I think it’s very helpful to realize that people do what they do because of them and not because of us. Their action are based on their own needs. We have a tendency to think that we are the reasons they did what we didn’t like, but it was my experience that people have their own wars and they act accordingly. It has very little to do with us.
Stay strong. I'm sure you know, it's a long process. These techniques have really helped me begin healing from family issues, childhood beliefs and relationship cheating.
Absolutely: When it goes directly to identity, self concept, ability, relationship to life, agency, performance and more, I can’t think of anything worse. This seems particularly steep when it’s family doing it to one another in ways that ruin each other’s lives. And for several, the betrayal was irreversible.
I lost my job because my former coworker spread lies about me to my supervisors behind my back, and everything has been a struggle. I'm tired of trusting people.
I'm so sorry. Your income being affected can sometimes feel like the worst kinds of betrayal. We (and I mean me too) have to learn to trust the right people. Not everyone wants to hurt us.
@DawgyinaField Those are very hard to prove. I, myself, about 10 years ago reported to HR a manager that was acting inappropriately (doing behaviors we were taught in demanded ethics training every year not to do). But HR goes after the person that is a threat “to the company”, which became me. I tried to fight back but it’s near impossible. I learned from many others, the best option is to put up with it or walk away. Don’t go to your company’s HR. And this person would have had a “lot” of documentation and good/great performance reviews to even get near the ability to get a law suit. It does suck; but such is life.
In "The Inferno" by Dante, the lowest level of Hell is occupied by people who betray. It's a pleasant thought, in a dark sort of way. Always got to be careful not to become what you hate.
I would do it because I want to if not I won't, but defo not expect something in return, the feeling you get from helping should be enough. People change through beautiful acts of kindness. Keep it up ;) x
Il say something here no one says.. you are accepted for who you are and as you are. You have nothing to prove nothing to do but to treat yourself and let those who don't appreciate that just pass you by. Give yourself the give of you. Note your worth more than you think 🤔
We give to give, not to receive. However, if someone doesn’t treat us well or we notice something negative about them, then it’s best to stop giving and stay away from those people.
The worst is when your father or mother do not defend you. That can break anyone. Just letting people be aware how damaging that can be. I am done with society as a whole. I heard someone say that this construct is a huge mind game. It really is.
This 'Betrayal Rumination' topic immediately brought my mother to mind. Man, how she betrayed (and belittled) me, throughout my childhood, adolescence, but sadly, also well into my fifties. She about destroyed me, and I feel certain had an extremely detrimental effect on my mental health, with her covert (and not so covert) narcissism. After an adulthood scattered with a variety of psychiatric disorders, I have finally wound up with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, and at the age of 60, I am finally figuring out the main source of my emotional distress - after decades of therapy.
Seriously?! I'm completely clear on who betrayed me and just how significantly it affected my life. They will never feel remorse or try to make even a small gesture to make amends. The anger is not abating. I became bitter. I have no shame. They should feel shame. They wronged me, and they will die thinking there's nothing to even apologise for. I do know my values and goals, but the anger keeps returning. They will never pay their debt for perpetrating evil.
Let me tell you, they will pay. The universe is the soul of life and the Bible is real. If you mess with God‘s chosen children you will have ill health and financial problems and so many other things will go wrong. That person who hurt you might be on Facebook looking all happy and wonderful but trust me behind the scenes they are miserable. They know what they did, you had a light that shined brighter than theirs and they hated you for that and that’s why they targeted you. Try and move forward as hard as it is to let that anger go. It’s poisoning your soul through anxiety and anger. I get it for sure and have been in your shoes and still feel the rage, but let me just tell you that most of the people who betrayed me are now dead or dying and that terrifies me, it terrifies me because I know and see the power of God and what does He say? “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”
@@thirstonhowellthebird Omg ❤❤❤I read everything on this post and you are sooo right. I couldn’t have wrote this better. I was married for 31yrs and he cheated within the first 5 years and all his family and friends knew that he was cheating. I had no clue as I was working 2 jobs and he was disrespecting my home and my own bedroom. Fast forward got caught and never left with her. It was my home but he wanted me to leave. Stayed and rode this marriage some more. Now we 10yrs in 1999 and here comes another discovery affair 😮 I was done. Fast forward 4 More years and I said I was moving to another state to start over. He decided he was sorry and wanted to come with. Big mistake of minds. Yep only made it easier to cheat because he was still having contacts with the affair partners as if they was besties. Fast forward 16 yrs and all of sudden he got ill 😷 and didn’t make it. After caring for him I found out he was having a full blown affair double life with a childhood friend for 4 yrs and family and friends knew. Yep she bragged about been his soulmate and been happy now and miss him as if she was the widow. Friends and family rallying around her as if she was the wife that had to pay and buried this man. You are right many betrayed me but a lot are not good enough to be in my new season. God see everything . Two betrayers are ill and one is going blind and the other is an alcoholic. I thank God for my blessings and I need to keep my head up.
This is exactly what I went through with my former business partners. The vicious lies that they told about me in order to have me fired really hurts! And the one that created all the lies was my step sister who was one of my business partners!!!!!
I have been betrayed by many people in my life. Especially because it was in and outside the home. I had nowhere to escape, and no one to talk to. It took nearly two decades to learn to trust people again.
Thank you doctor for breaking this type of betrayal down I've never heard of such therapy. That betrayal hurt so bad that I had to go into therapy. I will be seeking out the acceptance therapy to help me even more!!! Every detail you described in this video is what I have been going through!!!!
I've been betrayed by two people just in few months. one of them was my partner, the other my best friend and they both hurt me in the past and the pain still stays. I now have a partner who's always there for me and reassures me that I'm okay and that I was the victim, even my friends admit that. however, my mind can be tricky and play games with me, especially because of the darvo (which shocked me with how accurately did it match both the situations). I'm honestly glad that I've found this video, thank you for spreading awareness about this and helping people see deeper into their problems even without having to pay for a therapy session❤
Betrayal should be considered a heavy crime by law! The damage caused to victims is countless and is not treated in just one way and is not cured quickly. The attackers had to pay extra compensation to the victims, who knows, maybe they would betray less! I have been betrayed by a romantic partner, by friends, by family and by companies I worked for. I only recommend this to my worst enemy, because these betrayals are horrible and that of romantic partners and family are the worst betrayals there are. Those betrayals changes you, and not in a good way. I don't know if one day I will feel better again. Probably I won't!
I was betrayed more than once and it left a void within me. I don't trust anyone anymore, not even myself to some extent. Nowadays, I only take people serious enough once they have proved their claim, whatever they may be. If they fail to prove that their claim is true, I start to despise them, and go on with my life, or, with what's left of it anyway. Only God is deserving of trust.
The woman who protected and enabled my abuser is the one who gave me betrayal trauma. She was a literal feminist activist and yet, she protected my male abuser to prevent a scandal that would tarnish her image as a progessive hero. She is likely a communal narcissist.
I believe you 💯. It is beyond sickening. Feel all of your anger. It is righteous anger. If accountability was possible it would be a good thing. Also I don’t believe in Karma. I hope you find a way to heal - this is the most horrid of traumas to face.
My God, these videos are always so helpful. Ruminating is like autoplay on RUclips, for your thoughts. It's difficult to turn off the video (thoughts) so sometimes it helps to acknowledge that I am ruminating a past hurt.
jesus... talk about algorithms... it's been almost 3 months and i only just learned the proper term a week ago, and now this channel I've followed because of narcissism discussions is now talking about the exact problem I'm living with right now.
Fr my phone is always listening, but every once in a while, it gives me some good content that might actually help and it’s these moments I’m happy about it 🥲 like “maybe stop sending me propaganda, but the self help vids are nice. Thanks FBI agent!” 😂
I didn't know what this was till now. I rumminated for over 5 years because of horrifically selfish so called friend. It hurt so much. I didn't truss anyone and ruined new potential friendships. I'm still unlearning bad behavior over a different friend before this one. I really feel like im starting to heal. This is going to help me heal more.
Got out of a toxic relationship a year ago. It was a lifelong friend that I have had since childhood. When we began a relationship I was over the moon, I figured since we knew each other so well and cared for each other so deeply as friends our relationship would be amazing. boy was I wrong. I think betrayal trauma can happen when you thought you knew someone's character and who they were, and you have years of experience to back up those beliefs, years of good memories and times when they seemed empathetic, yet suddenly they transform into someone completely different - cold, uncaring, blame shifting, callous, passive aggressive, controlling, and manipulative. The cognitivie dissonance still has a strong grip on me one year out. I am still wondering what I Could have done better or differently to make us work, and still feel shattered thinking about how she moved on so easily while I am still confused and broken trying to make sense of everything. This video is really helpful, thank you
THANK YOU! I was in therapy for a bit and the therapists kept telling me to “think about it differently” when it comes to my abuse trauma. Like, lady, I’m supposed to think about my parent beating me into a pulp differently? Differently how?? And omg the gaslighting is unreal. My parents convinced themselves what they did was just. That they were good people for beating me because that’s how kids should be disciplined. wtf.
It's so important that you talk about how to heal from these intrusive thoughts rather than to go on therapy and keep ruminating over the betray. Thank you so much Dr Marks ❤❤❤
Thank you for stating that. I’ve been to one therapist after another. They really have no clue how to help. That don’t understand the true real pain that can come from huge betrayals from family members over years and years. I really wonder why people that don’t have empathy for others even remain as a therapist. You end up having to get over more pain from an uninterested or unskilled therapist
Out of all the videos I’ve watched online regarding betrayal, this one is by far the most practical and straight forward approach that’s actually been helping me get through this nightmare.
Years ago i would of laughed when someone said do some mindfulness, but it really is very helpful. Every single time I spiral into a panic attack,I check in with myself and work through what am feeling. It don't take the problem away but helps me massively. You're videos are fantastic help and support thank you ,from Aimee in the UK 🇬🇧 😊
Wow, this was soooo good. Definitely will be looking into ACT therapy as I have been dealing with betrayal trauma that lead to divorce. The rumination is absolutely mind blowing. I want to take my power back and not be controlled by trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for making this video.❤
My father betrayed me and he was my favourite parent, I’m 22 and still struggling with this. Anytime I see fathers and their children I get reminding of my past.
This life-changing content is incredibly validating and valuable. It took me 2 decades of therapy to find ACT and it has changed everything for me. I cannot believe how much better I feel after only a year and a half. Sometimes im like wow! Is this how healthy people experience life, even sometimes?! No wonder everything was so much more difficult for me. It all makes perfect sense now.
Such a succinct and clear description of ACT. It has been very helpful to me. With CBT, I got in this spiral of arguing with myself over how the healthier thoughts might not be true and I really was poo. ACT has given me a lot more peace. Thanks for the video!
Thank you for this. For 23 years I had an abuser do this to me. At one point I lived with multiple betrayers/ abusers. At one point I blamed myself for how they treated me. It took along time to just realize these people are toxic and I have a choice, I can leave. No contact. I thought I would naturally heal over time but. I'm finding myself in rumination over extended periods of time, thus losing track of time. And sometime if I encounter an interaction/ altercation I start reliving the betrayal scenes in my head again. And I have to take time to calm myself down, and try to remind myself it is not happening now. Since I might need extra help.
Feeling these feelings is scary especially with a history of “anger” but honestly allowing space for these emotions helps immensely, some days tho when I allow myself to feel I get so low. A few times I contemplated ending my life but that is when I realize that I need to cut off the feeling for a bit or I went deeper than I was ready for. Thank you for this and thank you for giving a name to this demon
Be aware what our perceptiontion of betrayal may be. Cultural differences surprisingly differ greatly. Healing is so so important. Knowing the abusers may have a brain tumor or have autism. Healing and isolation is independence.
I tried to get help from a VA therapist, she poked and prodded me until I had an 'episode' then told me it was all in my head, then wanted to give me some pills... forget that. All I learned so far is that a spouce can hurt you way more than any stranger can. We are still together after a year but I don't trust her one bit anymore. Its like living in a nightmare. Only death will set me free.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
Got retraumatized at work. Be careful which therapist you choose. My advice: go only to a trauma therapist (specialized in treating trauma) like NARM therapy
Excellent video! The ACT method is a game changer. In my experience although CBT is a very effective and powerful tool it just does not work for betrayal trauma. In my experience when you have been betrayed the person that betrays you will gaslight and deny over and over and over again which distorts your reality and ability to see things as they are. 😢
Here's the thing I've been dealing with for 40 years. My ex pops up in my dreams fairly regularly. We are the same age (30's) as when I divorced him. We are doing normal, everyday activities but I am now (in the dream) recognizing his narcissistic behavior and calling him on it. At the same time as my present self (in the dream) I become very sad and remorseful about the effect his abuse has done to make me untrustful of close relationships that would lead to couplehood. Therapy has not helped thus far.
Thanks this is helpful. A great reminder of important skills for any situation. I’ve realized my feelings are keeping me stuck in this situation and making it hard for me to make a decision regarding my unfaithful partner. So I’m working on feeling my fear, uncertainty and pain so I can have a clear mind to decide.
Something that helps me is understanding the the rumination is some sort of survival tactic that must be innate- we are assessing the threat of betrayal and want to avoid those feelings because betrayal can lead to other dangers or be the danger itself. Heartbreak can be debilitating, it’s a visceral reaction that can lead to stress and fatigue of our literal hearts. But if we can mentally recoup by understanding that we are assessing our dangers, future threats, pain, and the reasoning behind those things we can have a degree of separation between our present and our past. 😢😂
thanks :) good reminders on handling the feelings and thoughts. betrayal can be very hard for me to move through because it is very difficult for me to imagine why anyone would want to do it to another person. if i let my thinking go too far, i start going black & white and believe that everyone is just untrustworthy and wants to hurt others when i reality things are just so messy so much of the time. perspective on the fact that this isn't my whole life helps a little as well and keeps me from universalizing. thanks again i needed these.
I made my mistakes in the beginning for years later to be betrayed for them and have them thrown in my face. A person who says they forgive you but truly doesn’t is your worst enemy. “You messed my head up” is the excuse that was given to me 7years in the relationship for something that happened in the first 2
This caused so many problems for me with trusting people and effected my relationships in a major way. I would have constant nightmares about it to. Took Mr so long to get over the rejection and hurt. 😢 😢
For me to get over betrayal it took 5 years of me being drunk everyday just because pharmaceuticals don't work for me. Eventually I learned when bad thoughts come up I just say "onwards" as in next thought. Skip the negativity. Why not?
Thanks. It seems I did the right thing. Still caught in the tourmoil though. I started straight on by writing down all the facts and a timeline. Then the logical reasons for my arguments. It has ben a tremendus help all the way through the behavior described in the episode. I choose to understand/forgive but not forget. Learn and live…
It's always fresh it's always there, I'm always uncomfortable, always crying, can't go to sleep then can't stay asleep, no matter what answers I get it leads to more pain, covert narcissist cheater liar for four years and on a plane to Spain without even a goodbye nothing just a web left behind, watching video after video to find hope that the pain will get easier, I know if I get through this il be ok but it's really dark right now
I had issues with this in the past from my early childhood and I don't exactly recall my childhood so much of my early childhood anmesa, but I came to terms with this but I to get stressed and overwhelmed at times but I had became better with this to this point in my life.
Thank you for this, I've made loads of progress on my own, using these techniques intuitively, and now I have some better vocabulary for my experiences ❤
This video blows my mind away😮 I never expected to came across such video and it's going to be very useful for me 🙂..in my coming days of my life Thanks a lot Mam ❤ I love the work u do to provide information and awareness 🙏
Dr. Marks, longtime viewer here. I‘ve always loved the way you present complicated medical information for the layman. I much more preferred when the videos just showed you. The animations are very distracting, and they don‘t match the seriousness of the topics you talk about. Nevertheless please keep going. I can always listen to your content instead of watch it. Sincere thanks, Jasmin
My daughter is only 5.. My husband cheated on me multiple times and was very violent. Now I'm finally getting the courage to get a divorce. I loved him more than anyone..
For what it's worth, I'm so proud of you for doing so. Sometimes I think it's the hardest knowing they don't love us like we love them. What he's doing to you is NOT ok, so good for saving yourself 🙏❣
My father, Uncle, and two brothers.......betrayed me! I'll never get over it! I've been struggling with this for 58 years......its too late for me to get past this!
@@raeperonneau4941 Thank you for your kind words, but I'm so messed up that I really don't know how to let it go or move passed it! It's almost like a second skin, I wear as armor! Very difficult and sometimes impossible to get passed that kind of trauma, especially when it's been my constant companion for almost my whole life! I trust nobody.
I'm sorry you were betrayed by your own family, I can't imagine what you've gone through. I hope one day you can heal from it all. You are worth it. Love and blessings. 🙏🏽❤️
GREAT video. Thank you. Creating space between you and the thought/emotion. So important. Acknowledge the thought/emotion and recognize it is just a thought/emotion. Powerful.
It’s bloody hard to really trust people anymore
Ikr believe me I'm trying to
I don’t know how anymore
I think it’s very helpful to realize that people do what they do because of them and not because of us.
Their action are based on their own needs. We have a tendency to think that we are the reasons they did what we didn’t like, but it was my experience that people have their own wars and they act accordingly. It has very little to do with us.
Stay strong. I'm sure you know, it's a long process. These techniques have really helped me begin healing from family issues, childhood beliefs and relationship cheating.
Totally.. everyone just messes with you 😞
Betrayal trauma hurts more when you did everything you could to help this person and were loyal to them, only for them to throw you to the wolves.
I feel you
Family betrayals are very painful.
It’s the worst kind of betrayal.
Absolutely: When it goes directly to identity, self concept, ability, relationship to life, agency, performance and more, I can’t think of anything worse.
This seems particularly steep when it’s family doing it to one another in ways that ruin each other’s lives. And for several, the betrayal was irreversible.
Yes that’s so true.
Betrayal- the gift which keeps on giving ! It should be a crime.
🥰
Facts! 💯
This actually made me laugh 😂😂😂 thank you for this ❤
I lost my job because my former coworker spread lies about me to my supervisors behind my back, and everything has been a struggle. I'm tired of trusting people.
I'm so sorry. Your income being affected can sometimes feel like the worst kinds of betrayal. We (and I mean me too) have to learn to trust the right people. Not everyone wants to hurt us.
Narcissist Smear Campaign
And why didn't you defend yourself?
@@Finnv893 probably like me; the person does it behind your back and it’s difficult to keep up with correcting the lies
@DawgyinaField Those are very hard to prove. I, myself, about 10 years ago reported to HR a manager that was acting inappropriately (doing behaviors we were taught in demanded ethics training every year not to do). But HR goes after the person that is a threat “to the company”, which became me. I tried to fight back but it’s near impossible. I learned from many others, the best option is to put up with it or walk away. Don’t go to your company’s HR. And this person would have had a “lot” of documentation and good/great performance reviews to even get near the ability to get a law suit. It does suck; but such is life.
In "The Inferno" by Dante, the lowest level of Hell is occupied by people who betray. It's a pleasant thought, in a dark sort of way. Always got to be careful not to become what you hate.
Why not? It’s a fucking jungle, anyway.
I've had three big betrayals with peers in my adolescence, I'm 25 now and in therapy over this. I thought I had lost my sanity in my youth.
Hopefully you have met better people.
@@M_SC Worlds better, thank you.
Your youth isn’t even over! I’m glad you get to enjoy the rest of it with better people :)
I’m sick of helping and doing favors for people that never help me in return.
I believe in compassion, but we need to be careful of how much of ourselves we give away. And to never be a doormat.
I would do it because I want to if not I won't, but defo not expect something in return, the feeling you get from helping should be enough. People change through beautiful acts of kindness. Keep it up ;) x
Quiet quit. Stop doing favors without telling them. Don’t do them anymore favors and then start asking for favors. You will get your answer.
Il say something here no one says.. you are accepted for who you are and as you are. You have nothing to prove nothing to do but to treat yourself and let those who don't appreciate that just pass you by. Give yourself the give of you. Note your worth more than you think 🤔
We give to give, not to receive. However, if someone doesn’t treat us well or we notice something negative about them, then it’s best to stop giving and stay away from those people.
The worst is when your father or mother do not defend you. That can break anyone. Just letting people be aware how damaging that can be. I am done with society as a whole. I heard someone say that this construct is a huge mind game. It really is.
That's the worst, when mom doesn't defend...😢 That's when I found I had to really go deep within to strengthen myself and love myself more..
Man I was stabbed in the back by a "friend" a little over a year ago and that DARVO breakdown was spot on, that is EXACTLY what she tried to do lol
Yes, I had the same thing happen 😢
This 'Betrayal Rumination' topic immediately brought my mother to mind. Man, how she betrayed (and belittled) me, throughout my childhood, adolescence, but sadly, also well into my fifties. She about destroyed me, and I feel certain had an extremely detrimental effect on my mental health, with her covert (and not so covert) narcissism. After an adulthood scattered with a variety of psychiatric disorders, I have finally wound up with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, and at the age of 60, I am finally figuring out the main source of my emotional distress - after decades of therapy.
Listen… you are you.
You have a light within you that can never be diminished
God be with you my friend
Betrayal sucks mentally... especially when it results in major physical/medical/financial trouble
I'm going through it now. Some days I don't even eat or sleep
@@ThesolarmisfitI sincerely hope that watching these videos gives you hope that even the littlest thing you do is something that helps you.
My parents!!! Good thing I saw this video in my 30s. I have rest of my life, I will heal and love myself
Seriously?! I'm completely clear on who betrayed me and just how significantly it affected my life. They will never feel remorse or try to make even a small gesture to make amends. The anger is not abating. I became bitter. I have no shame. They should feel shame. They wronged me, and they will die thinking there's nothing to even apologise for. I do know my values and goals, but the anger keeps returning. They will never pay their debt for perpetrating evil.
Let me tell you, they will pay. The universe is the soul of life and the Bible is real. If you mess with God‘s chosen children you will have ill health and financial problems and so many other things will go wrong. That person who hurt you might be on Facebook looking all happy and wonderful but trust me behind the scenes they are miserable. They know what they did, you had a light that shined brighter than theirs and they hated you for that and that’s why they targeted you. Try and move forward as hard as it is to let that anger go. It’s poisoning your soul through anxiety and anger. I get it for sure and have been in your shoes and still feel the rage, but let me just tell you that most of the people who betrayed me are now dead or dying and that terrifies me, it terrifies me because I know and see the power of God and what does He say? “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”
@@thirstonhowellthebird
Omg ❤❤❤I read everything on this post and you are sooo right. I couldn’t have wrote this better. I was married for 31yrs and he cheated within the first 5 years and all his family and friends knew that he was cheating. I had no clue as I was working 2 jobs and he was disrespecting my home and my own bedroom. Fast forward got caught and never left with her. It was my home but he wanted me to leave. Stayed and rode this marriage some more. Now we 10yrs in 1999 and here comes another discovery affair 😮 I was done. Fast forward 4 More years and I said I was moving to another state to start over. He decided he was sorry and wanted to come with. Big mistake of minds. Yep only made it easier to cheat because he was still having contacts with the affair partners as if they was besties. Fast forward 16 yrs and all of sudden he got ill 😷 and didn’t make it. After caring for him I found out he was having a full blown affair double life with a childhood friend for 4 yrs and family and friends knew. Yep she bragged about been his soulmate and been happy now and miss him as if she was the widow. Friends and family rallying around her as if she was the wife that had to pay and buried this man. You are right many betrayed me but a lot are not good enough to be in my new season. God see everything . Two betrayers are ill and one is going blind and the other is an alcoholic. I thank God for my blessings and I need to keep my head up.
im literally feeling the exact same right now. just cant seem to move past these thoughts
Spousal betrayal makes you feel humiliated… so hard to ever trust again.
Betrayal is the most hurtful pain I've ever experienced in my life 😢
This is exactly what I went through with my former business partners. The vicious lies that they told about me in order to have me fired really hurts! And the one that created all the lies was my step sister who was one of my business partners!!!!!
I have been betrayed by many people in my life. Especially because it was in and outside the home. I had nowhere to escape, and no one to talk to. It took nearly two decades to learn to trust people again.
Thank you doctor for breaking this type of betrayal down I've never heard of such therapy. That betrayal hurt so bad that I had to go into therapy. I will be seeking out the acceptance therapy to help me even more!!! Every detail you described in this video is what I have been going through!!!!
❤❤❤❤❤
I've been betrayed by two people just in few months. one of them was my partner, the other my best friend and they both hurt me in the past and the pain still stays. I now have a partner who's always there for me and reassures me that I'm okay and that I was the victim, even my friends admit that. however, my mind can be tricky and play games with me, especially because of the darvo (which shocked me with how accurately did it match both the situations). I'm honestly glad that I've found this video, thank you for spreading awareness about this and helping people see deeper into their problems even without having to pay for a therapy session❤
Betrayal should be considered a heavy crime by law! The damage caused to victims is countless and is not treated in just one way and is not cured quickly. The attackers had to pay extra compensation to the victims, who knows, maybe they would betray less! I have been betrayed by a romantic partner, by friends, by family and by companies I worked for. I only recommend this to my worst enemy, because these betrayals are horrible and that of romantic partners and family are the worst betrayals there are.
Those betrayals changes you, and not in a good way. I don't know if one day I will feel better again. Probably I won't!
I was betrayed more than once and it left a void within me. I don't trust anyone anymore, not even myself to some extent. Nowadays, I only take people serious enough once they have proved their claim, whatever they may be. If they fail to prove that their claim is true, I start to despise them, and go on with my life, or, with what's left of it anyway.
Only God is deserving of trust.
The woman who protected and enabled my abuser is the one who gave me betrayal trauma. She was a literal feminist activist and yet, she protected my male abuser to prevent a scandal that would tarnish her image as a progessive hero. She is likely a communal narcissist.
I believe you 💯. It is beyond sickening. Feel all of your anger. It is righteous anger. If accountability was possible it would be a good thing. Also I don’t believe in Karma. I hope you find a way to heal - this is the most horrid of traumas to face.
My God, these videos are always so helpful. Ruminating is like autoplay on RUclips, for your thoughts. It's difficult to turn off the video (thoughts) so sometimes it helps to acknowledge that I am ruminating a past hurt.
Narcissist find their victims quite easily. These perpetrators have antennas. Narcissist parent- emotional abuse ( betrayal). Truly sucks!
It's especially easy for them when they target their kids.
jesus... talk about algorithms... it's been almost 3 months and i only just learned the proper term a week ago, and now this channel I've followed because of narcissism discussions is now talking about the exact problem I'm living with right now.
Fr my phone is always listening, but every once in a while, it gives me some good content that might actually help and it’s these moments I’m happy about it 🥲 like “maybe stop sending me propaganda, but the self help vids are nice. Thanks FBI agent!” 😂
I didn't know what this was till now. I rumminated for over 5 years because of horrifically selfish so called friend. It hurt so much. I didn't truss anyone and ruined new potential friendships. I'm still unlearning bad behavior over a different friend before this one. I really feel like im starting to heal. This is going to help me heal more.
Got out of a toxic relationship a year ago. It was a lifelong friend that I have had since childhood. When we began a relationship I was over the moon, I figured since we knew each other so well and cared for each other so deeply as friends our relationship would be amazing. boy was I wrong. I think betrayal trauma can happen when you thought you knew someone's character and who they were, and you have years of experience to back up those beliefs, years of good memories and times when they seemed empathetic, yet suddenly they transform into someone completely different - cold, uncaring, blame shifting, callous, passive aggressive, controlling, and manipulative. The cognitivie dissonance still has a strong grip on me one year out. I am still wondering what I Could have done better or differently to make us work, and still feel shattered thinking about how she moved on so easily while I am still confused and broken trying to make sense of everything. This video is really helpful, thank you
THANK YOU!
I was in therapy for a bit and the therapists kept telling me to “think about it differently” when it comes to my abuse trauma. Like, lady, I’m supposed to think about my parent beating me into a pulp differently? Differently how??
And omg the gaslighting is unreal. My parents convinced themselves what they did was just. That they were good people for beating me because that’s how kids should be disciplined. wtf.
It's so important that you talk about how to heal from these intrusive thoughts rather than to go on therapy and keep ruminating over the betray.
Thank you so much Dr Marks ❤❤❤
That’s a great point. All you do in Therapy is rehash it over and over again.
Thank you for stating that. I’ve been to one therapist after another. They really have no clue how to help. That don’t understand the true real pain that can come from huge betrayals from family members over years and years. I really wonder why people that don’t have empathy for others even remain as a therapist. You end up having to get over more pain from an uninterested or unskilled therapist
Out of all the videos I’ve watched online regarding betrayal, this one is by far the most practical and straight forward approach that’s actually been helping me get through this nightmare.
In other words, recovering from being gaslighted
No. Lmao
@@eriamhsl3841 uh yes. That's where DARVO originated from
Years ago i would of laughed when someone said do some mindfulness, but it really is very helpful. Every single time I spiral into a panic attack,I check in with myself and work through what am feeling. It don't take the problem away but helps me massively. You're videos are fantastic help and support thank you ,from Aimee in the UK 🇬🇧 😊
Wow, this was soooo good. Definitely will be looking into ACT therapy as I have been dealing with betrayal trauma that lead to divorce. The rumination is absolutely mind blowing. I want to take my power back and not be controlled by trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for making this video.❤
My father betrayed me and he was my favourite parent, I’m 22 and still struggling with this. Anytime I see fathers and their children I get reminding of my past.
This life-changing content is incredibly validating and valuable. It took me 2 decades of therapy to find ACT and it has changed everything for me. I cannot believe how much better I feel after only a year and a half. Sometimes im like wow! Is this how healthy people experience life, even sometimes?! No wonder everything was so much more difficult for me. It all makes perfect sense now.
These are thee best mental health videos on RUclips! God bless you Dr. Marks!
Such a succinct and clear description of ACT. It has been very helpful to me. With CBT, I got in this spiral of arguing with myself over how the healthier thoughts might not be true and I really was poo. ACT has given me a lot more peace. Thanks for the video!
Got a notice this time, let's check it out.
Thank you for this. For 23 years I had an abuser do this to me. At one point I lived with multiple betrayers/ abusers. At one point I blamed myself for how they treated me. It took along time to just realize these people are toxic and I have a choice, I can leave. No contact. I thought I would naturally heal over time but. I'm finding myself in rumination over extended periods of time, thus losing track of time. And sometime if I encounter an interaction/ altercation I start reliving the betrayal scenes in my head again. And I have to take time to calm myself down, and try to remind myself it is not happening now. Since I might need extra help.
This was one of the clearest, spot-on and most helpful videos I’ve ever watched.
Thank you Dr. Marks for your expertise!
My pleasure!
1:03 the visuals for this are fire! Bbq sauce shower, nose picking watching tv 😂 kudos to the person who made my day.
Dr. Marks videos are very engaging 😁
very funny :D
I’ll never trust the same again. Completely changed me.
CBT never worked for any of my problems and I tried 4 different therapists
Hi Therapy is not everything. So are fxxxxxx awful and some I know personally former friends- shocking the lack of integration
It's grief work too. Validate your perception and feelings.
Feeling these feelings is scary especially with a history of “anger”
but honestly allowing space for these emotions helps immensely, some days tho when I allow myself to feel I get so low. A few times I contemplated ending my life but that is when I realize that I need to cut off the feeling for a bit or I went deeper than I was ready for.
Thank you for this and thank you for giving a name to this demon
“Sad Guy ft. Lil Darkness Volume 1” 😂😂😂 that cheered me up thank you
Tracy marks is the best!!!
I've been through this in psychiatric wards to the point that I no longer have any trust.
Be aware what our perceptiontion of betrayal may be. Cultural differences surprisingly differ greatly. Healing is so so important. Knowing the abusers may have a brain tumor or have autism. Healing and isolation is independence.
This is sounding a lot like my former religion. They really love the reversal technique and attacking people's character when they leave
Unfortunately, very effective psychological tactics.
@@DrTraceyMarksFamilies do it too, when a narcissist they want to protect abuses * you *
I tried to get help from a VA therapist, she poked and prodded me until I had an 'episode' then told me it was all in my head, then wanted to give me some pills... forget that. All I learned so far is that a spouce can hurt you way more than any stranger can. We are still together after a year but I don't trust her one bit anymore. Its like living in a nightmare. Only death will set me free.
This subject on betrayal is very general.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
He’s on the internet
I had a very bad therapist- she causes me a lot if harm and put me back years. Yes i have betrayal rumination.
Same. If you would like to talk it through, tell me. Won't undo it or solve it, but maybe lighten the burden.
This video has helped me so much. I am going through it with my job.
Got retraumatized at work. Be careful which therapist you choose. My advice: go only to a trauma therapist (specialized in treating trauma) like NARM therapy
Thank you for making this video.
Tears started halfway through and I had to watch the second half several times.
Excellent video! The ACT method is a game changer. In my experience although CBT is a very effective and powerful tool it just does not work for betrayal trauma. In my experience when you have been betrayed the person that betrays you will gaslight and deny over and over and over again which distorts your reality and ability to see things as they are. 😢
Dr Marks, you need to do a video about perimenopause and the brain ASAP. Please 🙏
Here's the thing I've been dealing with for 40 years. My ex pops up in my dreams fairly regularly. We are the same age (30's) as when I divorced him.
We are doing normal, everyday activities but I am now (in the dream) recognizing his narcissistic behavior and calling him on it. At the same time as my present self (in the dream) I become very sad and remorseful about the effect his abuse has done to make me untrustful of close relationships that would lead to couplehood. Therapy has not helped thus far.
WOW 😳 you amaze me with every presentation Dr Marks.
Thank you Dr Marks, as always.
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
Ernest Hemingway
28 years of marital trust out the window.
The more you invest into something or someone the greater the pain, betrayal and devastation in the end.!
Thanks this is helpful. A great reminder of important skills for any situation.
I’ve realized my feelings are keeping me stuck in this situation and making it hard for me to make a decision regarding my unfaithful partner. So I’m working on feeling my fear, uncertainty and pain so I can have a clear mind to decide.
You’re wonderful Dr Tracey thank you for offering these things 🦋📝
Something that helps me is understanding the the rumination is some sort of survival tactic that must be innate- we are assessing the threat of betrayal and want to avoid those feelings because betrayal can lead to other dangers or be the danger itself.
Heartbreak can be debilitating, it’s a visceral reaction that can lead to stress and fatigue of our literal hearts. But if we can mentally recoup by understanding that we are assessing our dangers, future threats, pain, and the reasoning behind those things we can have a degree of separation between our present and our past.
😢😂
thanks :) good reminders on handling the feelings and thoughts. betrayal can be very hard for me to move through because it is very difficult for me to imagine why anyone would want to do it to another person. if i let my thinking go too far, i start going black & white and believe that everyone is just untrustworthy and wants to hurt others when i reality things are just so messy so much of the time. perspective on the fact that this isn't my whole life helps a little as well and keeps me from universalizing. thanks again i needed these.
I made my mistakes in the beginning for years later to be betrayed for them and have them thrown in my face. A person who says they forgive you but truly doesn’t is your worst enemy. “You messed my head up” is the excuse that was given to me 7years in the relationship for something that happened in the first 2
For me talk therapy help me the most and meds of course to stopping rumination 😊
This caused so many problems for me with trusting people and effected my relationships in a major way. I would have constant nightmares about it to. Took Mr so long to get over the rejection and hurt. 😢 😢
It really helps to put words to feelings. Thank You Dr. Tracey Marks.
I trust many people.
For me to get over betrayal it took 5 years of me being drunk everyday just because pharmaceuticals don't work for me. Eventually I learned when bad thoughts come up I just say "onwards" as in next thought. Skip the negativity. Why not?
I did the same - I just said ''cut it'' as in ''cut out the thought''
"Don't fall in the hole." , " Just let it slide on out, don't grab on. "
That's such a good way to push past the negative thoughts.
Very concise and helpful video. Thank you so much. I will watch more of your video in my quest for recovery.
Thanks. It seems I did the right thing. Still caught in the tourmoil though. I started straight on by writing down all the facts and a timeline. Then the logical reasons for my arguments. It has ben a tremendus help all the way through the behavior described in the episode. I choose to understand/forgive but not forget. Learn and live…
Thank you! This is the word I needed today! I received your email.
It's always fresh it's always there, I'm always uncomfortable, always crying, can't go to sleep then can't stay asleep, no matter what answers I get it leads to more pain, covert narcissist cheater liar for four years and on a plane to Spain without even a goodbye nothing just a web left behind, watching video after video to find hope that the pain will get easier, I know if I get through this il be ok but it's really dark right now
I had issues with this in the past from my early childhood and I don't exactly recall my childhood so much of my early childhood anmesa, but I came to terms with this but I to get stressed and overwhelmed at times but I had became better with this to this point in my life.
I feel like I’m going crazy after yet another betrayal
DARVO blew my mind, exactly what my mother do
Thank you for this, I've made loads of progress on my own, using these techniques intuitively, and now I have some better vocabulary for my experiences ❤
This video blows my mind away😮
I never expected to came across such video and it's going to be very useful for me 🙂..in my coming days of my life
Thanks a lot Mam ❤
I love the work u do to provide information and awareness 🙏
Dr. Marks, longtime viewer here.
I‘ve always loved the way you present complicated medical information for the layman.
I much more preferred when the videos just showed you. The animations are very distracting, and they don‘t match the seriousness of the topics you talk about.
Nevertheless please keep going. I can always listen to your content instead of watch it.
Sincere thanks, Jasmin
I'm sharing this. Remember when my daddy said he was coming on the weekend. I was like f him, back then
Wow I found this video extremely helpful, thank you so much
Great video. Simple and straight to the point.
My daughter is only 5.. My husband cheated on me multiple times and was very violent. Now I'm finally getting the courage to get a divorce. I loved him more than anyone..
For what it's worth, I'm so proud of you for doing so. Sometimes I think it's the hardest knowing they don't love us like we love them. What he's doing to you is NOT ok, so good for saving yourself 🙏❣
My father, Uncle, and two brothers.......betrayed me! I'll never get over it! I've been struggling with this for 58 years......its too late for me to get past this!
It’s never too late! Today is the best day to start. The hurt may never go away but you can learn to live well with it.
@@raeperonneau4941 Thank you for your kind words, but I'm so messed up that I really don't know how to let it go or move passed it! It's almost like a second skin, I wear as armor! Very difficult and sometimes impossible to get passed that kind of trauma, especially when it's been my constant companion for almost my whole life! I trust nobody.
I'm sorry you were betrayed by your own family, I can't imagine what you've gone through. I hope one day you can heal from it all. You are worth it. Love and blessings. 🙏🏽❤️
@@s.nikki75 Thank you!
Hi Tracey. Love your videos. Your explanation is spot on. Have you heard of EMDR? I did EMDR to get rid of my betrayal trauma and it was excellent.
GREAT video. Thank you. Creating space between you and the thought/emotion. So important. Acknowledge the thought/emotion and recognize it is just a thought/emotion. Powerful.
This was SO helpful! Thank you SO much! Listened this morning. Saved. Subscribed. Commenting. Thank! Maria
Timely topic, thank you
🤗
Thank you very much for this highly educational and consolating video. Dr. Marks!
i've been strugling with this for a few months. thanks for helping.
ACT thank goodness
Amazing video. Priceless. Thank you !
it left me incapable of forming new secure attachments, even thirty years later
You are só smart! Thanks for ALL your vídeos.