The settling one is such a dangerous mindset though imo. cause ofc there will always be someone "better" and someone that matches your standrds better but if you keep chasing that instead of settling for someone you have a good genuine connection with you're never going to be satisfed and happy with your life. There is no best person. I reckon at the end of the day you cant go wrong with dating your best friend xD
that was exactly what i needed to hear omg- i just met someone who absolut doesn't fit my type but they r just SO nice and i felt so comfortable around them the second we exchanged numbers and rlly got to know eachother. i was so unsure if i am crushing on them or if i should rlly go for them since they aren't my type and i were confused about them anyways. i have been questioning this for the past few days and this comment just came up on time. so thank u, rlly! :))
I also think what makes the people in our life unique isn't that they are the perfect person for us, but the expierences we have with them. They become your soulmate because your lives are tied together
exactly my thoughts. i think the mindset of "there could be the perfect partner out there for me" is a mindset that will ultimately not see what is in front of you, something that might be already pretty close to perfect but you abandon it for the "possibility of better".
dustin, i swear, if we were friends, i dont think sleeping would be a part of our sleepovers anymore.. we'll just talk about basically everything, from what to why
I feel like holding this idea of the “perfect person” can be kind of unhealthy. This reminds me of my sentiments when I was younger and before I started dating and hooking up etc. Having this super high standard ever present in your mind when you go out and meet someone can actually be harmful, because in a sense, you’re not giving that person the opportunity to change your mind; you’re walking in with a barrier already raised. I feel like you should always go into relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic with 0 expectations. Personally, I found when I stopped thinking and actively searching for a relationship/hookup I started finding more and enjoying myself. Also side note, having super high standards for others means you can only hold yourself to a similar or higher degree, which can be tiring and sprout insecurities. My advice: go with the flow, if you happen to meet someone you vibe with, go along with it and see where you end up ! That’s the beauty of life and the human experience.
honestly i believe commitment issues are real but not in the way we’ve grown accustomed to approach them: i think of them as a response to some sort of basic emotion (like anger, fear, sadness or the combination of them), which then results in different defense mechanisms (like attachment styles for instance) to make us feel safe in our beliefs no matter how damaging they are to ourselves and others (i.e “i’m not enough” “there’s no one out there for me” etc). For me, the best way to get past this is therapy (through dustin’s promo code 🤪) and also to let ourselves experience things without the constant need of over analyzing them, because when we get distanced from feeling, we lose sight of who we are and who we love. thanks for coming to my ted talk 💋
I totally felt everything you said with only being the only male friend in the group and having to wait outside looking crazy for the girls to come out the bathroom and it is totally hard to find genuine male friends especially men who have the same interests like you. And I totally felt on the RUclips aspect. I feel the same way I feel like there are so many girl RUclipsrs, who are doing what I do and it’s so hard to find like other male lifestyle RUclipsrs
Dustin is back at it again talking about the things we wanna hear!! How does he do it? Love love love all the recent content you’ve been SERVING to us💚
As someone who's deeply in love for the past 4 year I think a big part is growing together and learning to be "perfect" for each other. Literally nothing is perfect so calling anything perfect includes some flaws, it's kinda like the fault in our stars quote (ik cheesy) about how there's endless infinities between 0 and 1 and more between 0 and 2. Also it's probably a side effect of LA bc so many people are fake with surgery but don't get caught up in appearance, having a deep relationship makes someone more "aesthetically beautiful" to you and having a long-term relationship includes loving someone when they're sick or at their lowest so they won't always be a 10/10 even if they are conventionally attractive to you. I agree people settle for appearance but not for who the person is at their core, or at least you shouldn't, bc looks fade.
I feel like once feelings are involved, where you feel a genuine connection with this person, all of their “flaws” or shortcomings are not seen as imperfect and you start to even like their flaws :/ I relate to this because with the dude I used to genuinely like, all of my icks I would usually have for dudes didn’t seem to apply to him… kind of made me like him more haha
This is soooo trueee except the only way I know this is good is that the person had come to accept their flaws and acknowledged mistakes they made in the past, so seeing them be conscious of it and having TAKEN VISIBLE STEPS to do better is what makes me like them moreee
i feel like in a world where outward beauty is abundant, it’s important to look for compatibility rather than just pure attraction. i think that rather than seeking a person who has certain attributes (‘dream partner), it’s better to seek the kind of relationship and lifestyle that u want to build with them. someone who will meet your emotional standards of how u think u deserve to be loved and the way u want to love someone:) i guess the only way to find this out is by meeting people and continuing to put yourself out there
No just insecure… being bully by family, family and ppl at school majority of my life didn’t help me when it was time to get in a relationship because I was more so worried about why the person like me or the insecurities, instead of valuing the person who love me.
The "there are so many people out there who could be so good for you" is super interesting to me cus I struggled a long time with it. A friend recently helped me realize its just fomo and constant fomo is no way to live ahaha. Ive lived in 3 countries for substantial amounts of time and travelled , and did have life changing experiences and encounters and ended up thinking the travelling had made those happen when in fact it was me committing to my desires at a certain time of my life (so back in the day, travelling with no idea of what could be out there) that made those happen. Being open to life changing you and stuff ... I feel like relationships are the same, you have to comitt to an extent to learn something from a relationship and sometimes our fantasies of love are a way to protect ourselves from harsh realities of getting hurt or simply of not knowing what to do, how to love, how to share. Standards make sense but its also okay to try things that dont meet your standard because you could be surprised finding out you have room for smth else. But then, for me its all about listening to your heart, obviously you're not gonna date someone who attracts you in no way, but your heart or intuition or whatever will tell you when something is worth exploring
Wanting to see what’s out there instead of settling while also still craving the feeling of being with someone is extremely relatable. One of the best videos I’ve ever seen that articulates my own thoughts lol❤
The main issue with standards is that most people who have them do not meet them. Often times mediocre ppl want extraordinary partners. The problem within that is that mediocre ppl are not setting standards in their own life individually to obtain or be worthy of an above average partner. If you aren't able to provide yourself with what you require/desire then it's fundamentally delusional to have standards for others do so in relation to you. I am a strong advocate for being/meeting your own standards before imposing your standards in others.
for my whole teenage years i avoided romantic relationships because i thought i was scared of opening up or committing to someone but now i am in perfectly good relationship and it wasn’t hard for me at all to commit. maybe i’ve grown as a person, maybe i just found someone that feels right…
If you are looking for male lifestyle-youtubers who have a similar calm and comforting vibe I can really recommend joe lee, Andrew Kim, Benji plant or Hwaniiee :) They do have a slightly different focus in their daily life but I always enjoy watching their vlogs just as I do yours and just wanted to share
I think it’s a matter of time, and as you said, you know when you know. You’re also growing as a person so you may not be the same person in 10 years from now. Keep growing Dustin and as always thanks for sharing such honest thoughts! They’re very relatable as you also mention the flip side of the topic and your awareness of it. You’ll definitely keep learning and growing
It's insane because at this point, I can relate with EVERY thing he say about love and insecurities 😅😢 Anyway, lov how u always put in words what I think and passing through ❤
i think the fact that in society and love we have this idea of the “perfect person”/soulmates is messed up because there is not reason for love to be romanticized to this extent 😭😭 i think love/romantic relationships should be thought of as any other relationships in our life like parents, family, friends etc.. and the specific friends family parents you have are based on your life circumstances/environmment/by chance but we are still we are able to find connection and happiness with these people so thats living proof that we don’t need “perfection” in our lives and life is messy but that’s ok. its like youre meeting them on your own journey whether its the neighborhood or school or workplace you go to.. and despite them having flaws no one every longs so desperately for “the perfect friend” we tend to just accept those people for the love they give to us and the things they do for us. but at the same time if we want a romantic relationship its good to put yourself out there and meet new people like you said + i forgot my other points LMAO
Hey Dustin I love your videos! As someone who has been blessed to experience romantic love, my partners “flaws” have always been some of the greatest gifts and lessons to me. Really we’re just all so different and there’s beauty in falling in love because of that. Even my relationships that didn’t last brought me to the love I have now and made me grow immensely. I don’t usually comment but I thought hopefully I can speak to comforting perspective on having to lower standards (but I’d only lower them about 🤏 much and has to be for the right person😂) Thank you for having this open conversation, they’re always needed
i-... i've never felt so called out and attacked and yet 100% completely understood at the same time💀 who let you inside my brain and let you read my entire monologue and inner thoughts on this? everything point and counterpoint you made is literally every single thought i've ever had and struggled with concerning this topic. you crazy and real for this
I can relate so muchhh, I really want more guy friends because idk I get intimidated a lot and feel like I'm being judged but I'm not, i just need more masculine ppl in my life cuz I crave it, I wanna show my masculine side to others
Dustin mentioning that there weren't a lot of other men on this side of RUclips reminded me of this small vlog channel i watch, not quite the same niche but still very sweet day in the life videos if anyone is interested! the channel is maakkun!
Hi- this is the first video i saw- and i relate so intensely! I ave subscribed ofc. I think from what i have briefly watched you represent me so much- and i feel comforted. About the guy friends thing- I struggle with it a lot, but slowly, i have sort of just accepted it, and not tried to force it. I find i get enough from my female friends to the point it would be pointless trying to seek a guy friend for solely he being male. When ive tried, lines have gotten crossed or maybe i wasnt looking in the right places LOL
Bit of advice, there's no such thing as "the one", and meeting the perfect person won't undo your own insecurities. It comes from you not them, and framing it as if they should kinda comes across like you're making it their responsibility to be the perfect fit that completes you rather than a fantastic person who compliments you. And yeah I agree, too much time online and seeing all these artificial displays of what an "ideal" relationship and ideal people look like (you keep saying standards but only talk about looks) will give you a false perception that a perfect relationship with no compromises exists when it doesn't. No one who is trying to sell an idea of their relationship as ideal is gonna post the ugly parts of it, the compromises they had to make to be with that person, or all the ways in which that person falls short of their "ideal". Issues of commitment definitely exist, and one you kinda display is a deeply ingrained aversion to settle. The idea that maybe someone in a different town or state or country somewhere exists who is more beautiful, talented, and engaging to talk to who will help melt away other internal struggles you face is making it impossible for you to commit to any of the people you realistically can meet in front of you. Or maybe you have the ability to travel so that abundance isn't just a perception. In either case good luck, just remember people are people and everybody poops
7:01 to 7:24 is exactly me too. and at one point I just started thinking if I am just not attractive because I do get attracted to people but somehow in the past 3-4 years or more probably has someone told me they are interested in me romantically. it makes me think as if something is wrong with me.
while that fantasy of love may be shattered once you get into a real relationship, even if things don’t work out, you will be taught a new, realistic way to love and build up a new ideal for yourself! you learn so much from experiences, even the bad ones, so always remember it’s for a reason, season, or lifetime!!!
I LOVE DISCUSSING THESE TYPES OF TOPICS. But in my case, I've had to constantly move around when I was younger and I think it's impacted on the way I see relationships, like unconsciously my mind tells me "oh this will eventually end". It's kind of mind-blowing for me to think that people have just one person for a long time, that be dating or married to, and it scares me a lot. Like the FOREVER aspect is overwhelming.
Dustin thanks for posting and making my day as always. I've been watching you since about sophomore year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college about to transfer to UCLA and I really want to thank you for getting me through all these years of education 😭. I have my last finals of sophomore year tomorrow so this is a godsend video Also completely relate on the part of making guy friends being a miracle. Like what?? Guy friends?? That's insane pfttt. But I'm really proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone as always and making new friends!
omigosh this is so unhinged lmaoo. when you went on ab monogamy I was like, "there is no way... he's also a mindreader?!" I have this internal conflict tooo because the world is so big lol :3
one things i’ve ALWAYSSS said (since after my first relo), once i got back into the dating scene i felt soo picky?? like i’d barely be swiping right but now i always tell my friends that the thing about dating is that you only need to find ONE person, as long as one person can fit ur criteria, ur good and u SHOULD be as picky as you need 😤
Dude, I'm going through the same issue right now but mostly cause since I began to open up about my gender Identity people just seem to feel weirded out by it(? Like, everyone who has ever shown interest in me has later "reculado" when finding out how I identified. Even my own friends made me feel guilty about it, as if I owed them ""sorority"". Like, i thought our thing was stronger than fucking gender. Ofc i was able to grow apart from them, but then the cicle went on and on with tons of different people. All this made me feel unable to open up and commit, since everytime i did people didn't like who i was. So i settled with not having real friends nor trying to seek, and being by myself :) Now, whenever someone tries to get closer to me i just turn my survival instincts on, the Spidey Senses, and isolate myself once again. For now it works, i feel fine tbh, but it's not like younger me had the chance to choose loneliness lmao Anyways love all your videos, you're literally so cool and real, and sing so beautifully ❤
Im in the same boat as you: I like people who don't like me back. When I find someone I like, I chase them until they like me. When people start to like me, I stop liking them. For me, its because I don't think I'm worthy of love, so when people show interest I unconsciously get turned off. Also might have to do with having a high ego and low self esteem. Hope this helps! xoxo
Or maybe you put a lot of effort when you chase them and subconsciously expect a lot in return, and when they just mildly like you back you feel disappointed. 🤔 I think, it's common on early stages of getting to know each other, that someone is more interested. And then it balances out, if it's a good relationships. Not an expert, but I'd suggest you maybe to relax and enjoy your results for some time at least. And don't push yourself too much to make a lot of effort, just a right amount. Because when you not enjoy results of your efforts, your brain stops giving you energy on those tasks, and you end up very frustrated and unmotivated in this field.
hi dustin! idk if this will make sense but this video comforted me, especially hearing you talk about standards and all the beautiful things you see in love, and when i tell you i feel the SAME WAY?!!i think love is very bittersweet and fulfilling 😭this just confirms that since i k ow there’s one person that isn’t me that feels this way about how beautiful love is, there’s bound to be more. this also means there truly is more people for all of us out there! it’s not something we should search for, i think when we put more love into ourselves and water our “plant” (heart) instead, we attract this love. this vid makes me so happy omg I feel so understood! :D i wish you happiness always!
So like In my school there's this guy and apparently people tell me he doesn't really talk to girls and the only girl he does talk to as a friend he made clear that he doesn't like her. So his friend that's a girl started shipping me and him out of the blue (I thought woah this kid is actually pretty cute) and I then I got his number from a friend and talked to him for 3 days in a row for about an hour or so- I'm scared to commit *ANY ADVISE?* I really don't wanna be rejected...
Your standards aren't high necessarily, to me it seems that its because there is no real connection, once you find someone who you have a real connection with, their looks become far less important simply because it feels amazing to be in their presence. It's just that when the connection isn't there then you have nothing to go off other than looks.
@@filtrations so many people end up unhappy simply because they think they need someone, just keep your heart open and someone will land in it eventually.
every time i watch ur videos, i feel some newfound inspiration to do more things in my life lmaoo (i’m 17 in a couple weeks and have no irl friends bc i do online school and haven’t applied for a job yet so i have zero social skills)
Ashley(bestressed) gave this analogy that when you are in the dating scene its equivalent to having a deck of cards facing down. Only after you've flipped a card over is when when you can see what it is. Assuming you rate people on a scale of 1 to 10. When you pick a card and get lets say 5, you don't know if thats the highest you can get or if there's better. So you might set the 5 aside and pick the next card and get a 3 or a 4 or you can get a 10. It's a game of chance really 12:03
I really enjoyed watching you share these thoughts! I had so many similar ones when I was younger but with experience I realized a lot of what I thought relationships consists of (or was modeled for me) didn’t apply that well to me because I fell outside of most people’s gender and romantic expectations. The “when you know you know” was true though but I wasn’t mature enough to keep those people in my life 😢 So experience does play a huge part in it but I never regret those experiences because they helped me grow a lot and become closer to my own idea of an ideal partner. Looking forward to seeing you explore this topic more in the future and happy for you that you’re meeting so many new friends!
I definitely don't have commitment issues,each time I've dated someone i had no second thoughts or anything yk. But the lack of loyalty is what made me discard the idea of relationships as a whole.
Idk if anyone will ever see this, but when Dustin was talking about settling with a partner around 11:53 I found it really interesting…like I have thought the same thing, why wouldn’t you want to go out and explore and meet new people and somewhere between that you will find so many friends and maybe even a partner. But then another part of me has thought about how the more you venture out the harder it is to find someone…like think of it this way, someone who grew up in the same town as you has generally had the same experiences you did and that would lead to a deeper understanding with them than anyone else you’ll ever be friends with. And at the end of the day, I think everyone wants to be understood by their partner even if no one else understood. So wouldn’t background and culture affect that? But then I think, there are so many people who would be open minded and who would want to and try to understand…so idk, maybe it’s a mix between all.
i'm still convinced we're the same person, this is a little bit too relatable... anyway i'm going on a date with a guy i think i actually like next week so wish me luck :)
i’ve never felt so called out
The settling one is such a dangerous mindset though imo. cause ofc there will always be someone "better" and someone that matches your standrds better but if you keep chasing that instead of settling for someone you have a good genuine connection with you're never going to be satisfed and happy with your life. There is no best person. I reckon at the end of the day you cant go wrong with dating your best friend xD
totally agree!
that was exactly what i needed to hear omg-
i just met someone who absolut doesn't fit my type but they r just SO nice and i felt so comfortable around them the second we exchanged numbers and rlly got to know eachother.
i was so unsure if i am crushing on them or if i should rlly go for them since they aren't my type and i were confused about them anyways. i have been questioning this for the past few days and this comment just came up on time.
so thank u, rlly! :))
I also think what makes the people in our life unique isn't that they are the perfect person for us, but the expierences we have with them. They become your soulmate because your lives are tied together
@@urlocalleouwuI FEEL THE SAME legit never felt so heard
exactly my thoughts. i think the mindset of "there could be the perfect partner out there for me" is a mindset that will ultimately not see what is in front of you, something that might be already pretty close to perfect but you abandon it for the "possibility of better".
I love how we always have this same conversation yet somehow it sounds fresh every time.
"men do not make me laugh" dustin youre so real for this
it makes sense 'cause he's really feminine
dustin, i swear, if we were friends, i dont think sleeping would be a part of our sleepovers anymore.. we'll just talk about basically everything, from what to why
Felt this to my core
I feel like holding this idea of the “perfect person” can be kind of unhealthy. This reminds me of my sentiments when I was younger and before I started dating and hooking up etc. Having this super high standard ever present in your mind when you go out and meet someone can actually be harmful, because in a sense, you’re not giving that person the opportunity to change your mind; you’re walking in with a barrier already raised. I feel like you should always go into relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic with 0 expectations. Personally, I found when I stopped thinking and actively searching for a relationship/hookup I started finding more and enjoying myself. Also side note, having super high standards for others means you can only hold yourself to a similar or higher degree, which can be tiring and sprout insecurities. My advice: go with the flow, if you happen to meet someone you vibe with, go along with it and see where you end up ! That’s the beauty of life and the human experience.
honestly i believe commitment issues are real but not in the way we’ve grown accustomed to approach them: i think of them as a response to some sort of basic emotion (like anger, fear, sadness or the combination of them), which then results in different defense mechanisms (like attachment styles for instance) to make us feel safe in our beliefs no matter how damaging they are to ourselves and others (i.e “i’m not enough” “there’s no one out there for me” etc).
For me, the best way to get past this is therapy (through dustin’s promo code 🤪) and also to let ourselves experience things without the constant need of over analyzing them, because when we get distanced from feeling, we lose sight of who we are and who we love.
thanks for coming to my ted talk 💋
I totally felt everything you said with only being the only male friend in the group and having to wait outside looking crazy for the girls to come out the bathroom and it is totally hard to find genuine male friends especially men who have the same interests like you. And I totally felt on the RUclips aspect. I feel the same way I feel like there are so many girl RUclipsrs, who are doing what I do and it’s so hard to find like other male lifestyle RUclipsrs
just checked out your channel- It looks amazing!! I hope you find good connections.
@@amethyst6603 awww thank you smm 💗
Dustin is back at it again talking about the things we wanna hear!! How does he do it? Love love love all the recent content you’ve been SERVING to us💚
HAHA TY!! literally been posting so consistently it’s WILD
As someone who's deeply in love for the past 4 year I think a big part is growing together and learning to be "perfect" for each other. Literally nothing is perfect so calling anything perfect includes some flaws, it's kinda like the fault in our stars quote (ik cheesy) about how there's endless infinities between 0 and 1 and more between 0 and 2. Also it's probably a side effect of LA bc so many people are fake with surgery but don't get caught up in appearance, having a deep relationship makes someone more "aesthetically beautiful" to you and having a long-term relationship includes loving someone when they're sick or at their lowest so they won't always be a 10/10 even if they are conventionally attractive to you. I agree people settle for appearance but not for who the person is at their core, or at least you shouldn't, bc looks fade.
I agree!
I feel like once feelings are involved, where you feel a genuine connection with this person, all of their “flaws” or shortcomings are not seen as imperfect and you start to even like their flaws :/ I relate to this because with the dude I used to genuinely like, all of my icks I would usually have for dudes didn’t seem to apply to him… kind of made me like him more haha
This is soooo trueee except the only way I know this is good is that the person had come to accept their flaws and acknowledged mistakes they made in the past, so seeing them be conscious of it and having TAKEN VISIBLE STEPS to do better is what makes me like them moreee
i feel like in a world where outward beauty is abundant, it’s important to look for compatibility rather than just pure attraction. i think that rather than seeking a person who has certain attributes (‘dream partner), it’s better to seek the kind of relationship and lifestyle that u want to build with them. someone who will meet your emotional standards of how u think u deserve to be loved and the way u want to love someone:) i guess the only way to find this out is by meeting people and continuing to put yourself out there
I need someone like Dustin to have conversations with, like the relate-ability is insane
No just insecure… being bully by family, family and ppl at school majority of my life didn’t help me when it was time to get in a relationship because I was more so worried about why the person like me or the insecurities, instead of valuing the person who love me.
dustin is genuinely so pretty and intelligent like ??? men need to open their eyes
The "there are so many people out there who could be so good for you" is super interesting to me cus I struggled a long time with it. A friend recently helped me realize its just fomo and constant fomo is no way to live ahaha. Ive lived in 3 countries for substantial amounts of time and travelled , and did have life changing experiences and encounters and ended up thinking the travelling had made those happen when in fact it was me committing to my desires at a certain time of my life (so back in the day, travelling with no idea of what could be out there) that made those happen. Being open to life changing you and stuff ... I feel like relationships are the same, you have to comitt to an extent to learn something from a relationship and sometimes our fantasies of love are a way to protect ourselves from harsh realities of getting hurt or simply of not knowing what to do, how to love, how to share. Standards make sense but its also okay to try things that dont meet your standard because you could be surprised finding out you have room for smth else. But then, for me its all about listening to your heart, obviously you're not gonna date someone who attracts you in no way, but your heart or intuition or whatever will tell you when something is worth exploring
Wanting to see what’s out there instead of settling while also still craving the feeling of being with someone is extremely relatable. One of the best videos I’ve ever seen that articulates my own thoughts lol❤
whenever I am doubting my (love)life I know Dustin got my back
The main issue with standards is that most people who have them do not meet them. Often times mediocre ppl want extraordinary partners. The problem within that is that mediocre ppl are not setting standards in their own life individually to obtain or be worthy of an above average partner. If you aren't able to provide yourself with what you require/desire then it's fundamentally delusional to have standards for others do so in relation to you. I am a strong advocate for being/meeting your own standards before imposing your standards in others.
for my whole teenage years i avoided romantic relationships because i thought i was scared of opening up or committing to someone but now i am in perfectly good relationship and it wasn’t hard for me at all to commit. maybe i’ve grown as a person, maybe i just found someone that feels right…
If you are looking for male lifestyle-youtubers who have a similar calm and comforting vibe I can really recommend joe lee, Andrew Kim, Benji plant or Hwaniiee :) They do have a slightly different focus in their daily life but I always enjoy watching their vlogs just as I do yours and just wanted to share
love andrew kim and hwaniiee
I think it’s a matter of time, and as you said, you know when you know. You’re also growing as a person so you may not be the same person in 10 years from now. Keep growing Dustin and as always thanks for sharing such honest thoughts! They’re very relatable as you also mention the flip side of the topic and your awareness of it. You’ll definitely keep learning and growing
It's insane because at this point, I can relate with EVERY thing he say about love and insecurities 😅😢
Anyway, lov how u always put in words what I think and passing through ❤
i think the fact that in society and love we have this idea of the “perfect person”/soulmates is messed up because there is not reason for love to be romanticized to this extent 😭😭 i think love/romantic relationships should be thought of as any other relationships in our life like parents, family, friends etc.. and the specific friends family parents you have are based on your life circumstances/environmment/by chance but we are still we are able to find connection and happiness with these people so thats living proof that we don’t need “perfection” in our lives and life is messy but that’s ok. its like youre meeting them on your own journey whether its the neighborhood or school or workplace you go to.. and despite them having flaws no one every longs so desperately for “the perfect friend” we tend to just accept those people for the love they give to us and the things they do for us. but at the same time if we want a romantic relationship its good to put yourself out there and meet new people like you said + i forgot my other points LMAO
well said
I just love when Dustin talks ..I enjoy hearing his voice honestly really soothing
Hey Dustin I love your videos! As someone who has been blessed to experience romantic love, my partners “flaws” have always been some of the greatest gifts and lessons to me. Really we’re just all so different and there’s beauty in falling in love because of that. Even my relationships that didn’t last brought me to the love I have now and made me grow immensely. I don’t usually comment but I thought hopefully I can speak to comforting perspective on having to lower standards (but I’d only lower them about 🤏 much and has to be for the right person😂) Thank you for having this open conversation, they’re always needed
“pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it” is one of my favorite quotes
ur actually the most relatable person ever ty for ur uploads u got me thru this semester ❤
i-... i've never felt so called out and attacked and yet 100% completely understood at the same time💀
who let you inside my brain and let you read my entire monologue and inner thoughts on this? everything point and counterpoint you made is literally every single thought i've ever had and struggled with concerning this topic. you crazy and real for this
dustin stop being relatable challenge
impossible
i love ur talking videos they seem so.. real
I ADORE the little editing dustin clips that just pop in, it's so much fun!
I can relate so muchhh, I really want more guy friends because idk I get intimidated a lot and feel like I'm being judged but I'm not, i just need more masculine ppl in my life cuz I crave it, I wanna show my masculine side to others
The title…… it’s gonna be a good one
Commitment issues all come from the trauma we experienced in the past. Great video.
Thank you for this topic. Seems like everyone can relate to this in some way.
Dustin mentioning that there weren't a lot of other men on this side of RUclips reminded me of this small vlog channel i watch, not quite the same niche but still very sweet day in the life videos if anyone is interested! the channel is maakkun!
I LOVE THE TOTE BAG DESIGN
Love your videos
I love how it feels like he know my entire life
THE JAKE FINN BMO LSP PILLOWS crying
On the title, I read insane instead of insecure, and was instantly like YES
this video made me feel so much better about dating and the idea of settling
the intro is so real
Hi- this is the first video i saw- and i relate so intensely! I ave subscribed ofc. I think from what i have briefly watched you represent me so much- and i feel comforted. About the guy friends thing- I struggle with it a lot, but slowly, i have sort of just accepted it, and not tried to force it. I find i get enough from my female friends to the point it would be pointless trying to seek a guy friend for solely he being male. When ive tried, lines have gotten crossed or maybe i wasnt looking in the right places LOL
I just came to watch a nice dustin video and now I feel like I'm in therapy 😅
U deserve all the love in the world justin! Fr these videos help me sort out my thoughts and makes LIVING a whole lot easier 💚💚💚
i can't believe how you ALWAYS find the right words to describe such a complex experience for some of us!! it's so hard for me to explain 😭
Bit of advice, there's no such thing as "the one", and meeting the perfect person won't undo your own insecurities. It comes from you not them, and framing it as if they should kinda comes across like you're making it their responsibility to be the perfect fit that completes you rather than a fantastic person who compliments you.
And yeah I agree, too much time online and seeing all these artificial displays of what an "ideal" relationship and ideal people look like (you keep saying standards but only talk about looks) will give you a false perception that a perfect relationship with no compromises exists when it doesn't. No one who is trying to sell an idea of their relationship as ideal is gonna post the ugly parts of it, the compromises they had to make to be with that person, or all the ways in which that person falls short of their "ideal".
Issues of commitment definitely exist, and one you kinda display is a deeply ingrained aversion to settle. The idea that maybe someone in a different town or state or country somewhere exists who is more beautiful, talented, and engaging to talk to who will help melt away other internal struggles you face is making it impossible for you to commit to any of the people you realistically can meet in front of you. Or maybe you have the ability to travel so that abundance isn't just a perception. In either case good luck, just remember people are people and everybody poops
7:01 to 7:24 is exactly me too. and at one point I just started thinking if I am just not attractive because I do get attracted to people but somehow in the past 3-4 years or more probably has someone told me they are interested in me romantically. it makes me think as if something is wrong with me.
This video was so funny! I love that you've been uploading more ❤
YOU ARE SO GOOD IN PUTTING INTO WORDS WHAT I FEEL!!!! I swear we're the same person
"Only issues" this is good because is rare see this kind of topics here ( for me is rare hehe)
...so my phone is def listening to me
dustin knows all
Glad you're having a fun time growing as a person! Don't worry, Roseville is still not the wave haha
while that fantasy of love may be shattered once you get into a real relationship, even if things don’t work out, you will be taught a new, realistic way to love and build up a new ideal for yourself! you learn so much from experiences, even the bad ones, so always remember it’s for a reason, season, or lifetime!!!
I LOVE DISCUSSING THESE TYPES OF TOPICS. But in my case, I've had to constantly move around when I was younger and I think it's impacted on the way I see relationships, like unconsciously my mind tells me "oh this will eventually end". It's kind of mind-blowing for me to think that people have just one person for a long time, that be dating or married to, and it scares me a lot. Like the FOREVER aspect is overwhelming.
Dustin thanks for posting and making my day as always. I've been watching you since about sophomore year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college about to transfer to UCLA and I really want to thank you for getting me through all these years of education 😭. I have my last finals of sophomore year tomorrow so this is a godsend video
Also completely relate on the part of making guy friends being a miracle. Like what?? Guy friends?? That's insane pfttt. But I'm really proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone as always and making new friends!
AWWW TY FOR WATCHING
@@dustinvuong THANK UUU ILY
omigosh this is so unhinged lmaoo. when you went on ab monogamy I was like, "there is no way... he's also a mindreader?!" I have this internal conflict tooo because the world is so big lol :3
i need to talk about this with my therapist or smt bc why am i so called out
oh my god. I have never related to anyone when it comes to these topics but this right here is exactly how I feel.
you’re actually so real for this, philosophy era, always right era, real real real era
one things i’ve ALWAYSSS said (since after my first relo), once i got back into the dating scene i felt soo picky?? like i’d barely be swiping right but now i always tell my friends that the thing about dating is that you only need to find ONE person, as long as one person can fit ur criteria, ur good and u SHOULD be as picky as you need 😤
Dude, I'm going through the same issue right now but mostly cause since I began to open up about my gender Identity people just seem to feel weirded out by it(? Like, everyone who has ever shown interest in me has later "reculado" when finding out how I identified. Even my own friends made me feel guilty about it, as if I owed them ""sorority"". Like, i thought our thing was stronger than fucking gender. Ofc i was able to grow apart from them, but then the cicle went on and on with tons of different people.
All this made me feel unable to open up and commit, since everytime i did people didn't like who i was.
So i settled with not having real friends nor trying to seek, and being by myself :)
Now, whenever someone tries to get closer to me i just turn my survival instincts on, the Spidey Senses, and isolate myself once again.
For now it works, i feel fine tbh, but it's not like younger me had the chance to choose loneliness lmao
Anyways love all your videos, you're literally so cool and real, and sing so beautifully ❤
i can't get over the beginning pls how do I continue to the video
Im in the same boat as you: I like people who don't like me back. When I find someone I like, I chase them until they like me. When people start to like me, I stop liking them. For me, its because I don't think I'm worthy of love, so when people show interest I unconsciously get turned off. Also might have to do with having a high ego and low self esteem. Hope this helps! xoxo
Or maybe you put a lot of effort when you chase them and subconsciously expect a lot in return, and when they just mildly like you back you feel disappointed. 🤔 I think, it's common on early stages of getting to know each other, that someone is more interested. And then it balances out, if it's a good relationships.
Not an expert, but I'd suggest you maybe to relax and enjoy your results for some time at least. And don't push yourself too much to make a lot of effort, just a right amount.
Because when you not enjoy results of your efforts, your brain stops giving you energy on those tasks, and you end up very frustrated and unmotivated in this field.
i could listen to you talk all day dustin
i saw the title and felt called out
hi dustin! idk if this will make sense but this video comforted me, especially hearing you talk about standards and all the beautiful things you see in love, and when i tell you i feel the SAME WAY?!!i think love is very bittersweet and fulfilling 😭this just confirms that since i k ow there’s one person that isn’t me that feels this way about how beautiful love is, there’s bound to be more. this also means there truly is more people for all of us out there! it’s not something we should search for, i think when we put more love into ourselves and water our “plant” (heart) instead, we attract this love. this vid makes me so happy omg I feel so understood! :D i wish you happiness always!
So like In my school there's this guy and apparently people tell me he doesn't really talk to girls and the only girl he does talk to as a friend he made clear that he doesn't like her. So his friend that's a girl started shipping me and him out of the blue (I thought woah this kid is actually pretty cute) and I then I got his number from a friend and talked to him for 3 days in a row for about an hour or so- I'm scared to commit *ANY ADVISE?* I really don't wanna be rejected...
YESSSIIIR another video from my fav youtuber
the way i always relate to dustin's videos is surreal
felt this on an emotional level 😭✨
Ahhhh, everyone, drop all your things, Dustin just posted!!!!
It's so nice to hear him talk
that pause before the betterhelp segue was amazing
Your standards aren't high necessarily, to me it seems that its because there is no real connection, once you find someone who you have a real connection with, their looks become far less important simply because it feels amazing to be in their presence. It's just that when the connection isn't there then you have nothing to go off other than looks.
this !
@@filtrations so many people end up unhappy simply because they think they need someone, just keep your heart open and someone will land in it eventually.
pPLEASEEE make the tote in black im a goth bish but i LOVE the design sm
I’ve been drinking out of those snoopy cups for 17 years of my life, and never did I know they had lead.
I really love your videos, Dustin 💌🤲🏼 thank u for the new one
love you!!!!!!! also i graduate from hs on june 2nd! its been since freshman year ive been watching you, we bascially grew up together in a way lol
every time i watch ur videos, i feel some newfound inspiration to do more things in my life lmaoo
(i’m 17 in a couple weeks and have no irl friends bc i do online school and haven’t applied for a job yet so i have zero social skills)
Ashley(bestressed) gave this analogy that when you are in the dating scene its equivalent to having a deck of cards facing down. Only after you've flipped a card over is when when you can see what it is. Assuming you rate people on a scale of 1 to 10. When you pick a card and get lets say 5, you don't know if thats the highest you can get or if there's better. So you might set the 5 aside and pick the next card and get a 3 or a 4 or you can get a 10. It's a game of chance really 12:03
i relate to the guy friend thing
You're glowing in this video Dustin 😍
I really enjoyed watching you share these thoughts! I had so many similar ones when I was younger but with experience I realized a lot of what I thought relationships consists of (or was modeled for me) didn’t apply that well to me because I fell outside of most people’s gender and romantic expectations. The “when you know you know” was true though but I wasn’t mature enough to keep those people in my life 😢 So experience does play a huge part in it but I never regret those experiences because they helped me grow a lot and become closer to my own idea of an ideal partner. Looking forward to seeing you explore this topic more in the future and happy for you that you’re meeting so many new friends!
saving this to hear on my plane back home, fully knowing i’ll relate lmao
I definitely don't have commitment issues,each time I've dated someone i had no second thoughts or anything yk. But the lack of loyalty is what made me discard the idea of relationships as a whole.
you rlly just came after me like that
its incredible how you described everthing i felt in my hole life
Idk if anyone will ever see this, but when Dustin was talking about settling with a partner around 11:53 I found it really interesting…like I have thought the same thing, why wouldn’t you want to go out and explore and meet new people and somewhere between that you will find so many friends and maybe even a partner. But then another part of me has thought about how the more you venture out the harder it is to find someone…like think of it this way, someone who grew up in the same town as you has generally had the same experiences you did and that would lead to a deeper understanding with them than anyone else you’ll ever be friends with. And at the end of the day, I think everyone wants to be understood by their partner even if no one else understood. So wouldn’t background and culture affect that? But then I think, there are so many people who would be open minded and who would want to and try to understand…so idk, maybe it’s a mix between all.
i'm still convinced we're the same person, this is a little bit too relatable... anyway i'm going on a date with a guy i think i actually like next week so wish me luck :)
DUSTINNNNNNNNNNN UR SO REAL
needed this tbh
Thanks for always talking about the things I have on my mind
i love this so much. you spoke every thought that ive had
ugh bro i needed this
i really needed to here all of that
dustin 's merch is here 🥳🥳🥳🥳
i want to know more about what kind of person Dustin likes actually, what are the qualities you are looking for and what is the standard?