My narc’s abuse was outlandish, but in public he was charismatic and charming. I rarely talked of his abuse as I feared people would think I was lying.
I did as well . We had two children together. Several years later I had a complete shut down. Was diagnosed with CPTSD and hadn’t a single clue as to why. CPTSD, major depression, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue. Was put on disability because of it.Not a single counselor addressed it ! Here I am several years later and now I get it . Where was Dr. Carter 15 years ago ? I’ve learned so much from him. He mentioned in this video about not isolating yourself and that’s exactly what I did. People think I’m exaggerating when I say I was literally in bed for 4 years barely functioning. I’m just within the past two years finally finding my way. I barely know how to act around other people including my own four grown children. But I’m definitely working on it . Thank you Dr. Carter and my current counselor of the past 18 months.
Ingridients of a sociopath: - no sense of empathy - manipulative-style: assessment - superficial charme - pick targets very carefully - impulsive - no moral code - pathological lying - manipulation is a thrill - highly controllers - threaten target by fear
@@leeannpruitt3752 This is not a full list, just a short overlook for its much more complex indeed. I myself experienced and survived a sociopath. They are experts in scamming and hooking you in with various manipulative tactics.
@@roxymovie3938 As for *manipulation*, what do you think is the border-line between a covert narcissist (or any "generic" narcissist) and a sociopathic narcissist? In other words: what is the basic difference of the manipulation made by sociopathic narcissists? (this is my translation from Italian. Please tell me if it is not clear enough). Thank you for your help
My ex husband is a diagnosed sociopath and this video describes him perfectly. Ten years into our relationship we became successful in business, but strangely the closer we came to realizing all of our dreams the more he let me know that he no longer felt he needed me and that he was prepared to keep the life we built as his own. When I experienced a rare and deadly heart condition in my early 30's he took advantage of my vulnerability and started a brutal discard process when I was completely helpless to protect myself. I was left penniless, disabled, traumatized and utterly alone. That was the end of life #1 and I reinvented myself motivated by my love for my sons. Fifteen harrowing years after my near death experience , my 20 year old son died from an accidental overdose. My son's use of drugs was an attempt to manage the unbearable symptoms of his well documented case of CPTSD resulting from childhood abuse and neglect. That was the end of life #2. I am reinventing myself yet again and finding new meaning and purpose in what I feels like my 3rd life in this incarnation. The destruction is real and inescapable. You learn to live with the wounds and you are wiser.
So sorry about your son. So glad you and any other children got away from the monster. So sorry you and your family went thru this. Wishing you happiness in your future.
Thank you for sharing. So sorry this happened to you. I am turning 32 next year. I CAN NOT imagine surviving what you have survived. What a warrior you are. So inspiring, you have inspired me to be more vigilant and careful in this decade of 30's✨️ Bless you🤍🫂
There's an interesting thing here. Having been in a happy relationship with my beautiful wife (whom I can hear giggling in the kitchen after baking a cake saying, "I must clean, because I'm a dirty girl, such a DIRTY girl, DIRTY GIRL and I LOVE IT!" to make me laugh), I would warrant that having better people in one's life goes a long way. It isn't for nothing that the raging lunatics of the early part if my life would constantly try to interfere in our relationship, and relentlessly attack me with false accusations of being what I'm not and they absolutely are.
I survived a narcissistic sociopath by gray rocking out of it & he finally disappeared because he said I wasn’t getting triggered anymore 🙏 thanx to Dr C & his calm voice in my mind!
Yes… the psychopath sure doesn’t like the person who can see through them when the rest of the flock is clueless. You become a massive threat and this is when things can become very dangerous for the one who sees beyond their mask. They will set out to quite literally destroy you.
I am also being picked on and this woman is out to destroy me. They are so evil, I'm overwhelmed. She works at a medical practice and is using power and control to abuse me. I'm trying to keep calm and bypass her, but she's doing everything she can to stonewall, lie and cause fear and anxiety. I hope we both get some fair outcomes in the end. Jo
In my experience, those people expose their inner darkness to people because that's the only time they _feel truly seen by the world._ It's why people thinking they understand (but don't) become priority targets for their destruction. It's not that they become a threat -- it's that their hubris become a challenging invitation to show non-pathological people just how ignorant they truly are. Confidently asking them to play a game you simply aren't equipped to win at. _...only to feel victimized when someone accepts their challenge_
Thank you for this greatly supportive conversation. Those sociopathic individuals have no moral compass at all. They run people into the ground and dare to call themselves victims. This is mind-bending.
Yep....A lot of narcs end up slipping down that slope into sociopathy over time too😬.Morality is strictly whatever works for these types & nothing more.There is no remorse & they actually even ENJOY 👀 others hurting.
After 45 yrs with a Covert Vulnerable Narc and 47 yrs of a Mother In Law from ......I am amazed that I am still alive and able to maintain a reasonable normal life now. I am so Grateful to God for keeping me all those years, and allowing me to survive. It had been so hard to wrap my mind around how these Demons operate. But now I understand totally. Thank you Dr. C. and Dr McCarthy. Dr. C. You have been a God Send to me and many more!!❤
Elaine, you and I are sisters in the Lord and fellow survivors. 35 years for me, but even though I left 5 years ago, I am still experiencing trauma because me son and his wife do not respect my boundary not to be with my ex abuser at their home for the holidays. I told them that if it was to be a large gathering of people (so I can avoid or ignore him), then I could see myself coming, but just the 4 of us: that is asking too much of me. Since they do not understand the extent of how he damaged me (while professing to be a man of God), I will have Thanksgiving with a generous couple from my church. I just want the pain to end finally. Mine was a Covert Vulnerable too, so everyone is taken in by him dealing the victim card regularly. I agree with you that there are definitely demons in the situation, creating chaos, confusion, despair and the murder of hope. God have mercy. If I could, I would hug you.
Visited NMom for first time in a year. Tried to keep it light but she started bringing up her distorted versions of horrible past events. I had to set the record straight with her, she was lying so much!After talking for a while, she just looked at me with wide eyes, almost surprised and quietly said, " Maybe I'm just a bad person." I just shook my head and was like, yea, Mom, some people are "just bad" people. Strangely enough, this is the most validating interaction I think I've ever had with her.
I married one of these empty people after "growing up" in a family full of them. I finally found how deeply I had been conditioned to please others, and I naturally lacked confidence and a strong sense of self. It was truly devastating, but thanks to the education I found here and elsewhere, and a good trama therapist, I have disengaged with all of them and am learning to protect myself and working on building, growing, healing, and getting to know myself. Thank you, and peace to everyone dealing with this.
Granted, it is far from easy, but it is possible, and you can do it. Big thing is overcoming your programming to make you feel guilty, which is not helped by people in society who tell you nonsense about how you effectively owe it to them to put up with their crap because they're your family, so they don't have to face the refutation of their superstitious beliefs about magic family bonds. In other words: they're not thinking of you at all when they tell you things like this. Those who systematically abuse you, demanding you give them power over you, are simply not qualified to be your family. They're just dysfunctional maniacs that you don't have to be around, and to whom you owe absolutely nothing.
@@darrynreid4500 And the friends and acquaintances who only see the funny charming side who come up and say. "Wow he's such a great guy" making me feel like I have to smile and say thank you when I want to say "You don't know him like I do!"
I am truly scared for my stepdad. Great guy! My mom passed and my sister somehow got our mom to make her executor and trustee for the home. I walked away years ago, but now Im trying to help my dad fight through all the betrayal and all of the grandiose entitlement that’s becoming obvious. My sister and her husband are trying to take everything!! My dad was left nothing after nearly 30 yrs being married to mom. It’s gotten bad and worse by the day….😢
Sending you love & prayers! I’ve been there. Please don’t listen to a WORD they say…everything is to “mess” with your mind. Get away if you can. They are a lost cause
Please leave them if you love and respect yourself. They live to manipulate,control, and abuse you. My ex was one. He abused his dog to entertain himself. When I yelled at him after witnessing him open palm punch his small dog in the face he was furious claiming it was his dog so he could do what he wanted to it. Evil evil demonic man. I should have left then right then, but he said he would change after that, and there was a trauma bond already in place at that point. But I witnessed more abuse, then he started getting physically aggressive with me at the end. Please leave if you can, you CANT fix them or reason with them. If they appear to accommodate your requests they’re faking. 👹
If you know it then LEAVE! If you merely suspect it then follow your instincts - and LEAVE! If this helps..try thinking REALLY hard & honestly about very first situation with the person that made back of your brain shook, uncomfortable, question, confused, or leary. Then write out a list of everything you can recall thereafter. Either the 1st thing was a weird one-off, or you'll see a narc behavior pattern. Be honest with yourself about history with the other person and don't think about emotions/reasons/excuses/etc. Just write down actual facts of what happened even if it seemed insignificant at the time. If your brain noticed it for a single second then write it down. 40+ years married to what I now know is a covert malignant narc and daily regret ignoring the signs. My brain kept trying to normalize narc behaviors and get our relationship back to the initial fake "love bomb" phase.
Good discussion! I was particularly struck by her comment that the sociopath/Nist can detect the person(s) in the group who does not buy their charming false front, and will be hostile to that person.
These people leave a trail of broken devastated lives and complete wreckage ! Thank you for teaching us what to look for and helping us to Protect ourselves !
I just ended my marriage with a sociopath narcissistic X husband. He takes NO accountability, has zero empathy, and is unemployed. He was violent with me for years and rage that could Explode at any moment. He played the victim well. He did control me by my Fear of him. The communication was horrible between us.
What I cannot understand is how some people like that who are malignant narcissists do have the ability to show empathy however they are stingy about when to express it so they can become and then remain in total control of another person's life. I call it the slave owner mentality. People like that tend to collect people and animals as if they are only objects for them to own. Objects for them to own which can be discarded and hidden away from public scrutiny soon after they have grown bored with using them. What infuritates a malignant narcissist most which can drive them crazy enough to end up in the delusion that they must do whatever it takes no matter what to leave a more postive legacy behind than what they had previous planned for themselves before is when after they have discarded another or others in the worst way imaginable while thinking that that person will never be able to recover and so their responsiblity about that will be kept hidden away from public scrutiny until kingdom come is when they start realizing that instead that other has recovered enough to expose all of their lies.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic! After a 10 year marriage with a psychopath (yes, I am diagnosing), I realized that my brother is one too and possible other extended family members. Because of my upbringing with them, I must have had a certain blind spot that made me susceptible to them later in life. Just learning about this concept - that there are people out there that don’t think the same way, bond to others or care for others EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO - that explains so much about what I’ve been though. It’s like coming out of a fog at 57 years old. No one teaches us about these characters early enough. That is why I am so grateful to hear professionals like you both spread awareness for those yet untouched by these individuals and help to untangle the past for those of us who have.
I have seen this anger aspect in my brothers and other men in the family, they seem like they are always on the edge of a blow-up. Their face turns read and they fold their arms and the mean voice shows up to intimidate the one who does not think the way they do. They don't allow others in the room to speak, they keep the floor to the point that someone has to interrupt them to get a word in edgewise and when they do the narc rages to the point where they shut down anyone who is not afraid of them. Then when they can't control that person the narc will stomp off like a bratty six year old. I have been accused of the things the narc is doing but I am not, it is astounding!!!!
This is going to be big. I'm reading and working on Dr Carter's workbook. This has been like a puzzle with all the pieces coming into place. I feel like it is a dangerous time in that I'm trying to figure out who was the ultimate whammy. On figuring out who is still maliciously acting on that.
HR departments in corporations should put more effort into weeding out narcissistic managers. They do a lot of harm to a company, as healthy people will eventually leave to safeguard their own health. But often the HR people are flying monkeys, protecting the destructive managers. Sometimes the flying monkeys are narcissists themselves, who are looking to other narcissists who will provide for them on the job. That creates evil, toxic work environments.
Both my wife’s mother and brother are narcissists, finally had enough when he threatened to beat up our son over the summer. Along with my mother in law being a narcissist she’s also a alcoholic, perfect combo for explosive arguments
32:00 was so helpful. My therapist told me I was a transaction. Hit hard, to I actually said to myself “ you were abused by him for yrs”. Freeing in so many ways. I will heal, ty for this
Listening to your podcast is better than any session I have had with a psychologist - and I have had plenty. I have so much hope now that I can recover after decades of abuse. Dr McCartney is wonderful just like you Dr Carter. There is no podcast in Australia like yours. I am so thankful that I found it. Lyn
Dr. C, I love your quote "you're not in a relationship", with a narcissist. Wow! That is a show stopper and super validating! It is freeing to know that we are not solely responsible for creating a good relationship with someone like that, impossible and futile. Move on and enjoy the rest of your life!! You don't have to live like that, praise the Lord!
What's important is when flying monkey enablers & empaths finally realize the person is a narc. Thus there will never be a point of return because it never actually existed. 🤷
A malignant narcissist won't hesitate to kill you and their delusional grandiosity will allow them to think they can get away with it. These are extremely dangerous and unhinged individuals.
That's why its pro-women for women to be able to carry a firearm. There's plenty of stalker psychos out there and women need a way to defend themselves. Its ridiculous for politicians to claim to be for women while trying to make it easier for a domestic violence abuser to attack the victim.
Thank you. My uncle is this exactly and I watched him do this to my Dad for 50 years, and now he does it to me. I rebuff every tactic he uses but it really is endless: they can literally replay the same tape every time they see you until they get what they want. And that can go on for months or years, I'm serious. Prepare for a marathon, not a sprint.
Love hearing genetics. I've worked in epiginetics. DNA is fluid and changes w lifestyle. More professionals should test Gene 1 MTHFR. What an impressive practice.
Wow. I needed this exact advise! I am NC with my whole family of origin, for the past few years. My vulnerable Edad is getting very old and called wanting to meet up. It took all of 5 minutes for my MNmom to push her way in to the plans. I have been trying to tell myself i should just give in and give her what she wants. I understand how my parents got broken. But they are so broken i can only love them from a distance. I am gonna go back to complete silence. I am just now finding myself and i know she just wants to play cat and mouse head games. I am staying home for the holidays just like i have been.
Thank you so much. More and more worried that my narcissists were (and still are) some degree between malignant and some steps towards sociopathy... (while others were and still are "simple" covert narcissists). Consequentely understanding more and more why I kept on attracting those people (with different "degrees") and falling for their traps. Still exhausted, still recovering and repairing long lasting damages... Still confused on some topic, still doing my own mistakes... But now I have Hope and a Healthy Path.
Hi Dr Carter 😁🙌 as I listen all the way through ... in my spirit I know that I KNOW, ... thee only answer is Gods Word! It when we renew our minds to how God THINKS about us, it's when we start to think like Him that change begins. The narc, the toxic individuals in our lives may never change .. but WE DO! .. and because of God and the holy Spirit we are changing so much that it simply doesn't matter anymore what these toxic folks are up to! Now THAT'S freedom! 🙌🕊️✝️❣️ Thank you Dr C ... long live Team Healthy! God absolutely approves of dignity, respect and civility!! That represents Him well!! 🙏
Thank you for this - literally every word of your interview applies to my current situation. It helps to read other people's escape stories! I hope I survive this divorce - he takes no prisoners, which of course is my (and everyone else's) fault in his eyes...
Oh my, I am sharing my sympathies on the tragic loss of your son, business, health, marriage. Sharing also my awe at your survivorship! You are here, well, learning and more aware than ever. Thanks for your sharing.
This is another to rewatch. It would explain the crazy way one may act if they are dealing with a sociopath spouse. It will be attempting to figure out their degree of ensnaring they use to get others to do their bidding. The whys, their purpose.
@@amandaliverpool3374 I try to, Amanda. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in a day and sometimes I power watch. Sometimes the process is too much. Today I have been working steadily on Dr. Carter's workbook and I am coming along. I'm working through it.
Hello Drs. Carter & McCartney, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. What a great video and guest Dr. Carter. Listening to Dr. McCartney is such a teaching lesson. Dr. Carter you are such a help to us and have guests that you know will help us too. I can't tell you how much we appreciate your videos and help to live and deal with these evil people. Thank you so very much.
Such a wonderful talk-thank you so much!! I never allowed him, and his narcopathic family, to isolate me. And I’m incredibly proud of my strength and overcoming! 😇🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this DR Le's and Jane, This was absolutely tremendous, They do a lot of covert tactics and manipulation and operate from the Shadows, They are very good at appearing kind and nice, It's all a facade, Peace, love and respect to you both, Keep shining light, Thank you universe, All Glory to the most high :-)
Hi Dr C. In case you don’t have his name on your list, may I suggest bringing Jerry T. Wise on your podcast and/or video. And thank you for having Dr Jane. She’s very informative and I’m learning a lot from both of you. Looking forward to seeing her back on your channel. Best regards~ Sewdiva
Thanks Drs. C and McCartney. This is the best discussion I have ever experienced. Your help has been invaluable Dr C. It’s a tough row to how, but I am handling it. ❤️🙏🏻
This helped me tremendously. I have a new understanding of a 30 year tough friendship that caused me SO MANY TEARS and made me feel so ‘accused’ and ‘demeaned’ all the time. The problem was the self doubt as to whether I was the problem and over analyzing everything with anguish. You’ve given me self confidence in that particular frenenem’ship’. I now know how to see it all in perspective. How freeing
This was absolutely tremendous, You definitely don't have holes in your souls, Thank you so much for this DR Les and Jane, Peace, love, Respect to you both and everyone, Thank you universe 😃💜💙❤💛🌈🌌💚🎨🐉🖼👽🌷☘🕊😆🌹🌚🌝😘😍⭐🌟😇🦄👁
Sadly mine was not willing to get therapy reach out to anyone other than so called friends, family that said he wasn't the issue I was even though alcohol was number one on his list😢definitely a sociopath again looking back how could I not see and sadly his siblings are the same..
10:00 again fabulous work on audio not dumbing down & for being so accessible to children and validating their intelligence & observations just great work wow so nice to listen to while I do chores thank you both
@@SurvivingNarcissism yah im getting better like quora FB some speech is fine I know you know most of the time I dont forget swears I did get a little mad (!!) but it will click now :) im kind of a new RUclipsr yes thank you we will keep gathering all the physics of all of this together in team healthy You & your beautiful family & Gus have a great evening :)*
Thank you, Dr. Carter. What a extra special gift your many learned guests, like Dr. McCarthy are to us all. Stay safe, Team Healthy! We are people or peace.
Being protective can be a kindness , if , there’s a good balance to how protective you are, Sometimes being protective turns into isolation and it happens without realizing
I have a narcissistic relative who has a history of hacking into commercially /privately owned websites in order to change their customer algorithms-and to keep certain other relatives from even accessing the website. Fortunately, large commercial websites have internal IT safeguards in place that prevented my relative from doing any permanent harm. The bottom line is: the sociopathic mindset of my narcissist relative drove her to do these things.
One thing with certainty common with all personality disorders is that they will elevate themselves at our expense, of course that is not true elevation.
Yes. As victim you are just a convenience to do their bidding. If not, watch out! It's a 'with me/against me mentality.' The victim can't be sick, can't be in disagreement, can't be an impediment in social situations (ie: get in the way of them love-bombing a new target/conquest to get an ego fix, employ a new flying monkey or merely to get attention.) They COUNT on their victim to be the kind & decent person they are. For them love is a one-way street, TOWARDS them!
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are both incredibly manipulative .... we stopped talking to both of them. And they are both very "conniving" because it's all about arranging things in their favor. These people are so depleted that they'll suck the life out of you to prop up their false self.
My narc’s abuse was outlandish, but in public he was charismatic and charming. I rarely talked of his abuse as I feared people would think I was lying.
You play into their game when you try to warn others. Better to just skirt around them and get away as peacefully as possible.
Phew. I married, divorced & somehow survived one of these creatures a decade ago. I’m SO HAPPY to be away from the demon!!
Me too!!
Creatures hahahaha! Boy doesn't that say it all! Glad you survived!
Me too!! The relief is blissful!!
Congratulations to all of us survivors ❤ now we will thrive as well❣️
I did as well . We had two children together. Several years later I had a complete shut down. Was diagnosed with CPTSD and hadn’t a single clue as to why. CPTSD, major depression, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue. Was put on disability because of it.Not a single counselor addressed it ! Here I am several years later and now I get it . Where was Dr. Carter 15 years ago ? I’ve learned so much from him. He mentioned in this video about not isolating yourself and that’s exactly what I did. People think I’m exaggerating when I say I was literally in bed for 4 years barely functioning. I’m just within the past two years finally finding my way. I barely know how to act around other people including my own four grown children. But I’m definitely working on it . Thank you Dr. Carter and my current counselor of the past 18 months.
Oh boy, Dr. C. You’ve been looking through my family album again.
Ingridients of a sociopath:
- no sense of empathy
- manipulative-style: assessment
- superficial charme
- pick targets very carefully
- impulsive
- no moral code
- pathological lying
- manipulation is a thrill
- highly controllers
- threaten target by fear
You forgot….. always or eventually the “victim” …to pull you or support into their manipulation
*Thank you!!*
to you (two)
@@leeannpruitt3752 This is not a full list, just a short overlook for its much more complex indeed. I myself experienced and survived a sociopath. They are experts in scamming and hooking you in with various manipulative tactics.
@@lishmahlishmah You are welcome.
@@roxymovie3938
As for *manipulation*, what do you think is the border-line between a covert narcissist (or any "generic" narcissist) and a sociopathic narcissist?
In other words: what is the basic difference of the manipulation made by sociopathic narcissists?
(this is my translation from Italian. Please tell me if it is not clear enough).
Thank you for your help
My ex husband is a diagnosed sociopath and this video describes him perfectly. Ten years into our relationship we became successful in business, but strangely the closer we came to realizing all of our dreams the more he let me know that he no longer felt he needed me and that he was prepared to keep the life we built as his own. When I experienced a rare and deadly heart condition in my early 30's he took advantage of my vulnerability and started a brutal discard process when I was completely helpless to protect myself. I was left penniless, disabled, traumatized and utterly alone. That was the end of life #1 and I reinvented myself motivated by my love for my sons. Fifteen harrowing years after my near death experience , my 20 year old son died from an accidental overdose. My son's use of drugs was an attempt to manage the unbearable symptoms of his well documented case of CPTSD resulting from childhood abuse and neglect. That was the end of life #2. I am reinventing myself yet again and finding new meaning and purpose in what I feels like my 3rd life in this incarnation. The destruction is real and inescapable. You learn to live with the wounds and you are wiser.
I am so sorry for your loss, and hope for peace and love for you.
When you say "a diagnosed sociopath" do you mean antisocial?
(sociopath isn't a real diagnosis; it's a criminology term)
So sorry about your son. So glad you and any other children got away from the monster. So sorry you and your family went thru this. Wishing you happiness in your future.
Thank you for telling your story. You are a survivor and can probably help a lot of people who don’t understand why their spouse is ruining your life
Thank you for sharing. So sorry this happened to you. I am turning 32 next year.
I CAN NOT imagine surviving what you have survived. What a warrior you are. So inspiring, you have inspired me to be more vigilant and careful in this decade of 30's✨️
Bless you🤍🫂
My son has just gotten away from a narcissist. She was destroying him. He’s met a wonderful woman who wants to make him happy
There's an interesting thing here. Having been in a happy relationship with my beautiful wife (whom I can hear giggling in the kitchen after baking a cake saying, "I must clean, because I'm a dirty girl, such a DIRTY girl, DIRTY GIRL and I LOVE IT!" to make me laugh), I would warrant that having better people in one's life goes a long way.
It isn't for nothing that the raging lunatics of the early part if my life would constantly try to interfere in our relationship, and relentlessly attack me with false accusations of being what I'm not and they absolutely are.
I survived a narcissistic sociopath by gray rocking out of it & he finally disappeared because he said I wasn’t getting triggered anymore 🙏 thanx to Dr C & his calm voice in my mind!
Yes! Gray rocking is the way to go. Thanks for saying that. I needed to hear it. ❤
Yes… the psychopath sure doesn’t like the person who can see through them when the rest of the flock is clueless. You become a massive threat and this is when things can become very dangerous for the one who sees beyond their mask. They will set out to quite literally destroy you.
That is happening to me now, and I have to sue a state agency and individuals to stop it.
I am also being picked on and this woman is out to destroy me.
They are so evil, I'm overwhelmed.
She works at a medical practice and is using power and control to abuse me.
I'm trying to keep calm and bypass her, but she's doing everything she can to stonewall, lie and cause fear and anxiety.
I hope we both get some fair outcomes in the end.
Jo
In my experience, those people expose their inner darkness to people because that's the only time they _feel truly seen by the world._
It's why people thinking they understand (but don't) become priority targets for their destruction. It's not that they become a threat -- it's that their hubris become a challenging invitation to show non-pathological people just how ignorant they truly are.
Confidently asking them to play a game you simply aren't equipped to win at.
_...only to feel victimized when someone accepts their challenge_
It's real.
it already happened. My life was destroyed
For the record- Red Flag to remind anyone involved- inadvertently and/or voluntarily: to be on guard to be self- protective
Thank you for this greatly supportive conversation. Those sociopathic individuals have no moral compass at all. They run people into the ground and dare to call themselves victims. This is mind-bending.
Agreed, and well said. Thanks.
Yep....A lot of narcs end up slipping down that slope into sociopathy over time too😬.Morality is strictly whatever works for these types & nothing more.There is no remorse & they actually even ENJOY 👀 others hurting.
After 45 yrs with a Covert Vulnerable Narc and 47 yrs of a Mother In Law from ......I am amazed that I am still alive and able to maintain a reasonable normal life now. I am so Grateful to God for keeping me all those years, and allowing me to survive. It had been so hard to wrap my mind around how these Demons operate. But now I understand totally. Thank you Dr. C. and Dr McCarthy. Dr. C. You have been a God Send to me and many more!!❤
Elaine, you and I are sisters in the Lord and fellow survivors. 35 years for me, but even though I left 5 years ago, I am still experiencing trauma because me son and his wife do not respect my boundary not to be with my ex abuser at their home for the holidays. I told them that if it was to be a large gathering of people (so I can avoid or ignore him), then I could see myself coming, but just the 4 of us: that is asking too much of me. Since they do not understand the extent of how he damaged me (while professing to be a man of God), I will have Thanksgiving with a generous couple from my church. I just want the pain to end finally. Mine was a Covert Vulnerable too, so everyone is taken in by him dealing the victim card regularly. I agree with you that there are definitely demons in the situation, creating chaos, confusion, despair and the murder of hope. God have mercy. If I could, I would hug you.
🙏😭🙏😭
Visited NMom for first time in a year. Tried to keep it light but she started bringing up her distorted versions of horrible past events. I had to set the record straight with her, she was lying so much!After talking for a while, she just looked at me with wide eyes, almost surprised and quietly said, " Maybe I'm just a bad person." I just shook my head and was like, yea, Mom, some people are "just bad" people. Strangely enough, this is the most validating interaction I think I've ever had with her.
I married one of these empty people after "growing up" in a family full of them. I finally found how deeply I had been conditioned to please others, and I naturally lacked confidence and a strong sense of self. It was truly devastating, but thanks to the education I found here and elsewhere, and a good trama therapist, I have disengaged with all of them and am learning to protect myself and working on building, growing, healing, and getting to know myself. Thank you, and peace to everyone dealing with this.
Your story sounds exactly like my story.
@@JackieFerrell-f6o I'm sorry you experienced the same. Hope your healing is going well.
I raised one. It was hell. Still is😣 The grief, confusion and self-blame is the worst dont know if I'll ever accept it really...😞
I’m so sorry 😢
Granted, it is far from easy, but it is possible, and you can do it. Big thing is overcoming your programming to make you feel guilty, which is not helped by people in society who tell you nonsense about how you effectively owe it to them to put up with their crap because they're your family, so they don't have to face the refutation of their superstitious beliefs about magic family bonds. In other words: they're not thinking of you at all when they tell you things like this.
Those who systematically abuse you, demanding you give them power over you, are simply not qualified to be your family. They're just dysfunctional maniacs that you don't have to be around, and to whom you owe absolutely nothing.
@@darrynreid4500 And the friends and acquaintances who only see the funny charming side who come up and say. "Wow he's such a great guy" making me feel like I have to smile and say thank you when I want to say "You don't know him like I do!"
I am truly scared for my stepdad. Great guy! My mom passed and my sister somehow got our mom to make her executor and trustee for the home. I walked away years ago, but now Im trying to help my dad fight through all the betrayal and all of the grandiose entitlement that’s becoming obvious. My sister and her husband are trying to take everything!! My dad was left nothing after nearly 30 yrs being married to mom. It’s gotten bad and worse by the day….😢
😢😢😢 nearly happened to me, my brother tried to take everything after my narcopath mother died, luckily he failed.😅
I like the way Dr. McCartney thinks! She’s spot on!
Can't wait! I am dealing with A narcissistic sociopath. Theres not much to look at about them on RUclips.
Dr Carter for example has videos, called "When Narcissists become Sociopaths", "Narcissist, Sociopath, or Psychopath?"
Sending you love & prayers! I’ve been there. Please don’t listen to a WORD they say…everything is to “mess” with your mind. Get away if you can. They are a lost cause
Please leave them if you love and respect yourself. They live to manipulate,control, and abuse you. My ex was one. He abused his dog to entertain himself. When I yelled at him after witnessing him open palm punch his small dog in the face he was furious claiming it was his dog so he could do what he wanted to it. Evil evil demonic man. I should have left then right then, but he said he would change after that, and there was a trauma bond already in place at that point. But I witnessed more abuse, then he started getting physically aggressive with me at the end. Please leave if you can, you CANT fix them or reason with them. If they appear to accommodate your requests they’re faking. 👹
If you know it then LEAVE! If you merely suspect it then follow your instincts - and LEAVE! If this helps..try thinking REALLY hard & honestly about very first situation with the person that made back of your brain shook, uncomfortable, question, confused, or leary. Then write out a list of everything you can recall thereafter. Either the 1st thing was a weird one-off, or you'll see a narc behavior pattern. Be honest with yourself about history with the other person and don't think about emotions/reasons/excuses/etc. Just write down actual facts of what happened even if it seemed insignificant at the time. If your brain noticed it for a single second then write it down. 40+ years married to what I now know is a covert malignant narc and daily regret ignoring the signs. My brain kept trying to normalize narc behaviors and get our relationship back to the initial fake "love bomb" phase.
Dr. Carter and Dr.Ramani are my go-to on RUclips regarding NPD, sociopathy and psychopathy.
Good discussion! I was particularly struck by her comment that the sociopath/Nist can detect the person(s) in the group who does not buy their charming false front, and will be hostile to that person.
Or just the person that won’t go along because they have said no to them
These people leave a trail of broken devastated lives and complete wreckage ! Thank you for teaching us what to look for and helping us to Protect ourselves !
This is an amazing discourse between two mental health professionals - thank you Dr. Carter for doing this!
I just ended my marriage with a sociopath narcissistic X husband. He takes NO accountability, has zero empathy, and is unemployed. He was violent with me for years and rage that could Explode at any moment. He played the victim well. He did control me by my Fear of him. The communication was horrible between us.
Me too. Freedom is amazing!!
What I cannot understand is how some people like that who are malignant narcissists do have the ability to show empathy however they are stingy about when to express it so they can become and then remain in total control of another person's life. I call it the slave owner mentality. People like that tend to collect people and animals as if they are only objects for them to own. Objects for them to own which can be discarded and hidden away from public scrutiny soon after they have grown bored with using them. What infuritates a malignant narcissist most which can drive them crazy enough to end up in the delusion that they must do whatever it takes no matter what to leave a more postive legacy behind than what they had previous planned for themselves before is when after they have discarded another or others in the worst way imaginable while thinking that that person will never be able to recover and so their responsiblity about that will be kept hidden away from public scrutiny until kingdom come is when they start realizing that instead that other has recovered enough to expose all of their lies.
I wish you happiness and safety, and a new life where security is a normal feeling. ❤️
Thank you 🌹
Deep grief…
"You don't have to explain it." -- So true. 🎯
Thank you Dr. McCartney! This was really awesome! And thanks again Dr. Carter for this and your continued wisdom and empathy!
Thank you so much for addressing this topic! After a 10 year marriage with a psychopath (yes, I am diagnosing), I realized that my brother is one too and possible other extended family members. Because of my upbringing with them, I must have had a certain blind spot that made me susceptible to them later in life.
Just learning about this concept - that there are people out there that don’t think the same way, bond to others or care for others EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO - that explains so much about what I’ve been though. It’s like coming out of a fog at 57 years old. No one teaches us about these characters early enough. That is why I am so grateful to hear professionals like you both spread awareness for those yet untouched by these individuals and help to untangle the past for those of us who have.
I have seen this anger aspect in my brothers and other men in the family, they seem like they are always on the edge of a blow-up. Their face turns read and they fold their arms and the mean voice shows up to intimidate the one who does not think the way they do. They don't allow others in the room to speak, they keep the floor to the point that someone has to interrupt them to get a word in edgewise and when they do the narc rages to the point where they shut down anyone who is not afraid of them. Then when they can't control that person the narc will stomp off like a bratty six year old. I have been accused of the things the narc is doing but I am not, it is astounding!!!!
This is going to be big. I'm reading and working on Dr Carter's workbook. This has been like a puzzle with all the pieces coming into place. I feel like it is a dangerous time in that I'm trying to figure out who was the ultimate whammy. On figuring out who is still maliciously acting on that.
HR departments in corporations should put more effort into weeding out narcissistic managers. They do a lot of harm to a company, as healthy people will eventually leave to safeguard their own health. But often the HR people are flying monkeys, protecting the destructive managers. Sometimes the flying monkeys are narcissists themselves, who are looking to other narcissists who will provide for them on the job. That creates evil, toxic work environments.
Both my wife’s mother and brother are narcissists, finally had enough when he threatened to beat up our son over the summer. Along with my mother in law being a narcissist she’s also a alcoholic, perfect combo for explosive arguments
32:00 was so helpful. My therapist told me I was a transaction. Hit hard, to I actually said to myself “ you were abused by him for yrs”. Freeing in so many ways. I will heal, ty for this
So pleased you are figuring this out!!
Listening to your podcast is better than any session I have had with a psychologist - and I have had plenty. I have so much hope now that I can recover after decades of abuse.
Dr McCartney is wonderful just like you Dr Carter.
There is no podcast in Australia like yours. I am so thankful that I found it. Lyn
So pleased. Glad to be on the path with you!
Dr. C, I love your quote "you're not in a relationship", with a narcissist. Wow! That is a show stopper and super validating! It is freeing to know that we are not solely responsible for creating a good relationship with someone like that, impossible and futile. Move on and enjoy the rest of your life!! You don't have to live like that, praise the Lord!
Sociopathic narcissist has crossed that point of no return.
What's important is when flying monkey enablers & empaths finally realize the person is a narc. Thus there will never be a point of return because it never actually existed. 🤷
@@76482they don't care to admit they were wrong
I pray that's not true, but sadly fear you are correct.
Blame Game@@thinkingallowed1st
A malignant narcissist won't hesitate to kill you and their delusional grandiosity will allow them to think they can get away with it. These are extremely dangerous and unhinged individuals.
I follow True Crime, and those psychopaths narcissistic are everywhere. Women, try leaving a relationship with one! Your life is in danger.
The female ones are delightful too.
Gray rock out
And children's too
So true, currently being stalked….
That's why its pro-women for women to be able to carry a firearm. There's plenty of stalker psychos out there and women need a way to defend themselves. Its ridiculous for politicians to claim to be for women while trying to make it easier for a domestic violence abuser to attack the victim.
Thanks Dr.C for this. What a lovely lady.
Please speak more about family, siblings
Yes please!
Thank you. My uncle is this exactly and I watched him do this to my Dad for 50 years, and now he does it to me. I rebuff every tactic he uses but it really is endless: they can literally replay the same tape every time they see you until they get what they want. And that can go on for months or years, I'm serious. Prepare for a marathon, not a sprint.
Love hearing genetics. I've worked in epiginetics. DNA is fluid and changes w lifestyle. More professionals should test Gene 1 MTHFR. What an impressive practice.
Wow. I needed this exact advise! I am NC with my whole family of origin, for the past few years. My vulnerable Edad is getting very old and called wanting to meet up. It took all of 5 minutes for my MNmom to push her way in to the plans. I have been trying to tell myself i should just give in and give her what she wants. I understand how my parents got broken. But they are so broken i can only love them from a distance. I am gonna go back to complete silence. I am just now finding myself and i know she just wants to play cat and mouse head games.
I am staying home for the holidays just like i have been.
I totally get what you're saying. There are times when you have to prioritize self care over maintaining unhealthy family ties.
Thank you again Dr. C 👍
Always welcome
Lovely, compassionate, enthusiastic professionals. Nice exchange.
What a great conversation humanity should have. Thanks 😊
Thanks.
Dear Dr. Carter, and Dr. McCartney: Thank you for this very helpful call! Janet Hopkins.
Thanks, Janet!
Love the guest shows! Thank you! 💜🐾
Pleased!
Thank you so much.
More and more worried that my narcissists were (and still are) some degree between malignant and some steps towards sociopathy... (while others were and still are "simple" covert narcissists).
Consequentely understanding more and more why I kept on attracting those people (with different "degrees") and falling for their traps.
Still exhausted, still recovering and repairing long lasting damages... Still confused on some topic, still doing my own mistakes... But now I have Hope and a Healthy Path.
Excellent Presentation! Thank you Dr.C and Dr. McCartney 👏👏🙌
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hi Dr Carter 😁🙌 as I listen all the way through ... in my spirit I know that I KNOW, ... thee only answer is Gods Word! It when we renew our minds to how God THINKS about us, it's when we start to think like Him that change begins. The narc, the toxic individuals in our lives may never change .. but WE DO! .. and because of God and the holy Spirit we are changing so much that it simply doesn't matter anymore what these toxic folks are up to! Now THAT'S freedom! 🙌🕊️✝️❣️ Thank you Dr C ... long live Team Healthy! God absolutely approves of dignity, respect and civility!! That represents Him well!! 🙏
Thank you for this - literally every word of your interview applies to my current situation. It helps to read other people's escape stories! I hope I survive this divorce - he takes no prisoners, which of course is my (and everyone else's) fault in his eyes...
Be strong ❤ you’re brave & smart!
Hang in there! My divorce was finalized just last week and there were times I’d never thought I’d make it, but here I am 💪. You can do it ❤
Congratulations!! You really do give me hope and your words of encouragement mean a lot. ❤@@joannapowell3579
Yeah! More on Sociopathy
Yes, please!
Oh my, I am sharing my sympathies on the tragic loss of your son, business, health, marriage. Sharing also my awe at your survivorship! You are here, well, learning and more aware than ever. Thanks for your sharing.
I can relate to every word - I've come across these types of people from a young age.
Hey there, Dr. C,
Dr. McCartney was such a good guest.
This episode was so jam packed,
I'm already on my second playthrough.
hUgz to team healthy, Lee
Thanks!
This is another to rewatch. It would explain the crazy way one may act if they are dealing with a sociopath spouse.
It will be attempting to figure out their degree of ensnaring they use to get others to do their bidding. The whys, their purpose.
I always more than once. Take care 🙏❤️
@@amandaliverpool3374 I try to, Amanda. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in a day and sometimes I power watch.
Sometimes the process is too much. Today I have been working steadily on Dr. Carter's workbook and I am coming along. I'm working through it.
Hello Drs. Carter & McCartney, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. What a great video and guest Dr. Carter. Listening to Dr. McCartney is such a teaching lesson. Dr. Carter you are such a help to us and have guests that you know will help us too. I can't tell you how much we appreciate your videos and help to live and deal with these evil people. Thank you so very much.
You are very welcome, Alice.
Thanks Dr McCartney and Dr Carter for another strange but necessary analysis of dark triad personalities! 👍🏻
You're welcome.
Such a wonderful talk-thank you so much!! I never allowed him, and his narcopathic family, to isolate me. And I’m incredibly proud of my strength and overcoming! 😇🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this DR Le's and Jane, This was absolutely tremendous, They do a lot of covert tactics and manipulation and operate from the Shadows, They are very good at appearing kind and nice, It's all a facade, Peace, love and respect to you both, Keep shining light, Thank you universe, All Glory to the most high :-)
31:00+8 "do not internalize what the narc has projected on to you (the abuse)" I LOVE HER
Hi Dr C. In case you don’t have his name on your list, may I suggest bringing Jerry T. Wise on your podcast and/or video.
And thank you for having Dr Jane. She’s very informative and I’m learning a lot from both of you. Looking forward to seeing her back on your channel. Best regards~ Sewdiva
Thank you so much for covering this topic!
Great Talk ❤ Thanks So Much for helping educate the rest of us 😊
10:15+ "They won't think twice about taking someones life" Yes this is their GOAL (sorry took out big words, learning ;)
Thanks Drs. C and McCartney. This is the best discussion I have ever experienced. Your help has been invaluable Dr C. It’s a tough row to how, but I am handling it. ❤️🙏🏻
Sometimes the only people who understand are a skilled therapist and on-line forums like this 💯✨
And people… that’s enough 🙏🏾
Excellent guest.Thank you.❤
This helped me tremendously. I have a new understanding of a 30 year tough friendship that caused me SO MANY TEARS and made me feel so ‘accused’ and ‘demeaned’ all the time. The problem was the self doubt as to whether I was the problem and over analyzing everything with anguish. You’ve given me self confidence in that particular frenenem’ship’. I now know how to see it all in perspective. How freeing
Looking forward to this presentation 🙏
Hope you like it! BTW, You look dapper in that tux!!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Doc!so kind of to say so.
This was absolutely tremendous, You definitely don't have holes in your souls, Thank you so much for this DR Les and Jane, Peace, love, Respect to you both and everyone, Thank you universe 😃💜💙❤💛🌈🌌💚🎨🐉🖼👽🌷☘🕊😆🌹🌚🌝😘😍⭐🌟😇🦄👁
Thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism You're very welcome DR Les, Peace, love, Respect to you 😃💜💙❤💚🌌🌈💛😃
Borderline Personality Disorder has been renamed Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Wow. Good INFO. 😮😅😊❤🎉
I loved Dr McCartney. Thank you for having her Dr Carter.
I really enjoyed her!!
Currently coming out of denial about this…
better late than never. many people never get that far. there is life after insanity :)
Good stuff... I recognize some of those traits in people that I grew up with and then surrounded myself with..
This is such a great dialogue!
Sadly mine was not willing to get therapy reach out to anyone other than so called friends, family that said he wasn't the issue I was even though alcohol was number one on his list😢definitely a sociopath again looking back how could I not see and sadly his siblings are the same..
Sociopaths have no need for therapy at all. Why should they? They simply don't care and have no desire to change.
Another excellent conversation with very "on-target" information to help us all! Thank you, both!
10:00 again fabulous work on audio not dumbing down & for being so accessible to children and validating their intelligence & observations just great work wow so nice to listen to while I do chores thank you both
You're welcome, Amy!
@@SurvivingNarcissism yah im getting better like quora FB some speech is fine I know you know most of the time I dont forget swears I did get a little mad (!!) but it will click now :) im kind of a new RUclipsr yes thank you we will keep gathering all the physics of all of this together in team healthy You & your beautiful family & Gus have a great evening :)*
From one brit to another....thanks Dr McC
She was terrific!!
Thank you, Dr. Carter. What a extra special gift your many learned guests, like Dr. McCarthy are to us all. Stay safe, Team Healthy! We are people or peace.
#TeamHealthy
I was married.I had 4 children. I did not have ideia what narcissism was. I stayed 63 years in the rollercoaster.What could I do?
Dr. C, Thank you. It was very enlightening. Very well, done.
I read all the comments so have the answers to each.
This is a great video!
Thanks!
Hi both you wonderful souls and lovely to hear from a fellow UK citixen. Always helpful info thanks.
I can only imagine how stupid they thought I was before I was schooled about how and what they are.
Thank you Dr C! This made so many things clear! Outstanding ❤
Being protective can be a kindness , if , there’s a good balance to how protective you are,
Sometimes being protective turns into isolation and it happens without realizing
Excellent information
Thank you.
Thank you
Another great video! Thank you both!
Very good as always! Very informative.
So pleased!!
I have developed extreme agoraphobia and CPTSD after narcissistic abuse and sociopathic gangstalking. Do you have any advice on recovery from it?
Excellent !
I have a narcissistic relative who has a history of hacking into commercially /privately owned websites in order to change their customer algorithms-and to keep certain other relatives from even accessing the website. Fortunately, large commercial websites have internal IT safeguards in place that prevented my relative from doing any permanent harm. The bottom line is: the sociopathic mindset of my narcissist relative drove her to do these things.
One thing with certainty common with all personality disorders is that they will elevate themselves at our expense, of course that is not true elevation.
Now I know - family of sociopathic narcissists. 🎯🎯
Yes. As victim you are just a convenience to do their bidding. If not, watch out! It's a 'with me/against me mentality.' The victim can't be sick, can't be in disagreement, can't be an impediment in social situations (ie: get in the way of them love-bombing a new target/conquest to get an ego fix, employ a new flying monkey or merely to get attention.) They COUNT on their victim to be the kind & decent person they are. For them love is a one-way street, TOWARDS them!
Salaam from Egypt🤗
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are both incredibly manipulative .... we stopped talking to both of them. And they are both very "conniving" because it's all about arranging things in their favor. These people are so depleted that they'll suck the life out of you to prop up their false self.
Took me years to get off his unpaid taxes but I did it. He'd bully me every year to sign and then underpay. SMH.
Stuff like that is why I never married my narc.
I wish that I had known this 40 years ago.