Mine cried once. Same. I was 42 or so. Things were going pretty well for me finally after lifelong severe depression and anxiety. I had this feeling I didn’t know. I couldn’t identify it or even really describe it well. It didn’t feel bad. It just felt strange. So, we kicked it back and forth for a while and all of a sudden I look up and she’s crying… and smiling. That shut me up. Lol She got herself together quick and said, “I’m not supposed to do this but I’m going to do it anyway because I think you need to have this and otherwise, we'll be here for a month trying to figure this out. You’re happy. What you are experiencing is happiness, seemingly for the first time in your life.” Then I started crying. And then she started crying again. It wasn’t the most professional moment; but at that point each of us had been “in the system” in our respective roles for something like 30 years. We both knew damn well that people with the kind of issues I had don’t normally get outcomes that unequivocally positive. I was lucky to just be alive and allowed to be walking around in public. I think a moment of genuine emotion in that circumstance is ok.
Wow I'm kinda late with this comment but I'm gonna write it anyway. I've been going to therapy for about 4-5 years now to the same therapist and she's great and very professional. But recently I told her one of the hardest things for me to deal with and for a few seconds she was speechless and then she just said "That's so sad." but in such a sympathic way, like for this one time she had no clue how to deal with the problem and was surprised herself how hard and awful it is. And tbh I loved it. It was really great to see that my problems aren't so easy and there's not any obvious solution, it was great to see her realize it's so extra hard to do some things being me. Obviously after a while she started digging into it and trying to find a solution, but it was really nice for me to see that even she can get overwhelmed with how big my problems are. It makes me realize that I'm not that weak, I'm just in a really shitty situation.
Regarding the third question I always felt like it should be my own problem about my abuse and struggle. I once tried to let another person see how difficult it is for me but that person never really helped. I know not all people are like this but sometimes it's just really hard to let people see the broken piece of you
My therapist cried like 3 times in our 1 year relationship and she told right after it that the fact that she cried doesn’t mean that she can’t hold my story it was just sad for her to know what I’ve been through and when she cried I felt so valuable and like she really care about me and love me so it was good for me
My therapist cried when I told him how lonely my life had become and that I couldn't see any light in my life. Him crying felt like a confirmation that nothing could be done, that my life was so miserable that just talking about it made even a seasoned therapist cry. It was horrible, I sank even deeper into my despair, like there was no one who could help me to find my way out of the darkness. I quit seeing him, tried to handle it on my own. This was many years ago, I am still very lonely but I manage. I rarely speak about my loneliness nowadays, I am afraid of the reaction, I fear seeing my despair mirrored in the other person's eyes.
I was crying once during a session and my therapist's eyes began to water. She didn't full on cry, but I kinda helped for me. I didn't feel alone with my feelings. Like the immense pain I was feeling wasn't only mine and someone else saw and felt how bad it was. Because when talking to friends and family, they'd be sympathetic but I knew they didn't get it. And sometimes in therapy, even though it's supposed to be non judgemental, I feel vulnerable and dumb being the only one crying and seeing someone nodding in sympathy makes me feel even more alone, so seeing her feel it showed me that she was truly trying to understand to help me, and it affected her. Does that make sense?
My therapist cried when I told her I was suicidal and had a suicide plan. I have been working with her for almost 2 years and in the middle of My husband’s cancer and My own pain I was ready to die. She even Said that when she is an Old lady in a nursing home, that I would be one of the few she would think about and she begged me to stay a live. I did not find it difficult or weird. It gave me the power to go to a mental health hospital to get medication.
Ive been seeing my therapist for about 3 years and she's cried along with me on multiple occasions. she's helped me through suicide ideation and for a long time was the only person there for me. She's very important to me and when she cried it made me feel like she knows i'm in pain and that i'm not holding that pain alone. I think she genuinely wants me to be happy.
My therapist cried once at the end of my therapy on her last day when she was leaving to go somewhere else. I quite liked it because it made me think her feelings/care/compassion for me was real and she genuinely did care about me it's not just a job that she does to get paid. She genuinely wanted to help me and I thought so much of her it was nice to think she cared about me.
If a therapist cried while listening to me, I would only feel closer to them. The problem is that I might stop seeing them as a therapist and begin seeing them as a friend.
As a school psychologist of over twelve years, I only cried in front of a high school student during session once. A young man detailed over two hours the finding of his mother’s body following suicide and trying to perform CPR on her, while he waited in agony for paramedics to arrive. It was much too late though, and her stiffness prevented her jaw from being able to open, and he had to wait with her body, terrified and confused, until help arrived. Hearing his detailed account of finding his mother and the hell he proceeded to live through made me cry. I found Kati’s assertion that a therapist crying is counter transference to be harsh and overly simplistic. I’m a human with empathy and this student suffered so badly it hurt my heart for him. I hope he didn’t feel any guilt from my emotion, but I’m a human being as is he, and the suffering he endured broke my heart.
This was an interesting question. My therapist has only cried once, but it was because her dog passed away. It was understandable. I had just lost a cat, so she shared her dog story.
I'm studying psychology and we've spoken about this at school because we know one day we'll be therapists (well, most of us). And what my professors have said and I have to say I agree with this, is that we're all human. Even therapists.. And if you cry or your eyes water - that HAS to be okay. It's a human emotion and feeling and showing empathy is never a bad thing. Not to say it's great to see your therapist cry in every session and obviously not every patient will react the same way to it. But I just don't think we can say it's a choice you can make, it not always is. Sometimes you can't help it. Therapists shouldn't be shamed for that. I really wish everyone could just realize therapists are just as human as their patients are, not some perfect superhumans. I think it can even help patients to trust their therapists more. I've heard of patients saying it helped them, because it made them feel this special feeling of realizing their story could touch someone else in that way. I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to school for psychology and this is my biggest worry that my clients will have me crying during their sessions I am extremely empathetic and I usually cry when other people cry and I'm worried I won't be able to control this and that it will make me a bad therapist. I also become uncomfortable with certain topics, which is fine, except for the fact that I blush! :( Am I just not supposed to do therapy? Should I try to do something else? I definitely want to stick with psychology but maybe I can do something with it besides therapy..I know this is an old video I just found your channel I appreciate any response :)
Mel O im going to be going to school for psychology too ❤️ im going for neuropsychology im going to be more in the research field than in the therapeutic field because i have the same worries as you. I had a therapist who did cry with me when i was in her therapy session and its I believe that it would be okay for you to cry because they would probably feel like you are really connecting with them on another more emotional level.
It is OKAY as a therapist to be emotional. You can be the neutral safe space for someone, you can remain in control and can not experience countertransference and still cry or blush. The key to this i learned is using your emotional reactions as a means by which to assist the therapuetic process. For example if you have your eyes get teary and the client reacts negatively to that that is something that could be explored or if the therapist brings up a reaction they had to something that you said it could be a way for the person to work through concerns that are similar in their real life relationships. The key when doing this is just like she said in the video, "its for the client not the therapist" and so long as you do that and maintain control in the session and its therapuetically useful it is fine and i would even say is important to be human with your clients
This requires being really comfortable with vulnerability and being unaffected by peoples opinions or reactions to you or at the very least being able to honestly keep feeling offended under the surface until after the day is done and you can talk to your own therapist or supervisor
I was telling my therapist a situation I went through many years ago and when I stopped I noticed she was tearing up. Turns out my story was the opposite side of something she had gone through. She thanked me for sharing and said it helped her with something she had always wondered........I'm glad she showed tears, makes her more "real" in my eyes, it was a blessing really.
My therapist cried in one of my sessions but she tried to hide it. It wasn't about me, but I was sharing a story about my student and how difficult her home life had been. I still feel really close to her and her brother because they're at my school and sometimes when I talk about it I cry too. Certain things make me emotional, especially when it's about hurting innocent children. I respected my therapist's reaction because I could tell she cared for kids similarly to me but she was also able to continue on with our session even though she was teary eyed for a bit.
I've only ever had two therapists. My first one sobbed very outwardly when listening to stories about my childhood, I thought it was really sweet and pretty comforting actually. My second (and more recent one) NEARLY cried once during a session, but just managed to hold it in. I'm pretty amazed she kept it in to be honest - not because of my story, but because of the empathy it provoked in her. The details that almost made her cry was based on my fear of a man who I once lived with, a terrifyingly unstable individual who could have killed me, my mother and sister when he was at his worst. We managed to escape him eventually, but it was a rough ride. Turns out the very person I was telling all this to; understood my plight a little too well. Just two months ago, my sweet therapist was murdered by her ex-husband in her own home. The asshole responsible tried to pass it off as a suicide, and orphaned his own young children. The grief has been pretty heavy on everyone. I really miss her.
The best way for me to feel re-motivated is to get up early (very hard or impossible when you are depressed I understand) and watch the sunrise, I reminds me that there is always a fresh start, you can always try again.
I went to a therapy session, because I was forced to (I'm only 14). And after about 15 minutes of talking to the lady, she turned around and said "I'm sorry". When I asked why she was sorry she turned back around to face me and started crying (even though I wasn't). After a bit of awkward silence, all she said was "I just feel so bad for you". So in my opinion I think it's ok for your therapist to cry, but it does make you feel really guilty. Now I find out next week if I will be put into the foster system.
I've had a therapist cry and it's horrible for me. I can see how it might be validating to some for their story to emotionally affect somebody. For me, someone who feels like a burden to others sometimes and feels the need to take care of others, it made me feel like I couldn't share certain things because it upset my therapist. It also made me a little resentful because therapy is a time when, yes, it is supposed to be all about me. I want my therapist to acknowledge my struggles but help me see them from a neutral perspective.
Hmm.. I can understand that. But at the same time, I'm sure she couldn't help herself. Therapists are human too, it's okay for them to feel all the feelings their patients do. Maybe it would've helped you if she would have explained why she cried? I'm sure it wasn't a negative experience for her. Maybe your story really affected or impacted her. Isn't that a beautiful thing? Also, just because therapists feel emotions during yoru sessions doesn't mean they have to stop being therapists during that time and can't do their job. Maybe it even helps them to do it better, because they really put their heart and soul in it as well.
#katiFAQ Hey Kati I am a mental health graduate student working on my internship. I’ve been observing some really great counselors and completed my first session that went really well. I follow your videos and am SO impressed with your work and knowledge base. Do you have any suggestions or guidance for new therapists? Do you remember what it was like when you first started, how you felt? This is my passion but I want to learn as much as possible and your videos help! Thank you! :)
I read something from a therapist once that said that they didn't cry in sessions because it then makes the session or the moment about them instead of the client. That makes sense to me! I will say that I agree with you about crying in the last session--it made it easier for me in my last session with my therapist when we were both crying. It helped to know that she had that deep of feelings for me.
A counselor of mine once got teary-eyed in a session when I revealed to her than my aunt died (I had been communicating with her about my aunt’s health and updating her on the situation). I did feel a bit awkward, but this counselor was understandably sad for me, plus she was still getting her practice hours and was fairly new to counselling. She was one of the best counselors I ever had!🙂
I never really had therapy (only one miserable attempt) and it would be the worst if my therapist would start crying becaus of my story! I'd probably run! I've never had the chance to tell anyone my whole story (which is very much a burden to me) because I'm always the strong one in a relationship (even with my parents). The only reason I'd ever consider starting therapy is because I'm looking for someone stronger than me. (Excuse my english - it's not my native language)
My therapist’s eyes began to water when I told her about my fear of telling my parents something. I said it was scarier to go home than anything because I was terrified they’d find out. I was terrified that they’d kick me out. The only people I needed support from, would hate me.
My psychiatrist whom I’ve seen since I was about 14 teared up a bit when taking about my Mom who was going through cancer at the time. It actually touched me. It made me feel like she had really come to know me throughout the years.
My therapist cried during a session and it made me feel like she actually cared and that I wasn't just a paycheck to her. It was a little awkward but also very nice. That's just me though.
I'm not a therapist, but I get teary eyed from anger when someone tells me about an injustice they've been through. Particular if it's something out of their control, like neglect or abuse they experienced as a child. Hearing and seeing stuff like that really resonates with me, not just because I've experienced abuse myself, but because I hate seeing it continue to happen in the world and I actively fight against it. I think, in that instance, it's okay. That people gain trust in me because they see I have empathy and passion to fight for them.
Great questions today, they have really been helpful, thank you! My therapist cried in one of my sessions and sometimes she got tearful. I often wondered if this one the norm but never questioned her professionalism. I think she did an excellent job in supporting and grounding me and when she did get upset it I felt that it validated my experiences. I wouldn't have changed her for the world.
Jemma Akers I think there is a difference between becoming teary and crying. A slight voice break and leaky eye is different to pausing to break down and pull yourself back together. Many people all express empathy differently but sobbing is unprofessional IMO
Jemma Akers, I totally get that and agree! I have a great therapist as well who's emotions show from time to time. I want my therapist to be "real"! And caring. That doesn't mean they hAve to cry, but its certainly ok if they do!
A few month ago, me and my therapist talked about “thirteen reasons why” she watched that video, how hannah is killing herself and how her mom finds her after dying, after she was cutting her artery.. i said to my therapist, that i wouldn’t care, if my mother would find me that way... She started to cry, guess because she saw it as a mother of two little Kids. That was the moment, when i felt, that my therapist is a human. Of course it made me sad, seeing her crying but on the other side, it did something to me..
Aischa Banna I'm sorry but I have to comment. I cried while reading what you wrote. When I was in middle school I felt the same way you felt. I had a lot of self harm, was suicidal and cared less about how my mom felt about anything I did. I worked through it somehow and gave myself a meaning (volunteering). Now, more than 10 years later, I'm a mom. It's heartbreaking to think that you, myself or anyone would ever feel this way. I hope you're doing better and live a happy, rewarding life. It's cliche but it really does get better.
To overcome each battle for me was to get up and take a shower,shave, brush my teeth. and get dressed. It did help me at least feel like I was accomplishing something. And still work on getting other things done. Now even taken a small walk or just standing out side helps. And my music.
When I was in therapy, I had very low self-esteem and struggled with interpersonal relationships. So my therapist suggested that I ask a close friend of mine to write a letter to me about everything she loved and cherished about me. She cried when she read her letter because she thought it was so sad that someone could love me so much while I hated myself.
In private practice 10 years. Children dying and the people left after suicide are my soft spot or vulnerability of crying. Nothing overwhelming it feels more like a wave that rolls in and out. I'll check myself, process with a colleague and up self care to make sure I'm the pro they are counting on. I do not take child deaths at intake, I refer them out knowing myself, but over the years this happens with established clients so it is there. Thank you for your channel!!!!
It seems like my therapist cries sometimes but she never admits it and it makes me feel bad because one of my issues was not having someone I can go to(mom or dad) when I had a problem or issue I needed to talk about.
I would hate it if my therapist cried. My first therapist didn't cry but I could see emotions in her eyes and I just felt like she was mock-pitying me and it made me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's because at the time I was very emotionally blind and just the concept of emotions in general made me uncomfortable. My second therapist was a lot more detached and no-nonsense and it worked a lot better for me! Made me feel secure while I approached the world of feelings little by little. It's interesting to read that other people actually feel comfort and understanding from an emotional therapist, where it's the complete opposite for me.
I made my therapist cry/feel like crying. She said, if I remember correctly, this was because I would not express the appropriate emotions when talking to her, so it kinda doubled up on her. In her defense, she said she was trained to deal with that, but I should remember that when speaking to someone who does not have that training :)
Hobbs I had that same experience. I have trouble expressing and labeling emotions and when my therapist would cry or slow me down to realize what I said was emotional it was surprising to me. Realizing that I could have feelings in those moments. It was very helpful that I was reminded.
I agree.. mostly. There are times when a client shares something so wonderful or so sad that it slips past my professionalism. In those few instances? It seems inauthentic to hide my response to what they have shared.
One therapist cried and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. It made me feel like I had to take care of her. It was years and years ago and haven't had it happen since. That being said, I can see how it would create an empathetic response in a client. It would probably depend on the relationship of the therapist-client, and personalities.
I had a therapist cry once during a very crucial session where I brought in my mom to tell her about my self-harm. It was awful because she just sat and cried with my mom, and I sat there feeling out of place and anxious. It triggered my memories of all the times my mom cried and expected me to be stoic and comfort her which I'd been doing since I was 11. I was never allowed to cry or be emotional. To top it off, that therapist had the same name as my mom. What a horrible experience that was.
Hello Kati! I like your videos and I have been learning a lot, thank you!. I'm just wondering, are you not worried that your clients or future clients could also watch your videos in youtube and they might not feel confident to work with you because you are too public? I'm wondering about the ethics of the job. Did you ever have any issue regarding to this? I'm curios :) Thanks you!!!
#KatiFAQ or anyone else can answer Is it normal for a therapist to talk to you about their personal lives or experiences? I've been to five different therapist and they all sometimes talk to me about very private things. This seems to be a common occurrence in my life strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family feel comfortable telling me their problems and struggles. I love helping people and listening to the struggles of their past but, not during my therapy session. I feel too guilt to tell my therapist not to talk to me about her life. What should I do is this normal?
if you figure out the answer, let me know because this has happened to me my whole life. Most of the time I don't mind too much. But maybe that's because I tend to avoid people a lot... Anyway it just stinks that people share their whole lives with me but it's hard to find people who will let me share my life with them..
Every therapist is different. I knew virtually nothing about the first four I saw. To this day, I don't even remember their last names. The fifth therapist was the first I was ever really close to and I knew a bit more about her but not much. My current therapist (and the best yet) is very open and I know a lot about her life but nothing that wouldn't be appropriate for me to know, just surface stuff. I like knowing her fiancé's name, what kind of dog she has, and a little about what her life is like because it makes her transparent, much more human. It helps me to remember that she's just a person, the same as I am, and takes her off that pedestal a bit. She also struggles with anxiety so we can relate on that level and that's been really helpful.
+ash cash There is a technique - I'm not sure if it is an appropriate word to name it in english as it is not my native language - called "revealing" and it is allowed in certain types of therapy (but not in psychoanalytical settings). It means that a therapist can share private information as long as its purpose is to help the client. It is not allowed for a therapist to share things in order to get help, feel better or gain attention from the client. The goal is to improve therapeutic process.
My Male Therapist teared up very much and I saw his eyes water up and become almost red. He then said "that's very emotional to hear". I felt very validated and so much less alone. It meant SO much to me. I will remember that moment for all of time and it is treasured in my heart. Keep in mind this is a man that never cried nor teared up even once in therapy sessions with me, for the span of 1.4 years!
Hi Kati! I know you said that it's best to work on things concerning your past of abuse prior to starting a serious relationship with someone, but what if you have been trying hard to get past things for a really long time in therapy without too much progression- should everything else just stand still? I'm in college right now and I am so worried my young adult life is going to pass me by like my child/teenhood did. Also, could being in a relationship with someone actually be beneficial in healing from childhood sexual abuse? Great Video by the way! :)
#katiFAQ Hey Kati, thanks so much for your vidz, here is my question: Lately, when my therapy session ends, i get really panicky and triggered. It's such a blessing to have a good therapeutic relationship, especially that i have no support system aside from my therapist. The hour i spend in there may be tough, but at least i don't feel so alone. So when that moment and space where i feel understood and supported is going towards its end, i really don't want to leave, I panick and cry and often leave the office in a mess, being scared to use a bad coping mecanism afterwards, which i often do. My therapist knows, i think, but what can she do. So i don't know how to deal with that separation every time. I know it sounds needy, and it is, but it's getting worse at every session. I've been on a downward spiral since Spring, i have daily suicidal ideation (with few o.d.s on meds in the last 2 months), i cannot count on the few friends i thought i could include in my support system. I feel really lonely, really lost, and i don't trust myself. Is it normal i get so scared and triggered when Im about to leave my therapist at every ending of a session? And what can i do about it? Much thanks.
Thank you so much Kati!! Your insight was so helpful!! It can really be a struggle to have a healthy relationship without forming unhealthy dynamics like codependency. But some things are special and worth working on!
Had a therapist who cried and I felt really bad because I made her cry and it wasn’t the last session, for me it didn’t sit well and I didn’t know what to do!
Thank you for this video, I understand your logic about the "Why I don't cry" part. However, I'd like to share my own story. I had a therapist, whom I thought was VERY good and strong. However, I once told her some crap that was so real and intense--and I knew it was, obviously--that she had to actually take the Kleenex box (which was closer to me) and dry some tears. I didn't think lesser of her at all. I didn't feel like the boundaries were screwed up and I had to skidaddle. Because I knew that was just ONE episode from me. Now, if she had broken waterworks for every single tale, yeah, I'd likely think, "Um..." But it was just that one thing that really hit hard. Yet, knowing she was there with me, and knowing she was a human just like me and all, we overcame that moment and she carried on like a trooper, back to usual. I'm grateful.
Joy Crasta When my parents or friends or anyone put me down I raised 2 baby chicks 🐤. I spoke to them everyday. Cleaned their poop And told them all my confusing ordeals surprisingly they did understand and gave me a cluck cluck cluck lol.... that was super satisfying and today I feel renewed and I feel happier and have my emotions back in my stable sometimes all you need are animals.
#katiFAQ journal topic suggestion.: I found this quote of Gandhi. It says: "We may stumble and fall but shall rise again; it should be enough if we did not run away from the battle" I really like it because it showes that it's okay to not feel okay sometimes and that things will get better again. It's enough to just hang in there and keep strong. Because it's worth it.
I just wanted to comment on the question about "relationships". I have never had a good relationship and I've only started healing on my self on my own the last couple yrs. it's true to say I'd love a good nice relationship but it won't happen for a while and the sad thing is if I'd asked for help earlier and spoke up things would be possible earlier. Everything I've achieved I've achieved on my own! No posh therapist or diagnosis, but do you know what it is what it is! My time to shine will come. :D
i had a therapist cry because she was with another patient during the entirety of my session and i was in the waiting room for an hour and and only had five minutes to talk to me and she felt bad. then i had another therapist cry bc i told her i was suicidal and she was thinking of another patient she had had who killed themself
my psychology teacher in college always said that it would be unprofessional to cry in front of somebody who came to see them so what she would do is make an excuse to leave for 5mins get a drink of water or something and comeback and be fine and then later talk about it like you do with another therapist or something like that she said what you want to do is have an invisible cup for them to talk into so all of their thoughts go into that and dont bother you but sometimes the invisible cup can overflow but never cry in front of the person you are trying to help thx for the ha bisky vid
I feel like that person is human for having expressed that emotion it shows that they are empathetic however one needs to find away to collect their feelings because you were right about the fact that the session is about the client and not one self. Meaning being strong for their sake and taking inventory of your feelings with the other staff.
i think therapists should not cry - part of the reason i trust my therapist with all my "stuff" is that i know she can handle it, she will not break down (cry, freak out, etc).
Thank you for the answer on therapists crying. Your patients are very lucky. I recently talked casually to another therapist (not in session) about some things that came up talking about my counselor in years past and maybe even how they related to my relapse in PTSD. My counselor years ago cried when talking about some of my past experiences, partly by how bad they were, but partly she admitted because of how separated I was from them. I can talk about my past, but I grow emotionally distant during the process as I am also separating myself from the same events. She said she cried because of that too, that I could be so emotionally distant from my own past (related to abuse). It was somehow horrible to see someone talking about events as a child that were life-threatening or physically damaging without so much as wavering. The problem is that after that point, I shared less violent and less "messed up" stories because I didn't want her to cry again. Like you said in your video, your clients should feel safe baring anything. I no longer did, so I very carefully started guarding events and gauging possible reactions before I spoke of them (unless asked, I always answered directly when asked). I understand that therapists are still human and can't always help it.
Well, it happens that a therapist gets tears in her eyes during a session. Generally speaking, it feels good that she has empathy, but it also can make me feel guilt if I don't respond equally strongly emionally as a man.
Kai yesss recently if I ask someone if they’re ok and they’re somewhat hesitant I reply with ‘hanging in there?’ It’s just a great phrase in my opinion!
My therapist has cried for me. I think she wanted me to feel like somebody did care. My problem is that I can't believe that. My abuse was pretty severe and at some point I learned to believe that any kind of emotion was bs. I eventually did believe that her care and concern was real and it was the first relationship I had with anyone, male or female, that I learned to trust. I think she was right to share her emotions with me even though I didn't believe it at the time. She was a smart lady with good intuition, I miss her terribly. Circumstances changed in my life and I ended up moving to Florida. We occasionally exchange emails still, it's been tough not having her around anymore. I've never had anyone impact my life more than her. It's a huge responsibility being a therapist! I need to be back in therapy and I know I'll have to settle because I'll never find another like her.
I personally feel like the word "pity" isn't even a real word. Like, it was invented for people who couldn't handle sympathy and took everything the wrong way, when people are just trying to show compassion, care and show that they won't pretend like any of your problems aren't worthy of their time. Pity doesn't really exist. It's just that the response to compassion might be ill, but compassion is compassion, no mocking or anything. I also feel like this kind of mentality has made it hard for me to talk, because it doesn't seem like they care, and frankly, they have shown it to me themselves so there's no doubt about it. It always feels like I'm talking to a non-sentient being who's nodding along because it's the custom. Just because a person tears up doesn't mean they're mentally ill and have problems, they just have a humane, appropriate reaction like how humans should have. It's hard seeing people take such compassionate people for granted and take it the wrong way. Some people do overreact and start breaking down with tears all over the face and all, that I do understand, but when people can't handle if someone just tears up a bit, then I will struggle to keep up with that. I understand if this was a bit disheartening to read, but this has been a big problem and has confused me and made it harder for me to put my thoughts into words because of this. I finally got the grip on what this actually was and why I felt like I did about this issue.
A psychologist I am seeing from time to time (I can't afford a therapist) once cried when I told her how my childhood looked like, and about my suicidal thoughts and plans. I kinda freaked out, didn't know what to think - is that professional, is that ok? I let her know I am uncomfortable with that (maybe it was a bit harsh, I just couldn't hide it, my facial expression and body language gave me away). I felt pathetic, like all a therapist can do to help me is cry over my sad life, there's nothing else to do. I prefer when people get angry at what happened to me, get defensive over me, than when they cry, get emotional and feel bad for me.
Hi Kati, I want to say that i absolutely love your videos. Why? Because you let us see that it's oke to have problems. It's hard to think healthy when you think that it's abnormal and stupid that you have those problems. I copie your thoughts and said them to myself every single day. Keep training the healthy voice. Its works for sure!!!
You are brilliant- i don't want anything to surprise my therapist. I want to be boring and normal to my therapist. And what you said is perfect. you hold the space. Xxx
Thank you for covering this topic. I actually left my last therapist because I felt like she was too emotionally involved and it was impeding my therapy. I struggle a lot with identifying my feelings and feeling like I'm a burden on others. It's a chronic issue that I'm working through, and would often manifest itself as me minimizing my feelings to accomodate others. She would often tear up and get close to crying when I was telling her about things and hardships to the point where I felt like I had to take care of her feelings. Which was a real problem, because I would often discuss having to do that very thing in my everyday life. So, for me, it was a big problem. And when I let her know I wanted to switch therapists, she got very angry. I don't blame her; she's a person and she tried to keep her emotions at bay, but it was just not at all the right fit for the help I needed.
My therapist made a comment to me in a session that was supposed to be a positive affirmation, but because of where I was at emotionally I processed it as an insult. During the next session I let him know that I understood he didnt mean it that way but that was the way I processed it. I thought it was important for him to know so we could work through it. He felt so bad he teared up. I was fine with it. I think he is a human and will have human emotions. If I wanted a robot I'd just use the scream into the void app.
The faces you make... Lol. 😊 You're so expressive! I'm so glad I subscribed to your channel! The content is terrific! I share your videos with several of my friends. Thank you for being you! 😁😊☺️
If my therapist cried i will get irritated and feel responsible for them and i would feel so angry and i don't think i'll ever come back... i just hate seeing people cry...
The first time I explained my traumatic experience to my therapist, she told me she'd welled up. It didn't make me uncomfortable but actually made me feel validated. I think she told me that because she knew I needed to know it was 'serious' enough to feel something over, because I'd never cried over it myself.
Katie, I have spent years trying to find a great therapist and I finally found myself in the office of someone I trust and genuinely like as a person. She makes me feel like I have a good friend who I can talk to about anything. It is wonderful, I met her almost two years ago and she's helping me overcome so much. I'm wondering do you feel like it's okay to have a friendship with your therapist? She always keeps it professional, I do have a personal cell phone number that I can text or call if I'm having an emergency or issue where I cannot calm myself or the tools I learned in DBT just won't work. I just want to know if having a friendship type feeling is wrong? My last therapist was the opposite. She was very cold and we had absolutely no emotional connection so this experience is much nicer. Thank you again for putting this content on RUclips. Ashley
My first psychologist talked with me every day for a year. I honestly had a crush on her and I am not sure what happened but she started crying when I had about a week left of my stay. Best therapist I ever had. She really cared.
#katiFAQ Any suggestions on job searching with depression? I know that once I find a job, the depression will lessen a bit (as it'll give me purpose and something to focus on), but I feel like with every resume that doesn't get a call back and every interview that ends in reject, I lose more and more motivation. At the same time, I know jobs won't just come to me, and I need to get resumes out in order to find work. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thanks!
There are times when someone will say to me, "One Day at A Time!" I feel very frustrated, because there Are many times That's More than I Can Truly Do. I don't want to lash out or turn my frustrations into Negative self-talk, So I have a New reply. I heard this saying from a recovering hoarder, who I can relate to. "Inch By Inch is A Cinch, Yard By Yard is Hard." I say this both out loud to myself, and/or in my head when things get tough. This reply has helped me to realize Moving forward doesn't have to be Fast or in Big Steps to make a difference in how I face adversity in my daily challenges.
Relationships are NEVER easy. NEVER! Irrespectively of if we are talking about friendsships or romantic/sexual partners. Relationships are easy when we are children. But not as adults. And the most difficult relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. That's the toughest one.
I think whats important in the situation and that you are in control. There are situations where I won't cry to as you say show I can absorb and contain whatever emotion is thrown at me, sometimes it's helpful to cry to show empathy and connection that i feel their pain and at times I can cry for a ct when they won't to reflect emotions that I can see are there because they are bleeding out in aggression or anger and despite them not crying seeing me cry for them can normalize or allow them. It really depends on the dynamic between therapist and ct.
I can appreciate that a therapist crying means that they have compassion but as someone who lacks empathy with attachment problems in the narcissistic domain I find it makes them look 'weak' to me, for lack of a better word, like they wouldn't be able to handle me telling them everything.
I agree about what you say about NOT crying during the session. I once had a therapist cry during a session a LOT and it was extremely disturbing. It distracted from my own narrative. it distracted from my own feelings, that I could not have a therapist who was there for me. I would have been in a much better place, and really did need a therapist to be emotionally present for me and objective, but that was not happening. When I left feedback for her that her crying during the session did not work for me, she said, "I think you just werent' ready to hear that." IT seemed like she didn't really get what I was saying. I pretty much do NOT want a therapist bawling all over the place when something traumatic happens to me. It's not helpful. I was not crying at all at the time when she was crying.
I believe a therapist can be teary eyed if the client themselves are crying, but just not all the time when it happens. Crying though I believe shouldn't happen.
My therapist cried once in session, and it was one of the most validating things that has ever happened to me
I can understand. To me, that would mean that your therapist totally understood what you were dealing with that day
Mine cried once. Same.
I was 42 or so. Things were going pretty well for me finally after lifelong severe depression and anxiety. I had this feeling I didn’t know. I couldn’t identify it or even really describe it well. It didn’t feel bad. It just felt strange.
So, we kicked it back and forth for a while and all of a sudden I look up and she’s crying… and smiling. That shut me up. Lol
She got herself together quick and said, “I’m not supposed to do this but I’m going to do it anyway because I think you need to have this and otherwise, we'll be here for a month trying to figure this out. You’re happy. What you are experiencing is happiness, seemingly for the first time in your life.”
Then I started crying. And then she started crying again. It wasn’t the most professional moment; but at that point each of us had been “in the system” in our respective roles for something like 30 years. We both knew damn well that people with the kind of issues I had don’t normally get outcomes that unequivocally positive. I was lucky to just be alive and allowed to be walking around in public. I think a moment of genuine emotion in that circumstance is ok.
same. made me feel heard
Wow I'm kinda late with this comment but I'm gonna write it anyway. I've been going to therapy for about 4-5 years now to the same therapist and she's great and very professional. But recently I told her one of the hardest things for me to deal with and for a few seconds she was speechless and then she just said "That's so sad." but in such a sympathic way, like for this one time she had no clue how to deal with the problem and was surprised herself how hard and awful it is. And tbh I loved it. It was really great to see that my problems aren't so easy and there's not any obvious solution, it was great to see her realize it's so extra hard to do some things being me. Obviously after a while she started digging into it and trying to find a solution, but it was really nice for me to see that even she can get overwhelmed with how big my problems are. It makes me realize that I'm not that weak, I'm just in a really shitty situation.
I'm a Therapist and I cry all the time. You are in a high state of empathy so it's hard not to.
Regarding the third question I always felt like it should be my own problem about my abuse and struggle. I once tried to let another person see how difficult it is for me but that person never really helped. I know not all people are like this but sometimes it's just really hard to let people see the broken piece of you
My therapist cried like 3 times in our 1 year relationship and she told right after it that the fact that she cried doesn’t mean that she can’t hold my story it was just sad for her to know what I’ve been through and when she cried I felt so valuable and like she really care about me and love me so it was good for me
My therapist cried when I told him how lonely my life had become and that I couldn't see any light in my life. Him crying felt like a confirmation that nothing could be done, that my life was so miserable that just talking about it made even a seasoned therapist cry. It was horrible, I sank even deeper into my despair, like there was no one who could help me to find my way out of the darkness. I quit seeing him, tried to handle it on my own.
This was many years ago, I am still very lonely but I manage. I rarely speak about my loneliness nowadays, I am afraid of the reaction, I fear seeing my despair mirrored in the other person's eyes.
My therapist has never cried during a session, but it’s probably because he’s seen a lot of situations with other clients, and is used to mine.
only if the patience confesses he’s broke, can’t pay.
I was crying once during a session and my therapist's eyes began to water. She didn't full on cry, but I kinda helped for me. I didn't feel alone with my feelings. Like the immense pain I was feeling wasn't only mine and someone else saw and felt how bad it was. Because when talking to friends and family, they'd be sympathetic but I knew they didn't get it. And sometimes in therapy, even though it's supposed to be non judgemental, I feel vulnerable and dumb being the only one crying and seeing someone nodding in sympathy makes me feel even more alone, so seeing her feel it showed me that she was truly trying to understand to help me, and it affected her. Does that make sense?
Erinislovely absolutely I feel the exact same way
Erinislovely yes I feel this! It shows empathy.
Erinislovely Makes total sense!!
That makes a lot of sense you're pretty g at explaining while making sense plus not blabbering
Erinislovely agree! It is actually a known sign that you have a good therapist who is not afraid of emotions.
My therapist cried when I told her I was suicidal and had a suicide plan. I have been working with her for almost 2 years and in the middle of My husband’s cancer and My own pain I was ready to die. She even Said that when she is an Old lady in a nursing home, that I would be one of the few she would think about and she begged me to stay a live.
I did not find it difficult or weird. It gave me the power to go to a mental health hospital to get medication.
GöTtIn_NoRdIsK_FrEaKsHoW I hope you are in a better situation now
Ive been seeing my therapist for about 3 years and she's cried along with me on multiple occasions. she's helped me through suicide ideation and for a long time was the only person there for me. She's very important to me and when she cried it made me feel like she knows i'm in pain and that i'm not holding that pain alone. I think she genuinely wants me to be happy.
My therapist cried once at the end of my therapy on her last day when she was leaving to go somewhere else. I quite liked it because it made me think her feelings/care/compassion for me was real and she genuinely did care about me it's not just a job that she does to get paid. She genuinely wanted to help me and I thought so much of her it was nice to think she cared about me.
Emma Cupcake, I can relate to that!
Skip to 4:00 to hear her answer the title of the video
the most helpful kind of comment thanks 👍
Thank you!!
Thank you
We need more people like you
God bless your beautiful soul 😂
If a therapist cried while listening to me, I would only feel closer to them. The problem is that I might stop seeing them as a therapist and begin seeing them as a friend.
As a school psychologist of over twelve years, I only cried in front of a high school student during session once. A young man detailed over two hours the finding of his mother’s body following suicide and trying to perform CPR on her, while he waited in agony for paramedics to arrive. It was much too late though, and her stiffness prevented her jaw from being able to open, and he had to wait with her body, terrified and confused, until help arrived. Hearing his detailed account of finding his mother and the hell he proceeded to live through made me cry.
I found Kati’s assertion that a therapist crying is counter transference to be harsh and overly simplistic. I’m a human with empathy and this student suffered so badly it hurt my heart for him. I hope he didn’t feel any guilt from my emotion, but I’m a human being as is he, and the suffering he endured broke my heart.
This was an interesting question. My therapist has only cried once, but it was because her dog passed away. It was understandable. I had just lost a cat, so she shared her dog story.
I'm studying psychology and we've spoken about this at school because we know one day we'll be therapists (well, most of us). And what my professors have said and I have to say I agree with this, is that we're all human. Even therapists.. And if you cry or your eyes water - that HAS to be okay. It's a human emotion and feeling and showing empathy is never a bad thing. Not to say it's great to see your therapist cry in every session and obviously not every patient will react the same way to it. But I just don't think we can say it's a choice you can make, it not always is. Sometimes you can't help it. Therapists shouldn't be shamed for that. I really wish everyone could just realize therapists are just as human as their patients are, not some perfect superhumans. I think it can even help patients to trust their therapists more. I've heard of patients saying it helped them, because it made them feel this special feeling of realizing their story could touch someone else in that way. I think that's beautiful.
wish i could have someone like you as my therapist
+LitcheTheArsm you'll find a good therapist one day, don't stop looking, theyre out there!
LitcheTheArsm me too
I don't think I've ever met a therapist like her. It makes me want to try therapy again.
totorotally dawson why wats gone wrong therapist don’t understand you or something
When i cant afford a therapist so i subscribe to one on RUclips. 😂😂 thanks for existing kati ❤❤
I'm going to school for psychology and this is my biggest worry that my clients will have me crying during their sessions I am extremely empathetic and I usually cry when other people cry and I'm worried I won't be able to control this and that it will make me a bad therapist. I also become uncomfortable with certain topics, which is fine, except for the fact that I blush! :( Am I just not supposed to do therapy? Should I try to do something else? I definitely want to stick with psychology but maybe I can do something with it besides therapy..I know this is an old video I just found your channel I appreciate any response :)
Mel O im going to be going to school for psychology too ❤️ im going for neuropsychology im going to be more in the research field than in the therapeutic field because i have the same worries as you. I had a therapist who did cry with me when i was in her therapy session and its I believe that it would be okay for you to cry because they would probably feel like you are really connecting with them on another more emotional level.
It is OKAY as a therapist to be emotional. You can be the neutral safe space for someone, you can remain in control and can not experience countertransference and still cry or blush. The key to this i learned is using your emotional reactions as a means by which to assist the therapuetic process. For example if you have your eyes get teary and the client reacts negatively to that that is something that could be explored or if the therapist brings up a reaction they had to something that you said it could be a way for the person to work through concerns that are similar in their real life relationships. The key when doing this is just like she said in the video, "its for the client not the therapist" and so long as you do that and maintain control in the session and its therapuetically useful it is fine and i would even say is important to be human with your clients
This requires being really comfortable with vulnerability and being unaffected by peoples opinions or reactions to you or at the very least being able to honestly keep feeling offended under the surface until after the day is done and you can talk to your own therapist or supervisor
I was telling my therapist a situation I went through many years ago and when I stopped I noticed she was tearing up. Turns out my story was the opposite side of something she had gone through. She thanked me for sharing and said it helped her with something she had always wondered........I'm glad she showed tears, makes her more "real" in my eyes, it was a blessing really.
My therapist cried in one of my sessions but she tried to hide it. It wasn't about me, but I was sharing a story about my student and how difficult her home life had been. I still feel really close to her and her brother because they're at my school and sometimes when I talk about it I cry too. Certain things make me emotional, especially when it's about hurting innocent children. I respected my therapist's reaction because I could tell she cared for kids similarly to me but she was also able to continue on with our session even though she was teary eyed for a bit.
My therapist cried a couple of times but when I accomplished a big goal. Her eyes got watery. It was sweet!
Omg...no....thats too much for me. I would have fell in love with such and hurt bad bcos i know it's impossible.
I've only ever had two therapists. My first one sobbed very outwardly when listening to stories about my childhood, I thought it was really sweet and pretty comforting actually. My second (and more recent one) NEARLY cried once during a session, but just managed to hold it in. I'm pretty amazed she kept it in to be honest - not because of my story, but because of the empathy it provoked in her. The details that almost made her cry was based on my fear of a man who I once lived with, a terrifyingly unstable individual who could have killed me, my mother and sister when he was at his worst. We managed to escape him eventually, but it was a rough ride.
Turns out the very person I was telling all this to; understood my plight a little too well.
Just two months ago, my sweet therapist was murdered by her ex-husband in her own home. The asshole responsible tried to pass it off as a suicide, and orphaned his own young children. The grief has been pretty heavy on everyone. I really miss her.
The best way for me to feel re-motivated is to get up early (very hard or impossible when you are depressed I understand) and watch the sunrise, I reminds me that there is always a fresh start, you can always try again.
Kristen R Im gonna try this! Thanks ❤❤❤❤
I think it's validating, but I can also see how it would be hard for some clients.
I went to a therapy session, because I was forced to (I'm only 14). And after about 15 minutes of talking to the lady, she turned around and said "I'm sorry". When I asked why she was sorry she turned back around to face me and started crying (even though I wasn't). After a bit of awkward silence, all she said was "I just feel so bad for you". So in my opinion I think it's ok for your therapist to cry, but it does make you feel really guilty.
Now I find out next week if I will be put into the foster system.
Bella Brandt sorry if I seem weird, but were your put in the foster system?
Bella Brandt how's your life going ? Did you end up in foster care ? Xxxx
Idk why,the way u say it made me giggled.
Anyways,Are u better now?
Are you okay? How are you? I hope you're still alive- that's morbid to say but I really do
How are you now? I hope you're fine and just changed of account
I've had a therapist cry and it's horrible for me. I can see how it might be validating to some for their story to emotionally affect somebody. For me, someone who feels like a burden to others sometimes and feels the need to take care of others, it made me feel like I couldn't share certain things because it upset my therapist. It also made me a little resentful because therapy is a time when, yes, it is supposed to be all about me. I want my therapist to acknowledge my struggles but help me see them from a neutral perspective.
Hmm.. I can understand that. But at the same time, I'm sure she couldn't help herself. Therapists are human too, it's okay for them to feel all the feelings their patients do. Maybe it would've helped you if she would have explained why she cried? I'm sure it wasn't a negative experience for her. Maybe your story really affected or impacted her. Isn't that a beautiful thing?
Also, just because therapists feel emotions during yoru sessions doesn't mean they have to stop being therapists during that time and can't do their job. Maybe it even helps them to do it better, because they really put their heart and soul in it as well.
I'm sorry to hear that- but ... They're human and sometimes you just can't control it, y'know?
#katiFAQ Hey Kati I am a mental health graduate student working on my internship. I’ve been observing some really great counselors and completed my first session that went really well. I follow your videos and am SO impressed with your work and knowledge base. Do you have any suggestions or guidance for new therapists? Do you remember what it was like when you first started, how you felt? This is my passion but I want to learn as much as possible and your videos help! Thank you! :)
I read something from a therapist once that said that they didn't cry in sessions because it then makes the session or the moment about them instead of the client. That makes sense to me! I will say that I agree with you about crying in the last session--it made it easier for me in my last session with my therapist when we were both crying. It helped to know that she had that deep of feelings for me.
A counselor of mine once got teary-eyed in a session when I revealed to her than my aunt died (I had been communicating with her about my aunt’s health and updating her on the situation). I did feel a bit awkward, but this counselor was understandably sad for me, plus she was still getting her practice hours and was fairly new to counselling. She was one of the best counselors I ever had!🙂
I never really had therapy (only one miserable attempt) and it would be the worst if my therapist would start crying becaus of my story! I'd probably run! I've never had the chance to tell anyone my whole story (which is very much a burden to me) because I'm always the strong one in a relationship (even with my parents). The only reason I'd ever consider starting therapy is because I'm looking for someone stronger than me. (Excuse my english - it's not my native language)
+Kernschrott .Production your english is great actually:)
My therapist cried when she asked to see my prom picture, because of how happy I looked when I was really sad inside, I found it really awkward
Zoe James its always the happiest onces
justin bieber I don't think so.. I don't laugh very often
Weird. I've never had a therapist cry in session with me, so I don't know how I'd deal with that. I honestly didn't even know therapists did that.
neither right lol
My therapist’s eyes began to water when I told her about my fear of telling my parents something. I said it was scarier to go home than anything because I was terrified they’d find out. I was terrified that they’d kick me out. The only people I needed support from, would hate me.
My psychiatrist whom I’ve seen since I was about 14 teared up a bit when taking about my Mom who was going through cancer at the time. It actually touched me. It made me feel like she had really come to know me throughout the years.
My therapist cried during a session and it made me feel like she actually cared and that I wasn't just a paycheck to her. It was a little awkward but also very nice. That's just me though.
I'm not a therapist, but I get teary eyed from anger when someone tells me about an injustice they've been through. Particular if it's something out of their control, like neglect or abuse they experienced as a child. Hearing and seeing stuff like that really resonates with me, not just because I've experienced abuse myself, but because I hate seeing it continue to happen in the world and I actively fight against it. I think, in that instance, it's okay. That people gain trust in me because they see I have empathy and passion to fight for them.
Great questions today, they have really been helpful, thank you! My therapist cried in one of my sessions and sometimes she got tearful. I often wondered if this one the norm but never questioned her professionalism. I think she did an excellent job in supporting and grounding me and when she did get upset it I felt that it validated my experiences. I wouldn't have changed her for the world.
Jemma Akers I think there is a difference between becoming teary and crying. A slight voice break and leaky eye is different to pausing to break down and pull yourself back together.
Many people all express empathy differently but sobbing is unprofessional IMO
Jemma Akers, I totally get that and agree! I have a great therapist as well who's emotions show from time to time. I want my therapist to be "real"! And caring. That doesn't mean they hAve to cry, but its certainly ok if they do!
A few month ago, me and my therapist talked about “thirteen reasons why” she watched that video, how hannah is killing herself and how her mom finds her after dying, after she was cutting her artery.. i said to my therapist, that i wouldn’t care, if my mother would find me that way...
She started to cry, guess because she saw it as a mother of two little Kids. That was the moment, when i felt, that my therapist is a human.
Of course it made me sad, seeing her crying but on the other side, it did something to me..
Aischa Banna I'm sorry but I have to comment. I cried while reading what you wrote. When I was in middle school I felt the same way you felt. I had a lot of self harm, was suicidal and cared less about how my mom felt about anything I did. I worked through it somehow and gave myself a meaning (volunteering). Now, more than 10 years later, I'm a mom. It's heartbreaking to think that you, myself or anyone would ever feel this way.
I hope you're doing better and live a happy, rewarding life. It's cliche but it really does get better.
To overcome each battle for me was to get up and take a shower,shave,
brush my teeth. and get dressed. It did help me at least feel like I was accomplishing something. And still work on getting other things done. Now even taken a small walk or just standing out side helps. And my music.
When I was in therapy, I had very low self-esteem and struggled with interpersonal relationships. So my therapist suggested that I ask a close friend of mine to write a letter to me about everything she loved and cherished about me. She cried when she read her letter because she thought it was so sad that someone could love me so much while I hated myself.
In private practice 10 years. Children dying and the people left after suicide are my soft spot or vulnerability of crying. Nothing overwhelming it feels more like a wave that rolls in and out. I'll check myself, process with a colleague and up self care to make sure I'm the pro they are counting on. I do not take child deaths at intake, I refer them out knowing myself, but over the years this happens with established clients so it is there. Thank you for your channel!!!!
It seems like my therapist cries sometimes but she never admits it and it makes me feel bad because one of my issues was not having someone I can go to(mom or dad) when I had a problem or issue I needed to talk about.
I would hate it if my therapist cried. My first therapist didn't cry but I could see emotions in her eyes and I just felt like she was mock-pitying me and it made me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's because at the time I was very emotionally blind and just the concept of emotions in general made me uncomfortable. My second therapist was a lot more detached and no-nonsense and it worked a lot better for me! Made me feel secure while I approached the world of feelings little by little. It's interesting to read that other people actually feel comfort and understanding from an emotional therapist, where it's the complete opposite for me.
I made my therapist cry/feel like crying. She said, if I remember correctly, this was because I would not express the appropriate emotions when talking to her, so it kinda doubled up on her. In her defense, she said she was trained to deal with that, but I should remember that when speaking to someone who does not have that training :)
Hobbs I had that same experience. I have trouble expressing and labeling emotions and when my therapist would cry or slow me down to realize what I said was emotional it was surprising to me. Realizing that I could have feelings in those moments. It was very helpful that I was reminded.
I agree.. mostly. There are times when a client shares something so wonderful or so sad that it slips past my professionalism. In those few instances? It seems inauthentic to hide my response to what they have shared.
One therapist cried and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. It made me feel like I had to take care of her. It was years and years ago and haven't had it happen since.
That being said, I can see how it would create an empathetic response in a client. It would probably depend on the relationship of the therapist-client, and personalities.
I had one therapist that began to sigh when I cried during a session. Are male therapists not used to men who cry???
I had a therapist cry once during a very crucial session where I brought in my mom to tell her about my self-harm. It was awful because she just sat and cried with my mom, and I sat there feeling out of place and anxious. It triggered my memories of all the times my mom cried and expected me to be stoic and comfort her which I'd been doing since I was 11. I was never allowed to cry or be emotional.
To top it off, that therapist had the same name as my mom. What a horrible experience that was.
can you talk about ADHD and coping skills
relationship is not all about sex
You're annoyingly amazing :D
Hello Kati! I like your videos and I have been learning a lot, thank you!. I'm just wondering, are you not worried that your clients or future clients could also watch your videos in youtube and they might not feel confident to work with you because you are too public? I'm wondering about the ethics of the job. Did you ever have any issue regarding to this? I'm curios :) Thanks you!!!
#KatiFAQ or anyone else can answer
Is it normal for a therapist to talk to you about their personal lives or experiences? I've been to five different therapist and they all sometimes talk to me about very private things. This seems to be a common occurrence in my life strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family feel comfortable telling me their problems and struggles. I love helping people and listening to the struggles of their past but, not during my therapy session. I feel too guilt to tell my therapist not to talk to me about her life. What should I do is this normal?
if you figure out the answer, let me know because this has happened to me my whole life. Most of the time I don't mind too much. But maybe that's because I tend to avoid people a lot... Anyway it just stinks that people share their whole lives with me but it's hard to find people who will let me share my life with them..
9Kita1 yes i have that same problem no one lets me share my life with them I still haven't gotten an answer but if I do I will let you know :)
Every therapist is different. I knew virtually nothing about the first four I saw. To this day, I don't even remember their last names. The fifth therapist was the first I was ever really close to and I knew a bit more about her but not much. My current therapist (and the best yet) is very open and I know a lot about her life but nothing that wouldn't be appropriate for me to know, just surface stuff. I like knowing her fiancé's name, what kind of dog she has, and a little about what her life is like because it makes her transparent, much more human. It helps me to remember that she's just a person, the same as I am, and takes her off that pedestal a bit. She also struggles with anxiety so we can relate on that level and that's been really helpful.
+ash cash There is a technique - I'm not sure if it is an appropriate word to name it in english as it is not my native language - called "revealing" and it is allowed in certain types of therapy (but not in psychoanalytical settings). It means that a therapist can share private information as long as its purpose is to help the client. It is not allowed for a therapist to share things in order to get help, feel better or gain attention from the client. The goal is to improve therapeutic process.
My Male Therapist teared up very much and I saw his eyes water up and become almost red. He then said "that's very emotional to hear". I felt very validated and so much less alone. It meant SO much to me. I will remember that moment for all of time and it is treasured in my heart. Keep in mind this is a man that never cried nor teared up even once in therapy sessions with me, for the span of 1.4 years!
Hi Kati! I know you said that it's best to work on things concerning your past of abuse prior to starting a serious relationship with someone, but what if you have been trying hard to get past things for a really long time in therapy without too much progression- should everything else just stand still? I'm in college right now and I am so worried my young adult life is going to pass me by like my child/teenhood did. Also, could being in a relationship with someone actually be beneficial in healing from childhood sexual abuse? Great Video by the way! :)
#katiFAQ
Hey Kati, thanks so much for your vidz, here is my question:
Lately, when my therapy session ends, i get really panicky and triggered. It's such a blessing to have a good therapeutic relationship, especially that i have no support system aside from my therapist. The hour i spend in there may be tough, but at least i don't feel so alone. So when that moment and space where i feel understood and supported is going towards its end, i really don't want to leave, I panick and cry and often leave the office in a mess, being scared to use a bad coping mecanism afterwards, which i often do. My therapist knows, i think, but what can she do. So i don't know how to deal with that separation every time. I know it sounds needy, and it is, but it's getting worse at every session. I've been on a downward spiral since Spring, i have daily suicidal ideation (with few o.d.s on meds in the last 2 months), i cannot count on the few friends i thought i could include in my support system. I feel really lonely, really lost, and i don't trust myself.
Is it normal i get so scared and triggered when Im about to leave my therapist at every ending of a session?
And what can i do about it?
Much thanks.
I think it’s incredibly inappropriate for your therapist to cry in YOUR session!
Thank you so much Kati!! Your insight was so helpful!! It can really be a struggle to have a healthy relationship without forming unhealthy dynamics like codependency. But some things are special and worth working on!
Had a therapist who cried and I felt really bad because I made her cry and it wasn’t the last session, for me it didn’t sit well and I didn’t know what to do!
Thank you for this video, I understand your logic about the "Why I don't cry" part. However, I'd like to share my own story. I had a therapist, whom I thought was VERY good and strong. However, I once told her some crap that was so real and intense--and I knew it was, obviously--that she had to actually take the Kleenex box (which was closer to me) and dry some tears. I didn't think lesser of her at all. I didn't feel like the boundaries were screwed up and I had to skidaddle. Because I knew that was just ONE episode from me.
Now, if she had broken waterworks for every single tale, yeah, I'd likely think, "Um..." But it was just that one thing that really hit hard. Yet, knowing she was there with me, and knowing she was a human just like me and all, we overcame that moment and she carried on like a trooper, back to usual. I'm grateful.
Great video! I especially liked when you talked about how to know when to keep working on a relationship.
Joy Crasta
When my parents or friends or anyone put me down I raised 2 baby chicks 🐤. I spoke to them everyday. Cleaned their poop And told them all my confusing ordeals surprisingly they did understand and gave me a cluck cluck cluck lol.... that was super satisfying and today I feel renewed and I feel happier and have my emotions back in my stable sometimes all you need are animals.
#katiFAQ journal topic suggestion.: I found this quote of Gandhi. It says:
"We may stumble and fall but shall rise again; it should be enough if we did not run away from the battle"
I really like it because it showes that it's okay to not feel okay sometimes and that things will get better again. It's enough to just hang in there and keep strong. Because it's worth it.
I just wanted to comment on the question about "relationships". I have never had a good relationship and I've only started healing on my self on my own the last couple yrs. it's true to say I'd love a good nice relationship but it won't happen for a while and the sad thing is if I'd asked for help earlier and spoke up things would be possible earlier. Everything I've achieved I've achieved on my own! No posh therapist or diagnosis, but do you know what it is what it is! My time to shine will come. :D
no. but I cry at drop of hat; one of the few barriers that prevent me from becoming psychotherapist
Your videos are so helpful. You're really an amazing person, Kati!
i had a therapist cry because she was with another patient during the entirety of my session and i was in the waiting room for an hour and and only had five minutes to talk to me and she felt bad. then i had another therapist cry bc i told her i was suicidal and she was thinking of another patient she had had who killed themself
my psychology teacher in college always said that it would be unprofessional to cry in front of somebody who came to see them so what she would do is make an excuse to leave for 5mins get a drink of water or something and comeback and be fine and then later talk about it like you do with another therapist or something like that
she said what you want to do is have an invisible cup for them to talk into so all of their thoughts go into that and dont bother you but sometimes the invisible cup can overflow but never cry in front of the person you are trying to help
thx for the ha bisky vid
My teachers always said we should remember we're all human. Crying is a human emotion.
I feel like that person is human for having expressed that emotion it shows that they are empathetic however one needs to find away to collect their feelings because you were right about the fact that the session is about the client and not one self. Meaning being strong for their sake and taking inventory of your feelings with the other staff.
i think therapists should not cry - part of the reason i trust my therapist with all my "stuff" is that i know she can handle it, she will not break down (cry, freak out, etc).
This was very helpful. Great insight! Thank you:)
I feel screwed up and depressed but I don't know how to tell anybody#katiefaq
When I cried for the first time my therapist was about to cry but she didn’t, why would that be? Is that okay?
I think it depends on the client if thats ok for them.
Thank you so much for answering my question, Kati! That made a lot of sense.
How I overcame it? Well, I feel daily depressed as heck but I'm still alive, isn't that archievement enough? I'm not dead yet.
Thank you for the answer on therapists crying. Your patients are very lucky. I recently talked casually to another therapist (not in session) about some things that came up talking about my counselor in years past and maybe even how they related to my relapse in PTSD. My counselor years ago cried when talking about some of my past experiences, partly by how bad they were, but partly she admitted because of how separated I was from them. I can talk about my past, but I grow emotionally distant during the process as I am also separating myself from the same events. She said she cried because of that too, that I could be so emotionally distant from my own past (related to abuse). It was somehow horrible to see someone talking about events as a child that were life-threatening or physically damaging without so much as wavering. The problem is that after that point, I shared less violent and less "messed up" stories because I didn't want her to cry again. Like you said in your video, your clients should feel safe baring anything. I no longer did, so I very carefully started guarding events and gauging possible reactions before I spoke of them (unless asked, I always answered directly when asked). I understand that therapists are still human and can't always help it.
Well, it happens that a therapist gets tears in her eyes during a session. Generally speaking, it feels good that she has empathy, but it also can make me feel guilt if I don't respond equally strongly emionally as a man.
Is it just me or does anybody else really like it when someone says hang in there. It kinda makes me feel like crying tbh.
Kai yesss recently if I ask someone if they’re ok and they’re somewhat hesitant I reply with ‘hanging in there?’ It’s just a great phrase in my opinion!
My therapist has cried for me. I think she wanted me to feel like somebody did care. My problem is that I can't believe that. My abuse was pretty severe and at some point I learned to believe that any kind of emotion was bs. I eventually did believe that her care and concern was real and it was the first relationship I had with anyone, male or female, that I learned to trust. I think she was right to share her emotions with me even though I didn't believe it at the time. She was a smart lady with good intuition, I miss her terribly. Circumstances changed in my life and I ended up moving to Florida. We occasionally exchange emails still, it's been tough not having her around anymore. I've never had anyone impact my life more than her. It's a huge responsibility being a therapist! I need to be back in therapy and I know I'll have to settle because I'll never find another like her.
I personally feel like the word "pity" isn't even a real word. Like, it was invented for people who couldn't handle sympathy and took everything the wrong way, when people are just trying to show compassion, care and show that they won't pretend like any of your problems aren't worthy of their time. Pity doesn't really exist. It's just that the response to compassion might be ill, but compassion is compassion, no mocking or anything.
I also feel like this kind of mentality has made it hard for me to talk, because it doesn't seem like they care, and frankly, they have shown it to me themselves so there's no doubt about it. It always feels like I'm talking to a non-sentient being who's nodding along because it's the custom.
Just because a person tears up doesn't mean they're mentally ill and have problems, they just have a humane, appropriate reaction like how humans should have. It's hard seeing people take such compassionate people for granted and take it the wrong way. Some people do overreact and start breaking down with tears all over the face and all, that I do understand, but when people can't handle if someone just tears up a bit, then I will struggle to keep up with that.
I understand if this was a bit disheartening to read, but this has been a big problem and has confused me and made it harder for me to put my thoughts into words because of this. I finally got the grip on what this actually was and why I felt like I did about this issue.
A psychologist I am seeing from time to time (I can't afford a therapist) once cried when I told her how my childhood looked like, and about my suicidal thoughts and plans. I kinda freaked out, didn't know what to think - is that professional, is that ok? I let her know I am uncomfortable with that (maybe it was a bit harsh, I just couldn't hide it, my facial expression and body language gave me away). I felt pathetic, like all a therapist can do to help me is cry over my sad life, there's nothing else to do. I prefer when people get angry at what happened to me, get defensive over me, than when they cry, get emotional and feel bad for me.
love your videos
Hi Kati, I want to say that i absolutely love your videos. Why? Because you let us see that it's oke to have problems. It's hard to think healthy when you think that it's abnormal and stupid that you have those problems. I copie your thoughts and said them to myself every single day. Keep training the healthy voice. Its works for sure!!!
You are brilliant- i don't want anything to surprise my therapist. I want to be boring and normal to my therapist. And what you said is perfect. you hold the space.
Xxx
Thank you for covering this topic. I actually left my last therapist because I felt like she was too emotionally involved and it was impeding my therapy. I struggle a lot with identifying my feelings and feeling like I'm a burden on others. It's a chronic issue that I'm working through, and would often manifest itself as me minimizing my feelings to accomodate others. She would often tear up and get close to crying when I was telling her about things and hardships to the point where I felt like I had to take care of her feelings. Which was a real problem, because I would often discuss having to do that very thing in my everyday life. So, for me, it was a big problem. And when I let her know I wanted to switch therapists, she got very angry. I don't blame her; she's a person and she tried to keep her emotions at bay, but it was just not at all the right fit for the help I needed.
My therapist made a comment to me in a session that was supposed to be a positive affirmation, but because of where I was at emotionally I processed it as an insult. During the next session I let him know that I understood he didnt mean it that way but that was the way I processed it. I thought it was important for him to know so we could work through it. He felt so bad he teared up. I was fine with it. I think he is a human and will have human emotions. If I wanted a robot I'd just use the scream into the void app.
The faces you make... Lol. 😊 You're so expressive! I'm so glad I subscribed to your channel! The content is terrific! I share your videos with several of my friends. Thank you for being you! 😁😊☺️
If my therapist cried i will get irritated and feel responsible for them and i would feel so angry and i don't think i'll ever come back... i just hate seeing people cry...
The first time I explained my traumatic experience to my therapist, she told me she'd welled up. It didn't make me uncomfortable but actually made me feel validated. I think she told me that because she knew I needed to know it was 'serious' enough to feel something over, because I'd never cried over it myself.
Katie, I have spent years trying to find a great therapist and I finally found myself in the office of someone I trust and genuinely like as a person. She makes me feel like I have a good friend who I can talk to about anything. It is wonderful, I met her almost two years ago and she's helping me overcome so much. I'm wondering do you feel like it's okay to have a friendship with your therapist? She always keeps it professional, I do have a personal cell phone number that I can text or call if I'm having an emergency or issue where I cannot calm myself or the tools I learned in DBT just won't work. I just want to know if having a friendship type feeling is wrong? My last therapist was the opposite. She was very cold and we had absolutely no emotional connection so this experience is much nicer.
Thank you again for putting this content on RUclips.
Ashley
My first psychologist talked with me every day for a year. I honestly had a crush on her and I am not sure what happened but she started crying when I had about a week left of my stay. Best therapist I ever had. She really cared.
#katiFAQ Any suggestions on job searching with depression? I know that once I find a job, the depression will lessen a bit (as it'll give me purpose and something to focus on), but I feel like with every resume that doesn't get a call back and every interview that ends in reject, I lose more and more motivation. At the same time, I know jobs won't just come to me, and I need to get resumes out in order to find work. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thanks!
There are times when someone will say to me, "One Day at A Time!" I feel very frustrated, because there Are many times That's More than I Can Truly Do. I don't want to lash out or turn my frustrations into Negative self-talk, So I have a New reply. I heard this saying from a recovering hoarder, who I can relate to. "Inch By Inch is A Cinch, Yard By Yard is Hard." I say this both out loud to myself, and/or in my head when things get tough. This reply has helped me to realize Moving forward doesn't have to be Fast or in Big Steps to make a difference in how I face adversity in my daily challenges.
Relationships are NEVER easy. NEVER! Irrespectively of if we are talking about friendsships or romantic/sexual partners. Relationships are easy when we are children. But not as adults. And the most difficult relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. That's the toughest one.
well fuck, might as well stop talking to people.
I think whats important in the situation and that you are in control. There are situations where I won't cry to as you say show I can absorb and contain whatever emotion is thrown at me, sometimes it's helpful to cry to show empathy and connection that i feel their pain and at times I can cry for a ct when they won't to reflect emotions that I can see are there because they are bleeding out in aggression or anger and despite them not crying seeing me cry for them can normalize or allow them. It really depends on the dynamic between therapist and ct.
I can appreciate that a therapist crying means that they have compassion but as someone who lacks empathy with attachment problems in the narcissistic domain I find it makes them look 'weak' to me, for lack of a better word, like they wouldn't be able to handle me telling them everything.
I agree about what you say about NOT crying during the session. I once had a therapist cry during a session a LOT and it was extremely disturbing. It distracted from my own narrative. it distracted from my own feelings, that I could not have a therapist who was there for me. I would have been in a much better place, and really did need a therapist to be emotionally present for me and objective, but that was not happening. When I left feedback for her that her crying during the session did not work for me, she said, "I think you just werent' ready to hear that." IT seemed like she didn't really get what I was saying. I pretty much do NOT want a therapist bawling all over the place when something traumatic happens to me. It's not helpful. I was not crying at all at the time when she was crying.
I believe a therapist can be teary eyed if the client themselves are crying, but just not all the time when it happens. Crying though I believe shouldn't happen.
I don't think you realize how hard it is to find a good therapist...if there were more like you it would be a happier place.😊🌸