Amazing!!! I'm almost 70 and everyday is 'computer, care for cat, stupid eating' and not much else when "I Know" I'd be so much better if I got dressed, went for a walk. I am just tired. Time goes by faster and faster, I stay up until 4am and slept until 1pm today. I live alone, have a son, he's doing his thing, no friends or family. Thank You So Much for your compassion and clear explanation!
70 is not old, but if you're slowing down and thinking negatively you will be old. Try and switch things around,have more of a routine it makes a huge difference. You must must have a purpose, like I said 70 can be the start of some amazing things. Don't give up, are you interested in volunteering some where, if you love animals you could volunteer at a shelter, look in to different courses, what do you like to do or still want to do. Join a community house in your area or out of your area. There are so many interesting things and projects you can do. Just setting out in a daily walk is so beneficial for your body and especially your mind, think if anything you might like to do, support groups, exercise groups etc. I know it can be daunting and a bit scary but just go for it, you never know what can come from putting yourself out there and you will meet good people, have your boundaries and protect your privacy but just try it.
DrRamini is the greatest gift for all Narcissistic and antagonistic survivors Bless you DrChatterje for this interview She has greatly enhanced & healed my life! Thanks again
When my dishes pile up in the sink and I’m procrastinating doing them, I tell myself to “just clean one dish” and often I end up doing all the dishes since I’m already doing them. These tips work!
Oh..I do some thing simular..I finally realized that even doing some was progess...I could do the glasses or dishes and go back later and do the pots and pans..otherwise I could get overwhelmed and not do any...as the pile keeps growing
Yes, it works for me to, because when we see something like to hard, we can feel not able to manage it, so if we choose to do something smaller, lighter - we can win 🙂
I almost always agree with Dr. Ramani, but not all people find brushing their teeth easy. I remember struggling with self-care from a very young age and then being berated for it. I think there is a peice on procrastination that procrastination she is missing. As the child of a neglectful narcissist, I feel a compulsion to be the POS I felt my Mother believes I am. I know if I shine and succeed in life, there will be no reward. So no, not everyone finds bruching their teeth easy. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and whether this was induved by nature or nurture, I struggle with habits immensely. I have to consciously choose everything I do. Very very little in my day-to-day is automatic, besides hitting the snooze button.
In my family we had the 10 minute rule. Each family member, including parents, had to spend (at least) 10 minutes a day on household chores. The kids could decide how they wanted to help (dishes or take out trash or clean their backpack or whatever) but were required to participate because everyone has 10 minutes in a day-even busy kids-and it took all of us to make things work well in our family.
In my family, we had the 10-hour rule. Each child was expected to spend all daylight hours every Saturday and Sunday depending upon the season: either raking the leaves, washing and installing the storm windows and washing the screens to prepare for winter, shovelling the snow, mowing the lawn, painting rooms in the house or things outside under the watchful eye of NPD father who'd give you a hell of a beating if you didn't complete the work (which I now realize fell into his domain of keeping up appearances for the neighbors' benefit). Then he went and bought a business so every Saturday one of us had to go work from 7 am til 11 pm with him. No wonder I have no idea how to perform self care. It's a joy for me now to just be alone in my apartment learning about this by watching RUclips videos.
I wholeheartedly agree that we self sabotage when we are suffering & in pain whether it be anxiety, depression or an incident that is so bizarre that it leaves someone in their head for so long that their life unravels due to their elevated emotions & confusion😔…..It is so easy for people to say “let go of it” especially when they themselves have no clue what the person’s experience was like & the confusion & brain fog left by the incident literally changes the person’s brain to the point that focus is almost impossible……problem solving that came so easy to that person before bc their brain fired properly…is now a frustrating, highly emotional task leaving the person feeling even more worthless…& the cherry on the top is others putting all of the blame for self sabotaging on that person who already feels lower than low & the smallest of tasks feels like walking thru mud in the fog! (NO ONE WANTS TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!!) 💣
Yep. Exactly I can’t get a damn assignment done for the life of me. I’ve been straight A student my entire ice. Currently, I have F’s in like all of my classes, 0’s o exams… I just can’t get myself to good things, study, turn things in before deadlines, focus, nothing. Doesn’t even feel like my brain. But it’s weird bc I don’t feel sad and depressed, kinda numb to the pain I felt extremely heavily starting in January.. So I’m not constantly crying but my brain bro…. It’s like I CANT fix it or do thing. It’s like I CANT. No matter how hard I try… I feel powerless. This isn’t me. I’m a little bit over a year away from my degree…. I’ve only ever made all A’s and 2 C’s ever in college. Now I don’t even know if I’m going to pass anything…
Maybe we can follow the content of our thoughts and reframe one time to time turning it into a more positive language. Not all at once, notice then start imagining the contrary. Ask ourselves what do we desire, what makes us feel great. Then change that inner voice into a more friendly one ibstead of a stinging ine always. I am doing this since 3 to 5 years now and my flow, joy and brain function are ccomong back by waves. Not always good but better. And i keep going. So dont give up on yourselves, you are the main character who can work it out for you. Much love 💫
@@aplik881, I hope your wellness is ongoing. What you said in response to micheleele7299's very relatable post resonated with me. Would you please share an example so I can customize it for myself? Thanks in advance. 🥰🙋🏿♀️💃🏿
very well said, its a very nasty modern 'trend' victim blaming leads to further deeper layers rather than holding and supporting someone. Gentleness time and self-compassion finally lead us out if the inner hell that toxic folk leave us with.
the 7 Self-Sabotaging Habits: 1. Procrastination 4:37 2. Social Comparison 15:51 3. Surrounding Ourselves with Toxic People 36:42 4. Negative Voice/Thoughts Inside our Heads 56:45 5. Perfectionism 1:14:37 6+7. Overly Invested in a Specific Outcome + Pathologizing Your Own Needs 1:27:28
It's really simple in this life to be nice. We can't do it ALL BY OURSELVES! I really enjoy helping others. I am actually doing a on hand study with addicts and would love to share what I have observed about them and myself ❤🙏. Doing this is not as easy as it sounds. Going into a toxic environment, knowing that abuse will happen, 😢 because hurt people hurt people. Trying to give quality time for listening 😊. Some of them are hurting deeply and I am strengthening myself not to fall for toxic relationships. I'm not toxic and you should enjoy what you do and your reputation will speak for itself. I put my life on hold to help family and others 😕. And being shy with low self-esteem but not for education. I'm confident with learning and education. I am socially awkward because I didn't chase women like my friends in highschool 😂. Church stuck with me growing up. My mom told me not to go out there and ruin some women's life. 😢 I already felt bad and now I might not be good for a normal relationship! I believe she did because of her life experiences. It kept me from pretty much feeling unworthy, don't make enough, or my skin and being smart brings out racism in others 😮 I could talk a long time with what I have experienced and observed interacting with others. 😂 How about when your department sabotages you because they are intimidated by who you are as a person. 😕
I deserve what makes me happy and safe in my life 😊. The toxic people in the toxic environment will not be easily change. The glass bottom effect takes over and then that behavior is celebrated and respected sometimes. 😕
I literally prayed this Morning to The Most High God asking him to search my heart and find my Ill-wills,reveal them to me, and help me work through them. This video popped up on my RUclips mentions right after my daily morning prayer and all I could do was cry and thank the Most High God for this edification! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
@@MrsSlocombesPuddyCat You may not believe in the Most High, but He doesn't need you believing in Him in order to exist, because His existence is not dependent on people acknowledging it : He's real even if no one believes He exists. Have you ever thought that this video popped into your feed when you needed it because He is trying to get your attention and to draw you closer to Himself ?
I was not aware about the toxic effects that comparing can have until I started my healing journey and I started psychotherapy. I learned that comparing is always unhealthy, it is a cognitive distortion. It is not easy to unlearn something that I practiced for so long time and being unaware. But I am hopeful and I feel empowered to know one of the root that is causing me a bad self image. 💗 Dr Ramani
Why I LOVE Dr. Ramani! she is real about herself, she is with the times, she gives real cause and effect insight. I have been following her for about a year and my mental and physical life has improve. Anxiety and avoidance were a breakthrough. I always learn some new and how to apply it to my life and how to deal with people around me. And yes, I did listen to the whole hour and 52 minutes. Thank you to you both.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
@GregMunro Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is STOP thinking about a person who has left you. Distract yourself with new thoughts or new interests. Limerence is very, very unhealthy and self-destructive. I know, I had to get over it a few times. I am happier now and open to love someone who is ready, willing, and able to love me back. I wish the same for you. ❤
This may be the most illuminating podcast episode I've ever listened to in regards to the psychological issues that have been torturing me my whole life. I'm blown away. Everything she said made so much sense and just felt right. I feel so much hope that I can change things now that I understand the problem. I can't thank you both enough.
Thank you so very much for this video! I am in an extremely difficult narcissistic marriage for 38 yrs with my almost 71 yr old husband now and definitely insults me almost daily of course and one example I have lost 100 lbs in the last couple years and off my diabetes meds and blood pressure meds too but he never never has complimented me or supported me of course. In fact he tells me quite often that I am sickly looking and everyone thinks that I am sick and he will call me a scrawny old woman and that I don’t eat enough! He says he didn’t marry a scrawny damn woman ! Thank goodness I have a weight support group that I attend weekly and support with them on Facebook.
Good on you for putting yourself first and taking care of your body. It’s so hard to do when you’re being berated and nothing is ever good enough 🙏🏻I hope that you know that you come across as amazing, capable and strong.
For the issue of older people growing up without social media, and therefore being more vulnerable: I realized I grew up with the same thing, only a different format: magazines. Magazines were everywhere in the 70's and 80's. Carefully curated photo shoots to make a celebrity's life look perfect. These weren't homemade jobs done by some influencer in their bedroom for IG, these were images crafted by professionals. Photographers, stylists & journalists. Talk about comparison; it would drive me up and the wall and back down it again. I finally realized I had to stop reading magazines.
From about 37:00 to about 1:00:00, she talks about how m self sabotage can be a function of a dysfunctional relationship. And oh my goodness, isn’t that the truth! So much of what she said in those 15 minutes relate perfectly to what I’m going through. Including the devaluation of myself by my partner. We found a marriage counselor who can see exactly what is going on, and long story short, I’m not the problem. But I’ve been told I was for so long. It’s such a relief to know I am not at fault! To recognize that many of my poor coping mechanisms developed as a way of coping with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I had just been seeing that this week, and this podcast was like God was giving me confirmation of what I had already figured out. Like He was saying, “You’re on the right track.” That is so freeing and validating! Thank you!
Sounds like you’re married to a narcissist. Dr. Ramani’s own RUclips channel has many videos that cover the subject of narcissistic abuse. I was once married to a narcissist, worst years of my life. Good luck and I hope things get better for you ❤
@@ALT-vz3jn I went down that road a few years ago. Read several books on covert narcissism and emotional abuse. The more I read, the less it sounded like him. I now understand exactly what is going on, and it’s not abuse. It’s just a difficult situation. And it is ending, looks like this summer.
Dr. Ramani turns the mental intangibles and confusions into mental clarity. There is absolutely no one so INSIGHTFUL and PRAGMATIC like Dr. Ramani. The talks are sometimes long but they are such necessary lessons for anyone who don't like their life right now. I can't thank Dr. Ramani enough.
Dr. Chatterjee thank you so much for your podcasts. They have become my happy, healthy safe space. I have learnt so much from the content you and your guests share. 🙏🏽
The biggest problem is the thing that drives all these things; procrastination, guilt, want, desire, obligation; things "needing to be done". Most of these things are based on peer pressure, social pressure , family pressure, societal pressure. None is self generated. it is all external. So self sabotage is an internal conflict based on exogenous factors. When you are true to yourself and not doing what others want of you, it is THEN that you get things done. But separating yourself from the pressures you have allowed to be placed upon you is not easy.
31:50 . Thanks Dr. Ramani for that clarification. 10 years ago I stopped my career and started to do inner work, therapy. Now I am in different place. I am happy that I did that even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Recently I've come across a scientific topic that said that procrastination is actually often driven emotionally: the feeling of being harshly judged causes the avoidance. Which is very pertinent for survivors of narcissistic abuse, who often have that harsh inner critic.
Listening to this and reflecting on my 1.5 year MBA while working full time. omg, there was a period where I did a 72 hour stretch of no sleep and just didn't tell anyone. "How'd that work out?" Three B's, and one professor taking me aside and asking "Are you doing ok?" Of course I am. I just did something breathtakingly insane and pulled it off.
Wow! I am so grateful for Dr. Romani. She’s real. I’d love to have her as my therapist. I learned so much from both Dr’s. (Love Chattergee-who doesn’t?). Great podcast ❤
Hey! She "IS" your therapist! Mine too! I bet if I tracked her down she would grant me a hug where I could just cry for for 10 min! And its bc she GETS it!!!! Shes so very accessable!❤
I am decluttering work environment a lot so it's real easy to see their GAMES. Very satisfying. I just got a truck and removed two large items that people want, but that they absolutely do not need, and am giving them to another section of folks at work. I threw away trash, and painted at least 10 doors the original color it should be (in other words I didn't choose it, I made it clean). I even asked garbage company to swap the dumpster so that area looks and smells good. Now ONE room has a paint job (all cabinet doors, counters, the inside of the front door) it shouldn't which points it out clear as day. (It's a color not appropriate for young children, this isn't your own house.). Removed duplicate signs, took down things that hadn't been used in years, and painted. Trimmed bushes so you can see clearly. Installed hooks for backpacks in appropriate areas. It's so nice now. I even painted basketball backboards. Let's do this. 💛
I'm also someone who needs to sit somewhere specific. I'll arrive hours early, to ensure I've got the seat with my back to the wall, facing the door, with easy access to walking out that door. It's the joy of PTSD from a recent assault. I survived being raised in a home with 2 narc parents, and various assaults... but THIS assault has just done my nervous system in. Still working through it. So very glad to see someone with various successes in their world, who has adapted to similar ptsd symptoms. Makes me feel less "out of control", and more "I can adapt to this and still be successful". Thanks so much for talking about your experience. It means the world. :)
I've created a routine and sometimes things come up that take away from the routine but then I'll get back on track again. Routine returns and I'm good again. I love to do yoga, swimming and walking/hiking with my dog. I take it easy on myself each day with at least an hour of self-care. This is how I'm managing to deal with the stresses in life. Don't compare yourself to others at all but be the best self that you can be.
Oh I connected with that comment- the struggle to balance the immigrant parent’s expectations and finding my own past. Thank you DR Ramani. I’ve learned so much with your discussions the past 2 years.
Thank you so much for this podcast, Dr Ramani and Dr Chatterjee. After leaving an unhealthy 4-year relationship recently, I found myself checking my ex's Facebook account, where he'd been 'liking' attractive women's profile pic's. These women live near him and so, as well as going through the natural grieving process, I was self-sabotaging by comparing myself with them. I've just blocked him off everything since watching this. Thank you. xx
Block them, it is the only way with these people. It takes time to detach, by it comes eventually. But it is important to do so physically and emotionally! It is possible. I did it after 2 years now, but it is worth wait. I can see things as they are real and clearly, so that doesnt affect me anymore, but it bothers me that it ever did!
Syukron dr Ramani. I'm short of figuring out why i procrastinate. Where that thing called perfection came from and mess my life. I remember my professor said to me, you have to hand me your revision once more, if it doesn't perfect rightaway, i will leave you to other lecturer. I feel that event stamp sooo deep in me and mess my life upside down in sooo many years, 13 years dr....yes....
Dr. Ramani is the best mental health professional I have encountered either in person or online. She objectively understands the myriad of situations. She has studied many antisocial personality types. She is a lifesaver.
Dr R. I look back to where I was. I am deffinatly much improved from where I started. I am not where I would like to be but my vision of the future is so much brighter then it was. One breath, one day, week, month at a time. Inch, step, you have been a life raft. Thank you.
I agree with you that Dr. Ramani is an amazing person. She is doing a great service by raising awareness about narcissism and helping people who are struggling with it. Her podcast is a valuable resource, and I am grateful for her work. I am also grateful for the information you have shared. It is important for people to know that they are not alone and that there is help available if they are dealing with a narcissistic person. I hope that your words will help others to heal and thrive. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
"How will I proceed in this relationship if I know this person isn't going to change?" This hit home, I had to take a break from the video for 2 hours? I am going through a challenging time in my relationship and I am hoping someone changes, I have waited for 2 years to be treated with compassion and respect.
Leopards do not change their spots. Narc parents and 2 narc husbands, now 70 and living alone with my companion creatures. It is pure heaven! There are worse things than being alone. Dr Ramani has truly saved me with her kindness, compassion and insight. Peace and blessings to her and all of us who are on this journey. May you find joy and comfort in this life. 🦋
My mother was the one person in my life who made me feel bad & I couldn't get rid of her. She held onto me like a bulldog (she wanted me to be her servant/ take care of her). I did try to help her. She was always depending on others to make her happy. She wouldn't go to counseling or let go of me. She died of cancer at 75 & never changed. She actually got worse at the end.
Sugar Spring, it’s so sad to hear what you say about your mother, that she made you bad about yourself. But, it’s really bad also to hear you say, “you could never get rid of her.” Well, now she’s not with you any more. So sad to hear about the pain she must have gone through. Hopefully, she’s in a much better place now. The same to you. No matter how badly our parents treated us, we need to forgive them, and forgive ourselves. If they’re toxic, we can maintain a healthy distance. First, we must heal ourselves, then, we can treat ourselves and others with love❤
@@jeanie5074 actually, my therapist said that I don't have to forgive my mother unless I receive an apology, which I never did. Letting go of the past was something I definitely had to do & that didn't happen overnight. I also needed to stop blaming her & to move forward with living my best life. That's still in progress. 👍👍
loved this podcast. Since i had narcasstic parents i promised myself i would be a better parent. Sadly i ended up over parenting it waa done with love and knowing no better.
Thanks very much. As always very informative. What often goes unmentioned, and which is also a reason for self-sabotage, is dissociation, especially in people who have experienced severe trauma at a very young age. IFS helps to a certain extent. But you have so many autopilot programs that self-sabotage is the order of the day. A topic that would also be interesting is about highly sensitive people.
I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist one week ago. I appreciate everything being stated here. My wish is that all clinicians approach mental health in this manner. Thank you.
Thanks, this is very helpful! I've been struggling with the new onset of procrastination, but I figured out why from this. I learned when I have to make a fire vs frying pan decision, I hate it, so I procrastinate. What Dr. Ramani says here is true about breaking down difficult tasks. Someone once told me a way to quit smoking was just to delay having that cigarette by 10 minutes. After this, he just said to extend this bit of time a bit further each time. I heard this back in 1994. I don't smoke anymore.
Be yourself. Take small steps to heal yourself. Ask yourself questions: What matters to me? What do you stand for? Am I doing what I want to do! Be careful what you wish for you might get it! ❤Dr. Romani! I’m a big fan! You do you Dr. Ramoni😊🎉. Powerful work to drill down into who you are, what you’re about!
Every topic she touched, was spoken with so much clarity and insight, it hit every thing I believed, and everything I needed to hear at the moment, and I am really grateful. Thank you.
What a good idea to have a facebook acount about a dirty fridge, and full bascket of clothes... i absolutly love it ! I'm going to think about it. Thanks
I changed my thoughts with my inner dialogue, diversion, power song and the all Powerful branding… “silly girl tricks are for kids”. And then replace the words of the inner critic by addressing it, “You shut up, you go home, you’re repetitive ,I understand and I’ll take it into consideration”.
Thank you for sharing. When I graduated with my Bachelors, I almost walked out of the commencement. I was is the middle and felt like I had to get out completely. I settled to sit in the isle and used the " I have to stand because my backhurts" excuse. This whole exchange has given me more insight on how to manage myself more effectively.
Just started listening to this podcast and as a childhood trauma survivor of a narcissistic abuse .iv self sabotaged my entire life. Regardless of insight and self awareness.
While it is hard to watch someone you love suffer, I know my chronic illnesses have taught me much, helped me to become a better person and helped me figure out much younger than my peers what was important to me (because I had solid physical limits so I never had the illusion of invincibility or being able to have/ do it all).
I agree, being diagnosed with chronic illness / autoimmune disease and being immunocompromised (especially during covid pandemic) is life changing in sooooo many ways. I feel I have more of an understanding of life, learning radical acceptance, loving myself unconditionally, and unapologetically. Built Healthy boundaries with consequences. Working on a loving marriage. Cultivating healthy friendships. My life matters, and it's my responsibility to take care of myself, mentally and physically. I chose to be around healthy friendships and relationships.
How great to listen to Dr Chatterjee and Dr Ramani talking together! The lighting in Dr Ramani's room makes her look rather Gothic; even a little like Michael Jackson 🙂
Too my hummingbird as when I lost my words, It is praises from my soul that belong to Our Father know the differences of communications Trust 1 A that One God of light! Thank you for all your endless hard work, efforts, for healing, treating, teaching, sharing lessons of life’s mindsets an mental healthcare organization to the world! Thank You & Appreciation! Peace be with you & yours!
Boy,, she struck a nerve at 44:50. I’m in my 50’s and have been struggling for decades with the relationship I have with my mother. I have a hard time going over to visit her… and when I don’t , I feel guilty. She makes a very good point that one needs to take care of themselves.
I never thought very deeply about why I have to be on the outside. I do this at restaurants in the booths. I thought I was just selfish. I get to where I feel trapped. If I overthink the trapped feeling I’ll go down a rabbit hole too though. I had a teacher in the first grade. She taught music and she told me how her tongue was too big for her mouth. I think she was talking about her dental stuff in her mouth or something but it freaked me out. So it made my tongue feel trapped. I can feel trapped if people are in my face too long. It’ll make me feel like I can’t catch my breathe. My feet have to be out of the blanket or they will be trapped. Shoes make my toes feel trapped. Long sleeve shirts make my arms burn. I know they’re all different feelings of trapped but I also can feel trapped in open spaces, or the opposite where I feel an overwhelming feeling like I might float away I had a dream one time and it keeps coming up in my thoughts recently, where I was in an elevator that made me squish up to the ceiling when it went down and squashed me flat when it went up. and I fall and fly in my dreams. Okay. Sorry for the rant of random stuff.
Dr. Ramani , has helped me so much , she absolutely changed my way of dealing with my anxiety from the narsasstic relationship i wad in , still struggling but working on it everyday,i listen to her posts every day thats how i am getting through it
I have just finished listening to this and I feel I have had a double dose of wisdom as I also discussed these topics with my therapist earlier today. So on point for me and really helpful, thank you 😊
But...I have paused it bc I'm procrastinating delivering some items... Why? What is the un named fear... Oh. Bc Im afraid that the things my not be appreciated or good enough. I just want them accepted and understood. I know that they will...sooo off I go in a better state of mind and avoidance has been replaced with enthusiasm and anticipación.😊
Dr. Ramani thanks for such detailed insights. It is through the nuances that self sabotage can be controlled and overcome. Love you 💗 you are an amazing talented professional ❤
I hav had so much healing from you, doctor Ramani, thank you. But thru a so well meaning friend I developed social anxiety - it was because I lost money & wound up poor. My friend made observations so I started to be very nervous about my overall appearance & my car. It was awful & I have had to accept being less than in some peoples’ eyes. The ‘not doing enough’ comments were also present - so i hear even you had this said to you!! Now I will use your guided image approach. I should after all appreciate that I am a person who has come thru narcissistic abuse including gas lighting without going completely nuts!!! I survive.. 🙏
I agree with you that Dr. Ramani is an amazing person. She is a gifted storyteller and educator, and her work has the potential to change the world. I have been following Dr. Ramani's work for several years, and I have found her to be incredibly insightful and helpful. Her videos and podcasts have helped me to understand myself and my relationships better, and they have given me the tools I need to heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. I am grateful for Dr. Ramani's work, and I believe that she is a true pioneer in the field of narcissistic abuse. She is helping to break the silence around this issue, and she is giving a voice to those who have been silenced. I am confident that her work will continue to change lives for the better, and I am proud to call her a mentor and advisor. I believe that Dr. Ramani's work is especially important during the pandemic. The pandemic has been a time of great stress and uncertainty for many people, and it has exacerbated the challenges of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani's work can help people to understand what they are going through, and it can provide them with the tools they need to heal. I am grateful for Dr. Ramani's work, and I believe that she is a true asset to the world. I am confident that her work will continue to make a positive impact on the lives of many people.
A saying I was taught in therapy and learned is, "Stop doing the things you hate." There's also a great quote, "Stop should'ing on yourself." - Say that last one fast and you'll notice what it says and then put "Should'ing" in that place. THAT's a powerful reminder in my life and the lives of loved ones when I hear them saying "I should do this" I shouldn't do this" --- hope it helps someone else seeing this.
This is really helping me understand why I procrastinate. I need to apply for jobs, and chase agencies, but... I get so many passive agressive replies, it is really discouraging, especially when people I know don't work as well as me get jobs (because they have relatives working at the company where I'm applying). The more perfect I am at work, the more I antagonise these people, and their relatives, and the more difficult it is to get a job.
I had a primary internal care physician that charged every patient an annual $350 to continue giving quality time with each of his patients. After each physical an hour was scheduled after labs going over every detail and goals.
Great video! I remember I heard it somehwere: we post on social media when we do great things and feel great. We consume social media when during our ordinary days, when we are bored, we feel anxious or sad. And I strongly agree with that.
![Is it Because of Me? [Healing From Betrayal Trauma]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/g_vvxaHHDVw/mqdefault.jpg)
![Is it Because of Me? [Healing From Betrayal Trauma]](/img/tr.png)
Amazing!!! I'm almost 70 and everyday is 'computer, care for cat, stupid eating' and not much else when "I Know" I'd be so much better if I got dressed, went for a walk. I am just tired. Time goes by faster and faster, I stay up until 4am and slept until 1pm today. I live alone, have a son, he's doing his thing, no friends or family. Thank You So Much for your compassion and clear explanation!
I think that l am you....living kind of uselessly at 75 but l do want to accomplish something before l'm excused from this life.....
70 is not old, but if you're slowing down and thinking negatively you will be old. Try and switch things around,have more of a routine it makes a huge difference. You must must have a purpose, like I said 70 can be the start of some amazing things. Don't give up, are you interested in volunteering some where, if you love animals you could volunteer at a shelter, look in to different courses, what do you like to do or still want to do. Join a community house in your area or out of your area. There are so many interesting things and projects you can do. Just setting out in a daily walk is so beneficial for your body and especially your mind, think if anything you might like to do, support groups, exercise groups etc. I know it can be daunting and a bit scary but just go for it, you never know what can come from putting yourself out there and you will meet good people, have your boundaries and protect your privacy but just try it.
@@annetaylor7496 💜💜💜
@@soitreelle9968 💜💜💜
@@Renee847 💜💜💜
Dr Ramani does not get enough recognition. She has literally healed me
DrRamini is the greatest gift for all Narcissistic and antagonistic survivors
Bless you DrChatterje for this interview
She has greatly enhanced & healed my life!
Thanks again
she is competent too.
You have not listened to Dr. Jay Reid. Really.
@@maevebutler4641 Anyone with serious lifelong damage due to childhood narcissistic abuse should be listening to Dr Jay Reid.
I have immense respect for Dr Ramani, as well. And so much gratitude! One of my few saviors
When my dishes pile up in the sink and I’m procrastinating doing them, I tell myself to “just clean one dish” and often I end up doing all the dishes since I’m already doing them. These tips work!
Oh..I do some thing simular..I finally realized that even doing some was progess...I could do the glasses or dishes and go back later and do the pots and pans..otherwise I could get overwhelmed and not do any...as the pile keeps growing
Yes, it works for me to, because when we see something like to hard, we can feel not able to manage it, so if we choose to do something smaller, lighter - we can win 🙂
Insecurity IS A ISSUE TOO
IT'S NOT GOOD TO COMPARE SELF WITH OTHERS..
SOCIAL MEDIA platforms LIKE (* FACEBOOK *) ARE OFTEN TOXIC PLACES WHERE THERE'S A LOT OF GOSSIP, & COMPARING, & DRAMA
I almost always agree with Dr. Ramani, but not all people find brushing their teeth easy. I remember struggling with self-care from a very young age and then being berated for it. I think there is a peice on procrastination that procrastination she is missing. As the child of a neglectful narcissist, I feel a compulsion to be the POS I felt my Mother believes I am. I know if I shine and succeed in life, there will be no reward. So no, not everyone finds bruching their teeth easy.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and whether this was induved by nature or nurture, I struggle with habits immensely. I have to consciously choose everything I do. Very very little in my day-to-day is automatic, besides hitting the snooze button.
I get this!!!! Me too.
In my family we had the 10 minute rule. Each family member, including parents, had to spend (at least) 10 minutes a day on household chores. The kids could decide how they wanted to help (dishes or take out trash or clean their backpack or whatever) but were required to participate because everyone has 10 minutes in a day-even busy kids-and it took all of us to make things work well in our family.
That’s actually a pretty good idea!
I'm going to try to use this! Thanks!
Cool
In my family, we had the 10-hour rule. Each child was expected to spend all daylight hours every Saturday and Sunday depending upon the season: either raking the leaves, washing and installing the storm windows and washing the screens to prepare for winter, shovelling the snow, mowing the lawn, painting rooms in the house or things outside under the watchful eye of NPD father who'd give you a hell of a beating if you didn't complete the work (which I now realize fell into his domain of keeping up appearances for the neighbors' benefit). Then he went and bought a business so every Saturday one of us had to go work from 7 am til 11 pm with him. No wonder I have no idea how to perform self care. It's a joy for me now to just be alone in my apartment learning about this by watching RUclips videos.
I wholeheartedly agree that we self sabotage when we are suffering & in pain whether it be anxiety, depression or an incident that is so bizarre that it leaves someone in their head for so long that their life unravels due to their elevated emotions & confusion😔…..It is so easy for people to say “let go of it” especially when they themselves have no clue what the person’s experience was like & the confusion & brain fog left by the incident literally changes the person’s brain to the point that focus is almost impossible……problem solving that came so easy to that person before bc their brain fired properly…is now a frustrating, highly emotional task leaving the person feeling even more worthless…& the cherry on the top is others putting all of the blame for self sabotaging on that person who already feels lower than low & the smallest of tasks feels like walking thru mud in the fog! (NO ONE WANTS TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!!) 💣
Yep. Exactly I can’t get a damn assignment done for the life of me. I’ve been straight A student my entire ice. Currently, I have F’s in like all of my classes, 0’s o exams… I just can’t get myself to good things, study, turn things in before deadlines, focus, nothing. Doesn’t even feel like my brain. But it’s weird bc I don’t feel sad and depressed, kinda numb to the pain I felt extremely heavily starting in January.. So I’m not constantly crying but my brain bro…. It’s like I CANT fix it or do thing. It’s like I CANT. No matter how hard I try… I feel powerless. This isn’t me. I’m a little bit over a year away from my degree…. I’ve only ever made all A’s and 2 C’s ever in college. Now I don’t even know if I’m going to pass anything…
Maybe we can follow the content of our thoughts and reframe one time to time turning it into a more positive language. Not all at once, notice then start imagining the contrary. Ask ourselves what do we desire, what makes us feel great. Then change that inner voice into a more friendly one ibstead of a stinging ine always. I am doing this since 3 to 5 years now and my flow, joy and brain function are ccomong back by waves. Not always good but better. And i keep going. So dont give up on yourselves, you are the main character who can work it out for you. Much love 💫
@@sperez3275 Wow, have you been severely Traumatized in the last year?
Maybe you need some EMDR, with a Trauma Therapist.
@@aplik881, I hope your wellness is ongoing. What you said in response to micheleele7299's very relatable post resonated with me. Would you please share an example so I can customize it for myself? Thanks in advance. 🥰🙋🏿♀️💃🏿
very well said, its a very nasty modern 'trend' victim blaming leads to further deeper layers rather than holding and supporting someone. Gentleness time and self-compassion finally lead us out if the inner hell that toxic folk leave us with.
the 7 Self-Sabotaging Habits:
1. Procrastination 4:37
2. Social Comparison 15:51
3. Surrounding Ourselves with Toxic People 36:42
4. Negative Voice/Thoughts Inside our Heads 56:45
5. Perfectionism 1:14:37
6+7. Overly Invested in a Specific Outcome + Pathologizing Your Own Needs 1:27:28
Taking on too much
Thank you
are there time stamps for these lol, my add keeps wondering off
@@trevnti Just added some time stamps for you :)
Who are you
43:45 "I don't think it's cynical for a person to try to protect themselves" amen
I love Dr. Ramani. It's impossible for her to give a bad interview. Always helpful, insightful, relatable, personable 😀
It's really simple in this life to be nice. We can't do it ALL BY OURSELVES! I really enjoy helping others. I am actually doing a on hand study with addicts and would love to share what I have observed about them and myself ❤🙏.
Doing this is not as easy as it sounds. Going into a toxic environment, knowing that abuse will happen, 😢 because hurt people hurt people.
Trying to give quality time for listening 😊. Some of them are hurting deeply and I am strengthening myself not to fall for toxic relationships. I'm not toxic and you should enjoy what you do and your reputation will speak for itself.
I put my life on hold to help family and others 😕. And being shy with low self-esteem but not for education. I'm confident with learning and education. I am socially awkward because I didn't chase women like my friends in highschool 😂. Church stuck with me growing up. My mom told me not to go out there and ruin some women's life. 😢 I already felt bad and now I might not be good for a normal relationship! I believe she did because of her life experiences. It kept me from pretty much feeling unworthy, don't make enough, or my skin and being smart brings out racism in others 😮
I could talk a long time with what I have experienced and observed interacting with others. 😂
How about when your department sabotages you because they are intimidated by who you are as a person. 😕
I deserve what makes me happy and safe in my life 😊. The toxic people in the toxic environment will not be easily change. The glass bottom effect takes over and then that behavior is celebrated and respected sometimes. 😕
There's something so honest and ordinary about her own human experience that she's soo relatable when she speaks the wisdom.
I literally prayed this Morning to The Most High God asking him to search my heart and find my Ill-wills,reveal them to me, and help me work through them. This video popped up on my RUclips mentions right after my daily morning prayer and all I could do was cry and thank the Most High God for this edification! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
God's cool 😎
Reading the Book of Psalms, Proverbs, Sanskrit, are very valuable❤
Mmmmm. And why did it pop into my feed when I needed it.....yet I don't believe in God.
@@MrsSlocombesPuddyCat You may not believe in the Most High, but He doesn't need you believing in Him in order to exist, because His existence is not dependent on people acknowledging it : He's real even if no one believes He exists. Have you ever thought that this video popped into your feed when you needed it because He is trying to get your attention and to draw you closer to Himself ?
Does the video draw people closer to God? I haven't watched it, bit it looks like a psychology video?
Wow....I could listen to Dr. Ramani all day! Her insight into human behavior and motivation is fabulous, and she explains it all so well.
Yes! She hugs me when she speaks! Id love to meet her!
Me too
Me too. Her stuff on narcissism is such a game changer. She keeps it real.
I was not aware about the toxic effects that comparing can have until I started my healing journey and I started psychotherapy. I learned that comparing is always unhealthy, it is a cognitive distortion. It is not easy to unlearn something that I practiced for so long time and being unaware. But I am hopeful and I feel empowered to know one of the root that is causing me a bad self image. 💗 Dr Ramani
Yes I believe Denial is a serious form of procrastination....I have to constantly watch out for myself going into denial to avoid this procrastinate
Why I LOVE Dr. Ramani! she is real about herself, she is with the times, she gives real cause and effect insight. I have been following her for about a year and my mental and physical life has improve. Anxiety and avoidance were a breakthrough. I always learn some new and how to apply it to my life and how to deal with people around me. And yes, I did listen to the whole hour and 52 minutes. Thank you to you both.
The amount of wisdom, knowledge, and awareness one can get from these conversations are profound and priceless! Thank you both 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Dr. Ramani you are pouring gold out of your mouth - thank you. I owe you a big, big cake for helping me through tough situations in recent years.
God, I LOVE this conversation. On so many levels, for so many reasons, it is a healing extravaganza for me. Thank You! 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@GregMunro Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is STOP thinking about a person who has left you. Distract yourself with new thoughts or new interests. Limerence is very, very unhealthy and self-destructive. I know, I had to get over it a few times. I am happier now and open to love someone who is ready, willing, and able to love me back. I wish the same for you. ❤
A very wise woman once told me that no man will satisfy all of our emotional needs which is why God gives us FRIENDS
....and pets.
Yes and even more than that, He gave us His Son...Yeshua...Jesus of Nazareth! Have a blessed and glorious day!!!
@@KarenBasset Truly! Angels in fur...
Romans 10 vers 9 and 10 say it out loud
❤️
I admire Dr.Ramani for being so articulate at 6.45 in the morning! 😄
This may be the most illuminating podcast episode I've ever listened to in regards to the psychological issues that have been torturing me my whole life. I'm blown away. Everything she said made so much sense and just felt right. I feel so much hope that I can change things now that I understand the problem. I can't thank you both enough.
Thank you so very much for this video! I am in an extremely difficult narcissistic marriage for 38 yrs with my almost 71 yr old husband now and definitely insults me almost daily of course and one example I have lost 100 lbs in the last couple years and off my diabetes meds and blood pressure meds too but he never never has complimented me or supported me of course. In fact he tells me quite often that I am sickly looking and everyone thinks that I am sick and he will call me a scrawny old woman and that I don’t eat enough! He says he didn’t marry a scrawny damn woman ! Thank goodness I have a weight support group that I attend weekly and support with them on Facebook.
Maybe you want to watch Chef AJ on youtube
Good on you for putting yourself first and taking care of your body. It’s so hard to do when you’re being berated and nothing is ever good enough 🙏🏻I hope that you know that you come across as amazing, capable and strong.
Keep on keeping on, you haven’t any ears for that BS. Shine on 🤩
For the issue of older people growing up without social media, and therefore being more vulnerable: I realized I grew up with the same thing, only a different format: magazines. Magazines were everywhere in the 70's and 80's. Carefully curated photo shoots to make a celebrity's life look perfect. These weren't homemade jobs done by some influencer in their bedroom for IG, these were images crafted by professionals. Photographers, stylists & journalists. Talk about comparison; it would drive me up and the wall and back down it again. I finally realized I had to stop reading magazines.
Really enjoy hearing Dr. Ramani;she’s brilliant on narcissism.
Yes!
From about 37:00 to about 1:00:00, she talks about how m self sabotage can be a function of a dysfunctional relationship. And oh my goodness, isn’t that the truth! So much of what she said in those 15 minutes relate perfectly to what I’m going through. Including the devaluation of myself by my partner. We found a marriage counselor who can see exactly what is going on, and long story short, I’m not the problem. But I’ve been told I was for so long. It’s such a relief to know I am not at fault! To recognize that many of my poor coping mechanisms developed as a way of coping with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I had just been seeing that this week, and this podcast was like God was giving me confirmation of what I had already figured out. Like He was saying, “You’re on the right track.” That is so freeing and validating! Thank you!
May God grant you greater favor and honor with your husband, in Jesus awesome Name! Amen!!
Sounds like you’re married to a narcissist. Dr. Ramani’s own RUclips channel has many videos that cover the subject of narcissistic abuse. I was once married to a narcissist, worst years of my life. Good luck and I hope things get better for you ❤
@@ALT-vz3jn I went down that road a few years ago. Read several books on covert narcissism and emotional abuse. The more I read, the less it sounded like him. I now understand exactly what is going on, and it’s not abuse. It’s just a difficult situation. And it is ending, looks like this summer.
That voice was YOU...not god!!! It was your true self. ❤
Dr. Ramani turns the mental intangibles and confusions into mental clarity. There is absolutely no one so INSIGHTFUL and PRAGMATIC like Dr. Ramani. The talks are sometimes long but they are such necessary lessons for anyone who don't like their life right now. I can't thank Dr. Ramani enough.
Absolutely agree with you. She is a real gem!
Dr. Chatterjee thank you so much for your podcasts. They have become my happy, healthy safe space. I have learnt so much from the content you and your guests share. 🙏🏽
This is so insightful. When you're ready for the change the teacher shows up.
The biggest problem is the thing that drives all these things; procrastination, guilt, want, desire, obligation; things "needing to be done". Most of these things are based on peer pressure, social pressure , family pressure, societal pressure. None is self generated. it is all external. So self sabotage is an internal conflict based on exogenous factors. When you are true to yourself and not doing what others want of you, it is THEN that you get things done. But separating yourself from the pressures you have allowed to be placed upon you is not easy.
WHAT Dr Ramani said was tremendous!! 😳,
31:50 . Thanks Dr. Ramani for that clarification. 10 years ago I stopped my career and started to do inner work, therapy. Now I am in different place. I am happy that I did that even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
That resonated ❤
Recently I've come across a scientific topic that said that procrastination is actually often driven emotionally: the feeling of being harshly judged causes the avoidance. Which is very pertinent for survivors of narcissistic abuse, who often have that harsh inner critic.
Listening to this and reflecting on my 1.5 year MBA while working full time. omg, there was a period where I did a 72 hour stretch of no sleep and just didn't tell anyone.
"How'd that work out?" Three B's, and one professor taking me aside and asking "Are you doing ok?" Of course I am. I just did something breathtakingly insane and pulled it off.
Two of my favorite doctors I love learning from! Thank you for this conversation. ❤
*The one & only **#DrRamani* . . . that's all that needs to be said ('finally' on Dr. Rangan's channel}👏❣
Yay!!!!
Can i just say once again how grateful I am that i get to listen to Dr. Ramani in spite of living in a different country.
Wow! I am so grateful for Dr. Romani. She’s real. I’d love to have her as my therapist. I learned so much from both Dr’s. (Love Chattergee-who doesn’t?). Great podcast ❤
So so true!! Easy to listen and learn without lots of judgment...makes me think l.might be able to move on with achieving my goals.....
Hey! She "IS" your therapist! Mine too! I bet if I tracked her down she would grant me a hug where I could just cry for for 10 min! And its bc she GETS it!!!! Shes so very accessable!❤
It’s Dr. Ramani👍
I could listen to dr Ramani non stop.
She is hardcore on point. Real. And logical confident rather than authoritarian. Brilliant.
I am decluttering work environment a lot so it's real easy to see their GAMES. Very satisfying. I just got a truck and removed two large items that people want, but that they absolutely do not need, and am giving them to another section of folks at work. I threw away trash, and painted at least 10 doors the original color it should be (in other words I didn't choose it, I made it clean). I even asked garbage company to swap the dumpster so that area looks and smells good. Now ONE room has a paint job (all cabinet doors, counters, the inside of the front door) it shouldn't which points it out clear as day. (It's a color not appropriate for young children, this isn't your own house.). Removed duplicate signs, took down things that hadn't been used in years, and painted. Trimmed bushes so you can see clearly. Installed hooks for backpacks in appropriate areas. It's so nice now. I even painted basketball backboards. Let's do this. 💛
I'm definitely a self sabotageur, I sometimes do purposely so I'll struggle and become more resilient. Theres method in my madness
Yap, this sounds somehow even kind! I had to smile🤗
I'm also someone who needs to sit somewhere specific. I'll arrive hours early, to ensure I've got the seat with my back to the wall, facing the door, with easy access to walking out that door. It's the joy of PTSD from a recent assault. I survived being raised in a home with 2 narc parents, and various assaults... but THIS assault has just done my nervous system in. Still working through it. So very glad to see someone with various successes in their world, who has adapted to similar ptsd symptoms.
Makes me feel less "out of control", and more "I can adapt to this and still be successful". Thanks so much for talking about your experience. It means the world. :)
Doctor Ramani is a GENIUS
I've created a routine and sometimes things come up that take away from the routine but then I'll get back on track again. Routine returns and I'm good again. I love to do yoga, swimming and walking/hiking with my dog. I take it easy on myself each day with at least an hour of self-care. This is how I'm managing to deal with the stresses in life. Don't compare yourself to others at all but be the best self that you can be.
I appreciate Dr. Ramani's channel, but I do enjoy this branching out from her usual material!
Oh I connected with that comment- the struggle to balance the immigrant parent’s expectations and finding my own past. Thank you DR Ramani. I’ve learned so much with your discussions the past 2 years.
Thank you so much for this podcast, Dr Ramani and Dr Chatterjee. After leaving an unhealthy 4-year relationship recently, I found myself checking my ex's Facebook account, where he'd been 'liking' attractive women's profile pic's. These women live near him and so, as well as going through the natural grieving process, I was self-sabotaging by comparing myself with them. I've just blocked him off everything since watching this.
Thank you. xx
Block them, it is the only way with these people. It takes time to detach, by it comes eventually. But it is important to do so physically and emotionally! It is possible. I did it after 2 years now, but it is worth wait. I can see things as they are real and clearly, so that doesnt affect me anymore, but it bothers me that it ever did!
Syukron dr Ramani. I'm short of figuring out why i procrastinate. Where that thing called perfection came from and mess my life. I remember my professor said to me, you have to hand me your revision once more, if it doesn't perfect rightaway, i will leave you to other lecturer. I feel that event stamp sooo deep in me and mess my life upside down in sooo many years, 13 years dr....yes....
Dr. Ramani is the best mental health professional I have encountered either in person or online. She objectively understands the myriad of situations. She has studied many antisocial personality types. She is a lifesaver.
Dr R. I look back to where I was. I am deffinatly much improved from where I started. I am not where I would like to be but my vision of the future is so much brighter then it was. One breath, one day, week, month at a time. Inch, step, you have been a life raft. Thank you.
I love this woman, everything out of her mouth is a gem. She gives great bang for the Buck!
This is an awesome and educational session. Will transform my life. 10:45am my time in Barbados.
I agree with you that Dr. Ramani is an amazing person. She is doing a great service by raising awareness about narcissism and helping people who are struggling with it. Her podcast is a valuable resource, and I am grateful for her work.
I am also grateful for the information you have shared. It is important for people to know that they are not alone and that there is help available if they are dealing with a narcissistic person. I hope that your words will help others to heal and thrive.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
"How will I proceed in this relationship if I know this person isn't going to change?" This hit home, I had to take a break from the video for 2 hours? I am going through a challenging time in my relationship and I am hoping someone changes, I have waited for 2 years to be treated with compassion and respect.
Leopards do not change their spots. Narc parents and 2 narc husbands, now 70 and living alone with my companion creatures. It is pure heaven! There are worse things than being alone. Dr Ramani has truly saved me with her kindness, compassion and insight. Peace and blessings to her and all of us who are on this journey. May you find joy and comfort in this life. 🦋
My mother was the one person in my life who made me feel bad & I couldn't get rid of her. She held onto me like a bulldog (she wanted me to be her servant/ take care of her). I did try to help her. She was always depending on others to make her happy. She wouldn't go to counseling or let go of me. She died of cancer at 75 & never changed. She actually got worse at the end.
💞
DrRamini's knowledge knows no bounds
I so admire her humility , considering she has endless qualifications
An extraordinary woman!
Oh, it sounds like my mother 🤔
She’s 73 now….
Do you feel bad after her death?
Sugar Spring, it’s so sad to hear what you say about your mother, that she made you bad about yourself. But, it’s really bad also to hear you say, “you could
never get rid of her.” Well, now she’s not with you any more. So sad to hear about the pain she must have gone through. Hopefully, she’s in a much better place now. The same to you. No matter how badly our parents treated us, we need to forgive them, and forgive ourselves. If they’re toxic, we can maintain a healthy distance. First, we must heal ourselves, then, we can treat ourselves and others with love❤
@@jeanie5074 actually, my therapist said that I don't have to forgive my mother unless I receive an apology, which I never did. Letting go of the past was something I definitely had to do & that didn't happen overnight. I also needed to stop blaming her & to move forward with living my best life. That's still in progress. 👍👍
loved this podcast. Since i had narcasstic parents i promised myself i would be a better parent. Sadly i ended up over parenting it waa done with love and knowing no better.
similar
Thanks very much. As always very informative. What often goes unmentioned, and which is also a reason for self-sabotage, is dissociation, especially in people who have experienced severe trauma at a very young age. IFS helps to a certain extent. But you have so many autopilot programs that self-sabotage is the order of the day.
A topic that would also be interesting is about highly sensitive people.
I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist one week ago. I appreciate everything being stated here. My wish is that all clinicians approach mental health in this manner. Thank you.
Wow, I can't tell you how much I've learnt from this interview, amazing talk
Dr. Ramani you are the GOAT and you give so much to survivors, I hope you know how important you are, I share this often in my support group! 💛💛💛💛
Really thank you for this podcast. As someone who is kinda at the crossroads at the moment this truly gave me invaluable insight and comfort!
Thanks, this is very helpful! I've been struggling with the new onset of procrastination, but I figured out why from this. I learned when I have to make a fire vs frying pan decision, I hate it, so I procrastinate. What Dr. Ramani says here is true about breaking down difficult tasks. Someone once told me a way to quit smoking was just to delay having that cigarette by 10 minutes. After this, he just said to extend this bit of time a bit further each time. I heard this back in 1994. I don't smoke anymore.
Just when you start to think these videos couldn't get any better.
Thank you for having Dr. Ramani on your show!
Be yourself. Take small steps to heal yourself. Ask yourself questions: What matters to me? What do you stand for? Am I doing what I want to do! Be careful what you wish for you might get it! ❤Dr. Romani! I’m a big fan! You do you Dr. Ramoni😊🎉. Powerful work to drill down into who you are, what you’re about!
Every topic she touched, was spoken with so much clarity and insight, it hit every thing I believed, and everything I needed to hear at the moment, and I am really grateful. Thank you.
Your post did the very same for me! 😅
What a good idea to have a facebook acount about a dirty fridge, and full bascket of clothes... i absolutly love it ! I'm going to think about it. Thanks
I am always led to your videos when I need it most!! Thank you both!
I really enjoy all of your podcasts. They have made a very positive life change for me.
My goodness, I didn't even realize that 2 hours have gone past. Enriching is the word that comes to mind every time I listen to Dr Ramani.
Dr ramani is amazing 👏 her understanding of Narcissism is amazing.
Its so soothing to hear Dr Ramani, she is assuring and has her heart in her work.
I changed my thoughts with my inner dialogue, diversion, power song and the all
Powerful branding… “silly girl tricks are for kids”. And then replace the words of the inner critic by addressing it, “You shut up, you go home, you’re repetitive ,I understand and I’ll take it into consideration”.
Thank you for sharing. When I graduated with my Bachelors, I almost walked out of the commencement. I was is the middle and felt like I had to get out completely. I settled to sit in the isle and used the " I have to stand because my backhurts" excuse. This whole exchange has given me more insight on how to manage myself more effectively.
Just started listening to this podcast and as a childhood trauma survivor of a narcissistic abuse .iv self sabotaged my entire life. Regardless of insight and self awareness.
While it is hard to watch someone you love suffer, I know my chronic illnesses have taught me much, helped me to become a better person and helped me figure out much younger than my peers what was important to me (because I had solid physical limits so I never had the illusion of invincibility or being able to have/ do it all).
I agree, being diagnosed with chronic illness / autoimmune disease and being immunocompromised (especially during covid pandemic) is life changing in sooooo many ways. I feel I have more of an understanding of life, learning radical acceptance, loving myself unconditionally, and unapologetically. Built Healthy boundaries with consequences. Working on a loving marriage. Cultivating healthy friendships. My life matters, and it's my responsibility to take care of myself, mentally and physically. I chose to be around healthy friendships and relationships.
How great to listen to Dr Chatterjee and Dr Ramani talking together! The lighting in Dr Ramani's room makes her look rather Gothic; even a little like Michael Jackson 🙂
Too my hummingbird as when I lost my words, It is praises from my soul that belong to Our Father know the differences of communications Trust 1 A that One God of light! Thank you for all your endless hard work, efforts, for healing, treating, teaching, sharing lessons of life’s mindsets an mental healthcare organization to the world! Thank You & Appreciation! Peace be with you & yours!
Boy,, she struck a nerve at 44:50. I’m in my 50’s and have been struggling for decades with the relationship I have with my mother. I have a hard time going over to visit her… and when I don’t , I feel guilty. She makes a very good point that one needs to take care of themselves.
My suggestion would be to find out as much as you can about her childhood. That may help you understand the way she relates to you.
@@SamStone1964it always makes people laugh when i say - " enjoy the guilt ".
@@Dreaminsightswithvaun Narcissists gain supply from other's guilty feelings.
Excellent interview of excellent doctors - Dr Chatterje, again, thank you for this conversation!
No holds barred, humble, and hence, realistic.
I never thought very deeply about why I have to be on the outside. I do this at restaurants in the booths. I thought I was just selfish. I get to where I feel trapped. If I overthink the trapped feeling I’ll go down a rabbit hole too though. I had a teacher in the first grade. She taught music and she told me how her tongue was too big for her mouth. I think she was talking about her dental stuff in her mouth or something but it freaked me out. So it made my tongue feel trapped. I can feel trapped if people are in my face too long. It’ll make me feel like I can’t catch my breathe. My feet have to be out of the blanket or they will be trapped. Shoes make my toes feel trapped. Long sleeve shirts make my arms burn. I know they’re all different feelings of trapped but I also can feel trapped in open spaces, or the opposite where I feel an overwhelming feeling like I might float away I had a dream one time and it keeps coming up in my thoughts recently, where I was in an elevator that made me squish up to the ceiling when it went down and squashed me flat when it went up. and I fall and fly in my dreams. Okay. Sorry for the rant of random stuff.
Dr. Ramani , has helped me so much , she absolutely changed my way of dealing with my anxiety from the narsasstic relationship i wad in , still struggling but working on it everyday,i listen to her posts every day thats how i am getting through it
My caregivers habitually required me to fail and made sure I did. I self-sabotage because it hurts more if others sabotage me.
I have just finished listening to this and I feel I have had a double dose of wisdom as I also discussed these topics with my therapist earlier today. So on point for me and really helpful, thank you 😊
This one I watch regularly as I need to consume it by the spoonfuls.
But...I have paused it bc I'm procrastinating delivering some items...
Why? What is the un named fear...
Oh. Bc Im afraid that the things my not be appreciated or good enough.
I just want them accepted and understood.
I know that they will...sooo off I go in a better state of mind and avoidance has been replaced with enthusiasm and anticipación.😊
Great podcast! Thank you! ❤️
This conversation is so helpful - thank you!
Dr. Ramani thanks for such detailed insights. It is through the nuances that self sabotage can be controlled and overcome. Love you 💗 you are an amazing talented professional ❤
I hav had so much healing from you, doctor Ramani, thank you. But thru a so well meaning friend I developed social anxiety - it was because I lost money & wound up poor. My friend made observations so I started to be very nervous about my overall appearance & my car. It was awful & I have had to accept being less than in some peoples’ eyes. The ‘not doing enough’ comments were also present - so i hear even you had this said to you!! Now I will use your guided image approach. I should after all appreciate that I am a person who has come thru narcissistic abuse including gas lighting without going completely nuts!!! I survive.. 🙏
Dr, Romani I wish too thank you for all that I have learned from you about how to protect me while in the slow process of leaving my narc!
I agree with you that Dr. Ramani is an amazing person. She is a gifted storyteller and educator, and her work has the potential to change the world. I have been following Dr. Ramani's work for several years, and I have found her to be incredibly insightful and helpful. Her videos and podcasts have helped me to understand myself and my relationships better, and they have given me the tools I need to heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
I am grateful for Dr. Ramani's work, and I believe that she is a true pioneer in the field of narcissistic abuse. She is helping to break the silence around this issue, and she is giving a voice to those who have been silenced. I am confident that her work will continue to change lives for the better, and I am proud to call her a mentor and advisor.
I believe that Dr. Ramani's work is especially important during the pandemic. The pandemic has been a time of great stress and uncertainty for many people, and it has exacerbated the challenges of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani's work can help people to understand what they are going through, and it can provide them with the tools they need to heal.
I am grateful for Dr. Ramani's work, and I believe that she is a true asset to the world. I am confident that her work will continue to make a positive impact on the lives of many people.
One of the best interviews ever. Great questions. Thanks for such wonderful content. Please continue your fantastic work.
It really is a hot and very reusable discussion! I think it deserves an award! For always delivering! (I've watched it 6 times so far)
Fantastic podcast. Thank you so much to both of you.
A saying I was taught in therapy and learned is, "Stop doing the things you hate." There's also a great quote, "Stop should'ing on yourself." - Say that last one fast and you'll notice what it says and then put "Should'ing" in that place. THAT's a powerful reminder in my life and the lives of loved ones when I hear them saying "I should do this" I shouldn't do this" --- hope it helps someone else seeing this.
This is really helping me understand why I procrastinate. I need to apply for jobs, and chase agencies, but... I get so many passive agressive replies, it is really discouraging, especially when people I know don't work as well as me get jobs (because they have relatives working at the company where I'm applying). The more perfect I am at work, the more I antagonise these people, and their relatives, and the more difficult it is to get a job.
Yes. Giving our power away to some external. So true.
I had a primary internal care physician that charged every patient an annual $350 to continue giving quality time with each of his patients. After each physical an hour was scheduled after labs going over every detail and goals.
One of best films with dr. RAMANI. Less of narcicism topic and more on other important stuff. Watching again 😍
Great video! I remember I heard it somehwere: we post on social media when we do great things and feel great. We consume social media when during our ordinary days, when we are bored, we feel anxious or sad. And I strongly agree with that.