How To Keep Growing Up
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- Опубликовано: 25 апр 2017
- We have a very close sense of the stages of development of small children. But what about adults? How do we keep developing once we are ‘grown up’? And what are the key stages of development?
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FURTHER READING
“The business of growing up is something we normally think comes to a close when we get to 16 or so - and finally turn into those fully finished products: adults. Up until then, our growth is the subject of quite a lot of collective fascination. Twentieth-century psychology, beginning with the work of the Swiss clinician Jean Piaget, pioneered an approach to child development that meticulously identified and labelled every principal stage an average infant might go through on the developmental journey of its earliest years...”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/CcJQka
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Emotional growth:
- learning to understand and symphatise with oneself
- take proper stock of childhood influences
- communicate flaws and eccentricites to others in good time
- to interpret others beyond what they have directly said to us
- to recognise the hard edges of reality without being destroyed by them
- to accept one's need for consolation and assistance
- to achieve a necessary degree of confidence
- to know how to dispair without wholly giving up on existence
I will memorize all these things to emotionally mature myself. I will take my time doing so.
My sixties have been the greatest decade of growth and joy.
That is comforting to hear. I am almost there!
Thats great!
My thirties 🙂
Adult milestones:
-dealing with the death of your grandparents
-dealing with the death of your parents
-mutual breakup with no emotional outrage
-planing ahead more than a couple of weeks at a time
-putting someone else well being before your own.
Not everyone gets broken up tho
@@ek2211 Not always the same type of breaking up.
@@randomguyontheinternet7940 not everyone gets ANY KIND OF BROKEN UP. Is it THAT HARD to understand??
I don’t wanna do the first two :(
@@ek2211 just keep looking my friend
People always praise SoL narrator, but I also wanted to thank the artists who put up such videos. Transitions between scenes are originally done and videos are very cute! Thanks! Not even sure how you can draw so many cool videos in such little amounts of time between each video.
Indeed, 'tis actually quite a feat that an animation channel is putting out their videos this frequently! SoL must have quite the army of animators behind them!
Hag Its not only one animator, they have plenty of artists colaborating, but yeah I agree they do such an amazing job! :)
Names of credits, etc. included when you click "show more." In this case, Alice Dunseath....
Hag hear! Hear!
Yes very "cute" but FFS why do the cartoons need to have dicks? My eye shoots right to that spot and I don't want to fucking see that in an educational video, completely unnecessary detail. And it has fucking hair god WHY
"People make mistakes, and that's okay. It's part of growing up; and you never really stop growing."
This is amazingly true, and indeed the hardest part is that one has to discover it by oneself. Personally, after highschool, achievement and self-motivation became gradually non-existent . But around my 25th birthday, I came to realize that I was meant to be the one in charge of that; responsible for stating my own parameters, the judge of my success and failures, even the one responsible for defining them as such. It may sound simple, but it's not (at least for me it was really, really hard) but that's how I've managed to finally continue growing up after 7 years of stagnation. Sometimes I think of it as the burden of freedom, it's definitely worth it.
Alfredo Alfaro. For me it was around my 34th year in this world.
I'm due for this anytime now.
As someone turning 22 in a few days, this comment meant so much to me. I've been stagnant after high school as well, and this comment put my feelings into the perfect words.
I'm 19 and am currently stuck in that stage of stagnation. Thank you for commenting this. It feels good to know that others are going through the same thing as well.
dean hates me You sound a bit like me. I turned 23 a few days back and around 21/22 is when I realised I had to make big changes in my life and that nothing was going to save me apart from myself. Gradually, I've built new habits, managed to change my thinking and the way I see the world and it really does work. I almost don't recognise myself from one year ago compared to now.
I think that my mom is a big reason for my anxiety. When I was growing up I was pretty much a selective mute in school. I was scared to talk to people, and I have no idea why this developed, but I was known as the girl who didn't talk. My mom never tried to get me help, instead she shamed me and called me backwards and a "zombie". When I started staying home from school she would yell and scream at me, or physically drag me out of bed. It only made me more introverted. Even now as a 20 year old, I can't handle jobs where I'm surrounded by people. My girlfriend is supportive of me, but my mom just doesn't understand. She makes me feel like shit about my future. I feel like I would be a lot more emotionally developed if she gave me the support and help I needed as a kid.
TheVeganWolf it's worse that your gay and think wolf's can be vegan but I hope she doesn't hate you but she has reasons Like I said wolf's can't be vegan but you are her daughter
TheVeganWolf another thing is that you need to mourn the absence of an emotionally supportive mother and the absence of what "could have been" so that you can move forward without that shit weighing you down. it's a matter of acceptance - which is a lot harder than the single word implies. but life is continual work, a never ending process. in this case, the work is towards acceptance of the past and building upon yourself in the present.
you need to move out of your mom's house,and never look back.and you need to get for your self a good therapist.your mom is real shit,you need to find your self a new mom.or a new role model.
@@supermanboy1255 bro dont joke when somebody is obviously not in a good place. Its just disgusting, VW needs help not mockery .
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 Yes, I agree with Alexandru VeganWolf. Also, a DBT workshop or emotional training based on CBT will help you a lot to be able to deal with life so that you feel more adept and confident.
18 or 16 was always a silly measure to note that someone was an adult for me. Heck, there are plenty of "adults" out there not worthy of the title, Elder.
Notice how he made a distinction between adult and grown-up. I think by 16, most are adults, but as the video suggests, it may take a lifetime to truly grow up
GenJotsu Why is 'adult' a title for which one has to be worthy? What's so great about being awarded that title by you? I'm happy to not be considered like everyone else.
Elder, is the title bud, not adult lol. Elder insinuates wisdom, which a lot of adults fail to muster.
I hate the word "adult"... Makes me cringe... Ewww I just wanna be a young carefree teen forever I don't wanna get old and boring and wrinkly I wanna be seen as a child I'm 18 and having an existential crisis I just wanna jump off a freaking bridge but don't have to guts to...
I don't even understand why anyone would say you're an adult while you're still a teen or even in your early 20s... Like wtf bruh idgaf if 18 is adult l call myself a kid 100% if I wanna it's my life I control myself no one else controls me I do what I want... Easy as that
I'm 30. I'm still waiting to "feel" like a grown-up. I just don't think I have enough of a handle on things to call my self that and mean it. Even saying the phrase "I'm an adult" feels weird. I still have a lot of the same issues I was having at 15.
Watch Jordan Peterson videos, for best tips
Yo...i understand, i am writing a screenplay on this isssue and ofcourse i almost share the same issue. But to share what i just learnt, I think we complicate things being a grown up is an act ( a way of behaving) , just go through the steps with as much confidence, heart and intelligence, make the best decision u can for now. Get the best job u can, an appartment , make good friends, find a partner , have kids or not, retire early and enjoy life with your family.... I know most of us are afraid of this, but its the only way , no need swimming against the winds. It doesnt work in the long run. ( am younger than you tho, if u want u can teach me a thing or two )
That's why it's key to introspect yourself and master your emotions and psychology.
what is why?
How would one do so?
nass just by being conscious of it all the time until it becomes subconscious
It's my 26th birthday today and I can still feel the 4 year old in me. Strange and sad at the same time.
Candy Cat In my own opinion, that’s a sign you are in touch with your playfulness which cultivates creativity. So don’t lose it. Just manage it in a grown up way.
And beautiful!
As a psychology student, I really appreciate the highlight of adult development in this video. I believe the more we develop emotionally in our personal lives the better changes we can create for ourselves and leave a positive influence in society. We cannot allow the inner riches in our lives to go unexamed with external actions. Adulthood gives us greater access to focus on the life we want to live vs the one others want for us.
In my experience, one needs time to understand certain aspects their life. For eg., I needed a lot of time to understand and accept my position in life. When I was younger I usually judged myself harshly whenever things didn't go well. Now, I sit back and review my situation and try solving the problem with sensitivity. You need time and you should go through a lot of experiences to connect the dots. Even though watching RUclips videos such as these, life has to be deciphered by yourself. It unravels before you very slowly and you should enjoy that.
thank you man
Step 1: Like the Video
Step 2: Watch the Video
Step 3: Write comment thanking SoL
Step 4: Apply principles to life
Elias Fulthorp Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit
Elias Fulthorp The 4th step is the hardest.
Step 5: Realize that the steps you have taken did not work.
Step 6: Spend a few weeks in anguish and depression, desperately trying to trace all of your actions in hopes of understanding what went wrong and why your life still sucks.
Step 7: Suicide attempt. (Well, that escalated quickly)
Step 8: Discover that you didn't put an exclamation mark at the end of your comment thanking SoL.
You like videos before watching? lol
Step 9: Don't acually do step 4
I think the thing about growing up isn't academic smarts, like some other commenters mentioned. I believe it's emotional intelligence because as we developed into adulthood we break out of our comfort circles and we're practically fending off the world on our own.
Sure, it would be great to already know how to be financial alright and other things that's best to equip everyday life. But there is a reason people rather be around a good person who's willing to learn than a know-it-all or someone with an attitude. As long as we have the right attitude and practice resiliency, we'll be alright.
I'm 50, and I grew up for a while, but I'm not sure if it was time well spent. I'm rethinking the whole thing.
Ming Mongo Stop dwelling on the past, have no regrets and move forward.
school of life, i just wanted to let you know that i adulted today and applied for a job at Chipotle. no one seems to care because I'm a research student at a university but my research doesn't pay :(
derreze jackel but do *you* feel accomplished? imo, you should, because you made a productive step towards solving your problem of not having money due to the wagelessness of being a student. people may downplay the "worth" of the position, being fast food, but there are still plenty of people who have no jobs or any past experience or even any effort made towards employment. there may be people who are "better" than you, but there are also people out there worse off than you.
the key is to care for yourself and find pride in your own accomplishments. the thing about adulthood is that people are generally focused on their own shit - good or bad - and aren't going to be giving or receiving the same kind of external feedback that one gets as a child - *that's* the staggering difference. you become your own sole motivator and congratulator.
It's a honest job. Your job doesn't define you, your career will guide you.
inb4 people comment they don't want to 'grow up' means being boring and monotonous and colorless of life, instead the video is stressing out that 'growing up' is a constant journey of self-improvement.
It is therefore true that Peter Pan doesn't 'grow up' because he has 'chosen' not to grow up, meaning he chooses not to: take responsibility for his actions, not care of other people's opinions, not seek to improve himself or the situation of others around him, etc. And that is what this video is stressing about: that we still all have the power to 'grow up', to literally grow upwards beyond the constraints put on us by our parents' shortcomings, or of our childhood's limitations.
like ya avatar, it's like the protector of your child-side in yourself, no matter what age you reach :)
I think you mean "not" caring about what other people feel rather than their opinion on you.
how does one start solving emotional issues that one has acquired because of childhood or some other stuff in early years of development?
By facing them, understanding that it was normal to acquire them back then because of our very simplistic and undeveloped thinking, and not identify with them anymore.
I'm pretty sure Sharlock was reffering to solving emotional issues gained at an early age while still being at the bare-boned early stages of development.
I honestly don't know how someone would manage that without the honest communication and counselling offered by a parent who would've put time into solving their own issues, before fostering a child, and who would have the communicative patience to go through these issues alongside the youth in question.
Tamas i actually just want to find a way to get a handle on some problems I have emotionally, I have attachment problems and self hate, I'm trying to get them under control and that splitting up with someone doesn't mean the end of the world, I am dealing but it gets hard sometimes
Sharlock93. Indeed, a deep introspection is hard as it may lead to confusion and failure. I learned from a book entitled "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover that you'll need a safe person. A person with whom you trust your troubling thoughts and issues without them being judgemental. This one way I used and it helped me.
+Sherlock93
Good question.
For previous generations, this generally wasn't possible. Someone born 100 years ago would likely have experienced war and food shortages, there just wasn't space in their lives to care about their own emotional well being and solving emotional issues.
That's changing now, peoples lives are getting better so they can start to ponder and introspect. Along with that, attitudes are changing, to where healing these issues is encouraged and supported.
One great thing you can do is get counseling with a professional therapist. They are trained in understanding and solving childhood issues. They are completely accepting and non judgement, and on your team to explore and work through the issues. Think of it like a sports coach.
Past generations associated stigma to this solving emotional issues outside a simplistic framework like the church teaching rules to follow, because spending time on deep emotional work was a luxury they couldn't afford. But things have changed, and as time goes by, this is becoming more and more accepted and more normal. In the future, it will be strange for an adult not to have done emotional work on solving their issues.
The transference from the ideas of Piaget to adult psychology was an extremely creative move!
can you please make a video about stress? The video "How to remain calm with people" has made a big impact in handling stress. Thank you!
I can tell you one trick, you are taking this shit too seriously, think about the pale blue dot floating in the vast space, think about our history, evolution and why we came up to be so, and think about all the alternatives, and recognize that it was just a coincidence. If you don't know yet, learn more about science and what it means in terms of free will, evolution, etc. Recognize that it is not about you, and actually the self, you are just an illusion. I hope this helps :)
By the way, for a long term solution, and not to face these problems in the first place, please learn about the Resource Based Economy as well :)
"Stress" is really just a re-brand of the word "fear" in the specific situation of bad performing in things like work/studies/school and social life. Fear of inadequacy in any area of our life is pretty common and one has to confront these fears and work through them like any other fear.
Hello Maria! The man who coined the term stress, Dr. Hans Selye says:
" Only dead man have no stress".
It may sound depressing, but it is also consoling somehow. I once watched a documentary on youtube called " Stress: The Portrait of a Killer". It shows the work of the world famous zoologist, Robert Sapolsky who studied this phenomena on baboons. We aren't much different from them you know...
As for the solution, what really, really helps is Mindfulness meditation. You can watch a short lesson about this from Yale University if you search for:
" Human Emotion 18.2: Emotions and Health II (Mindfulness)"
The professor there, June Gruber, recommends the guided meditation podcasts from UCLA that you can download for free. Just search in Itunes for:
UCLA Hammer Meditation.
There are several episodes. You can start with one of these:
Deepen your concentration
Using Meditation anchor
Best wishes:-)
Lua Veli Is that the Stanford University professor?
Good morning Alicia. If you mean Robert Sapolsky , yes he is. I am addicted to a podcast called " The 7th Avenue Project". They have a great episode with Sapolsky if you wish to listen. Have a nice Sunday:-)
My mother takes every opportunity to remind me of my shortcomings. It is now her hobby to stab into my wounds. No matter how rational i am, or how well i argue my case, her sheer tenacity in bringing up the same points over and over again (like how i did badly in high school 5 years ago) is getting me down. I am growing emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually, but it makes me sad that there are people who would rather hurt their own children than try to understand their own issues.
I love the fact that the drawing style changed when the kid got older at 1:10 .
That's actually the development of how kids learn to draw people.
There is so much detail in this, I love it :D
Man writing of this channels' videos are so beautiful. Ideas and word choices, structures, illustrations. Just so beautiful. I got nothing to say more than this. Thank you so much.
i swear one of the reasons i want to get a job soon is to have the money to be able to support your great work .
thank you so much , i'm so grateful for your existence
Thank you for this. This is much needed in my life as I've struggled for so long to "grow up". I'm 30 and have seem to hit a crisis where I suddenly realize why everyone disliked me in the past all the way to 30 and why I've been making the same mistakes over and over. It was a hard hit of reality, I'm still recovering from the blow, but it was necessary. Now I feel very strange, too strange and afraid to be myself or even talk to others less my old mindset kicks in and I again piss off someone else and lose them. I will try and implement these in my experiences and hope for the best. Cheers!
Another spot on film. I like the idea of the islands. I've got a chronic illness and am stuck in bed. I can't read or chat or watch something remotely dense anymore. These are a lifeline for my mind, soul and spirt. They are always such a tempting appearance and title, which always delivers. Thank you! 🌟
Not no one or thing in this world can teach you how to grow up. You know yourself you got that voice in your head which helps you decide on what's right or wrong. Go from there and you'll grow alright
i really love this channel for explaining things i always think about but can't really put into words
Wow......one of your most beautiful videos to date! Thank you. As a 35-year-old with two children, the oldest of which is 12, I think a lot about how to help foster my children's development as well as my own. This particular video has encouraged and inspired me, right to my core. 👍
It is simple. Keep reading. Most people never read anything beyond their school years.
This video is fantastic. One of the best ones, in my opinion
"Kids entertain themselves to stay away from boredom. I bore my self to avoid being distracted."
I love that the drawings of woman have body hair. Another reason to love The School of Life! :)
I love this
Finally someone pays attention to the internal revolutions of the late teens, twenties, and thirties!
I always want to meet these great RUclips creators and say thank you for helping me
I love this channel! This reminds me of a video I put out a couple of weeks ago. keep it up guys! You're way better at doing what I'm doing!
This channel is beyond their time. People just want to be funny in the comments, and it works. Don't let that take away from the real messages in these videos!
Fantastic video! Thank you so much School of Life! I truly hope this idea catches on and our society as a whole becomes more aware and more encouraging of the continuation of growing up, or maturing emotionally. Again, thank you for this thoughtful and amazing video!
absolutely fantastic .. you guys are the best
school of life has helped me grow up emotionally since before I turned 16 and finished growing up physically :)
This video is so well put together. Well done :)
can you do an episode on having a hard moment in life and it's different results on each person
Selamun aleykum Ahmed. If you wish, you can watch the following talk on TED's website. I've found it very helpful:
" Andrew Solomon: How The Worst Moments In Our Lives Makes Us Who We Are".
Best wishes:-)
Watch dr Jordan Peterson
what im going through at the moment of learning more about myself and life
Love your videos! Headed over to the SoL store after your prompt and bought myself a confessions card game =D mega excited ^_^ keep up the good work guys =)
Thank you for this well-written video. That same thing happened to me when I was 33. Kind of cheery, though. For people who have normal life spans, there are milestones of decline.
Yes, Alain. I can absolutely see this in my life and surrounding others...I am still growing up. In fact, the new studies in personality have dispelled some long held beliefs, one being that personality is static.
Thank you so much ! I really appreciate this video. It gave me new hope... 🥳😎👂🧐😤😊😊😊😊
Grow your mind, your wisdom, your independence. Get used to doing the things you don’t want to. Accept responsibility and don’t become to comfortable or attached. It’s okay to let go and accept new things.
this is deeply helpful. thank you
Most people never grow up. It's crucial to keep a child's curiosity about the world.How else is one to learn new things? but it's necessary to rise above and outgrow the impertinent values that a child holds dear. that is what growing up is
Beg to differ, there's a difference between childish and child-like, the former being what you call 'a child holds dear' such as selfishness and immaturity, while the latter is quite literally 'growing up', but in an emotional, mental, psychological and philosophical sense. In the video's sense, 'never grow up' is saying 'never improving'. That is what childish people misunderstand, thinking that 'growing up' is a goal. Instead, we must look at 'growing up' as a journey, a constant walk towards self-improvement, and the improvement of the world around us.
Mr. Fabulous, the gardevoir What's your take on "grown up"?
If you're asking for the type of person, that would be someone on the road of ever-constant improvement. Someone who takes his position not as a destination, but as a springboard towards new literal-heights in maturity and excellence.
Mr fabulous, the gardevoir, call That Nietzsche's will to power
such captivating and creative imagery!
Another great video thanks
Brilliant ideas and killer animation! Wow!
I love this guys videos and content
I love this channel so much
These videos are great for helping to quell imposter syndrome.
This is in very stark contrast with what the School of Life rightly recognized as the only markers of adult success in mainstream culture: income, power, accolades acquired (degrees, titles, etc.) and, two that have tremendous effects on everyone's life from the sexual to the professional but that nobody seems to be willing to admit they're conditioned to care about, physical beauty and the economic status and beauty, as well as number, of partners they attract. All of these things are mostly, or entirely predetermined by your genetics and social environment while growing up.
It's good to see someone acknowledge the aspects of inner growth that a human being *can* control.
I'm super glad about this particular video as im taking 3 sociology classes in school and got finals next week. Tomorrow i will take a test on Heitmeyers explanation for teen violence and might include some of your thought processes. Great Videos, i'm loving your content
exoqqen you better cite your sources: youtube
Amazing visuals!
Love your videos! SoL helps me grow. I enjoyed the animations in this one, and of course the content as usual ^_^
How to keep growing: Keep posting comment on every channel :3
What happens if you're Peter Pan
What if you're Benjamin Button?
if you mean physically not 'growing up', then that depends on what stage of life your body has been put into stasis, but perhaps if one's body doesn't physically mature beyond that, then perhaps your body has indeed 'grown maximally'
but same goes for not 'growing up' mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and philosophically, and that is something that you, as an individual, must FEAR GREATLY. for as the saying goes, 'rolling stones gather no moss'
@Mohammad Nrg I think the video pertains more to mentally/emotionally/psychologically 'growing up'. A video about Benjamin Button's physical regression would be more a subject of biology than of a School of Life video. :3
Chris Hoang if you can fly you may never-land
You hang out with us in the comments section................
Thank you, School of Life.
Huge fan of your channel, keep up the great work!
Also! I think it would be very interesting for you to do a video on dark humour.
I love this channel!
beautiful animations!
Milton Erickson did cover this concept rather well and it is documented by Jay Haley in "Uncommon Therapy: The Psychiatric Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D."
I'm to blame for everything wrong with me is a sentence i should rethink and incorporate in my curent situation. I'll be 24 this year and i think this represents a turning point in the decision of chosing a direction for my life. The main point is that i still haven't finished getting my college diploma, and this is one of the things still "pestering" my existence. My dating life has interfered with my studies and i discovered now i chose the wrong partener for myself. The main issue remains how do i change these things and finally take the handles for directing my own life. Its in the stop feeling sorry for yourself category and just take control of the things you can change and stop worrying about what you can't, it's very difficult i find.
Absolutely Amazing
great work; more detailed videos on the topic would be appreciated :)
Could you guys please make a video on 'How to handle pressure' or maybe 'How to thrive when put under stress'? It would be incredibly useful
Congratulations on being the trending page guys!
I am growing and changing every week.
*journey
really great video of steps or whatever to grown uphood
Thank you do much for this video, I wish more people could understand this. In my county, after 10th grade we're supposed to choose a very specific career course and undergo intensive training for the same. We're told to cut off everything else until we join a college which is absolutely absurd! How does one expect a 15 year old to inhibit mental growth entirely for two whole years? It makes so many students blame themselves for not knowing exactly what they want to do in life after 10th grade. I wish more people had told me this two years ago. * sigh *
More people need to watch this
That map near the end of the video was genius! Many of us learn by being shown over being told and I never thought about what you said about knowing the development stages of a child but nothing of the adolescent adult. Would you consider making a map like that?
Another wonderful video. Thank you. PS: You should be awarded the Nobel price for peace. War comes from a lack of self-awareness and not growing up emotionally. Should be part of the school curriculum of any child, starting in Primary. Thank you for all you do @SchoolOfLife.
Merci beaucoup 🙏🏼
GREAT CONTENT
Thanks for this. It's really helping me become the person that I want to be.
Justin Trovrt What do you want to be?
A writer...
great video
Having an eyegasm with the illustrations and animation of this video. Good work peepz!
Awesome!
Nietzsche once said that joy is the feeling of one’s power increasing.
can you please please make a video about how to motivate oneself work hard and overcome procrastination? Probably theres lots to talk about that
Great for ny resolutions!!!!
Can you do an episode on pets? Bonding/deep attachment, unconditional love, psychological development, family/fur babies, compassion/sympathy, venerability/understanding, so forth.
Thanks
Came for the images 😍😍😍😍
im 14 and im already ready to work and start some serious bussines
Not sure what culture says you're an adult at 16, but I have literally only ever heard "you never stop growing" from everyone.
you help me grow up SOL. Thank you
This is really true. Even on a physical not, most people don't realize puberty lasts until you're 26... we are growing all the time, but most institutions really only support and reward people for it until around 17 or so. This makes it hard to "grow up" as it's used in the context of the video for even neurotypical people, let alone anyone with any sort of mental condition or disability. It feels like people care less and less about people the more real and individual they become; unborn > babies > children > teens > everything else > adults.
This is excellent. Is there a way to buy the map scene as a poster? I would love to put that up in my room!
Any chance we could get that beautiful map at the end as a poster/pdf? It's glorious.
The urgency of self affirmation
impressive
Erik Erikson proposed several stages of psychosocial development that span from infancy to adulthood
hi guys can you do a whole series of get to know the real you on you tube or make it into a playlist so I could have it for myself I would be very grateful if you do this thanks.