Love Is Blind S2 #4 - (Shayne & Natalie Fight) - Therapist Reaction
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Love Is Blind, Season 2 (Netflix). Includes clips from Love is Blind, Season 2.
Therapist reaction to reality television.
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He had that entire fight within himself lol She literally said nothing and he was already like, I’m out. I can’t take this anymore. He played out the entire scenario in his own head and didn’t even include her in it lol That is a serious issue that he needs to take a look at. Like….uhhhhh how did he come to that entire conclusion without taking into consideration anything she said? So bizarre
He did it bc he wanted to immediately become the victim in the situation bc he knew he screwed up.
I am sure he has ADHD be cause my boyfriend has this , in the moment i saw Shane i knew it , shane and my boyfriend are exactly the same is crazy, they cant control their emotions like the rest of us , they are children when they are angry
@@vanessaceron2401 ADHD definitely causes issues with emotional dysregulation but it's not the only thing that can cause that. This may be how Shane always is or it could be a lowered ability to regulate his emotions due to grieving his father. Who knows. But on behalf of people with ADHD, no, we are not like children when we're angry. I become very quiet and need space to process when I'm angry. I know many people with ADHD and we all express it differently. Some repress all their anger entirely. How we express our anger comes more from how were raised than having ADHD. I'm sure you didn't mean any unkindness, but to say that having ADHD makes people act like children is very hurtful stigma to be perpetuating. If your boyfriend is blaming him "becoming a child" when angry on his ADHD, he needs to look deeper. He can't put that all on his ADHD.
@@whatcolorjunebug Of course u are right , ADHD can come in difrent levels i think depends how the parents treat this when they were children , the mother of my boyfriend didnt manage this good with him , he got a lot of rejection when he was a child be cause he drived crazy everyone , ADHD is a open window to other disadors , sorry for my bad english , i think my boyfriend and also shayne can have some kind of borderline or being bipolar, their moods can change so fast with the most little thing and so many other things if i make a list will be very long .
Her saying nothing when he was asking her questions is called stonewalling which is definitely a narcissistic trait.
What really bothered me was how he started bullying her about her feelings. She didn't even seem that bothered at first, just confused. His tantrum seemed to come from his own desire not to feel guilty about his behavior.
Totally!
💯
He was pre-justifying a reaction before even letting her finish. It was very much a monologue where he took himself on several emotional journeys. Very weird.
Yep 100%
Yeah, this is a good way of putting it. He seems to want a parent figure more than a partner
I think the part that hurt her the most was when he guessed Shayna he then said, “that’s who I was hoping for.” That would cut deep. And then he asks what she’s wearing and then it clicks how flirty he is with Shayna.
Absolutely
I was looking for this comment. This is exactly what would have hurt me the most!
Yes! It was easy to miss that comment and think it was about the flirting. I feel like Dr Kirk missed hearing that part.
That’s exactly what I would have zeroed in on. You were hoping for someone else. That sucks.
Honestly I think it was edited like that I don’t think it really happened
Even his body language is like a child. Throwing the arms exasperated, just interesting to observe.
Actions speak louder than words. Extremely immature
"IT'S NOT FAAIIRRRR!!!!!!"
@@saraquips He has ADHA i knew it when i saw him be cause my boyfriend has the same , the cant control their emotions like the rest of us , they are children , shane is exactly the same like my boyfriend is crazy
@@vanessaceron2401 whats ADHA?
@@a1ntcry1noveru my english is not so good is better you google it , but in general are person they are hiperactive , have problems to concentrate , they cant control their emotions like the rest of us , they are like children they didnt grow up like us
Shayne said "self-awareness" is what he is looking for. Maybe he meant "taking care of my feelings" because he seems to posses barely any of it. This is why dating sucks; people say wonderful things but in action we're so different as people. Especially when you have unhealed traumas, living life through their lenses (aka. communicating via strong defense mechanisms) dating gets way more difficult & hurtful.
if i speak in IFS - internal family systems terms, shayne may have polarized managers trying to 'manage' the pain/exiles from coming up. he may feel 'useless, stupid, rejected' deep down and to accommodate that he may have an overly cheerful, 'go easy' guy, people pleasing part that is dominating while relating to others etc...
and when triggered, that manager may change with another one (because that one clearly have failed), perhaps a 'mean' one to protect the one from feeling that pain again. "i am not going to feel that, you feel that" type of projection... because parts will do anything to prevent the system from feeling the exile's pain again.
what is the solution? to access those managers with their permission, heal the 'exiles' they're trying to protect via witnessing so that "self" energy can be more present aka people can have a more regulated nervous system and remain rational and emotionally available in stressful moments. so that you can respond, rather than reacting
i love IFS! it is so validating, accessing the limbic system is so important for healing from (attachment) trauma. only using 'cbt' techniques can be more damaging to the extreme parts because they've been pushed/punished/unheard for so long and they're stuck in those roles, they didn't even have a choice. to give them a choice, comes with them feeling understood and heard first...
as much as shayne being an a-ss in this scenario, he clearly feels horrible about himself and fighting with himself internally. problem is, when that fight translates into how he treat others. hence the trauma cycle...
I also feel that dating sucks. It's when people are least themselves because they want to create an impression. It's fortunate when people naturally get to know one another and then happen to develop a relationship, as they get to experience one another in a different way first.
I bet one of his exes accused him of not having any and now he's using it because it sounds good.
People always want the qualities they don't possess.
Exactly. I've heard the "Self awareness" thing from manipulative men a lot before and generally what they actually mean is "Willing to take responsibility for everything regardless of who's at fault"
This is the moment Natalie should have pulled back from Shane. His temperament is very immature when having a adult conversation. Eeekkkksss ... I REALLY appreciate Dr. Hondas reaction. It's so validating because I've had these type of interactions with man children. The interactions are very confusing and make women feel like they are crazy instead of balanced and intelligent.
So immature omgg!! Reminds me of a toddler having tantrums
Yeah he was definitely gaslighting Natalie and Shauna
He reactions were so good and respectful and he kept uncovering more and more the type of person he is.
Exactly!
Completely taken a back on what she sees in him. She’s way out of is league.
You're hurt by something, communicate it politely and somehow you're the one ending up being yelled at, blamed and rejected.This seems familiar and sad to me :(
My face when Dr. Kirk says that Natalie “dodged a bullet”:
🥴🥴🥴
😆
😅
Should. Should we tell him?
Same! It’s why I came to the comments 🤣. I remember watching the episode saying “run!” but alas 😬
😂I hope he still doesn't read the comments.
Don't forget - he also said "that's who I was hoping for" thinking he was talking to Shaina. It's not just that he asked "what are you wearing over there?" suggesting sexually-charged conversations with someone else. That statement tells Natalie he PREFERRED talking to Shaina.
I agree 100%. I think that’s what really upset her, rightfully so.
Yes I was about to comment this!
Came to say the same thing.
"Oh, it's Shayna...that's who I was hoping for."
A minute later...
"Natalie, you're my number 1."
Uh...you just said she isn't.
@@lindseysims2349 Agree. It must've made her really recalibrate things. She did a really great job expressing why it was upsetting to her and he was so dismissive
@@carr0760 Exactly. It would be hard to trust anything he said after that point.
He really gave me the creeps in that moment, how suddenly he flipped out and attacked her rather than sympathizing or apologizing. All she did was being quiet for a moment after getting her feelings hurt.
I think she handled this so well. There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to explore other connections, but his inability to apologize for hurting her feelings is scary. I’m really nervous for this relationship, I just don’t want to see her get hurt. 😕
Yeah maybe I’m reading too much into this couple but when he flipped. I was thinking it was a yellow or even red flag considering how he didn’t appear to be there for her in the moment. I bet Dr. Honda will dole out a handful of yikes out to this guy.
On another note, I feel like relationships going up in flames is going to have a new meme “but you’re on the cover of my book with a heart for Christsake!”
I feel he is gaslighting all the time. Je can do nothing wrong and tries to flip the Situation his way. And it's working in some cases... really interested in everything else Dr. Honda has to say about what is happening between the three.
I really hope she leaves him or they somehow break up. The way he flipped the situation is *exactly* what my ex abuser would do, even after doing genuinely terrible things to me. Imo it's a huge red flag.
@@103bribri totally! Hahaha yeah that’s definitely going to be a meme 😂
@@maggiedk completely agree. He’s definitely showing red flags for sure! I guess we will see what happens 😬
I think she’s more grabbing onto the “that’s who I was hoping for” comment. My wife picked up on that immediately when we watched this episode
But agree on that she handled that situation perfectly and he was just backpedaling off a cliff
More than anything I think that’s what bothered her.
Yes, I was coming to the comments to say this.
It's interesting to me, how some people seem to have an easy time 'staying in character', but once something doesn't go as planned they completly leave their role and kinda show their "true self".
I think when the chips are down, you see what people have been hiding about themselves
Uhh this is so true
It's so fascinating and sometimes eerie to see, especially for differentiated people who have done the work and/or gone to therapy. I feel I notice the marks pretty much on the spot. It's a good guide + being secure in myself.
if i speak in internal family systems terms, they are polarized managers trying to 'manage' the pain/exiles from coming up. he may feel 'useless, stupid, rejected' deep down in relationships and to accommodate that he may have an overly cheerful, 'go easy' guy, people pleasing part that is dominating while relating to others etc...
and when triggered, that manager may change with another one (because that one clearly have failed), perhaps a 'mean' one to protect the one from feeling that pain again. "i am not going to feel that, you feel that" type of projection... because parts will do anything to prevent the system from feeling the exile's pain again.
what is the solution? to access those managers with their permission, heal the 'exiles' they're trying to protect via witnessing so that "self" energy can be more present aka to have a more regulated nervous system and remain rational and emotionally available in stressful moments. so that you can respond, rather than reacting.
When they show you who they are, believe them. Maya
He’s so defensive and the lack of empathy is a huge red flag🚩🚩🚩i love your reactions and analysis to love is blind dr Kirk!! Thank you!!😊👏👏
The red flags I didn't see in my narcissistic ex. She should run. Those people ruin lives 🙃
Yep, same with my narcissist ex. Run!!
@@Zanie234 y'all don't have narcissistic exes, you just don't like them 💀
@@epileptictrees5213 I wish. If you are a narc and you want to stick up for your kin, fine. But don't invalide my experiences of psychological, sexual and emotional abuse. He was always miserable, he would complain about his emptiness. I know he is a narc, he will never feel joy. His happiness is short lived cause all his relationships end the same way because he can't take accountability. So I don't dislike him. I pity him. He is even disliked by majority people in his home country because he has rubbed alot of people the wrong way. He is the problem.
It's scary how defensive he acts when he's ashamed and feels guilty; with him trying so hard to flip the script and belittle with 'you're weird' 'this is not fair at all' 'why am I getting beat up' 'i don't know how much more reassurance I can give you' 'if this little hiccup is that big of a deal'. Not to mention his angry tone and aggressive air stabbing and pen throwing when he was caught red handed. Would run far far far away from him. If he cheats, he's the kind of personality to blame his partner for his actions
Yep when I saw this I was thinking he is the type to kill his wife. Definitely doesn’t have to be that extreme but it happens way too often and he’s full of red flags.
Yup. Especially given what happens after this fight. It would not surprise me in the slightest if Shayne cheated on Natalie down the line. Obviously, I really hope that doesn't happen. But it wouldn't surprise me.
Yeah, I already wasn’t feeling his vibe and wasn’t surprised when this happened, but it made me so upset for Natalie that she got with him anyway. I wonder how she felt watching the show back?
I dated a "Shane" and he cheated profusely and his reactions were just like this. I was "crazy" for not trusting him etcetera... It ends up being a very abusive relationship. Natalie will feel that she cannot speak out because his reactions are so severe. Coercive control.
He also did this at the reunion
The "that's who i was hoping for" was the trigger for me 😣 You don't say that to a woman when you've basically promised a future to another one. I don't understand what he doesn't understand.
Right, I was about to comment asking if I was the only one who assumed *that* was the part that caused Natalie to take a beat because Kirk really didn't comment on that line at all. She was told she was his "number one" but then he said he was hoping for some other girl? Hello? Obviously that's going to sting. I was actually confused when watching this episode myself why she didn't address that part.
Dang beat me to it, whoops! But yep exactly this.
@@TheGamingFilly I know, i kept thinking that too!
Oh, I think he understands. He just wants to do what he wants and not have any pushback.
But he drew a heart on a notebook! What more could she want??! ;)
Isn’t it ironic that the quality he said he’s seeking in someone else is “self-awareness.” I find that SO many people who say that don’t have much of it themselves 🙄
Usually he enunciates poorly, but it was horrible in this episode. Was he super drunk or something?
Also, it's not weird to think someone is a jerk for calling you "the one" while he's being sexual with others. He's future faking and pumping his ego up with attention from the both of them.
Not only that, I don't even think he likes Natalie like that. When one of the guys asked him why he's attracted to her, he responded with "I like that she likes me." 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
THE RED FLAGSSSS
Omg that response was disgusting when he was asked why she liked Natalie i was shook ughh i am sorry but what an egoistic narcissist
This is what I was asking about yesterday. He's scaring me a bit. There's drunk, and there's whatever he's doing.
The super drunk didn’t even occur to me. I def think he had a few.
I think the enunciation comes from his accent. I've lived in the Midwest my whole life. When you mix a Chicago accent with kind of a lazy mumble, everything becomes vowel sounds.
Shane strikes me as that narcissistic and gaslighting boyfriend that will flip the tables on you when you experience any sort of insecurity or jealousy in the relationship. Like he would flirt with other women and then would make you feel bad because you don’t trust him or his intentions. I think this is why he said he wanted someone with self awareness and confidence, basically saying “I want a girl that doesn’t get jealous because I am a douche” 😂 😂
I completely felt this! I had such a hard time watching him gaslight Natalie..since they got together he’s been nothing but judgemental and narcissistic and it always seems like she’s the problem..
Shayne is exactly like my ex husband. He has Borderline Personality Disorder and Covert Narcissism
Didn't you learn anything from Dr. Kirk?! Do NOT play armchair psychologist. You have no right to diagnose someone with NPD if they aren't your pacient, after months of treatment.
@Eva GHZ This! Thank you! haha
"Shaina, that's who i was hoping for!"
"I'm Natalie"
"Oh Natalie you're really my number 1!"
yeah
this
He did something "wrong", somehow she's at fault and she has to "tend" to him because he's the victim. Bright Red flags!
I love how mature and calm Natalie was. She deserves better.
I’m new to just show and I just actually finished it. I’m quite disappointed about her judgement tho. I thought she was smart then how come she missed a lot of huge red flags in the beginning ☹️ i agree she deserves better.
What he did was awkward and embarrassing. All he had to do was say sorry. The way he handled it was so bad
I'm not sure the thought of saying sorry even crossed his mind.
Narcissists never say sorry.
He's having a toxic masculinity meltdown. Transmuting his rejection anxiety into anger and dominance.
I had a girlfriend like this guy. Was she being toxicly masculine or was she just an ass?
Meh, this is more of an emotionally abusive thing, which affects women and men equally.
@@33afterM it's toxic masculinity because he's struggling not to express his emotions because it will be "embarassing" on international TV. And that's because toxic masculinity says men don't cry, men don't express their nervousness, men are always tough and in-control. So maybe your gf had a streak of toxic masculinity or maybe she was just an ass, hard to say. I literally don't know her.
I see this in women all the time. don't bring masculinity in toxic behavior.
As someone whose been in an abusive relationship, THANK YOU for mentioning the physicality. I noticed it immediately and it made me almost physically react.
That punching the air was scary...
!!!
What if she pretended to be Shayna the whole time 😂
I wish! That would have been the most entertaining, hilarious, devious thing for her to do!
ah hahaha as a conflict avoidant person that's what i would have done
he totally gaslit her and flipped the tables around, making her the problem to escape the guilt and responsibility for the crappy thing he did. she deserves so much better. he is emotionally a 13 year old boy
I wish the show would have shown Natalie's interactions with the other men. It seemed like she put all her eggs in the Shayne basket that may have been due to editing. I want him to do a video over Iyanna, Jarrett, Mallory and Salvador. I actually wouldn't mind this show being maybe 15 episodes instead of just 10. That way we could see more interactions and conversations with the people that ended up going to Mexico and the people that didn't go, but still made connections.
Mallory is treating Sal sooo badly, I can't wait for Dr. Honda to react to that one.
@@mariarosemarie I don't think she is treating him badly there is just no passion/chemistry between them its almost like watching brother and sister.
I think they highlight only the interactions of the couples who get together. They don’t want the majority of the season to be Pod episodes.
She should have stepped away from him after this because the red flags raised themselves
I think she's more upset that he said "that's who I was hoping for" when he thought she was Shania than the "what are you wearing" question
she wants desperately to be married, it's insane......lol...
Completely agree. This is what I was coming to the comments to say. Seems pretty clear to me.
So cringe. Natalie puts a ton of her energy into Shayne and her mood completely depends on what he says I noticed. I don’t know why the girls like him he seems so immature to me and can’t communicate well. Basically has little tantrums when he doesn’t like something. This season all the couples don’t give me the feeling that Cameron and Lauren did last season, none of them seem like the best match!
I think we're just conditioned to find tall white men attractive. His tall whiteness covering a weird baby center, unfortunately.
@@princesstelevision67 that’s definitely true!! But even still behind the walls they’re loving him and just the way he talks puts me off. I guess some girls would just think he’s “goofy”
@@tayahmcrae2418 I'm old now, so I've lived through a few relationships with men a lot like Shayne, and looking back I think I really couldn't imagine the harm being with them could cause having never seen it up close. Also having grown up being told I couldn't expect to be treated well, that relationships are supposed to hurt. I couldn't imagine sitting in the same theater row with him now but I bought into the hype for way longer than I'd like to admit.
@@princesstelevision67 Me too. I've dated men like him in the past. I wouldn't even want a conversation with a man like that today, they're like tantruming toddlers on men's bodies. It's sad to see younger women date men like this but I guess they have to learn the hard way like I did.
@@katec9893 oh, I hope not. Watching a loved one go through an abusive relationship is a particular type of hell I wouldn't even wish on Gino P.
If I had a quarter for every potential relationship I've been in that ended in some version of this exact fight, I could treat myself to a really nice dinner.
A big issue I've found while dating as a heterosexual woman is that as a society, we tend t bring up men in such a way that they rarely, if ever, experience being told "no" or receiving pushback or criticism from anyone who isn't their mom or plays some sort of maternal role in their lives, like a grandmother or aunt or teacher. They're also given a narrative that any pushback or disagreement they do receive from women means that that woman's opinion should immediately be discounted, because she's a "bitch" or has "bad energy/vibes" or is "controlling" or "unreasonable" or "hysterical". So by time men get old enough to date, I find they're often extremely sensitive and insecure when it comes to what they perceive as criticism from a partner because it's an area they're still very immature and underdeveloped in. You can see this in Shane, where even Natalie's silence reads as criticism to him. Just the anticipation of potential criticism immediately causes him to regresses and start using the same "it's not FAIR, you're not being FAIR to me" verbiage and tone of voice that my five year old nephew uses when I tell him he can't have ice cream for dinner.
Men who have an unhealthy relationship with perceived rejection, in my experience, tend to break into two camps: either they become like Shayne and are also the kind of guy who breaks up with you because you tell him you're allergic to a food he likes or didn't like one of his favorite movies, or they're guys who seem to crave or fetishize rejection. The ones who seek out criticism are almost always underfunctioners, and correlating any woman who offers critiques or pushback as being inherently powerful and willing to control things for him the way a mother would control things for a son, because that's the only other context he's experienced it happening in. Which, as anyone who's ever been in a relationship or even gone on a date with an underfunctioner but isn't themselves an overfunctioner can tell you, is exhausting.
This is not, of course, to say all men are like this, that this is some inborn trait of masculinity, or that therapy isn't hugely helpful to helping men get past this, but boy, is it common.
Interesting comment, now there might be some truth in what you say but you know what I was thinking when I reached half your comment? I think it has to do more with level of beauty than gender. Because we men also get the female version of this guy. In my experience I found that the more someone is attractive (in my case a woman but now with your comment it is also true with men) the more they have it easy and don’t understand when their demand isn’t fulfilled. It is their way or no way as society (studies prove it too) reward people who are very beautiful. We clearly see how he changed when he is facing a difficulty, I thought I was watching a teenager throwing a tantrum.
@@julianocean1734 except nowhere in her post did she say anything about attractive men. She said men. Men don't have to be pretty to be like Shayne, most of them aren't. They are privileged over women, however, which is where it comes from.
@@princesstelevision67 except she didn’t mention? And where did you read that I said she mention that? I just gave my opinion, you have the right then do disagree
@@julianocean1734 i thought that's what I was doing? Disagreeing? While citing my own lifetime of dating heterosexual males? The entitlement you're displaying where you get to have an opinion about something outside your experience and expect to have it go unchallenged is one of the kinds of the privilege I'm talking about so thanks for that.
@@princesstelevision67 I am ready to get challenged but you are not here to challenge my opinion. Compare my comment with yours. You are aggressive and condescending, just look at the first question of your first comment not only that but you lie, why would I chat with you. Sharing an opinion and trying hard to crash an interlocutor are two different things. Entitlement? You use some words way too lightly, so you see, at this point I can’t careless of what you think since you have nothing interesting to say.
An ex of mine was like Shayne. And I never knew where/when his mood would shift. Constantly walking on eggshells. She definitely dodged a bullet 😶
My ex was very similar to Shayne. Even his personality was the same as Shaynes. 😬
Mine too!! I just left him. My life is so much better :)
Stay away from shane… reminds me of my ex boyfriend. Yeah every time you fight he will never take accountability, turn it on you, and then say “let’s stop fighting” … she’s a healthy balanced person and hopefully she realizes he would bring her down
Or, "I'm not here to fight with you again," when you've barely said anything...
Yep. My ex would often say,”You’re always mad at me!!!” And it was so frustrating because he was constantly betraying me, gaslighting, manipulating, abusing me and when I’d find out, I would be upset… he never seemed to say, I understand why you’re upset. The problem to him was that I was always mad and so THAT is why he was so terrible to me. As if I deserved it because I reacted to his abuse.
@@EmpressEllie wait my narcissist ex would do the same exact thing! Apparently I was at fault because I was angry at his behaviours and abuse all the time. Thank god we got out!
@@sfnerd2023 cheers to that! Now if only the nightmares would stop. Ugh
@@EmpressEllie I have nightmares too! I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
It was when Shane said: ”that what I was hoping for” that did Natalie in.
Imagine thinking you are someone’s number one and he says he was hoping for someone else.
Also him talking like he doesn’t understand why she is upset is a 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I felt that Natalie was being too mature in this instance. And by not giving voice to her feelings-it is going to come back up as an issue.
exactly!
Yes! "Unjustly criticized" when she was being quiet and the tone and all the hand movements are triggering me. It is all about him and she has to take care of him 😥😥
Not that she can see, but him stabbing the notebook and other weird mannerisms when he was upset really triggered me, like I found that repulsive? Just makes me wonder how he acts when something really upsets him. It just seemed extremely childish and immature.
Omg yes I was like uh what. So immature
Watching Shayne's response reminded me of my students, and I'm a preschool teacher. Some children rarely hear "no" so they attack me verbally or physically; some can't handle the guilt when they accidentally hurt someone and has a meltdown. I make it a point to explicitly say, "I NEED you to say sorry first. It's SO hard for me to listen to you when I'm REALLY sad/hurt." Natalie was trying to get that reassurance, but Shayne might have needed a much more explicit request than that.
Having a 3 year old throw punches at the floor or throw pens is tolerable, but if I were Natalie and we didn't have that wall between us, I would've been so scared by the violent response.
Honestly, I’m not surprised that he’s showing such lack of maturity. I don’t know why but he hasn’t come off to me as a particular empathetic person. And empathy to me a tell tale sign of maturity. Because it requires one to put themselves in another shoes and stop being the center of the world while there. He comes off rather self centered because he’s extremely anxious that others will reject him. That’s just what I see, I could, and probably am, completely wrong. 😂
His need for reassurance and external validation is so blatant (and gets very annoying in later episodes) that I laughed outloud when he said here, "How much more reassurance can I give you?)
My grandma always called this type and abusive men fishermen. They lure you in with a treat (love, affection, kindness) and once they know your caught they yank you out of your comfort zone (friends, family, mental health,etc) just to capture you and eat you up (gaslight, criticize, lower your self esteem and mental health,etc). So anytime my grandma called a guy I introduced to her a fisherman, I knew it was time to get away before it was too late. Her advice actually saved my life once. A guy she called a fisherman ended up beating up his next girl friend and shot up her house, injuring one of her friends that tried to save her life.
more grandmas like yours, so much wisdom!!
@@KariN-rt1ok wisdom I wish every woman has the chance to learn!
It’s the Shaynes and the Shakes of the world with their ability to put on an act, alarming behaviour and complete lack of understanding and consideration for a partner’s feelings that makes me want to stay single forever!!!
‘I wrote your name on my notebook, for Christ sake!’ 🤣
I really feel for Natalie. I had a relationship with a guy and it all went crazy fast, talking about marriage, but as soon as a difficult conversation came up he behaved like this, couldn't stand being held accountable... I made a foolish error and stayed in the relationship for longer and I can tell you that was just the beginning of some very troublesome behaviour. I'm not saying Shane is definitely the same, but it's not a good indicator for someone healthy and accountable in a relationship.
No 🤣🤣🤣🤣 did we all dating the same guy 💀 Too many narcissist men (and women) walking in the street.
They all seem to have the same personality traits! It’s all classic narcissist behavior.
this scene made me feel like a terrible person 🙈 i would never be able to handle this like natalie did. obviously she still wanted to be with him so maybe she wanted to avoid a fight at all cost but wow.
I don't think that's a bad thing (that you wouldn't handle it like Natalie). His behaviour was concerning and very telling of his how he'll be in the future. It would probably be better to end things rather than get engaged.
@@Varaidzo1 yeah she was way to calm for my liking, I wouldn’t have let him interrupt me and flip the argument to where he’s the victim and his feelings need to be catered to
He is emotionally draining, Natalie you’re a sweet kind lady, moving on sweetie! 🏃🏻♀️ RUN!!! Red flags all around!
I haven't watched this episode, but Shayne looks/sounds incredibly intoxicated. I don't know if his true behavior is like this, or if this is how he behaves when he's intoxicated. Either way, this is 🚩
This can’t be as bad as the other guy getting rejected by the one girl then goes to his second choice and asks her to marry him lol
some people may not have seen it
He comes across all kinds of childish here and him sitting on the floor flailig his arms and saying "it's unfair!" isn't really helping.
I can’t stand him, he is too aggressive and cut me people off every 2 seconds. Good for her she saw his real face!! This guy is a kid, she is too mature for him, that’s his loss.
Love your videos!!!
Can I request for you to react to Adults adopting Adults? If not then I understand.
Now time to watch the video :)
Seems Shane only chose Natalie because she was super into from the beginning and let him know that. If Shaina would have kept up her interest and not been dissuaded by Natalie's enthusiasm, he would have probably proposed to Shaina. He obviously needs constant ego stroking
My thoughts exactly.
For those singles or in a relationship, look for someone who you can have a disagreement or fight with and they handle that with respect, love and resolution. Don't judge a person based on how they are when things are good, it's when things aren't good that shows their true colours!
Can't wait for you to cover Danielle and Nick. I really want to see what you gather from their relationship, because I didn't quite understand them sometimes , especially after nick meeting her family
glad Shayne is self aware. at least he knows he's a huge tool.
🔨🪓⛏️⚒️🛠🪚🔧🪛
But he thinks that's a good thing!
I went from not caring much about Love is Blind to now have binge watched season 2 in a day. I was too impatient to wait for reaction videos 😂. I look forward to reactions on Danielle, I can see a lot of jumping off points with her and Nick's story.
Hi Dr. Honda, would you consider reacting to the show Adults Adopting Adults? Particularly the situation with Danny and Christy? Love your content!
He lacks maturity accountability and empathy. Natalie run please! this is not good it will only get worse. He talks like a child and he is a grown adult. That voice is so annoying. I could not listen to him talk for the rest of my life!
I feel like it would be perfectly understandable for Natalie to feel hurt in that situation especially like a bunch of people are saying because he said the "just who i was hoping for" comment, and i was surprised that the way she handled it was very measured and calm. Something about Shayne bothers me, his reaction here was kinda stressful to watch b/c of how bad it was, and idk when he talks about Natalie he always talks about how she makes HIM feel, never rly about the qualities he sees in her (he's always like "she makes me calm" "I like that she liked me"), it's always what she can do for him... which i think in certain contexts doen't have to be bad--like i'm pretty sure Lauren and Cameron used to talk abt each other in terms of how the other makes them feel sometimes (they used to say stuff like "he makes me feel calm" all the time" im pretty sure) but its not JUST that. Plus outside the pods Shane is always fishing for compliments--which needing some affirmation from time to time is again, not inherently a bad thing, but putting it all together it just feels weird and I just think a component if not the entire reason he likes Natalie is bc she flatters his ego....
he has 0 communication skills, gets angry at her when he was the one who did something hurtful, and now puts the blame on her for him wanting to end the relationship because she got hurt by something that he did?? i would be so triggered in this situation if i was natalie.
Wait till you see what happens when they go to Mexico…😏
Whether it is a man or woman who behaves this defensively and aggressively when caught red handed, that is my queue to quietly back out of the room and thank my lucky stars I was given such a giant banner of a red flag.
Natalie was quiet as she tried to process what was happening. She was calm, kind and understanding as she spoke with him.
Shayne was too busy with his monologue to have a real conversation with her, take in how Natalie was feeling or try to smooth things over.
Shayne’s physical response couldn’t be seen by Natalie’ but it made me think he could be capable of physically dominating someone out of anger and shame. As a woman that is not a risk I would ever accept when the red flags are there.
Kirk, this guy is clearly playing the field. as a man you should be able to see this from a mile away. Or maybe you are just being nice....too nice.
100% agree that she dodged a bullet. I'm guessing once she sees the playback in 3D she'll realize how fortuitous this "break-up" was. Yikes, if this is his reaction at the preliminary stage of their relationship (or soon after meeting), I wonder how he'd react if she ended after it had progressed to an exclusive relationship or even marriage-go postal? I don't know, but I wouldn't stick around to find out.
Isn't this very close to what happened with Barnett and Jessica? He talked "marriage" to her, how certain he is about her and then the next day he backed out and was acting all confused. How come Dr H sided with Barnett then and here he's coming down on Shaine? Is it because Shaine is less likable?
I agree it's similar. People love to hate Jessica but Barnett did string her along then ditch her, and Mark was a player so I think she got unfairly portrayed and villainised. I also couldn't stand Amber and how crude she was but that's just me. I think the difference here is that Shayne has several red flags of being very immature and unfortunately abusive too, whereas Barnett didn't have these red flags, he was just a bit of a flirt leading Jessica on.
@@katec9893 I hear you, yep that makes sense that Shayne has way more red flags than Barnett, it just felt kinda like a double standard because I recently watched the reaction to the first Love is Blind😅
shayne is such a toddler
Shayne seems like the type of guy to hit you and then say it's bc he loves you so much
I understand Natalie's reaction.. I wouldn't have wanted to see him anymore after that. Thank you, next!
It's the, "That's who I was hoping for" comment that triggered her. Not the question about what she was wearing.
I agree… The "who are you hoping for" is what triggered her and then the flirting thinking it's someone else was the thing that probably was the icing on the cake
agreed
Pretty sure it was both comments. Both comments combined revealed that he had a sexualised connection with another woman there, whilst pretending he only liked Natalie.
It’s very cringe to see desperate people to tolerate these obvious red flags just because she doesn’t want to be alone
Yess..Deepti too..
I think you're focusing too much on the sexual aspect. I think the main thing Natalie was put off by was him saying "[Shaina]'s who I was hoping for." Not the flirting. I think it made her question everything he'd said to her about her being his favorite.
yes, exactly.
Dr. Kirk: “Natalie dodged a bullet”
Me, currently caught up on the show:
😬😫😖
Explain
I would go mentally insane being with a guy that acts like that, I’m easily overwhelmed and this guy is the definition of overwhelming
Was Shayne drunk?
Yeah, like what is he on?
@@Authentistic-ism and that makes me wonder if the substance is making him irrational. But still, I believe his future partner needs take this in consideration because they would have to live with that behavior.
how they cut to Shaina after showing Natalie walking in upset was just fantastic editing. Villain arc inc.
Thank you for focusing on this interaction. I was going to ask you to review it. Again, his behavior triggered me. In my opinion he will be an abusive partner. His temper tantrum combined with deflecting and projecting made my skin crawl. He proceeds to do the same thing when the couples go on vacation. I think he is scary.
By the way I started watching the show after seeing you were doing your videos on it.
Again, so glad you spotted this and addressed it
Shane - However many people watched this = the number that think you Suck - given a few. 👿
First issue: He doesn't recognize her voice despite that being the only thing they can go off of.
Second issue: "that's who I was hoping for" even though he was telling Nat that he wanted to marry her.
Third issue: "If you think I'm a dick, I think that's kind of weird." Why is he assuming and trying to tell her how she feels??
Fourth issue: "This is not fair [for me]" when no one has attacked him.
edit: didn't he hear when she said "what" after he said "Shaina"? He should've known it wasn't her. Smh. whatever.
My ex would do that. If he made a mistake, did something wrong, did something that made him look like an ass, he'd attack me and act like i was in the wrong. His favorite was to end it with, well i was going to take you out to dinner (or something else nice) but since you want to act this way, why would i. It took a ridiculously long time for me to realize that i didn't do anything wrong and it was him. This one was difficult to watch but I'm always appreciative of the commentary from Dr. H
The data just keeps coming 🙄
I heard that somewhere 🤔
Is it just me or does he seem quite drunk or under some other substance, the moment he walked in? The way and the pace how he behaves, talks and gestures seems unlike his character and just in general not like someone who is sober and has a clear mind.
he reminds me of my ex, when HE cheated on me I apologized
Ngl I think he might be using that nose candy but idk tho 🧍🏻♀️
He literally blew things tottttally out of proportion, I have major anxiety watching him
I'm surprised Natalie was able to forgive him for this when this was the moment I completely wrote this man off. Then Shayne went and proved my assessment right by asking Natalie to be his girlfriend to appease her just to flirt with another women and get very shifty when she asks him if Natalie was actually his girlfriend.
Shayne is a narc. He literally act differently between two women adjusting their play styles. And then Shayne just did "future faking" which mean he lead Natalie on. And then... his fragile ego can't handle when being confronted w/ the truth.
He has the affect of a 5 year old
Shane's physicality in this episode kills me 😂
As someone diagnosed with ADHD I feel it would explain Shane well. Why he was initially attractive to multiple women - he was blurting stuff out and seemingly confident and having fun when others were initially nervous, which people find attractive, but the flip side is sensitivity to criticism, emotional reactivity, rejection sensitive dysphoria (as a result of a lifetime of criticism for stuff we can't really help overlooking). He definitely comes off as toxic though, in the way he just jumped to his defense rather than just holding his hands up to this one. Like 'my bad, sorry about that' would have been fine here.
I have adhd too but i have no problem apologizing, in fact i aplogize way too much
Def he reeks of toxic masculinity!! Agree with the other comments here! He's always seeking validation from women, from Natalie, he should have chosen Shaina 🤣💀 Shaina's the female version of him imo 🥲
I don’t know why they didn’t get together. They would’ve been perfect for each other.
I'm so irritated by that incredibly dramatic music cue for some reason... Like tone the music down this isn't a season finale
he's a narcissist!! can't admit wrongs- always twists the convo back to himself- gaslighting- grandiosity- short temper- lacks empathy- toddler!!
Shane is gaslighting Natalie. Immature guy. Rather sad for him but I wish things didn’t turn out how they have.
Dude, I hope you are making video(s) about Nick and Danielle. They both seem to need a lot of therapy. Not that we all can’t benefit from therapy.
Shanes behavoir was very familiar to me. Big yikes... how he immediately asked what shes wearing and her just being shocked, just- its very triggering honestly... he makes me more than a little uncomfortable. Poor Natalie :C
I really don't understand Shane. When Shayna talked to him outside the pods, He was almost upset with Natalie that Shayna thinks their couple seemed comical. Like Shayna said some horrible things to and about Natalie and didn't give a shit about that ???
SPOILER!!!: Honestly this should have been a red flag but Natalie ignored it because she desperately wants to be loved
What really got me wondering was.. what made Natalie still choose him after this conversations and change of behaviour all of the sudden.. was it lack of other options or was she a little blinded by the love she fellt..? Not saying her choices dont make sense..but what made her still think that his behaviour was stable enough to be a life partner for her.. I really like Natalie so im sad for how this all goes for her..
I think it's the latter (love-blinded), she was already so invested she didn't notice the red flag through her rose-colored glasses.
Yeah it was so frustrating to see her go back to him after this.
This solidified my opinion on him I felt really bad for Natalie and really hoped she walked away from the relationship
if i speak in IFS - internal family systems terms, shayne may have polarized managers trying to 'manage' the pain/exiles from coming up. he may feel 'useless, stupid, rejected' deep down and to accommodate that he may have an overly cheerful, 'go easy' guy, people pleasing part that is dominating while relating to others etc...
and when triggered, that manager may change with another one (because that one clearly have failed), perhaps a 'mean' one to protect the one from feeling that pain again. "i am not going to feel that, you feel that" type of projection... because parts will do anything to prevent the system from feeling the exile's pain again.
what is the solution? to access those managers with their permission, heal the 'exiles' they're trying to protect via witnessing so that "self" energy can be more present aka people can have a more regulated nervous system and remain rational and emotionally available in stressful moments. so that you can respond, rather than reacting.
super interesting take, are you able to recommend any resources to learn more on this topic?
Are you talking about multiple personalities here? Never heard it phrased like this...
Eta:looked itnup, this is very interesting, I want to learn more. I can see these elements working all the time in myself....
He's throwing it back on her making himself look like the victim when she's the person with hurt feelings trying to understand and reconcile. Ugh, I've dealt with this all to much. She should just run for the hills.