@@Innerpandora She is insecure and needs validation. She's willing to destroy her life because she expects to be "saved", and in so doing, have some affirmation of her own value. She never feels more loved and appreciated than when a man is charging in to her rescue. But to be rescued, she needs to be in dire circumstances, so she'll blow up her life to have that feeling again. A feeling she can't get when living a normal happy life. This cycle will repeat because she only addresses any of it when things are bad and she can have a pity party for herself. Those who break the cycle are focused on it when times are good too, because that's where the critical mistakes get made. She can only see in hindsight, with her back to the wall. It's so cliche... Wait until she discovered there are no more white knights out there. She's not the "Damsel in Distress", she's a homless alcoholic cheater. Nobody is rescuing people like that. This road doesn't lead to her fairytale ending, it leads to her renting a room at the YWCA and hooking in the parkinglot.
I hate how she still mentions Jake and her friend in the anger and blame part. All she had to do was go home as soon as she seen him. He ruined her life once, I can’t understand why she even spoke to him for one second
For the first story good riddance that Ryan divorced the OP for the way she cheated on him with the person that abused her, I don’t get why OP would even destroy her marriage for someone who has no issues putting his hands on women
I mean it does not take a genius to understand why. That's like asking why people hurt or kill or starve or binge themselves. It's subconscious unhealthy behavior made because its either 1: familiar, or 2: what they think they deserve. I swear everything has to be dumbed down for you people
S1- Op is sick. This level of self-sabotage is caused by diabolical self-loathing. Op has to wade through a toxic amount of shame and guilt before she can even attempt to heal. Good luck with that.😒
S2: “There’s no villain in this story…” Says someone who kept quiet about their knowledge of the situation and has a bias in favour of the cheating spouse. Fine, she was concerned about the mental state of her friend, but where were these sentiments for the husband?
People who try to pull that "I don't want to get in the middle" crap when one person is clearly the victim and another is clearly the villain? It's basically the equally stupid ass cousin of "let's just keep the peace."
S1 tldr: "I'm selfish and believe I get to do what I want regardless of who I hurt, because I've been hurt." All it took to for you to cheat was to run into your former boyfriend to throw it all away. You drank because you wanted too, and it allowed you to do what you wanted. The worst part, OP knows she's selfish and broken but uses it as an excuse to not actually make a change. Sometimes what is broken just cannot be fixed. I mean OP literally says, "I didn't think about him (husband at home)." When you can't even see disrespect when you define it yourself and prove it through your actions. There's probably a term for people that weaponize their therapy to justify their choices, but I'm not smart enough to know what it is.
What's up with people cheating on their spouses? Op shouldn't said yes to the alcohol, she should've try keep her distance away from Jake at the reunion, if it's possible. There's no such thing as second chances when it comes to cheating in a relationship.
Please put all the classic cheater lines below because I feel like cheaters have the same excuses. "I didn't mean it." "Give me another chance." Hope Ryan will find someone who appreciates him just as much as he would them.
“I don’t know how it happened.” Yes they do. They always know how it happens. They just don’t want to admit it because then they would be admitting they’re wrong and their selfishness can’t take that.
For story 1: Once he puts his hands on you LEAVE. YTA for cheating on the husband who loved you and treated you like a queen with a guy who claimed he loved you and put his hands on you.
These women don't understand. The moment you are in an exclusive relationship, you're supposed to do things right. That is your chance. Your one and only chance. Destroy that chance, and it's permanent.
Story 2:"There's no villain in this story". The naivety in this statement really sums up OP's attitude and how she got dragged into this mess try to play both sides. Even though it would be more accurate to say she's siding with the cheater. And I don't buy OP saying she'd act the same if the husband and wife swapped positions. It's just a rich thing for her to say since she clearly can't accept the responsibility of who she's protecting and what that says about her. OP will recognize the consequences of this sooner or later.
4:36 This is exactly why they discourage you from around “old friends” from when you were not in recovery when you are. If you’re not in a place to say no to those people, you can’t be around them. And you NEVER need a justification to refuse a drink! NEVER EVER!
Story 1: OP clearly had unresolved issues and damages. But that's no excuse, and it's barely even an explanation. She chose to behave inappropriately, she chose to cheat, she chose to lie about it and keep it secret, then she chose to treat her partner like shit when she got back. Like, I can't believe I'm saying this, but at least some cheaters pretend to love the person they betrayed. OP's ex never changed, and neither did OP. As sad as it is, this is the outcome OP deserves.
You know when you always trying to not to be judgmental, to see past people's mistake. But the amount of stories like this only make a man solidify a simple rule: "Never take a broken woman. No matter how much work she puts in, or how much she healed - you never know when it hits you." The statistics are too sad to risk it.
It's also worth noting that these are self selected samples from drama subs. You don't hear about the time it works because those people are not posting their lives on reddit
Bullshit all she had to do was I forgive you and should’ve left the party. Cheating isn’t a mistake it’s a choice. Mistake is when you spill a cup of water or forget to answer a question on a question paper
Im glad OP at least admits the majority of her resentment is towards herself in story one. It doesnt exonerate her, but admitting youre the fucked up one is the first step to doing better and being less shitty.
I have a family member who is in active alcohol recovery. The biggest thing they will state is that you can't even take one drink, not even one!! As I've heard her state, you're one drink away from a relapse. When she was handed that drink, she should have passed, and put it down. She didn't have to even say why, just that she wasn't in the mood, or she's sick, or whatever. After taking that drink, all bets are off.
When will people realize that cheating is never a mistake. its a series of decision.. she attended the party, she met ex and didnt leave, she got drunk, etc etc.. it's always "one thing led to another" as if those things wasn't their choice....
1)YTA YOU HAD EVERYTHING, LOVE, MONEY AND FAMILY, even people who genuinely are, loved you even after knowing everything about you then you cheated WITH YOUR ABUSIVE EX, who hurt you alot before, why, you dont get to be angry, you dont get to blame, your friend for not telling you, your ex for being there or yourself for saying yes to alcohol, when you were with your ex, thats on you, when you went to the party, you shouldne have been tempted now you have nothing and no one, and from youre describing about yourself when you are interacting with the friend still blaming her, tells me that you will lodse them too 2)YTA are you insane? r stupid? you are a toxic person you let this women, lie, cheat, and threaten a person, but when you were treated the same way that is when you decided to "cut them off" 3)NTA you lost the baby, that is traumatic, but youre family is so inconsiderate go NC and talk with your dad,
For the first one, never try to be the guy who fixs the damaged girl or the first guy who she dates when she claims to have worked on herself (maybe guy number 5)
further nasty: they threaten self - harm if you wont' do x,y,z? 'go ahead, nothing left but a hole in the ground and some tears, mabye'. what mom used to tell me over bad choices and ignoring advice,.. such as 'never ride with teenagers, especially boys'
so wait, she had a loving, supportive husband who didn't do anything other than being supportive, and she cheated because he ex felt different and new what a idiot then to blame being drunk when you said you had been sober for year that mean you had years of being in positions since then when ppl have been drinking around you and all of a sudden its too much to explain to ppl who already knew you this not a new group of ppl this is ppl who she was friends with this was a you thing not a i got drunk thing 🥴🥴🥴
and this sounds nasty, I'm sorry for the lost baby but to be saddled with a toxic creature like OP.. that would be the greater hell on earth. all she had to do was turn around and leave. I don't think this friend is one at all. I think she is part and parcel of the manipulation, she had some sort of agenda.
Nice job Genius lmao 12:48 NO NO NO NO BE QUIET. It doesn't matter who was there. The real fact is your complete fault. YOU made the decision TO cheat with your abusive ex of all people.
S1: After all the work she put in to be better, the instant she's out of her husband's sight, she f*cks up so completely and catastrophically just because she instantly caved when someone offered her a drink. Absolutely pathetic. That's crazy.
I dont condone cheating... that said, she (1st OP) cheats on her perfect husband with SOMEONE WHO ABUSED HER PREVIOULY????? Can someone explain this logic to me? 😭😭😭😭
Opie did not change. You missed the dysfunctional fun in your mind, lifestyle and trying to look for sympathy. Then you cheated with the disgusting abusive ex. Some women just love staying with guys like this dude.
S1: this sucks that poor baby and Ryan. but at the end of the day actions have consequences op knew the type of guy her ex was and she still cheated and got pregnant by him she cheated on her husband for that train wreck shes stupid and her stupidity costed her a child’s life a decent marriage and a destroyed reputation.
I have so many questions about this story because it sounds like Jake took advantage of her after having the alcohol. Yes OP made the mistake of drinking and not leaving the party, but I find it hard to believe she cheated while her head was that foggy and had consensual sex with her abusive boyfriend. How much alcohol did Jake have? Did someone spike her drink or purposefully give her alcohol? It's possible she's gaslighted herself into thinking she cheated but was actually assaulted, and Ryan didn't look more into it or at least try to get the full picture of the situation. It's awful when situations like this happen to women and we victim blame them like this: we clearly know Jake was trying to do, yet we expect OP to basically not be human and make all the perfect decisions. Realistically, its just not possible. Before you argue with me in the comments, this isn't a regular cheating story and there are men who stay around drunk women just to take advantage of them. Sadly it happens.
She made several choices that lead to that. Stayed at the party even tho her past abuser was there. Talked to him and heard him out, even tho after all he did, she had some drink even tho she was sober. Danced with him even tho she knew she used to be trauma bond to him. Why stay in his presence if you know what type of person he is. If he assaulted her, I’m sorry for her. But as far as she tells the story, that’s not the case. She got caught up in the moment and let herself fall into his charms again, even tho she knew better.
You are right. There is no way women make bad decisions on their own. The fact that Lesbian relationships have double DV and divorce rates than hetero couples proves that women don't make any bad decisions and everything is someone else's fault.
Since when was staying faithful a "perfection"? It's a simple and common that when you are in a relationship you don't go opening your legs for someone else... And she also said she was sober for a year. Meaning she had been around people drinking before and she stayed sober. What she did is a series of actions that hit her with the consequences. Ryan is the only victim here so stop reaching.
She spent her whole life searching for love just to fuck up her one chance at love lmao
How does one fumble so spectacularly 😮
@@Innerpandora She is insecure and needs validation. She's willing to destroy her life because she expects to be "saved", and in so doing, have some affirmation of her own value. She never feels more loved and appreciated than when a man is charging in to her rescue. But to be rescued, she needs to be in dire circumstances, so she'll blow up her life to have that feeling again. A feeling she can't get when living a normal happy life. This cycle will repeat because she only addresses any of it when things are bad and she can have a pity party for herself. Those who break the cycle are focused on it when times are good too, because that's where the critical mistakes get made. She can only see in hindsight, with her back to the wall.
It's so cliche... Wait until she discovered there are no more white knights out there. She's not the "Damsel in Distress", she's a homless alcoholic cheater. Nobody is rescuing people like that. This road doesn't lead to her fairytale ending, it leads to her renting a room at the YWCA and hooking in the parkinglot.
Idiots gonna idiots
@@InnerpandoraStupidity
@@Innerpandora cus females dont actually look for love , but tingles.
I hate how she still mentions Jake and her friend in the anger and blame part. All she had to do was go home as soon as she seen him. He ruined her life once, I can’t understand why she even spoke to him for one second
For the friend i can understand i mean how you cant tell to op her ex her abuser is present at the party
She can be mad, but that’s not the reason she cheated. I mean if she was smart she would have told her friend off and left the party
@@Eva-wo1um but how would the friend know he'd be there? she wasn't hosting she just invited op. why didn't op just leave right then and there?
@@HeoBaby24 I never blamed her friend
@@mimikyu978 No. The friend isn't responsible for her behavior.
For the first story good riddance that Ryan divorced the OP for the way she cheated on him with the person that abused her, I don’t get why OP would even destroy her marriage for someone who has no issues putting his hands on women
Because she has an addiction to bad boys she can’t quit
I mean it does not take a genius to understand why. That's like asking why people hurt or kill or starve or binge themselves. It's subconscious unhealthy behavior made because its either 1: familiar, or 2: what they think they deserve. I swear everything has to be dumbed down for you people
No need to be rude
@@puppiekitArmchair psychology 😂😂
Yep. Some people are just bad people. It is not trauma, it is not some mental/neurological condition, they are just crap people. OP is a good example.
S1- Op is sick. This level of self-sabotage is caused by diabolical self-loathing. Op has to wade through a toxic amount of shame and guilt before she can even attempt to heal. Good luck with that.😒
The parasite that is OP needs to isolate herself from good men
She should still forgive herself and move forward. If she had this wouldn't have happened in the first place.
@@YKTheFriendlyRomaikiManTell that to Ryan.
@ Name 2 people it would benefit for her to remain how she is.
First story. He killed our baby. He seems like he deserves another chance.
Ryan made the right choice leaving OP, the only thing he lost was precious time trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
I don't feel sorry for OP. OP needs to talk to a therapist. Why chose to sabotage yet again.
Like why she didn’t just left the party when she saw her abuser ? I can’t understand why would she even talk to him
@@Eva-wo1umbecause she is a broken fool. I’ve known women that have done this and there is zero logic to it.
S2: “There’s no villain in this story…”
Says someone who kept quiet about their knowledge of the situation and has a bias in favour of the cheating spouse. Fine, she was concerned about the mental state of her friend, but where were these sentiments for the husband?
She's probably a cheater herself.
People who try to pull that "I don't want to get in the middle" crap when one person is clearly the victim and another is clearly the villain? It's basically the equally stupid ass cousin of "let's just keep the peace."
Yeah, I don't buy OP's points of how she'd act the same if the husband and wife were swapped.
Thank you. I've had experience with someone like that.
S1 tldr: "I'm selfish and believe I get to do what I want regardless of who I hurt, because I've been hurt." All it took to for you to cheat was to run into your former boyfriend to throw it all away. You drank because you wanted too, and it allowed you to do what you wanted. The worst part, OP knows she's selfish and broken but uses it as an excuse to not actually make a change. Sometimes what is broken just cannot be fixed. I mean OP literally says, "I didn't think about him (husband at home)." When you can't even see disrespect when you define it yourself and prove it through your actions. There's probably a term for people that weaponize their therapy to justify their choices, but I'm not smart enough to know what it is.
What's up with people cheating on their spouses? Op shouldn't said yes to the alcohol, she should've try keep her distance away from Jake at the reunion, if it's possible. There's no such thing as second chances when it comes to cheating in a relationship.
Because women want bad boys, not relationships
2:18 OP certainly proved she really doesn’t deserve happiness
Please put all the classic cheater lines below because I feel like cheaters have the same excuses. "I didn't mean it." "Give me another chance." Hope Ryan will find someone who appreciates him just as much as he would them.
"It was one mistake!!1!1!11!!" As if it was dropping a cup rather than many calculated desicions to lie and hide things lol
"It was just sex! It didn’t mean anything!"
“I don’t know how it happened.” Yes they do. They always know how it happens. They just don’t want to admit it because then they would be admitting they’re wrong and their selfishness can’t take that.
Op unconsciously believes that she does not deserve happiness
This is correct.
Her subconscious is correct.
It's not that deep, that woman had a thing for that kind of man, they always go back to it
She sleep with the man who cause her to miscarry, she dosent deserve happiness
This is why you should never get involved with broken women their will never change
You mean broken "PEOPLE" right?
@inacook2285 yes
Even if they do heal by some miracle, then they’ll just leave you without a second thought
@@inacook2285 No, he said women and yes he was right!
For story 1:
Once he puts his hands on you LEAVE.
YTA for cheating on the husband who loved you and treated you like a queen with a guy who claimed he loved you and put his hands on you.
The irony is that she cheated on him with the same guy that messed her up enough that he had to try and mend her. OP is horrible
These women don't understand. The moment you are in an exclusive relationship, you're supposed to do things right. That is your chance. Your one and only chance. Destroy that chance, and it's permanent.
Story 2:"There's no villain in this story". The naivety in this statement really sums up OP's attitude and how she got dragged into this mess try to play both sides. Even though it would be more accurate to say she's siding with the cheater. And I don't buy OP saying she'd act the same if the husband and wife swapped positions.
It's just a rich thing for her to say since she clearly can't accept the responsibility of who she's protecting and what that says about her. OP will recognize the consequences of this sooner or later.
S1 - IF HE WAS SO PERFECT WHY THE FRICK DID YOU CHEAT? DUMBO
He is not toxic
4:36 This is exactly why they discourage you from around “old friends” from when you were not in recovery when you are. If you’re not in a place to say no to those people, you can’t be around them. And you NEVER need a justification to refuse a drink! NEVER EVER!
Story 1: OP clearly had unresolved issues and damages. But that's no excuse, and it's barely even an explanation. She chose to behave inappropriately, she chose to cheat, she chose to lie about it and keep it secret, then she chose to treat her partner like shit when she got back. Like, I can't believe I'm saying this, but at least some cheaters pretend to love the person they betrayed. OP's ex never changed, and neither did OP.
As sad as it is, this is the outcome OP deserves.
Says she not gonna make excuses, then proceeds to go on a spheel about how crappy her life was to explain her actions.
You know when you always trying to not to be judgmental, to see past people's mistake. But the amount of stories like this only make a man solidify a simple rule: "Never take a broken woman. No matter how much work she puts in, or how much she healed - you never know when it hits you." The statistics are too sad to risk it.
Instead take a healed woman because only people who have a savior complex usualy want date someone broken i remark
True asf
It's also worth noting that these are self selected samples from drama subs. You don't hear about the time it works because those people are not posting their lives on reddit
Bullshit all she had to do was I forgive you and should’ve left the party. Cheating isn’t a mistake it’s a choice. Mistake is when you spill a cup of water or forget to answer a question on a question paper
S1: Womp womp, i hope Ryan finds a good woman in the future.
Op in story two us as bad as the cheater
Im glad OP at least admits the majority of her resentment is towards herself in story one. It doesnt exonerate her, but admitting youre the fucked up one is the first step to doing better and being less shitty.
I have a family member who is in active alcohol recovery. The biggest thing they will state is that you can't even take one drink, not even one!! As I've heard her state, you're one drink away from a relapse. When she was handed that drink, she should have passed, and put it down. She didn't have to even say why, just that she wasn't in the mood, or she's sick, or whatever. After taking that drink, all bets are off.
24:15 the fact that they even say such things is horrible even if she didn't hear
Story 1 This exactly why mama says take the trash out not bring it home.
First story: OP I'm sure Jake will happily take you back. Ain't gotta stay alone lol
When will people realize that cheating is never a mistake. its a series of decision.. she attended the party, she met ex and didnt leave, she got drunk, etc etc.. it's always "one thing led to another" as if those things wasn't their choice....
1st story: this is why you go to therapy after trauma. What a terrible, terrible waste of happiness.
1)YTA YOU HAD EVERYTHING, LOVE, MONEY AND FAMILY, even people who genuinely are, loved you even after knowing everything about you then you cheated WITH YOUR ABUSIVE EX, who hurt you alot before, why, you dont get to be angry, you dont get to blame, your friend for not telling you, your ex for being there or yourself for saying yes to alcohol, when you were with your ex, thats on you, when you went to the party, you shouldne have been tempted now you have nothing and no one, and from youre describing about yourself when you are interacting with the friend still blaming her, tells me that you will lodse them too
2)YTA are you insane? r stupid? you are a toxic person you let this women, lie, cheat, and threaten a person, but when you were treated the same way that is when you decided to "cut them off"
3)NTA you lost the baby, that is traumatic, but youre family is so inconsiderate go NC and talk with your dad,
Story 1: Welp you grown you made your choice
it seems like Jake didn't change at all. guy still acts charming to get what he wants and doesn't care about any consequences after it happens
Also acting like she doesn’t know how they ended in a room. You had to choose to walk with him to an intimate place
Hard lesson for op to learn. One bad decision will throw you into a negative loop and you won't get a chance to get out until God allows you
For the first one, never try to be the guy who fixs the damaged girl or the first guy who she dates when she claims to have worked on herself (maybe guy number 5)
S1. The Ryan that loved her is dead, she killed him.
further nasty: they threaten self - harm if you wont' do x,y,z? 'go ahead, nothing left but a hole in the ground and some tears, mabye'. what mom used to tell me over bad choices and ignoring advice,.. such as 'never ride with teenagers, especially boys'
so wait, she had a loving, supportive husband who didn't do anything other than being supportive, and she cheated because he ex felt different and new what a idiot then to blame being drunk when you said you had been sober for year that mean you had years of being in positions since then when ppl have been drinking around you and all of a sudden its too much to explain to ppl who already knew you this not a new group of ppl this is ppl who she was friends with this was a you thing not a i got drunk thing 🥴🥴🥴
Love how these women are like I love my BF or husband more than anything then why did you open your legs for another guy then
Love the fact that ppl getting what they deserve but I feel for her may God be her peace
S1 OP betrayed two different people, her husband and her dead child
6:14 Lamest cop out I've ever heard.
#1 OP was alpha-widowed by an abusive Chad.
Lads, don't try to fix these women. It's not worth it, and you will get burned one way or another.
S2: There is a villain and you did pick a side and get in the middle of it because you supported her through her affair.
Exactly why past matters,
S1: this sucks but at the end of the day actions have consequences.
and this sounds nasty, I'm sorry for the lost baby but to be saddled with a toxic creature like OP.. that would be the greater hell on earth. all she had to do was turn around and leave. I don't think this friend is one at all. I think she is part and parcel of the manipulation, she had some sort of agenda.
These stories even if fictional are rancid
Ryan wasted his time for a trash like OP, dont get married guys, protect yourselves
Nice job Genius lmao
12:48 NO NO NO NO BE QUIET. It doesn't matter who was there. The real fact is your complete fault. YOU made the decision TO cheat with your abusive ex of all people.
S1: After all the work she put in to be better, the instant she's out of her husband's sight, she f*cks up so completely and catastrophically just because she instantly caved when someone offered her a drink. Absolutely pathetic. That's crazy.
I dont condone cheating... that said, she (1st OP) cheats on her perfect husband with SOMEONE WHO ABUSED HER PREVIOULY?????
Can someone explain this logic to me? 😭😭😭😭
Her husband didnt treat her iike she was broken.
👀🤷🏿♂️
Women like that, they always go back to it.
Opie did not change. You missed the dysfunctional fun in your mind, lifestyle and trying to look for sympathy.
Then you cheated with the disgusting abusive ex. Some women just love staying with guys like this dude.
Story 1. Never be a white knight, Bdw OP your ex ended your unborn childs life, not your pregnancy.
lol another reason to NEVER get married!
If this story is true then it's some serious main character syndrome.
S1: this sucks that poor baby and Ryan. but at the end of the day actions have consequences op knew the type of guy her ex was and she still cheated and got pregnant by him she cheated on her husband for that train wreck shes stupid and her stupidity costed her a child’s life a decent marriage and a destroyed reputation.
Day 166 of telling secretvoices to have a good day
S1: Stay away from alpha widows.
S1: ☕️
What is with with the Minecraft parkour backgrounds in channels like these? Who even makes those?
Why the stupid gaming footage ?
I have so many questions about this story because it sounds like Jake took advantage of her after having the alcohol. Yes OP made the mistake of drinking and not leaving the party, but I find it hard to believe she cheated while her head was that foggy and had consensual sex with her abusive boyfriend. How much alcohol did Jake have? Did someone spike her drink or purposefully give her alcohol? It's possible she's gaslighted herself into thinking she cheated but was actually assaulted, and Ryan didn't look more into it or at least try to get the full picture of the situation. It's awful when situations like this happen to women and we victim blame them like this: we clearly know Jake was trying to do, yet we expect OP to basically not be human and make all the perfect decisions. Realistically, its just not possible.
Before you argue with me in the comments, this isn't a regular cheating story and there are men who stay around drunk women just to take advantage of them. Sadly it happens.
She made several choices that lead to that. Stayed at the party even tho her past abuser was there. Talked to him and heard him out, even tho after all he did, she had some drink even tho she was sober. Danced with him even tho she knew she used to be trauma bond to him. Why stay in his presence if you know what type of person he is. If he assaulted her, I’m sorry for her. But as far as she tells the story, that’s not the case. She got caught up in the moment and let herself fall into his charms again, even tho she knew better.
You are right. There is no way women make bad decisions on their own. The fact that Lesbian relationships have double DV and divorce rates than hetero couples proves that women don't make any bad decisions and everything is someone else's fault.
Since when was staying faithful a "perfection"? It's a simple and common that when you are in a relationship you don't go opening your legs for someone else...
And she also said she was sober for a year. Meaning she had been around people drinking before and she stayed sober. What she did is a series of actions that hit her with the consequences. Ryan is the only victim here so stop reaching.
Story 3: people if you're not gonna have the balls to say things to peoples faces, don't say anything at all!
Women….