Therapists Review Movie Couples, from 'Twilight' to 'La La Land' | Vanity Fair
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- Relationship therapists Laura Heck and Zach Brittle review romantic relationships and love as seen in movies like 'La La Land,' 'When Harry Met Sally,' 'Love and Basketball,' 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse,' 'Casablanca,' 'Bad Moms' and 'Hope Springs.'
Laura Heck and Zach Brittle are certified Gottman therapists and relationship experts. As public speakers and authors, respectively, their insights on therapy have reached the masses. Check out the institute they're a part of and their Marriage Therapy podcast at the links below:
bit.ly/GottmanInstitute
marriagetherapyradio.com/about/
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Therapists Review Movie Couples, from 'Twilight' to 'La La Land' | Vanity Fair 
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When people say "marry your best friend" it really means your partner has to be your best friend , but a lot of people think it is "settle for that person you have no romantic feelings for and you probably never will"
😌🙌🙌🙌 thank. Thaaaaaaaaank you for articulate . THIS is almost verbatim what I say and think when I hear that saying.
Yeah girl doc is straight up dumb.
@@nataliaalfonso2662 No, thats not what i meant
This. So much this.
@@nataliaalfonso2662 she may have meant marry someone who can be your best friend. Like my fiance wasn't my best friend at the start, but now he's easily one of my best friends now.
When he said "I feel" is a feeling and
"I feel LIKE.." is a judgement, I never thought of that. He's totally right
@@Brancaccio0 He said both. "Like" is a simile; it's not the actual feeling, which is the desired core. There's still some judgement there, even if you're judging yourself.
I feel [adjective] .... - good sentence
I feel like [....] - not a great start, but can still be an "ok-sentence"
I feel like you [...] - propably no chance for a good sentence, goes to judgement against the partner
I really liked this simple explanation, got me thinking quite a lot.
Changing "like" to "that". Never thought of that. But he's right. "I feel like you don't listen." The other person can take it as you seem unsure. "I feel that you don't listen." Sounds more sure of yourself. But everyone can see things differently.
@@runningerins4027 The "I feel" should describe your own inner emotions, ("I feel sad," or "I feel afraid."), not describe what the other person did/didn't do ("I feel like/that you don't listen."). The moment you start talking about the other person, you are being judgmental, which is not the correct speech pattern in couples therapy.
Yeah it stuck out to me when he said that. Although I think revealing our perspectives even if they're wrong, is really important because it allows people to sort of set the record straight and understand everyone's concerns. Even if someone is an a-hole, let them say what they feel like about a situation. that's super informative to the therapist. lol
Ï agree with never hitting your partner, regardless of gender, but in this video Laura makes it sound like Bella hit Jacob out of nowhere. Jacob isn't Bella's partner - he's her friend, and he keeps ignoring and overstepping her boundaries. He forces a kiss on her after she's clearly said no - surely her punch can be seen as self-defence?
came here to find this comment. thanks
Agreed.
Yup even if she “leads him on “ her saying no gives her every right to punch him. Even tho she receprocated the kiss she is allowed to recheck his boundaries
And remember in the Twilight series he’s a werewolf so even if Bella socked him as hard as she could it wouldn’t hurt him. It doesn’t excuse her response but there’s definitely a power imbalance
Yeah, not gonna lie, that comment made me angry because, no, you should not hit your partner, but Jacob is NOT Bella's partner. She told him no, and he forcibly kissed her against her will. In the book, she desperately tries to push/pull him off of her, but physically can't because he's too strong and won't move. So she just winds up shutting down and begging for it to be over. Like, it was very clearly assault.
So hearing someone say she shouldn't have hit him makes me really mad. Because I don't care if I WAS friends with a guy beforehand; if he holds me down and kisses me without my consent as I panic and hit and shove at him, and he just keeps going, he's getting hit.
I began to read Twilight series a few weeks ago, and believe me every sane adult would go beyond fuming while reading Eclipse. I don't even know where to begin, God...
But, the part where Jacob was manipulating Bella into kissing him before the battle was literally the worst. It wasn't a love triangle, it was a couple and another person who tried to guilt trip the girl for not loving him the way he loved her.
I remember reading that scene and praying Bella wouldn't allow him to manipulate her like that.
COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER. Everyone says that they're better together, but people don't realize that repeatedly, Jacob tells Bella who she wants to be with. And I think that that's just cruel because even if Bella couldn't let Edward out of her life, I feel like she would at least kiss Jacob back. And I feel like more that Jacob kept saying over and over that she has feelings for him, she started to believe him more. Bella has always been in love with Edward but Jacob is the one who is petty and greedy. Jacob needed to learn that he can't always get what he wants and if he doesn't have it, he shouldn't just run away to "make all his problems go away".
100% agree
@ebony b yeah, that so hilarious
Even as a teen I was always like, woah this guy needs a chill pill. She's clearly happy with this other guy who she's in a relationship with. Who in their right mind tries to sabotage their supposed best friend's relationship like that. I'd rather see my best friend happy and in love than miserable and manipulated with me.
I think the interesting thing to analyze about La La Land is that some relationships just simply aren't meant to be, but they can profoundly change your life in a positive way regardless
Exactly and that sometimes two completely different dreams/careers that you both ultimately chose to chase can change everything.
@@wholethedogsout880 i feel u 😔
Loved this movie 🥺 wasn't the outcome I was hoping for lol but you explained it perfectly
@JDMime Why not? They both get what they want, just not with each other.
ya, I totally hated that movie but the end of it almost redeemed it for me. They weren't 'meant' to be together. And that's okay. You don't have to have ended up spending your life with someone for it to have been a good relationship.
"You don't get to argue with somebody else's feelings!" PREACH!
_I am sorry you choose to feel that way._
I read this as she said it
Time stamp?
I think this is also important in the case of arguing with someone. If they’re emotionally bound to their belief, even if it’s a fallacy, it becomes difficult for you to talk sense into them. Emotions are indeed powerful driving forces.
@@tia4337 13:00
Would have loved for them to do the argument scene in Marriage Story
That would be fantastic!
That movie needs a whole video dedicated to it. It was a masterpiece.
yesss
I clicked on this hoping they would do exactly that!
Bonus points if its in the Goofy x Mickey dub.
Oh man, and that unsolicited kiss scene in the twilight book (whichever it was) was so much worse and so much longer. She struggles to push him, but he being a werewolf, and thus much stronger than her, doesn't even budge and just forces her mouth open some more, so at some point she literally stops reacting and just waits for him to be done. It's so gross.
I still remember that. She grabs a fistful of his hair trying to pull his head off of her, but he takes it as a sign of passion and kisses her harder e_e
Ew :(
@@kibummmm That's so disgusting! Man, I've never read the Twilight series and now I never will because if had to read that scene in a book, no matter how good it was, I would drop it then and there and toss it out of my window.
@@lordbaphie I hear most people describe it as a fan-fiction, oh right. It was.
@@nin2494 No, the fan fiction was 50 Shades of Grey. But that was fan fiction of Twilight. They are... equally bad, really.
Bella was defending herself after being assaulted. Don't discourage self defence.
As she was not his partner.
@@mandyvandenbogaard4243 exactly. Completely the wrong moment to soapbox
I agree. The book and movie scene oddly enough read differently. In the book Jacob held Bella still. She was shoving and trying to get away before he even kissed her. In the movie she was clearly uncomfortable and trying to descalte the situation but she didn't shove or physically freak out while said kiss was happening. I think the reason they did this was because they still wanted this scene to be romantic in the movie. Also the after portion with Edward was different. In both takes Edward was pissed and ready to kill Jacob. In the movie Bella tries to protect Jacob while in the book she was pissed and wanted Edward to kick Jacobs butt.
@@faycoleman9023 she did shove at some point in movie
shell star So if a female tries to kiss a guy, he can hit her?
They easily could have deep dived into all of the dangerous relationship patterns in Twilight. Don't get me wrong, as a 13-year-old girl I absolutely loved those books, but looking back at them now in my mid-twenties makes me very uncomfortable.
They don't make me uncomfortable... Because there are a lot worse things that are made for adults and people think those are healthy relationships. I know twilight is toxic. And I watch it for the drama... What makes me uncomfortable are the movies or TV shows or books that depict adult relationships that are supposed to be healthy 🤷♀️
@@greeneyesgirl467 Couldn't they both make you uncomfortable? One wrong doesn't negate the other.
The Twilight books & movies are VERY dangerous for girls. It teaches them that to be really happy, and to do the right thing, girls must completely change to suit the guy's needs. This Bella chick gave up her life to be with him. She gave up her family. Everything. But that was ok because why? They got married in some trees? it was "romantic"? I absolutely hate the Twilight series.
Me too! I did like the books, but I realize they’re unhealthy. But tbh I still like a lot of unhealthy stuff, but I don’t bring it to my life and I think because I like them, I can recognize when somethings bad quicker
@@anab5308 She gets immortality and super powers out of it right?
I’m glad that she said you shouldn’t put hands on your partner regardless of gender bc I brought that up with my brother and I don’t think he realized women shouldn’t hit men either
I didn't understand why that was said though bc they definitely weren't in a relationship and its definitely okay to hit someone who just sexually assaulted you
@@gioaarons Yeah, I agree. It definitely is never ok to hit your partner regardless of gender but I don't think that scene matched the therapists' comment. It didn't really go with it at all. You definitely have a right to hit someone who just forced themselves on you for your own well-being and to take control of the situation if you can safely.
Of course no one should hit anyone. That’s a good general statement.
Considering the privilege men has, the power dynamic between men and women, and the patriarchal society we live in, it’s worse when men does it to women.
It’s more of a problem and too common of an occurrence.
@@WiffGiff We're not talking about in general though, we're talking about relationships. And in a relationship, you don't hit your partner, regardless of gender. That is abuse but also a breach of trust and respect that is independent of priviledge and patriarchy. It's just a horrible thing to do to the person you're meant to care about
@@gioaarons I believe they were referring to Jacob putting his hands on Bella for the kiss
I remember that La La Land scene. Watching that scene in the cinema. I remember being there feeling like I was intruding their privacy watching them arguing. Felt too real.
Yeah, that one felt like the most real a fight in a movie can get.
@@Obyvvatel Not as real as the fight in Marriage Story. But very real indeed nonetheless.
don't watch Blue Valentine then
it's much worse for feeling too real
Moonlight
littlesmew Moonlight, the one that deserved it.
Well if a guy assults you and forces you to kiss him , pretty sure punching is a good idea.
Yeah, but I would have punched his crotch instead. Softer and they definetly feel that and can't follow me for a while. Long enough to at least get somewhat away.
Yes and no, you can defend yourself, but any situation you can escape without drawing blood is a win because in real life they are probably going to punch back and those don't end well (whether by death or someone ending up in the hospital). No contact after that or go to the police (depending on how the police are in certain areas).
keep that same energy when the roles are reversed
@@alext3480
Why shouldn't you? If they are assaulted, they have the same rights to protect themselves.
@@alext3480 Men are generally stronger than women, which means there is a huge imbalance of power. If a woman is able and willing to physically fight back against an assault, there is no reason she shouldn't.
With the roles reversed, you now have someone in presumably a position of power wielding even more power over someone.
I understand that if a man is non-violent (and many are,) that the power dynamic shifts to the woman if they are physically abusive. A non-violent man will not fight back, and I don't think it's okay for women to hit men for no reason. But for many women in abusive relationships, it's terrible to claim it isn't okay for them to fight back because "role reversal."
13:42 "All Edward is trying to do is establish a clear snd appropriate boundary."
*Edward later staring at Bella while she sleeps after entering her bedroom without consent
That scene is actually the only time I felt respect for Edward. There is some male posturing but instead of becoming physically violent or using his 'claim" on Bella as the reason Jacob should back off, he leaves space for Bella's autonomy. He, for once, respects Bella's agency and pushes Jacob to do the same.
The rest of the movie he is p much terrible and so is she.
I'm pretty sure that they were just talking about those two scenes,..
I do wish they’d looked at the second book/movie too. Bella having night terrors and _screaming_ in her sleep? Bella putting herself in life threatening situations just to see a hallucination of Edward for a few seconds? come on, that is _not_ healthy.
@@Ches19. that seems more of a problem that Bella had. Probably first love and being so young she became obsessed with him. Don't get me wrong, this is absolutely unhealthy, but you can't really control if your partner becomes obsessed. But then I guess here both of them were so probs less of a bad thing here dunno
@@marina816
She wasn't opsessed with him per se. She was opsessed with the life of an vampire and being part of something, the entire Cullen family. She basically lost the people she was seing as some of the most important people in her life: Carlistle and Esme, who basically are like her second parents, Emment and Jasper, who seemed like her big brothers for her, Alice, who was her best friend and like a sister, Rosalie, who she barely warmed up to her, so doesn't really count, but doesn't matter, Edward, who was the love of her life. Then the entire future she so clearly wanted went away with them, too, which started to make out her personality.
Anyone would struggle just like her losing so much at once.
"Flesh, and blood, and warm" "and assault" LMAO
Uhh if someone forcefully kisses you I do think it is okay to punch them.
I mean I think it would be okay to do that
It's definitely okay when they're actively doing it, yes. If they back off, the window of opportunity for when it's still okay to punch them in the face starts to close. It's hard to define exactly how long that is, but whether it's seconds, minutes, hours or days, there inevitably comes a point when it's no longer self defence and just revenge.
PLEASE do The Notebook. That relationship is such a toxic mess.
Noelle Irina I was coming here to say this! Everyone loves that movie and it’s a toxic mess!
I second that. I'm baffled why it doesn’t get the hate that Twilight gets.
Noelle Irina Right?! I LOVED that movie when I was really young and stupid, but the older I got the more I realized Allie totally should have married Lon
I can’t stand how he forces her to go on a date with him by threatening his life! It’s so repulsive to think that is okay!
@@delusionalunicorn5324 I HATED The Notebook. My cousin made me watch it because it was "the best movie ever" and I just wanted to gag. It's not romantic to toss aside the person you're with because you're "meant to be" with someone else. That's just using someone until something better comes along, which Ryan Gosling's character was definitely doing with the woman he was seeing before he and Rachel McAdams' character got back together. He was sleazy and she was too naive for me to like either one of them.
i dont think its ok to punch someone, i however think its ok to punch someone that just assaulted you
Yes this was pretty victim-blamey when it was a case of self-defense.
I can't help but disagree. You don't need to use physical violence to assert yourself or establish boundaries. It's not a case of self defense, either, as punching Jacob in the face wouldn't be useful as self defense and it was more of an offensive attack. However, if he was continuing to press onto her, I think in that case using an appropriate amount of force to defend yourself is perfectly respectable.
All that is really necessary in this scenario is for her to clearly explain her boundaries and outline consent.
(Of course, he shouldn't be doing things without consent - but my original point is that a punch isn't going to do more than words can establish)
I think Laura misunderstood that Edward and Bella are together and Jacob keeps trying to force Bella to love him.
technically it was just a revenge shot after the kiss had already ended. she had already pushed him away and he had already stopped and backed off. then if you still continue to choose to come after him and hit, it turns into a battery. has there ever been a scene in film history, where a girl forcibly kisses a boy she wants to date, and the boy straight up hits her hard with a fist in self defence middle of kiss? is he portrayed as the good guy after that in the film or the bad guy? would be interesting.
@@Redmanticore completely misses the point, doesnt really matter to me if its during the assault or seconds after...
Literally the only good thing Edward ever did in that series was call Jacob out for kissing Bella without her consent.
I'm a psychotherapist and LOVE these videos. It's great that Laura and Zach use actual therapy terminology and do a serious case study of these clips versus other videos where the therapists dumb things down, attempt to diagnose, use buzz words, and state the obvious. Appreciating the application of your expertise and the class of Vanity Fair content! Great movie choices too- Lala Land and When Harry Met Sally are personal favourites!
Ok, but, “Do you think Wanda Sykes is a good therapist?” “No, but I think she’s a good comedian.” Do they understand that she’s ACTING? She’s reading lines written by someone else?
@@hopegold883 Of course they do. Most movies have therapist characters doing and saying things that a good therapist would never do or say. They're just pointing that out and making a joke about it.
Would you mind sharing your thoughts on Marriage Story? I have a lot of opinions about it but I really want an educated psychotherapist's opinion, that would be much better and more objective lol
Rofl Dumb af comment
If you like this, you should check out psychology in Seattle. I actually prefer his takes though he doesn't really react to such popular movies but more series and shows.
I loved the disclaimer about hitting your partner being wrong no matter the gender !
But I should also say that between Bella and Jacob, I think it was more legitimate, cause he’s not her partner, he’s a friend who kissed her beyond her will. He assaulted her in this scene, he was in the wrong in the first place, and I see Bella’s behavior as a way to defend herself. It might be a different opinion than many other people, but I really think he deserved that (though she broke her hand on his jaws instead lol)
technically it was just a revenge shot after the kiss had already ended. she had already pushed him away and he had already stopped and backed off. then if you still continue to choose to come after him and hit, it turns into a battery. has there ever been a scene in film history, where a girl forcibly kisses a boy she wants to date, and the boy straight up hits her hard with a fist in self defence middle of kiss? is he portrayed as the good guy after that in the film or the bad guy? would be interesting.
@@Redmanticorenot in the book
I agree that there shouldn't be violence between partners, but Jacob kissed Bella against her will. She was right to hit him (well a warewolf so lol she didn't do anything). Not promoting violence, but there are boundaries and you don't get to just land a kiss on someone without their consent. I'd slap them if someone would do that to me.
Yes that kind of “violence” is justified cuz people need to know boundaries cannot be crossed!
Yes, this, exactly!
Right? He mentioned “assault” and I thought he was talking about Jacob kissing Bella. Seems like he was more focused on her hitting him. I think In the book it was even worse though. If I remember it correctly, he said he was going to let himself get killed in the upcoming battle (I forget who they were fighting) if she didn’t kiss him. He manipulated her into kissing him. I was so pissed off when I was reading that.
Haha, agreed! And what if she were to have pushed him away instead of punching him? Would that be considered assault? Or what if there was a door there and she slammed it (out of anger/frustration/whatever emotion) to make a statement. Would that be seen as being "violent?" Yes, in an ideal world whenever conflict arises we would be able to talk it out in a calm and civil manner...but that's not always the case...we are humans after all? Just don't make that kind of behaviour a habit? But like, if it happens once in a blue moon? The question should be, did anyone get hurt? (well, yes, I believe Bella hurt her hand lol). And who's to say that verbal abuse doesn't hurt as much as physical abuse? Can it be even more damaging? Just some food for thought.
Also, Laura Heck says, "It is not okay to put hands on your partner" and "Physical violence, verbal weapons, they're all the same." So does she mean that both physical abuse and verbal/emotional/mental abuse are equally wrong? But then why would she say that it's not okay to put hands on your partner, yet not say that it's not okay to use your words as a weapon?
“You don’t get to argue with somebody else’s feelings” YES
You do if that person's actions contradict with what they say their feelings are. For example, if someone told you that they feel that the two of you need space and yet they are constantly coming around you and calling you, clearly that doesn't make sense. Some people claim that they don't want you anymore; yet, they don't want you to move on either and want to know that when they are bored, you will still be there waiting for them. I don't think so.
0:29 - Lalaland
5:02 - When Harry met Sally
8:05 - Love & Basketball
11:27 - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
13:54 - Casablanca
16:33 - Bad Moms
19:40 - Hope Springs
Bump this higher if you found it useful.
thank u so much
Thank u!
Thank you
ty!
as a black man who watched love and basketball the therapist got that right...i actually went through something similar with an ex she wasnt there and only showed concerned when i happened to go on a date with a friend of mine which happened after i broke up with....whoever wrote the movie was spot on...
and the reason he did what he did was when he was venting to her about his emotionally abusive father and the pressure of being the "star athlete" she was kept looking at the clock as her game was coming up and she didnt pay attention to his frustration and pain and then left to go play her game and shes done this 4 times thoroughout the film and as they mentioned she was a 3rd stringer so in reality it wouldnt of mattered if she went
More of these guys please. Would love to see them talk about Marriage Story, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, American Beauty and Her
Yes, great suggesstions.
Okay, I'm going to check out the Her movie right now since you have a very good taste based on the other three.
great picks!
Dude, YES with these suggestions! I was just watching another video of the comparisons between “Lost In Translation” and “Her” as these were the movies made after Spike Jones & Sophia Coppola divorced each other... if I could add a movie to your list, Lost in Translation would be it too.
They also reaally need to react to Closer!
If someone sexually assaults you, you have permission to punch them. Period.
12:12 "And assault" Literally had to pause to stop chuckling
Same!
Anonymous Guy this scene is even more gross in the book
@@hay_bail1 Yeah but the scene right after where Edward races to threaten Jacob was so worth it. The book described it so well, he was on the phone with Bella laughing thinking that she punched him for being an idiot, when she said Jacob kissed her, you immediately hear a car starting in the background because Edward rushed to it to drive over to Bella. That part in the books made me SWOON. The movie did not do it justice.
I was laughing so hard when they said Jacob and bella were the toxic relationship. 😂
I know this is a weird thing to comment on, but I'm not used to seeing (hearing) a guy not talk over his coworker, and I'm sure I shouldn't be surprised that Zach is very good at leaving room for Laura in the conversation they're having since they're both professionals whose jobs depend on being good at this... it was just surprising to see demonstrated what is so often missing in these kinds of conversations. I will be checking out that podcast for sure!
In my experience as a Psyc student, the field is better at open discussion
Don't forget: You're watching an edited video where they would likely never include them talking over each other. And your comment isn't weird, it's casually sexist.
Stephanie J the only reason you think men constantly talk over is because negative experiences stick out more in your mind. In reality people (including men) usually don’t talk over others. You do sound sexist but I don’t think you are.
@@BenKingEagles It's been shown in studies that men talk more over women. Not saying it's inherent to them - it's possibly a product of our historically patriarchal society. But that doesn't mean Stephanie J is sexist - this is an actual phenomenon that happens.
@@Tuilelen When's the last time you saw a gaggle of women chatting who weren't talking all over each other with 3 different simultaneous conversations... Everyone does it and there's reasons both genders talk over each other, many, on both sides, are negative. Acting like only men do it is not ok.
The great thing about La La Land in general is despite how profoundly strong the relationship and chemistry is between Mia and Sebastian was. Ultimately it was their two completely seperate dreams that kept them apart in the future towards the end. Her dream was to become an actress and his dream was to open his own Jazz Club. Originally they were supposed to be together just as that incredible and powerful second ending very strongly indicates. However the Director (Damien Chazzel) decided that it would be better to keep them apart at the end to focus on their dreams and show that not all great relationships like that end up staying that way in the future.
It's also so realistic. You really can't have it all, and these two had to choose to sacrifice their relationship or their dreams.
The twilight series should have been called the red flag series. Every second was inappropriate and cringeworthy. It's a book about how not to treat the person you're in love with.
Or it could have more to do with Fiction Entertainment Escapism and Fantasy and probably has Next and Little to Nothing to do with being "Realistic Healthy Normal Educational" or Whatever maybe People should just NOT look up to Fiction SOO/TOO much
I think that was fifty shades that got the red flag series warning by making a fanfic of the worst of twilight.
yes and thats why it resonated with teenagers because teenager relationships are full of those bad stuffs realistically.
I'm really enjoying these! Please for a next episode analyze Ross and Rachel. I've always thought their relationship was incredibly toxic!
We where on a break! Gosh that line although hilarious! Makes me so mad, they where so unbelievable bad for each other 😐
@@noitakuu_art One major red flag for their relationship for me was how when they had the drunken wedding and instead of signing the papers for the divorce he tried to manipulate her into loving him so that he wouldn't have 2 failed marriages
I was disappointed with The Take recently, who I normally love, who did a video on Ross/Rachel entitled A Love Worth Waiting For. They're usually so good at picking up toxicity.
No just no
They did!
YES, PART 2! I really liked the first video with Disney couples, I did not expect another one ^^ Thank you!
Through this video I've just realised that I am guilty of a few of these bad behaviour patterns. That might not necessarily have been the main purpose of this video but I am really glad to have watched it. There definitely are some things I have to change about the way I act when my boyfriend and I are arguing. Having grown up in a family where "arguing" didn't happen at all or only in the form of "the silent treatment" , I am now having a lot of issues with that in my relationship.
Thanks for making me realise that and I'd really like to see more videos with you two.
You should check out Psychology in Seattle. IMO the therapist is great and reacts to some popular shows. Watching him actually made me realise some of the unhelpful patterns and habits I have.
@@nbucwa6621 Thanks for the recommendation. I'll definitely check it out.
I'll like to know a man that recognize this behaviors I don't think my husband would do
@@Perlajuice Honestly, for the most part I think my boyfriend doesn't either. I've actually been watching a lot of Psychology in Seattle since I wrote this comment and it has helped a lot. Sometimes I wish I could show these videos to my boyfriend but he is not very interested in actively spending time on something like this. But, at least for me, it has proven to be worth it to spend so much time on learning about communication and I've had some really positive experiences since then.
I fricken love these two! Them nerding out over the Harry met sally scene really shines light on the reason that movie is so great! I feel like I need more of these two! Anyone else?
If they have time, I hope they do a third video. Really like this series.
I’d love to see the couples in the tv show friends, Monica and chandler and Ross and Rachel, I love these topics because I’m close to graduating as a bachelor in psychology, keep them coming!
Jim and Pam have so much communication issues.
“She doesn’t know what she wants” bruh she made it very clear she doesn’t want you.... god Jacob is such garbage I don’t get how anyone liked him smh.
I remember him being sweet in book 2 but suddenly in book 3 he turns into a monster.
i think it couldve turned turn that scene into sexier seduction one, if he almost kisses her, but waits just before the lips touch, and waits for her to open her eyes after kiss doesnt happen, looking at his eyes, he looks back at her, then he smiles and backs off, leaving her hanging.
They do almost kiss in New moon
when harry met sally is one of the best rom coms EVER
I hear people say that, never got around watching it. Hard to watch these types of movies when the male lead is so ugly.
because ugly people don't deserve love?
get over yourself
PLEASE PLEASE do more of these videos! You should definitely talk about the famous trilogy Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight. There is so much to talk about Jesse & Celine, perhaps a video about the evolution of their relationship through the years????
THANKS VANITY FAIR AND LAUREN AND ZACH
Yes!!
I was just about to leave the same comment! I would LOVE to see an analysis of Jesse & Celine's argument in Before Midnight (though that would be a very long video...). It's one of the most painful and realistic-feeling arguments that I've seen in a movie.
was just thinking this, great idea!
Omg yes!!!
Please do "You" series, I don't understand how some girls are fangirling over Joe and saying they want a bf like him. Wtf
Bc joe is very charismatic and handsome, his "boyfriend" facade made it looked like he was the cool boyfriend you want but deep down he's just a creep
This is so true. I think a lot of people miss that this is not a healthy relationship. He is a stalker! There was an interview where the actor himself in other words said, this is not a healthy relationship and that he also says people are romanticizing Joe because he is good looking and is charasmatic. He even mentions in other words had this been someone not good looking and charasmatic they would not see Joe in a romanticizing way.
I'd love to see these two examine non-romantic relationships in film and TV, like police or paramedic partners
I think somebody also asked this when this team reviewed Disney couples. They asked them to review platonic relationships like Moana & Maui. I'd love to see them do that!
The Odd Couple!
Thank you for finally bringing up how toxic Jacob was. Always not respectful of Bella and forcing himself on her yet everyone claims he’s the better option.
He’s jealous and tries to one up Edward. Bella is caught between them unfortunately.
well, better option in the twilight universe is like trying to pick between dying in fire or getting stabbed to death...
"is that a gun in her hand? That oughta motivate him." "She needs the letters." Lmao i had to pause to laugh. That was PERFECT
I agree to never hit your partner but she wasn't dating Jacob and he forced a kiss onto her- I think a punch was alright to do because it was against her will. It's basically self-defense.
"You don't get to argue with somebody else's feelings. Those are *THEIR* feelings." WOW.
I guess we're going to ignore the fact that Twilight is about groups of supernatural adults preying on a child.
I thought Jacob was her age and Edward is the only old one technically (like he's still old but also his brain is technically stunted in the mentality which he "died" in). Then again I don't really know about twilight but yeah creepy nonetheless.
I'm so glad they made another one of these. It helps put into words what made me uncomfortable in some of these scenes and also just what's important in healthy relationships
Man I love these two analysing together, can we get this as a regular series??
I’m studying psych rn and I absolutely love this videos. Not just for that, but as a 16 year old reflecting on any relationships. Please keep this series going if you can, it’s helping a lot of people
"Helping a lot of people" why? is it because people like to make Fiction dictate their lives and nobody can watch fictional things for entertainment or what?
Blue Valentine and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind should be here.
man, i realized i spent 13 years of my life with the wrong man. he never hugged me, kissed me passionately, never said im pretty, never gave me a surprise, unless i suggested.. he never wanted to get married until i forced him and so on. 😣😥 i divorced him because he never fulfilled me emotionally
Thelma Romero I’m glad you got out of that, he sounds like a complete jerk :/ I hope you’re doing well 💕
@@katieluv621 he’s a jerk because she strong armed him into a marriage he didn’t want? I think he’s a weakling who’s passive aggressive.
@@33Jenesis right...i'm like you (thelma) forced a man to be with you and you even admitted it
Why did you _forced_ him to marry you? How could you expect to go well when you had to force him into it?
those things you mentioned sound very superficial. you wouldnt have been fulfilled emotionally even if he did those things. its much deeper, like trust, transparency, emotional involvement and such.
One movie that would have a variety of messy-to-lovely relationships would be Love Actually - now THAT would be fun to break down. Also, how about classics like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (with the subtext, preferably), A Streetcar Named Desire, Sound of Music (come on - we could use something adorable once in a while), My Fair Lady, American Beauty, Pretty Woman (RED FLAGS!!!), The Odd Couple (technically not a couple, but the relationship dynamics are golden!), etc?
Also, Shortbus has a variety of couples with a variety of problems.
These guys validating When Harry Met Sally makes me so happy ❤️
"Arguing someone out of their feelings". That's called a trapped relationshit
I'd kinda like a look at Gaslight, the toxic parts of Twilight, and other relationships of that sort in film. Also, maybe the rest of the Disney films.
La la land’s argument scene was truly well written, even in a cinematic sense it really brought out the climax of the plot. It’s so real.
We need a part 3. Love watching them!
Right in the end of the twilight clip, I noticed Jacob saying "she doesn't know what she wants," and I think that line itself is dangerous. To that I would've said, "well who are you to know what she wants?"
Edward pretty much says that he says something along the line of "wait for her to say the words"
13:03 I got chills when Laura looked into the camera and said, "Look, you don't get to ARGUE with someone's FEELINGS." If I don't take anything else I understand and believe that. Thanks for that lesson, Laura.
I'm gonna be sad if this series stops after the Pandemic, it's amazing I love this little show X3
I wish you had reviewed a star is born. I’ve never been so angry watching a romance.
saaaaaaaaame!!
Why? Asking coz I haven't watched it and want to
Yeah, I really disliked the dynamics between the two main characters. I cant remember what Lady Gaga's character's name is, but man, I felt so sorry for her. That's not how a man is supposed to treat the woman he loves.
That's the whole concept of A Star is Born as far back as it's inception in 1937 with Janet Gaynor and Fredrick March. It's meant to depict a very complex, sad and powerful, very realistic and dramatic relationship between a woman who rises into a star on the stage and a man who generally has a deep struggle with a drug addiction that ultimately ends his life.
@@taliamason7986 I saw the first one, and the Judy Garland one. Relationships with addicts are always a disaster when the addict isn't seeking treatment or maintaining sobriety.
I'd be curious about Her
"-part of what is challenging to watch therapists on television is that they're not designed to of help to the couple. They're designed to be a comic relief."
YES! I would add that therapists on television are also there to spark more drama for the viewers in a way that's not helpful for the characters in the story.
Please keep this series going, I really like the dynamic of these two. Would love to see more vids of them analyzing media depictions of romance!
I saw twilight
*so I clicked*
If you up to do a part 3 please do!! I really enjoy this!
Thanks for the video, guys, super interesting! For the next one, you should definitely analyse 'Midsommar' for a realistic look at gaslighting and emotional distancing.
Ugh I need a full video on this!
When the situation overwhelms me so much I completely shut down and leave. The day I broke up with my ex, we were at a restaurant and I remember the rush, almost uncontrollable, I felt and, suddenly, I was leaving the restaurant as if the place was on fire. I wish I could calm down and be able to reconduct the situation, even when I know the thing is over, but emotions make me act irrationally.
It isn’t irrational. It was just the outward action after a prolong contemplation and inner struggle. Some people need alone time to process. When forced to confront they shut down and fleet the scene. Some never return for discussion (door slamming). Some manage to calm down and discuss later.
I am LOVING this line of "___ Review _____". I said this last time you had a video by these two, but I'll say it again - PLEASE make more! They're so interesting and as a romance-movie fan it's really fascinating to see what couples that we may idolize now and then are actually really unhealthy (and which aren't).
I'd love to see a breakdown of the love stories in Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice, Emma, etc). Just tossing my suggestion in the jar. Thank you for more of these!
Please make this a series! Love the analysis and the dynamic between the two therapists!
this reminded me why La La Land was such an amazing film. That argument scene is so realistic and acted so perfectly - being upset about something your partner says, then going for his/her pain point to get back...then escalating to very unhappy consequences, words that cannot be unsaid. Major props to the actors and screenwriters
Please do a TV series edition of this. Kudos to these videos, am really loving them!
I asked to do High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, because there are so many potential relationships to analyze with that show! The only problem is that it's a Disney+ original. :(
If someone kissed me by force like Jacob did when I clearly showed signs of being uncomfortable, like Bella did, I would react the same and give out a punch.
Please make more of these videos, they’re amazing!!!
We need more of these videos! I already love watching them!
In love and basketball, she wasn’t available once bc she had a goal and would get in trouble if she stayed out past curfew. And instead of him understanding he cut her off. His revelation about his father wasn’t even that surprising. Maybe to a child but not a young adult i.m.o
she would have found time for him even before curfew. there is always time if you really want to. minutes here and there.
redmanticore she gave him minutes tho, recall the bleacher scene, he wasn’t content with minutes here and there. And he could have understood his girlfriend has dreams and aspirations, just as she understood his. And in that moment finding out your father is a cheater is not more important then damaging his girlfriends career and a pivotal moment for her, in his selfishness.
Worst movie relationship: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.
I'm so happy they're continuing this! More please, these are so good
More of these videos please! I love Laura and Zachary
gottman method - defensiveness, criticism, contempt, stonewalling
i wrote this down to search, thought it be useful for others too!
Screenshotted this. I’m in a healthy relationship but I can be Mia and I don’t want to be.
Lol my whole emotional repertoire
A good term to search for to learn more about this concept is “the four horsemen of divorce”! :)
Try the channel 'Psychology In Seattle' if you haven't already
twilight literally is about boundaries tho like physically and emotionally and even mentally, ive never thought about that before
This is becoming one of my favourite series! Both of them are well spoken and know how to keep the conversation entertaining 💕
Thank you so much for this series! It's great! I love how seeing professionals break down what is healthy and what isn't.
If I could suggest a film for a future video (if there is one), I'd love to suggest Sleeping With Other People which is one of the few romances I've seen where the couple are pretty honest with each other consistently. They also start out as friends and are able to talk about all their issues, even after they acknowledge that they have feelings for one another. It's really the best friends falling for each other movie I've seen and features a relationship where the couple supports each other's individual goals even more than their desire to be together.
god bless you vanity fair for bringing amazing content during these times. binge watch all your videos. big love!
Loving this new series! If there would be a part 2, I'd love to see their input on A Walk To Remember- a classic good girl/bad boy relationship. Looking forward to more Laura and Zach!
Hmm. Interesting thought. Can we think of examples of the gender-flip version, too? Choir boy and girl who's been around.
Is the "good" partner viewing the "bad" one as a person to be "saved" or "charity case" situation?
Konstellashon Definitely! Choir boy is a good example (I haven’t seen Girl whos been around-Will add to my watchlist) . So many thoughts and questions! Vanity Fair please 🙏🏽🙏🏽
More episodes like this! There are so many more movies I would love to hear about! Awesome video 👍
Wow. I think this is my favourite thing I’ve watched on RUclips in ages. What a moment for self reflection. Please do more videos with these two.
Please do more of these videos.
I want an analysis of the “break” situation in Friends.
Would love a part 2!
Please please please continue this series! I really find them informative
I could watch these videos for hours and never get sick of it
Oh, I have been waiting for this for a long time.
id like a round 2 of this! this was really entertaining.
Awesome!!! Very interesting video and discussion. Thank you!
You should do Friends, the we were on a break part
"Only talking AT each other". Explains the reason for my divorce.
Great video and insight on what couple’s therapy aims to achieve. Also a good video on some movie suggestions I have not seen yet. Thanks VF!
another one please! they are fantastic
You should always ALWAYS defend yourself when you're being assaulted, with physical violence if necessary. Dr. Heck should really think about what she said here. Jacob was not her partner.