How to DISMANTLE ENVY: free yourself from negative emotions
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
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Envy is one of the most destructive emotions we are subject to experiencing, and it its invisibility makes it particularly insidious. However, like any other emotion, it can be dismantled by understanding the necessary conditions from which it arises. My working definition of envy is that it is a perceived deficit relative to a self-relevant good relative to a perceived equal. This is somewhat complex, but I break down how this awareness can be used to neutralize the emotion.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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#psychology #emotions #envy
Envy is one of the most destructive emotions we are subject to experiencing, and it its invisibility makes it particularly insidious. However, like any other emotion, it can be dismantled by understanding the necessary conditions from which it arises. My working definition of envy is that it is a perceived deficit relative to a self-relevant good relative to a perceived equal. This is somewhat complex, but I break down how this awareness can be used to neutralize the emotion.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thanks, I would also suggest making a piece on jealousy, I find these two emotions quite confusing and would love to dismantle both negative emotions. Great video btw
Thank you very much for this video. I stumbled upon it after watching your video on haters. This is the only thing that helped me mitigate my envy despite having been conscious of it for literally years, and each time it hits it would hit harder and harder and leave me unable to do what needs to be done for days on end, it was genuinely eating me up, and I knew that it was, but nothing I did seemed to help, despite having seeked out lots of ways to do so. I also felt ashamed not only for my inability to control it, but also the fact that it actively made me less than I could be had I been able to rid myself of it, and on top of that I simply ended up envying some people that I seriously did not wish to envy because I at the same time valued them as a friend.
Just don't believe everything you see on Instagram. Envy is an issue but the bigger issue in my opinion, is the trend of trying to invoke envy. Those people showing off, don't need to be envied, they need pity because no matter what it is they have or done it still is evidently leaving them empty inside if they have to have the public validate it. To be human is to have problems no matter how wealthy or attractive or skilled. Nobody you envy is without problems. Just remember that. No matter what they display.
What I see on I.G. is vanity & self branding.
They need nothing. Move on. Don't judge. Focuss on you
@@cing9545 focus on you and not my comment.
@@modickens1272lol. Focus on you and not their comment
@@Raisenbread I see mom gave you back internet privileges. Try not to abuse them again
You will never meet a hater doing better than you.
-David Goggins
Envy is rooted in Fear - the fear that one is missing out.
I definitely go through this problem once in a while. I work in a service industry that caters to the wealthy..I see people having many nice things I'd really like to have. LoL I try to be aware that I also have it good it's just different good things than what they have.
It is very toxic to carry that stuff. I usually run it out exercising. I go be with my own people and laugh with them about life.
Good tips.
Count your own blessings instead of counting other's.
I tried that, which certainly taught me not to want harm onto others, but recently I found myself envious of my perceived deficit, relative to my comrades from the same ranking.
Realizing that all things are temporary helps me deal with potential envy. I had a friend who always appeared to get what she wanted. She wasn’t the nicest person either, she definitely had a mean streak.
She was always spoiled by her parents and barely worked. She wanted to marry a doctor and it happened. He was a nice guy too. She wanted a daughter and there were barely any girls in her family. It happened. A few months afterward she came down with a chronic cancer. Nobody in her family had cancer. You just never know what will happen in this life. When people are going through good times, try to be happy for them. We will all have our heart aches and our good times too.
Personally, having a strong sense of self seems to help a lot. Like setting goals, working to improve my own skills.
This guy is a genius. God bless you Orion you legend, thanks for the video. As Charlie Minger says, Envy is the only deadly sin thats no fun. Why indulge in it if you don’t even get a benefit?
There is a story about envy in the Talmud which I read in The Kabbalah of Envy by Nilton Bonder. There are two righteous men, let's call them David and Harry, who deeply hate each other. God sends an angel to reward them for their good works in the world. The angel, knowing of their envy, appears to David and tells him to name his reward for righteousness and he will have it: but, whatever he wishes for himself, Harry will get double. After thinking for a moment, David replied, "I wish I was blind in one eye and had only one leg." Such is the destructive nature of envy.
We should also be careful not to arouse envy in others.
Agreed. If you can avoid it, that’s smart. Sometimes it’s not possible though.
I'm so happy that I found your channel. You're a very smart person and I love to hear your thoughts, great stuff!
"The more powerful you are, the more of a target you become for people's animosity." That one really speaks to me, as well as how money and romance/relationships etc., things that we tend to get envious of, are all not inherently "good" things, either; they're just neutral "things" that come with their prices, just like everything else. Envy is merely another thinking error in our minds, just an illusion.
Thank you. This is an issue I struggle with, it's hard to see people have what you seemingly can't. The most helpful take away is that if someone has something you want, it doesn't mean they are happy with it.
I felt envy a few times in life. And I never perceived them as equals. What got me was that they were lower status than me in many, many ways, yet they were able to accomplish a few things that I couldn't but I wish I could. So if, according to you, you need one of those 3 elements to be dismantled in order for you to not feel envy, that is already wrong in my experience.
IF they are LOWER STATUS than you >>> then you are talking about JEALOUSY. You need to get rid of a lot of emotions and thoughts and feelings especially "that you can't accomplish those things".
I suggest looking at Dr. David Hawkins -- Letting Go book
Also:
Power vs. Force
Success is yours Heart centered principles - Dr. David Hawkins
Transcending levels of consciousness
There are actual great books out there that give great truth and knowledge
I’m not envious person but recently I feel it but it’s due to friends keep rub in my face that they have achieved something quicker than me which I have been working for years. I hate this feeling I want to cure it
Never let a compliment feed your ego & Never let an insult trip up your walk in the Spirit of God. Keep 🙏👀❤️🔥upon being pleasing unto Christ Jesus always & in all ways thereby receiving all affirmations, confirmations & convictions from the indwelling Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1&3)
Colossians 3:23-24
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
23 Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,
24 Knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah).
Excellent food for thought!
This was fantastic, thank you! I can't believe this content is out there for free
Okay enjoy many of your videos, but you are not correct here. Money correlates with life satisfaction so being envious of life satisfaction is correct and motivating. Your argument about “not being the best” is spurious. You already defined envy as towards a perceived equal. Part of being an ‘equal’ is a rough equivalency with yourself in talent and opportunity therefore this person has success as a counterfactual to your life.
I like your argument that many goods are actually neutral(2:41). I would like to add that the sacrifices for a "good" may not be worth the price tag. I remember watching another RUclips channel that talked about problems with being famous. Fame can be hell if you need some alone time.
Do people confuse envie & jealousy?
For some reason I don't ever feel envy. It could be deep seated (seeded?) subconscious though. Maybe. Perhaps because I long ago accepted and my own personal limitations and the consequences thereof. Perhaps low self-esteem. If you lose enough, you might start to believe you are a loser and be ok with it and whatever that entails.
This is why rich people drive average vehicles like Toyotas, and wannabe rich drive BMWs. Rich people don't want the headaches of envious people, wannabe rich think it's awesome and enjoy it unaware of how dangerous it is. Envious people legitimately want to destroy you. This is why smart rich people are humble and blend in. I don't need my car dented up or have people try to fight me.
In another video I remember you saying we say to ourselves, "I am no better or worse than any of these jokers! I know I can"
Hi Dr.Orion,
I usually really enjoy your videos. but in this case I have to strongly disagree with the things you said in this video for multiple reasons and also some of the implications some people might reach after watching it. I can‘t really put everything i want to talk about in a comment. Therefore i made a video in response to this video that‘s on my channel if you‘re interested.
I feel extreme admiration and attraction and envy towards Jim Morrison. finding out more about him today has awakened something so deep in me. I want to be him so badly it hurts. F*ck
I think envy gets a bad reputation. All emotions are neither good or bad. Apathy is horrible. I think envy is only destructive if you wallow in self-pity and/or attempt to bring the other people down, instead of rising to their perceived level. Competition isn't bad; we love a good competition in sports, don't we? It's foul plays that we don't like.
For me something that helped is to think whether I would like to be this person. Do I want their body, their personal relationships, their mental problems, their job duties, their family problems, all the pain and suffering and other baggage that created this person? And I haven’t felt envious of someone in a lot time becauee I know everybody has horrible baggage lol
Hi, great videos. Make maybe a video about cockblocking/jealous woman?
For example, a female friend tries to interrupt a possible interest from another woman to her male friend (not romantic friend)...
Thank you. This is very helpful
Ahh ok the definition is super helpful. You feel envious bcz you perceive the person to be your equal … meaning, it doesn’t happen to someone you perceive to be way above or below your league. You might be arrogant and mistaking your own league, and that can be part of it too. Thanks!
I've never envied or been jealous of anyone! I've always admired the people who are self-made, I look up to them. Because I believe anyone can increase their wealth by working hard and taking the right steps in life. America is the only country where you can really get rich through education and innovation, having your own bussiness. The opportunity is open to anyone regardless of gender or ethnicity. It's disgusting to envy other people , it's such a dirty and nasty emotion. I've gotten envy from people mainly other women because they see i'm free baby! I'm not struggling to raise children or dealing with a shitty marriage. I buy nice things for myself ,currently in school and pretty much have a plan for mylife. GO ME!
Amazing.
We can notice more feeling of “Envy” in the egalitarian societies, for instance, France that prides itself for being an egalitarian society, possesses a greater number of envious people among its population; in fact jealousy is one the French cultural characteristic which finds its roots in the French national motto "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity", as if “Equality” is the right owed to every French citizen, hence, the feeling of envy in the absence of the perceived equality.
2:42
Hey there Doc. I have watched many of your episodes and I typically agree so much that I have nothing to add or comment. However I have to personally disagree with this one. Im not saying that you are wrong, but perhaps im feeling a different emotion and confusing it for envy.
I struggle with envy when I perceive another as inferior to myself, but has more material wealth. It doesn't matter if they are older, younger, less intelligent, no spine, no balls etc. When I see someone as an equal with more wealth I usually feel admiration.
So I have worked in construction for 20 years. Most of the houses I've worked on are better than my own. Understanding the client usually doesn't help because I do not value the way they have earned their wealth. Unless in the very rare case I meet someone that agree with morally, or having integrity, then I will admire them instead. The only thing that I have found to work personally is focusing on gratitude so intentionally and deeply that my cup becomes full. Then there is no room for envy to enter.
It's like in the book 48 laws of power where you should never outshine the master.
Have had men become envying because of my height the fact I'm funny ECT...
you know exactly what i need in my life huh? 😮💨
when you said stoicism OMG you are wise
Zeno and Epictetus would agree
I feel envy for this one girl. It turns into someone nasty.
Envy one root of racism to Chinese in Asia
Happy holidays bruv
Thank you so much ! 🌟🙏💫
Hey Dr T, that was a good video but I wish it was longer! Envy is the first toxic emotion shown in Biblical literatiure by Cain to his brother Abel. He couldn't even admit it to God but neither did he appreciate the differences they had in that he was a farmer of fruit and vegetables and Abel was a shepherd. His envy lead him to murder because being too proud to confess it lead him to insanity.
Merry Christmas, Dr O!
Yes -- envy can be extremely destructive. And I think its deepest roots are spiritual, in which a person feels annihilated at the prospect of being unpreferred (by God).