Jeff Dunham - Marriage is like Alcatraz
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- Опубликовано: 20 дек 2015
- #JeffDunham & his pal #Walter banter about #marriage , #nosepicking and what it means to make love.
Jeff Dunham stand up from the Just For Laughs Festival in 1996
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Приколы
I think we can all agree its amazing how Jeff makes all the puppets feel actually living, and not just a puppet he controls
“The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead” is such a great quote.
Agreed. I can’t wait to find an opportunity to use it!
@@jaredargento1511 Just look at our system that we are living in... it's literally wheel turning but hamster is dead. 😂
His comedy never gets old.
Just like Rodney!
Walter hasn't changed in 20 years!
He's been 76 for 20+ years!
He's gotten taller.
And he's been married for one year less in twenty...
Evan Kapusta -- Likewise... (I don't know which year it was but) his head became larger so that audiences could see his facial expressions more easily.
Only one thing has. He went from WWII vet to Vietnam Vet.
Most amazing thing about this guy is how many different voices he can do. I think that alone is an art no one else has.
Check out Terry Fator.
Rich Little was very talented with different voices. Although he isn't a ventriloquist.
Ventriloquism in itself is a unique art.
Not true
Jeff is the Mel Blanc of ventriloquism. (Mel Blanc was called "the man of 1000 voices" who did the Warner Brothers cartoon voices of Bugs Bunny, etc.).
Robin Williams😊
I'm in my 60's, I've seen some of the best. But Jeff Duhham, and all his characters have made me laugh for years. He has got through many a dark hour!
Did you ever see rodney dangerfeild
@@starwarzfan71
Rodney was wonderful !! 🤗
With that sweater Walter looks like a pissed off Mr. Rodgers.
Hell naw this comment is freaking hilarious.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
😆😆
Walter: It’s rotten day in my neighborhood
Deuueagghh
There’s this one douchebag walks his dog and the mutt always craps on my lawn, and the whole time my wife is like AwwwWWW Isn’t He CUTE
I’m like oh you think he’s cute why don’t you go marry him!
He’d hump your leg to orgasm
Then do it doggystyle
What I wouldn’t give to put a muzzle on my wife when she starts nagging
Mr. Rogers was awesome!
In 1996 he was funny. Now in 2020, he is absolutely hysterical😂😂😂😂😂
Great
He was even funny back in the mid 80's Jeff was on the Super Dave Osborn show once or twice.
I think it was 2006 when I saw him, watching him on my smart phone is so hilarious!
@@XXLSSBBW I feel ya!
Well, it’s 2023 now and Jeff is still incredible today.
Cousin passed away peacefully in his sleep...unlike his passengers!!! Sooo funny!!!
Walter is hysterical..
There are many good and talented ventriloquist but few people can make you convinced you into believing that there is more than one person on the stage. Jeff Dunham is one of those few people.
Absolutely. I'll take Jeff-fa-fa anytime over British Ventriloquist Nina Conti! The whole range of characters is fantastic too!!!
What's even funny is when the puppets break the illusion. Or a mistake happens and he just improvises.
+Mathew Godfrey, or using the puppets to take the piss out of himself.... Still, Jeff is sooooo much better than Nina Conti!!
True
name one dat tops Jeff Dunham
"Walter" has an excellent face and movement😊
Jeff: you know your wife can be gone for good one day
Walter: Stop teasing me!
😂😂😂😂
4:40 Jeff pretends to not see the people standing up and only "notices them" after Walter starts helckling them. Its the little details that make this guy a living legend
A friend of mine got me hooked on Jeff Dunham, he truly is a talented comedian/ventriloquist 😄
They are not standing up, they where late.
Detail like when walter leans forward and looks around thats my favorite gesture
And you are the one who noticed that 😶😳
@@mikestock969 o
Jeff: have you ever cheated on your wife?
Walter: Hell no.... DAMN IT!!!
Jeff Dunham, the only comedian that actually laughs at his own jokes.
Like Red Skelton
@@mikeholland3986 Yes. Red is no longer with us.
Adds to the illusion
"Oh look, that guy's wife just poked 'im!" Hahaha
It’s tough to make me actually laugh out loud but this sure did it. After two months of pandemic restrictions I really needed it. Thank you, Jeff & Walter.
He is amazing... Hello. Lisa.
I always find it amazing how Jeff can be surprised at his puppets responses ,,,, he’s a great performer
He puts a tiny bit of his "soul" into his puppets!👏🏻👍🏻💚😘
Theres somthing very ominous about the way you said that
That is how chucky was created lol
Omg they are his horcruxes! Jeff Dunham plans to live forever!!!
Karen Williams, so did Voldemort but, you don't see people laughing at him!
Hello. Karen Williams
This is one of my favorite Jeff Dunham/Walter segments, but recently I watched a "A little ugly Jeff" segment where he operates four puppets/voices simultaneously. Nothing short of Amazing!!!
That was amazing
This dude is fucking awesome!
I know right?!😂😂😂
My wife and I have been married for 36 years. When people ask me what's the secret to staying married so long I always tell them "A $2 million life insurance policy and a dream"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
...I liquidated mine - good equity.
......Then I liquidated the marriage.
I would’ve said Tupperware, Walter will explain why
😱😱😱
"Bonjour...Whatever the hell that means" 😂😂😂
Subject Delta I died XD
😁😁😁😁😁😁😐😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😊😊😊😊🤗🤗🤗🤗
As someone who took French in middle school and high school, I happen to know that that word means “Hello.”
@@jaredargento1511 can't tell if you regret or not
DELSIN y man? I don’t regret taking French, but by now, I’ve forgotten most of what I learned in that language.
Marriage is NOT like Alcatraz. When you get out of Alcatraz, they give you back everything you had when you went in.
Lololol
😆😆
😂😂🤣😂
reply...what did you take to Alcatraz?
@@investstrategist You get back what you had with you when you go in. Clothes, everything on you.
Outstanding performance; he makes his puppets truly come alive. He's a geneous... REMARKABLE!
I like how walter is wearing a mic
IAVAIN I just noticed lol
I didn't even notice that until you said it.
"Budweiser is considered a soda" Dude, I live in Scandinavia. The WATER here is stronger then Budweiser
Too funny mehn😂😂😂
It also taste like water just been passed by the management!!!
Moon Moon as an american, budweiser sucks. As does Coors Light.
Well on behalf of the American people, I apologize for our poor beer, which somehow is considered passable as a drink...
Really?
1.5% is laughable.
Come back when it is 5% more.
I keep thinking his puppets are alive
wiisalute -- It is exactly like there 2, 3 (or more) persons up there on stage at once. Isn't it? -- Just feel for his wife... She never knows which man /character she will wake up to the next morning! :-D
You mean they are not?
@Lindón Moneda Piss poor Ventriloquist
Suspended disbelief
chivalryalive just wait until she wakes up to chucky
Same old Walter, even back then. Here's my favorite joke. Jeff:Marriage is an institution.
Walter: So is Alcatraz.
Jeff: You can't compare marriage to prison.
Walter: You're right. The warden doesn't max out your credit cards.
What that means ! I didnt get it! :D
means you cant compare marriage to being in prison ..reason the warden at a prison cant go max out all your credit cards but your wife can ..that's why you cant compare the two
Sad Muaz it's like the saying goes that love is for the blind and marriage is a institution for the blind
@@moha4917 You'll get it once you married
Johnny Bravo I am maried and I understand „prisson“ but not „waeden doesnt max ohr ur credit cards“
Jeff certainly improved over the years. Walter's voice is less twangy & more gruff these days. Still, Mr Dunham is a comedic genius!
Marriage may not last forever, but alimony certainly seems to.......😮😱
Its so sad that im laughing
J Smith yup.....1/2 way thru, only 9 more years. 😑🤬
@@kevinchappell3694 l feel for you mean, l really do. Stay strong, brother.
Alimony shouldn't exist. If you are divorced, that means you are no longer responsible for the former spouse in any kind of way, especially financially. It's like being single again. If you are still financially responsible for the other person, you are not really divorced. If the spouse can't survive and take care of themselves financially in the lifestyle they became accustomed to while you were married, well then that's tough-titty! DEAL WITH IT! Life is about taking care of your own damn self. Your parents stop financially supporting you at age 18 when you become an adult, so as an adult you need to take responsibility for yourself. Don't depend on anybody else to support you, especially a romantic partner you don't want to be with any longer. Same thing with child support. Only the parent who makes enough money to support the kids gets custody. If its shared custody, they are responsible for them only during the time the children stays with them. The ONLY REASON why a poor mother (it's always a poor single mother) should get custody is because the children are not safe with the father because of ABUSE. But in this case, he must go to prison, and thus all financial savings of the household go to the wife. Very few women today are stay at home wives, and it's not the 19th century any more. Women can get a high education and have good paying jobs now. If both parents were poor, why make the one who doesn't get the kids have to suffer? He has his own finances to take care of. They wanted to split up. They didn't think about the kids' welfare. If love and family are important, you need to do everything in your power to make the relationship work. If you can't, then the kids aren't safe with either parent. How many dads lose the right to see their kids, not because he was abusive, but because the mom hates the guy so much she withdraws her consent for him to see the kids. So he has to pay for them, but he's not legally allowed to see them, and they are not legally his children any more. (This happened to a friend of mine.) Therefore, he isn't responsible to pay for their needs. Thats like if a neighbor needs to pay for kids that aren't his own, but he becomes responsible for them because he is just a friend to the widow with 3 kids next door. Tough. If you get the kids after a divorce, you are fully financially responsible for them, ON YOUR OWN. If the other parent is out of the picture, treat them as if they were really dead, instead of just wishing that the spouse was dead. You get absolutely nothing after a divorce from your former spouse. The marriage is OVER. You aren't entitled to anything of theirs. This needs to be the law. It would certainly stop a lot of gold diggers who marry rich guys they don't even love, then divorce, just to get his money. No, I've never been married, but I don't expect ANYBODY to take care of me besides myself.
3 years, 4 months to go here...when someone asks me if I have any kids, I say no, except the one I married. Alimony is child like support payments... Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence... Divorce is expensive because it's worth it.
Walter is so so funny he has an answer for every thing. Hillarious😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😆
"learn to hover"... lol
what does that mean ?
Walter doesnt put the toillet seat down, after a piss, making his wife mad. So, he says to her "learn to hover", as in, "piss and crap like a helo..."
Helder Martins LOL.. that was too high for my English knowledge.
I love ur profile pic from iron maiden
problem is that once she learns to hover she will basically zurn into a hover tank (if you get the joke).
I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF JEFF AND FRIENDS!!!
Mr Dunham is a amazing fella !
So amazing 😍😍😍😍... Hello. Gregorita.
Walter's my favorite character that Jeff Dunham has... Who didn't have a grumpy old man in their neighborhood were they grew up, or maybe even the one you live in now
Me, my grandma just hits on me, 😂
Or maybe one is watching this
Jeff:"what tattoo would you have got?
Walter:"A beautiful woman's face."
Jeff:"where would you have put it?"
Walter:on my wife's face."
Jeff:"What do you think about when making love?"
Walter:"staying awake." These killed me😂
He is great. I love his acts
The puppets are amazing.
"I like to go like my uncle did, peaceful and in his sleep, unlike the passengers in his car"
The best ventriloquist Ever
He is incredible .... well ... funny ... and the video you can watch over and over again forever. because he is an incredible artist.
Wonderful piece of stand up comedy ! From an era that people were funny without been mean or insulting anybody personally
I think Walter is mean and insulting to everybody.... That is why we love him.
Stoopid metoo movement. This is rough but reality.
@@abrahamray3389 That used to be the definition of comedy. Comedians now choose one side (usually anyone Right of center) to humiliate and demean. They aren't funny.
@@knitwit7082 that's why Jeff Dunham is funny, he makes fun of everyone, because we all do things worthy of humiliation, even himself!
Jeff Dunham is fantastic the way he makes it impossible to even think the dolls are not...dolls.
Jeff: You and your wife have been married for 46 years?
Walter: That's right.
Jeff: Do you remember the happiest day of your life?
Walter: Yeah, 47 years ago!
🤣 I Love Jeff’s shows, Walter is hilarious
O Walter pensou que eu estaria . pegando o By do Jeff's o Walter pensou errado . quem pode pegar e Trump Biden. Estes e que temos que ficar atento eles são o nosso alvo.#
yeah , that joke about dying in your sleep in your car and everyone else going crazy , happened to my uncle and my cousin , she survived but needed month's of surgery to repair all of the damage done to her . yet , that joke is still just great , i still love it !!!!
“The wheels turning but the hamsters dead” my favorite quote I use a lot
I wish he would introduce Walter's wife.
Yes, and the family!!
My drives license expires why not my marriage license: al Bundy on Married with Children
2:35 that little understanding nod that Jeff did there was a great body language cue to make the audience really helps people forget that Walter's a puppet being operated by Jeff; its fucking brilliant and hilarious
I was watching this while my parents were arguing, helped me smile a bit.
I would love to be with Walter for 1 week,listening to Walter makes me laugh so much
Joey Bolzau • My husband would like to spend a week with Jose Jalapeño...on a steeek. He just loves him.
When is Jeff going to make Walters wife I would love to see a puppet of her
did he ever do 2 at once....
Ventriloquists puppets, that is.
achmed has
a son ?
I been in a coma.
well he did do the one with peanut, mini jeff, jose and the worm all at once
Yes. His name is Aj.
Quinton McHale he's done 3 at once
good stuff..puppet reminds me of frank from everyone loves raymond..
HOLY CRAP
Yup
3:50 love how he cracks up at his own joke 😂
Adds to the illusion
Jeff never does wrong. Cheers 🥂 to Jeff 👍🏼
Nothing better then the classic my only question is I've never heard of him in the 90s and now he's a super star keep it up Jeff
300 million sperm, that's the one that got through.
Christ.
Savage
JimTheGunner95 damn
Jim,. You're confused... that's the mirror you're looking at. Don't say that about yourself.
5:03
Great comedian super funny Walter keeps life jokes real
I watch this bloke everyday. He makes my day and it's like Walter and Co are real.
'A Two Time winner of Ventriloquist of the Year" because there's no competition. Lol.
Ventriloquists fascinate me, but Jeff Dunham amazes me. I simply cannot grasp how he can do this.
I used to hate people like Walter until I became him!🤪😭😁
Oh dear, same like me!
@@hans2406 yeah. I think it's a bug going around.
One of the best ventriloquists since Paul Winchell
i think Jeff really likes sharing this side of his personality
Always a good laugh! Love Jeff Dunham & his puppets! Great talent & quick on the come backs! 🤣🤣🤣
I thoroughly enjoyed this programme..k
This is Jeff Dunham's BEST performance.!
No way. Man this is brainwashed. All it is is using comedy as a means to program people into believing all this sick shit about wives and women that is cruel, sexist, and horrific. It gives long term marriage a bad name, insults women.The fact that people are applauding these derogatory remarks against women and marriage shows how sick society is. Just because its supposed to be "funny" doesn't cut it, because humor is often the honey that is mixed with the poison to indoctrinate and program people into being desensitized to it, approving it, and not taking it seriously, because people SHOULD be appalled by this.
What a load of feminist dribble.
@@Midnight_Lantern bet your fun at parties.
@@Midnight_Lantern you need to get the lump of coal of your ass before it becomes a diamond.
@@Midnight_Lantern boohoo
I wish jeff would make a new program around walter 😊
I love Jeff he makes me laugh! I see that Walter changes his clothes. Thanks 😊
hehe his older stuff is hilarious he pulled no punches with walter
Walter is my absolute favorite!!!
I'm amused by the sparse applause and how many people had no clue who Walter was, so they laughed when they first saw him. That was a LONG time ago.
Damn Walter hasn't aged a bit. Plus Jeff Dunham is my all-time favorite comedian.
Very funny! I love cranky Walter and you are so good Jeff
This old Walter stand up is funnier than the newer ones! Omfg dead!
jeff, your the best. i laugh so hard i cry keep up the good work
"'Cause my ass is too hard to reach!" LOLOLOL
Man I just Love this guy. He's the greatest
One of my top ten favorite comedians of all time.
3 words: Great Classic Comedy
I have never heard a Just For Laughs audience laugh at a comedian this much.
I sent this DVD to my 80something mother and she lost it. They had to pause twice so she could catch her breath.
I could watch and listen everyday.
Walter is my favorite. Lol
This is priceless!! I'm still laughing,and I'm at a wake!
It’s so funny looking at these old performances and seeing that he is still using some of his old acts
Walter’s voice is so much deeper in this video XD
He’s given Walter a better voice over time as this one sounded too young.
Joe Biden looks more like Walter every day.
Darla Willey Lol 😂😂😂😂
Walter looks better though lol!😂
Walter definitly looks smarter.
Nahh, definitely looks like trump with that scowl he wears on his puss everyday.
Darla Willey don’t insult Walter.
I love him and he’s even reused his own jokes still funny thiught
Though
I love this guy he is the best!!!
Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it!
Depending on who the asshole you be divorcin' 😂 💯
This is a fantastic funny and hilarious Jeff Dunham video with Walter in it
YOU ARE A LEGEND
His comedy aged like fine wine
My favorite line “I don’t need beer to act like an ass”
just watched Jeff when he did college campus, and he was just if not more insane as he is today and I laugh my head off with all his partners.
Walter looks EXACTLY like my grandfather.. Same type attitude too.. And he always agrees with Walter!! 😋😋😋
WALTER IS MEEEEEEE LMAOOO
This is the most entertaining 7 plus minutes in history! It will never get old cause it applies to every relationship out there
Jeff, "Do Bald Men Make Better Lover's?"
Walter, "I don't know, I never made love to a Bald man before, what the hell's is wrong with you!!?"
"Stop looking at me like that sir" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@CT-55555 🤣😅🤣😅
Walter is SO DADGUM FUNNY!!!!