If you enjoyed this please check out "I May Destroy You" as I don't know that this show would exist without that one. The main theme of both is to stay out of the UK
You gotta understand that most of it is fictional, it’s based on actual events, but the show isn’t 1:1 with the whole story, there’s plenty of fictional bits
Blew my fucking mind when I found that out. I thought "wow this is amazing acting! I'll watch his career closely." and then I found out it was partly/mostly NOT acting.....
As someone who had endured sexual assault/violation trauma this scene and the one where he went to the bars and became reckless with people and didn’t care for his safety, that one hit very hard. Never in my life had I been so shaken to my core and been able to relate so much to something so real, I had to leave the room for a minute because it was too much to relive. For anyone who has taken the time to read this comment and especially if you’ve been the victim of abuse, I hope you know you’re not alone and people care. I love you and you are loved.
I personally haven't experienced sexual assault, but I know what it's like, to let people use and abuse you because of your own insecurities and terribly low self-esteem. This movie was the first one that made me cry, ever. I hope you've recovered and keep recovering, I love you, too.
I'm so glad I wasn't the only one. That episode actually made me have to take a break and walk off. My situation wasn't like his (I'm a CSA survivor) but the parts about him using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism and feeling even more incomplete and disgusting hit hard.
It's genuiely one of the most raw, authentic, and heartbreaking scenes I've ever witnessed. I felt like I was in that audience and just sat there in pure silence and shock. Richard Gadd deserves all of the awards for this. Likewise for the actress who played Martha. The acting is just sublime.
I feel like almost everybody, regardless if they were victims of abuse, can relate to this on some level. The feelings of shame and self-hatred and how it drowns you from the inside out are all too common, but that doesn’t reduce their significance at all. One of the hardest things to do is to be honest with yourself and accept vulnerability, but it is the first step towards healing. I’m grateful to have never been abused or taken advantage of, but this show really made me take a deep, hard look into myself. I’m sorry to everyone who’s experienced similar things to him, and stay safe y’all
Thank you, Donny Dunn and Mr. Gadd for changing the trajectory of my life. I never realized how much I hated myself. Brought this clip to therapy today. I’m finally willing to work on these issues. Bless you, Sir. Truly, a life saved through film.
“i’m going to stop running now… i don’t have the legs for it anymore” hurts really hard. the hardest part about going through shit isn’t actually the going through itself but actually facing what happened to you.
He’s a hero for bringing all of these subjects to light and even at the exposure of his own traumas as well.. as a victim of SA and grooming I’ve never related to someone in this sort of way. Richard Gadd- we love you
Just one of the most powerful performances I've seen in anything. Just crushingly real. I really wanna see Richard Gadd win big at the oscars at some point in the next few years
This scene is masterful. Its amazing how he’s still talking like a comedian, engaging, making sure the audience is keeping up. You’d expect him to detach and just keep talking. The ringing in the background is so low and minor but really makes the scene. Also how the camera never looks in his eyes but instead takes an angle like the audience member’s perspective.
I don’t give a fuck what people say. This is amazing acting. I remember watching this for the first time and thinking, “I know this guy lived it, but what the fuck?” Easy to laugh it off knowing you’re filming and your life is already in a better spot. But This was truly master class.
This scene made me bawl. The fact that the actor delivering this incredible monologue is not just acting from a script, but actually experienced this and all this pain and sadness is real was so heartwrenching to watch. This show had to be the rawest, hardest story I’ve ever seen adapted onscreen. Mad props to Richard for his bravery in sharing his story with the world and eceb re-enacting it
This is one of the most raw and amazing performances and one of the best monologues I’ve ever seen. So heartbreaking but so real. This man is truly amazing and I hope he has a peaceful life now
This is the closest anyone has ever come to explaining how trauma makes me feel like I attract predators ! Unless you have experienced something similar to Richard Gadd, it would be near impossible to understand the power of this monologue. So brave of him and his self blame is heart wrenching to watch. Richard takes all the accountability yet Fiona takes none and moves on to the next victim.
this is the most important show about SA of our generation. Do you know how ground breaking this is for men? and for victims in general?? this man is amazing, i cant believe he endured it all again for the show. a modern poet
I needed to see this. I've never felt so seen in my entire life. Thank you for putting yourself out there with such honestly and raw emotion. You have helped many people just by making this series.
He’s so brutally honest. Everything he said about wanting to feel valued and being seen how you want to be seen by the people around you is so relatable. But then he had to go and ruin it by continuing to fall into a toxic pattern. Even if he saw himself as the same person as Martha, he didn’t have to be if he just stopped repeating the toxic behavior. It just makes you wish he would do more to help himself.
@@teddieprox2307 speak out about abuse, assault and so on. This show’s reception may have been positive but just look at the fact that ‘the real Martha” instantly got a platform to speak, would that have happened if it were a guy who was stalking?
@@teddieprox2307You're so ignorant. Shame, pride, masculinity and all factors which prevents men from talking about trauma. The show literally says this when the father confesses he was SA as a kid and says "would that make me less of a man". I personally went through suicidal periods, deep depression, anxiety, bullying and much more and felt I couldn't tell anyone cos men are supposed to be tough and non emotional. Men are also typically not empathetic to other men, like his "friend" characters who make fun of him and don't take him seriously when going through everything
I loved this show, because it was real, it was gut wrenching. It made me think about real victims and their struggle. And the aftermath of that, the controversy didn’t make me think any different. Richard Gadd’s story deserves to have a platform. And now that he’s made this, more male SA victims have come forward. It’s really made a difference and started a conversation about real victims and the messy ways they cope. And how everyone deserves a chance to be heard.
Such an amazing show. I’ve actually watched it over beginning to end about 3 times now. I’ll prob watch it again through another couple of times before all is said. No shame here either because every time I do that, I understand it in a new way or catch things that I didn’t the first time or two. It’s truly an amazing series with profound meaning and realization in it that the writing is top quality. So is the acting and dude isn’t even an actor! I know it’s his real life basically but it doesn’t make it easy and still takes a lot of talent. It just goes to show how much he’s capable of. I truly believe this is just the beginning of a long partnership between him and Netflix. I can’t wait to see what else he brings!
Absolutely heart-wrenching and powerful scene. I see parts of myself in his character and being faced with the self-destructive things you’ve done because of un-healed trauma got to me. Such a profound scene
Everyone talks about this scene in particular but in my opinion the coming out scene is even more emotionally compelling and intense. Something about the way he tells his parents they will have to make a choice between a bi/gay son or a dead one...the pain and anguish behind his eyes is palpable and so heartbreaking. Also in the BTS video on Netflix's channel, he goes into a little bit about his parents and how he feels shame surrounding how his actions may have hurt them. I hope he can lay that burden down. I'm glad he had the support of loving parents during this truly horrible decade of his life and I hope he is able to find inner peace down the line.
What I loved about the whole story is the authenticity. He knew his story and he is not in any denial of himself, brutal honesty plus there comes his acting to it which made it work so well! It's not about a stalker, it's about a guy who cannot even face himself in the first place! Brilliant writing and acting!
I relate so hard to this scene. I was in love with a beautiful trans woman myself and through my own self hatred and insecurities I ruined it. She loved me once but when it came time to actually be together I just couldn't be right for her because I was intimidated and scared. I miss you so much Lucie/Doggochi. You really are a beautiful person and I sincerely hope you're able to find happiness in life
This man is really saying the kind of things we all wish we could say to those who we thought were close to us, about what we think of ourselves and those who've outright used us.
what I love about this scene is that, unlike some major Hollywood tropes, this one bit shows how humans really behave. We're not gonna be this perfect orator when expressing our feelings, we're most likely not gonna land every word as if it was written majestically to get a sense of empathy from your audience. Like how he doesn't know how to finish his speech reflects that after we just poured our feeñings we don't really have some way to finish properly. Simply, one of the best shows I've watched this year
I admire him...after all abuse and stalking from Martha .... He understood that it's her mental illness is what caused her to act so. Beautiful show. The way he empathetized on her is heart touching. Good man he is.
same, that line is what got me trying to hold it together in front of family i was watching with. Also the line about blaming yourself because you keep going back.
From what I’ve heard, A lot of men have since come forward about being victims of sexual assault and I believe about an 80% increase largely due to Baby Reindeer inspiring them to come forward. I hope men will continue to be encouraged to speak out when they experience sexual abuse. There is such a stigma around male victims that they are perceived as “letting it happen” or not being a “real man”. Sexual abuse does not discriminate. Hope all victims are able to find the courage to come forward
gotta give it to the actor for reenacting all this trauma and tragedy for netflix, more power to him
🥺 He is very Brave!
He did it for money and fame
If you enjoyed this please check out "I May Destroy You" as I don't know that this show would exist without that one. The main theme of both is to stay out of the UK
WHO know the feeling of hating his/herself?
👇🏼
You gotta understand that most of it is fictional, it’s based on actual events, but the show isn’t 1:1 with the whole story, there’s plenty of fictional bits
This is even more powerful considering he actually went through this stuff and he is reliving all of it.
Blew my fucking mind when I found that out. I thought "wow this is amazing acting! I'll watch his career closely." and then I found out it was partly/mostly NOT acting.....
Actor
This never actually happened, though it's definitely his true feelings.
@@marcelltoing8363what never happened
@@nursemain3174 This scene. He never had a breakdown on stage.
The "hating myself" part genuinely made me cry. I never related to a character so much before
me too, self-destruction after being violated/abused is real
Oh my god SAME. brought me to my knees.
@@hisfavworstnightmareare you doing alright now?
@@ambeaux4dim really glad im not the only one that some what relates to him
God this is me too. I just got away from an abusive situation just to walk right back into one. These feelings are way too real man :(
I can already feel people studying this scene for monologue practices.
Here I am! :)
here 🖐️
It's so raw and true, i guess so
The “anything funny to say boys?” Hit like a truck 😮
Amazing line 🙌 those guys were not good “friends” … they were abusive as well.
@@Miguel71jablonski glad someone else saw that. They’re perfect examples of why victims don’t get real help, surrounded by “friends” like that.
@@Miguel71jablonski coworkers do be like that sometimes .. it sucks
It was good to see him call them out and let them see the real him. You can see on their faces that they’re like “shit we never knew it was that deep”
Some of the best acting seen in any series. Hats off to Richard Gadd here. What a performance.
I don’t think he was acting, I guess he really felt that.
OK acting. Not great
@@adamstephens6050do you have any movies or shows to recommend to me? I wanna see what absolute bangers you’ve been watching if this is considered ok
@@adamstephens6050I doubt it's even acting, more emotions than acting
@@adamstephens6050you forgot to include
“Sent from my iPhon”
This scene alone should get Richard some awards.
It was such a pleasure to watch him accept 3 Emmy’s last night
Oh it did!
As someone who had endured sexual assault/violation trauma this scene and the one where he went to the bars and became reckless with people and didn’t care for his safety, that one hit very hard. Never in my life had I been so shaken to my core and been able to relate so much to something so real, I had to leave the room for a minute because it was too much to relive. For anyone who has taken the time to read this comment and especially if you’ve been the victim of abuse, I hope you know you’re not alone and people care. I love you and you are loved.
I personally haven't experienced sexual assault, but I know what it's like, to let people use and abuse you because of your own insecurities and terribly low self-esteem. This movie was the first one that made me cry, ever.
I hope you've recovered and keep recovering, I love you, too.
I'm so glad I wasn't the only one. That episode actually made me have to take a break and walk off. My situation wasn't like his (I'm a CSA survivor) but the parts about him using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism and feeling even more incomplete and disgusting hit hard.
I came out to my parents about being molested when I was a kid... They called me a liar...
@@LettaLeeJoy I told my teacher and she told me not to tell my parents because those boys had a future. And apparently *my* future didn't matter.
@@Markus_St. Thank you so much for that, there are times where I remember it and it causes pain. For the most part I’ve done my best to move on
It's genuiely one of the most raw, authentic, and heartbreaking scenes I've ever witnessed. I felt like I was in that audience and just sat there in pure silence and shock. Richard Gadd deserves all of the awards for this. Likewise for the actress who played Martha. The acting is just sublime.
I cried watching this scene . I saw myself in him and his words....
I know, I felt like I was looking into a mirror
WHO know the feeling of hating his/herself?
👇🏼
@@donovanshepperd9209shut up
why u tryna get likes out of it bro ?
@@donovanshepperd9209 you have no use for yourself and society
"Fuck your red light, I'm finishing!"
Any teenager will tell you this with passion
I feel like almost everybody, regardless if they were victims of abuse, can relate to this on some level. The feelings of shame and self-hatred and how it drowns you from the inside out are all too common, but that doesn’t reduce their significance at all. One of the hardest things to do is to be honest with yourself and accept vulnerability, but it is the first step towards healing. I’m grateful to have never been abused or taken advantage of, but this show really made me take a deep, hard look into myself. I’m sorry to everyone who’s experienced similar things to him, and stay safe y’all
Thank you, Donny Dunn and Mr. Gadd for changing the trajectory of my life. I never realized how much I hated myself. Brought this clip to therapy today. I’m finally willing to work on these issues. Bless you, Sir. Truly, a life saved through film.
This shit and the bit when he speaks with his parents had me cuttin onions 😓
this!!!
“i’m going to stop running now… i don’t have the legs for it anymore” hurts really hard. the hardest part about going through shit isn’t actually the going through itself but actually facing what happened to you.
Wow, so real. Have you seen this show? Is the entire thing to this level of expertise? Because this is amazing
@@CloverLily662 it's good
He’s a hero for bringing all of these subjects to light and even at the exposure of his own traumas as well.. as a victim of SA and grooming I’ve never related to someone in this sort of way. Richard Gadd- we love you
Sorry about what happened
I wonder how many people feel this sorrow inside themselves
So many.
Raise 🤚
Almost everyone (at some point in life)
1 out of 4 women do.
Just one of the most powerful performances I've seen in anything. Just crushingly real. I really wanna see Richard Gadd win big at the oscars at some point in the next few years
This scene is masterful. Its amazing how he’s still talking like a comedian, engaging, making sure the audience is keeping up. You’d expect him to detach and just keep talking. The ringing in the background is so low and minor but really makes the scene. Also how the camera never looks in his eyes but instead takes an angle like the audience member’s perspective.
I don’t give a fuck what people say. This is amazing acting. I remember watching this for the first time and thinking, “I know this guy lived it, but what the fuck?” Easy to laugh it off knowing you’re filming and your life is already in a better spot. But This was truly master class.
This made me want to hug him.
Richard Gadd just won his Emmy right here. Although if The Bear is any precedent, they'll submit the show for comedy.
For crying like a lil bitch? 😂
This was the best video with grooming/ SA that made me feel like I was seen “ I think I love to hate myself” - been there
WHO know the feeling of hating his/herself?
👇🏼
This scene made me bawl. The fact that the actor delivering this incredible monologue is not just acting from a script, but actually experienced this and all this pain and sadness is real was so heartwrenching to watch. This show had to be the rawest, hardest story I’ve ever seen adapted onscreen. Mad props to Richard for his bravery in sharing his story with the world and eceb re-enacting it
genuinely amazing acting, as someone who went through SA it felt so relatable.
I am sorry about what happened
This is one of the most raw and amazing performances and one of the best monologues I’ve ever seen. So heartbreaking but so real. This man is truly amazing and I hope he has a peaceful life now
This scene and the one where his father reveals that he was also a victim got me little teary eyed.
This scene shattered my soul. It was one of the most painful, saddest monologue scene i've ever watched. Very powerful
This scene tore me apart and only later I found out he is actually talking about his own lived experience. It made sense why it "felt so real"
This is the closest anyone has ever come to explaining how trauma makes me feel like I attract predators ! Unless you have experienced something similar to Richard Gadd, it would be near impossible to understand the power of this monologue. So brave of him and his self blame is heart wrenching to watch. Richard takes all the accountability yet Fiona takes none and moves on to the next victim.
this is the most important show about SA of our generation. Do you know how ground breaking this is for men? and for victims in general?? this man is amazing, i cant believe he endured it all again for the show. a modern poet
I needed to see this. I've never felt so seen in my entire life. Thank you for putting yourself out there with such honestly and raw emotion. You have helped many people just by making this series.
He’s so brutally honest. Everything he said about wanting to feel valued and being seen how you want to be seen by the people around you is so relatable. But then he had to go and ruin it by continuing to fall into a toxic pattern. Even if he saw himself as the same person as Martha, he didn’t have to be if he just stopped repeating the toxic behavior. It just makes you wish he would do more to help himself.
About time Men spoke out about the shit they deal with.
when have specifically men not been able to speak ?
@@teddieprox2307 speak out about abuse, assault and so on. This show’s reception may have been positive but just look at the fact that ‘the real Martha” instantly got a platform to speak, would that have happened if it were a guy who was stalking?
@@NorthernHandle nothing would've happened.....are you aware of how little a percentage of male criminals actually go to jail ?
@@teddieprox2307You're so ignorant. Shame, pride, masculinity and all factors which prevents men from talking about trauma. The show literally says this when the father confesses he was SA as a kid and says "would that make me less of a man". I personally went through suicidal periods, deep depression, anxiety, bullying and much more and felt I couldn't tell anyone cos men are supposed to be tough and non emotional. Men are also typically not empathetic to other men, like his "friend" characters who make fun of him and don't take him seriously when going through everything
@@teddieprox2307 men have been told to not speak out since, about, the stone age.
I loved one thing more in this world than I love her. Hating myself 😭
This show is great. It is one of the rarest art forms out there that discusses male SA
THANK YOU FOR POSTING. This scene is a masterpiece, unbelievable monologue and performance
I loved this show, because it was real, it was gut wrenching. It made me think about real victims and their struggle. And the aftermath of that, the controversy didn’t make me think any different. Richard Gadd’s story deserves to have a platform. And now that he’s made this, more male SA victims have come forward. It’s really made a difference and started a conversation about real victims and the messy ways they cope. And how everyone deserves a chance to be heard.
Richard Gadd has proved himself to be an amazing actor in this scene. Some people are born to do what they do!
this is the best insight on trauma and mental illness I’ve ever seen.
I was BAWLING by the end of this scene. So powerful. Phenomenal.
Such an amazing show. I’ve actually watched it over beginning to end about 3 times now. I’ll prob watch it again through another couple of times before all is said. No shame here either because every time I do that, I understand it in a new way or catch things that I didn’t the first time or two. It’s truly an amazing series with profound meaning and realization in it that the writing is top quality. So is the acting and dude isn’t even an actor! I know it’s his real life basically but it doesn’t make it easy and still takes a lot of talent. It just goes to show how much he’s capable of. I truly believe this is just the beginning of a long partnership between him and Netflix. I can’t wait to see what else he brings!
I'm up to episode 4. I can't handle a SA seane, can you tell me if I can watch the next episode with having to see anything horrible.
@@janebaker4912After episode 4 it’s ok. I was traumatised by that episode but after is ok with no SA
@@ConnorCampbell phew ok. So just skip ep 4 😬😬😬 ok.
Like that seane in pulp fiction.
I wish I'd never seen that movie.
That line because I hated myself so much more than I loved her and I loved her so very much … I felt his 😢
the fact that this is based on his true story is wild to me. How did he survive this!??
By talking, telling his story through writing🥹
Absolutely heart-wrenching and powerful scene. I see parts of myself in his character and being faced with the self-destructive things you’ve done because of un-healed trauma got to me. Such a profound scene
“It’s because I loved one thing in this world more than I did her: hating myself” 😔💔
Everyone talks about this scene in particular but in my opinion the coming out scene is even more emotionally compelling and intense. Something about the way he tells his parents they will have to make a choice between a bi/gay son or a dead one...the pain and anguish behind his eyes is palpable and so heartbreaking. Also in the BTS video on Netflix's channel, he goes into a little bit about his parents and how he feels shame surrounding how his actions may have hurt them. I hope he can lay that burden down. I'm glad he had the support of loving parents during this truly horrible decade of his life and I hope he is able to find inner peace down the line.
What I loved about the whole story is the authenticity.
He knew his story and he is not in any denial of himself, brutal honesty plus there comes his acting to it which made it work so well!
It's not about a stalker, it's about a guy who cannot even face himself in the first place! Brilliant writing and acting!
I relate so hard to this scene. I was in love with a beautiful trans woman myself and through my own self hatred and insecurities I ruined it. She loved me once but when it came time to actually be together I just couldn't be right for her because I was intimidated and scared. I miss you so much Lucie/Doggochi. You really are a beautiful person and I sincerely hope you're able to find happiness in life
I’ve rarely been so moved by a scene. Maybe because I sensed it was very real.
This man is really saying the kind of things we all wish we could say to those who we thought were close to us, about what we think of ourselves and those who've outright used us.
I cried during this scene, it is heart wrenching.
Honestly one of the most powerful monologues I've ever seen.
bothered me how nobody tried to console him or anything. i mean yes it might be a shock but nobody wanted to hug him or give him any kind words?
we live in a society ... its the UK
@@Daemon1995_ 😅
It's a TV show ffs. It would have ruined the monologue and the impact if a randomer would have come up and interrupted
I’m going to assume you’re not British….
@@INTJ91 is the American in me showing lmaooo
Still can't get over how amazing this show is!
Amazing acting. This man pulled a performance that left me speechless. Bravo sir 👏🏼👏🏼🔥
It really broke my heart so so badly.
this is so raw and I can't help but cry when he says the one thing he loved more than her. 😢💔 so proud of him for telling his story!!!
Wow, can feel the raw and honest emotion coming through this, so brave to have channelled the trauma and the emotions to deliver this
👉🏼One of the best scenes in the entire series…
The best
Disagree.
Masterpiece
6:44 to 7:07 is the scene they should show at the Emmys before they give Richard Gadd the trophy for outstanding performance in a limited series.
I cried throughout this entire monologue, it’s so heartbreaking but it’s also performed so beautifully❤️
And now shes on piers morgan acting exactttllyyy like the character did... sad..
Sent from my iphoen
what I love about this scene is that, unlike some major Hollywood tropes, this one bit shows how humans really behave.
We're not gonna be this perfect orator when expressing our feelings, we're most likely not gonna land every word as if it was written majestically to get a sense of empathy from your audience.
Like how he doesn't know how to finish his speech reflects that after we just poured our feeñings we don't really have some way to finish properly.
Simply, one of the best shows I've watched this year
I love this escene so bad, feels very real
Yeah this show is one of the best shows of all time man! Sad and very powerful!❤
The best netflix TV show, one of the best monolugues ever
There’s certain level when actors aren’t acting and are just living. This was it!
This is how it feels to have social anxiety. Everyday is a Donny Dun stand up show
Outstanding performances from the actors ❤❤
Fantastic scene - great play from this very artist
Goose bumps..
Are there any question?..
Best show since .. a long time
6:57 this part is genuinely so real
I saw this before I knew this was about Richard the emotions felt was powerful then I find it's him just an unbelievable series 💯🏆
Honest I cried I knew the emotions displayed was genuine and coming from a very dark area that took courage for Richard to shine a light on it
I just watched this show today AMAZINF!!!
So heartbreaking 😢❤ poor man xxx
This has gotta be one of the greatest scenes in tv history. Shit got me fucked up.
Congrats on the 3 Emmys, Richard!
I things this is one of the best scenes ever because he isn’t even acting, it’s all real
Incredible acting
Incredible. Absolutely incredible.
For someone to do an interview saying he’s lying, does this look like a lie? SA/rap e happens in this industry
Method acting
@@rootfish2671there’s just no way you have the audacity to say method acting 💀
Just the proper condom thing at the end cracks me up
“I look forward to winning this competition” made my jaw drop
Balled my eyes out when I watched this.. hit me to close to home fr..
Phenomenal ❤❤❤
I admire him...after all abuse and stalking from Martha .... He understood that it's her mental illness is what caused her to act so. Beautiful show. The way he empathetized on her is heart touching. Good man he is.
i was wathcing this and was like damn this monluge was nearly 10 min but I was glued to it, and it felt much shorter
I understand the sticking plaster line all too well. I've never heard it put into words better.
same, that line is what got me trying to hold it together in front of family i was watching with. Also the line about blaming yourself because you keep going back.
For a little "Peep" at fame.
The way Darrien danced as well was very Rainbow Rhythms.
Amazing.
From what I’ve heard, A lot of men have since come forward about being victims of sexual assault and I believe about an 80% increase largely due to Baby Reindeer inspiring them to come forward. I hope men will continue to be encouraged to speak out when they experience sexual abuse. There is such a stigma around male victims that they are perceived as “letting it happen” or not being a “real man”. Sexual abuse does not discriminate. Hope all victims are able to find the courage to come forward
Best scene in the show ngl
I sobbed so bad to this.
He better win that golden globe! So should the female counterpart.
I love this scene so much.
"Fuck you red light, I'm finishing."
This scene really made me cry 😣
Gua berkaca-kaca pas dia bilang "membenci diri sendiri" trus nangis😭
So sad of what he's going through