It sounds like a Super Villain's weapon, with the purpose of taking over the bodies of fat people and using their incredible stomachs to eat through everything that tries to stop him from world domination.
After 2 chapters detailing the beauty and raw power of train engines, I can't write any more. I've come down with wanker's cramp- I mean writer's block.
Worryingly, the only thing I can remember right now about the original Thomas the Tank Engine programme is an episode where one of the characters repeatedly said: "And the children. Oh yes, I like children..." whenever he was questioned about what he liked about his previous job.
bonnie641 I think the logic behind this example is that it would be ok for Trevor to say that because he isn't actually a human, he's a train. So, along that line of thinking alone, it would be 'obvious' that he meant he liked children because of their innocent and playful nature and not what we're all thinking of. But that doesn't make it any less creepy!
"The fact controller [...] went absolutely shit crazy, smashed all the trains up and then made a giant robot out of their corpses." ..Why has nobody made a story with that premise?!
+AgentTasmania EA and environmental harm? That's a bit harsh, they just make crap video games The most shit company is probably Monsanto, who, as well as being hell bent on wiping bees off the face of the earth, use patenting GMO seeds to create armies of debt slaves. They've already been responsible for the suicide of hundreds of thousands of farmers in india and china. And of course Comcast and Time Warner Cable deserve an honorable mention. And literally every oil and coal company ever, fuck those ass holes
TheDogManiacGaming inside joke between the creators, when on set they'd refer to the Sodor Fuel tankers by pronouncing it as Sod off you all, completely intentional by David Mitton to the narrators
So the red train HAD a face before it transformed. Then, it gained ANOTHER face... So, which face is its ... face? Is it like Cho'gall? One face is thoughtful and well-reasoned whilst the other constantly mutters to itself in a raspy, freaky third person? Just when you think a toy can't get more horrible...
The fact that you had to buy these separately in order to get the complete figure reminds me of that "Johnny Longtorso" joke from Mystery Science Theater 3000
@@MJuegaES ah yea, the Solar Streak Megazord! I actually have it somewhere in my house. I quite liked that series. What was it called? Mystic Force or something?
me and one of my friends were saying that sir toppem hatt should be in the next super smash bros game. imagine if piloting that giant mech-gundam-transformer thomas type thing was his final smash
No, Percy is number 6, second main character of the franchise. Odd that Thomas is the leader of the franchise yet Edward was the first character Reverend Wilbert Vere Awdry created.
Henry is the best train. I also loved it when Phelan reviewed a Bootleg Thomas Transformer/Voltron/Megazord like this. And also when Thew Adams reviewed one as well. I love it when anyone reviews any Transformer, official or bootleg.
fun fact about the more disturbing undercurrents of Tomas the tank engine, the trains do literally live in a totalitarian world where trains are slaves and are broken down for parts, the island they live on is seen as a safe haven, and the trains are told that its worse off island, even though they are treated horribly by the humans on the island, suggesting that what they are told is propaganda to keep them compliant in the action totalitarian train state,
Have you ever considered the alternative? What if they're actually quarantined on the island? They are the few remaining self-aware trains, and without keeping them working they managed to decimate 1/3 of the earth's population. Idle hands and all that!
It's been almost ten years since I last saw TTTE and I can still remember segments from the few episodes I watched: Favorite episode back then : Snow (1998) because of the variety of minor engines and Halloween (2004) You will not believe how many times my parents quoted "The ghost! It's got me!" from Emily in that episode. Most hated episode: Fish (2004, there was something uncanny creepy about it) Also, I had to try not to say "Slow down" because every time I did, my parents added "...and puff with care!"
I was mildly scared of Thomas the Tank Engine when I was smaller, but my younger brother loved it, so I was subjected to this train monstrosity every day. Now, as a teenager, I watched the program again and I felt like I was watching the acid trip of an insane train enthusiast....
As someone who spars with lepers on a regular basis, I can confirm that it is not a good attack to just drop your legs off at the first sign of trouble.
For me at least, i only liked thomas because it meant cheap toy trains. Those sets were fun to build and something about the wheels doing their thing was memorizing... Like trains were unintentionally meant to hypnotize me...
Excuse me for misspelling a word I've never written before. Your behavior however, my delightful, majestic man of nature is undoubtedly, how you say, "uncalled for."
X Mark for me it was TOMY. The little plastic ones you put a battery in then flick the switch and they run round a loop of track? Childhood right there, then in 2014 they fucked it up by making everything like a hot wheels set -_-
I used to have a set similar to that one, but without the creepy smiley faces and it was much better quality (still cheap & Chinese, but much better none the less)... It used to be quite fun actually, the engine and the wagons even linked together! The sword and shield were made of translucent plastic and looked much better, the wagons and engine also had chrome details that made them look quite fancy.
I think the guys responsible for Super Sentai bought a set of these. Their next team has a train motif o_O Also, I think I've seen that combiner head in an Armored Core game.
8:21 that train plays too much pop station fighters(the red one), so he gathered his friends (who are just in it for the pounds) so that he can battle the mega"force" and achieve his dream of throwing his limbs at enemies.
If I remember correctly, during the late eighties and early nineties George Carlin actually narrated and played the roll of "Sir Topham Hatt" (otherwise know as Mr. Conductor here in the States) in American version of "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends" As a child I remember him simply being called Mr. Conductor. I vaguely remember, even as small kids, my cousin and I watching the show merely because it was very creepy rather than genuinely being interested in the story.
Ashens is roughly my age, and by the time "Thomas The Train Who is not a Tank" was a thing, I was reading about Blaine the Monorail in The Dark Tower: Waste Land. Thomas was marketed more toward the 0-8 sad onion crowd. Although I don't understand how zero year olds enjoy anything apart from the bliss of nonexistence
+FauxGreatOne It shall pierce the heavens of tat...except it´s forgotten on the couch and someone sits down, than it shall pierce an anus. Wait, actually the same thing either case.
The top bit is the smoke stack (may have some fancy name though) it is where the smoke comes out, the steam comes out of the pistons that drive the train infront of the wheels.
The new cgi Thomas the tank engine is bad and makes me extremely upset, old Thomas where all the characters were voiced by the same dude was great and I loved it, but then they made it cgi and I was not happy and it is really bad.
Zan bomb well Seasons 1-5: great Magic Railroad: Shite Seasons 6-7: OK Seasons 8-12: meh Seasons 13-16: crap Seasons 17-20: good Season 21: meh Season 22-onwards (reboot) fucking terrible
...I had this when I was a kid. They all came together, they were painted better and the sword with a transparent orange and parts were painted yellow, but... Wow, it is practically the same thing. Huh.
I loved Thomas the Tank Engine as a kid! I begged my parents for a Thomas train set for Christmas one year! I got a Playmates castle instead... Sorta fueled my outward love of medieval fantasy and inward love of trains..
We have to give Thomas the Tank Engine one thing. How many other kids shows were done entirely with hand made models for the first 10 years? It's awesome to watch from a film-making perspective
In the railway series (on which TTE is 'based' on), each story is from an actual real life event. Thomas is a minor character; the main characters are Edward, Gordon and Henry.
00:24 a train with a creepy face on??!! Thomas was all the craze when I was little.. They did ruin it though... Like with 64 zoo lane I havent seen my brothers watching that on the television in ages!!
look at ashens pretending he didnt know much about thomas the tank engine. he loved it really
We all did
If Ashen ever started a band, it would have to be called The Sad Onions
With his first album "Naught to 3"
With the first hit single titled, 'Hello'.
I think Ashens knows more about Thomas than he's letting on
Agreed
It's Op-Thomas Prime!
Hahaha
@Derp Derpeth
No.
I hate you on a level not capable by humans
At least someone remembers Trainsformers
The Fat Controller sounds like a weight-loss product....
True
XD
It sounds like a Super Villain's weapon, with the purpose of taking over the bodies of fat people and using their incredible stomachs to eat through everything that tries to stop him from world domination.
+MetroidSigma YES
MetroidSigma
That...implies a disturbing amount of cannibalism and people breaking their teeth on main battle tanks.
1:22 "Sir Wankshaft McShitstain", you say? Right. Off to write some strange Thomas the Tank Engine fan fiction.
+33melonpaws77 Chug Lyfe yo.
so hows that Fan Fiction going ?
I am also interested in the fan fiction's status.
After 2 chapters detailing the beauty and raw power of train engines, I can't write any more. I've come down with wanker's cramp- I mean writer's block.
Thank you for the feed back :)
I wish Ashens would write children's TV...
Coming soon to CBBC/CiTV: Ashens And The Crap Collectors Of The Universe.
YES
"And so the giant monster took the three engines, smashed them and turned them into a giant robot mess..."
***** he actually said something lime that in the video...but no problem : D
+chibi hungary Don't you mean "Chef Excellence's Stay-Fresh Adventures"?
Damn it Funtastic, why didn't you call these "Trainsformers"?
✘-cision you are a brilliant person
✘-cision you are a brilliant person
brilliantception
✘-cision XD Trainsformers!
Beautiful.
Worryingly, the only thing I can remember right now about the original Thomas the Tank Engine programme is an episode where one of the characters repeatedly said: "And the children. Oh yes, I like children..." whenever he was questioned about what he liked about his previous job.
I'm sorry, but it had to be said!
Ah yes Trevor...and his first appearance
Connor Evans He was in it more than once?!
bonnie641 I think the logic behind this example is that it would be ok for Trevor to say that because he isn't actually a human, he's a train. So, along that line of thinking alone, it would be 'obvious' that he meant he liked children because of their innocent and playful nature and not what we're all thinking of. But that doesn't make it any less creepy!
Omega That's what I mean!
"Sir Wankshaft McShitstain" xD
Agreed. XD
As a kid, I always thought about what Thomas would look like as an anthro-transformer-thing…
…I fucking regret that thought…
You created this
YOUR FAULT
This is a bootleg of a bootleg. Seriously, I saw one with regular faces
That's amazing lol
***** yeah, phelous reviewed the "real" thomas transformer.
+flair541 "Bootleg of a bootleg" Didn't JonTron say that at some point?
DimensionPizza
it's been said 100 times before jontron ever did.
DimensionPizza said this before I knew who that was.
"The fact controller [...] went absolutely shit crazy, smashed all the trains up and then made a giant robot out of their corpses."
..Why has nobody made a story with that premise?!
That's the next character, hopefully, he'll make up for all of the cookie-cutter phoned-in new characters.
Cuz movie people are dumn.
Fat controller, not fact controller.
Zxenotar Overkill Yes, I know, but sadly I haven't gotten around to clicking the edit button...
I probably woullld, but I'm to busy.
After binge-watching some Ashens I've concluded that Funtastic is the most horrible, nasty company I've ever seen
Probably up there with EA due to the environmental harm.
+Pinkii Proxii Pretty much. Them and Greenbriar International (basically Dollar Tree's Funtastic).
+AgentTasmania EA and environmental harm? That's a bit harsh, they just make crap video games
The most shit company is probably Monsanto, who, as well as being hell bent on wiping bees off the face of the earth, use patenting GMO seeds to create armies of debt slaves. They've already been responsible for the suicide of hundreds of thousands of farmers in india and china.
And of course Comcast and Time Warner Cable deserve an honorable mention. And literally every oil and coal company ever, fuck those ass holes
Like the EA of the toy industry.
+Magmafrost13 He was saying funtastic cause environmental harm not EA.
The Island of Sodoff....
SIN
The smell of sin. what
TheDogManiacGaming inside joke between the creators, when on set they'd refer to the Sodor Fuel tankers by pronouncing it as Sod off you all, completely intentional by David Mitton to the narrators
So the red train HAD a face before it transformed. Then, it gained ANOTHER face... So, which face is its ... face? Is it like Cho'gall? One face is thoughtful and well-reasoned whilst the other constantly mutters to itself in a raspy, freaky third person?
Just when you think a toy can't get more horrible...
*Faception.*
Flick Truly, it is the Gurren of trains.
Flick It's shitty Gurren Lagann.
+Flick Why does the name Cho'Gall sound familiar?
Mako547 One of the characters from World of Warcraft, I believe, after a quick search, at least.
That moment when he says "Wow" and the toy, in a mere phento-second, falls apart. That made water come through my fucking nose. My god.
"I retract that wow" :)
So, water, a.k.a. piss came out your nose? Strange place to piss from.....
The fact that you had to buy these separately in order to get the complete figure reminds me of that "Johnny Longtorso" joke from Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tommy Longtorso?
VOLTRON: Train Edition!
Starring: Fat guy who tells trains what to do, green train #3345, red train #4, and.... TOM THE TRAIN MAN
This is actually based on a Power Rangers design.
I actually remember that design.
Wingy Doodles It was pretty cool, but not really appropriate for the fantasy designs of the season.
@@MJuegaES ah yea, the Solar Streak Megazord! I actually have it somewhere in my house. I quite liked that series. What was it called? Mystic Force or something?
*Opthomas Prime
Thank me later.
thanks
Thanking you 7 years later
me and one of my friends were saying that sir toppem hatt should be in the next super smash bros game. imagine if piloting that giant mech-gundam-transformer thomas type thing was his final smash
This/\
:3
yeah thats always true
It is Sir Topham Hat.
i prefer "fat controller". it sounds more mighty and mysterious
I feel like they missed a huge oppurtunity by not marketing this as TRAINSFORMERS
Percy: Kill me.
Ashens: Later.
Ring a bell, anyone?
Ummm.... Meet the Medic?
Yay!
Meet the medic
"Transformers are weird," Thomas thought.
"Dont worry" , Sir Wankshaft said, "i can read their minds"
It's ok Thomas, I had all of them melted in a fire! Said the fat controller!
No, his Name was "Wankshaft'.
The red engine IS James, the other engines in the 'Steam Team' Are Edward, Henry, Gordon, Toby and Emily.
as well as Donald and Douglas
Well, since There is Duck/Montague (8) Donald and Douglas (9 and 10) and Oliver (11) We'd class Emily as 12 so we can keep her as a main character.
No, Percy is number 6, second main character of the franchise. Odd that Thomas is the leader of the franchise yet Edward was the first character Reverend Wilbert Vere Awdry created.
@@thekingsman9773 reminds me of how despite Rhydon being the first Pokémon coded in, Pikachu is the mascot of the franchise.
Henry left and nia replaced him
Henry is the best train.
I also loved it when Phelan reviewed a Bootleg Thomas Transformer/Voltron/Megazord like this.
And also when Thew Adams reviewed one as well.
I love it when anyone reviews any Transformer, official or bootleg.
fun fact about the more disturbing undercurrents of Tomas the tank engine, the trains do literally live in a totalitarian world where trains are slaves and are broken down for parts, the island they live on is seen as a safe haven, and the trains are told that its worse off island, even though they are treated horribly by the humans on the island, suggesting that what they are told is propaganda to keep them compliant in the action totalitarian train state,
Now I'm having some horrible image in my mind. Wartime Thomas, and James has the iron cross on both sides of him.
Pretty freakin' Orwellian really.
Was that the plot for the island
+Lass be awesome Hmmn, I still have all my old Thomas VHS tapes, perhaps I should go back and watch them again...
Have you ever considered the alternative? What if they're actually quarantined on the island? They are the few remaining self-aware trains, and without keeping them working they managed to decimate 1/3 of the earth's population. Idle hands and all that!
It's been almost ten years since I last saw TTTE and I can still remember segments from the few episodes I watched:
Favorite episode back then : Snow (1998) because of the variety of minor engines and Halloween (2004) You will not believe how many times my parents quoted "The ghost! It's got me!" from Emily in that episode.
Most hated episode: Fish (2004, there was something uncanny creepy about it)
Also, I had to try not to say "Slow down" because every time I did, my parents added "...and puff with care!"
Your parents sound exactly like mine 😂😂😂
I was mildly scared of Thomas the Tank Engine when I was smaller, but my younger brother loved it, so I was subjected to this train monstrosity every day. Now, as a teenager, I watched the program again and I felt like I was watching the acid trip of an insane train enthusiast....
So if you get just one it basically transforms into a piece of lumpy unrecognizable shit.
Great toy there. :P
that's what I thought
Optimus Past-His-Prime :?)
this children is what would have happened if saban decided to adapt ToQger
Oh Jesus what about the safari ressha?
The first appearance on Funtastic...
"The LJN of toys"
God help us all.
But LJN were a toy company anyway! They just had a game division which outlasted the parent.
Rexeljet but the toys were fine
"I'd have called it the Island of Sod Off"
9:17
Its not an Abomintation, its Voltrain.
Love this guys voice and how he describes everything ha ha
Sir Wankshaft McShitstain.
Brilliant.
more like Thomas meets the Power Rangers. Thomaszord Go! Each one of those rip-off trains would shout out their animal before transforming.
"words cannot describe it's beauty" yet numbers can. 1/10. =)
BurntFaceMan if that 1 has a 0 after it, than yes
We need more Cydnor 7!
Optimus past his prime! (badum tish)
lmao
lmao
what a funtastic pun...
+Bethany Price thanks. X3 i was pretty happy with that.
"From the time when Thomas and his friends turned into a giant robot." THAT WAS MY FAVOURITE EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually still watch that show. Its pretty good, and the description he gave for it makes it all the more interesting. =]
at one point in Thomas, George Carlin was the narrator...
+josh kirby
And although it's not official Thomas media, Daniel Radcliffe voice acted as Thomas in a Robot Chicken sketch
+jubbie1122 In the original show Ringo Starr was the narrator
+Equestrian Idiot damn i watched that like last month didnt even realize
+jubbie1122 Over here it was always Ringo Starr and Michael Angelis.
Pierce Brosnan narrated one of the specials, he was going to narrate 3 more seasons, but then Michael Angelis returned after the transition to CGI
As someone who spars with lepers on a regular basis, I can confirm that it is not a good attack to just drop your legs off at the first sign of trouble.
I love this because it’s so horrible!
At 8:20 I just burst out laughing, the timing was perfect
For me at least, i only liked thomas because it meant cheap toy trains. Those sets were fun to build and something about the wheels doing their thing was memorizing... Like trains were unintentionally meant to hypnotize me...
Excuse me for misspelling a word I've never written before. Your behavior however, my delightful, majestic man of nature is undoubtedly, how you say, "uncalled for."
X Mark for me it was TOMY. The little plastic ones you put a battery in then flick the switch and they run round a loop of track? Childhood right there, then in 2014 they fucked it up by making everything like a hot wheels set -_-
I used to have a set similar to that one, but without the creepy smiley faces and it was much better quality (still cheap & Chinese, but much better none the less)... It used to be quite fun actually, the engine and the wagons even linked together! The sword and shield were made of translucent plastic and looked much better, the wagons and engine also had chrome details that made them look quite fancy.
I think the guys responsible for Super Sentai bought a set of these. Their next team has a train motif o_O
Also, I think I've seen that combiner head in an Armored Core game.
Hey, look, it's Chargeman!
LOL funtastic something what a crap DJ would say XD
70s dj
This was the first Ashens video I saw that made me go "I need to subscribe to this guy, he's awesome!"
8:21 that train plays too much pop station fighters(the red one), so he gathered his friends (who are just in it for the pounds) so that he can battle the mega"force" and achieve his dream of throwing his limbs at enemies.
that shield could make a really sick spaceship design.
Saw another review of a similar product. They called it Voltromas.
If I remember correctly, during the late eighties and early nineties George Carlin actually narrated and played the roll of "Sir Topham Hatt" (otherwise know as Mr. Conductor here in the States) in American version of "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends" As a child I remember him simply being called Mr. Conductor. I vaguely remember, even as small kids, my cousin and I watching the show merely because it was very creepy rather than genuinely being interested in the story.
Those faces are nightmare fuel.
Ashens is roughly my age, and by the time "Thomas The Train Who is not a Tank" was a thing, I was reading about Blaine the Monorail in The Dark Tower: Waste Land.
Thomas was marketed more toward the 0-8 sad onion crowd. Although I don't understand how zero year olds enjoy anything apart from the bliss of nonexistence
That's Gordon, Henry and James.
+TheTurretBoy Do you mean Morgan Freeman?
Lethal Clorox Bleach Do U evn Helf Leef bruv.
Am I the only one who laughed their ass off at Cydnor 7's response? It was so predictable yet somehow so perfect.
Tengen Thomas Gurren Tank Engine
+FauxGreatOne It shall pierce the heavens of tat...except it´s forgotten on the couch and someone sits down, than it shall pierce an anus. Wait, actually the same thing either case.
Super Sentai did it eventually, looks kinda similar too
The top bit is the smoke stack (may have some fancy name though) it is where the smoke comes out, the steam comes out of the pistons that drive the train infront of the wheels.
or funnel? That's what I thought they were called anyway
Your Not Wrong With The Red Engine, He Is Called James
Oh my gosh he's talking about cousin Dan as a young lad in this video
10:07
It's called a smokestack.
I remembered sticking around for the ending!
Thomas the transforming robot? I don't think this is canon.
I so want those! my son loved Thomas the train....I love Transformers...
He's still called the fat controller and his name was sir topham hat
I have actually seen theese
Oh man this shit is awesome, my son loves Thomas! Just imagine all the psychological damage these toys could inflict long term :)
opTHOMAS prime
stahp
I didn't think that show could be any more terrifying until I saw those toys!!
opthomas-prime
"Sir WankShaft McShitStain" Spat my Lucozade across my monitor. XD
Thomas is not creepy! ;~;
I feel your pain, For Thomas was a part of my early childhood, and I did enjoy it so much.
Look at power rangers lightspeed rescue super train megazord
Yes he is!!! 😈😈😈
+Sean Madden You are just one of those, aren't you?😒
It is very creepy
Those painted smiles are all the creepier the more one considers that Thomas and friends have stuck bits of themselves into one another.
The new cgi Thomas the tank engine is bad and makes me extremely upset, old Thomas where all the characters were voiced by the same dude was great and I loved it, but then they made it cgi and I was not happy and it is really bad.
Zan bomb well
Seasons 1-5: great
Magic Railroad: Shite
Seasons 6-7: OK
Seasons 8-12: meh
Seasons 13-16: crap
Seasons 17-20: good
Season 21: meh
Season 22-onwards (reboot) fucking terrible
@@user-yo2lt8ch7v Season 25-26/All Engines Go: so atrocious it makes season 13-16 look like a masterpiece
Also i disagree with TATMR
...I had this when I was a kid. They all came together, they were painted better and the sword with a transparent orange and parts were painted yellow, but... Wow, it is practically the same thing. Huh.
don't you mean TRAINS-form? :D
:c
... Silence for 6 seconds
+Mc0521 lol
+Mc0521 Ba-dum-tss >-D
I yearn for the return of the Cydnor 7.That segment was awesome.
Happy locomotives that come together and transform into the machine that will conquer our world!!
I loved Thomas the Tank Engine as a kid! I begged my parents for a Thomas train set for Christmas one year! I got a Playmates castle instead... Sorta fueled my outward love of medieval fantasy and inward love of trains..
I take back what I said on the postman pat transformer video. This is the most magnificent thing I've ever seen.
Ashens, thank you for single handedly killing my childhood with in the first 10 seconds of this video, I believe thats a new record good sir!
We have to give Thomas the Tank Engine one thing. How many other kids shows were done entirely with hand made models for the first 10 years? It's awesome to watch from a film-making perspective
The fact that a Thomas Transformer exists makes me slightly happier.
That was hilarious! I almost died near the end. Thank-you.
"Wow!" Toy immediately falls to pieces. Honestly what were you expecting?
I like how Dr. Ashen knows more about Thomas the Tank Engine than I do.
In the railway series (on which TTE is 'based' on), each story is from an actual real life event.
Thomas is a minor character; the main characters are Edward, Gordon and Henry.
This concept is actually PRETTY DAMN BRILLIANT. I ACTUALLY WANT ONE?!
You can actually buy a high quality original Power Rangers set that this ripped off.
Tthe tension was killing me while you put it together, but when the robot fell apart in your hand I just lost it! !!
Everytime i want a good laugh i just watch these xD
Thomas, James, and Percy have to combine to destroy Diesel 10. And I like watching Thomas as an adult.
Congrats on getting featured!
Man the new mech for toqger looks great
I'm sure power rangers actually had a train where the front did what James did, and the other 4 carriages were arms and egs
Teefury did a Thomas the transformer shirt some time ago. Got one in a grab bag. New love for it through this video, Ashens!
00:24 a train with a creepy face on??!! Thomas was all the craze when I was little.. They did ruin it though... Like with 64 zoo lane I havent seen my brothers watching that on the television in ages!!