22:00 I think expressing your hurt and anger is very healthy and part of healing! However, I do see a problem when women are encouraged to cast the other woman as the bad guy, it often binds women ever further to the bad man. In patriarchy, women can be complicit with bad men, but not in control. It's very valid to be very upset with those complicit with harm, but in order to protect ourselves best from harm, we must protect ourselves most from those in control. The other woman is NEVER the 'but for' causation, the husband is.
"Surely you knew" is a subtle way of suggesting that "you should have known" ... it is one more way to blame the victim as well as self protect (this won't happen to me because I am smart enough to know if it was ...)
That is a mighty story. This woman went through so much!
22:00 I think expressing your hurt and anger is very healthy and part of healing! However, I do see a problem when women are encouraged to cast the other woman as the bad guy, it often binds women ever further to the bad man. In patriarchy, women can be complicit with bad men, but not in control. It's very valid to be very upset with those complicit with harm, but in order to protect ourselves best from harm, we must protect ourselves most from those in control. The other woman is NEVER the 'but for' causation, the husband is.
"Surely you knew" is a subtle way of suggesting that "you should have known" ... it is one more way to blame the victim as well as self protect (this won't happen to me because I am smart enough to know if it was ...)