Episode 41: Expect to Be Misunderstood
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Being misunderstood is one of the most painful experiences and yet as we heal this is something we will face often. Not everyone is going to “get” us or when like us as we become more fully ourselves. In this episode, we talk about how to get through it and why being misunderstood is a sign you’re on the right path.
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This could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much. Validating on so many levels and I lost count of how many times I paused the video throughout to reflect where my own truth stood with this. It’s helped me to know that not only is my own and other people’s truths fluid but that so too is the depth of connection at any given time and that is ok. Historically, my view of connection and in turn understanding/misunderstanding has always been black and white. If you misunderstand me you must dislike me and if you dislike me there is no connection and I am alone again. That black and white thinking kept me safe for as long as my truths were hidden but now that I know my wounds and continue to heal from them that erroneous thinking no longer serves me. I realised today how far I have come because when I step outside of my threat states and return to self I know that there is a burgeoning truth forming that I am becoming ok with being misunderstood because understanding myself is becoming enough. Thank you for continuing to guide and walk with us as we do our work because sometimes you are the only reassurance that I am not the ‘crazy’ one in a world that in large remains unconscious.
Thank you so much for your presence and sharing, Charlotte. Inspired by your active participation pausing the videos to look and reflect for your own Self. Your words here are so powerfully articulate and I can literally feel the depth of reflection and truth you're pondering in. I have no doubt your sharing will serve so many others who come across it here and appreciate your willingness to dive into this ongoing discussion and journey of being human alongside us. You certainly are not the only one. So grateful you are here!!
Thank you for sharing your truths! I resonate with all of this, I too adopted the “black and white” thinking. It is refreshing to know that I am not alone, I see you.
So grateful for this episode. I've had what feels like an annoying chip on my shoulder my entire life when I feel 'misunderstood.' I really dig the idea that it is actually normal/expected to be misunderstood and that this does not take away from my own 'version' of being. Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing with us! We can certainly relate and are embracing the freedom and expansion that comes with lifting (reframing) that chip on the shoulder. Grateful you're here, Kaylynn!
Thank you for this episode, it was really interesting. It was so eyes opening when Jenna talked about how being understood can be scary because it means connecting to someone, and how we can use misunderstanding as a distanciation tool. I recently met someone who experienced a similar traumatic event I had in my childhood and his comprehension and kindness towards me because we share a similar wound made me very uncomfortable. I felt the urge to reject him and to take some distance, and I didn’t understand why I felt that way. Now I’m thinking it might have something to do with the fear of being understood & fear of connection. I hope you’ll take time to go deeper on that subject, I think it would be so helpful to talk about that in another episode 🙏🏼
I love the offering of both of you on how an alternative truth can became our own eventually, if we choose to and if that really resonates with our hearts. I'm practising more and more to live in my truth and I notice how there is still so much fear of being misunderstood, of not being accepted, especially because I've spent so many years people pleasing. Also, resonating a lot with what you're saying Jenna on feedback. Feedback is valuable information! Thank you, both of you, for showing up consistently for yourselves and this community!❤
Celebrating you, Alexandra!! That practicing and conscious awareness of your Self is so valuable and so powerful. So much feedback! :) (This is Jenna)
We are both so grateful for your sharing and your presence here. Thank you for your love and support and for engaging here in this community conversation!
Thank you!!! Feeling celebrated and feeling your love!!❤
Thank you for this information and all of these videos....I am loving this new setup....it's very cozy and welcoming. Bravissima brave humans!
Thank you so much, Eunice! Glad you're enjoying the new flow and grateful you're here :)
Hi Dr. Nicole and Jenna. I have been listening to you guys for a few months now. I listen to you every morning as I get ready for work and stream you on my car radio as I drive in. I listen to your podcasts over and over hearing new learnings each time. You have already changed my life so much, thank you. And this is coming from a 53 year old woman who came from a very dysfunctional childhood and has been in and out of therapy most of my life trying to heal but didn’t fully connect with much of what I found until I found your podcast. I had a mini-breakthrough with a therapist years ago but had to stop going to her for financial reasons and haven’t been able to delve deeper into the issue. I’m hoping maybe you can discuss it on one of your shows. As I mention, I came from a very dysfunctional childhood…parents divorced when I was very young only seeing my mother sporadically, as she herself came from dysfunction, my father then had many women in and out of my life in addition to a “wicked step-mother” who was terrible to me. My father often cheated on my step-mother, my step-mother who was my primary caregiver was wicked, and my real mother was unavailable for the most part… you get it 🙂 anyway, my last therapist said something in my last session with her and as I said, I guess I had a sort of mini-breakthrough as after she said it, I started bawling from somewhere deep. Somewhere I don’t ever recall opening before. She said because of the childhood dysfunction, my child self had no one to protect her… oh my gosh, that’s it! I had to take care of myself and have done a pretty good job of it, but… I don’t trust, especially men.. Can you please talk about how I can heal from this scar of not having a protector as a child, and further, how to trust men specifically so I can finally find a lasting connection with one. Thank you so much.
-Tina (Poughkeepsie, NY)
Tina, thank you so much for taking the time to connect and share here with us. And for being on the journey alongside us as you listen each morning! This is truly an honor for us and we're so grateful for your own willingness and curiosity to hear new things and dive into the work of healing; of becoming truly your Self. This is Jenna, and I personally resonate with the experience you've gracefully shared- my child self having no one to protect her, especially leading to a distrust of men given the experiences of childhood. This is where the work of Reparenting comes in. Reparenting our inner child and becoming the nurturing, loving parent (and protector) that in this case was not received in childhood. With this reparenting also comes a need to accept, validate and *grieve* the pain of that inner child that did not get what they deserved. In response to your last question: to genuinely give trust to another, we must first build a foundation of genuine trust with ourselves... which means the child self within us that has been mistrusting and fearful for all these decades. Here is a link to an episode we did on Reparenting back in Season 1 of the podcast: ruclips.net/video/v3YG6VclDXk/видео.html
Thank you again for sharing yourself here with us, Tina! We will absolutely incorporate your request into our future episodes and are celebrating your curiosity and willingness to ask and explore. So much love to you!
@@SelfHealersSoundboard thank you, Jenna.
I listen to you guys on Spotify while at work. You two are amazing and are a blessing to your community. I listen to help myself understand someone in my life dealing with childhood trauma. You’ve answered so many questions I never knew I had. It’s enlightening and empowering for me, so I can only imagine what people living with actual trauma feel when they learn your stories and experiences. It is such a challenge to shed light on these issues within yourself when you just don’t know. To find a therapist who actually helps you is for one, extremely hard to find but also cost prohibitive a lot of the time and yes, the time required to get to the root of a lot of these issues is immense. Therefore costly. So, thank you, you’re helping people more than you know ❤️
Thank you so much for listening, your sharing and your kindness, Jonny! We applaud your curiosity and your willingness to learn and lean in to new things. We truly get how costly everything can be in our world today and have made our greatest commitment to be using our experiences in service of our collective healing; getting it out to as many people around the world as possible- for free. Your love and support means so much to us. Thank you!
First time listener and I realize that because of this I may be taking things out of context. I am hearing that both of your experiences were quite challenging. I am sorry to hear of each of your losses on all fronts. And I commend you both for working through a lot of your own past. It's a difficult journey and I can see you've both done a lot of good work. That said, I would guess that you might agree that what you are speaking of can be even far greater challenging for many who are of older generations and have had even far greater challenges. For many It can take years of indeed actually being witnessed perhaps by many well qualified individuals to let go of those insecure parts that have not had enough experiences of the good, I will call them "grooves" to overcome the insecurities of the old. I like that you are offering a new way of looking at past experiences. Just realize that there are people, especially of older generations who will need that outer witness for a variety of reasons for perhaps a great deal longer than yourselves or the people of your generation. Much love ~
When I am trying to get help with stuff and being misunderstood I get frustrated and want to give up.
I always found being misunderstood felt soul destroying.. 💔
Thank you for sharing here, Rachel! You certainly aren't alone.
Neither is the Amazon link
Thank you Cali! We'll have a look. On which site is it not working for you?
Your link to Malik Books is not working, just a heads up
Thank you Cali! We'll have a look. On which site is it not working for you?
Is helping a family member who broke a leg enabling or is it compassion?
Depends on the context. You'd have to share the whole story with someone/people you trust to get to the heart of the answer.
This is a personal judgement call, dependent on context, and only you can truly decide which this is for you. Sending love and healing, Mike!
Thank you for being here and supporting + engaging with the community, Lauren!
@@SelfHealersSoundboard Thanks! 😄 and Thank you to Jenna for sharing the story that Lolli (sorry if mispelt) told her she was enabling her brother at times and exactly how she reacted and felt and then how she went back to talk to her after she cried and took in what Lolli said. It is very important for people in general to see healthy behaviour and healthy ways of discussing hard things modeled (in this case, Jenna described it in detail) so that one learns how to do it themselves. Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing that, it takes a lot if strength to do so. I really benefitted from Jenna's story of her convo with Lolli and from everything shared in this episode. Thanks again.