I’m a 4 and my father in law is an 8. I have so much respect and admiration for him and he’s totally adopted me. This video is fascinating hearing our dynamics spelled out so well. I really related to the part where you said 4s can learn a lot from watching how 8’s confront people (I can’t remember exactly how you worded it). That’s precisely what I’ve been doing with him and it has been helping immensely and completely shaping how I interact with other people. I’ve been less self conscious and afraid of what people think of me. It’s made me much more assertive.
Dude, I relate. My 8 friends have allowed me to release some guilt and shame around confrontation. Although I’m no f…ing stranger to confrontation 😂 I wonder, will you share this with him? That’d be cool if he was open to it Drew
@@drewnewkirk I have a 9 overlay from my unhealthy 9 dad, so I’ve been pretty stunted when I comes to conflict, and I believe I’m a Social 4. So I’m eternally grateful for the influence and guidance. Anytime I have a difficult conflict at work, I always ask my f-in-law for advice and he absolutely welcomes being of service. Thank God for 8s. I’ll absolutely share this with him! I’ve already shared it with my wife. You are very calming and easy to listen to. I’m loving your channel.
OMG!! I’m a sexual type 4! I knew I was a 4 but I resonated soo much with 8’s. I actually date an 8 & our desires are similar but we express them differently. I can relate with your explanation of 4’s & 8’s. Great video!
I just got on the enneagram and where I'm a 4w5 your stuff ignites personal growth like a wildfire. My best friend is an eight. We both were the metal goth stoner kids in middle and highschool. I played guitar, he played radio. I am curious tho, finding out I was an infp led me here. Are you an INFP 4w5 sx also? Every thing you've said in all your videos has helped me on a moral/value level in my heart, knowing I might not be totally alone. So thank you. I'm learning alot
i have watched so many videos on Enneagrams and you are by far my favourite presenter.. I think it's possibly because you are a 4 and I am a 4 so your depth resonates with me.. Honestly, most intelligent content I have stumbled on in a long time so just wanted to take a moment out to thank you! Matter of time before you have a 100k+ subscribers and remember this comment :)
This is excellent. I’m a sexual 4 in a long term relationship/marriage with a sexual 8. You are correct, it’s a powerful combination, we are doing our best to change the world. Bringing our truth to the world to solve inequities between countries and create equal footing in world markets.
I love that you are making it work. It’s not easy to make any relationship work, and that combo can be fire, in a good way in a bad way. Keep changing the world, my friends.
Hi Drew, Thank you so much for making this video. I'm a 4w5 INFP (sp/sx) and married to a 8w7 ISTP. It's a very interesting relationship to me , but also very dynamic and when we're stressed it can be extra stressful. We do have a lot in common and are basically best buddies. But it can also be the exact opposite. And we work together, so yeah that's intense.
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching and hope you 2 continue to grow together! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
@@Ashlieimaginepeace well, you have damn good taste my friend. In tattoos and decor and paintings. That’s what us SE-X types got going, we often know what we want even if we have doubts it’s right to want them. Welp, I just started a month long sabbatical in the Swiss alps to come up with more content (especially for us 4’s 😉). Follow along on instagram if you fancy too @thedrewdawg & @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy - I’m also getting 4 more tattoos in Milan on this trip. Stay tuned Thanks for watching by the way! Drew
Having truthful sometimes intense confrontations , clearing the cobwebby( I know not a word) and get that out and Done with as you stated is realness, no BS I think would be sexy & hope filled relationships
I really enjoyed this contrast between 8 & 4 because as an SP4 I feel like I'm very 8-like. In fact I mistyped as a 2 initially because when I was in disintegration I showed up a lot like an 8. I'd be curious to hear more about the SP4 & the SO8 dynamics, especially because it seems like the SO8 is the more vulnerable of the 8's & the SP4 is the more tenacious/go-getter of the 4's. Seems like they'd find an easy middle ground if they were both mature emotionally.
Thanks Drew! For 4 years I was so convinced I was a social 8 … 🤦🏾♀️😅🤣 stressed up moving upwards 5. Now I recently realised I am a sexual 4 wing 5🤷🏾♀️ Your video explained the difference in detail. ✨🙏🏾✨ Thank you much. Allthough I still love the instant direct ways of the 8, I slowly start to see and accept that I really am a 4…
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation! If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, I appreciate you Drew
Indian prime minister modiji is 4 and Indian home minister Amit Shaha ji who is also election planner for modiji is 4. Both are together since their struggle days now both are at their pick together
Drew, I like the intentionality of your videos, from your intro to the room you present in, and the very detailed and informative information. 😉 Lead the way, it's appreciated ❤️.
Your words are always motivating and not waisted. Thanks for understanding the layers I’m going for from presentation to actually words. I feel seen Drew
Always appreciate your thoroughness. So much info to soak in. Love it! I didn't realize how much I actually live out the sx sub as a 4 until this comparison vid. Eye opening. Will definitely be revisiting this vid as I do your others
Thanks BB, I think this video is a good help for us SX types to sharpen our awareness. Love that you got that. Thanks for watching and supporting the time and effort 🙌🏼 Drew
Hey Drew! I'm a 4 and also an INFP. I struggle a lot with anxiety and overthinking. Trying to change certain things in my life, was hoping you could do a video about 4s and "Manifesting" sometime soon! Thanks!
Hey Chris, I love the honesty. Have you watched my series on 4’s and work? I think while I don’t directly say “manifesting” there are some ways I address our issues with anxiety and work. But this is going on my list of things to address down the road. Love that you’re challenging me with new topics. Be patient with me 😉 Thanks for being on board, Drew
Me too!! I have been wondering how many 4's are also INFP'S (im a 4 se and an infp-t. The other two i got on the entiagram were 7, and 8 so idk about my wing yet just now diving in.
@@Ashlieimaginepeace look in to tritypes. I’m a 478 - it’s an enneagram number in each intelligence center = heart (4), head (5,6 or7) and gut (8, 9, 1) - there’s some RUclips stuff on it. It’s a bit in the weeds but can help. You’re likely a 3 wing if 7 and 8 are prominent. 3, 7 and 8 are all in the assertive type triad
I am an 8 and my 16 year old daughter is a 4. We see the world so differently and handle life differently. This is quite refreshing to see that we kind of operate in the same realm on some of things. I cringe when she tells me stories that can be resolved with a logical answer and she takes me to storytime 🤣. And I'm sure she cringes when I give her my response that is direct and in her eyes insensitive.
Such a good video! I keep being surrounded by 8s and very very triggered by them, wondering why this is. I’m assuming it’s because I need to learn how to stand up to them but my current mode of op is to get to offended by them sucking all the energy out of the room and talking over me. Love Steinbeck.
They require some grit and gruff to stand up to sometimes for sure Nicole. Hang in there, practice being in their presence when you have the resources. But, also, the healthier the 8 the easier to be in their presence. Try to gauge how healthy they are as objectively as you can. It’s hard not to let our shit get in the way. Appreciate you watching and really engaging the content, you’re already on your way towards more resilience 🙌🏼 Drew
Love it! Especially when the enneagram provokes our connection to art Drew If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop me your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR AT drew@drewnewkirk.com - hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I’m hoping for a head connection,-attraction & chemistry, yes a best friend, similar likes. I’m seeking a companion, friend to give space & independence. Always felt having two living spaces separate home to maintain a degree of privacy & separateness. Then come together for intimate conversations sharing the things that brings deeper connection
You know, I just had this conversation with a client who was trying to find some hobbies and when we looked at her life she already had many but didn’t consider them hobbies. We decided the enneagram is definitely a hobby, and a damn good one. Drew
Very interesting. I’m a sx 4, who bumped head apparently with an 8. I ended up on your video as I still think of him but we kind of fell apart. It sort of reminded me our inability to communicate or maybe his overeagerness to control. Sad.........Very nice video and content!
If an 8 is unhealthy and you bump heads with them prepare for some pain. Although, I think is 4’s can withdraw faster than they would in conflict. Either way, some of these relationships are salvageable and some aren’t worth it, as I know you know. Hope this helped you work through that loss. Thanks for watching Drew
@@drewnewkirk your video also help see my own dynamics from a fresh perspective. You are very true that when hurt 4s know their people so well that they can hit where it hurts. It stroke a cord, I’m definitely guilty of this. I’m looking forward to more content like this! 👍🏼✨
@@shubikl9826 every day I’m ruthless in my head about people. It’s a dark passenger. I’m just happy I know it’s routines and vulnerabilities. But it never goes away completely
Yeah really depends on his health level but we 8’s definitely have issues when it comes to expressing our feelings 😂- it’s like a major handicap that I had to learn with my wife that’s a 4. A lot of arguing in the beginning but it’s now amazing. I always admire how 4’s can create amazing visions and have deep talks.
Reading these comments I see a lot of type 4s that get along great with 8s. Im a 4 and ive only had the worst, most volatile relationships with 8s. Constant arguing and fighting...
health level issues are always the deciding factor. If you hang with jacked up broken people, any numbers, you’ll find yourself in misery. Hang with the healthy ones and enjoy
I am a 4 and an INFJ my partner is an 8 and an INFP. Its sometimes crazy energy and always very deep connection and so compatible but when he is stressed not so much😂 because I dont like that kind of fire! I am a SP sx 4 so thats helpful otherwise there would be too much drama. Your description of the 4 being coy and enticing and the 8 just showing up like they have been there before was an apt description of our first dating. He was like "ok yeah, its cool if you are not interested right away" while knowing that i was. He had no doubts and even though he saw through my act he didn't feel the need to call me out. He just knew. It was and is the most cool thing about him. He never feels the need to outshine me and it doesn't make me feel like i need to push down his energy. We have been rock solid for 3 years now.
Love to hear that. Keep being a good example together 🙌🏼 So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Thoroughly enjoyed this, well done! I respect how much heart, gut, and head energy went into the video. I was thinking, on the topic of going after/moving toward our passion ... I feel like this is part of why so many people self-sabotage. You start moving toward the thing you *think* you need or want and then you get a few steps away and there's a painful gut hit that actually, no, this isn't going to give me what I really need. Better burn it to the ground then before I realize that on a conscious level and make some truly meaningful progress! Or hopefully, one is more healed, and they do realize that on a conscious level and just move forward with awareness. That's a fun thing for my mind to chew on.
I've learned so much watching you. Before I knew anything about instinctual variants, I used to say things like, "anger is my least expressed emotion, I don't like anger, i don't like who it makes me become. I don't relate to the whiny 4 trope. I'm melancholic, yes but not like that". I'm also madly in love with/married to a sx8. Now at the age of 26, I'm like wow, makes sense. I'm a sx4 😂😂😂 I'm the angry 4. I don't express it aloud but inside I'm all, "I'm better than this, I'm better than you. You people disgust me. I'm not like you." I'm a freaking snob!!!! 😂 I feel sooooo bad about it. I don't mean it that way either. The alternative is, either I feel like scum or I feel like the best person on the planet. I don't have a middle, only extremes 😂. My version of self esteem is an inflated ego or none at all. That's why I love my 8. I admire that he naturally exudes the confidence, Assertiveness and power than I desire for myself. I can only "perform" it. And likewise, he's drawn to my apparent "fire" Even if it's only for show ❤
Humbled Jerr and keep digging into it. So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
That’s interesting, I thought I was a social 4w3 but the way you characterized the sexual subtype rings my bell. I (and my 4w5 son) both have ferocious, 8-like tempers whenever someone wrongs us in the slightest way.
If you’ve ever seen the movie “Amadeus,” the character Salieri strikes me as an excellent portrayal of a 1:1 subtype Four (and Mozart is a dysfunctional Seven)
@@drewnewkirk perhaps … but I also saw the 4 Social in how deeply and profoundly he felt the power of music. He was not emotionally simplistic the way Threes tend to be; he was rife with the Four vice of envy. A strong Three wing? Absolutely. That’s my wing too, and it’s robbed me of much good when I haven’t understood it.
I’ll take it as a compliment So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Ha! I’m not sure how to share the apartment but maybe someday on my instagram I’ll reveal the background a bit. Hit me up there and keep me committed to it. Drew
Why can't you relate in the world like I can to survive versus why can't you see the world like I do for survival? T.N.T. by AC/DC vs. You Don't Know How it Feels by Tom Petty.
Yeah? You need to hear from my jerk 4 you will be quite surprised on how much he can give you proof that relationship between 8 and 4 doesn’t work!! Haha
Im an sp 8. Unlike 4s, I really dont think much about my presence. Or even have a slight clue at all. I guess im probably blind to my energy, how I come across people. It is so strange how types think about self vs tenor on a birthday party for example, meanwhile i am hungry and just want to eat. lol
I think eights and fours can learn a lot from each other. In this respect, obviously, if I’m making a video on it 😉 You guys can learn how to be a bit more emotional aware, and we can learn to not care as much about what people think. Glad we’re on the journey together.
Thank you Sarah 🙏🏼 It’s been a great way for me to connect to more people like you and share this language of the heart. Thanks for coming on the journey Drew
Hi Drew, I just found your channel and it's amazing. I've been reading and familiarizing myself with the Enneagram for a few years now, and I find that the identities I feel internally are very different from what people perceive from me. Like, I have felt invisible all my life, but people perceive me to be confident. So many people have agreed that I must be an 8 and yet, I've never felt this lack of self-doubt a lot of 8s seem to have. This video has me deeply resonating with the sx4 and now I'm questioning everything. (to be fair, I question everything all the time, low key have a least 2 existential crises a day lol) is it possible to have some sort of "personality dysmorphia" that leads to a mistype? I find there's always a dissonance in my internal state and the feedback echoed externally.
I think the 8/4 conundrum is more common than we’d like to think. I have some clients struggling through it now and jump back and forth. Stay in the game, keep watching and digging. That’s part of the beauty. Maybe release yourself from needing to find out and just enjoy the learning. It’ll come and you’re way more complex than could be imagined so easy answers would be too easy. Settle in, ease up, receive and enjoy. But, regardless, I love this message! Drew
I walk in a room, everyone starts to question if they're doing the wrong thing, with a look of wanting my approval all over their face. But I do have a uniform, and the uniform is me. Crew black fitted T, septum and industrial piercing, combat boots. ...am I an 8 or a an sx 4?!
@@drewnewkirk thank you for the perspective, it helps me appreciate our many, and strong, and beautiful similarities so that when he looks like a 5 I resist the urge to show that sexual 4 anger.
@@peachesandpoets great processing my friend. All of this stuff takes continued practice so keep repetitively doing so. It sounds like you’re on the right track! Drew
Hi Drew, I'm really enjoying your channel. I've been struggling for over a year to find my type and feel confused about whether I'm a 4, 3, or 8. All my friends perceive me as artistic and passionate, but they also think I am extremely assertive and "out there" like an 8. I have always been very individualistic, but more in regards to refusing to conform to standards and social norms than anything. I am not the type to need to express art on my body or through my clothes haha. But the emotional part confuses me because I feel very emotional at times and the fact I question my identity so much makes me feel 4ish. I also feel shy and self conscious at times, though when I am healthy I feel extremely confident. I am 21 and I can't tell if I thought at times I was an 8 because I was an angry teen at the time, or if I thought I was a 4 at times because of depression. It's confusing because I feel intense and powerful, yet thoughtful, romantic, and emotional all at once! I was wondering if you had any thoughts reading this.
So much here Kathryn. I think at 21 you’ve already been processing way more than most of your peers. And, hmmm, I wonder if a 21 year old 8 would even do that. Feels 4ish. But I can’t give you an answer. What I’d say though is just learn the enneagram. All the parts of it. Become an expert without having to define yourself. You’re still growing so much and maturing. If you know the enneagram well then things will find their place in good time and you’ll have already become more well rounded by knowing it. So, take the pressure off and just have some good fun being an expert in the process. Also, get an amazing therapist. I find talking it out in real time with my clients really helps them. This work needs support and wisdom that we don’t have on our own Drew
Absolutely brilliant. ✨ Thank you for your gift to the world. If you ever need anyone to support what you are doing, from an Enneagram 8 to a Enneagram 4, Let's connect. Dan Brue @ Actually Connecting Podcast
Thank you! How about 4 sp/sx and 6 sx/sp relationship? I think my partner, he and I initially mislabeled him as a 8 while I mislabeled myself as a 5. However after really analyzing it all, there is a deep sense of fear that drives his anger so he’s the counterphobic 6 and I had an automatic disgust to the 4 description. after a couple of years I really looked into it. The extreme automatic negative reaction was because I didn’t want to admit I was a 4
I like that digging and mining Jonel. Such good work you both did to get to the ugly shadowy stuff. As I’m still trying to get all the numbers done and haven’t posted the 6’s yet you can be assured I’ll address some of the SX6 and SX4 stuff. Be patient with me, I’ve been working nonstop to get all the numbers done and I’m getting pretty close 🙏🏼 I’m just pleased you can interact with this content a bit and it’s helping draw connections. Stay tuned, we’ll go after your partner soon 😂 Drew
@@Gfilam I’m sitting here on a Sunday morning with a shit ton of notes on the enneagram 7’s in front of me as I prepare to film them this week. And I’m just grateful, even though most anonymous, that I get to be doing this and having folks like you who dig in to it. Feeling pretty grateful Jonel 🙌🏼 Enjoy your day
Unnecessary multi-layered barbed wire around a marshmellow heart versus unnecessary onion layers of shame around a body image. I am Here by Pink Vs. Closer by N.I.N.
“Failure for a 4 is doing nothing. Waiting too long…” I am a 4 and I seem to be frozen in this state right now and I can’t seem to shake it.
I’m a 4 and my father in law is an 8. I have so much respect and admiration for him and he’s totally adopted me. This video is fascinating hearing our dynamics spelled out so well. I really related to the part where you said 4s can learn a lot from watching how 8’s confront people (I can’t remember exactly how you worded it). That’s precisely what I’ve been doing with him and it has been helping immensely and completely shaping how I interact with other people. I’ve been less self conscious and afraid of what people think of me. It’s made me much more assertive.
Dude, I relate. My 8 friends have allowed me to release some guilt and shame around confrontation. Although I’m no f…ing stranger to confrontation 😂
I wonder, will you share this with him? That’d be cool if he was open to it
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I have a 9 overlay from my unhealthy 9 dad, so I’ve been pretty stunted when I comes to conflict, and I believe I’m a Social 4. So I’m eternally grateful for the influence and guidance. Anytime I have a difficult conflict at work, I always ask my f-in-law for advice and he absolutely welcomes being of service. Thank God for 8s. I’ll absolutely share this with him! I’ve already shared it with my wife. You are very calming and easy to listen to. I’m loving your channel.
@@alexkenchel thanks Alex. I hope my voice is some parts sexy, calming, inspiring, smooth and commanding. This is my self-involved goals 😂
@@drewnewkirk 😂 I feel you on that. You’re right on track mate
@@alexkenchel a Brit? Where you from?
OMG!! I’m a sexual type 4! I knew I was a 4 but I resonated soo much with 8’s. I actually date an 8 & our desires are similar but we express them differently. I can relate with your explanation of 4’s & 8’s. Great video!
Glad I could help Shavon! Keep digging deep. Watch the 4 overview I did if you can, should also help
Thank you so much for making this video. I'm an sx4 married to an 8 for the past 17 yrs. Everything you said is so spot on.
Welp, as a SX4 myself I’m glad I could offer you just one more tool for your marriage. Thanks for watching
Drew
Omg as a sx 4 this gives me hope bc when we drive each other crazy I worry. (always just something easily solved with communication)
i LOVE 4-8 dynamics. this is an incredible video
Thanks a ton! It was a total joy to do and glad you appreciated it
Drew
I just got on the enneagram and where I'm a 4w5 your stuff ignites personal growth like a wildfire. My best friend is an eight. We both were the metal goth stoner kids in middle and highschool. I played guitar, he played radio.
I am curious tho, finding out I was an infp led me here. Are you an INFP 4w5 sx also? Every thing you've said in all your videos has helped me on a moral/value level in my heart, knowing I might not be totally alone. So thank you. I'm learning alot
i have watched so many videos on Enneagrams and you are by far my favourite presenter.. I think it's possibly because you are a 4 and I am a 4 so your depth resonates with me.. Honestly, most intelligent content I have stumbled on in a long time so just wanted to take a moment out to thank you! Matter of time before you have a 100k+ subscribers and remember this comment :)
So beautiful! Thank you so much for this. I really liked the reading from John Steinbeck brought tears!
This is excellent. I’m a sexual 4 in a long term relationship/marriage with a sexual 8. You are correct, it’s a powerful combination, we are doing our best to change the world. Bringing our truth to the world to solve inequities between countries and create equal footing in world markets.
I love that you are making it work. It’s not easy to make any relationship work, and that combo can be fire, in a good way in a bad way. Keep changing the world, my friends.
Hi Drew, Thank you so much for making this video. I'm a 4w5 INFP (sp/sx) and married to a 8w7 ISTP. It's a very interesting relationship to me , but also very dynamic and when we're stressed it can be extra stressful. We do have a lot in common and are basically best buddies. But it can also be the exact opposite. And we work together, so yeah that's intense.
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching and hope you 2 continue to grow together! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
“Weren’t heard or seen enough “now we had to become big & strong indifferent , intimidating maybe to keep people at arms length
Just found your channel, im a 4 SE too and i LOVE your decor in this room. I also have a ocean painting in my living room. And your tattoo's!
Oh its sx, im still learning. Oops
@@Ashlieimaginepeace well, you have damn good taste my friend. In tattoos and decor and paintings. That’s what us SE-X types got going, we often know what we want even if we have doubts it’s right to want them. Welp, I just started a month long sabbatical in the Swiss alps to come up with more content (especially for us 4’s 😉). Follow along on instagram if you fancy too @thedrewdawg & @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy - I’m also getting 4 more tattoos in Milan on this trip. Stay tuned
Thanks for watching by the way!
Drew
@@drewnewkirk wow, than sounds amazing! Your truly living your best life! Hace a great time! I will add you on the gram.
@@Ashlieimaginepeace I’m trying! At least living in my zone of purpose 🙌🏼
Having truthful sometimes intense confrontations , clearing the cobwebby( I know not a word) and get that out and Done with as you stated is realness, no BS I think would be sexy & hope filled relationships
I really enjoyed this contrast between 8 & 4 because as an SP4 I feel like I'm very 8-like. In fact I mistyped as a 2 initially because when I was in disintegration I showed up a lot like an 8. I'd be curious to hear more about the SP4 & the SO8 dynamics, especially because it seems like the SO8 is the more vulnerable of the 8's & the SP4 is the more tenacious/go-getter of the 4's. Seems like they'd find an easy middle ground if they were both mature emotionally.
Thanks Drew! For 4 years I was so convinced I was a social 8 … 🤦🏾♀️😅🤣 stressed up moving upwards 5.
Now I recently realised I am a sexual 4 wing 5🤷🏾♀️ Your video explained the difference in detail. ✨🙏🏾✨
Thank you much.
Allthough I still love the instant direct ways of the 8, I slowly start to see and accept that I really am a 4…
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, I appreciate you
Drew
Indian prime minister modiji is 4 and Indian home minister Amit Shaha ji who is also election planner for modiji is 4. Both are together since their struggle days now both are at their pick together
Drew, I like the intentionality of your videos, from your intro to the room you present in, and the very detailed and informative information. 😉 Lead the way, it's appreciated ❤️.
Your words are always motivating and not waisted. Thanks for understanding the layers I’m going for from presentation to actually words. I feel seen
Drew
Always appreciate your thoroughness. So much info to soak in. Love it! I didn't realize how much I actually live out the sx sub as a 4 until this comparison vid. Eye opening. Will definitely be revisiting this vid as I do your others
Thanks BB, I think this video is a good help for us SX types to sharpen our awareness. Love that you got that. Thanks for watching and supporting the time and effort 🙌🏼
Drew
Hey Drew! I'm a 4 and also an INFP. I struggle a lot with anxiety and overthinking. Trying to change certain things in my life, was hoping you could do a video about 4s and "Manifesting" sometime soon! Thanks!
Hey Chris,
I love the honesty. Have you watched my series on 4’s and work? I think while I don’t directly say “manifesting” there are some ways I address our issues with anxiety and work. But this is going on my list of things to address down the road. Love that you’re challenging me with new topics. Be patient with me 😉
Thanks for being on board,
Drew
Me too!! I have been wondering how many 4's are also INFP'S (im a 4 se and an infp-t. The other two i got on the entiagram were 7, and 8 so idk about my wing yet just now diving in.
@@Ashlieimaginepeace look in to tritypes. I’m a 478 - it’s an enneagram number in each intelligence center = heart (4), head (5,6 or7) and gut (8, 9, 1) - there’s some RUclips stuff on it. It’s a bit in the weeds but can help. You’re likely a 3 wing if 7 and 8 are prominent. 3, 7 and 8 are all in the assertive type triad
Thanks again Drew. Was able to share this with a 4 to help innerstan' 8!!
Love it Larry! Thanks for sharing it around
I am an 8 and my 16 year old daughter is a 4. We see the world so differently and handle life differently. This is quite refreshing to see that we kind of operate in the same realm on some of things. I cringe when she tells me stories that can be resolved with a logical answer and she takes me to storytime 🤣. And I'm sure she cringes when I give her my response that is direct and in her eyes insensitive.
Ha! Totally. I relate as a 4
Love that you’re looking for the answers to bridge the gap
Good on you 👊🏼
Drew
Such a good video! I keep being surrounded by 8s and very very triggered by them, wondering why this is. I’m assuming it’s because I need to learn how to stand up to them but my current mode of op is to get to offended by them sucking all the energy out of the room and talking over me. Love Steinbeck.
They require some grit and gruff to stand up to sometimes for sure Nicole. Hang in there, practice being in their presence when you have the resources. But, also, the healthier the 8 the easier to be in their presence. Try to gauge how healthy they are as objectively as you can. It’s hard not to let our shit get in the way. Appreciate you watching and really engaging the content, you’re already on your way towards more resilience 🙌🏼
Drew
The lives and relationship of John Locke vs Jack Shepherd from Lost.
My favorite piece of fiction on the planet.
Changed my life.
Love it! Especially when the enneagram provokes our connection to art
Drew
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop me your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR AT drew@drewnewkirk.com - hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I’m hoping for a head connection,-attraction & chemistry, yes a best friend, similar likes. I’m seeking a companion, friend to give space & independence. Always felt having two living spaces separate home to maintain a degree of privacy & separateness. Then come together for intimate conversations sharing the things that brings deeper connection
Enneagram just became a hobby of mine, understanding is fun😅😊
You know, I just had this conversation with a client who was trying to find some hobbies and when we looked at her life she already had many but didn’t consider them hobbies. We decided the enneagram is definitely a hobby, and a damn good one.
Drew
i'm 4w5, tritype 459 and i'm nothing like the sexual 4 spoken about in this video. i'm told that i'm "zen" and "fairylike".
You're a 9
@@zidesce7961 i'm too "tragic" than to be a 9. lol.
Thank you so so much for finally straightening out why I always test out the way I do
No problem. Glad it helped
Great video - thoroughly enjoyed it!
This one slipped by me, but thank you for letting me know. Totally appreciate that.
Drew
Very interesting. I’m a sx 4, who bumped head apparently with an 8. I ended up on your video as I still think of him but we kind of fell apart. It sort of reminded me our inability to communicate or maybe his overeagerness to control. Sad.........Very nice video and content!
If an 8 is unhealthy and you bump heads with them prepare for some pain. Although, I think is 4’s can withdraw faster than they would in conflict. Either way, some of these relationships are salvageable and some aren’t worth it, as I know you know. Hope this helped you work through that loss. Thanks for watching
Drew
@@drewnewkirk your video also help see my own dynamics from a fresh perspective. You are very true that when hurt 4s know their people so well that they can hit where it hurts. It stroke a cord, I’m definitely guilty of this. I’m looking forward to more content like this! 👍🏼✨
@@shubikl9826 every day I’m ruthless in my head about people. It’s a dark passenger. I’m just happy I know it’s routines and vulnerabilities. But it never goes away completely
@@drewnewkirk true thing 😣
Yeah really depends on his health level but we 8’s definitely have issues when it comes to expressing our feelings 😂- it’s like a major handicap that I had to learn with my wife that’s a 4. A lot of arguing in the beginning but it’s now amazing. I always admire how 4’s can create amazing visions and have deep talks.
Reading these comments I see a lot of type 4s that get along great with 8s. Im a 4 and ive only had the worst, most volatile relationships with 8s. Constant arguing and fighting...
health level issues are always the deciding factor. If you hang with jacked up broken people, any numbers, you’ll find yourself in misery. Hang with the healthy ones and enjoy
I am a 4 and an INFJ my partner is an 8 and an INFP. Its sometimes crazy energy and always very deep connection and so compatible but when he is stressed not so much😂 because I dont like that kind of fire! I am a SP sx 4 so thats helpful otherwise there would be too much drama. Your description of the 4 being coy and enticing and the 8 just showing up like they have been there before was an apt description of our first dating. He was like "ok yeah, its cool if you are not interested right away" while knowing that i was. He had no doubts and even though he saw through my act he didn't feel the need to call me out. He just knew. It was and is the most cool thing about him. He never feels the need to outshine me and it doesn't make me feel like i need to push down his energy. We have been rock solid for 3 years now.
Love to hear that. Keep being a good example together 🙌🏼 So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Thoroughly enjoyed this, well done! I respect how much heart, gut, and head energy went into the video. I was thinking, on the topic of going after/moving toward our passion ... I feel like this is part of why so many people self-sabotage. You start moving toward the thing you *think* you need or want and then you get a few steps away and there's a painful gut hit that actually, no, this isn't going to give me what I really need. Better burn it to the ground then before I realize that on a conscious level and make some truly meaningful progress! Or hopefully, one is more healed, and they do realize that on a conscious level and just move forward with awareness. That's a fun thing for my mind to chew on.
Keep chewing! I’ll keep gutting, hearting and heading 😉
Drew
I've learned so much watching you. Before I knew anything about instinctual variants, I used to say things like, "anger is my least expressed emotion, I don't like anger, i don't like who it makes me become. I don't relate to the whiny 4 trope. I'm melancholic, yes but not like that". I'm also madly in love with/married to a sx8. Now at the age of 26, I'm like wow, makes sense. I'm a sx4 😂😂😂 I'm the angry 4. I don't express it aloud but inside I'm all, "I'm better than this, I'm better than you. You people disgust me. I'm not like you." I'm a freaking snob!!!! 😂 I feel sooooo bad about it. I don't mean it that way either. The alternative is, either I feel like scum or I feel like the best person on the planet. I don't have a middle, only extremes 😂. My version of self esteem is an inflated ego or none at all. That's why I love my 8. I admire that he naturally exudes the confidence, Assertiveness and power than I desire for myself. I can only "perform" it. And likewise, he's drawn to my apparent "fire" Even if it's only for show ❤
Humbled Jerr and keep digging into it. So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
45:00 🤦🏾♀️🙄
So many PRACTICAL gems
My goal accomplished! Thanks for saying so
😂😂😂😂 spot on. Your facial expression giveaways.
That’s interesting, I thought I was a social 4w3 but the way you characterized the sexual subtype rings my bell. I (and my 4w5 son) both have ferocious, 8-like tempers whenever someone wrongs us in the slightest way.
Yeah, follow that track. Did you watch my enneagram 4 videos on the 3 subtypes? Much more in depth
@@drewnewkirk I’ll look for it
If you’ve ever seen the movie “Amadeus,” the character Salieri strikes me as an excellent portrayal of a 1:1 subtype Four (and Mozart is a dysfunctional Seven)
@@PublishWithEmissary It would have to be the ugliest version. There seems to be a lot of 3 in him, the ambition at all costs. Maybe a 3w4 or 4w3 🤔
@@drewnewkirk perhaps … but I also saw the 4 Social in how deeply and profoundly he felt the power of music. He was not emotionally simplistic the way Threes tend to be; he was rife with the Four vice of envy. A strong Three wing? Absolutely. That’s my wing too, and it’s robbed me of much good when I haven’t understood it.
great work Drew x
Love hearing from you Blanche! Hope you are well in NZ! Keep up the good work
Drew
Laughing so hard 🤣🤣🤣. “Take that what you will.”
I’ll take it as a compliment
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
I have 4 and 8 in my tritype. My wife is convinced I’m an 8. I think I’m pretty 4ish. But hopefully this video gives me clarity.
Just amazing!
On the other hand would you please give us a sneak peak on your gorgeous living room 😅
Ha! I’m not sure how to share the apartment but maybe someday on my instagram I’ll reveal the background a bit. Hit me up there and keep me committed to it.
Drew
Awesome 👏 Thank You! Now I am positive I am 8 ( still think social) and my bestie is 4 ! We are awesome together 🙏💪💕
Love this! Carry on with confidence and that possibility of healing power the enneagram gives
Why can't you relate in the world like I can to survive versus why can't you see the world like I do for survival?
T.N.T. by AC/DC vs. You Don't Know How it Feels by Tom Petty.
That’s some real 8 energy vs 4 energy right there! Well played sir
Drew
Yes I love Big dogs if I could have a pony or horse inside I would. Love Great Danes
8 meets 4: goes nowhere or somewhere: fast. Joke.
I like it!
Yeah? You need to hear from my jerk 4 you will be quite surprised on how much he can give you proof that relationship between 8 and 4 doesn’t work!! Haha
8;s give me anxiety
Im an sp 8. Unlike 4s, I really dont think much about my presence. Or even have a slight clue at all. I guess im probably blind to my energy, how I come across people. It is so strange how types think about self vs tenor on a birthday party for example, meanwhile i am hungry and just want to eat. lol
I think eights and fours can learn a lot from each other. In this respect, obviously, if I’m making a video on it 😉
You guys can learn how to be a bit more emotional aware, and we can learn to not care as much about what people think. Glad we’re on the journey together.
I find your videos so helpful Drew, and return to them often. Thank you!
Thank you Sarah 🙏🏼 It’s been a great way for me to connect to more people like you and share this language of the heart. Thanks for coming on the journey
Drew
Hi Drew, I just found your channel and it's amazing. I've been reading and familiarizing myself with the Enneagram for a few years now, and I find that the identities I feel internally are very different from what people perceive from me.
Like, I have felt invisible all my life, but people perceive me to be confident. So many people have agreed that I must be an 8 and yet, I've never felt this lack of self-doubt a lot of 8s seem to have.
This video has me deeply resonating with the sx4 and now I'm questioning everything. (to be fair, I question everything all the time, low key have a least 2 existential crises a day lol) is it possible to have some sort of "personality dysmorphia" that leads to a mistype? I find there's always a dissonance in my internal state and the feedback echoed externally.
I think the 8/4 conundrum is more common than we’d like to think. I have some clients struggling through it now and jump back and forth. Stay in the game, keep watching and digging. That’s part of the beauty. Maybe release yourself from needing to find out and just enjoy the learning. It’ll come and you’re way more complex than could be imagined so easy answers would be too easy. Settle in, ease up, receive and enjoy.
But, regardless, I love this message!
Drew
You just compared us 8s to the incarnation of evil in Tolkien’s novels 🤣
Sorta not sorta 😂 I love you all
I walk in a room, everyone starts to question if they're doing the wrong thing, with a look of wanting my approval all over their face. But I do have a uniform, and the uniform is me. Crew black fitted T, septum and industrial piercing, combat boots. ...am I an 8 or a an sx 4?!
Charismatics vs. Dandies.
Robert Greene
World Champion Kick Boxer Millionaire Andrew Tate vs Johnny Depp
@@larrycheek3588 Ha!
I feel like I am a type 8 when I am not in an emotional relationship. But when I am emotionally vulnerable, I am a type 4. Is that possible?
Wow 4s sound so much like me a sx7
SP4’s and 7’s look very familiar
I'm a sexual 4w5 dating an 8w7 and phew!
Good luck 😂
@@drewnewkirk thank you for the perspective, it helps me appreciate our many, and strong, and beautiful similarities so that when he looks like a 5 I resist the urge to show that sexual 4 anger.
@@peachesandpoets great processing my friend. All of this stuff takes continued practice so keep repetitively doing so. It sounds like you’re on the right track!
Drew
I’ve done that. Me 4w5 and him 8. Tough and volatile, and it couldn’t hold together. I hope you are doing well. Phew is right 😆
Hi Drew,
I'm really enjoying your channel. I've been struggling for over a year to find my type and feel confused about whether I'm a 4, 3, or 8. All my friends perceive me as artistic and passionate, but they also think I am extremely assertive and "out there" like an 8. I have always been very individualistic, but more in regards to refusing to conform to standards and social norms than anything. I am not the type to need to express art on my body or through my clothes haha. But the emotional part confuses me because I feel very emotional at times and the fact I question my identity so much makes me feel 4ish. I also feel shy and self conscious at times, though when I am healthy I feel extremely confident. I am 21 and I can't tell if I thought at times I was an 8 because I was an angry teen at the time, or if I thought I was a 4 at times because of depression. It's confusing because I feel intense and powerful, yet thoughtful, romantic, and emotional all at once! I was wondering if you had any thoughts reading this.
And I want to add I am very motivated and busy, which i don't know if that is specific to a type (other than 3).
So much here Kathryn. I think at 21 you’ve already been processing way more than most of your peers. And, hmmm, I wonder if a 21 year old 8 would even do that. Feels 4ish. But I can’t give you an answer. What I’d say though is just learn the enneagram. All the parts of it. Become an expert without having to define yourself. You’re still growing so much and maturing. If you know the enneagram well then things will find their place in good time and you’ll have already become more well rounded by knowing it. So, take the pressure off and just have some good fun being an expert in the process. Also, get an amazing therapist. I find talking it out in real time with my clients really helps them. This work needs support and wisdom that we don’t have on our own
Drew
Don't hurt me, you will pay. ❤
Absolutely brilliant. ✨ Thank you for your gift to the world. If you ever need anyone to support what you are doing, from an Enneagram 8 to a Enneagram 4, Let's connect. Dan Brue @ Actually Connecting Podcast
Drew access your mushiness It can be charming inner child
Thank you!
How about 4 sp/sx and 6 sx/sp relationship? I think my partner, he and I initially mislabeled him as a 8 while I mislabeled myself as a 5. However after really analyzing it all, there is a deep sense of fear that drives his anger so he’s the counterphobic 6 and I had an automatic disgust to the 4 description. after a couple of years I really looked into it. The extreme automatic negative reaction was because I didn’t want to admit I was a 4
I like that digging and mining Jonel. Such good work you both did to get to the ugly shadowy stuff. As I’m still trying to get all the numbers done and haven’t posted the 6’s yet you can be assured I’ll address some of the SX6 and SX4 stuff. Be patient with me, I’ve been working nonstop to get all the numbers done and I’m getting pretty close 🙏🏼
I’m just pleased you can interact with this content a bit and it’s helping draw connections. Stay tuned, we’ll go after your partner soon 😂
Drew
Thank you for all you do!
@@Gfilam I’m sitting here on a Sunday morning with a shit ton of notes on the enneagram 7’s in front of me as I prepare to film them this week. And I’m just grateful, even though most anonymous, that I get to be doing this and having folks like you who dig in to it. Feeling pretty grateful Jonel 🙌🏼
Enjoy your day
Unnecessary multi-layered barbed wire around a marshmellow heart versus unnecessary onion layers of shame around a body image.
I am Here by Pink Vs. Closer by N.I.N.
You’re killing it Larry! Love these
You're a social 9