The only thing they’ll ever apologize for is apologizing for the way you take something or apologizing because you don’t understand. Mine does this to me all the time. “I’m sorry that you took it that way“.
Or say "Think you're so smart? Ok! You're the smartest! Give yourself a medal!!" no joke, my father said it to me, when I explained differences between slavic and finno-ugric languages (I am a linguist). Proves, that they are not interested in the subject
The best way to deal with those know-it-all narcisists is to stay silent and do not engage with them in any way, shape or form. Just remove ourselves from their sphere of influence. Thank you for your sane and supportive approach dr Carter.
Easier said when you live with them. This isn't black and white. Not everyone is always on, like this. They're different degrees. We all have issues, no one is perfect.
@@phoenixfireclusterbomb I agree. I feel terrible that I can't hug the girl I thought I knew. We used to sit on the couch holding hands and laughing. We were fooled for so long. It's really debilitating as a mother. She used to be joyful and now it's all misery and control. She said she never wanted children. I believe they are a competition in her eyes. She is happier working so I'm glad she is. They have so much to be grateful for but aren't satisfied. She wants them to be adored and yet seems jealous of them. My husband would ask ,'When are you having children?'. Now that she has she uses this against him. She said she expected a lot more from him/us.
Same. I use past records to remind myself that they don't change and there is no point in going back to them. I can see the pattern is the same 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 30 years ago, back to when I was still living in my toxic family-of-origin's house. Also, my sister has a very long history of claiming "I didn't know anything", "I'm super busy", "I'm too exhausted", all just empty words of a martyr to get out of accountability (but she always has time for what she wants). I wouldn't have realized this without all the evidence across the years.
How I wish I had done that! But my cousin's words are so evil, I couldn't tolerate keeping them around. His tactic this week is that he has had his congressman ask Social Security to review my disability benefits. Inasmuch as I was almost killed at age 7, and am now 71, you can see what a scum he is.
In my life, their classic favorite quotes: "Here's the deal", "My way or the highway", " If you don't like it, leave". Also, they would say about everyone else: "They're crazy, got problems, issues etc." ... It's been exhausting for many years!!
Quite remarkable really , this describes my narcissist wife to perfection. Before I knew anything about Narcissism I was talking to a friend and expressed my confusion. “Here’s something you’ll never hear her say” I complained , its “Really I didn’t know that”. You cant surprise my wife with any information , she already knows it. Mentally its so draining until , that is , you discover Narcissism. Knowledge is power. The behaviours are so predictable that I now anticipate how she is going to behave. She told me recently that she wants to end the marriage. I’m being discarded but I’m no longer in the dark. It’s still going to be painful but not as painful as it would have been. My advice is once you become aware , watch as many videos as you can , you will feel yourself growing stronger as you come to understand that you are not the problem. Good luck to you all. Live well.
Good job coming to the right conclusion. I've been married to a covert narc for 30 years. I'm almost out of Egypt.....heading to the promised land. Whom Christ sets free is free indeed. God bless all of you dear souls who have been misused and taken for granted for years. It's time give yourself permission to leave the hell you have been in. If they haven't changed after 30 years, we may just be enabling them by our acquiescence.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you , you have no idea how much your videos have helped me to understand what has been going on in my life for the last fourteen years. I will be eternally grateful.
But I take as a personal victory that she finally relented to my logic on Traducianism vs. her belief in hyper-creationism. Took me 3 years, but still….
My dad would always say, "No one can know everything, but you can always learn something from everyone you come across, good or bad (what to do & what not to do). You just need to be opened minded." I have lived my life with those words.
I needed this reminder. My family exhibits this rigidity sometimes. And it's rage when you have a different opinion. It's fear. It's disgusting to me. Thanks again, Dr Carter
All I know is that I grew up knowing very little that was true . Narc parents don't share much in the truth department . I'm still watching for patterns ....still protecting myself. I needed so much of the knowledge I get here so many years ago . Thanks Dr.Carter , you're a jewel .
@@texaspatty458 , thanks for sharing . I do not remember rubble or hunger in post WWII (born in the 1950s) but I experienced the outcome of the awful education my parents had gone through. Luckily we had really good and dedicated teachers in school and church. Fascism is a problem.
Sounds about right - for the behavior of narcs - not about your right or wrongness. For a few years, one asked a few times per week where I wanted to eat, just to have me run down a list of our usual top 5 fave restaurants so he could shut them down, then tell me, after I begged him for a suggestion, finally where he'd like to go and why. Until I realized he was eating - my energy - by wearing me down. I started making dinner or saying "You can eat wherever you like, but I'm going to Xyz restaraunt. You are welcome to join me. Would enjoy your company or we could bring something back for you. The kids can go with you or come with me, whichever they prefer." After 3 or 4 times of this he finally asked me what was up - he was getting hip to my game. He missed the discussions where he could just put me down for a number of suggestions while holding out where he really wanted to eat until I was exasperated. I mean it was literally every time. I started coming up with decoy suggestions at one point. He got frazzled when I said I'd noticed the pattern and decided to change my part in it. Never asked me again. True story.
My ex was once dominating a conversation at a party and someone changed the subject. He said, "Oh, I don't know much about that" and then diverted the conversation back to what he was talking about. I was so embarrassed.
Always the smartest person in the room. They'll explain the most obvious things to you to satisfy their relentless need to condescend. Cold. Only they can appreciate how cold it is, the danger it can pose, what it means, etc. Seriously.
my father is definitely a know it all his favourite phrase is 'I know' often before you can even finish a sentence, if you're lucky enough that he'll even let you finish the sentence.
I don't want to say goodbye. I value what you've said, and I feel that I understand what these people are about. They can ruin your life if you allow them in ... I moved, and I'm out of that abusive house. Thank you for helping me see more clearly. I actually did the reactive abuse thing before I ever heard of it. I'm not proud of my behavior, but you helped me understand. Thank you. ❤️ 🙏
I'm a kid of a narc, and I gotta say, this was arguably the most pervasive behaviour in my family. Breaking the habit that I was taught that you are always right is arguably the toughest thing I've had to do (not sure how everyone can be right in a narc family?!). You have to work so damn hard to undo it, to accept you're not always right, that other people have valid opinions and that arguing all the time is actually really unattractive and unappealing. Humble yourself!
Another potential dynamic is being taught that the narc parent is always right & that the other family members somehow can't function independently without them🤢🤮.
The most annoying thing about my narcissist in-laws is TELLING me how to properly raise my kids ! Annoying ! That’s why there’s no contact - they raise their kids to be narcissists or flying monkeys - why do I want my kids to be narcissists or flying monkeys too ? It’s always a competition and a “better than” comparison with them ! Toxic- especially the shaming invalidating gaslighting projection and contempt !
@@angelaj8958 they’re like a gang or a cult - they’re very clannish that way - all 12 of them (they’re siblings ) along with their flying monkeys (their kids, spouses and “friends” - it’s a narcissist mafia
Hear, hear! Been there, done that, so I feel your struggle 🤗 Married over 35 years and the queen bee narcissist, my MIL, finally passed away. But now I'm left with 4 sisters-in-law that are carrying on the tradition of *control* ...so my husband and I have been shutting all of that down over the past year, or so. We've put up with their need for control & criticism looong enough. My husband feels smothered and I feel annoyed by their need for control. And yesterday my husband asked me to write one of his controlling sisters because he didn't want to call her lol! I wrote her a very nice text, because anything in writing can be used against you, and I simply and politely explained that we need some space, along with our therapists suggestions. My husband's sisters are emotionally enmeshed with my husband. So our therapist recommended a "reset", suggesting that they *not call* their brother for one year, and he's totally on board. So my husband asked me to deliver the therapist's plan of action. So yesterday I sent his older sister, who's the chief offender, a text, and explained what the therapist recommends. And then we blocked her from both of our phones. In fact we decided to block all four sisters since they all work as a single unit. Doesn't mean they can't use the U.S. mail, so I hope they don't write. Controlling people really hate boundaries, so we'll see what happens next. If any letters come then we may throw them away or send them back. We'll ask our therapist what she recommends. Therapy has really helped us because now we can point to the therapist ...look it was her idea lol! Anyway, I feel your struggle, I really do. Best to you and yours :)
You will never hear I'm sorry, you're right, I should make changes too, I understand what you're saying, I make mistakes too or I get where you're coming from.
And don't forget: the narcissist knows you better than you know yourself. He or she is happy to explain who you are, who you should socialize with and what you should do. You're owned.
This had me laughing thru the whole video. So true! Know better, know best, know more. Squash, lessen, invalidate, overwhelm, override, insult, belittle your opinions, ideas, realities. No matter if they do it 'nicely', covertly or overtly. It doesn't matter if you have decades of experience more than them about a particular thing!...NOPE...they actually will argue and think they know about it as much or more than you! Imo when I see this, just cut all ties. Like why even bother talking to someone like that.
The best solution is to ignore them. Save reason, and logic for another audience. I had an aunt like that. You could give her a hundred and umpteen different sources proving her wrong, YET she had to be right. Let them stay in their own bubble, trying anything else is too emotionally draining.
So well enunciated, Dr C! This is exactly what my ex was like. No matter what any of us in her family said, she would refute them immediately with a “No!” And proceed to tell you how the world revolves according to her book. Often, you could even see the wheels in her mind churning for a few seconds to come up with an opinion to beat yours down. When in the car, she was always the backseat driver telling everyone how to drive so much that eventually no one else in the family of four wanted to drive when she was in the car. When outside with people, she always wanted to gather the groups of young ladies in front of her while she delivered to them the orbs of wisdom of how to be a great wife and mother, revelling in being the centre of their attention. Today, she has lost them all: her family, her husband, her children.
Dr Carter, I’m forever grateful and cannot adequately communicate how much you have taught and helped me on this journey. Further, you have opened my eyes to my own shortcomings that attract me to them. The cumulative effect of your videos has been profound in my life and I will continue to grow from the blessing that you are to me. Thank you so very much!
They seem to get (and get offended by) insinuations or allusions, but seem to not understand (or prentend to not understand) you when you ask them a straightforward question about their behavior.
Dr. Carter, you have had such a dramatic, positive influence on my life. I am grateful. Viewing your wisdom is so soothing to my mind and I, at a minimum, watch your videos weekly. The enormous effect you have had on so many people! I think to myself, if I could be of as much benefit to one other person, job done! Thank you.
I need to hear this. Summary of strategies to cope with having to be near a know-it-all narcissist who asks us questions while they believe they already know all of the answers to those questions before ever looking at all the suppoorting evidence I could bring forward too: 1. Don't present any new information to them which differs to what is being presented there or dare to argue with them about any opinion which they have that they call a concept. 2. Don't fall for the idea that anyone including their peers or their superiors could help them change. 3. Be prepared and respond well while learning more how to keep it simple enough for ourselves instead of being taken by surprise and shocked and confused and embarrassed when the know-it-all does their gas lighting.
Fred... Lol! I asked Alexa what that meant and she responded with a more complicated answer. Could you dumb it down for me a little, because you have piqued my curiosity but I can't unravel what you mean. 😁
@@janiceweed9198 yes of course, if we delude ourselves that we know we stop learning and stop growing, stop connecting in healthy ways, less successful we become, a healthy society will reject us, that where narcissists are.
Exactly. Did not know what that was all about. Now that I'm divorcing after 31 years and SO much abuse, I'm slowly uncovering, layer by layer, how all of that was so intrenched in his narcissist personality. In my mind, I'd call him Mr Black & White, or Jekyll & Hyde. I had no idea until 2 years ago what was really going on. The healthy examples you give are such a welcome confirmation of how I think. This helps so much in my personal quest to find myself again. In fact, I love the fact that I'm a lifetime learner. I'm always curious. Something to look forward to as I begin my walk of freedom. And I need all the encouragement I can get! Thank you.
I like the answer "you misunderstood what I meant" as a means to stay on top when after arguing with them and they figure they're in the wrong. They try to play it off while the whole time I'm fighting the urge to choke them. I have to remember not going there, if they want me to go in their direction, I should be running in the other. Takes 2 to tango and I should let them dance alone all by themselves. Thanks Doc.
What I'm hearing from Dr Carter is: Take notice if they're talking at you or talking with you. This is a habit I have recently developed. Are they listing their musts and have-to's or are they listening and asking questions?. To be fair, I've had to follow the same rules. Wonderful video, Doctor!
I certainly can be arrogant. Defensive. And snarky. Plus, I make lots of mistakes every day. They're getting bigger and worsening. With consequences that effect people I love more negatively now (who don't deserve it). Even so, I don't deserve to be cussed out, lectured, or put down as less than anyone. Neither does the narcissist. If I blame them for all my sorrows or problems... Even if they might seem responsible for some by the actions they take and decisions they make... Ultimately, my fate is up to me. Blaming them won't help fix it. Or fix me. I am an adult. I have agency. I am capable of learning. And making amends. By changing my own behavior. To empower and support others instead of disappoint them or hurt them. If I focus on results I'm getting through natural feedback of human interaction rather than just on my intentions for those exchanges, then I can learn a lot.
Oh my gosh this resonates. When I suggested that we can’t know what we don’t know the defences and snark and judgemental criticism was immediate. She knows everything. I calmly said there is a lot that many of us don’t know until we learn, myself included.
My N mother was always the know-it-all and made me feel stupid whenever I tried to say anything. When I was young and naive, I believed her. As I got older, I noticed she really learned very little in her life because of her narcissism. She was so stuck in her own little world that she never did anything outside of her comfort zone. ...which is how people grow and learn. As I got older I made sure to be the opposite. I joined many groups, did many different types of activities, and I always studied new things. ...And I still feel I don't know anything. 😆 Narcissists have taught me that appearing confident and acting smart mean NOTHING.
I'm so glad that I found Dr. Carter's channel. I have a narcissist in my family. She's everything that Dr. C describes. She was vocal and adamant about making decisions for my life. I told her that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions, and that I have done so for years. I'm getting the silent treatment with some triangulation initiated by her. Oh well. I'm okay with being me.
Early on into our relationship my x told me one of the things he liked about me was my quick wit, he found it challenging. Little did I know that basically he was thinking,” let’s see how long it’ll take for me to break you .”.
Thank you again ! I experience this often. Recently my family member who displays NPD claimed to be interested in my trip to Brazil. When we were talking on the phone ½ way through my first sentence I was interrupted with "Yup ,just like" they started rambling on about their cruse through the Panama Canal... and that was the end of the reciprocal communication.
Dr . Carter , not only is your wise information so informative and appreciated , you have the best approach at delivering it . Your calm voice is so reassuring and so wonderful to listen to . Gus is such an extra added bonus . Thanks for being such an awesome person to all of viewers out there . 😊
I used to have a friend like this. We had become friends mostly because of our similar political views. We had been friends for roughly five years. He felt it was his job to educate me. Steer me towards certain individuals, listen to certain videos, etc. But when I suggested people I listened to, he had a dismissive attitude. As if he knew better. It finally came to an end about three years ago. He called me at an ungodly hour, and kept me on the phone for more than an hour... even after I told him I didn't like discussing politics after a certain hour. After about an hour and fifteen minutes we started to have a disagreement over a well-known...and infamous...former RUclips personality. By this time I was really aggravated by this early morning discussion, and I told him what I really thought. He went into a tirade about how I didn't know what I was talking about...and name-calling. I had enough, and ended the conversation. He left me a phone message calling names and "you don't DARE do that." I texted him back saying I have a mind of my own, and I see things as I see fit. And I wasn't going to take BS from a bully. And we haven't spoken since. And I don't miss hanging out with this one.
Oh my gosh, Dr. C.! You nailed it… again ! So true; in the narcissistic mind there is no room for nuances, except their own that is! They think that their way is the best and probably the only way. And yes, they go stone cold when obviously wrong. And then of course, it’s not their fault. Oh my goodness!!
It's so difficult to deal with a know-it-all narcissist, especially when it's a family member, you can't disassosiate from them as you risk hurting other family members and inviting criticism from other people who have no idea what you've been through. I feel so defeated knowing I can't do anything against a know-it-all narcissist while they get to speak whatever it is on their mind. The thing with this type of person is that they has something that they're either really good at or devote a lot of time and effort to, and they think that gives them grounds to put down other people, so that makes them difficult to deal with . Thank you doctor for validating what I've always suspect since I was a child.
Even when they and everyone around them know they made a mistake they will not admit it but they are good at telling anyone who will listen what you did wrong
This is gold. If you're active on social media, you run across this type of person daily. Maybe hourly. They always know more than you and won't hesitate to tell you.
Talking about comfort zones it seems like your pup had a change of their comfort zones when you said that @ 8:34 Sometimes this is them getting backed into a corner sometimes deluding over an exceptional case as if it is the norm and the general case that you mostly defend is just 'mostly' "your subjective opinion" Yes last time I confronted my bud who is like this he went silent and his comparative understanding is definitely really off (dangerously). Your right on the things the "won't" can't say and if you are reading this and you think I maybe negative towards you I just hope for your best.
Another thing you can never say to a narcissist is why don’t we just agree to disagree🤷♀️I’ll never get trapped in a long car ride with him again…ever…
Listening to them argue makes me literally Ill. He’s smarter than everyone. So when everyone around him gets it figure out they leave. No one wants to be around him. His reputation had worn people out. His long time friends ask me what’s happened to him. I really don’t know why he’s taken such hard turn and don’t care to comment. It’s like he turned off care and love. He has no respect for other people space. Even if I did know what’s wrong with him I won’t comment. I have told them to Ask him! I am sad for the loss and what could have been. He won’t change apparently so we’ve all ( family) let go. We’ve heard no word for a while. I will be so glad when legalities are finished. No more involvement. Thank you Dr. Carter Helping me see what this thing is that lives in a person. “This Know at All” topic, nailed it!
But when it's a preference, they do offer you the choice. If you choose well (i.e. agree with their choice), then you are the smartest person! If you pick the "wrong" choice, that is when they unleash their doing-you-a-favor-of-enlightening you. That way, they tell themselves that they DO listen to your preferences.
Its so sad when you know someone who cant see or hear themselves, especially to listen! Its like riding on a run away train with a one man band show & self audience included. It really is all about control & being center of attention over logic. Theyll wear you out until your head spins. Its a new meaning to talk for hours about completely nothing.
My ex would simply say “yeah, that’s what I said” when he realised he was mistaken halfway through a conversation - just flat out pretended he hadn’t been arguing the opposite for the last 5 minutes… 🙄
Spot on assessment. Problem when it is your spouse and you stop responding. That exasperated already poor communication. Was impossible to find a way through. :-(
This was absolutely spot on! The only difference is not being silent ..... JUST LEAVE THE ROOM. Their poisonous attitudes deserve no company. GET out of their negative hurtful energy!
I remember growing up getting accused, rightly of, being a "know it all". Now that I'm older I recognize that I got the trait from my narcissistic parents.
Amen to all of the knowledge that you share. Thanks, Dr C. Understanding what you teach and the awareness that you provide is invaluable. Life changing. 🙏🏽
My partner comes into the kitchen when I'm cooking and tells me how to do it, even though he's never cooked a meal in his life. I find it amusing. If I ask if he would like to take over he scuttles off quickly!
You never win with these toxic people don't argue with them you opinion doesn't matter to them they know everything they are never wrong the best thing for them is leave them alone some people don't need to be in a relationship sign Cynthia Smith
He couldn’t admit any culpability even when caught red handed so he then immediately deflected & blamed me. I repeated back to him this accusation & he nodded his head… all I said was “It’s OK” like I was talking to a child & went about my business, but from the kitchen I heard him saying, “It’s not OK!” He knew he’d been talked down to like the preadolescent he is & didn’t like it at all! 😂
Ya I get the deflection also and he blames me. He does his usual childlike temper tantrum because he got caught and doesn’t know what to do. it’s truly bizarre and pathetic.
These people are truly dangerious! I was a Resp. Therapist for 20 yrs. in a local hospital. We had a person who worked with us on 3rd shift. She was a No It All. Fresh out of school with no experience except what clinical experience she recieved in school.. She totally screwed up one nite but according to her story she knew what to do. You can't screw up a hospital setting. Dangerous to think you know it all. She lost her job shortly after. More screw up than were allowed. They are their own worst enemy!!
Oh, the unsolicited advice is relentless! And how many times have I heard "I was just trying to help"...yeah, right...the "chaos-causer" is just trying to help...couldn't be further from the truth! And, Dr. C, even though you wanted to say it "gently", you had me laughing out loud with "You can't fix stupid!" 😂 I have said this many, many times myself. This also reminds me of a friend who once said to me that the narcissist is "really stupid", and I said in return "I know". And then he said again, "No, I mean he is really stupid." And again, I said "I know." And then he proceeded one more time, "No, I mean he is really stupid", which I then looked straight at him and said "I know exactly what you are saying." Lol...😅
100 % no contact . Block all interaction . Some people have reasons they feel unable to but narcs won't ever change . Why stick around for more abuse ?
Wow you just described a co worker of mine that I was asked to train for 2 weeks. I knew after 15 minutes that something was wrong with this situation, from him telling me how to do things to everything he already knows, and he never asked a single question about anything or took any notes. I lasted only a few hours before I was actually yelling at him out of total frustration. 3 days later and I was done, the owner had to take over his training as I was actually thinking about quitting my job rather than deal with this person. Never in my life have I ever had such a frustrating experience with another person.
Dr C, I can’t say enough how amazing you are in portraying the narcissists. What you were saying in this teaching video is just exactly (part of) what my (female) narc does over the past 48 years. I haven’t been able to go no contact but I am getting better grey rocking (and yellow rocking). In a sense, my anguish and suffering are still on-going but in return, I have the opportunity to to fine tune my responses, to reflect and sharpen my understanding on narcissism. I am most grateful and thankful for your excellent knowledge and experience. God has sent you to save victims of narcissistic abuse, one of the most inhumane abuse on earth between humans. Thank you. 14:25
You're explaining them so thoroughly, but when somebody is their target for projection and reception of their malicious behavior, it already feels so in the gut, as a gut feeling and somehow no words are needed, but you feel in this one monent of time what you explain for 15 minutes
Yep this is my husband. And the tantrums they throw if you dont agree with them 😂. My go to now when he wants to be right is "oh ok", and stop engaging or try change the subject.
A narcissist demands that you give up everything to be their nothing. 💐
Well said 👏
😩 ugh! So true !
This is perfect!
Wow! That’s a line to remember!
Well put!
"I'm just trying to help." Wow the exact words. I have heard for decades.
I call it their *Expert-Complex*
All on FB lol.
If you prove them wrong...They dont like it. They never say..."You are right. I was mistaken." They just look at you with a blank silent stare.
Especially the passive aggressive covert narcissist.
The only thing they’ll ever apologize for is apologizing for the way you take something or apologizing because you don’t understand. Mine does this to me all the time. “I’m sorry that you took it that way“.
Or say "Think you're so smart? Ok! You're the smartest! Give yourself a medal!!" no joke, my father said it to me, when I explained differences between slavic and finno-ugric languages (I am a linguist).
Proves, that they are not interested in the subject
That was my brother
Yup, all the time!
The best way to deal with those know-it-all narcisists is to stay silent and do not engage with them in any way, shape or form. Just remove ourselves from their sphere of influence. Thank you for your sane and supportive approach dr Carter.
You're welcome, Iza!
Easier said when you live with them. This isn't black and white. Not everyone is always on, like this. They're different degrees. We all have issues, no one is perfect.
Completely agree. They can't stand to be ignored. Im being hoovered right now in the most asinine ways.
@@phoenixfireclusterbomb I agree. I feel terrible that I can't hug the girl I thought I knew. We used to sit on the couch holding hands and laughing. We were fooled for so long. It's really debilitating as a mother. She used to be joyful and now it's all misery and control.
She said she never wanted children. I believe they are a competition in her eyes. She is happier working so I'm glad she is. They have so much to be grateful for but aren't satisfied. She wants them to be adored and yet seems jealous of them.
My husband would ask ,'When are you having children?'. Now that she has she uses this against him. She said she expected a lot more from him/us.
I agree with you a 💯 %👍
Only God knows it all.
I’m going on with Him as my source of wisdom and discernment.
I am so glad I retained 5 years of text messages and 15 years of e-mails. Proof of what was really said and by whom. It's pure gold.
Sounds like hoarding pure garbage.
They won’t care if you show them proof. Unless you’re using it in court.
@@DFMoray It's not for her, but thanks for your ignorant thoughts.
Same. I use past records to remind myself that they don't change and there is no point in going back to them. I can see the pattern is the same 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 30 years ago, back to when I was still living in my toxic family-of-origin's house. Also, my sister has a very long history of claiming "I didn't know anything", "I'm super busy", "I'm too exhausted", all just empty words of a martyr to get out of accountability (but she always has time for what she wants). I wouldn't have realized this without all the evidence across the years.
I’ve done the same, just to prove to another sibling what I go through. They live far away. Started thread texting with 3 or 4.
How I wish I had done that! But my cousin's words are so evil, I couldn't tolerate keeping them around. His tactic this week is that he has had his congressman ask Social Security to review my disability benefits. Inasmuch as I was almost killed at age 7, and am now 71, you can see what a scum he is.
I had a classmate like this in social work they were the epitome of annoying.
I had an ex boyfriend who acted like this. I couldn't take it anymore!!
In my life, their classic favorite quotes: "Here's the deal", "My way or the highway", " If you don't like it, leave". Also, they would say about everyone else: "They're crazy, got problems, issues etc." ... It's been exhausting for many years!!
Yep!
Exactly how my ex partner was. Frightening, belittling, and devaluing.
I hope you are feeling better now.
They are to be avoided at all costs.
Don't forget the classic " do as I say,not as I do"
@@chasstiles7611 👍
Quite remarkable really , this describes my narcissist wife to perfection. Before I knew anything about Narcissism I was talking to a friend and expressed my confusion. “Here’s something you’ll never hear her say” I complained , its “Really I didn’t know that”. You cant surprise my wife with any information , she already knows it. Mentally its so draining until , that is , you discover Narcissism. Knowledge is power. The behaviours are so predictable that I now anticipate how she is going to behave. She told me recently that she wants to end the marriage. I’m being discarded but I’m no longer in the dark. It’s still going to be painful but not as painful as it would have been. My advice is once you become aware , watch as many videos as you can , you will feel yourself growing stronger as you come to understand that you are not the problem. Good luck to you all. Live well.
I'm with you!
Good job coming to the right conclusion. I've been married to a covert narc for 30 years. I'm almost out of Egypt.....heading to the promised land. Whom Christ sets free is free indeed. God bless all of you dear souls who have been misused and taken for granted for years. It's time give yourself permission to leave the hell you have been in. If they haven't changed after 30 years, we may just be enabling them by our acquiescence.
Spot on!…….I am in the same situation…….good luck to you……..but this information from Dr C (and all his other videos) has been such a great help
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you , you have no idea how much your videos have helped me to understand what has been going on in my life for the last fourteen years. I will be eternally grateful.
@@dixiegardner6207 thank you , and good luck to you
Lol. My (estranged, narcissistic) wife knew so much, I even had to ask her what my motive was for any argument she would start.
But I take as a personal victory that she finally relented to my logic on Traducianism vs. her belief in hyper-creationism. Took me 3 years, but still….
Stay strong, Aaron!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm just over here grinning, as my attorney just notified me to sign the post-nup, which should close this chapter.
What the doc said. Stay Strong Aaron 💪
My dad would always say, "No one can know everything, but you can always learn something from everyone you come across, good or bad (what to do & what not to do). You just need to be opened minded." I have lived my life with those words.
Your dad made sense.
I needed this reminder. My family exhibits this rigidity sometimes. And it's rage when you have a different opinion. It's fear. It's disgusting to me. Thanks again, Dr Carter
Well said!
Dr. Carter, this was my mother. During my childhood I got very good at being quiet, not arguing, and ignoring her.
10:15 "You can't fix stupid."
One big mistake I made is to try to fix stupid 😆 Thanks for teaching us
That summarizes it!
O ya! I like that. So true
This sounds like my narc. He knows everything, and will contradict you until the cows come home. 🐄
❤
And they never do come home.
All I know is that I grew up knowing very little that was true . Narc parents don't share much in the truth department . I'm still watching for patterns ....still protecting myself. I needed so much of the knowledge I get here so many years ago . Thanks Dr.Carter , you're a jewel .
This is my biggest fear for my teenager. I'm sorry you have and still have all the troubles
Yes, my parents grew up in Nazi Germany not a place and time of raising free spirited children. 😝
@@mariaawake4502 ...I was born in post WW II..Germany , rubble & hungry people were everywhere . Not a great situation before or after that war .
@@texaspatty458 , thanks for sharing . I do not remember rubble or hunger in post WWII (born in the 1950s) but I experienced the outcome of the awful education my parents had gone through. Luckily we had really good and dedicated teachers in school and church. Fascism is a problem.
The know it all I dealt with (now I am not contact) once told me, "I don't know the answer, but you are wrong," literally said that.😐
Sounds about right - for the behavior of narcs - not about your right or wrongness.
For a few years, one asked a few times per week where I wanted to eat, just to have me run down a list of our usual top 5 fave restaurants so he could shut them down, then tell me, after I begged him for a suggestion, finally where he'd like to go and why. Until I realized he was eating - my energy - by wearing me down.
I started making dinner or saying "You can eat wherever you like, but I'm going to Xyz restaraunt. You are welcome to join me. Would enjoy your company or we could bring something back for you. The kids can go with you or come with me, whichever they prefer."
After 3 or 4 times of this he finally asked me what was up - he was getting hip to my game. He missed the discussions where he could just put me down for a number of suggestions while holding out where he really wanted to eat until I was exasperated. I mean it was literally every time. I started coming up with decoy suggestions at one point.
He got frazzled when I said I'd noticed the pattern and decided to change my part in it.
Never asked me again.
True story.
My ex was once dominating a conversation at a party and someone changed the subject. He said, "Oh, I don't know much about that" and then diverted the conversation back to what he was talking about. I was so embarrassed.
Always the smartest person in the room. They'll explain the most obvious things to you to satisfy their relentless need to condescend. Cold. Only they can appreciate how cold it is, the danger it can pose, what it means, etc. Seriously.
my father is definitely a know it all his favourite phrase is 'I know' often before you can even finish a sentence, if you're lucky enough that he'll even let you finish the sentence.
I don't want to say goodbye. I value what you've said, and I feel that I understand what these people are about. They can ruin your life if you allow them in ... I moved, and I'm out of that abusive house. Thank you for helping me see more clearly. I actually did the reactive abuse thing before I ever heard of it. I'm not proud of my behavior, but you helped me understand. Thank you. ❤️ 🙏
We've all been there. You're not alone 🙏
They got me too! Before I learned it wasnt me!
I'm married to one. 20 years. 17 were great. The last 3 are horrible
Yes, I’m married to one, 27 yrs. The last five have been exhausting and sad.
Similar here. First 20+ were great, last 5 were crazymaking. 8 years free, now. You can do this.. We are here to help.
@@aaronkwolfewell said 👏
I’m 35+, and if I’m thinking correctly, all have been him winning, me subrogation. 😢
100 years the last 2 years was horrible and crazy
I don't want to be a target for their insecurities. Their I'll will. Bully mentality.
Know it alls actually have more than us to learn!
I'm a kid of a narc, and I gotta say, this was arguably the most pervasive behaviour in my family. Breaking the habit that I was taught that you are always right is arguably the toughest thing I've had to do (not sure how everyone can be right in a narc family?!). You have to work so damn hard to undo it, to accept you're not always right, that other people have valid opinions and that arguing all the time is actually really unattractive and unappealing. Humble yourself!
Another potential dynamic is being taught that the narc parent is always right & that the other family members somehow can't function independently without them🤢🤮.
Know it all belongs to all and all are yet to be born,so we will never know it all.
I can't help flashing back to Cheer's Cliff Clavin: ''It's a little-known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the 'Bronze' age.''
Cliff really did know it all...right? Maybe?
@@SurvivingNarcissism Lol, Doc!
I loved his “beer makes you smarter” (the Buffalo theory) story.
lol funny .
They have a God complex!.
The most annoying thing about my narcissist in-laws is TELLING me how to properly raise my kids ! Annoying ! That’s why there’s no contact - they raise their kids to be narcissists or flying monkeys - why do I want my kids to be narcissists or flying monkeys too ?
It’s always a competition and a “better than” comparison with them ! Toxic- especially the shaming invalidating gaslighting projection and contempt !
You married into that family. How long did it take you to recognize what was going on? was it after you had kids?
@@angelaj8958 before the kids - after kids I had it !
@@angelaj8958 they’re like a gang or a cult - they’re very clannish that way - all 12 of them (they’re siblings ) along with their flying monkeys (their kids, spouses and “friends” - it’s a narcissist mafia
Hear, hear! Been there, done that, so I feel your struggle 🤗
Married over 35 years and the queen bee narcissist, my MIL, finally passed away. But now I'm left with 4 sisters-in-law that are carrying on the tradition of *control* ...so my husband and I have been shutting all of that down over the past year, or so. We've put up with their need for control & criticism looong enough. My husband feels smothered and I feel annoyed by their need for control. And yesterday my husband asked me to write one of his controlling sisters because he didn't want to call her lol! I wrote her a very nice text, because anything in writing can be used against you, and I simply and politely explained that we need some space, along with our therapists suggestions. My husband's sisters are emotionally enmeshed with my husband. So our therapist recommended a "reset", suggesting that they *not call* their brother for one year, and he's totally on board. So my husband asked me to deliver the therapist's plan of action. So yesterday I sent his older sister, who's the chief offender, a text, and explained what the therapist recommends. And then we blocked her from both of our phones. In fact we decided to block all four sisters since they all work as a single unit. Doesn't mean they can't use the U.S. mail, so I hope they don't write. Controlling people really hate boundaries, so we'll see what happens next. If any letters come then we may throw them away or send them back. We'll ask our therapist what she recommends. Therapy has really helped us because now we can point to the therapist ...look it was her idea lol! Anyway, I feel your struggle, I really do. Best to you and yours :)
@@angelaj8958 And your point is...???
You will never hear I'm sorry, you're right, I should make changes too, I understand what you're saying, I make mistakes too or I get where you're coming from.
"I win when I don't play those games." I found myself smiling when you said this. Thanks for helping me the past few years, Dr. Carter.
You are quite welcome
And don't forget: the narcissist knows you better than you know yourself. He or she is happy to explain who you are, who you should socialize with and what you should do. You're owned.
This had me laughing thru the whole video. So true! Know better, know best, know more. Squash, lessen, invalidate, overwhelm, override, insult, belittle your opinions, ideas, realities. No matter if they do it 'nicely', covertly or overtly. It doesn't matter if you have decades of experience more than them about a particular thing!...NOPE...they actually will argue and think they know about it as much or more than you! Imo when I see this, just cut all ties. Like why even bother talking to someone like that.
My Mother, “Everything I say is right.” She really believes this.
Bless her heart.
Let her!
Why? "because I said so!"
@@bogumilsurvivor exactly right!
Even when it's 100% proven that they're wrong, they move the goalpost or pretend it never happened. So, technically, she is always right. 😆
The best solution is to ignore them. Save reason, and logic for another audience. I had an aunt like that. You could give her a hundred and umpteen different sources proving her wrong, YET she had to be right. Let them stay in their own bubble, trying anything else is too emotionally draining.
So well enunciated, Dr C! This is exactly what my ex was like. No matter what any of us in her family said, she would refute them immediately with a “No!” And proceed to tell you how the world revolves according to her book. Often, you could even see the wheels in her mind churning for a few seconds to come up with an opinion to beat yours down. When in the car, she was always the backseat driver telling everyone how to drive so much that eventually no one else in the family of four wanted to drive when she was in the car. When outside with people, she always wanted to gather the groups of young ladies in front of her while she delivered to them the orbs of wisdom of how to be a great wife and mother, revelling in being the centre of their attention. Today, she has lost them all: her family, her husband, her children.
Dr Carter, I’m forever grateful and cannot adequately communicate how much you have taught and helped me on this journey. Further, you have opened my eyes to my own shortcomings that attract me to them. The cumulative effect of your videos has been profound in my life and I will continue to grow from the blessing that you are to me. Thank you so very much!
You are so welcome, and I'm pleased for you!
They seem to get (and get offended by) insinuations or allusions, but seem to not understand (or prentend to not understand) you when you ask them a straightforward question about their behavior.
Dr. Carter, you have had such a dramatic, positive influence on my life. I am grateful. Viewing your wisdom is so soothing to my mind and I, at a minimum, watch your videos weekly. The enormous effect you have had on so many people! I think to myself, if I could be of as much benefit to one other person, job done! Thank you.
You just made my day. Thank you!
I need to hear this. Summary of strategies to cope with having to be near a know-it-all narcissist who asks us questions while they believe they already know all of the answers to those questions before ever looking at all the suppoorting evidence I could bring forward too: 1. Don't present any new information to them which differs to what is being presented there or dare to argue with them about any opinion which they have that they call a concept. 2. Don't fall for the idea that anyone including their peers or their superiors could help them change. 3. Be prepared and respond well while learning more how to keep it simple enough for ourselves instead of being taken by surprise and shocked and confused and embarrassed when the know-it-all does their gas lighting.
Awesome summary!
i presented new information and was screamed at they get so angry
The more we think we know is inversely proportional to our survivability!
Yep! There is actually research on that topic, Fred.
@@SurvivingNarcissism that’s why team healthy is surviving narcissism.
Fred... Lol! I asked Alexa what that meant and she responded with a more complicated answer. Could you dumb it down for me a little, because you have piqued my curiosity but I can't unravel what you mean. 😁
@@janiceweed9198 yes of course, if we delude ourselves that we know we stop learning and stop growing, stop connecting in healthy ways, less successful we become, a healthy society will reject us, that where narcissists are.
It gave me great awareness of what i am dealing with. I'm dealing with myself. I don't know how i became this but i don't want to be this.
Almost 3/4 of a million subscribers. You must be doing something right.
Let's hope so! I'm grateful.
@@SurvivingNarcissism A lot of people are trying to understand narcissism because of certain "current events".
Exactly. Did not know what that was all about. Now that I'm divorcing after 31 years and SO much abuse, I'm slowly uncovering, layer by layer, how all of that was so intrenched in his narcissist personality. In my mind, I'd call him Mr Black & White, or Jekyll & Hyde. I had no idea until 2 years ago what was really going on. The healthy examples you give are such a welcome confirmation of how I think. This helps so much in my personal quest to find myself again. In fact, I love the fact that I'm a lifetime learner. I'm always curious. Something to look forward to as I begin my walk of freedom. And I need all the encouragement I can get! Thank you.
I like the answer "you misunderstood what I meant" as a means to stay on top when after arguing with them and they figure they're in the wrong. They try to play it off while the whole time I'm fighting the urge to choke them. I have to remember not going there, if they want me to go in their direction, I should be running in the other. Takes 2 to tango and I should let them dance alone all by themselves. Thanks Doc.
What I'm hearing from Dr Carter is: Take notice if they're talking at you or talking with you. This is a habit I have recently developed. Are they listing their musts and have-to's or are they listening and asking questions?. To be fair, I've had to follow the same rules. Wonderful video, Doctor!
You get it!
I certainly can be arrogant. Defensive. And snarky.
Plus, I make lots of mistakes every day. They're getting bigger and worsening. With consequences that effect people I love more negatively now (who don't deserve it).
Even so, I don't deserve to be cussed out, lectured, or put down as less than anyone.
Neither does the narcissist.
If I blame them for all my sorrows or problems... Even if they might seem responsible for some by the actions they take and decisions they make... Ultimately, my fate is up to me. Blaming them won't help fix it.
Or fix me.
I am an adult. I have agency. I am capable of learning.
And making amends.
By changing my own behavior.
To empower and support others instead of disappoint them or hurt them.
If I focus on results I'm getting through natural feedback of human interaction rather than just on my intentions for those exchanges, then I can learn a lot.
Oh my gosh this resonates. When I suggested that we can’t know what we don’t know the defences and snark and judgemental criticism was immediate. She knows everything. I calmly said there is a lot that many of us don’t know until we learn, myself included.
never stop these videos please
My N mother was always the know-it-all and made me feel stupid whenever I tried to say anything. When I was young and naive, I believed her. As I got older, I noticed she really learned very little in her life because of her narcissism. She was so stuck in her own little world that she never did anything outside of her comfort zone. ...which is how people grow and learn.
As I got older I made sure to be the opposite. I joined many groups, did many different types of activities, and I always studied new things. ...And I still feel I don't know anything. 😆 Narcissists have taught me that appearing confident and acting smart mean NOTHING.
I'm so glad that I found Dr. Carter's channel. I have a narcissist in my family. She's everything that Dr. C describes. She was vocal and adamant about making decisions for my life. I told her that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions, and that I have done so for years. I'm getting the silent treatment with some triangulation initiated by her. Oh well. I'm okay with being me.
That last line...yes!
Thanks, Dr. C. I heard that "if you think you're the smartest person in the room, you're probably in the wrong room."
Early on into our relationship my x told me one of the things he liked about me was my quick wit, he found it challenging. Little did I know that basically he was thinking,” let’s see how long it’ll take for me to break you .”.
Thank you again ! I experience this often. Recently my family member who displays NPD claimed to be interested in my trip to Brazil. When we were talking on the phone ½ way through my first sentence I was interrupted with "Yup ,just like" they started rambling on about their cruse through the Panama Canal... and that was the end of the reciprocal communication.
Dr . Carter , not only is your wise information so informative and appreciated , you have the best approach at delivering it . Your calm voice is so reassuring and so wonderful to listen to .
Gus is such an extra added bonus .
Thanks for being such an awesome person to all of viewers out there . 😊
Thanks so much, Roxanne.
I used to have a friend like this. We had become friends mostly because of our similar political views. We had been friends for roughly five years.
He felt it was his job to educate me. Steer me towards certain individuals, listen to certain videos, etc. But when I suggested people I listened to, he had a dismissive attitude. As if he knew better.
It finally came to an end about three years ago. He called me at an ungodly hour, and kept me on the phone for more than an hour... even after I told him I didn't like discussing politics after a certain hour.
After about an hour and fifteen minutes we started to have a disagreement over a well-known...and infamous...former RUclips personality. By this time I was really aggravated by this early morning discussion, and I told him what I really thought.
He went into a tirade about how I didn't know what I was talking about...and name-calling. I had enough, and ended the conversation.
He left me a phone message calling names and "you don't DARE do that." I texted him back saying I have a mind of my own, and I see things as I see fit. And I wasn't going to take BS from a bully.
And we haven't spoken since. And I don't miss hanging out with this one.
Oh my gosh, Dr. C.! You nailed it… again ! So true; in the narcissistic mind there is no room for nuances, except their own that is! They think that their way is the best and probably the only way. And yes, they go stone cold when obviously wrong. And then of course, it’s not their fault. Oh my goodness!!
It's so difficult to deal with a know-it-all narcissist, especially when it's a family member, you can't disassosiate from them as you risk hurting other family members and inviting criticism from other people who have no idea what you've been through. I feel so defeated knowing I can't do anything against a know-it-all narcissist while they get to speak whatever it is on their mind. The thing with this type of person is that they has something that they're either really good at or devote a lot of time and effort to, and they think that gives them grounds to put down other people, so that makes them difficult to deal with . Thank you doctor for validating what I've always suspect since I was a child.
The best answer to the know-it-all narcisist is silence or I am comfortable with who I am. Thank you dr Carter❤
Even when they and everyone around them know they made a mistake they will not admit it but they are good at telling anyone who will listen what you did wrong
This is gold. If you're active on social media, you run across this type of person daily. Maybe hourly. They always know more than you and won't hesitate to tell you.
Wow! Another great shirt, Dr C! Gus looks good, too! Thanx ❤️🩹
Thanks to Mr. Nordstrom.
Talking about comfort zones it seems like your pup had a change of their comfort zones when you said that @ 8:34 Sometimes this is them getting backed into a corner sometimes deluding over an exceptional case as if it is the norm and the general case that you mostly defend is just 'mostly' "your subjective opinion" Yes last time I confronted my bud who is like this he went silent and his comparative understanding is definitely really off (dangerously). Your right on the things the "won't" can't say and if you are reading this and you think I maybe negative towards you I just hope for your best.
Another thing you can never say to a narcissist is why don’t we just agree to disagree🤷♀️I’ll never get trapped in a long car ride with him again…ever…
Right. I tried to get mine to just agree to disagree. But obviously she didn't want peace. She wanted control.
Probably almost should've jumped out of the 🚗 at the 1st darn stop sign/red light😅.
My narc threatened to kick me out of the car and this was out of state
Listening to them argue makes me literally Ill. He’s smarter than everyone. So when everyone around him gets it figure out they leave. No one wants to be around him. His reputation had worn people out. His long time friends ask me what’s happened to him.
I really don’t know why he’s taken such hard turn and don’t care to comment.
It’s like he turned off care and love. He has no respect for other people space. Even if I did know what’s wrong with him I won’t comment. I have told them to Ask him!
I am sad for the loss and what could have been. He won’t change apparently so we’ve all ( family) let go.
We’ve heard no word for a while.
I will be so glad when legalities are finished. No more involvement.
Thank you Dr. Carter
Helping me see what this thing is that lives in a person.
“This Know at All”
topic, nailed it!
No response to the Narc's insult, just give them a Big Smile, they get upset it is funny how predictable they are
And this continual superior, know-it-all attitude causes job loss, because they are superior to co-workers.
Know-it-all without knowing how to solve problems is the worst 🙁 I stopped working under someone like that.
But when it's a preference, they do offer you the choice. If you choose well (i.e. agree with their choice), then you are the smartest person! If you pick the "wrong" choice, that is when they unleash their doing-you-a-favor-of-enlightening you. That way, they tell themselves that they DO listen to your preferences.
Its so sad when you know someone who cant see or hear themselves, especially to listen! Its like riding on a run away train with a one man band show & self audience included. It really is all about control & being center of attention over logic. Theyll wear you out until your head spins. Its a new meaning to talk for hours about completely nothing.
God, that's my father. "I just wanted to help" and "What about you? You also make mistakes" are his catchphrases.
So on point, thank you!!❤
My ex would simply say “yeah, that’s what I said” when he realised he was mistaken halfway through a conversation - just flat out pretended he hadn’t been arguing the opposite for the last 5 minutes… 🙄
A game player! A one upper! Total truth. It's nothing but a competitive game they play while all your seeking is true human connection. RUN.
Spot on assessment. Problem when it is your spouse and you stop responding. That exasperated already poor communication. Was impossible to find a way through. :-(
This was absolutely spot on! The only difference is not being silent ..... JUST LEAVE THE ROOM.
Their poisonous attitudes deserve no company. GET out of their negative hurtful energy!
I remember growing up getting accused, rightly of, being a "know it all". Now that I'm older I recognize that I got the trait from my narcissistic parents.
Amen to all of the knowledge that you share. Thanks, Dr C. Understanding what you teach and the awareness that you provide is invaluable. Life changing. 🙏🏽
You are very welcome!
Only his way! Ever. My opinion is invisible.
I get told “no one in their right mind would do that” or “obviously it’s really this way not that way”
My partner comes into the kitchen when I'm cooking and tells me how to do it, even though he's never cooked a meal in his life. I find it amusing. If I ask if he would like to take over he scuttles off quickly!
Another excellent video perfectly describing our family narcissist. I thought he was unique, but it looks like he isn't. Thank you!
You never win with these toxic people don't argue with them you opinion doesn't matter to them they know everything they are never wrong the best thing for them is leave them alone some people don't need to be in a relationship sign Cynthia Smith
I've been going through this all week. Perfect timing.
He couldn’t admit any culpability even when caught red handed so he then immediately deflected & blamed me. I repeated back to him this accusation & he nodded his head… all I said was “It’s OK” like I was talking to a child & went about my business, but from the kitchen I heard him saying, “It’s not OK!” He knew he’d been talked down to like the preadolescent he is & didn’t like it at all! 😂
Good job Carol 👍
Ya I get the deflection also and he blames me. He does his usual childlike temper tantrum because he got caught and doesn’t know what to do. it’s truly bizarre and pathetic.
These people are truly dangerious!
I was a Resp. Therapist for 20 yrs. in a local hospital. We had a person who worked with us on 3rd shift. She was a No It All. Fresh out of school with no experience except what clinical experience she recieved in school..
She totally screwed up one nite but according to her story she knew what to do. You can't screw up a hospital setting. Dangerous to think you know it all. She lost her job shortly after. More screw up than were allowed. They are their own worst enemy!!
Oh, the unsolicited advice is relentless! And how many times have I heard "I was just trying to help"...yeah, right...the "chaos-causer" is just trying to help...couldn't be further from the truth! And, Dr. C, even though you wanted to say it "gently", you had me laughing out loud with "You can't fix stupid!" 😂 I have said this many, many times myself. This also reminds me of a friend who once said to me that the narcissist is "really stupid", and I said in return "I know". And then he said again, "No, I mean he is really stupid." And again, I said "I know." And then he proceeded one more time, "No, I mean he is really stupid", which I then looked straight at him and said "I know exactly what you are saying." Lol...😅
Your friend and I would get along just fine!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Lol, Dr. C! 😂
I'm dealing with this right now. Now now. Lol
100 % no contact . Block all interaction . Some people have reasons they feel unable to but narcs won't ever change . Why stick around for more abuse ?
they're hungry for love as well although not loving others.
Wow you just described a co worker of mine that I was asked to train for 2 weeks. I knew after 15 minutes that something was wrong with this situation, from him telling me how to do things to everything he already knows, and he never asked a single question about anything or took any notes. I lasted only a few hours before I was actually yelling at him out of total frustration. 3 days later and I was done, the owner had to take over his training as I was actually thinking about quitting my job rather than deal with this person. Never in my life have I ever had such a frustrating experience with another person.
Glad the video resonated. Keep learning!
I made the mistake of laughing in a sociable way when the narcissist would inform us of "facts".
Don't do that. You'll be punished.
Keep in mind, they live in their own world of alternate reality.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, Dr C, you have taught me that. I never suspected it!
Dr C,
I can’t say enough how amazing you are in portraying the narcissists. What you were saying in this teaching video is just exactly (part of) what my (female) narc does over the past 48 years.
I haven’t been able to go no contact but I am getting better grey rocking (and yellow rocking). In a sense, my anguish and suffering are still on-going but in return, I have the opportunity to to fine tune my responses, to reflect and sharpen my understanding on narcissism. I am most grateful and thankful for your excellent knowledge and experience. God has sent you to save victims of narcissistic abuse, one of the most inhumane abuse on earth between humans. Thank you. 14:25
You're explaining them so thoroughly, but when somebody is their target for projection and reception of their malicious behavior, it already feels so in the gut, as a gut feeling and somehow no words are needed, but you feel in this one monent of time what you explain for 15 minutes
Yep this is my husband. And the tantrums they throw if you dont agree with them 😂. My go to now when he wants to be right is "oh ok", and stop engaging or try change the subject.
Your videos are awesome, thank you
Glad you like them!
I love when I say “I’m OK with who I am“ and the narc says sarcastically “of course you are… “ 🙄
They may not understand you, but then that doesn't have to slow you down.
@@SurvivingNarcissism it’s not, not anymore. Thanks for all you do in helping the process of realizing that and so much more!
What really sucks about going forward in my life is how will I ever trust anyone, my family has betrayed my trust multiple times 💔
Thank you Mr. C You open my eyes even More. Your the Best ❤️
You are so welcome, Daniel. Good to hear from you again.
I need to know how to get these idiots to quit bothering our property. Boundaries just encourage their tormenting .
Just wanted to say thank you for all your videos. They are so insightful and such a big part of my life’s journey. Also, that’s a cool shirt!
You are so welcome! And I'll let Mr. Nordstrom take credit for the shirt.