to yourself, is a beautiful potrayal here.
Man, your recent posts have really struck a chord with me, I have Borderline Personality disorder, your videos make me feel less lonely. know that somehow, you are helping someone even from across the globe, thank you and please, never stop.
in the words of a certain sage,
gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang... GANG!
I have the perfect comfort show for you. It's called crazy ex girlfriend, which is a depiction of the main character - a supposed crazy ex girlfriend - who actually isn't "crazy", but has Borderline personality disorder. It's a good portrayal of many themes, it's such a good comfort show. It dismantles the term "crazy". It's my favorite show. It's the best one, and especially if you have BPD, I'd recommend watching it.
And I just want to tell you, you are a wonderful person. You are loved. You are amazing and you can be whoever you want to be. You probably already are, but just can't see it. And that's hard. I know. But don't worry too much. Just have a little faith in yourself and work on your problems and let go when there's nothing you can do. And embrace it when you can't let things be.
Shit, life can be tough and BPD is rough, but you'll learn to find the love around you and find it in yourself. Life isn't perfect, nor are humans. But we don't have to always be happy or perfect to deserve love or believe in life. We're all deserving of love and capeable of more. And we have a basic value, without needing to be anything to "earn" it. We just have to believe in ourselves and our worth, and we'll access our true power. I wish you the best. I think you'll find what you're looking for. Good luck on your journey. Enjoy all the little things and be proud of how you're trying and your progress, and know you don't have to be perfect and you're doing your best. That's what counts. There is also room to embrace the bad. Sometimes we have to.
You deserve love, despite the fact that you may not always see the truth that you are worthy of it. But you are. Trust me. ❤
I also have borderline personality disorder and feel the same exact way. I'm glad that I'm not alone
You have only what you convinced yourself of.
i dont get it @@flambr
"I devalue partners that value me". That hits home and it's so painful because you end up rejecting love and connection because you believe that you don't deserve it and that the person is stupid to treat you with respect and genuine love
All of these feelings dissipated for me in high school when my psychology teacher said "people are too absorbed in themselves to care about you the way you do"
Which meant a lot of things to me... "hey, yeah..." I thought to myself "this also means that people don't care on my flaws like I do. I can make mistakes. People don't ignore me because they don't care. They're self-conscious. They're going through their own stuff." it made me feel a lot better. That frame of mind stuck with me since, for the better
your comment resonated with me, thank you
i never knew a yt comment could change the entire way i once thought about myself, the people around me and the world in general
thank you for sharing man
And then it stings so much more when those people choose to tell you which mistakes you made that they didn’t like. Suddenly, they’re partial to it all.
@@bunsenn5064but half the time they’re talking about your “mistake” it’s taking their own anger at the world out on you. Never take advice from angry people, as they lack the strength to stay calm in the moment. much less tell you how to live your life
Why do they bully and be jealous then?
I used to be in this exact same position. This is something I understand all too well.
In short, the symptoms outlined in this video are a description of shame. The sense that for whatever reason we are not enough. However, is anyone born not enough? No, it's something we learn as we go through life, typically early on, maybe on the school playground or at family gatherings. Maybe others experience it later and never have faced and overcome it before, lack the tools equipped to know how to deal with the threat towards their identity of feeling not enough.
Ultimately feeling not enough is an illusion created within your mind. It's rooted in comparison to those around us. Do you ever feel not enough to a tree or a lion in the wild?
I am not good enough to be loved is a common one. I am not funny enough to crack a joke. Whatever it may be. It's all a symptom of shame.
So what's on the otherside of shame? How do we combat this asshole of a voice in our heads? Through cultivating empathy, compassion, gentleness and kindness. And also through reflection and challenging our thoughts. Learn to identify when you're putting yourself down and cut yourself some slack. Acknowledge that you may not be good enough at this thing you just failed yet, but in time you will improve and one day you will make it. Work hard and you'll get better. You owe it to yourself to do something great right? Something you can be proud of. It's your responsibility to give it everything you've got.
Sometimes it's hard, that's okay. In those moments we do what we can. In time, we will learn how to do better but for now, we will do our best. There are days that are just a write off. Screw it, and move on. Tomorrow's another day. Another opportunity. Nothing's waiting for us at the end of the day. Yet the world is full of ample opportunity. Why not explore what makes us laugh, what makes us smile? Try something new, even if it scares you. Do it scared. Why not? If it sucks, go to bed and try something else tomorrow. Eventually, you'll find something that sticks. Take your time, you have plenty of it. If not, that's okay too 😊
What a great comment, thank you for posting! I agree with you - trauma based shame and the feeling of not being (good) enough is very often a root cause for a lot of our problems and issues. Sadly, most coping mechanisms just make things worse and lead to self destruction.
I really like your positive attitude and encouraging words.
Thanks again and all the best to you!❤
i love you i hope you have an amazing day
this is such a kind, understanding and encouraging little text. im very touched so thanks a ton, have a lovely day!!
ty
thank you ❤
Treat yourself as you'd like to treat others. Could you love a flawed person? A deeply flawed person? If you could then that's a solid reason to not demand perfection from yourself. If you couldn't then... I mean I guess by your standards you are unlovable, can't really help you there (then again that would make literally nobody loveable, and there happens to be a lot of love in the world, so I'm sure you can figure that out.).
This comment hit the hardest to me, thank you
@@legendmaker_1271 :3
This is exactly how I've felt all my life. It's feels odd to hear it articulated so well
Damn I watched this and found myself thinking about how I have done/felt the same way. The way we perceive ourselves is so strange because for me it is always dependent on my mood. Ill look in the mirror and either be frustrated that I look ugly or be shocked that I have always looked this good. I always have to remind myself whenever I feel down that it is just a feeling and that it will pass eventually even though you cant skip it.
@cloud934 if feeling down on ourselves is just a passing phase, then is feeling good about ourselves also just a passing phase? When can we find a feeling that is constant?
and what is that feeling?
I don't think it's possible to be constant, I had to accept this fact of life,we can only be able to realize they are just phases and the bad feelings will have light at the end of the tunnel and realize each moment you feel bad accept that it feels like it will never end even though it will
It is too selfish to deem yourself such word as "unlovable". To love is a mixture of choice and feelings. Who are we to determine what other people, willingly or otherwise, feels towards us?
Damn, nice
Great mental gymnastics. My respect
The way we feel about ourselves is completely valid
But first we must define unlovable. Is a person unlovable in the since that they are incapable of loving themself, or are they repulsive to those around them? If love is not tangible, how can it be seen as an action?
@@bunsenn5064 Unlovable means that he is repulsive to other. Also, fear is tangible too, but most people count it as action
For the longest time, I kept up this almost.. savior complex-esque act of valuing other people's needs, wants, and emotions over my own, because I truly believed, not only was my suffering comparatively unimportant on some corrupted mathematical level considering there will always be more people than me and, therefore, much more capacity for suffering in others than in me; I also truly believed that I'm an absolute monster that doesn't deserve love or kindness if I don't actively earn it by also giving it to anyone, regardless of if they, themselves, deserve it.
It's a mindset I've tried to move past; and, though I can't in honest sincerity say that I love myself, I think some internal part of me knows that, in order to feel like I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I'll need to learn to do so.
Damn this is wildly relatable
I don't know why but this video appears at the time that IS SO SO SO SO RIGHT FOR ME. I've been feeling a great deal amount of self-hatred and I've been learning French too! It's also crazy with the fact u put bits of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin's interview because not only I am a big fan of Gainsbourg, the interview itself talks about how Jane really loves Serge and how Serge sees himself as détestable
The algorithm knows I’ve been telling people about you recently. Happy to be back watching a video. I love the style, the music, the impartiality, the personal relation you build to tell the story. Keep them coming.
It's horrifying how you channel into words my own thoughts, actions & experiences as if you plucked them from my own brain. "This is to protect myself from ever being actually found out," regarding the facade of confidence to mask insecurity, and "this was my answer to the question of how I can be loved: I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." These are sentences I've scrambled, nearly verbatim, to my own friends.
This reminds me of the story "No Longer Human" a prize winning Japanese story, claimed to be the most depressing literature of that country. I read the graphic novel by Junji Ito. It's basically a story about how a young man doesn't know who or what is is suppose to be, this causes the destruction of many lives and show what happens when one fails to define the "self". As someone who has decided to stop looking for a purpose in life and just experience what my life is (partly after hitting this channel), it comes to me there is no right or wrong way to live. We just do, leaning to much into this idea creates a sense of numbness to me, but it is more calming than the cycle of despair and happiness that made my world feel more extreme than it is. Simply be.
Wow I relate to this comment so much, I'm going thru this right now, feeling a lot of internal conflict cuz of self loathing and hating my own imperfections and also the imperfections of others yet still wanting love and connection from others. Also, looking for a deep sense of purpose knowing full well that life is absurd and there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life. Thanks for this comment.
honestly i just watched the wendigoon vid on it, idk if i should still get it.
an amazing novel indeed, the setting sun is also by dazai and it has a very similar vibe, definitely recommend
@@bayouq Does it come in graphic novel form lol
@@Nosh5 although it does not goodnight punpun is a manga with a very similar vibe to both
I have always felt like love wasn't even something i could ever have. Kinda like a cookie jar. Out of respect to the person who made the cookies, i never take them. Without realizing that maybe those cookies were made for me, and by not eating them... i actually hurt the one who made them.
Sometimes(actually most of the time), i feel like i dont even deserve what i want. That i will never get what i want because im too much mork, that im too broken to ever make anyone else happy when they try to love me, too much of a failure to actually satisfy the partner that might not even come in the first place.
I've only ever had one actual lover, and it was sadly forced online due to the pandemic. My partner had some family trouble and had to think back on themself, splitting us up. To have the one thing i wanted ripped away because of something out of control... really doesn't help the idea that im not loveable. On top of that, they wouldn't let me help them when they were in their time of most need, which is another twist of the knife. But that wasn't their fault, and i dont blame them. The only person i blame is me.
Sorry for the ted talk and wall of text, but i felt compelled to write my own experience after seeing everyone else's.
I can comprehend what you say. As a teenager who never experienced love but have the constant desire of it, having self-hatred was something normal for me. Worst of all, i have this negative thoughts in a social flow like school or walking pass the park. I have thoughts like i don't deserve love or i'm not even gonna have a chance because of the proofs of it. At the end, i never managed to have a partner, and even if i want to have one, i feel i'm unworthy of satisfying her needs and managing to love her. I don't really now how i managed to feel like this about me, i don't remember exactly how. Maybe my parents told me something that got me marked on, idk. At least i'm not the only one. What you said about the cookie jar resonated so much with me. Like i respect them so much, that i feel like i'm disturbing them, even if they want to talk to me (and you manage to realize it after you know they looked at you constantly, or they were very aware of ur behavior).
Oh yeah, and it's not only with relationships at all. I have the same problem with almost everything i want to do. Like i want to do a hobby that i know i enjoy like chess or exercise, yet i don't do it because i think i'm wasting time and i'm not worth of doing it.
Maybe i need to be more kind, more empathic, or maybe i don't need to care that much. I don't how you are doing rn, but i hope the best for you. If i had any problem with grammar or sm like that, it's because i speak spanish.
Hey man you are loved. Just know that. We, your philosophical fam is here. I hope you find happiness. Cause by god?! you've helped me thru some hard times bro.
Philosophical fam is nice
Is it love?
i can't pretend to know you, sisyphus. the person you have gone through life being, your experiences, your childhood, anything really personal like that. but you do mean a lot to me. your channel has given me much to think deeply about and i feel a strange type of kinship with you, as someone jaded at a relatively young age who buries herself deep in thought and seemingly "pretentious" things", simply to understand myself and the world around me. your fears and concerns are eerily similar to my own at times and many of your videos have been extremely close to home. this may not mean much to you for me to say, but i truly hope that you can make sense of these struggles and dark feelings. and i hope that you can look back on this part of your life in the future as something you gained much insight from, as a more stable and happy person. trust me, you are loved. your presence in this world means a lot to people. you may not be perfect but that is ok, no one is. you can improve in any way you need to. you don't need to be perfect to be loved, then no one would be loved. love yourself anyways and believe that at least some others will too. wishing for the best for you. 💙
God. I kinda hate that what you're saying resonates with me so much. I have a lot of self-loathing but hearing that there are other people that also feel like this helps sometimes. Thank you for this video❤
Cause sometimes the only love you got to fall back on, is the love you give to yourself cause love isnt something your entitled to, but its something you can't live without so you got to love yourself, warts and all.
This past week has been a rough one for me. I’ve done a lot of thinking about who I am, what I feel, and why I want to be seen the way I do and, man, this entire video hit the nail on the head. Happy to see I’m not alone. You aren’t either❤️
The pressure to maintain the facade is so real. I cannot sustain, currently crashing out. Good luck to all you soldiers out there
Bro i really appreciate the content you make, thanks cuz sometimes I don’t feel human.
Bro, I want to be your friend. You prolly won't see this, but that doesn't matter. I don't want clout or attention for saying it. I just feel like I feel a lot of what you feel. I think we could have some really good conversation if you had the time.
Your videos have helped me get through the worst breakup of my life and see things in a brighter - more honest - manner. Thank you Sisyphus.
I cant imagine the stories you can tell and create after an intense paychedelic trip
Lol omg I'm sure it'd be some neat stuff 😅
This resonates so much with me. A sense of shame and self pity, that fundamentally makes me feel sorry for myself. When I see myself in the mirror I can’t help but wonder why do I have friends at all? Why do people like me? What is it in this stranger in front of the mirror that people find charming? I assume I’ll never know, but thanks to this video, I now know that at least I don’t feel this way alone. Thank you. And for whoever reads this, your existence is beautiful and you are not alone, even when you are.
why am I not alone even when I am
The first answer to your question is just accept yourself. You may not look good maybe not good with communication and many other things. You have to accept it some things you can change and improve and some things you can't and it's okay once you accept it and just improve things you can improve and just be the best version of yourself you will eventually find people who would love you and even if you don't find one I'm sure you would love that improved version of yourself. I heard this quote by naval ravikant he says, "nobody can beat you at being you." Why be the second best version of someone else rather than being the best version of yourself. Accept how you are and you will see the beauty inside you.
If it wasn't for my current gf I'd still be struggling with this. She is so supportive, understanding, and willing to give me validation when I need it. Every day she shows me through her actions that I am loveable, even when I feel I am at my worst. I hope you find that, man. I decided when I met her to be radically vulnerable. I am always honest and hold nothing from her. It still scares me, but I credit that decision with this relationship.
I wish I had something profound to say about how to love oneself, but the truth is, I would be broken and not whole without her love, may anyone struggling with this find a person like her, and may you have the courage to genuinely open yourself to them.
I'm so f+cking happy for you, genuinely. That's really beautiful. I hope that you keep that sense of self as long as you live. It's such a precious experience to be able to truely be yourself.
I don't want this to come across like, "I'm depresseder than you," but... I have a relationship just like that. My partner is endlessly supportive, and even loves me through my abuse when yet another medication doesn't sit right with me. I've had brief moments like that. Tiny glimpses past whatever messed up lens I see myself through. Somehow, even love like you've described it isn't enough to shake my morbidly low self-esteem. I'm not even religious, but I've prayed to God for the strength to hold onto that clarity. But mental illness can be insanely persistent, and BPD just keeps on kicking me down & bare-ass farting on my head. It's rough out here
What would happen if she left you? Would those feelings of worthlessness come right back into your life, or has your time with her positively changed your outlook permanently?
@@mkailov13study shows that as long as they're in secure-attachment relationship for at least two years, they'd be okay even if they end up separating. Since their psyche has learnt the 'good' lesson.
I don't think a romantic partner is necessary though it certainly is the "easiest" route (that kind of love and intense feelings in a relationship is just easier to dedicate yourself to). hope is great, it's important, but romantic love really is just hugely based in chance. I think that putting your energy into healing and growing yourself, watering your own garden and being honest with whoever you feel best (close friends, family, strangers, whoever), is the most doable for people in the here and now. trusting and it paying off and learning to let go is key, but it often takes a long time to do it properly and for your gut to be "right". for many people, they trust and are vulnerable without boundaries or standards, or with the wrong boundaries and standards. it's all about balance and learning from failure.
I used to have very much the same feelings you have been experiencing. I would fall into deep depressions for weeks at a time. But all of that changed when i was introduced to the love of Jesus Christ and God his father. When you learn the truth and find out just how much God loves you, everything else seems irrelevant. The world hates me and i dont fit in because i was chosen out of this world and set apart, It is not my home. God loves me so much he sent his only Son by name to die to save my life, and his Son Jesus willingly gave up his life for me and everyone else who calls on his name.
"“I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into the pit. Yes, I tell you, fear Him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:4-7)
As much as i can understand the feeling of both liking and hating myself i find it so hard to feel motivated to do anything to prove my myself worthy of love when it feels like the world only validates the idea that i shouldnt be loved and not only that but i dont deserve it
I was sent to a psychiatric hospital not long ago because I fell into a deep depression who made everything special or captivating in life meaningless, I'm a filmmaker and being not able to feel was the strongest nightmare that anyone can be in, the fundamental reason for your existence it's gone and there is nothing you can do about it
So I broke down with a lot of stress and debt and tried suicide, now I have meds to cope with this but now everything it's empty, I don't have a route, or a goal now, I'm just living, and now I feel a very big urge to love, I want to love, but not only to love but be loved as crazy as I want to.
I want reprocity, I want a bond, I want a compromise
But I can't have that even with myself
So I must not be loved, I will not be loved, I'm not able to love either.
So I sought to not be.
it just came back yesterday but I'm better now. i've been through this, on and off. feeling unloved, worthless, and ugly. Sometimes, I feel that maybe people hate, are irritated, or disgusted of me. But honestly, often, it's just me overthinking. That's why thinking too much is dangerous. Since the more you ponder on that thought, the more it ingrains in you. The thought starts to grow until it overwhelms you. Your mind and body starts to break down in response. Thus, you have to hold yourself together and think that things aren't always set in stone. Think that atleast we recognize and then, we can improve.
"i'll be loved when I become the best version of me" is the reason why i try to improve myself. I don't really strive for best but to be better at least. I am a wallflower but I try to be a better one. I try to improve my self and face my fears. When I start to notice my progress, that's when I feel better and accept myself peacefully. maybe it's because i gave myself something, thus, the sense of self-pity is reduced and i feel more grateful for myself for trying.
I read recently found myself craving for female attention in order to validate myself, but then I had a conversation with my ex-wife that fred me from that feeling. She said to me "I am very sorry for what I did to you and know that you didn't lose me I lost you", that made me realize that my craving for the female attention and the constant beating to myself about my image, my psyche and my intelligence, was a desperate attempt to answer the question "why, why she did it, wasn't me enough? wasn't I enough?" To my understanding now, what I have to do is focus on the things I really desire, things that fulfill me and no one else. So I have to just set goals because it doesn't matter, we all die and life is to short not to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. These goals are mine and only mine, like learning a new language, learning how to draw or actually making a million dollars, whatever, we all gonna die, but it would be stupid to waste the opportunity of enjoyment looking acceptance with others.
I just wanna say thanks for the videos you make.
I love how well spoken videos like this are. I feel like I gain a greater understanding of myself from this
Besides all your maquinations, i hope you enjoyed your stay in Argentina
Ok but is it always wrong to feel this way. It does work after all.
I’m currently on a journey to undo a lot of damage I have carried with me throughout the years. One of the issues I noticed within myself was this deep self-loathing. I can objectively say I’m an accomplished person with lots of good qualities, yet I never feel them sufficient to justify my very existence. My flaws seem so tremendous to me that anytime they become externally apparent, I have to compensate for them. Ultimately, I think I have at some point internalized that, in order to deserve love (even my own), I must work for it. Needless to say, I saw my experience wonderfully reflected in this video, down to the numbing vices of choice. It feels good to feel seen; it feels less lonely. I hope I am not out of line in putting here this quote I read recently on a Tumblr post (I’m really soaking up all this internet wisdom), but I find it genuinely makes sense and helps in the path towards (self-)compassion. The post read, “to love and be loved is to rest”.
Have a wonderful day and I wish you luck (and peacefulness, and joy, and contentment)!
This video felt more like a question than it did an answer. So maybe I can give you my answer:
I don't think we need to wait to be our best selves to be loved. I think we need to love ourselves in when we're not at our best... even when we feel like no one else will. I don't know how to do that of course (I've been re-trying religion and it has had mixed results), but I think that if we try to earn love, we'll always be left yearning. I think love should be the default state and hate should be earned. And I think when you love someone or something, you want it to grow. You do not love and tend to a plant, only once it has reached its full size and maturity - you love and care for it the entire time. You are your own plant.
I thought as a teen that you will one day become an adult and not care about the little stupid things anymore but I was hella wrong, you just get old and sad
truee, im 21 and feel sad over i don't feel loved
Relatable. Feel unable to even put myself out there far enough for rejection to be an option due to feeling "if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to spend time with me?"
Look man, I know nothing I can say can really dig deep into your own self esteem journey but I just want to say that your vulnerability in these videos really helps me feel less lonely. I also struggle deeply with existence and the complicated simultaneous nature of my love and disdain towards it and thus also a simultaneous love and disdain towards myself since I am the thing that is existing. It's tough man, but it's even harder when you hear these thoughts ring around your head all alone. Good to know we got brothers out here struggling too. Much love to you.
Since a long time, I can't love myself. I don't see any achievements of mine as something big, because almost anything I try to do, I can, and if not, I just don't care. But without this inner love, I'm feeling bad. The only helping thing is love from the outside-only then can I feel myself alive and good. Sadly, it doesn't matter, because I never had too much luck in relationships, and since I moved to another country, where life is better, I've totally losing this. I haven't been touched for two years straight, I didn't had hugs or anything, I'm inexperienced in such branch even. I don't know how I can find anyone, who will find me not just a good friend as always, but a good partner. I'm tired. I just want to feel loved and give love back, but the universe doesn't care
How can I become the best version of me? I've gone to therapy, have loving people around me, oppose my negative thoughts, pick up hobbies that stick. And still. My heart doesn't want to be here. But my body keeps pushing
Hey sisyphus im saddened for you by some of the videos you’ve posted lately, as ive felt many of these same feelings that you do since the start of my adolescence and continue to. I am so very glad that you are able to put a voice to these feelings though and i can tell u have a great heart. Im rooting for you in spirit whether u continue to make videos or not (though i would love for u to continue to) and want to offer many thanks not for the value i get from your videos, but for being earnest in your desire to bring something positive to peoples lives. You should be proud of yourself
This video sucked. Not because it was poorly made or didn't make sense, but because it literally perfectly explained my current crisis and probably a huge pillar that stands at the center of what I am slowly starting to accept as a constant state of depression, but this time after dismantling my persona, Sisyphus forgot to do that thing where he turns it around with some piece of philosophical knowledge to help me grow past it. Now, I'm just horridly aware of the exact problem that I'm facing without anything to do about it. AND I'm still stuck with an unrequited love that acts as the driving force behind almost all of my self improvement. Why the fuck can't I just get over this damn crush? its been years...
A lot of people are commenting, in an effort to reassure Sisyphus, that he is loved. I think many are missing the point. He probably knows that if he had to answer a multiple choice question which asked: Are you loved by others? Sisyphus could very well indeed pick the right answer with the objective knowledge that he is in fact loved by friends, family and peers. But it’s his own failure to love himself is what causes the rejection of the love given to him by others.
I just went through, this. It's crazy breaking the façade, stopping the escape, learning to love myself is literally my life at this very moment. I hurt someone very close to me because I was afraid that they were about to see the real me that I keep locked away and hidden, so I did something very selfish and stupid to sabotage any chance of that happening. In doing so I broke the illusion, I could no longer live with "myself" the way that I was. Drinking, having sex with strangers, being a cool cocktail bartender at a speakeasy. And began the process of relearning how to love. How to love myself, my friends, family, partners, strangers, everyone and everything. How to stop having that stare off in the mirror and just accept who I am, whoever I am, not just the parts I like, and not just the pieces that I despise. Anyway thanks for the video it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through a similar process. Much love brother
If you strive for authenticity, you will never embody it. The act of doing so is itself a contrived endeavor contrary to the very notion.
Authenticity, love; these are things at which you arrive when you accept and abide. When you pull off every cover of abstraction and are forced to reckon with the naked self in a naked world. This is a gradual process, not an instant one.
I think many others might have this as well but for me its definitely rooted in domestic abuse, largely emotional. Specifically by a very emotionally insecure person, someone who lashes out their insecurities at the smallest sign of any perceived insult or attack, even if its just their children being childish, they just have a complete meltdown tantrum and go ape shit. I think many ppl are familiar with narcissists, for me its a parent, but for others they can find them later in life through partners, either cases they can so severely destroy your self-worth, self-confidence, and create this mindset in you where you have all this super negative self-talk wearing you down, how you can’t possible be loveable to anyone, because you can’t do anything right, etc etc. idk im young, 22, so i still have plenty of time, but it doesnt feel that way when u spend like 5 years without any real social life, my dad, whatever issues might’ve come from his own childhood becuz my grandfather survived a concentration camp and got very fucked up by it and was emotionally distant, and my dad and his brothers are all very autistic and very sensitive, so idk combine that with narcissism and insecurity, and you get a nasty concoction of pretty much being on thin ice, walking on eggshells you whole childhood while anything you don’t do perfect you get it hammered home how unloveable you are. I have a lot of general social anxiety, and a lot of these unloveable ideas were further enforced by school where even with moving around every new place had new bullies and assholes show up, so i couldn’t even chalk it up to specific ppl being assholes i just had to conclude as the only consistent factor that it was something wrong with me.
When you get these sort of thoughts drilled into you as a kid it seems to stay forever, i mean hell a lot worse might happen to people as adults objectively-speaking and you survive it, but for children it can just be extremely impactful, and you just can’t seem to escape it, especially if no one outside of your family ever seems to prove the idea wrong, when ppl seem to avoid you like the plague you just go down a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still I think that if you are stuck in this sort of rabbit-hole, the idea of proving your self-worth through others is a far too common mistake, I thought that if I made friends I would fix it all, instead I’ve gotten a lot better by just focusing on my personal passions, not that I really love myself yet or even feel confident in myself, but there is so much strength in feeling confident in what you LOVE; your hobbies, the arts, academic subjects, places or nature. I used to love the animal world and nature as a kid, but nowadays I really just spend a lot of time in my interests of history, which im now completing my masters for, as well as love for cinema, and for certain music genres, and certain books I want to read, or creative writing I want to do. Getting away from youtube and social media as much as you can, even if gradual or partly, is a good prerequisite for kind of building up your own world that you’re passionate about, and from which you can get a sense of self.
I mean I'm not unlovable. Just a bit ugly, minor issue.
Oh yeah and with the fact there are way more guys than girls means some people just will be alone.
The takes of buenos aires strike me as really odd, i walk by those streets everyday. It's weird for it to appear in a random english video essay
"I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." This quote is stuck with me for a long time, reinforcing a faulted view of myself. What I thought was "perfect" was outside parameters, things that I did not have the power to change, but other people. I felt "perfect" the times that life went smoothly, without anything to interrupt my joy. But what is really "perfect", I believe, is up to the individual. The whole time that I had this view of myself, I never felt loved. Still, if you ask me what the definition of love is, I'll struggle. This video helped me a lot to rethink some things. Like you, for years I struggled with love, loving myself or anybody else, because I focused on every negative thing that I've done or someone else has done. But those negatives are what gives people depth (thanks Karl Jung).
From this video I reevaluated two things: my perspective on "perfection" and love.
Everybody has done something dirty in the past that doesn't want to talk about. That dirty thing is what is haunting everybody and making them feeling that they can't be loved. Focusing too much on the negatives, so much that we turn inside out, letting ourselves lose control. That's the problem. My defintion of love from now on is that love, as a connection, means that you see the person as a whole, with the negatives and the positives, but not reacting to them, but understanding them. Understanding that you don't need to change them and you can work together for an enjoyable life.
Also, my view on perfection changed. Thanks to this video, perfection from now on (for me) is to not stop. Because I struggled a lot with perfectionism and constant comparison with others, perfection now for me means that, every day, every hour, what I am doing is going to contribute some way or another positively to my future.
Thanks, sisyphus
In the next life, I hope the entire Sisyfam is in the same neighborhood.
I was really struggling to come up with something to comment in here. I know a lot of comments like “we love you” is nice but it kinda has a lost, empty meaning since we all don’t know each other personally.
I’m gonna go straight to the point. Your best version of yourself is unrealistic. You will never get there unless you change how you view yourself first. You’re fundamentally flawed and defective, but so is everybody else. So am I. This vision or goal you have for yourself is something you will never reach. Even if you get there, you will still feel like this-like something is wrong with you.
I don’t know you personally man. You might be a really successful ceo of some big company, who knows? You have said it yourself that you have a lot of achievements to cover up your “defective” true self. Have you asked yourself what your best version is? I’m curious. From my perspective, your conclusion only points to one thing: for you to be perfect. For you to not be flawed or defective. Which is impossible. I might be wrong, but if I am not I hope you realize this is an insurmountable mountain.
I love your videos and a fan of the channel. It feels like a comforting hug from someone who understands what I’m going through. I’m sorry if the tone seemed harsh. I just felt like I know what you’re going through.
3:51 This resonates to me so much because some people just like me. Full stop. That is foreign to me because of my self hate and thankfully it points out that I desperately needs help.
if you have not you should read “no longer human” it is kind of like what you are describing
It takes a great deal of self awareness to be this vulnerable to such a wide audience.
That vulnerability is a rare gem within society. That vulnerability takes strength.
This level of vulnerability is needed for change. To be honest with oneself, is a step towards authenticity.
I want to share my perspective on your "schema's" bit of the video: The pattern of s*x and alcohol. The cognitive dissonance. It doesnt stem from your feelings towards yourself (thats a symptom), it stems from the feelings people placed on us to have about ourselfs when we were younger (this is the cause).
All patterns have a root, that root is childhood. We all still hold that inner child within us. If that child (you) were standing right in front of you what would you say? Would you say "I love you"? If that child came to you crying what would you do? Do you believe that you're worthy enough for that child?
If you wouldn't know how to respond to the child. Why?
Follow the trail of why's.
Thank you Sisyphus for everything. Its so interesting that despite everything youve done for others. All the videos you've produced that have helped so many. We would never imagine you've felt this way behind the scenes. It shows that were all human.
And I want to add, even though I'm pretty self aware myself, even though I know all these practices. Somedays I still feel worthless, incapable, incompetent, stupid, ugly, disgusting and etc. I dont know man :/ - its a hard journey and progress is never linear. Shit hurts man.. I get it. 🖤
Once again thank you.
was just crying over my loneliness and i open youtube and here this video go 😢
Unfortunately as a black male, I have the unpleasant experience of being more feared, vs loved. Idk I’m starting to lose it man
Hang in there brother, I promise it gets better
You should watch a few speedruns from a RUclipsr tomatoanus. He has a funny name but he always slips in a section that goes a bit like this
no feeling is final. This panic will pass, I know it. It passed for me, once, twice, more times than I can count (and I’m a good counter). Stress behaves like steam, and you are the boiler; when you’re doing okay mentally, the rivets are secure and the weld joints are stable. But when things get bad around you, things you can’t control, like the world being awful or work being shitty or just having to wait for a good thing that just can’t come soon enough, that steam looks for places to burst out. And if it can’t escape through those things, it’ll find other things to focus on, things you can change. Namely, your relationship. The stress builds up underneath it, and your boiler starts to break apart. It won’t.
Remember that this is your body’s way of saying “AHHH EVERYTHING’S AWFUL, DO SOMETHING!!!” and looking for the easiest way to relieve stress. You control your actions, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to when it comes to things like this. It’s hard, excruciatingly so; believe me, I know. But it will be okay. No feeling is final and also love is not a feeling, but a choice.
I’ve often felt this, I will never be loved I know it morose to say but I’ve come to terms with it. I kinda like it. Nobody will ever love because I am not someone worthy of love. It takes a lot of pressure off of everything. And I know it’s toxic but not everything that is toxic is bad. I think I love myself… I hope I do. And I know I will be alone for the rest of my life and I really don’t see anything wrong with that anymore. I will continue to be me for as long as I live regardless of if Love is ever or has ever been an option
I believe not loving yourself is universal. YOU are inside the body & therefore unseen & changeable whilst the body is ever changing & alien to YOU. Thoughts invade the mind to be questioned & analysed, where emotions are felt fleetingly or extremely with or without any real cause. To love another being is tangible in its embrace, is visual in their presence, is acknowledged by the recipient.❤
We're all defective.. That's normal. We just have to make do with what we have. And we need to keep working at getting a better version of yourself in any aspect of life. Also, beware if people who pretend or think they are perfect.
Man, I absolutely despise the human condition
Name of the song of the intro?
Using my misery as my own validation has become an addiction, getting my heart broken has become such meloncholicly blissfull feeling to me. I hate myself
Buenos Aires is very pretty
Cette vidéo m'a bien frappé. Moi, je lutte contre plusieurs choses dans ma vie. J'ai grandi dans une atmosphère très abusive. J'ai atteint quand même du succès à l'uni. J'ai trouvé un très bon métier où j'ai réalisé de bon succès. Puis, j'ai rencontré une femme qui je me suis marrié, qui je pensais que ce serait l'amour de la reste de ma vie. Je suis doué à l'athlétisme - j'ai déjà fait plus de 8000km jusqu'ici en vélo cette année. il y a 4 ans, ma femme m'a quitté pour un autre homme. Et il y a 4 semaines, j'ai appris que j'ai le cancer. J'ai pas de famille, j'ai peu d'amis. Je lutte contre le cancer, mais parfois je me demande pourquoi... Pourquoi ne pas juste laisser le cancer me prendre?
I think more often than not, we tend to over analyse things and situations and sometimes even ourselves. Things do tend to get complicated when one attempts to explain or intellectualise things the best we can.
I found this video after a big but not exactly bad or good thing happened to my life/relationship with my family; I kinda of couldnt hold anymore and shared with my older sister how I felt like a burden to my mother cuz I wasnt expected to be born at all and how I felt like wasting 23 years of my mother's life for nothing.
My mother actually noticed that I was talking about something... important and tried to join the conversation but I was so... ashamed for her to see me crying that I covered my eyes and couldnt look her in the face. That day I said to my sister I was going to someday find a job just so I could pay for euthanasia because I was feeling tired of life and me not really liking myself that much also wasnt helping.
For the surprise of noone, my sister told my mother about everything, later my mother called me to talk with her...
trying to sum it all up, the burning feeling I had about being a burden was actually just me being in denial that someone can somehow love me, I was on a really weird situation where all my fondations of thoughts were broken by a simple "I love you, son", I almost felt like when slavery was abolished but black ppl didnt knew what to do or where to go with this "freedom", Idk what to do but at least now I wanna live to see how things go.
Wish you everything good in life !
@@Kiwiknecht thank you, the same for ya too
huh, what luck. i’ve been struggling with depression for the last 3 months, and these recent videos, especially this one and the squonk, have really hit home with me, and i’m sure i speak for some of us when i say that. we love you sisyphus, you’ve helped so, SO many people, including me. focus on yourself if need be, and i’m so glad to see you getting not only the recognition you deserve, but also the community and followers you deserve. we love you sisyphus!
"if they knew who i really was, they'd reject me" really felt targeted
It’s kinda crazy cuz I think deep down I truly love myself but I feel like I don’t deserve my own love. So I constantly find all my flaws. And even tho I might truly love myself I’m certain I’m not beautiful which hurts.
Same 😢❤
It’s that moment when you follow over 1000 creators but the algo knows you’re sAd and recommends the Philosophy god of American male existentialism.
Thank you for doing what you do. You’ve contributed to me having a much more fulfilling and honest self reflection during my personal time
I miss when I "felt" unlovable. Now it's an objective realisation based on empirical data. Despite a humiliating amount of sustained effort over many years, no one was interested in loving me. It was easier to deny the feeling when it was a feeling, it's harder when it's just data. Feeling I was unlovable but holding on to hope that I was wrong was much better. Regardless how one "feels," whether you are loved or unloved in any given moment is an observable fact.I am unloved, I have done everything I could think of to try and change that. I've done everything friends, family, and internet strangers suggested to try and change that. It has not changed.
You’re the only person who can say truly say you’re unlovable. Live your life, don’t base yourself on other people. There isn’t data on being a lovable person, we’re not computers, we’re human and we’re fucking complicated. If you think that some people are lovable than what makes you unworthy of it?
Ya know, if your friends, family, and internet strangers bother to suggest you to change that, it means they love you (not romantic love but you know what i mean)
@@Laceration_Gravityyy "Live your life, don’t base yourself on other people." Don't base your hunger on food.
"There isn’t data on being a lovable person" Yes, there is, you get out there, be your best self, seek love from others, and if zero people are interested after many hundreds of attempts in different locations over many years, that's data.
@@letsreadtextbook1687 That's not love, getting suggestions from people is easy. People love giving advice to strangers.
What do you do when you feel this?
This is the root belief ingrained by our parents. The people that didn't love themeselves and by extention didn' really love us.
I can't die at this point or any point of my life
I know I am loveable, but still all my life, for a lot of times there is always this underlying sadness behind everything, as if even if I got everything one could get to live a happy life I would still beeing deep breathing around the corners
impeccable timing sisyphus
I lived my life exactly like this until 2020, so that's 20 years of my life. When I received unconditional love form someone, I didn't think I deserve it. Slowly I started to focus on my strengths, improve my ignorant perspective about why I hate myself, I used to hate everything about me. I felt I was a demon. That person who taught me self-love helped me see myself as a human.
This video makes me seen and heard and I always thought I was the only one suffering from this.
I don't know who is the creator of this video, but you deciding to be vulnerable so openly is helping a lot of us. Thanks.
u kno its gonna be a good sisyphus video when theres a viewer discretion warning
the rejection of someone loving you for you is so real. will i ever be able to accept genuine love or will i keep falling into this obsession for people who won’t ever truly love me for me?
Same here
Damn, I didn't think many others feel like I do when I look in the mirror. I guess that makes at least two of us...
I respect the level of quality in your videos. You know your stuff much better than people I know to be way overconfident in what they say.
Your videos are, for lack of a better term, good shit.
It's always "yOu'Re NoT aLoNe!1!1!" until you're genuinely an unovable monster
Yknow the vids going to be awesome when viewer discretion pops up
My experience is a little different. I’ve never devalued someone based on their perception of me, but I’d say I lose track of a person’s value when their attitude shows that they believe they can only be valuable relative to the trivial problem they are trying to solve. But as soon as they remove themselves from the problem, they’ll crack a joke or something and I’ll see straight through them; to the beautiful thoughts and emotions in their head turning again as I realise/remember how terribly short they were selling themselves by defining themselves by some underwhelming problem.
Why did this pop a content warning 🤣
Always at the right time
I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve overcome extreme situations, I’ve somehow cheated death more than once. I look in the mirror and I love who I am now, I got sober, I look younger feel great, and look great. I can’t for the life of me find anybody that cares about me and I have no clue what love is. I got involved with bad people at a young age, made some bad choices, ended up doing some time in jail, I’ve almost died in the hospital and jail from withdrawals and overdoses. I’ve been beaten like a dog many times. I’ve overcome that, I let go of the bad people, I got sober, I’m at 18 months. I got a full time job it’s not great but better than nothing. Self love is a good thing, it’s motivated me to do better and I’m proud of myself, the question for me is how long can you love yourself if nobody else ever does? I mean makes it kinda pointless to begin with. I’ve done everything right and I’ve had to do all this alone, no support, I’m more alone than I’ve ever been ironically. After everything I’ve been through it’s hard to even trust people, but yet I’m so desperate for a human connection I do easily trust people. My story is a different one. People change, I made some bad choices but that shouldn’t shape the rest of my life, im 29 years old. Sometimes it feels like I’ve made all this progress just for people to still treat me like a dog and to tell me I’m not good enough. Life is hard, I’ve given up on trying to gain people in my life, I hope and pray I find love from other people but at the end of the day it’s just me. I don’t know why I keep going.
My parents never have, none of my partners have, even I don’t love myself.
Hang in there my guy. I’m in the same boat. There’s got to be a way
do therapy, do some practical thinking about yourself and what you've experienced in life and the "trauma" and scars you've picked up along the way. philisophy is wonderful and comforting, but it's also not entirely helpful for practical personal growth
(i don't literally mean professional therapy necessarily, but some deep thinking and talking out loud would probably be helpful for you)
tbf though i don't think many people truly love themselves and trust in life - that's a lifelong journey.
So that's it I'll never be loved