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Is He Wasting Your Time? (The Top 2 Red Flags to Watch For) (Matthew Hussey)
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
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Ahhhh. So excited for you to see this video.
(My director, Jameson Jordan, killed it this week.)
I talk a lot about letting go of the wrong person. But how do you know if someone is the wrong person? What are the red flags?
How can you tell if someone is serious or just stringing you along so that you don’t waste your time?
This video solves that problem for you.
In this video, I add a distinction that I’ve never said before and I don’t think you will have ever thought about…
Let me know what you think once you’ve watched it, friend.
Much love.
P.S. For all the sh*t you’re going through right now that others don’t know about, I love you and I’m with you.
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He's not wasting my time, I'm wasting my own time.
:D very right
ACCURATE
True
AC👏🏼CU👏🏼RATE 👏🏼
Yau
If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, but behaves as he does, that’s the end of the story. His actions say he wants friends with benefits, no strings attached. In other words...you’re holding the spot until he finds what he really wants WITH SOMEONE ELSE!
Exactly. Some of these folks are so dumb it hurts the head reading the dumb replies.
say it louder for the ladies in the back!
Beede Bawng 😂😂
Laura M. I think sometimes women hear what THEY want to hear, not what’s being said. What part about “I don’t want a relationship”, is hard to understand? To me, after he says that, I say goodbye. You could treat me like a queen for all I care. The longer I hang around and waste my time, the longer I delay meeting a man who not only wants to treat me like we are in a relationship, but wants to BE IN ONE TOO!
Kesha Pressley yes ma’am. and call male fuckery out when you experience it. I’m no longer available for mind games, mixed signals, and confusion. Cut em loose.
If you’re a woman who wants to get married and have children do not let fuckboys waste your time and fertility window.
The simplest, clearest rule of thumb: look for guys whose actions align with their words.
And yet some do but do not care & can be manipulative
Also, if they want to do something, they’ll do it
yeah, women too. good advice
This☝🏻
Great one Egle
I had a man who wouldn’t stop saying things like “im not a good person” “you shouldn’t get attached to me” while being an amazing person in our relationship. I thought oh naurrr why would you degrade yourself that much? I will save you with the power of love…
Well guess what? He was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I took those words seriously 🤡
If people tell you who they are, believe them.
I had a similar experience. My ex told me right at the start "If you were a more confident person you would realise you shouldn't be with me amd you should leave". I didn't believe him and went through two years of hell.
Wow exactly same here. Glad I didn’t get into a relationship with him. He kept saying: it’s unworthy to love me. Tho I loved him yet i had to let the undeniable truth sink in. What a relief I left him
@@user-oz2ur5gd8x use your brain seriously
Sounds like a narcissist..😢
Wow me too. Gotta appreciate their honesty. Next time I will certainly listen! 😅
“This relationship comes without a title” that sums it all up. He wants the “girlfriend experience” whenever it suits him. Not the girlfriend.
He is irresponsible.
He doesn’t accept
The responsibility.
Disgusting excuse
for a “man” they are
Yes, a lot of sex workers have said that the most request experience from their client is the "girlfriend experience". Guys knows how good it feels, but they can't handle the all thing that come with it. They take the cuddles, sex, attention and leave. Ladies, don't give the "girlfriend experience" if you haven't fully agreed to the terms of this exchange. Don't get used without even realising it.
@@lililagafeuse yep ex sex worker here. Always with the gf experience, never with the actual gf difficulties. Always want to have their cake and eat it too!
stop 👏 giving 👏 boyfriend👏 privileges 👏 to 👏 guys 👏 who 👏 are 👏 not 👏 your 👏 boyfriend
amen
Lisa Guo sex
I’d go far to say, if we haven’t verbally say we are a couple, then you have only friend privileges. I’m not snuggling with you, sleeping with you, hugging up, no romantic touches.
☑️
And for the not boyfriends, twerk it.
If someone says they don't want a relationship but behave as though they are in one, they are using you as a placeholder. They get the benefits without the commitment. Then when someone "better" comes along, they can say they were truthful and said they didn't want a relationship with YOU. They know what they're doing.
oneroughsketch i love the part: “ they know what they are doing”
E x a c t l y
I just dated a woman like this. She had no problem walking away when I tried to confide in her something that she (supposedly) didn't want to hear
If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. He might continue to see you with no strings attached. Don’t be a no strings girl.
Trying so hard not to be...:(
What if i also dont want a relationship?
@@anntares172 last I wanted a 3 months afaire and even that he couldnt give me exclusive. He has littered my love. But now I see hi was not as good as I thought
@@martiskasmarta4055 true I wasted 2 years with someone like That. The calling, acting like a boyfriend and still say he doesn't want a relationship
@@scarletteshane1720 Same here...not ready for a relationship yet doing all relationship things. 2 years later, I'm picking up the pieces of a broken heart and now he's on to another woman, doing all the same things
I forget where I heard this, but it cuts to the chase. “A relationship is like a shark, if it’s not moving, it’s dead.”
I said a similar thing to a partner once,he told me I was needy. Which made me laugh as I'm not needy at all. I dumped that guy.
Annie Hall movie
Great shark quote..its so true!!
Men hate that shit. With that attitude from the woman, a man can never feel relaxed. Never enjoying all the good, just changing everything all the time.
That's so fucling dumb
I guess another way for saying this is to just make sure his words and actions are aligned, and also that they align with what you're looking for.
This is well said.
Make sure their words and actions align with your wants and needs
👍👍👍
The last bit of a sentence : “what you are looking for” is what we sometimes forget about
Absolutely....
Indeed 😊
This comment deserves far more likes.
"I don't want a relationship " is code for "I'm looking for someone hotter ".😒 until I find it I'll let you give me your best.
Men settle when they find the gf/wife material. There are ton of red flags most men know very well and know better not to commit to someone who doesn’t seem like a good fit. Casual dating/hook ups is all about the sex and companionship, a relationship is a whole different level reserved for when men find someone that brings something rare to the table. Girls who engage and are cool with the casual stuff give off the first red flag of having a history of bad decisions when it comes to dating. Any man with options or a brain has no need to settle down with someone like that
@Anna Anna it doesn't necessarily mean hotter, its usually someone they feel is all round better match for THEM. However any man or woman that can't communicate that to you properly or sends mixed signals is NOT worth you're time period ♥️ it's a massive character flaw on their behalf
@@zukondis for context do you mean settle or settle down
chantelle r settle as in choosing someone for a committed relationship. Please understand that sex and love do not have to go together at all for men, it’s testosterone driving us to be interested in sex 24/7 with anyone physically attractive and liking companionship because no one wants to feel lonely and would rather have someone by their side. So the standard is very low on sex and companionship and won’t necessarily lead to something more
@@zukondis so is it accurate to say he's looking for a girl who doesn't sleep around BUT when he says he's not looking for a relationship-if the girl was hot enough, he would be looking for a relationship. Cause I think the original comment is pretty accurate- like if a girl is a 6 and another is a 9 but the first 'brings more to the table' I doubt he's really gonna like her more. Also, what is she supposed to be 'bringing to the table'. I think this is so overused that it's lost it's meaning and sounds like a job specification/very, transactional which relationships are but when words like value sre used, it really begins to sound like a business transaction. Like, how do you bring something to the table-it's yourself, your personality . Either you bring it to the right table or not, right?
Don't settle for less,girls. Always put yourself first.❤️
For me personally, if I notice that someone's actions & words aren't in alignment, I feel that it indicates they're not in alignment with themselves. Therefore they're not someone I want to invest energy in 🤷🏻♀️
Mmm i like that. ✔️
The bible says: A double-minded person is unstable in all his ways...
So true!!!
Love this
This comment is fire 🔥
Omg that's so accurate, I've seen a lot the other way, when guy talks a lot and no actions, and I could never fall for that, then I met the guy who was acting like a best boyfriend but ended up saying:" I don't need relationship" and I felt so awkward, like some information missing inside him. So I left and thought what just happened and deep inside my heart understood that it's his problem but I couldn't find the right words! And that's it, lack of alignment! Thank you ! One more puzzle done now I am gonna add that guy personality as a one more level achievement 😉 one more trophy of maturity to me
When they are doing everything but say I don’t want a relationship. They are wanting the “girlfriend experience” without any responsibilities and expectation.
Biggest lesson in 2020
Met a covert narc and his words were beautiful in love bombing stage but his actions didn't match his words and was stringing me along and wasted my time. Do yourself a favour and be ruthless when it comes to men. We are worth more than a situationship.
I didn't know about love bombing before n fell into that trap and thank god m over it n learned my lesson. I want a mutual respect n trust! There is plenty of guys who want the same because there is also lots of women who play with guys feelings too.
@@rawanRZ insecure men and women who play games ..deserve each other
Their karma will get them!
It's our top priority to select high value men and not invest our time and love for somebody who seems fishy and doesn't deserve it
Lovebombing and gaslighting can be confusing under the disguise of charm and flirtatious behavior
Narc abuse and hookup culture has made me terrified of dating :(
Just believe there is plenty of guys who want something serious and try to change any bad ideas in ur head and know that u deserve what u want and it s on its way. 😉 it s good to observe men before we commit to them and not waste time if they don't want the same. I am trying to find a video for Mat on after how many dates u can have the conversation about exclusivity!
Usually covets are all words and no actions .. that’s the same case with this type of person, usually more avoidants do what this video describes
this just happened to me and i’ve been learning about narcissism and love bombing after he wanted a second chance... I finally decided to stop communication until he made definite plans to see me. it had been a
two weeks not seeing each other. been another week of no contact.
This video literally came five minutes after I left him
.....
Cause he's wasting my time. Thanks for confirming my suspiciouns though ^^
OMG SAME. This is a sign. We are worthy and deserve real love!!!!
Its crazy how videos pop up that align with exactly what you need to see and know ...
Why do they do this? If they aren't into us, why have us around? I literally don't get it.
@@ThePariskat because of the benefits they get from having us around. Attention, sex, company, conversation, convenience, we even teach them new things and expand their vocabulary...make delicious meals...etc etc.
They are users..and just thinking of themselves.
In other words "if you want to know someone's true intentions, ensure their words and actions align"
So that is what Matt meant? I couldn’t understand what he was trying to get across. Thanks 👍
Yes
THANK YOU
I have been in this type of relationship for a few months , where he would say that "no women he'll marry will ever be as special as i am" but at the same time that "he doesnt see me that way" .
About 3 months ago , i decided i'm over with it. I just told him for one last time that this "relationship" doesnt match what i want in life , i was highkey waiting for him to hold me back , to tell me that he actually wants something serious , but no he didnt .
A few weeks later i started regretting my decision and started to find him excuses , i started thinking that maybe i was rushing him (LOL) so this video came ON POINT. The problem isnt in me , the problem is him , he is the one who doesnt know what he wants and i DESERVE better.
Thank you for this strenghtening video ❤
U do
The problem is you for choosing that kind of partner. You get what you tolerate out of life.
@@zukondis be respectful
@@zukondis she's already broken up with him, he's also mislead her so you don't have to make her feel bad. Also that statement is such a cliche and isn't true.
zukondis “the problem is you” okay cool so the guy has no accountability in the scenario? Thanks for being sexist
That's EXACTLY what happened to me: I started going out with this guy that I fell in love within the first two months, we were going out from the beginning as if we were already in a relationship, going out like 5 times a week, sleeping in each other's place. Three months in, I asked the question "do you want to make this official"? And that day, it broke my heart cause he said "I think there's something missing, so no" and me, as a desperate person, I humiliated myself saying "well.. then lets just keeping being friends with benefits!" (because I didn't want to let him go, and I also had the hope that he would realize that the "thing missing" is already there, and dating me was the right choice). The thing is, after that I felt that I had something to prove and felt that I wasn't good enough, so for the next 3 months I was going the extra mile 100%, trying to show how perfect we are together... and then, I asked the question again (we were going out for 6 months at that point). And he said "no... I dont want a relationship yet". So, I died inside and left. But I never understood how! "How is there something missing? we behave like couples, we have mutual respect! It feels like a partnership! How is there something missing??"
Anyway, we went apart, to different countries even, for 5 months, without communication, until he sent me a message. He said he was going on with his life, keeping himself busy, going out with other girls, but he couldn't stop missing me. So, we decided to meet.
We got back together, we now live together and we are creating a life together. We support each other's dreams, and we are a true team.
But I am not gonna lie, it took me a solid half a year to trust him again, to trust the situation, to actually believe that he liked me and not that he just couldn't find anyone better... At the beginning, I was really insecure thinking he would just wake up one day and change his mind and leave, and he understood that. He understood that because of how he treated me in the past, I needed more reassurance of his feelings for me, and indeed, I saw how much work and effort he puts in making me feel loved! So, what I am trying to say is "YEAP, actions speak louder than words". It felt like he loved me the way I loved him, even if he wasn't saying it.
very true❤️
Your story is actually really nice, I understand that you were weak in the beginning and later after second question you understood that you have to leave, because you knew how you need to be treated. I totally understand and support you. No contact is actually very good thing, if you dont receive what you need, then do not give him your friendship or presence. I read some psychological text on that matter, where says that the only way to react in those situations when man clearly says he doesnt want to commit and give you what you really need, is to leave . If his love is true he will think and come back to you, if not, then it is better to know where you stand and to open your world for someone better for you. I am glad that everything worked good for you and do not blame yourself for reacting how you did at first conversation, it is just part of growing up and probably showed you that you have you value yourself more, which you did on the second conversation, so you seem like sensitive, beautiful and loving soul and I wish you all the best ❤
@@user-ry8nt3td4c Wow! Thank you so much for your words! And you are completely right, when the person is clearly saying they don't you, the best thing to do for yourself is to leave and take care of yourself! I wish you all the best as well!!
But even now that you live together, are you officially together?
@@laura4a645 yes yes! we go to each other's family gatherings kinda official XD We are even planning to get a doggo this year - the first additional family member hahah
the progression to a relationship should be effortless. It should feel like you're in the flow. When you have these doubts come up thats triggered by the red flags that a sign to take a step back and reevaluate if this relationship is still for you. You are worthy of a great love ❤
if a guy tells me that he doesn't want a relationship, I will trust what he said, end of story, no more drama, no time wasting.
HOLY. This video was like a sign from heaven for me. I was in this exact scenario where the guy said he didn’t want a relationship with me but kept me in a convincing unofficial relationship so I was confused. I blamed myself for so long because he had always been upfront with me but his actions gave me hope for something more, so I ignored his words because I thought I knew what his heart really wanted - based off his actions. I waited for him to be ready and he never was. It took me 9 months to leave him and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It just happened two days ago and I’m heartbroken and struggling. I’ve been asking for a sign telling me I did the right thing. This is it. Thank you so much Matthew. 😩💕
You did the right thing! Hope you can find peace. Talk to me if you want
GIOVANNA PANDOLFO you’re so sweet. Thank you :)
Erin Burdeos thank you! I know what it feels like... I’ve been healing from that, I have a video on my channel that could help you maybe!
I know right dating can be hard.. Hi, ❤ this book will for sure help, in your dating life! getadateinminutes.com
The ❤ wants what it want's..
Same exact thing here, hun, except mine was 15 months. I'm devastated. Going through this together. 😭🤗
I've always explained my action plan as "Listen to the hesitation." Whether the hesitation is expressed through words or actions, hesitation is the #1 red flag a woman should watch for. Enthusiasm vs hesitation. Which one sounds more fun? I looked for a man who was completely enthusiastic about being wirh me, confident about me, sure about me. It was worth the wait to live this happy now.
Charity Bowns,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
But sometimes people can't be one hundred percent enthusiastic at the beginning and are more cautious because they've been hurt in the past too, just like us.
No one can waste your time unless you allow them to do .
this is a powerful statement
This is victim-blaming and it’s not cool. It’s up to every person to clearly communicate what you want with somebody, how sure you are about the future etc. It’s not hard to say “I just want you for sex & some temporary company, please be absolutely clear on that”… but people don’t because it often means they won’t get what they want. They manipulate you instead to get their needs met.
@@charitygoldart Agree. That's like saying, "Noone can cheat on you unless you allow them to!" Bullsh*t! As you said, these people literally deceive to get what they want. They're small people who don't actually care about their partner. But they aren't upfront about their shortcomings, obviously. How cruel to then blame those that get duped by them. It's not clear because they make it unclear. People waste years with liars like this. They don't need insult added to injury.
I would say “to know someone’s intentions watch their actions and make sure they are congruent with their words.” This way you’re still paying attention to actions but you’re also looking for consistency. You don’t want a scenario when he says he wants you and doesn’t act like it, or he says he doesn’t want (to be with) you and acts like it. Either scenario is going to make you doubt yourself and chip away at your self-esteem.
For some men, congruent and consistency are not even part of their vocabulary. Lol one thing I learned is was a harsh truth.."Why are you mad for a clown being a clown? You're the one who keeps going to back to the 🎪 circus"
Well said! Been there
I have never been approached by a guy that wasn't lying. Sometimes it took months for me to catch on to it or even a year but they presented themselves as the person they thought I wanted and when I found out that's not who they are I had no chance but to leave. A lot of dating advice is for honest people who deal with other honest people.
I would love dating advice for honest people who don't want to get screwed but also don't want to give up hope that good decent and honest people exist and that I can be with one of those.
Yeah, some guys play it really nice in the beginning so you could like them..later they feel like they have the power and position to choose, if they want to stay with you or not. But the point is, they are not their true selves, their are someone that society and you, me (women) want them to be. So they are fake.
Can you explain that a little more? What did the guys pretend?
Came here to say, exactly!
I just have a very easy way to avoid this: be clear and talk to them what you want. Be honest and that is it! If he or she does not communicate their honest intention and stop bothering about their behaviour or what they said. Just confront and if they do not reply in the way you want, move on! As simple as that. I am tired of hearing that we should be looking for red flags and etc.. I just continue to be honest and tell people right in their face what I want. I am tired of interpreting what they might think or feel. Just be f*cking honest to each other and stop wasting each others time!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Couldn’t say it any better
Problem is, you can’t make them be honest with you. They could lie and when given something, you either believe or don’t believe. Not believing could feel paranoid but believing could mean you start trusting a liar. You can’t really know at the point of choice.
Agree
Same. Been doing the same.
The only person who has made me from nothing to something is Matthew..I was lost completely but u made me so strong and I thankyou for that.. I have been following your advises for more than 3 years now and that has made me so self reliant and a person with self respect..I never commented before but today I needed to hear what u said in the video.. A big thankyou to you from girls like me❤️
Damn❤️❤️ I wasn't expecting a reply.. really glad u did🌹 lots of love from India❣️
Wow..that's amazing. Good on you. I wish I knew all this stuff in my 20s.
@@thematthewhussey I love listening to your advice it’s all true and helps a lot of woman out here struggling even though I’m sure it is hard for most and hurts there hearts for the ones they actually love and want more with love can be blind and hurtful
I imagine there are a whole set of guys that habitually act in relationship-type ways but refuse the label, because it means they get all the close feelings without the need to ever 'break up' - they can just drift casually into another label-less relationship, with the same tantalising lack of accountability. And the woman then wants the guy even more because she knows she doesn't really have him, so he feels super desired and his ego inflates even more - which makes him want to keep living in such a way.
I am copying this whole comment into my notes app for future reference!
This video has helped me a lot. I think my BF of 2 yrs will never want to get married. I don’t like his mom any way. Thanks for showing me the light.
If you spend more than three days worried about his feelings, dump him.
If he was sincere about you he will come back. If he wasn’t, you didn’t waste time, and good riddance
Hello I know of someone who can help you I advice you contact him for help ,he helped me get my ex back recently
Text via WhatsApp
+234=815=689=6436===
True! good riddance! 😤
Talk to him, maybe...
Someone commented: “read the small print gals.”
I agree.
Exactly.
And, if you’re not sure: ASK! He’ll tell you he’s not interested. Makes it easier cause now you know for sure instead of relying on hopes and assumptions.
I asked and he, instead of telling me, ghosted me.... after having made plans, many concrete plans to travel the world and for the future... weak idiot.
Excellent advice
This one 👏🏼
Stupid question: what are the words to use? “I want a future with us, are you on the same page?”
hello there hug you. I m also in pain now
For the flip one: And then when they get you. They leave. That’s a player mentality
I guess at the end of the day we all just hope that regardless of what he says he wants right now, that maybe he would see how amazing we are and change his mind. It’s that hope that keeps us hanging on and it’s so sad and so hard!
Take mixed signals as a NO
Next!
If a guy can't communicate and action on it
You'll find somebody whose actions will match his words..
I'm honestly wondering how some girls get the girlfriend title these days. There's so many players and non-committal men. And even the ones with girlfriends cannot be trusted. I know because they are always pursuing me, trying to involve me in sh*t that I have no desire to be a part of.
I have that question in my head too. It is like you gotta jump thru multiple hoops to be one and even then, things can end abruptly. It is so confusing that ppl want that gf privilege without committing and that is so selfish. Playing with someone’s emotions is the worse. Dated a guy for 3 months who treated me like a princess the first month and then hot and cold for the remaining 2 months. He ended things with me saying there was no spark. I felt like I kinda got strung along, but on the other hand he seems confused about what he wants so he doesn’t want to hurt me in the end. Either way, it was hurtful because I really liked him.
Some.men are bigger liar than others. It stems from insecurity so they just lie, love bomb and breadcrumb the female, all the while knowing he would never marry her or something.
You need to be confident and high value and set boundaries
The ones who don't give out girlfriend and wife benefits before the man invests enough, set silent deadlines, limit the man's access to her and don't put the man on a pedestal e.g-not letting him call out of the blue whenever he feels like it, not spending hours on the phone together, not playing therapist when he needs a shoulder to cry on, leaving him to set and initiate all the dates, NO SEX, cuddles and movie nights in and sleepovers until you're exclusive.
Yeah, really listen because guys can say: “ I could see myself with a girl LIKE you..” that’s not him saying he could see himself with YOU. Lol
Also wanna add a „maybe“ by a guy most of the time means „no but I don’t wanna give up the fun sooner than absolutely necessary“
That's me 😁
KlickingKay ASMR I’m not impress when a guy says that. That’s my cue to walk away. Goodbye
Some guy once told me “ I could see myself being in a relationship with you “ the minute he got what he wanted he was like byeeeeee.
29 years old and I still don’t know how it feels to be loved.
Same, and I’m 38. Just keep going honey, have hope. x
32 here. Glad to hear I'm not alone
55
Same
@charityjf i am 38 too, i am almost a month heartbroken that is why i am here. I dated this guy, for a month but known this guy for 3months and suddenly disappeared, ignored me and ghosted me when I refused to sleepover into his apartment. After that he was slowly ignoring. He only texted me once a day and became rude to me. I believe he wanted to have s*x with me because he always taking me to his apartment but i always refused. When he took me home he was so quiet. For me i wanted to take everything slow and i wanted a long term relationship with him. I said to him you are too fast. He was the only guy i had given a chance to kiss and cuddle with me coz i neve been in a relationship before. He said he liked me. His actions were like we are in a relationship. But when I asked him what are we? He throw the question back to me. He didn't even ask if can i be his gf. And when I asked him if does he loved me, he said maybe. Ok so maybe is it early to tell? I always asked him but he wanted me to say it first. And then he said "because you don't wanna know" "like is not enough?". Ofcourse i wanna know i said. So then i realized that i would know if he loves me if i sleep with him? Thank God i have a strong self control. I had identify red flags too that is why i just cant give my body that quick. I have to get to know him better though i started to fall in love with him maybe because the attention he gave me. But those attention don't match a word. He was sweet sometimes both word and actions, but there is an inconsistency with those words that i tried to ignore. But hey, he was the one that pulled himself away because I couldn't give what he needed... it hurts a lot, it still hurts. But i need to move on and be healed. I also wanted to feel how to be loved. 😢😔
58 here, and still hoping it's out there for me. Meanwhile, I'm just going to invest in myself.
i lived someone telling me no relationship, but doing all the right things. we dated for years, finally got married and 8 months later crumbled. i learned to listen because people will tell you.
cynthia ericson,You deserve a good man cause you are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷🌷
Hahaha that was a brilliant comparison to the pharma commercials!
I love your work Meredith
The best thing about a forum like this is that we not only learn from Matt but also get to see that there are so many of us that fall for the same bs. These type of men continue their game because it has proven to be successful. Meanwhile we end up getting our feelings hurt. It always comes back to make ourselves priorities and paying attention to our gut feelings.
Great topic but I may add something to consider! Many people like the feeling doing all the couple things because it feels good but then when the not so pretty part of a relationship comes up we don't want it. And that may be part of the equation of their actions, they want the good part but not the commitment and compromising part. Thanks for all the great advice you give through your channel Mr. Matthew Hussey!
You know if someone is wasting your time, often we just don’t want to accept it / start over.
Hello I can recomend you to ,someone that helped me restore back my broken relationship and he can also help you just as he did mine too
Text on whtzapp
+(:2:3;4)8:1:5:6:8:9:6"4"3 :6
I'm a simple minded person. If a guy says, he doesn't want a relationship, I leave him alone and search for a guy, who want a relationship with me.
Agree 100% Dont waste your time
Ridita,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷🌺
💯💯💯
Specifically do NOT waste your time with someone who has a personality disorder. If you've been experiencing weird inexplicable patterns that you can't get out of, please educate yourself on this subject and save yourself your time and sanity. All the best of luck to people going through a difficult time Xx
Nice ableism and discrimination. People can't choose to have a personality disorder. They need therapy, not your bad relationship.
They're a narc
@@ivoryvignettes I'm talking about situations in which the person "knowingly" manipulates others and has no conscience.
@@goddessnoir290 that's true
I agree ! I’m in the same situation like you
I needed this video right now. He’s buying me things, being physical and attentive but with the disclaimer “I don’t want a relationship.” I was so confused but need to listen to his words , over his actions. Thank you!
The best predictor of a person's future behaviour with you is their past behaviour.
This message reminded me of a guy from a few months ago who said up front he wasn't ready for a serious relationship since he just got out of a 2 year one, with the woman I'm sure he thought he'd marry. I could see he was a good man and his heart was broken to break her heart. He in no way was ready. I was his rebound, which is always one of my worst fears. Same thing Matthew is saying here, his actions weren't mirroring those words of not wanting the relationship and I knew if I I invested any more time in him, he'd ended up breaking my heart, whether it was in two more months or two more years. For example, if he really thought I was great, he wouldn't have even said that stuff after several weeks of talking went by. My brother met his wife 3 weeks after a very difficult break-up and they have been married 11 years now with three beautiful children. So guys, just be honest. Don't be nice and lie for her feelings. This guy in my case was just sparing my feelings. He just didn't want me except for an ego boost. Oh well. Other fish in the sea!
💯agree but painful! 🥺🥴🇳🇦
Matthew . Is it just me or are you getting more handsome in this quarantine ? 😂 Drop that skincare routine, brother ! 😂
It’s the hair.. it is shorter and he is using something that is making it look thicker. I noticed as well
Its not just you. He is getting more and more handsome in this quarantine
Super agree 😁🤣
@@FreelancingwithFaith 😂😂😂
I said the same thing
‘He might LOSE YOU and all the privilege you are giving him, yet he still clarifies it fOR “YOU” that “HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP”. I’ve never seen/heard anyone explain this as clearly as Matthew did! Finally understood the importance of it! THANK YOUUUUUUU
The Supremes said it best:
"Set me free why don't cha babe
Get out my life why don't cha babe
'Cause you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin' on".
Yesterday I broke up with a guy I really liked because I wanted a realtionship when he didn’t. He did and said exactly everything Matthew was showing in this advertisement clip of his... That‘s a weird coincidence but good to hear though!! Thanks Matthew ❤️
The guy I am talking to straight up told me he doesn’t know what he wants and he is still on his own journey to figure things out. Which i have respected and never tried to show “oh i can be this great girlfriend date me” we literally are super silly and goofy. We DO NOT sleep together or do relationship things he is the most respectable guy I ever meet. He never leads me on, he knows his boundaries. We talk almost everyday I never Initiate the conversation. I just learned that sometimes people are on their own love journey. We should just enjoy our moment. It’s never a waste of time if you are happy. Also huge mistake to sleep with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants or even give him boyfriend treatment. He told me he takes along time to trust and like someone, he has never been in a relationship but I love spending time with him, we grew to be such great friends. I hope we all can find someone who starts off as your very best friends. What ever happens between me and him in the future is resting in gods hands 🙏🏽
I do believe in that! I'm the same as this guy is for trusting and liking.
@@gioovannabp its important to respect people and actually listen to how they are. i think he is worth having patience for but like i said im open to other guys, im not so strung on him.
Anika Love.00 i do believe that everything that is done with honesty is worth. He knows he can’t hold you back, but maybe your friendship is that valuable! I wish people could be more upfront and honest about what they want. It’s nice to know where you stand. And maybe you guys can be great friends and that’s okay, maybe something more. Or even you can find one that wants the same as you. I struggle to believe it exists sometimes because I got recently very hurt, but other days I do believe in it!
GIOVANNA PANDOLFO It’s okay to allow yourself to heal. I believe going Into any relationship should be when you are the most happiest about yourself and your life. It’s good to figure yourself out first before going into anything
Doing the same
Been there, done that, almost three months in, he didn't want to date exclusively (I assumed we were, never assume!). I wished him well and goodbye. Never give somebody privileges if you both haven't vocalized clearly where you stand. Don't feel bad or guilty, standards in your life come with experiences. It's a lesson learned. He is the bad person for taking advantage even though he knew from the beginning what my intentions were, going that far is what nasty people do for their own gain.
Read the smallprint gals.
Exactly.
And, if you’re not sure: ASK! He’ll tell you he’s not interested.
Matthew darling, you’ve already said it in another video: Attention DOES NOT EQUAL intention.
I met someone who initially said he didn't want a relationship, matched all the actions in this video, then asked to BE in a relationship (to which I said we need to have some time to think about it cause the person was getting over a breakup), only for him to then flip the script and say I expected more from him and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with ME. He then asked to be "friends" and I'm so glad I walked away from that. Huge lesson but if someone is confused you gotta let them be
Perfectly put... and it’s so much harder to take a stand against someone who has spoken their truth... when I chose to end it he claimed he didn’t mean it but there was ‘shadow behavior’ that backed his true feelings against commitment. Things like talking about the future in terms of “I “ and “me”. Never buying gifts or small tokens of love (yes, I stayed through my birthday, Christmas,and Valentines Day and there was always a reason, excuse, and promise that next time he’s going to give me ‘something special’.
Don’t walk, run when they say, “I don’t think I want (to commit in whatever form).
Yet again you said something sooooo deeply meaningful in such less time and the most fun way possible
I dated a guy this summer who fits this description perfectly. He told me upfront that he wasn’t looking for something serious, just for the summer because we go to colleges two hours away. But then he behaved as if we were in a real relationship. He would take me on lovely dates - we went mountain biking, kayaking, motorcycle rides, hiking, go karting, restaurants, and so much more. He introduced me to his family and friends. He spent so much money on me on these dates, insisted on paying for everything, and really prioritized me even though I knew he was busy with work and classes. He never pushed me to do anything physically that I wasn’t comfortable with. I mean, it’s no secret what he wanted, but he respected my boundaries. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I was confused - his words and actions didn’t quite match up. But judging by his actions, how could you blame me for thinking he wanted to take this seriously? I got my hopes up, but it was all in vain. I guess he was getting sick of waiting around for me because I saw some messages on his phone from another girl, and that was unacceptable to me. Even though we were never officially exclusive, it still really hurt. I quickly got up and left and didn’t make a big deal about it. And that was the end of that. I’m still confused on why exactly he invested so much time and money into me. Was it because there was no one better around? Either way, I now know to beware of guys whose words don’t match their actions. This video was a great reminder of that, so thank you Matthew!
This is called future faking. Narcissists are notorious for it.
Yep I know several guys who did this who have narcissistic tendencies
On point. I've been with one
Yup. Can vouch for this. Have been with one in the past.
FR!!
Welp, now I know there is an actual name for this sh!t, so thank you! On to the next one lol ✌🏻
He maybe doing all these things just because he wants to feel the experience of having a relationship with no commitment. Don’t let him do this!
Sounds to me like a get out clause in case something better comes along. Pretty cruel way to treat her, being all lovely but she doesn't really know where she stands. He's a fake, don't feel sorry for him, he knows perfectly well what he's doing. Let him go, she deserves someone true 💖💖
Jess Barclay,Hope you are with a good man!!
great quotes " I have feelings for you but I don't know what to ask myself
I can't do relationship now but that doesn't mean I won't
no question with attraction
I just have no energy
then we bcam "friends' and had frequent communication.then I found out he had ENERGY for a relationship and with his new a year and half without telling.
I've definitely experienced all of the above, I just think a lot of men (and woman too) don't really know what they want? Or they are ruled by head and not heart, or heart and not head...such a disconnect...and they haven't taken the time to really figure all of this out...so maybe also boils down to self awareness and maturity levels? I watch now for when head and heart don't seem to be working together, a red flag telling me that something is off. Love this video, you rock. Just looked up Kevorka..."the lure of the animal" LOL
A guy told me that he loved me, he said he wanted to marry me, and he tried many times to sleep with me at same time which i refused. He promised me if i sleep with him he will marry me within a week, i still refused. The next day someone else who knew him well told me he was already married from last two years. I was shocked. When i asked him about this, he answered “ cant a man marry second time?”... OMG,. 😭😢
😱😱😱😱😱
This is great. You’re hilarious but also thank you I needed exactly this right now.
I literally just ended something that mirrors exactly what you describe. It’s very difficult to be in my 30’s, stay motivated to date and be confident the right person for me is out there. Especially when a person thinks it is normal to say he wants me to come live in New York with him-I live in Miami-several weeks ago and two days ago trying to break up with me so that he “doesn’t lead me on further” because he FEELS that I want something more serious than he’s ready for right now. 🤯🤯🤯
I’d be willing to bet if you reverse this situation you’ll find it is the same thing you did to many men in your 20’s who at the time didn’t seem good enough. Same thing here. Men, even fuck boys will settle when they find what they deeply value in a partner. Be it looks/youth, personality, values. The higher your standards the more competition you have and least likely to be chosen for a relationship. Women need to understand that a guy will be sleeping with you and hanging out with you only because we get horny 24/7 and appreciate the company of a woman, and too many can fit that role. Men are inspired to commit the moment they find the gf/wife material with as few red flags and least baggage as possible, or at least actively working to better herself. Because as Matthew says here, virtue signaling isn’t worth anything - it’s all in what people actually do with their lives
Same boat, 30s and single I get how you feel. And a similar situation recently too, acted like he wanted a relationship, then out of the blue said he didn't want to lead me on. He was the one wanting to learn my family's names and saying which brother he thought he'd get on best with. Hard work isn't it?! Matthews videos have been incredibly helpful and helped me cut him off when he didn't know if there was a spark and didn't know what HE wanted to do about it. Hang in there 😀
snarfials * same!
God, aren't they exhausting??
@@rosannacatherine same…….
If he says I don’t want a relationship yet behaves like he’s in one …it’s up to you to walk away…a man/woman will do what you allow!
this hurt when I was told 😩 🤯but it’s true 😘
as someone who just got out of a bad relationship…I’m not ready for another yet…but if I was to meet someone amazing …I’d be honest and say “ not now but also not never. Let’s be friends and move slow see where it goes “ and sleeping with them wouldn’t happen for a while ( less confusion ) and if he can’t respect that …I run 🙋🏼♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Omg...I LOVED the ‘small print’ analogy...well done guys, another brilliant video 👌🏻
Stop giving girlfriend loyalty to people who haven’t given you the boyfriend commitment.
I'd say, if you want to know someone's intentions, watch what they say and what they do. If their words and actions are the opposites, move on!!
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The ❤ wants what it want's..
Oh everyone here is so calculative. It's really hard to read. Sometimes, we are in the stage of life and being in the proper relationship is a hard thing to do. I've been in a situation like this not long ago, where my life was a mess, but I have met someone who I really really do like, but I couldn't give him as much as I could until I stand on my feet. He was patient and we both were very honest with each other since a day one. Now we are a happy couple. It's just heart breaking to see how everyone is like "focus on those who wants you", "value yourself" and forgetting about other person struggle. Is love available on some kind of shelf on supermarket?! We really give up on people so fast and measure everything in investments, time and money!
I was wondering about the "flip that" question, a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, but won't stop calling n texting, just reading the question that far I remembered Matt's limbo video. And loved the small print ad video 😆👌
It probably means that he wants the goods without paying
So I did this at the beginning of my current relationship, telling the guy I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and at the time I meant it but now that I've got to know him I'm starting to realize that I can't imagine my life without him in it 💙
So, start sending the message that you were wrong. I suspect he's waiting until he sees hope of commitment in your words and actions.
@@pegparker8873 oh I have so we're ok. I think it was more so a transition of taking it slow to get to know each other and not expecting anything if it didn't work out. That definitely took the pressure off to commit if things didn't turn into anything
This happened to me not a very long time ago.
The man whom i liked a lot and he was doing everything that a possible relationship can have with me.
but when i asked what we are trying to do, he said well it's still early and he still don't know.
I gave it a day and thought about it really hard of what he just said.
The next day I sent him a text telling him of what i need from a man.
A man that knows what he wants from me. And told him I will not wait till he figures out what he wants.
I let him go.
I move on as fast as I could.
Honestly if a man wants you, he will never put himself in a position to lose you.
Their action is not for you its for their own benefit..
They lie because it is the only way to get what they want.
So Actions by men nowadays need to be backed up with their words.
A man who feels true feelings will not have a hard time saying it.
Its that simple.
So I met a guy a couple months ago..he had just lost his dad in October (met him in feb) and he told me he wasn’t sure if he was ready to date yet but he wanted to give it a shot and we hit things off immediately on date one. Very respectful, funny guy but clearly emotional over his dad. I lost my dad too so we were able to relate to each other and talk about it. He told me that he felt like he needed some time to himself and not ready to date yet after we met but wanted to keep in touch as friends...so for a few months during this whole pandemic, I kept in touch with him as a friend. Eventually he came to my side of town and we hung out again. Once again we hit it off. Great night! But he said he still didn’t feel ready and he’s trying to figure out some stuff with his job so that he can be near me (right now he lives an hour away but his family lives where I do and he grew up here) so he’s trying to get a job and a place near here..and this was his plan before meeting me so that plan wasn’t developed after meeting me but anyway, he wanted to get some things together for himself before dating me. I saw him at the end of June and now we still keep in touch as friends and I’m just giving him space but now I’m actively dating...I’m going out on dates with other people but still interested in this guy..if I had it my way, we would be hanging as friends a lot more than we currently are but he hasn’t asked me to hang out and when I ask him, he has excuses. He knows he’s not ready to date yet so by hanging out with me, he feels that it will lead me on plus he’s told me he’s scared of his feelings for me bc of some bad experiences with previous relationships
Yep , I usually give the warning so the guy wont make me feel guilty if I realize that I cant commit. Enjoying your time with someone doesn’t mean you are compatible or share the same world values and so on.... for some reason people nowadays are fast forwarding everything, rushing for an answer.... and just create too much pressure...
This this THIS!! This is probably one of my top 3 favorite videos from you. So well done and EXACTLY what I have been looking for in the past. Thank you!!!!
Mixed signals are just cruel. Yes, if words and actions don’t align it’s a red flag we should not have ignored. And believe me I blame myself enough for that. But it doesn’t change the fact that they are stringing you along and refuse to take accountability for the hurt they may be causing.
Actions + words = clear intentions!
Love how Matthew didn;t just focus on the Action part. A person could be doing everything right but have no intention to commit.
Basically words should be proven by actions! I want both yes!!!
From my experience, if someone genuinely likes you, it will happen, you will meet. If not, let it gooooo.
Why settle for something less when you can get more, put yourself first and know your value😉.
Matthew Hussey..Ur emotional intelligence is beyond compare..
U r a blessing to the world..
This is the most important video I've ever seen from you. I only wish I saw it sooner. I fell in love with someone who did exactly what you described. When I got mixed messages I watched his actions, which absolutely screamed love and serious relationship. 15 months in, a friend saw him on a dating app literally the day after he asked me to take a cross country road trip to meet his parents because he was so happy (his words). I was devastated. I confronted him, acknowledging he never made this relationship official, but stated my boundary that I need it to be or I can't do this anymore. He cried. But he walked away anyway. To this day I don't understand. But at least now I have this knowledge under my belt. Thank you, Matthew. And thank you to the sister who asked that question.
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I have been watching your videos for a few days now. I see so many mistakes I made that was my pattern all my life. I also see that something has been very very wrong on his end as well and I am able to move on now thanks to really learning so many things that now make perfect sense. Thank You so much.
I dont mind about relationships im here to see this guy with a good heart
I recently left a man who said this to me. Hardest thing ever as he was showing me with his actions. Absolutely horrible feeling, but necessary because I heard him loud and clear
Needed to see that i had this question in my mind too.😊 clever one!
But after four months of dating he asked me to be his gf officially (he put a lot of meaning into it to) and then 2 months later he said a bunch of stuff that didn’t match any of his actions. I’ve kinda ditched him due to this and focused on my friends but he came back grovelling and crying 😭 about how sorry he was and that he wants me back and he doesn’t know why he said those things. He even said he knows that I’m the woman for him and he wants to have a family with me etc.
So what happened there? Did the idea (his own idea) of life long commitment make him have cold feet briefly? Or was he simply being confused?
Ugh. Men 😑
it’s crazy how this and another video on the same topic just came out of no where to me when things are so complicated with this man
its not about the action, its not about the words.... its about alignment...consistency... if actions align with words, words align with action, if not.... you ARE wasting your time✌🙏
Honestly I feel like you can hear all this good advice but sometimes until it happens to you, it doesnt truly resonate. Because of experiences, I know when I hear the "disclaimer", there is most likely another woman that he will commit to, build a life with and give everything I ever wanted to. Creates painful baggage but what can you do.
You can walk away!!! There's billions of men luv
In reality, everything has to be taken into consideration. Why only watch the actions not the words, or only the words without actions? We need both! Actually we need to watch for much more: mindset, intellect, social standing, service, gifts, time, etc. It is unreasonable to marry someone (and be legally bond to them for many years) of whom we feel not so sure. Even people we trust can hurt or backstab us in the future, so why increase the chance? Watch for everything with wise eyes and enjoy the course of life, ladies. Don’t rush to buy anything when we are confused.
just had to do this...4 months in and i wanted him as my bf, he was great and kind. the nicest person ive dated thus far. i asked him and he was not ready to focus on a committed relationship. im heart broken but we had a good convo and broke up. this is a good rule of thumb...if hes gona lose something and tells you anyways believe him/them.
In all this time the advice I am most looking for is how to get rid of the guys who are wasting my time. How to gracefully and with the least amount of pain on both sides tell someone it isn't going to work. Only then will I feel comfortable really getting into a flirtationship and truly enjoy it when I know I have the skills to get out.
I think when it comes to love & relationships, actions ought to line up with words. Otherwise, trust would be non-existential I guess. Its an important foundation to up-keeping a relationship that's strong and lasting. Talking about strong, I have never been with a guy who does well in the moral and ethics department and I really want that in my quest for ever-lasting love!
It's simple. When the storm come, he will say: I've always been honest about I didn't want a relationship. He's playing safe.
Hello Matthew, and how do you go and break up with this person if you are both invested, but, although he doesn’t want a relationship and clearly states it, yet you both share an emotional bond. You don’t wanna let him go but you know that that’s what you have to do. Should u approach him directly and say hey I’m not wasting my time with u anymore or u just simply walk away silently and let time and distance make the magic?
Simply asking cuz you don’t wanna either hurt his feelings (out of respect and decency of the good times spent)
My ex and I broke 2 months ago (he decided) because of his parents. The repercussions and fear of telling his parents about us since they are against me - my nationality and age. A week ago, he said that he wants to work things out and to give him a few months to do so. I'm thinking thats about his parents. He apologized for hurting me then but I told him that actions speak louder than words - for me to open up and trust him again, and that he will not just give up on us again. He's been trying to stay in touch with me constantly but yesterday when we hanged out, it felt like he was treating me just like a friend. I was so frustrated and told him off. Asked him what he really wants because for me I don't want to be friends. I need a show of commitment and assurance that he can deal with this. It's really not looking good right now. I want things to work out, but I feel like things are too complicated now. He's naturally oblivious to showing affection and how he really cares/loves me.
I'm not sure what to do. Should I just let him go?