Yep. I had really started to move on when she breadcrumbed with I love yous and I miss yous but even engaging in setting all my boundaries and staying all the ways her selfish behavior was hurtful didn't lead to the kind of closure I expected when I hit send. I imagine it's because even when we engage in this way there's always this small hope in the back of the head that they'll change and do the right thing. Saying and doing nothing slams that door shut and opens the door to moving on much more quickly.
But really do they ever?? Or even recognize their mistakes?? I wonder if he will ever sit back and think " man I messed up I miss her". Sometimes I highly doubt it😒
@graceperez5620 Good question. Likely, no. I dated a guy for 5 months who did this to me. But he'd throw out love quotes & claiming how he wanted to "build and grow" with me, to keep me hanging on. Don't waste your time
Sadly it’s a case of he’s just not that into you- he just uses you for sex, validation and when he’s lonely and bored. He strings you along until something he believes is better comes along
Not always. Sometimes it actually has to do with their attachment style. People with avoidant attachment style "breadcrumb" but don't realize or care that they do it. In either situation it's obviously best to move on.
@@homiesenatep Absolutely not. They're just stupid time wasters. Cuz if they weren't losers, they'd have had anything better than spend sporadic focus and time on u to breadcrumb u.
It has always been that way. Where do you think the phrase "hanging on the wire" comes from?. It's from Medieval times when men used to go into a basket and use a pulley to woo the woman they liked and if she didn't want him she would leave him "hanging on the wire", imagine how common it became for a woman to reject a man who went to such lengths that it became part of the language. Even Germans have a phrase like that.
I tend to write out something short like. It was great talking to you. I prefer more consistent communication so I've lost interest but I wish you all the best" then I block them. Makes you feel like you have closure and that you stood up to them. Do not skip the blocking part as many of them come back with dumb excuses. Don't fall for that
Speaking for those viewers who came from dysfunctional families, we (sadly) are so needy for love that we accept breadcrumbs from whomever will throw us a few, and until we gain enough respect for ourselves to think “sod that” and walk away from the egotistic, Narcissistic man-boy with underlying mummy issues, we will just repeat this cycle ad infinitum until our faith in relationships is gone and our heart has so high a wall around it even an Olympic high jumper couldn’t vault over it. I am truly grateful for your wise counsel (and that of one of your followers below) - my life will be truly transformed by your words.
Now i am not saying anything..complete silence. After our last conversation..i realized he doesnt give a shit about me or what i do...now its done. Taking care of my mental health and well being. Thanks Jack...much love from a devoted listener❤
Happy new year Jack. I agree with you and will add my reasons. So many men play the "I come on strong to hook you and then I will breadcrumb you" card with women (using the fact we are more emotional). The reality under these games is that a lot of guys don't want a relationship, but will gladly enjoy access to our femininity, validation or sex and that's it. They may also carry psychological baggage, from avoidant attachment style to personality disorders. Therefore, trying to have a vulnerable conversation about your needs with them is just going to worsen the balance of power : it shows you need them more than they do. If they are manipulative, that gives them even more power over you. To me it is often a role reversal game (from their ego) where they want to be chased and begged. The most gracious way to cut off this nonsense is indeed to walk away without a word.
Omg...so on point, Sarah M!! Pretty sure my ex is a narcissist, from what my therapist told me. Got sucked in with lovebombing...only to slowly, gradually, be discarded. :( Absolute torture!
@@thejackbutler my situation is a little different i dont have drop off guy i have i like you a lot guy but my kids, job,bills then you on my priority list mainly because i allowed him to do it. he reaches out everyday.
@@thejackbutler I have recently, not sure I will stick around much longer but he does call or text everyday, he works 7 days a week so most full days off are spent w his kids which I respect but he is inconsistent on finding time to see me. do you dump someone when you can only get one day a week w them? he takes out to eat and gives me his all even though he is exhausted. i really like him so there is guilt for wanting more. am i asking too much? we are in our 50's by the way, not young energetic kids and the man works 10 hour days except holidays
Gina spending time together with the kids isn’t an option? Depending on how long you’ve been together I would wonder if he intends to keep his life compartmentalized
I have been super stressed over my boyfriends cold attitude towards me lately. He was so interested before, I've done nothing to warrent this behavior (that I know of) and I've been wondering did i say something wrong? But the reality is that if hes not man enough to tell me if I have done or said something to give me the chance to correct x, y or z, then hes not man enough for me. I'm happy to work on myself, none of us are perfect, so if i did do something i find it childish he wouldnt tell me. That being said, there is nothing obvious I've done. I was binge watching videos to understand our attachment styles etc. Then I thought about it and my whole day went to that for a man who won't express himself and breadcrumbs me. I've started living my life again and I'm completely focused on me again! I'm living life! This video came up randomly and i loved your mindset on it. On the 4th of July I went to a parade with a friend and her family. Took my dog for a walk and then went to see a firework show by myself. It was so empowering! The next day I invited a friend to hike with me, but her little girl was tired so I went alone. I was out hiking an hour from my vehicle when it started pouring! I was laughing, throwing my hands up to catch more rain. I ran some of the trail but then had to stop because it really started coming down so hard i couldnt see because it was accumulating on my eyelashes! Its been a long time since I've felt so alive. Today, I rode my horse 10.2 miles and was riding through town when a cop stopped while I was letting a few people pet her. I thought he was going to complain about a few road apples or tell me to leave town. He walked up, petted her, asked what her name was and just watched me interacting with - at this point - 7 people petting and graciously feeding her carrots from their fridge 🤣 I always stop for the little kids to pet her and she appreciates the break. A cyclist who had stopped on the sidewalk said to the cop, "Are you escorting her through town or giving her a ticket or something?" The cop said, "No, just came to horse around." 😅 he left shortly after that. Flynn was the name on his uniform. My mind immediately went to the movie 'Tangled,' have you seen that? Flynn Ryder 🤣😂 Anyway, it has been SUCH an amazing few days and I have been asking to speak to him on the phone 2 weeks now and I havent seen him. We've been dating 4 months and he never calls me, but will talk to his mom, kids, and his sister on the phone. I express wanting to catch up on the phone when he has time, but he ghosts then contacts me via text. I'm done entertaining that. Tonight he asked me how my day was. I sent a laughing face, 😅 call me and find out! He asked what I meant. I said, call me when you have time. Then I fought the urge to tell him anything else BUT I DID IT! He's becoming less important in my life, as I am in his. If he cant show the same amount of respect, interest, or consistency that I have, why would I waste my time now? I am feeling so empowered in a good way lately! Stay tuned. Maybe Flynn the cop liked what he saw today and would put a ring on it 😂🤣
Ladies men who breadcrumb you aren’t into you and they have avoidant attachment styles and they don’t know how to communicate. Do yourself a favor and break up with him and move on don’t waste any time with them
I just stopped texting he's just a guy I was casually talking to.I rather talk to someone that's actually interested in talking to me. Thank you Jack love the video and scenery there 👍😉
The better way to deal With breadcrumbs is blocked him off and never go back. They just uses us to validation or when they are bored. We need to avoid these issues just walk off.
You had me reaching for a notepad. Haha. I actually laughed out loud after I realized the awkward silence was intentional. :) I recently stoped engaging with a guy who wasn’t emotionally available. It hurts and I miss him. We actually had an amazing time together and I will always be thankful for that. It is bizarre but I am also thankful when the tears come. There is love and release in it. Hearing you say that the right guy will come and love the flavor, texture, essence, etc. of me, makes me believe it is possible. ☺️
you only miss him bc the hormones are addictive which are created when he hot/colds you, its a trauma response, it will get better trust me, allow yourself to enjoy live without drama and negativity
I do agree with this and in the past I did go quietly but recently I had one of these guys come back and explain himself for previous behaviour and apologize to me. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt but then he pulled away again after a couple of months. Just as I started to let my guard down again. This time I chose to give him a piece of my mind. Not for him, for me. Maybe I wasn't graceful about it but in that case I don't regret it because I felt he didn't deserve to get off the hook so easily. I think it surprised him and I got something that resembled an apology even though I wasn't looking for one and really it made no difference but I didn't walk away wishing I had said something and him thinking I was a total pushover.
Thanks, Jack! You are exactly right! It can feel like he just sees you as his beautiful option, and not as a person he wants to have any real connection to, but a person he’s afraid to let go of.
That sounds very similar to my current situation. I know he likes me and cares about me on some level… But I don’t feel like he’s fantasizing about having a life with me either :-(
@@kaydykes9916 Yeah, it's called orbiting. They keep you around but don't want anything serious. I'm going through the same crap. The best thing to do is to find someone else, these types of people can never commit in a long-term relationship with anyone.
My ex has been doing that whilst in a new relationship. I told him as long as she was in his life I won’t be. I respect myself too much now. He continues to message but I stuck to my word and stopped engaging with him
Thanks so much for this! A guy I know was bread crumbing me for about a week, even talked about inviting me to a movie, but wasn’t actually following through. After another unfruitful conversation, I told him this: “I don’t mean to be rude, but I am doing some studying right now. I don’t feel like this is going anywhere, so I wish you a happy Thanksgiving and a great week 🙂 That’s not a judgment of who you are. But it tells me where you are”. When he asked where that was, I responded “Not in a place where you are ready to ask me on a date. Best of luck to you!” I still bump into him, and he’s friendly, but I limited his access.
I have been in an on and off 3 years relationship with someone who at a certain moment started to breadcrumb me over and over again, every single time we got back together. Every single time I had two options in front of me: silently leaving or accepting his rules. I picked both of them in different moments. The last time I faded away, I left not a trace to be found. That's the only real solution. Nothing else. Nothing more.
This is the all time BEST I have heard on this subject. I am a clinical psychologist and I am going to both apply this in my life and also share these words with my clients. Wow. Just wow. The example about discussing the game with no one on the pitch nailed it. Painful to hear, yes, but life transforming once taken in and accepted. You are amazing!
I tried to be friends with someone who was bread crumbing me. They breadcrumbed me in the friendship too, though at the same time telling me I was their best friend. Then they started telling people I was toxic for talking to them too much even though I talked to them less than their other friends, but still was telling me I was their best friend. I stopped talking to them as much but after a few weeks they said I was abusive for reaching out at all and went full non contact. It was so painful right from the start and the end is destroying me. I already had no confidence because of my autism, now I feel worthless and have pulled away from everyone in order to not be an abuser.
Sorry for your pain. Sounds like this wasn’t aligned from the start and maybe you can trust when you notice that? No one defines your worth. If you haven’t, watch my video on worth (Aug 2020 I think - thumbnail start valuing yourself)
Sometimes...it's ok to make up a narrative about what he wants if it's what you need to walk away when you're confused. If you're confused, no matter how happy, grateful, in love, or attached you are on top of the confusion... he's probably not your guy.
Skweepa I like pretty much everything you are pointing to here. Yes, usually I am a fan of dialogue, hearing someone’s perspective. I just think that in most of these situations there isn’t even a real connection/relationship so the risk of talking and staying connected is lower than the risk of making a unilateral call.
I tell them to f off for being lame and block them. We don't have to play "nice girl"for men who lead us on. F off, next! Btw love your channel! Showing us inner shifts is the key. Thank you.
When he popped up again, this is precisely what I said! :-) I nodded to acknowledge his presence, stepped back, and left and had coffee with a friend who is actually available.
Say GOOD BYE! Just say GOOD BYE! game players, time wasters, BLOCK THEM and flat out REFUSE TO ENGAGE WITH THEM ANY FURTHER. SAY GOOD BYE! It feels really great to say GOOD BYE! and BLOCK THEM!
That's no fun to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear: the truth. The wrong guy will never become the right guy, plain and simple. Is it a female thing to try to fix mister breadcrumb and mister narcissistic? or is it a common human behavior? Thanks for this video Jack. I really like the way you present your content.
Christine Deschênes Thanks for hearing it :) That’s a good question. I think it may be more of a feminine trait and certainly not exclusively. Probably relates to how you orient to what’s real vs what could be / you want to be? Tnx for your feedback 😊
its when you did not yet do the healing work for your inner child and were not loved unconditionally as a child as well as taught that somehow you are not enough or must do something first to learn love or that you are responsible for anothers feelings, which ye are NOT neither you want to be, all grown ups are for themselves responsible for their own feelings, life and what they do!! if your gut tells you something is wrong or being in someones presence does not feel good you have every right to say no or leave even without saying anything. its your life, and you have a right to be and happy, plus live it the way you deem fit. You can not save or change anyone, just let them be, all you can and should controll and change is how you respond or not.
YES I think saying nothing and doing nothing is the best, its better than blocking them. Just keep on not replying. Eventually they might stop. However you see it anything you will say to these people will lead them on to continue their bread crumbing. Of course there are always those people who dont get it anyways. If they dont get the point there is always a block option. It is my experience that bread crumbers sometimes can have certain personal issues and sometimes even start stalking you. Making it non personal yourself might be a good way to break the bread crumb spell. Another idea is having a good friend call this person using your phone. Of course you will have to block and delete after. Sometimes you even need to get yourself a new username or profile. Being able to inform a friend can be a good way to have a back up system. Red flags are usually not red and may wear a smile! My advice try to be aware also of your own responding behaviour, There is always a way to reflect and learn from this though as Ive said sometimes no response, nothing at all will get you to clear that space once and for all.
It's strange that with regard to Mr or Mrs Breadcrumb I always have the feeling that I have to do my very best and otherwise have to justify myself. This includes me feeling uncomfortable by that. Such as quilt, shame or lonelyness.. I never have this feeling with real friends whom I ressonate with. Feeling lonely and uncomfortable is a sign of being unsafe. As if you are never good enough. Its not bc you are bad or stupid, but its bc we have to wake up, to know who you really are! You're not a crumb. Maybe they are; by treating you this way.
I’ve watched so many of these videos by now and there’s some thing I’ve noticed… Most of us seem to have been brought up around various types of toxic relationships. I remember my mother getting on to me as a child and saying I shouldn’t do something or act a certain way because what man would want a girl like that. Maybe it’s different because I am a girl? I just feel like I wasn’t raised with the skills to be completely independent and therefore struggle to be happy on my own... so many people enable each other. I heard lots of people say you’ll be happy when you find the right person. I don’t hear as many people say you don’t need someone to be happy etc. I wish they could teach things like this in school. I don’t remember most of algebra, I don’t use it for my job… But interpersonal skills, communication skills…Why is that something you have to go to college for?
This makes so much sense and I agree. I have been doing exactly what you are advising way before seeing this video. So it means I am doing something right! Thank you for the reinforcement and confirmation. Ladies listen to this man, he knows exactly what he is saying. I am going through the same thing which I end soon as I get over our partnership on something. This person breadcrumbing you, if you don't have high self-esteem you will feel like something is wrong with you and you are not ugly but trust me give your silence and keep it moving. It has nothing to do with you, it's more them.
One of ur BEST videos Jack!!! Hey 👋🏻 Mr. Breadcrumber, YOU'RE NOT IT!!! 😝 Last I checked I'm no pigeon...Strutting my stuff and pecking around for crumbs... A girl's gotta eat!! Right Jack?!! ☺️ Beautiful scenery, I really LOVE it, wish I was there!!! Thank U for sharing~ 🌬🙏🏻💗🙂🙌🏻✨✌🏻
Whispering Wind Lol, a girl’s gotta eat. I enjoyed that! Glad you enjoyed the scenery - it’s my hometown - and I will release a video with more of it at some point 🌟
Great Video Jack! I have also watched other videos of yours on this topic and they proved to be great help for me After months of inconsistent behaviour and emotional ups and downs I can finally say: I am ok to move on and let go of the guy cannot give me what I need, namely; being consistent, stability, commitment, clarity. If he is not ready, that's ok I can't change him and I don't have to wait for him. Better be on my own and be open for someone new in life instead of putting so much energy in something that clearly doesn't work
woman are just as guilty of this, I was with one that has started to breadcrumb - she wasn't like this before, she is an avoidant though and we aren't together now but she still likes to get my validation so I stopped giving it to her. its just breadcrumb after breadcrumb now and is why I dumped her in the end but I know I'm not perfect either and will be getting some therapy next year.
These type of guys only booty call. You are only a piece of meat to them, nothing more. This is the typical skill used by a malignant narcissist. Save your soul, save your energy and walk away, go NC before it destroys your last ounce of sanity. Save yourself!
I've watched many dating couches around the gloab but you make the most sence. You are open minded don't talk a lot of rubish you make sence keep up the good work I'd love to subscribe to your channel
I recommend everybody here look into and find your attachment style. I'm betting most breadcrumbers are dismissive avoidant. Even that name sounds synonymous with breadcrumbing.
That's true, don't respond! Keep the ball in your court as simple as that. Bring peace to your heart & mind. If you are waiting for an answer if they value you, the answer has been there all along "their actions" Know your worth!
I get that perspective. I guess I encourage people to have minimum assumption about what breadcrumbing is or isn’t and maximum focus on what they are a yes to and hold to it
@@thejackbutler I was actually agreeing with you. I have learned in my own experience with breadcrumbing and ghosting? That breadcrumbing is basically requesting us to become emotional panhandlers. You are basically an idiot with your palms out "waiting" for whatever emotional replies you get. A beggar of sorts. Same thing with ghosting. They want you to get hungry for their attention.
In my case, the person who has made me breadcrumbs has always been my family and they caused me to panic. I had to separate myself as much as possible from my aunts and sisters. Thank you
@@thejackbutler friend I have tried everything and when I am going to talk to them I panic I lose my breath I get dizzy and I can faint if I try harder...the being has no need the ego does.
I agree with your advice. I want to say nothing to the breadcrumber and just leave. Where I feel conflicted is I don't I like being ghosted so I don't want to be a ghoster. If I say nothing and leave, am I ghosting him?
I encourage people to think about saying something to honor your values and to make it more real. But I don’t think you owe him that, you’re doing it for you
I've been dealing with this, I'm struggling with life after trying to explain what I do. I was a caregiver for my x-husband who passed away in 2021. Nothing sexual during the time I ended up in disability due to my health. I want to find a man who will respect me for me.
So, you are saying that once a person is a breadcrumber they will always be one? Are they incapable of realizing that they actually love someone they were treating in such a way?
I agree with all of this.. I just wish this would stop happening to me. I just went through this. And let him go on great terms. I’m never needy or clingy. And Believe me I’ve been looking in the mirror at ME and trying to understand why I keep picking this guy. 😔
Denise Williams I don’t think it’s always about picking the wrong guy, it’s more that there literally thousands of single individuals you meet in a lifetime and most just wont be right for you. Nothing you are doing wrong we just need to learn to weed out the not so great ones quicker.
Hi Jack, this is a great video, beautiful scenery, the easy way you were walking and talking to us, I like it, can you do more like this? 😊 The message is spot on and really common sense. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
As long as you're clear that they are breadcrumbing you, isn't ghosting them just as good? Rather than communicating to them that you are looking for something else? I feel like even that investment of energy is too much for a careless person.
I think it's the same impact, regardless of the intent or busyness. If they are too busy to meet your requirement of minimum time relating, you have to take your stand. The only exception might be a temporary thing like they are selling a business or tending to sick a parent, but they should be able to communicate that this current level of relating is atypical and normal service will be resumed. Make sense?
What if I really like him? There's no way to change his behavior without telling him? Like no contact strategy for example ? Or not responding to his texts/ calls?
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I have given up with men after many failed relationships I'm going my own way. I'm to old for all the rubbish
@@helensanderson7092 Sometimes the rubbish is preparing you for something better. Especially if you can see the role you've been playing.
@@thejackbutler I always hoped the next time would be something better but if never was. The role I most of my relationships was giver
A
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Becoming consumed by a breadcrumber really damages your mindset
If you start talking to this person it will only make you feel bad (again). He will not follow through, because he is not interested enough.
Yes and he won’t ever date you ever he will expect you to meet him
Or she
Yep. I had really started to move on when she breadcrumbed with I love yous and I miss yous but even engaging in setting all my boundaries and staying all the ways her selfish behavior was hurtful didn't lead to the kind of closure I expected when I hit send. I imagine it's because even when we engage in this way there's always this small hope in the back of the head that they'll change and do the right thing. Saying and doing nothing slams that door shut and opens the door to moving on much more quickly.
Silence is the best way to make a person reflect on themselve
👍
But really do they ever?? Or even recognize their mistakes?? I wonder if he will ever sit back and think " man I messed up I miss her". Sometimes I highly doubt it😒
@graceperez5620 Good question. Likely, no. I dated a guy for 5 months who did this to me. But he'd throw out love quotes & claiming how he wanted to "build and grow" with me, to keep me hanging on. Don't waste your time
Sadly it’s a case of he’s just not that into you- he just uses you for sex, validation and when he’s lonely and bored. He strings you along until something he believes is better comes along
This is THE answer of all answers!! thanks P!❤
Not always. Sometimes it actually has to do with their attachment style. People with avoidant attachment style "breadcrumb" but don't realize or care that they do it. In either situation it's obviously best to move on.
The guy who breadcrumbed me turned out to be a loser so it wasn’t hard to “lose him.”
I hear you
Those who breadcrumb play power games, they’re not losers, they’re powerful human beings on the negative scale
@@homiesenatep wow that phrasing
@@homiesenatep Absolutely not. They're just stupid time wasters. Cuz if they weren't losers, they'd have had anything better than spend sporadic focus and time on u to breadcrumb u.
It is unfortunate world we live in where everyone treats everyone like they are expendable. This is good advice.
As long as you don’t treat yourself that way, it’ll likely be more manageable
It has always been that way. Where do you think the phrase "hanging on the wire" comes from?. It's from Medieval times when men used to go into a basket and use a pulley to woo the woman they liked and if she didn't want him she would leave him "hanging on the wire", imagine how common it became for a woman to reject a man who went to such lengths that it became part of the language. Even Germans have a phrase like that.
I tend to write out something short like. It was great talking to you. I prefer more consistent communication so I've lost interest but I wish you all the best" then I block them. Makes you feel like you have closure and that you stood up to them. Do not skip the blocking part as many of them come back with dumb excuses. Don't fall for that
Most definitely. Acted like 1 text message in 2 months is all she could mentally manage....right after saying she loved me and missed me.
@@benf1111 You deserve more and someone will definitely give you more than that.
Agree. They get super defensive and angry
awesome text! Thank you for sharing!!!!
@@Jakilyn Yes, I definitely agree. Some of them can get really hostile. I think that's why it's important to block them.
Speaking for those viewers who came from dysfunctional families, we (sadly) are so needy for love that we accept breadcrumbs from whomever will throw us a few, and until we gain enough respect for ourselves to think “sod that” and walk away from the egotistic, Narcissistic man-boy with underlying mummy issues, we will just repeat this cycle ad infinitum until our faith in relationships is gone and our heart has so high a wall around it even an Olympic high jumper couldn’t vault over it. I am truly grateful for your wise counsel (and that of one of your followers below) - my life will be truly transformed by your words.
Now i am not saying anything..complete silence. After our last conversation..i realized he doesnt give a shit about me or what i do...now its done. Taking care of my mental health and well being. Thanks Jack...much love from a devoted listener❤
Glad you found your clarity, even if it’s been hard 🙏
Happy new year Jack. I agree with you and will add my reasons. So many men play the "I come on strong to hook you and then I will breadcrumb you" card with women (using the fact we are more emotional). The reality under these games is that a lot of guys don't want a relationship, but will gladly enjoy access to our femininity, validation or sex and that's it. They may also carry psychological baggage, from avoidant attachment style to personality disorders. Therefore, trying to have a vulnerable conversation about your needs with them is just going to worsen the balance of power : it shows you need them more than they do. If they are manipulative, that gives them even more power over you. To me it is often a role reversal game (from their ego) where they want to be chased and begged. The most gracious way to cut off this nonsense is indeed to walk away without a word.
Sarah M Well said, I totally agree w/ U!!!
👍🏻🙂
Wisely expressed.
Whispering Wind 🙏
Lady Waterwave ⭐️
Omg...so on point, Sarah M!! Pretty sure my ex is a narcissist, from what my therapist told me. Got sucked in with lovebombing...only to slowly, gradually, be discarded. :( Absolute torture!
its amazing how when you give them silence, they start calling
Gina Yes - and that has little to do with actually being available
@@thejackbutler my situation is a little different i dont have drop off guy i have i
like you a lot guy but my kids, job,bills then you on my priority list mainly because i allowed him to do it. he reaches out everyday.
Gina Got it - consistent but uncommitted guy or low level commitment guy. Sounds like you may need to take more of a stand for what you need?
@@thejackbutler I have recently, not sure I will stick around much longer but he does call or text everyday, he works 7 days a week so most full days off are spent w his kids which I respect but he is inconsistent on finding time to see me. do you dump someone when you can only get one day a week w them? he takes out to eat and gives me his all even though he is exhausted. i really like him so there is guilt for wanting more. am i asking too much? we are in our 50's by the way, not young energetic kids and the man works 10 hour days except holidays
Gina spending time together with the kids isn’t an option? Depending on how long you’ve been together I would wonder if he intends to keep his life compartmentalized
I have been super stressed over my boyfriends cold attitude towards me lately. He was so interested before, I've done nothing to warrent this behavior (that I know of) and I've been wondering did i say something wrong? But the reality is that if hes not man enough to tell me if I have done or said something to give me the chance to correct x, y or z, then hes not man enough for me. I'm happy to work on myself, none of us are perfect, so if i did do something i find it childish he wouldnt tell me. That being said, there is nothing obvious I've done. I was binge watching videos to understand our attachment styles etc. Then I thought about it and my whole day went to that for a man who won't express himself and breadcrumbs me.
I've started living my life again and I'm completely focused on me again! I'm living life! This video came up randomly and i loved your mindset on it.
On the 4th of July I went to a parade with a friend and her family. Took my dog for a walk and then went to see a firework show by myself. It was so empowering!
The next day I invited a friend to hike with me, but her little girl was tired so I went alone. I was out hiking an hour from my vehicle when it started pouring! I was laughing, throwing my hands up to catch more rain. I ran some of the trail but then had to stop because it really started coming down so hard i couldnt see because it was accumulating on my eyelashes! Its been a long time since I've felt so alive.
Today, I rode my horse 10.2 miles and was riding through town when a cop stopped while I was letting a few people pet her. I thought he was going to complain about a few road apples or tell me to leave town. He walked up, petted her, asked what her name was and just watched me interacting with - at this point - 7 people petting and graciously feeding her carrots from their fridge 🤣 I always stop for the little kids to pet her and she appreciates the break. A cyclist who had stopped on the sidewalk said to the cop, "Are you escorting her through town or giving her a ticket or something?" The cop said, "No, just came to horse around." 😅 he left shortly after that. Flynn was the name on his uniform. My mind immediately went to the movie 'Tangled,' have you seen that? Flynn Ryder 🤣😂
Anyway, it has been SUCH an amazing few days and I have been asking to speak to him on the phone 2 weeks now and I havent seen him. We've been dating 4 months and he never calls me, but will talk to his mom, kids, and his sister on the phone. I express wanting to catch up on the phone when he has time, but he ghosts then contacts me via text. I'm done entertaining that. Tonight he asked me how my day was. I sent a laughing face, 😅 call me and find out! He asked what I meant. I said, call me when you have time. Then I fought the urge to tell him anything else BUT I DID IT! He's becoming less important in my life, as I am in his. If he cant show the same amount of respect, interest, or consistency that I have, why would I waste my time now? I am feeling so empowered in a good way lately! Stay tuned. Maybe Flynn the cop liked what he saw today and would put a ring on it 😂🤣
I read everything you sound really like an amazing woman. I hope you had the guts to dump that loser.
Ladies men who breadcrumb you aren’t into you and they have avoidant attachment styles and they don’t know how to communicate.
Do yourself a favor and break up with him and move on don’t waste any time with them
I just stopped texting he's just a guy I was casually talking to.I rather talk to someone that's actually interested in talking to me. Thank you Jack love the video and scenery there 👍😉
The better way to deal
With breadcrumbs is blocked him off and never go back. They just uses us to validation or when they are bored. We need to avoid these issues just walk off.
That certainly can work.
They are toxic. Healthy people don’t play shitty games.
Yes you can’t reconstruct crumbs into a slice of bread let alone a loaf
You had me reaching for a notepad. Haha. I actually laughed out loud after I realized the awkward silence was intentional. :) I recently stoped engaging with a guy who wasn’t emotionally available. It hurts and I miss him. We actually had an amazing time together and I will always be thankful for that. It is bizarre but I am also thankful when the tears come. There is love and release in it. Hearing you say that the right guy will come and love the flavor, texture, essence, etc. of me, makes me believe it is possible. ☺️
you only miss him bc the hormones are addictive which are created when he hot/colds you, its a trauma response, it will get better trust me, allow yourself to enjoy live without drama and negativity
*E. JaY, Glad somebody else noticed, beat me to it 😅👍
And them being a vampire for ur energy.
This past Easter I ghosted a guy I had a “breadcrumb relationship” with, I’ve never heard from him again and I am happy with what I did. 🙂
Glad you acted on your clarity
I do agree with this and in the past I did go quietly but recently I had one of these guys come back and explain himself for previous behaviour and apologize to me. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt but then he pulled away again after a couple of months. Just as I started to let my guard down again. This time I chose to give him a piece of my mind. Not for him, for me. Maybe I wasn't graceful about it but in that case I don't regret it because I felt he didn't deserve to get off the hook so easily. I think it surprised him and I got something that resembled an apology even though I wasn't looking for one and really it made no difference but I didn't walk away wishing I had said something and him thinking I was a total pushover.
Thanks, Jack! You are exactly right! It can feel like he just sees you as his beautiful option, and not as a person he wants to have any real connection to, but a person he’s afraid to let go of.
Heather McLean Yes, I think that’s one option and you say it well 🙏
That sounds very similar to my current situation. I know he likes me and cares about me on some level… But I don’t feel like he’s fantasizing about having a life with me either :-(
@@kaydykes9916 Yeah, it's called orbiting. They keep you around but don't want anything serious. I'm going through the same crap. The best thing to do is to find someone else, these types of people can never commit in a long-term relationship with anyone.
My ex has been doing that whilst in a new relationship. I told him as long as she was in his life I won’t be. I respect myself too much now. He continues to message but I stuck to my word and stopped engaging with him
1000000%
NOTHING IS NOTHING!!
I GET NOTHING I GIVE NOTHING.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣‼
yvette shinebright Ha! The path of nothingness!
Thanks so much for this! A guy I know was bread crumbing me for about a week, even talked about inviting me to a movie, but wasn’t actually following through. After another unfruitful conversation, I told him this: “I don’t mean to be rude, but I am doing some studying right now. I don’t feel like this is going anywhere, so I wish you a happy Thanksgiving and a great week 🙂 That’s not a judgment of who you are. But it tells me where you are”. When he asked where that was, I responded “Not in a place where you are ready to ask me on a date. Best of luck to you!” I still bump into him, and he’s friendly, but I limited his access.
Smart. Probably he drives a clown car.
There are always opportunistic narcissists out there.
Amen, Jack! "LIKE WHO LIKES YOU!"
NikNik480 Right? Thank you!
I have been in an on and off 3 years relationship with someone who at a certain moment started to breadcrumb me over and over again, every single time we got back together. Every single time I had two options in front of me: silently leaving or accepting his rules. I picked both of them in different moments. The last time I faded away, I left not a trace to be found. That's the only real solution. Nothing else. Nothing more.
This is the all time BEST I have heard on this subject. I am a clinical psychologist and I am going to both apply this in my life and also share these words with my clients. Wow. Just wow. The example about discussing the game with no one on the pitch nailed it. Painful to hear, yes, but life transforming once taken in and accepted. You are amazing!
75ScooterDude Wow, thanks! Glad this was so powerful for you and that the football pitch analogy landed 🙏
You are phenomenal! I meant every word! Thank you !!!
75ScooterDude ☺️
I hate all this breadcrumb & ghosting sht.😔 You're right, it's just so hard to accept.
I think it's better to ignore the breadcrumb text and wait to see if there's another text that's meaningful. If not then you know the answer
I tried to be friends with someone who was bread crumbing me. They breadcrumbed me in the friendship too, though at the same time telling me I was their best friend. Then they started telling people I was toxic for talking to them too much even though I talked to them less than their other friends, but still was telling me I was their best friend. I stopped talking to them as much but after a few weeks they said I was abusive for reaching out at all and went full non contact. It was so painful right from the start and the end is destroying me. I already had no confidence because of my autism, now I feel worthless and have pulled away from everyone in order to not be an abuser.
Sorry for your pain. Sounds like this wasn’t aligned from the start and maybe you can trust when you notice that? No one defines your worth. If you haven’t, watch my video on worth (Aug 2020 I think - thumbnail start valuing yourself)
@@thejackbutler Thank you Jack. Sadly I agree. I'll check that video out
Great advice. SAY NOTHING IS THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP GOING NOWHERE!
Sometimes...it's ok to make up a narrative about what he wants if it's what you need to walk away when you're confused. If you're confused, no matter how happy, grateful, in love, or attached you are on top of the confusion... he's probably not your guy.
There are so many good men, but so many are also not for you...and maybe not for anyone.
Skweepa I like pretty much everything you are pointing to here. Yes, usually I am a fan of dialogue, hearing someone’s perspective. I just think that in most of these situations there isn’t even a real connection/relationship so the risk of talking and staying connected is lower than the risk of making a unilateral call.
I tell them to f off for being lame and block them. We don't have to play "nice girl"for men who lead us on. F off, next!
Btw love your channel! Showing us inner shifts is the key. Thank you.
Yes block and delete.
I'm being breadcrumb and I didn't reply to his message, I actually saw him driving today lol 😂😂😂😂
When he popped up again, this is precisely what I said! :-) I nodded to acknowledge his presence, stepped back, and left and had coffee with a friend who is actually available.
Say GOOD BYE! Just say GOOD BYE! game players, time wasters, BLOCK THEM and flat out REFUSE TO ENGAGE WITH THEM ANY FURTHER. SAY GOOD BYE! It feels really great to say GOOD BYE! and BLOCK THEM!
I needed this today. I was trying to say hey, pay attention. Now I know not to bother. Amen and thank you
Amen 🙏
That's no fun to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear: the truth. The wrong guy will never become the right guy, plain and simple. Is it a female thing to try to fix mister breadcrumb and mister narcissistic? or is it a common human behavior? Thanks for this video Jack. I really like the way you present your content.
Christine Deschênes Thanks for hearing it :) That’s a good question. I think it may be more of a feminine trait and certainly not exclusively. Probably relates to how you orient to what’s real vs what could be / you want to be? Tnx for your feedback 😊
@@thejackbutler Don't you think breadcrumbing relates to attachment styles mainly? Especially an avoidant style...
its when you did not yet do the healing work for your inner child and were not loved unconditionally as a child as well as taught that somehow you are not enough or must do something first to learn love or that you are responsible for anothers feelings, which ye are NOT neither you want to be, all grown ups are for themselves responsible for their own feelings, life and what they do!! if your gut tells you something is wrong or being in someones presence does not feel good you have every right to say no or leave even without saying anything. its your life, and you have a right to be and happy, plus live it the way you deem fit. You can not save or change anyone, just let them be, all you can and should controll and change is how you respond or not.
Really good advice. Thank you so much. Lack of honest interest in you is def a red flag.
Yep, we’ve probably all been there 🙏
Love yourself first!!! Everything else will fall into place!!!💖
Good protocol
Thank you.. a very clear message, it helps me understand why I should block this breadcrumber
@@vineeleon1161 Happy for your clarity
Hahahahahaha Jack. Silence is golden. 😉
Mariana Chambers To the power of silence! 😊
YES I think saying nothing and doing nothing is the best, its better than blocking them. Just keep on not replying. Eventually they might stop. However you see it anything you will say to these people will lead them on to continue their bread crumbing. Of course there are always those people who dont get it anyways. If they dont get the point there is always a block option. It is my experience that bread crumbers sometimes can have certain personal issues and sometimes even start stalking you. Making it non personal yourself might be a good way to break the bread crumb spell. Another idea is having a good friend call this person using your phone. Of course you will have to block and delete after. Sometimes you even need to get yourself a new username or profile. Being able to inform a friend can be a good way to have a back up system. Red flags are usually not red and may wear a smile! My advice try to be aware also of your own responding behaviour, There is always a way to reflect and learn from this though as Ive said sometimes no response, nothing at all will get you to clear that space once and for all.
The best advice ever!!!! I tried having a conversation many times and it just didnt work...This is the best advice
Thank you! 🌟
I didn't say anything I just stopped responding AT ALL and disappeared :)
Best response❤
It's strange that with regard to Mr or Mrs Breadcrumb I always have the feeling that I have to do my very best and otherwise have to justify myself. This includes me feeling uncomfortable by that. Such as quilt, shame or lonelyness.. I never have this feeling with real friends whom I ressonate with. Feeling lonely and uncomfortable is a sign of being unsafe. As if you are never good enough. Its not bc you are bad or stupid, but its bc we have to wake up, to know who you really are! You're not a crumb. Maybe they are; by treating you this way.
Yes, they are the crumb and just don't know it
I’ve watched so many of these videos by now and there’s some thing I’ve noticed… Most of us seem to have been brought up around various types of toxic relationships. I remember my mother getting on to me as a child and saying I shouldn’t do something or act a certain way because what man would want a girl like that. Maybe it’s different because I am a girl? I just feel like I wasn’t raised with the skills to be completely independent and therefore struggle to be happy on my own... so many people enable each other. I heard lots of people say you’ll be happy when you find the right person. I don’t hear as many people say you don’t need someone to be happy etc. I wish they could teach things like this in school. I don’t remember most of algebra, I don’t use it for my job… But interpersonal skills, communication skills…Why is that something you have to go to college for?
no offence but that kind of things Your mom said should never be said to a child, or anyone for that matter
This makes so much sense and I agree. I have been doing exactly what you are advising way before seeing this video. So it means I am doing something right! Thank you for the reinforcement and confirmation. Ladies listen to this man, he knows exactly what he is saying. I am going through the same thing which I end soon as I get over our partnership on something. This person breadcrumbing you, if you don't have high self-esteem you will feel like something is wrong with you and you are not ugly but trust me give your silence and keep it moving. It has nothing to do with you, it's more them.
Keep it moving - nicely said 💛
@@thejackbutler Thank you sir, your video is right on point and right on time.
@@datnursenicky3022 Happy it helped :)
One of ur BEST videos Jack!!!
Hey 👋🏻 Mr. Breadcrumber,
YOU'RE NOT IT!!! 😝
Last I checked I'm no pigeon...Strutting my stuff and pecking around for crumbs...
A girl's gotta eat!!
Right Jack?!! ☺️
Beautiful scenery, I really LOVE it, wish I was there!!!
Thank U for sharing~
🌬🙏🏻💗🙂🙌🏻✨✌🏻
Whispering Wind Lol, a girl’s gotta eat. I enjoyed that! Glad you enjoyed the scenery - it’s my hometown - and I will release a video with more of it at some point 🌟
Jack Butler Well it sure is lovely~ Where is it?
if u don't mind my asking?
I would love to see more. 🙌🏻✨☺️
Great Video Jack! I have also watched other videos of yours on this topic and they proved to be great help for me
After months of inconsistent behaviour and emotional ups and downs I can finally say: I am ok to move on and let go of the guy cannot give me what I need, namely; being consistent, stability, commitment, clarity.
If he is not ready, that's ok
I can't change him and I don't have to wait for him. Better be on my own and be open for someone new in life instead of putting so much energy in something that clearly doesn't work
What a powerful statement. Well done, know it can take a lot to get to that clarity 🙏
This pattern of communication isn’t something I’m looking for in a serious relationship
woman are just as guilty of this, I was with one that has started to breadcrumb - she wasn't like this before, she is an avoidant though and we aren't together now but she still likes to get my validation so I stopped giving it to her. its just breadcrumb after breadcrumb now and is why I dumped her in the end but I know I'm not perfect either and will be getting some therapy next year.
Yep definitely goes both ways. Hope you get the support you need. Loop back with me if not, I may open some slots for guys next year
I actually told him to delete my number bc I don't want to hear from him sporadically or even at all, its very annoying.
BEST video I’ve seen on this so far. Thank you SO much. Man these men getcha tangled in ‘em don’t they? Knowledge is power ladies. Learn your enemy.
You’re welcome. To your clarity and power!
These type of guys only booty call. You are only a piece of meat to them, nothing more. This is the typical skill used by a malignant narcissist. Save your soul, save your energy and walk away, go NC before it destroys your last ounce of sanity. Save yourself!
OMG that was hysterical, I was ready to write something down....
☺️
I've watched many dating couches around the gloab but you make the most sence. You are open minded don't talk a lot of rubish you make sence keep up the good work I'd love to subscribe to your channel
Thanks for the sub! Welcome 🙏
Always helpful advice Jack...luv your no nonsense approach. Keep up the great work. 😇
Rebecca S Thank you very much Rebecca!
Breadcrumbs =the person is just not that into you, so do urself a peaceful favor and move on with dignity ❤
I recommend everybody here look into and find your attachment style. I'm betting most breadcrumbers are dismissive avoidant. Even that name sounds synonymous with breadcrumbing.
Good line of inquiry (though I suspect it's can be a quality that many people both do and don't inhabit in different times / connections)
That's true, don't respond!
Keep the ball in your court as simple as that.
Bring peace to your heart & mind.
If you are waiting for an answer if they value you, the answer has been there all along "their actions"
Know your worth!
All good practices!
Saying nothing = Not giving the breadcrumber any Narcissistic supply. Breadcrumbing is a form of baiting. They WANT you to ask and inquire.
I get that perspective. I guess I encourage people to have minimum assumption about what breadcrumbing is or isn’t and maximum focus on what they are a yes to and hold to it
@@thejackbutler I was actually agreeing with you. I have learned in my own experience with breadcrumbing and ghosting? That breadcrumbing is basically requesting us to become emotional panhandlers. You are basically an idiot with your palms out "waiting" for whatever emotional replies you get. A beggar of sorts. Same thing with ghosting. They want you to get hungry for their attention.
this video deserves way more likes!
Appreciated!
In my case, the person who has made me breadcrumbs has always been my family and they caused me to panic. I had to separate myself as much as possible from my aunts and sisters. Thank you
Happy you are taking ownership of want you want. Sometimes with family it can include relaxing unconscious roles you have taken on
@@thejackbutler friend I have tried everything and when I am going to talk to them I panic I lose my breath I get dizzy and I can faint if I try harder...the being has no need the ego does.
I'm glad to meet you Jack .. my greetings from Uruguay 🇺🇾
@@julionosano9246 🌟
@@thejackbutler as fores said you never know which one you get.
Perfect!
Be indignant that they gave themselves to others but not you, and move on with ease 😌
Do you have a preferred way of proceeding?
Jack I love you!!!! You are ALWAYS ON POINT!!!!
Joyce Vasquez Aww, thanks Joyce! 🙏
I had that in friendsships too.
Yep, can apply there too (maybe one difference is if it’s an established friendship that has tapered off)
You are the best Jack, I am so grateful to find you, cheers Donna from Australia
Aww thank you! Appreciated!
I am so glad I can watch this video over and over again to really internalize what you are saying❤
Glad it’s supporting you 🙏
I agree with your advice. I want to say nothing to the breadcrumber and just leave. Where I feel conflicted is I don't I like being ghosted so I don't want to be a ghoster. If I say nothing and leave, am I ghosting him?
I encourage people to think about saying something to honor your values and to make it more real. But I don’t think you owe him that, you’re doing it for you
I've been dealing with this, I'm struggling with life after trying to explain what I do. I was a caregiver for my x-husband who passed away in 2021. Nothing sexual during the time I ended up in disability due to my health. I want to find a man who will respect me for me.
Totally! Love it!! Just see them what they are- don’t be in pain- be free and love the ones that matter most! Thank you Jack! ♥️ defender of the Heart
Right on! :)
Out of the chaos comes Jack's common sense. Thank you.
So, you are saying that once a person is a breadcrumber they will always be one? Are they incapable of realizing that they actually love someone they were treating in such a way?
You're brilliant and this content is positively impacting my life to an extraordinary degree. Really many thanks. Gemma (UK) 💚
Really good clear advice and insight. Thank you! Needed to hear it.
So invested and consistent at first! Ugh! So confusing. Anyways, moving on -
Thank you. I am happy am doing the right thing. Except that we work together and it's difficult to to completely disengage from him.
I'm going through this now. We work for the same employer but different departments.
That was pretty straight forward. Perfect!
Thanks from my whole heart Jack!! Just what I needed to hear!! I do appreciate you and Clayton!! 💜🎶🌻
☺️
I’m actually relieved logically emotionally ouch
I agree with all of this.. I just wish this would stop happening to me. I just went through this. And let him go on great terms. I’m never needy or clingy. And Believe me I’ve been looking in the mirror at ME and trying to understand why I keep picking this guy. 😔
Denise Williams I don’t think it’s always about picking the wrong guy, it’s more that there literally thousands of single individuals you meet in a lifetime and most just wont be right for you. Nothing you are doing wrong we just need to learn to weed out the not so great ones quicker.
Hi Jack, this is a great video, beautiful scenery, the easy way you were walking and talking to us, I like it, can you do more like this? 😊 The message is spot on and really common sense. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Glad you liked it! I hired a videographer that day - something I may do more of at some point (or I may even get a drone to follow me round lol)
The complete Angler.....my neck of the woods ... im in Windsor!!!
Excellent. Thank you, Jack Butler.
Appreciated
Solid advice 💥
D J Thank you!
Happy October 1st,2023
So Much easier 😢 Said or not Said lol pun intended 😊
Thanks 😊 for sharing And appreciate your experience and honesty 🙏🏻
True! Bottomline the person is not really into you that is why the breadcrumming is happening in the first place...
I think that's well said
needed to hear this, thank you 🙏
Happy to hear 🙏
As long as you're clear that they are breadcrumbing you, isn't ghosting them just as good? Rather than communicating to them that you are looking for something else? I feel like even that investment of energy is too much for a careless person.
You are doing for you as much as them. You are modeling what you want more of in the world. And it clarifies things in case they loop back
This was great and I’ll use your response when in the situation. Thank you
Jack, you give such clear and concise advice with compassion. Love your channel!
How do you know if there really bread veining you or just very busy with life and kids etc x
I think it's the same impact, regardless of the intent or busyness. If they are too busy to meet your requirement of minimum time relating, you have to take your stand. The only exception might be a temporary thing like they are selling a business or tending to sick a parent, but they should be able to communicate that this current level of relating is atypical and normal service will be resumed. Make sense?
Beautifully put! Thankyou!
Michelene Svetlik Yay! Thank you!
Jack is brilliant. Thanks Jack
Sorry, will hear your webinar tomorrow.
Jake you're so cool!!
moonlight Well thank you!
What if I really like him? There's no way to change his behavior without telling him? Like no contact strategy for example ? Or not responding to his texts/ calls?
I think that's a hard and potentially painful path. Usually easier to relate with someone who's already sufficiently interested.
The problem is I said something I said EVERYTHING and he said NOTHING!!!!
I know that can be v painful. At least it gives you your answer about the connection