Setting boundaries: Why grown men love girls (TW)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- stay safe x
1-800-799-7233 National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-273-8255 - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor Project/LGBTQ+ support
1-800-931-2237 - National Eating Disorder Association
business inquiries: monica@preferencepr.com
![Run Away - Tzuyu(TWICE) ツウィ 쯔위 [Music Bank] | KBS WORLD TV 240906](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/KnHNNyAYiu0/mqdefault.jpg)
The only people who feel anger when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any
Of course. We all have the few people who we don't put up boundaries for. And if I'm not one of them then of course I'll feel some type of way
getting this tatted on me
@@sophon238 ..no,there is not a group of people you should not put boundaries for. Ever.
@@nessyness5447 right. Ugly Steve gets the same level of boundaries as sexy Brad
@@sophon238 sure. They do. But i don't think you even understand what boundaries mean.
A wise woman once said "If you have to keep on saying 'she's really mature for her age' then she's probably not. For. Your. Age."
My gf is 20 and I'm almost 28. But i never dated her just because of her age. Is that okay?
@@jefrreyjeffery2192 this doesn’t go for all men if I personally don’t mind the age gap relationship unless the young women is fresh out of high school or something
@@jefrreyjeffery2192 You’re both in your twenties. Also 4-8 year age gaps are not uncommon. I’d say it’s fine. But if you’re asking randos on the internet - then you may need to evaluate. Ask yourself- Are you guys in the same place in life? Why are you together? Imagine would you have been prepared for your current relationship when you were 20? Is there a gap in your maturity? Is this relationship helping you grown or is it keeping you comfortable? (Just think about these things. I’m not asking for answers from you. It’s your life, it’s a decision only you should make.)
I once overheard “Look if you gotta argue technicalities about a relationship you’ve already fucked up” and I think about it all the time.
The girl I’m talking to is 18 almost 19 and I just turned 20. I say that shit all the time because she is mature. Most women her age isn’t on the same time she on n Thats why i say that.
“if the same people from his age group find him weird, run” GIRL THAT PART 😭😭
i sweaaaar i say it all the time! It's just so true!
WHERE WAS THIS ADVICE WHEN I NEEDED IT LMAAOAOAOO
@Kiana Grace Why :( After having lived with a Narcissistic dad and not being able to be myself for a long time I have missed out on a lot of things growing up. They don't allow you to be your own person and it affects you on many levels.
So I got to a point where I would see couples doing things together and growing together and I felt I wasn't worth having someone that would have to waste her time with me as I had 0 selfesteem. Going up into my 30s I still lack a lot of social and relationship experience and it's very hard for me to incporate the lack thereof into a conversation or dealing with women, I mean I can have a casual conversation and that's about it. I wouldn't know how to go on from there. I feel like I have nothing to offer and don't want to be a burden to her when she finds out I lack so much experience.
I guess many would find me odd to still lack so much, and you guys talking about it like this confirms it too. Even though it makes my stomach turn of these words spoken, I know I'm not normal. So I am just sitting out my time by myself until it's time to go. Sorry to be a bother.
@@dan4030 Franz Kafka
@@dan4030 Been in same kind of situation. Some quotes that helped me tho: “I didn’t choose to be born, so I shouldn’t feel guilty for being alive.”, “I have the same rights to be alive, walking on this earth, make mistakes and have feelings just as much as everyone else.”, “Life is too short to waste on feeling like stepping on eggshells just by breathing.” and “Everyone has their own problems. Them feeling bad aren’t necessarily my fault, or at least probably not only my fault. Bad days and trauma exists.” -Hope it can help U or some, and that you hopefully soon realizes that you’re NOT a burden! 💕
As an old woman, I promise nobody my age sees a 40yo man with a 20yo and feels jealous. We don’t want that man child. We see the predator in him and worry for your safety.
your comment implies that there's a reason you should feel jealous. why would you be jealous?
@@oulero bc there is a disconnect between men and women, men tend to prefer youth and beauty while women value status and beauty, bc women are not fertile their entire life men tend to be attracted to larger age gaps as they age.
@@vanessagellingskog4198 that makes sense thanks
@@oulero older women tend to be portrayed as bitter towards younger women because they're supposedly in competition for men. The idea is that these men are not actually desirable as partners because nobody wants to compete for somebody who takes advantage of their partners.
You sound very offended LMAO assuming "predator" and "man child" you are really transparent lol
saw a meme a while ago that said “stop being the cool girl that doesn’t mind, hot girls set boundaries”, great words to live by ✨
Loveeeee
This is great advice even when dating men your own age.
i saw that too and im not exaggerating it changed my life. im so sick of people expecting me to put with everything just to be seen as the cool girl who doesnt mind.
We saw the same meme lololol love that
Love it
The mature child, the "old soul" only exists because parents don't feel comfortable knowing their child has trauma
No not necessarily I am a quote on quote old soul but I don’t let me trauma define me and my parents didn’t give me trauma it was everyone else Around me pulling the it’s all the parents fault and it’s the way they were raised card my brother was raised with great morals and he still turned out messed up making a move a minor that minor being me so not all your saying is true I’m sorry
@@Jumper_Star Ya, but there is still truth to what they are saying. Children are children, pretty much no one grows up fast unless they have to. Also, girls are constantly pushed into growing up faster- a lot of which is pushed by their parents, family, and society as a whole- and it really just sets them in the direction of these predatory men who seek to take advantage of the these young girls that are considered “mature”, but are still just really kids. Parents as the biggest socializing agent of course have the biggest influence and can contribute a lot to helping preserve their children’s child, so they don’t have to be “old souls”. Parents should take their child acting in such a ways as a sign to see if there is something deeper going on with their child and not just label them an old soul. This is loosely what I was able to draw from the original comment and that’s why I personally feel that it is accurate.
Damn. This was an eye opener right here. Yeah, my parents, some teachers, and some friends would say that i have an old soul, after my mother abused me most of my life. I'm 18 now, abuse hit a high note the day the week prior to my birthday. I knew some shit about life i probably shouldnt have at the age of 4.
@@JD-uj5cp I thought the old saying was "girls mature faster than boys?” I think you’re all "traumatized" because you want to be. I don’t get the point of carrying all this unnecessary baggage because your feelings were hurt while you were younger one time. There are levels to things but you guys need to consider developing thicker skin if this is how you plan on spending the rest of your lives.
@@tinab3001 wow just wow that’s all I can say some people literally repress so many memories they don’t even know are there.These problems are subconsciously making their everyday harder and They most likely don’t even know
I feel betrayed by older women in my life for not telling me ANYTHING about this. I was instead told to cover up. If they were open about MEN being creepy instead of ME being sexualized I would’ve moved through the world differently
Powerful
Forgive them. The generations before yours and mine were silenced. I am proud of you young folks that are exposing this. I too was told to just cover up and be a"good girl" I am 58 now.
@LindaCurwen this is the best advice, use the anger not to feel resentment toward them but to fuel change and tell the young women of today!!
@@alexandrakennedy2000 Or you can leave those old hags in the dust like they did their daughters
Honestly though there's a lot of younger girls who won't see it even if you tell them.
when i was 12-16 i got catcalled so so so often, at least once almost every time i walked somewhere. now that i’m 20, i cannot remember the last time. i’m glad it doesn’t happen anymore, but it is so repulsive that so many grown men yell “compliments”/profanities out their car window at CHILDREN
This!! Going after children!!
I was recently thinking the same thing, it’s so concerning
Oh no....same here....the most ive ever been catcalled or groped was while I was a child. :(
Same. It’s so disgusting. Now that I’m 19, what I’m too old? I’m an adult/of legal age now? Is it that repulsive? What’s going on?😂. It’s honestly sick…
Have u gained any substantial weight or have anything happen to you physically to throw off your looks Since turning 20?
We need to teach our daughters and our sisters that it is not a compliment when an older man pays attention to you. We need to start demanding movies where the leading couple is played by actors in the same age bracket.
Yes!
The compliments need to come from women uplifting other women, instead of always feeling like we’re in competition with each other or with Father Time. I can’t express enough the important of this.
So much of my insecurity as a young woman came from my mother. She was a beautiful woman, never wore makeup or jewelry, lived in jeans and t-shirts. But she was so insecure. And she pushed all of it onto me. I was into fashion and makeup, I had nine different vogue magazine subscriptions from all different countries when I was 14. Every day I left the house to go to school, my mother would look me up and down, judge my clothes, my makeup, my hair, and as an insecure teenager this BROKE me.
One day I wore a black long sleeved dress to school with lace stockings. It wasn’t even provocative, not like fishnets or anything, perfectly within school dress code. My mom flipped her lid and called me a slut and a whore. She made me put pants on under my dress and I did. I got made fun of all day in school for looking like a “witch” in all black wearing a weird outfit. I never forgot that. As an adult I am constantly seeking outside approval. Especially from my mother. She still treats me like I’m 14, lecturing me and telling me what to do. It has crippled my self esteem. On my 30th birthday I had plans to go shopping with my mom and sister. When my mom saw my outfit, she said she wouldn’t dare be seen in public with me like that. I changed into sweatpants. I spent my birthday in sweatpants feeling so incredibly sad and ugly. I wish there were more women in my life to uplift me from a young age. It really could have helped. I suffer from depression and low self esteem as an adult. Anytime I leave the house feeling good about my appearance, that feeling comes equipped with a load of shame and inner conflict.
Why is it bad for someone to date an older guy? You really want your 20 year old daughter to date other 20 year old guys who just want to do sex, drugs and party?
Older guys with younger girls is completely normal and has been for all of human history. It's still normal in every country - only recently in the west has it become taboo.
Yes! Reminds me of 'All Too Well' with Dylan O'brien who's 30 and Sadie Sink who's 19
What if a guy doesn’t want a woman who’s got a lot of baggage. A single guy who’s age group are full of single mothers for instance.
old men are the real villains of young girls that disney don’t show
If only the stories shared with me as a young girl had prepared me for the realities of womanhood. I was sheltered and no one in my life fully understood how to teach me about gender dynamics. Pretending that your daughter will be safe from creepy men will not in fact protect her- it leaves her especially vulnerable to trauma and damages that may impact her for the entire remainder of her life.
@@90MysteriumFascinans This is my entire life story put into a paragraph. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.
Except in the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hellfire is chilling
Disney has a problem with “lookism”
@Blue Plumbob no cuz tell me why i used to subconsciously think that being catcalled and harassed etc meant that i was attractive in a man’s eyes. so when my friends would complain about it happening to them, and it had never happened to me, i would just be sitting there like “dang i must be ugly 😣” which is a really toxic way of thinking that patriarchy has caused us to suffer from 😬
When I was 19 I moved from a tiny town to a large city. I moved in with two men in their 40s. I remember flirting with one of them, and he said something along the lines of “You’re very attractive young woman, but I don’t think I’m what you need. I think you’re in a position where you need a older figure supporting you in the way of a cousin or a brother. So that’s what I’m trying to be to you.”
And I still think about that interaction, and I still talk to this man occasionally, he still calls me his little cousin. At the time I was a little offended, I thought I was mature enough. Had he have pursued me romantically or sexually, I probably would have accepted. But I would have regretted it. This is why I can’t agree with men who date young women even if those women think that’s what they want in that moment. All it took was for that man in my life to be somewhat self aware, and I’m so grateful he said what he did to me.
see he wasn't a predator so he didn't take advantage, if he was a predator he would have put his morality aside at the chance of that. you were lucky to have him when you needed him!
Woowww, I love that for you. I am thankful for the men out there who value platonic relationships more than physical/sexual ones. I am so thankful he decided to step into that role and I so happy you had the opportunity to experience that.
I respect men like that. Men with integrity.
The way that he's one of a kind for doing the BARE MINIMUM really speaks poorly on the male population. I'm so glad that your experience was good, and that he wasn't the type to take advantage. But not being a predator is the *bare. fucking. minimum*
This gives me hope 🙏🏾☺️ I’m relieved for you.
"I consider anything under 21 a child." THANK YOU. People don't comprehend just because the legal age is 18 does not mean people magically become an adult mentally at 18. If they're 18-20 and you're 5+ older than them LEAVE THEM ALONE. 18-20 is a transitional period into becoming an adult.
Sounds very literalist. What is the evidence that woman become mature at 21 and not younger? Do you have scientific evidence to back that up or are you just making up stuff?
@@lonniesharpe9720 neuroscience indicates the prefrontal cortex has not fully matured in most human beings until 25-27 years old. That said, I think just good old fashioned life experience should be enough for one to realize that most people aren’t fully mature at 18. You got this bud.
I am 27 and my gf is 19 and she constantly tells me how much she loves me :)
nice try tho
yes it actually does make it so your an adult. If the legal age is 18 then you are expected by the LEGAL SYSTEM AND THE ENTIRE COUNTRY to be a fucking adult. You dont mentally instantly mature at 18 but by that age you have expectations. This doesnt mean that people should use their "teen" years when they past the age of 18 to not critically think or be victims like wtf. Before you turn 18-20 you should already be in the transitional period of becoming a damn adult. As you grow from a child into an adult even through your early teenage years any sane person or people are taught to live in "adult" life. Your parents or any guardian should have prepared you for the real world before the age of 18 and i can clearly see that most of yall parents and guardians have failed yall. Its really sad we have "grown" children roaming this earth.
@@kreps1702 Ok and?
I'm 26 now, but I remember as a 14 year old shopping with my mother in a mall and a grown A Z Z man in his 40's literally telling my grown mother "I like your daughter. Can I take her out"? My mother, I (and the lady next to us) heard him and was so disgusted and shook by the pure audacity. I froze in fear, my mother confronted him stating "You do know she is a child?! She is only 14." He literally said "I know! I love it." That lady next to us lost her $ H ! T and went searching for his boss! It was a moment in my life I will never forget. I never got to process this till this day. He ended up "taking the same bus home" and followed us home!!! Ya'll predatory men need both heads snipped because the lust and audacity for having it, in which they carry for young girls is alarming.
holy shit this is awful:((
Ew. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
So horrible, no child should experience this
omg i’m so sorry. i’m hope that creep is locked up rn.
It's natural for men to like women that young. It's in the Bible that it's OK and men process things through what we see, so if a woman is attractive at 14 then we're going for it. Even nature tells us this is OK.
The crazy thing is they don’t even have to be that older. I was 18 with a 23 year old and he loved the phrase “you’re too young to understand”. I even watched it happen with my good friend. Men loved to think they hold all the power so they search for girls who have not found theirs yet.
@2fishes444 nah babe, you grew from that. i’m proud you got yourself out of that in one piece and now you know your worth.
Preeeeaaacch
Well said 👍🏻
Yep I had a similar situation but we met when I was 15 and then got together when I was 18. They could be so patronising and trying to pressure you to 'grow up' so they feel less weird about dating a teen
YOU ATE W THAT LAST SENTENCE!!
"there is no need to grow when you're dating a 19 year old" CHILLS. chills down my spine. the man I "dated" when I was 19 was almost 30. he always said he was "stunted" but in reality he was such a bum that women his own age could see right through him.
Girl I'm sixteen and when I tell you grown man target me and I literally dissed one the other and he left me alone because etc am I doing with a bunny 21 year old who probably has a baby mama if not multiple
I was 19 and he was 27, this continued until 21 and 30. I don’t know whyyyyyy it took me so long to catch on to what he was doing. And to add, there may have been a “black girl fetish” tinge to the situation that I just wasn’t privy to at the time.
You get caught up in his dates, money, his car, and his house, until you realize any functioning adult should have shelter and transportation. Then the s** and flattery starts to repulse you, no matter how much it made you blush before.
My wake up call was telling him one time how a situation where someone threw me a micro aggression in class affected me, and how I wasn’t my happiest because body dysmorphia was eating at me, and he just stared at me. Half baffled that I could even be concerned with such “lofty”subjects like mental health and recognizing prejudice (whic isn’t even all that “interesting” imo. Just base knowledge you should have to protect oneself) and half-ogling and ready for what he invited me over for. I knew it was the beginning of the end.
I’m very happy we can hold space and share our experiences so other young people won’t have to face the same reality. Love and light. ✨
Yikes. Same.
Besties we’re living the same life 😩
nah men simply don't date older women if they have a choice, its that simple, especially since most women have very similar ideas to what their ideal guy is, guess what there are only so many men that are attractive, make 100k a year and are taller than you and/or not obese, those men have the leverage, and the option and they aren't picking 30 - 80 year olds lmao
Monica you literally saved my fucking life I was beeing groomed when I saw this and this video was the only thing that made me realize it. I immediately blocked him and I am eternally grateful to you.
Wow I am so happy for you 🙏🏽 Thank god you were able to be set free from that fate… it would have been many years of sadness and trauma. So so so happy this video found you 🙏🏽🥺
I jus broke up with him today, n then saw this video as confirmation that I made the right decision for myself. I'm 17 and he's 22. & that's not the only reason he's a shitty person, not even close. He's a fucking bitch. He's misogynistic, mean, violent, controlling, obsessive, and entitled.
I'm blocking him after he gives me my tattoo kit back (Ik he'll give it back because he's gonna try to use it as a way to try to convince me to stay with him)
@@audreybertelson1972im so happy for you, how's it going now?
Wow wow when I was 18 I was asked out by a man who was 27 years old. I wasn’t even interested in dating at the time but I was so flattered that he was a “real adult” and interested in me. I remember telling my father about him and to this day I’m glad that instead of being combative he simply gave me food for thought. He said, “sweetheart what would a man who is almost 30 even have in common with you? Think about what his motives really are”. I told him the next day that I was too young for him and that was it. Simply having a support system can make such a difference during that young adult transition.
Smart father
A good support system at that. A lot of parents, rather than talking to you delicately like your father did (seems like a really intelligent guy, shout out to him), berate the child and then wonder why they rebel and end up pandering to that older man. Delivery is just as important as the message.
Wow. I'm so happy for you that you had someone that looked out for you. Thanks be to GOD.
I was 11 and the man was 27
Same thing happened to me except I was 19 he was 26. I unfortunately hooked up with him thinking maybe we would have a relationship but he just ghosted me after having sex with him for 3 times. Lol. I’m 23 and haven’t heard from him since…
This is something I feel so strong about. I don’t understand how anyone can think turning 18 or 19 years old automatically starts churning the “adult” gears in your brain. Every year I get older I realize how much life experience you gain in just one year! Therefore a 30 year old dating a 19 year old is a big mf leap!
I feel like when a man says "She's 18 she's an adult she's legal now!" It's really just his way of saying that he thinks it's okay to prey on people if the law doesn't go against it. Like he's showing everyone that he doesn't have a sense of morality outside of the law.
Well 18 is grown especially if you're independent got your own house making your own money if you do these things at 18 then you grown period you aren't a child
It really is. It's gross
@@annarogers8545 no one can have their own house at 18 without someone else’s money. Being mature isn’t determined by your financial independence, maturing is a biological process that takes place in your brain. Nobody is out of puberty at age 18. Usually your brain developes until you’re 23-25.
@MY YT Actually according to science your brain doesn't finish its adolescent stages until your early 20's and doesn't finsh developing period until the age of 25 at least.
"There is no such thing , as a mature child. That is an oxymoron." Ma'am I need this on a shirt please
We have to teach kids and young women that men telling them they're mature isn't a compliment.
@@keri471 it really is not, it's adultification, let the kids be kids, they literally have until 18 and they'll be adults for the rest of their lives.
I started crying when she said this 🥲
@@NanaNaima1 18 and 19 yr olds aren’t even adults😭. Only legally. But in literally every other standpoint (biologically AND socially) they’re kids lol.
I think there are mature children.
I used to be "the chill girl" and I realized it got me NOTHING and NOWHERE. Men did not respect me more, if anything they knew they would walk all over me. Being "chill" didn't mean I wasn't upset, I just wouldn't take it out on anyone but myself. The second I showed emotion to people who had that original "chill" perception of me immediately resented me for telling them how they hurt me. Now since coming out of that I almost went to the other severity of showing too much emotion, being too upset, too quick to resent people. It is a super confusing dynamic within myself from going to completely invalidating my emotions to making other people too involved in them. I almost feel like a teenager again learning how to handle social interactions because there is a part of me that really wants to be that chill girl because it was less of an emotional rollercoaster.
This gave a whole lot to think about. Thank u for sharing
I am discussing being the “mature child people pleaser” with my therapist because a lot of this developed in my teenage years and I’m 25 now.
I haven’t experienced my first relationship yet, but my advice for dating men is to keep them on their toes. It’s exciting when a woman has boundaries. It’s exciting when a woman has an opinion. It’s exciting when a woman says no and is not easy to manipulate. It’s a challenge and it keeps the wrong ones away and the right ones who want to rise to the occasion coming back. This goes for friendships and all social interactions. You’re not being difficult or disrespectful. You’re a human with human needs and boundaries which are healthy.
- a recovering people pleaser
I've been the chill person for my entire childhood so the resentment built as I grew up and it still hasn't faded. I don't feel like I could clean the slate until I move out.
it’s in words 😩😩 wow I felt this
going through similar phase right now, I see how I became a little too into the other extreme but guess what I'm loving it, and you know setting boundries is a skill, give yourself time to practice, learn from your mistakes and after some time you'll feel comfortable in that new version of you 😊
Just read a comment that said: “Men who love to hold all the power search for girls who haven’t found theirs yet.” 👏🏽
👏🏻👏🏻
*BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!* 👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨
I was a girl with no attributes
@Alec Alberti Are you a virgin yourself?
Given all the creepy misogynistic comments I've seen you leave on this video, I'm going with yes.
@Alec Alberti what the actual fuck
I'm almost seventeen, and every time a man hits on me my parents are like ''well it's because you're good looking and mature for your age''
And I'm sitting here like... I straight up say I'm sixteen and they don't see anything wrong with it. It's not flattering like-
Im so sorry that your parents are not protecting you. Stay strong, you deserve better
I'm sixteen too and I hate how my parents make me cover up when it's their fault for looking at a child...
I'm 19 and am very shy and introverted. Hardly any boys my own age talk to me. But the amount of 30+ year olds who hit on me is so disturbing. People think I should be flattered, but the fact that they see me in that way is so creepy. I am barely an adult and still act and feel like a kid, what could they possibly be attracted to??? Answer: they know I'll be easy to control and manipulate since I'm insecure and lack life experience.
@@claireelizabeth9431 Exactly!
That seems grossly inappropriate for a parent to say..
“There is no such thing as a mature child, that is an oxymoron... I think in a lot of cases the mature child- is the product of trauma”
Thank you for saying that because all my childhood I’ve been told I’m very mature and as a young child I saw it as a complement but now, (being 15) I see it as me reacting to childhood trauma and learning the only way to get through life was to parent myself because my own parents couldn’t (and still can’t) do that for me
I was the say i used to jump and run around like a hyper active boy. Consistently being yelled at being i wasnt still like girls. Really traumatized me. But my parents were traumatized themselves so i dont blame them.
You are very intuitive and insightful to realize that as 15. I am praying for you on your journey
I feel as though everyone has there own specific journey and just because another individual has not yet reached the mindset that younger people already have at a younger age doesn’t mean its nessarily from trauma. Most of the time ur parents cant catter to ur emotions because they are going through things emotionally themselves and thats just with everyone in general. I think its a good thing to take on ur emotions by urself so that u can get to know yourself and grow from that and not depend on people to be there for u bc at the end of the day u are ur biggest support system and u will leave this earth being ur biggest support system. At this point age is just a number and of course as humans we are consistently progressing and we grow over time which means are mindsets change as well. But just because you are younger it does not mean u can’t be aware and intelligent to a variety of things it just means that u are less experienced compared to adults and with experience comes wisdom. I’m 16 and people tell me that it took them years to have the mentality that i do.
Wow this just hit for me… I was considered always mature and never associated it with parents who couldn’t and still can’t parent me..
I relate to that so much and it hurts me a lot to think about it. Hope we all can outgrow that and learn how to heal and better honor our inner child ❤
- there is no such thing as a mature child - has and will continue to resonate with me forever
and there's no such thing as a healthy age gap relationship
@@Wealthismybirthright but people say otherwise by insisting that their relationships with people much older or younger than them are "healthy" by using "age is just a number" as an excuse
@@fatimahanwaar306This kind of excuse is mostly used by toxic narcissistic people. Healthy people are aware of the problem.
Also depends on the environment they were raised in. If girls were raised in a toxic environment they are gonna search for love in wrong places.
@@missstranger7697 true! girls who date or marry older men have daddy issues no matter how many times they'll deny it
@@missstranger7697 it gets worse when 30+ year age gaps are being normalized in society with certain celebrity couples
I FEEL LIKE EVERY 15 - 35 YEAR OLD DESERVES TO HEAR THIS.
Honestly start at 11 these days..
I was 12.
everyone needs to hear this.
@@_sumina what do you mean these days? This generation is nothing new under the sun. They’re acting exactly like the last. 15 is fine to start learning about these things. A 11 year old wouldn’t even understand this video.
@@tatum9040 you'd be surprised what a 11 year old can understand.
"The "Mature Child" is the product of trauma, of children who are self aware no longer oblivious to the strife of Adult life .. Affirmed and congratulated by adults who are relieved by the presence of a child who appears to be self sufficient. " WOW SIS THX
What about infantile adults of western world? Lol how do you know which one is right?
@@leptune im not sure what yoy mean sis care to explain?
@@mpoemp4703 in non western societies westerners are considerated infantile, men effeminate etc. Here you consider what theres normal "mature child", "toxic masculinity". How can we know who is right here?
@@leptune I don't understand what you mean but if you think you a mature child then you would know these old men just want you a young girl to manipulate you. But That's what this video is about anyways. But she did say there no such thing as a mature child and I personally agree, you can be more mature then people your age but that doesn't make you mature. Toxic masculinity is a big thing that plays into alot of men not being emotionally avaliable. This stems from boys being told to man up when crying or how men shouldn't feel or be sensitive and if they are they get called "girly"
@@rollthedice5682.... No comment here
It really is internalized misogyny. Even I fell for that trap when I was younger. Men like that say young women are ‘more worthy’ and old women are bitter. So the young woman thinks she’s mature and ‘worthy’ and thinks older women are jealous of her.
And it is like, “No, the truth is the man is unworthy and playing mind games.”
You said it!!! 😉😉😉
Completely wrong. I'm a guy and I'll tell you a truth. It's because it's wired in our brains to like girls who we can have a baby with. The older a woman gets, the less attractive they are to us. It's completely natural and it ain't going to change
@@cykablyat9333 yes....Well go and tell that to Father Abraham's wife. A PHARAOH took her to wife! She was AGED. So stop your crap and leave young girls alone!
@@cykablyat9333 What about the wiring to MARRY because that ain't happening!
@@cykablyat9333 And I guess the older your wife gets the less attractive she will be to you? I bet you don't think it's the other way around do you???
“If people don’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect your humanity”👏
My last 3 year relationship fell apart and it's my fault.
He was a red pilled guy who tries so hard to be "alpha" but also despised any responsibilities that a traditional man would have. I told myself I was cool with it. I ain't.
He thought social justice movements are too pc and diversity is ruining his comic books. I told myself we still share the same values. We don't.
He thought 99% of girls are golddiggers. I always paid my share in everything to prove myself to him. I told myself I was alright with him pinching pennies even though he earned twice what I earned and I have twice the financial responsibilities. I was not.
I tried hard to maintain my body and appearance even though I worked plus commuted 14 hours a day. He grew fatter and fatter even though he worked 6 hours a day from home and playing video games the rest of the day. I told myself I was not shallow so I didn't care about that. I did.
I knew before the 1st year anniversary that I could not fall in love with him. I stayed and shut up because I was a cool girl, a rational person, I didn't need frivolous things like romance.
HAVE STANDARDS AND AVOID WASTING TWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE LIKE I DID.
girl how tf did you put up with this. I'm so glad you're out of this tho
Damn try 4 years
It's much better to be single and have standards and set boundaries than to put up with all of that for a man who doesn't even treat you right. I'm glad you got out of the relationship! 💕
Personally, it strikes me as an immediate red flag when a guy tries to be "alpha", has a backwards view of women in general, and isn't willing to listen to the perspectives/issues that women go though or put us down.
this isnt a "being the cool girl" problem. like how can u not share any of these thoughts with your romantic partner nonetheless.
really theyre blue pilled because theytell eveyrone who doesnt agree with them that theyre 'trigered' its called cognitive dissonance they wont listen to the truth so theyre actually blue pilled people so far blue pilled they think they ate the red one,
As my mom told me when I was 16 and a 26 yo man liked me, "If women his age don't want him, there is something WRONG with him." Period!!!
that's bullshit :) It's not that women my age don't want me, they want me bad, but why should i commit to girl with a lot of bodies , emotional baggage ,etc. When I can have young and not spoiled women who can grow with me, and I can still grow with her
@@MrRashef you're the problem, my guy
@@MrRashef striggerowany incel wyszedl z piwnicy napisac komentarz
@@MrRashef
“I can grow with her.”
Why are you purposely seeking out someone who is young, immature, and impressionable and act as if y’all are in the same stage in life. You are not going to be doing the same growing. You are already grown. In reality you’re a weak, spineless, insecure man who wants a young girl who strokes your ego and makes you feel better about your own mediocrity.
@@MrRashef youre proving the commenters point.
One thing us men need to understand, is that just because a young girl is flirting with you
doesn't mean you have to give in. Character and integrity is needed in these situations .
Most successful marriages hv a 5-10 yr age difference
If it's legal it's fine. It's up to the woman after that if she wants to give herself to the man. Nobody is forcing her and they're both adults
The Legacy of Gaming
The frontal cortex isn't fully developed until 25-27. Humans don't reach full maturity until that age. If you're 35+ and date a 18yo they're still not grown up and you're still a pathetic creep trying to relive your wasted youth. Legal, yeah. Disgusting and traumatic for the younger party involved, yeah.
@@haremking7256 that's straight up false. Looked it up and show that couples with a 0 to 3 year age gap have the greatest level of satisfaction. Couples with 3-7 years age gaps are a less satisfied and couples with a 7+ age gap are even less satisfied. Men, stop talking yourself into the delusion that dating a young woman is ever good when you're an old fart who can't run a mile. It never is. Don't waste young women's time.
@@DM-nw5lu not everyone is the same,you should say majority of ppls pre frontal cortex matures at the age of 25-27 there's always outliers,I read the study ....what's your source of info on the 3 yr age gap
I'm 21 and I just left a relationship of three years with a 32 year old man... I was 18 when we met, he was 29. It was always a point of contention for us, and he kept our relationship a secret for two years. There will come a point when he needs you more than you need him, and it will be time to go.
I’m sorry if this is personal, I exited a situation like this a while ago, didn’t get much closure. I was 17, he was 23. What do you mean when you say there will come a time when he needs you more than you need him? I really resonate with what you said
@@anggelinaaluucileave now.
Cruella De Vil : [to Anita] “More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease and disaster. You have talent, darling. Don't squander it.”
And we thought Cruella wasn't right just bc she was the villain. 😔
@@anitachamberlain3391 she isn't right. Marriage is a wonderful, spiritual thing and young women are being manipulated and deceived into abandoning it by bitter old women and ignorant people
@@peaceunion5316 no no no. Any marriage can go to shit or even be shitty at the start of it. Marriage isn’t always kisses and rainbows. Marriage can make anyone miserable and pitiful even if they might seem happy
@@peaceunion5316 so you get to say “ignorant women” but when you try to refer to men suddenly it’s “ignorant people”
@@peaceunion5316 marriage isn't for everyone and marriages often fail its a fact wtf are you talking about?
"Mature child just learned how to shut the fuck up." I was labeled as this growing up, I learn to suppress my words and feelings, who I really am, in order to fit in and avoid creating trauma. Now, I'm 28 years old and I'm realizing how much of my childhood was robbed from me. I didn't do the things I should've done, I didn't have the fun I was supposed to have, I didn't make the mistakes I was supposed to make. Now, I'm trying to make up for lost time and I feel like everyone I love is against me, because I'm allowing myself to become myself, but that alters the reality of who I am and they don't like it and don't want to understand.
Ain't it crazy that you let people do them, but when you do you, you're supposed to answer to everybody like you the president? lol
Same thing happening for me. It's like they never knew who I really was, and my family is criticizing everything I do is not as they had intended for me. I choose to love them, but they may never choose to love me as I am. And I will endure that because I'm tired of sacrificing my true self for other people, so they can feel 'comfortable' Life is too short for such a battle with myself.
This sounds painful in many ways, sending love and light. I’ve come to realize inner peace of mind and soul is more valuable than any relationships based out of fear regardless of how deep or shallow the connection be. You deserve people who will see you shine and be overjoyed for you. People’s responses to you are typically projections of their inner trauma/insecurities. Stay strong 💕
This was so deep
this is me cause i’m nearing the end of my teen years just trying to heal stuff from when i was younger instead of just being a kid and it’s this constant cycle of guilt and sadness
I’m so proud of my 14 year old self. when I was 14 I was on a dating and friendship app.
A 60 year old guy told me “I love girls your age”. I replied to him “that’s Actually disgusting “ and then I blocked him.
Hope he was embarrassed. Good job! :}
When I was 11 I had similar experience i told my dad on him and he lectured him, it shows it gets normalised for you and isnt inherent chip in young girls to want this
what the-
Proud of you queen, I have similar experience when I was 13 and it was mentioned in my ig bio and many grown ass men dm me and say similar stuff,I regret giving them a lil time but happy I blocked them be4 taking advantage of me
Great job
Finally a woman that is talking about some real shit on YT. I swear it feels like our media is plagued with pick-me’s and casual misogyny. Thank you for teaching the younger woman some realll shit
It’s men using brainwashing tactics to get us younger girls to fall for them it wearing off 👏👏
She spouting bluepill sperg notions lol
pick me is a shaming language for traditional women who are attractive to men, stop hating
@@thekingmelanin no its women who put down other women
@@akira7739 frl
Wow as a 19-year-old rn.. thank you. I really needed this, I've been talking to a guy 10 years older than me. And tbh something seemed off but I couldn't tell what. I've learned that talking to an older guy means he expects you to be young and innocent but also they want you to grow up quickly and be grown, which is confusing and stressful. I'm done talking to him now. This felt like an older sister talking to me. Thank you so much really.
you dodging a bullet girl💪🏻❤️
@@Julia-zp4dz yes thank you 🙏❤️❤️❤️
That wanting you to be innocent but expecting you to be grown is sooo weird and gross on their part, you were young they should let you friggin be! Sorry you had to go through that, and glad you are out of it
I was 18 when the 40 year old I was sexting said something about his kids and I realised how we were in completely different stages in life. Why is a person who's supposed to be caring for their child sexting an 18 year old?
SAME!
Say it louder sis!!!!!!! Men love young girls because they can control them much easier than they would control a grown woman. Loved it!!!
Once you turn 25 apparently women will hit the wall and they’re no longer desirable 😂😆that’s what these old sagging balls are teaching one another online
@What Ever You don't have the right to control someone who can think and live for themselves. Women can choose to submit but that is where it ends.
And yet 30 and 40 yo women complain of being in controlling relationships as well. So that’s just not true
it is about fertility men are attracted to women who can have babies it is biological even if the guy isn't looking for kids
@@Dhuxul9 I know 2 young women who couldn't carry pregnancies and there are many stories out there,in this life you cannot predict anything,but also i can agree that a man having control is not always a bad thing.
Intelligent Mature older women are NEVER jealous of youth! Most older women just want a better "journey" for young ladies because we know what it means to be WOMAN who is judged for existing. I enjoyed listening to your insight and your journey. For those young ladies who "finding their NO" keep practicing saying this word, whenever your spirit tell you to. It does bring strength.
"For those young ladies who "finding their NO" keep practicing saying this word"
So why did feminism promote the idea that women should be just FINE with casual sex? It's almost like they really didn't care about women at all, hmm?
@@menow. lmao you're under every top comment clearly these messages are hitting a nerve for you
@@Izlandzadi14 A "nerve"? Or, I just don't abide BS. I notice you didn't answer my question.
@@menow. the BS is believing that someone can't have good boundaries and say no while also engaging in a hookup. BTW, many feminists are critical of hookup culture
@@menow. The idea is that women deserve to have a choice. That women often feel like they have to say yes in a male female dynamic. Due to men often having a social/work power status over women (Think your boss, or a family member etc)
Feminism doesnt "promote" casual sex nor is it "fine"' with casual sex.. feminism is the idea of a womens choice having power. That a woman has power to say Yes to casual sex or No to casual sex. To have a choice and not be shamed for it. Because men get to have casual sex and not be shamed. But women dont experience that...
i dont think this is that hard to understand.
I’m 21, I remember being 16 & walking in my town & a guy in his mid 30s starts shouting at me across the street making sexual comments very aggressively & whistling, i was wearing jeans & a parka coat… I got around the corner & burst out crying having a panic attack (I also have social anxiety which didn’t help), my mum was there when it happened & she just kept laughing & told me to “take it as a compliment” I was SIXTEEN & crying my eyes out having a panic attack in the street in front of everyone, shaking & the one person in my life I thought would protect me didn’t care. It still makes me feel so violated & sad to this day. Another time my TWELVE yr old sister was catcalled by a group of guys when she was going to meet a friend. & guess what?? Ever since I got to about 17/18 yrs old men have stopped cat calling me… I wonder why that is… men can be so so disgusting & it’s not ok it needs to change.
& I hate the “maybe you just look older than your age” because it’s completely not true… once I’ve grown older they don’t do it anymore… they are attracted to underage girls and it’s vile.
When I was ten I went to the mall to buy a gift to my mom and went by a group of grown men. They started whistling and making sexual comments, much as you describe . I also had a panic attack and cried the whole night. It kept happening though. .. now that I am 28, most of the interactions I had with adult men during my child and teenage years seem even more bizarre . Now I wonder what it did to me. I feel you ❤️ it’s nice to see other people realize all of this.
@@emilyplaying8330 oh my god, 10 years old? That’s awful I’m so sorry that happened to you:( its so hard to trust men after having so many experiences like that, it really makes you question if deep down all of them are the same. So many of them lack the ability to understand we’re humans with emotions and thoughts and lives of our own and not just objects that they can comment on while passing by, their lack of understanding and moral compass is very scary
i like how you say jeans and a parka as if you were covered up. im willing to bet those 'jeans' were skin tight thin material. not to mention makeup etc. if makeup is sexual signalling then why are you so offended that you are...sexually signalling
@@granolaman4410You sound like the type of guy who doesn’t get much attention from women in real life so you go online desperately seeking the attention there instead. Hope you feel better soon.
"you will become the woman you resent one day" A LOT of young women need to hear this, it would do a lot for the way we treat each other as sacrificial lambs (sabotaging each other, spiting women we see as competition, weaponising male violence towards women we dislike or plainly losing out on valuable relationships with each other) for the benefit of men, what a bar of wisdom
Honestly I feel more like Ursula every day and it's great 🐙 😂
'sacrificial lambs to men'
i think this is probably the more telling comment and mindset in all of the comment section. if you poll most men, most men want families. especially as they get older. the younger men want to fuck everything moving until their 30s when they start to get serious. sacrificial lamb, however, speaks to a specific man.
@ayse that view tells me you will likely be very bitter. I hope not.
I see it and that I don’t do. The pick me’s
Feel like this was a sign for me. I've been talking to this guy who's 40 and I'm 21. I love how he always tells me I'm so mature for my age, but taking a step back I wonder why he isn't pursuing someone closer to his age. Feels weird now.
Listen to your intuition, telling you you're mature is part of the grooming trap
That’s a red flag. The “you’re so mature for your age” is bs.
I hate to make generalizations, but I’ve been there before. These types of men never care as much as they say they do, and something about them is always a little off, which is why women their own age see through them. I imagined myself when I’m 40, then I realized I’d never go for that kind of guy! So why am I doing it now?
We haven't even learned anything yet & still finding ourseleves ! Wtf does a 40 yr old man want out of us beside SEX 🤷🏽♀️
run
“Mature for your age” is often times a gateway into abuse and pedophilic men. I was told that for the longest, and felt grown,sexy, and independent at 13. As i get older, and remember some of the interactions i’ve had with older men….It hurts to realize just how much a person can be taken advantage of without the right guidance or caring people.
The comments have said this already, but oftentimes the “mature” ones have gone through the most trauma.
Adultification at a young age go hand and hand with sexual abuse.
It's so true.
I remember I would get messages from random older men almost every day and i used to think that "this is how internet works". Then when I turned 18 (and my social media profiles would say so), the random creepy men disappeared.
That led me to an obvious conclusion, that they target the underagged ones.
Lmaoooo . Sounds like my old high school
@@ari_jean That Would Piss Me Off If Girls Harassed Me My Whole Childhood And Then When I'm Finally Old Enough To Be On Me Feet They Fuck Off WHAT!
@@rubyruby7573 I’m sure there are tons of creepy old women out there for you lol
And when they change the law then what🤣
I dated a 41 year old when I was 22 so I completely relate to the lack of boundaries. He wanted to pay my rent and help me out but I refused, I didn't want him to have that control over me.
A lie only thyself would believe
Yes they’re very transactional because then you would’ve gave him access to have power, dominance, and control over you. That’s all it would’ve went downhill from there trust me. Been there done that. They love to do things to bribe younger women which would’ve resulted into transactions for your beauty, body, and sexual pleasure.
Because u want the bad boys instead of the nice guys , that’s how damaged u r
GIRL YES TO WHOLE Video! Lol older men are super creeps! Me personally, I turned 30 last month but I am mistaken for 21-23 because I look young and when 30/40 year old men talk to me they love me! And as soon as I tell them my age after the fact, their whole demeanor changes when they realize I’m not naive and it’s weird af. Protect yourselves ladies! Men will try to talk you out of your boundaries for their own gain every time!
god that’s so fucking gross, why are men like this??
@@kaepiper what's the benefit of not being like this?
@@avoidantbehavior u don't traumatize people weirdo
@@notifsforcommentsoffarguew7419 yeah, I can't say that provides any convincing reason for changing the behavior.
lol. this is why you guys should watch the male perspectives. Most often it has nothing to do with you being naive. Scientifically, men find women around 23, to be the most attractive. there are actual studies on this. and the disinterest of hearing that you're 30 has more to do with kids and communication than naive.
"the moment you set a boundary,,, if somebody doesn't respect that, they don't respect your humanity" I couldn't agree more with this video
They don't respect your boundary, that doesn't mean they disregard your humanity. Boundaries aren't universal, and no man wants to be the sucker for which those non- universal boundaries become law.
@@sophon238 pls be quiet
@@prieltheprune1302 no
"Women have been socialized to perform" YES! That's why when we are too emotionally raw, we are told we are "acting hysterical"
What fantasy world do you live in where people shouldn't be expected to perform!? Do you really think men aren't expected to? This comment section is filled with delusional 40+ year old women, young ignorant girls, and all manner of random men many white knights. Grow up
@@FirstLast-gk6lg Hmm, and you are watching her video with us BECAUSE...?
@@MG123abc1 just a poor recommendation from RUclips. Pushing feminist nonsense
Emotional rawness is by choice
Facts women are starting to wake up!!
It’s sad to think older men treat us younger women with such cruelty and hostility in their voices. It’s been going on all my life until i stopped them
even if they have so called "healthy relationships" with younger women
The reason women in their 20s have higher value than any other age group, is because this is when their fertility peaks. Men in their 30s and 40s prefer them for this factor, it’s evolution and men have done this for thousands of years.
Older men are also more likely to be established financially and have accumulated resources over their lives, most 20 year old men are broke.
Most men prefer younger women, it’s how we’ve evolved
@@swadey2.017 Women lose their worth as they age… their value too… wow. Since when have human beings had price tags like a bag of groceries? We are not objects.
There are ample studies on the risks older men pose to women (of any age) as well as babies during pregnancy. Men have the *ability* to have children at an elderly age, but that ability does not trample the decline in healthy reproduction. Just as geriatric pregnancies are not healthy/safe either.
13-19 year olds are adolescents. According to the World Health Organization, the ages of 15-19 are the ages in which pregnancy risks are at their peak. And of course younger. Teenage girls are more likely to experience anovulatory periods and have an overall smaller hip width. Whereas, pregnancy at ages the ages of 20-24 are far less dangerous, and prone to less complications.
Full oscillation ends at around the ages of 23-25, as well as full brain development (though your brain never truly stops growing).
You can say you find 20 year olds attractive, but to say women - no, human beings in general - have some sort of expiration age that makes them worthless once they reach it - is not valid. Ever. That’s not a biological stance, can you smell pheromones? Can you sense fertility? That’s a preference.
"If you don't like it, don't have a kid"..."they just learned how to not speak, and that's a bad thing". WOW. Children deserve to be listened to, appreciated, cared for, and understood, and I feel like so many of us lacked that from guardians growing up; it's truly detrimental to our mental states and beyond unfortunate. I try to be more mindful and attentive when interacting with young people now, because everyone just wants to feel heard and like they matter. Thank you for this.
Western women dont have kids either way lol
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS SAYING. THATS HOW A CHILD LACKS LOVE. AND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY LOVE TO MOCK KIDS BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE.
Agreed. 💯
@@leptune ??
@@soulmateofseulgi too many western women dont have kids
That older women being the ‘bad guys’ really hit home for me. I never realized how much I had internalized the idea that older women who expressed disapproval about a very young woman with a much older man were just jealous about it and best ignored - that it was them being bitter, not being wiser and having a right to be concerned. I also didn’t realize until later that this is a message that lots of things in the media try to push to make this kind of thing seem okay, and the women who try to say something about it ‘just wish they were that young again’ or ‘jealous of pretty younger women’. Honestly, I’ve heard different iterations of this on many TV shows, and all of it sounds like it came straight from the men who go after those young women.
I wonder how many of us would have listened if we would have let the older women tell us they know from experience…
Yeah it's really disturbing how media contributes in turning women against each other, young and old, and making it seem like every thing they do is to compete for male attention :/
There are plenty who express disapproval bc they're jealous and they should be ashamed. Then you have the ones who say nothing out of shame and wanting to see young women destroyed.
@Sincerely Respectfully uh no, women compete with each other because men have forced them to do that since the dawn of human evolution. the patriarchy has been around for thousands of years simply because men are physically stronger than women and were able to beat women into subjugation. but we've reached a point in time that men can't beat women into subjugation anymore, which is giving way to gender equality in tiny baby steps. female sense of brotherhood is becoming stronger and stronger, and we need to foster that, not continue to suppress it. please be more intelligent.
In my early twenties I was led to believe that "older women not approving of younger women dating older men where jealous" now I'm 30 years old and omg I understand so much! It's not jealousy it's concern! And disgusting. I'm not very wise I'm still learning but from what I've seen and went through in my early twenties I sure know that older men pursuing younger women are creeps. Open your eyes beautiful you are not seen by these men for who you are they just see some young cute thing that they can easily mold and use as they please. It's not worth it. Don't waste your time your time specially at a young age it's so so precious. Love yourself
I was 13-16 sleeping with 30somethings. I would instantly decline when approached. But if they were persistent past my initial resistance, I would just give in. I had no tools for dealing with people who didn't accept my "no". (I was the good girl who didn't know how to operate outside the bounds of "polite".) That lack of tools combined with a gang rape which removed my sense of value, left me completely vulnerable. It didn't help that the very next morning after the gang rape, I went to school to discover that I was now "the school ho who let boys and grown men run a train". Apparently my rape was consensual because I didn't scream or fight or know what to do to protect myself while being surrounded by men in the dark and held down. That I missed all the social cues of impending danger because I'm on the spectrum. The very people who raped me were the ones coming back for more, and I let them becoming exactly what people wrongly accused me of already being. They would also refer me out to their friends who were unaware of the rape. To them I was just the cool girl who would let them do whatever. And the older men wanted to groom me and train me to be their sexual tool who could perform in all the ways that pleased them. A couple of them wanted to screw me and have diverse conversations. They liked that I could discuss a breadth of topics from music engineering to different myths and sciences.
So I was the cool girl for them. Down for whatever. I couldn't let myself process things any other way. In my mind, if I did it by choice then I wasn't being raped. If I did it by choice then I could forget about the fact that I wasn't able to fight or scream. If I did it by choice, I didn't have to report it and get questioned or put in another foster home and potentially taken from another family because I already went through that once after being molested at 5. My reputation was already ruined. My body already violated. As long as I could stay with my family and keep what happened from them, nothing else mattered.
I’m really sorry you went through this ❤️
@Padja Kaitungwa thank you. It's been a long time now. I turn 40 in just a couple weeks. But I never spoke about it when I was younger so now I bring it up from time to time when it seems to fit. I guess youtube is my free therapy.
I could just relate to this video. So many grown men do not care, and they come from all walks. The man who would take the shirt off his back to help anyone can still be the man who sleeps with a child. Their "goodness" is true and real. But their capacity for wrong is equally true and real. Humans are interesting creatures, right?
For some reason these men think that because a girl may mature and present herself as if she is ready that she is actually ready. And they let her deal with all the consequences.
That's just horrible. I hope you don't blame yourself in any way, despite the accusations flung at you. Maybe consider therapy if you really need to heal from the trauma. Take care of yourself.
My dear...Thank you for sharing your story. I was telling my daughter (17) something like what you've shared in your testimony. By God's grace my daughter is still a virgin. But naturally she likes boys/men. I was telling her that at the end of the day MOST men don't give a Damn about her or her body. I told her that once they "have you" (either the "m" word or "r" word to you ignorantly went down that road), it doesn't matter. It's like you have been "Marked" and that energy will follow you wherever you go and these men know it! It's just not worth it young ladies. Save yourself and your body for YOU. Wait til marriage. These men know that many women don't know better and they use what you don't know against you to THEIR advantage.
You sound so incredibly resilient. I have no words to express how deeply I empathize with you. I've known women and girls close to me that have experienced sexual abuse from male family members and I try my hardest to just be there for them emotionally and to give them a safe space to be comfortably vulnerable. I just feel like I couldn't do it. If it were me, I feel like I would have ended my life or ended up on drugs trying to desperately cope. I don't think I'm strong enough to be able to live with that. I can't even begin to imagine how deeply unworthy, depressed and alone or even suicidal you may have felt. I'm such a soft hearted person. It's incredibly unfair that they can just ruin a child's life, and then get to just walk away without any consequences. Those men have to pay for the damage that they caused, for the damage that they've caused to society. I hope they're miserable and in pain and that you are somewhere safe and thriving. Gang rape is litterally my worst nightmare times 5. I've had nightmares about it that felt real and everytime I woke up I felt like crawling out of my own skin. Your story reminds me of Kathy Dobby's story, she wrote a book about her experiences with sexual exploits with much older men when she was a teen girl back in the 70's. It's called, The only girl in the car. Ot really touched my heart. Her story was so inspirational to me. How someone could have so much strength to live through, and even prosper after such a degrading and traumatizing experience. You're really brave for sharing your story. People who shame victims are no better than the perpetrator in my eyes. I hope you know that you are loved and that you are worthy. We need to be hypervigilant when it comes to children and teens. No one deserves to have this happen to them.
Excellent video, my Dad always called these types of men "Youth Theives". When I turned 18, my Dad sat me down and basically warned me off all the tricks in the book that an older man will try on me because women his age don't want him, so he will try to prey on my innocence and naive mind.
My Dad said, if a man 5 years+ older then you tries to get with you, always ask yourself, what would this old man possibly have in common with me and why is he not already married to a woman closer to him age?
Older Women aren't bitter when a guy chases a young girl, thry are frightened for the young girl because her youth is about to be stolen by a bum. - My Dad.
So glad he opened my eyes because when Grandad's try to get with Granddaughters, it seriously cringy for anyone of a healthy mind to see.
you are blessed to have a dad like him! good on him for speaking to you about this important subject and good on you for taking the time to hear what he had to say
happy for you sis. hope the knowledge will get passed on to prevent children from being damaged in the future
i have found that the older men who can date younger women can absolutely date women their own age. It's cope to assume that they do it because women their own age dont like them
Your dad may have given you a good advice but really not the one you needed because the same way a grown man can destroy your life is the same way he can change your life for the better.
Not every man is bad and all men are not the same.
It’s not “WOMEN HIS AGE DONT WANT HIM” it’s he doesn’t want 40 year old geezers. I don’t blame him, these days they’re even growin chin hair & mustache’s.
I'm 18 and seeing a guy who's 28. this opened my eyes THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR PUTTING MY FEELINGS INTO WORDS THANK YOU this is the best video I've ever watched
That was me at 18. Home deada$$ lied and said he was 24. Uuuf
I'm 29 and a woman. Trust me he has no business dating a 18 year old
Good. He only wanted to screw you. These guys are soo gross
@@ED-ie3et 24 was okay with you fresh out of high school? 😂
Seeing some of these comments just makes me realize women really are not good judges of character or good at decision making in general. This is just sad.
I will always remember talking to a male friend of mine. he and i were talking about a feeling you get as a child. You kinda feel like someone is spying on you. You may start acting in ways when alone just incase someone is watching so you dont embarrass yourself. As the discussion continued about this "invisible person" that is always spying on you, I made a statement about needing to look good for the invisible person or be sexy for them. even as a younger girl. I remember having the thoughts that i needed to be "desired" though not in the way i understood yet.
and it blew my friends mind. he had never considered that idea that "the person always watching you" is someone you have to please in THAT way...
and i specifically remember thinking of the outfit i was wearing and how i looked to everyone else while i hugged my brother and sister at the funeral.
@@heathershuler759 I shouldn't relate to this, but I do, and I think a lot of young women do.
I have felt and thought this exact thing
DAMN. That’s powerful.
I relate to this so hard. Even when I was 7 or 8 I would wear miniskirts just to wash my dad's car. I started wearing makeup in high school and it was only until the pandemic started that I stopped wearing a full face beat everyday. More young girls need to have someone they can talk about this stuff with.
The thing about the mature child is so true to me. When I was 10, I had a body that my parents called “mature.” From this only, they expected me to be mature mentally, rationalize everything, and act like an adult. It gave me so much pressure and stress and made me hate my body internally. I was told to understand I couldn’t wear tank tops and shorts because it attracted men. I remember I was fighting with my mom because I was wearing a dress that was form fitting. She told me “I was asking for it” and I should dress more “classy. She called me a lot of degrading terms and I began to cry because I couldn’t understand why I should have to worry about the way I dress. I firmly believe that as a child, you shouldn’t have to worry about these issues and about being objectified based on the clothes you wear! All I wanted to do was to be a 10 year old. I was still immature and I didn’t have the correct mentality to be facing the issues that were shoved in my face. And the worst part is, you just have to suck it up. If you don’t, you’ll be criticized, degraded, and scolded just for being a child. It’s still insane to me right now how I was expected to be a mature adult just because I had a more developed body. I was only 10.
Same. My dad made me wear big tee shirts to hide my body. My sisters were able to wear whatever they wanted. Smh and I used to wonder where my body dysmorphia came from.
I think modest feminine dresses are appropriate at all ages, especially for children
your mom could have put it in a better way that was mean but i understand her
as an older sister taking care of my younger sibling. The clothes are just quite indecent these days like my sister is 10 but everything is just so short especially the dresses
@@Seia894 That's highkey super weird and creepy that he singled you out even though he had other daughters. Like sir..what's going on in your mind that's really triggering that? 🤔 I don't mean to cast doubt..but.. 😕
The worst part is the fact that dressing even in something that covers almost every inch of you doesn’t help. When I was 11 or 9 I got hit on because a manager of a local restaurant that I was 16. I was wearing a loose-fitting blouse, no makeup, and jeans. There really is no way to win. Because even if you do hide, they still try to hurt you.
"what else is a child if not a burden?? (...) they just learned how to not speak, and that's a bad thing" Fucking OOF this hit me to the core. I was constantly called an "ungrateful witch" as a child growing up, told to be grateful for the bare minimum ("I put a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly) but that's... what a kid needs 🤔
Yep my mother was similar to this. Compared me to my older sister and told me that I have to watch my mouth because I overreact or become immature.
Actually she made me feel very insecure with her toxic and narcissistic attitude.
I'm so tired of men looking at me but never truly seeing me, while I'm fighting like hell to see a semi-clear image of myself. I love this conversation x
I hear you. I felt the same way when I was younger. It gets better as long as you 'see' yourself is all that really matters afterall. Men really have no business defining you anyway. That's your job.
I understand, I always feel like men don't really get to know me and love me as a person, they only like the "girlfriend" role I play in their life. If you asked my ex about my favorite type of music, my opinions or my quirks, he probably wouldn't be able to answer.
@@beforethedawn2701 that's because he's been through too many THOTS to see you as anything special apart from the patterns he has been seeing all his life. You're just another stereotype to him. That's what sexual liberation does, it makes most people appear like copycats of each other. You truly have to be special for him to take interest
@@sophon238 Nope, we were each other's first relationship. But I was a shy, insecure teenager and he took advantage of that.
@@beforethedawn2701 had he dealt sexually with many other girls before you? Does he have a social media account? It's very easy in this day and age to spot similarities amongst women because the internet and social medias has dissolved the specialness of people as everyone seems the same or they seem like they fit into some archetype you've seen before. The game of love is now so transparent that there is very little adventure left. He already had you figured out before you dated. You're just another cog in the machine to him
The reason why I never dated older men is because of my father. He constantly warned me about older men and the manipulation tactic they use on teenage girls. My father was a great father and a good husband so from early age I knew what I wanted in my partner and have created standards and boundaries.
That's amazing. He does sound like a great father. You're very lucky
In other words you father generalized and assumed that all older men must be masters of manipulation. Doesn't sound very evidence-based.
@@lonniesharpe9720 it worked for me though. Don't get offended lol
@@pa1154 Sometimes it is a good idea to expand your palate.
@@lonniesharpe9720 sometimes it's a good idea to shut up
I needed this, as a 27 year old, I can confirm a light turned on in my head at 26: oh no a lot of men are predatory towards young adult women, teens, & Pre-teens, & are vile towards fully adult women because they know better...it's not about fertility for starting a family either.
It was never about fertility, most of them dont want and dont care for their own children.
I feel like this light has clicked for me even before I graduated high school
It’s clicked on for me for a while and made me so fucking afraid of dating
@@xdlr22 ik it’s a little scary but I think daring someone your age or maybe a year or two older will help. And setting boundaries and not letting people cross them.
Me too honestly. And at 26 I’ve been noticing things I didn’t before. For example, I saw a group of girls in school uniforms walking through the streets after school together and I thought of when I was that age with my friends, life was so much simpler back then… but suddenly I focussed on the wider picture around them…all the middle-aged men following them down the street with their eyes like vultures. It made me sick and since seeing it, I’ve became so much more aware of it and how often it actually happens to young girls. I even look back on my own experiences at school and start to realise all these weird things. I feel the need to protect girls from this predatory male gaze but society always puts women against girls and separates them in a way, like the idea that the older woman is always jealous of the younger woman for their youth, vitality, fertility etc. And maybe this idea has been pushed because it’s easier for men to manipulate young girls when women (who can clearly see weird situations and may have even experienced it) aren’t in the picture or disregarded as just “jealous and bitter”.
I'm a 51 year old woman who was once a pretty young girl so when these creeps creep I see it! I remember what those looks feel like, I remember feeling I had to smile laugh or let it slide. Now I mock the turds and tell them I see. When I put on my cutie outfits as a teen I did it for ME and maybe to show off to my gal pals. Imagine these turds think young ladies are getting dressed thinking "Oh gee I hope some cobwebs crotch Dad man likes my outfit"
"cobwebs crotch Dad man" ☠🤭
Men really can't comprehend that women LOVE to dress up for themselves or to impress other women. It's in our nature to want to be beautiful. How did I realize this? When I went it an all-women university 90% of the women walked around looking like models without a single pair of male eyes in sight. I too, would get up early and dress well because I wanted to look the best infront of my female classmates. After I graduated, I really missed the non-male environment. It felt safe and freeing to not have to worry all the time.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f it's that. We dress up to impress other women. To get maybe compliments from there woman. Why the fuck would we take any compliments from men when they are fashion bums, have no style and are ingenuine
You sound really hurt, living in the past will do that to you.
Ughhh yeah I bet deep down you miss it
Yeah, as an 18-year-old right now... I needed this. Talking to a man who's 34, you slapped some sense into me.
Whoa! That’s a ReD FLAG! What’s wrong with him? Is his life together? Does he have a good career, has his own home, has his own car? What about his emotional & mental health? Does he have mental
Issues? Is he controlling, possessive or overly jealous?! Yes Gurl pay attention because that large of an age gap is extremely concerning. I hope he isn’t trying to mold you or manipulate you into being the woman he wants you to be 😬
Hope he already got some box
You’re troubled. Gtfo here.
Proud of you
@Sambriddhi DC I think it’s too naive to think that a 18 years old can outsmart someone 17 years older. I think being into “dating older men” is jot something a teenager can soundly choose to do.
I remember when I was younger and at a party with my then boyfriend who was about 10+ years older than me. It was one of the girls birthdays (she was turning 27. I was about 20/21) and she said to me 'be careful, he is much older than you, make sure you arent being manipulated'. I will never forget that either because she had a look of concern. Needless to say I dodged a bullet. I think society wants to paint older women as evil or bitter but most just have experience and have been through it before so I see it like they are trying to protect or warn the younger ones. The guys vilanise them because they know those girls wont give them the time of day and are much smarter. Most successful and smart men are with women within their own age group or no less than 28-35+ at most. Which is funnily enough, also the average marrying age for women in the west. So it will be a red flag when I see guys that cannot attract women in their own age group or at least over 25 when the frontal lobe is developed. Many that target young women (in my experience) tend to lack something. Either a place to stay, car, money or just something. They always seem off
📢📢📢📢
the reason they know is because they were exploited by older man at 18 - 22 as well, young women are extremely impressionable & possibly haven't found their self esteem, confidence, sense of self & respect, so can fall for men very deeply just for any reason no matter how pathetic, insecure, weak the man actually is internally. They prey on younger women because they know 25 - 29 year old women would never want anything to do with them, they are embarrassing people. These men aren't mature or good enough to have serious relationships with grown women, so want developing young girls & younger adults to have a baby relationship with them.
This is so true. I am currently trying to divorce my child’s father, and he has mentioned many times that if I ever leave him, he is going to go for much younger women (18-22). Homie is 30 years old smh. He’s an abusive narcissist, and I worry about young girls who he will inevitably entangle in his drama. 🤦🏻♀️
Yep!! Theres like a side group of predatory men who actually don’t go for teens but they go for women under 25, and you’ll notice that even when theyre 28,32,35, the women stay under 25 and often are the “mature” young girls. I’m really happy people are starting to talk about that, I’ve had some MAJOR predators like that in my social group in the past. So glad I got away from it.
"I think society wants to paint older women as evil or bitter but most just have experience and have been through it before so I see it like they are trying to protect or warn the younger ones. The guys vilanise them because they know those girls wont give them the time of day and are much smarter."
This is so accurate sadly. I just came from some other videos with the opposite viewpoint, and all the comments were like, "lol older women are just jealous of younger women dating older men, which is why they say it's 'predatory'. They're just bitter lol". As a younger woman myself, that's just disgusting imo. It's disgusting that so many men in their 30s+ consider women "undatable" after they reach like 30 years old (which is still pretty young).
Legit Kevin Samuels is convincing older men that younger women WANT these geezers.
Bc some want. If you like it or not.
I'm happy somebody said it
@@leptune no, they want your money. And after they’ve been used and drained, they go cry online and become red pillers and go their own way. Condemning all women for the actions of their preferences
@@SureYoureRight 🤣🤣🤣 Im literally one of these girls, funny you think you know better what I want. Also I asked my friends, they all admitted they find older guys attractive, even their parents age older guys, but they are just indimidated by them. And still one of them dates guy 2 years younger than herself. Yeah Im redpilled but I liked older guys before and after go cry 😱😭🤣
@@SureYoureRight men become red pilled from various experiences, not solely dating younger women lol
you’re so amazing . I’m 22 & reasoning why I would get upset at women who were older than me is because they don’t talk like you . Some women purposely let younger women struggle & just laugh and watch . I appreciate you
Exactly! These are narcissistic bad types of women who want to see them fall on purpose... They see them as a threat! Normal women don't do these things..
Watched this entire video. As an 18yr old I’m glad I saw this now and not 10 years down the line. What you’re doing is saving girls and opening the eyes of a generation. Thank you
im so glad! please tell your friends too!
You will be dating a 30 year old this year
I’m 18 as well and this video was very enlightening for me
@@GoddessSirenade I'm also 18 and I have just been going through some weird stuff with a 27 year old man I met at mental hospital. When I visited him, he would go from me leaning onto his shoulder on public transit because I was tired since I got up very early to meet him, to immediately guiding me into his bedroom and closing the door behind him. I just freezed until he finally asked a question whether he can continue, that's when I broke free (and had to take anti-nausea meds...)
Now we have continued as just friends because he wouldn't be in a long-distance relationship with me and I wasn't ok with casual sex due to my trauma and body issues. He has clearly not been putting in the same effort as I did and while he promised to check in on me yesterday as I have been doing very badly lately, he instead spent the whole weekend fucking his new date. I am so angry I let him do this to me and destroy my self-esteem so much.
@@nibu3812 ah this one hit like a punch to the stomach. as someone who’s “weird stuff” also led me to take a “stabilization period” at 18 all I can say is it’s time to step back. You’re in bad place temporarily. If someone is going to take advantage of that, fucking bounce dude. If hes already shown you who he is and you can see for yourself the lack of genuine care and support he “promised”, you’ve got to believe it and act on it. If he was upset that you weren’t okay with being pressured into casual sex, make it clear that you’re upset with him being a loser who is trying to pressure someone at their most vulnerable. Don’t bend and have sex with him thinking it’ll bring things to a good place, don’t feed into his ego by getting upset, don’t become dependent on him for emotional support, and move on. It’ll be better in the long road for your overall recovery and self esteem. Trust, it will feel so good looking back a few years, hell maybe even a few months, and seeing how well you handled yourself and cared for your well-being in small crucial ways. Wishing you strength, stability, and satisfaction in all things 💕
I have no idea why the RUclips algorithm recommended this to me (32, white, straight, cis-male) but I'm glad it did. Your points and views are so articulately expressed and insightful. This content should be shared not just with young women, but older men (30+) too. Although I personally would never date a woman younger than 25, I found it enlightening that you were able to put words on the concepts I had never consciously thought of before: why so many older men are perpetually attracted to younger women, and why we are instinctively repulsed by the image of an older man with a women whose frontal lobe hasn't even developed yet!
👏👏
May you be an example to your peers 🙌
I like this comment.
well said, id hope there’s more men like you because as a young girl soon to be adult it’s starting to feel like everyone. 🤔
@@leahrio5510 I mean its a definite big percentage of men, but not enough that it would be really hard to find someone who is a little more reflected and non-pedophilic. As long as you go for people in your own age group, preferably men who are kind and not emotionally underdeveloped you will find someone eventually.
Reminder that at 17/18 you are not close to being a fully developed adults, and the boys your age are even further away haha
Still, its better to hang out/date a 18 yo who is mentally 18 years old instead of a 30 year old who is also mentally 18 year old.
shy girl and raised by strict catholics. A deadly combination. I relate so much
Oh man the afermath🤦♀️messed me up so much till this day
Purity culture and that made me relate as well...
Better than contracting STD's or getting used up by a ton of men
The Legacy of Gaming Hard to realize this for some men who never satisfied a woman sexually in their life but women enjoy sex. They can "use" men to get sexual pleasure as much as vice versa. And that's probably also a new one for you as you likely never have sex but: if you use condoms and make sure the dude took a shower before, you won't be contracting any STDs. Did you get abstinence only sex Ed or something? Your ignorance sure implies that.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 Are you aware of the concept of contraception? You can get an STD by just being with one person, you can even be born with one without knowing.. Interesting right?
I've seen this video thumbnail at least 5 times in the last year but never clicked it. I'm 21, I just got out of a year and half relationship with a 33 year old man. I met him the day after I turned 20. He cheated on me three times. I stayed. We got engaged. I got pregnant. I got an abortion. I wish I clicked this video sooner. It would've saved my ass. But I feel like I needed to go through all of that in order to get to a place where I can digest everything you said. I've intellectualized and rationalized his every action in the past. Now, after watching this video, I can say loud and proud that my ex was the abuser. Thank you so much for making me realize that my ex took advantage of my vulnerable self. Monica, everything you said in the video deeply resonated with me. This video could actually save lives. Thank you!
I was 19 and he was 40. When I met him, I was severely depressed and didn't really have much support from my parents. I didn't have a social life and was pretty sheltered moving from nyc to a small town at a young age. Before I met him, I was trying to get support from my parents and even seek therapy due to my mental illness and I never got it. I ended up meeting that 40 year old guy through a play I was performing in, I was an aspiring actor at the time, and I started talking to him, asking him for advice since he was an older figure. He took me to a counselor, started listening to my problems. I thought this guy really cared about when in reality he was just grooming me. I ended up losing my virginity to him because he told me it's best to lose it to a friend than some knucklehead out there. We moved back to NY and I wasn't near my family. That was when my hell started. He became emotionally and physically abusive. Constantly hitting me and attacking, reprimanding me like I was his kid and embarrassing me in public or private. Cursing me out on the train. Calling me every kind of name in the book. Telling me how to dress and how to act. Did so much brainwashing, telling me that I needed to act older when I was only a kid! The abuse continued until I was 21 when I got pregnant. He accused me of cheating and told me that kids weren't his, I was pregnant with twins at the time, and he kicked me out. I ended up having an abortion. And I moved back to FL where my parents are. Now that I am 32 years old, I can't fathom seeing myself dating a teenager. When I was 19, I thought I was grown and adult, just like how Monica said, but I wasn't. Now I was recently diagnosed with severe PTSD. Even though he isn't in my life anymore, I still suffer from panic attacks to the point where I had to quit numerous jobs. I have sleepless nights. I cry ever so often and I have major trust issues. Even thought it has happened over 10 years ago, I still suffer from that experience. I spent most of my 20s more stressed out, with anxiety and depression due to the abuse and the abortion. I haven't been in another relationship ever since because I am afraid someone might hurt me again. Now I am seeing a therapist where they are helping me improve my PTSD so I can regain my life again. If I could do it all over again, I would have never spoken to that guy. I would tell any young girl out there, if a older man approaches you. RUN! RUN!! RUN!! Save yourself and your life. There is nothing a young woman and a grown man would have in common. You guys are at 2 different stages in your life. Your teens and your 20s are the time where you are supposed to find yourself and have great experiences enjoying life. Not tied down to an older man trying to take your joy and your happiness and your youth. These older men will take all the advantage if you let them, so don't.
@Michelle Thank you for the kind words. 💚 Yes, my parents should have been there but I don't blame them anymore for that. I try to look at my situation and just heal from it. Now my relationship with them has gotten a lot better and we have better communication. It is a learning experience and I am still learning and healing. Thank you again
@@timeasleeptimeawake9856 I hope you all the best in your future.
@@kadirstan4333 Thank you very much
Wishing you all the best in the world
@@soyandoat4106 Thank you!
I’m so immensely grateful I saw this video at 15 and not at 25
Unfortunately I’m just now seeing it at 31. But not for the older men part but the part of always going with the flow and denying my needs. And now I’ve already uprooted my whole relationship and idk who I am or what I actually need.
I'm 25, and I so wish that I had seen this at 15
teleophile children are still going to want to chase those adults though
Be safe!! Everything went horribly for me at 15 in regards to older men
Im 27 and i never realize how young 17 is. When i was 17 i thought i was grown now that I'm 27 and i see these 17 year old I'm like that your so young.
I know and we need to reiterate to them how young they are bc a lot of them are being told "you're grown now" when they're not and its dangerous.
When I turned 30, a 20 year old guy really tried to be with me and at some point I was GROSSED out by the fact that he hasn't lived his life and learned things yet. He was still a child in my mind and I hung out with him like a friend instead. I don't know how men are SEXUALLY attracted to girls who don't know things....just goes to show they love the control.
Basic biology.men arent looking for a wise, super mature , super independent woman. We want a nice young , uncomplicated girl. Even better if shes umexperienced. No man wants a used up girl
What do you mean by “doesn’t know things”? That’s a pretty broad generalization you’re putting on young people. And what exactly do you need to know to be in a relationship?
@@oranges557 I don't want a used men either and I am very sure alot of my age or below are thinking the same. Bye and please let us alone...
Men and women aren't the same, men want a woman with no experience, women want a man with experience.
@@oranges557 "we want to be able to manipulate then into not having control of their power"
A good man loves a woman with strong boundaries, firm principals, self respect, and self love. If he doesn't, he's not a good man and you can find one somewhere else.
Nobody cares about that stuff
Lies. If a woman likes you enough she will break her rules for you.
I’m 34 and I agree with everything said here. I hate that so many people (because it’s men and women that do this) act like older women are just enemies of younger women, and it’s purely over envy of youth/beauty. Many of us just recognize things we’ve experienced or witnessed and want to protect other from them. I personally never got involved with a too old man, but I was definitely approached by more than one would-be predator. Unfortunately, there will be people that argue you down on this. And many buy into the maturity lie, and you can’t tell them anything. They’ll just have to live and learn, and one day reflect.
I remember one time seeing women speak against s*x tourism involving children, and some pervert literally said women were just jealous that men wanted younger people - but this was literally about KIDS. But that’s going into another topic…
Definitely. We’ve been fed this & it doesn’t benefit us. Even with the mom - daughter relationship after hearing the older vs younger women thing I even started thinking like yeah my moms jealous of me blah blah but really that’s not even the case. We need to have more respect for the women that came before us.
I feel very sad for the women that came before us because, as girls, we don’t even know that so many pedophiles and predators have their eyes on us and too soon into our teens we’re approached by those same predators.
And because the age for girls and women to be “tolerated“ in society is dwindling lower and lower that leaves scores of women to be tossed by the wayside with no one paying attention to them. I mean, just look at the film industry. You can only play the love interest for so long and when she gets to a certain point you get turned into an aunt, a mother, a grandmother, a hardened woman that never married, but you lose your last chance to be the leading lady. That role is reserved for her 22 year old replacement and her 60 year old male co-star. 😖
Women after a certain age in society are looked at only as wives and mothers and once a woman has gotten married (given her heart) and had children (and her body) then society has no more use for her. For a lot of women it’s going to happen very early in life and to go decades without being seen as attractive by the majority is a stab to the ego. I don’t think it’s jealousy to the younger women, it’s definitely resentment and bitterness and certainly anger to the system tthat told her that she was useless before she was ready to remove herself from society on her own terms.
@@LoveAndSnapple grown men will always desire young women because a lot of them struggle to get cooperation from women their age. If you put yourself in those men's shoes you would understand why some of them do what they do. Most of them would prefer a cooperative woman in their own age bracket but that's difficult to attain for economic and social reasons
@@sophon238 that's creepy. i don't have to sympathize with creepy people. ya'll don't fuck with older women because they're mature enough to see the loser in you.
@@basscanon6687 we can't all be winners. That's why only the top 10% own the whole world. That's how hierarchies work. If you call the average man a loser then so be it, you'll only drive them off to seek younger women
You said “it’s not your fault” and I really teared up. Some of us are still trying to heal from the positions we put ourselves in with older men because we didn’t know any better. This is the first time I’ve heard it wasn’t my fault.
🤗🤗🤗It’s not your fault, and you are more than the worst things that have been done to you and the worst things that you have experienced.
💜🖤✨
💜💜💜💜💜
because it’s truly not your fault love 🤍🤍
Hi! I’m a 48yr old woman and I just subscribed to your channel.
Expressive, witty, youthful, yet relatable to an older demographic.
You did a wonderful job tackling the issue of a profound, sensitive and difficult subject matter.
Keep it up!!!
“it isn’t your job the carry the weight of you being raised” wow.
Whats does that actually mean?
@@shlokagurav5436 it means that you don’t have to feel like a burden for being born to your family. it is every parents’ job to raise their child and there is no need to feel guilty about that.
In your 30s, you will be even CLEARER in your values. Not only that, but you will be CLEAR on who you are as a person (yes, even while struggling with depression!). Additionally, you have FULLER adult experiences (think about it, at 26 you just NOW legally can RENT A CAR and are forced to get off your parents health insurance). You have a much better understanding of navigating life as a fully independent adult. If a man is afraid to date women in their 30s, its because he is afraid of having to deal with someone who is has CLARITY about the life she wants lol.
This is a word! Men who don't want to date women their age is because they are immature and want control over the woman. Men have pitted older women against younger women so that older women can't tell the younger women what the game really is. The men will tell these young girls its just because they are jealous of you.
No, it's probably because your looks are fading :P
@@AllerKingLol You. might be 12 years old or something so you don't know that you pretty much look the same in your 30s as you did in your mid 20s
@Alec Alberti have you considered you might have clinical depression?
@Sincerely Respectfully Men have a lot of demands as well so....people need to learn to find fulfillment in themselves. As I've said previously alot of the dudes I've know don't want to do anything even when they date a woman that don't have alot of demands. Cause they aren't offering those younger women much, those women are being used and abused, I've seen it experienced it been there done that.
Another part of this discussion is the way that these young women are treated by society when people find out they’re in these kinds of relationships. ESPECIALLY if they are in the public eye they will be called gold diggers and shamed to the ends of the earth. That disheartens me because anyone who escapes this type of dynamic should only be met with support. I’m glad Monica kept stressing that she wasn’t blaming the young women because it isn’t their fault. And as for the predatory men they usually face no consequences and are sometimes even congratulated for being able to “attract” young women. It all goes back to misogyny and women’s pain taking second place to mens pleasure.
Like!!! She wasn’t in a relationship with herself??? Why are young girls called fast or too grown when the GROWN MAN in the relationship is at fault! Girls are told that it’s best to be mature for your age, and that boys your age just don’t understand you… like… gtfoh.
And if anything, other men would defend the GROWN MAN, just like men usually do - Defend the disgusting perverted asshole, when you should be defending the victim that still isn't even a FULL ADULT yet or blame/shame the victim or both of them. When it shouldn't be that way. No one could even know the full story 🤦🏻♀
@@freshoutthejawn7113 Thank you! That’s why I loved her “there is no such thing as a mature child” point. Why are we sending little Cindy to change from a mini skirt to pants because “guests” are coming over. If a child has to adjust their behavior so as to not be seen as sexual because grown ass men are entering the picture maybe just maybe the problem is those men. I’m just so tired of these old ideas because they have led to so many people getting traumatized through situations that could easily have been avoided if their safety was prioritized. All we can do is spread awareness, fund the right campaigns, and protect the next generation from this type of shit at all cost.
@@sapphic384 For real, it’s the reason why so many of these predators have been abusing people for years. A lot of times the signs are there but people are oblivious, in denial, or they simply don’t care. It’s still legal in some states in the US for grown men to assault little girls get them pregnant and then marry them with the consent of their parents. So many people end up being complicit in facilitating and excusing this behavior. It’s honestly sickening.
@Lily yeah exactly and men apparently don’t age but we r told we’re too old at 25
You and this comment section just saved me a world of pain. I knew something was off and rather than let anything continue I’m gonna use my voice. Because I am not afraid of confrontation, not as much as I thought I was.
Thank you for the big sister advice, seriously.
❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been dating this 46 year old man (I’m 24) for about 9 months and I saw the red flags but I wanted to be chill girl. Now that I’ve told him what things I’m not ok with he has chosen to either ignore me or tell me I’m too dramatic. Literally today I’ve decided to end the relationship, thank you.
hope you are doing good💜
Get out of there girlie.. there’s plenty of good young men out there
Same thing happened to me. I got out.
@@maeve4680 and women* whatever they prefer
It doesn't sound like you so innocent either .it seem like you were using him aswell
I’ve always found older men liking me weird 😭 thought it was me being weird cause of how common it is
I always felt the same as well. I never liked the attention of older men as well and even guys few years senior getting an interest in me🙃 always thought they were weak men without really getting to know someone.
I agree. Dude all my friends loved older men. But the stand out word is weird. Why can't you find someone on your level? I remember talking to a friend. Her word for "old men"......was gracious.. she called the men advanced. "He just to advance for me." My question is why is your advanced self over here after you just had a mortgage and a family and now you want to be young and free like me.
Same here. But the problem is I like older men too.
Funny how loving older men is normalised but loving older women is weird. Women are told to date older while men are told to date younger. Creepy 🥴
@@NANA-jh8gs trust me it's bad either or
Remember, if people in their age range won’t go near them, there’s usually a damn good reason why. Be careful of compliments meant to lure you into being a crutch for someone who refuses to grow. Pls stay safe.
what if someone has arrested development, and people in their age range don't want them because they "act to immature"? kind of like how people don't want to date those with IQ of 30.
i could twist this into ableism if I want.
@@kaiyodei pedos and their excuses
Wow
@@kaiyodei not the point. stick to your own god damn age.
Went through the scariest ish in my life dating a 42 year old in my 20’s he got really possessive and tried to tell me how to dress and lock me up in his house. I ran so fast! An older woman told me: the reason he’s dating you and has no kids and unmarried is because no 40 year old woman is dealing with that!
As a 19 year old male listening to this, is really interesting as I try to understand and see a completely different perspective that half our population sees. Despite my young age, I think this video has at least helped me see a different perspective which will hopefully help me navigate life as I interact with more people, thank you for this. :D
we all appreciate this!
Thank you!
Im 20 and I watched this video. Ill admit there were times in this video where I focused more on how attractive I thought she was than what she was sayiing. This stuff is really ingrained in us and Im glad to widen my perspective by watching stuff like this
U taking the wrong advice, you (being a man) is listening to a women, go check out the red pill community when you get a chance
@@carloscastillo839 WEnt through that phase myself. Realized its a bunch of insecure dudes teaching you to manipulate womens emotions. The only good thing i got out of it was the idea of having a purpose and staying true to yourself. Other than that its garbage. If you consider PAtrice O'Neal to be a part of it (which I dont really, he had his own philosophy) thats the only guy that really seemed to be "righteous" with his ways
I absolutely vibe with this. 40+ men look for someone who will look up to them and not question them. I honestly feel sorry for them, cause a lot of 19 and 20 somethings are waking up to their feminine power and not tolerating bullshit and minimum ambition. Soon those older men are gonna have a smaller and smaller pool to pick through.
Yes!!! This!!! It’s all about power, manipulation, and control.
They will turn to trafficking or some form of exploitation. We need concrete solutions to these social problems, awareness is just the first step not the solution
Which is also scary, because now there’s a push from perverts to lower the age of consent and make it so the parents can’t go after the predator. These degenerates are dangerous.
222 likes in your comment I’m taking this as a massive SIGN 🔥
@@sophon238 Then jail them I say if they resort to exploration. Why should women have to make up for or settle for men's failure to become someone worthy of love. Regardless of what you might think or say. The bar to be worthy of love isn't that high, be a decent human being your 90% done.
when I was 12-13 I used to hang out in an art gallery, I was friends with the owners and one day one of the owners friends approached me and asked me if he could buy me a drink. I told him I was 13 and he immediately said "oh I'm sorry I thought you were 18, well can I buy you ice cream instead?", young me was so happy that this much older guy thought I was 18! I didn't realize he had ulterior motives. Right as I was on my way to buy ice cream with this man my sister and mother found me and helped me home. I remember telling my mom and sister that he thought I was 18. I still remember what they said to me "no he didn't".
I'm almost 18 now, I still wonder what would have happened if I went with him. I'm pretty sure that if I had gone with him, he would have r*ped me.
Have you ever gotten the: "you look so young" one? I don't know how I should translate that
@Diamind As someone who got this ("you seem so young", "You're not 22/25/27" & straight up accused of lying about my age/pretending to be older) a couple of times all the way up to my mid-late 20s, in my experience it was usually one of 2 things.
1) Just straight up negging, a pickup artist technique that teaches putting your target off balance with backhanded compliments and/or barely concealed insults. The aim of this is to put people on the defensive and leave them feeling as if they have something to prove. Basically, trying to create a negative dependency to keep you engaged, super gross.
2) Projection of their own predatory desires. I'm not sure if you're a fellow short person, but Quinta Brunson had a great dark comedy bit about predatory men approaching her and getting disappointed to find out she wasn't a child. Unfortunately, I can relate IRL, particularly in one specific case where I realised they wanted me to be underage/barely legal because it turned them on.
Of course, it may just be an awkward person trying and failing to deliver a compliment buuuut, it's still a weird ass thing to say. It seems "I don't understand, what do you mean by that?" is a good stock standard response either way.
@@malaikamoon Thank you very much for the detailed response 🙏🌸 I'm in my early 20s and of average height, but I have a youthful looking face and people (men and women) keep commenting on it. Maybe I should put the spotlight on them and ask them what they mean and to elaborate.
This genuinely made me so sad to read, its so fucking inhumane that litterally every girl has to go through something like this at such a young age when they are litteral children.
@@DiamondsRexpensive don’t call men out. It’s dangerous. Some of them are very dangerous. Your number one priority is to protect yourself.
the video every 15-20 year old girl needs to watch and absorb
As someone who went through her “Lolita phase” at age 14-16, thank you for making that video. I realize how lucky I am there were no perverts around me who would take advantage of me because it was sooo easy to do. It never went beyond my fantasies but just thinking about it now makes me feel gross. I just wanted a grown man’s attention because all men in my family were emotionally distant or unsafe to be around and as a kid I only hanged around women :(
Wow literally. The Lolita phase. Fucked me up
could you tell me what a lolita phrase is? i only have a slight idea of what it is?
@@kiruka9899 it’s like when you’re young and your read Lolita and you think “wow what a romantic story!”. And then you get obsessed with all those age gap love stories and think how amazing would it be if some grown man would notice you. Looking at this stuff through rose-tinted glasses just because your a lonely and gullible young girl
@@sonchik6324 ohhh i see! thank you
Omg, went through that phase too. Looking back I was just craving male validation
I'm 30. This message is so important. Young women are heavily fetishized, really throughout the world, in society and taught to value older men and want to appeal to older men because of the resources they can provide but those resources are also a signifier of their power imbalance that they can use to manipulate girls who are still figuring themselves out. The kind of man who is interested in young girls is an insecure and unsuccessful man among his peers. Men are driven by looks and young women have only their youth to give, which is what a lot of men want. Why are older men silver foxes etc but older women are decrepit hags? What's up with that? If he says you're mature for your age what he really means is "you're the perfect candidate to mold into what I want you to be because you don't know any better" and he knows you'll trust his own maturity which, in this case is a myth.
You nailed it!
Also means he’s a predator
Now imagine you being a 15 year old boy who gets ignored by most 15 year old girls. Because 17 or 18 year old guys are way more intresting to a younger woman. This continues until arround 30y but for alot of 30 year old guys its finely their time or change to be with a woman or start a relationship. Because alot of woman are only intressted in men who already have their lifes together (job, car, house etc). And now imagine being a 30year old guy with a job a car etc. But with almost zero experience in relationships or partners. All of asudden gets attention from woman aged 18-35. Why should a fine looking man 30y with options settle for a woman 30-35, their is a big change she had quite the few bedpartners already, maybe she is a single mom or she has bad experienses with relationships/partners in the past. Those are 3 very inportant things for most men. Especially when a guy wants to have a family of HIS own.(sorry for my broken english)🤗
And the reason for older men being still attractive, and why that's not the case with older woman. Has probably to do with the fact that older woman are no longer fertile. Thus biologically seen she is a bad sexualpartner, because you can try all you want but you will never have your offspring. If guys after 35 couldn't get a erection, would their still be something like a silver vox? I don't think so.
True!!!
"it isnt your job to carry the weight of you being raised" im honestly tearing up, this is so well stated. if you wrote a book I would buy it
Grow up
@@persona8991 I know right, shes such a genius
I really didn't understand could you please explain me 🥺
@@shlokagurav5436 sure what r u asking about
'Weight of you being raised' what does that exactly mean?
When men get to a certain age they become totally different people. This perversion comes and they almost feel entitled to younger females, it's so disturbing. Also you're absolutely right about there are no "mature children". The brain doesn't even fully develop until the age of 23-25. So it's physically impossible for a child or teenager to genuinely be mature.
What triggers this perversion? When does it begin? 50’s? 70’s? My 71 year old FIL thinks it’s perfectly normal that his gf is 23. I think they met online and then he travelled overseas to meet her. My teen kids were appalled. Sadly, I was not surprised by his sexual pursuit. A little dementia perhaps?
You live in a fantasy world. Tell me you're an upper middle class American women without telling me. Grow up and join the real world
@@FirstLast-gk6lg you can stop writing the same bs in the comments now, I permit you a break to go touch grass
@@benvalejo9650 perversion means unnatural sexually. Going for younger women is literally in men's biology.
@Silver 18 is a child get over it!!
Being groomed by older men ever since i was 15, and now im 21, i learn so much from this. We really need to protect girls from grown men.
I bet that was exciting for you.
@@lonniesharpe9720 creep
Legalize pro. stit, ution. If the only way people could buy cigarettes or alcohol was by manipulating girls I'm sure that would happen all the time too
@@lonniesharpe9720 why would you even say some bs like that
@@lonniesharpe9720 r u like a pedo or smthn. Are u glad that older men groom(not all and some women). Get help bro
Im 22 and I was in a situationship with my teacher who's almost 40. He approached me, I gave in because I thought I was special and felt validated by the attention, and I've always been insecure ever since I was a teenager. We were in it for 5 months, where I was kept a secret, it was one of the most traumatic relationship I've ever been in. I thought he would've at least care about me as his student or perceived me as someone he can guide and mentor, but I was nothing more than a sexual plaything to him. He was much more experienced than me, and in some ways might have manipulated me even though I didn't realize it. It's been 4 months since we ended it, but he still lives rent free in my head.
thanks so much for making this video, we as girls and women need to protect ourselves and each other! i just wish it was here sooner when i most needed it
Wait his name isn’t David right ? This hits to close to home for me.
That age gap indicates that something with that guy is mothereffin WRONG, you are NOT at fault for what he did or for letting it happen. Do not let this lowly creature change your perspective on yourself. You are strong and smart and you have an amazing future ahead of yourself with someone who truly loves and respects you
@@bananajoe8707 nah that dude won. He got her best and juiciest sexual years. When she was the sweetest and most ripe. He played well.
I would report his ass to the school for engaging in an inappropriate sexual relationship with his student- he would probably be fired and rightfully so because he is going to do it to another girl after you. @irissacat
@@sophon238 are u a fruit vendor😭😭 go eat a peach or sum you sound mad weird rn
Ah yes. She finally remembered her RUclips password
LMAOOOOO
😂
@Koriander Yander you're inviting more in by saging, it's demonic in and of itself
@@geneyave-jessico1214 sage is not demonic. native american’s use sage. it’s apart of their culture. don’t be disrespectful.
@@geneyave-jessico1214 need to rebuke them in jesus’ name ✨🙈
I’m a 24 year old talking to a 35 years old. I think about the boundaries I let cross bc I was the chill girl. Now that I’m trying to have a serious conversation , he’s nowhere to be found.
@Bal Rex super YOUNG? 11 years older wdym young??
I was 15 and he was 20. It was an online relationship. He never pressured me into sending photos or anything like that so I thought he was "one of the good ones." However, he would talk about me having his children and us getting married. Painting a reality where I would probably end up as a stay-at-home mom. One where I would never follow my own dreams and aspirations. I was too young to really understand any of this. When we planned to finally meet up in person, he spoke about bringing condoms "just in case." Realizing the gravity of the situation, I ended it. Looking back, I probably dodged a real bullet.
You really did dodge a bullet sis!
Girlll if a 20 year old ain’t dating no girls his age that’s a red flag right there, what does he want from a 15 year old other than to hookup
Definitely girl! 👏🏽
Very similar story but I was 12 and he was 21…. Makes me sick to think about. He wasn’t even concerned about using protection. Thankfully we never did anything Bc I would’ve definitely gotten pregnant. Then when my family found out about our “relationship” I was shamed and made to feel like I was “out of control”
@@onikathesoulhealer2740 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that this happened and worse, that you were blamed for it. You didn't deserve that. I
For people talking about fertility and biology as a reason older men often target younger women, let me present this. Relationships are called "relation"ships for a reason, it is ultimately about 2 individuals relating to each other, not all about sex and physicality. How can a 50 year old man relate to a 19 year old woman? Physical appeal only goes so far. Most of these older men are insecure and not regarded well by their peers or women their age, so they target young, easily manipulated women instead of trying to become better people. Also, data does indicate that while older men think young women are the most sexually attractive, they still ultimately prefer to date women around their age. '
Side note, lets stop pretending that all older men are silver foxes or some shit. Sperm count and quality decreases with age (which can cause greater risk to offspring), as well as experiencing issues like erectile dysfunction. This is not me shaming at all, just pointing out that men's sexual "ability" also suffers with age.
Also, just because a woman can physically give birth does not mean she is psychologically or financially ready to, and it certainly doesn’t mean an 18 year old needs to have a baby with a grown ass man. The guy is the one running out of time, not her.
There's someone I know who's cautioning me to rethink about marriage and children, because I mentioned that I do not plan on getting married or having children. He is about 15 years older than me. He mentioned that there are problems with his wife's father, having children, etc. He mentioned something about indirect kiss in an email and ignoring the gossips. He mentioned something about how if I would like to continue a career of teaching or something similar then I should find a husband that is in the field of I.T. or Accounting, which he is in.
First of all, what if I'm not cis?
Second of all, what if I do NOT want children?
Third of all, why would you mention I LOVE YOU as an example and use a bunch of relationships as an example for things?
Fourth of all, he mentioned that there's a group that took away from him something he values, teaching at university. I never got to ask why or how they (terrorist? group) made that happened and all answers about it are ambiguous. Now I wonder more strongly.
As a man, I feel the responsibility to constantly prove I’m not creepy. While women’s struggles are real, and completely separated from my experience, I can’t help but feel that predatory guys have the most influence on our relations with women, and we have to work unnecessarily hard to make women feel loved and safe. It’s not women’s fault, but creeps are ruining trust
Men are also more likely to pass along genetic mutations & defects the older they get so that doesn't even just come down to women.
Guys are actually waaay off on the biology excuses. Women are in their child-rearing prime from about 26-38. Women's bodies continue to mature well into our 20s. It's only max height that we reach in our late teens.
Let's also not forget recent scientific discoveries that prove older men's (40+) sperm leads to an increase in autism and dwarfism cases, to much higher miscarriage rates and difficulty in conceiving.
Why are you on youtube? You should be on TedTalk girl! I listened to this and immediately started crying, as a black woman, just a woman in general, I was made to believe all these things that happened to women are ok. Even if I was accustomed to the social normals, when all the noise was gone and I was alone in my room, the pain of being a woman killed me inside. Women shouldn't feel that way, a woman's pride is just as important as a man's pride. (a good kind of pride, being proud of who you are as a whole)
Exactly
Exactly
This came out at a perfect time. I have BPD and struggle with hypersexuality and thought the only way to get love was to use my body which led me being gr00med and r@p3d by a 23 yr old when I was 16. I saw this video right after his warrant was released. It was a struggle but I'm finally healing and treating myself so much better and I've set those boundaries and already trashed everyone who stepped over that line. Thank you for this
same here man
How do you enforce boundaries with BPD?? The problem is: I don't like boundaries 😳 I want total connection. Someone who has Sex with me without a condom very early and cum in me. If I feel like my dating partner doesn't want me COMPLETELY I'm triggered to run.😳
Also I like rape - because it feels like he must REALLY RALLY want me. I know it's BPD talking , but i can't help how I'm feeling