r/AmiTheA**Hole For Refusing To Say "I LOVE YOU"
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
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The first rule of origami club: You don’t talk about origami club. The second rule of origami club: you don’t talk about origami club.
Tenth rule of origami club: what part of "don't talk about it" is so hard to understand?
Stop talking about it!
The pregnancy test with her 10 year old daughter. For perspective that’s when I found out about sex and periods. That’s when I found out to report people that touch me in a way I didn’t like. No man holds the right to berate a woman for teaching her daughter about that shit.
When I tell my mom I love you, she says ok! She had a very repressed childhood.
At least ur able to love your mother. My mum told me straight to my not even teenager yet face and said "if u werent alive i wouldve divorced your father long ago"
We already didnt have a relationship and this just made it even worse. I barely see her and she barely says anything positive to me.
At least she accepts that you love her. I tried that before when i was younger. She laughed in my face and mocked me. I still sympathise with you but its just-
Zhao Xin Yang oh wow, I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve found some good people in your life to be family for you.
@@MadameRaven1 im still a kid but one of my classmates has noticed my strange habits and is helping me a lot. Id honeslty consider her more of family than my parents
My grandmother had a very hard, lonely childhood. She didn't find it easy to show love. The only time I saw her show emotion was when my son, her first great grandchild was born. She was so excited she almost ran to us when we took him to see her for the first time. She felt love she just couldn't show it easily.
Yeah, I have struggled with this for YEARS. YEARS. Always had it thrown back in my face. My husband knows that I love him, my kids do, but they know that I have a 'weird' way of showing it. I deliberately go out of my way to say it when I remember (I'm an actions/food person, hubs, unlike the kids is a words/touch person, so I have to remind myself that he communicates differently). The big thing is the attempt, and this OP sucks at personal development.
For the first story: you need to hear someone say I love you at least once from their parents. This poor girl is going to have so many issues because of it.
No. No she won't. I love you can be said in many ways. Not just those three words
@@AliceRinGameLand Well then you're just as heartless and selfish as OP. How is it so hard for you to understand that this poor girl is BEGGING him to say it? He's never once said he loves her, not one single time, throughout her entire life. Some people value words, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. The only thing that's wrong are people like you who are happy to damage the people you CLAIM to love, which ironically, proves that you don't.
@@WobblesandBean so what happens when she gets her heart broken by someone that tells her "i love you" alot?
yeah i dont get the actions part, saying it IS an action...not saying it is also an action.
She is I know this is true because my parents never said it either. I have real issues with it now. I told my boys that i love them all the time and they said it to me. Sometimes they said it because they wanted to hear me say it. We all knew this without any anger about it. I’d do the same to them, nothing more to say just wanted their attention. And a hug. The one and only time my parents kiss and smiled at me was at my first wedding for the pictures, the photographer asked them to do it or they probably wouldn’t have, they both kissed me on the cheeks at the same time for the picture. Makes me sad to look at this picture to this day.
'Only the dog gets apologized to'
THAT made me laugh so hard 🤣
I used to say "you too" when my dad said "I love you" before bed. I didnt realize it was hurting his feelings until my step mom approached me and let me know it was hurting him that I didn't say "I love you too" - ever since then I've made sure to say "I love you too" back when someone says it to me💕 (within reason of course)
The first op should respect the golden rule, "Treat others the way you want to be treated, with consideration to your personal feelings and preferences"
Which he did. You can't force someone to say I love you.
@@AliceRinGameLand
Can’t force them to love you then. Though as a parent it is your job to do that.
His daughter should respect the golden rule since she is the one who seems to have a problem with it.
@@kvasir8931 then she can cut him off completely. 🥱
@@babyfaceweeb8937 if thats how she wants to be treated, yes
What is “full contact origami?” Are you folding other people into fun animal shapes?
You gotta BE the paper to understand the paper.
Yes you gotta be one with the paper
Jujitsu, the art of folding clothes while people are still in them
You have to lay on the paper while folding it lol
We can't talk about it
Imagine being almost over 40 and get mad at your 11 y old because her mom loves her (as she should)
@Raphael Kace
@Dakota Stanley
Are bots advertising spyware
You wanna hear one that actually puts that story to shame? (Depressingly enough . . .)
I have an ex I was with from 2006 to 2008. He was the oldest of four and looked down on by everyone in his family. His younger brother was the golden child because he was into, and good at, all kinds of sports, and his younger sisters could do no wrong because they were the parents' "baby girls." (Despite being late teens when I with with him.) Well, my ex never understood why his father couldn't seem to stand being around him, and always made comments about my ex and my ex's mom spending time with one another, sitting next to one another on the couch while watching a movie, my ex going to her for a hug/comfort, etc.
It all came to a head after my ex and I moved in together. He had an argument with his father because his father refused to come to the going away party my family threw for me and my ex, (we moved to a different state.) Well, during this argument, it came out that my ex's father *actually believed* that my ex and *my ex's mother* were having an affair behind my ex's father's back. As in, this "man" believed *his wife* was having an affair with *her son.*
Needless to say, my ex was disgusted by his father's belief, but unfortunately, the only "apology" he ever recevied was one of those fake, half-assed, "Well, I'm sorry you reacted that way . . ." loads of BS.
Op: I have never said -I love you' to anyone. EVER!
Me: Weird flex but OK. Seems like a stupid hill to die on, but go off.
The father who thinks his child and wife should be sacrificed for HIS life is a narcissist and his wife SHOULD realize that MAYBE if she wanted a man to protect her and her children, she needs to get rid of OP and find someone who is willing to protect the offspring over himself and his wife.
He was furious that his wife wouldn't sacrifice his child for him. This is sick. When it comes to life or death circumstances, the children are first. This guy deserves a divorce.
My dad straight up told me he would pick my mom over my brother and I in a life or death situation.
@@robertcunningham1695 I am sorry for you I am sure my dad would to tho. my husband and I have had that talk and we both love eachother very much but if one of us has to go I say it should be me and he says it should be him. I think he can protect them better and he loves us all to much to see us go. it is crazy to me that you could love yourself more then your kids.
Нет. The husband comes before the children, no matter what
@@HatZ.PetoriaZero NEVER. Once you have children, you have acknowledged that you are now fully responsible for their survival and wellbeing and you need to raise them to be acceptable adults.
"It was just a joke/prank" is a line people too often use to avoid owning up to their own abusive behaviors. It is something that was said knowing it would hurt. He is an asshole. He does owe her an apology. And honestly if she cut contact with OP and her husband over this then it tells me this isn't the only abusive behavior she has been living with.
people these days seem to think they can do/say anything as long as they say it was a joke/prank. its schrodingers douchebag. they're either joking or serious depending on how well what they said was taken.
Malakai I firmly disagree. She is allowed to react with anger when hurt. She isn't the asshole for that. And the mother is an asshole for prioritizing the feelings of a grown ass man who is being abusive. When people have angry outbursts in reaction to things it is usually because they have stayed quiet over similar issues before.
I was expecting a non pc joke. But then it turned into a personal insulting about her looks. My dad was like this and there was no fixing this. But at least my mom never sided with him when he went on attack like this .
You should have let your sister have her wedding day I guess that was too much you already have your mom's love you're already the favorite but that wasn't enough was it? She's not allowed to have anything yet she? You sound exhausting you sound like you hate your sister and you sound petty little and jealous. You can keep being the same or you can change. I suggest changing because your sister is about to Blossom and there's nothing left in you to Blossom. You may be twins but you're going to age a lot worse than her. Cheers
@@katwiltz1134 wtf are you on about? I am a twin but my sister isn't married. She isn't even in a relationship. My twin actually tried to torpedo my wedding over 7 years ago. She is genuinely the last person I would ever be jealous of. I don't even know where this comment came from but it's weird.
A pet peeve of mine is when adults think a person who turns 18 is suddenly an adult, and should act with all the grace and tact of someone years older than them. That's not how it works! They may be a legal adult, but they're still teenagers transitioning into a new phase of life, in need of guidance and support.
This. 18 is an adult in that you should treat them with the respect of one, but also give them grace and proper correction when they fuck up. I try to remember as someone in their 30s that I'm the adultier adult when around 18-20s year olds.
Also it's hilarious because the day before if they did something wrong they'd feel justified in punishing them but as soon as the b-day comes then boom they're all grown up and done.
The story with the dad who didn't invite his daughter to the bbq pissed me off immensely. Not because of the OP, but everyone's response. I goddamn *wish* I could actively attempt to burn bridges with my family and get to be pissy when they want nothing to do with me. Being your child does not give them any sort of pass towards asshole behavior to that degree. The worst thing I ever said to my mother was that just because she was a nurse didn't mean she knew what was wrong with my ear, I regretted that instantly and damn near couldn't look her in the eye for 3 days.
Treat your parents better peeps, their love and affection is not something to take for granted
That is all fine, but it doesn't really change the fact that he is actively choosing not to have a relationship with his daughter. He doesn't have to like her, doesn't have to want to spend time with her, doesn't have to have her in his life, but at this point, it's his choice. She is not allowed the option of forgiveness because everyone assumes she knows what he means and is expecting. Expecting people to understand how you personally feel isn't always reasonable, especially when dealing with a person who will not reach full mental and emotional maturity for another roughly seven years.
At the end of the day, the entire family is pretty happy to actively exclude her from things as a unit. At that point in a damaged relationship, I would probably suggest moving on and trying to find what you're looking for elsewhere. With the way the actions are piling up, I don't think there is ever going to be an acceptable apology, and she is going to be on the outs no matter what. At this point, I don't think she will be able to feel a part of the family, as apparently she hasn't been a part for a long time.
Again, you don't have to like people, and you don't have to include them in your life, just be honest with the person about it.
What’s the point of trying for a relationship that is obviously not wanted, honestly I don’t care if it’s his child or his own mother she was rude, heartless and didn’t care about his feelings. Is he supposed to just get over it. Yeah it was years ago but that changes a lot. She could have also got into contact with him instead she chose not to as well, she was not actively in his life why would he invite her to his home for a bbq? Just because they are blood does not mean they have the birth right to be an ass and still expect you to be lovey and open with you. I think there comes a time to make amends but to constantly play victim is outrageous she needs to get over herself
I think she was trying and wasn't sure what was needed to repair it, and he offered nothing to her by ways of communicating what was expected./ necessary. We can say she "needs to get over herself," but that is vague and needlessly accusatory. Again, he doesn't like her, he doesn't have to. But don't act at this point like she is the one trying to mess things up. She extended an olive branch, he smacked it away. He doesn't have to forgive her, but externalizing the issue and playing the constant martyr isn't going to rebuild the relationship.
Again, I think he just needs to be honest and admit he doesn't ever want the relationship to mend, so she can work on building new relationships with a new family, as she is clearly not welcome in this one.
@@charityprice754 true! I believe they are both idiots either way. But alas it’s not my family or my problem I wish them both happiness in their endeavors.
@@charityprice754 I don't understand, why does he HAVE to have a relationship with a daughter?
Here is the thing with the "I love you" guy, my parents were exactly the same way. I remember hearing it maybe a handful of times my entire life.
Then I had my oldest. I told her constantly how much I loved her. My parents managed to tell her that too. I then got married. My late husband believed fully that you tell people what they mean to you so there are no regrets.
I still remember the looks on their faces the first time their new son-in-law hugged them & said he loved them. They were shocked & confused. They did get better & said it back a lot of the time. After my husband died (after 14 years of marriage plus 2 years of dating/engagement for a total of 16 years), they have hopped on the I love you train with open arms.
Everyone can learn.
About the dog chase story: That's one of the stories you can laugh about later on. Fam, she yeeted the child and straight booked it! Yeah this that and the third could have happened and it would have been bad but it didn't, so nothing to stress over in my opinion.
The husband yelling at his wife for being asleep on the couch when he came back reminds me of those parents that don't bother to pay attention to when their kids are studying hard and then immediately go off on them when they catch them taking a nap or on their phone 😆
Also, love how the OP with the Welsh wife and child says he realizes he's the AH and was acting childish, yet at the same time is asking "how do I tell her that I'm 100% the AH but I'm still right?"
I've noticed that the people who are loudest about how 'mean' you were to say XYZ are the ones who refused to hear what you are saying the first five 'nice' ways you told them to stop. Honestly, they are so offended that someone claims they are obnoxious while being oblivious to how obnoxious their ACTIONS have been. They are always innocent. Whew... I think I've got a chip on my shoulder over a few regrettable encounters.
my hubby rarely says ILY, usually only if i say it first, it's just not his nature to be vocal with the term. he shows it in his actions and i am not going to demand or force it to change him. he expresses it in other ways. when he says it spontaniously i cherish all the more.
My fiancé is the same. He says it when he wants to. Same with me I say it when I mean it.
If I was mad at him and anyway and he said I love you to me. I wouldn't respond that I love him back. When I calmed down I would tell him I love him.
My mother has never said "I love you" to this day. If I say it she will say "yeah". It has affected me to this day. I am a person that believe actions speak louder than words. Actions are my love language. However, you need to hear I love you sometimes.
But he STILL SAYS IT, even if it's not very often. This man has never once told his daughter "I love you".
Your husband is not your father. Completely different dynamic.
I've heard two stories before, gotta say i disagree on the judgement on both. The first is because of the hypocrisy displayed by markee in his judgement by saying everyone has their own way to show love then almost completely condemning the OP. The second, im guessing he and almost all the other people who responded to call the op TA glossed over the fact that the op is a trained medic, and a snake bit male dangly is something a medic might not be prepared to see in person without some knowledge of how that would look beforehand. Yes not exactly appropriate in public however not entirely uncommon to be overheard on occasion(trust me i have overheard work type stuff from others in a number of restaurants that would be considered far more inappropriate) the other female with their group was loud and from what i can tell from that post quite the obnoxious one. I will leave my judgement for either of them at unknown.
Markee, please be careful how you make your judgements, as there are stories that need additional information for accuracy.
Story one: not sure if you missed something. But the person needing to hear the I love you in a different live language wasn’t a girlfriend or friend. But his fucking child. Your love language doesn’t matter then, grow up.
The dog story: I live in an area with a lot of bears. Chucking my kid over a fence has been my go to plan for running into a bear in the neighborhood.
I just ran down stairs and told my husband that I loved him. He normally says you too. Today he said I love you too.
The sister who only answered direct questions about her engagement ring, I don't see as an a-hole... If she was literally going around telling everyone "oh yeah, I just got engaged, isn't that so better than being at this wedding right now?" Maybe then, but no, she's literally just answering questions... I don't see how that's being an a-hole but I guess everyone has a different opinion
It is rude to publicly announce your engagement at a wedding, but it is even ruder to demand a guest conceal they are engaged.
And she didn’t even publicly announce it. She just wore it. People asked about it, said congratulations, and that was it.
Don't ask questions you don't want honest answers to. NTA for telling her that you don't want to bring disabled children into the world on purpose.
Technically they didn’t announce it. If someone is asking that’s different. It’s the other people asking.
11:14 Dammit I choked on my tea 😂
Edit: Ok, so we're all just gonna overlook the fact that this guy...had a venomous snake bite....ON HIS D!¢K. Meaning, at one point in time, this guy had opted to stand disrobed, in front of a snake, with his d!¢k out. There's a definitive sequence of events that occurred for this to happen, and I need to know what.
A mother here you always put your child first
Yes but that doesn't mean you can't love someone equally.
Also it looks like he put more into their relationship than she did.
Wedding story: gotta say Markee I disagree with you for once. I was against him until the end of his story when he mentioned that people would ask him about it and that he did not announce it. That part is hugely important.
The story regarding the SIL and the ultrasound: Yea, you're better off distancing yourself from that side of the family. Just seems like you'd be forced to work your schedule around SIL and her needs, especially since MIL and FIL condone her brattiness. Just seems like a family of drama and you're much better off without all that mess.
Op that got mad at his wife doesn't love his wife more then she loves him...he might love himself more then she loves him.
18 year olds need to start acting like an adult and asking them to give a good apology is a lesson. Without saying what you did wrong you can't move forward in a relationship of trust. Now honestly he should have left it that I am sorry I upset you that was not my intent but that behavior is not something I want to have in my life so unless your behavior is going to change I will always be your dad but I will not want to put more effort into the relationship. Teaching your child to apologize correctly is hard. I will not expect my child to just say sorry and move on. I want her to identify the problem and avoid it so she doesn't hurt other people.
he also has no paternal instincts what so ever. it is not normal to expect your mate to not choose your offspring over you in a life or death situation. its a parents job to protect their offspring. most mammal species care for their young.
Love the OP whose neighbour ends up in war with the crows. You always must remain on the good side of the corvids. Every black bird in your neighbourhood and area will know if you harmed, attempted to harm or even just yelled at one bird -- and they remember. But they also recall positive encounters with good humans and let their families know who the good ones are.
People accept and express love differently. It is our job to try and understand and give love to those that are important in our life in a way that makes sense to them. I don't think the daughters request was too unreasonable. To base your whole world view on "saying I love you is meaningless" is silly, it's clearly very meaningful to his daughter.
You shouldn't treat others the way you wanna be treated; treat them the way they wanna be treated. And you don't show love the way you receive it; you need to show love the way the other person receives it. If you feel loved via physical touch, but they feel live through acts of service, then for them to feel loved, you do acts of service.
And a second story, people whose wedding is outshined by one person wearing a ring do not shine to begin with. On my wedding day, I couldn't care less about other people's jewelry and even if anyone wanted to propose on my wedding I would be happy.
What about that stupid comment about “running around” showing off her engagement ring. She didn’t! The people who noticed asked she said yes, they congratulated her, and that was it.
My mum was fortunate CPS wasn’t a big deal when I was a kid. I was incredibly clumsy and always hurting myself. I remember at least three time coming back from school holidays with a black eye. As a grown woman I’m still somewhat clumsy and accident prone but since my kids take after me I now understand why my mum used to get annoyed with me.
You probably have a measure of dyspraxia
I love the kid saying why didn't you leave my sister instead?
The OP who showed little emotion when her daughter "came out". NTA. You are your own person. Why should you show special emotion? Your daughter likes women. Big deal. Are you expected to cheer if she likes men? No? So why cheer if she likes women? Just another day in the neighborhood. To expect special attention is to put weight on needing special attention. In my eyes, that's like saying "it's not ordinary so give me something special." Treat her as you normally would. When i told my Mom I was gender fluid, she merely said, "and what do you want?" "I said "nothing," and she continued the previous conversation. I find that the healthiest reaction: total acceptance without making me feel "odd" because I'm supposedly different.
How, if you'd been negative or unsupportive, that would be a problem. But treating her as if she did nothing out of the ordinary by just happening to be a lesbian? NTA.
Why would it hurt the dad to just say it??? It’s important to her.
OP with the gay son gets to feel what he feels. He gets to take a minute, gather his thoughts, and then speak rather than say something hurtful in the moment. If he would have expressed the thoughts he expressed here he would have done more harm than just walking away. No jumping on the it's okay to be gay bandwagon is okay too. Accepting that his son is gay and still loving him just the same is the best and most natural outcome. OP can feel disappointed his son didn't turn out to be what he dreamed he'd be. That happens with people, because people are people who live, breathe, and think. They are not the ideas we have in our heads. Gay is just the unexpected discovery this time. Alright so OP is fine to take time to process and adjust. Just let his son know he still loves him and needs some time to adjust. OP's wife needs to reign in her Mama bear instincts and see how this shakes out.
2nd Story, OP is NTA for not denying her engagement and her sister insisting she keep in under wraps until AFTER her wedding is wrong. So OP got engaged before her sister got married. But OP's sister got to announce her engagement previously. Seriously sounds like OP's sister insists that OP just crawl under a rock and never make any announcements because they'll overshadow HER future special events. OP should have announced on FB and other family grapevine thingies that she got engaged WHEN she got engaged and not be forced into silence because her sister's wedding was coming up. This is NOT the same as OP's fiancee getting on his knee and proposing to her at the wedding. The proposal already happened. The engagement was already a thing. Next the reddit mob is going to say OP is TA for announcing her wedding before OP's sister has a chance to say she's pregnant... Agian,. OP would be the asshole if she announced the wedding during her sister's wedding, but she didn't. She was just catching up with her family.
The almost driving over a kid: when panicing you do stupid s-t ,just a reaction to almost hit someone, you could shut up , then deal with it ,but...NTA just a panic reaction as any animal would have.
I think story 4 with the daughter that lashed out and the Dad holding her accountable for her action and litterally telling her to talk to him when she is ready to talk about it:
I don't see this as abuse.
She has been for whatever reason she had cruel to him and gave him an empty apology.
Yes she was a child BUT that means the more you have to show them clearly that this type of behaviour doesn't get sweept under the rug with an empty apology.
And thus people will treat you depending on how you yourself go about a situation.
He didn't lie about where they stood from that point on, he made it abundanly clear he was open to talk but they had to talk about it and not just empty apology and now we never talk about this again.
This isn't abuse or throwing your child away. That is teaching consequences. He could have maybe comunicated with her mom so that when asked she also could reitterate what needs to happen again when he can not due to making it clear that once you hurt someone, you can not expect them to be there for you whenever you please. The one hurting doesn't set the bar for what needs to happen to be forgiven and ok again.
SHE doesn't get to dictate what happenes when she fucked up.
Also the not answering to a forced apology. They mean nothing and even as a father he is in the right to not respond to it. Again as a bettering of it could have communicated with her mom, his ex, so someone who is on speaking terms with her can explain to her why.
Just saying Sorry let's forget about it ISN'T enough.
Also I don't get this idea of "the stage where you hate your parents.".....is that something ya have to have?
I only got that through therapy and it is a theme in my family that we are very generously not faulting our family members even if they fuck up but even that from therapy went into smoke because soon after I simply realized we are all humans in our situations.
Hence: when there isn't really a good reason to be angry at your parents, usually if not prompted by some wannabe friend, that is not a stage you nessecarily go through.
And I wouldn't fault a parent to show a teen going towards adult that that is NOT how one has to be treated, that love HAS boundaries.
Which it needs to have because how do you set them if love is this never setting a boundary thing in your life?
No....No I say NTA
There are things that could have been done to make the communication of what is going on clearer, but the dad doesn't need to go through her *phase* and let her get through with it. That is how entitled teenagers become entitled karens. There is a point of understanding archieved where it has to be made abundanly clear: Every connection can break if you treat them badly.
Unconditional love is the most toxic concept there is. It binds us at people that will murder us with a smile and blame us for it because we didn't leave when they showed us who they are.
OP NTA your child was slipping and throwing her over the fence was more safe than dropping her and letting the dog maul her. You quickly ran to get help and retrieved your daughter and she wasnt harmed just shocked. Tell her that you love her and that your glad she is safe.
My boyfriend never ever told me he loves me, even when I said it to him. He says he's afraid he'll "jinx it" or something like that,. He never said it to anyone, but I never met a more loving person in my live. "I love you" are just words, and they mean nothing if you just say it to say it. My main love language is to literally say it. At first it made me doubt, but there are many love languages. Is it that bizarre to learn each other's love languages? I never have gotten more hugs and kisses in my life than I have had from him. The room lights up like nothing else from his smile when he sees me. He makes me feel like I'm a princess, and he never even once, in words, told me he loves me. Tell you the truth: after almost four years, I would start to doubt if he even loved me, if he would say it to me.
Most of that sounds lovely except for the part where he didn't go to therapy for whatever problem he has with saying love he said it to somebody and they decimated him and he never worked through it this will work with you it will not work if you have kids together
@@katwiltz1134 He actually has a condition called Alexithymia, meaning he is not able to express or describe emotions or feelings (he also has a difficult time recognising them). Futhermore he also has had therapy for the Alexithymia, before we knew it was that. Alexithymia is often associated with autism, but it is a thing on it's own as well
@@lesleykruijt8580 then this is not at all the same as the story you should have included that is the difference in between freely letting someone know you love them and knowing the difference in between loving them and feeling it the point is to have the person you're with or your child especially your child know that you love them and if their language is like that then you need to speak their language. I am glad that this was not done due to trauma but it should have been included it's apples and oranges as applies to the story. It sounds like he found the person that would love him the most and that loving you makes him just as happy as it makes you💓aww you got me in my feelings that's very hard to do before coffee!
@katwiltz1134 I was only talking about the fact that someone doesn't say "I love you" doesn't mean they don't love you, medical history or not, but I'm sorry you feel that way. He is the light in my life and we are getting married in a month and a half 😁 and of course, enjoy your coffee!
Truly, I think it is cool that mom and daughter were able to bond and teach and learn more about their bodies. OP do you want your daughter not to know this important stuff??
Graduation story you pass and you young people are so funny it's okay for the child to go no contact with the parent because the parent made a mistake and the child doesn't have to forgive them but the parent just got to forget the child y'all get on my nerves with all this hypocritical sideways talking out your mouth bull...
I don't get the commenters - Looking at a pic of a snake bitten dick (if no one else can see it) would not be considered odd or horrible in my group. But someone doing unwanted sexual touching, repeatedly? Whoa! These two things are not comparable - and that girl needed to be told to leave.
I love your videos! Keep up the great work!
When it comes to yelling, it's not a gender thing. It is an upbringing thing. I grew up in Philadephia and most people I know have loud outdoor voices. It's ok to yell down the street when you see someone you know a block and a half away. I lived in Seattle for a few years and lots of people accused me of yelling when I didn't think I was yelling. I would get accused of yelling when I was just excited. I could be playing cards or just eating at the dinner table talking about a TV show and people would accuse me of yelling and I couldn't hear it as they heard it. To me, I was talking normally. Expecting him to change isn't just going to happen overnight because someone wants him to. Even as he explains it, it sounds as if he's not aware of when he's doing it. He does need to be aware of his wife's feelings, but expecting the other person to change doesn't bode well for a marriage.
“My wife is an extreme nationalist because she’s Welsh, and I demand she becomes a British nationalist like me, who won’t STFU about being English and British for 2 seconds”
As a Gaelic Scot, this is an attitude I’ve seen throughout my entire lifetime, that “you’re not Scottish, you’re British”, that “Gaelic is a dead language”, that “you’re just a nationalist”, I’m not apologising for being Gaelic, for speaking Gaelic, for respecting my culture and the history of said culture. British nationalists wanna act like Gaelic is some huge burden, waste of time, waste of money, and stupid, whilst also enjoying our culture. They enjoy our music, ceilidhs, Clann tartans, claiming they’re 1/24th Scottish, holidays, whilst somehow viewing us as an inferior people because we speak a different language and have a different culture, whilst attempting to force us to submit to British Colonialism. That’s where that attitude towards the Welsh, Cornish, Irish and Scottish comes from, England’s stupid colonialism and their belief that they’re somehow better than everyone else.
He’s a massive English nationalist, who’s had a child with a woman who’s proud of her heritage and culture, and is trying to force her to submit to British colonialism, which the Welsh have dealt with for a lifetime, which is pretty disgusting because he’s denying his daughter the chance to feel connected to her culture. Honestly he’s just full of himself, and apparently super fragile.
Story 2, imagine the hissy fit when great aunt Molly asks him about his relationship and he lies and says they are still just dating. Then she has to find out weeks later that he was already engaged. If you have to ask someone to lie about important parts of their life to make yourself feel special. Then there is something wrong with you.
My issues is OP clearly did it to be a asshole. “My sister just married the first guy she met, me and my so are soooo in love for 7 years❤️❤️” like he clearly hated his sister and was the competitive one.
The husband who was upset that his wife loves their child more than him is sadly not that uncommon. My mother was an abusive mother, she remarried when I was younger and married a man who hated that she “loved” (she allowed my brother to physically abuse me, I was the scapegoat, he was the golden child) her children (son) more than she loved him, and actually resented his ex-wife because she loved their two sons more than him. He was highly insecure and it massively hurt growing up that the father figure in your life actually resented your very existence and didn’t love you at all. His kid may end up feeling that way, feeling that her father resents her existence, and it’s a horrible thing to grow up with.
Story 1- YTA. I don’t know how familiar people are with the 5 love languages, but basically there are 5 main ways people express and like to have love expressed to them: physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time. Sounds like the daughter’s love language is words of affirmation, which means she feels most loved when people express it verbally. I personally have words of affirmation as my primary love language and my boyfriend has acts of service as his, so if he wants to express love to me a simple I love you works; if I want to express love for him I will do something like clean the house. Saying I love you won’t hurt you and it will improve your relationship with your daughter. My daughter’s love language seems to be physical touch as she wants to snuggle frequently, I snuggle her as much as I can because I know it’s important to her and it strengthens our relationship.
They actually say that children who grow up bilingual I have an easier time learning more languages later on.
Until the American education system beats the other languages out of you cause “it’s stopping you from developing proper English “ “the other kids can’t understand you” “how are we supposed to know if you said a bad word or said something mean if we can’t understand you” “you have speech problems as is, shouldn’t you just learn normal English before learning another language “. How do I know this? I’m a military brat who spoke 4 languages (English, Czech, German, and some French.) as well as bits and pieces of several other languages. The minute I started school in America I was stuck in speech therapy cause A.) my ear drum had been blown out and I did have to learn how to re-say things. And B.) I would constantly slip into another language while talking cause I couldn’t remember the word in English but I did in German or Czech.
By the time I got to high school the only words in other languages I knew were cuss words and how to insult someone’s mother.
At 24/25 I still only really know cuss words. Although it’s gotten to the point where I can get the gist of what’s being said around me.
@@AponiTheWolf Oh my gosh! That is so terrible! Knowing languages can be such a great asset, except apparently in the United States. Come to think about it, I took four years of French in a US high school, and the only thing I can do now is tell people to shut up and kiss me. The Kiss Me part is only because I had it on a t-shirt featuring Snoopy. Shut up was the first words uttered by my French teacher on the first day of school.
My dad won’t tell someone he loves them, then again he won’t say sorry either. Lol!
I’m so glad my mother was/ is warm and loving.
With the guy that got mad about the hypothetical.
Men can develop low self esteem and themselves as skewed in the importance hierarchy... just as so many women do. And his issue may merely be an overrationalization disguising this, due to other communication issues in the relationship. It's not at all uncommon for men (or women) who devote themselves to someone/fsamily and then work all the time to fgeel less and less appreciated by their SO... or that their proimary existencve is being an ATM... or in the case of housewives, being treated (or viewing themselves) as little more than the baby factory/slave component within the relationship.
One of the extremes in this is that women are paractically expected to experience mental/emotional breakdown and there are plenty of resources/helplines established for these things because they've been a part of regular social discussion throughout history. Whereas the mental and emotional well-being of men tends to be overlooked/ASSUMED to be; either OK, or totally mental. The nuances of men's health barely garned any real attention at all... whereas women have entire spectrums of issues being discussed and floated about throughout many forums and types of media... as well as being a primary driver for many personal as well as social discussions. Whereas for men, other than whether they're just (and or simply) being an asshole &/or topics about male suicide rates and job/career burnout... not so much.
Of course, the fact that 80% of societal discussion is mostly instigated/perpetrated (outside of business) and is planned/executed through the effort of women in most cases, is seldom discussed either.
God forbid, if men's issues and mental/emotional well-being were given equal footing in modern dialogue... that would be ROBBING women of that particular niche/spotlight (as well as their commonly parlayed VICTIMHOOD staus. And men like the OP might actually be more open to discussions, networks, resources, etc. that could help figure out the root of his particular issues... instead of feeling so alone... which is basically what his issue stems from (wether its a real problem due to poor spousal communication, or more delusional in nature).
But, like most men... he needs to just "suck it up" and remain emotionally isolated as he figures his own shit out (and other people criticize/berarte him)... because that always works so well...
Yeah, real problem solving at its finest.
HuGGz
i disagree with your judgement on the first story and your hypocrisy is showing, you say everyone shows love in their own way and then you condemn op for showing theirs in their way and basically agree to the demand that they need to change how they've always (without harm mind you) done something. so i say, nta. the daughter however? maybe a little bit for thinking she can demand someone to say something they obviously feel unnatural saying, she just wants to hear him say it.
He’s the asshole because that’s his child. You as the adult and parent can step out of your comfort for three seconds. If you can’t, don’t have kids.
@@serpentinewolf7085 She is also an adult.
“I know it’s not his fault he’s gay”
“…would turn out gay”
“I left the house”
YTA, you are massively TA. Your son is a homosexual, homosexuality is completely natural, your reaction, judgment and shunning of your son however is NOT natural, it’s actually massively messed up. There’s nothing wrong with your son, there is however something wrong with you.
Why is it that whenever somebody comes out as gay if the First Response isn't absolute love and acceptance the person is automatically considered a bigot or a homophobe or something like that? I get that it's hard to come out as gay because of the atrocities of the past but forced acceptance isn't true acceptance. I wasn't pissed off when family members needed time to process when I came out as bi.
I have a daughter with a genetic condition. We found out it was a dna mutation, so not something my husband nor I gave her, but something she would have a 50/50 chance of giving to her kids. Before we had found out it was a mutation, I had a lot of grief and sadness over the whole thing. I also decided that we needed to figure out where it came from since I would never knowingly want to give any kid chronic health complications, and also figure out if the carrier also needed to start treatment. This is super common for her disease as it often doesn’t show up until people have had children and then get sick. Moreover, I worried about how I could donate organs to both my kids if they both had it. Once we did find out that it was mutation and it was a less than 1% chance that my next kid would have it, I was much more comfortable with using mine and my spouse’s genetic material for our second. Had I learned it was 50/50, we would have likely used donor eggs or sperm for the carrier. We have also since learned our daughters condition is not as bad as we thought, and if she can have kids when she grows up, it’ll 100% be her choice. It’s not for me to say whether or not she should or shouldn’t pass on genetic mutations knowing what she knows. I’ll just make sure she has the information and love them all.
Hi and another awesome video.
Trans Hubby: NTA - You know why they are called 'private parts?' Because they are not the business of anyone besides you and your sexual partner. Full stop. It is in no way your parents' business if your hubby is cis or trans, and you are right THEY chose to pay for something you already told them you didn't want, regardless of also lacking the 'need.' This is a situation of their own making. I'd be putting them on a time out, personally.
You want to know what I'm doing? Busting my butt through another fun-filled day at work listening to u Mr markee. I can't tell you how many work days you've helped me through. Thank you
I really don't understand people who know their kids are likely to inherit difficulties from them; it's just selfish. Mental illness runs strong in my family and I'm also autistic (low severity, but it still has made life hard, especially since I was never tested as a kid, so no one knew why I was "never quite right", they just knew I was and that they didn't like it and made that known. Yeah, I would be able to recognize it in my own children and raise them better than my parents raised me, but that's only going to make their homelike easier, not everything else that comes with the territory. I honestly don't enjoy being alive most of the time and just make the best of it that I can, so why would I drag another soul out of the aether when I know they will likely suffer similarly?
For the one about the child that nearly got hit by a car... The reality is that when something like that happens, we get a fight or flight response, it's automatic and if you think you can control your response you are wrong. Ever heard of someone that was able to do something considered humanly impossible like lift a car? It's not logical that they would even try, it's an adrenaline fuelled response and we have no control over it.
Ok markee, that daughter (oldest) is not a child any longer. She lived thru many years still being hateful to her father. Yes, she tried once, yes once to try to apologize but didnt even know what for. Yes! I agree with the father. She is only feeling left out NOW that everyone is at a single place together and shes not there. Well, she singled out her father at graduation leaving him out and was ugly to him. She excluded him from there on out in everything she accomplished. So now she gets left out of a backyard bbq and she wants to boo hoo about it. It finally takes feeling what she made her dad feel for her to WANT to come around. Sad but true, but she was considered a adult at her graduation. She wasnt some 11 yo embarrassed by her dad. She had literally showed nothing but hatefulness towards him and he as a human being felt what any of us would have felt if someone was to treat us and show us we arent wanted. Btw, should he subject himself to another humiliation at a family gathering from his oldest daughter if she was to show. If shes serious about her apology, she needs to know why and be ready to answer why if given the chance ever again. Her behavior was hateful and hurtful for many years only to try to apologize but not know why. Shes the ah.
Idk about story one, if there love language were something else like hugs, gifts, acts of service, or literally anything else. I wonder if the comments would still expect OP to change their behavior.
In general I prefer giving cakes and food as a gift, but if OP traditionally made his kids a fancy cake for their birthday or took them out to dinner and his youngest was upset he didn't buy her an actual gift, would they expect OP to stop taking her out to eat and instead buy a gift or maybe they would expect OP to do both.
What if her love language was spending one on one time but OP only had limited free time so they took everyone out on their off day and his daughter felt she deserved more time because she was younger.
It's easy to say OP should ignore his boundaries when it presumably doesn't cost him anything, but objectively, would this be a god lesson in any other situation? Is it okay to teach a child who likes to hug people that ignoring physical boundaries because of obligations of love or family is correct? What about the other way around.
Would this make sense if OP wanted his daughter to tell him she loved him but she was uncomfortable.
Idk but it kind of sounds like the gf was saying any vocal inflection counts as yelling 🤔 I used to think that of my dad growing up and a lot of times I think that of my boyfriend now but the difference between then and now is that I now understand I have a difficulty correctly determining tone and inflection so the solution is to communicate and be open to understanding the actual intention amd tone of the other person's words.
Story about the coue that wanted yo adopt: her parents did NOT come from a good place. They clearly showed they think they should get a say in how OP would get children. That is not ok.
The pregnantcy test story : a 10 year old are not as young he think when it comes to knowledge about the bodys functions etc .not everything but enough to ask questions i knew the answers to at the least suitibal moments😇
For the military story : I have to say OP NTA for how she got the other woman to stop assaulting the rest of the group, specifically... as for the rest of the story I have no comment... for the OP who almost killed a child because said kid bolted out into the road : while I probably wouldn’t have sworn, I would DEFINITELY have screamed... I had a situation where a kid scared me (I have CP and my balance is BAD) and I BARELY kept myself from cursing the mother out for not teaching her kid BOUNDARIES for the OP whose wife took her step daughter’s diary: Nora, DIARIES ARE PRIVE AND YOU VIOLATED MADISON’S PRIVACY AND TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the story where OP & sibling got yelled at by the pastor : OP & sibling didn’t sin, but the PASTOR SURE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA for title story. It makes him feel extremely uncomfortable, respect boundaries or is it ok to violate hers?
Cheating is not a mistake, it's a choice. I don't believe her when she says she have never done it again. She is most likely cheating as she wrote that.
At 10yrs old I started having periods. Not a problem talking to her daughter.
The reactions in the first story would be so much different if a guy groped a woman
The girl that ended up hitting her guy likes it on her graduation day just because he showed up like a proud parent awards. She still treated him like crap, turn them away, even told him that he ruined her day just by being there, and she expects him not to be hurt even more when she's a full grown adult and and she wants to have a relationship with the father, she has to come clean and apologize is exactly for what she did not just try brushing it off and hope her dad, just as come over here, my baby now, because I found it today, her actions has consequences. Wrong 18 year old. Treat your dad like. Earth scum of earth or something
I couldn’t agree more! I can’t believe that everyone is saying that the dad was in the wrong for not accepting her weak ass apology and just bending over for her. She couldn’t even figure out what she was apologizing for or recognized the actions she took to cause a rift between them. If she can’t do that, then she hasn’t changed and probably will continue that behavior again because she doesn’t recognize it. I’m sick of people treating their parents like garbage and expecting them to always take it and be there for them when they need something. It’s disgusting.
Oh oh you say it was for no reason glad you know you see he didn't ask why she was mad just that her being mad equals bad. This is the oldest of a couple that are getting divorced that sound amicable but I guarantee you the wife was over there crying because she understood that you all did this to her even if she was just mad cuz her parents got divorced that's okay she's blaming dad for some reason and he doesn't want to find out what it is you don't know because he didn't ask.
Actions matter more than words... unless a woman's involved. Poor OP #1 never got the memo. ;(
It feels weird to have your comment in these videos. I am in this video and it's crazy feeling.
Isn't it crazy bad luck to take off your engagement ring?
the story about the ex's wife calling the woman and demanding her to change her name is just flat out stupid. When my mom and dad separated, my mom kept his last name so I wouldn't be alone. She didn't have to do that, but she did. It's because of her that I'm ok with my last name. If I get married and have kids, then separate from my husband, I won't change my name. In my mind, that's just saying "yeah, you might be my kids, but now I hold no ties to you. Your only your father's children because you share his last name"
I've never said that to my mom my whole family doesn't say I love you so I believe him
When I was young, my grandpa passed away quite suddenly. It was my first experience with the death of a human family member. It tore me apart especially because while I usually saw both he and my grandma every morning before school and exchanged goodbyes and love you's, that particular morning he left for work early so I didn't see him and did not get to say "Goodbye. I love you." While I understand that it didn't mean he didn't know it, a part of me always felt guilty that he didn't hear those words on the very day he died.
To this day, know matter what, I will always tell any of my relatives that I love them as I leave because I never know when it could be the last time I can tell them. Even my other grandmother, who doesn't say it very often, will occasionally tell me she loves me because she knows how important it is to me.
The fact that this father stubbornly refuses to tell his own daughter that he loves her, even when she asks him to do it *just once,* makes my blood boil. As much as your actions 'tell' people you love them, it doesn't hurt to put it into words every once in a while. He is definitely an A-hole.
I would pay good money to watch full contact origami.
Wtf is "full contact oragami"?
First story about the “I love you” girl… Personally, I find words mostly empty. Actions are far more important. I would rather have love shown to me with actions rather than constantly hearing the ‘pretty’ words. Her father should sit her down, tell her he loves her and explain his lack of using those 3 spoken words. Treat her as an adult and have an adult conversation with her. She is old enough to understand at 22. I wish I’d had the opportunity to know and converse with my father adult to adult, rather than only knowing him as a child. I do not recall my father ever expressing his emotions with words, yet I knew I was truly loved by him. His gestures or actions have always felt more real than the often empty words of
“I love you” from other family members… But, maybe, that is just me…
Yeah but you said yourself, that’s your personal feelings. Many people need to hear the words to feel truly loved, that’s just their love language. It’s probably not the fact that he’s never said it to her before that gets to her, but the fact that after being asked to, he actively refuses to say the three words to her. That sends a message in itself. Taking the “action” of saying those words is what the girl needs.
@@melanellie_art You are right. But, I still think the father should sit down with his daughter alone and the two of them should have a real conversation about the issue. Also, we only know what was written. The story must have many years of familial history which may add context. I guess, for me, hearing “I love you” has been reduced to nothing more than a salutation. I consider a person’s continuous actions or behaviors to be the true test of sincerity, love & who they are as a human being… Hopefully the father and daughter will work their problems out. From what was on the video the issue does not seem insurmountable; it seems a solution is within their grasp…
@@hekatsees9449 ye agreed. They clearly do love each other very much just having trouble expressing it in a way that each other can understand ig
2:03:20 The name change issue...This can create problems in parenting, especially in travel, emergency situations, education. On a class trip to Mexico, we almost missed our flight b/c the parent who signed the notarized letter giving one of my mates permission to go did not have the same last name. Mum went back to her maiden name after the divorce. Child had the father's name. Officials wanted to speak to the father to be sure is wasn't a case of parental abduction. Father was already out of the picture...Imagine the trouble that kind of SNAFU could cause if he had needed emergency medical attention while we were away? He's a minor. Who has the right to decide his medical care?
The story about the dad distancing himself from his gay son: ”I’m not homophobic” he says then proceeses to be homophobic
Seriously! "Am i an asshole for not accepting my gay son. Please hear my expla and before you judge"
Explanation: "I'm a homphobe"
My family doesn't say 'I love you' a lot. I think the last time I said that to my mom I was 13ish and vice versa. I'm early 20's now btw. We show affection through actions and acts of service and my family is probably the most accepting and supportive people you've ever met. Those words are only cheapened if you say it without meaning it, and OP's using that as a cop out. My husband's family is very gushy 'I love you' and its makes me uncomfortable so I dont ever say it back to them because I dont love them, but I say it to my husband a lot because I am aware that that is how he measures love and he needs to hear it. And despite the lovey words, some of his family is the most judgemental people I've ever met.
Is this reuploaded
It's a compilation.
Can I just point out that this is a compilation people stop saying he's done these before on a video thats clearly compilation of videos he's done before.
DAMN. That lady in the boys night is SUPER controlling and distrustful. He needs to RUN.
My mum never told me she loved me while she always told my siblings she loved them. I always felt worthless around her. So I was enraged at op in the first story
That's rough.
Did she let it show in other ways?
@@Schwiegermutter No. I was either beaten or ignored. My siblings and I had the typical dynamic
Eldest - Mistreated and scapegoat
Middle - Ignored
Youngest - Favoured
Didn't help my mum was one of those boy mums too.
I hold nothing against my siblings but my mum I still resent. The last time I heard her say that to me was before my brother was born when I was around ten. And I'll never hear her say it again.
I say I love you a lot because in case I die that would be the last thing me and my loved ones said to each other.
The zombie apocalypse story dude needs help. 🇦🇺🌈🌈🌈🇦🇺💖
F-full contact origami
You are wrong you should WANT to protect your child.
For the one where the father was asking if he was the a hole for not reacting well to his son coming out. I'm pansexual and I grew up in a deeply christian and southern family. My dad didn't except me right away when I came out, while yes I resented him for that for a long time, but he and I have a wonderful relationship now. It took him a while to adjust to the knowledge and supports me 100% now! It takes time for the older generations to readjust from their homophobic raising. The initial reaction is not what makes him the a hole it's what he does later on to adjust his feelings that can truly put judgment on him.
My bf is 64 and it still bums him out that his mom doesn't say i love you. It doesnt hurt you at all to say it, but it hurts people when you dont. I dont like it.
It doesnt hurt YOU. But it does hurt me. I feel very uncomfortable saying it. Stop assuming everyone is like you.
@@kvasir8931 if you cant say i love you to your kid, youre a piece of shit. You do things that you dont like for the wellbeing of your child. Your child expressed its something they need, and you couldnt even do that for them. If saying i love you to your kid 'hurts you ' you shoukdnt have kids.
I'm a chick and am the 4th of 5 girls. We had arguments all the time. Its healthy to vent your frustrations you just have to learn a way to vent them that doesn't cause others hurt feelings. I learned to tell people I will talk to you when you feel less angry, then walk away. But that doesn't always work. Sometimes you are just not heard and people push buttons and shit gets said
We are human we make mistakes we aren perfect. There isn't different ways of dealing with shit because your a man or a chick, we can all learn to deal with arguments the same way. Once again there is not any certian male or female way to deal with fights/arguments there is only the ways we alll learn to work out our issues together.
The first story: Op is TA simply because he frames the idea of saying"I Love You" as something that is important to HIM. "It's cheap to me. By saying it, it would fell to me that all the love that I've shown to her through my actions over the years are meaningless." He doesn't get that saying "I Love You" is a way to give good feelings to the person he says the words to. He doesn't have empathy and he thinks LOVE is defined just by actions, but words are created by the action of breathing in air, blowing it out and making sounds. Words ARE verbal actions and in many ways can affect someone just as much as physical action. Problem is his parents didn't teach about selfless love... Just look at all the phrasing he uses that he thinks is ok:
I'm proud of you.
You make ME so happy.
I'm so glad you are my child.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
There are all narcissistic style phrases and all focusing on the speaker's self and how the other person makes THEM feel. Saying I LOVE You means you are conveying your emotion to your object of affection. You aren't saying how the object of affection provides for YOU, but instead you are simply expressing your emotional feeling that you want to share with them. So in essence the term I Love You is way more unconditional than, You make me happy.
I feel for OP's daughter as she is probably just realizing that her father is a sociopath and is INCAPABLE of even conceptualizing what she is trying to convey. Just because someone is a sociopath doesn't necessarily make them bad. It just means they aren't capable of empathy or consideration of other's emotions. All things are based upon THEIR viewpoint and their emotions and their experiences. Hence why her father will NEVER get it. She should just give up trying to make him be something he isn't and just have enough love for both of them.
God damn you went all out with the backseat psychology.