I got married on my grandmother's birthday. She was so honored & it just made our day even more special. We got her a cake, the DJ led singing Happy Birthday, and her many grandchildren surprised her with her lifelong dream of a trip to Ireland! It was SO amazing to see her so happy. She was on the dance floor with my husband more than i was 😂!
My MIL passed in 2016. My niece was very close to her grandmother (my MIL). So, when she got married in 2019, she chose to get married on my MIL's birthday at the local courthouse. There was a church wedding and reception the Saturday after. The first ceremony was kept secret because they only asked their immediate family and Godparents to attend that one.
An illustration of why wedding planners were invented. Communication and planning the flow and details, makes a huge difference and can avoid alot of the drama...
Our granddaughter got married on my husband’s birthday. It was to honor him and he was thrilled! He calls it his birthday and his “walking down the aisle” day. Yes, she also asked him to do that honor. We love celebrating both of those things every year.
My FIL loved us getting married on his birthday. All his friends were there and plenty of booze. We had a candle to put on a slice of cake and sang HB. ❤
“If someone is contributing financially to the wedding, they naturally have some say in the decisions. This is simply a reality of life. It’s unrealistic to expect parents to pay for a wedding without any conditions attached. However, if the money is given as a no-strings-attached gift, full control remains with the couple. If you want to retain complete control, consider financing the wedding yourself. Some of the younger generation spend $30,000 to $60,000 or more on weddings, expecting parents to cover the costs, but with that, they inevitably relinquish some control.”
Is this a quote from someone? I disagree. If you are giving money as a gift, then it’s that - a gift. If you are giving money as a way to be Involved, that’s different. This needs to be communicated. However giving money does not automatically mean you can make changes.
I disagree…giving money to help pay for a wedding does not entitle that person to ANY decisions! The wedding is still for the bride and groom. Not their family and friends. If you can’t help financially without feeling the need to control things, keep your money to yourself. Bc at the end of the day, it’s the bride and grooms day.
No, this is entirely my own, which I created in a Word document while at my work. My apologies for any confusion. I agree that if something is truly a gift, it should come without expectations. However, if a son or daughter expects their parents to finance the entire event, it's reasonable for the parents to have some say in the matter. In reality, any significant gift often comes with implicit expectations. This is true in work, school, networking, religion, politics, financial world, intimate relationships, family relationships, …..In life….. just reality. To think otherwise….. pure delusion……. But a lovely view of the world.
@@heatherburrell8412 I agree that a bride or groom shouldn’t automatically expect a parent to pay for an event. In fact they should expect no one will help in the beginning when planning, then after talking if someone says they want to help, that’s great! However, they need to communicate and set boundaries ahead of time.
my Former Pastors daughter was getting married. I'd not been to that church in several years. So Ashley the daughter went through the church directory and sent bridal shower invitations to the entire directory! She'd assigned each person a time of day like breakfast lunch dinner bath time etc so she'd get a gift for that specific time. I didn't go to the shower. I didn't send it gift either. Hardly anyone from the directory were invited to the wedding.
My hubbys cousins daughter got engaged and I was invited to the shower, went and took a gift..wedding time came and they got married at a big country club where we live..never got an invitation as a lot of people who were invited to shower didn’t get invitations to the wedding and felt like we were just used for a gift!
I had a bridal shower other people from my church threw for me. Some of them were invited and some were not. No one seemed to have a problem, and I don’t think it’s nessasarily rude for them to come if they aren’t invited to the wedding. I didn’t ask them to come, nor was it my idea/plan. But I understand certain situations are completely different!
12:59 we had a very detailed schedule and other important info binder that we called the “wedding day Bible” for my when my brother and sister-in-law got married. My girls chose to do their own hair and makeup so I didn’t have that when I got married but a timeline is VERY IMPORTANT
I didn’t have a planner. I planned everything myself and my husband and I paid for it. My parents voluntarily paid for the flowers (artificial which I didn’t mind) and also the rehearsal dinner. Our reception was at a separate venue than the ceremony. We stayed and cleaned up before we left for our wedding night. My family and guests that were left all pitched in too. We didn’t ask or expect them to. That’s just the type of family I come from. Also, thankfully, some people from our church where the ceremony was put everything back how it was so we didn’t have to worry about that.
That’s great! Love this! That’s the type of family I come from too - we had family and friends help with some stuff at the end of ours. We just had some staff that put away the big stuff like tables and chairs and overall set up. I’m just saying it shouldn’t be assumed and some people don’t realize they need to help with that.
About inviting people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding. I think in my culture and church this is not rude or uncommon. Especially if the wedding is in another town. You would frequently have a shower with just the church or just your coworkers or the MILs friends and not all those people are going to the wedding and they understand you can't afford to invite everyone and they choose whether or not to participate in the shower.
Going to a wedding on your birthday may be fun... never seeing your family member on your birthday again because it's their anniversary... not as cool.
The tear down? No. I went to one wedding where I was told I left before tear down but I was a guest not free labor. I would have understood if all they had wanted was people to gather centerpieces but no they wanted people to move tables and chairs and sweep and mop to save them from a cleaning fee
This was a “church basement” wedding. A venue they got for free and spent days setting up, not because they had fancy decorations, but because this was probably a small church and there is not staff that “does weddings” The “wedding staff” is the plaster who officiates and piano/organ player who does the ceremony music. They probably had to wash the dishes, tear down the folding tables and take out the trash. The reception was most likely in the fellowship hall. There was probably no cleaning fee to avoid as it was free. If you have ever been to enough wedding like this, you understand the small town vibe and the understanding, that if you are able, you pitch in and tear down without being asked in advance, not matter who you are in relation to the couple. It is a small town thing. At least it is in the Midwest where I live. I knew it as soon as she said an afternoon cake and punch wedding in a free church.
@@nataliejones6626you get that the expectation isn’t universal though, right? Not even remotely. So no, others not from small town USA would not intuitively know they needed to mop and schlep afterward🙄🤦🏾♀️
I dunno what it is with weddings whether someone is paying or not- why would you want to control someone else’s wedding day?! It’s just so unhinged, you can’t redo your day or put your preferences on someone else.
Sounds like this couple planned the low budget wedding they could afford - and wanted. Also sounds like the groom's family was a very toxic bunch. MIL didn't want them to get married or have kids, apparently. None of his family showed except the parents. His grandmother REALLY knows how to hold a grudge. Also sounds like the couple has gone no contact with these people. And I don't agree with Christa - when you say you're going to show up and help set up, that's what you do. And no communications to the contrary. Sad story.
I feel like everything they planned was dependent on the help from grooms family. With them not showing up to help at all, that it fell onto Friday. His family sounds so entitled.....Next, they didn't stay to celebrate BIL's birthday. She went to the hotel, he went to gamble. What I'm getting out of this story is MIL said they would help, but just didn't bother because the wedding wasn't going the way she wanted. I don't see communication issues, I see IDAF issues from his famy
I disagree with most of what you said. They wanted to be involved but literally did not get involved in anything. If you have to ask for help every time then they didn’t actually wanted to be involved in the first place.
That’s fine - this was just my opinion on a whim as I read it. It sounds to me like they wanted to be involved if it suited them - ie the venue they wanted, location they wanted, paying for what they wanted. But yes I agree that they didn’t actually want to be Involved because when given the opportunity they did not help. I’m not sure where we disagree?
@@PartyPlanningbyChrista It’s not just that groom’s family didn’t help. They said they’d be there on Wednesday, then didn’t show up until Friday right before the rehearsal dinner. They also had at least given the impression that they were willing to help cover the expense for the groomsmen suit rentals,, and reneged on that. So they came the the DIY wedding and left, without ever lifting a finger. Not helping with setup or tear down is one thing. Lying about it and just not showing up is another. That, along with the detail about Grandma being mad about something the groom did on a cruise a decade earlier, gives me real Sophisticated Elites versus Peasant Hicks vibes. Especially since most of his family didn’t come. I’ll need to listen to it again. But his family sounds like a bunch of entitled snobs.
Anyone else thinks it’s weird he gave her her own ring to propose? She had inherited it so it was already hers. What would the family have done if they gave someone an heirloom ring to propose with and the person just took off with the ring?
No. Not weird to me. If great grandma's engagement ring was passed down in the family, I would want my sister to have it as her ring vs an in-law. I think it's lovely. She did not know the ring was here at that point
Sorry but saying that if you pay, you still don’t get a say in someone else’s day, is nice in theory but not realistic and a bit naive. You cannot take thousands of dollars from someone and then, if they give you a request, say you don’t get a say because it is not your day; sounds kind of bratty. It would be nice if they didn’t give suggestions/requests, but you should never take money from someone if you are not ok with potential strings attached.
Let's agree to disagree. MIL was mean and nasty and did nothing helpful for the wedding. She did petty little things all down the line. Inviting people to the shower that weren't invited to the wedding. The Bride gave them the time everyone was getting together to pitch in and decorate. MIL wanted a meal but wanted it her way. This is the first time I believe you missed the mark.
I agree with all of this! Not sure where we are disagreeing. You have to remember I react as I’m reading for the first time so I’m thinking of all scenarios (otherwise people call me biast 🤦♀️) however I ultimately said his family was rude and didn’t help and the thing with his grandma was just odd!
The op is very clearly an unreliable narrator. Extremely disorganized, clearly entitled, and just overall i get a vibe that she is at least 50% to blame for the issues
I got married on my grandmother's birthday. She was so honored & it just made our day even more special. We got her a cake, the DJ led singing Happy Birthday, and her many grandchildren surprised her with her lifelong dream of a trip to Ireland! It was SO amazing to see her so happy. She was on the dance floor with my husband more than i was 😂!
My MIL passed in 2016. My niece was very close to her grandmother (my MIL). So, when she got married in 2019, she chose to get married on my MIL's birthday at the local courthouse. There was a church wedding and reception the Saturday after. The first ceremony was kept secret because they only asked their immediate family and Godparents to attend that one.
An illustration of why wedding planners were invented. Communication and planning the flow and details, makes a huge difference and can avoid alot of the drama...
Yes!!
Your summary is spot on. The in-laws clearly have issues, but it’s not their responsibility to work at and pay for a wedding format you choose.
I want to thank you for posting on fb that you have a yt!!! I love that you're on here!! I love your stories!!
Glad you like them!
Our granddaughter got married on my husband’s birthday. It was to honor him and he was thrilled! He calls it his birthday and his “walking down the aisle” day. Yes, she also asked him to do that honor. We love celebrating both of those things every year.
My niece got married on my birthday back in 2001 (10 days before 9-11!) I turned 54 didn’t mind a bit!
My FIL loved us getting married on his birthday. All his friends were there and plenty of booze. We had a candle to put on a slice of cake and sang HB. ❤
Love it
He must be a nice person for you to love him so much
“If someone is contributing financially to the wedding, they naturally have some say in the decisions. This is simply a reality of life. It’s unrealistic to expect parents to pay for a wedding without any conditions attached. However, if the money is given as a no-strings-attached gift, full control remains with the couple. If you want to retain complete control, consider financing the wedding yourself. Some of the younger generation spend $30,000 to $60,000 or more on weddings, expecting parents to cover the costs, but with that, they inevitably relinquish some control.”
Is this a quote from someone? I disagree. If you are giving money as a gift, then it’s that - a gift. If you are giving money as a way to be Involved, that’s different. This needs to be communicated. However giving money does not automatically mean you can make changes.
I disagree…giving money to help pay for a wedding does not entitle that person to ANY decisions! The wedding is still for the bride and groom. Not their family and friends. If you can’t help financially without feeling the need to control things, keep your money to yourself. Bc at the end of the day, it’s the bride and grooms day.
No, this is entirely my own, which I created in a Word document while at my work. My apologies for any confusion. I agree that if something is truly a gift, it should come without expectations. However, if a son or daughter expects their parents to finance the entire event, it's reasonable for the parents to have some say in the matter. In reality, any significant gift often comes with implicit expectations. This is true in work, school, networking, religion, politics, financial world, intimate relationships, family relationships, …..In life….. just reality. To think otherwise….. pure delusion……. But a lovely view of the world.
@@heatherburrell8412 I agree that a bride or groom shouldn’t automatically expect a parent to pay for an event. In fact they should expect no one will help in the beginning when planning, then after talking if someone says they want to help, that’s great! However, they need to communicate and set boundaries ahead of time.
my Former Pastors daughter was getting married. I'd not been to that church in several years. So Ashley the daughter went through the church directory and sent bridal shower invitations to the entire directory! She'd assigned each person a time of day like breakfast lunch dinner bath time etc so she'd get a gift for that specific time. I didn't go to the shower. I didn't send it gift either. Hardly anyone from the directory were invited to the wedding.
That just seems grasping on her part.
My hubbys cousins daughter got engaged and I was invited to the shower, went and took a gift..wedding time came and they got married at a big country club where we live..never got an invitation as a lot of people who were invited to shower didn’t get invitations to the wedding and felt like we were just used for a gift!
I had a bridal shower other people from my church threw for me. Some of them were invited and some were not. No one seemed to have a problem, and I don’t think it’s nessasarily rude for them to come if they aren’t invited to the wedding. I didn’t ask them to come, nor was it my idea/plan.
But I understand certain situations are completely different!
12:59 we had a very detailed schedule and other important info binder that we called the “wedding day Bible” for my when my brother and sister-in-law got married. My girls chose to do their own hair and makeup so I didn’t have that when I got married but a timeline is VERY IMPORTANT
I didn’t have a planner. I planned everything myself and my husband and I paid for it. My parents voluntarily paid for the flowers (artificial which I didn’t mind) and also the rehearsal dinner. Our reception was at a separate venue than the ceremony. We stayed and cleaned up before we left for our wedding night. My family and guests that were left all pitched in too. We didn’t ask or expect them to. That’s just the type of family I come from. Also, thankfully, some people from our church where the ceremony was put everything back how it was so we didn’t have to worry about that.
That’s great! Love this! That’s the type of family I come from too - we had family and friends help with some stuff at the end of ours. We just had some staff that put away the big stuff like tables and chairs and overall set up. I’m just saying it shouldn’t be assumed and some people don’t realize they need to help with that.
About inviting people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding. I think in my culture and church this is not rude or uncommon. Especially if the wedding is in another town. You would frequently have a shower with just the church or just your coworkers or the MILs friends and not all those people are going to the wedding and they understand you can't afford to invite everyone and they choose whether or not to participate in the shower.
My relatives will find out I’m married, maybe, on the tenth anniversary. Then again, I don’t like them and they aren’t invited
Going to a wedding on your birthday may be fun... never seeing your family member on your birthday again because it's their anniversary... not as cool.
The tear down? No. I went to one wedding where I was told I left before tear down but I was a guest not free labor. I would have understood if all they had wanted was people to gather centerpieces but no they wanted people to move tables and chairs and sweep and mop to save them from a cleaning fee
This was a “church basement” wedding. A venue they got for free and spent days setting up, not because they had fancy decorations, but because this was probably a small church and there is not staff that “does weddings” The “wedding staff” is the plaster who officiates and piano/organ player who does the ceremony music. They probably had to wash the dishes, tear down the folding tables and take out the trash. The reception was most likely in the fellowship hall. There was probably no cleaning fee to avoid as it was free. If you have ever been to enough wedding like this, you understand the small town vibe and the understanding, that if you are able, you pitch in and tear down without being asked in advance, not matter who you are in relation to the couple. It is a small town thing. At least it is in the Midwest where I live. I knew it as soon as she said an afternoon cake and punch wedding in a free church.
@@nataliejones6626you get that the expectation isn’t universal though, right? Not even remotely. So no, others not from small town USA would not intuitively know they needed to mop and schlep afterward🙄🤦🏾♀️
Wedding was poorly planned and executed regardless of the parent's actions or inactions. Other issues caused the no contact but seems warranted.
I dunno what it is with weddings whether someone is paying or not- why would you want to control someone else’s wedding day?! It’s just so unhinged, you can’t redo your day or put your preferences on someone else.
Sounds like this couple planned the low budget wedding they could afford - and wanted. Also sounds like the groom's family was a very toxic bunch. MIL didn't want them to get married or have kids, apparently. None of his family showed except the parents. His grandmother REALLY knows how to hold a grudge. Also sounds like the couple has gone no contact with these people. And I don't agree with Christa - when you say you're going to show up and help set up, that's what you do. And no communications to the contrary. Sad story.
I feel like everything they planned was dependent on the help from grooms family. With them not showing up to help at all, that it fell onto Friday. His family sounds so entitled.....Next, they didn't stay to celebrate BIL's birthday. She went to the hotel, he went to gamble. What I'm getting out of this story is MIL said they would help, but just didn't bother because the wedding wasn't going the way she wanted. I don't see communication issues, I see IDAF issues from his famy
My pet peeve is people not using good grammar! “I and my bridesmaids . . . “ 🙄🙄
I disagree with most of what you said. They wanted to be involved but literally did not get involved in anything. If you have to ask for help every time then they didn’t actually wanted to be involved in the first place.
That’s fine - this was just my opinion on a whim as I read it. It sounds to me like they wanted to be involved if it suited them - ie the venue they wanted, location they wanted, paying for what they wanted. But yes I agree that they didn’t actually want to be Involved because when given the opportunity they did not help. I’m not sure where we disagree?
@@PartyPlanningbyChrista
It’s not just that groom’s family didn’t help.
They said they’d be there on Wednesday, then didn’t show up until Friday right before the rehearsal dinner.
They also had at least given the impression that they were willing to help cover the expense for the groomsmen suit rentals,, and reneged on that. So they came the the DIY wedding and left, without ever lifting a finger.
Not helping with setup or tear down is one thing. Lying about it and just not showing up is another.
That, along with the detail about Grandma being mad about something the groom did on a cruise a decade earlier, gives me real Sophisticated Elites versus Peasant Hicks vibes. Especially since most of his family didn’t come.
I’ll need to listen to it again. But his family sounds like a bunch of entitled snobs.
@@Boomette53yeah I agree with all this and said it was super weird that the grooms family didn’t show up and very weird about the grandma!
Everyone found out my grandson got married via social media
Married?! Oh nooo. I'm sorry!
@PartyPlanningbyChrista yep. They just got married at a friend's house at their weekly D&D get together.
Anyone else thinks it’s weird he gave her her own ring to propose? She had inherited it so it was already hers. What would the family have done if they gave someone an heirloom ring to propose with and the person just took off with the ring?
No. Not weird to me. If great grandma's engagement ring was passed down in the family, I would want my sister to have it as her ring vs an in-law. I think it's lovely. She did not know the ring was here at that point
Sorry but saying that if you pay, you still don’t get a say in someone else’s day, is nice in theory but not realistic and a bit naive. You cannot take thousands of dollars from someone and then, if they give you a request, say you don’t get a say because it is not your day; sounds kind of bratty. It would be nice if they didn’t give suggestions/requests, but you should never take money from someone if you are not ok with potential strings attached.
It’s all about communication. If there are strings attached that needs to be communicated. It should not be expected.
Let's agree to disagree. MIL was mean and nasty and did nothing helpful for the wedding. She did petty little things all down the line. Inviting people to the shower that weren't invited to the wedding. The Bride gave them the time everyone was getting together to pitch in and decorate. MIL wanted a meal but wanted it her way. This is the first time I believe you missed the mark.
I agree with all of this! Not sure where we are disagreeing. You have to remember I react as I’m reading for the first time so I’m thinking of all scenarios (otherwise people call me biast 🤦♀️) however I ultimately said his family was rude and didn’t help and the thing with his grandma was just odd!
Doesn't seem like you have the full backstory. Sounds like there's more to this story.
I’m sure there is a lot missing!
Sorry I totally disagree with what you are saying ! In laws feeling were hurt bc they couldn’t control the wedding plans and decide to be ugly
I’m not sure where we are disagreeing?
The op is very clearly an unreliable narrator. Extremely disorganized, clearly entitled, and just overall i get a vibe that she is at least 50% to blame for the issues
😂😂😂😂😂
👍😊❤️