Narcissistic parents are most worst, especially when the narcissist controls their partner, psychologically and you the child the scapegoat for everything until you meet someone who is an addict. You think he/she loves you but you are simply attached to someone who doesn't value you at all. Causing a worse relationship.
The way he jerks you around, alternatively adoring you and despising you, is just part of the abuse. Keeps you off balance and confused. Deliberately. (My real life began at 44, when I decided I deserved better. You do too.)
I loved an alcoholic and I lied to myself all the time. Then I started to go to Al-Anon . It took me a few meetings to learn thatI was the only one I could change. ❤
I really hope Stefania decides to leave him. She said this was her best relationship which is horrifying because this relationship is so bad for her. She said he would do anything for her, but he won't even stop going to the convenience store his ex is working... There is love in the world for you Stefania, but it will never be with this man. He needs to fix his own problems and he is not a suitable partner and likely won't be for anyone unless he does serious work over time. I am really rooting for you to make the painful, but necessary decision to love yourself Stefania, and no longer accept abusive or disrespectful treatment.
If he’d do anything for you then why doesn’t he stop abusing you? Why doesn’t he respect your views? He doesn’t love you. Please listen to her!!! You can’t risk having children with him. Please don’t put your potential children with this man through the childhood you went through. If you don’t love yourself enough to go do it for any children you may have. 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Oh my gosh, this lady is so broken. It's painful to hear this story. She' s deceiving herself and blocking her own blessing. She is introject her past narcissistic relationship with her parents. She jumps out of the frying pan into the fire. No "stefania" you are worthy of love. What you are experiencing is not love. I truly hope you find healing and work on yourself. She desperately needs healing, heals your heart, and works towards her thoughts, her mindset towards healthy, respectful relationships.
Stefania: "He's the best boyfriend I've ever had." Me: (screaming internally) Stefania, you deserve so much better! I hope you gain clarity and take steps toward a better life, with a BETTER man than this guy.
Oh this dear woman. She deserves so much better than these jerks. It’s better to be alone than be with someone he leaves you toxic breadcrumbs. The longer you stay, the worst it will get. I speak from experience. Sending love.
"Stefania", you don't see it right now, but when you have gotten out of this and started healing, started surrounding yourself with actual kind good people, after a while you will look back on this and see how horrible it was and that you deserve so so so much better. Please, look out for yourself. You can do this ❤
Oh honey.... If you saw a loved one in the exact same situation as you, would you tell him/her that he/she deserves to be treated like that? I know it's hard and you may not believe it now or even for a long time, but you deserve SO much better than this. You deserve a loving and caring partner who won't physically abuse you or treat your boundaries as mere suggestions like this guy does. It's going to be hard. It's going to be painful. But healing is possible, away from them.
I remember staying in a harmful relationship on the basis that it was the best I had ever had and I could never get better. And I got dumped when I stopped people pleasing 😂and tried to advocate for myself
You say that he would do anything for you, and you say he won't stop going to a certain stop. Those two things both can't be true. I feel for you because I've been there. Please know it only gets better if you try to make it better. For me, that meant changes to how I thought and saw the world. It is and was scary, but it also feels like removing the heavy weight I keep dragging around. I believe in you!
Thank u Fairy for being a great help for many ppl. She has to learn to love herself, just like many of had to do. My family made me feel worthless. JESUS CHRIST told me I was worth dying for & so is this young lady. She is Precious!!!!
This is so timely. I have a similar situation but instead of it being a relationship it is a situation of overstaying in my dream home when my area is totally in development mode. It's such a struggle to give up on your dream even when all the red flags are screaming and it is lost. Thank you for showing me why I WAS stuck. 💝💕
I'm 20 years older than Sonja, and recently went through the end of my younger sister's 25 year abusive relationship. Please don't spend 20 years on this guy. Before you know it he will take the rest of the savings and whatever else you have to pay for his pills and gambling. There is still time to find yourself and find real love, and 20 years from now you could be in a happy relationship instead of 20 more years of misery and heartbreak.
The lady who wrote the letter needs out of that relationship! He’s dumping her! Mine does illegal drugs. Cheats. Gambles lies! I left him last year. I tried to leave years before. I will not ever let anyone treat me so badly. I have boundaries now and I stick to them! I reached the point where I don’t trust anyone or let anyone Close.
😢 My heart is breaking for Stefania 💔...even though I can 'hear' that her own heart isn't breaking for herself (as it normally would for someone who hasn't had a childhood of abuse & neglect)...yet. Being raised by a, imo and not diagnosed, covert narcissist mother & an alcoholic (although non-violent & high functioning) father myself, I can fully relate to getting into toxic & actually dangerous relationships with men who were either much older, addicts (a gambler & an alcoholic) and/or mentally ill (possibly covert borderline/ borderline). It's what we do. I've come to understand that I was (slowly recovering now) just as mentally unwell and as 'addicted' as anyone I was ever in a relationship with. I didn't even know that how my mother treated me was child abuse until an excellent psychiatrist pointed it out to me! I was approx 34 (in a live-in relationship with an alcoholic) & so mentally unwell I was barely eating or sleeping, had constant panic attacks, deeply depressed & had thoughts of not wanting to live any more. It's not our fault, Stefania, but a childhood of abuse and neglect, no love or care for us stops our little brains from developing as they needed to. Also, we had no modelling of what healthy, good-for -us relationships look like. Sadly, it took me having a mental breakdown before I started to care about myself. To face the reality of my life & how insane my thinking & behaviour actually was. Anna is so right to suggest you seek help asap from a therapist. Someone you trust, who you can talk with & who will gently support & guide you to come out of the fantasy world we create in our minds to survive the harsh reality of our childhood. You're in a relationship with an abusive addict who, at this stage with no recovery in sight, is incapable of a genuinely loving relationship with you or anyone else. Also, Al-Anon (the 12 Step fellowship for relatives & friends of alcoholics whether they are drinking or not) helped me enormously. We find we're not alone, we're heard & we always deserved to be treated with love, respect & care. There are other groups that might suit you. Eg: Nar -Anon or Gam -Anon. Please take care of you ❤
I hope this lady seeks out some therapy to heal the root cause of this - which is her mother’s abuse and its devastating effects on her self worth. No person who had been parented by a halfway decent parent would end up in a relationship like this, much less think it was a good relationship! I too had a terribly abusive narcissistic mother and have made great strides in healing and discovering love for myself, and the person who used to end up with awful men seems like someone I no longer recognise at all. I’m here to tell her she can heal from a background like this.
Oh honey. Such deep denial. My heart goes out to you. You aren’t even letting yourself see what is really going on. You are worth SO much more. You are worth someone NEVER spitting on you. You are worth someone NEVER hitting you. You are worth so much more. Don’t settle. You are settling for so much less. You are not so messed up that you can’t do better. Please please please go get some help and get away from this man as soon as you can. You deserve so much better than this.
The admission “this is the best relationship I’ve ever had” speaks volumes. I do identify and it’s like due to being raised by narc parents, one often aims low and do definitely attract these people that reflect the template you have received from the toxic relationship with narcissistic parents which blinds one to infinite possibilities of a truly respectful loving relationship. However the relationship one has with one’s self is a huge precursor to moving away from these toxic relationships.
You deserve so much better! Please, leave, so you will be able to create life and good, loving relationships for yourself. This relationship will eat you alive and leave you so broken, if not worse.
That's so me! I do this not only in romantic relationships but also in work relationships. And I've finally put myself in the position of limerence that you talk about in your videos.
Abandonment mélange is especially bad when with an addict. you're always the third wheel. If you're a former addict, this is a great [sarcasm] way to backslide into your own issues with addiction. edit: I hope OP figures out that she's worth more than this. the work to get out of situations like this gets so much harder with age bc your brain's reality is so accustomed to chaos.
I had 2 children w a Narcissistic/ psycopathic drug, rapist, pathological liar. I was 17 had no idea after being in an alcoholic family. My 2 kids are so lost i dont know how to help them and LOVE is not enough 😢
That sounds hard but we're glad you are here and want to heal. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
To encourage yourself to get out, speak to yourself as you would want to hear a mother speak to her daughter. Or - imagine having a daughter go through this - you wouldn't encourage her to stay.
This one is triggering to listen to only because of the delusion. If that’s the best she’s had man wise then I shudder to think what the past involved.
Someone putting up with verbal abuse and physical abuse. Is the escape goat for the addict. To take advantage of and use and abuse. Why buy the Cow when the milks free. Thanks for sharing 🎉
hey, i just popped on to a random video to ask if i remember incorrectly or was there a next level to daily practice, called "writing with intent" or sth like that? have been doing the daily thing for long enough now to maybe try the next step
Deep down, she knows she's lying to herself, spinning stories in her mind to make it seem true. She tries to convince herself and anyone who will listen, that no, he really is a good guy ! she longs for the Crappy Childhood Fairy to reassure her...
Jeez I think we had the same mom. Sheesh. Wow. Edit: This is so painfully relatable. ohmah goodness. The specifics are different but it is the same story... over and over. It's weird how I can see it with somebody else. But it's so hard for me to admit it when i'm doing it. Other people's stories help me to learn how to "worry about myself" so to speak She is confusing someone not caring enough to want equal commitment with ... i guess an idea of unconditional love and freedom? Like Snoop Dog's marriage? Jeez 😭 Ugh. It's easier to relate to it and admit it when I point it out. This is "you spot it, you got it," ain't it? 😳🤌
"He'd do anything for me" girl he won't even go to a different convenience store....
🤣
I’ve also been told by my father “I’ll do anything for you” … I guess except treat me with respect.
@kathleengalek4441 ohh boy I've heard this one before too. Rise above!
This was hard to listen to. "He's the best boyfriend. He's so sweet to me. He's kicked me, raged and cursed at me and spit on me."
Narcissistic parents are most worst, especially when the narcissist controls their partner, psychologically and you the child the scapegoat for everything until you meet someone who is an addict.
You think he/she loves you but you are simply attached to someone who doesn't value you at all. Causing a worse relationship.
Wow that made a lot of sense! Exactly!
Better no relationship than an unhealthy one like this...
13:20 "Real love comes from you being your real self - and being your real self is quite a project."
The way he jerks you around, alternatively adoring you and despising you, is just part of the abuse. Keeps you off balance and confused. Deliberately. (My real life began at 44, when I decided I deserved better. You do too.)
I loved an alcoholic and I lied to myself all the time. Then I started to go to Al-Anon . It took me a few meetings to learn thatI was the only one I could change. ❤
I’m so glad you found the support you needed. Well done to care for yourself and knowing you deserve healing.
I really hope Stefania decides to leave him. She said this was her best relationship which is horrifying because this relationship is so bad for her. She said he would do anything for her, but he won't even stop going to the convenience store his ex is working... There is love in the world for you Stefania, but it will never be with this man. He needs to fix his own problems and he is not a suitable partner and likely won't be for anyone unless he does serious work over time. I am really rooting for you to make the painful, but necessary decision to love yourself Stefania, and no longer accept abusive or disrespectful treatment.
I really hope Stephania listens to the Fairy's advice and leave this abusive relationship!!! you can do it girl Its not too late.
If he’d do anything for you then why doesn’t he stop abusing you? Why doesn’t he respect your views? He doesn’t love you. Please listen to her!!! You can’t risk having children with him. Please don’t put your potential children with this man through the childhood you went through. If you don’t love yourself enough to go do it for any children you may have. 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Oh my gosh, this lady is so broken. It's painful to hear this story. She' s deceiving herself and blocking her own blessing. She is introject her past narcissistic relationship with her parents. She jumps out of the frying pan into the fire. No "stefania" you are worthy of love. What you are experiencing is not love. I truly hope you find healing and work on yourself. She desperately needs healing, heals your heart, and works towards her thoughts, her mindset towards healthy, respectful relationships.
This one absolutely broke my heart
Stefania: "He's the best boyfriend I've ever had."
Me: (screaming internally)
Stefania, you deserve so much better! I hope you gain clarity and take steps toward a better life, with a BETTER man than this guy.
Oh this dear woman. She deserves so much better than these jerks. It’s better to be alone than be with someone he leaves you toxic breadcrumbs. The longer you stay, the worst it will get. I speak from experience. Sending love.
He spit in her face?????? What??????? That feels worse than the kick!!!!! RUN!!!!!
Been there. Yes it did.
"Stefania", you don't see it right now, but when you have gotten out of this and started healing, started surrounding yourself with actual kind good people, after a while you will look back on this and see how horrible it was and that you deserve so so so much better. Please, look out for yourself. You can do this ❤
Oh honey....
If you saw a loved one in the exact same situation as you, would you tell him/her that he/she deserves to be treated like that?
I know it's hard and you may not believe it now or even for a long time, but you deserve SO much better than this. You deserve a loving and caring partner who won't physically abuse you or treat your boundaries as mere suggestions like this guy does.
It's going to be hard. It's going to be painful. But healing is possible, away from them.
I remember staying in a harmful relationship on the basis that it was the best I had ever had and I could never get better. And I got dumped when I stopped people pleasing 😂and tried to advocate for myself
Congratulations 🎉 That's not an easy thing to do
Oh my god, I needed this... I can relate... Yesterday he finished the relationship and I'm destroyed... But I can do better for me... I really can
..
Get him off all your bank accounts and any other financial ties.
You say that he would do anything for you, and you say he won't stop going to a certain stop. Those two things both can't be true.
I feel for you because I've been there. Please know it only gets better if you try to make it better. For me, that meant changes to how I thought and saw the world. It is and was scary, but it also feels like removing the heavy weight I keep dragging around. I believe in you!
Thank u Fairy for being a great help for many ppl. She has to learn to love herself, just like many of had to do. My family made me feel worthless. JESUS CHRIST told me I was worth dying for & so is this young lady. She is Precious!!!!
This is so timely. I have a similar situation but instead of it being a relationship it is a situation of overstaying in my dream home when my area is totally in development mode. It's such a struggle to give up on your dream even when all the red flags are screaming and it is lost. Thank you for showing me why I WAS stuck. 💝💕
I'm 20 years older than Sonja, and recently went through the end of my younger sister's 25 year abusive relationship. Please don't spend 20 years on this guy. Before you know it he will take the rest of the savings and whatever else you have to pay for his pills and gambling. There is still time to find yourself and find real love, and 20 years from now you could be in a happy relationship instead of 20 more years of misery and heartbreak.
Sending so much love to Stephania ❤
The lady who wrote the letter needs out of that relationship! He’s dumping her! Mine does illegal drugs. Cheats. Gambles lies! I left him last year. I tried to leave years before. I will not ever let anyone treat me so badly. I have boundaries now and I stick to them! I reached the point where I don’t trust anyone or let anyone Close.
😢 My heart is breaking for Stefania 💔...even though I can 'hear' that her own heart isn't breaking for herself (as it normally would for someone who hasn't had a childhood of abuse & neglect)...yet. Being raised by a, imo and not diagnosed, covert narcissist mother & an alcoholic (although non-violent & high functioning) father myself, I can fully relate to getting into toxic & actually dangerous relationships with men who were either much older, addicts (a gambler & an alcoholic) and/or mentally ill (possibly covert borderline/ borderline). It's what we do. I've come to understand that I was (slowly recovering now) just as mentally unwell and as 'addicted' as anyone I was ever in a relationship with. I didn't even know that how my mother treated me was child abuse until an excellent psychiatrist pointed it out to me! I was approx 34 (in a live-in relationship with an alcoholic) & so mentally unwell I was barely eating or sleeping, had constant panic attacks, deeply depressed & had thoughts of not wanting to live any more.
It's not our fault, Stefania, but a childhood of abuse and neglect, no love or care for us stops our little brains from developing as they needed to. Also, we had no modelling of what healthy, good-for -us relationships look like.
Sadly, it took me having a mental breakdown before I started to care about myself. To face the reality of my life & how insane my thinking & behaviour actually was.
Anna is so right to suggest you seek help asap from a therapist. Someone you trust, who you can talk with & who will gently support & guide you to come out of the fantasy world we create in our minds to survive the harsh reality of our childhood.
You're in a relationship with an abusive addict who, at this stage with no recovery in sight, is incapable of a genuinely loving relationship with you or anyone else.
Also, Al-Anon (the 12 Step fellowship for relatives & friends of alcoholics whether they are drinking or not) helped me enormously. We find we're not alone, we're heard & we always deserved to be treated with love, respect & care. There are other groups that might suit you. Eg: Nar -Anon or Gam -Anon.
Please take care of you ❤
I hope this lady seeks out some therapy to heal the root cause of this - which is her mother’s abuse and its devastating effects on her self worth. No person who had been parented by a halfway decent parent would end up in a relationship like this, much less think it was a good relationship! I too had a terribly abusive narcissistic mother and have made great strides in healing and discovering love for myself, and the person who used to end up with awful men seems like someone I no longer recognise at all. I’m here to tell her she can heal from a background like this.
Oh honey. Such deep denial. My heart goes out to you. You aren’t even letting yourself see what is really going on. You are worth SO much more. You are worth someone NEVER spitting on you. You are worth someone NEVER hitting you. You are worth so much more. Don’t settle. You are settling for so much less. You are not so messed up that you can’t do better. Please please please go get some help and get away from this man as soon as you can. You deserve so much better than this.
The admission “this is the best relationship I’ve ever had” speaks volumes. I do identify and it’s like due to being raised by narc parents, one often aims low and do definitely attract these people that reflect the template you have received from the toxic relationship with narcissistic parents which blinds one to infinite possibilities of a truly respectful loving relationship. However the relationship one has with one’s self is a huge precursor to moving away from these toxic relationships.
You deserve so much better! Please, leave, so you will be able to create life and good, loving relationships for yourself. This relationship will eat you alive and leave you so broken, if not worse.
That's so me! I do this not only in romantic relationships but also in work relationships. And I've finally put myself in the position of limerence that you talk about in your videos.
I don't believe she truly loves herself.. "learning to love yourself.. is the greatest love of all" to quote thr great late Whitney Houston.
If he really loves her.. why does he abuse her??
He doesn’t love her
Love requires respect
I knew soon as she said he was very sweet…some unsweetened things were about to be described
Thank you 🙏🏻💜
Abandonment mélange is especially bad when with an addict. you're always the third wheel. If you're a former addict, this is a great [sarcasm] way to backslide into your own issues with addiction. edit: I hope OP figures out that she's worth more than this. the work to get out of situations like this gets so much harder with age bc your brain's reality is so accustomed to chaos.
Going through this with trusting God.
I had 2 children w a Narcissistic/ psycopathic drug, rapist, pathological liar. I was 17 had no idea after being in an alcoholic family. My 2 kids are so lost i dont know how to help them and LOVE is not enough 😢
That sounds hard but we're glad you are here and want to heal. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
4:58 😮 I’m in a similar situation but I’m not in denial !! I know how terrible my relationship is.. I just don’t have any options.
You deserve better.
To encourage yourself to get out, speak to yourself as you would want to hear a mother speak to her daughter. Or - imagine having a daughter go through this - you wouldn't encourage her to stay.
This letter is so smothering it feels fake.
It someone's parent is continuously berating them you could respond with ' It must be my shitty DNA'
Finally got honest w myself and deleted my toxic siblings
This one is triggering to listen to only because of the delusion. If that’s the best she’s had man wise then I shudder to think what the past involved.
Someone putting up with verbal abuse and physical abuse. Is the escape goat for the addict. To take advantage of and use and abuse. Why buy the Cow when the milks free. Thanks for sharing 🎉
🦉🦉Soooo…True.🤙🏽🤙🏽🙏
HOW do you get real and honest after assuming a hollow social mask for years??
hey, i just popped on to a random video to ask if i remember incorrectly or was there a next level to daily practice, called "writing with intent" or sth like that? have been doing the daily thing for long enough now to maybe try the next step
❤
Christine Albright
"BRILLIANT VIDIO "💖!...
THANK YOU "💖!...
"+"!..."💖"!...
But why did she write you exactly if she thinks shes in the best relationship ever? This letter doesnt make any sense.
Deep down, she knows she's lying to herself, spinning stories in her mind to make it seem true. She tries to convince herself and anyone who will listen, that no, he really is a good guy ! she longs for the Crappy Childhood Fairy to reassure her...
How much yall wanna bet she speaks Spanish lol… idk why us Latinos are SO DAMN BROKEN.
You can get drugs on prescription?
opioids... probably stuff like morphine or oxycontin
A lot of people get hooked on pills because it seems okay to do it when it comes from a doctor.
Yep. Sad reality
i find alarming that there are doctors than allow this to happen.
I thought he was autistic.
Wrong.
Jeez I think we had the same mom. Sheesh. Wow.
Edit:
This is so painfully relatable. ohmah goodness. The specifics are different but it is the same story... over and over. It's weird how I can see it with somebody else. But it's so hard for me to admit it when i'm doing it. Other people's stories help me to learn how to "worry about myself" so to speak
She is confusing someone not caring enough to want equal commitment with ... i guess an idea of unconditional love and freedom?
Like Snoop Dog's marriage? Jeez 😭
Ugh. It's easier to relate to it and admit it when I point it out.
This is "you spot it, you got it," ain't it? 😳🤌