Definitely don't settle, but remember, the other person could be settling with you, and that's not good either. This goes both ways. In my country there are so few Evangelical Christians that so many settling for Roman Catholics and unbelievers... Sometimes God saves them, but often it ends badly. Always have this thought when you're feeling desperate: it is better to be alone than with a wrong person.
Settled with a girl that wasn’t right for me. Was engaged to her and almost married her at 23. Thankfully she dumped me after she started getting attention from her new job as a flight attendant. That dumping exposed me as a lukewarm Christian (as I had been sleeping with her, among other things) and is honestly the best thing that has happened to me. Brothers I am currently struggling with the thought that I won’t find anyone so just pray for me to be content with what I have and to be patient.
I just ended a 6 year relationship at 22 and have realized that I too was also a lukewarm Christian and realized that the relationship didn’t honor God. I too struggle with thinking I won’t find anyone else, but I know that’s not realistic. We just have to be patient and grow our community and relationship with God and the rest will fall into place.
I also doubt time to time but remember, keep your focus on God, otherwise you will obsess over this matter. Don't search for it, search God. He knows what is best for you even if you do not understand: Matthew 6:25-33 Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? 27 Can any of you add one moment to his life span[j] by worrying? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? Observe how the wildflowers of the field grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. 30 If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t he do much more for you-you of little faith? 31 So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God[k] and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
Hard Hearted. That is the crux of the matter for me. I just can’t be around hard hearted people full stop. So in that respect, thankfully I will never settle. Yes managing our expectations. Checking our own confirmation biases too.
When it comes to settling, this is something that a local pastor, or other church leader that knows you well, can help. Share with them your standards and what you feel your tempted to settle with and what things you are not. Good advice can go bad because you are listening to advice for a general audience. I would give my sister and her friend opposite advice, not because I am double minded or sabotaging one of those relationships, but I know they are in different places and have different needs for their circumstances.
I agree, his advice seems good to some, but other people need something else entirely. I for example need more experience with women before I make that huge marriage decision, so I need abundance of options. Plus, they can always teach me something to help me become better.
Dog gonnit. I've been working through this myself. You cannot shut off the Holy Spirit in these situations. I've wrestled with not wanting to hold a girl to a lofty standard. On the other hand, the girl that I'm interested in is the Pastor's daughter. 😅
Some more practical advices about this topic: - What people often do is saying "Yes, they are sinners but I can fix them" (I think this one is especially for women, but some men also do this). Don't love the person for who you want to change them to be. You cannot change them, it's the job of Holy Spirit. Instead, change yourself according to what God wants you to be. - You will attract and be attracted to a person that reflects you, your personality, and your current state. Be the person who you want to be with. This goes back to unrealistic expectation: you already put a super high expectation on who you're going to marry, only to find out that once you start to know them, you're not attracted to them at all, but only an illusion of what you think they are (Happened to me once, as a man) - Despite the risk of unrealistic expectations, I think it's fine (encouraged, even) to put a list of expectations on what kind of "other person" you want to marry. The more details you can put on it, the better, because those things can and will reflect on you, what you want, and your current state. While doing that, keep praying: with time, God will reveal you the things that are correct/incorrect on that list, and also reveal new things, interests, or irks you've never realized before.
Isaac i just want to convey my gratitude to you for the wisdom from God you shared on settling and humility in dating. Its convicting to hear of my past decisions that were unwise and led to heartbreak that now i know to refrain from. Its hard denying your self for Christ even when you’re called to be wise in evaluating the direction the other party is heading towards and i must admit i haven’t been a good steward in that. Thank you for this brother, truly.
Keep your focus on God, otherwise you will obsess this matter. Don't search for it, search God. He knows what is best for you even if you do not understand: Matthew 6:25-33 Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? 27 Can any of you add one moment to his life span[j] by worrying? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? Observe how the wildflowers of the field grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. 30 If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t he do much more for you-you of little faith? 31 So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God[k] and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
"Keep expectations realistic" is advice really meant for secular people who are getting their spouses on their own. Christians shouldn't have any expectations because like Adam or Isaac or Yeshua we should be marrying the person we know is God's Will for us. Obviously that will be a believer, His word already tells us that, but it doesn't tell every single believer which other believer is the one they should pursue. We have to be in communication with God to know that. Since that means Christians ought to be simply choosing the believer God communicates to them, that makes "settling" impossible. What "level" believers are at and how good-looking and how mature and what age and what life-goals they have, etc. is not necessary to use as qualifiers. When we choose according to direction from God we don't have expectations and therefore never settle!
@@mlady8137 It’s important to have standards (or expectations) that your future spouse must meet. Saying that your future spouse must be a believer shows that you do indeed have at least one standard/expectation, and that you’re not willing to settle for less (i.e. an unbeliever). This standard also needs to be kept realistic. If you expect your spouse’s religious beliefs and experiences to exactly match your own in every concievable way, you need to lower your expectations. If you only expect a nominal profession of belief, you need to raise your standards.
@@nicrosilmind We also pointed out that they have to be a believer. It is having expectations beyond that that become an issue. And what about the second half of the advice, that believers should ask God which believer to marry and act on what He communicates to them. Do you agree with that advice?
If a person’s looks get in the way of you being attracted to their godliness, you value beauty in a spouse over a love for God. Compromise on all your physical standards for an incredibly godly woman.
I’m a pretty lovey dovey, compassionate and loyal guy and I like the idea of such a relationship. And I’ve been in relationships where it was long distance, she hardly replied and admitted she was bad replying. (But she was good at keeping the conversation going when in a call.) And she would rarely reply with a love you back to mine. Sometimes a love heart. She would more often say “miss you” And rarely would say it out the blue. Like I would. And the stories she would change like a friend was a girl then the next time she repeated that story it was a guy. But other times she would tell who the guy was in like a family member or such. The lack of transparency makes me worry, why sometimes she’s is then other times not? It always confused me when she said she hardly spoke to anyone, yet had/ went to dinner parties, or was out at things. Even went with a guy one time to dinner (this was to one of her friends who invites her over every now and then and is pretty rude.) she said he wouldn’t go back, and I’m wonder why ask him to go back? Why not one of your girl friends? and never told me who he was and I wanted to ask but I also didn’t want to look paranoid. Now and then she would send photos of her food when out, but sometimes never said who with and such. (But she may lie about it.) And she use to have to “scroll” through texts, which makes me think she was talking to a lot. Stuff like that I don’t know why she didn’t explain who the guy was and such. Why he was so special to go back again? And I never asked (but wished I did.) I just didn’t want to look paranoid. As how close are they to do that/ get invited to such an event. And she would call me now and then and it made me wonder if it was when she was lonely and had no one else. It made me think there was other people, but thats just me worrying. And another thing was she said that she met a guy around the same time as me and they spoke on Snapchat, I don’t have many social media’s. But said she preferred speaking with me. It’s just all these things and I think technology is a bit bad for these connections it can make. Also she had over 1000 friends on facebook, most people I know don’t and cut down on their friends list at this point in time. How many people is she actually talking to? And what about? I’ve seen on whats app late at night after she has went to bed… I’m I wrong for wanting these things in a relationship? And wrong for worrying about these things? How do I know what she is and isn’t doing, or talking to? And in the future should I ask about these things if they come up? Some have said long distance relationships should make as much effort as possible, and try to include each other at all times, photos, videos, face time, talk in bed. How can you say to a person who is busy and not look demanding about wanting this? To be fair times when we were gaming I don’t see why she couldn’t talk on the phone or such. Should I just ask if it happens again? Or next time we were to actually speak? I don’t know how she would deal with it if she met someone in person what she would do? I would tell them I’m in a relationship. And yes we called once a week sometimes a month… Text every other day or so. I terrible at making conversations! I donno how to improve on it, how to make and keep them going? Sorry for talking about the past again, and all these details. but it’s really for if these things happen again and how I should deal with them. I hope I’m not the problem, but these are things I wouldn’t do. Keep up the work! I honestly don’t know how you don’t have a million subs!
You think too much. Long distance is rough. The other person needs to be as intentful in the relationship as much as you are. If they are rubbing you the wrong way, and they arent making an attempt to make it work, you have to let them go. Save your effort for someone who deserves it.
I'll be real man. She was acting suspiciously and lies should not be tolerated in a relationship. It sounds like you liked her much more than she liked you. It is good to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
I disagree. Those that wait on the lord shall renew their strength. It’s about our heart posture that will allow god to make it happen. Also you can pray for someone, teach and then wait on the lord and he will come through. That’s a lie from satan. The reason you feel this way is because of the disappointment you’ve had. You believed satans lies and are trying to justify your doubts. I know how you feel but don’t limit god. As long as we point him first all things are possible to those that believe
"He says he likes to go to church and he likes Jesus but he also likes to party and he also likes to drink" Dude there is no hypocrisy or problem with enjoying drinking and going to church. What type of degeneracy do you think is going on at the club? I work hard during the week so I can party on the weekend if I want to. If you can't handle your liquor just say so. Christians love to find ways to assess and judge someone's spiritual health as if they know how God works.
I think the point is that the culture around drinking and partying, especially in America, is usually very non-christian, extremely tempting in a number of ways, and generally unwise for a Christian to participate in. Partying in and of itself, like drinking, isn't sinful, but too much and what/who you surround yourself with can be unwise at best and sinful at worst. Most strong Christians won't want their wife or husband out partying with other men/women in skimpy outfits with drugs and/or alcohol involved, so if someone doesn't want their wife/husband to be putting themselves in those compromising scenarios, they'd be wise to not date someone who does.
@@r3aperrising984 I feel like maybe you don't get my point. There's too much judgement that comes from the church community for simply participating these activities even if it's not frequent. I'm capable myself of going out and enjoying a drink without compromising my values. I've done enough drugs to last me a lifetime so I don't struggle with that when I'm out at the club. The language dude uses in the video lets us assume that he's talking about judging character based off of someone enjoying partying or drinking and it's BS. I was watching the video thinking to myself, "Does he really believe the words coming out of his own mouth?"
You start off speaking about "worldly" standards (in the example of the guy who wants to date a supermodel) and how those are unrealistic standards, but rapidly switch to spirituals standards (e.g. behavior, faith, and church attendance). My question would be, how do we approach settling with those worldly standards (attraction, common hobbies, etc.)?
I think the point is that if you are attracted to someone who meets spiritual standards you don't have to worry about worldly stuff, your marriage is based on equal yoking not equal interests. It is obviously preferable to have a high match of interests and attraction, but the attraction was a prerequisite of you being interested.. looking for someone you are the most attracted to physically who you could in a worldly sense be with is not going to lead you to the godliest woman you are attracted to and could be with.
@@AfroteliI think it’s okay for the physical attraction to perhaps be a jumping off point if the relationship begins with a “cold approach” where you didn’t know her prior. After all, the point of dating should be to hash things out and figure out if you truly are a match for one another in a multitude of ways, in terms of spiritual maturity, life goals, direction, etc. One of my college professors gave us this advice: In a relationship, make sure both of you want to end up in the same place. If one of you wants to see the world, but the other wants to settle in a small town immediately, consider the possibility that one or both of you may be holding the other back from eachother’s calling from the Lord. In such cases, it may be best for you to cut things there in terms of romantics, lest you waste eachother’s time on a doomed romantic relationship. I also believe that, with physical attraction being a part of us as humans, it’s an intentional part of God’s creation. It shouldn’t be the only thing driving the relationship forward, and we should all allow ourselves to be open-minded to people because we never know who God wants us to be with, but as a simple starting point, I doubt there’s anything inherently wrong with sexual attraction, unless we allow it to pervert us in some way. However, with a degree of self-awareness, I think it’s entirely possible for it to be a helpful element of us as people created in God’s image. I suppose a good metaphor could be this: Let initial attraction be the plot of land, but life goals, spiritual maturity/development and a conscious love for one another be the strong foundation upon which the relationship is built. You wouldn’t buy a plot of land if there wasn’t any merit to the plot. For example, it’s not that appealing to buy a plot of land next to a landfill, just as a woman who clearly doesn’t take care of herself or dresses scantily probably isn’t going to be all that attractive to many Christian guys. In the same way, an appealing plot overseeing a valley would be like a woman who clearly makes an effort to look presentable, but in a modest way. The foundation of rock set upon the plot should be the details of the relationship. Do you both want kids? Do you both have the same or similar enough beliefs/worldview? Do you both have goals you want to accomplish that line up seamlessly with one another? That’s sort of how I look at it based on my limited knowledge of scripture. I’m still learning myself and would be happy to be proven wrong if scripture indicates differently, but that’s how I currently look at it. (Sorry for the paragraph but I hope this gets my point across)
But physical attraction and common interests are still important, you don’t want to be with someone you’re not compatible with, it’s just not the most important aspect of a relationship
@@slayr4170 i think this is an awfully modern interpretation, really I think you being compatible is you being equally yoked and attracted to each other. Everything else is great don’t get me wrong, but necessary? Doubtful. Now obviously we tend to want at least as much as we can get. Also again, please separate physical attraction from common interests in this discussion, one of those is quite literally a prerequisite to the great majority of romances. I thoroughly recommend C.S. Lewis’s 4 loves, he makes a clear point that eros exists often without philia. Things easily become endearing as they become familiar, but storge is not philia. You don’t need to have aligned interests to appreciate that the other has that interest and gain a new viewpoint of it. It’s quite well put in his writing.
@@Afroteli I think being compatible requires being equally yoked and one person being male and the other female. Being attracted to each other is something you can choose, just like love. Consider that the Bible says to be satisfied with your wife, (Proverbs 5:19) not to find a woman that will satisfy you. It says to love your wife, not marry the woman you are in love with. I've heard too many stories of God putting people together who would never have chosen each other otherwise but who grew to be very attracted once they obeyed His leading to think that being attracted to each other should be a part of the selection process. Communicating with God, yes. Attraction, no.
Definitely don't settle, but remember, the other person could be settling with you, and that's not good either. This goes both ways.
In my country there are so few Evangelical Christians that so many settling for Roman Catholics and unbelievers... Sometimes God saves them, but often it ends badly.
Always have this thought when you're feeling desperate: it is better to be alone than with a wrong person.
Good advice don’t follow your lustful desire but follow what God wants you to do which is to be equally yoked to someone on your level
Yes.
There is no one on my level so I'm doomed to be alone forever. 😎
@@ModelJames13 That's unfortunate, but don't give up hope. People are dropping down levels every day. ;)
@@joshuawilliams5348 I meant it the other way around. 😎
@@ModelJames13 I know, but it was too tempting not to take it wrong on purpose. Wish you the best!
Settled with a girl that wasn’t right for me. Was engaged to her and almost married her at 23. Thankfully she dumped me after she started getting attention from her new job as a flight attendant. That dumping exposed me as a lukewarm Christian (as I had been sleeping with her, among other things) and is honestly the best thing that has happened to me. Brothers I am currently struggling with the thought that I won’t find anyone so just pray for me to be content with what I have and to be patient.
I just ended a 6 year relationship at 22 and have realized that I too was also a lukewarm Christian and realized that the relationship didn’t honor God. I too struggle with thinking I won’t find anyone else, but I know that’s not realistic. We just have to be patient and grow our community and relationship with God and the rest will fall into place.
@Billiam007 amen brother. Keep celibate and keep the faith. Trust Gods timing.
I also doubt time to time but remember, keep your focus on God, otherwise you will obsess over this matter. Don't search for it, search God. He knows what is best for you even if you do not understand: Matthew 6:25-33
Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? 27 Can any of you add one moment to his life span[j] by worrying? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? Observe how the wildflowers of the field grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. 30 If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t he do much more for you-you of little faith? 31 So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God[k] and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
Comment for the algorithm
Amen
Let's generate rhythm for the algorithm.
Hard Hearted. That is the crux of the matter for me. I just can’t be around hard hearted people full stop. So in that respect, thankfully I will never settle. Yes managing our expectations. Checking our own confirmation biases too.
When it comes to settling, this is something that a local pastor, or other church leader that knows you well, can help. Share with them your standards and what you feel your tempted to settle with and what things you are not. Good advice can go bad because you are listening to advice for a general audience. I would give my sister and her friend opposite advice, not because I am double minded or sabotaging one of those relationships, but I know they are in different places and have different needs for their circumstances.
I agree, his advice seems good to some, but other people need something else entirely. I for example need more experience with women before I make that huge marriage decision, so I need abundance of options. Plus, they can always teach me something to help me become better.
Dog gonnit. I've been working through this myself. You cannot shut off the Holy Spirit in these situations. I've wrestled with not wanting to hold a girl to a lofty standard. On the other hand, the girl that I'm interested in is the Pastor's daughter. 😅
Good advice man, thank you for the wisdom
You described exactly what I was doing when I was settling. Thanks for the wake up call
Some more practical advices about this topic:
- What people often do is saying "Yes, they are sinners but I can fix them" (I think this one is especially for women, but some men also do this). Don't love the person for who you want to change them to be. You cannot change them, it's the job of Holy Spirit. Instead, change yourself according to what God wants you to be.
- You will attract and be attracted to a person that reflects you, your personality, and your current state. Be the person who you want to be with.
This goes back to unrealistic expectation: you already put a super high expectation on who you're going to marry, only to find out that once you start to know them, you're not attracted to them at all, but only an illusion of what you think they are (Happened to me once, as a man)
- Despite the risk of unrealistic expectations, I think it's fine (encouraged, even) to put a list of expectations on what kind of "other person" you want to marry. The more details you can put on it, the better, because those things can and will reflect on you, what you want, and your current state. While doing that, keep praying: with time, God will reveal you the things that are correct/incorrect on that list, and also reveal new things, interests, or irks you've never realized before.
Amen so good, thank you for this! Praise the Lord!
we need a part 2
Agree
Isaac i just want to convey my gratitude to you for the wisdom from God you shared on settling and humility in dating. Its convicting to hear of my past decisions that were unwise and led to heartbreak that now i know to refrain from. Its hard denying your self for Christ even when you’re called to be wise in evaluating the direction the other party is heading towards and i must admit i haven’t been a good steward in that. Thank you for this brother, truly.
Amen man. Thanks for the Godly wisdom
Thank you for the good thoughts always 😎😤
I need that,thank you brother Isaac❤
God bless you bro
We don't change people, God does
Love you bro
Really good stuff
My standards are reasonable but my community and parents have strict requirements.
Well, maybe you'll get lucky and they'll set you up with the perfect woman then. Remember Isaac and Rebekah? You could get blessed! 😎
Solid video 🙏
good stuff
Yes don't marry unbelievers or just any Christian, but you know, there is still freedom to marry another believer even if they're not perfect.
Don't flirt to convert....
Erm what if you are single for a really long time and arrived at your 30th birthday :/
The danger zone! 😎
Keep your focus on God, otherwise you will obsess this matter. Don't search for it, search God. He knows what is best for you even if you do not understand: Matthew 6:25-33
Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? 27 Can any of you add one moment to his life span[j] by worrying? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? Observe how the wildflowers of the field grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. 30 If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t he do much more for you-you of little faith? 31 So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God[k] and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
Thanks man!
Algorithm!
Bro's curls are looking majestic
"Keep expectations realistic" is advice really meant for secular people who are getting their spouses on their own. Christians shouldn't have any expectations because like Adam or Isaac or Yeshua we should be marrying the person we know is God's Will for us. Obviously that will be a believer, His word already tells us that, but it doesn't tell every single believer which other believer is the one they should pursue. We have to be in communication with God to know that. Since that means Christians ought to be simply choosing the believer God communicates to them, that makes "settling" impossible. What "level" believers are at and how good-looking and how mature and what age and what life-goals they have, etc. is not necessary to use as qualifiers. When we choose according to direction from God we don't have expectations and therefore never settle!
This is silly advice.
Agreed.
@@nicrosilmindwhy? Which part?
@@mlady8137 It’s important to have standards (or expectations) that your future spouse must meet.
Saying that your future spouse must be a believer shows that you do indeed have at least one standard/expectation, and that you’re not willing to settle for less (i.e. an unbeliever).
This standard also needs to be kept realistic. If you expect your spouse’s religious beliefs and experiences to exactly match your own in every concievable way, you need to lower your expectations. If you only expect a nominal profession of belief, you need to raise your standards.
@@nicrosilmind We also pointed out that they have to be a believer. It is having expectations beyond that that become an issue.
And what about the second half of the advice, that believers should ask God which believer to marry and act on what He communicates to them. Do you agree with that advice?
If a person’s looks get in the way of you being attracted to their godliness, you value beauty in a spouse over a love for God. Compromise on all your physical standards for an incredibly godly woman.
I’m a pretty lovey dovey, compassionate and loyal guy and I like the idea of such a relationship.
And I’ve been in relationships where it was long distance, she hardly replied and admitted she was bad replying.
(But she was good at keeping the conversation going when in a call.)
And she would rarely reply with a love you back to mine.
Sometimes a love heart.
She would more often say “miss you”
And rarely would say it out the blue.
Like I would.
And the stories she would change like a friend was a girl then the next time she repeated that story it was a guy.
But other times she would tell who the guy was in like a family member or such.
The lack of transparency makes me worry, why sometimes she’s is then other times not?
It always confused me when she said she hardly spoke to anyone, yet had/ went to dinner parties, or was out at things.
Even went with a guy one time to dinner (this was to one of her friends who invites her over every now and then and is pretty rude.) she said he wouldn’t go back, and I’m wonder why ask him to go back?
Why not one of your girl friends?
and never told me who he was and I wanted to ask but I also didn’t want to look paranoid.
Now and then she would send photos of her food when out, but sometimes never said who with and such.
(But she may lie about it.)
And she use to have to “scroll” through texts, which makes me think she was talking to a lot.
Stuff like that I don’t know why she didn’t explain who the guy was and such.
Why he was so special to go back again?
And I never asked (but wished I did.) I just didn’t want to look paranoid.
As how close are they to do that/ get invited to such an event.
And she would call me now and then and it made me wonder if it was when she was lonely and had no one else.
It made me think there was other people, but thats just me worrying.
And another thing was she said that she met a guy around the same time as me and they spoke on Snapchat, I don’t have many social media’s.
But said she preferred speaking with me.
It’s just all these things and I think technology is a bit bad for these connections it can make.
Also she had over 1000 friends on facebook, most people I know don’t and cut down on their friends list at this point in time.
How many people is she actually talking to?
And what about?
I’ve seen on whats app late at night after she has went to bed…
I’m I wrong for wanting these things in a relationship?
And wrong for worrying about these things?
How do I know what she is and isn’t doing, or talking to?
And in the future should I ask about these things if they come up?
Some have said long distance relationships should make as much effort as possible, and try to include each other at all times, photos, videos, face time, talk in bed.
How can you say to a person who is busy and not look demanding about wanting this?
To be fair times when we were gaming I don’t see why she couldn’t talk on the phone or such.
Should I just ask if it happens again? Or next time we were to actually speak?
I don’t know how she would deal with it if she met someone in person what she would do?
I would tell them I’m in a relationship.
And yes we called once a week sometimes a month…
Text every other day or so.
I terrible at making conversations!
I donno how to improve on it, how to make and keep them going?
Sorry for talking about the past again, and all these details.
but it’s really for if these things happen again and how I should deal with them.
I hope I’m not the problem, but these are things I wouldn’t do.
Keep up the work!
I honestly don’t know how you don’t have a million subs!
You think too much. Long distance is rough. The other person needs to be as intentful in the relationship as much as you are. If they are rubbing you the wrong way, and they arent making an attempt to make it work, you have to let them go. Save your effort for someone who deserves it.
I'll be real man. She was acting suspiciously and lies should not be tolerated in a relationship. It sounds like you liked her much more than she liked you. It is good to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
I disagree. Those that wait on the lord shall renew their strength. It’s about our heart posture that will allow god to make it happen. Also you can pray for someone, teach and then wait on the lord and he will come through. That’s a lie from satan. The reason you feel this way is because of the disappointment you’ve had. You believed satans lies and are trying to justify your doubts. I know how you feel but don’t limit god. As long as we point him first all things are possible to those that believe
Dating and marriage is expensive asf
"He says he likes to go to church and he likes Jesus but he also likes to party and he also likes to drink"
Dude there is no hypocrisy or problem with enjoying drinking and going to church. What type of degeneracy do you think is going on at the club? I work hard during the week so I can party on the weekend if I want to. If you can't handle your liquor just say so. Christians love to find ways to assess and judge someone's spiritual health as if they know how God works.
I think the point is that the culture around drinking and partying, especially in America, is usually very non-christian, extremely tempting in a number of ways, and generally unwise for a Christian to participate in. Partying in and of itself, like drinking, isn't sinful, but too much and what/who you surround yourself with can be unwise at best and sinful at worst. Most strong Christians won't want their wife or husband out partying with other men/women in skimpy outfits with drugs and/or alcohol involved, so if someone doesn't want their wife/husband to be putting themselves in those compromising scenarios, they'd be wise to not date someone who does.
me thinks you protest too much
@@r3aperrising984 I feel like maybe you don't get my point. There's too much judgement that comes from the church community for simply participating these activities even if it's not frequent. I'm capable myself of going out and enjoying a drink without compromising my values. I've done enough drugs to last me a lifetime so I don't struggle with that when I'm out at the club.
The language dude uses in the video lets us assume that he's talking about judging character based off of someone enjoying partying or drinking and it's BS. I was watching the video thinking to myself, "Does he really believe the words coming out of his own mouth?"
@@RealFredbaby Yeah because I feel like too many of you are stuck in the matrix
@@lux7459 i drink alcohol (Presbyterian), but going to nightclubs is at best, bad for your witness
You start off speaking about "worldly" standards (in the example of the guy who wants to date a supermodel) and how those are unrealistic standards, but rapidly switch to spirituals standards (e.g. behavior, faith, and church attendance). My question would be, how do we approach settling with those worldly standards (attraction, common hobbies, etc.)?
I think the point is that if you are attracted to someone who meets spiritual standards you don't have to worry about worldly stuff, your marriage is based on equal yoking not equal interests. It is obviously preferable to have a high match of interests and attraction, but the attraction was a prerequisite of you being interested.. looking for someone you are the most attracted to physically who you could in a worldly sense be with is not going to lead you to the godliest woman you are attracted to and could be with.
@@AfroteliI think it’s okay for the physical attraction to perhaps be a jumping off point if the relationship begins with a “cold approach” where you didn’t know her prior. After all, the point of dating should be to hash things out and figure out if you truly are a match for one another in a multitude of ways, in terms of spiritual maturity, life goals, direction, etc.
One of my college professors gave us this advice:
In a relationship, make sure both of you want to end up in the same place. If one of you wants to see the world, but the other wants to settle in a small town immediately, consider the possibility that one or both of you may be holding the other back from eachother’s calling from the Lord. In such cases, it may be best for you to cut things there in terms of romantics, lest you waste eachother’s time on a doomed romantic relationship.
I also believe that, with physical attraction being a part of us as humans, it’s an intentional part of God’s creation. It shouldn’t be the only thing driving the relationship forward, and we should all allow ourselves to be open-minded to people because we never know who God wants us to be with, but as a simple starting point, I doubt there’s anything inherently wrong with sexual attraction, unless we allow it to pervert us in some way. However, with a degree of self-awareness, I think it’s entirely possible for it to be a helpful element of us as people created in God’s image.
I suppose a good metaphor could be this:
Let initial attraction be the plot of land, but life goals, spiritual maturity/development and a conscious love for one another be the strong foundation upon which the relationship is built.
You wouldn’t buy a plot of land if there wasn’t any merit to the plot. For example, it’s not that appealing to buy a plot of land next to a landfill, just as a woman who clearly doesn’t take care of herself or dresses scantily probably isn’t going to be all that attractive to many Christian guys. In the same way, an appealing plot overseeing a valley would be like a woman who clearly makes an effort to look presentable, but in a modest way. The foundation of rock set upon the plot should be the details of the relationship. Do you both want kids? Do you both have the same or similar enough beliefs/worldview? Do you both have goals you want to accomplish that line up seamlessly with one another?
That’s sort of how I look at it based on my limited knowledge of scripture. I’m still learning myself and would be happy to be proven wrong if scripture indicates differently, but that’s how I currently look at it.
(Sorry for the paragraph but I hope this gets my point across)
But physical attraction and common interests are still important, you don’t want to be with someone you’re not compatible with, it’s just not the most important aspect of a relationship
@@slayr4170 i think this is an awfully modern interpretation, really I think you being compatible is you being equally yoked and attracted to each other. Everything else is great don’t get me wrong, but necessary? Doubtful. Now obviously we tend to want at least as much as we can get. Also again, please separate physical attraction from common interests in this discussion, one of those is quite literally a prerequisite to the great majority of romances. I thoroughly recommend C.S. Lewis’s 4 loves, he makes a clear point that eros exists often without philia. Things easily become endearing as they become familiar, but storge is not philia. You don’t need to have aligned interests to appreciate that the other has that interest and gain a new viewpoint of it. It’s quite well put in his writing.
@@Afroteli I think being compatible requires being equally yoked and one person being male and the other female. Being attracted to each other is something you can choose, just like love. Consider that the Bible says to be satisfied with your wife, (Proverbs 5:19) not to find a woman that will satisfy you. It says to love your wife, not marry the woman you are in love with. I've heard too many stories of God putting people together who would never have chosen each other otherwise but who grew to be very attracted once they obeyed His leading to think that being attracted to each other should be a part of the selection process. Communicating with God, yes. Attraction, no.