When YOU Finally Abandon The Narcissist
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- A common conception about is that narcissists are powerful and are not affected so much by you actually leaving them, as they just go on to the next supply source. In actual fact, although Narcissists don’t attach to people in the normal way, they do have a clingy dependence on their sources of Narcissistic supply. Let’s delve into this further as with clarity we further advance our wonderful healing journeys.
Coaching Enquiries - narcscon@gmail.com
Audio only version available on all major podcast hosting platforms including Utube
Channel Support - Superthanks and PayPal link in the about channel section with thanks and appreciation
You don't abandon them for revenge,it's to save your own life.
Alleluia. He said to me VERY plainly..."I never believed you would actually leave me." No matter WHAT he said, or did to me.
Helpful video. Thanks 😊
2 Timothy chapter 3. Have nothing to do with these people.
🙏 Amen!
🙏🌹
From such turn away. God tells us to flee from these people because they are filled with unnatural affection.
Yes. Enablers will try to make you feel guilty about it, but don't listen to them. I wish I'd known to run away long ago.
Wow I never thought to apply this scripture.. I did think of Revelation 22 .. the verse that says let the wicked continue to be wicked and the righteous continue to be righteous.. but I like using the 2 Timothy one .. my son keeps arguing with me and my daughter saying it's basically not Christian to walk away from my mom ,sisters, and my mother in law who are presently extremely abusive, gaslighting in doing horrible things to cause pain and get a reaction.
Abandoning my cruel narcissist (after 20 years), was the BEST thing I’d ever done for myself years ago.
Omg please gift me some of your strength 😢
I’m so happy for you ❤
Please live your life to the fullest ❤❤❤
@@RaccoonNationYou might find strength from finding your inner self through meditation.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy is a very supportive channel.
Also Alba Weinman, Dolores Cannon and Next Level Soul all talk about our past lives and near death experiences. The deeper reasons we get into these tough experiences.
And Abraham-Hicks tells us how to percieve the world with a positive outlook.
Our most important relationship is with our spirit guide. They are there from day one and do nothing but focus on us, all we have to do is ask for their help and you'll be surprised how much they can do.
It's really amazing how they can manipulate things to happen or not happen. They have more power than most people ever realize. All they need is our permission and they will be there. They love us and it doesn't waver.
I hope the best for you my raccoon friend. 🍻🙏🤞💥
Home improvement. Save yourself.
Me too, so hard!@@RaccoonNation
I fled the 16 yr hideous marriage. It almost killed me. homeless, marriage-less, friendless, jobless, being gaslighted. I was institutionalized. He almost killed me as I was not only being mentally abused daily and physically abused too. Cheated on relentlessly. I fled to another country and had to fight like hell to keep them away from me and my children. Protective orders etc etc. Healing was horrible and simultaneously beautiful. I look back at it with a certain nostalgia because I was so close to God. Right now Im so grateful. So very grateful to be free!
Happy to hear you’re free 🌹
God bless you 🙏💜
@@NarcCon Thank you!! ❤️
@@audreyandrea460 Thanks!❤️🙏
I am survivor, my story is close to yours , my narc tried to kill me many times, my narc mastermind and manipulate my son's homicide. It was almost impossible for me to get out. My step dad gave me to women and children sex trafficking, my holder was narcissist. Research -Myths and Facts about women and children sex trafficking. Arizona is main destination and transit point for child sex & hard labor. Stokes & Jolly Ltd professor Richard Kellogg Jolly teaches businesses/ Democrat's how to traffic. Jolly is leader of sex trafficking.
Thank you Jesus for delivering us from evil 🙌
Amen. ❤
Jesus didn’t, I removed myself.
@@emmarae4322 no matter how it happened I'm glad you did. You should still be greatful to God that he protected you during the abuse it could have been worse. Nevertheless don't discredit God he was in the mix.
@Lonesomedrifter54 don't be silly narcissist have demonic entity called the Jezebel spirit research it any demon is a destroyer if a person got away it's because God delivered them, period ain't nobody mad about getting away from an abuser but a devil
Amen
Narcissistic abuse over time alters ones brain and body chemistry. The cure is to completely severe any and all contact permanently ! That coupled with a excellent therapist. I got my life back 5 years ago on Christmas . It was completely abandoning the narcissist ! it was the best thing i have every done for myself . I am worth it !
Sad, but I think it's true 😢
Narc abuse is devastating to the mind and body.
I also had my last crazy scene on Christmas...December 2022. I was very hurt, after decades of forgiveness, I could take it no more. Extremely difficult decision, but I can breathe and feel good about myself, finally. Sibling rivalry...
Christmas 2014 I threw my ex out after being destroyed for years,then the whole Christmas and New year I was bated constantly for two weeks, I think this was to get me to finish it after 34 years because I found out later he had new supply waiting in the wings.
Very deep but spot on, as they get older they become sociopathic
My narc was born with FASD and yes turned sociopath, psychopath narcissist. Very dangerous !!!
They are already sociopathic
@paulinsky53 it's a chronic mental illness with very violent social behavior.
One day I was in my truck sitting at Red light when my narc got behind me with his truck and pushed me into intersection with moving traffic . It was scary . He has done many dangerous acts .
They hate us. They can't stand normal people who aren't in constant inner turmoil wrestling with demons.
They want to take anything/everything they can from us, they want to hurt us as much as possible.
My father tried to get me hurt by leaving me places, tried to get me to eliminate myself from a very young age, even installing a swing in the garage over a cement floor...
He's tried to have me committed for telling on him.
He would do just about anything to hurt me and he has. He wants me to have a nervous breakdown.
They are truly full of demons.
I had a psychic tell me I will never see him again once he passes. I can't wait for my freedom, for my life to start.
He's 93, I'm 57. For the past twelve years I've been stuck with him everyday except for a handful of times.
Last time I tried he said he'd burn down the house with my cats in it. 😮💨 He's a very nasty pos, a baby in an old man's body. Won't ever take responsibility for anything.
Who ever thinks its cruel to abandon a narcarcist,has never had a life time of abuse from partners,siblings or friends .it took me a long time to realise what these horrible peoples tactics are and only for this platform I would be still deeply wounded,where as now I can see it for what it was,getting rid of some was the best thing I ever done. Grey rocked the rest.these are not good people there's evil in there.
Yeah. Some people don't understand. We know though. My family primed me for abuse from friends and partners. I'm not taking it anymore. Dumped some, grey rocking some. Loving my pets is my top priority now.
@raven4090 good for you 👍
@@kimmjenn8990 Yes, that's exactly what I meant. 👍🏻
@@raven4090🍻🫂💝🐶🐱🐽🐹🐰
True evil. Absolutely 💯
I was raised by them, had past relationships with them, were friends with them and worked with them.
You can not talk to a narcissist and make them see their abusive behaviour.
The only way to manage them is cold indifference.
Yep.👍🙂
Yep. Don’t get involved don’t react. Be a smooth gray rock. Water and chaos can flow around you, but not penetrate (you) the rock to make it crack.
No Contact if possible, Grey Rock at least.
@@wayneelliott1180 that’s it exactly…starve them of what they want the most. My father still reaches out from time to time and he gets complete silence.
Oh they see and fully KNOW their abusive behavior
I had no other recourse but to (oh dare I say it) ABANDON this animal of a human being after 18 years of blame, belittlement, controlling “marriage”. It was NO marriage but a con job from the very beginning. Oh,and to that person who said it was ‘cruel’ to abandon a person this way has obviously NEVER experienced narcissism
💯❤️
Congratulations and blessi gs to you. AND you survived!
Happy healing. It's getting better.
The parent-child see-saw is so evident! How can anyone take that seriously?
Run!
I agree 💯
Yes true 🌹
I’ve been no contact from my ex covert narc for 45 days it wasn’t easy. However , I saw this situation for what it was and chose me. I went cold Turkey we had an argument and she did her normal narc behavior and I took my bag walked out and never looked back. I don’t care about being the villain she is always the victim and someone is always doing something to her! So she can go ahead and find some one she can control but that won’t be me!!
No contact is necessary to preserve our mental health these creatures are not human. Feeling guilt or hopeful gets used against us.
Yes
It's the only true way to stop their abuse
Yes my son is autistic he's 28 he's also she has like all four of them I think list or demonic demons are all the same he tries to start fights with me so I immediately just go to my room and close the door most of the time he likes it when I leave and go to my room he doesn't want me out there with him he lives in his own little world when I try to be nice to him like I always am he's mean he does things you know just to be mean to me I'll give him a Coke or some ice cream and say oh well that's really great you got ice cream and then he just rolls his eyes at me play he doesn't like me at all and I have no idea why because I'm a nice person play used to be so nice but since I've had my son he's brought the devil out in me you know how you can just be the nicest person and then all the sudden you feel like you're so angry and you don't know why and you don't understand why and you know why are people so mean and all that stuff you just stuff just starts going through your head and I'm thinking of myselfwhy is my son so mean to me what have I done I've never done anything bad to him I treat him like a king it gets everything he wants I've always made sure that I cook for him I wash him for him wash his hair for him I do everything for him he wants me to do everything but when he washes himself he just runs his arm up and down his chest one time and then he's done a lot of things he does similar he has no patience he gets mad really easy I've been lucky he's never tried to hit me or hurt me I heard in Tennessee that autistic kids beat the hell out of their parents I said oh no not mine he ain't going to do that to me but I do feel sorry for those parents the funniest thing is that it's inherited because my husband acted the same way one thing that killed me about what my husband said to me I actually believed it and I still to this very day I'm still believing it what he said to me was I'm an alien play laughed at him I said you ain't no alien he says yes I am so has anybody ever heard of anybody being an alien from space has anybody ever have their husband tell them that their alien I mean it's okay to talk about it I mean no one's going to think you're crazy I'm just wondering if anybody has done any research on aliens and what they're like they have lots of videos out there about these aliens and they talked and everything it's called the CIA confidential documents or something like that anyway they have like 1314 recorded videos about these aliens and that they're actually talking on the video showing themselves who they are some of them look like they're part human and they have a alien head and their shoulders are really narrow like small little shoulders with a big head now I know this sounds crazy but I'm just wondering if there's any of your husband's ever told anybody that they're an alien to your face I'm just curious to know because if my son is part alien because my husband is one then maybe that's what this narcissism stuff is all about maybe aliens they only think of themselves there is evil aliens in there the gray ones if you see small grey aliens they are the evil ones you have to watch out for them so studying aliens actually we can find out why are kids are narcissists aliens stop mating with humans in the 1970s so if you have anything to say please write me back
I also think narcissism has something to do with your children are way too smart in other words my son's grandfather was so very smart super smart then my husband he was super smart now my son he's super smart but he's just considered slow like lazy he's not slow he's just lazy he don't want to do nothing he wants me to do everything for him
Funniest thing is my son has never been a narcissist until my husband died when I told him your daddy died and it went to heaven he kick the fence and walked around in circles for a little while in every since then he's had nothing but a attitude narcissism all that stuff grew stronger and stronger and stronger in the older he gets the worse he's getting does anybody have any ideas cuz I could sure use them I have raised this kid all by myself he cannot talk he acts out everything just like a narcissism Acts play that's why I say he's super smart he don't need to talk Jesus is his body language and everything else to talk to me he's been to the speech therapist he's been to a sign language therapist they all just said he don't want to do nothing he's lazy I was out in Tennessee when they said this crap and then I took him to California they said the same thing he's not working with us he didn't want to do nothing yeah he goes into a rage when you tell him what to do he doesn't like being told what to do he'll throw himself on the floor especially if you have company anything you can do to control the situation that's what he doesthe only time he wants me there is when he wants his chips and sodas play he's really super nice when he gets his chips and his sodas and then as soon as we get home he starts acting like a real smart butt
Its been 10 months no contact, 1 hoover ignored, some online stalking, but today Im standing in my power, dating and thank God he saved me from this toxic demon. Never would I endanger my mental soundness for a negative, toxic, liar, cheat, and coward to enter my life. Thanks Paula for all you do..
Amazing 🙌🙌🙌
🙋♀️🙏🌹
And not just endangering your mental soundness but your health/life or death circumstances, Considering their cheating, I'm talking about venereal diseases that can't be washed off.
I've been no contact for 17 months but I can't date I don't think I ever will again but I'm 61 my peace means more to me then having a romantic relationship
Keep walking 2 yrs 4 me and they still stalking me.i walk right pass em😂😂😂😂😂😂😂game over stay quit.noooo contact period..................😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I remember after I left for a while and went back he said “ you cannot do that again , you cannot just leave me “ It’s really strange how a Narcissist recognizes their own needs but never see the needs of others.
True.
It’s almost like we all have lived with the exact experiences. It’s truly eye opening.
That's how we can tell it's demonic. They all follow the same rules. They all react and do the same things. They feed off of our emotions.
The only time my dad is happy is when he's gotten me fuming mad and screaming at him. Then he grins from ear to ear like it's the best thing ever.
Yep. I left my wife 3 times before I left forever. Each time she would say, "you can't keep doing this" which said to me that she thought that the problem was me not her. She didn't just ask herself "why is this happening?". Nope it wasn't her, it was me. No self reflection on her part which is sad because if she had we might still be together. But narc's can never accept any culpability at all so they never learn from their mistakes.
@@spindrifter7519 absolutely
Mine is playing the victim and trying to make me look bad to everyone. This is actually the toughest part of the entire abuse and breakup. 🙏
Welcome to my world. They are professional victims. They will cheat and lie to u and you must be sorry to them for what they did to you loool
They hate you for what they did to you coz u found out or question them and there accountability. Run lol
I went thru this after ending my marriage. It will get better. Let me say it again IT WILL GET BETTER because you will get stronger and you will realize that whoever is willing to believe their lies having experienced you for themselves aren’t for you or standing with you. It hurts but it’s better to know it then trust them. And anyone who doesn’t know you but believes him weren’t relevant anyway. Be strong. Be still. Don’t react or respond. Simply rise above the chaos.
@@gigga693 i truly appreciate this! I have stayed no contact and felt so much better until I heard abt this smear campaign that’s going on. I have a class reunion this weekend and I am extremely stressed because it will be in the same small town with some people there that see my ex at the bar every day so it worries me that I will feel uncomfortable, and possibly will be watched only to go tell him that I was there and looked bad or whatever. I’m working so hard and also mourning the loss of my sweet sweet mom. Losing her is the worst pain I’ve ever been through in my 53yrs. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. 🙏❤️
@@r2023rr thank you so much! This is the most anxiety I’ve ever had to go through! I keep reminding myself of how bad he was for me for 7yrs. 🙏❤️
@@djw8504 I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. My prayers of comfort and peace are with you.
A big part of narc recovery is radical acceptance, so yes accept that it will be a bit uncomfortable. But see your glass as half full. You no longer have to live in misery with the narc. The classmates that will gossip, you only have to be around for 1 day or a weekend. It’s not forever. Also, the classmates that will watch and gossip have their own issues they want no one to know about, you you get to live in your truth. Bask in it. Accepting your reality is actually liberating when we realize what matters isn’t the opinions of others who are also just trying to survive life.
Your weekend will be fun! You get to reconnect with some, be discerning of others, and just enjoy yourself. Don’t let him live rent free in your head or ruin your experiences. That’s honestly what he’s hoping will happen that you’ll wither away because of all the pain and psychology turmoil. Rise! Push through! If you ever need to come back to this post for encouragement, feel free. I know how hard it was in the beginning. It will get better.
Narcissism is driven by a really dark force. That is true, Paula. He one asked me, “Do you think you can love me with this darkness inside me?” He knew!! (But he wasn’t interested in getting rid of his darkness. He was looking for someone who could put up with it and would tolerate it, and all his bad behaviour.)
💯 spot on
They ABSOLUTELY know what they're doing. 💀☠️🤡👹
💯. They have no intention of changing. The Narcissist said to me that there was no going back for him. Like he'd sold his soul to something.
Wow Lorraine yes I think they know and sometimes feel ok to let it out 🌹
@@kimmjenn8990👍 👍👍
You WILL have days in the sun, don’t give up.
🦋🌺🌸🌲
🥰
They became narcissists because they could not forgive, forget or repent of those past childhood traumas . We all have some traumas but we don't carry the grudges
Why should the repent for abuse done to them?
And too cowardly to deal with the issues.
So here is the crux of a relationship with a narcissist: Either you abandon them, or you abandon yourself. I realized years ago that I had only two choices when it came to my narcissistic family: Abusive family or No family. I finally went no-contact with them 11 years ago. Best relationship decision I ever made in my life. But so sad that I didn’t do it years earlier.
At 46 i sure wish id known sooner. It hurt me financially, physically, and mentally i can take it but i just wish for some peace and tranquility. Had to leave my 2 family members. Made mistakes wasting time and money.
This channel helps so much...
I nearly got pulled back in by the Hoover after leaving him, until I recognized all the same twisted sadistic head games he had always played and then acting like he was the victim. They never change! Run and don’t look back!
Sameeee
It is so hard to leave a narcissist. To walk away. Yes you feel like you've abandoned yourself. The guilt is huge.
@janettgd.....Not for me. I didn't feel one bit of guilt, just a massive relief like someone had taken a huge weight off my shoulders. My health also improved. That's how I know it was the right decision. I had decades of their crap..
What do you mean?
Abandoning a narcissist is not abandoning a "person". Narcissists abandoned themselves in their childhood and became a fictitious entity, like a robot without empathy, like an energy vampire, like a predator. So what one abandons is not a person; it's a monster.
Jesus said “shake the dust from your feet” - You are only encouraging and feeding the hungry lion, out to devour you, if you respond to their Hoovers.
Have the last word, by not having the last word.
Amen
Paula, please do a video on how destructive a narcissist is to your overall well being. I think society may see only one destructive thing a narcissist does and says, "well that's not that bad, why did you cut them off"? Not realizing the whole picture. Narcissists are more dangerous than society admits and they can really cause a lot of destruction. No more turning the other cheek to such people.
I find that when you overcome the people pleasing problem and put yourself first then you won't care what anyone else says. You can only save yourself.
I think the problem is that their abuse can be so insidious at first. You've got to realise you're being attacked before you can stand up for yourself, and their behaviour is designed to throw you off balance. Some awareness spreading of how their disorder makes them operate wouldn't go amiss.
@@JH-td4mn It's a demonic spirit. A spell. By the time it's realized you're already in the web. Demons.
I’ve made a vid about how to explain narcissism to others hope that is helpful 🌹
Spot on 💯
Yeah. We definitely have to abandon ourselves for them. After all the horrible things he did to me including severe debt, attempted murder, and permanently damaging my vision in different events, anyone who tells me that abandoning him is not nice, can get stuffed. I'm taking care of me now.
I totally agree with you.Unless you've walked in our shoes mind their own business.My ex narc nearly sent me crazy and enjoyed doing so like a game of chess
I just had to share today and hope to encourage someone. I realized last night that I hadn’t thought about ex narc for the first time in over 5 years! It had been days, I believe, since he even crossed my mind. I seriously gave glory to God because I honestly was wondering if I’d ever get to this point.
I’d like to share my story.
I met him online and our first date was a lunch date about 2 weeks later. There was really no love bombing. He was covert and actually acted somewhat indifferent. I thought he was just a bit shy, seemed like he didn’t have a lot of relationship/dating experience, and not a ton of confidence. We had “a lot in common” and conversation came easy. I wasn’t overly attracted but he was tall and good looking and had an almost boyish “innocence”. What really hooked me was that he was in no rush to make things physical even though he was affectionate. We didn’t even kiss for 3 months and didn’t sleep together til month 5.
Around the 8 month mark, I can look back now and see the devaluation stage started. He was late constantly for dates, forgot plans, etc. I was the one doing most of the work to see each other.
Our first break up was at about month 10. I was SO confused with his behavior. I found out some info about his past relationship that I really felt he should have disclosed. Anyhow after trying to communicate about it and being stonewalled, given the silent treatment, etc. I broke it off. However, severe damage was already done and knowing what I know now, I was definitely trauma bonded.
We started over about 2 months later and the crazy cycle continued. For 5 years, things would be amazing for a few months, devaluation would start again, and then either he or I would call it quits.
In the summer of 2021, I ended it after he left me hanging in the middle of a huge move. (He always did that when I needed him the most)
I went a full year of no contact but pined for him every day! I still didn’t realize he had NPD. I honestly thought he might have Asperger’s. Again, I never got through the state of confusion and the bond felt spiritual. I tried everything to break it.
We reconnected at a memorial service for a mutual friend late last summer. By mid fall we were “in a relationship” again. However, this time when the devaluation started I felt different. I started learning about NPD and knew this is what was really going on. After basically leaving me for dead during one of his silent treatments, I broke it off again on February, went no contact again(blocked him) and really started a deep dive into why in the world I kept giving this jerk chance after chance to only end up devastated.
I started to connect with my inner child and while I was still battling depression and low motivation, I was no longer confused! I started a morning routine of prayer and taking to my creator. Day by day, I was starting to focus more on me and be present. Even if that was only 10 minutes in a day, it was more than I had been able to do for the last 5 years.
Now 6 months later, I am able to spend an entire day focused on me and my life in the present! I am so thankful!!!!!
Please Dont give up. There is light at the end of this tunnel and I believe we will come back stronger, wiser, and with more peace than ever from the lesson. I see the relationship as a huge lesson now. I’m not bitter. I think I could love again, but for now, I am concentrating on loving myself and those in my circle that I love and love me in return. (Friends and family)
I pray each and everyone of us will be restored to better than we ever were.❤️
Beautiful thank you for sharing 🌹🌹
Thank you ❤❤❤
thank you for the words at the end. of how you began to care for yourself. the old think habits are deeply ingrained and can seem like a swamp I am stuck in. yet I know the value of practice...ill walk in your foot steps.
I educated myself on NPD so was aware what I was dealing with. I ABANDONED that DEMON and am glad and a better person for it. I resented being targeted by that monster, no decent person should have to deal with them. I truly hope I destroyed him (3 yrs no contact) because he had no problem trying g to destroy me. I walked out the door never looked back❤❤
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I left my ex narc and was informed that he impregnated a woman during our relationship. I work at a restaurant on Sundays. Saturday night I felt uneasy and couldn’t sleep, just a foreboding feeling, couldn’t put my finger on the reason behind it. Anyway I’m at the restaurant working and in walks the narc and his pregnant girlfriend looking loved up and smug. I handled it like a champ but felt so depressed today, so thanks so much for this video❤
You are well shot of him! 🎉Good luck to you. She is stuck with him.
@@RM-mx1ui thank you💕
Better her than you!!!❤❤❤ It still stings…you deserve real love! 😘
Hard as it is now you avoided a terrible future..his now supply will soon unfortunately pay a high price 🌹
@@NarcCon🥹❤️❤️
When you finally leave the narcissist, you realize how peaceful life is w/out him/her. ☮️
So peaceful 😊
@@NarcCon Agreed 💯
Isn't it wonderful, a feeling that weight has been lifted from your shoulders?
I have left the 30 year marriage to a brilliant theoretical physicist who is a narcissist. I have been drowning along with dissolving my identity and ego strength. He 100% fits all the description you share on this site. I thought I would heal him by nurturing him. This turned out to an impossible situation, not a reciprocal relationship. With time out , 4 years, I have gradually have been reclaiming myself. The load of the burden has been progressively been lifting. My eyes, heart and mind has been amazed that I can have enjoyable relationships and have had these friendships for up to 50 years and make new friends with current activities. I choose to not reach out to him. I choose not be abused. I do not feel obligated to be in a psychological pathological toxic relationship. Thank you❤
🙏🌹🌹
Totally with you Paula, your last words are sooo true and I am now at the end of that dark tunnel and YES I can see the light. So true Paula, thank you!
I came across your videos in my darkest of moments three years ago....after "leaving " my husband.
Exhausted depleted depressed and many years of being cheated on, lied to, gaslit, manipulated and controlled I took on the responsibility of letting go.....it was the hardest decision ever, after 36 years of marriage....I had already started to work on myself before taking the decision, so it was not on "impulse".
In the here and now, in the present moment, as I am writing , I have never been so happy and oh so grateful!!
I have been blessed with a new found freedom, self respect, autonomy, and so much creativitty.
Thank you!
Diana this is such good news thanks for sharing the journey 🌹🌹
Once I refused to wait on him hand and foot I became very sick, in bed on a liquid diet. I Haden made notes in odd places for myself that started me realizing how dangerous he had become. He was leaving I believe to new supply and he had a large life ins. policy and so many sick pieces. He accidentally left his vpn open and there everything I had ever accused him of and much much more. I was actively ready to with go bags in 2locations so I could run in the frozen night. Days before I was going to run I said two words that let him know I had seen all his sin and came after me with a knife, he was arrested. It’s been 6 months he has a plea in court tomorrow he’s been far away in state knowing he in town is horrifying. Be careful of these dark ones.
🌹🌹
Never ever let an narctassic know that you know something about them or never let them know you're next move you documents and take photos. Once you let a narcissist know something it can be dangerous. Tell someone you can trust.always listen to the red flags. When you go to court take some one with you move far away change your number. Don't tell everything you do go in silence.plan smart.
That's how the narcissist keeps the person in the circle suck of shit, is by knowing or hoping the empath will not go against their own cardinal rules of law. Which is being selfless,forgiving, loving, nurturing and compassionate. Like you said, unless you abandon the narcissist, you are forced to abandon yourself. This is the real true workings of Satan in the narcissist. The love of money may be the root of all evil...but the lover of it is the narc...
This explanation was brilliant and so incredibly accurate. Those of us who've lived it, are living it, we know how spot on Paula is here.
🙏🌹
Absolutely, they do it to ppl without hesitation and exactly I had to chose myself to save after I had a breakdown due to narcissist abuse. So that person who said that it's a cruel and horrible thing to abandon a person has obviously never dealt with one .
Again, they are flying monkeys for narcs without realizing it
I’m glad you covered the parent child dynamic and the reversal of those roles within the disordered partner. It was always a head scratcher to me. Mine would ask for permission to go do things like ride his bike. Just like a kid, no joke! I’d say you can do as you like, I’m your wife, not your mother. I really hated that. Or if I said something he didn’t like he’d say “yes, mother” it was seriously creepy. I couldn’t go anywhere without him feeling like i was abandoning him, it was during these times I’d catch him on dating sites or find out he was having emotional affairs and likely physical ones too. In the end Im the one who said get help or we’re done…and all the usual hellish things ensued. Hoovering, smear campaign, legal nightmare, financial ruin. We were separated 7 mos. He was the one who filed and I was so relieved. He married again very quickly. He had a destructive force and it was consuming us all. I’m so glad to be free from that darkness.
Remi is so adorable with his head on the pillow napping. ❤️
Aw thanks he’s a sweet fellow 🙏🐕
He is very loved and it is very noticable and thank you for all you do for us.
I've had to abandon my values to deal with my narcissist neighbour. 12 months after the most horrible discard possible, I just don't care about the bitch . I'm on holidays now without telling her . And I am loving it. Since I have been ignoring her for the past 6 weeks it has really confused her . Don't care about her any more. I'm over all the lies , deceit and the B.S . And for the first time in 12 months I feel normal again . Thank you to all RUclips video creators for your help. I got through it alive .
My neighbor impregnated me then abandoned us…sick individuals.
@@kimmjenn8990God is good my ex left me ..And I never felt better she's gone yes..
I have a narc neighbor and understand what you're going through. I cut him off completely, with no contact and no greetings. It's like he doesn't exist and he lives less than 5 ft from me.
I am still crying over something stupid as escaping my abuser. It's true you said how it may be the hardest thing we can do, abandoning someone we gave our heart and soul to. But it's either that or we fade away ei. "abandoning ourselves".
There was no "finally" in the situation with my narc daughter. She revealed her narcissistic traits in a 5 minute long fit of rage one day. The next day, I told her that I never wanted to see her again. It took less than 24 hours to reach that decision. I miss my grandson, but I'm not going to tolerate complete lunacy from anyone, especially when it frightened my wife, who has dementia.
Easy decision.
No snake.
No snakebite.
One of the best things about leaving the Narcissis is that you’ll notice they also have very very bad vibes very bad vibes, which bleed into your skin to your bones into your thoughts. I can’t describe it. Any other way. It leaves you empty and hurting for a long time, but in the long run, you force yourself out of that you walk yourself out of that and I can tell you you have more energy more thoughts about life about yourself about the things around you people around you and you will feel alive and you will see the sun absolutely
Spot on 👍
Narcissists do what they do to others…to instil fear, insecurity and (most importantly) ‘control’ over the target. If the target does the same thing back to the narcissist…it is to save themselves. Period. Two very different intentions. Let’s not forget that. Being forgiving to a narcissist…is interpreted only as ‘permission to do it again’. Let’s not forget that either. Everything is relative.
Very true. My narc dad was harassing me while coming closer in a threatening manner. In all my years of abuse I would normally submit and forgive, even after I was hit in the face and wrestled to the ground. NOT. THIS. TIME. I said to him " If you take one step closer I'm calling the police" he told me to go ahead while making sure that he backed up and eventually walked away (while still raging and saying the nastiest things). I attached a consequence, one that was tangible and serious and he ran with his tail between his legs. Don't ignore/forgive their behavior, like a child that likes to test boundaries they won't stop until YOU put a stop. Either by no contact or involving the law. Cowards.
@@themaine2289👏go girl❤️❤️🧡
20+ years ago the word was never heard. It would have saved alot of soul searching and misery if it had been known sooner. If you don't understand someone's behaviour or reactions, especially to emotional issues, the chances are you've got yourself a narc. Don't waste time looking for answers. There is only one. And the solution is " leave". Leave physically, mentally and emotionally. Job done.
Yes. I thought he was just selfish. Had no idea how much he resented me. Or enjoyed hurting me. That was astounding to learn, that he enjoyed my emotional pain. These videos have saved me.
My poor mother went through that from early 1940s when she married him with no engagement ring to when she died in early 1990s. She was his slave. Called him a mothers boy. Little did she know he had imposed that role on her.
I did 12 yrs in the hole, I must say you are so good at articulating these horrible beings. I still am alienated from my 14 yr old son. I pray everyday that the damage to him is not too bad, but I continue to educate myself as I feel I will be of service to him eventually 🙏🙏
You have an amazing attitude. Same. My kids didn’t speak to me due to the trauma they endured, my devaluation. Gaslighting. Stay strong! The truth is always revealed. The more you heal the more your children will follow suit. It even says so in the Bible. God bless! You are not alone!❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏👍
@@gabriellemaes4078 thanks for that❤️🙏
Yes, educating ourselves and understanding the how and why is the best gift we can give ourselves. Your son will no doubt wake up to what's real in time.
I should have went no contact with my narc mom when she kicked me out at 19 but I didn’t. Fast forward to me at 59 and I’ve finally gone no contact. I have no guilt, I gave her my whole life trying and making excuses for her. Don’t hold hope, there is no hope for their healing.
They just go from person to person same old game just a different person, and they will play the victim card with their so called friends aka flying monkeys, they abandoned themselves yrs ago,👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋🙏
I didn’t even have to go on a trip for him to feel abandoned. One day, he had an outburst and went into a fit of narcissistic rage. I was wiped out emotionally, and told him that I needed to go for a walk. He sat on the sofa and said, “I feel like you are abandoning me.” For me, I needed to burn off the rush of cortisol that was coursing through my body from the fight/ flight/ freeze response. Now, because of your explanation Paula, I understand what happened on that particular day. Thank you.
Spot on with the parent child dynamic observations! Before I realized I was dealing with a narcissist, it confused me greatly how my husband reacted before I was to leave for somewhere. Even if I was just going out to book club for the evening, he made sure I felt his anger and disappointment all afternoon. On occasions where I was to fly home to see my family for a few weeks, the sulking and meanness would start weeks before. I had a sense that he had abandonment issues, but I could never figure out why he'd treat me so miserably. Essentially, it felt like he was doing everything in his power to make sure I didn't want to come back! Crazy stuff! I put up with it for so long that he must have felt he could get away with anything and I wouldn't leave. There he was wrong. I served him with divorce papers and moved out in November. He was gobsmacked. Before I had found a flat, he'd given me yet another nickname..."Feindin" meaning "enemy" in German. After he saw that wasn't having the desired effect, he stopped and is focusing on damage control...in other words, making sure I don't go through with the divorce (I've put it on hold to keep the peace and spare our children the mudslinging that would surely ensue), which would mean his unmasking and he'd have to part with lots of money.
Good to hear you’re out..sending you strength for your wonderful new journey 🌹
I recently left an almost 4 year narcissistic abuse relationship and feel so free and light. It was literally killing me. I have absolutely no sense of regret for leaving someone who consistently daily reminded me of his many marriages, relationships and conquests. The final straw was when he sent a message to me that was intended for another woman. When i confronted him about it I was told that she would always have a place in his heart and if I couldn't handle that i could pack my sh-t and get out. Which is exactly what I did. Best thing I've done for myself in 4 years
🌹👌
If he thinks I'm not going to abandon him he better hang on because he's in for a surprise. I have about a month left trapped here and I have spent months getting my life in order so I can pack up and leave while he's on yet another play date.
He trapped me and I didn't have any idea what a Covert narcissist is. My research taught me that the only option is to leave. I have zero positive feelings. When I get ready to go if he's lying in the driveway in an alcoholic stupor, I will drive around him and not feel guilty. I'm not heartless. I've had more than I can stand. OH and I'm also going to take the dog he neglects and abuses.Another surprise!
Thank You Paula & Remy! ❤❤❤
I believe this too. I believe you have to go no contact and surrender them completely to God… forgive and ask forgiveness. I don’t think God would be okay with any kind of contact with these people.
I think we are leaving sooner because we are becoming wiser sooner. I abandoned and the Hoover has been going on for 4 years. It’s the darkest place I’ve ever been in my life. Healing has been slow but I begged God, he heard me, I did the work and I finally am recovering
Step 1, leave the narcissist.
Step 2, love yourself; which is what you should have been doing in the first place and forget about narcissists. Now that you know what they are, you know what to stay away from.
Step 3, truly make yourself happy and stop watching or making videos about Narcissists and get on with your life once and for all.
Become an excellent example for everyone to learn from. Get over your mistakes and move on. ❤
I disagree with #3- stop watching videos. I watch to remind myself, and no there is no regrets.❤
@@irismartinez5753 ♥️
I need to watch the videos sometimes in order to fortify myself against any narcissist that wants to come into my life
Why are you watching? LOL
@@Millime1968 I just wanted to add some good good advice that has really helped me to move on. ♥️
Even when they abandon us they never give closer for us to move on ❤I needed to see this today ty
The closure we get is finally understanding their sick, sick behaviour and washing our hands completely of their mind control over us. Liberation, closure, if you want to call it, is going from trying to please, trying to get validation, trying to make them say that we matter, trying to up our own game to win them over ad nauseam to then an attitude of compassion at their lack of having any capability to be compassionate. THAT is our closure, the only closure we'll ever get. This was a fantastic segment by Paula. Re watch if need be.
🙏🌹
Mine told me that he suffered from depression - so I felt sorry for him at first.. he is also a mama's boy - completely controlled by his mother who is now dead and his older sister.. all confusingly sad at first.. then I woke up..
I always found narcissism very hard to understand, so I never looked into it. I had no idea I was in that sort of relationship until I started googling his behaviour towards me....Ive educated myself that much, that I feel like I've a PhD in narcissism 😂😂 so glad I left and got away 🥰
I am right where you are. Most valuable is the info on how to shut them down. Short replies, no engagement, no contact or grey rock. Tools to escape.
Its so interesting! The day I stayed home from work to tell my ex-husband narc I was leaving the marriage, he came to me first and broke it off. My response was simply, "I agree." The look of surprise on their face I will always remember. I can only think he was expecting me to beg and grovel. No way! I was out of there and I have never looked back! 😂
It is a cruel situation for all involved, but ultimately the narc drives the misery and has limited capacity or motivation to learn, feel or understand their destruction beyond transitory ego satisfaction.. It is NOT a terrible thing to abandon the narcissist: it is a terrible thing they do to drive us to that summit of pain, doubt, torment and survival.
Whilst I have some insight into the trauma response which precipitates narcs, I fear (especially in certain cultures) the whole blind trauma narrative loses the essence of behavioural choices made by narcs, and ultimately, that is why their actions always should have consequences....and we cannot EXCUSE them -
otherwise we continue to enable, somehow glorify, and certainly validate their destructive, poisonous way of being. I will never again enable, support nor tolerate evil and nor should I be expected to 😢.
8 months from brutal discard now, it's been a hard slog, disrupted by an ignored hoover session (flowers, door knocks, stalking - the lot) and how I so wanted to let him know how much I suffer - the abandonment means we lose too. Remember that - it's not cruel, it's not casual ghosting, it's hard, bitter, tumultuous, lonely but ultimately cleansing and necessary.
🙋♀️🌹🌹
Thanks for sharing - the times of second-guessing myself should be "squished". Reading and educating myself from others experiences has helped and the guidance from such steps to move forward - brings strength. Cheers
I’m tired of the “poor narcissist narrative” when I saw the enjoyment my ex got from screwing with my emotions and the brutal discard.
Hi Paula I was raised by a malignant narcissist who happened to be my father and wind up marrying a narcissist so familiar he reminded of my father .I have abandoned the narc after 31/2 years of marriage the abuse being with this creature was too much I filed for divorce seeing how my father treated my mother she died young I refused to be treated the same way and die no I’m cutting all ties forever.
🌹🥰
That's exactly why I discarded him I married a covert narc and I know if I stayed I would be in a early grave
I had to delete my old RUclips channel, as my narcissist was using it to stalk me. I created a new one from scratch. I'd forgotten about ypur wonderful channel, and just rediscovered it. I am so unbelievably happy, it is literally the best part of my entire week! Keep up your great work! 💙
Aw thanks for revisiting and your lovely comment 🌹
We empaths may feel sorry for them. However, we must continue to learn every machination of their being. They are complex, but if you use your logic and common sense in addition to adhering to the information from RUclips, etc., you will develop the skills to live with yourself, free of toxicity. If and when they get that you get it and know what they are, if they are ready to step up and out of the narc path/rut, there may be a slight possibility of it working out. But, it is imperative NOT to return to the same old, same old. Stand your ground and know you can and must LIVE without them if you decide to do that.
He one said, “ I like to be the one to end a relationship. I like that control.”
That's true because it's about control and power for them. If someone breaks it off with them first, this means the narc loses the battle. They don't want that
The narcissist believed that I would leave him - a self-fulfilling prophecy. He knew that he could not be a suitable partner. Of course, I did not understand that. I found myself telling the ex-narcissist that I would never leave him - that was not characteristic of me, but was indicative of what the narcissist needed to hear. If I had been more truthful, I would have said, "I fully embrace marriage, but I will not tolerate abuse." The narcissist knew me well enough, and I was clear in every way, that was what I meant. I discarded the narcissist and went no-contact. This resulted in a narcissistic injury to the narcissist that triggered a rage that continued for years with the narcissist escalating to attempting to have me killed.
🌹🌹
Never tell an narssisstic you leaving for good plan your escape move far away change your number, have camera inside and outside your home don't tell anyone everything you do. You never tell everything to someone you never know who is talking to the narctassic.
@@annacarter8703 Anna, yes, I did all that. Last step, add cameras. Be well.
@@malibu90265 Blessings to you 🙏
@@annacarter8703 Thank you, Anna. Best to you, as well.
I realize it wasn't love my ex-husband had for me more that I was his possession. So many things went on the systematci mental abuse (with the threat of physical). When this was mentioned, I decided to leave. It was 19 years of what seemed to me like I was losing my mind. There was also threats of committing me as a tool to reel me back into his web. We did try counseling but there was no convincing him he was the root cause. It took 19 years to finally break free, but I am now at peace within myself.
Thank you Paula , we can’t let our natural compassion be used as the weapon to take us down in these experiences . My empathy for this creature is what has held back my healing . It has taken me over 4 years since the discard to realize this , no contact , delays in the divorce ( they hold on) , emotional blackmail with threats of suicide , the ex narc is not in a good place now . By being aware of myself I am standing my ground with no guilt and with responsibility only to myself .
So so true. It is hard,very hard especially when you have so much love for them. I would of done anythink for her I worshipped the ground she walked on. But I now see there were lies alot of them. Did she really love me . That is what keeps going round in my head. Her and her daughter who have both gone have left alot of their belongings and some furniture in my house. So I'm definitely expecting contract in the future. Your video was so well explained. 😊
🙋♀️🙏🌹
I left him after a fit of rage from him and accusing me of things I had not done. I had had enough. He told me he always had to be number one. I said I am done. I had no idea he was a narcissist or that there was even such a thing until watching your videos. Everyone of them ring true to me and I just want to thank you.
Amen we thrive once we we really do n I was the one abandoned but wow was it a blessing in disguise after the initial shock n pain wore off n after a second hoover I just handed mu life to God n to survive these ppl we need that . I still love him but now I understand his condition I can n am moving on n enjoying finding myself again 😌 x
It’s like throwing a bucket of water on a witch.
A move on my part to Abandon the narcissist because I found out he had a mistress for many many years of our 25 yr. Marriage 3 children later .In due time, I moved 2500 miles away. Divorced him. Oh then He tried to Hoover me bringing our Daughter but got his arm caught and skin ripped off in a glass revolving door at the airport and had to return to San Diego.Hmmm.So much for the Hoover. I would have said NOOOOOO, WHICH IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE❤️
Abandoning is a good way to begin to recreate and discover your true self. It's the last thing the narcissist expects you to do. They are banking on the hope that they have drained and destroyed you so that you are helpless. My ex definitely thought I was too weak and confused to actually file for divorce. Your unexpected behaviors turn the tables. This includes emotions, food choices; simple everyday things. The cognitive dissonance is unsettling and is probably one of the first ways they got a hold on you.
I was wife no 5. Divorced him 3y ago,28 months no contact. Took him back after the divorce. Lasted 4 month and we were back to the emotional abuse. Told him I never wants to see him ever again and this time ment it. 28 months no contact and blocked him on all social platforms😊
He divorced the other 4 wifes, this time 😂 wife no 5 divorced him😊
4 wives that would have open my eyes😮
@@karinjanesevanrensburg7511Crazy
@@karinjanesevanrensburg7511He must of been a good talker.
@@annacarter8703 I didnt know it before I married him
I have gone no contact from a narcissistic mother. But her flying monkeys Who live in my building are terrible . They don't know the horrors I have gone through trying to love someone who treats you like dirt. Slandering was al the time.. you must respect your self to leave your abusers. And reclaim the peace you have not enjoyed in your life..After 70 years iam free❤❤❤
My narcissistic husband, committed suicide. His double life was uncovered, and his girlfriend, lied to him and he left her / she left him. He was still lying after i proved his infidelity. I told him I was done with him. After a life time of his cheating! He wanted to try again. In the end because he was in a tough place. I tried to get him help. But he decided to end his life.
💔
🌹🌹
I'm thankful he is gone... I am extremely exhausted from the mind games... never ever want to deal with him or anyone else like that again. I feel peace and the birds chirp louder and the sky is brighter.
I did that exactly giving most control to him when dateing because I really didnt care about having the control at this point. It was after being married and being in it 24/7 that I cared about that - which was my mistake to let the whole thing transpire. A huge mistake.
I had no choice because i was in love with her and i was drinking too much-she was the barmaid!!!! My last phone message to her was :"i know who you are and i know you suffer" - now it's no contact and i never will see her again!!! I don't hate her, i don't wish her harm!!! It's so sad-i know she's in darkness now(because of her sickness)!! I'am really better now because i know the truth about her, it makes me feel free and happy!!! Game over- despite everything i wish God help her - Amen !!!!
They are fence straddler's. They understand enough about your virtue to bind you to it, and condemn you when it doesn't serve them. Yet they deny owing you the same because it's not their virtue.
Thank you again, Paula, for hitting the nail on the head. When i finalky left him after 30 years of abuse,bI was a physical and emotional wreck. i I literally had no choice. I was fighting for my life!
It devastated him! He truly thought i would never do it. I moved away, and went completely no contact for 5 years, even when he had major heart surgery, I didnt contact him. He tried immediately to find a replacement, which didnt work, stopped eatingand lost 20 kilos, because he is do entitled, he wouldn't prepare meals for himself. When he did start eating again, hecwss eating total rubbish ( hence the heart problems)
He is truly evil, Paula. He finally found a new supply after7 years, a lovely, damaged and troubled 19 year old girl who does everything for him. Its horrible. I worked hard on myself over the years and have reached a point where im completely indifferent to him and, in fact, find him abhorrent and contemptible.
Yes…it was the strangest thing…I went on a two day business trip and he was acting so weird when I got home. He literally said he felt abandoned. Big strong guy…so odd
Post it notes all over your house!! They should say all the terrible things they did to you so you remember and don’t get tempted by the hoovers ♥️ I broke the dissonance by reminding myself that the mean version of them is the real them
In my case he used steroids at the end. Long term narc/addict many relapses and recovery. Steroids made him even more like a teenager. Getting new supply
at the gym. I was so isolated . I did take him back many times. This time I was saving myself, at 72 yrs young,I could only start anew. Divorce papers signed,
I continue to heal. Absolutely like a mother child relationship. He did what he wanted,gay porn addiction, social media which I found. Talking about me on social media was the worst pain I have ever felt. So enlightened on these videos. I signed up for trauma based therapy & am doing better.
Logistical need,perfect. Yes. I discarded him 1-1-23, I packed him up and out. He never saw it coming. In mediation he stated what I did was inhuman.
Sure was, live your life of lies away from me. We had so much therapy over the yrs, he could not even open a dialogue of unhappiness. He let 24 yrs
go down the tube. Diabolical thinking I’d say. “ I would rather be a whole human instead of a human with holes.”
He would often say, ‘ Are you going to throw me away? ‘ at the same time abusing me.
I didn’t understand why he repeated the phrase often. I do know now and it turns my stomach.
Goodness I've never identified more with any video than this.
Especially when they make you into the mother because I am litteraly the mother! And that my total over nurturing and his fathers total abandonment created this horrible disorder. I feel like now I am paying the price as my sons marriage has fallen apart and he is living with me and I am now the complete target. I'm literally going insane. Being horribly abused and manipulated and feeling guilty and blaming myself because it IS my fault.
People say call the police or kick him out but he has no money and nowhere to go. He has destroyed most of his friendships. I actually wish we weren't related. It would be so.much easier to get him out of my house and find some peace.
🌹🌹
Some of us victims of narcissists haven't fully developed either. I certainly wasn't but didn't realize it, and that made it much harder to deal with a narcissist. That's another these videos are so important!
Thank you for everything..
You are so welcome
Anyone that stays with them is an enabler
It’s their abandonment wound and it’s in over drive.
That’s why they like to control and manipulate so they feel they are in control.
Empathy or not this person is unable to or wants to change.
Unfortunately you can not be responsible with this person. It’s essential you put them in their rightful box.
I have two daughters 10 years between them . I as a mother always treated them the same, my eldest the narcissist always wanted us to do 100 percent for her but never do anything for you, be it mother, sister grandparents, One example my youngest age 9 yrs admitted to hospital with meningitis and told in the next 24 hours it will go either way. My eldest 10 yrs older than her sister is more concerned with asking the consultants about risk and treatment required to her, no as she doesn't live with us so none required it's your mother that needs meds and at risk she is told. Then I am stood there devastated, she states can't give you a ride home mum as petrol is so expensive and off she goes. I as a mum when she's been ill done her ironing, home cleaning same as I would do for my elderly mum but she would never do for us.She tried for year to split my youngest away from her mother, but it never worked. She rang me to tell me when my younger brother was in hospital, she phones me to tell me that oh get there now mum he's dying and about to go. I phone the hospital and speak to a ward nurse, she tells me , oh I don't know who told you that, it could not be further from the truth. So many times she has done thing like that and when my youngest chose not to invite her sister to her wedding I told her we could not invite her she screamed and screamed down the phone telling me that we are not worth the petrol to visit anyway. It's very hard when it's your child. She has always been treated the same as her sister and had a good childhood, supported through college and university and her home purchase and marriage. She is in her fourths now and taken us that long as it's dire for a parent. We have fallen out before and I have ended contact and she has come to my door all crying and sorry, but it doesn't last long and then back to the same. I am 66 yrs of age now and need peace not cruelty.
You're absolutely right, I got a job that took me away for a week and she basically said that she didn't want to be with me the week that I was going to be away in another country... Now for context, her and I were in a LDR already so what difference did it make where I went for work!?.. She admitted that she is used to my schedule with me staying at home and being in another country she didn't know what I was going to be up to.. even though I was quite clearly going for work... a job I might add that SHE pushed me to go for... when I got the job?? "I didn't think you were actually going to get it"was her response...lol.. you can't make this stuff up,
👀🌹
That explanation of abandonment of yourself if you do not abandon the abusive narcissist is so correct. That is where I am currently at, but I have a plan. Thank you for all you do.
Although my husband discarded me after 12 years, im now abandoning him because he was so vile,malicious and mean, completely heartless to my feelings but even more importantly, my adult daughter who truly loved him
I had to leave my daughter with the narcissist for 6 months just to get my mind and strength straight. I gained perspective and strength and decided I will never go back to the narc. I saw a lawyer. Not easy tho. Even though Im not divorced. See if you can get your son to come to live with you. But please fast and pray. Call on the name of the Lord Jesus. Read Psalm 1, 23, 91. God sees your pain, so ask for help.
I left the man I was married to because I knew within myself as I told my two daughters I’m gonna die if I stay here emotionally spiritually I’m gonna die. So I don’t feel bad about abandoning him at all not in the least degree that’s like standing there and having somebody gonna attack you and you not fighting back, that’s the problem with us as empaths as we don’t fight back for a long time
Thanks so much. You fully encapsulated the 3 narcissistic histories in my life. 31 years with spouse who raised me up as he needed and I knew something was off - but as midlife came he discarded me in his own self-reflective efforts to find better supply. The I began having extreme conflict (10 years after being freed) with our oldest child, now over 40 and realized I had been the supply in this life.....moral support, cheerleader and have recently been abandoned (most gratefully)
This fully explained so much of the dance. The 3rd is unmentioned but the steps of toxicity are all as you described here. Hoovering, manic panic as we rear our own opinions and must be reigned in; so much sad immature behavior of one-upmanship. I don't miss the relationship of my child; because the adult relationship was so very one-sided.
He absolutely gave me a difficult time if I went off for a few days or even out to lunch without him. He would punish me by not asking me anything about how it went or give me the silent treatment. Especially toward the end of the relationship. He would go off to wherever he wanted and whenever with no consideration of me. He couldn’t pay me complements or rejoice in my achievements either.
The new supply is welcome to “serve” him. In her culture women are subservient, so they may work very well together. I wasn’t willing to do that, I wanted reciprocity in caring, honesty in a relationship.
I’m still in recovery now.
Pola, Thank you for this extremely important, informative and supportive video. We should have nothing to do with the narcisist. God bless you.
You are so welcome
Escaping a narcissistic abuser is NOT abandonment. It's survival!💯 I spent years where I did not even visit my own parents because of what I would have to face when I got back home. It's an absolute prison and leaving was the best yet hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As victims/survivors whom worked out that we were in fact being abused, we don’t abandon narcissists, that’s their mindset because of the trauma they experienced in childhood.
We discard the narcissist, go No Contact, change our numbers, email addresses and delete social media.
You can’t abandon an adult, only a child.
Getting out of these toxic relationships, educating ourselves, healing and never seeing or speaking to these individuals (if possible) again is self care and self love!
No matter who they move onto and the type of narcissist they are, they will continue to psychologically, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually abuse.
Save yourself and leave them well alone.
You can’t fix or save them, only yourself 🙏🏼
Great video, as always. I’ve been waiting for a video on this topic for a while and here we go! Many thanks.
I’d just like to add that I believe that therapy focusing on childhood review is the key. A friend of mine said (when I was in a relationship with that NPD) that not all types of therapy can help. He said- it’s gotta be with someone specialised in narcissistic abuse (like you, Paula).
That’s my piece of advice to all survivors reading this.
Cheers.
Yes..therapists that aren’t specialists in npd can actually compound the problem 🙏🌹
They like to destroy your life it makes them feel powerful watch their face when something bad happens to you the snicker or the smirk are they ever there was nothing good happens to you or you accomplish something to say wow you did a great job with that. I’m so proud of you. No never never they’re there for you. They want you to be miserable like them