We Need to talk about Sarapocial Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 2 ноя 2023
- Brittany's whole interview is worth listening to here: • An Unfiltered Conversa...
One thing I think about a lot is that the people who are often best at maintaining a sarapocial relationship are not people I...like. Like Trump is great at it, Elon Musk is a great at it. It's definitely not a skill that only comes when you're a good person, so that's something I try and think a lot about...just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I'm good.
Also, one of the difficult exercises of all of this is that I understand that the core is different on different platforms, and that the way people feel when consuming different kinds of media matters a huge amount. So that's just a lot to try and keep in your head all at once.
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I love you Hank Green my hero!!!
Oh hey girl.
BROSKI NATION IS HERE
I just love it when two of my favorite parasocial relationships interact with each other. I’ve been subscribed to Hank and John for well over ten years diving deep into Nerdfighteria.
Then in the past couple years I became enamored by Brittany’s channels and personality and have totally developed a parasocial relationship with her as a member of the Broski Nation. We don’t know each other at all, but in my head, we’re besties lol.
Seeing creators work together to share experiences, inspire curiosity, spread laughter, and help uplift others is truly magical. 🙏
HAVE HANK ON ROYAL COURT PLEASE!!!
BROSKI NATION HAS A VICE PRESIDENT AND HANK IS HE
i love sara pocial, but she’s never been good at understanding boundaries
@@griffhawkins8909 It's not. Maybe watch the video before commenting next time?
That was a good one😂
I’m glad so many people engage in parasocial relationships without violating boundaries. There are a handful of exceptions for a huge group of people.
Sara doesn't know who you are. Especially when there's no Sara in the relationship.
HEH
The best example of how wild parasocial relationships are is the amount of joy and relief I feel watching the hair, of a man I have never met, grow back gloriously.
That's just human compassion. You know he had cancer, and you know what seeing him improve means for him. It feels like a nautral human feeling
@@clockworkcat8576on one hand yes, we would all feel happy when we see any human recover. But it is very different when that someone is your friend, family members or a youtuber you've had a parasocial relationship with for the last decade.
@@clockworkcat8576exactly this. I feel like people are so disconnected that we’re now semi-pathologising basic human interactions and feelings
@@clockworkcat8576 I wouldn't feel the same way if I stumbled across a video where someone explained this, and simply showed a timelapse of their hair growing back. One important element is a feeling of knowing Hank, even though we've never met, and he probably doesn't know I exist.
I was feeling the same thing!
I recently had to explain to a younger person that parasocial relationships are only bad when they become maladaptive and delusional, and I found that so sad. It's not a bad thing to care about our fellow humans, even if we don't know them in real life 💙
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i had to explain to an adult the other day! high fives person i don't know
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I can't express enough how much I agree with this. It's hard though in an online setting when there's so much risk. But as someone who can't stay guarded for long and seeks meaningful platonic connections, it's difficult to not constantly be seen as parasocial which just has such a negative connotation. And I'll clarify that like everything there always has to be consent and respect of boundaries. Just idk it feels like sometimes we are all so afraid of making connections with others
I'll, respectfully, disagree here. Caring about fellow humans does not require a relationship. That is just having compassion.
A relationship is when mental bonds are formed for another person. It's a degree of percieved familiarity.
This is not needed to be decent, compassionate, and/or actively helpful for our fellow humans.
Learning about parasocial relationships from my oldest parasocial relationship was not on this week's bingo card, but it probably should have been
Same
perfectly said.
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For reals!
Thank you for finally acknowledging our relationship Hank... I appreciate you making this video just for me. 😂
I think it's for Sara
@@BilboBaggyPantz Yup. I agree, he was referring to me specifically 😆/jk
is your last name Pocial?
All of us when the RUclipsr hearts our comment: Oh boy, a good grade in parasocial relationships, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve!
Also me.
This phenomenon really hit me at a Hank Green and the Perfect Strangers concert in Austin. I went to buy a T-shirt, only to realize the person selling it was Katherine! Shocked and delighted, I blurted out, “Oh, it’s you!” … and then immediately realized she had no idea who I am. Thanks for being so kind to all your parasocials 😊
I really appreciate when Hank and John set up boundaries with what they're willing to share. This is difficult to explain, but I feel like when creators don't do that, I have to do a lot of emotional hard work of setting up boundaries around what I will and won't get emotionally invested in.
I remember a few years ago John's foot got injured and he said "you don't need to know what happened, it's not important," and that hurt my feelings?? When that happened I realized I cared too much about this perfect stranger's life and that I needed to be more careful. I might never have realized that if John hadn't set up a boundary there.
This is so interesting! Yes, absolutely.
Never consciously thought about it, but yeah, it feels much safer to enjoy a parasocial relationship when you know they enforce their boundaries. Just like any other kind of relationship, I suppose; it's nice to feel you know where the limits are, and won't get sucked into something (like someone's possibly mind-breaking nitty-gritty personal life drama details) you didn't expect or sign up for. That sounds selfish, but honestly, it's just both sides of the parasoc-rel knowing their needs and no-go's and doing some self-care.
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Boundaries are very important. The act of being a part of a society is primarily to communicate your boundaries to those around you, which isn't functionally different from raising a kid. In a healthy society we're alll raising each other.
I’ve been watching you since 2010 when I was 18. Now I’m 31, married with a child. I know you two have no idea who I am, but you’ve shaped my morals, my personality and my likes. I’m grateful for that because even if I can’t see it in myself my son is kind, empathetic and thoughtful and it must have come from somewhere.
I love this community maybe some people would call it parasocial but it’s not about Hank and John it’s about the community. It’s valuable to its members, it’s valuable to people we help and it’s valuable to people we interact with even if they’ve never heard of vlogbrothers.
But what I want you to know is that if you never posted again that would be ok because you’ve already made the community and we’d be ok. Look after you, we can look after us.
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What a loser 😂
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And this comments makes me think that perhaps the parasocial and the sarapocial relationships are more similar than in Hank's video or sometimes overlapping.
I'm a trans man (apparently part of the surprisingly large demographic of trans fans lol) who transitioned ten years ago and have been following vlogbrothers for longer than that. When I was on the precipice of transition I was mistaken for Hank twice:
-I attended a vlogbrothers event and some people looked at me from a distance and thought I was Hank
-I watched a livesteam and Hank was half on screen and my (anti-trans) mom thought it was me, lol
So thanks for providing opportunities of gender euphoria to the community, Hank. ("The community" is me.)
I LOVE this for you
Your pronouns are now vlogger/musician/CEO/educator/author/comedian/inventor of 2D glasses.
Okay this is hilarious bc I also got mistaken for Hank twice, just before transition, once by my dad who thought I was watching a video of myself and once by a stranger who asked if I was wearing a T-shirt of my own face when I wore my no edge tshirt - clearly being mistaken for Hank is a milestone in transition in itself 😂
so you're saying it's less FtM and more FtH (female to Hank)? 😂
(gotta say, Hank seems like a great transition goals role model)
Why haven't I ever heard the phrase gender ephoria before? It's awesome! I have a trans friend who had top surgery, and he was still recovering from it. One day he woke up and sleepily walked past a group of us on his way to the bathroom. A minute later we all heard him say in a surprised voice "I don't have boobs!". A moment later it was followed by an enthusiastic "Whoohoo"🎉. Gender euphoria indeed.❤😂
I think something to acknowledge is that us nerdfighters also have a sarapocial relationship with Nerdfightaria at large. There's an instant connection with someone who self identifies as a nerdfighter, but that also doesnt actually tell us significant details about that person's life. There's some sort of shared viewpoint or experience, but no hard truths.
We're also constantly assessing the group, and deciding if 'we fit' or not.
This is very well put!
This is basically the same as the stupid "When does the Narwhal bacon" thing from when Reddit was small and new.
I feel this is different then either parasocial or sarapcial because they object of focus is not on a particular person/thing, but is more of just a general vibe. I vote we create a new word, "parapocial," to represent this phenomenon.
Thank you for pointing this out, I feel very seen! (she says to the stranger who she’s never met and probably never will, addressing them like they’d know each other)
OOF, I mean you’re not wrong, but this made me Think Things
“I have for a long time, considered myself to be not mine” is a great way to articulate a feeling I’ve been thinking about while becoming a doctor. I think not being mine has lots of advantages, but it can be hard.
sauropodal relationship? instructions unclear, now friends with a dino
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I married a dinosaur, please help
I see no problem here.
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Lol I had the exact same thought. What's wrong with our brains? Why are we like this?
Edit: I asked the dinosaur. They said "it's fine, bring more food."
Holy shit Hank, how did you perfectly describe what it's like to be a morally invested clergy person?
The response I'm formulating in my head is exactly about this. I'm checking to see if the comment has already been written...
@@NikBYWrite it anyway! You might say the same things, but you'll use different words.
Done!
This analogy did occur to me while writing the video!!
wdym by clergy?
OMG! This is so validating! I'm currently writing my dissertation, and this is central to my work! This is known as Bakhtin's "Third party" and "super-addressee". It shapes how we think, how we decide, and supports the values that allow us to recognize ourselves as "accurate". It is the intertwining of the collective and the individual, and this is foundational to how we understand and navigate the world.
Good luck and take care!
What an excellent topic!
Ooh that's so cool! Good luck with the work!
Drop it, I'll read it
I have been in this parasocial relationship for more than 10 years 😅. Your videos have had such a deep impact in the person I am. I think they have helped me realize the importance of cultivating deep relationships with friends and family. It really wasn't obvious to me back when I was 17. Having someone articulate it and show healthy examples was so valuable for me. Thank you for showing the importance of empathy and compassion towards others and oneself.
Hey Hank. Freshman in college here. My engineering prof showed your sci show video about plastic grocery bags vs reusable cloth bags. I was nearly falling asleep repeatedly during the lecture today and hearing your voice in the video woke me up, so thank you for getting me through my engineering lecture this morning.
My first year psych teacher put links to relevant crash course videos on the online slides.
Does doodling help with the falling asleep bit? That got me through a lot of school. also hand writing notes and trying to write as fast as the professor talks helped me too. I have adhd, so I feel like stuff that helped me might help, but might not.
can you
link the plastic bag video? i missed it
@@jmsl_910 i think its this one ruclips.net/video/JvzvM9tf5s0/видео.html called 'The Greenest Grocery Bag'
@@steggopotamus generally not a huge issue for me, I just hadn't slept well the night before. I do generally handwrite notes though.
Sarapocial is a genius term for this! Good on you John for inventing it
Who’s John?
Yes!! Having a name for it definitely makes it easier to reflect on this. I truly think it's a new type of relationship, a product of multi directional communication that's possible online
@@MadaxeMunkeee John is a resin secreted by the female lac bug on trees in the forests of India and Thailand. Wait hold up, I think that's Hank.
@MadaxeMunkeee (In case you're serious) John is John Green, super-successful author & Hank Green's older brother: the other half of vlogbrothers.
it is! i could guess it's meaning just by reading it, which is a pretty great accomplishment, i think
I’ve been seeing a lot of appreciation for Brittney and the meaningful things she’s been saying lately, and I’m here for it.
To me the core is that Hank & John are genuine humans who try very hard to good in the world (while still having fun and staying positive), and so anyone who cares a lot, who wants to connect deeply with others, who is curious and reflective, and who wants to think about things deeply is drawn to the work they put out, so a community around shared social, philosophical, and intellectual values inevitably forms.
I agree there’s something about nerdfighteria that feels different than most of my para social relationships. Nerdfighteria to me feels like a community that is trying to do good in the world rather than just a fan base for Hank and John and Hank and John feel like part of that community instead of just someone the community idolizes
Most RUclipsrs I just watch, but I feel like part of NerdFighteria. The care that Hank and John put into the relationship, and the good they try to do with the community is really important.
Yes! I had no idea I needed the term sarapocial, but I absolutely did. This describes so much of my life for the past 25 years! I aspire to do these relationships as well as do Hank, John, and Nerdfighteria. :)
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I agree, I feel like I'm a fan of the community just as much as the guys...
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I have been a lurker for most of my life!
Grew up watching vlogbrothers, and I’m nearly in my 30s!
I remember seeing John at a convention from across the room. Made eye contact, and I gave a gratitude nod.
John nodded back, but it didn’t feel like a stranger’s nod. It had a palpable weight behind it. It’s so clear how much you two value nerdfiteria, and I hope you feel how much we appreciate what you do with your time and the platform you have.
I for one, and I’m sure I’m not alone, am grateful for the parasocial relationship, and the inspiration and value it’s brought to my life.
Oh my god I just wrote a comment saying something similar. I once made awkward fleeting eye contact with John at a book signing. I couldn't afford the book at the time so I didn't have anything for him to sign but it was nice to just share a look. It was the end of the night and he seemed very tired haha.
Sarapocial/parasocial relationships are just a fun part of the human experience that ties us all together and, if we are doing them right, reminds us that we do owe a little bit to one another and do not exist in a vacuum. I think the parasocial relationship has gotten a distinctly negative tinge since it entered the online discourse, but they have an important place in the human experience!
You two being *members* of the community and allowing us to play an active role in the community is part of the reason I love nerdfighteria so much. You’re figureheads yes, but you guys being members is why it feels so value driven and I’m very grateful for that!
Entirely due to Vlogbrothers, I now have a super accurate concept of what 4 minutes is. Without even looking at how long a video is, I can tell when a Vlogbrothers video ought to end.
I know the 4 minute rule has been suspended and I love that it has been, but the feeling is still there.
I used to have that with commercial breaks. No idea how long they were (several minutes) but I'd usually be within 10 seconds of the show resuming. Our brains definitely have their own way of keeping time
I didnt know they used to make 4 minute long videos. When did they stop?
@@spudsbuchlaw Very recently. With only a very few exceptions, every video on the Vlogbrothers channel has been 4 minutes or less since 2007.
@@etienneporras7252 2007??? Theyre that old??
Dang
No wonder they have such a loyal fanbase
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Thats like, more than 1 year old!
Man, I couldn't wish for a better core to be a part of. I really think I'm an entirely different and entirely better person having been part of Nerdfighteria for nearly half of my life, and I think you're right, Hank, that this is a unique core to a community. I've never once been a part of something else that felt even a fraction as special and important. And I think part of that comes from the faith and respect that you and John have towards the rest of Nerdfighteria--that we aren't just an audience who watches you, but a community who gathered around you because we share important values and are, parasocially and sarapocially and sometimes genuinely, in conversation with you.
I feel the reason Nerdfighteria turned out so well is mainly due to the thoughtful, intelligent and sensitive way you and John have always approached complex topics. In part I think that's why a lot of people have asked for your thoughts on the Israel-Palestine conflict; a perception (accurate, in my estimation) that you would approach the complex topic with reason, empathy and historical context.
It's also important to acknowledge that John and Hank aren't experts on global politics and if there were a simple solution to the conflict, it would have been solved. It's ok for them to not want to get involved on this.
I’ve been watching you all for half my life (from 16 to 32) and I try not to idolize people because it’s not healthy and sets everyone up for disappointment, however, it’s really difficult to imagine who I’d be without the influence of you both and this community. Unironic enthusiasm and aiming for awesomeness can go a long way in the day to day.
The part of this video where you talk about Nerdfighteria, you could be talking about my PhD topic! I'm midway through my PhD in Psychology concerning cohesion in online groups, and so much of what you said resonates with our current understanding of it and the challenges in measuring and maintaining it. Like, groups can be cohesive in different ways - they can be socially cohesive, where members tend to like each other, or task cohesive, where members are very capable at achieving goals and working together. One does not necessitate the other, and understanding which aspect is important to focus on depends on your aims for your group. There's also lots of interesting crossover with identity and identification, which *also* don't always relate to how cohesive a group is. My first paper is about to get published in Translational Issues in Psychological Science, it would be super cool if you read it, it's specifically about how a group's characteristics may relate to the group's cohesiveness, and in turn how this relates to group members engaging in action on behalf of the group. Your's parasocially, Harriet :)
Congratulations! What an interesting topic!
Thank you so much :) @@sleepingroses761
So, what I'm hearing is, you have the potential to make the word "sarapocial" appear in a published paper?
@@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721 potentially! I love fitting in stuff like that
This is great and so relevant!!
Hank, I'm literally writing a dissertation on pop musical intimacy right now, and while I've gotten plenty of support on it, I've also had some criticism from people who say that parasocial relationships (e.g. with our favorite musicians) can't be intimate because they can't be mutual. It's taken a lot of work to defend myself, so it's very validating to hear one of my oldest parasocials describe exactly this kind of strange, complicated, and yes, *mutual* relationship that can obtain between a public individual and their community. Thanks for making this!
This sounds so interesting!
something that occured to me - well, define "intimate". sure, my favourite celebrities have no idea who i am, but this... doesn't really matter? as in - they have been and continue to be an influence in my life. not the only one, but certainly important. isn't that valuable? isn't that intimate, in that this is important and personal to me, for me, even if it isn't for them? it's not like i expect them to care about me in return.
even if you only look at the relationship from the parasocial side, it can be, or feel like, an intimate relationship depending on how deeply the subject feels they relate to the object. We have different degrees of connection to all kinds of things. We also tend to base our feeling of connection to a mistakenly perceived reality of even people we are socially involved with. /shrug
That's so interesting!! Good luck with your dissertation! If you haven't already I'd recommend listening to the podcast "Material Girls" - their latest episode analysed Taylor Swift and her fans through theory of intimate publics which sounds relevant :)
@@KayleeDavisBlueBox Yes, this is very critical to my work as well. I basically defend myself from this criticism on two fronts: 1. Parasocial relationships *are* actually mutual (sarapocial), but also, 2. Mutuality is not a necessary condition for intimacy, so even if they weren’t, it wouldn’t matter (for reasons that track very much along your line of thinking). I try to cover all my bases haha.
It can be fantastic and horrendous at the same time but always remember no matter how much content you’ve consumed, if you were to bump into them in a supermarket, they and you are a stranger. Keep one foot in the reality of it all. Know your place and have fun. Being a fan is so much fun!
See, now this is a take I can get behind.
I've always wondered what it would be like to be on the sarapocial side of the relationship. Nerdfighteria was one of the first parasocial relationships I had apart from characters in books. But it went so far beyond that because I became a part of a community, some of whom became my good friends. I'm so thankful for them and for the influence they, Hank, and John had on my worldview at such a young impressionable age. It opened my eyes to the world at large, how people in other cultures and communities lived, why it's important to both hold to your own values and understand those of others, how to stay curious, and how to care.
I think it’s safe to say that your core audience also engages in compassionately philosophical self-reflection, which is another one of the myriad reasons we love you ❤️😸
As a nonbinary person who initially got on the Vlogbrothers bandwagon because I had a parasocial relationship with the Harry Potter bandwagon, and the facets of myself that I often associated with Harry Potter changing over time particularly because of the transphobia of Joanne, it is not surprising to me that this community is full of trans and nonbinary people because it is comforting and respectful, and while fandom may be the initial reason many of us may have joined, it was not why we stayed.
oh, if that ain't a whole mood. so many things in my life turned unsafe, hp fandom being one of them, so i appreciate the unconditional acceptance of nerdfigheria even more.
I remember saying to a friend that I wondered how trans kids were treated at Hogwarts. I posited that maybe McGonnagol takes some kids aside and is like "hey do you need any of this fixed?" And then Rowling came along and went "NOPE"
This is really beautifully worded
This is really beautifully worded
Well said.
I truly appreciate the kind community you’ve built 💙🏳️⚧️💙
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I’m a Quaker, and we are anarchists and anti-hierarchical, which can make collective decision making really interesting. We don’t vote or go by any rules other than the idea that we proceed together, or not at all. It has been an interesting practice to see how much power and responsibility each relationship hands over, on either side of a parasocial or sarapocial relationships. I loved what you said about giving of yourself to others; it’s draining, but oh man a life shared is always worth it.
I didn't know that Quakers were anarchists, that's super awesome!
Hello Hank Green, my best friend who for some reason calls me John and makes videos where he talks to me and me only and has been making these videos for over a decade and who has definitely met me and had conversations with me.
Love how Brittany Broski is at the core of you both coming up with this name for the reverse parasocial thing lol. All of you have the same comfort vibes while watching imo
I'm glad I've kept my parasocial relationships fictional lol. I mean, it's to a pretty severe degree when that fictional character is my current hyperfixation, I don't know if a flesh and blood human could withstand that level of obsession without something breaking the illusion, even if I only saw their best face on social media. But I know some people do take it to that degree with real people, which is scary to think about
Thank you for talking about both sides of these relationships. It's really healthy to acknowledge that they exist and find ways to navigate them.
I'm proud of being in this....space. Among wonderful souls that do so much good and hold so much love.
Nerdfighteria to me....feels like family.
Exactly! I’ve never related to these groups of people. I used to always feel strange and like the odd one out but here in this random corner of the internet: it’s home. I don’t think it’s the same type of pars social like people have with big celebrities. It feels like a community rather than people idolizing two people.
i said smth to my girlfriend this morning and i was struggling to find the word i was looking for and the word was 'criteria' and you just reminded me the word thank you
This is why I find the VTubing community to be so fascinating because there is a named persona for the parasocial entity but ALSO that character serves as the publicly shared facets of the person which can make it easier for them to build up a distinction between themselves as and individual and the facets of themselves that are shaped to encourage a positive and healthy sarapocial relationship to their community.
It's an extension of the old forums with handles and avatars being a version of your "online" self that is you as a person, but also it is you within the context of a particular community.
The sarapocial things that I find most telling is how the core audience of a streamer's chat or comments have a community self-policing aspect of encouraging behaviour by encouraging what is desired but also by enjoying what arises naturally out of unexpected shared common interests. It's a really fascinating thing, but also often makes me think back on your other video about the Internet as a version of public spaces that already exists in a strange corporate dystopia and how apparent those issues are with places like (formerly) Twitter experiencing the things that it has.
My husband is a content creator and he's looking into a VTuber setup kind of for that reason.
Can’t fully express how much I love this. As someone interested in and publishing about fandom studies, this silly but perfect term-and this excellent video exploring the topic-are so valuable to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Hank!
From a Nerdfighter-ARMY, which hold the two best cores I know
I’ve been in a parasocial relationship with quite a few content creators over the years. I know that public personas differ from personal connections, but it does help to feel less alone through finding an online community of people with similar interests. Sometimes references, jokes, or words of wisdom said by a creator plays in my head during a relevant life moment and gives me a sense of reassurance. I enjoy following the content of those who share their knowledge, joy, and insight while bravely expressing their vulnerability about the uncertainty of the human experience. The impact we leave upon this world is probably greater than we could imagine. Little does Hank know, he was the main inspiration for me to continue to pursue an education (finally almost done my degree!). Hank’s passion for science helped reignite my own spark of curiosity. So many struggle with unfortunate life circumstances or mental and physical blockages that impede their quality of life and will to continue. We are all in this together, though. Empowering oneself though the desire to heal, grow, learn, expand, and make the world a better place seems to me the heart of what it means to be a nerdfighter. ❤️
Thank you for talking about parasocial relationships without demonizing them. Basically every time I see them talked about it’s with the assumption that they are inherently negative, as opposed to a thing everyone has with a lot of different people/characters/entities. Obviously they can be toxic, but so can LOTS of things!!! And assuming they are a base negative honestly does a disservice to a lot of truly important relationships we have imo.
I've been watching since 2014-2015 (maybe earlier, I know I started watching vlogbrothers a few years after TFiOS was published). At the time I was a conservative Christian kid from Florida that wanted to write and create art. I liked the weird, short videos (back when you could actually binge watch all of the channel's videos) made by 2 guys that also came from Florida, even if I disagreed with some of the more liberal takes at the time. I was always amazed at how empathetic you two were to people you barely knew, and I'm still amazed. Now I'm no longer Christian or conservative, but I still live in Florida which hasn't been the best lately. But Hank and John are still part of the "videos I have to watch immediately list." And I aspire to portay that same level of empathy to everyone, especially in the day-to-day.
I'm so grateful that I get to meet a lot of the people who watch my videos. Every time I meet somebody on a cruise I add them to the 'audience bank' and then when I make videos I think of them, I hope they represent the people I've not met. 😂
Thank you for making such a community that seems to have some of the same core values I do, and wants to do good in the world.... And its a weird one as I don't personally know any of you, but I feel a part of you in a sense. Your existence has helped me in some of the more darker periods in my journey. Just knowing you exist, I can tell myself Im truly not alone; I just can't see you, in real time but you're always there... That gives me both comfort and hope. Thank you.
OH YES thank you for this video, Hank! I am so fascinated by the relationships artists/idols/influencers/celebrities have with their fans, and I feel like people don't talk about it enough. I agree that sarapocial relationships carry much more weight for the individual experiencing them than parasocial relationships, and I'm so glad someone finally acknowledged that. I'm consistently impressed with how aware you are - both of yourself and of society.
I feel like we need some sociologists and anthropologists to get in and study the formation of Nerdfighteria because every time I think I’ve figured it out, I’m like “wait, but what about…”
There have been multiple studies on nerdfighteria in various forms! What we need is a database linking all of them B)
@@emilyleaf9857 Check Google Scholar. I found 11 studies about Nerdfighteria, and there are a bunch about RUclips communities, influencers, nerds, etc., that mention it.
Yes! So many internet-based communities are dogmatic and toxic. How did this one escape that trend?
@@emilyleaf9857 Will you be able to find some and link them here in the comments? Or are they easily findable online?
When you said Helen Hunt at the beginning I suddenly remembered the Helen Hunt song and now it is relentlessly stuck in my head
I wonder how many times I’ve heard “John, I’ll see you on Tuesday” since I started watching over a decade ago. Both you and John have shaped how I see the world, and are people that I look up to. It was so cool, and strange, to see you in person at your comedy show. Despite the length of time, that was my first Nerdfighter type event
I'm pretty sure I went to highschool with Sara Pocial
I often go back to the question in the Good Place - What do we owe to each other? - as defining my values, and frequently that aligns with nerdfighteria's core overall. The fact that you - Hank and John - think about how this parasocial relationship is a two-way street helps define that.
Thank you for everything you do to keep Nerdfightaria awesome!
By far the most striking parasocial relationship moment I've had in my life was you posting your video revealing you have cancer. I burst into tears seeing the title in my alerts, let alone watching the videos, and the feeling of weeping over someone who I've never said a word to individually was very new and strange.
Agreed- I didn’t know how deeply I valued the ongoing conversation of two brothers, then unexpectedly a tiny Hankler fish found its way to our home shrine, reminding my family to pray for you, your family & our community. I’m so grateful for your recovery & for being involved in community you both have consistently, generously & intentionally cultivated.
People have always had some form of parasocial relationship with most types of media we have available. Two main differences:
1. People are raised having online interactions with people they know irl, and making friends online. Then, on those same apps they see youtubers/influencers/etc speaking very casually, just like their friends and family.
2. RUclipsrs are real people, and folks without boundaries can simply show up at their house.
It’s so interesting to me that this is your video today. Going into the P4A trivia last night, I was definitely thinking about parasocial relationships (it’s been on my mind a lot lately due to other things I admire) and I actively was trying not to be weird. Like there is a large part of me that wants you to know I exist but I definitely don’t want it to be for a bad reason and I think it’s so interesting to hear your perspective on knowing this about literally millions of people in Nerdfighteria.
I subscribed in 2007, and both of you as well as the community have become such a regular part of my week years later. It's such a strange thing to consider, because so many of us have spent so much time growing up with the community and having these videos, experiences, and projects in our routines. I never imagined it would be something I still engage with... sixteen years later? Thank you for continuing to share and I genuinely think that, as weird as sarapocial relationships are conceptually, its made the world just a bit better.
All the interetsing thoughts you and John have shared over the years you would never get anywhere else. And they have always been an absolute pleasure. Thanks for explaining who we are to me and us, and you.
One of the great things about communities that grow around people who share a parasocial relationship is that those communities can be more broad, strange, and wonderful than you would likely create (intentionally or organically) in day-to-day, face-to-face life. Like, I'm an old dude. Even though John and Hank are several years older than most members of the Nerdfighteria community, *_I'm_* several years older than even John and Hank. So in the "real world," there wouldn't be much opportunity for me to connect with people who make up the bulk of Nerdfighteria. It's awesome to have this way to participate in a great community of kindred spirits. 😀
There's a book, "Egregores" by Mark Stavish, that gives a really useful model for the idea of sarapocial relationships. A collective can organize around a transcendent image, while being distinct from the image. Like Platonic forms, all trees can be in proximity to the platonic ideal of Tree, without being it exactly.
I have been apart of nerdfighteria since I was 7 years old. I’m 22 now and many times in my life I have looked to you, Hank and John for guidance and you’ve always been right there. I appreciate everything you guys have done to build such a strong community. I love being apart of this core ❤
I’m a content creator, tiny by your standard, but this is the most amazing sense i have heard this year and i know i will rewatch this quite a bit. You nailed how things are perfectly!!!!!
Of all my parasocial relationships (and frankly out of my non-familial regular relationships) this one is the longest and most important to me. It is extremely weird to think of all teh different versions of myself that have been shaped by you and John. I think it is partially because you both have been so deeply careful and delicate with that relationship that it has been sustained and cherished by me lo these many years. Grateful for both of you!
0:14 I had never thought of "relationships" with gods as parasocial, but that suddenly makes so much sense. I always saw religions as similar to fandoms (I usually start geeking out about science fiction books I like when the nice folks at my door want to discuss their favorite translation of the bible, and it works out alright), so it's kind of surprising I never made that connection before. I feel like similar benefits and downsides apply.
Religions even use "cannon" as well to mean that the story is an accepted part/addition to the bible.
So are we having a parasocial relationship with gods? Or is it that we are having a spiritual relationship with Hank?
@@imperfectly_megan does that make the show supernatural a fanfic?
@@RC-1290 I guess lol
I mean, we also have parasocial relationships with fictional characters. They don’t know us, how could they they are fictional, but they can have a huge emotional impact on us. So yeah fandoms are parasocial. Fanfiction is an expression of that.
Your series about psychology on crash course has saved my life since understanding the basics helped me get help. I also have showned the videos to my sister and my mother when they were having a hard time and it convinced them to seek help aswell. Thank you, good free knowledge makes so many people's life for the better
You and John do an exceptional job at helping us feel connected to you but more importantly, to each other. You do this by showing us how to hold space for complicated relationships and problems. Through your transparency, we learn how to hold more complicated ideas, especially about other people. It's a double whammy. We are encouraged to be more transparent and we are also encouraged to hold more complex understandings of people. I feel incredibly lucky to have a sarapocial relationship with you and with Nerdfighteria.
It occurred to me at some point that my parasocial relationship amounts to having an imaginary friend, loosely based upon a real person (in my case) with their face. I do not know them beyond what the actual person chooses to share with the community that they engage with. I likely never will know them, I will never be their friend, and that does bum me out a good bit, but there are countless other people out there who would probably interest me just as much and that I could have a real friendship with should I choose to seek them out. My parasocial fixation is fundamentally a lazy fantasy and I have to constantly focus on keeping that in mind. The alternative is cutting myself off completely.
The irony of me having thought about this topic a lot lately and feeling a brief flicker of feeling seen by Hank for serendipitously making a video on it is too many meta layers deep for me this early in the day.
I am so grateful for the care/thoughtfulness put into nerdfiteria ❤ You really can tell how much we all really value this community, even just simply reading the comments & seeing how many of us have stuck around for 10-15+ yrs (personally started watching 2008) - Usually thats so rare, but here it seems like us long time viewers likely might make up the majority (or at least a decent chunk more than many other longer running channels)..... There's obviously various reasons for that, but I definitely think a big one is just how much you & John strive to make us know our value... Not just with words of appreciation (which you also do & its lovely), but also through SHOWING us how much we each matter through things like Partners in Health/awesome socks/coffee club/toberculisis efforts etc.
I'm so proud & happy to be part of this community, & so grateful you and John care as much as you do.... Thank you ❤ Sending love from Australia 🌻
I love being part of this. I love having been a part of this for years. Thank you both for doing THIS!
I appreciate this video. I recently heard an actor say in an interview that he didn't really understand how people felt so attached to him, but has just accepted that they do and he just kind of entertains it by being polite and taking pictures with them, etc. Right now, there's a lot of chastising of others for having parasocial relationships when that type of relationship is why we are able to tell stories and why people have fundamentally always been interested in stories, books, tv shows, movies, and, yes, RUclipsrs. Yes, people can take it too far, but I think that, like any relationship, there are two people involved. Yes, the audience is invested in the character or the person, but the person or character is also being or being invented in relation to the audience. I think the best parasocial and sarapocial relationships happen when both parties recognize that that relationship exists, it doesn't just go one way, and they treat it accordingly. You mentioned 2 people in the description that are good at maintaining sarapocial relationships, I would disagree with you. I don't think they care about those people that have parasocial relationships with them in the slightest, and I think it's because they kind of see those people as fools or as the blind followers that they are entitled to have because of their own greatness. There are parasocial relationships there, but I don't think that there's a sarapocial relationship on their end―they're not seeing people that they're talking to, but pawns to move around on the board. And I think that's why that actor's comment kind of made me kind of step back for a second. If someone in that position isn't seeing that there are indeed two sides to these relationships, I feel like they're missing the fact that the connection people feel to them is fundamentally human and that love should be something that they understand. I think there are a lot of famous people that kind of see their audience as props or atm machines. I think what makes communities like this one special is that you don't see your audience as chumps who pay attention to you because they fell for your act, and you don't act surprised that they're attached to you. You see them as people and recognize the humanity of their love for you, even if we don't know you personally and you don't know us personally.
❤
You know what’s interesting? When asked who I would like to have dinner with if I could have a conversation with anyone, I said Hank Green. It’s not entirely obvious what the core is here, but I think it’s a really amazing thing that we have cultivated. I’m not necessarily the standard member of nerdfightaria I don’t think, but I’m glad to be a part of what we have. Let’s keep working to make the future better and keep growing closer!
I'm not sure there IS a standard member of nerdfighteria. we contain multitudes - in some very specific ways
My favourite vlog to date. Love this musing so much! Thank you, Hank and John. 💜
Man, this is something I think about all the time. I’m not a very social person in the usual sense, which I fear makes for a more intense investment in my parasocial relationships. It also means that while I have very strong feelings of admiration and respect for all who love this space and this community, I really don’t ever make myself *part of it*. I just admire, support, watch, and participate in its good-doing wherever and however I can do so quietly, on my own. I learn from its examples.
Mostly I just think it’s a magnificent reflection of you two when such an inclusive and capable group forms around your various creations.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
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I can tell this is in response to specific conversations happening in Nerdfighteria. I think this was a perfect way to answer those questions and how they impact us as a collective. I know at least for me, and I think for many other Nerdfighters, you getting sick made us realize "Oh, this is what a parasocial relationship is." To hear your side and how you deal with the pressures of fame/impact/sarapocial relationships etc helps strengthen the relationship between you and us, us and you, and between each other. DFTBA
Our relationship has been stellar (for me). Love y'all, the community, and the info you drop all the time.
All the best to you and yours!
What I think the core appreciates (as a very minute portion of it) is that focus never strays from the intent to educate, share knowledge, and make it accessible. I’ve never really looked to you or John to give me the answer, or find the solution, but rather to give me a starting point.
Gotta love a good Spoonerism!
I feel like What Would Nerdfighteria Do? is the moral north star that leads a lot of us, whether we’re intentional about it or not (if that makes sense)
Yeah, I feel it goes back to all those years ago and "Decreasing world suck" and "Increasing the awesome".
Yeah, this has basically substituted church for me
For some reason you and John feature in my dreams as characters on a regular basis. We're always collaborating on projects or on some sort of journey together. There's always an intense vibe of important stuff going on 😅🤔💭 And I have to say, thank you for your service, in this world and in the dream realms!
Hank! I am grateful for your understanding of this subject. I have been struggling with this on so many levels. I am teacher and I feel this way about the students I interact with and I am also part ARMY and call you and John by name like we grew up together. Im still not sure how I feel about it, but I am understanding more, and I am comforted by your perspective. Thanks for stretching my mind into a sphere again.💜
Fascinating! Thanks for talking about this, Hank. I'm relatively new to Nerdfighteria, but this put a big ol' smile on my face, that it's the sort of place where people like me seem to thrive.
I’ve always just been here in spectator mode, snd I suppose that actually makes me part of the majority of this audience. Probably my first comment in this forum ever lol
I've had parasocial relationships most of my life (we didn't have a word for it back then, but I have), but I've forced myself to be more careful in the past 10-ish years. A creator I'd felt extremely close to became the center of accusations and abusing the "sarapocial" relationship with his audience. The whole debacle almost completely destroyed my ability to trust creators, which I'm still recovering from. (Even the slightest hint of controversy can sour a person for me, even someone I love.) I don't really have a point, except that this video made me think about that recovery process, and how much easier it is when people are aware of both aspects of this weird relationship.
I respect you two brothers so dang much. Because you never seem to take this respect for granted, you constantly check in with your values and change course if something needs to change
The small clip where Hank looked directly in the camera and said "sometimes I don't agree with myself" - good god I felt that. Loved this, said some super interesting shit here that I hadn't ever really thought about at length.
This is going on my “Best of Vlogbrothers” playlist
Timely. Just published my first book, and I found myself wanting to share it with people like you that I feel have been with me along the way. You don’t know that you’ve been there, but you have. Life is weird like that. Anywho, thanks for being there.
Congrats on publishing! What's the book?
@@joethatoneguy Thank you! It’s called Sword and Mirror (by M. McGehee). Kind of intro fantasy for the middle grade crowd (ages 9-12).
So Hank, when you mention the shared values of the “core” of Nerdfighteria… Spot on. When I met my significant other (11 years ago now!), being big Vlogbrothers fans was a key cultural aspect we shared. We come from completely different backgrounds - our countries and cultures are almost opposites in many ways. Us being a part of Nerdfighter was a very important shared cultural touchpoint for us both, and our values are extremely aligned. So on behalf of us and no doubt many others - thank you to both you and John for investing so much into this sarapocial relationship!
Thank you Hank, for introducing us to Cory Doctorow at the end of your second book! The style of your discussion of this topic reminds me a lot of an event CD's Little Brother book I've been listening to this week - Mikey's post on XNet about why he's taking a break from jamming instead of getting all shouldy and musterbatory telling everyone what to do.
Grateful to have more connections to make and I'm glad that senior members of NFa can get really meta thinking about the ramifications of our choices. Thanks dude. Appreciate us "being here" together in this whole life thing.
You talking about the “core” of an entity with many “parts” reminds me of IFS (internal family systems) I encourage anyone who’s interested in a theory of where thoughts come from to go and research it on their own
Something about this video kind of felt like a solid bro hug from someone I've talked at for many years. Thanks dude, I'm glad you're beginning to take steps towards reclaiming parts of you that are just for you.
Sarapotial relationship! Yasss! I have the words now, which is so helpful! 😂 Parasocial relationships are extremely interesting and nerve wracking now that I'm a content creator. I am glad you have people who force you to have some space for self, it is so needed. I loved this, thank you Hank...glad we can keep our love alive and well in the para world. 🤭💖 To the Para's and the Sara's and everything in betweenst and betwizzled!
The green brothers and Brittany Broski have BOTH been on my mind a lot recently, because I've been exploring my own relationship to the internet and how connected I feel with the people I watch. To have parasocial philosophically admirable youtuber #1 talk about parasocial philosophically admirable youtuber #2 right around now is the WILDEST coincidence. I feel that this audience and her audience are both really unique in the way that they connect with their creators; it's a lot more friendly and natural, and it's sometimes jarring to remember that I don't actually know them?? I'm glad that Hank talked about this and it'll be incredibly interesting to see how this conversation evolves.
I haven't seen this put into words before, but "parasocial philosophically admirable" is absolutely the kind of thing that draws me to a creator. That's spot-on.
I recently had both your and johns books borrowed at the same time in Libby! Was a cool experience.
Watching you and John grow since I first stumbled across you in 2008. And growing in turn along side you. I feel completely blessed.
I was just a person who loved giraffes who love giraffes.
But as an awkward nerdy teen with an absent father you were both my strongest male role-models. A dorky Australian kid was inspired by 2 dorky American brothers.
Long before Henry or Orin were a twinkle in your collective eyes I knew both of you would make amazing parents, because you had been to me (sarapocially).
I'm 30 now, and have these little peices of both of you in me.
I love you both, in a way that is weird and wonderful and irrevocably strange.
The impact you've had on me, on our core, and that our core has had on me, and each other will send out ripples of positivity for generations.
DFTBA
I've been a nerdfighter for over a decade, and through Dear Hank and John found out about MBMBaM, and then through MBMBaM started listening to The Adventure Zone. That inspired me to finally try out D&D, and while playing in a store game I met someone who is now a great friend. Through him, I found a D&D group who I have now played with every Monday for over 4 years. I have a great group of friends, and a creative outlet, and it's because I watched a video about football or something that John made way back over a decade ago. This parasocial relationship has had a profound effect on my life that even I had to stop and think about for a bit. Thanks Hank.
Here after everyone who thought they were correcting the “typo” in the title found out that it wasn’t actually a typo