Raised by a narcissist. Married a narcissist. Forced to co-parent with a narcissist. I just want to live a life of solitude at this point. It’s so peaceful.
Find your person. I had the luck of meeting mine after being raised by one married one and Co parent with one. My person is also a survivor took us years to figure out that our background was so similar
Yep. I would love to go park my Camper out in some secluded spot miles from the nearest anyone and just sit there and sleep and stare at nature/nothing for a few months. Let the background noise of life die down far enough to be able to function normally again.
6 years ago I went no contact with my entire family. I just couldnt take it anymore. And now here I am at 66 years old asking myself "who am I?". For the first time in my life I get to define myself. It feels so strange. I wonder who I'll turn out to be? Someone pretty awesome I bet! 😊
Oh my word, you are absolutely phenomenal. 🎉❤️ You are living my dream. Your post took my breath away. 😮 I am so very happy for you. Enjoy the journey and treasure the ground you gain. 🤗❤️🎉🙏☀️💃🏄♀️🎧🎷🎹🎸
Yes, and all these can be applied to the narc, so you start to worry in case you've 'caught the disease,' but recognising that NOT having a sense of entitlement and superiority, lack of empathy, the need to gaslight or put others down, etc., saves the day! Thanks, Dr C. and TH.
Dr. C you have been a Blessing for me. Newly widowed after being married to a narcissist for 49 years; and raised by a raging narcissistic father; I feel like I wear a neon sign on my forehead that attracts them, like moths to a flame. You have helped me understand my family of origin; and I am no longer bewildered by behavior. Behaviors now make sense; and I am learning how to become healthy again. I am very glad and feel very comfortable about becoming a part of Team Healthy. Thank-You; and Thank GOD.
@user-vt9kd4no8j Me too. A target with a hidden magnet that draws narcissists. Instead of faulting myself for that, I am trying to remember that they are drawn to empaths to exploit them for supply. That doesn't make me damaged, it makes me vulnerable to their schemes so it is my responsibility to protect myself. For me that is the best self care. Even now sometimes it's hard to discern the ones who hide their narcissism. Dr. C & Team Healthy are helping me hone my radar (narcdar).
I prefer animals over assholes! I go straight to defensive anger when I encounter people like my narcky mama (who thankfully, finally died this year at 98). My attitude is "F**k these rude assholes!" Then I feel like I'm the narcky nut, but I know I'm not because I actually do care about people.
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
They choose what you get to choose from. Well put. Over time, I found that my friend group was unacceptable-as were my religious choices, free time activities, values, life goals. Still, I need to remind myself of all these things and keep watching Dr. C videos, to deal with the losses.
Most disturbing I consider the cognitive dissonance, the inner conflict of contradictions, a splitting, which causes such a discomfort and not being able to live "normal" because your body is still constantly in alert, which is overly exhausting for your body and mind at the same time and can lead to lots of other health issues and dysfunctions.
I can totally relate to this. I've been subject to narcissistic abuse for most of my life, and the negativity, together with sleep disturbance and constantly being on red alert (the fight or flight response), takes it's toll on the body. I've been gradually peeling back the layers in order to heal. Slow progress but progress non the less. Love and hugs ❤️🫂 Take care 🙏🕯
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you, Amanda, for your input and honesty. I think we are pretty much on the same page. Sleep disturbance is no foreign word for me as I have dealt with it all my life. Together with the red alerts it's so exhausting. Progress to heal takes its time. Sometimes a step forward and other times a step backward. Love & hugs to you 💗🫂🕊
@@amandaliverpool3374 Amanda, your answer really made me smile 😊 And yeah, I also like dancing 👯♀️... for it relaxes the body, mind and soul together so that everything can come into harmony...this has always been my first class therapy 😉🥰
The worst thing of being abused by a narcissistic parent is that it is so difficult to trust anybody in the world. If your own parent who is supposed to support and protect you or at least to leave you alone abuses you and takes advantage of you, how could you ever trust another person?
This is so true, and has been one of the longest-lasting effects for me of being raised by a malignant narcissistic mother. A mother is "supposed" to love her child (at least this is the prevailing notion, that all mothers love their children), so it is all the more hurtful when your own mother doesn't love you, and only desires to hurt you and tear you down.
Yes, parents are supposed to love, protect and support a child. Even animals care about their cubs until they are strong enough to survive in the wilderness. With Narcissistic parents it's the other way around: as a child you feel responsible for your parents and then you will enter this world bewildererd, hardly able to survive. It's really abstruce and this is probably why I have always felt like a complete orphan, always looking for my family of choice.
Constant self doubt, constantly questioning other people's motives, inability to trust (especially when someone is kind to us) because we always think there is an ulterior motive. Because that's how a narcissist is. Never kind to be kind, never give a gift to give a gift, never genuine.
Yes, Amanda, trust issues are for sure the most common long term impacts Narcissists can have on you because they trampled all over your boundaries, often on a daily basis and without any warning or remorse. As a consequence of this you might doubt your own perception as well as trusting your own gut. At least this is my experience. But the good news is: the more you will trust yourself, the more natural boundaries you will increase. Sending you lots of healthy thoughts 💟 Take care 🙏💗🙏
Dr. C I've always had a love for "Old People" starting with my Grandma. Went to lunch today with my Oldest son and .my 2 grands. The were 2 "Old Men" at another table. They were at least 85 yrs old. And their conversation was about communication. It just made me happy to hear them talk, so I got up from the table, and went to compliment them, apoligising for listening. They were delightful. After neing with the narc and his family for years I really thought I had lost me. But I haven't....I still live "Old People" their wisdom still abounds!! It funny , I am now 70 yrs old...I to am an Old Person who still has Empathy and loves for my Fellow Man. I know I'm healed now!! Have returned to who I was before the Narc. Thanks Dr.C.
Dr. C, Thank you for being you! I can relate to everything you said. When you said "you were meant to be loved" I started to cry. It really hit home. I've been taught that I'm not deserving of love by the narcissists in my life. But, oh boy, do they want to be loved. No, wait a minute. They want to be worshipped. I'm not worshipping anybody but God.
My mother is a narc. I've been married 4 times and multiple relationships with abusive narcissistic men.I'm 50 now and learning how to live a Godly life. It's very loving and peaceful.🥰❤️
My brother bullied and abused me my whole life and no one in the immediate and extended family of origin cares. I don't want anything to do with any of them ever again. Now I am alone.
The best long-term impact for me has been to reinforce my own character. I had given up so much in a “go along to get along” manner, that I nearly lost myself in the process. I honestly am now embarrassed at my early “solutions” in the immediate aftermath of that relationship. Over time, I eventually returned to the man I am now, but it was definitely a hard-fought battle to become him. TH has reinforced my decisions.
I hear that one. Learned early on --well, I was taught--not to oppose, not to ask for what I needed, certainly not to expect it. Just work, behave, placate. A few close friends convinced me I was actually a decent guy and likeable human being. Still ended up losing the relationship w my daughter post-divorce. Justcmore punishment. I figure I'm one of the walking wounded, but at least still standing. Keep on keepin' on
Great, dude, i love you, Narcissist, but playing that role, flying monkey, im no count dog, 0 yes, i know how to loose, dont be ugly, yeap, big time drugs, yeap ,hec i can always like have a trait, but i went looping,, the war in the mind dont work, our Doctor, can be peaceful and helpful, my community will always Rule, the peace that dude is saying, he did alot to get along with a human, My community, does not need rough heart ache, we love our neighbors, my family, bam, linda, plus bam, what country you from, go team healthy
Go along to get along brought me into a horrible state of mind and body and it happened so very, very slowly. Now I can see how the narcissist achieved his/ her perfidious goals. My mother had trained me to be so agreeable. I am very happy to read that you getting past these mental tapes from the narcissist like I am too. 🍀🌻🎉🎈😊
Heed the warning signs! My first marriage, I was young and naive. My second, I ignored the signs. Since I attract narcissists like bees to pollen, I’m giving any new relationships three strikes. Everyone is human and bound to make mistakes, but three strikes and I’m gone.
I had a similar conversation with myself and considered whether allowing even three strikes was warranted. Definitely decided that I would dump a guy after one egregious strike. Wish I'd done that with my ex rather than a stern warning to never do THAT again. He just found 10 other rotten things to do. Anyone who gives themselves permission to do anything rotten to you has shown you who they are, and they aren't good people.
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
Trust issues. Destroyed life, lonelynes . Stress related somatic problems( stomach ulsters...autoimmune disease etc...)All that specially when you dealing with passive aggressive vounerable covert narcistist who appears as nicest person your soul mate, gentle soul. When mask slips you see psychopath and that's where the cognitive dysonance starts, shock, confusion..
My sister and I were just talking about this- We mentally hear our mothers criticism, disapproval, and disgust. It's obviously worse when we are around her. Our hyper awareness can detect her mood within 5 seconds and it's EXTREMELY easy to begin worrying about what we've done. Arrg, its a constant daily battle to deflect those thoughts... Some days are better than others.
It really is like this. I hear you. The inner tension is exhausting. Growing up, I couldn’t understand the neglect, silence and random rage from my mother. I am happy (ironically) to know what I am dealing with now. There’s no mystery anymore. Thank you Dr. C. 🙏
@@tbunnyshy1 yes, the inner tension creates sheer exhaustion. It reminds me to be gentle with myself and let my body rest when the mental exhaustion takes over. I Am Free, I Am Safe, and I Am in Control plays on repeat in my head.
Lucky you have your sister. My parents both narcs, father was more authoritarian, mother hypercritical and devaluing. I kept thinking my sister was on my side all those decades. After my father passed I discovered that she wasn’t. A covert narc all by herself, finally taking over the family to the point of supporting the malignant narc brother. A flipping mess. I had to go no contact a few months back. All too late. I am 59 and struggling with exactly what Dr les describes. Each point.
Those struggling (often in vain) to simply identify and comprehend their personal trauma from narcissitic behaviors are the ones most enduringly affected. Those fortunate enough to recognize such situations for what they are can (with effort) trim sails, change course and navigate towards more attractive horizons ~ lessons learned; rough experiences left in the wake behind them.
I recently allowed my daughter to contact my narcissistic sibling, whom I have not been in contact with for four years. Big mistake. She told her inappropriate stories about my life when I was younger and now has my daughter doubting my veracity and worth as a human being. No contact should be 100%. These people are addicted to lying and making trouble.
I understand your exhaustion. We get awakened by Dr. C., his sharing of knowledge, and the inner work we do. Stick with Team Healthy for some good, positive energy!
One thing I noticed is that I don't do things when people repeatedly ask me to do it. The more you try to control me the more I forget to do it. And it's not conscious, it just happens.
I’m in my early 50s and have finally gotten to my breaking point with my narcissist sibling. The more of your videos I watch the more I learn about how these decades of being treated badly have affected me. As much as I hate to admit it, I can clearly see now the damage the angry, confrontational texts, blame, guilt, insults, lies, humiliation, etc have done. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I’m walking away. I pray I can heal and finally become the person God created me to be. Thank you for these enlightening truths.
In my early 60s and just a week ago finally got ditched by my narc sister who has definitely attacked me for the last time...I'm actually relieved. I spent so many years trying to have a relationship with her. I can't regret trying, but enough is enough. I'm done. Best wishes to you with your sib...
@@allieeverett9017 Thank you. We shouldn’t have to prove we’re worthy of love or basic decency and respect from our siblings. I’m learning that whatever we do, it won’t turn them into a kind person or the sibling we wish we had. I stand strong alongside you, moving on and creating the peaceful lives we deserve. ❤️
I'm the father of a 30 year-old narcissistic son. We've been raising our now 7 year-old grandson since he was 10 months old because our son has had 5 felony arrests in the past 12 years. In and out of jail and rehab, constantly lies straight to your face, deep underlying anger and cocky as hell. Talk about long-term life patterns.
I should clarify some details then. I am technically the young man's stepfather. Raised him from 5 1/2 years old. Biological father was very controlling and demanding. My Empathic wife saw the signs and exited the marriage. Too late to undue the damage done in those formative years along with the genetic predisposition.
@@De-CentralizedThat’s too bad. Stress in young age can cause havoc as in a heightened flight and flight response for life if not broken. It’s hard to break as it feeds and enforces itself over and over. Is he susceptible to any psychological help? Or any help at all - recognising that what he isn’t doing good? Micro dosing, or homeopathy could be a way out, getting in touch with those subconscious emotions like his fears and scars. As they say, trauma is stored in the body and can’t always be handled with just words.
1206 - "You were meant to be loved, you were meant to be respected, you were meant to be encouraged" had to relearn these after 25 years of being indoctrinated on how i should act, behave and do better. narcissists rob you of who you are - and expect you to give even more. Take your life back. It's never too late. thanks, Dr. C.
As ever, Dr. C., these 8 points on the lingering aftermath of narcissistic relationships are on the mark. That is where I am at; as an empath, I gave much of myself away in the interpersonal realm, yet became a successful professional. The notion of ‘lingering aftermath’ hit home. My emotionally-immature parents have been long gone. My narcissistic older brother and younger sister have intolerable self-centered personalities as your guest Lindsay Gibson described as well. Those hurts and ‘feelings’ of dismissiveness, ridicule, and humiliation that I accumulated since very early childhood and perpetuated by the siblings if I did not ‘manage’ our infrequent interactions (need to walk on eggshells, be ever vigilant), spill over to my social circles. Although my interactions with my siblings have been ‘contained’ and are very superficial, I do need to address these eight points. Thank you for your clear articulation of my experience that better enables me to operationalize steps and processes for move forward… Professor-Elizabeth
Had two parents and talking with my daughter today how their narcissism messed me up . Their gaslighting , tearing apart people then kissing there ass , I was always full of anxiety and panic , always getting called crazy or that never happened
Right, they would tear people apart but then have the "how dare you be so judgemental" if I said any of the same things, even about the same people! So confusing to see those people in public and avoid them due to what I was told and then watch my parents converse like nothing is wrong.
@@Jess-kn8vl Yes, in the narc's mind they are allowed to say and do whatever they please. But if you call them out on their bad behavior, they accuse YOU of being judgemental and attacking THEM!
I hope to accomplish what you have. I want to explain things to my son one day. Its complicated because we all live together. My parents consistently shamed and embarrassed me in front of him. Basically they were trying to “build a team” by “adding” him. He does not tolerate any nonsense so now the family unit doesn’t know how to be.
Yes, a lovely parting gift package from my Narc ex husband: Now I have deep trust issues--including trusting myself to make decisions on who should be in my life. I socially isolate to very slowly heal from all the damage he inflicted and ensure that no further damage happens. Its a lonely life currently, but at least I am safe
That's probably the worst part, a loss of the ability to trust people you don't already know to be kind and decent folks. I've developed a hardness and anger that pains me but is necessary for my protection.
Yep I don’t know if I can ever trust again. The things he has done and said to me are so humiliating, and so venomously mean. It’s like his existence is built on venom and hatred and the person I trusted with everything pretty much just ignored me and inwardly hates me. Only because I held him accountable.
A big impact on my life: the need to set strong boundaries with my narcissistic in-laws. They are no longer allowed to contact me to criticize or express unnecessary distrust toward me -- so painful. I needed to go no contact with all of them, and now our home is a more peaceful place :) And I'm very fortunate that my husband is willing to limit contact with his family for the sake of our marriage; and for my mental health -- his too. Their need for control over his life since birth has exacted a real toll on him as well.
You go! Hang onto that husband. I had exes who were all bound in with their narc parents and honestly also narcs themselves. I went no contact with my own narc family ( both parents, both siblings) but my husband of 20 years is a gem and I loved my mother-in-law completely. She was a total sweet lady and so are my 4 sister-in laws. Can’t believe I wasted so much time on my own family. It’s the guilt
@@marian9410 Interesting .... everyone's situation is different where my family are super nice & encouraging. I guess no matter where the toxic behavior comes from -- whether it's your own family, or someone else's family -- it's necessary to have healthy boundaries to preserve our mental health by keeping the toxic people AWAY. Take care :)
Yikes! I have been under the influence of a couple of narcissists for most of my life. I am just waking up to devastating consequences of what I have been exposed to.
Once I figured out the primary narcissists in my life, it changed my lifestyle for better. I’m now a lot more independent and quick to spot all the other narcissists I encounter. The US has an “epidemic” of narcissism so we have to be on guard. Thanks Doc!
I've had ALL the above. Father, Sister, Friends-- ugh! Hubby says, "You're such an idiot"... I now just laugh it off because they don't like being laughed at.
The proverb "Out of sight, out of mind" is not significant when you have dealt with a Narcissist over a long period of time. The impact on you can linger for a long, long time, even though they are out of sight, they might still be in your mind because their goal is always to rob you of your uniqueness, your identity. Most common lingering after effects: 1. Ongoing trust issues (The keeper of the lie wanted you to trust, which is a contradiction in itself.) 2. Ongoing super defensiveness (The Narc was the one who knew exactly to push your buttons so that you got triggered very quickly.) 3. Lingering guilt & shame (The core shame based Narc needed all the time a scapegoat to blame and shame.) 4. Easy embarrasement by humiliation (The Narc constantly put you down so that he could stay at the upper position.) 5. Patterns of self sabotage (Resignation and frustration can lead you into irresponsibility, addiction and anger issues like you learnt from the unhealthy Narc, who had the same patterns.) 6. Cynisism in general (as a result of having stayed chronical frustrated) 7. Emotional numbness (The lifeless Narc could never care about your feelings at all which can lead you into depression, chronical fatigue because you have become a shell of yourself.) 8. Becoming increasingly controlling (Your trust issues do not allow you to be vulnerable.) Be aware: > You were trained by an expert manipulator > They needed your uncertainty, dysregulation and deference > They controlled you and wanted you to think that you are not free > They could have an erosive effect on you > You did not see the warning signs What is needed to heal these patterns? 》》Go to your basics 🎯 》》Start with yourself 🤳 》》Become the best version of yourself 🥰 》》Be patient with yourself 😊 》》Give yourself permission to be distinct 💛 》》You are allowed to be free 👏 》》Learn to trust your intuition 😇 》》Be steady in all of this 💯 》》Keep finding your inner place of Peace 🕊🕊🕊 Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
It IS a process, not an event. I've found by helping others who are worse off than you, gives you energy for their sake, not just your own. But yours returns as well, as long as it isn't your main focus.
SLEEP and do absolutely NOTHING for as long as you can. I know that not everyone has the luxury of going to bed and pulling the blankets over their head for days, sometimes weeks, even months. I truly believe this is the only way to begin the healing process. Your psyche is in shock and completely traumatized. It has been for years, sometimes decades. So don't expect to snap back and instantly regain your energy. Baby yourself. Literally, baby yourself as you should have been babied but never were. Go to your safe place and stay there 🎉
@@aaronkwolfeafter being turned into a slave by my narcissistic family who financially abused me for years, the last thing I want to do is help someone. I am done with helping and caretaking
"watch for warning flags" / "trust your intuitions" This is going to be of paramount importance when I get back to work. In my job as a home health aide, one of the things I always try to focus on is, as a former supervisor once put it, "improving the quality of life". Simply, it makes me feel good to make OTHER PEOPLE feel good. But this DOESN'T WORK with a narcissist! They may say they need help, but deep down, THEY DON'T REALLY WANT IT, and are constantly doing all they can to sabotage any situation.
At 12:05 where you say, "You were meant to be loved," that is a very meaningful moment for me. Your voice breaking a little on "loved" seems to mirror something in my heart where I may be crying inside silently. Thank you for your integrity and your devotion to who people really are and what we need. I've been thinking this week about my need for true love in life partnership. I want to believe it can happen, and soon. 🙏❤️
For me, it's made me apprehensive about people. I fault myself too in having gotten into some very bad situations. I'm thankful for Dr. C's vids because if I'd never looked at the first one turning up in my recommendations I might still be in the dark about narcissism.
Read John Bunyan's The Pilgrims Progress - you'll see that sometimes, life takes strange turns that enable you to both learn and get on the right track. Despair is for people who are not prepared to put effort into having the fulfilling life they most certainly can have.
Another great video - thank you! My mom tried (and still tries) so hard to control me - even though I’m now in my 50s. At times I pretend to think it’s from love and concern, but I know it’s simply her need and desire to control anyone and everything. When I hear her voice of judgment in my head, I try to counter it with the voice of my grandmother (on my Dad´s side) who showed interest in my life and my decisions, and whose voice I can hear saying ¨I’m so proud of you honey ¨ - a phrase I rarely remember my Mom uttering.
I love this! Countering the negative with a positive. I knew an elderly gentleman who would answer after you asked how he was: “Better now that I’ve seen you!” I heard his voice in my head when I was overwhelmed the other day say “You can do it, darling!” It is so important to cling to the positive. And so great you had someone in your life who showed an interest in you as an individual.
This video was very helpful. I spent 14 miserable years with a narcissist who was emotionally and mentally abusive beyond anything I had ever experienced. After I left I was a mess, and I've spent the last six years unraveling the tangled up mess inside me. I had to look at my part, or my reactions to my ex's behaviors and some of what I discovered about myself is not pretty. I began asking myself why I'd always had trust issues, why I didn't have boundaries, why my self-esteem was so low, why I always said yes and never no, and on and on. It was by going down the rabbit hole that I finally figured out my own mom is a vulnerable narcissist. I had some resentments to deal with; I don't want to be an angry person. Now, I'm working on becoming who I was always meant to be. My whole life has been turmoil and chaos until the past six years. I'm getting better, and your videos are helping me immensely. I'm 65 years old and happy to know there is hope for me.
I'm struggling with negative emotions. I can't find any positive emotions anywhere. I know that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel but Im stuck in this stinkin tunnel.
Do you have a hobby you like to do? Find one that you think you would enjoy if you haven't already. I was brought up by a narc mom and IDK about my dad. Very emotionally cold family on my dad's side & he died early in my life. My two older siblings are narc's to one degree or another. At 16yo, I found a love of making jewelry. Now, at 67, alone and that's by choice, I am satisfied and happy with the life I created. I owe no one anything. You learn about yourself when you delve into activities you enjoy and when you get really good at them, the positivity you may receive from others can promote positive feelings and words that replace all that old tired narc badmouthing that we survivors are often haunted by. Exercise like simply walking can boost endorphins that make you feel better, and help dissipate any negativity or depression. Maybe this info helps you.
The grinding down of my mental and later physical health by the narcissist happens so slowly and imperceptible that I could not detect it because I lacked knowledge of psychology. Now I know how narcissism works and that the great majority of people are not narcissists. Good, that public awareness about this damaging disorder is rising !
Totally true about being defensive. Mother and brother both extreme narcissists. I am so scared of being controlled that I never married - and won't even enter into a relationship for my own "protection." 😢
Raised by narcissist father and coda mother. I turned out to be coda, which I discovered in my late 50's. Divorced the narcissist I met at 15 and married at 21. Slow forward 38 years later I left all the narcissists in my life. Codependents attract narcissists like a magnet, which is how I know I haven't fully healed. I'm a lot better and can spot them, but because of my damaged ego, I'm still a magnet at times. Not giving up. Thank you Dr for having these videos and forum.
You need to focus more on the differences between family narcissists and non-blood acquaintance narcissists. They are very different. I’ve been conditioned since I was a child by my family narcissist. I dismiss all other narcissists outside my family and definitely call them out. It’s the family that has completely screwed me up.
Same. I could see there is something very wrong with the narcissist men I was dating so I never considered to marry any of them. But I was completely fooled by my narcissist mother who was controlling me , manipulating me and abusing me financially. I viewed her as a saint until she died and I woke up from her spell
I was beginning to think I would not be able to forgive myself for who I have become. This video really helps. It was so doggone hard living with narcs.
..."they will make you doubt you", so true Dr. Carter! Also, with support from their powerful enablers, and that leaves the person at the receiving end helplessly victimized, especially, when the person at the receiving end is lacking experience of these antagonistic and dominating types...the person at the receiving end has to lose in order for the narcissist person to win...win-lose/lose-win situation...sad indeed😥thanks for the insightful advice, as always🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
I went through what I call emotional exhaustion.. I wrote a few years ago that when my son graduates this year I WILL LEAVE... My father died at 69 in 2020. I realized life was way too short and I can't go on like this. I been listening to Dr C for 4yrs and came up with a plan.. It was to treat my husband the way he treats me with my own moral way.. I couldn't go as evil as my husband but, I stopped the praising, I ignored his drama and I knew it had to be HIS idea to get divorced. Every time I have tried he guilted me and loved bombed for a year to 2yrs.. Well, I put my plan to get him to leave me in to action 2yrs ago and on July 1 this year he decided he wants to separate and divorce when our son graduates.. I don't want him controlling the Divorce but, I am having a hard time finding a lawyer. BOTTOM LINE... I the "dumb" wife devised a plan and stuck to it.. Now I will be free soon. Thank you Dr. C for helping me understand how these ppl think.
There are good people out there. I want to be one also. She’s gone now. If I act out, she’s won. I spent many years trying to please her. It’s good to learn about what motivated her and what motivates me. Why? Because she liked hurting us and because she could get away with it.
I was thinking about this. I know without narcissists I would have made a lot of different life decisions and gotten further ahead much faster. Bullying costs millions of dollars a year in lost productivity. I lost years of my life and so many opportunities for education, investment and self improvement.
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
long-term impact on y/our life patterns 3:06 ¹ongoing trust issues 3:45 ²defensive despite no good reason to be 4:32 ³lingering guilt & shame 5:42 ⁴easily embarrassed or humiliated 6:37 ⁵patterns of self sabotage 7:21 ⁶cynicism in general 7:55 ⁷emotional numbness 8:35 ⁸can become increasingly overbearing, too stubborn or rigid 11:57 great point thanQ dr.c
Thank you for this video and for your dog in the background. I agree with these 8 Long Term impacts. Mostly I lacked self-confidence and could not even speak for myself as a kid. Literally, I could not speak to anyone and was ashamed of it. To find your voice in mid-adulthood is liberating. The key is awareness of what these people are. Once you are aware, learn to trust your instincts and heed the early warning signs. It seems narcissists are everywhere.
Raised by a narcissist father, who, to be honest, was always there for me, whom I loved so much. As soon as he passed away suddenly, I fell for a narcissist man, who reminded me of my father a lot. They were so alike! Of course, my heart is broken Of course my therapist diagnosed me with narcissistic abuse. Dr Les Carter, thank you for educating and supporting us.
If I feel triggered, I try to act as if the person doesn’t mean to be offensive. Just ask politely for more information. If I manage this, I can avoid alienating someone unnecessarily. Thank you, sir!
Thank you this is a really great tip cuz I keep it all in, get all confused about the relationship, wondering if I should stay or dump him, then end up abruptly bailing and being heartbroken
Just reporting this supernatural experience today. Just an hour ago, I was actually giving myself a stern talk ! EVERYTHING you said here Dr. C, was said to myself in same and different ways. Turned on my computer and YT channel and now listening to this presentation. There are no coincidences! God is always consoling me as I call on him hourly. You are delivering this message confirming my supernatural self talk earlier. Thank You Father and Dr. C for being that Angel that God uses to our absolute astonishment. Just Awestruck!
Dr. C., Many thanks for an excellent video. It is v helpful. Please expand on the erosive nature of these impacts at the micro level for example emotional numbness on immediate relationships with offspring/siblings, over reactive responses to differing opposing opinions, loss of concentration whilst undertaking academic work, inability to make decisions, disconnection and loneliness due to lack of family/friends understanding/minimising the erosive enduring nature of the abuse, crippling procrastination, feeling of being stigmatized, difficulty with intimacy, difficulty with self regulation, lack of joy/peace, social anxiety, poor self care/eating patterns loss of the sense of self, exhaustion , health issues and many others. Also, the negative impacts you mentioned such as anger, using others, refusing to be cooperative, along with being indifferent and critical of others treating them as disposable similar to the damaging abuse endured. The abuser is still in your head and you were brainwashed. Knowledge is power and understanding the impacts and recognizing the fall out clears the confusion. It leads the way to finding yourself and hopefully stemming intergenerational abuse to some extent.
My patience with the narc is zero now. I can't deal with him anymore. I argued and fought down to his level. Now I'm sure he thinks I'm just like him. I'm defensive quicker. I've prepared arguments in my head for days because I know they are going to happen. I replay arguments in my head for days. Because of gaslighting I question if it was really that bad at times. I wonder if I really am the problem sometimes, even though the evidence for it being him is ridiculous. I find myself not caring about being nice to him anymore and saying mean things to him. He's basically conditioned me to be like that after years of everything being about him and him belittling everything I mentioned. Hard to treat him like a good person. Basically he brings out the worst in me and then uses it as proof that hes not the problem. Thanks for the friendship man!
Dr. CARTER has been a blessing in my life so much what he states is so true and helped along my path of healing after being married almost 30 yrs to a Narcissistic..thank you as always Dr. Carter and Gus hoping you heal the young so they step out before they go through wasted years.
This video is SO valuable! They are all great but this one is HUGE! We all need to watch this one often and regularly to keep what they did to us top of mind. And accept that decades of having this inflicted won't just go away because we eventually realise it even happened. We need to consciously reject that influence DAILY even years after the narcissist has been physically removed. Thanks Dr Les! 🤝🏻
I knew for some time that my wife had very strong narcissistic tendencies hidden behind saying she was strong willed and independent, but it wasn't until later that I saw just how bad it could get with her complete marginalization of my opinions and my ability to question anything in HER home. I tried to get her to compromise on things, but she saw any compromise as control over her or trying to change who she was. I tried to get her to get help or go to marriage therapy, but she would claim that she didn't need help and therapy wouldn't change anything. Ultimately it broke my heart to do so, I filed for divorce. I continued to try to get her to communicate, but her response was only to file a pfa against me with a one year no contact clause so she wouldn't have to face the pain she caused.
OR just make an appointment with Gus-Gus. All you have to do is show up when he's on his Couch Potato Spot, sit down next to him and absorb his Peace-Giving Vibes! Woof! 🐶💓
Thank you, Dr C for sharing all of your knowledge & experience❣️ I agree with so many of the comments above. Even tho all the narcs in my family are now dead I still catch myself hearing their comments & reacting in my old styles of coping. After an adulthood of being isolated by my "independence" from people, I'm trying to learn ways of using my God given gifts to truly connect in healthy ways with others. This is very scary, but prayer helps.
Thankyou for your insights; I have just realised that my sibling had started subjecting me to her narcissistic abuse by the time I was just five. (She herself was seven years old.) She did such a number on me that she only had to look sharply at me, without so much as a word, for me to blush bright red and cringe. I learned to hover in doorways because I knew that if I sat down, say, to watch TV, she would be able to trap me and then the jeering and humiliation would start.I have had too many awful experiences with her, to relate here; but suffice to say, I walked on egg shells around her for most of my life, and her behaviour left me fearful, easily embarrassed, and completely lacking in self esteem. But I went no-contact with her around two years ago, and life is so much better now.
Thank you ! I notice the absence of presence, reciprocation, mindfulness, and empathy! I don't go out of my way to engage in that void with the false self !
Dr. Carter, your videos are so helpful. After a few years away from my convert narcissist I am still working through looking over my shoulder for permission. The control of what to do and when to do things linger and am still learning to know it is okay to take care of my check list first. After living for years with gaslighting and humiliation, it is sometimes difficult in normal social situations with how to fit in with a conversation, afraid I might say the wrong thing, or say something awkward. The language the narcissist used in private on me is much different than I have ever encountered in my life. Narcissist steals confidence and sense of self and in turn the victim has awkward, difficult time fitting in with "normal", nicer people. The dust is still settling for me.
Ive been listening to your videos for months. They are so helpful to me. Thank you so much for being here for us all. As I listened to this video today, I realized that they are working on turning us into narcissists. Treating us the same way that they were treated to make them the way they are. Im working very hard to not be like him. Am I way off base on this? Or is this a thing they do? Thank you again!
Hi Diane. You're on target. I have a video, Is Narcissism Contagious? It will explain this for you. Bottom line, as you are over-exposed to narcissists, you can begin to mimic them...something you can't afford to happen!
I just sent a "friend" this video. He's a neighbor and I can't tell YET if he's the narc or if his "discarding" behavior and indirect accusations are a result of his 10 plus years with an ex narc is what I'm experiencing from him. He seemed pretty cool at first "helping" and giving me things 1st RED FLAG. But as soon as I noticed some very passive aggressive behavior I said to him that there is a need to be healed after a relationship with a narc! The very next day he said that his meds were missing from his house and he knows for sure where he put them... Indirectly accusing me of taking them. This video was the first communication with him since. Being Narc free I just don't have time for the unhealed nor the narc. I realized from his behavior that he could possibly be living out the aftermath of a long term relationship with a narc and no therapy. Or he himself is a narc. Either way... Sending this video will give me more insight into what I'm dealing with and there will be no contact UNLESS there is a sincere apology about his behavior.
Mine is a "lingering sense of anger." It's almost like this evil foreboding that's constantly hanging over me and I can't get around it. I can't get through it, and there's nothing I can do but feel like I'm being consumed by it. I try to talk to other people but everything they say just makes me want to respond in anger. This is not who I am and it is certainly not the way I want to be. But, where do you go to try and find some kind of peace? I hate the things my sister did to me and I don't want her life of misery (and shame) to fall down like a legacy upon me. I try to feel empathy sometimes for her condition, then I remember that the sister I once had, I lost a long time ago!
I am sure my covert husband who has been abusing me emotionally for 2 decades, has led to me getting severely sick with Long Covid. In the years before catchting covid I saw a decline in my immunity, sanity and ability tonlose weight. Even in sickness he is totally deprived from empathy. I missed the chance to leave when I had it and now I have it double difficult. Fighting illness and healing from his impact. I have finally limited contact to almost nothing and I am determined not to allow hil to brake me.
Hey doctor see I've been listening to you for the last 3 months you really helped me to understand what's been going on in my marriage last 7 years. And also what's been going on with me might have allowed it to happen after being put in jail three times for this manipulative narcissist! Filing for divorce now
I don't know who to trust anymore. There is still so much pain in finding out after 2 years that he had been seeing other women for the whole time but I believed him when he said, I've never cheated on anyone. " Praying that God will help me heal.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I exist. It's like my whole life was written on a chalkboard and someone erased it. I signed up for therapy the other day. Not necessarily to heal from what happened to me but to learn why I felt I deserved this. To finally work on the person who I ignored.
![Who Wrote a Short Story That Seriously Disturbed a Teacher? | Dirty Laundry x Smosh [Full Episode]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/bvHAy_rKoEI/mqdefault.jpg)
Raised by a narcissist. Married a narcissist. Forced to co-parent with a narcissist. I just want to live a life of solitude at this point. It’s so peaceful.
Me too! Peace is priceless ❤️🩹
I wish you the best
Find your person. I had the luck of meeting mine after being raised by one married one and Co parent with one. My person is also a survivor took us years to figure out that our background was so similar
Yep. I would love to go park my Camper out in some secluded spot miles from the nearest anyone and just sit there and sleep and stare at nature/nothing for a few months.
Let the background noise of life die down far enough to be able to function normally again.
Me too men✌️✌️✌️
6 years ago I went no contact with my entire family. I just couldnt take it anymore. And now here I am at 66 years old asking myself "who am I?". For the first time in my life I get to define myself. It feels so strange. I wonder who I'll turn out to be? Someone pretty awesome I bet! 😊
Yes you are awesome for coming this far. There is healing 🎉
Godspeed!
Yes, at 73 I can understand what you are experiencing! Positive wishes coming your way from another survivor!
Oh my word, you are absolutely phenomenal. 🎉❤️ You are living my dream. Your post took my breath away. 😮 I am so very happy for you. Enjoy the journey and treasure the ground you gain. 🤗❤️🎉🙏☀️💃🏄♀️🎧🎷🎹🎸
Enjoy discovering❤
1. ongoing trust issues
2. knee jerk defensiveness
3. lingering guilt and shame, self-doubt
4. embarrassed easily
5. self-sabotage with anger, addiction
6. become cynical or critical
7. emotional numbness
8. become controlling
Yes, and all these can be applied to the narc, so you start to worry in case you've 'caught the disease,' but recognising that NOT having a sense of entitlement and superiority, lack of empathy, the need to gaslight or put others down, etc., saves the day! Thanks, Dr C. and TH.
Thank you for making the list ✍
🙏🏻 🌟 🙏
@@AnnePerkins-po5jo thank you for writing this.
Thank you! Much appreciated.
Dr. C you have been a Blessing for me. Newly widowed after being married to a narcissist for 49 years; and raised by a raging narcissistic father; I feel like I wear a neon sign on my forehead that attracts them, like moths to a flame. You have helped me understand my family of origin; and I am no longer bewildered by behavior. Behaviors now make sense; and I am learning how to become healthy again. I am very glad and feel very comfortable about becoming a part of Team Healthy. Thank-You; and Thank GOD.
Yeah same here… only instead of a neon sign I have a target 🎯 on my forehead… great comment
❤I hear you ❤💪
We didn’t know what we didn’t know if all we knew was narcissism ❤️🩹
@user-vt9kd4no8j Me too. A target with a hidden magnet that draws narcissists. Instead of faulting myself for that, I am trying to remember that they are drawn to empaths to exploit them for supply. That doesn't make me damaged, it makes me vulnerable to their schemes so it is my responsibility to protect myself. For me that is the best self care. Even now sometimes it's hard to discern the ones who hide their narcissism. Dr. C & Team Healthy are helping me hone my radar (narcdar).
I hear that! ❤️ Welcome to the Team Healthy family 🤗❤️🎉
I prefer animals over assholes! I go straight to defensive anger when I encounter people like my narcky mama (who thankfully, finally died this year at 98). My attitude is "F**k these rude assholes!" Then I feel like I'm the narcky nut, but I know I'm not because I actually do care about people.
#7 I just want everyone to leave me alone. Forever.
Yes, and yes. Me too.
They limit your choices. They choose what you get to choose from. That's not freedom.
Yes, not only in personal relations but on a wide scale.
🎯🙉
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
They choose what you get to choose from. Well put. Over time, I found that my friend group was unacceptable-as were my religious choices, free time activities, values, life goals. Still, I need to remind myself of all these things and keep watching Dr. C videos, to deal with the losses.
they are Toxic, cruel & make daily life an ordeal. BYE! byeBye
Most disturbing I consider the cognitive dissonance, the inner conflict of contradictions, a splitting, which causes such a discomfort and not being able to live "normal" because your body is still constantly in alert, which is overly exhausting for your body and mind at the same time and can lead to lots of other health issues and dysfunctions.
I can totally relate to this. I've been subject to narcissistic abuse for most of my life, and the negativity, together with sleep disturbance and constantly being on red alert (the fight or flight response), takes it's toll on the body. I've been gradually peeling back the layers in order to heal. Slow progress but progress non the less. Love and hugs ❤️🫂 Take care 🙏🕯
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you, Amanda, for your input and honesty. I think we are pretty much on the same page. Sleep disturbance is no foreign word for me as I have dealt with it all my life. Together with the red alerts it's so exhausting. Progress to heal takes its time. Sometimes a step forward and other times a step backward. Love & hugs to you 💗🫂🕊
@@roxymovie3938 A step forward, a step backwards or even sideways. That's called dancing 😉 I like dancing 💃
@@amandaliverpool3374 Amanda, your answer really made me smile 😊 And yeah, I also like dancing 👯♀️... for it relaxes the body, mind and soul together so that everything can come into harmony...this has always been my first class therapy 😉🥰
@@roxymovie3938 🤗
Yes - lack of trust in others and lack of being decisive on your own
The worst thing of being abused by a narcissistic parent is that it is so difficult to trust anybody in the world. If your own parent who is supposed to support and protect you or at least to leave you alone abuses you and takes advantage of you, how could you ever trust another person?
Exactly 🎯❤️
@@tbunnyshy1 Thank you ❣
This is so true, and has been one of the longest-lasting effects for me of being raised by a malignant narcissistic mother. A mother is "supposed" to love her child (at least this is the prevailing notion, that all mothers love their children), so it is all the more hurtful when your own mother doesn't love you, and only desires to hurt you and tear you down.
Yes, parents are supposed to love, protect and support a child. Even animals care about their cubs until they are strong enough to survive in the wilderness. With Narcissistic parents it's the other way around: as a child you feel responsible for your parents and then you will enter this world bewildererd, hardly able to survive. It's really abstruce and this is probably why I have always felt like a complete orphan, always looking for my family of choice.
@@roxymovie3938 I really resonate with what you said 😢
Wish I could get narc parents voice out of my head. So negative and critical. 😢
Constant self doubt, constantly questioning other people's motives, inability to trust (especially when someone is kind to us) because we always think there is an ulterior motive. Because that's how a narcissist is. Never kind to be kind, never give a gift to give a gift, never genuine.
Having dealings with all types of narcissistic individuals, has made me super cautious ⚠️ of letting people into my life 🙃
🎯❤️
I hear you on that!
Same here 🙂
Yes, Amanda, trust issues are for sure the most common long term impacts Narcissists can have on you because they trampled all over your boundaries, often on a daily basis and without any warning or remorse. As a consequence of this you might doubt your own perception as well as trusting your own gut. At least this is my experience. But the good news is: the more you will trust yourself, the more natural boundaries you will increase.
Sending you lots of healthy thoughts 💟 Take care 🙏💗🙏
@roxymovie3938 Thanks Roxy. Your right. I even used to ignore my gut. I DO trust myself now. Work in progress.
You take care too 🙏❤️✨️✨️✨️
Dr. C
I've always had a love for "Old People" starting with my Grandma.
Went to lunch today with my Oldest son and .my 2 grands. The were 2 "Old Men" at another table. They were at least 85 yrs old. And their conversation was about communication. It just made me happy to hear them talk, so I got up from the table, and went to compliment them, apoligising for listening. They were delightful. After neing with the narc and his family for years I really thought I had lost me. But I haven't....I still live "Old People" their wisdom still abounds!! It funny , I am now 70 yrs old...I to am an Old Person who still has Empathy and loves for my Fellow Man. I know I'm healed now!! Have returned to who I was before the Narc. Thanks Dr.C.
Hello from Alaska 53 I also have much respect for seniors in my neighborhood.Peace!
Beautiful Elaine!! Thanks for sharing!!🤗
Dr. C, Thank you for being you! I can relate to everything you said. When you said "you were meant to be loved" I started to cry. It really hit home. I've been taught that I'm not deserving of love by the narcissists in my life. But, oh boy, do they want to be loved. No, wait a minute. They want to be worshipped. I'm not worshipping anybody but God.
Amen to that!!
You are so welcome. Make sure you see the video, Rethinking A Narcissist's Shame Messages. Best wishes to you.
My mother is a narc. I've been married 4 times and multiple relationships with abusive narcissistic men.I'm 50 now and learning how to live a Godly life. It's very loving and peaceful.🥰❤️
My brother bullied and abused me my whole life and no one in the immediate and extended family of origin cares. I don't want anything to do with any of them ever again. Now I am alone.
I feel comfortable keeping my guard up with everyone.
The best long-term impact for me has been to reinforce my own character. I had given up so much in a “go along to get along” manner, that I nearly lost myself in the process. I honestly am now embarrassed at my early “solutions” in the immediate aftermath of that relationship. Over time, I eventually returned to the man I am now, but it was definitely a hard-fought battle to become him. TH has reinforced my decisions.
Yes, Yes! Thanks for such good comments, Aaron.
I hear that one. Learned early on --well, I was taught--not to oppose, not to ask for what I needed, certainly not to expect it. Just work, behave, placate. A few close friends convinced me I was actually a decent guy and likeable human being. Still ended up losing the relationship w my daughter post-divorce. Justcmore punishment. I figure I'm one of the walking wounded, but at least still standing. Keep on keepin' on
The walking wounded is a very big tribe.@@michaelfox9750
Great, dude, i love you, Narcissist, but playing that role, flying monkey, im no count dog, 0 yes, i know how to loose, dont be ugly, yeap, big time drugs, yeap ,hec i can always like have a trait, but i went looping,, the war in the mind dont work, our Doctor, can be peaceful and helpful, my community will always Rule, the peace that dude is saying, he did alot to get along with a human, My community, does not need rough heart ache, we love our neighbors, my family, bam, linda, plus bam, what country you from, go team healthy
Go along to get along brought me into a horrible state of mind and body and it happened so very, very slowly. Now I can see how the narcissist achieved his/ her perfidious goals. My mother had trained me to be so agreeable. I am very happy to read that you getting past these mental tapes from the narcissist like I am too. 🍀🌻🎉🎈😊
Heed the warning signs!
My first marriage, I was young and naive. My second, I ignored the signs.
Since I attract narcissists like bees to pollen, I’m giving any new relationships three strikes. Everyone is human and bound to make mistakes, but three strikes and I’m gone.
I had a similar conversation with myself and considered whether allowing even three strikes was warranted. Definitely decided that I would dump a guy after one egregious strike. Wish I'd done that with my ex rather than a stern warning to never do THAT again. He just found 10 other rotten things to do. Anyone who gives themselves permission to do anything rotten to you has shown you who they are, and they aren't good people.
Good one!
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
@@lynnebucher6537 Agreed.
Trust issues. Destroyed life, lonelynes . Stress related somatic problems( stomach ulsters...autoimmune disease etc...)All that specially when you dealing with passive aggressive vounerable covert narcistist who appears as nicest person your soul mate, gentle soul. When mask slips you see psychopath and that's where the cognitive dysonance starts, shock, confusion..
Trust issues and excessive defensiveness resonate deeply unfortunately… I am working hard to own my mental real estate again 😅
The "erosive effect on your personality"-part was spot-on…
Here's a big one for me: I don't know how to be or act happy anymore😔
I could have written this. I understand completely.
Self sabotage that's what I I kept along with the anger issues and substance abuse. Thank you mom
Same!
My sister and I were just talking about this-
We mentally hear our mothers criticism, disapproval, and disgust. It's obviously worse when we are around her. Our hyper awareness can detect her mood within 5 seconds and it's EXTREMELY easy to begin worrying about what we've done. Arrg, its a constant daily battle to deflect those thoughts... Some days are better than others.
It really is like this. I hear you. The inner tension is exhausting. Growing up, I couldn’t understand the neglect, silence and random rage from my mother. I am happy (ironically) to know what I am dealing with now. There’s no mystery anymore. Thank you Dr. C. 🙏
@@tbunnyshy1 yes, the inner tension creates sheer exhaustion. It reminds me to be gentle with myself and let my body rest when the mental exhaustion takes over. I Am Free, I Am Safe, and I Am in Control plays on repeat in my head.
Lucky you have your sister. My parents both narcs, father was more authoritarian, mother hypercritical and devaluing. I kept thinking my sister was on my side all those decades. After my father passed I discovered that she wasn’t. A covert narc all by herself, finally taking over the family to the point of supporting the malignant narc brother. A flipping mess. I had to go no contact a few months back. All too late. I am 59 and struggling with exactly what Dr les describes. Each point.
@@marian9410 oh wow. I'm so sorry. I have 2 younger sisters and it's incredibly painful watching them struggle.
I had a childhood addiction f a narcissist step moms abuse and it left me with a lifetime of Anxiety Disorder.
Those struggling (often in vain) to simply identify and comprehend their personal trauma from narcissitic behaviors are the ones most enduringly affected. Those fortunate enough to recognize such situations for what they are can (with effort) trim sails, change course and navigate towards more attractive horizons ~ lessons learned; rough experiences left in the wake behind them.
So true 👍 ❤️
Great metaphor ⛵️
I recently allowed my daughter to contact my narcissistic sibling, whom I have not been in contact with for four years.
Big mistake. She told her inappropriate stories about my life when I was younger and now has my daughter doubting my veracity and worth as a human being.
No contact should be 100%. These people are addicted to lying and making trouble.
We are stronger on team healthy, one for all, all for one.
Thanks, Fred. You are right! Let's go, Team Healthy!
I've had all of these scenarios. I'm tired.
I understand your exhaustion. We get awakened by Dr. C., his sharing of knowledge, and the inner work we do. Stick with Team Healthy for some good, positive energy!
Raised by a narcissist... I think of the experience as having their guilt/shame etc injected into me. 😢
One thing I noticed is that I don't do things when people repeatedly ask me to do it. The more you try to control me the more I forget to do it. And it's not conscious, it just happens.
It’s subconscious, which is the controlling factor.
I’m in my early 50s and have finally gotten to my breaking point with my narcissist sibling. The more of your videos I watch the more I learn about how these decades of being treated badly have affected me. As much as I hate to admit it, I can clearly see now the damage the angry, confrontational texts, blame, guilt, insults, lies, humiliation, etc have done. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I’m walking away. I pray I can heal and finally become the person God created me to be. Thank you for these enlightening truths.
In my early 60s and just a week ago finally got ditched by my narc sister who has definitely attacked me for the last time...I'm actually relieved. I spent so many years trying to have a relationship with her. I can't regret trying, but enough is enough. I'm done.
Best wishes to you with your sib...
@@allieeverett9017 Thank you. We shouldn’t have to prove we’re worthy of love or basic decency and respect from our siblings. I’m learning that whatever we do, it won’t turn them into a kind person or the sibling we wish we had. I stand strong alongside you, moving on and creating the peaceful lives we deserve. ❤️
I'm the father of a 30 year-old narcissistic son. We've been raising our now 7 year-old grandson since he was 10 months old because our son has had 5 felony arrests in the past 12 years. In and out of jail and rehab, constantly lies straight to your face, deep underlying anger and cocky as hell. Talk about long-term life patterns.
It’s very unusual for a child to have anti social personality disorder if they had healthy upbringing and no psychological abuse from caretakers
I should clarify some details then. I am technically the young man's stepfather. Raised him from 5 1/2 years old. Biological father was very controlling and demanding. My Empathic wife saw the signs and exited the marriage. Too late to undue the damage done in those formative years along with the genetic predisposition.
@@De-CentralizedThat’s too bad. Stress in young age can cause havoc as in a heightened flight and flight response for life if not broken. It’s hard to break as it feeds and enforces itself over and over. Is he susceptible to any psychological help? Or any help at all - recognising that what he isn’t doing good? Micro dosing, or homeopathy could be a way out, getting in touch with those subconscious emotions like his fears and scars. As they say, trauma is stored in the body and can’t always be handled with just words.
Oh my! I pray for your grandsons development, your sons rehabilitation, and your peace. You are in a good place with Team Healthy. God Bless.
@@hautecouture2228unless it is some sort of psychopathy which can just appear. No need to always blame the parents.
Just listening to this and it's validated all the struggles I've been through before I understood these things. I'm on the healing path now. Thanks.
If this video were to be sent to my narcissistic ex they'd immediately scan it for anything that could be used against me.
Gus is enthralled by all of this. 😂
1206 - "You were meant to be loved, you were meant to be respected, you were meant to be encouraged" had to relearn these after 25 years of being indoctrinated on how i should act, behave and do better.
narcissists rob you of who you are - and expect you to give even more.
Take your life back. It's never too late.
thanks, Dr. C.
As ever, Dr. C., these 8 points on the lingering aftermath of narcissistic relationships are on the mark. That is where I am at; as an empath, I gave much of myself away in the interpersonal realm, yet became a successful professional. The notion of ‘lingering aftermath’ hit home. My emotionally-immature parents have been long gone. My narcissistic older brother and younger sister have intolerable self-centered personalities as your guest Lindsay Gibson described as well. Those hurts and ‘feelings’ of dismissiveness, ridicule, and humiliation that I accumulated since very early childhood and perpetuated by the siblings if I did not ‘manage’ our infrequent interactions (need to walk on eggshells, be ever vigilant), spill over to my social circles. Although my interactions with my siblings have been ‘contained’ and are very superficial, I do need to address these eight points. Thank you for your clear articulation of my experience that better enables me to operationalize steps and processes for move forward… Professor-Elizabeth
Had two parents and talking with my daughter today how their narcissism messed me up . Their gaslighting , tearing apart people then kissing there ass , I was always full of anxiety and panic , always getting called crazy or that never happened
🎯yep
Right, they would tear people apart but then have the "how dare you be so judgemental" if I said any of the same things, even about the same people! So confusing to see those people in public and avoid them due to what I was told and then watch my parents converse like nothing is wrong.
@@Jess-kn8vl Yes, in the narc's mind they are allowed to say and do whatever they please. But if you call them out on their bad behavior, they accuse YOU of being judgemental and attacking THEM!
@christinelamb1167 Yes, its crazy making!
I hope to accomplish what you have. I want to explain things to my son one day. Its complicated because we all live together. My parents consistently shamed and embarrassed me in front of him. Basically they were trying to “build a team” by “adding” him. He does not tolerate any nonsense so now the family unit doesn’t know how to be.
Yes, a lovely parting gift package from my Narc ex husband: Now I have deep trust issues--including trusting myself to make decisions on who should be in my life. I socially isolate to very slowly heal from all the damage he inflicted and ensure that no further damage happens. Its a lonely life currently, but at least I am safe
That's probably the worst part, a loss of the ability to trust people you don't already know to be kind and decent folks. I've developed a hardness and anger that pains me but is necessary for my protection.
There are good people out there, give them a chance.
Me too, I am safest and happiest with the company of one, ME❤. Thanks for sharing.
Yep I don’t know if I can ever trust again. The things he has done and said to me are so humiliating, and so venomously mean. It’s like his existence is built on venom and hatred and the person I trusted with everything pretty much just ignored me and inwardly hates me. Only because I held him accountable.
A big impact on my life: the need to set strong boundaries with my narcissistic in-laws. They are no longer allowed to contact me to criticize or express unnecessary distrust toward me -- so painful. I needed to go no contact with all of them, and now our home is a more peaceful place :)
And I'm very fortunate that my husband is willing to limit contact with his family for the sake of our marriage; and for my mental health -- his too. Their need for control over his life since birth has exacted a real toll on him as well.
You go! Hang onto that husband. I had exes who were all bound in with their narc parents and honestly also narcs themselves. I went no contact with my own narc family ( both parents, both siblings) but my husband of 20 years is a gem and I loved my mother-in-law completely. She was a total sweet lady and so are my 4 sister-in laws. Can’t believe I wasted so much time on my own family. It’s the guilt
@@marian9410 Interesting .... everyone's situation is different where my family are super nice & encouraging. I guess no matter where the toxic behavior comes from -- whether it's your own family, or someone else's family -- it's necessary to have healthy boundaries to preserve our mental health by keeping the toxic people AWAY. Take care :)
Yikes! I have been under the influence of a couple of narcissists for most of my life. I am just waking up to devastating consequences of what I have been exposed to.
I'm glad to be on the path with you. There is hope!!
Once I figured out the primary narcissists in my life, it changed my lifestyle for better. I’m now a lot more independent and quick to spot all the other narcissists I encounter. The US has an “epidemic” of narcissism so we have to be on guard. Thanks Doc!
I've had ALL the above. Father, Sister, Friends-- ugh! Hubby says, "You're such an idiot"... I now just laugh it off because they don't like being laughed at.
The proverb "Out of sight, out of mind" is not significant when you have dealt with a Narcissist over a long period of time. The impact on you can linger for a long, long time, even though they are out of sight, they might still be in your mind because their goal is always to rob you of your uniqueness, your identity.
Most common lingering after effects:
1. Ongoing trust issues
(The keeper of the lie wanted you
to trust, which is a contradiction
in itself.)
2. Ongoing super defensiveness
(The Narc was the one who knew exactly to push your buttons so that you got triggered very quickly.)
3. Lingering guilt & shame
(The core shame based Narc needed all the time a scapegoat to blame and shame.)
4. Easy embarrasement by humiliation
(The Narc constantly put you down so that he could stay at the upper position.)
5. Patterns of self sabotage
(Resignation and frustration can lead you into irresponsibility, addiction and anger issues like you learnt from the unhealthy Narc, who had the same patterns.)
6. Cynisism in general
(as a result of having stayed chronical frustrated)
7. Emotional numbness
(The lifeless Narc could never care about your feelings at all which can lead you into depression, chronical fatigue because you have become a shell of yourself.)
8. Becoming increasingly controlling
(Your trust issues do not allow you to be vulnerable.)
Be aware:
> You were trained by an expert manipulator
> They needed your uncertainty, dysregulation and deference
> They controlled you and wanted you to think that you are not free
> They could have an erosive effect on you
> You did not see the warning signs
What is needed to heal these patterns?
》》Go to your basics 🎯
》》Start with yourself 🤳
》》Become the best version of yourself 🥰
》》Be patient with yourself 😊
》》Give yourself permission to be
distinct 💛
》》You are allowed to be free 👏
》》Learn to trust your intuition 😇
》》Be steady in all of this 💯
》》Keep finding your inner place
of Peace 🕊🕊🕊
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
You did it again, Roxy! Thanks.
Roxy, awesome work! Thank you for sharing.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, did it again and thanks to you, Dr Carter!
@@nancytwigg4631 Thank you, Nancy! You are very welcome.
I am just so drained and exhausted...how do we get our life force energy back after years of this???
It IS a process, not an event. I've found by helping others who are worse off than you, gives you energy for their sake, not just your own. But yours returns as well, as long as it isn't your main focus.
SLEEP and do absolutely NOTHING for as long as you can. I know that not everyone has the luxury of going to bed and pulling the blankets over their head for days, sometimes weeks, even months. I truly believe this is the only way to begin the healing process. Your psyche is in shock and completely traumatized. It has been for years, sometimes decades. So don't expect to snap back and instantly regain your energy. Baby yourself. Literally, baby yourself as you should have been babied but never were. Go to your safe place and stay there 🎉
@@dgvfsa66 And how are you financially supporting yourself while doing this?
Independence from the famdamnly Narcopathetic structure is where to start
@@aaronkwolfeafter being turned into a slave by my narcissistic family who financially abused me for years, the last thing I want to do is help someone. I am done with helping and caretaking
"watch for warning flags" / "trust your intuitions"
This is going to be of paramount importance when I get back to work. In my job as a home health aide, one of the things I always try to focus on is, as a former supervisor once put it, "improving the quality of life". Simply, it makes me feel good to make OTHER PEOPLE feel good. But this DOESN'T WORK with a narcissist! They may say they need help, but deep down, THEY DON'T REALLY WANT IT, and are constantly doing all they can to sabotage any situation.
I'm a caregiver to a narc who is married to a narc and my hope is to help but they make it so hard after almost a year they're wearing me down 😑
At 12:05 where you say, "You were meant to be loved," that is a very meaningful moment for me. Your voice breaking a little on "loved" seems to mirror something in my heart where I may be crying inside silently. Thank you for your integrity and your devotion to who people really are and what we need. I've been thinking this week about my need for true love in life partnership. I want to believe it can happen, and soon. 🙏❤️
Dated 3 Sociopaths, physical abuse, projection, theft, manipulation, false allegations, and married 1. Hard to trust anyone after that.
For me, it's made me apprehensive about people. I fault myself too in having gotten into some very bad situations. I'm thankful for Dr. C's vids because if I'd never looked at the first one turning up in my recommendations I might still be in the dark about narcissism.
Read John Bunyan's The Pilgrims Progress - you'll see that sometimes, life takes strange turns that enable you to both learn and get on the right track. Despair is for people who are not prepared to put effort into having the fulfilling life they most certainly can have.
Another great video - thank you! My mom tried (and still tries) so hard to control me - even though I’m now in my 50s. At times I pretend to think it’s from love and concern, but I know it’s simply her need and desire to control anyone and everything. When I hear her voice of judgment in my head, I try to counter it with the voice of my grandmother (on my Dad´s side) who showed interest in my life and my decisions, and whose voice I can hear saying ¨I’m so proud of you honey ¨ - a phrase I rarely remember my Mom uttering.
I love this! Countering the negative with a positive. I knew an elderly gentleman who would answer after you asked how he was: “Better now that I’ve seen you!” I heard his voice in my head when I was overwhelmed the other day say “You can do it, darling!” It is so important to cling to the positive. And so great you had someone in your life who showed an interest in you as an individual.
This is something that I still struggling with.
I almost busted out crying on the "Back to Basics" part!! That is BEYOND true.. this man is ON IT!!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽♥♥♥
Kill with kindness not always.... Careful
This video was very helpful. I spent 14 miserable years with a narcissist who was emotionally and mentally abusive beyond anything I had ever experienced. After I left I was a mess, and I've spent the last six years unraveling the tangled up mess inside me. I had to look at my part, or my reactions to my ex's behaviors and some of what I discovered about myself is not pretty. I began asking myself why I'd always had trust issues, why I didn't have boundaries, why my self-esteem was so low, why I always said yes and never no, and on and on. It was by going down the rabbit hole that I finally figured out my own mom is a vulnerable narcissist. I had some resentments to deal with; I don't want to be an angry person. Now, I'm working on becoming who I was always meant to be. My whole life has been turmoil and chaos until the past six years. I'm getting better, and your videos are helping me immensely. I'm 65 years old and happy to know there is hope for me.
I'm struggling with negative emotions. I can't find any positive emotions anywhere. I know that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel but Im stuck in this stinkin tunnel.
Do you have a hobby you like to do? Find one that you think you would enjoy if you haven't already.
I was brought up by a narc mom and IDK about my dad. Very emotionally cold family on my dad's side & he died early in my life.
My two older siblings are narc's to one degree or another.
At 16yo, I found a love of making jewelry. Now, at 67, alone and that's by choice, I am satisfied and happy with the life I created. I owe no one anything. You learn about yourself when you delve into activities you enjoy and when you get really good at them, the positivity you may receive from others can promote positive feelings and words that replace all that old tired narc badmouthing that we survivors are often haunted by.
Exercise like simply walking can boost endorphins that make you feel better, and help dissipate any negativity or depression.
Maybe this info helps you.
Hang in there! Stay with Team Healthy.....
The grinding down of my mental and later physical health by the narcissist happens so slowly and imperceptible that I could not detect it because I lacked knowledge of psychology. Now I know how narcissism works and that the great majority of people are not narcissists. Good, that public awareness about this damaging disorder is rising !
Totally true about being defensive. Mother and brother both extreme narcissists. I am so scared of being controlled that I never married - and won't even enter into a relationship for my own "protection." 😢
Make sure you watch the video, Rethinking A Narcissist's Shame Messages. It's become a favorite of mind. I'm pleased to be on the path with you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism
Thank you. I'll look it up. 🙏
Raised by narcissist father and coda mother. I turned out to be coda, which I discovered in my late 50's. Divorced the narcissist I met at 15 and married at 21. Slow forward 38 years later I left all the narcissists in my life. Codependents attract narcissists like a magnet, which is how I know I haven't fully healed. I'm a lot better and can spot them, but because of my damaged ego, I'm still a magnet at times. Not giving up. Thank you Dr for having these videos and forum.
You need to focus more on the differences between family narcissists and non-blood acquaintance narcissists. They are very different. I’ve been conditioned since I was a child by my family narcissist. I dismiss all other narcissists outside my family and definitely call them out. It’s the family that has completely screwed me up.
Same. I could see there is something very wrong with the narcissist men I was dating so I never considered to marry any of them. But I was completely fooled by my narcissist mother who was controlling me , manipulating me and abusing me financially. I viewed her as a saint until she died and I woke up from her spell
I was beginning to think I would not be able to forgive myself for who I have become. This video really helps. It was so doggone hard living with narcs.
~❤~...
as always, thank you Dr. Carter
..."they will make you doubt you", so true Dr. Carter! Also, with support from their powerful enablers, and that leaves the person at the receiving end helplessly victimized, especially, when the person at the receiving end is lacking experience of these antagonistic and dominating types...the person at the receiving end has to lose in order for the narcissist person to win...win-lose/lose-win situation...sad indeed😥thanks for the insightful advice, as always🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
I went through what I call emotional exhaustion.. I wrote a few years ago that when my son graduates this year I WILL LEAVE... My father died at 69 in 2020. I realized life was way too short and I can't go on like this. I been listening to Dr C for 4yrs and came up with a plan.. It was to treat my husband the way he treats me with my own moral way.. I couldn't go as evil as my husband but, I stopped the praising, I ignored his drama and I knew it had to be HIS idea to get divorced. Every time I have tried he guilted me and loved bombed for a year to 2yrs.. Well, I put my plan to get him to leave me in to action 2yrs ago and on July 1 this year he decided he wants to separate and divorce when our son graduates.. I don't want him controlling the Divorce but, I am having a hard time finding a lawyer.
BOTTOM LINE... I the "dumb" wife devised a plan and stuck to it.. Now I will be free soon. Thank you Dr. C for helping me understand how these ppl think.
There are good people out there. I want to be one also. She’s gone now. If I act out, she’s won. I spent many years trying to please her. It’s good to learn about what motivated her and what motivates me. Why? Because she liked hurting us and because she could get away with it.
I was thinking about this. I know without narcissists I would have made a lot of different life decisions and gotten further ahead much faster. Bullying costs millions of dollars a year in lost productivity. I lost years of my life and so many opportunities for education, investment and self improvement.
I much needed this message. Thank you, Dr. Carter.
i had similar experience with my husband even with all the signs i confronted him but he lied about the affair, someone actually talked to me about @encrypt_xyber who could link his phone remotely direct to mine without him knowing and without touching his phone before I was able to get evidence from his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone. I’ll recommend @encrypt_xyber you need such help
Glad it was helpful!
long-term impact on y/our life patterns
3:06 ¹ongoing trust issues
3:45 ²defensive despite no good reason to be
4:32 ³lingering guilt & shame
5:42 ⁴easily embarrassed or humiliated
6:37 ⁵patterns of self sabotage
7:21 ⁶cynicism in general
7:55 ⁷emotional numbness
8:35 ⁸can become increasingly overbearing, too stubborn or rigid
11:57 great point
thanQ dr.c
Thank you for the timestamps ⏲
Thank you for this video and for your dog in the background. I agree with these 8 Long Term impacts. Mostly I lacked self-confidence and could not even speak for myself as a kid. Literally, I could not speak to anyone and was ashamed of it. To find your voice in mid-adulthood is liberating. The key is awareness of what these people are. Once you are aware, learn to trust your instincts and heed the early warning signs. It seems narcissists are everywhere.
Raised by a narcissist father, who, to be honest, was always there for me, whom I loved so much.
As soon as he passed away suddenly, I fell for a narcissist man, who reminded me of my father a lot.
They were so alike!
Of course, my heart is broken
Of course my therapist diagnosed me with narcissistic abuse.
Dr Les Carter, thank you for educating and supporting us.
If I feel triggered, I try to act as if the person doesn’t mean to be offensive. Just ask politely for more information. If I manage this, I can avoid alienating someone unnecessarily. Thank you, sir!
Thank you this is a really great tip cuz I keep it all in, get all confused about the relationship, wondering if I should stay or dump him, then end up abruptly bailing and being heartbroken
I always knew I was sinking into bad codependency. An erosive effect on my personality. It's just insane.
You notice when it's happening and still you can't stop yourself from "dancing that dance". It is so very weird, isn't it?
Just reporting this supernatural experience today. Just an hour ago, I was actually giving myself a stern talk ! EVERYTHING you said here Dr. C, was said to myself in same and different ways. Turned on my computer and YT channel and now listening to this presentation. There are no coincidences! God is always consoling me as I call on him hourly. You are delivering this message confirming my supernatural self talk earlier. Thank You Father and Dr. C for being that Angel that God uses to our absolute astonishment. Just Awestruck!
I'm honored.
Yes YES! All this! Thank you Dr C. So Helpful!
You are so welcome!
Dr. C., Many thanks for an excellent video. It is v helpful. Please expand on the erosive nature of these impacts at the micro level for example emotional numbness on immediate relationships with offspring/siblings, over reactive responses to differing opposing opinions, loss of concentration whilst undertaking academic work, inability to make decisions, disconnection and loneliness due to lack of family/friends understanding/minimising the erosive enduring nature of the abuse, crippling procrastination, feeling of being stigmatized, difficulty with intimacy,
difficulty with self regulation, lack of joy/peace, social anxiety, poor self care/eating patterns loss of the sense of self, exhaustion , health issues and many others. Also, the negative impacts you mentioned such as anger, using others, refusing to be cooperative, along with being indifferent and critical of others treating them as disposable similar to the damaging abuse endured. The abuser is still in your head and you were brainwashed. Knowledge is power and understanding the impacts and recognizing the fall out clears the confusion. It leads the way to finding yourself and hopefully stemming intergenerational abuse to some extent.
Very good list of adaptive behaviour. People who are aware of it have great self awareness.
Yes and yes.....no desire to open up with anyone, can't see intimacy ever again....
My patience with the narc is zero now. I can't deal with him anymore. I argued and fought down to his level. Now I'm sure he thinks I'm just like him.
I'm defensive quicker. I've prepared arguments in my head for days because I know they are going to happen. I replay arguments in my head for days.
Because of gaslighting I question if it was really that bad at times. I wonder if I really am the problem sometimes, even though the evidence for it being him is ridiculous. I find myself not caring about being nice to him anymore and saying mean things to him. He's basically conditioned me to be like that after years of everything being about him and him belittling everything I mentioned. Hard to treat him like a good person. Basically he brings out the worst in me and then uses it as proof that hes not the problem. Thanks for the friendship man!
Salute to you sir for your hard work 😊
Thank you so much
Dr. Carter, again! You hit it out of the park. I found myself nodding my head all through this. I feel validated, now, too.
Thank you.
You're very welcome!
Dr. CARTER has been a blessing in my life so much what he states is so true and helped along my path of healing after being married almost 30 yrs to a Narcissistic..thank you as always Dr. Carter and Gus hoping you heal the young so they step out before they go through wasted years.
This video is SO valuable! They are all great but this one is HUGE!
We all need to watch this one often and regularly to keep what they did to us top of mind.
And accept that decades of having this inflicted won't just go away because we eventually realise it even happened.
We need to consciously reject that influence DAILY even years after the narcissist has been physically removed.
Thanks Dr Les! 🤝🏻
I knew for some time that my wife had very strong narcissistic tendencies hidden behind saying she was strong willed and independent, but it wasn't until later that I saw just how bad it could get with her complete marginalization of my opinions and my ability to question anything in HER home. I tried to get her to compromise on things, but she saw any compromise as control over her or trying to change who she was. I tried to get her to get help or go to marriage therapy, but she would claim that she didn't need help and therapy wouldn't change anything. Ultimately it broke my heart to do so, I filed for divorce. I continued to try to get her to communicate, but her response was only to file a pfa against me with a one year no contact clause so she wouldn't have to face the pain she caused.
OR just make an appointment with Gus-Gus. All you have to do is show up when he's on his Couch Potato Spot, sit down next to him and absorb his Peace-Giving Vibes! Woof! 🐶💓
Agreed!
❤🔥🐶@@SurvivingNarcissism
Thank you, Dr C for sharing all of your knowledge & experience❣️ I agree with so many of the comments above. Even tho all the narcs in my family are now dead I still catch myself hearing their comments & reacting in my old styles of coping. After an adulthood of being isolated by my "independence" from people, I'm trying to learn ways of using my God given gifts to truly connect in healthy ways with others. This is very scary, but prayer helps.
Thank you, SO much, Dr. C! This was extremely encouraging. 💖
Right where I'm at. Thank you.
The "gift" (sarcasm) that keeps on giving from being raised by two narcissistic parents, who are now deceased (by natural causes lol).
Love you Dr C. You have changed my life. You’re very classy. So is Gus.
Thanks so much. Glad to be on the path with you.
Thanks Dr Carter ❤
My pleasure!
Thankyou for your insights; I have just realised that my sibling had started subjecting me to her narcissistic abuse by the time I was just five. (She herself was seven years old.) She did such a number on me that she only had to look sharply at me, without so much as a word, for me to blush bright red and cringe. I learned to hover in doorways because I knew that if I sat down, say, to watch TV, she would be able to trap me and then the jeering and humiliation would start.I have had too many awful experiences with her, to relate here; but suffice to say, I walked on egg shells around her for most of my life, and her behaviour left me fearful, easily embarrassed, and completely lacking in self esteem. But I went no-contact with her around two years ago, and life is so much better now.
Thank you ! I notice the absence of presence, reciprocation, mindfulness, and empathy! I don't go out of my way to engage in that void with the false self !
Dr. Carter, your videos are so helpful. After a few years away from my convert narcissist I am still working through looking over my shoulder for permission. The control of what to do and when to do things linger and am still learning to know it is okay to take care of my check list first. After living for years with gaslighting and humiliation, it is sometimes difficult in normal social situations with how to fit in with a conversation, afraid I might say the wrong thing, or say something awkward. The language the narcissist used in private on me is much different than I have ever encountered in my life. Narcissist steals confidence and sense of self and in turn the victim has awkward, difficult time fitting in with "normal", nicer people. The dust is still settling for me.
Make sure you watch the video, Rethinking A Narcissist's Shame Messages. It's a favorite of mine. I'm pulling for you!!
Ive been listening to your videos for months. They are so helpful to me. Thank you so much for being here for us all.
As I listened to this video today, I realized that they are working on turning us into narcissists. Treating us the same way that they were treated to make them the way they are.
Im working very hard to not be like him.
Am I way off base on this? Or is this a thing they do?
Thank you again!
Omg yes. They dont know any better, they dont have awareness.
Hi Diane. You're on target. I have a video, Is Narcissism Contagious? It will explain this for you. Bottom line, as you are over-exposed to narcissists, you can begin to mimic them...something you can't afford to happen!
I just sent a "friend" this video. He's a neighbor and I can't tell YET if he's the narc or if his "discarding" behavior and indirect accusations are a result of his 10 plus years with an ex narc is what I'm experiencing from him. He seemed pretty cool at first "helping" and giving me things 1st RED FLAG. But as soon as I noticed some very passive aggressive behavior I said to him that there is a need to be healed after a relationship with a narc! The very next day he said that his meds were missing from his house and he knows for sure where he put them... Indirectly accusing me of taking them. This video was the first communication with him since. Being Narc free I just don't have time for the unhealed nor the narc. I realized from his behavior that he could possibly be living out the aftermath of a long term relationship with a narc and no therapy. Or he himself is a narc. Either way... Sending this video will give me more insight into what I'm dealing with and there will be no contact UNLESS there is a sincere apology about his behavior.
Oh, my! I have every, single one of those.
Time for a reset!
Does anybody really think “once a narcissist, always a narcissist” ? Can’t they never fix themselves ?
Adjustments can happen, just not very commonly.
Mine is a "lingering sense of anger." It's almost like this evil foreboding that's constantly hanging over me and I can't get around it. I can't get through it, and there's nothing I can do but feel like I'm being consumed by it. I try to talk to other people but everything they say just makes me want to respond in anger. This is not who I am and it is certainly not the way I want to be. But, where do you go to try and find some kind of peace? I hate the things my sister did to me and I don't want her life of misery (and shame) to fall down like a legacy upon me. I try to feel empathy sometimes for her condition, then I remember that the sister I once had, I lost a long time ago!
Mr. Les Carter is what is the positivity I think of about Texas. Your insights are direct.
Thanks, I'm honored.
I am sure my covert husband who has been abusing me emotionally for 2 decades, has led to me getting severely sick with Long Covid. In the years before catchting covid I saw a decline in my immunity, sanity and ability tonlose weight. Even in sickness he is totally deprived from empathy. I missed the chance to leave when I had it and now I have it double difficult. Fighting illness and healing from his impact. I have finally limited contact to almost nothing and I am determined not to allow hil to brake me.
Hey doctor see I've been listening to you for the last 3 months you really helped me to understand what's been going on in my marriage last 7 years. And also what's been going on with me might have allowed it to happen after being put in jail three times for this manipulative narcissist! Filing for divorce now
I don't know who to trust anymore. There is still so much pain in finding out after 2 years that he had been seeing other women for the whole time but I believed him when he said, I've never cheated on anyone. " Praying that God will help me heal.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I exist. It's like my whole life was written on a chalkboard and someone erased it.
I signed up for therapy the other day. Not necessarily to heal from what happened to me but to learn why I felt I deserved this. To finally work on the person who I ignored.